#red talks

[pedrosyouknowwhat]

don’t call me a freak okey but this hits so hard specially because my friends and I have a series of pictures where me and pedro are doing the same expression and they constantly highlight similarities omg

loved the fic, so hot omg i need more

Soap

“What’s the point in washin’ ya if you’re just gonna make a mess of yourself?” Joel taunts, finding your cunt slick with arousal. “Tsk. Can’t send ya to class like that, huh? Y’gonna let your daddy take care of it?”

WARNINGS - one shot, smut, dubcon, dad!joel, incest - if game of thrones could do it, so can i so fuck off about it. girthy age gap but reader is an adult. daddy kink (tho idk if it counts when he’s your father, but whatever) fingering, little bit of a handjob, inappropriate use of a shower head, unprotected piv, cream pie. uncle tommy mention 😈 This is icky. You have been warned. Reminder that fiction is not real life.

A/N - OKAY GAMERS. Fuckin'...thank you guys??? for being so stoked about this little haphazardly put together drabble about dad!joel?? blown away. so flattered. so touched. I'm really fucking excited to write more of this shiny new kink for all of us perverts, and i plan to turn that drabble that started this whole thing into a whole ass fic. just had to get this out of my system because you all know how much i love shower/bath sex lol. and thank you so much to this anon!! i loved your ideas so much and i had fun incorporating them into this fic. @tofics, you know what you did. thank you for the beta hunny ♡

It’s 6am when Joel wakes up to that awful, high pitched beep of his alarm. Eyes closed, he slams it with the heel of his palm, and exhales sharply through his nose. At least it’s Thursday, he thinks. More than halfway through the week. 

He groans softly as he rubs the sleep out of his eyes, and his sheets are warm against his body.  He inhales deeply as he stretches, and smells the warm, nutty aroma of the coffee maker brewing a pot downstairs that coaxes him up with the promise of caffeine. Joel stands up then, and his skin is covered in goosebumps from the cool morning air nipping at his skin. His graying, dark, curly hair sticks up in six different directions, a mess he’ll take care of later. 

He walks first to the bathroom, and turns on the shower to warm up. Then to your bedroom, where he quietly opens your door. Joel chuckles seeing you asleep on your stomach, ass hanging out of your sleep shorts with a sliver of morning light pouring over your body. You’re clutching your pillow tightly, drooling onto the mattress as you snore gently. 

Joel crouches down and pushes some hair out of your face. “G’morning, sunshine,” he murmurs against your scalp, in between pressing kisses to the top of your head. “S’time to wake up.” 

“Mmm…no,” you mumble groggily. 

“Mmm…yes,” Joel drags the word out, mimicking your sleepy, whiny tone. 

You scrunch your nose, but otherwise don’t move a muscle. “Just give me - just five more minutes, please, Dad. Go have your coffee or whatever.” 

“Cute,” Joel says. “Up an’ at ‘em, lazy ass. Y’got school today.” You groan loudly, and your dramatics make Joel chuckle. “Oh, I know, kiddo.” 

You open one eye to glare at him, vision blurred by your sleepiness. “You do not. You have no idea how awful 8 AM classes are,” you argue, swatting away Joel’s hand as he digs his fingers into your sides and your neck, tickling you. “And my professor is such a - st - stop,” you giggle breathlessly.

“Yeah? Your professor’s such a what, now?” Joel continues teasing until you’re wide awake and fighting him away, your protests turning into laughter. “Tell me, baby girl. Use your words.” 

 “D-Dad, I’m getting up, okay?” you huff. And you do, in fact, sit up. Joel’s tickle method of waking you up always pisses you off, but at least it jolts your system wide awake. Works like a charm. 

“I really hate you sometimes, Dad.”

“Uh huh. Love you too, kiddo.” Joel takes your hand as you sit up, pulling you off of your bed. Your hair’s a mess and there’s a pillow crease on your face, and you’re still the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. “Get your ass in the shower, alright?” He tells you, “Should be nice and warm.”

You take off for the bathroom, and the bright, warm lights stab at your tired eyes. You move slowly as you peel off your pajamas, tossing them haphazardly into a hamper that’s too full. You’ll have to get that in the washer before your dad notices. 

You tug the shower curtain and test the water on your wrist, then twist the knob of the shower until the water runs just under boiling. You step into the tub, then let the hot water run through your hair and down your body, and it makes your skin burn and tingle in the best way. Steam rises around you and clouds your vision a little, makes the air you breathe thick and tingle your sinuses.

The door opens and in comes Joel, flipping on the switch that turns on the bathroom fan. “Dad!” you yelp, covering yourself with the curtain. 

“Oh relax, would ya?” Joel says, pushing his boxers down his legs.  He steps out of them, then joins you in the tub. “I’ve seen it all before, sweetheart.” 

“What are you doing here?” you ask, turning away from him. 

Joel reaches over you for his toothbrush and toothpaste, then squeezes a little bit onto the bristles before wetting the toothbrush under the stream. “We’re conservin’ water,” he answers. “‘Cause the water bill was too fuckin’ high last month, thanks to you. You’re bleedin’ me dry, kid.” Joel begins brushing his teeth, lathering the toothpaste in his mouth. It drips down his chin and chest, landing in his mess of graying pubic hair. His cock is half hard already. 

“I’ll shower quickly,” you insist. “Just–”

“Just nothin’. I can’t trust ya, baby. We’re outta here in fifteen minutes,” he says, voice muffled by the toothpaste. “Not a minute longer.”

“Twenty,” you bargain. “There is no way I can shower in fifteen minutes.” 

Joel eyes you as he finishes brushing his teeth, then leans over you and spits out the toothpaste into the drain. “I’ll give ya seventeen, princess. Final offer.” 

You roll your eyes, and hum a quiet okay. You reach behind yourself to point the showerhead back down at you, then turn up the heat a little more. “Nuh-uh,” Joel says, turning the heat down to about halfway between cold and hot, an excruciatingly lukewarm temperature. “Quit tryin’ to boil yourself alive, baby.”  

“I’m not trying to boil myself. I’m–” you reach for the knob to warm up the shower again, but Joel swats your hand away and gives you a warning look. “Seriously? It’s fucking freezing, Dad.”

“It’s fine,” he says, then reaches for your toothbrush. “And watch your mouth.” He squeezes a bit of toothpaste onto the toothbrush, then watches you brush your teeth. You make a silly smile at him, toothpaste dripping out from between your teeth. “Oh, nice. Charming, sweetheart,” he says sarcastically. “Y’got your daddy’s smile, you know.” 

“I know.” 

After spitting your toothpaste out and rinsing your mouth, you stand under the water, shivering a little. You rest your head against the tile wall, letting your eyes close as the rushing water lulls you into a groggy haze. 

“Hey,” Joel says, startling you a little. “Don’t jus’ stand there, kid. Wash up. Y’got twelve minutes left.” 

“But I’m so cold,” you whine.

“Well c’mere then, drama. Quit your cryin’ an’ hug on Daddy if you’re so damn cold.” Joel drags you by the wrist to him, pulling you in close for a hug. You melt against him, savoring his warmth and the scent of his skin. It’s so masculine, so comforting, and you close your eyes. Joel kisses the top of your head, then rests his chin there. He can’t believe how tall you are now. How womanly you are. All he did was blink, Jesus Christ. 

He remembers bath nights with you in this very tub. The Crayola bath crayons, all the other silly toys you loved. He can almost smell the Johnson’s baby soap and the tear-free Suave green apple scented shampoo.

Still holding you close with one arm, Joel reaches for the bar of soap, decorated by his beard trimmings from two days ago. With his free hand, he lathers the bar, and then washes you with both of his hands, his palms sliding all up and down the smooth skin of your back. He washes your ass cheeks too, and between your cheeks. “I can do that myself,” you mumble, face heating up. 

“Mhm. Back up a little,” he murmurs, putting a little distance between you and him. He cleans underneath your armpits, then massages down your arms with his big, strong, soapy hands. Torso is next, and his palms slip and slide over your soap-covered tits, thumbs circling your nipples. He works his way down, and washes you between your thighs. Your breath hitches at feeling his fingers slipping through your folds, dragging over your clit. 

“Daddy,” you moan.

He circles the sensitive part of you a little, loving the way your knees buckle and how you wrap your arms around his shoulders for stability. “Easy, baby,” he tells you, “I gotcha.”

He’s always got you. Always there to catch you before you fall, or to pick you up and kiss your bruises when you do. It’s what being a dad’s all about, right? Looking out for his baby girl. 

“What’s the point in washin’ ya if you’re just gonna make a mess of yourself?” Joel taunts, finding your cunt slick with arousal. “Tsk. Can’t send ya to class like that, huh? Y’gonna let your daddy take care of it?”

“Yeah,” you nod, burying your head into his neck as he rubs your clit. His cock is hardening further, the head throbbing against your thigh. “Please, Dad.” 

Joel nods silently, and pushes two fingers into you. He groans at the way you squeeze and clench around him, how your cunt pulses when he strokes at his favorite spot inside of you. You whine when he pulls his fingers from you, but he quiets your complaints with a soft kiss, tongue melding with yours as he reaches for the showerhead with one hand, the other wrapped around your waist so he can squeeze at the soft flesh of your ass. 

Joel warms up the temperature of the water, then turns the shower head onto its jet stream mode. He wriggles the shower head between your bodies and directs the stream to your clit. 

“T-too hot,” you say urgently. “That’s too hot.” 

“Huh. Thought you were jus’ tellin’ me you wanted a hot shower,” he taunts, smirking against you. “You’ll get used to it, baby.”

Joel takes one of your hands and guides it lower, then wraps your fingers around his length. You pump him slowly as he keeps the shower head at your cunt, drawing the steady stream up and down your seam. He moves his wrist in gentle circles, using that motion to simulate how he’d rub your clit with his fingertips. You moan against his wet skin, squeezing his shaft when he finds your sensitive spot. 

Joel pulls the shower head away from your cunt when he thinks you’re about to cum, and by the sound of your whines, he knows he was right. Of course he’s right. He knows his daughter like the back of his hand. 

“Daaaad,” you moan. 

He pays you no mind as he twists the shower head back into place above you. He backs you against the wall and hooks one of your legs over his hip, notching the head of his cock at your entrance. He thrusts into you in one go, causing you to gasp and throw your head back onto the tile. 

“Woah, easy, kiddo. Be careful. Let me see,” he groans, drawing out of you. He kisses the part of your head you hit, or at least as close to that place as he can, then holds his hand against the wall to keep you from hitting yourself again. Before thrusting back into you, he looks down at his dick, and the creamy rings of your arousal are quickly rinsed away by the running water. He pushes back into you. 

“Oh my god, Dad,” you moan, feeling Joel bury himself into you, all the way to the hilt. It’s an impossibly full feeling, impossibly tight. It’s comforting and sickening, all at one time.

“Oh, fuck,” Joel grunts, pulling out of you again. “Your daddy fits so nice in ya. Like you were made for it,” he winks, a twisted smile playing at his lips. Like he made you for it.

Joel sets the pace then, fucking in and out of you deeply. The tip of his cock kisses against your cervix as you writhe in pleasure, held so securely by him. He bites and sucks gently at the flesh he knows no one else will see but him, marking you as his. His daughter. His girl. 

He watches you closely, admiring those pretty eyes he gave to you. Beads of water roll down his handsomely wrinkled skin, down the perfect slope of his nose. You clench down on him as he fucks you, eyes rolling back into your skull. 

Joel moans and presses his forehead against yours, fucking you in a hard, devastating rhythm. Pleasure washes through his body, and his cock is hard as it’s ever been. You squeeze him so deliciously nicely, and moan Dad so fucking pretty. 

Once again, Joel reaches for the shower head, and guides it toward your cunt as he fucks himself in and out of you. “Cum for Daddy, now,” he whispers. “Gonna be late to class.” 

With a little more thrusting - that intentional, practiced rolling of his hips Joel knows you love, you’re cumming. Making those cute little noises he loves so, squeezing at his bicep and shoulder as you stiffen and shudder. Joel watches closely as pleasure washes through you, guiding you through your release with his steady fucking. 

Only once he’s milked you of your release does Joel chase his own orgasm. He fucks you harder, quicker, and selfishly, with little regard for your comfort. He feels it in his balls first, that intense warmth and tingle. It rolls through his body, crawls up his spine as he kisses you, drinking in your moans of overstimulation. Once he’s filled you up, Joel eases you down and pulls out of you. The shower’s gone cold - so much for saving water.

Joel shuts the water off and gets out of the shower first, patting himself dry before wrapping that old, scratchy towel around his hips, belly spilling over the edge. Joel tosses your towel to you and catches the face you’re making, like you know something he doesn’t. 

“What,” he deadpans, combing his hair out. The strands at the bottom of his skull curl up and drip a bit of water still. “What’s the look for?”

“Nothing, Dad.”

“Tell me.” 

“It’s just…that was a long shower. I don’t know why you get mad at me for my long showers when–”

Joel cuts you off, “Because you ain’t the one payin’ the water bill, are ya?” Joel says. ‘An’ as long as you’re under my roof, you’re under my rules. Thought we were clear on that,” he says, his voice low and warning. You drop the argument. You leave the bathroom to pick out some clothes, then get dressed and head down to the kitchen. 

And so much for Joel not wanting to send you to class a mess - you’re dripping his cum as you take your seat in the passenger side of his truck, feeling the wet, sticky warmth as you lean over to the side to start the vehicle. While waiting for Joel, you draw a little star in the condensation on the glass. He says he hates when you do that, but he loves catching glimpses of your doodles on his way home from work, when the sun hits the glass just right.

Joel gets in the driver’s side, hair slicked back and smelling strongly of Old Spice deodorant. He lifts up a bit, then pulls out his wallet, and rifles through it for a couple of bills. “Eat breakfast at school,” he tells you, handing you the money. “An’ I want the change back.” 

You sigh. “I know, Dad.”

“An’ I’m gonna be busy with somethin’ today, so Uncle Tommy’s gonna pick ya up. Be good for him, alright? Maybe he’ll even take ya out for ice cream or somethin’.”

if you enjoyed, please reblog with something nice and disgusting or shout at me in my inbox ♡ your sweet words go a long way in keeping me motivated to write.

tagging friendos who fw dad!joel

@joeloverture @flowercrowns-goodvibes @thechaoticcherub @perpetuallymanic @shivispunk @beardedjoel @calmjoonie @taeslarityy @bean-is-reading @mushgloomz @mrs-hardy-hunnam-butler-pascal @yesjazzywazzylove-blog @io12n @oldloganslittleslut @highinmiamiii @nycweb-slinger @rottingr4ven @111melo @sagexsenorita @blooming-bubs @shortandderanged @sp00kymulderr @ickystickysap @ozarkthedog @cxrsed-angel @miss-oranje-disco-dancer @pedge-page @bitchesuntitled @94namkooksworld @squeakymxsterbationcrock @max--phillips

[pokeberry5]

the classic body builder physique jiménez gives dick is SO funny to me because it makes him look so female love interest coded, complete with unreasonable hour glass figure and booty-out poses

like ok i'm gonna start with a comparison between how he draws dick vs how he draws selina

there's that same!! exaggerated curve at the waist

the rest under the cut bc this is gonna be long—i'm pulling mostly from batman (2016) #137-138 (i've been keeping up with gotham war lmao)

he gives them the same sort of broad shoulders that taper down into a tiny waist

FURTHER, this is technically where dick's pecs are in comparison to selina's curves:

HOWEVER something about the way jiménez draws dick's lats also creates a curve lower down his torso that mimics the shape of selina's tits:

this exaggerated tiny waist is even more striking in comparison to how he draws other male characters

like don't get me wrong, he definitely favors a broad shoulder to slimmer waist sort of build, but never to the extent he goes with dick

take bruce and tim from the same chapters:

their shoulder to waist to hip ration is a lot more equal, they've got much more of an rectangular build, the curve in at the waist/hips is gentle

and i swear jiménez chooses poses to exaggerate dick's tiny waist (not quite booty-out poses but the same sort of vibe)

like????

SIR??????

this sort of twisted side pose to show off the tiny waist is extremely reminiscent of the contorted poses comic artists put female love interests in

take this side by side comparison with a panel from nightwing (1995) #1 (i read it recently so it was on my mind):

there's even!!! the drawn back arm highlighting that inward curve!!

AND THEN

the booty out poses!!!

rip his back honestly

like i'm pretty sure the design choice was actually to emphasize he broad shoulders and show off his nightwing symbol, but imo all it does is makes his waist look tiny

tldr: strong female character dick grayson ig

Ok as thanks for getting to the end, gratuitous batcooch:

and a tiny dick sketch

[thelilreddragon]

May Jeff find peace and may Aubrey heal.

I don’t expect Aubrey at the Globes tomorrow, and I hope she takes the time off to heal. However, if she doesn’t and still attends? That doesn’t make her look bad, we all just manage our grief differently.

I don’t think we should say anything regardless of the outcome, because we don’t live it.

My heart is absolutely broken for them all; Jeff’s family and friends.

[chaosisorderao3]

So many leftists are exactly like conservative bigots but will never admit it. They both want to bully people but use their "values" to get a free pass to do so.

In the case of "leftists", see:

- horrendous unmitigated antisemitism

- gatekeeping in the queer community about who can and can't use various words and labels

- lust for a violent revolution as the proposed solution to capitalism

- concerning levels of shaming directed towards people who make mistakes or haven't had a reasonable chance to learn

Etc etc etc

[red-doll-face]

Sorry, supposed to be writing snow angel 12 but can’t stop thinking about suddenly single dad Arthur Morgan and reader being his cute neighbor who hears his baby boy Isaac crying and he can’t get him to stop and you’re asking if he needs help bc you used to work with babies all the time and he’s like ok fine and he’s watching you feed his baby a bottle and he’s apologizing because he didn’t even know that babies don’t like milk when it’s the wrong temperature for them and you’re patiently explaining what a bottle warmer is…. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

And then he’s like ranting about why he’s a single dad because he knows that you know that he didn’t have a baby before today and you’re sooo understanding and telling him that babies are hard for two people now just imagine one and it’s the first time he’s felt understood in a while 😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️🥹🥹💕💕💕💕 and you offer to babysit when he’s working long hours and he’s just mesmerized, watching you take care of Isaac 😩😩😩😩🥲🥲🥲😭😭😭🫶🫶🫶🫶

Then you’re giving him your number and saying to ask for help whenever, and giving him advice on white noise machines and what soap to use to clean baby bottles and at this point he’s asking you dumb questions just to talk to you 😖😖😖

Ugh and you’re going out with him and his baby to the park and stuff omggg and you’re suggesting he take pictures of his baby so that he can remember what his baby looked like and he’s just taking tons of pictures of you with the baby ☺️☺️☺️☺️ and now he puts a picture of you and the baby in his pick up truck, under the little strap where he used to keep emergency cigarettes (you told him he had to stop for the baaby) 🥹🥹😭😭😭😭😭 I must be ovulating or something yall 😔

[acasternaut]

a collection of things people have said about gabe saporta

[the-killies]

We dont talk enough about this

[red-riding-wood]

The reaction the mrkdvidal post received was so heartwarming and I want everyone (if you see this) who shared their story, shared the post for awareness, expressed their condolences or gratitude, or reached out to me personally to know that I am so grateful for the support and the love. And for those who were worried about seeming annoying or anything reaching out to me, I want you guys to know that every single person who did so or even took the time to reblog the post is appreciated. <3 This I'm sure will be the first of many thanks.

I'm unfortunately limited by my health and can't get around to replying to everyone's messages and such today. I need to get some rest and will hopefully respond tomorrow. Please know it is not my intention to ignore or overlook anyone!

[idiasvamp]

tell him hes pretty :)

[bugaddict]

Please share, and if you can, donate to my cat’s critical care! ♡

https://www.gofundme.com/f/donate-for-buddys-critical-medical-tests

[heckinconfusedparade]

Tomorrow is my birthday, so allow me to treat you guys to my little tradition that I keep for any holiday that includes giving me a present.

Every time my birthday or Christmas rolls around, for the past few years, the only thing I always ask my family for is a rock. Just any old rock. Literally any rock outside.

At first I did receive rocks from my family, and I was very happy.

Now, for some reason, my family has given up on getting me rocks. I like rocks, what’s so wrong about that?

So tomorrow, March 12th, if you want, can you fellas send me pictures of rocks? Doesn’t have to be a special one, it can just be a rock you walked outside and happened to find! It’ll make me very happy!

[pokeberry5]

what they actually mean by “tim is the most like batman” is that everyone he comes into contact with is a little bit in love with him, but he doesn’t know how to be in a relationship

[thelilreddragon]

On Aubrey Plaza deactivating her Instagram account:

I’m glad she’s taking her life back into her own hands. Social media can be incredibly toxic, and based on what’s she’s said in the past about hating social media, I’m not surprised. Sending love and support her way, because no one should experience loss like this. 🩷🩷🩷

I don’t blame her in the slightest, based on the disgusting way people were acting in her comments, following Jeff’s death. Allow her time to grieve without the spotlight.

[acasternaut]

she plane with my snake til i come on bring it

[b1ttnandbruis3d]

Need him to ruin my perfect smokey eye with spit and cum