#and hes mentally ill like me so its yk
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i wanna watch that movie but i think i wont be able to handle it
#main character is a.. veryveryvery handsome man#and hes mentally ill like me so its yk#i think ill explode if i watch that /srs
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Hi! Sorry for notification spamming you but wanted to tell you that your TROD tags made me lol, I LOVE your art so much and I’m interested in your AU too. Anyway, love your blog!
P.S. maybe I missed it but you said somewhere that your Narinder was pretty messed up for a few years post revival. Could you give some more details on that? Did he try to hurt them? Who had to take care of him, the lamb? What’s been the downstream effects? Basically, how is this cat still messed up lol.
dont be! everytime i get a notification i go yuppiee!!! im glad you enjoy my art :DD
okay okay its prime yap time under the cut oof i love my fucked up cat sm
Lambert, mainly, took care of him! They made sure that every comfort he needed was provided and were worried out of their mind the entire time. Their disciples helped watch over Narinder when he was unconscious, just so he wouldn't bolt the moment he awoke, and Witness Allocer stitched some of his wound and prepared a special painkiller blend for him. (in my au the high priests, aka the mini bosses, and the witnesses were very close to the bishops! Allocer made the same painkillers for Shamura as well.)
Okay so obviously his wrists and ankles were pretty fucked up from being chained for a thousand years and he's got a lot of internal damage as well bc some of the chains went through him (og Stychu hc that I adopted bc it's so good). Also just general wounds from the final fight and the unfathomable pain of shrinking down from his godly form.
Upon being spared, he did attack them in a post battle adrenaline and hate fueled delirium, right on the indoctrination stone and not only broke his arm (bc he put too much weight on it), but probably gave himself a heavy concussions by slamming his head on said stone seconds after the break happened lmao. After waking up in,,, just a Haze of agony he tried to get up and run away bc he was scared that the lamb would just keep him existing in this special Purgatory and shattered his opposite calf so there's that as well. Unlucky tbh
He bleeds like,,, constantly. All of the time, for literal years on end. From his eyes mostly, but also nose and ears and he throws up ichor a lot in the beginning as well bc his body is adjusting rapidly to being smaller and there's just No Space for the ichor to go, other than out. He’s constantly exhausted and spends a lot of time sleeping, and is very frail physically, if snapping two bones by simply putting weight on them didn't make it obvious enough lol
All and all not a great shape to be in, but! His wounds aren't actually what caused him to be bedridden for so long. It was the fact that he no longer saw himself as a god while still being one and suffering injuries befitting of one!
His body/the Red Crown isn't healing him as much as it’s literally regenerating parts of itself while he suffers everything that comes with that, alongside being out of the Veil/Gateway for the first time in forever and emotionally dealing with the deaths of his acolytes and the supposed betrayal of the one he allowed himself to trust after his family. In fact, Narinder barely heals at all for a while bc he was just mentally stopping the process. And also unconscious for a lot of it.
The other big reason is that god hearts are a great power source, but his heart has been in Lambert's chest since Silk Cradle. So he is Struggling ™ but he’d actually rather die than take his heart back he’s a simp like that smh
After he inevitably breaks and he and Lambert finally talk, he gradually starts seeing himself as a person again and his healing process gets easier. He still has chronic pain for his joints but eventually everything else heals alright :3
On a side note, his siblings bleed excessively and are disoriented for the first couple of days but are ultimately fine within the week. They are kind of horrified to learn that their brother is STILL struggling with the side effects of his imprisonment
#god this was a lot of words#i love yapping 😔#i think even if he won he would've been fucked up from the chains at least#but with the true extent of his godhood it would've taken him maybe a day to get everything in order#honestly i think he suffers most mentally bc nari Knows and Accepts pain but it needs to have a vissible end to it yk#like getting absolutelly wrecked in a fight. but knowing that once its over u can rest#but bc hes genuenly out of his mind from pain/medication he doesnt see that end and it makes him absolutely hopeless for a while#doesnt help that lamb stays w him only when hes out and the resulting loneliness is. Not Good.#op has let me free of my cage and i got way to far away from it /pos#dont have anyone irl to talk abt this so. ill take any chance i can#im writing abt his fist couple of years btw! not sure when ill post it but its nearing 20k yuppie#ask#cotl#cotl narinder#main cotl verse#<- placeholder name till i figure out a real one
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Bruh OK I get it I like Sawashiro now that I'm seeing his backstory
ONE 👏 OF 👏 US 👏 ONE 👏 OF 👏 US 👏 ONE 👏 OF 👏 US 👏 ONE 👏 OF 👏 US 👏 ON
#snap chats#SAWASHIRO ENJOYER GANG RISE UP#i liked him frame one but like. its cause im ill#its just playing the game MORE made me like him MORE yk so its like 'see i knew i had good intuition :)#definitely not just cause i though he was attractive huh who said that--'#i dont need to talk any more bout how much i like jo the past X asks have proven as much LMAO#i think its funny seeing people's reactions to jo tho like i dont venture too deep into rgg fandom cause i value my mental health#but i do love how the consensus with jo is that 'fuck man he's kind of a dick. kinda hate him. but i also love him'#like Obviously the Coin Locker Baby Chapter is gonna give a lot of context and info to jo#so of COURSE the opinion on him will shift one way or another and i like how so far it's only been for the better#man i love jo :) <- just said i dont need to clarify that but its too late now
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man.
#i had this whole post ive been trying to formulate for so so long. abt my issues w ceewilbur and ccwilburisms and#to clarify i do like cwilb he is one of my faves. ik it may seem i wanna bite his arm off smtimes and i Do but#its mostly bitterness directed to the stuff Around him if that makes sense. yk the response to lots abt him#the way the overcompensation abt how he can be villanized swinging into a state where he Cant and never Did and wrong and if you critique#or acknowledge it you get snipped at and demeaned and treated like its a targeted hit on the mentally ill when its like#a mild disagreement with one of the most popular characters in the fanbase Easily#and w cc wil i do think he is just sm guy. im sure he's a nice dude idrc abt the ccs usually but he seems alright enough even tho he has v#goofy ahh takes and opinions but that doesnt make you Evil#but when i dive into what really has made me feel so alienated and snippy its. llmao its the racism yeah lol its super very much the racism#its very very prevelent and very common and very unchallenged. and it like. upsets me so bad its why i keep bailing on making my actual#full detailed post abt it. cuz everytime i try to formulate my thoughts i just get upset and frustrated i wanna rip my hair out#its hard not to feel like im talking to a wall when its so common and unchecked and. ive seen rightful critiques of these spaces and how#ppl interact with them Openly Mocked and brushed aside and treated like 'petty sensative internet drama' that ppl need to 'just get over'#sorry man im a fucking 🇲🇽 i cant exactly log off and Stop Experiencing Racism. and sorry that me feeling alienated and tired and sad abt#it is an inconvenience for you llol#and like idk. im not upset w anyone in particular this isnt a call out post or vague who give a shit and.#eh maybe im stupid but i really really believe a lot of ppl arent doing it on purpose#its just bein parroted ik i get it but#am i rlly not allowed to be tired? why should it feel like my responsibility to hold ppls hand and go hey mb treat poc and darker skinned#ppl like ppl. maybe you should examine why you need so many things made palatable to you through conventionally attractive whiteness first#idk. idk!!! am i crazy who fucking knows#but it has been weighing on me stupid style so bad#the shrinking fanbase and primarily yk common stragglers has just. rlly felt like a magnifying glass to my already existing issues abt it#idk man. idk im tired and im at work its 100°+ and my head hurts so this is all yr getting. lea me alone#and again this isnt a vague who Cares. just wanted to get it off my chest finally#huri.txt#discourse#<- ig
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have i ever related to any other characters ... who remembered
#NOTTTTTTR THOSE ONES NOT THOSE ONES NOT THOSE ONES if you remember those ones forget abt it. my kinnie era incredibly incredibly incredibly#dark times we cant go back. which limits me bc i like havent . how to phrase. much of my media interests r polluted bc of all of that so#like. ages 13-18 are coated in horrible smog mostly... which is awkward bc 13-18 r the ages i was like. Most interested in media. but all of#those have the smog on them. outer wilds got out safe thankfully bc that one was all mine but the other ones... very scary stuff#ik to some it may be crazy to not include The character im names after on this poll but 1. I cannot put that bitch on this poll next to my#women. my women dont deserve that 2. Yes i suppose i am named after him but im not even the me who named us after him I am just connor. its#inherited. 3. I DONT LIKE HIM I DONT LIKE THE SHIT HES FROM HE HAS THE GOO ON HIM AND ALSO WHAT!!!! HOW DID I EVER LIKE THAT FUCKASS MUSICAL#ok well that basically reveals who it was idr the last time i talked abt it so new mutuals may not have been aware. yeah -_-#i dont rly relate to him much at all anymore aside from like. Yk. i have been suicidal as long as i can remember NDBFJFNFJ and i have like.#anger issues. but hes just not a very me character despite being my namesake. and idt he ever truly was i think i just kinned him bc of that#fuckkkass polycule. but i suppose i could say that abt any character i kinned it was all kindating bullshit. wtvr. i cant think abt it or#ill get rly mad so were moving on DNDBFJFBRJBF im glad im not a kinnie anymore (no hate to my kinnie mutuals iii judt had a horrible#experience with it and it was Not at all healthy for me . bc of my brain)#anyways i say all this to say ive whittled it to solanum and helena im too embarassed to include characters from my triple a game and i feel#its illegal to include my ocs. but i cant just post a poll between 2 characters thats crazy#also helena isnt much like me aside from me just also being mentally ill. and projecting onto her
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comme les rats, les chats et les monstres
#(ranty tags incoming)#and lots of me feeling sorry for myself#this quote is from a book an home qui dort/a man who sleeps by george perec#its about a college student that one day (seemingly) randomly doesnt take an exam#from that point onwards he stops going to college altogether and stops seeing his friends. hes completely alone#ive seen people mention idk sartre and stuff when talking about this book#some kind of conscious refusal of like yk#but to me its about a guy whos depression and anxiety and who know what other mental illness(es) have gone so bad he cant function anymore#and although i whouldnt put it in these words hes kinda like me#some parts of them book felt like they were genuinely talking about me#(it even ends on a positive note without feeling sappy)#anyway all this started because i think i overheard a family member talking to a friend about me#and its like#what do people think about me?#whateber it is im sure its not very flattering#fuck even i catch myself judging on a first impression wjen i reallly really shouldnt#so yeah i walk alone. i talk to my reflection. im awake at night and i sleep during the day. like the rats the cats and the monsters#and then it keeps going. something like 'the monsters recognize each other on the streets. they never look each other in the eye the avert#they avert their gaze they bow their heads and walk past them. but they know who they are
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ik i said i wanted to do at least 2-3 personal solo zines this year aside from the one i already put out but im having such a hard time deciding on a topic?? 'random art zine' or 'sketchbook zine' feel too random kadhfkj. and the only thing ive been MEGA into lately have been my own ocs but making a zine with them would feel weird..also very niche lmao
#also i really dont like the idea of putting my silly oc stuff behind paywalls if im being real ajsdkf theyre goobers free to the world#if i didnt need money i wouldnt even consider any of the zines being paid zines#id just make em all free forever bc i rly do just enjoy sharing stuff like that#but alas...the horrors (being poor + severely mentally ill so i need money sometimes for things) agh...#everytime i sell stuff or make some money with comms something happens like i need to buy pet stuff (food or litter or my dogs expensive#flea pills but they NEED those bc ticks and fleas here in the summer are actually SO bad he needs the vet grade tablets to handle them)#so basically my debt isnt necessary getting too much worse which is good! but its also not..improving bc i keep havin to buy necessities#im not buying anything crazy or nyhting just absolute must haves yk..and yet#oh well at least ppl buying the clothes means ill free up a lort of space if nothing else like even if theres no actual..profit HSDKF#theres two boxes worth of clothes haha...it makes me happy to think ppl will wear them tho since im not anymore#ive been very unhappy w my own clothes augh :( i want to be happy wearing things but idk. idk. nothing i have is sparking enough joy lately#ive bene living in pjs...going to public places in pjs...#very out of character for me but god lol my brain lately#i got some more books at the libraby today when i was picking my nephew up tho :) so that made me happy#theyre all art related !! so mostly pictures + artists talking abt their techniques#all landscape related bc i wanna do more complex painted bgs this year and dip my toes into traditional art a lot more. my sister is#actually a great painter so maybe ill ask her for pointers. but then again thats kinda embarrassing so maybe not#sanchoyorambles#BASICALLY YES MORE ZINES ARE MTH I WANT TO DO BUT IDEAS. NOT WORKING RN
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Timebomb fics rec
A lot of timebomb fics are hiding through a lot of CaitVi/JayVik tagged works on ao3 (while many are also CV orJV centric) so i made this rec post for everyone who dont want to spent 1 hour scrolling or missing some of them bc you're filtering other ships!! (sorry for the short summaries/ i didnt write my thoughts as thoughtfully as i would have liked because.yk.time and all. update chapter count/add of new fics every week)
AU/crossovers fics
Je t'aime (Je t'attends) 3 chapter, WIP.
Hunger games x Timebomb/Arcane, the way the system of the games from the og novels are mixed in the Arcane universe is really masterful, the writer dont lose too much time explaining it but you understand the dynamics of the 2 cities and the characters perfectly anyway.
Where would you be now ? by enaven 5/6 chapters, WIP.
family/modern AU, timebomb feels, Ekko and Jinx are Isha's parents, CaitVi are just silly aunts and i'll never stop recommending this fic
you're the best thing to ever happen to me (but also the worst thing to ever happen to me) by grey_toiletpaper ( @greytoiletpaper ) 3/8 chapters, WIP. Rated T.
Timebomb inspired by 10 things i hate about you.
We Moved Into a Real House (a Wild Field Behind it) by smokesatellite 3/10 chapters. WIP. Rated T.
Modern AU, Timebomb roommates/friends to lovers, Isha is a foster kid...you know where this is going .. (Ekko as a nurse is not something i expected but its surprisingly good. Also the in law feud between Jinx and Cait is very funny)
s1 fics
Silco is less of an asshole
The Heart of Zaun by 1ts_Br1tney_B1tch 8/ chapters. WIP.
or: Silco try to rally the Firelights to his cause (in this case, Zaun - he's much more involved in doing better for his city than in the show) but of course they're bound to have some..tension between them, since they hate him - and Shimmer. (it has the good parent Silco tag so i'd say that all in all, this Silco is a little less...Silco than in Arcane, but manage to keep some of the bite he has in canon...) i only read 2 chapters, and what i can say is that it does a good job with the general cast, the interactions between Silco/Ekko-Firelights are believable, i think the one thing that could have weird me out is the way Silco is said to be 'proud' of the Firelights in the summary (for me 'pride' is something he'd reserve for Jinx yk?? anyway i stop the rambling) . The Timebomb relationship has more or less the same push and pull as in the show, with Ekko thinking about the girl Jinx used to be/ Ekko being a link to the past before Jinx and all that entail...so yeah, i'm loving it!
Powder doesnt become Jinx
The Alpha Command by typewriter_in_galaxy 13 chapters. WIP. Rated E.
ABO/Reverse AU where Powder doesnt become Jinx and is raised by Viktor, Ekko is taken in by Silco. btw i dont read a lot of abo fic (im very nickpick) but this one does every characters justice, and actually dwelve in depth in the abo universe.. (everything by typewriter is good to be honest, but my favorite thing is how they write Powder, who even when she doesnt become Jinx, is still shaped by a very violent world/trauma and it shows through her mental health issues and very, very low self worth/need to prove herself. )
everything's better with a friend by typerwriter_in_galaxy 7chapters. Completed. Rated E.
Timebomb centric rewrite of Arcane, Jinx is Powder, she doesnt fall under Silco's hand (or in his arms precisely), Ekko is Ekko, and 1, i need to hug Powder, 2 she deserves the world and 3 the characterization of everyone, everyone is so brillantly written and the timebomb relationship (damn even the CaitVi one too) oh, the timebomb of it all... they feel so, so real and it hurts, Powder's insecurities, her mental illness, her guilt, her need to prove herself but in same time she doesnt feel herself worth of anything (or anyone) good... just.read it. read it, because i just did, after like 2 years of not doing that and. im like mad bc why didnt i??? but in same time so grateful to just discover it now, taking my sweet little time reading it; it rewinded my brain its amazing, (like this work in another fandom, the first time i read this rebelcaptain's fic A Love song by skitzofreak - did i just linked it for you to read even tho its a timebomb rec post??? yes. yes i did. thats how much i love, adore, worship this one guys - so everything's better made me think a lot of this TB fic, and also of RC (the abandonment issues, thinking that you have to leave first before everyone leave you, Jyn and Powder damn).
Shattered Web by Firewolf2132 1 chapter. WIP. Rated M.
you know how everyone make the comparaison between Ekko and Miles?? well, the author found a way for Ekko transform into a spiderman that feels right in the arcane verse (end of act1) and damn its so good. Ekko slowly morphing and gaining his powers while everyone still have some focus on them (mostly Powder), but it still manages to keep the suspense of the fate of other characters. fabulous. author note: [I have seen so many comparisons between Ekko and Miles and a lot of fanart. So it felt that I had to do this. I can't promise future chapters right now (busy), but I am eager to see if this inspires any stories with a similar premise.]
S2 fanfics
fics covering Timebomb moments between ep 8 Ekko saving her /they painted each other and ep9
Go Back For Her by A_Lily_In_The_Moonlight 3/3 chapters. Completed. Rated E.
Ekko's pov -i only read 1 chapter - we see his thought's process on his relationship with Powder AU/ Jinx, and how he came to the conclusion he must go back to her. the moment where he help Jinx with his Z-drive comes a little differently than in ep8 (well, the aftermath) aaand another fic where Jinx's grief over Isha's death shatters me, the pain and the self loathing/blaming from Jinx really devastating.
I dont believe in God, but i believe you're my savior by mquesterminds One shot. Rated T
[summary: every time Ekko has to rewind time to stop Jinx it cuts to a different moment from throughout their love story because I'm allergic to happiness the moments covering their shared past really make their present 10 times sadder.]
I'm sure we're taller in another dimension by hallwayheart One shot. Rated M. i have nothing to say because i'm still processing what i just read.ty.
Fires That Were Set by ilophilia ( @ilophilia on tumblr) 1 chapter. WIP.
the conversation after Ekko helped Jinx in episode 8. Loved the banter, the emotions (the grief is there and its important to feel it but damn i want to hug them so bad). They tell each other what happened when Ekko was gone, and you feel the distance/the closeness, near intimacy building again and its beautiful..
Hope is a winged beast by Grey_ Unicorn 4 chapters. WIP. Rated E.
prepare you tissues because i was myself not ready for chapter 3 and the emotional wreck of Jinx processing her grief. but here we are.
fics from AU Powder pov/exchange between Jinx and AU Powder
what we left behind by re_dragon_rising 3/3 chapters. Completed. Rated T.
Powder traverses to the og arcane universe 1 year after Ekko's visit. (the insight into her life after Ekko leaves is wholesome and also give the reader a glimpse of the Mylo/Claggor/Powder siblings dynamics + the impact of Vi's death on them. really great. a little sad too.)
The other Ekko by GrammarThyEnemy Oneshot. General audience.
Powder knows this Ekko is not her Ekko.
memento vivere by fuwaaa 1/2. WIP. General audience.
covering the AU episode, Powder knows something's up with Ekko.
See Ya On The Other Side by moth_dust 3/5 chapters, WIP. Rated T.
Powder also travel to the og universe.
these forgotten faces by whippindippin ( @whippindippin on tumblr too!) 6 chapters, WIP. Rated T.
Jinx and Powder body swap and its both the worst and best thing that could ever happen to either of them. great reading and their reaction on point.
Isha is alive
Astrantia by AelinCreativ ( @aelincreativ they're on tumblr too!) 5 chapters, WIP. Rated T.
canon divergence where Ekko saves Isha. a lot of angst. but also a lot of happiness. so we can cry while smiling along with them. great. ty author!!
Ankle-Biter by darkfire1220 8/9 chapters, WIP. Rated M.
Isha is Jinx's biological daughter, Silco is a not so bad (grand) father, and their mother/daughter bond is one a the greatest thing ever. (very slowburn timebomb). Also Vi. i love you Vi.
post s2
we made our peace with weariness (and let it be) by The_FlamingTiger 3/3 chapters. Completed. Rated M.
Ekko and Jinx reconnect in Bilgewater..(and Jinx goes to therapy. that too. its nice)
I don't believe in God (But I believe that you're my savior) by yeonatsu Oneshot, general audience.
Ekko is mourning.
this hunger for love won’t disappear by Amuria Oneshot, rated T.
Months after the battle for Piltover, Ekko begins to dream of Powder. He thinks it’s his grief playing tricks on him. She has different theory.
Francesca (Do You Think I'd Give Up?) by PoetProlific 2 chapters. WIP.
Ekko tries searching for Jinx...(with the help of Caitlyn, yep. and its well done, because I think Cait would help, for Vi. And i love how Ekko-Cait's dynamics might evolve because of this..)
So I met him there and told him I believe by ijustwanttoreadinpeace 3 chapters, WIP. Rated T.
Jinx begins a new life in Bilgewater but is forced to come back... (edit: be warned, this is now an orphan account so idk if there will be more chapters.)
all the 6 timebomb one shot by atabex (the other fics are not timebomb) they're all rated E and oh boy is it worth it. most of these oneshot are gut wrenching and do smut + characters so well... the most recent one is just Ekko and AU Powder ahem doing the boombayah on the rooftop, but yk, with bits of sad and tragedy here and there.
i'm a little ashamed i'm only adding it now but every TB os fics by @shroomystar is 🤌 nothing else to add because each one of them are good. so. (if you want the explicit one-shots it's here and if you prefer without, it's here )
#timebomb#YEAH#finally after 3000 years of saying i will do a fic rec post for one of my otp i fucking did it#ekko x jinx#jinx x ekko#ekkojinx#arcanes2
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Possibly a hot take but I personally believe Tim Drake has older child trauma.
As an older child myself I could not relate more to his time as Robin. Having the entire responsibility of not only taking care of yourself as a child, but also a whole entire adult that's supposed to be taking care of you? That's a classic grade A older child problem, and something I've experienced myself.
I also think it's such a contrast to Dick's older child trauma. Now, ngl, I know almost nothing about Dick Grayson, so tell me if I'm wrong, but from what I got in Teen Titans Bruce treats Dick like he's incapable of taking care of himself, like the world's most neglectful helicopter parent. Dick's essentially been told "You're not smart enough, strong enough, or capable enough to do you own thing so I'm going to treat you like a child" and he has decided that actually he can deal with everything ever all on his own and now he's going to prove it. This ends as well as you'd expect.
In the exact opposite yet eerily similar case, Tim finds an incredibly mentally ill Batman, and with his sense of justice and already formed belief that he can also take care of everything all on his own, decides its now his job to parent a full grown man. And eventually he's fully expected to, all on his own, because obviously he's smart enough, strong enough, and capable enough to deal with the psychological delicacies of a parent losing their child, at the ripe age of...what, 12? Yeah that'll end...about as well as you'd expect
Such and interesting case of underestimating a child and overestimating a child. From the same parent to-. I think the conversations Dick and Tim have about Bruce during their Robin days is very interesting and very confusing for both of them. It's almost like talking about two completely different people. You know now that I think about it this could also be youngest child trauma. "I've already had two other kids so I'm all out of fucks to give about this newest one" yk?
Tim is collecting trauma types like they're Pokémon cards. He's been the oldest, the youngest, and the middle child.
#tim drake#red robin#dick grayson#nightwing#dc universe#dc comics#batkids#batfamily#dc robin#bruce wayne#batman#writing idea
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Rewatched Deadpool 1. Took notes.
WARNING: Discussion of mental illness topics, ending yourself, trauma, violence, etc.
Civil debate/ conversation welcomed. Sorry its super long. I think a lot.
Notes:
You know what? We see Wade coloring a lot. What's our status on just giving him cartoons snacks and coloring books? He needs it.
I think we all forget how actually impressive this man is. I just watched this cancer having fucker do like 50 flips.
Whatta man is so Logan Howlett coded.
"Bad deadpool" "good deadpool!"
Deadpool has been helping kids for a while. He terrified a little creep while he himself was a huge creep.
Missed up his words and Vanessa smiled at him. With that "aw hes cute" kinda thing.
When talking about their childhood (whether he's lying or not, hes not about the uncle) and he outdos her so much that she giggles.
The first date he takes her ducking skiiballing instead of yk prostitute stuff
Hes so romantic oh my god.
Theyre giggling and joking like all the time. Personally thanksgiving is my favorite scene before he proposes with a fucking ring pop.
I shouldn't laugh but the way he said "wtf" when passing out
Vanessa instantly jumping to "what can we do? There has to be something" makes me instantly respect her as a chronically ill person myself. Partners who medically defend each other make me so happy because a lot of people divorce their partners when they get "too sick" let alone dont show up to specialist appointments.
Him accepting death so quickly is a sign of mental illness, and you can see him be confused on why shes so upset. Shes crying and hes sitting here like "why do you care if I die or not?" He physically feels so unloved that he just doesn't get it.
"I dont know. Might further the plot. " Oh, so you know about wades little mental tv show he puts on in his head as a coping mechanism?
Also... Weasel.. YOU KNOW WHO ELSE IS A WEASEL!? Shit sorry wrong movie.
Its not until now that hes crying because he realizes if he does then no more vanessa. We already know hes very co dependent and many people only care about themselves BECAUSE of other people. Which is also considered a sign of wanting to ☠️ self.
The whole "superheros are all lame ass teachers pets" thing is so funny if you think about how much beef he has with the xmen when in reality I have a feeling Wade would love charles in a "Ugh im in trouble with Daddy wheel chair again." COUGH "old bald heavens gate looking mother fucker" COUGH
"Thats not nice" No. But wade is genuienly not nice either.
"This is embarrassing. Please stop, " Colosus said what we all were thinking.
Bro literally cut/broke off his own hand and didn't whine a single time. If you ever. EVER hear this man express pain it is 99.9% his own choice to let you know that it hurts.
During his changing process, Francis says "the only thing that doesn't survive is a sense of humor" wade says "we'll see about that" and smirks.
What also makes sense to me is that he did NOT break easily. They did test after test after test and this man still wasn't breaking. His spirit is incredibly strong and as much as we enjoy joking about how stupid he is, Wade is extremely resourceful.
Its like he has created an alter ego of humor and kindess in order to keep up with the fact he DOES understand how fucked up this world is and whats happening/happened around him but refuses to acknowledge it until he has too. Ussually for survival.
Ive seen theories that he has DID or a type of Scizophreania and the voices in the comics are obviously in his head. I have mixed feelings about it because even his thoughts have thoughts of their own in some cases. Talking to no one is often a sign of abadonment, esspecially in children who are school age and get lonely when taken from their families to attend school. Its almost as if wade never lost his and hes subconsiously talking to himself to keep himself calm/ from panicking in high stress situations.
"But then how does he know hes in a movie" thats the thing. He doesn't. Hes pretending to cope. Main charaters cant die and until he dies he has this mental show/movie going on to keep himself from realizing all of this is true. That this is reality.
Cunningham mentions breakfast for his kids and suddenly, wade wakes up. Hes not joking anymore. This is a "oh shit... I wanna make breaktsst for my kids too... with my wife vanessa" moment.
"So whats wrong with him?"
Diiiiiddd we all forget about scout master kevin? Uncle? Dad? That fact that the oxygen was physically taken from his brain and was given Co2 poisoning over and over? For multiple days? This is the same man who blew himself up just to escape because they told him he wasnt going to see vanessa again.
And then he fought a guy naked, survived the entire building burning down, and now is so insecure about his looks that he thinks he made the baby cry in the street.
Theres people staring at him, flinching away, called names, people see him and cross the street. (So when he tells Logan that he knows his pain when it comes to public settings, hes not lying)
Blind Al is literally the reason deadpools suit is what it is. Why the idiot thought white was gonna be a good idea- See above. Unlike Al, who could smell the blood/ bleach.
I really love al. She's like the adult Toph.
"I hear everything in this duplex." OH, you poor thing.
"The guy that turned me into this freak-"
Al: *bitch im blind face*
As far as she's aware, he looks normal. Which is beautiful when you think about it, but it's funny when you think about the fact that he's so insecure about his face that he purposly found a blind room mate that couldn't judge him.
And they cuddle while he gets dating advice from grammie 🥹❤️
I really like how the entirety of Sister Margaret's School for Wayward Children (HellHouse in the comics) stood up for Weasel. They're murderers. But they're family.
What they did to vanessa was straight fucked. Her fiance up and leaves without notice, youre just trying to work and live your life, you get kidnapped.
Negasonic is so cool. I love them.
Dopinder (The cab guy) is so cool too. I love him too. Kill that guy in your trunk. "Mr. Pool" reminds me of Tom holland spiderman.
"It is not boy band >:(" Suurreee it isn't.
"Wheres your duffle bag?" You mean his dollar general store tree hello kitty book bag filled with guns?
"Cue the music" *no one even gives a fuck at this point when he talks to the imaginary cams*
Negasonic mid battle: Hold on- "Hey Yukio, yeah I just gotta fuck shit up real quick, ttyl?"
"Sure thing! <3 You go baby!"
I dont know anything about negasonic but she reminds me of Gambit with her energy powers.
Like I said. Hes smart when its a serious situation because he immediately threw his katana into the glass so vanessa could breathe, only to immediately turn sappy and childish again when he sees her stab francis with it. Heart hands, is hallucinating because theres a knife in his brain (literally), sex joke. Etc.
Colossus shut the fuck up. Let this man kill him. He's hurt Soooooo many people. A bullet costs less then a dollar. His amount of therapy alone is going to be like *checks calculations* 80 billion.
"Not the nethers" Wade can and often does show proof of hurting but hed rather cut off his hand then let vanessa punch him in the balls. "Ow- owie 5000"
Hello Hugh Jackman.
After not seeing each other for so longer they instantly go back to the fibbing. "I live in the house with 12"
"You live in a house??" Funny guys get the girls. I should know. My wife says im super funny (yes im in therapy)
Pinky promises really matter to him.
Hes such a silly billy he brought out the phone with their song on it. God what a romantic idiot.
#deadpool 1#deadpool movie#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool franchise#ryan renolds#hugh jackman#logan Howlett#merc with a mouth#weasel deadpool#colossus#negasonic teenage warhead#yukio deadpool#professor x#xmen#charles xavier#notes#movie analysis#charater analysis#mental illness#wade wilson#deadpool#whatta man#blind al#althea anderson#francis freeman#vanessa carlysle#vanessa deadpool#lets discuss#dopinder#dopinder deadpool
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hi
i just wanted to come on here and talk about my experience with spirituality. warning: longggg post ahead.
basically ive been in the spiritual community for YEARS now. ive had existential crisis since the age of 11 and ive gone through many phases of many different spiritual trends. from law of attraction, to witchcraft, to religious devotion, to law of assumption and now finally non dualism. i read books, meditated for hours and hours, talked to spiritual ppl from all walks of life and watched all the episodes of ganga upanishad (a show i still highly recommend, you can watch on youtube). all this childhood trauma and mental illness made me crave for sweet relief. but nothing really made sense until law of assumption. i thought that that would be it yk. i thought i was done searching but i think that was when i was searching for things the most. i do know i have it in my 4d, when will i see it? i thought i would get all my desires but did not meet success. and then the non dualism trend began and i hopped onto it like pretty much everyone else. i was bewildered at the stuff teachers kept saying. what do you mean everything's an illusion? there's no way that's true. my very real surroundings are causing me VERY real pain and suffering. oh no no there must be a deeper meaning behind all this. and so i read all the books in 4dbarbies drive, but nothing clicked. yes it made sense intellectually, but i didnt want to believe it bc where is the materialisation satisfaction here? also i felt none of the euphoria that was supposed to come with self realisation. which means i must not be a realised being. and then i cried and cried and cried, isolated myself, literally stopped going to school and just lay in bed all day. but ofc, i continued to read the tumblr posts like i had been doing for the past several years. and yesterday i read 4dkelly's post about giving up. it made sense. by the time i had finished reading the post i had truly given up on everything. on wanting, hoping, fearing, striving etc etc. i was SO tired. so i gave up. fell asleep. i woke up really late as usual and missed the school bus. i ate breakfast in silence, switched the tv on and lied down on the couch like always. and like always out of compulsion and force of habit i reached for my phone and looked up non dualism on twitter. and then i came across a tweet that said a simple sentence only- "nothing is ever actually happening." woah. that kinda drove me to the edge of the cliff i desperately wanted to jump off. i turned on some dnb background music and turned the shower on. i stood under the boiling hot water like some dramatic bitch and started piecing together the "puzzle". it all made so much sense now. i got out of the shower and left the house for the first time in months with a cute outfit and makeup on and everything. i went to the mall, bought candles, stickers, eye masks, coffee, and a doughnut with absolutely no social anxiety at all. i sat by window, read some poetry on my e-reader, cried, peered down at the floor below me and cried some more at the sight of little kids sitting on santa's lap and taking pictures and marveled at all the christmas decorations around me. it was insane. i decided i was going to be neutral towards everything but im in love. maddeningly so. in love with this dream that i thought did not love me back. but love is all there is. I AM ALL THERE IS. and i need you to take this literally. there is nothing happening. there is nothing here except you. nothing to fear, nothing to desire. ik a lot of people are going to dismiss this post because it's not a "materialisation success story" but i honestly dont think i can ever want anything physically bc in all its true essence, what is there to materialise? i am already whole and complete. i am lying on this cold hard floor, but i have never felt warmer. also ik there may be a lot of things ive written you might not agree with but again, this is NOT REAL. I AM. i hope this post helps you.
thank you to all the blogs ive come across and all the pointers they have shared: @se1f @realisophie @itgomyway @4dkellysworld @4dbarbie-backup @infiniteko @iamthat-iam and many more i cannot thank enough.
lots and lots of love (more than you can ever imagine), and good luck.
#nondualism#consciousness#advaita vedanta#awareness#advaita#non duality#law of assumption#manifestation#manifesting#neville goddard
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in my heart sawashiro and arakawa have the same thing going on that minedai do but slightly to the left...like theres a visible difference and a different vibe but...its there yknow...less crazy but also more crazy because theyre older are you getting the vibe im laying down this is difficult to explain
no i get the vibe i got you. it's like minedai but with dads and less willingness to murder his boss out of grief
#snap chats#and they have a kid they both love see Minedai But With Dads yk#two kids if you want to include ichi but jo's more definitely like the stepdad ichi's dad married yk what i mean#like masato is very much Jo And Arakawa's Kid while ichi is Arakawa's Kid. which. yeah. yeah no shit#see thats the only thing with minedai they colud never have a kid cause mine would be the shittiest dad#its NOTHING but projection on the poor tyke and unfortunately daigo inversely has a soft spot for kids#lucky for me i dont mind if my pairings dont have kids. but its great if they have one in canon HAHA time to project the family i wanted#see arasawa is funnier because of the different vibes right let me explain#because mine generally is very upfront with how he feels so them coming to terms with their feelings mutually is more plausible#not OPEN about how he feels but he does tell daigo whats on his mind and all#and so thats why its easier to imagine them ACTUALLY being together esp knowing how daigo wants genuine bonds too#whereas jo like. locks everything away. like get phoenix wright on this dumbass there's a fucking barricade of locks#so its the funniest shit ever trying to imagine jo trying to invite arakawa places or vice versa#i guess it's a similar flavor though.. but different#cause mine'll be like Oh. Oh Ok and go and then he'll be like This Is Nice :) and forget whatever apprehension he had before#but i can only ever imagine jo just. ????? the entire time out whether its out to dinner or like an art show or something#like does he even know HOW to relax.. he's had more time for his mental illness to stew ok mine still had a chance#see thats the cute thing about arasawa tho Going By The Idea Of Jo Liking Art they could enjoy art together#im lit rambling sorry but yes tl;dr anon i get you 100% and its probably why i enjoy it so much
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i hate how ep7 got ppl talking ab the 'jinx vs powder' discourse like they are 2 different people all over again or saying au powder is the superior version bcs she's not crazy like jinx (when truth is powder herself is deranged our girl is wired differently from very early on)
"i thought you could love me like you used to even though i'm different" and s2 pretty much confirms her insecurities not just in terms of how vi feels ab her but also the show itself the writers and even the fandom
with all that said ppl dont get to shit on the bond between silco & jinx anymore he's NOT a good dad but at least when he says he sees jinx as perfect just the way she is he 100% means it (it took him dying first but yk)
ITS SO STUPID BITCH ITS THE SAME PERSON she's not fucking jekyll and hyde!! the whole au world is illogical at its core but its not hard to see that the intention for jinx was that this is who she could be if it wasnt for that extreme trauma because her mental illness was correlated to her trauma and that's fine. but like I could not explain to you why killing vi in an explosion was less of a trauma given that it's the same trauma but this is where I stop thinking about it because jayce inventing hextech caused poverty and without hex tech we would all be rich
s2 proves they are in fact unbeatable and nothing could ever beat them
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need more sloppy smut ☹️ i luv desperate and sloppy stuff (im mentally ill.)
anyways something with any rory character of ur choice (altho id prefer clyde or charlie coz i feel like theyd be say this)
like reader and the character r tryna yk figure out their kinks and boundaries together. its all full of jokes and really sloppy but then reader sucks on a part of his boobie (leavin a hickey like just above his nipple) and he goes "oh.. i liked that..." "yeah?" "do it again, baby.." "do what?" and she has a lil smirk on her face "wh-what you just did.. do that again.."
(this totally wasnt some dialogue from a professor cal audio...)
this request has me on my knees 🧎🏽♀️
"this is my idea of fun." | clyde
video games. - lana del rey
female!reader x clyde
contents: cockwarming, very sloppy shit, creampie
you and clyde were laying down on the carpet and staring at the ceiling. you were talking about the kinkiest things youve ever done. you talked about things that you'd done with your old partner, but you never found any of them to your taste.
clyde had rambled for a while about how he's still trying to find himself sexually, what ever that meant. so that's how you found yourself sitting on top of him, sloppily making out while you cockwarmed him.
he would occasionally buck his hips upward into you, sliding in just a little more from how overwhelmingly wet you were. you hands played with his hair as you exchanged sloppy kisses with eachother, which you knew was something that drove him wild.
your pussy was dripping wet all over his hard cock, which only made this whole thing a lot more pleasureable for the two of you. your lips started travelling to his neck, leaving soft little kisses there. they moved down to his collarbone, doing the same thing. clyde's breath got caught in his throat a few times from the feeling of your soft lips on his skin.
you lips continued travelling down until you got to his chest, which you stayed for a while. you sucked on the skin, leaving a red mark on him. he grinned at you. "o-oh... that felt nice..." he said softly as his hands fondled with your tits, his fingers brushing over your sensitive nipples.
"oh yeah..?" you said as you moved back to his collarbone. he moved his hips once again, some of your liquids dripping out of your messy little pussy. "d-do it again, baby... please..." he whispered. "you want me to mark you up, baby?" you teased, looking at him with your big doe eyes. he nodded, slightly embarrassed.
you moved your lips back to his chest, sucking on the skin slightly more harshly this time. "like this..?" you said against his chest, leaving another red mark right beside the previous one. "y-yeah... just like that" he started kneading your hard nipples in between his fingers, making you whimper softly. he laughed softly. "you like that, baby?" you kept on sucking on his chest, nodding.
he continued toying with your tits, feeling your dripping pussy getting even wetter on his cock. he rocked his hips a little, getting a small moan out of you. you left several mark across his chest, making them all in a heart shape. clyde connected his lips with yours once more.
this kiss was even sloppier than the previous one, the sound of your tongues swirling with eachother audiable for both of you to hear. you started moving against his cock just a little, hearing the sound of your wet cunt begging for more movement.
clyde moved his mouth to your tits, planting wet kisses all over them and whispering gentle little compliments. "so perfect..." he'd say before moving his tongue over your nipples. he was so gentle with his touch that you felt as if you could fall asleep right there.
you continued to play with his hair, braiding it and tangling it around your fingers as you felt your body starting to heat up. his hips started bucking into you ever so slightly, the sticky sound of your cunt bringing a smile to his face.
you and clyde made eye contact as he sucked on your tits. he hummed slightly, making your body shiver. he moved his hands down to your hips, caressing them gently. you brought your lips back to his chest, continuing to leave hickies everywhere that you could.
clyde groaned softly at the feeling of you sucking on his skin. it was like his body had completely surrendered to you. he body trembled slightly as he felt himself cumming inside of you, his and your cum dripping out of you. the whole thing was just so wet and messy and sloppy, but neither of you could get enough.
author's note: thank you so much for the request! this one made me feel things that ive never felt before. sorry that this ones a little short, but my ideas kind of spiraled out of control and i didnt know where it would lead to. requests are still open!
#rory culkin#rory culkin smut#electrick children#clyde electrick children#lana del rey#444rockstargf
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and also it doesnt even matter if i miraculously get a job tmrw bc we don't have a car . and im too out of shape to walk anywhere bc everything is far away . so i genuinely dont jnow what to do
#im not smart or talented or hot enough to have a source of income working from home.#i dont have a ged or a kicense or a way to get to work or much experience + ive got a steadily fucking growing gap in my employment history.#And i have essentially 0 social skills i barely Function half the time im dissociated or just crying. im weak and out of shape and#not pretty im like. unhireable i think . and again even if a place did hire me I dont have a way to fucking get 2 work#i might be able to walk 2 a place if i had been at work for a while bc if be more used to being on my feet and active again. its take a#while and id be in a Lot of pain but like. itd be doable. and once i worked for s bit i could get lyfts even tho Expensive also idk that#there as many drivers here. and wtvr. but if i did that itd be Less money to help my family and less money to save up toget my own place and#atp maybe its selfish of me to want my own place and i need to judt be more grateful im allowed 2 stay here . yk#idk. im so tired i just need like. idk. ik the only way is to just get through it and get a job and make it work but it feels so pointless#everything always does. i cant keep getting over hurdles man im so fucking tired of getting through hurdles#every single day is Difficult and every single day is the Same and any time j manage to have a good day ill just go right back to feeling#exactly the same. and even if it looks like everythings better for a bit it all goes back down eventually and ik im supposed to be like But#itll get better again after that <3 ups and downs are a part of life <3 we have to have the bad to appreciate the good <3 im just fucking#sick of the goddamn bad im fucking sick of it ive had enough bad i want good. ik other ppl deserve it more i want everybody to have good#days and be safe and happy i don't want things to keep getting worse but everything just gets worse and all the good parts r tempirary and#im so tired. I am not your strongest soldier bro !!!#idk. i just want to be atable i dont need anything crazy i just want my family to live comfortably and to have enough money that i can#donate i rly donot need much i dont need that much food 2 survive i dont need a ton of space i dont need a nide house i like. i just want to#be Stable and know that everything will be ok. yk. at least 4 my family i want them all to be able to eat and the bills 2 be paid and#hopefully for lamp and the kids 2 go to college. bc lamp and tag both want to go to college and itsy is 6 so he soesnt care#but i want them to be able to so bad bc i can't and i ws never gonna be able to and i dont get to be whiny abt that but like. they want to#and theyre smart and passionate and like. i want them to be able to achieve their dreams and get to have normal lives and be fulfilled and#happy. yk. idk. annie showed me her schoolwork the other day and since it wa first week at like. an alt school it ws a lot of personality#type stuff and mental health stuff and im not gonna get into it bc its not mine to tell but. their answers for one of the things made me so#upset bc it sounded so much like me when i was their age and even now and it makes me feel so guilty that like. i didnt make it better for#them. im the one whos supposed to endure it and then theyre supposed to get to be happy but im too fuckinf weak nowadays and i can't keep#any of them safe or happy and i feel so insanely useless. i hate it i just want to be useful idc anymore like. i want to be good i want to#be helpful i want to be cared abt and its so selfish bc a part of me is like. Ohh wahhh we shouldnr have to do all that to be cared abt wahh#and its dumb bc Yes i do its my job. it just fucking sucks rn bc like i have all the like. sorrow over this being what i have to do and this#is my lot in life but i also have all the guilt over how im not doing it bc km lazy and selfish and i cant just work bc im . Ugh
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stuff i wanna see in TSATS
its just less than 2 months until TSATS comes out and my pjo phase is coming back HARD so heres some stuff i wanna see (idc how popular or unpopular these r)
Solangelo kiss (seriously like all the other good canon couples had one)
explicit use of queer terms (i havent rlly seen anyone talk abt this but as much as i love queer characters just existing u have no idea how happy it makes me to see media, especially kids media, explicitly say the words gay, bisexual, transgender, lesbian, etc.)
Hunters of Artemis cameo
piggybacking off that, Nico’s reaction to Reyna being a hunter (ive wanted to see this since 2019 PLEASE i gotta know how he feels abt this considering yk his past w/ them)
confirmation on whether Will’s gay or bi/mspec (or just simply queer, no specific labels necessary)
a trans/nonbinary character (specifically transmasc)
a Piper cameo
during her cameo Piper explicitly saying her sexuality (which is lesbian, if u think otherwise ur wrong/hj)
Hazel cameo
more Lavinia content (idc how i just need more of my chaotic Jewish ADHD pink-haired Russian lesbian, ok?)
GAY ANGST
MORE GAY ANGST
SO MUCH GAY ANGST ITLL MAKE MY AO3 HISTORY LOOK LIKE A HAPPY HETEROSEXUAL PURE BIBLE CLUB FOR TODDLERS
canonically autistic Nico
that Lil Nas X reference we were promised
Nico making more trauma jokes (he just like me fr)
the multiple coming out scenes i heard were allegedly promised
Hades and/or Apollo cameo
Hestia cameo
Jason’s ghost cameo
dead Apollo kids cameo
explicit discussion of Nico’s religious trauma
explicit discussion of just Will’s trauma in general (seriously we all kinda ignore that our “sunshiney golden retriever uwu gay boi 😊🌸✨☀️” actually has some super serious trauma)
both of them coping badly with all this and being worried abt eachother (aka gay angst but more specific)
Maria di Angelo content
Persephone cameo w/ her either still lowkey hating Nico and being passive aggressive asf to him or having had him grow on her in the past few years and is now turning the overprotective mom mode to the max
just some cute, non-angsty moments between Nico nd Will cause goddam we need some queer joy rn ;-;
so much hurt/comfort u physically cant continue living anymore (going both ways not just Will comforting Nico)
a MCGA cameo
Fierrochase and Solangelo meeting and having the same funny interactions they have in the memes (but with the canon versions of them)
discussions of stuff like homophobia and internalized homophobia and mental illness
a relatively happy ending (but not a “2 months later and the world is perfect and neither of them had felt anything close to depression or anything since the ending and if for some reason addiction was a part of this we would we talking abt how they were magically 2 months clean and it would be physically impossible for the thought of relapse to even cross their mind” kinda happy ending cause i hate those kinda endings w/ a burning passion)
setup for another side book (preferably a Piper or Reyna one)
thats all i can think of rn off the top of my head but feel free to comment on any of these or add ur ideas cause 2 months feels like an eternity long wait + hearing other opinions is fun when we arent all in a heated argument over smthn stupid
#the sun and the star#TSATS#solangelo#nico di angelo#will solace#autistic nico di angelo#piper mclean#jason grace#reyna ramirez arellano#magnus chase#alex fierro#fierrochase#hazel levesque#lavinia asimov#gay#bisexual#transgender#lesbian#queer#nonbinary
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