#and he used to be my safe place
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senxitive · 2 years ago
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Not to be dramatic, but life is cruel.
#i really needed him today#i dont know why but i got so panicky at work because i literally felt like i couldnt leave without him#and of course it simply cannot be#i was doing so good accepting that i truly cannot be with him no matter how much i wish#and then he had to fucking talk to me#ive had no comfort lately at all and have to sit there and know hes across the fucking hall from me#and he used to be my safe place#and all i wanted all day was to sit with him#and i just couldnt leave today#i waited for ten minutes in my car and then tried to leave but i was so panicky i was confused and i physically couldnt leave#i looped and went back up to the building even though i knew there was no sneaky way to start a conversation and nothing would come of it#i had to call my ex to distract me so i wouldnt start crying and so i had a reason to sit in the parking lot#and He came out twice#i tried to get off the phone in time for the second time he came out and i couldnt and i had to watch him pull away#cried my whole way home and almost entered into the panic attack#now i have no appetite and i dont want to make dinner#tomorrows friday and that means the last day i see him until Mon and we havent talked at all since the last talk so im going crazy w pain#and i wont even be there the whole day tomorrow because therapy (thank god i need it)#but the worst part is#none of it fucking matters#because nothing changes and i have to work on reaccepting that i. dont. get. to be. with. him. ever. and it doesnt matter that we both#were in love with each other#life is cruel#and beautiful#but fucking cruel#i have been waiting my entire life for this connection#my heart and mind are so heavy#i literally couldn't even speak a coherent sentence i was so just like...confused from my panic#it was strange#im still trying to process what even was happening
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spicyvampire · 3 months ago
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4MINUTES (2024) DOCUMENTARY // EP. 6
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s0fter-sin · 9 months ago
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something happening on a mission, something personal that has soap spiralling; panic and rage making him reckless, thoughtless, and ghost has to draw the line
“you’re compromised johnny; you know what that means?”
“you’re not pulling me out,” soap immediately snarls. he turns on him and ghost barely recognises him; venomous fear turning his eyes to unyielding ice. "you're not sidelining me; i need to be in this-!"
but ghost has never been afraid of venom; spat or dripped straight from bared fangs.
he snakes out a hand grip the back of his neck, jerking him in a rough shake. "if you can't think, you can't be a soldier," he growls and he flinches like he's been struck.
his lips quiver as they twist in a sneer and he wrenches, trying to free himself of his hold.
ghost doesn't let him.
"it means you give your body to me because your head ain't fucking attached to it anymore."
soap stills, body trembling beneath his hand as he sucks in shaking breaths.
he tightens his grip, pulling him closer and digs his forehead hard into his. “it means you give yourself to me so i can have the weapon that you are and use you the way you're meant to be used."
the ice in soap's eyes fractures.
ghost’s voice drops to a whisper, spoken only to johnny, not this facade of vengeance and pain, and wills it to reach him through the glaciers.
“so i can keep you safe ‘til it’s done and i can bring you back.”
#in my head its bc graves abducts his sister and is using her as hostage to draw him out knowing ghost will always follow him#but the intensity and intimacy of saying ‘you cant trust your mind not to betray you so let me be in charge of your body until you can’#after what happened to tommy he could never deny johnny his right to save his sister#but its bc of what happened to tommy that he knows he cant let him do it alone with only his rage to guide him#hes more likely to get himself killed and ghost wont live through that#so he has to balance it#and the only way he knows how is to completely shut down soap’s mind until hes no more than instinct and muscle memory#if he cant think practically then dont let him think at all#reduce him to a place where he can only follow orders#and when its finally over and his sister is safe and graves is dead#only then will he drag johnny back up to the surface#he’ll do it even if it means dragging him kicking and screaming back to humanity#instead of letting him sink in the depths where nothing hurts. theres no fear down there. no pain. only order#and thats the risk ghost took sending johnny to that place but he only did it bc he would stop at nothing to bring him back#and help him through the after#the breakdown. the rush of panic and rage and relief and anguish johnnys been supressing on his order#it was his word that turned johnny into a ghost#and its his touch that brings him back to the man#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#cod#soapghost#ghostsoap#ghost x soap#ghoap#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#john soap mactavish#soap cod#save post
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existingingrey · 1 month ago
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백공죽 Expanded Version.
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redr0sewrites · 7 months ago
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i will forever defend these two- NOT to start discourse but they are both so heavily mischaracterized by the fandom its INSANE like omg yes they are flawed but they are also trying their best PLEASE leave them alone 🙏🙏🙏
as usual im yapping in the tags if anyone cares
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batcavescolony · 2 months ago
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A Batfam AU where instead of going to get Dick to be Robin again Tim uses necromancy to bring Jason back from the dead. He just leaves Jason on the Wayne doorstep with a 'do better this time' sticky note. Batman can't find out who did it and Tim stays his little latchkey self with semi ok but distant parents (cus canonical they weren't really abusive just not there which isn't good but they could be worse). His parents bring him along on trips but again they love him but they just leave him to do as he pleases. so in Paris he ends up still getting trained by Lady Shiva. This keeps going and Tim just keeps reviving batfam members, if they fake their deaths and Tim tracks them down to check on them. They still have no idea who their shadow is, they can't find him, Tim likes it this way. Bruce goes MIA and Red Robin happens just minus Tim actually being Red Robin. The JLA doorstep gets a passed-out Batman with a 'I can't believe I have to keep doing this shit' sticky note on his head.
#now you're probably going Batcaves i see those fics all the time? and my retort is those are babyified Tim Drake fics. he then gets adoped#the batfam and has a coffee addiction. i want a Tim Drake that treats the batfam like how wildlife rehab centers treat animals. they make#themselves knowable of the subject. they're striving to improve their quality of care. establish safe working habits. share skills. put car#of the subject over personal gain. be professional and humane. protect welfare of the subject. release the subject as soon as appropriate.#it's just his subject is batvigilantes not a racoon that was on the side of the road.#tim drake#batman#robin#dc comics#dc universe#detective comics#batman comics#batman and robin#batman au#and i think Jack and Janet being abusive is getting boring. have them be ok parents. they give tim a long leash but fail to see hes using i#for his own fun. they never told him he CANT learn necromancy and revive bat vigilantes how was HE supposed to know it's a bad thing??#maybe they should have looked at what he was doing while they were off. (like Phineus and Ferb. He asked if he could learn self-defense.#he learned from Lady Shiva not at the YMCA. He asked if he could read a book on necromancy! you didn't tell him he's not aloud to use what#he learned! he asked if he could go to the cemetery to see Jason! you didn't say he couldn't revive him! and so on)#Tim: mom can I learn self-defense while in Paris?#Janet: that's a good idea there are so many pickpockets here a little training would be nice for you. do you know a place?#Tim: Yes! her name is Sandra#Janet: cool. if you think she's the best choice. here some money.#Tim: Thanks Mom!#janet drake#jack drake#fanfic idea#fic idea#fanfic ideas#batfam
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gummi-ships · 1 year ago
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Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance - Braig / Xigbar
#kingdom hearts dream drop distance#khddd#braig#xigbar#my gif#his pointy shoulders deflated with age#...do you ever wonder about his scarf?#radiant garden took pride in its beauty and ansem the wise was a ruler who was beloved and admired by his people (despite... yknow)#so is it safe to assume that being a guard of this world being tasked with protecting the castle/its ruler/and the townspeople-#would be considered a prestigious occupation?#yet we see braig wearing an old tattered scarf#it's a curious addition to his uniform that looks out of place among other guards#i dont think it was added to his design to help him stand out because cmon it's not like he's competing for relevance with dilan and aeleus#braig fights from afar with his guns it's not like he's some scrappy guy that might have messy clothes from battle#i wouldn't be surprised if this was ephemer's scarf that he somehow came into possession of#and is holding onto it with the possibly of it being used as some kind of medium/waypoint#who's to say he's not still wearing it under his organization coat? just because we can't see it anymore doesn't mean it's gone#riku had an entirely different outfit under his own organization coat so who knows what xigbar has under there#i like to think braig used to be scolded for wearing the scarf because it covers up the uniform's emblem#and wearing old ripped articles of clothing isn't part of the image the guards would presumably have to uphold#but eventually they gave up on making him take it off because he just does whatever he wants#just something i think about from time to time#xigbar has always been so mysterious and cryptic i can't help but keep an extra close eye on him#especially since he's been revealed to be so much more than what he seems. who knows what tricks he has up his sleeve#i don't think it's outside the realm of possibility
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daily-xisuma · 5 months ago
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[047] Applied my version of Doom's partial invisibility fuzz effect and an accidental offshoot I created in the process, heehee :-)
#047#xisuma#xisumavoid#daily xisuma#hermitcraft#flashing#pretty sure...better safe than sorry#hey I have so many words about this actually!!!#if you wanna learn what the doom fuzz effect is/how it works I recommend decino's video on partial invisibility. somewhere past the halfway#mark he explains it!#it's basically like...for each pixel you either take the pixel on top of it darken it and use it; or you take the pixel below darken it and#use it. and the way you determine whether you do top or bottom is through a list of “top bottom bottom top bottom” that never changes and#you cycle through. so it's a sort of repeating pattern that you make look random by starting at different places in the list#second gif is created when you apply the effect over an image that has already had the effect applied to it. I coded it on accident and#scared myself HAHAHA#really neat though! first time I actually did image processing because I am a little silly but it went quite well once I figured out#how the frick bufferedimages work#I wanna make this work for non pixel art now mmm. will have to do some un-doomy modifications for that unfortunately. oh well? mmm.#already it's not perfectly in the spirit of doom because I math.random() my problems away when choosing the fuzz table start index for each#new image. if I cared enough I'd carry over the index that I ended on but alas. I do NOT care that much! (shockingly)#all it really changes is that every time you generate the fuzz it's different versus in doom spirit it would always be the same
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bayetea · 1 month ago
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I don't like the judo flip in moa as much as the next guy but in my eyes it's largely the result of rick not taking female violence half as seriously as male violence (a result of viewing women as weaker and inferior to men such that their acts of violence don't need to be taken as seriously) and not so much anything about annabeth herself. like I do genuinely feel that annabeth is a complex heroine and definitely one of the better ones in the realm of ya action-adventure fiction produced in the past 25 years but she is still a girl being written by a man and all I'm saying is that her writing clearly reflects that sometimes (more in tags)
#case in point: the amazons#hazel: you keep slaves????#kenzie: no. the men just know their place#like...... sure jan. the parody of amazon the company isn't actually using immoral labor the workers just like it that way 🥰#but that line about “knowing their place” would not fly the other way around#because women in power are not taken as seriously as a group of men dominating female workers would be#(we could talk about the futurama amazons too in this context because it's pretty much the same issue of female violence not#being taken seriously and played for laughs instead. iykyk)#do you guys know that trope of girls who are just comically aggressive and mean towards guys who barely reciprocate the energy#(like the majority of the female cast of naruto falls into this trope. again iykyk)#it's like a shallow attempt to write a strong female character by just making her an Angry mean nasty man-hater#or it's just a validation of some nerd's worldview that women are just always so mean towards men who never do anything wrong#and they definitely don't have power over women in society women are just Like that. for some reason#anyways if you couldn't tell by my pfp I'm an annabeth fan so I definitely don't mean this in an anti-annabeth way#just in a Critical of the way rick portrays women way#specifically women that he wants to come off as strong/powerful#and if you are a fellow annabeth stan and feel upset by this all I can say is that it isn't a bad thing to be critical of the way our faves#are written and in fact critical reading is a very important skill to exercise 👍#this is also why I'm annoyed by the “annabeth is abusive” allegations because it's like Ok she's clearly not intended to come off that way#so instead of meaninglessly antagonizing annabeth (who isn't real) or fans who enjoy her/the ship in its entirety#what can we glean about the flaws of the writing. what can we glean about biases of the author who wrote the damn thing#(not saying I even agree with the allegations to begin with because I Don't but yk)#this whole thing stems from social constructs around gender (everything else in the world does) i.e. public reception to female violence#where real world female violence isn't taken seriously so female criminals face less harsh punishments OR the other way around and female#cruelty is received as even more egregious than male cruelty because how dare a woman be anything but kind and nurturing and angelic#btw this is not a safe space to be anti percãbeth/annabeth in my notifs keep that to yourself bud 👍#rr crit#pjo hoo toa#percy jackson
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tetzoro · 3 months ago
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the day the earth stood still is the day i felt your presence leave it, and then every day after that.
#tw grief#sigh sigh sigh.#apologies in advance as this is not the happiest yap ! i would just like to write out some of my feelings on this day#the heaviest heart weighs under an insurmountable amount of grief — the ghost of love#days like today are a twisted reminder that has every emotion flooding through your soul#longing . guilt . anger . an indescribable melancholy that could only be consoled through the sands of time#a year ago i lost my best guy friend and it’s never really gotten easier . but ive heard it never does#all i can do is bundle up the love i have for him and search for him in the clouds that take up the sky#the circumstances around his passing will never not haunt me and rather than go into it all i’d like to say is this#if you have a loved one or a relationship or a friendship you cherish .. then never ever stop fighting for it - for them.#as time never really seems to be on our side#each day i’ll live as he intended . to greet the world with kindness and a smile and passion for positivity#in his wisest words (or rather after every phone call we’d have hehe) i’ll try my best to stay awesome & encourage you all to do so as well#if you’ve read this then i’m taking your hand and thanking you#it didn’t feel right not acknowledging him at all on this blog . he’s the one that introduced me to anime + more importantly : one piece#i wish i could talk to him about it all so he could see how far down this rabbit hole i fell just as he had done#will be spending the day enjoying his favorite episodes and being gentle with the world that surrounds us#this is not like my usual yaps & i feel vulnerable posting it but i wanted to carve out a space for him on this blog#forever missing the connie to my sasha . maybe in another universe we’ll get it right#have a wonderful sunday my sweet friendz and if you can — hug your loved ones & blow a kiss up to the sky 🤍💫#thank you for being here & helping me make this a safe place .#₊˚⊹ ᰔ xoxo aims
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lovebeing-a-girl · 10 months ago
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imagine being in a real-life, actual, real, love-filled relationship with someone who makes life easier.... yeah? I can't believe it's happening to me either
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holybathtub · 1 year ago
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Aziraphale “I will bear the loss of the world’s delights to prevent it from being destroyed so that crowley can live freely in it” VERSUS Crowley “I will carve out a place for aziraphale in this universe and defend it with my life so that he will be safe” FIGHT!!!
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soup-of-the-daisies · 1 year ago
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[opens fic] “moony has always been the smartest out of all of us” [closes fic]
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dailykugisaki · 7 months ago
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Day 202 | id in alt
Shoko, let a girl breathe without mentioning your friend that's a medical anomaly.
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rawliverandgoronspice · 9 months ago
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regarding common tropes about ganon's writing in fics, I am kind of always taken aback a little anytime ganondorf uses degrading sexist terms in fics and such. Because to me, even his most evil interpretations would probably have no reason to have negative associations with women who have sex a lot, unless he picked it up from elsewhere (like there's some room for it to be interesting psychologically speaking if that's directly addressed, but it never is). I'm not sure why the gerudos would ever cultivate these kind of misogynistic ideas in their own culture, or why Ganondorf would spontaneously decide to form any essentialist ideas he may potentially develop on the basis of promiscuity, of all things. And, if he would pick that up from Hyrule... why would he, why this, and how does that map out with him remaining proudly gerudo in most iterations if he sees any non-married woman getting funky in a negative way?
it's kind of a very small thing, but it does kind of beckons a lot of questions regarding worldbuilding and psychology and it tends to take me out of fics a little, because it's always kind of assumed and never investigated
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batcavescolony · 3 months ago
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I was talking to an idiot and I need validation.
#superman#clark kent#kal el#comics#dc comics#smallville#martha kent#jon kent#ma kent#pa kent#im gonna rant now. this isnt at you its at the dumb fuck who was commenting on my comment on tiktok.#YES! why the fuck wouldn't he be! he was ADOPTED to be adopted you gotta have the right paperwork in order. the person im mad at LITERALLY#SAID Clark was in an orphanage... lets put our thinking caps! if he was in an orphanage Ma and Pa gave him to the state and yk what! i bet#they thought he was an abandoned baby! no one knew he was an alien. if they didnt he would have been in a govt lab! and in a comic i read ma#and pa thought he was a nasa experiment! yk how they put dogs and moneys in orbit? they thought they did that with a baby! so they took him#ok ok ok then the person i was debating said ma and pa were CRIMINALS!!!!! THEY JUST SAID CLARK WAS IN AN ORPHANAGE!#SO MA AND PA FOUND A BABY. TURNED HIM OVER TO THE AUTHORITIES AND AFTER IT WAS PROVEN THAT HE HAD NO FAMILY THEY ADOPTED HIM!#all of that is legal! they made it sound like ma snuck into a house a stole a child! put some respect on the Kents!#and for why we were debating. he had to have been assigned an ID/ss number/citizen ship because he was to the govt an abandoned BABY#they made it sound like Clark was a 20 year old! he was at best a toddler. he didnt need to take a citizenship test or anything cus HE WAS A#BABY! he was just issued citizenship cus to the govt he was an abandoned baby in the usa WHERE EISE WOULD HE HAVE BEEN FROM!#cus i cant stress this enough NO ONE KNEW HE WAS AN ALIEN! (except maybe ma and pa)#the govt gave an abandoned baby in Kansas an us id cus THEY HAD NO REASON TO NOT BELIEVE THAT THE BABY FOUND IN A FEILD IN KANSAS WASN'T#BORN IN THE USA! and with all the paperwork they did on him they gave him us citizen rights like THE RIGHT TO VOTE#there are a million possibilities for why a baby would be abandoned in a feild in Kansas and it would take awhile to aliens#this is what i think the govt thought 'ok baby abandoned in a feild of a local couple. no family to be found. a young mother probably got#pregnant and didn't want to baby so she left it where a couple who couldn't have children could find them. oh look the couple wants to adopt#let them take the baby.' babys being abandoned was so common that safe haven laws were made to give mothers who didnt want their infants a#safe place to drop their kid off (usually a special box at a fire department or hospital)
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