#and i just couldnt leave today | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

senxitive · 2 years ago

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Not to be dramatic, but life is cruel.

#i really needed him today #i dont know why but i got so panicky at work because i literally felt like i couldnt leave without him #and of course it simply cannot be #i was doing so good accepting that i truly cannot be with him no matter how much i wish #and then he had to fucking talk to me #ive had no comfort lately at all and have to sit there and know hes across the fucking hall from me #and he used to be my safe place #and all i wanted all day was to sit with him #and i just couldnt leave today #i waited for ten minutes in my car and then tried to leave but i was so panicky i was confused and i physically couldnt leave #i looped and went back up to the building even though i knew there was no sneaky way to start a conversation and nothing would come of it #i had to call my ex to distract me so i wouldnt start crying and so i had a reason to sit in the parking lot #and He came out twice #i tried to get off the phone in time for the second time he came out and i couldnt and i had to watch him pull away #cried my whole way home and almost entered into the panic attack #now i have no appetite and i dont want to make dinner #tomorrows friday and that means the last day i see him until Mon and we havent talked at all since the last talk so im going crazy w pain #and i wont even be there the whole day tomorrow because therapy (thank god i need it)#but the worst part is #none of it fucking matters #because nothing changes and i have to work on reaccepting that i. dont. get. to be. with. him. ever. and it doesnt matter that we both #were in love with each other #life is cruel #and beautiful #but fucking cruel #i have been waiting my entire life for this connection #my heart and mind are so heavy #i literally couldn't even speak a coherent sentence i was so just like...confused from my panic #it was strange #im still trying to process what even was happening

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todayisafridaynight · 1 year ago

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hey gorju

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#rgg #ryu ga gotoku #ryu ga gotoku 3 #yakuza series #yakuza 3 #yoshitaka mine #snap sketches #i have not drawn him in two months so in celebration of beatin y3 twice today i am drawing him #i always miss drawing him... im just so distratcted and i never know what to doodle with him #i was just gonna post the sketch of this but i just couldnt leave it LMAO #so :] just some quick linework and colors and w/e yessir

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risingsunresistance · 1 year ago

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sunrise ☀️

#YAYYYYY YIPPEE MY TREAT FOR DOING TASKS TODAY. FINALLY LETTING MYSELF DRAW SOMETHING #THIS WAS NOT THE ORIGINAL PLAN FOR THE DRAWING AT ALL BUT THIS IS BETTER I THINK #it's not perfect but That's Okay i'm allowed to post art that isn't my best (<- affirmations)#it's been a while since i used that brush :D i couldnt see myself making a background without it so i just. didnt even try JHDJGH #dante was described on priv as chewy btw i just need to let that be known. im glad bc i was going for squishy slime creature #sb #my art #rising sun #technoblade #(that is techno btw! just in the rising sun gear so 99% of him is covered jhdjgh)#i was gonna include energy being sent to him to from the players scattered around. ya know like how the dialogue goes #but then i finished part of it and decided to leave it alone bc i liked that way more #just pretend that all the mana has already been sent his way. pictures taken moments before disaster (for dante)

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neuroticboyfriend · 16 days ago

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angry rant below, abuse tw

i was not born an alcoholic. i was not born spiritually sick. i was not born incapable of honesty. i was born a creative, curious, quiet yet flamboyant child. and then i was abused, and abused, and abused.

i will NOT accept that i am powerless or hopeless. i have been made to feel that way my entire life, and it made me want to die.

i will NOT accept that without certain people/groups in my life, i am doomed to suffer and die. there are so many journeys i can take towards hope and healing. so many paths.

my own father has told me repeatedly that i can't make it on my own. he did not think i would LIVE to see 21, and when i told him that's what happens when you're abused, he asked if he could abuse me more because he didn't think he was abusive enough.

i will hold on to the violent rage 12 year old me had. i will NOT let ANYONE treat me in any way that resembles my father. my anger has kept me alive. my anger is NOT a spiritual sickness. there is NOTHING WRONG WITH ME.

get FUCKED.

#julian rants #oh that feels good to write #god is dead and i killed him!!#im going to make some kinda art today nothing fancy just maybe those aesthetic sayings images u know the ones #GOOOOD MORNING #my mood instability has been really bad if you couldnt tell. running off 4 hours of sleep #vent #abuse tw #leaving aa

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falseflea · 2 years ago

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Post of the day

#that Tek drawing is some of my finest work guys #the dark crystal #the dark crystal: age of resistance #skektek #skeksa #Sa drawing was gonna be fullbody but i couldnt be bothereddd heyyy #ive drank so much irn bru today im going crazey #the after taste is like slightly weird so you drink more of it and then it leaves the after taste and its just an endless cycle

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spade-club · 6 months ago

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Ugh. She literally. Is upset that I dont always like her. Like she hasn't. Given me. Two different kinds of trauma. Across many instances. And has not changed that behavior significantly.

Like. I told her not to drink. Because she gets even worse with boundaries when she drinks. And she responded with. Saying its weird that I dont like her. Like. I havent just. Told you. Why.

And I respond with saying. That its not like I dont like her. Its just that I dont want her to drink around me. Thats all.

She also has told me. To my face. That she hates me <3 so

#-cass #Ugh #I sent her to hang out with a friend today because I couldnt take it anymore #this would be the first time they've willingly hung out with a friend without me #since we've started dating well over a year ago #and its because they decided that today was the day to quit smoking #and have not left me a moment to myself today #after I told them last night. all of this.#implying that my boundaries are important.#I went to the other room to be alone and they followed me #and then I told them I wanted to be alone and they didnt leave??#I'm just so fucking stressed I need a moment to myself.#I probably sound a little insane rn... idk... if so feel free to call me out on it.#I just dont know how to deal.

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racingmiku2018 · 3 months ago

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i remember when me and my siblings were helping my dad pack up to move apartments one of us accidentally packed his full inhaler with the empty ones and we brought that box of inhalers to the new place and drove back to the old one and when my dad found out he said "ill just let myself die if i have an asthma attack" and then later in the night he did have an asthma attack and i had to call an ambulance for him and when they got there they helped him with his stupid asthma and then had to help me because i was having a panic attack bc i thought i had put the inhaler in the wrong box and it wouldve been my fault if he died. i was 15

#racing!#dad doesnt remember this. but i do #he also called me once out of nowhere and said he 'might die today' and that he would leave a will somewhere i could find it and just ??#hung up???? and DIDNT CALL ME BACK FOR 5 HOURS #and when his sorry ass finally picked the phone up again he was like lol sorry my bitch wife wanted me to clean leaves off the roof #SIR I DONT CARE??? YOU DONT CALL YOUR KID AND SAY SHIT LIKE THAT ON A RANDOM ASS WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON??#but anyways hes threatened me and my siblings w his own untimely demise multiple times throughout our lives #another fun childhood memory was when i asked him why he couldnt come to my birthday party when i was 9ish and he said #and i quote #'would you prefer if i hanged myself'#NO WTF I WAS 9!!!!!!! I MISSED MY DAD!!!!! /IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND I WANTED YOU THERE AND YOU DIDNT SHOW UP/#literally didnt even want a gift. i just wanted my dad to say happy birthday to me #even little shit stays the same huh...... (he didnt say happy birthday to me rhis year either)

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ambersky0319 · 7 months ago

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New Employee aquired today

My manager: Hey Grace maybe you can show NE some things, but don't overwhelm her

Me:

Me: so like. make sure it's not a repeat of my first day???

#like maam ive worked here for barely a month you know this #and my first ever shift was 8 hours and CLOSING #i did a lil bit of everything my first day why do you think im so adaptable to what you need now???#anyways i had NE help shred chicken cause we needed more and then i couldnt even use it bc we were out of the salad kit 🙃#today twas a long day #i was supposed to do subs but literally worked on salads all day cause we were so short staffed #a coworker who YESTERDAY asked for a shift today never showed up. our manager had to open and was barely through salads when i got there #(3 hours after open)#me and manager tackled customer service and did as many tasks as we could (specifically distress and make salads)#(i learned how to do temps)#morning cook stayed late WITHOUT TAKING A BREAK to bring back some stuff we needed #closing cook got sick and left when me and NE did leaving i assume 2 store managers (maybe just 1) and one coworker to close #we so short staffed they had a job fair JUST FOR OUR DEPARTMENT.#anywho #ive also been up technically since 1-2am. i got extra 1 hour between then and 5:30am before i had to get up. i went to bed at 9pm #so. ive been tired all day but since i dont have work tomorrow im gonna stay up late and chill #amber's shit you can ignore

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coridallasmultipass · 1 month ago

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Guys I missed the countdown by 7 minutes can we redo it?

#would anyone believe me if i said i was distracted by wrestling cable around a piece of wood #i got the best shower thought to pull my amp so it faces into my room instead of into the corner #just rotating it #and the fuckening cable was stuck under a wooden art project (like a canvas) and i had a sbahj moment trying to figure out...#...which side of the canvas the majority of the cable was on #i know where the cable is connected to the wall but i didnt know how far along i pushed it along the wall #ughhhhshdjdossb #rip my back but im determined to go into the new year playing guitar #so can we redo it now 14 minutes later? bc i cant explain the configuration of my room #ShitPost.exe #OBLIGATORY: 'DISCLAIMER: i'M HI (HIGH)' TAG #wait i need more minutes i think i gotta tune to C please hold idk what tune this band does #firmly grasp the moment. go back to 2359 and hold the moment for me ill hit unpuase when im good and ready #edit: unpause i was being dramatic its only drop D but i found the keyboard riff so ill learn that on guitar instead #WE'LL START FROM FIVE... 4... 3.. 2.. fuckyou #dundundununundundjndunnizndnndndjsn #listen up yall #edit 2: i wasn't being dramatic lmao the song i was planning on in the shower was actually C #but i changed my mind when i sat down bc i couldnt remember which song (ive had the playlist on repeat most of today #so fuck my life back to tuning ig #its okay tho i fiddled around on the midnight in my heart #wow can i say anything without innuendo #edit 3: oh thank god its drop c not c lmao still maybe i should prank future cori by leaving my guitar in drop c for the next time i play #gonna pull it out like 'holy shit whats wrong with this thang' (i would not lol i tune it every time)#but ill remember this moment and shake my fist at past cori bc theres nothing future cori can do to stop present cori #can u tell im procrastinating lol. my amp made a funny sound when i turned it on and its not nearly old enough to need warming up yet #fuck i mean i need time to warm up too but like . fuck lol.

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opens-up-4-nobody · 10 months ago

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...

#ugh. im so tried. why is crying so exhausting? i havent done anything. this is bullshit #we went from a slow motion breakdown to full on freakout meltdown today #luckily no one was around in the lab this morning bc i couldnt stop crying #so i went to the counseling center and made myself their problem #canceled my committee meeting. which everyone tells me is fine. its all fine #think about going home for a while they say. maybe tell ur dad ur having a bad time thry say #but im so tired. and i dont kno what to do and its all falling apart #i just feel like im brushing up against the limits of what i can do intellectually and its like well where do i go from here?#what do i do with my old data? how do i move my project forward? whats the point of any of this?#why did i put myself in this position? would taking a leave even help? id still have to come back to the same mess #its just so frustrating bc theres no solution ill find satisfying. everything just sucks.#idk what my advisor even told my committee. bc we were supposed to meet tomorrow morning. ugh. it would have been so bad #it also sucks bc im so drained that i can just feel my own weight when im trying to talk to ppl #like u kno when ur being a wet blanket but u dont kno how to fix it. like srry my vibes r wretched. maybe im just stuck like this #i dunno. my dad invited us home for a week in july and also plans to come out to visit me in August. but that seems like a long time away #i dunno what im gonna do. what a disaster #unrelated

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uwooyoungs · 1 month ago

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#hate acknowledging that ppl are right abt simply leaving the house helping ur mental health #today's the best i've felt in like. god knows how long #and literally its just bc i left my house nd followed my plan of getting a free hot choco #grabbing some quick stuff from the asian market #and getting my nails done #there was nothing special #in fact the shopping nd hot choco part was quite anxiety inducing #id never been tothe hot choco place; had a hard time finding it; and then had a very typical for me Blind As Fuck moment going into the #cafe and being utterly confused #nearly wiped out bc there were stairs up (couldn't see them)#couldnt figure out where the register was to order #nearly crashed through half the cafe tables (couldnt see them & couldnt find the path)#when i DID figure out where the register was there were more stairs down for me to Almost fall down #(could! not! see! them!) thank god for railings.? banisters? whatever #also then i was confused abt the counter. DEADASS could not figure out where the person was who greeted me for like a full min and a half #then couldnt figure out which side of the counter to pay on for a sec #played it off as tho i was looking at the menu lmao #in reality i was just getting hot coco bc i had a coupon to get it free #fuckin ridiculous actually to realize how utterly incompetent i am in new places #esp going into somewhere dim from bright snowy outside.... not good for my eyes bro #anyway i made it through and the asian market was easier but crowded w/ narrow aisles #but yea for w/e reason all that nd getting my nails done resulted in me feeling GREAT in a way i havent felt in ages #long story short: go outside even if its absolutely fucking freezing and snowing

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candyredterezii · 10 months ago

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praying and crying pl decent job with decent pay come back to me and or be listed i cant work at this arcade anymore LOL

#candyredtext #today kicked my aaaasss.#me and one other prsn in my dept and one in each of the other two #its still spring break so we were SWAMPED #on top of havbing to reestock the prize room AND the crane machines #6 were down just cus we didnt have prizes in them (inventory was this weekend so we couldnt restock SHIT)#so it fell on the only two ppl working today (one from open to 2:30 #and then me until 4 when someone else came in and i could FINALLY leave the counter n restock the cranes #and had to reset up a bunch and just #god. god. god. there is SO MUCH more physical labor and running around because we are understaffed/way too busy #and the new management SUCKS #and uc sof that we are losing the valuable ppl n stuck w the SHITTY ONES!!#uauguhg.#also the customers genuinely insane they get crazier every week i s2g

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risingsunresistance · 8 months ago

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twitter is entering their "rts > likes" phase now that likes are private after they spent years calling us ungrateful for being demotivated by ratios lmao