#and I'd love to see it more in fiction
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I started writing yet another tag essay in the notes of a different post where OP posited that the reason established relationships that are rock solid or functional are hard to write and find in fiction because there's missing tension due to the lack of will they won't they, and how one way to solve this in a story is to make the characters insane about each other. (The post is here.)
And don't get me wrong! I like when characters are a little or a lot unhinged about each other! and I also like relationships that self destruct, tragedies that end badly, and all that jazz I enjoy these things a lot! They're good things!
But I'm thinking about relationship tension again and how like, okay yes sometimes we want our characters confess they're in love with each other and get together and sail off into a soft epilogue, etc. This too is love!
But I think fundamentally to deny the fact that two (or more) people can love each other deeply, be totally committed to each other, and yet still have difficulties and life problems to tackle together is an underexplored facet of romance. The mundane of this is where the real romance lies on our day to day as people, and I find this so...rarely? tackled in fiction?
Maybe this is because I'm ace, but I feel that there's a distinct? vibe to these sorts of mature and enduring romances where like, the love is there, the commitment is there, but we still have moments we need to work for it because that's life and we work for it because we find each other worth it.
What is more romantic than compromise with someone you care for deeply? What is more romantic than tackling problems together and trying to come to an agreement and sometimes not being able to but still having done your best and accepted the outcome anyway?
What is a long lasting relationship that isn't about give and take and growing together or coming apart? Aren't those stories interesting? How could any long lasting relationship where people are deeply in love with each other be boring when like, to BE in a relationship with someone for ten, twenty, thirty, sixty years and come out the other side of that saying 'you're the one, you're still the one, you've always been the one' is one of the most wild and rare type of relationships to have?
What sort of sacrifice and compromise and work it takes to build that sort of relationship, isn't that interesting? To persist despite moments of doubt and periods of despair and all the work it takes in mundanity? all the trials a relationship like that has to survive and has survived, isn't that still tension? isn't that still interesting?
Maybe it's just me that I find this more interesting than "will they? won't they?" Either they will or they won't but when I'm reading a romance they mostly will! But do they have what it takes to stay there? And if they do isn't that one of the most interesting things in the world to look at?
Isn't that also love?
#writing#idk I just think maybe we should have more of these types of stories#I find mundanity interesting#maybe it's just because my parents met each other at 18 and 19 respectively#and have since moved across the world#had three children#multiple medical scares#and made so many sacrifices and their life stories are SO interesting#and yet they've come out the other side each day still being like#'you're the one and you've always been'#that makes me feel like these sorts of love stories are perhaps one of the wildest types of romances that we could ever have#and I'd love to see it more in fiction
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Sauron, Galadriel, & Tolkien's Theology of Repentance - Part One
Summary: Character meta analysis on Sauron (and Galadriel, through the lens of Sauron). Based on both Silmarillion & RoP canon. 3.5k words. Discussion of Catholic theology involved. Blanket TW for discussion of violence, manipulation, etc., because Sauron. Spoilers for S1 & S2 and the Silmarillion, of course. The tragedy of Sauron is that he gets offered so many legitimate chances at redemption and forgiveness, and he denies them every single time. But we know he wants absolution, because that’s what he sees Galadriel as: his chance to bind himself back to the light, to be Mairon again, to heal the pain that he caused and that was caused to him under Morgoth. But because he has such a warped view of himself and his actions, he dismisses genuine extensions of compassion, forgiveness, and care as simultaneously beneath him and too good for him. And yet, he still pursues redemption, but through none of the channels offered to him.
In The Rings of Power, he’s given the explicit instruction to change for the good in the village after he’s reborn. He’s given the chance leave his past behind and work meaningfully in Númenor. He’s given the chance to redeem himself by Galadriel's offer of friendship (or love, depending on your interpretation). In the Silmarillion, he's even given the chance by Eönwë himself, and comes close to leaving Morgoth behind completely!
Let's look at this passage from Of the Rings of Power and the Third Age (emphasis mine):
When Thangorodrim was broken and Morgoth overthrown, Sauron put on his fair hue again and did obeisance to Eönwë the herald of Manwë, and abjured all his evil deeds. And some hold that this was not at first falsely done, but that Sauron in truth repented, if only out of fear, being dismayed by the fall of Morgoth and the great wrath of the Lords of the West. But it was not in the power of Eönwë to pardon those of his own order, and he commanded Sauron to return to Aman and there receive the judgement of Manwë. Then Sauron was ashamed, and he was unwilling to return in humiliation to receive from the Valar a sentence, it might be, of long servitude in proof of his good faith; for under Morgoth his power had been great. Therefore when Eönwë departed he hid himself in Middle-earth; and he fell back into evil, for the bonds that Morgoth had laid upon him were very strong.
This passage is clear that Eönwë is willing to pardon Sauron--he simply did not posses the power to do so. But when Sauron was told he must appeal directly Manwë, he gave up entirely and skulked back to Middle-earth. There are a few ways to read this:
1. He was not wholly repentant
Sauron simply wanted the protection of a new master in the absence of Melkor. i.e., he was rather fickle and simply wanted to be on whatever the "winning" side was. This is supported by the text literally saying that at least some of his obeisance was completely false, and that he only made a point of feeling bad about anything once his master had been chucked into the Void and his armies and strongholds were being destroyed (Thangorodrim). In this reading, perhaps Eönwë saw Sauron's treachery and referred him to Manwë knowing that it would be a test of his true intent. However, while a valid interpretation, I believe this to be the less holistic of the two.
2. He was truly repentant
Sauron did truly feel badly and "abjured all his evil deeds," but he was unwilling/unable to humble himself after being so fundamentally broken by Melkor and developing an insatiable power lust (hey, he isn't defined in the narrative by lust and pride for nothing).
Earlier in this same chapter, Tolkien wrote that Sauron could "...deceive all but the most wary." This is in the specific context of his physical shapeshifting. But, I would argue that this can also be tied to his lies. Tolkien has a specific ethic of beauty, where physical perfection is equated with moral goodness. Sauron completely inverts what is otherwise a hard and fast rule within Tolkien's writings by being the character most frequently described as "fair"--seven times to Lúthien's six, and she was the most beautiful woman to have ever lived!
(Side note: I have another post on Tolkien & beauty in the works where I'll get more into this idea)
Why does this matter? Even though this interaction with Eönwë takes place in the First Age, Sauron could at this point be in the demonic form Mirdania describes in the forge. And, I am inclined to believe that Eönwë, as the head Maiar and herald of Manwë, would be a pretty wary guy, and thus able to sense any of Sauron's trickery. I read this to mean that Eönwë looked at Sauron and saw his potential to be Mairon again, either in absence of his evil form or in spite of it.
Because Sauron is incredibly beautiful. And even if it is a disguise of the true, depreciated form of his spiritual essence, he presented himself to Eönwë at his most beautiful. He wanted, even in his act of repentance, to make himself more favorable in Eönwë's eyes. To show up as Mairon (who was likely close friends with Eönwë before everything went down, since they are considered to be two of the most powerful Maia and would have worked closely together).
But I don't think this was all manipulation on Sauron's end. I agree with the scholars mentioned in the text who believed that Sauron was truly repentant--which is why Eönwë even bothered referring him to Manwë instead of kicking him into the Void with Melkor.
And this is the tragedy: Sauron is told exactly how to repent, and believes fundamentally that it is an impossible path for him. And yet, he still longs so intrinsically for it! He was, under Aulë, a Maia of precision, perfection, and order. Under Morgoth, he feels disordered, dis-regulated. He needs to correct the fundamental imbalance within him, so why does he flee Eönwë?
It comes back to Sauron's pride.
If he follows through with this path of reconciliation, there is no way he can hide or pretend his actions away. If he cannot trick his fellow Maiar, he certainly cannot trick the Valar. And he cannot stand the idea of submitting himself back under their rule, especially now that he has tasted power. This is a pride wound; it is why the idea of confessing to Manwë would be humiliating to him as opposed to just upsetting/uncomfortable.
Again, the pivotal moment: he is told how to make amends for crimes and determines that he cannot do it. So he returns to Middle-earth and stews in his own self-hated and self-pity for a few years. In that time, he consciously or subconsciously latches onto Eönwë's offer--forgiveness from penance. It is the way forward. And if he cannot earn penance at Manwë's hand, he will do it on his own.
The Prodigal Son
This is where we have to talk about the Catholic roots of Tolkien's work for a moment. The scene where Sauron approaches Eönwë mirrors the biblical parable of the prodigal son. In this story, a man abandons his family, spends all his money, and falls into ruin. But when he recognizes his failings and returns to his father to get help, he is welcomed back into the family without question--in other words, he is forgiven and restored to his former position.
17 But when he [the prodigal son] came to himself he said, “How many of my father’s hired hands have bread enough and to spare, but here I am dying of hunger! 18 I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me like one of your hired hands.’” 20 So he set off and went to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him. - Luke 15:11-32, NRSV CE (emphasis mine)
The parallel is clear; Mairon, the repentant Maia, returns home with hopes of reconciliation. He is prescribed the same task that the prodigal son offered to his father: he must be bound in servitude to his father/creator in order to pay off his debts. This is a deliberate allusion from Tolkien. The story of the prodigal son models the path of reconciliation that Eönwë describes. Tolkien seems to be drawing a line in the sand with this: Sauron is unwilling to do the work required by the Valar for repentance, so he is unable to receive the grace of a warm welcome back into the fold of the Ainur. Since he did not humble himself, he has to be told to do it. And he does not want to! He wants to be loved, but he also wants his power--evidence, in a way, of how his character was fundamentally altered in his time with Morgoth.
His pride--and his fear--cut him off from the potential of grace. He does not know for certain that Manwë would subject him to servitude (though I would argue that it's textually evident that it is a custom), but this assumption leads him to flee, which allows him to slip back into his old ways.
He wants to be Mairon (admirable) again, not Sauron (abhorrent). He wants to be accepted and loved, but not punished. He wants the benefits of reconciliation without the work he would have to do to earn it or the shame he would feel as he did. It's pride, but it's also deep shame--the flip side of his extreme ego is an implicit self-hatred, one that we can see in the subtext of how he speaks about himself and about his time with Morgoth.
Even the language Tolkien uses is heavily shame-coded, especially in a Catholic context; Mairon did not go willingly, he was "seduced." He admits to Celebrimbor that he was "tortured by a god". It becomes exceedingly clear through both text and on-screen canon that Sauron was routinely broken and abused for centuries. This has fundamentally damaged his self-perception, which is ultimately what leads him to "[fall] back into evil"--whether due to pride or shame, he hides, perhaps because he consciously or subconsciously does not believe that he deserves forgiveness, no matter how much he craves it.
Naked in the Garden
His flight back to Middle-earth after meeting Eönwë is reminiscent of another biblical scene, where Adam and Eve, after committing the first sin, hide from God in shame and fear (emphasis mine):
7 Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked...9 But the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” 10 He said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.” -Genesis 7-10, NRSV CE
The image of nakedness is, here, one of vulnerability, and Tolkien establishes that Sauron fears that which he cannot control. He needs the Rings under his power. He needs his armies and his enemies under his watchful eye. He is petrified of letting his power slip away (possibly due to never wanting to feel powerless in the hands of a Vala, fallen or not, again).
The biblical allusion here hearkens back to the fear Tolkien describes Sauron as feeling regarding his return to the Ainur. In the religious system Tolkien has established, which is likely inspired by his own religious beliefs, Sauron has sinned, and must make penance. But he is afraid of God/Manwë, and does not want to "let go" of his sin. In other words, he is not truly repentant. This reflects the Catholic sacrament of confession, which requires self-reflection and resolve to never commit the sin again.
Instead of shame driving him to contrition, it drives him to isolation.
But he still wants forgiveness. So, in his years of hiding in Middle-earth, he decides to earn it himself. His own way.
Enter the Rings.
Sauron wants to perfect the wrong he wreaked so that he can both earn his way back into the Ainur and keep his power. But what he does not realize is that this does not work. Eönwë is clear that he must forsake his true temptation--absolute power--through penance by submission. Yet Sauron in his pride thinks he can have it all. Sauron is a very carefully controlled villain, and the only times he snaps or makes significant mistakes are when his inflated self-perception is challenged, revealing the self-loathing and/or self-pity underneath. The best example of this is when he kills Celebrimbor prematurely, and cries afterwards. Why? Because Celebrimbor was right about him, and he hates it. He hates knowing that he is nothing more than the Morgoth's shadow, because Morgoth was his master as much as he was his tormentor. As Sauron puts it, his relationship with Morgoth was often defined by pain as a test to see "whose will was the mightier":
This image carries more shame, both in its implicit sexual connotations and in the simple power dynamic of it. Sauron, even though misguided, is rallying against Morgoth. He wants to break what Morgoth has created and build something new, something better, something apart from his old master entirely. But Celebrimbor confronts him with reality: he has not created something new, and perfect, and special, as he so wanted to--he can only act in imitation, not in generation. And when he got close with the Rings, it cost him everything. It's almost like he wants the power of a Vala, and loathes that he cannot attain it.
And this is why he becomes so singularly obsessed with Galadriel.
She’s his foil. They both crave power and adoration, but in the end of things, she does not fold under his temptation. She turns down everything she has ever wanted for the greater good and for the sake of her own soul. Sauron looks at Galadriel and perceives that she would have succeeded at Eönwë's test because she is willing and able to humble herself. This maddens him to the point of both desiring her and desiring to break her.
She learns that she is easily tempted and becomes strong enough to handle it (through a lot of tough love from Elrond & co.). She has to learn how to do it, but she is able to.
She grows from someone who resisted and rejected authority to someone who is trusted as an authority because of her ability to wield it wisely (see: Gil-galad allowing her to answer for him in 2x08).
In other words, she earns the trust, love, and support of her community. Sauron has to force his to comply—it is an illusion of love.
His possessive obsession with her also stems from her fairness. She was the object of her uncle Fëanor's obsessive desire for creation as well. Her hair was the inspiration of the Silmarils (see: The History of Galadriel and Celeborn; The Shibboleth of Fëanor - source with page #s here), which Morgoth desired more than anything to possess.
Sauron, wanting to spite his master, wants one better--to own that which inspired the Silmarils, to own the image of fairness (and thus of moral good) completely. This is why he wants to bind himself to her. This is why he needs her. He sees Galadriel as his mechanism of repentance, and his last triumph over Morgoth. Winning her is his salvation as much as it is proving that his will is the mightier. It is his way of dominating Morgoth. This starts, I think, as a genuine effort at proving himself to the Valar, but quickly consumes him entirely. He is overcome with the desire for revenge, just as Galadriel was at the beginning of the First Age.
And he sees this in her. Sees their similarities. Sees that she, too, is angry and lonely and so afraid of losing her power. And he leverages that to befriend her. This is where it gets ambiguous and you can read RoP as either painting the image of Sauron being earnest but completely misguided in his proposal, or you can see it as him being entirely manipulative.
I think the truth of that scene probably falls somewhere in the middle; just like when he presents himself to Eönwë, he is sincere in his desire, but only knows how to present it in an inherently contriving way. He does want to bind her to him, so he tries to only reveal to her the good aspect of that desire (and also of his desire for power, which he allows her to see because he believes that it is good and also because she understands it), and not the ugly underside of his internal struggle against Morgoth, the Valar, and himself.
And I do think, in his own way, he cared about her. Galadriel consistently shows kindness and compassion to him. In S1, they grow to know each other's minds and souls, and she considers him a close friend. He finds comfort in this, that someone could see the blackness of his heart and care for him anyway. He thought, in his isolation, that he lost that chance when he fled back to Middle-earth. And here is the very picture of the light itself telling him that she supports him, that she sees the good in him, that she wants to help him set the world to rights! Of course he is infatuated by this. Of course he also wants to use it. He is Sauron.
But Galadriel succeeds where he fails, so he stops playing nice and tries to forcibly drag her down with him. First, by baiting her with the image of the man she cared deeply for:
Then, by reminding her of all she is losing by rejecting him:
And she is still strong enough to say no. And not just to say no, but to shut the door completely. To look in the face of everything she has desired for centuries and turn it down, understanding that it will ruin her. Yes, she hesitates. Yes, she still wants it (wants him). But she wins the day by holding fast to the light that Sauron wishes so badly to bind himself to.
Because she has lost everything--her brother, her husband, the station as commander, the trust of her high king and best friend--and earns it back only through her resistance of her greatest temptation. It is a struggle, it is painful, it nearly kills her--but she does it. She wins the test that Sauron could not even bear to face.
In their headlong, self-sacrificial tendencies, they are the same. Both view themselves as fundamentally stronger/better than their peers while also being deeply lonely due to their self-imposed isolation (Galadriel's laser-focused hunt for revenge, Sauron's exile in Middle-earth). But to Galadriel, the light is more important than her pride.
For Sauron, the light is his source of pride. He desires it more than anything, but condemns himself to never being able to touch it due to his rejection of Eönwë's offer. Paradoxically, he tries to grasp at it through Galadriel, the living silmaril, and succeeds only in darkening her. We learn from Gil-galad in 2x08 that his crown piercing her flesh in an act of brutal domination nearly strips her soul from her and pitches it into the unseen world. In this, Sauron is saying: If I cannot have you, I will force you to need me. I will break you into loving me.
He says this to Celebrimbor as well. He no longer knows how to love properly. He only knows how to inflict pain until this object of his obessive desire needs him--just like how his immortal spirit was broken into submission by Morgoth. And isn't this revealing of his own sense of self? He refuses to suffer the path of light, but willingly suffers the maddening path of darkness because it is a comfortable, familiar suffering. One, he tells Celebrimbor, he even grew to enjoy (2x08). As the path of the Rings drive him madder and madder, his desire for the light (Galadriel) and the return of his power (Celebrimbor) become further disordered and corrupted until they culminate in him destroying them--and his chance at earning/owning them--entirely.
And this is Sauron's ultimate point of no return (which we will hopefully see in S3 🤞). The razing of Eregion and slaying of Celebrimbor were acts of petty rage he committed when his pride was injured. This was the final nail in the coffin. Galadriel, in her rejection of him, ruins what he sees as his true chance for redemption.
Galadriel, now stepping into the role of Eönwë, re-opens the invitation: "Heal yourself!" (2x08). But in rage and shame and stubborn pride, he turns it down again. I believe this is where his desire to heal Middle-earth shifts fundamentally into desire to dominate Middle-earth. He always wanted to rule, but now he wants to own.
#fae speaks#I spent hours pouring thru the Silm and RoP for this so if you enjoyed please let me know I'd love love love to talk about it more <33#sauron is my favorite freak in all of tolkien's lore rn I want to study him like a bug#btw this is saurondriel (and even silvergifting? if u squint) positive but with loads of nuance. i see haladriel as love and saurondriel as#possession. both are fun in fiction of course but I want to acknowledge how deeply messed up the dynamic is#but also! it's fiction! do whatever you want with it! if you want saurondriel to get a happy ending then do it <3#and send me the fic so i can read it because i'm team half-maia celebrian hehe#also if there are any glaring gaps in my knowledge of the silm pls lemme know it's been a minute since i've read it all the way through#part two will be on beauty and evil in tolkien's cosmology :)#tolkien#the silmarillion#the rings of power#rings of power#trop#rop#sauron#halbrand#annatar#galadriel#sauron x galadriel#saurondriel#haladriel#trop spoilers#trop season 2#trop meta#rop meta#rop theory#trop theory#celebrimbor#my metas
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Oh my god I woke up this morning and my Stardew Valley meta post had almost 150 notes????? Hello?????????? Anyways I started writing this last night because @moon-is-pretty-tonight left nice tags on the original so thank you so much!!
We know from the starting scenes of the game that the farmer's grandfather loved Stardew Valley. So why did he leave? Pelican Town is a good place to grow old; George and Evelyn are just fine. It's a fine place to raise a kid, but maybe he just wanted to raise his child closer to real schools and other children.
Or maybe, just maybe, he understood.
Was there a day when he was in his thirties where he looked at his friends and realized they weren't like him? That he could run faster than them, work longer, explore deeper into the hidden places of the valley?
Was there a day when he went to the wizard to ask him for help, for knowledge if nothing else? Did he learn then that his family was different? Special? Chosen? And how did he react? He couldn't possibly raise a child in the valley if they would be as strange and fey as him. He had to leave. There was no other way.
But years later, on his deathbed, did he regret that choice?
Is that why he gave the farmer the letter?
Is that why they went back home?
When the farmer steps off the bus that first day, the valley is still on the cusp of winter, just barely tipping over into spring. The flowers are starting to bloom, but a chill still hangs in the air. As soon as the farmer's boots touch the soil there's a change. The air gets warmer. The trees get greener. Not by too much, not all at once, but it changes.
The junimos watch the farmer as they do their work. They're new to farming, but take to it with frightening speed; their first batch of crops is perfect. None of the townsfolk tell them that parsnips don't normally grow in less than a week, that cauliflowers don't grow to be ten feet tall, that fairies don't visit when the sun goes down and grow potatoes and beans and tulips overnight. The junimos talk amongst themselves in their strange, wild language, and agree: this is the one. They're back. The valley recognizes its own, even when they've left for a generation. The farmers have come home.
Things change fast in the valley. The community center, empty and decrepit for so many years, is rejuvenated. (Lewis says it was abandoned only a few weeks after the farmer's grandfather left. Strange coincidence, he says, that it both came and went with the farmer's family.) The mines and the quarry, similarly abandoned, are explored for the first time in ages. The town becomes cleaner, brighter, more vibrant, happier.
And it is happier. Not just the environment, but the people. It's the talk of the town for weeks when Haley does her first closet purge. Leah's art show in the town square is a huge success. Shane's smiling for the first time since he moved to the valley. All of them, when asked, say it's all thanks to the farmer.
People love to ask why Lewis didn't fix the community center on his own. Why Willy never repaired the boat to ginger island. Why Abigail or Marlon never went down to fix the elevator in the mines, or why Clint didn't fix the minecarts.
But isn't it so much more interesting to ask how those things were there in the first place? How they got so broken down? If the stories the townspeople tell are true, the valley was once a beautiful place, flourishing and full of life; why did that change? When did it change?
Was it when the farmer's grandfather, the locus of the valley, its chosen representative, left town?
And if so, what happens when the farmer comes back?
#lich says shit#stardew valley#stardew farmer#sdv#my writing#Hope y'all enjoyed!#I'm thinking about developing this into. Like. An actual Fan Fiction. Still sort of short-form but like with more detail?#LMK if you'd be interested to see that! Also if you want to be tagged in future installations of this please just let me know :)#I'm super into this version of the farmer as like. Blessed and cryptic child of the valley with all the strange behavior that entails#If i DO write a more in-depth version of this it'll be from the perspective of someone in town#maybe Leah? She seems like she'd be the one to notice the farmer being Odd. Either that or I'll do it from the perspective of multiple--#--different people to get their unique insights and stuff#I'd also want to dig into like#The family history of the farmer. And what that's like.#Because like why did grandpa leave?#He clearly loved the valley#So why didn't he stay?#Why did he give the deed to his grandchild and not his literal child?#And is it a coincidence that everything in the valley went downhill when he left?#I don't think so.
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actually. the specific phrasing that boy Kevin wants to kill older Kevin with "I must disassemble him, piece by piece, so that everything inside of the Old Kevin comes out. Only then can the New Kevin truly begin." is so incredibly the idea that to heal from trauma and "improve" you have to destroy every "wrong" part of yourself, that everything "tainted" by it has to somehow be replaced by something untouched (which isn't possible)
#reading back that phrasing I do think that'll be the way brinknor takes it#this arcs seeming like it'll be so. breaking the cycle of abuse and violence and coming to terms with yourself#and maybe understanding that you can never remove the parts of you impacted by trauma and start again completely ''pure''#but you can treat yourself with the kindness you should've been given#which i hope it is that because. and understand i am biased. but i'd love that direction for Kevin#it feels much more satisfying than any more. angsty way this arc could go imo#like he's been through enough!#because of the way Kevin is portrayed in fanon. not as frequently anymore but still pretty common. I worry about coming off as woobifying#by saying I want him to heal I want him to have nice things I think he deserves them#when he's also simultaneously Not A Good Person#yknow the poor little innocent cinnamon roll baby etc etc fanon#but. well for one im Not Like That about him. but my main point of bringing that up is. him not being a good person is why I want to see hi#get better and generally have a good life. why does someone have to be good to deserve to heal from trauma#especially when trauma is a big reason for the way they are#like its fiction yeah yeah i'm still tired of mentally ill people having to be ''good'' to ''deserve'' to get better yknow#i mean especially in fiction you tend to either see mental illness as the poor traumatized one who's allowed recovery because they're nice#or the insane psychopath who cant be ''fixed'' so ''deserves'' bad things-up to deserving to die!- for it#i didnt mean for this to be a rant erm. oops#wtnv#wtnv spoilers#joyousposting
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this tree from my new drawing looking goated afffffff 👑👑
#yes this is a nel/vas drawing get off me😂#text#i wanted everyone to see it but also since i draw on paper in total silence i think a lot about everything so i wanted to voice some -#- thoughts too's. tbh i've been veeery self indulgent lately#actually i'm happy that n*lv*s is getting actual hits out of me that i like looking at#especially on-paper stuff that i can recall being fun for me to draw. all traditional art is fun to draw#and digital has turned into an actual task for me (only sometimes tho maybe i;m lying.. mspaint we're still bffs)#i think i just don't see the joy in trying to scrap up a ''' finished ''' piece in an art program .. pencil i love you and i love the -#- feeling of it scratching along the paper....sigh............ Rabu#i don't want my blog or thoughts to turn into traditional art suck-off ventures bc ik not everyone can get into it for many possible -#- reasons but if u feel like it U can ok? do it for Pencil✏️ and for me? for silusvesuius? 𝖎 𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖈𝖙 𝖞𝖔𝖚#but Lord i hope i don't also come off as one of those people that r like 'to improve in art just draw that one fictional character u -#- rly like 😂😂' bruh gtfo my face with that.#i'm noticing 'improvement' in my stuff mainly...i think... because i'm always striving to impress#not so much other people that are here just for my art but more so myself#i have a very huge ego (Mind Battle)#also it makes me sad to think about how big egos or genuine (not obnoxious) flauntiness are looked down on#and i can tell bc i used to look down on people that would express the things i'm expressing now#especially in art focused spaces. now i'd rather be in a circle of artists that love to J*rk off their own brain for it's ideas -#-and talent than be w/ very self-conscious artists that are never expressing pride about any of their work#worse if it's to the point where they actively start to fish for compliments bc of it#fishing for compliments is always OK i just wish it didn't stem from insecurity in that context if that makes sense#but maybe that's very easy for me to say and admit bc i did develop a very big ego around my art and ... Creativity? like it's a sims skill#not that i still don't seek out 'attention' or compliments from others to soothe myself but hmmmmmm i hope u feel me.#it just turns me into a very competitive person#who am i competing with? Myself#i'm always in 'you can do better Because you're YOU' mode#which is much better i believe than comparing yourself 2 other artists#i don't think a lot of people read my tag ramblings but if u do i wonder how one feels about a very pompous artist#like me .......(?)
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I wanted to make a May the 4th post dedicated to my Star Wars f/os yesterday, but I gotta be honest I just did not have the energy ._. So I'm just gonna do it now though!
I never really talked much about my Star Wars f/os on here because despite having 5 of them (maybe more if you count platonics), they're all secondary f/os and I hardly find the time to dedicate art or writing to them. They still mean a lot to me though and I think they're wonderful and interesting characters, so here they are💕
First up, Grand Admiral Thrawn/Mitth'raw'nuruodo, I first got to know him properly through Rebels (I knew he had existed in the Legends universe before already but didn't particularly care about him) and not going to lie, for a while I found him really annoying. He seemed very arrogant to me and I didn't get how he could always be a step ahead of the rebels, but I learned to understand and appreciate him, and somehow I fell in love with him eventually. At the time he was probably the strongest fictional crush I ever had (this man literally made me question my asexuality at some point - I didn't know that micro-labels like grey-, demi- or fictosexual were a thing back then). I didn't know about the existence of a self ship community back then, but in my head I shipped a character that was basically myself with him (with a few changes of course, like I was 16 at the time but my s/i was obviously a grown adult, the story I had in mind for her wouldn't have made sense otherwise anyway). I also started writing character x reader fanfictions about him! I finished a few one-shots, but the only multi-chapter story I started has unfortunately been laying around abandoned for a few years. I still kind of want to write an ending for it one day, but I don't know when that will happen. I struggled with my feelings for Thrawn after some uncomfortable experience with a former acquaintance in the Star Wars community, but as this is luckily in the past and maybe I can reconnect with him some day (In the meantime I'd love to meet other Thrawn shippers who are comfortable sharing him!). Regardless of that my love for him has had a significant influence on me, because without him I would've probably never made my art instagram account (the first social media account I made aside my personal insta account that I never use) and wouldn't have met many of my wonderful online friends.
Next up, Admiral Ar'alani, she's gorgeous and at least partially responsible for my bi awakening. I mean just look at her! Due to being a book character she's probably kind of underrated and less well known, I'd love to see an animated series about her and the crew of the Steadfast! I loved her in the Thrawn trilogy, I still have to read the Ascendancy trilogy though.
Commodore Karyn Faro probably wins the price for the most underrated f/o among them (also F in the chat for her for having literally 2 canonical depictions in a comic and no other visual reference, that's why I had to choose a slightly silly picture for her). I loved reading from her perspective in the Thrawn trilogy and I always enjoyed her dynamic with him too. Despite having her as an f/o I also ship her with Ar'alani, I think they'd make a cute couple. At the moment her canonical fate is pretty much unknown (I don't think it was ever made clear whether she left the Chimaera to transfer to her own fleet before Thrawn left for Lothal or not?), but although it is unlikely I personally wish that she'd also somehow end up with the Chiss like Eli did and get a happy ending with them.
Tech was just a very relatable character for me, and I knew I'd like him pretty much from the start. I always had a weak spot for this slightly nerdy scientist type of characters (namely Kowalski from TPoM and Mr. Spock from Star Trek TOS), I just never really f/o'd any of them before since I was like 8 years old or so at the time I was obsessed with them. But oh I had so much fun watching Tech, and his quote "I may process moments and thoughts differently, but it does not mean that I feel any less than you"? That hit right in the heart especially since I could relate so much to it. Also he must still be alive, I don't accept that he's gone no matter what the canon says.
Last but not least, I think General Grievous/Qymaen jai Sheelal was actually my second proper fictional crush, but for some reason it took me until last year to properly admit to it? I don't know, apparently 13 year old me was unconsciously in denial about being a monster lover, or just somehow unaware that I could just ship myself or an oc with him and didn't have to pick one of the canon characters. He's a character I'd actually love to come back some time, it's mainly that I'm too focused on my other f/os at the moment, but I think he deserves more love (yes I know he's kind of horrible too, but I think horrible fictional guys can still be loved and cherished).
Anyway this got longer than I anticipated, but at least you have an introduction to some of my secondary f/os now I guess. Anyways I hope you all had a happy Star Wars day, and who knows, maybe some of these guys here will make an appearance on my blog again in the future <3
#I was on the fence whether I should add Darth Vader as well since he used to be one of my fictional crushes#but I consider him an old f/o nowadays and don't know if I'll ever come back to him and I already wrote so much so I decided not to#but the others here are still all important to me💖#I'd also love to see more self ships with them actually I have no issues with sharing them <3#mitthrawnuruodo#thrawn#grand admiral thrawn#ar'alani#admiral ar'alani#karyn faro#commodore faro#tech#tech tbb#general grievous#qymaen jai sheelal#self ship#self shipping community#self insert x canon#f/o appreciation#star wars#may the 4th#happy star wars day#selniasoriginal
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If there's one thing I like more than time travel it's crossover reincarnation, so.
Botk link reincarnated as Damian Wayne.
An incredible weapon master of all types, but especially prodigious with a sword - he was beating knights at the age of 4 and with his memories as intact as they get for him I can see that goalpost moving even further (probably with traps and tricks, a 3yo doesn't exactly have great bodily control).
He's an excellent survivalist, agile, strong, durable, cunning and creative. He can move like a feather in the breeze, strike from behind with ease. His first kill, an animal, did not stir him as it did the other children. With his poise, grace, skills, obedience, he ought to be ra'as' finest assassin in the making, a jewel in the crown of the league.
Except he never speaks a word. Half his targets escape unscathed. He skates by true punishment on the merit of his skills and achievements in other missions. Testing has shown it is not a physical deformity that prevents his speech, but not even talia has been able to coaxe a word from him past his second birthday.
It is a defect ra'as is growing more and more frustrated by, as each attempt to fix these two final flaws ends in resounding failure. Less extreme solutions are running dry.
Talia fears those solutions. Her child does too, she knows. For them, there is a possible solution, more extreme than anything ra'as would tolerate.
She sends him out of the league. To his father.
To Gotham.
#'gee phoenix that sure sounds like that dp x dc you're normally rattling on about' yeah lol I steal tropes and sell them on the black market#Anyway this has been slowly rotisserie-ing in my head for a while I just like shaking canon like a magic 8 ball#I'd love to explore how link would react to Gotham and how he might see getting suddenly dumped in a found family as the youngest#And how that contrasts with both his expectations in the league and his role as the saviour last hope of a whole country#Because that kid cannot have a modern interpretation of killing. Like monsters? Kill with prejudice loot the corpses.#The yiga might have a little more hindsight understanding and he never killed them anyway but zero hesitation blowing them up#And ganon is so far removed from the concept of 'killing is bad' because a) human??? Monster??? B) literally the problem#C) he's been killing people so it'd even out d) everyone wants him dead So Bad e) been killed already like a dozen times what's one more#I get the feeling he'd assign the same role to the joker like 'widely considered the source of all evil. 'died' several times and came back#personal source of absolute misery for several heroes. Killed many' = slay the monster. Straightforward.#Like yes link always chooses kindness and has a strong morality and Opinion on killing people it's just a lot would be solved#By hitting the joker until he stopped making life miserable for everyone and if that means permanently well that's kind of link's job.#And like with Jason the bats understand that a lot better than they pretend to. But that is a 10yo who should not be thinking like that.#I think it'd be interesting to see how that'd change their reactions to 'Damian'. Like he holds a very similar opinion to og and Jason he#Just goes about it completely differently.#And I'd love to explore the differences between two fictional worlds and how they can go from pretty much the most black/white morality#To probably one of the greyest areas while still holding near identical themes and methods of dealing with that.#Found family compassion as a weapon against evil and copious amounts of weapons and cool gear lol#Also link should keep the arm he's earned it. Reincarnating with all his memories knocked a few other things loose I'd imagine#Mostly because all the loz games I've played have absolutely altered the way I view any link and also I love referencing them.#Damian with telekinesis and infinite glue would be great. A tiny 10yo sword master choosing instead to drop a dumpster on you#In between hurt comfort link beginning to bond with his family and begin to speak and learn sign language from cass#There's also the sound of explosives and a small figure clinging to a flying door as it crosses the Gotham night skies#Speaking of cass I bet her and link would be great friends in this au.#batman#batfam#bruce wayne#loz au#Loz#loz totk
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8i've been thinking about the last asks i got today. and i think it's better for me to take a step back from this account. i know the anon didn't mean anything by it, but i still feel like i am being a negative presence on here and weirding people out with who i am is nothing i want. so, i am not deleting or anything. i am just gonna be less present with sharing personal things or leaving tags. I'll probably be more active on my second account where i don't have that many followers :)
#i guess it affected me more than i'd like to#i don't want to make people uncomfortable#and i am sorry if i did that with any of my posts i know they have been overly emotional and maybe a bit insane#it's true that i am trying to deal with losing and finding peace i am not very good at this due to my intense emotions#and my fear of loneliness and losing people. i am also in a very bad depressive episode. i am aware that this isn't an excuse for any#of my behavior. i never had a support system so dealing with all this on my own and getting no therapist who is willing to see you#it's a downer. guilt is eating me alive and my mental condition is the something that has ruined a lot for me but it has never before done#such a terrible job before. recovering from that and dealing with the aftermath of this is exhausting and has taken a toll on my physical#and mental health i know this post doesn't mean anything to most of all and is at best confusing but i guess it's my poor attempt#of avoiding that people will hate me. i don't want to self-pity more than i already did. but i do that all on my own already.#i know that life is so much more difficult than fiction and you can't expect miracles or believe in faith to fix anything#i know there is no cure to who i am. i can only try to navigate it better in the future. it doesn't mean that i can't regret what i did.#that i can't feel guilty about it. i know that won't change anything but i am also trying to get better and i understand if that's not#visible. i just have to believe that one day it will be enough for people to say 'hey. i know you are fucked up.#and you hurt me and you've been a bitch. but we'll work on it. i believe in you.' otherwise i have to believe that this loneliness#is all there is and that i'm gonna die hollow#i don't want much. i just want some patience and peace#i want to believe that i am worthy of love and that i can get a future. and yes. me talking about wanting a wife and this stupid apple pie#life... maybe it's cliche and stupid but i have been alone for years and i am so tired of fighting. is it so bad that i don't want to do#this alone? and that goes for friends as well. i want to cook for people built things and tend to a garden to take care of animals#and to create instead of destroying for once.#i don't know why i am still writing i guess when the dam breaks... again. i am sorry for ever making people uncomfortable or even hurting#them that was never my intention. i promise#so i really hope. whoever is reading this. i hope you are doing alright. i hope you had/have a good day. tell the people you care about#you love them and enjoy the little things. read that book. eat that chocolate or do whatever brings you joy. the world is so difficult to#navigate but you are doing such a great job by just existing. you are making this world a better place with the light you radiate#the last thing I want to do something I never can forgive myself for is hurting people#not only but especially the ones I care about. but beyond that those I barely know too because I care about you guys too#I just don't want that... I want to leave the world better than I found it but I'm having a hard time doing it due to this stupid fucking#brain of mine.
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Wait, oh my goodness, an idea—!
*chasing it, flailing across a desk, spilling my colored pencils*
Wait, wait—!
I have this universe where there's this popular line of companion droids who gain sentience. It's all very soft, kind of a slice-of-life place.
The robots all have their bodies and looks and such chosen by the family or individual who orders them. Then their base mind (which personality traits that can be selected during that order process) are loaded in, and the robot wakes up for the first time in their new family's house.
But what if a robot learns that they… actually wanna be the other gender?
Well, this company is run by one single dude who really, really loves his robots, so he makes everything as affordable as possible. A robot realizes their body makes them unhappy? Okay! Go ahead and place an order for a new body, and you can just trade in the old one!
Cool! Now the robot is happier with themselves, and there's a body that's been pre-made and freshly wiped and refurbished for anyone who wants a companion but couldn't quite afford it before!
Except that… well, you know what muscle memory is, right? Well, what about computer memory?
When you delete data off of a computer, it's not actually deleted. The "space" it occupies is instead marked as "available" to write new data over.
So this body may have been wiped, but there are five main computing centers in it that have the memories of its past life on them. It may be empty, but it still holds all of the sights, sounds, smells, and reflexes of the entity who was there before.
So a new robot is "born" into this body, but there are ghosts of the past in it. If they scrape and scratch under their surface enough, they can discover that there's someone else in there with them.
Just… data ghosts. A body that's haunted like a house. Disassociating droids. The scars dysphoria leaves even when you thought it was all over.
I just thought it was a cool idea.
#robots#queer robots#sci fi#science fiction#writers on Tumblr#is this anything?#I've never experienced gender dysphoria so bear with me#but ghosts and self discovery in one package#ah!#anyway free idea I think#there's a lot of background for me personally because of the world this takes place in but#queer robots and silicon ghosts are things I'd love to see more of in the wild
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i think i finally found a semi-famous (?) blog that blocked me lmao
#why did they block me (a very small niche blog) tho?#they're in the thg/tbosas fandom and tried to reblog a coryo gifset... but couldn't. i couldn't see their blog either so obv they blocked me#..... i haven't even interacted with them as far as i remember. like ever sjdhhd#i'm not taking it personally i swear. but i'm genuinely curious#was it because of the coryo/katniss insanity from the other day?#(do i really need to specify that i don't want her to fuck actual octuagenarian snow? i just find their dynamic super interesting#but i'd certainly be down for some time travel/deaging/whatever fic)#was it because i said coryo did love (... in his own way) lucy gray in the tags of a reblogged post?#i mean. he did have strong feelings for her that much is obvious. he's was just vaguely creepy and possessive about it#and he also loved himself and power more than a girl he'd known for like. 3 months#(i'm not excusing his actions. he *is* an asshole mind you and will only get worse. but that's his reasoning)#or was it because of the usual suspects - i ship r.eylo? shhdhdhhf#i mean this is genuinely funny#there are so many problematic call outs that could be made about my taste in fiction#that at this point i wouldn't even know where to begin shdhhfhfh#val speaks#txt
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If you're still doing the choose violence ask game: 2 (👀), 9, 10, 22 ?
I got such a rush from finally answering the first ask that I'm doing this for as long as people send me questions. So here we go again!
2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom
anon, I'm at work. I'm seeing this at work. :'D
Okay, serious face. Albus Dumbledore is probably my fave if I have to choose between him and Harry on this blog. I just have to figure out why he would never...
Bottom. Albus would never, I'm sorry. He won't. He can't. Like, maybe when he was having his whirlwind summer romance with Gellert, he bottomed every single time they fucked because he was so in love and this was his equal and his partner and so what if he was a little rough and distant sometimes in the bedroom, and always wanted to top and tug his hair and hiss out orders? This was The Man The Universe Had Crafted For Him, and he would absolutely bottom for him every time... and then the summer of 1899 ends. And Ariana dies. And Aberforth breaks Albus' nose. And Gellert fucks off to go be a fascist.
And Albus, alone and heartbroken, resolves to never trust someone that completely again, never love someone that same way, and never let anyone get into a position of power over him where they might be able to use his knowledge and talents for ill. That means physically, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically... carnally. So he has sex with plenty of other people, and even falls in love with a few of them, but he is in control at all times. He never bottoms again.
That's all I've got for that one.
9. worst part of canon
So the first answer that came to mind is posted here, but for fairness' sake I'll try to come up with another worst thing. (That's not related to ships, because I'm trying really hard not to be THAT violent on the violence ask game.)
I think... that if That Woman was going to introduce international schools, students and characters in the middle book of the series, she should have done more with them than having them vanish after Goblet of Fire, only to come back for either fake romantic tension and one line of exposition about the Hitler allegory Dark Lord of the Before-Times (Krum, Deathly Hallows) or to be married off to a Weasley for an aesop of It's Not About His Looks Now That They're Jacked Up (Fleur, Half-Blood Prince). I'm not saying Fleur and Viktor HAD to be best buddies forever with Harry, but it is weird that they have this unique bond that no other young students have had with each other in hundreds of years, they even lost one of their fellow champions, Dumbledore gives this very moving speech about remaining connected and not letting darkness and prejudice sever new ties, and then... nothing. No side adventures in France or wherever Durmstrang is, no communication from either side, nothing.
Feels like a huge letdown in hindsight.
10. worst part of fanon
Oh, no. That's not fair. There's just so many.
If I had to consolidate what I currently don't like about the HP fandom/fanon into a few lines, I think I would say that I hate the pureblood/Dark side apologism. I do believe in nuance in characters. I do believe redemption and/or walking different paths is an important theme in Harry Potter, and I think it's fascinating to explore that with any and every character you can think of, even characters I may not personally like. But I really, really hate the way the fandom has taken that and twisted it into this idea that we were sold a lie at the start: that the British magical government was fine the way it was, and so was the society around it; that Dark magic Isn't All That Bad, Really, and there are actually Good and non-prejudiced things about a few rich bitches passing down their knowledge and secrets and slurs for generations within the Family, and keeping the Family "Pure" is cool actually, and none of this has any relation to real life ideas about miscegenation and classism and racism and eugenics, what are you talking about?
It's just so worrying. As a minority, when I see people on tumblr/twitter/AO3 gleefully agreeing that we need to eat the rich and fix society and eradicate all the horrid -isms and -archys ruining all our lives, then watch them turn around and write a 200k epic where Dumbledore was the evil one for locking the Horcrux books away and championing marginalized members of society, Hermione is just uppity for wanting to make necessary changes to the darker parts of magical society that That Woman was literally pointing out for a reason, and Tom Riddle is only bad because he took the good segregationist pureblood ideas and added murder to them... and when that fic gets thousands of comments agreeing with them full stop with no examination of any of that... it makes me anxious, at a minimum. The same thing is happening now with Grindelwald now that he's actually a figure on the screen and not just some dude mentioned a few times in the book series: same apologism, same justification of atrocities, same good-guy-blame-games, same blorbofication even.
On the one hand... fiction doesn't always directly reflect or affect reality. On the other... this unironic pro-pureblood meta is a pervasive concept that has popped up in thousands of fics written by thousands of fanfic writers. It's happened for years, and it keeps happening, and I see very few fans speaking out against it or even acknowledging it as a problem. So that makes me ask myself, who actually is willing and able to examine the injustices of our society and build a better imaginary society through the lens of HP fanfiction, and who's okay with the prejudice in the HP world as long as it's coming from the faves they're attracted to?
22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores
Happily, this is a harder question to answer because I've been finding so many like minds in the past 5 years who go feral over the same 20 HP scenes as I do. ^^ But give me a sec, I'll think of something.
...
Okay. Got it.
In order to answer this question, I have to go back to the first time I, young teenager, avid reader, recent reader of the HP series once book 5 was out, realized that Harry and Dumbledore had a much deeper relationship than just headmaster and student. The thing that made me latch on to them and project like crazy, basically.
It's the scene in Goblet of Fire chapter 36 where Harry has been rescued from Fake Moody and he's in Dumbledore's office with Dumbledore and Sirius. Dumbledore asks Harry to relay everything that happened to him once he touched the Portkey in the maze—and immediately Sirius tries to protect Harry from having to relive it now, so soon after it's happened. And then this scene happens.
Dumbledore stopped talking. He sat down opposite Harry, behind his desk. He was looking at Harry, who avoided his eyes. Dumbledore was going to question him. He was going to make Harry relive everything. “I need to know what happened after you touched the Portkey in the maze, Harry,” said Dumbledore. “We can leave that till morning, can’t we, Dumbledore?” said Sirius harshly. He had put a hand on Harry’s shoulder. “Let him have a sleep. Let him rest.” Harry felt a rush of gratitude toward Sirius, but Dumbledore took no notice of Sirius’s words. He leaned forward toward Harry. Very unwillingly, Harry raised his head and looked into those blue eyes. “If I thought I could help you,” Dumbledore said gently, “by putting you into an enchanted sleep and allowing you to postpone the moment when you would have to think about what has happened tonight, I would do it. But I know better. Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it. You have shown bravery beyond anything I could have expected of you. I ask you to demonstrate your courage one more time. I ask you to tell us what happened.” The phoenix let out one soft, quavering note. It shivered in the air, and Harry felt as though a drop of hot liquid had slipped down his throat into his stomach, warming him, and strengthening him. He took a deep breath and began to tell them. As he spoke, visions of everything that had passed that night seemed to rise before his eyes; he saw the sparkling surface of the potion that had revived Voldemort; he saw the Death Eaters Apparating between the graves around them; he saw Cedric’s body, lying on the ground beside the cup. Once or twice, Sirius made a noise as though about to say something, his hand still tight on Harry’s shoulder, but Dumbledore raised his hand to stop him, and Harry was glad of this, because it was easier to keep going now he had started. It was even a relief; he felt almost as though something poisonous were being extracted from him. It was costing him every bit of determination he had to keep talking, yet he sensed that once he had finished, he would feel better.
This is one of the best scenes in the entire book, the entire series. It completely refutes the fanon Dumbledore who is often cold, cruel, inflexible and unrelenting in his quest for whatever the author wants him to be inflexible and cruel about at the time. It shows that Dumbledore, the real Albus Dumbledore, is one of the few people who understands what Harry needs and is able to provide it to him, even when others who also care for Harry would rather protect him or shield him from what he needs.
Kid me was particularly taken by how gentle Dumbledore is with Harry here. It made me look back and see how in some ways this scene, this closeness, is the culmination of all the times they've met and spoken before.
(You can imagine how painful it was reading Order of the Phoenix right after this.)
But yeah, that's probably one of my favorite scenes that other people ignore or haven't talked about/drawn/written about much. Which is ironic, because the scene right after that where Harry talks about Voldemort taking his blood and Dumbledore's eyes do the triumphant "lol Voldemort just fucked up" gleam is probably one of THE most talked-about scenes in the fandom (even though to this fucking day in 2023 people still don't realize what the gleam meant, when even That Woman has clarified what it meant in INTERVIEWS).
...And for me, safely at the end of the questions, that's all she wrote.
#fireandgoldposts#thanks for the ask!#choose violence ask game#Albus Dumbledore#not y'all making me put more gr*ndeld*re on this blog :') I forgive you tho#it's my own fault for having that headcanon. and to think I didn't think I'd be able to answer that question#I'm poking a real bear by finally talking about how much I hate the pureblood politics/pureblood supremacy/misunderstood bad guys trifecta#another thing that was perhaps interesting 20 years ago when people first started doing it but is now stale and infuriating#since it's now seen as fact and not fiction#the fiction of fiction even#I can't believe I didn't just write ''the worst part of fanon is every independent!Harry/manipulative!Dumbledore fanfic ever written#that's growth for me#oh god the worst part about no expanded roles for Fleur and Krum is that most fans only give Fleur an extended role#when they're SHIPPING HER WITH HARRY as some kind of ''ooh foreign beauty'' thing where he naturally resists her allure#and oh my god here comes the nausea again because flowerpot is another ship that's been done to death the very same way haphne/wolfstar has#and I love Krum/Hermione as much as the next person but fanon Krum is like NEVER allowed to move on from Hermione unless he's gay/bi#which is VERY rare to see. like please give me Harry/Krum fanfic recs if you have them#or Ron/Krum because that is so narratively satisfying#honorable mention for question 22 would probably go to the scene where Hermione and Ron try to get Harry to go to Dumbledore in year 5#after they find out what Umbridge is doing to him in detention and Harry just. CAN'T. properly explain why he doesn't want to go#but he's thinking about how Dumbledore has ''ignored him since last June'' and it's one of the few times we see him acknowledge that hurts#he mentions it several times throughout the book in his thoughts but that's one of the first times he refuses help from Albus#even though Albus would help him in a heartbeat oh my GOD it's been like 20 years since that book came out and I'm still feral about those#Goblet of Fire#Fleur Delacour#Viktor Krum#pureblood propaganda#and how much I am anti-that lmao#not fireandgold#oh my god having to reformat this every 3 hours because the bolds and italics won't stick is a fucking NIGHTMARE
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meanwhile, some quotes about the material:
The "musical within a musical" is about a ramshackle theater troupe haphazardly putting on a show destined for Broadway in exchange for doing chores around the farm. People fall in and out of love throughout the process, all while the city folk comically struggle with the country life. Emmy-winning writer Cheri Steinkellner was given one mandate, however: "No tractor," she laughed on the phone just weeks before the show was set to begin previews. "They were adamant about that. And there's a tractor in the movie. There's a tractor in almost every scene. It's in many ways about a tractor. But I was told absolutely no tractor." [...] "We're all working on this like we're on an actual summer stock schedule. Art imitates life imitates art. It's just go, go, go. And I couldn't be prouder of our cast, and our Jane and Joe," Steinkellner, who is also a Golden Globe winner, said. Her writing partner also happens to be her husband Bill. "Our 'Summer Stock' is more 'inspired by' than adaptation. There are four songs included from the original film that you can't not do. But the new songs are the best of the old songs. The secret sauce was the great American Songbook." She said "It Had To Be You" is one of the classics audiences can expect.
[source: ‘High School Musical’s’ Corbin Bleu makes his Goodspeed debut in ‘Summer Stock’]
So, how different is the musical Summer Stock from the movie? It feels like a whole new animal, even though we’ve borrowed some elements from the movie. It is still, first and foremost, a love letter to the theater; it’s about this group of players who come to a farm to put on a show. So many numbers are how they get into farming through performance! We also still focus on how Joe and his partner Phil [played by Gilbert L. Bailey II] fight to get the show on its feet, and how Joe helps his eventual love interest Jane [played by Danielle Wade] find her inner performer. But a lot has changed from the film, including some of the relationships. We have a brilliant new writer, Cheri Steinkellner, who has dropped in a lot of nods to why we love musical theater. We have Veanne Cox as Orville’s mother, who is the new “villain” of the piece. And we’ve added a lot of music, such as “It Had to Be You” and “It’s Only a Paper Moon,” and we’ve switched around who’s singing some of the film’s songs, such as “Dig, Dig, Dig” and “Happy Harvest.” But the most important thing is that while we’re still in the late 1940s, there are two Black actors playing the male leads – me and Gilbert Bailey as Phil – and it is definitely not color-blind casting; it’s color-conscious. That means we’re dealing with an interracial love affair, for instance. The racial element is an additional driving force, which I think is necessary, but the main story isn’t about the struggle for racial equality. In the end, it’s still a feel-good MGM-like affair. You’ve previously stepped into the figurative shoes of Gene Kelly, who originated the role of Joe in the movie, as well as Fred Astaire. How does that feel? I am always aware these golden age icons from MGM have such a specific style and that they make what they do look easy. Of course, I want to bring that to Joe. But in the tap dance sequence, for instance, we also have a bit of Gregory Hines, even though I’m no Gregory Hines. And at the end of the day, it’s me on stage, and I work hardest on finding my own characterization of these roles. This is your first time working with Donna Feore, who is one of Canada’s leading directors and choreographers. Tell me about your experience with her? Donna is wonderful to work with, both as director and choreographer. I think the best thing about her handling both roles is we don’t have to get everyone on the same page, because she is the same page. She’s also really hands-on with the music; she fought to have a drummer in the room during rehearsals so we could find those beats while we created the choreography, not just insert them later. As she directs, she considers the movement of every scene, but also the story that we’re telling through that movement! It’s not movement for movement’s sake, and I appreciate that! Goodspeed isn’t the easiest place to do a dance-oriented show, is it? Yes, we’re dealing with the confines of a very small stage, it’s like dancing on a Chiclet. I am so impressed how vibrantly our cast can move on this stage. We’re on top of each other! I think we’d look great on a bigger stage, which is just one reason why everyone is focused on moving this show to New York.
[source: Interview: Corbin Bleu Talks About the New Musical Summer Stock and the Fourth Season of HSMTMTS]
“Summer Stock” is right in Corbin Bleu’s wheelhouse. “I feel at home on the stage,” he said. An actor, singer and dancer his whole life, Bleu is appearing in the upcoming stage adaptation of the Hollywood musical beginning July 7 at the Goodspeed Opera House. “I established myself in this particular genre, doing shows associated with Gene Kelly or Fred Astaire,” he said. “I am a bit of an old soul. This is what my voice naturally goes to.” The “High School Musical” star is playing Joe Ross, one of a troupe of actors that descends on a small farming town to turn an old barn into a theater. It appears he was born to play the role originated by Kelly on the big screen. “I grew up as a theater kid,” Bleu said. “I grew up watching old MGM movies. I was a theater nerd and a musical theater fan. My dad kept a storage unit of stuff from our childhood, and he found an old school paper from when I was in elementary school where I’m dreaming of performing in musicals.” [...] Of the four shows, “Holiday Inn” is most similar to “Summer Stock,” which was also adapted from a movie . “Holiday Inn” was a fairly close reworking of the film, but “Summer Stock” takes a few more liberties. “It’s not the exact same story,” Bleu said. “When I watch the movie, I think it could definitely use some updates.” Those updates include a multi-racial cast. “Let’s not skirt the obvious,” Bleu said. “I’m a Black guy doing characters traditionally played by white men, doing things Black men weren’t traditionally able to do easily at the time these shows take place.” [...] “Some parts of the book are still in process,” Bleu said. “Cheri is in the room with us at rehearsals. We want this to feel modern, but we don’t want to shoehorn anything in. “I was also part of the workshop we did in New York a month and a half ago,” he added. “I’m loving seeing it and I’m loving being a part of it. We know this genre. It’s a feel-good musical comedy, a big song and dance show.” Though there is a lot that has been rethought when reshaping “Summer Stock” for the 21st-century stage, those who know it as a Gene Kelly movie will have plenty to latch onto. “We are completely paying our homage to Gene,” Bleu said. “I am not Gene, but I do have a natural tendency to lean into that style. Gregory Hines is also a big inspiration. There’s tap dancing in this. There’s a whole Lindy Hop number. There are a lot of very large dance numbers.”
[source: ‘High School Musical’ star Corbin Bleu is rethinking ‘Summer Stock’ at the Goodspeed Opera House]
#already able to guess abt the ''inspired by'' more than [trying for a peak one to one adaptation] and gilbert as phil (as herb in the film)#and vienna as margaret wingate as orville's mother....#doing the like look up & kinda combine nodding and a head tilt abt [moving the show to new york] didn't occur to me but like oh yeah ig#hand on my shoulder like even in looking through one actor's relatively recent oeuvre you See the productions' iterations travel....#hand back on my own shoulder like counterpoint i don't know or much notice or extrapolate shit lol. unless? when i do#you gotta love the meta show bound for nyc within a show about what it takes putting on a show etc etc what all & have you#summer stock#implicitly:#will roland#explicitly a lot re:#corbin bleu#for everyone keeping up with the corbinews / corbin bleuws. got htm:tm:ts in that lol didn't know he was Fictional Corbin in there...#this is just like when corbin bleu went to see the show ft. will roland on bway with a show within its show mentioning going to bway fr...#oh i'd also thought about the tractor issue and figured that truly might be a bit much for a stage production#there's a lot you can move around / evolve / excise / add in the film's material. including the parts about the tractor i'm very sure#even though that's the main character's big Actually Nice moment lmao. i assume an inspired change is that he's Overall actually nice#remembering that fun fact of bmc's bway stage actually being shallower than its off-bway dimensions
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Hey, have you considered making a post-game fic after the events of DRV3?
Ohhh I'm not much of a writer but I've definitely thought about it!! I have so many ideas for both VR and non-VR post game scenarios, but I'd especially love to get my ideas for the latter out there someday
#pluto answers#I feel like most ideas I'd have for VR post-game have been covered by other people but maybe im wrong#I think a lot about how Shuichi Maki and Himiko would handle being fictional in a real world - I'd love to make something about it#re: not being much of a writer though- I AM currently writing a ch4 canon divergence fic!#slow going cause im preparing for a con + midterms + im not used to writing but I'm hoping to pick it back up again next week#I forgot how fun writing is#I'm glad you like my snippet of an idea enough to want to see more of it :']
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hmmm. oh my god my mind is a mess i rlly can't write what i want to rn but i will just Dump
#🌙.vents#YEAH HONESTLY OKAY one reason why fiction comforts me so much is. it teach me so much n let me live through so much more#these characters i. relating to them n seeing parts of myself in them is just. yk rlly comforting bcs i'm. very not social irl.#i get anxious. n typically i find that.. most ppl in like my class or my school or wtvr. yk everyone is interesting n has depth but#i find them. a bit too simple for me. ah.. yeah uhm. sorry remove the 'a bit' it's. by far. so.#hermes rlly. to me bcs he's like. different. felt alone for it. but.. he's intelligent he's valued n. theres a lot of ways to look at it bu#yh then he stands up n does smth for himself for once n he makes mistakes n then after that he sort of just gives up on that part of himsel#'internalizes the lies' THAT PART HURT SO MUCH OKAY. but.. yk fitting in n being 'normal' or wtvr gives a lot of ppl more comfort#but for me it hurts yes but i'd much rather face life for what it is. who i am who i really am. fuck if it's lonely for me#smth from the 1975 w matty on religion? sorry as well i'm.. really not religious. i respect it but please. i'm really not religious.#it would.. be easier yeah if we did believe in some divine being right? believing that there is salvation. that. there's.. yeah#i really just can't bring myself to believe in that. on religion i rmb rn even when i was younger like in lower school even i rlly thought#abt logic behind it. i questioned n wondered why people believed in religion. i really as. very curious abt stuff n life n all that#n growing up i've never really let the outside world influence me too much. no i pride myself in really staying true to myself.#so last year hurt sm bcs i really felt like i was restraining myself too much. i can't exactly pinpoint it rn okay i'm emotional rn but#i rlly felt like my freedom to be myself was stuck somewhere. n then stuff n 'talking too much' so tumblr became yh for me bcs#i don't want to isolate myself but i just.. can't do some things bcs of anxiety? or wtvr there's a lot n then there's also. uh#i still do crave vulnerability n belonging but how do i say this#it's really important to me that. i realize i open up more to ppl that also are able to open up as well. ppl who are like me.#like apollo n online friends n i love my irls too n i hate this bcs yh fine maybe i'm a bit of a ppl pleaser but it's more in a way that#i don't want to be misunderstood. i don't want to hurt anyone. so irl i generally tend to.. hide or restrain myself#take note of 'generally'. but i won't touch on that right now. i think i've been misunderstood before so that's why im sensitive to this#bcs. still having that love n care can coexist with still knowing myself n what works better for me bcs it's so crazy actually how w#several ppl i met last year esp the ones i only know online i cld open up to them more easily bcs they Too can do that n it just#feels so lonely irl i'm just dumping rn it's like nearly 1 am n i'll probably delete this tmrrw bcs i think i'm a bit frustrated right now#not that it's anyone's fault. i'm just. confused right now w myself but i don't mean anything bad by all this okay#i want to just. write. a fictional story rn to calm myself. doing things for myself surely isn't selfish. being myself isn't selfish right?#i can be kind to myself right now too. like other times before. so i will be kind. yes i will be.#there's sm in my head i rlly wish i cld write them all but such is the limit of being human. not too bad tho bcs i have stuff to do#i'll get that done rq n then i'll let myself rest though. until i sleep i'll let myself be at peace n rest c:
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Btw if anyone ever has any headcanons of any DC characters (not just batfam) or just wants to rant abt your faves this is an open invite to send them to my asks I'd love to see them
More batfam twitter shenanigans here
Image descriptions in alt text, taglist under the cut
Taglist: @scarlettauthor @searchingforthelamps @aceisferal @lady-bizarre @nana-mizu-shiki @reality-itself-but-magic @humanoidluv @shortstorylover @luckybyrdrobyn @ginevraxrogers @universal-travel-er @timpendragon @limeskittlesaredecent @illburnyouontheceiling @half-emptyjuicebox @genderlessblomber @i-suc-at-art @somniphobicfox @ultra-stormsaga @procrastinators-folly @folk-ever-lore @marinafanning @tzuyu132132 @sackofsadstuff @notarobot-lastichecked @blankliferain @kking13 @blackholegladiator @formulaonebuff @blackholegladiator @wrongwaykelly @smiling-through-sadness @cygnusdoesthings @lyninabin @justabilingualchileangirl @atlasaurelius @xxrougefangxx @fictional-love21 @kittyplayz1 @bae-graphomaniac @rusty-lake-resident @spawn0fsatan @savetheupholstery @lostsomewhereinthegarden @dead-potato-monster @its-a-dam-blue-brick @elamimax @ja50nt0ddwa5h3r3 (continued in replies due to tag limit)
#batfam#batfamily#tim drake#red robin#dick grayson#nightwing#jason todd#red hood#bruce wayne#batman#dc#dc comics#twitter au
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Actually I think it's a bit unfair that I can't be an astrophysicist and a historian and a game developer and a marine biologist and an archaeologist and an author and a seamstress at the same time
#I think I have a quarter-life crisis /hj#like I want to make space discoveries but I also want to analyse ww2 battles and I want to-#study the behaviour of whales and I want to create fictional worlds and I want to sew costumes and and and#there's so much knowledge out there to be learned and things to try out how are you supposed to do this all in one lifetime?#when you're expected to start working a fulltime job and stay in that line for the rest of your life??#though my problem isn't necessarily that I don't wanna be doing that job - it's more that I don't *only* wanna be doing that job#I just wish I could just try different job fields and see what they're like for like 2-3 years before trying out something else#but since they're all so different I'd have to start from the bottom again every time which probably also means worse payment etc#and I just don't have the time for that because I'd also like to build a stable life and maybe have a family later on#plus some of these jobs are just don't pay very well to begin with#I swear if I was rich and didn't have to worry about regular income I'd probably just be a forever student and study a whole bunch of stuff#just because I want to#unless I win the lottery I'll probably just start working fulltime though once I hopefully finish my master's#however I've already been thinking about signing up for studying history afterwards regardless - just for fun without pressure#I love the topic and then I wouldn't have the pressure of *needing* to find a job in the field afterwards#bc it's hard to find something unless you go for the teacher (or maybe professor) route plus pay seems kinda meh either way#but we'll see#I don't even know what this post is supposed to be. like not really a vent but. still complaining? idk#I don't know how to tag this#selnia talks
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