#and I never cared enough to find out
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After reading the word or name Jerma so many times on this hellsite and having no idea who or what that is, I can’t believe I finally got my answer from a very long DougDoug video I watched at 1am.
And nothing could have prepared me for the realization that Jerma is in fact a real life human being.
#don’t ask me what I thought Jerma was#I just never thought about it#kinda sounds like a ship name for anime#and I never cared enough to find out#Jerma#jerma985#don’t come for me jerma stans#please#YouTuber Stan’s are scary#that was also the first time in my life I saw the infamous Ludwig#was a wild evening I tell you#Doug Doug#swugs ted talk
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what if i wrote a “shen yuan transmigrates into a wife” oneshot but the whole premise is based on the song “gone, i’m gone” from hadestown and its overall theme is wanderlust and freedom and it starts out as Shen Yuan settling into life in the palace and trying to avoid harem drama and thinking he can just live with his head down for the rest of his new life, only to be hit with a sudden intense yearning to explore his new world the likes he’s never felt before. What if he was sickly in his last life. What if he spent his entire last life indoors. Trapped between four walls. What if love is not a gilded cage. What if he begins clawing at the walls of his enclosure, desperate to escape because he wants to live, god please let him live. He can’t do this again. What if he spent months preparing for his escape and in that same breath getting the attention of some of the other wives around him because he has changed and it makes them wary. what if he got binghe’s attention as he is wont to do. What if he left. What if Shen Yuan was born with a bottomless pit in his stomach and a gaping maw in his chest. What if he was starving. What if he was starving for the world around him. What if i wrote that. What then
#svsss#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#scum villain#scum villain au#scum villans self saving system#svsss au#luo binghe#luo bingge#its the same wife transmigration plot no.143 but its starry coded#and what if i made it a songfic what then. what if i titled it ‘love is not a gilded cage’#what if there was no system in this au. just shen yuan on his own#and what if i made it part of a oneshot series with each oneshot depicting an adventure shen yuan goes on#he will eventually find his way back to binghe but not before he finds himself first#what if starry went the fuck to bed#what if the wife he ended up as was someone childish or loud or considered naive and then suddenly she’s not bc she’s sy now#and he has no system and he’s alone with no allies and he is STARVING. he is ravenous. he wants to see the world please let him see the wor#world. let him out please please please please#all the wealth within these walls could never buy the thing called love#he cares for binghe greatly. thats his fave character! but he wants out please let him out. you wont even notice he’s gone orpheus#you’ll find another muse somewhere.#luo bingge is a good hunter but shen yuan is a good hider.#i want ning yingying to find sy in the gardens one day and suddenly see her shizun. sy wanted to try doing sqq’s signature move bc it#seemed simple and easy enough and nyy saw him. and she asks him where he learned that. and he panics and lies and says in a dream somewhere#gnaws on the bars of my cage
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I've had a scenario in mind for a while now about what it would take for Sonic to finally own up to his feelings about Amy. And I think what it would take is...
Shadow.
Well, just plain jealousy and a fear of losing Amy before he even has her. But Shadow would be the best one to instigate it.
First, some headcanons about how they behave romantically:
Amy's maturing and spreading her wings. She's not moving on from Sonic, not really, but it's possible that she's starting to notice other guys. There's some hints in the Twitter takeovers that she may be developing some small interest in Shadow.
Sonic is clearly interested in Amy, and if you pay attention, he has been for a long time. What he's not interested in is marriage- at least, not yet. And Amy is clearly wifey material- she cooks, she takes care of people, she has a caring nature, she's protective, and she's extremely loyal. She's not someone you can use for a one-night stand, you take all of her or you risk shattering her into pieces. She's Sonic's friend, no matter what else he may feel about her, so he avoids any romantic interaction because he doesn't want to hurt his friend.
Meanwhile, Shadow is... not aro-ace, per se, I don't know what you'd call him. He can see that Amy is attractive, but so is Rouge, and Shadow has no interest in Rouge. He just isn't interested in the physical side of romance.
What I think it would take to get Shadow's attention is something deeper, an emotional or spiritual connection.
So here's the Sonamy/Shadamy love triangle scenario that I came up with:
As Amy ages, she feels her desire for male companionship growing stronger. Sonic takes little notice of it, but it doesn't escape Shadow's attention.
Somehow or other, Shadow and Amy end up alone together, probably on a mission or something. I haven't figured out the exact circumstances, but they're together for quite a while. Amy loves to talk to people and get to know them, and Shadow has a soft spot for her, so she's able to get him to talk to her about things that he's probably never told anyone before. And he knows she won't tell anyone about them, either, so he feels safe telling her.
At some point, Shadow realizes, she's done it. She's broken through his barriers, and at the same time, she's calmed the storm of emotions that he's had swirling inside him for 50-odd years. He hasn't felt such peace since... no, not even then. This is something else. He's never felt this way before, and he doesn't have the words to describe it, but he's fallen head over heels for her.
This is why he never lets his guard down, even around the people he trusts most. Because if he lets them in, even a little bit, he might let them in too far. ("Can you see all of me, walk into my mystery, step inside and hold on for dear life.")
He loses control of himself and kisses Amy.
And when he lets go, he instantly hates himself, he starts throwing his barriers back up, because... she's crying. She's crying because she liked it, and she wants more of it, but she's still so desperately in love with Sonic, and she's starting to think she'll never get it from him, so she'll accept affection from just about any man, and it's not like Shadow's unattractive, and, and, and...
So Shadow's raw and open and hurting, he knew before he said or did anything that he was going down a dangerous path, but talking to Amy felt so good he didn't want to stop. And he wants to erase what just happened like it never did. But now he has to be the one to comfort Amy, because this was his fault, Amy was just being the kind and compassionate person she always was and Shadow was an idiot for letting it get to him and making more of it than what it was and losing control. So he has to keep his barriers down for just a moment longer, just long enough to hold Amy and tell her it's not her fault, until her tears finally stop.
It leaves Shadow burning with rage, and as soon as he can, he forcefully confronts Sonic (I imagine Shadow slamming Sonic against a wall or a tree and shouting in his face 😝) and basically tells him, "Amy needs attention from a man, she wants that man to be you, but if you can't grow up and do what it takes, then I'll be more than glad to take your place."
Which scares Sonic good and proper. It's bad enough to think that he could lose Amy, anyway, but to lose her to that faker??? And it finally makes him go to Amy and (very, very awkwardly) ask her to be his girlfriend. And... I'll let y'all imagine the rest.
As for Shadow... he, quite understandably, becomes somewhat aloof towards both Sonic and Amy for a long time after that.
But Shadow's immortal, right? And there's other Amy's in the world. He doesn't have to be alone forever.
Oh, and as for why Shadow would confront Sonic instead of just taking Amy for himself: because he respects both Amy and, especially, himself far too much to do that. He knows good and well she will never be able to fully commit to anyone else as long as Sonic is still an option. If Shadow was to start dating her, she'd go along with it, but it would become a power play between him and Sonic to try to "win" Amy's affections. Shadow has no issues with fighting Sonic over just about anything, but when it comes to his own feelings, he won't stoop that low, and he's not about to hurt himself by playing such a game. I also don't think he would view Amy as "a prize to be won."
#my headcanon#romantic headcanons#sonamy#shadamy#sonic the hedgehog#amy rose#shadow the hedgehog#bittersweet#unhappy ending#sorry if y'all hate me for doing this to shadow#but it felt true to his character#people will probably disagree with just about everything and idc#if he ever fell in love it would be on a deep emotional level#and i think he would have difficulty controlling himself#sonic's completely out of touch with his feelings but shadow is not#shadow just can't pin down his emotions because so many of them are terrible and painful#at least this is what i think anyway#and to clarify: neither sonic nor amy would do this to shadow on purpose#it just kinda happened#in truth i don't think shadow ever would allow himself to open up like that in the first place#but i don't think he'll be alone forever#he just has to find the right person#someone who is selflessly caring and compassionate... but also unattached to anyone else#i may have projected some of my own personal fantasies into this as well XP#i never liked the idea of men fighting over me like a trophy#but the idea of someone respecting me enough to be willing to let go of me for my sake...#now THAT is a turn-on#and hopefully if i ever found someone like that...#i would be smart enough to hold onto him instead of running away
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just another thing to feel guilty about
#samjack#pls dont hate me#sam x jack#winkline#i put too much effort into this#like who even cares about this ship#supernatural#jack kline#i's okay Sam...you've already been to hell#jack is the only person Sam tops#and even then he is whiny bc he is full of guilt bc it's so wrong and he really shouldn't#but Jack is so willing and eager. a temptation and Sam isn't strong enough to resist#Dean can never find out tho#and even worse#Cas can never find out#pseudo incest
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A little promo with my little obsession on the side...........
Reminder all items are shipped from Poland - for details on shipping times check out FAQ or send me a private message!
mmezzy.bigcartel.com
#klance#halloween au#im projecting on the internet my own impostor syndrome#i feel that im awful and should be learning how to draw instead of writing shitty fics#and when i want to write a post and share a little doodle or smth - 'sorry' is right between the lines and its so frustrating#like???? nobody probably cares#im either here or im not#and if i need to finish that little abomination of a fic then so be it you'd think people wouldnt mind too much#and would still want to listen to my captions and see whatever silly doodle however silly it is as long as its true#..............but what if its all redundant#what if i cant draw after i had to flip my entire routine upside down#and will forever chase a thrill of feeling like a prolific artist and it will be always out of reach now#what if people scroll past my art and feel nothing now#what if world is filled with people who kinda hate klance but stay out of reflex and not bc its their deeply routed source of comfort#what if i reached an artistic plateau and will never be good enough#what if this is the limit of my 'talent'#what if i will forever love the projects i want to share but will always hate the execution of it wanting to fix it fix it fix it learn mor#i keep reading the little notes i get on orders#some screenshots i saved#i find good words and opinions and love letters to art as a whole#and i feel insufficient#subpar#i drew a comic about it to an old poem and still havent finished it#there is a point of trying your best when it stops feeling like a challenge and feels like a failure#its the moment where you keep going of course#and yet#there are emotions im sure nobody shares on social media bc we just try to get through them#but who else will take it better than tumblr tags#either way if im less around its because im dealing with creational self-hatred and artistic ambitions#but on the other hand arent all artists like that? i ran out of tag space btw have an awesome weekend
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What I need at some point in the show is presumed dead Hen. First, because Hen doesn't get enough whump, and I need to see her hurt while trying with all she has to get back to her family.
But mostly, I love to get brutally murdered by Tracie Thoms's acting. So in this scenario, I need Chimney to be the one telling her about Hen being presumed gone. And I need Karen to tell him that if it's a prank again it's not funny. I need her to beg him to tell her that it's a joke, that Hen is fine, to tell him that it's okay, she won't even be mad when he tells her the truth, but just tell her the truth, please tell her it's not true.
And that's how we end up with the "Grant Gustin next to Oliver Queen's grave" meme, except it's Tracie laughing at the 911 fandom's grave.
#😃👍#don't mind me i just rewatched tomorrow so i'm in my henren feels lmao#of course this all happens in the course of one episode and karen can't believe it so she doesn't tell the kids yet and so denny and mara#never have to find out that one of their moms was believed to be dead. we just see them visit her at the hospital or taking care of her at#home at the end of the episode. because these kids have had enough.#911#henren#karen wilson#hen wilson#chimney han#*
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This is how it feels hearing the Microsoft word read aloud feature read the cringy lines I just wrote
#like I know it's fine. it sounds fine when I read it in my head#but hearing robot lady's inflection makes me want to die#I mean if you're never comfortable enough to be cringe are you really living?#i am cringe but i am free#logan howlett#wolverine fanfiction#writing#fanfiction writing#also don't ask where I got this meme#I'm so sorry but I do not remember#TikTok maybe?#it's from several months ago#if anyone cares enough I can try and find out to give credit but I'm pretty sure I got it from someone else who stole it#so#it is what it is
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being loveless does suck sometimes but less bc of some "ohnooo I'll never be able to loooove what will I ever doooo" bs but because how the hell do you tell the ppl around you that you view all relationships as business transactions where the currency is care and support and the reward is trust? How do you tell someone "hey so I could not care less about you as a person but also I enjoy every second we spend together and I'd fight the universe for you if you asked and if you ever disappeared I probably wouldn't miss you but I'd still cry for all the things we never got to experience together" without being the asshole?
#loveless#loveless apl#loveless aplatonic#aplatonic#aplspec#loveless aro#loveless aromantic#so many times i find myself believing im a shitty person#for not being emotionally invested in others#i find it genuinely hard to truly care for other ppl#but it's like i do wanna help and support you!! i do wanna be there for you#and do stupid shit with you!!#id do anything a good friendship requires from me!!#and yet it never feels enough bc the needed emotions aren't behind the acts#not enough that i do it bc i wanna. not enough if it's not out of love#and like how could i blame them for it? how else would they react to#'hey i literally don't care about you. let's hang out anyway'?#(bestie if ur reading this. im sorry...?)#queer stuff
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(˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)
#Yesterday I bough my first b/sd volumes ever ajhvsdkajhsvdkajhdsv it's such a small thing but it's been making me all giddy#It's (predictably) volumes 9 and 20. That is to say the ss/kk covers volumes ajhsyzbadkjhbsad#I never thought it would have made much a difference to own them but now that I see them on my nightstand I'm so 🥰🥰🥰#I had to go to two different comic shops to find volume 20. B/sd is comparatively really that unpopular here pfftttt.#The print is a little on the dark end and the pages are very yellow in my opinion. But the image quality is so good and I'm 🥰🥰🥰#Volume 20 also has a slight blemish on it but eh. That was the only copy they had since I'm on time limit I couldn't risk it.#After all I only bought them so that I could have something to get signed!!! Man I hope everything goes well at the con 🥺🥺#I'm so nervous and it's not the good kind of nervous lol. I haven't even bought the tickets yet...#I swore to myself I would only buy them after I was done with this assignment and I'm still not done ಥ_ಥ#Ouhg I'll keep working on it today wish me luck...#The Dead Apple screening has been announced just now to take place on Thursday. “For the first time in the country”.#Who's gonna tell them that's a movie that came out seven years ago ajdhvcaskdjv.#I was hoping they'd finally dub it (we still never had a b/sd dub here. Talk about it being upopular) but since the authors will be there–#during the screening now I doubt it will ever be at all 💔💔 Deep sigh#Idk. Let's hope the panels are interesting. Let's hope they will make interesting announcements. Let's hope there's no awkward moment.#Let's hope my people are as kind and welcoming as possible.#God everyone who knows me knows how much I care about the value of hospitality. It's the first commandment for me!#And especially since it's. my hometown I'm nervous and I really care we make things good!! And leave the best impression#I don't know what was the point of this. Anxiety has been building up for a month ajsvdhvfjsdfjjhdsb#I'm grateful b/sd isn't popular here to the extent that I hope there won't be too many people lol.#I hope there's just enough people to make the authors satisfied and just not enough people to make me feel unsafe pfftttt.#Aaaahh whatever.#random rambles
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hate it when people’s idea of a harmless prank is genuinely trying everything in their power to make you believe something false just to make you feel gullible
hate it when i repeatedly tell somebody i’m not okay with a certain joke being made about me and they still do it often. even if they apologize immediately it still feels hollow and empty. respect my boundaries!
ok that is all have a nice day
#gear diary#my biggest peeve is people making me feel stupid#like my coworker who will swear to god that he isn’t lying when he IS just to mess with me#and THEN walk off and never even correct the false info so i just find out later on my own and feel REALLY GULLIBLE#and my fuckass classmate who won’t stop jokingly calling me stupid. i dont CARE if that’s how you joke with your friends bc#i already made it abundantly clear that i do NOT like those jokes. how many times must i look into your eyes dead serious and be like#“enough. i hate those jokes please take me seriously”#SCREAM!
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Living with Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors
Me: *Is super stressed over life.*
Trichotillomania: Time to pull some hair! C'mon. You won't even notice you're doing it. It'll make you feel better.
Me: NO. *Spends 4 days putting hair in a mini twist protective style* There.
Dermatillomania: Hey. Your hands are free. And restless. And dry... Pick your skin. Bleed. Bleed.
Me: Stop! *Starts up a new crochet project to keep hands busy.* Ok cool.
Onychophagia: Hi hi. Your nails are.... perfect biting length... you should do that.
Me: Noooooooooooo *Paints nails.*
Dermatillomania: Oh look, you got some nail polish on your skin. Pick it off... now pick some more...
Me: SDJAKFDSJFKLDKAFDJKLAFJDKSAKLFDASL
#is this tmi? oh well. this is the tmi website#trichotillomania#dermatillomania#onychophagia#bfrb#body focused repetitive behavior#ocd#guys guess what? my therapist all but prescribed that i get a manicure to prevent picking at my skin#apparently after a year with this therapist i never mentioned my finger picking until this week#and she was like 'ok since you find it tough to paint them yourself get a manicure. self care and preventative'#because my cuticles are horrific due to me constantly picking at them and the sides of my fingers#so i've always been too embarrassed to go to a nail salon and my therapist was like 'exposure therapy!'#currently my nails are sloppily painted because i can't hold a brush still and they're already chipping after like 5 days#actually they probably started chipping on the second day honestly.#i need to redo my twists a bit which actually satisfies the trich urges since i'll be running my fingers through my hair to do it#but i won't actually be pulling. but also. i will be getting the shed hairs out. so. kind of fulfills that.#but right now my nails are long enough for me to feel them sometimes hit my keyboard. which. isn't normal for me.#and despite the nail polish i feel the urge to bite them shorter ahhhhh#anyway if you're Black with natural hair and have trich i HIGHLY suggest mini twists since it helps deter me from pulling#sure i have to redo it every few weeks but seriously. game changer. harder to find individual hairs to pull.
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what do you mean your mother misspelled your name on your birth certificate how does that happen?????
So my name was meant to be Aoife my Dad picked it after reading a newspaper with an article about 2 conjoint twins that survived after separation (one was named Aoife the other other niamh) but he wasn't actually there when I was born as I have 2 older siblings that needed to be looked after so left to her own devices my mum spelt it Aoifa she claims she was very unwell after I was born but I've also seen my red book and my name is not spelt correctly (or even the same way twice) in that whole book
#ask#anon#i know she finds the whole thing really embarrassing#bc she never told me she got it wrong on my birth cert#and just told me to spell it Aoife#i found out tho when i was around 12#had a wee crisis#now i just spell it as it reads on my birth cert bc it makes forms easier#my mother hates this#she refuses to write it as Aoifa and keeps harping at me to get it legally changed#i remind her she had the chance to change it the whole first 15 years of my life#and i dont care enough to change it
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i think an underappreciated part of Being A “Functional Adult” is learning to appreciate something You Do Not Like, but a Loved One Does. it’s a skill you do need to work on, to listen to something You Do Not Care About, But They Do, but it is so, so worth it
#my friends are all like ‘you have such a good relationship with your relatives im jealous’#yeah its because even if I do not necessarily Enjoy a hobby i can still talk to them about it#like. just find the beauty in something#even if your first instinct is to hate it#do you know how much ive learned!! through family like this!! and learned to love??#i used to hate dogs. they were big and scary and gross#but i had a friend who was a dog trainer and i learned to appreciate them#i like dogs now!! i could never own one im too much of a pushover but i get why people like them!#i also used to not be interested in cars but i talked to someone who was into it and i went ‘oh that’s really cool!! im so glad you feel#comfortable enough to share something you love with me. im honored’#and i found out i do like cars! i appreciate parts of them because someone i love likes it enough to show it to me#it’s not!! about!!! me!!! its about what they love and why they love it!!#they love and a topic and they love you#it’s wonderful!#this DOES apply to kink btw.#but its mostly about hobbies and interests#this also makes you a much more tolerable person to be around#im not listening because i am kind i am kind because i listen!!#listening to people makes you understand them! it makes you appreciate the world around you more and hobbies you didnt think about#i wasn’t interested in quilting until i talked to my mother about it and found out why she loves it so much#its a labor of love and i wasnt thinking about it like that#this is also how older generations mostly made friends. they like you more#i thought i couldn’t care about warhammer but my brother loves it and i found parts of it i like! i hate horror games yet#i talk to people who do love horror. and find out why. it’s wildly interesting to talk about things you don’t think interest you#dont knock it till you try it but also dont knock it until you talk to someone who loves it#vent#(ish)
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I'm still so unironically upset about the minecraft movie
#yeah its ugly as shit and makes a mockery of the themes of the game. yeah. anyway#what do you mean the pink sheep gets torn limb from limb and is screaming in pain.#what do you mean jack block crafted his elytra using iron#what do you mean that creepers are neutral mobs that only explode if punched#what do you mean that the end is never mentioned#what do you mean that the 2 female characters stay behind to build a house (despite ones whole motivation being finding her brother)#i actually shed tears when i learned that last one. the minecraft movie just barely passes the Bechtel test. im so upset about it#its a game ive loved for years and they get show an ounce of that love back? my favorite memories of friends and family includes minecraft.#i forced my mom to play and she got nauseous trying to focus. me and my brother would play together almost every day#i went to a sleepover and ended up staying up almost the whole night playing minecraft with her brother (she left to sleep hours before us)#i would run around the lbp inspired world for hours. i celebrated the first time i found a pink sheep#i recorded myself playing on my moms computer at 9 y/o and cheated shit in and i disnt care because i was having FUN. its still on youtube.#theres no love in that movie. and i feel like i should be able to laugh about it but i just cant#“just a kids movie isnt enough reason to release slop”#like. ok. story time.#im so tired.#minecraft#minecraft movie#im going to be forced to watch the movie by my parents soon and i hate watching movies this is gonna suck#but no... 'you like minecraft this is a minecraft movie and we never do anything as a FAMILY so we are gonna watch it!' fuck off???#like we didnt crowd into the living room to play vr games or anything... like we DO HAVE common interests. you dont gotta do this to us.#i know im being dramatic. im well aware. as someone whos been playing this game since i was 8; i think im entitled to a little drama#im aloud to be upset about a mockery of a movie that i wont even be aloud to make fun of#i know for a fact that my mom wil get mad at me if i point out the plot holes or bad cgi or complain in any way so#gotta do that here i guess.
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Concept sketch of my new JJBA self insert and her stand, BellaDonna (who will eventually be known as Madonna). Inspired by the song 'Like a Prayer' by...well, Madonna! @sapphire-heart-tippy
(lore dump under the cut, TW for mentions of animal injury and religious trauma)
My self insert (who will also go by Jane) grew up in a deeply religious family and tried to be a good jehovah's witness child that made her parents proud.
One day, she comes up with the power to heal various injuries and ailments, almost to the point of being able to revive the dead. She figures she's given this power by the lord himself and vows to do good with it, but when she's found using them to heal a bird that had been wounded by a cat, her mother falls into hysterics thinking that she MUST be possessed by the devil to have such abilities.
She's punished and shunned by her community while her mother prays for a cure and though she tries to repent her power doesn't seem to go away, so eventually her mother snaps and drags her into the wilderness and attempts to throw her to the bottom of an old well.
Her Stand, which had previously not manifested physically, appears then to cushion her fall and eventually she manages to pull herself out of the well with her Stand's help, who she now believes to be a guardian angel. But not wanting to return home, she runs away to face the world alone, growing jaded and bitter over time. She loses all of her faith, and the power to heal inverts itself, becoming a sort of poison. Something that LEECHES life, rather than heal it.
When she's an adult (my age irl so 25 I guess) she's made her way by becomes a bounty hunter/assassin using her Stand and eventually catches the attention of Dio. Who takes her in and explains to her what her Stand REALLY is, promising to teach her how to properly wield those powers if she agrees to serve him. She reluctantly takes his offer, but starts to see him as a familial figure, since no one else had ever tried to nurture or even accept her gift. Dio is the one who giver her Stand the name BellaDonna, after the deadly plant!
#artfarts#self insert#self ship#self insert art#jojo self insert#jojo oc#jjba#jjba oc#jjba part 3#stardust crusaders#jojo's bizarre adventure#and of course wehehehe she meets polnareff and they eventually get together!!#so...i actually kinda forgot that polnareff actually ALSO starts off as an agent of dio 😂😂 with the mind control thing#idk just HOW influential the buds can be. he seems to retain his personality and it just sorta...dictates his morality#and also does whatever dio says. so when he DOES get mind probed by dio my s/i is already his agent#and what im saying is even when they meet THEN hes flirty as hell and immediately interested in her#cause OFC he is thats his personality 😂😂 its his nature hes french#and ofc we know he gets the bud removed and he joins the main cast so im trying to figure out how jane fits in!!#i definitely dont think she joins or turns immediately#i think they capture her first to CHECK for a bud and when they dont find it theyre like...well what now#pol wont let them kill her so they just sorta drag her along and over time she starts to have a change of heart#i think she expects dio to send someone after her or to save her himself but when other agents keep coming and trying to kill her TOO#she realizes he never really cared about her at all#blah blah angsty stuff aside she starts seeing who polnareff truly is and starts falling for him too!!#ok ive rambled enough here if u read all of this mwah im kissing ur forehead 🫶🫶🫶#🩶 just like a prayer 🩶
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no matter how much my life is improving, i still feel empty and alone
#i got a new job#i like it so far but i thought it would make me happier#it has a little bit i still just feel.. strange#like it isn’t enough#i’m lonely#it’s hard to make friends and i don’t know what to do anymore#i want a boyfriend#i just want someone who cares about me and accepts me#i miss freddy but he hasn’t talked to me in years#i miss the way he made me feel#i worry i’ll never have that again#its still hard to move on because i haven’t experienced anything since#i miss having friends#doing things#life is so lonely#i want to have fun#i want to go out a d have dinner or a picnic avd play in the grass and swing on swing sets#but my life is passing by and i’m still alone#and i’m sad#no matter how much money i make or clothes i buy make me feel better#i just feel worse#because it’s not meaningful#i just want to find something that gives my life meaning#i want love#i want to be in love#but i am starting to wonder if im just unlovable#anyways i’m just yapping cause i have no one to talk to
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