#and I mean. hard hard HARD drugs

[weabooweedwitch]

I um

I do not think my mother and I are safe in our own home anymore and I have some serious concerns

[hotdogmchiggin]

I guess DARE wasn’t a thing in Goron City

[deadscell]

You receive one drug addiction, I receive one burnt Alessa…….

[feldsparred-mo-reblogs]

No nuance november: If your main headcanon for Gabbro is that they are "a stoner" because "they are so chill" I actually don't want to hear anything else you are saying because I am already bored

[scentofpines]

i got an email today from my uni that was sent to all students from the faculty i'm in and it's a job offer for a project from the uni's school museum where they catalogue and analyze old school note/exercise books from 1820-1950s and...idk i should probably apply right??? They're not even asking for a CV (mine would be empty), how often do you get that lmao. And it's only 6 hours a week, starting this October and the project is supposed to last 3 months and there is a possibilty of the museum hiring you for longer. And i mean, if it sucks i guess i can push through the 3 months? should i do it ahhhh my panic brain is screaming but it's not often that there is a job offer that is that nice

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

i'm kind of amazed how most of the stardew marriage candidates just want you to be their manic pixie dream whatever by agreeing with everything they like and plying them with compliments or praise or whatever (which is fine but a bit. Much) but for shane his romance is just you being there for him while he figures his own shit out... dunno why i never wanted to romance him before he's so good

[gcldfanged]

Me: My stomach hurts, I can't keep anything down, I'm losing nutrition from anything I manage to eat, so I'm chugging pedialyte like it's rum- Stepmom: You drink too much coffee and need to go to the gym, I can't believe you don't know this already Me: Me: *stares her right in the eyes and pours another fucking mug of coffee*

[party-lemon]

i hope you all know (i have never told you this) that i have a very very cute cat called klaus, named so after my family binged umbrella academy three-ish years ago

[trans-axolotl]

for about two years now ive struggled with relapses in self harm and have not really known how to deal with my desires for harm, health, and existing thoughts on antipsychiatry. ive been accessing psychiatric resources for well over a decade with a lot of trauma inflicted over that time. ive also dealt with really harsh approaches to reducing self harm that both began the problem in the first place and worsened it.

ive been working with my therapist to stop self harming but, to be honest, i have no desire to stop. i try my best to reduce risk where i can such as not self harming in an emotional state, using clean implements, and keeping it light. previously i didnt care about any of those things and self harm was mainly a dangerous coping mechanism. but now i see it almost as a form of body modification with a lot of intentionality to it.

i really dont know what to think. its objectively dangerous since i am harming myself but i also cant agree with the general aims of therapy and psychiatry to stop self harming as an ultimate goal. i want to be happy and healthy and for me that means living with self harm as a reality of something i will continue to do. and i think its my right as an autonomous person to choose what i do with my body, even if its harmful. yet i can feel the claws of psychiatry and feel so much shame and hatred towards the fact i cant stop. or more significantly, that i dont want to.

sorry for such a long ask, but essentially what im getting at is, how does one handle harm reduction when there is no desire to ever fully stop? i believe in my own right to bodily autonomy but ive also been told repeatedly that using my bodily autonomy to harm myself makes me undeserving of it and instead in need of carceral punishment. how do i even begin to navigate those contradictions of feeling like ive been horribly hurt and dehumanized and feeling like on some level ive deserved that dehumanization because of the pain i inflict? is self harm as body modification even a concept or idea that people have discussed? since i mainly just see it discussed as a coping mechanism.

content note: continued discussion of self harm and self harm methods.

Hi, anon. Thanks so much for reaching out.

I really resonated with so much of what you shared. It's really hard to try to navigate all our feelings associated with self harm when we are constantly hearing from society that our self harm makes us dangerous or unworthy or unable to live outside of institutions. For me, it honestly feels really violating when other people like providers try to push their narrative of what self harm means onto me. My relationship with my self harm is so personal and there's a lot of different meaning I attach to it, and I want the room to be able to talk about it in a way that actually makes sense to me.

Something that's helped me in trying to navigate all of this for myself is really just to come back to these values of bodily autonomy and harm reduction. A really important harm reduction value for me is that it is completely okay if people don't ever stop (whether we're talking about drugs, self harm, disorderly eating, etc). It's important to me that we can defend people's right to do all these things and recognize that harm reduction should not be just another method of coercion trying to convince people to stop. I strongly believe that people can have meaningful and valuable lives that also include self harm as a part of our lives. I want to build a world where we can say that we're not interested in completely stopping self harm and that statement is not reacted to with shame or blame, but rather with curiosity and respect for the fact that we are the experts on our own lives and choices. Part of encouraging autonomy is recognizing that we are allowed to make choices about our lives that might not be what the psych system wants us to make.

Anyway, all of this is to say: I think it's okay if you're not interested in ever stopping self harming, and I know a lot of people who also feel similarly to you. You absolutely have the right to interpret your self harm in a way that makes sense for you. I've definitely heard other people talk about self harm as body modification (I think some of the harm reduction zines in this google drive might talk about it, but I haven't read through them in a while. Continued content note for discussion of self harm, self harm methods, and diagrams of anatomy and self harm). It makes a lot of sense why you might connect self harm and body modification, and that's something that would resonate with a lot of other people. You have the right to build a life that includes self harm as a part of it, and find a way to do it that makes sense for your body and life.

That feeling of dehumanization you described is so so real. I really just feel a lot of rage towards a psychiatric system that makes us feel so hurt and conflicted. Untangling that learned shame and hatred towards ourselves is so fucking hard, but just know that you are not alone in that and that we have the right to reject the ways the psych system punishes us.

And I want to be clear that none of this is to downplay the very real harm, pain, or risk that can come with self harm, but rather to point out that abstinence only methods, shame, and carceral psychiatry did not do anything to support me with that. Instead, it left me feeling trapped and like it was worthless to even try to figure out what I needed in really difficult moments. So I also really just want to acknowledge and celebrate all the stuff you listed in your ask--using clean implements, not self harming in an emotional state, and keeping it light. I'm really glad that you've found some steps to take that make self harm more manageable for you. Those are not lesser steps or a waste of your time just because you are not interested in stopping self harm, and those things are such a great example of how harm reduction doesn't require you to stop self harming in order to make some changes that reduce risk.

Just sending a lot of love and solidarity to you, anon, from another person who is not interested in completely stopping self harm, even as my relationship to my self harm shifts and changes over the years. There are a lot of us out here and we deserve to have the space to openly talk about these things without facing judgement.

💜💜💜💜

[spitblaze]

We joke abt parents saying 'it's bc you're always on ur phone' type shit but my mom went a step further and printed out pop science articles talking abt how video games stimulate the same parts of the brain as hard drugs and left them in the kitchen for me to just happen across in the morning before I went to school

[princessbunniedoll]

hmm

[mamawasatesttube]

every day people are wrong about kon on the internet. and i am being SO brave about it

[kitsuna21-alt]

When I have to listen to my parents stance on drug addicts, mentally ill people, and homeless people

[miutonium]

Yesterday during Pre-FYP pitch:

[pyrepostings]

Whumperless whump event: “It's just a nightmare. You're safe.”

Free Birds and Fiddlers

Cw: discussions of noncon drugging, of noncon/dubcon sexual violence, of nudity and torture. Implied whumpee turned whumper.

~~~

Kevin knocked on the door softly before letting himself in anyway. Julian had said his door was always open to Kevin, and lately he's had to take advantage of that promise more than he'd like.

The room was dark, but even so Kevin knew where the small table and chairs were, and the small lantern which provided just enough glow to see by.

Julian stirred. "Mmh, Kevin? What is it?"

"Sorry for waking you. I couldn't sleep, and I hoped you would be still awake too. But it can wait until morning."

"It's alright. Just give me a second to wake up."

Kevin curled up on the chair, and ran his hand through his hair a few times. Once Julian had a decency of clothes on, he turned the lamp on his desk on, casting the room into what could actually be called light.

With a pitcher of water and a pair of cups in hand, Julian sat down across from Kevin. With a voice even lower with sleep than it normally was, he asked, "What's wrong, Kev?"

Kevin ran a hand through his hair once more. "I couldn't sleep. Nightmare."

"Mhm. Do you want to talk about it, or are you here for a distraction?"

"Talk about it, I think."

One of the cups, now full, was slid across the table into Kevin's slightly shaking hands. He didn't realize how dry his mouth was until he took a sip.

"What happened?"

Kevin started slowly. "It was about John. Or at least, that's the part that's still bothering me. It started like one I've had before, you know, where I'm on my back in the sand at the base of the wall, and I can't even breathe for the pain. This one started as that one. But, it morphed before the part where I get helped up."

Kevin was breathing hard as he continued. "I was still on my back, but in a bed now. I- it was John's. When he knocked me out. He already had me pinned, my side burned like it was an actual knife instead of that fucking needle. I couldn't fight him off-"

He had trouble fighting off tears in the present as well, and bit his knuckles in the effort.

"I couldn't fight him and then I couldn't fight at all. I felt frozen in my body. But I could still feel it, in the dream. I could still feel his hands, the weight. I could feel his mouth- an- and I couldn't stop it. I couldn't even yell at him I just had to take it. It felt so real."

Julian was silent for a moment. "Do you think he touched you like that after you went unconscious?"

"I don't know. He says- he swears he didn't, that he got the others as soon as I was out but- it's not like I can trust his word now."

"Have you had this specific dream before?"

Kevin shook his head. "No. I told you about the ones from the actual interrogation. I've been getting those a lot. But those are all memories, accurate as far as I can tell. But this- is my subconscious trying to tell me what happened?"

"Kev, it's possible that he touched you like that, but it's also possible that it was just a nightmare. People get exaggerated nightmare scenarios all the time. And with no proof of what happened specifically, you have to decide what you trust more."

"A liar and traitor verses my own traumatized nightmare. Grand."

"I suppose the more important question is what do you want to do about this?"

Kevin put his elbows on the table and palms to his eyes, as if blocking out sight would help him think. "I don't know. If that part really was just a nightmare I can't just punish him more for it. It wouldn't be fair to retaliate for crimes that only happened in my head. But it felt real. If- if he did touch me like that-

"I already consider what happened that night to be rape. But until now I just thought it went to the deception and no further. I didn't really entertain the idea that he might have kept going-"

That wasn't entirely true. He had entertained the idea for a moment when he woke up in the dungeon without the last article of clothing he had before being knocked out. He had thought about it enough since then to pursue that line of questioning briefly once John was captured and being the one interrogated by the enemy faction.

And each time, he pushed those thoughts away. He didn't want to believe them. He wanted to believe John told the truth that it went as far as the orders he was given and no further. But he just didn't know that for sure.

"You don't have to decide anything right now. I can talk to him if you'd like. You can't change that it happened if it did, but would a confession from him help? To know for sure at least?"

Kevin nodded, tearily. "I think so? I don't know."

"And that's ok. You don't have to know right now. All that matters is that the nightmare's over, you're safe."

Masterlist

@whumperless-whump-event

[mutalune]

hey siri how do I stop feeling gutwrenchingly anxious in the guilt way for using the treatment methods available to me to not be in constant misery