#and I haven’t been able to sleep well in days
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Lost Trio Week- Day 7: “Cozy”
@lost-trio-week
“Jason?! Leo?! Jason!!”
The choked cry woke Jason up. He heard broken gasps, and saw, in the low light of the streetlamps seeping in from underneath the curtains, the outline of a figure sat up, hugging themselves and shaking.
He heard movement. “It’s okay, Piper!” Leo’s voice reassured, from the other side of her. They’d made a den of pillows and blankets and were all curled up together on the floor.
“We’re here. We’re okay,” Jason soothed, pulling her into a hug. She was shivering and whimpering.
“Lights!” Leo called. The room suddenly brightened, and Jason saw Piper’s tear-stained face and shocked expression.
“I.. I s-… s-saw…” She gulped.
Leo curled in closer to her, shifting to pull his blanket over the three of them.
“I know,” Jason said, “I know. But we’re safe. We’re here.”
“We’re fine, Piper, see?” Leo held out his wrist, demonstrating by pressing two fingers against the veins. He then held his hand out for Piper to try. She reached out with trembling fingers, and tentatively grabbed his wrist.
“See? Not dead,” Leo assured her, “Very much alive. Feel that pulse? Still kickin’!”
Piper let out a strangled sob at the feel of Leo’s skin under the touch of her fingers. Jason offered his own arm, and she felt his pulse too.
“It’s okay, Piper,” Jason reminded her, “We’re all safe.”
Leo turned away from them, stretching out across the pillow fort to grab the Pringles. He unpopped the lid, reached into the tube, and started munching. “Sleepo’er w’s’a great i’ea,” He said, his mouth full of potato chips.
“I’m glad you guys are here,” Piper said, her voice more stable, yet still shaky, “I really am.”
Jason looked around at them, “Well I dunno about you guys, but I don’t think I can get back to sleep.”
Leo rubbed his hands together, “Right! I believe we were in the middle of a very important Tinker Bell movie marathon?”
“You really do love those movies, don’t you?” Piper asked.
Leo looked offended, “Hey! It’s an impeccably well-written franchise teaching the whole family about personal growth and the power of friendship!”
Jason pushed him, playfully, “You’re such a macho man, Valdez.”
“Also, as a fellow tinker, I feel represented, okay? Let my girl have her moment!”
Piper groaned, and switched on the TV.
“Hell, yeah!” Leo yelled.
Jason drew his blanket in closer to the two of them, and rested his head on Piper’s shoulder.
“I’m so thankful I have you guys,” Piper whispered.
“Awww, we love you too, beauty queen,” Leo said.
“Yeah,” Jason agreed, “I can’t think how hard it must’ve been for you to watch us both die like that.”
“I mean, the dying itself was pretty hard too,” Leo reminded him.
“You’re right,” Piper said, “I shouldn’t be complaining when you both-“
“Hey. No. That’s not what I meant,” Leo interjected, “We’ve all seen some shit. We are all very fortunate to still be here and be able to cozy up with a movie. Not many demigods get to do that. Now shh- we’re about to meet Periwinkle.”
The three of them turned their attention back to the screen, and Jason was grateful, not for the first time, that he’d finally found his trio.
— — — — — — — — —
Aaaand that is a wrap on Lost Trio Week!! What a fic to end on. Short but sweet. I can’t wait to see what y’all think of these once I come back off hiatus, although, I have a feeling you haven’t heard the last of me yet… ;)
@euryvices-deactivated20241019 @deciduowl @lavenderfairiez @ottpopfic @ginnyluna @groverapologist @echo-stimmingrose @demigod-shenanigans @keefessketchbook @sleepyycapybara @123letsgobestie @kaleidoskuls @fairytalesociology @four-leafed-queer-gal @child-of-helios @green-tea217 @puzzled-pegasus @twomanyfandomshelp @lokiwiiiiiii @yoshuko-ew @frayna-of-the-hollow @via-rant @daonedaonlyskh @hadeslegacyhephgirl @siimplyapril @pjowasmy1stfandom @thetourturedwritersclub @m-for-now
#lost trio week#the lost trio#lost trio#the lost hero#lost hero#jasipereo#percy jackson#pjo#pjo fandom#pjo hoo toa#percy jackson fandom#percy jackson and the heroes of olympus#pjo hoo#pjo hoo toa tsats#leo valdez fanfic#heroes of olympus fanfic#jason grace fanfic#percy jackson fanfiction#piper mclean fanfic#piper mclean#leo valdez#leo pjo#leo valdez pjo#pjo leo#jason pjo#jason grace#pjo piper#piper pjo#piper hoo#poppitron360’s twelve fics of christmas
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#I feel#so so so terrible#every time things start to look up they just suddenly get worse#these past couple days have been so#so overwhelming#everyone around me is so happy and excited that they were able to meet to ‘celebrate me’#and I have to lie to everyone and say that I’m happy they’re here#but it’s all just too much#and they keep MESSING UP THINGS#and I haven’t been able to sleep well in days#I know I’ll get waken up tomorrow after I sleep for like four hours or something#my back hurts#my shoulders hurt#MY BROTHER KEEPS BITING ME#my ribs hurt a lot from overbinding#a couple days ago it was my ‘grad party’#I got a plate of food#sat at the table#my eyes started to tear up so I went to my room#I just sat on my bed and cried for awhile#just stayed up there for the rest of dinner#got dragged down to cut the cake#when I had the knife in my hand it just made me think of cutting myself with it#now I can’t sleep and my brain won’t stop giving me thoughts about ending it all#and I have no one to talk to about everything#if every chapter of my life is just going to involve more and more misery#why do I keep trying to do anything?#I suffered for so long#and it FELT LIKE it all paid off but I just don’t know anymore#am I going to suffer every year of my life until I die?
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This was truly a horrible period of my life to develop insomnia cuz it gets past 11 pm and I’m desperately trying to sleep but I can’t and all I do is open and close the message app firmly and desperately telling myself not to be fucking stupid and send messages I know I shouldn’t
#this sucks this sucks this sucks so fucking hard#I always thought people exaggerated how much this sucked and how much it affected them#I never understood how that could be true#well. I get it now!!!!#fucking wish I didn’t#thanks#also just I’m tired and I would like to sleep#normal insomnia gripes#I haven’t slept more than 4-5 hours a night in a week now and I haven’t been able to nap either#past few days I know part of that is being sick#but still#ugh#I’m tired#kaz rambles
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🌻 ₊˚⊹ ࿔ 🌳
#the weather is so lovely today. it’s breezy and cool but the sun is warm so it’s not too cold or too hot out.#i wish it was like this forever.#ive been feeling so tired lately. physically n mentally & idk if its an underlying health issue or bc i haven’t been sleeping super well#the past few days i wake up in the middle of the night but im able to go back to sleep fairly quickly. but i STILL feel exhausted.#im supposed to talk about my lab results w my doc tmrw on the phone so. i hope everything is okay but tbh i wouldn’t be surprised if#something wasn’t optimal. my iron was okay last time i checked it though. sigh i just idefk anymore.#im sick of everything. im irritable for no reason. i don’t wanna do anything. like anything. i just want to rot in my bed#and even my interests are slowly slipping away from me. writing? couldn’t care less if i don’t write anything for the rest of the year tbh.#reading? i couldn’t even care to browse the shelves when we went to the bookstore the other day and it scared the shit out of me#kpop? meh.#i have a massive to do list and uni starts in a month and i have no energy. + dealing with my own brain and nonsensical thoughts on top#of that. overthinking anxiety all that super great stuff.#im also sick of putting in 110% into my relationships and getting half of it back. family friends whoever. and it makes me so sad. +#i feel like nobody even understands me. or even tries to or wants to.#im just tired#sick and tiredddddd#actually a bit sick too my throat hurts#anyways whatever#it’ll be fine i guess#i don’t want to give up but i don’t have any desire to push through im sort of just. floating. ill deal with it when i deal with it#♡ dear diary…
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Good night. It’s midnight here
#nah bc why did#I get sleep paralysis yesterday night .#I wanna know why#it’s been a couple months since it happened#well#I think it’s bc I haven’t been sleeping well these past few days (I was streaming txt concerts 😭)#well watching it from txtarchive (at least for the day 1) and I realized I wasn’t able#to do it anymore bc I was tooo sleepy#so#I just didn’t bother watching lol#but I did wake up to go to the bathroom one night and watched a bit of it before getting sleepy#so yeah it was probably do#to the lack of sleep
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How things are going again… update I guess? Still can’t figure out how to read more on mobile. I’m just typing this out so it can leave my head.
#nights are really hard for me#mornings are also really hard for me#I think my jobs burning me out#and I haven’t been able to sleep very well much at all#I’ve only been getting 3-5 hours if I’m lucky because my nightmares are really bad so I usually just stay awake#I mean I have to get up at 4am anyway so what’s the point#do you know how it feels to be in pain but you can’t cry because your body’s grown so used to it?#so it feels like crying because it’s Wednesday again#which I can’t justify because tommorrow is Thursday and that is your new normal#your new normal is working so hard you don’t have the time to see your dog and your cars ac is out and you spend all your money on the room#you sleep in 15 minutes away from the office you are stuck at more than 11hoirs a day#you ask your job to adjust your schedule and they say they can’t without cutting your hours and you need the money to survive#it’s too much#but feeling this way or not feeling this way won’t make a difference because the only other options will make your living situation harder#I’m so tired but I don’t have any better options right now so I have to keep waking up and working#I feel horrible spending time with me friends because I get tired after an hour and I worry that I’ve become#too flaky or something#I can’t stay up late and I’m already stressed out so I just can’t keep up with everyone and I don’t want to be a drain#I wish my heart would just stop some times#my meds stop me from hurting myself or crying or sleeping too long but these feelings always come to me when I wake up#I’m disappointed I woke up again#I don’t want to keep doing this I don’t know how long I can keep going#my body is breaking down like my car is breaking down#I don’t want to keep doing this I need more than a day off work a week I want to see my dog I don’t want to be poor but I don’t want to#wake up just to spend all day in an office getting yelled at while my coworkers come in and leave before me#I know I can do this I know I need to keep doing this I know there’s nothing better for me than this#I shouldn’t say these horrible things out loud because they’ll just wear me down faster#there’s nothing that will help me I need to help myself#this is en endurance test and I need to keep it up because if I fail I will lose so much more than I have#I wish I could cry I wish I could break down and scream but what would be the point? it won’t help it won’t fix anything m
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won’t lie, experiencing some horrors
#just cried uncontrollably for like 20 mins#cried like 3 times yesterday too#i have no energy for like anything rn.. went to buy new glasses today tried on 15 pairs hated them all and then went back to my car#and cried because i really need new glasses since i fucked up my current pair and they don’t sit right now and dig into my face#tw death . my grandma passed away while i was flying home from canada#and it sucks because everyone got to be with her and say goodbye but i didn’t#and there’s a viewing tomorrow and my dad thinks i should go since it will be my last chance to see her but i don’t want to#i get that it’s a healing way to say goodbye for some people but i don’t want to see my oma lifeless#i know i’ll never get to see her again and that fucking sucks but she’s gone and i don’t want to see her like that#plus i have work and i already called in sick 2 days i don’t want to leave them short again even if it’s understandable#anyway the funeral is on tuesday at least i have the day off already and don’t have to worry about work#everything sucks soooooo fucking bad rn i won’t lie i’m not doing too great#and i miss el so much like i would kill to be able to hug my gf right now#their mom sent me a video today of them laying on the couch with their parents cat cuz they visited for father’s day#and i’ve cried twice while watching it…#argh. anyway. going to go watch a silly little video of some sort and maybe sleep early cause i haven’t been sleeping well#it’ll be ok 🧡#p
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it isn’t the end of the semester but i’m already having my end of the semester breakdown oh my GOD I am going to have a heart attack. sprite save me
#nothing is done!! not my applications not my interviews etc#I am running out of time to graduate in June and I could just graduate in august but then I have to admit to my family that I fucked up bad#it takes 3-6 weeks to get IRB approval I need to step on it#it’ll take at least 4 for my paid leave forms for work to go through and I don’t know if it’ll get approved#and if it does when do my benefits start#I feel like an idiot where those forms are concerned because it needs an occupation code and I don’t know if it’s specific#or if I can just select the one that best matches my job description and I can’t find that info anywhere#my body is literally shutting down I have two golf ball sized tumors and I can’t get out of bed but I can’t sleep#my car is kaputt and I have to call several different shops to get it seen because the one I took it to couldn’t fix it#and is any of it worth it!! is any of it!!#I cried for like three hours today bc I tried to talk to my mom about it and. well. she was very much a mom about it and not helpful#like yeah! obviously I want to graduate in June! but my research isn’t even approved because I haven’t been able to get myself#to complete the application for the last six months! Jesus Christ!#I can’t sleep and I’m so tired I’m so so tired my brain just straight up isn’t working!#I swear to god if I finally meet with my advisor and he does his well you don’t seem to need my help bullshit again#I’m gonna actually snap and kill him#anyway. need to do three things by end of Wednesday. just three things#clean. irb. and paid leave. that’s it that’s all.#it’s what I’ve tried to do the last four days and I’ve accomplished none of it but. Jesus Christ it’s gotta get done#FOUR THINGS I have to call the shop to get an estimate for a car I’m not even going to bother to fix#ok vent session over#delete later#fkdjdjshhaa im a MESS#sprite save me 😭#save me sprite. save me
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happy christmas eve if you celebrate it 🎄 if not I still love you and hope you have a lovely day ❤️
#my brother’s coming to visit for a few days!#I’m excited to see him and glad he’s coming here bc I won’t be able to go to either of the family dinners#which I’m devastated about#I’m doing better but moving around or doing anything still just drains me physically and mentally#and I haven’t been sleeping well at all#so I know it’s what’s best#it just still sucks#lindsey rambles
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nothing like a day of almost passing out since the moment you wake up because it’s extremely hot and you have to do housework
#lemon man talks#I’m gonna throw up#I couldn’t even have breakfast I had to go straight to cooking#If I step into the kitchen I’m actually gonna pass out I have low pressure problems#Also had to do laundry dishes and set the table yipee#And my brother is. Playing roblox. Very helpful.#He’s fully capable of at least taking his dirty laundry to the washing machine but nooo he throws everything into his chair and i have to#Sort through a disgusting clothing pile to figure out what’s clean and what’s dirty AND take it to the machine#And my parents just let him do whatever while giving me more orders and well let’s just say I haven’t had a single day off since summer#Break started#And I’m going on a big trip soon!! For studying!! In like a few days in fact!!#My grandma is here visiting so she’s sleeping in my room and I have to sleep with my fucking brother!!!#I can’t do anything and I had to move all my things and clean my room for my grandma to spend 3 days there!!!!! I’m ok#I’ve been having the worst 3 years of my life but whatever I don’t need a break who needs a break#I had to listen to my mom discuss why people shouldn’t get medication yesterday at lunch. I hate it here.#I can’t even get a diagnosis and now i know that if I did get it I wouldn’t be able to get medication. Rejoice!#Yesterday I joked about my mom changing my name legally to something stupid like tangerine and my father said “there won’t be a change whil#I’m still alive” fuck you if you don’t die then I’m killing you with hammers I hate you so much you’ve destroyed my life already thanks#Well this was. A rant#Byesies
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vent post lol
#eating disorder#ed#eating disorder tw#huh so it’s been a while but this has been eating me up (no pun intented) for like a week#so basically i’ve had a lot and i mean A LOT of stomach issues this past 6 months or so#between stress and problems and fucking salmonella alongside other illnesses#i’ve puked a lot#and i mean a lot#so of course that has taken a toll on my body#both physically and mentally#about a month and a half ago i went to a gastroenterologist after one of the worst puking episodes i’ve ever had#and just last week i was puking my guts out bc pms and my period#hell i almost missed my graduation bc my stomach was killing me that day out of fear and stress#i almost skipped on a trip because my stomach was killing me out of stress#so yeah pretty much that#and so after the episode/going to the gastroenterologist that was kinda my wake up call#so i’ve been trying my hardest to lead a healthier lifestyle#working out eating well sleeping well etc etc#emphasis on trying tho bc old habits die hard#and last week a lady i barely remembered said to my face first thing oh my god you look so much skinnier!!!!! you look so good!!!!!#god i wanted to die on the spot#cause like i’ve been so ill and my disordered thoughts just fucking spiraled out of control#and i hate hate hate that i haven’t been able to shake that off#i triggered me a lot and i’m so scared#i swear i’ve been trying i swear with my life but i can’t get her fucking voice out of my head and the satisfaction i felt when she said it#and idk i feel so fucking weird and odd and i’ve been looking at my body the whole week#bodychecking and doing stupid stuff#idk i just needed to vent lol#it’s so so so weird#please i just want to have a healthy relationship with my body and food and working out
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man I can’t wait to go home, take a hot bath, lay in bed, and indulge in keigo content
#cam speaks#I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him since I woke up#my man my man my man#today is gonna be such a slow day at work too bc of the football game#and I haven’t been sleeping well lately like fuck I need my bed and man RIGHT NOW
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It’s snowing outside and the heat in the apartment is broken and won’t go higher than 60 and has been that way for four days now and I’m sicker than I’ve been in a long time it’s like the universe is watching me desperately try to be more positive and think about/engage with the good things and is just going fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you
#have officially lost my voice as of this morning#I went to a doctor the day before yesterday#and they were like well it’s not COVID strep or pneumonia so you’re just gonna have to wait it out#man fucking kill me#I haven’t been able to sleep in days cuz I keep waking up coughing#or freezing cold due to the heat situation#my ears hurt my throat hurts I have to carry tissues around every cuz everything I cough or sneeze… uh yeah#I know I need to fight the fact that I have legitimately internalized that the universe hates me and only bad things happen to me#but again it’s hard to do that when it literally feels that way 😭#even people who know me will talk about how I seem to have the worst luck known to fucking man#like dawg come on#kaz rambles
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Miserable for stupid fucking reasons
#I didn’t sleep well and that alone has made today just awful#I’m exhausted and I haven’t been able to take a break at home since 7:45 this morning#which is dumb as hell because most normal Americans have jobs that take up that entire time and they’re normal about it#idk I’m just frustrated about the lab and the lack of time I’ve had to myself today#I’ve been stuck in waiting mode all fucking day which means constant simmering anxiety in addition to not being able to do Anything#and I didn’t get a proper lunch because all that I had time for was a snack from the vending machine#I got home briefly to relax but the bus took extra long to pick me up and get me here so now I have to leave AGAIN to go do MORE lab stuff#probably won’t be home before 10#I just need a nap and a meal so bad#like it’s stupid to be overwhelmed these problems are so unimportant#im just exhausted and every little inconvenience is Too Much
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#lee’s bullshit#last post of the evening bc I do need to go to bed but#I’ve been so stressed since coming home that I lost this bracelet at the airport bc like I couldn’t find it anywhere and knew I packed it#but haven’t seen it since leaving school + have looked everywhere at home#but j checked my backpack pocket and it was in there. bright green silicone. nearly cried.#like I have so few physical memories of my best friend bc we were so young when we were still close .#And by none I mean like there’s two photos I have from my mom of us together and that’s it. plus the one from his funeral.#and I have been taking such good care of this bracelet since getting it and making sure not to lose it that I genuinely almost cried#bc like. I don’t have anything else really.#There’s nothing physical from days of and grass and snow but lost sensations and closed up splinter holes.#so even tho the lettering is all faded off it doesn’t matter bc i still have one last rope to hold on to when he swings away.#I’ve been very sad about this again. not rlly an apology just a statement. just very unprecedented waters for me.#i have work that day and im rlly not sure if im going to be able to manage. we’ll see.#anyway . be safe. sleep well. take care of yourselves.#good night
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I feel like the worst part of doing something stressful is the anticipation of being about to do something stressful rather than actually doing the thing
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