#ok vent session over

[famewolf]

if im being honest and allowing myself to vent a bit about it ... another red flag was when the DM went 'wow i love the detail of your backstory but idk what i can do with it tho ):'

[cicadaland]

I've actually been getting into brushing my fucking teeth lately

[our-inspire-verse]

I think that being autistic got me fucked up

[the-oa]

Emailing psychiatrist to ask to move our next session up sooner even though our last session was a month early to discuss upping my dosage and I said no like a stupid idiot

theyre putting me in the horrible person machine and crushing me to death today until im all squished and my goo is all thats lefttt my goooooo my goo. goodbye

[r1poutmygvtz]

°•*⁀➷ Introduction °•*⁀➷

TRIGGERING BLOG: BLOCK DONT REPORT

cws for my blog: weed, alcohol, and nicotine use, ed, occasional sh and suicidal thoughts/talks about attempts, occasional mentions of physical/verbal/child abuse, religious or childhood trauma, pet/family death, medicine misuse, and overdoses

please tag any posts about christianity/god with "tw christianity" and any sh posts with either "tw sh" or "tw sh implied"

links proof-checked by my awesome moot @/atlasisneverenoughx

°•*⁀➷ About Me °•*⁀➷

Name: Vivian

Age: 16 (17 on the 11th) im ok with adults interacting just don't be weird yk? id prefer followers/moots aged 15-22 but i'm ok with people older or younger following, i just may not interact as much (unless we're already moots)

Gender/Pronouns/Sexuality: im gender apathetic/non-binary, i could care less about my gender or how i'm perceived. i use all pronouns but when asked i just say they/them or they/xem if we're close. (moots are allowed to use xey/xem for me freely btw and i encourage it!! :3) i'm aroace and pan (more specifically; i rarely get crushes on people but still find some people attractive regardless of gender and i'm a sex repulsed asexual)

Diagnoses: depression, anxiety, and derealization (depersonalization is not diagnosed however im aware i deal with it and need to bring it up next session) my therapist is trying to diagnose me with ptsd and my mom wants me to get diagnosed with anorexia

Be Aware: i don't censor most things but i will tag everything i post according to what's mentioned (tw guide below cut). Another thing; i struggle to communicate properly most of the time so i may sound dry or uninterested at times, also if you're venting or talking about something and i talk about my personal experiences, i am not trying to make it about me, i just don't know how to carry on a conversation or show sympathy in any other way and i apologize for that

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°•*⁀➷•* Stats °•*⁀➷•*

Height: 5'5.3

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LW: 98.6lbs

LBMI: 16.2

CW: 110.2lbs (updated Nov. 25th)

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UGW: 90lbs

UGBMI: 14.8

°•*⁀➷•* Goals °•*⁀➷•*

GW1: 110lbs

GW2: 105lbs

GW3: 100lbs

GW4: 95lbs

UGW: 90lbs

°•*⁀➷•* Blog °•*⁀➷•*

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#gvtz bc- b0dych3cks

[changbinsboobs]

pls do chan tea session how he views his teammates? thanks very much!

Omg y'all THIS has been the reading we've all been waiting for😭🙌���🙌🏻😂 i swear i couldn't stop gasping and tacking a moment after each card to gather myself cuz WTF IS ALL THIS😂😳🫣 yk i did a tea/vent reading with changbin a few weeks ago and i thought its gonna be a banger but we couldn't get one "bad word" out of his mouth - he wasn't serving AT ALL😤 and i got a bit discouraged to continue the series but im so happy i did and did it with CHAN cuz my guys's spilling so much😂 tbh idk what i think of it all and if i agree, in fact i was quite shocked at a few cuz i really did bot expect such answers and i pulled several cards as confirmation and it all pointed painfully obvious to what the first card was already showing. So im just gonna start and ya'll are gonna see foe yourselfs😂

Oh also my tea series was initially not really meant to be focused on the group but more in general but at least with the last reading with changbin i found it difficult to take such a vast field of topics and distill it so if you have suggestions on what else they could have things to vent about or tea to spill send ask. Please be specific tho about something specific that interests you / preferably with a specific member:) ok moving on

Ok not really i forgot to mention that i asked about his opinion on the members WITHOUT FILTER and leaning more on the tea side. So, very important - this is not Chan's absolute opinion on the members, but a small, "scandalous" fraction if the opinion he has build on them over the years. It doesn't mean that this is all he thinks of them - remember humans are complex beings and can have conflicting thoughts and feelings:)

Tea Series: Chan's opinion on the members

Lee Know

I was SHOCKED but he kinda thinks of him as a bit of a dumbo. Not in the sense that he really is stupid but to Chan it looks like he's just a bit out of it and there's a vibe of a whole geoup laughing about a joke that lee know doesn't get, and not necessarily cuz he's stupid, its just he doesn't care to get it😂😭 this baffles him and im actually seeing a similar energy with him regarding lee know as i did with changbin in the previous reading where Chan just feels a bit weirded out by lee know at times and just sometimes gets annoyed cuz he just doesn't understand him. Yk how people are disgusted/scared by spider no reason? This is something similar, it just icks him how he cant understand lee know. He accepts it tho, more than changbin for sure. And im feeling that its actually even charming to him sometimes. Im hearing "a genius dumbo". So yeah, they're very different apparently, and to chan lee know just seems way waaayyy out of the circle, way above it all, way to out of it and he doesn't even want to get in and that BAFFLES him so much!

Changbin

This one's not hot at all, im seeing this pile along with felix's being the most melow ones. So I see that chan really sees changbin as his equal, possibly the only guy in the group he sees as one. Not in the way that others are below him but rather he's to the same level of matureness, toughness, headspace etc according to him (not that i agree😂). He views him as a bro and really enjoys spending time with him and "talking like men" or whatever its called😂 im actually seeing them going out for drinks or having late night talks with some strong alcohol (although im not really seeing chan drinking very hard i think the alcohol's more for changbin to loosen his tongue and for both of them to feel like adult men😂🙌🏻) Also another thing thats coming up which made me laugh is that chan thinks changbins bad at love and always has bad luck in it (and is kinda a simp) and he(cb) should learn a thing or two from him(chan). This gives me such huge sleepover vibes i live it so much - all of chans readings have that feeling to it and im always giggling when reading his energy😂💗 So yeah im also seeing them having lots of chats about women too🌝 and...sex👀👀👀 but for that i think it needs to be a bit deeper in the night and the bottle should be close to empty for that conversation to open. But it does, pretty often (not often like every other day but often only within their "meetings" so if they have a hangout every other months, and have had 6 this year, in 4 out of 6 this conversation happens - thats what i mean by often).

Hyunjin

Fo hyunjin he thinks he's very impulsive and very pushy but on the inside(?). He also thinks he's very appreciation hungry and attention greedy. Not attention whore-y tho (contrary to han), but rather ifjgkkf like someone who lives for the applause. Someone who's a performer. Not only on stage but also in private. I think he thinks that hyunjin's actually a bit insecure (not the kind of looks-insecurity, but the primal one like having security in your own being and the person who you are, having trust that you got ur own back) and that he's compensating that insecurity with others validation and admiration. And if he doesn't get that or feels like he doesn't he gets spiky/prickly. And thats where his impulsivity comes up and where this pushy energy happens. He may behave normal on the outside but on the inside he's going crazy and thinking of all the ways he can fix that and if you spend time with him long enough you begin to see that eagerness and spikiness - according to chan.

Han

According to chan he's pretty isolated and a tad bit odd. Probably thats why he gets along with lee know the best. He's also a bit infantile in chans eyes, like an annoying 12 year old fortnite little cousing that spits when he speaks and knows now personal space. Not saying hans like that - just creating a vibe to describe how he feels to chan sometimes😂 idk if nuisance is the right word but im getting the feeling that when 3racha's doing their thing, hans kind of the odd one out and he can see that han wants to belong and tries to but chan feels like he's that little cousin that wants to hang out with the cool old bros and, yeah sometimes feels liek a bit of a nuisance i would say. Cuz chan does include him, when he maybe would not. I could see that being a theme during their time in the 4/4 dorms. And here's the part i mentioned above - i think chan might view han sometimes like an attention-wh*re, making a clown of himself, and embarrassing himself quite offten to appeal to them or maybe others he fancies and wants to impress. Another thing is, that as i said he might be a bit odd and at times overexcert his boundaries? Or have weird boundaries? Like he hates when people touch his blanket or he only has to wear orange socks and if someone put the laundry and forgot one of his sock and now only one's clean he gets really pissed over nothing - stuff of that sort.

Felix

I would say thats the only pile where he had nothing "bad" to say about him and i pulled 4 cards for him cuz there had to be something - but there wasn't so i guess chan really really likes Felix and holds him in very high regards☺️ he thinks that he is muchs tronger than he looks and can defend himself and his loved ones very well. In fact i believe when chan saw this side of him he was really shocked because felix seems really sweet but when it comes to protecting what he loves he gets very fierce and that was very shocking to witness. Theres just admiration, admiration and more admiration in this reading he thinks felix has that royalty vibe to himself and really just has it all. Im getting a slight whiff of jealousy, but a friendly type of jealousy. Like he just thinks he's so amazing and sometime she wishes he were like that. He wishes he were as cool as him, as lighthearted as him, as bright and positive as him, he were as liked by him and i also feel like chan feels that stuff may often be just very effortless for felix and even if he's bad at something its still with grace. Theres this aura to felix that he can never do anything wrong and he just sometimes feels that felix has it too easy and must be really lucky or like gods favourite and thinks he must have really good karma for that.

Seungmin

He thinks seungmins too sharp and that his words hurt. Im also seeing lots of bickering...no actually fights. So either chan often gets the urge to just throw it all and start a fight with him or drop the manners and just tell him off - or they actually do that often. I do get the feeling that this is exaggerated in his head and that maybe to seungmin their fights aren't nearly as bad but once again i feel like chan might be holding back a lot and seungmin might'be much sharper and meaner for others than he thinks he is.

I.N

Finally the last one😮‍💨 he thinks he's a mamas boy and sees him still as a kid. That one's pretty obvious but to be honest i expected something else cuz im getting a much maturer energy from him, the other guys have said that too but still, here im getting that he's just a kid and doesnt know "of the real world", relies too much on mom and dad etc. Tbh i don't think thats the case😂 but rather that chans having a bit of a parent syndrom where he actaully feels like i.ns big bro or some sort of a parent figure or whatever and he literary watched him grow from a child to a man so i think that image of him from a few years back has stayed with chan and maybe its difficult for him to let go of that impression if i.n being still just a little kid being full of wonder, innocent and still dependant.

[miffysrambles]

wukong and mac headcannons with an s/o who has abandonment issues? i love your fics also <3

Wukong and Macaque With an S/O Who Has Abandonment Issues

(Ahhh thank you so much, I love your art!)

Wukong:

Oh Gods, he would be there for and with you one hundred percent.

Wukong has done a lot of things in his life that he regrets (much as he brags he hasn’t) but abandoning his friends was the one that makes him cringe the most.

As soon as he realizes or you straight up tell him about your abandonment issues, he makes it his life duty to be there for you no matter what which he was already doing.

He hates being patient, he loves doing things straight away and dives in head first.

But when it comes to you and your relationship, he tries his very best to take it at the pace you feel comfortable with.

If you need extra love because you feel like shit and are clingy that day, awesome!

You can lay in his arms the rest of the day if you want, the more time the merrier!

He would whisper sweet nothings into your ear to comfort you, 

“I love having you in my arms, ya know that?”

“Gods I could look at your face all day, you’re the sunshine to my day.”

“I probably sound really corny right now but i really do mean it peaches, I adore you.”

Will hold you close to him as he slowly rubs your back in comfort, pressing kisses all along your face.

If you ever feel anxious that he is going to leave you, he will make sure you know he won’t.

Will immediately take you in his arms while cupping your face, his eyes taking in all your gorgeous features as he smiles comfortingly at you. 

“Oh peaches come here, I would never ever leave you. You make my immortal days so much better, better than they ever have been. I long to see your face after a day of training with the kid. I love you so much, never forget that.”

Macaque:

Abandonment issues partners, yay!

But seriously he understands, maybe a little too much.

After the whole “incident” with Wukong, he has abandonment issues of his own but you already knew that!

Your trust in each other is built gradually when you were friends, the moment he realizes he can completely trust you he asks you to be his partner.

Understands if you need more time to trust him, however, if you say yes he is happier than he has ever been.

Although he does not really show it, trust me, he is over the moon!

“You really want to try this out? Alright then hon, let’s do it.”

He is always willing to listen if you just need someone to vent to, will let you lay your head in his lap as he plays with your hair.

His fingers tangled through your locks as he just lends an ear to your feelings, he can't help but get lost in the sound of your voice.

He’s hesitant but if you want to seek professional help with him to help with your issues, he’s willing to do it just for you.

“...Hey, about that therapy thing? If you really want me to, I’ll go.”

Will actually use the sessions to help him with his own issues, he will open up to you more and will be secretly thrilled if you do the same with him.

"Hey, you're using the advice they gave us. Glad to see you are too."

If you ever have one of your days when you are anxious he is going to leave you, will be with you every step of the way to help you realize he would never.

You mean so much to him, more than you could ever realize and he wants to make sure you know that.

“Hey sugarplum, it’s ok. I’m here, and trust me. I am not going anywhere. By your side is where I always want to be and I will make sure you are always safe and loved. You are my everything”

[thatanimewriter]

KEEPER.

➳ synopsis: you were put up for adoption the day you were born, and though you don’t exactly hate your life, you can’t help but think ‘if a day old baby isn’t enough to keep, what is?’

➳ character/s: sebastian michaelis, grell sutcliffe, joker, gregory violet

➳ warnings: swearing, mentions of abortion (sebastian), hurt/comfort, they/them pronouns for grell because i am not getting into the ‘man or woman’ argument again-

➳ notes: this is by far the most vent-y thing i’ve ever written thus far because i am LITERALLY in the same position as the reader in this. same ‘backstory’ same thoughts SO THIS IS JUST ME EXPELLING FEELINGS I PROMISE I’M OK ._. 

𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬 / 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭  / 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐬 / 𝐰𝐢𝐩 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

── 𝐒𝐄𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐀𝐍 𝐌𝐈𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐒.

he probably noticed you had insecurities very fast

didn’t know what over though

he thought about snooping around to figure it out

it was the constant scanning of a room and impeccable perception of body language for him

it felt like you were constantly ready for something to go wrong

and you HAD to be there to comfort and support every time someone was upset

didn’t find out about anything for a while until it was mother’s day and you hid for a little bit of the day

sebastian also probably snooped in your desk and found some letters with vent-y things written in them

things like maybe your parents should’ve gotten an abortion

you don’t understand why anyone would ever love you because the people who were supposed to love you ended up giving you away

nothing you do is ever good enough

now that he knows the reason behind some weird behaviour, there’s a lot more understanding 

he’ll put more effort into making you feel better about simply existing

and lots of praise to let you know you’re doing good and that you’re enough

but he doesn’t miss the expression you make when he tells you these things

he knows you still don’t believe him

it’s ok, he’ll just have to make you believe him eventually :))

── 𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐒𝐔𝐓𝐂𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐅𝐄.

dotes on you all the time

because of that, they probably don’t realise you still have problems with being loved

they love you so much, what do you mean you think they’re lying??

they picked up on it the first time they told you they love you and reasons they love you

because you looked REALLY uncomfortable

n they were like “omg did i say something wrong-”

no, it’s just that you think you’re incapable of being loved, grell didn’t do anything wrong

when you first told them that was the reason

AUDIBLE GASP

and a big therapy session with our icon

they probably cried when you said you don’t think you’ll ever be enough for anyone or anything

would like to try to help you, but they have no clue how to get you to think otherwise

so i guess you just need to get used to them being your partner

because they’re not gonna abandon you (even if you were as a baby) and they love you to the moon and back >:((

grell still cries to themselves when they think about how little trust you have in people caring for you

will now probably kill whoever decides to tell you that no one loves you because you’re adopted

death scythe to the neck, baby

── 𝐉𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐑.

would understand you the most, but not fully

he’s still adopted in a way, so he understands the trauma behind it

but he’ll still ask you about it to understand

he likely already knew about your backstory, but he didn’t realise how much being orphaned at day one really took a toll on you

it was a lot of frankly overwhelming offers to help that made him suspicious

because he doesn’t think anyone else has offered help so much even when they probably can’t afford to do so

notices that you work yourself so hard to the point of fainting and is super concerned

when he asked about it and you said you feel like a waste of space if you’re not being productive, he’s a very sad boy

very set on letting you recognise that you don’t need to be ‘of use’ for people to want to be around you and be friends with you

but he will start helping you as well to make you see that he isn’t trying to take advantage of your kindness

you can have nice late night therapy sessions with him if you ever want to talk about things

like how you do things to trick yourself into thinking you’re being productive like playing a little puzzle game they have in the circus

he for sure understands the part where you have both attachment and abandonment issues

you meet new people and it’s like a honeymoon phase

and then quickly you start overthinking if you’re being annoying or if they hate you about a week later

he’s always there to cheer you up when that happens

lots of words of affirmation, even if you struggle to accept them

── 𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐆𝐎𝐑𝐘 𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐓.

he’s so eccentric that oddly enough

i think he’d be the best at actually taking in and interpreting the information

in an artistic way, of course :))

but he always wanted to use you as a model for his paintings and sketches

and he started thinking there was something you hadn’t told him about you

because you seemed to change personalities and deflect compliments ALL THE TIME

he figured out the extent of your trauma after he said

“you are loved, and you are wanted.”

and you burst into tears 

he panicked at first, worried that he upset you, but he was happy to know you cried because you could finally believe someone when they said it

maybe it’s because he doesn’t often throw those statements out there

he makes more arty pieces inspired by you and how you feel about certain things

like your different ‘personalities’ that he sees, just differences in vibe and slight changes in body language when you want to come off as a certain way

he’s very happy that you believe him though, because he realises how hard it is for you to depend on anyone else

and how little trust you have in others that they won’t use you or abandon you

has drawn you like a porcelain doll before with cracks in the body because it’s still beautiful even if you’re ‘broken’

and writes you little notes or poems daily

[galaxychaos78]

Loser!boyfriend Headcanons

this is the sweetest man ever you are not allowed to disagree

he kinda floats from one friend group to the other, but when he started to notice he wasn't really "part" of any of the friend groups he was in, he just stepped away from them all.

the two of you met when Professor Iruka asked you to tutor the blonde and the rest was history. people were always whispering about you hanging around "the uzumaki loser" but you paid them no mind. soon your tutoring sessions went from studying the material to studying how to make naruto uzumaki a puddle in your hands.

you're way more popular than him, so everyone was mad confused when you walked onto campus holding hands with him one day. and when people asked what the hell you were doing holding hands "with the uzumaki guy" you'd tell em' all the same thing.

"i'm holding hands with him cause he's my boyfriend." (naruto's a blushing mess every time you told people)

he follows you around like a lost puppy, sky blue eyes always glancing about. (he's anxious and you're the only thing that soothes it).

he doesn't have a lot of money, but he makes up for it by being crazy attentive to your needs and wants. you're stressed from classes? he's cuddling with you and putting on your favorite movie. you're angry about something and need to vent? he's all ears. also knows where the good cheap eats are around town and saves up money every now and again to treat you to dinner.

gets distracted a lot, especially when you're talking to him. he can't help it, you're just so pretty.

he was insanely nervous meeting your friends for the first time & you assured him that Sakura, Ino, Gaara and Sai were really nice people. when you all got together, they all took notice at how quiet he was and Sakura was the first person to ask him questions about himself.

by the end of the night, your nervous wreck of a boyfriend was laughing and high fiving Gaara and Sai after beating the three of you in a very heated game of Pictionary.

he starts to come out of his shell, showing off the high energy and positive personality you fell in love with. (so much so that other girls start to take notice at how cute "that loser Uzumaki" is).

poor boy doesn't even realize he's being hit on half the time until he tells you about how the nice Hinata girl from his history class asked him what his favorite food was and was recommending that the two of them go out sometime, and you had to politely explain to him that she was asking him out on a date.

takes him a sec to get it, but once he does he's turning down any and every advance from any girl that isn't you. "Ah sorry! I'm gonna be late for a study session with my girlfriend so I can't go out with you!"

loyal baby 💕💖

how this man is considered a loser, you'll never know.

Kiba didn't exactly float between friend groups like Naruto. he was just kinda of there; people knew of him but that was about it. he mostly kept to himself and, in turn, made himself kind of a loner.

the two of you met at a nearby KBBQ restaurant. your friends had flaked on getting lunch with you and you noticed Kiba sitting outside of the restaurant.

"Kiba right?" poor boy couldn't fathom that you were talking to him. "this might be really awkward and you're ok to say no...but would you wanna get lunch with me? my friends completely flaked and-"

"yes." the two of you spend hours getting to know eachother and when its time to pay the bill, you grab it before he has a chance.

"I would've paid.." he says with a pout that you find utterly adorable.

"I know, but this is on me. You can pay for our next date." (homeboy ends up looking like this😳😳😳)

another date turns into 2, then three, then soon you've got him seeing heaven everytime you stay over in his dorm.

absolutely loses his mind when you call him your boyfriend for the first time. the two of you are out shopping and you see a jacket that would look nice on him. he tries it on and you hug him from behind and say, "Man I'm so glad to have such a handsome boyfriend.."

his brain stops working and he freezes for a few seconds because holy shit he wants to kiss you so hard in this fucking department store. once y'all leave and get to his dorm, he's practically begging to hear you say it again.

"Say it again..please. Call me your boyfriend again." cue makeout session

Kiba absolutely loves cuddling with you. if he's playing a game, he's leaning back against you while you play with his hair. If you're watching TV, he's got his arms wrapped around your waist and his chin on your shoulder. even when you sleep over he wraps himself around your body and loves waking up early to pepper your face in kisses.

when you guys go out, he's always touching you; arm around your waist or holding hands. he loves being the one to hold you and it boosts his ego to see guys glaring at him in jealousy.

lets you pick your favorite hoodies of his because they look so much better on you than him. also will buy some small trinket or little stuffed animal to gift you just because it reminded him of you.

is the first one to say "I love you". he was running late for his class and as he checked his pockets and grabbed his bag, he gave you a quick kiss on your lips before muttering, "love you babe." and rushing out of the door. literally doesn't realize he said it until he's in class and blushes bright red.

he checks his phone after class and sees a text from you that has his heart skipping a beat.

(Y/N): didn't even let me say it back dummy. love you too😘💕

quiet, mysterious and a huge loner is what people say when you ask about the black haired ponytail man that sits right beside you in your History class.

he's an interesting one; barely takes notes in class and you've caught him sleeping a few times as well. and yet, every test and report that comes back to him shows a bright red A in Professor Asuma's handwriting.

you didn't get the chance to actually speak to him until you were paired up in Professor Kuranai's photography class. you could hear a few of the guys in your class mutter and groan about not getting you as a partner, and to be fair Shikamaru didn't exactly look excited to be paired with you.

the two of you were tasked with photographing nature and, to your surprise, shikamaru knew a lot of hidden gem spots; going to the local park and taking shots of blue jays in the trees, a secret river in a nearby forest. the two of you even went so far as to take a train out to the countryside the day after it rained to get shots of the giant rain clouds.

plus, you two got to know each other really well. soon he wasn't the quiet loner that slept in your History class, but your intriguing and handsome Nara Shikamaru; the same Shikamaru who let you steal bites of his food and the same Shikamaru who gave you his jacket even though he was also cold.

calls you all sorts of pet names as soon as y'all start dating. but as soon as you hit em with a "hey babe, what answer did you get for question 4?" he's blushing and gripping his notes tight. (you really wanna make him flustered, call him sweetheart or my love)

will give any excuse to stay in bed with you. wanna go out for food? he's already ordering it for delivery. wanna go out a see a movie? he's loading up Netflix as you speak. you need to go shopping for new clothes?....well maybe he should go with you just to see how it looks.

pairs up with you for any and all projects. he'll never admit it, but the idea of anyone else (guy or girl) working with you makes him jealous. your his and that's that. he even gets you both matching rings because of it. "just...want everyone to know you're taken.."

this man absolutely adores cuddles and loves eskimo kisses even more. loves waking up to you in his arms and nuzzling his nose against yours. loves his cuddles so much that he can and will not let you go no matter what.

"Shika, I gotta pee." "Too bad."

100% has a secret notebook filled with all of your favorite things; snacks, your drink orders, your favorite food from all the restaurants y'all order from, which shops you go to for clothes.

he just really fucking loves you💕💖

[artzychic27]

There are AUs where Marc is Marinette's cousin, right? What if that was canonical? In my country there is the concept of the perfect cousin and privileged by relatives and they often compare anyone who steps out of the norm to this cousin…. I imagine them almost as siblings in childhood, but with Marinette always getting more attention. And when they grow up, she becomes manipulative with him, it has happened that the whole family fights with Marc because of her. And that's why he always helps her with her plans… and I imagine the ones who would interfere would be Nath, Zoe and Felix (the first two for obvious reasons and Felix as "ok, I'm a shitty cousin, but this is crossing the line").

Since he was born, Marc has always been overlooked by his cousin

She was always so talkative, sociable, making people laugh and smile, and he just read in silence

Oh, never mind that he gets 100% on a test, because Marinette got 101% after she explained her reasoning behind the answer she gave. La-dee-dah!

Because she’s the “perfect cousin” out of the two, Marinette is always getting whatever the fuck her spoiled little heart wants- A new expensive sewing machine, fancy fabrics, magazines from high end fashion brands, and some of that stuff even comes from Marc’s own moms

Alyssa and Penny don’t outright say Marc should be like Marinette, but they’re more like, “Sweetie, why don’t you spend some time with Marinette?” And that’s code for, “Why can’t you be perfect like your cousin?!”

Sabine and Tom, though? They will take the opportunity to brag about Marinette’s accomplishments for twenty minutes then finally remember Marc’s in the room and ask his moms what he’s done lately

They have no idea about the awards he’s received in school for his stories, and he doesn’t mind keeping it that way. All of his certificates are just sitting in a folder in his hoodie drawer

It’s due to his treatment, that Marc’s wardrobe is toned down a bit. And by that, I mean he looks like his concept art-self

He secretly enters writing contests, and has been doing so and winning since he was ten. He’s earned a lot of money and keeps it saved up because if he tells anyone in the family about it, they’re definitely gonna use it to spoil Marinette. The only person he can really trust in Kiran, and occasionally treats him to ice cream

Marinette wants nothing to do with him. She always says she asks Marc to hang out with her, but he keeps declining. I’m reality, she doesn’t want a “Total weirdo” anywhere near her friends. And she lets him know it, too, but he couldn’t care less. He doesn’t want to be anywhere near a bunch of people who are probably psychos like her

He’s seen the way she acts around boys she likes, sniffing their hair, taking pictures of them, even following one guy home. It hasn’t escalated past that, but at least he’s not a part of it

However, his family doesn’t notice that about “perfect little Marinette”. He gets reprimanded for not being sociable like her and laughed off for having crushes because who would ever date someone like him?

Then he gets sent to therapy for his “issues” as Marinette so helpfully pointed out. There, he lays in to her that she can’t get a single question in

Marc: Oh! And then that bitch cut off my bangs while I was sleeping, and I got in trouble for playing with scissors! I mean- Oh, is our session over? Thanks again, Lisa. You are just wonderful for letting me vent. See you next Wednesday. *Leaves the room*

Lisa: … Damn, that boy’s cousin sucks.

In DuPont, everyone knows they’re cousins thanks to Marinette just so more people can compare Marc to his “perfect cousin”

Marinette has instant popularity she bought with custom clothing, her high-end connections, and Marc has his writing under the stairs while Lila quietly reads… Only for that to be interrupted when Marinette drags him out and into the art classroom one day where a few of her friends are gathered

They’re a little disturbed by her “psycho burnout cousin” being in the same room as them. Apparently, Marinette started a few rumors about Marc taking unprescribed drugs along with the ones for his “mental problems” just to make herself look better by comparison

Marc: … Well, that explains why moms keep searching my room for something.

Ignoring that, Marinette let’s him in on why he brought him in here- To help her with her plan to get Adrien to be her boyfriend by making a comic with Nathaniel that will map out the perfect date between them, which will eventually lead to marriage, having three perfect children, a hamster, and then dying together in a couples coffin

Marc: No.

Akuma Class: What?!/She’s your cousin!/You’ve gotta help her!/Don’t you want her to be happy?!

Marc: I am not obligated to help her, I know none of you, nor do I know this boy she is suddenly so infatuated with. So, pardon me if I sound rude, but leave me the fuck alone. All of you. I know how her fan club get when she is told no.

For context, Marinette’s “friends” will do anything to make her happy. Even bully those who are the slightest bit mean to her or show an interest in Adrien. Like Lila

Lila was the new girl who had no idea what she’d be getting herself into. After her Akumatization into Volpina when Ladybug called her a skeeze in front of Adrien, she was made an outcast by Marinette and eventually adopted by Marc

Now she swears to protect him with her life. On with the rest of the story!

The next day, Marc has his books slapped out of his hand, his glasses snatched, and he gets tripped on his way to class. All by some members of Marinette’s sychophant club

Some jocks who always leave stuff for Marinette on Valentines Day corner him in the locker room, but before they can do anything, some redhead walks in and tells them Marinette needs help with her books, and they’re gone in two seconds

Marc almost thanks the guy until he recognizes him as Nathaniel. Along with him is Lila. Before he can storm off, Lila stops him and asks Marc to hear him out

Nathaniel: Uh… Thanks.

Marc: For what?

Nathaniel: … *Lila nudges him* … For getting me out of that. I didn’t even want to make the stupid comic, but Marinette’s family bakery is more popular than my mom’s diner. She threatened to get her fan club to leave bad reviews and get her shut down if I didn’t help…

Marc: … You, uh… You guys wanna hang out… Away from here?

They skip school and not to their surprise, no one notices except for Nathaniel’s mom, Mme. Mendeleiev, and to Marc’s surprise, his classmates

They sort of stay out of the loop when it comes to Marinette, and the reason they don’t talk to him is because they didn’t want to make him uncomfortable since he always seems to close off when someone attempts to make conversation

Because Nathaniel hangs out with Marc and Lila, this turns him into more of an outcast. Oh, but don’t worry, because Chloé owes Marc a favor for something she won’t reveal, she gets her dad to leave a glowing review for Aya’s diner and boosts sales

Then there’s that whole shitstorm on the anniversary of Adrien’s mom’s disappearance. Marc (Who was dragged along), Nathaniel, Lila, and the surprising addition of Luka actually overhear Marinette’s totally insensitive and inappropriate confession to Adrien on what is supoosed to be a day of mourning, and Max sends the messages off before they can stop him

Then “Adrien” arrives. When it seems like he’s about to accept Marinette’s feelings… He tears into her, calling her all sorts of names

Lila just had to record it all for whenever she needs something to make her smile or laugh. But, when another Adrien arrives, it turns out “Adrien” is actually Félix, Adrien’s cousin

Marc: Which one do you guys think is the asshole cousin?

Nathaniel: Well, I like Félix, and Adrien seems too nice.

Lila: … Let’s keep Félix.

Luka: Yeah.

After some sychophant Akumas try and kill Félix to defend Marinette’s honor and after Ladybug puts on a show of being this angelic savior while Chat Noir is just her sidekick who does all the work, the Akumas are eventually defeated

Marc catches up with Félix and… Hugs him

Marc: You are truly the greatest human being on this godawful planet!

Félix: Uh… Thank you?

Marc: I’m serious! Do you know how long I’ve been wanting to tear into that girl? She needs to be taken down a hundred pegs, and because of you, some people are beginning to doubt her intentions with Adrien. If I weren’t in love with Nathaniel, I’d kiss you

Félix: Please don’t. I’m asexual.

Marc: Noted.

Félix: And I’ve decided to stay in Paris for a while, anyway. Someone’s gotta keep my moron cousin from walking into traffic, and it seems like you’re in need of friends

Marc notices a slight change in the school the following week. For one, a few people, namely his classmates are giving Marinette the stink eye whenever they can

As for the Science Kids, while they were appreciative of the nice clothes they got on their birthdays even though they weren’t in their style, they were never really fond of Marinette

Plus, a ton of bad reviews were left on Aurore’s Akuma Analysis blog and she has the suspicion it was started by Marinette to boost traffic for Alya’s Ladyblog

Reshma had a hard time making friends because Marinette convinced people she was just another Chloé (Someone Marc is considered adopting)

Simon was in the same boat as Marc once. Marinette saw his videos and “asked” him to get some footage of a boy she liked for “personal reasons”

And they never went to anyone about their treatment, because who’d believe them over Marinette? So, they were a class of outcasts no one ever wanted to be associated with

Also, Félix is in their class and gives everyone the latest information on every creepy thing Marinette does when Adrien doesn’t notice. Nathaniel and Lila would switch, but that would be like letting Marinette win

Now onto Reverser

Marc has a particularly bad week. He’s forced to go to dinner with the Dupain-Chengs just so they can brag about Marinette being asked to design an outfit for Clara Nightingale while Marc’s moms embarrassingly admit that Marc made a few friends

Marinette and her gang, for the hundredth time, badger Marc into making the Adrinette comic with Nathaniel, and go so far as to drag him to the art classroom where Nathaniel is, and where Marinette is banned due to her toxicity

Marc and Nathaniel are making a comic, but about Chat Noir, painting him in a positive light due to Ladybug soaking up all the glory. And Félix and Lila so helpfully point out that they should turn Marinette into a villain in their next issue… And they do, but only give copies to their inner circle

When he gets home, he finds a check in his mail as an award for another writing contest he entered and goes to put it with the rest… Which is not there

His moms aren’t home, Kiran would never, and the only other person with a key is… Marinette! And his suspicions are proven right the next day when he sees her in a VERY expensive outfit, and she just gives him this look

Well… He lets her have it

Marc: MARINETTE! Your pigtails are MINE! *Tackles her to the floor*

Lila: Yes! It’s finally happening!

*Marinette puts up a fight, but Marc has so much repressed anger and doesn’t hold back*

Marc: Take a bite of my Doc Martens, bitch! *Roundhosue kicks Marinette*

Marinette: Someone stop him! He’s a fucking psycho!

Félix: Shut up. Fuck you. Eat shit.

Marc: *Denise and Jean pull him away* You want some more, huh?! SCREW YOU! And screw these assholes, too! I HATE YOU, MARINETTE! I FUCKING HATE IT HERE! *Runs away crying*

Nathaniel, Chloé, Lila, and Félix try to call him back, but it’s a little hard to hear over everyone calling Marc a “Demon” and all sorts of cruel names. Cue the Akuma

Okay, so it’s not Reverser. Imagine the Grimm Reaper going through a punk phase, his scythe causes the worst parts of people to be revealed when they’re slashed by it, and he’s got Oni-Chan’s teleportation powers

Nathaniel, Chloé, Félix, and Lila attempt to stop him from killing Marinette and only giving her more to use against him, but he only promises them that “Things will finally change,” then leaves in a dramatic cloud of black smoke

Nathniel: Do we want him not to kill Marinette?

Lila: … Wow, you think of something for so long, and then it happens. I gotta sit down for a bit.

Félix: Get up and help us stop Nath’s boyfriend.

Nathaniel: What?! I- No! What? No!

Chloé: Relax, Kurtzberg. We know you’re crazy about him. You can kiss him after this is over. Now let’s help Chat Noir

Marinette can’t find a place to transform due to Marc always finding her, and while she would love to take a “much needed rest” for protecting Paris and let her “lazy partner” finally have to work, she can’t!

To her shock and anger, four heroes arrive on the scene. Vulpix, Queen Bee, CapriKid, Bomb Shell. Well, she’s not letting them get all the credit and goes after Marc herself. Finally, and excuse to hurt him… But he’s a lot stronger than she expected, and only succeeds in creating a crater in the road when she lands

Bomb Shell: *Watching Akuma!Marc bashing Ladybug’s head against a car window* … Should we help?

CapriKid: Nah, he’s got this.

Bomb Shell: I meant Ladybug.

CapriKid: Oh… Later.

Marc finally slashes Ladybug and all of the worst parts about her are revealed live, not by Alya, but by the heroes using their weapon phones, with the addition of Simon and Aurore. And… It’s a lot

When Marc is cured, Ladybug goes to reprimand him and force him to apologize like she does with all Akuma victims, but Bomb Shell threatens to slice her head off with her shield

Bomb Shell: Remember me, skeeze? *Whispers* I will find you, and I will break you.

The heroes, Aurore, and Simon waste no time posting what they recorded, and many Akuma victims step forward about Ladybug’s treatment. Even local law enforcement is suffering from pay cuts becuase of Ladybug insisting that she and Chat Noir get paid for their work. Chat Noir never knew about the cuts and donates his checks to the officers

Now there’s a active campaign against Ladybug, started by people who have a vendetta against Ladybug due to her poor treatment of Akuma victims after the Miracle Cure. Akuma class students who are most active in the campaign are Chloé and Nathaniel while a few are still on the fence

She claims Akuma victims need to be reprimanded for their actions and not coddled just because they can’t keep their emotions in check

Well, let’s just say therapists aren’t on her side

Everywhere she goes, Ladybug is jeered while Chat Noir finally gets the praise he deserves. They only keep her around and don’t try to steal her Miraculous becuase she reverses all of the damage

But while Ladybug is losing her status, Marinette still remains popular and uses her influence as a designer for celebrities to publicly denounce Ladybug Haters, but that doesn’t deter them

Oh, and Marc was suspended for a week after attacking Marinette, but he doesn’t give two flying fucks. Now he’s got a reputation as a badass who will go off on anyone who looks at him funny, and it keeps the Marinette Worshippers away. Also, his friends and Kiran are the only ones to believe him about the money, so that’s another thing to add to the list on why they hate Marinette

And Cue Zoé! She arrives in the middle of the semester like Lila instead of near the end of the year

Zoé is almost dragged into an Adrinette plan involving them getting stuck in an elevator, but she knows all about Marinette due Chloé’s long rants about her at home, so she keeps her distance and becomes an outcast. The only reason she’s not being actively bullied is because of Chloé threatening to get the mayor involved

Zoé never cared for Marinette, but she comes to hate her, because what person just does that bullshit to their own cousin? When Marinette tries to start another rumor about Marc taking antipsychotic drugs, she comes at her with, “Don’t you think it’s rude to expose people’s medical history?”

Now, you might be thinking. “Where does Adrien stand in all of this?”

Well, you see… Adrien is just so confused. DuPont seemed great at first, and his classmates were all so nice to him, especially Marinette. It’s too bad she’s so shy around him. Now things just keep shifting around. The girls are so secretive around him, Félix insulted Marinette for no reason, the guys don’t hang out with Nathaniel anymore, and Lila… He’s not entirely sure

And Marinette always lets him know who it’s safe to hang out with... But the list keeps growing. For example, Nathaniel has anger issues so it’s best not to talk to him, Lila is a serial liar who was kicked out of her school for causing a girl to commit suicide, Marc is… It’s best to just not to go anywhere near him, Zoé got expelled from her last school for excessive bullying, and to his surprise, Félix is on the list. He gets Félix pulled that stunt on her, but he’s his cousin!

Something’s not right. Well, at least he’s getting praised as a superhero for once, not that he ever asked for it. But, it’s nice to be appreciated by people

Though, he can’t help but wonder why Marc attacked Marinette all of a sudden… So, he asks

Marc: Because my cousin’s a lying, thieving, no good son-of-a-bitch who never should have been conceived and should crawl back into the darkest pits of hell like the Satan spawn she is!

Lila: Hey! Satan happens to have lovely children.

Nathaniel: You would know.

Lila: Oh, you hush.

Marc: Anyway, Marc Anciel, Marinette’s unfortunate cousin. Nice to meet you. Are you a sychophant, bystander, or outcast?

Félix: Trust me. He’s a bystander. You see, my dear sweet innocent cousin sees the chaos happening around him and knows it’s bad, but is afraid to do anything.

Adrien: That’s not true!

Lila: Ladybug called me a skeeze in front of you.

Adrien: … Okay, maybe I am a bystander.

Nathaniel: Not necessarily. Marinette just knows how to keep the worst part of herself hidden so people will like her and go along with whatever she says. At least you’re aware that something’s off. Anyway, we’ll help you.

Marc: Nope! First, he has to help us. And for that to happen, Félix, show him the video.

Adrien: What video?

Félix shows Adrien the confession video Marinette sent him on the anniversary, and it goes as well as you’d expect

So now, Adrien wants nothing to do with Marinette, especially after the outcasts gave him some hard evidence of Marinette being a stalker, and Marc even put him in touch with some of Marinette’s past obsessions so he can know just the kind of person she is

Marinette is NOT happy and confronts Marc in the locker room one day

Marinette: What the hell did you do this time, you freak?!

Marc: What are you gonna do, beat me up? Look how well that went last time, jackass.

Marinette: Because of you, Adrien hates me! Why are you so hell bent on ruining my life?!

Marc: That is so RICH coming from you! The second you were born, your life’s ambition was to make my life hell! Because of you I had no friends growing up, my moms and all your little sycophants think I have a drug problem, I’m in therapy for problems I don’t have!

Marinette: And who the hell would believe some pathetic loner?! Face it! Your only purpose in life is to be compared to me! The physical embodiment of perfection itself! You are nothing! No one would even know your name if I weren’t born! Hell, it’s not like they bother to remember anyway! Even your own moms love me more than you and your sad sack of a brother-

Marc: *Death glare* Leave Kiran’s name out of your fucking mouth. Go on. Try me, bitch.

Marinette: You- you think you can threaten me?! I have all the power over these pathetic losers! Just like you, they are nothing and would have nothing without me! All of them are nothing but pathetic sheep riding my coattails! Why?! Because I gave them those coattails in the first place! I gave them some form of hope to grab onto, a shred of hope that they would get to bask in my glory if they just did every damn thing I said and kept them happy, but once I am out of here, they will have NOTHING! They can’t even do something so simple as to make Adrien MINE!

Marc: You do realize he’s not an object, right?

Marinette: I don’t care! He’s perfection! I’m perfection! I deserve him! He should be modeling my clothes, worshipping and groveling at my feet for my love like every idiot boy in school! And once I marry him, the Gabriel brand will be in my grasp, I will take the fashion world by storm, and you and that little boy toy of yours will be doing favors just for a scrap of cash before dying in an alley somewhere! As if you ever think your writing career is gonna take off! Those contests you entered? They obviously have low standards! Thanks for the cash, though and for giving these idiots another reason to hate you and adore me. *Leaves*

Lila: *Exits the girl’s bathroom with Chloé* Wow. That was intense.

*Félix, Nathaniel, and Adrien walk out of the boy’s bathroom*

Nathaniel: Simon? Did you get all of that? *Opens a locker to reveal Simon with a tape recorder*

Simon: Every last word.

Félix: Man, it’s a good thing you fit comfortably in a locker.

Simon: There’s a pencil stuck to my ass. Does that sound comfortable?

The following week, Marinette finds herself on the receiving end of some dirty looks and makes a mental note to get her idiot classmates to do something about those losers

But when she goes crying to them, Kim slaps her across the face

Nino: Jesus, Kim! She’s a girl!

Kim: … Screw gender rolls.

Nino: … Okay, that’s fine.

When she recovers, Max plays Simon’s recording, but Marinette is still trying to save face

Marinette: Who are you gonna believe?! My psycho of a cousin, or your best friend?!

Max: I’ll believe and ax-wielding murderer over you. And I’m done doing your dirty work just so you’ll keep quiet. Everyone! I am a proud homosexual, and I am in love with my best friend!

Rose: I have a severe medical condition and I didn’t want any of you to pity me or treat me like glass!

The Akuma class all come out and share the secrets Marinette blackmailed them with unless they did exactly as she said

And as for Adrien, he hits Marinette with a restraining order and yells at her to stay YARDS away from him at all times

Lila: Oh, she’s violating the restraining order right now. Off to jail!

Marinette: Shut up, Lila! Adrien, you don’t know what you’re saying! You’re supposed to be my boyfriend!

Adrien: Why? So you can have my dad’s company? You’re either desperate or stupid. I have no interest in inheriting the brand and plan to go into child psychology, so even if I were to go crazy and fall in love with you, you wouldn’t be anywhere near Gabriel.

Marinette: You all… Arr going to be SORRY! Tikki! Spots on!

Marinette transforms and is about to take off with Adrien, but a familiar Doc Marten boot hits the side of her head and knocks her out so that Marc can snatch the earrings off of Ladybug

Marc: … I’m fucking serious, guys, I had no clue about this.

And to make matters better, the police arrive to take Marinette in for questioning about her stalking, but as she’s being shoved into the police car, she actually grabs for an Akuma

So now, Paris will face the wrath of La Dictator

Zoé: We… Are so fucking boned, you guys.

Not necessarily. Chat Noir gathers the Miraculous and brings back Vulpix, Bomb Shell, CapriKid, and Queen Bee. And Calamity, Viperion, and Mariquita make their debuts

While La Dictator is smiting and punishing everyone who went against her, Calamity is getting survivors out of Paris with her portals so the team can take care of her without anyone else getting hurt

The battle lasts well into the evening, but they win, and Marinette is arrested becuase EVERYONE saw her reach for the Akuma

Bomb Shell: … *Giggles* Oh my God! We’re still alive! We’re alive, you guys!

CapriKid: We fucking lived! *Kisses Mariquita*

Vulpix: Yeah! Get your boy!

Things are… Somewhat normal after Marinette’s sentencing. For one, his moms apologize for how they’ve treated him, but he can’t find it in his heart to forgive them just now

The Akuma class and everyone Marinette has blackmailed are getting some serious therapy and make it a goal to make up for their treatment of others due to Marinette’s influence

And there are several permanent heroes now, that’s good. Lord knows Paris needs them, and�� Oh yeah! Marc and Nathaniel are dating

Adrien found comfort in Luka and they began dating. Zoé’s dating Cosette. Félix is dating the library. Lila’s been learning how to skateboard from Ismael, and Chloé had her lesbian awakening when she met Kagami

[krisalyce]

OK !! thanks @sunflowers-and-scales for this cutesy chart that i’m abusing

really tried my best here to stick with the key but in my head it’s just a mess

anyways yapping under the cut but honestly if you want any of my thoughts a lot of them are in the tags of my kotlc art

categorized by key terms

DATING

Keefe and Fitz

-keefe realized oops he was looking at the wrong vacker which wasn’t even a gay awakening because he still likes sophie?????? but maybe it was a bi one because at some point their best friendship ended up romantic and it was something actually REAL and good for fitz because their dynamic was already comfortable and established for him

-so now there are also fitz drawings in keefe’s notebook and fitz plays with keefe’s hair while they both wind down from their therapy sessions

-keefe teaches fitz how to paint as something therapeutic and relaxing and he ends up really enjoying it and fitz is also comforted by keefe because they can both relate to familial pressures. keefe also helps him with his emotions because fitz has been under pressure for so long and bottled everything up and while therapy helps so does his empath boyfriend who sort of understands his mental state sorry i can’t explain all that but here

-they’re just two guys helping each other heal in addition to rekindling their best friendship and sophie is all for it

Sophie and Keefe

-lowkey their canon dynamic i think they’re good for each other and once they settle a little bit they’re each other’s support

-they both have other lives and relationships and sophie has no problem sharing with fitz because she understands and she’s happy that fitz has gotten into a healthy relationship but has no interest in dating fitz as well

-they go on dates and generally just like spending time together but honestly i have nothing else to say for them because canon has already said most of it for me so the real ones will get it

Tam and Dex

-they’re so domestic to me like they just play minecraft until 6 in the morning

-i have a whole thing for tam i’m gonna need you to trust me on this it is all going here because this is relevant

-and this is all perfect for dex because he is not ready for all this relationship stuff and tam is putting no pressure on him whatsoever because he is perfectly content with sleepovers and laying on each other all the time that they don’t even realize they haven’t kissed yet for a LONG time until dex accidentally kisses him for the first time on his way out of tam’s house like some kind of doting husband

-to be clear dex is still mischievous and hella smart and he will do whatever needs to be done to beat tam at 4 am fortnite but they’re literally just some married couple

-also transmasc tam… dex gives him testosterone potions and also gives him estrogen potions for linh

Marella and Linh

-marella lets linh let her rage out !!! usually linh is the mellow one compared to who she’s hanging out with but marella would 100% take her to one of those rage rooms and let her lay on her floor and vent and everything

-they fought like once when linh got really mad (with abilities) and marella was surprisingly ok with everything and went along with it and now linh texts marella 2 am “fight me” and they just go do it and it’s just stress relief play-fighting/training like going to the gym together

-also linh just generally texts marella to do anything at any time and they just kind of. go do it (linh texts marella at literally any hour and says let’s go jump into a pool fully clothed and they just do it) because marella is supportive and chill like she’s gossipy and flaky but she’s LOYAL and this goes well with linh

-linh calls and asks if they can go on a road trip for the weekend and marella just goes sure let me call sophie

-or marella comes over for 5 am binge night because she can’t sleep and this is also with sophie btw bc her and linh have the same taste in shows and sophie would probably be awake bc insomnia

CUDDLE BUDDIES/BFFS (my fav)

Sophie and Tam

-2 cats attached at the hip they sleep everywhere

-they ride the same bus home/walk home and they’ve just developed some kind of unspoken agreement that they get to be each other’s pillow at any time

-they’re always each other’s backup and tam is the first person called for accompanying sophie anywhere she has to go, she says she’s going grocery shopping and he responds with pick me up in 5 because OBVIOUSLY he’s coming with

-they have study sessions together a lot because they like to study to the same music/vaguely have the same music taste and can tolerate each other’s presence while working because it’s just like hanging out with a pet that u can take snack/nap breaks with

-tam is sophie’s #1 passenger princess i still think he managed to get his license revoked purely because of some kind of bad timing where he didn’t have his license on his person or something stupid like that

-however he isn’t a bad driver and can be trusted to take the wheel if he’s needed to

-he also helps sophie park and gives her directions because lord save her with that

Sophie and Marella

-they share clothes and while marella is an open gossiper and sophie doesn’t really gossip at school, she likes hearing about all of it through marella so they can laugh about it because she does like knowing what’s going on

-marella is kind of her tie into the social world of the school because honestly sophie can’t be bothered she’s just tired and wants to go home a lot

-they bike/walk/skateboard together and generally just wander around especially on nature trails and the like. tam joins for field trips occasionally and linh comes sometimes too when she feels like it but mostly it’s just sophella wandering around looking for a nice spot to watch the sunset with some stupid food like the crumbl cookie of the week or wingstop

-they have matching streaks in their hair because sophie mentioned wanting to dye hers and marella came over within the next week with red for sophie and pink for her and a grocery bag of jalapeño chips and sour patch

Tam and Marella

-alt friends who nap together and attend concerts together and hang out at ungodly hours

-smoke together maybe like marella was a vaper and tam smoked (and marella is his human lighter) but now they both do both because they just share everything

-like he has a drawer in her room and she has one in his

-tam is a pet cat to me he’s always the small spoon being cuddled and held and sleeping on people’s laps and marella is his designated big spoon

-a solid 60% of the time they are with each other and/or sophie (the other 40 are with their partners)

-had this telepathic/nonverbal agreement when they met like yeah ur coming over later and we are going to lay there because they sensed the smoker and mlm wlw on each other and bonded

-would get back tattoos together that’s just what i’m sensing

RELATED

Biana and Fitz

-LMFAOOAAOA biana is constantly posting the stupidest shit about him there are fitz 0.5s in every single one of their group’s photo libraries because of her

-their texts are literally just “get out of the bathroom” “can u pick me up” “where are you” “can you tell mom i want a slice of pizza from the store”

-they hate each other (they don’t) and definitely have more of a rivalry than tam and linh do

-they bake TOGETHER and biana makes him do face masks but honestly he doesn’t actually mind it and he actually paints her stuff for her room sometimes because he’s getting pretty good at it and she likes the decor in her room

-sit in silence in the kitchen or on the couch while they do shit on their phones and have too many inside jokes that just spawned out of nowhere while brainrotting together as siblings do

-DID YOU EAT THE REST OF MY HUMMUS YOU BITCH

-they’re literally just textbook siblings nothing awkward at all they just find each other vaguely annoying/irritating but still do things for each other and passively hang out and do things when they don’t want to bother anybody else

Linh and Tam

-linh does not smoke/vape but she’s chill with it because her brother and girlfriend do it and she loves them both

-“yeah that’s my brother i love him even tho hes stupid”

-she shows up in the kitchen tam is baked and baking and she’s like “i’m going shopping do u need anything also save me some”

-linh goes with tam anytime she wants to get a piercing or anything and they got their belly buttons pierced together

Dex and Sophie

-not much to say here honestly he’s her tech guy and her cool cousin and if they had family gatherings they would definitely use each other to hang out and avoid the rest of the relatives in some kind of mutual introvert contract

-they probably have those gamepigeon matches running on their phones at any given time even if a single pool match takes them a month

EXES

Biana and Keefe

-kissed and middle school dated (held hands and went on like 2 dates)

-and now biana is like awkward sister in law so now she just passes along stuff from keefe to sophie and fitz or vice versa and sometimes texts him stuff like “can u buy chips for me”

-they still vaguely get along like occasionally keefe comes over maybe and fitz isnt home and they listen to chase atlantic together while she does her makeup and chooses outfits and he draws on her bed/floor like a schoolgirl she probably changes and everything in front of him and doesn’t gaf too and he doesn’t even notice

-it’s the vibe where hes just there in the house and she walks around t shirt and short shorts in front of him and asks him if he wants leftovers and hes like yeah and then they eat together in silence and its just generally chill

CASUAL FRIENDS (i didn’t write for every single string in this category, just the ones i was actively thinking about)

Keefe and Tam

-keefe tried smoking once he did not like it

-but he does like tam’s vibes and so he hangs around and ipad kids around with his sketchbook while tam smokes/naps/listens to music and does his own thing

-keefe is like the third wheel of tam and dex except hes literally just their daughter

Sophie and Linh

-they’re like roommates who actually get along with each other and have similar interests

-sophie comes over to binge shows with her and marella and tam would go fall asleep in the background somewhere eventually all tangled up and leave sophie and linh on the couch to do their thing and they make tea and end up finishing the entire series in a night

-most of their interactions stem from sotam being inseparable for a good amount of time but they also hang out without him occasionally (especially for movies and nice brunch places/sweet treats

-they might have kissed at one point i feel like linh would be comfortable enough with sophie around to ask to experiment a small bit when she gets curious from some stupid lesbian movie and sophie would be ok with it

-end up with each other’s clothes a lot through tam and each other

Biana and Marella

-they started getting along at one point because of cool girl magnetism and biana getting inspired by marella’s cookie monster pj girl attitude

-marella’s fat lesbian crush on biana since they were little preteens develops and probably asks her out but biana is a working woman and marella respects the hell out of that so they agree to stay friends

-they send each other hw answers and go shopping together and make target runs and get to converse about superficial stuff like hair and makeup that nobody else really gives a shit about (linh and tam only wear eyeliner and basics)

-i’m thinking biana has a cute cafe/ice cream place part time and marella brings her food (so she doesn’t have to pay the doordash fee) and in return gets free coffees/pastries/ice cream and etc

[no-see-um-incorrect]

Ok soooo im having a really fucked day mentally…….. so here’s how my favorite ASMR boys would help you during your mentally fucked days 

Seth🏕️

He’s been there. He knows how it is. 

He’ll pick you up throw you over his shoulder, grab the softest blanket in the house and a whole box of your favorite cookies/comfort snack. He puts on your favorite playlist/movie/TV show

Put you on his lap with the blanket over you and hold you close. gently kissing your neck and shoulders. He doesn’t say much. he doesn’t have to say much. he’ll listen, he’ll nod. But rarely will any words be spoken unless prompted 

Charlie🍕��

He knows you. You guys literally grew up together, trying to hide it from him is pointless. 

He’ll walk up to you and give you a big hug. (as big as the skinny bitch can muster) and he won’t let you go until you are willing to sit down and talk about it.

“it’s OK Casper”

“let it out……I’ll be here when you’re ready”

“Your not a burden babe… you’re never a burden”

After you’re done talking, you lay in bed together and cuddle until you both asleep

Milo🐾

We already know how good Milo is at this kind of thing.

Provided that you’re not already in panic zone. Milo can always tell when his sweetheart is not doing well.  he goes up behind you and wraps his arms around your waist.

(provided that you have the same reaction as me that would make you cry right then and there.)

He listens, he holds you close, he makes it better.

You’d think he was taking lessons From caelum for how quickly he makes “the knots” go away. Sure some knots will always be there and he knows that. But he will try his hardest to make you feel safe and loved.

If I do caelum I just might cry While typing this

Sam❤️

(What is it with broken southern men) Sam. much like Seth also knows what it’s like.

“I got ya darlin’….you’re safe here”

Sam holds you close to his chest. And just lets you vent while he softly rubs your back. He’ll use his flannel sleeve to wipe off any stray tears.

You can ask if you’re being too much. You can tell him you didn’t want to be a burden. 

But he won’t have any of it.

“darlin do you think it’s a burden when I share my sorrows with you?”

“No.” (If you say yes. f@ck you)

“then why do you think I’d be burdened with hearing yours?”

Once the vent session is done, and your tears are dried. He’ll give you all the kisses, and whisper all the sweet nothings. And get you back to feeling like you’re on top of the world. 

 Auron📚

(Didn’t think I was gonna bring him out did ya)

We know that he’s not the softest guy in the world, but when he is it’s good.

He realizes that you’re not acting your normal self and will request a meeting with you (whilst also clearing the next two hours of his schedule)

He sits on the couch in his office (he’s loaded He has one) you sit down next to him, and he pats his lap.

“come here. rest your eyes rook” you lay your head in his lap, and he  runs his fingers through your hair. He won’t push you to talk. He’ll just wait until you’re ready.  but if he feels that you’re not telling him because you don’t want to bother him. He’ll reassure you.

“we may be on work hours,  but I want you to know i’m still here….. you can interrupt me at any time of the day or night if you need anything”

The rest is up to you.

Guy🍕

It doesn’t matter if you are the best at hiding it. if literally nothing in your demeanor changes, if you’re just the same as you always are,

he knows 

“Honeyyyyy~ what’s wrong”

Hide your emotions all you want you’re gonna end up talking about it. he’ll kiss all over you, Whispering little praises, make extremely lewd comments. you know guy being guy just a lotmore than usual. and somehow even he’s confused about this. It makes you feel better. 

Sorry if this sucks, my hands were shaking the entire time and I still don’t have my glasses fixed. Love y’all, and I wish you well 





[savventeen]

hmm savv what would u do with mutual pining and woozi? :3c

daisy,,, beloved,,,,,,,,,, how dare you make me think about mutual pining w/ woozi ( /hj ) (i am already pining for him and thinking abt MUTUAL pining is going to drive me actually insane methinks g o d sdkjflskjdf)

ok so. SO. after vibrating in my seat and fantasizing abt lying down in the middle of the floor for the rest of time as i think about this concept, i have come to the following conclusion: mixtapes. and i mean in the classic "hey i made you this mixtape" sense

reader and jihoon are both producers for the same label and don't really interact that much at first. in fact, they don't actually even meet for the first time until soonyoung invites them both to his birthday party and they start talking shop, bonding over teasing soonyoung, and then ending the night with a promise to grab lunch together sometime.

fast forward a couple of months and they are officially Friends. they've managed to start a tradition of getting lunch together once a week and bitching about various work bullshit, and they've also started to hang out together in group settings after realizing they have more mutual friends as well

reader is the first one to send jihoon a song. it's a few hours after their weekly vent session, jihoon having taken up most of the time complaining about shitty higher-ups giving ridiculous deadlines and stuck-up idol wannabes trying to tell him how to do his job without having a clue about what his job actually is, and he gets a message from reader that says "i feel like this fits ur current mood" with a link to a song. [cw the song linked has a somewhat startling gun sound] he clicks on the link, curious, and then bursts out laughing after a few confused moments of listening bc that was NOT what he was expecting, at all

and that's how it starts, really. a few days later, he sends reader a song with the caption "how much u wanna bet soonyoung would choreograph something to this just bc it has the word 'tiger' in the title" / "no bet he absolutely would" / "ur no fun :P" / "sorry can't hear you i'm sending it to soonyoung as we speak"

pretty soon they're sending songs back and forth almost daily "what are ur thoughts on this" / "?? i don't speak french" / "and?" / "...ok yeah this is p good" "is this kinda close to the vibe you're trying to get for that one group you're working with?" / "not quite. but that's ok bc IM Vibin with this one" "i need u to stop whatever ur doing and listen to this with the bassist bass you can get with w/ ur setup" / "ok??" ... "holy shit" / "RIGHT?"

fast forward another couple of months, and reader shows up to jihoon's studio with a can of coke zero and a flash drive. "what's this?" / "this, my dear woozi-ssi, is going to be the solution to our creative blocks" and then reader goes on to explain their idea: they both have tracks that they're stuck on (personal, professional, or otherwise), and so they're gonna 'sisterhood of the traveling pants this shit' ('i literally have no idea what you're talking about'). aka: reader put some files they're having trouble with on this flash drive, and jihoon's gonna add any notes/ideas he has and then give it back with some of his own trouble files on it. rinse and repeat

and not only does it work ("ohmygod i've been trying to figure out that bridge transition for DAYS THANK YOU") but it also becomes Their Thing. like, they're used to collaborating with other writers/producers/etc bc it comes with the job, but something about this silly little flash drive... feels Special. [*cough*it's because they're catching Feelings*cough*]

tHIS IS GETTING SO LONG FUCK OKAY other things i would include in this fic: - one noticing the other has been working on a lot more love songs lately (or maybe a lot more Sad (read: pining) love songs) - reader has a bad day at some point and they end up losing the flash drive and they have a breakdown over it (jihoon comforts them and also helps them find it we love emotional hurt/comfort in this household) - scenes where they're individually waxing poetic about the other to different friends and the friends are like "bro. ur in love with them" "uh, no? they just have a great work ethic and a great taste in music also their lyricism is just—" "you. are. in. love." "i admire them professionally!

AND THEN THE CONCLUSION!! one of them decides to bite the metaphorical bullet and confess their Feelings. this could be either of them, but i'm gonna go with jihoon bc i can. so of course he can't just say "hey i love you" like a normal person, he has to confess through music. so he goes out and buys a new flash drive (with a really cute cover bc he knows they'd like it) and puts two folders on there. the first folder is full of instrumental files and is titled "all the times i couldn't find the words". and the second folder is titled "and all the times i could" and it's all love songs he's written inspired by/for reader

he sneaks into their studio and leaves the flash drive on your desk while you're in a meeting, and then he Waits and waits and waits some more until it's time to go home and it's been total radio silence and his heart feels like it's been crushed. so he starts to head home in the rain (bc i am a cheesy bastard and love rainy confession scenes) but after a few minutes of walking he hears shouting behind him and he turns to see you sprinting at him while screaming his name and before he can get a word out you're clutching his shoulders, soaked to the bone and asking "do you mean it? the songs, did— do you really mean it?"

and all he can do is nod because his heart still hasn't quite found its way back to his chest yet, and then he can't nod anymore because you're kissing him. you're kissing him, and he drops the umbrella he was holding and you're both kissing in the rain bc you're both obnoxious helpless romantics and "y/n-ah, i mean it— i mean it. i love you"

"i love you too, you stupid romantic bastard oh my god"

"hey, you're the one who started kissing me in the rain"

and it ends like the cheesy romcom this turned into bc i couldn't help myself and i need to lie down in a puddle of feelings now k thx

[send me a person and a trope/au and i'll tell you what kind of plot i'd write for them]

[abyssleaves]

Why I'll Be Remaining in the Lurking For Love Community

Ok.

Honestly, I really don't want to make this.

I'm way too old for fandom drama, and I don't need to be making myself a target. My gut is telling me that it's a bad idea to get involved, and I'm inviting trouble for myself by posting this.

But the most recent post against Tom is just ridiculous and I can't not speak my piece.

I'm not linking to it or reblogging it because I don't want to send hate anyone's way, and honestly because I'm going to block them as soon as this is posted. You can read mine and theirs for yourself and decide what you think.

As far as the “anti-Latino” posts that Tom liked, I can't speak to whether they do damage, or what Tom’s views actually are. I am not Latino, and I'm not Tom. It's not my place. But I will say I was aware of those posts long before I saw that “callout” post, and it's because multiple Latino artists I follow liked and retweeted them. At the time, I was given to understand that they were satirizing the fact that both were styles of stereotypes, but one was acceptable while the other was not, despite both being bad. I can't say, based on just those tweets, that I see any anti-Latino sentiment in Tom. I'm willing to admit that my knowledge on that front isn't bomb-proof.

The second point, well... I'm sorry to the friend that feels used. They're entitled to be hurt. And I will readily admit that I'm only able to respond to the info within that post. Maybe there IS more to it.

But I don't think that Tom ceasing contact over the hormones is surprising at all, from a mental health standpoint. Put yourself in his shoes: you're a trans person in US, which is its own struggle, and you've reached your mid/early 20s without being able to attain gender-affirming care. Now someone years younger than you just got the thing you want more than anything else. Sure, you might be happy for them. But that is also going to hurt, horribly. You really have three options:

1) stay friends and smother the bitterness/possible resentment. That will either end up ruining your mental health, or coming out and ruining the friendship anyway.

2) Ask your friend not to tell you/post about their transition. That makes it about you and also ruins something that should make them happy.

3) Distance yourself.

Maybe he should have spoken more directly with you about his feelings, granted. But, Tom has not been shy about the fact that he struggles with his mental health. None of us handle every situation well. As far as his occasional venting, I would think, if you WERE his friend, you might have some compassion, and either cease contact if the friendship is not fulfilling, or accept his sincere, well-written apology (Which are the ONLY words straight from Tom’s mouth on the entire fucking post).

Instead, you got the apology from him, and then shared a bunch of gossip between you and another friend, and outed your interpretations of his vent sessions to the world. That's not exactly classy, posting about how he sought people he felt safe with during a time when a big chunk of the community he built is telling him to do horrible things to himself.

I want to make it clear that I don't agree with all of Tom’s views as expressed on his initial explanation post. Again, many of them are issues that I don't feel are my place to get involved in, and therefore I stayed quiet at the time.

I'm aware that the justified and intense hurt felt by people in those communities can mean that even differing opinions feel like a slap in the face. You have every right to see Tom’s views as hurtful and choose to leave, and/or make a separate community for support. I don't blame people who are in those communities for doing so. This post is aimed at the obsessed minority that won't leave the tag/remaining fans/Tom alone.

All of the above being said, the reaction to Tom’s post is the most “touch grass” thing I have ever seen.

Tom liking one or two comics from a dark-humor comic artist so widespread on the internet that I didn't even know he had an actual page, or anything about him as a person (something Tom also stated) = Tom is a Nazi sympathizer.

Tom saying “I don't care for neopronouns, but I won't attack you for using them and will respect what everyone wants to be called” = Tom is a monstrous bigot.

The racism accusation has me especially 💀. All because he liked a post about help from an unexpected source and that we should be kinder to each other.

How on earth are you going to tell a POC that he doesn't know what racism is because he’s NOT THE RIGHT KIND OF POC? Do you hear yourself?

(FWIW, I also don't agree with kink at pride. Sorry. LGBTQ+ people are not "narsty little freaks"--yeah I SAW that post--they're people. They can be kinky, they can be vanilla, whatever. Kink has nothing to do with your orientation, and therefore it isn't part of Pride. Also, my guys, if you're having public sex/being nude at pride for kink reasons, then you're not part of the healthy kink community: safe, sane, and CONSENSUAL. Nobody around you consented to that. Similarly, while I feel that sex education for minors should be normalized in order to give them better tools to tell when they're being groomed, seeing strangers with no pants on is NOT education, that's involving minors in your fetish. And that's fucking gross. )

The LGBTQ+ community in the US is in a lot of trouble right now, and we have a very bad habit of eating our own. We divide and subdivide and allow ourselves to be carved up by a united conservative front.

We do not allow for differing levels of leftist beliefs, and we constantly accuse each other of being not POC/leftists/queer enough, or being the wrong kind, or using a term for ourselves that some other individuals don't like. A great deal of the bullying leveled against him is justified by others saying that he's choosing to support a party that will turn on him and cause him and others like him harm.

Well, to be honest, the only community I see doing that right now is this one.

The amount of disingenuous “OMG, just FYI everyone to everyone hurt by [situation], I’M not transphobic/a bigot, you're all welcome here 😌” posts from people, who did not read his post, did not link to or quote his post. Disgusting. You know very well that nothing in his explanation or in his actions throughout his time in the community pointed to any abuse ON HIS PART towards trans people, non-binary people, people of the Jewish faith, or POC. You're virtue signaling, you're putting lambs blood above your door to keep the baying mob away.

This is insane. When did differing opinions turn into this? You don't have to agree with Tom’s views on anything. You're welcome to not follow his accounts, not like his art, not buy his game. If you feel that his opinions are too severely different from yours, you should be allowed to leave the fandom without people telling you that you should do bad things to yourself because your opinions don't match theirs (sound familiar?).

But…please. Can we stop with this awful parasocial obsession with his personal page? You can't lie to yourself and call it anything other than literal stalking. It's creepy as hell, and it reflects more on you than on him, in the long run. People might agree with your outrage, but deep down, they're afraid of being the next target, and they stay quiet out of fear that you'll stalk them next and send a mob hurling abuse their way.

To Tom, I'm sorry that this happened to you. You didn't deserve anything even close to this level of vitriol and abuse. You started from scratch and created a character and story that I feel was something truly unique. You reached an incredible number of people's hearts with Lurking for Love and Jacob, and no matter what happens from here with both of them, you deserve to feel proud of that. I hope that you are ok. Being a public figure on the internet doesn't mean you don't have a right to private opinions or even just general privacy.

I'm not tagging any characters in this. I'm only tagging the game because I hope other fans get to see that they're not alone. I don't believe the tags should be polluted this way. If you have to discuss a creator, it should be in his tag and not in a fandom space.

I'm aware that there will be deliberate bad-faith readings of this, or nitpicking of things I didn't cover. Whoever wants to, go ahead and respond, but I've said what I came to say, and I have nothing more to add. My inbox is closed and I love the block button.

[echo-rambles]

love don't know how to rest

words: 2,679 summary: a quick phone call with your boyfriend chan turns into a mini vent session. tags: swearing, established relationship, long distance relationship, minor argument, fluff, making up note: this started off as me clowning on chan's new hair because as much as I love him I was not a fan of it when I initially saw it. somehow it turned into a weird little vent thing about missing someone and wishing they'd take better care of themselves. (title from how to rest by the crane wives)

-o0o-

“Hey baby.” You immediately greet, answering your phone and then propping it up so your hands are free. 

Chan's face takes up the majority of the screen, and you get a close up of his forehead before he also seems to settle his phone somewhere. He hums in acknowledgment. 

You know for a fact he’s not trying to be rude, so you don’t worry too much about his non-greeting. Quickly looking at the time and doing the math, you speak up again. “Good morning. Have you just woken up?” It would be about 8am in Korea right now. 

“Hi- sorry I meant to say hi when you did.” It’s ok, you mumble, moving about the kitchen as you continue to make yourself dinner. Chan had messaged you only a few minutes ago, asking if you were busy and if he could call through. It wasn’t a very complicated dinner, mostly just heating up leftovers on the stove, so of course you told him to call. “I’ve been up since… six? Five maybe.” 

“Chan.” You chastise gently. Sending him a little look from your spot at the stove. He ducks his head, already giving you one of his smiles that spell an apology. 

“I know. I just- my brain hasn’t been able to shut off. I’m making the most of it until I end up crashing in the middle of the day.” 

“Light schedule?” You ask, already assuming the answer since otherwise he wouldn’t be able to so readily nap mid day. Chan makes a little agreeable noise. “That's good. And hey, if you don’t sleep at some point I can always ask Seungmin to smother you until you pass out. Forced nap time.” 

“That’s so fucked up.” But it gets him to chuckle, and that’s really what matters. “He’d do it too.” 

“Of course he would; I asked. Hey, nice hat by the way.” You lean close to your phone, squinting at the beanie he’s wearing. 

It makes Chan groan and push the beanie over his eyes for a brief second. “I'm trying to hide my hair, since someone hates it.” 

“I never said I hate it!”

“…you said it reminded you of straw.” 

Ok, so maybe you absolutely said something like that when you first saw his hair. It sort of just tumbled out of your mouth. “Because they bleached it all wrong! They killed your hair, Christopher. I was shocked, and distraught.” 

Chan shifts his beanie around, laying his hand flat on his head but never once taking it off. “I thought it would’ve come out better. I’ve been wanting to dye it-”

“I know, baby.” The teasing slips away from your tone, replaced by something more gentle and understanding. “But you gotta let your hair heal first before you fuck with it. Maybe let it grow out and dye it dark the next time you can? And then, once it’s no longer damaged as hell, you can do something fun. Like pink?”

Chan’s nodding along to your words, clearly watching you shut off the stove and shove all of your food into a bowl. He smiles at your suggestion. “One day you’ll get your pink hair dreams.” 

“We can match! It'd be so much fun. I think the world needs Pink Chan more than ever, really.” 

He hums instead of playing into the banter, hand still on his head, and you know that no matter how much you apologize for your initial reaction or how many jokes you make, the thought that he did something you don’t like is going to eat him up. Sighing, you bring the phone close to your face. 

“I think you look gorgeous no matter what, you know that right? I’ll tell you every single day until you believe me. Even with straw hair.” You lower your voice, trying to sound as solemn and as serious as you can. “Even if you were bald.”

“Bald?” His face goes all scrunched as he laughs, tipping his head out of frame and pressing a hand over his eyes. 

“Yeah. Shave it all off. Start from scratch.” You bring the phone and your bowl over to the couch, settling in. “I’m sure there’d be girls who would go crazy for the shaved look.”

“Should I be worried that you’re making sure I look good for other girls?” 

“Hey, listen, this is your job, and part of my job as the world's greatest girlfriend is to make sure you’re marketable to your audience.”

He’s still smiling, all big and soft and it loosens the knot of guilt in your chest. 

After a few minutes of the both of you falling silent, you eating and Chan just watching you, you finally speak up again. “I’m sorry for saying that stuff about your hair. I didn’t mean to sound so… mean.” 

“I know. I appreciate the apology though.”

“I just worry. Which is a shit excuse but- I don’t want them ruining your hair. I need you to take care of yourself, because I’m not there to do it!” 

“I know-”

“You take care of the boys and I take care of you because you refuse to let them do it; that’s always been the deal, but I’m not there so now no one is taking care of you-” 

“Love,” he cuts you off. Voice firm and commanding. “It’s just hair.” It’s your turn to mumble out an I know. “It’ll grow back. It can be fixed. I’m ok.” 

“I just wish I was there.” 

The silence creeps in again, and your food is growing cold. Every day you miss him, and the feeling just continues to grow and grow and you’re so afraid that it’ll get so big that soon you won’t have room for anything else. You need him to be ok, because if he’s not then… you’re not really sure what you’d do. 

“We take care of each other, yeah?” Chan says, making you snap your attention back to your screen. He must have pulled his phone closer to his face, and if this were any other moment you’d take the opportunity to snap a picture of the angle he chose, but since you feel all cold and serious in the pit of your stomach you instead just nod at his words. 

“Yeah-” 

“I don’t want you to ever feel like this is a one way street. It’s not your job to take care of me.” 

“I definitely don’t get paid enough for it to be a job.” The pit isn’t too cold or serious for you to deny yourself mumbling out a little quip. 

“We choose to look out for each other, yeah? I take care of you too. Don’t forget that.” Your little comment makes him smile. Just a tick of his mouth, but his whole face softens and you wish you could touch him right now. 

You want to be in his arms. Face pressed to his neck, where you can feel his pulse against the highest point of your cheek and his hands spread across your back and anchoring you. Long distance sucks ass. 

“I won’t. But sometimes-” You stop yourself, chew at your bottom lip and aggressively spear your food with your fork. “I worry that you’re so busy taking care of everyone else that sometimes you forget about yourself.”

“I’m guessing this has gone way beyond your feelings about my hair.” Chan tries to joke, but there’s still that underlying tone of his. The special one that only he can really get. It works it’s way under your skin. 

For a brief moment you think about leaving it there. Changing the subject. This was meant to be a relaxing phone call during a moment Chan had to breathe. He has a break and he chose to call you and all of a sudden you're just sort of dumping out all of these thoughts onto him over room temperature leftovers. 

But then you remind yourself that this is Chan. He’ll know if you’re trying to bottle something away. He always does. You joke that you know him, that he’s like an open book to you. This isn’t a one way street. He knows you just as well. 

Fuck it. Rip the band-aid off. 

“You look stressed. Overworked. Like you haven’t been sleeping.”

“Oh wow, ok. Straight to the point.” 

“The only reason I know you’ve been eating is because Lino and Bin would probably force feed you before you ever went hungry. You just look exhausted and I know this is your job- I know you signed up for this. But it still breaks my heart sometimes when I can see you starting to strain under the pressure.” 

“I’m- I’m doing fine. It’s hard, yeah, but-”

“It’s worth it.” You finish his sentence, already knowing what he’s going to say because he always says the same thing. “I know. Why do you think it kills me that I can’t fucking be there? Because you work yourself to the bone and there’s no one around that’s willing to pull you away and force you to actually take care of yourself. The boys- I know they try, but they still see you as their leader. As their big brother. The things I do, the way I argue with you? No way they’d be willing to go that far. And I’m not trying to paint myself as this ultra special person but- jesus Chris, you can’t tell me that if, I don’t know; Felix tried to speak to you the way I do, you wouldn’t get upset.” 

Chan doesn’t say anything, but his eyes are big and liquid and he’s listening to every single word out of your mouth. When you say his name, directly ask him a question, he’s blinking. Thinking about it. “No, you’re right.” 

Finally, you place your bowl on the coffee table, feeling like you need to get up and move or else you’ll probably start crying or something equally as embarrassing. God, it’s like all of these pent up emotions have just decided to spill out. Things you didn’t even realize you were upset about until now.

“Your hair honestly means nothing in the grand scheme of things. It’s hair, like you said. But it was something for me to tease you about- something small that I was upset about that I could actually comment on, when really all I’ve wanted to do these last few weeks is scream at you to slow the fuck down. No- I know what you’re going to say and I’m not talking about the company schedules. That’s your job. I’m talking about all of the extra hours I know you’re pulling because nothing feels perfect enough. All of those hours where you’re meant to be relaxing but instead you just work more because you feel like if you stop you’ll stagnate.”

Leaning away from his phone, Chan takes a deep breath. Puffs out his cheeks for a moment before releasing it all and then dragging both hands over his face. The beanie gets dislodged, and you see a shock of pastel yelloworange. It’s not even that bad. It looks cute on him. But it felt like some weird shock to your system when he showed it to you and you could tell he was unhappy with it. 

“What do you want me to say? It seems like you’ve covered all of the bases.” 

“I want-” You huff in frustration. “I don’t want you to say what you think I want to hear, ok? Never. We don’t do that to each other. I just want-” Again, you cut yourself off, not actually sure what you want. Not sure what the entire fucking point of this little rant has been. 

You take your built up tension and you make good use of it. Bringing your bowl to the kitchen and beginning to clean up the dishes while you listen to the way Chan sighs into the silence. There really isn’t anything for him to say. 

You can hear the way he tries to start a sentence at least twice, and you know that he’s frustrated that he can’t fix whatever this is. But there’s nothing to fix because nothing’s broken. You’re just kind of at the end of your rope and you just want your boyfriend close. Shutting off the sink and picking up your phone, you try to give him something close to a reassuring smile.

“Listen, I think I figured out what I want.” He looks at you, jaw working and eyes shining and you want to take his face in your hands and kiss him stupid. But you can’t have that, not right now. So you’ll have to settle with second best. “We take care of each other, yeah, absolutely, but that means you have to take care of yourself when I’m not around to do it. Because I’m thousands of miles away. I know it’s a big ask but can you please do that… for me?” 

“Yeah… yeah, I can do that. I’m sorry I made you worry.” 

“Baby, I don’t need an apology. I just want you to be healthy.” You’re quiet for a beat, watching the way his eyes flick down and away from his phone before skipping back to you. “And also for your hair to look different.” 

“Wow.” It gets him to laugh. It feels like a small victory. 

“I’m nothing if not consistent. And hey, I’m sorry too. For just- whatever that was. It was unfair to unload it all when you’re probably minutes away from being busy again.” 

“Nothing to be sorry for. Like, I do get why you’re sorry but I’ll always choose to listen to your problems. Especially if they include me, that way we can figure out how to fix it.” His soft smile is back, crinkling his eyes and making your lungs weak. 

Humming, you finally finish putting all of the dishes away. “I love you.”

“I love you more.” 

“I love you the most.” 

“I’m pretty sure I loved you before I knew you.” Chan says, smile stretching wider as he tilts his head like an adorable fucking puppy. 

You smile back, and it feels like sugar fills your mouth. “Ooh, that’s a good one.” 

It’s the same little game you always play after any sort of tense conversation. Trying to one up the other and having to concede when they say something that legitimately makes you melt. It’s a reminder that things are hard but you get through it. 

Hoisting yourself up onto the kitchen counter, you sigh. It’s a little dramatic, infusing just enough theatrics to keep the levity of the conversation. “Sometimes it really sucks that we both believe in healthy communication. I wish we were the type of couple to ignore things until the feeling goes away but really it just festers until we can’t take it anymore.”

“I know, right. We’re just too good at being a couple. It’s kind of boring actually.”

“That’s what I’m saying! You should tell me to shut the fuck up more often and I’ll… I don’t know, accuse you of cheating?”

“With who?”

“Lino?”

“Wow. Shut the fuck up!” He manages to say, between his breathless laughter.

“Yeah! See, you’re getting the hang of it already.” 

Things might not be solved, like at all, but you feel a little lighter. You spend the next ten minutes joking with Chan, and things feel like they settle back to normal. You’ll probably have to have this conversation again, with less tension and frustration. But that’s for later. When he doesn’t look so tired and has a block of free time to actually talk about it in depth.

You’re going to see him, soon. You hold on to that knowledge as tightly as you can. You’ll be there, with him, able to touch him and kiss him and tell him that all you want is for him to be happy. Maybe you can have this conversation again, in person. Where you can hold hands and crawl into his lap. Soon.

[dentist-brainsurgeon]

Long Vent under read more

TLDR: Tired, Lonely, unhappy with living situation

These past 2 and a half years, especially these past six months have really nailed in just how stifled and suffocated I feel, there was a point where living with my aunt and grandma felt good, I felt loved and comfortable for once, I've lived with them for 8 years of my adult life, but the older I get, the more I realized this is just another restrictive household where I have to walk on eggshells. I have to pretend to be Christian, I have to pretend to be cis and straight, have to pretend I don't have mental problems, and when I'm angry, its always chalked up to be my period, and they always treat me like a child, and its getting more and more obvious as the years go by. I don't get to go out much, in the past two years, the only times I was out of the house for days, was when I was in the hospital, and despite the pain I endured there, I felt sad to leave, and I cried when I was given the OK to go back to work, I hated going back to normal. And the other time, very recently, was when I got to hang out with my best friend for a few days, and it was great! I loved it!! But it was so short lived, it was the only time I was comfortable being myself in public. and I hated going back to normal again. I don't really get to partake in hobbies until maybe when my aunt and grandma fall asleep, and even then I'm too tired to do much of anything. My time is never considered, scheduled for my first PT session? Oh family is coming over and they're going to borrow the car, work? Oh we're going to go eat out with a friend at the Cheesecake Factory, final doctors appointment? Oh I'm getting my hair dyed, Hang out with my friend that was planned for months that I made sure they knew about? we're going on a cruise!!! and many such cases, doesn't matter if I tell them, and put it on the calendar. Sure the house they live in is pretty nice and its good to actually have AC, wifi and my own room for the first time in a long time but, I really only get to exist in my room, if I'm lucky, and they're out of town for a few days, I can finally exist in the living room and I actually don't mind cleaning and I'm able to cook! When my grandma and aunt can't criticize every little thing. I wouldn't mind living by myself, with friends, or even the small chance of having decent roommates, I want to be around people I actually like being around, I want to partake in hobbies at any hour of the day, I just want out, I want to be able to live my life