#and I have to get two internships
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Oh I am so fucked next semester
#tell me why. there was only ONE POSSIBLE SCHEDULE. BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 8 IN THE MORNING. AND SEVEN AT NIGHT.#TELL ME WHY ALL THE ACCOUNTING CLASSES ARE TAUGHT BY THE GUY WHOS CLASS I FAILED#WHERES MY GURL KATIE#I HAVE AN A IN HER CLASS RN#I WAS ALREADY PULLING A SOLID 20% OUT OF MARCS BY NOW#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#anyways. I am. so so fucked.#on Tuesdays I’m gonna be in classes from 11 to three no breaks#it goes accounting -> counseling psych -> some HR class#I’m going to Cry#but hey! at least I got it planned??#and I only have. 30 credits left Total I think#actually just counted only 27#which really ain’t too bad#and I think I can appeal six of them because I AM NOT FUCKING TAKING 18 CREDIT HOURS OF STATISTICS#I AM NOT A STATISTICS MAJOR#WHAT THE FUCK#anyways send help imma loose it#and I have to get two internships#ugh.
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10-06-2024 | productive days perking up!
when your brain finally says, “ok maybe enough staring at walls” after a real bad shutdown for a frustratingly long time - and then you're buried in books for hours at a stretch, forgetting dinner. and you're quietly cursing at your brain for wasting so much of your time, keeping you away from all that fun.
currently studying real analysis and she's a real beauty. though her seduction is not quite helping with my majors-decision-anxiety. nonetheless, i'm having fun!
#‘but daddy i love her’ moment#i am literally torn in two over taking math as maj/minors decision#will have to go talk to my prof abt this#he's so nice#and patient#and is the best!!#on another note#real analysis is so much fun#the more i study math the more i want to keep studying it#which is giving me anxiety if i will regret not taking math majors?#arghhhhhh whyyy#studyblr commuity#studyblr#stemblr#academia#productivity#mathblr#physicsblr#stem student#stem academia#my summer internship days#ru's trying#ru's trying to figure this out#ru's getting better#ru will figure this out#university studyblr#uni student
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Ok, idea that I'm really excited about
Everyone is always talking abt an in-person temple for pagans but what if instead of a temple-temple, there was a museum-temple?
Hear me out bc I think this would be really cool.
Things the temple-museum would have:
Permanent exhibits including:
Outside land art similar to Sun Tunnels by Nancy Holt that line up with the solstices/constellations
Inside sky art for meditating similar to Skyspace by James Turrell (PLS look this one up, it's so pretty. The picture in the article doesn't do it justice)
A wall of prayers/manifestations/affirmations. Visitors write them on a post it or note card and pin it to the wall to make a collaborative exhibition like Post Secret at the Museum of Us
A small gallery with general overviews of popular pagan pantheons: Hellenic, Celtic, etc. This will include artifacts from those time periods either depicting the deities or how people worshiped them
A small gallery with historical witchcraft artifacts. This will include medieval European poppets, Copic love spell manuscripts, Chinese oracle bones, etc.
Rotating temporary exhibits including:
Witch trials from around the world (1400-present, bc they do still happen)
Paleolithic cultures: Venus of Wellendorf, Stonehenge, Cave paintings/music, the Lion-man ivory, etc
Did Christianity Steal From Paganism: yes… no… it’s complicated (basically the overlap between early Christianity and Roman paganism) This will include villa mosaics, sarcophaguses, layouts of early churches, etc
The Rise of Modern Occultism: Hilma af Klint, Carl Jung, surrealism, spiritualism, Wicca, etc
A series of exhibits celebrating closed practices: different indigenous religions, Voodoo, Hoodoo, etc (Very important: these will not be teaching those crafts, just giving them the same public platform/attention as open practices. Key word here is "celebrating." People who practice in those closed communities will be consulted)
How paganism is incorporated into Abrahamic religions: Judaism and paganism, Catholicism and paganism, etc (People who practice in those communities will be consulted)
Modern witchcraft, good or bad? So that would be New Age, the rise of consumerism, witchtok, etc
More in-depth focuses on different pantheons: Celtic, Slavic, Mesopotamian, Hellenic, etc
Historical witchcraft accusations and race: Mary Lewis, the New York City Panic of 1741, Ann Glover, etc
Regular people's (like you!) devotional art. The public will be encouraged to donate/create devotional art pieces. Be that visual media, performance art, video art, music, sculpture, photography, writing, etc. It'll really highlight all the different ways people are worshiping, the diversity in deities being worshiped, and how big our community is
An auditorium. This would be for concerts, festivals/ceremonies that are done inside, and guest speakers. Guest speakers would include academics like Malcolm Gaskill (English historian and author), Katherine Howe (American author), etc. as well as big name practicing witches/pagans.
A garden. I haven’t decided yet what kind but I’m debating between a rooftop garden like the MET, one behind the building but open to visitors, or an atrium like medieval European cloisters/monasteries (bc I love those). The garden would be for meditating, connecting to nature/the gods, feeding pollinators, protecting "creepy" insects like spiders or burrowing bugs (bug hotel?), and potentially -depending on what type of garden it is- housing wild birds in bird houses or bats in bat boxes. Also, it could be a good place for festivals/ceremonies that are done outside, concerts, or general get-togethers like altar piece swaps!
And an altar/worship space. Obviously. It wouldn't be a temple without it. I'm thinking it would be mostly a big empty room with chairs and rugs scattered about and an alcove in one wall for the altar. Inside the alcove will mostly be nonspecific religious objects like candles, nice fabrics, flowers, incense, etc . Visitors will be encouraged to bring their own small personal devotional tools (except candles/incense for fire safety reasons). That way they can pray to, appreciate, and connect to their own gods and the main altar doesn't leave anybody out; the main altar is more for ambience than specific worship.
Giftshop? I'm not sure about this one yet bc it feels wrong to have a gift shop in a temple, but most museums, even small ones, have gift shops. It could have fresh herbs from the garden, candles, and local artists' art like prints, stickers, jewelry, etc. All at a reasonable price ofc (I hate overpriced museum giftshops more than anything else in the world... except overpriced museum tickets)
In terms of funding, museums get more government funding than churches, but they do have to pay taxes churches don't. I was thinking of generally modeling it after the Museum of Us in San Deigo; they let their employees pick the holidays they take off so they can each adhere to their personal religious practice, start paying them at $22 an hour with built in raises each year, and good insurance. They have done an amazing job, way better than any big museum, at collaborating with communities from all over the world to either give back artifacts in their collections or closely work with them to reframe how the artifact is presented/stored. They also don't charge for tickets, memberships, school trips, or basically anything except the giftshop. But that means they rely heavily on donations which may not work as well for a museum that's just starting out. Idk, this is all hypothetical rn.
The pillars the museum-temple would stand on are worship, education, and community.
I feel like teaching people about the history of these practices is super important and isn't smth that everybody bothers to learn or has correct information about. (And I'm a huge history/museum nerd if you can't tell lol)
I'm actually really excited about this lol
#i'm getting my degree in art history and museum studies if u can't tell lol#i've done two internships at the American Musuem of Natural History in NYC and i'm set up to do a third next summer#and i'm close w the Director of the Museum of Us and have been invited to work with them in the future (i admire them so much)#so the idea of running a museum that's also a place where ppl can worship and build community is INCREDIBLE to me#but it would take a lot of money. funding is what i'm most concerned about rn#most museums have a bord of directors where they get abt 60% of their funding from but idk who would want to sponsor smth like this#hellenic polytheism#witchcraft#paganism#paganblr#pagan community#polytheism#pagan temple#witchblr#witch community
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what's stressing you if you don't mind sharing? :/
it's the end of semester so uni is terrible, but the main thing is my housemate. she's really controlling and finds flaws in everything i do (i lived with multiple people before her and it has always been fine), so it's really stressing me out because every damn week she has something to say.
#she's the type of person that wants everything her way#i thought she's like that because i live with her#but apparently she's just terrible to deal with lmao#a friend of mine does an internship at a clinic#and there's two girls that are in the same uni as my housemate#and they told him she's insane. not a single soul wants to any group work with her#she simply doesn't know how to deal with people#i'm somehow a bit more relieved knowing this#but it's draining. i don't feel at home at all#and i literally just go there to sleep because i'm out working and at uni the entire day#i was living with my friends before and it was amazing! but it was too far away from my work and uni#i moved only to get more sleep and peace#and now i can sleep but i barely have peace and i'm dealing with a stress i never had :(#replies
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No witchy Wednesday this week. Life decided NO.
#Mr kdnfb made me socialize two days in a row this weekend#bah humbug#it was fun but man did I crash on Sunday night#sick child#broken shit in the house leading to hurricane season is not a good idea#took a golf ball sized rock to my windshield#so that was fun#both my kids are now done with school for the summer#which means they’re already bored#and one of them is learning to drive#and he’s doing fine but it’s still a little stressful for me 😬#and of course the job search decided this week would be#feast time where we’re all these jobs six months ago?!?!?#so I’ve been applying to those which takes time#instead of working on my fics#also I might be headed back to a library#not the same one but in the same county cooperative#so my former coworkers gave me the stink eye when I asked them for references#now if I can just get a freaking interview….#but I’m qualified for those jobs#like recently have experience#and if I can just get SOMETHING#it buys me time to do internships#or crap editing or writing jobs to check that experience box#on my resume
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#i have so much to tell my past self but she'll never get to hear it so i guess ill keep this here for future meg.#hi. remember when we applied for our dream uni for undergrad and we couldn't make it?#remember when the first two years of uni when everything got so terrible that you didn't even think youd make it to the end of the year?#well. guess what. we made it <3#yeah. we made it through.#with a year off and some recalibration and a good internship we managed to get back on track!#and we did well!! we got better and we were able to perform better and we got our gpa up and we got two good journal publications and#we made a lot of good friends this time around <3 and we have a lot of people on our side now <3#it doesn't hurt like it used to. crazy. it doesn't hurt at all.#and remember dream uni? yeah. we're going there for our masters now :))#dear past meg. im so proud of you for holding on. i hope you're proud of me too <3#we're living the days we dreamed of <3#and dear future meg. i hope that when things get tough you remember the things you've managed to overcome.#you're tough as nails. you got this <3#megumi in the tags#will end up making this a proper gratitude post soon but for now. here it is
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collapses to the ground like a deflated balloon
#my god#stage one is finally complete . . . . . . . .#if you can recall that poll i reblogged about passing out#that important contact i received was mr. seto of the vocaloid team#who messaged me asking about a collaboration and quite literally nearly caused me to pass out#i read the message preview on my phone#stood up#saw stars#and collapsed onto my bed and had to lay down for like. 10 minutes before my body would stop feeling distant and weak w#i similarly felt ready to pass out today when i sent a message to ask when the announcement tweet would be#and they tweeted it. immediately after w#no joke rice and i were scrambling behind the scenes to get our act together and figure out what we wanted to say KHGJGSJKFHGKJ#all the while screaming because yamaha said they'd be posting it on valentine's day and we thought they meant our timezone w#because the whole point of this collab was to get the zolas more well known in the english-speaking sphere w#EITHER WAY#i am. so so tired and now i need to pass out so i can get enough sleep before more internship tomorrow w#which is heating up because my seminar professor wants a detailed plan of my final project goals This Friday#but my mentor won't know anything about where to fit that in until Thursday at the earliest#and my supervisor just hounded me over email to coordinate with the two other people at my station and choose an activity to lead#but that requires. planning. that our mentors won't have until thursday........#perishing . . . . . .
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Everybody PLEASE send me good vibes I am trying to get financial aid to let me go back to college this semester -___-
#k talks#I've been a senior in terms of credits for like at least a year so my advisor was like ummm well. you might only get 1 semester of aid not#so I was going to take a gap semester and then go back to graduate in the spring#but then he was like well! ask them again. so I AM and I want to go back so bad#I don't have a job or an internship or anything so I'd just be rotting at home#and I JUST found a good balance where I'm having more fun at college than stress#I just. I might pick up another minor or something I just want two semesters of aid not one PLEASE#I miss my friends. I miss having my own space. I miss my good professors
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when the disability is actually disabling and not just funny jokes
#personal#i haven’t been keeping up with applying for jobs#because i can’t do too many major activities at once#and since i had an internship my brain chose ‘internship and video games’ as the things#now i’m sweating in my parents’ house about to drop at least a week of time on the new ffxiv expansion while my mom has a panic attack#because she thinks i’m having a repeat of my 2018-2019 postgrad depressive episode and won’t apply for jobs#when actually i just couldn’t mentally handle doing three things at once instead of two#i don’t know how to explain this to her without it sounding like an insane lie#like i AM gonna do it. it’s just that i’m looking at my several hundred unread emails and shaking like an abused dog#i need to get out of here but that requires doing the apps and to do the apps i need to finish dawntrail and to finish dawntrail i need to#get her off my back by showing her progress and to do that i need to work on apps#i’m gonna throw up i hate it here (my brain)
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I'm genuinely suffering from success
#my imposter syndrome made me apply to so many clubs and programs because i didnt think id get into any of them#i got into like all of them#and now i have two jobs 4 clubs and an interview for a summer internship program#vio.txt
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so since I may be free this summer after all, would anyone be interested in an RP event that's a potluck? I've been wanting to do it for ages but there's never any interest compared to other themes
for a discord rp, I would make a separate server explicitly for this purpose so you don't have to be in any guilds or anything! I would also delete the server (or at least channel, if people would like an event-planning server long-term) after a week - enough time for people to read over their stuff but not preserved forever and ever.
#actually remembering to make this a week-long poll this time!#if you've never heard the term before: a potluck is an event where everyone brings a food they've made to share in a communal feast!#there is no skill floor for this - if you (your character in this case) only knows a simple cornbread recipe they follow by the book that's#-just as welcome as an elaborate roast#and I know people have brought things they bought instead of cooked (like a bakery pie)#the point isn't to show off your cooking skills as much as it is to come together as a community and share :)#its historical origins were a little more complex in function than that but I'm going with what I was raised with#but yeah. it's a theme I've wanted to do a while because it's so community#I AM upset that I won't be busy this summer (rejected from every internship I applied to and can't apply to ones that require a-#-drivers license which is uhh MOST OF THEM!#but my psych was saying it's probably good for me to have some rest and recovery time after this hell semeste#(it wasn't hell but two of my classes have really been fucking with my head)#I DID get to try out darting guns last week in my wildlife sampling/id classes though and I hit the target dead center both times!#and that was fun. but the writing assignments from those other classes are incomprehensible in rubric#OH RIGHT MY TAGS#gw2 open RP night#gw2 rp
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okay besties, these next few days i'm going to be focusing on writing and queuing the blurbs up rather than posting !!
#i will be doing an internship for the next 2 months so i wanna try and get as many written in 3 days (i leave on saturday lmao) as i can#so i can spread out the posts but also not have to worry about the writing part too much over these next two months#i'll still do some writing!! i just won't have the same amount of time as before#spencer reid#singer!reader#youtuber!reader#anne marie shut up pls :)
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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#starting to feel Real Anxious about my final assignments im so fucking stupidjfkddi#naurr cuz i feel it it my stomach this is NOT looking good i dont know how im gonna make everything but i just know that i gotta find a way#djdkdkdj this is NOT LOOKING GOOD I REPEAT I THINK im gonna get into an anxious episode which means im gonna feel like im about to have a#heart attack during the entire time im awake and im not gonna be able to sleep bc of it#nxnxxjdj this is great!!! and tem what's funnier is that i set myself up cuz i HAD time i HAD TIME i just didn't have the will#whats tem omg but anyways i feeeel it i feel it im gonna start feeling so bad tomorrow#ughim so fuckiggndn stupid#need to write an 8 page internship report due Thursday#a two page final assignment for history class due Wednesday#a group thingie due friday... i dont know if im gonna have the brains to write all of this during three days cuz tomorrow i wont have time#i have classes during the afternoon and night and i need to make a presentation for this other final assignment due tomorrow night so the#morning is gonna be about doing that lmfao im so cooked cuz i dont really have an easy time writing i hate writing specially academically s#like i hope i die i hope i get ran over or something#jfkskd came back to jot down that i also have a portfolio to turn in on friday lmfaooo
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Glad I’m starting therapy so soon after moving out ☝️ I am already feeling the helplessness and loneliness
#vent#<- slightly? not that strongly? this is a pretty chill post like. I feel pretty chill#but also :( sad#I miss my family and friends at home#I haven’t really talked to my roommates#including the one who’s been my friend since high school bc she’s been sick (?) for the past few days#and this semester is definitely going to be A Lot#I got accepted into another choir but I’m most likely not joining bc my schedule is so packed#but the main thing is#I FEEL LIKE A BABY#my parents never really made me cook or clean and I just feel kinda useless#I’m just gonna have to force myself to learn which is fine#and my parents have offered to walk me through stuff over the phone when they can#but idk I just feel really immature bc like. damn I am 20 and don’t know how to cook Anything#I’m gonna go grocery shopping either tonight or tomorrow and get some sandwich supplies and other non-cooking stuff#so we are not completely doomed lol#also I need to do laundry tomorrow.. which. I can do and have done before. but I’m still gonna call my mom for guidance 😅#idk I think the main thing that’s stressing me out is spending money on food vs. groceries#and trying to eat at least some protein and fruits/vegetables etc. while also not spending exorbitantly#bc I am SOOOO irrationally anxious about money. I hate hate hate spending money#so the whole idea of grocery shopping is just kind of filling me with dread 🥲#but I will do it bc I need to Adult at some point#I just. idk I guess most students do this and I’m being whiny about it bc I’m not used to it??#but it just feels like So Much to be taking five classes and doing a bunch of extracurriculars and living on my own for the first time!#like! ahhh! too much at once!#😰😰😰#and I need to get an internship soon 😀 and if I don’t get one this semester I need to at least get a job so I can stress less about money 😀#but I always stress about money regardless 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 even though I have scholarships savings etc 😀😀 ocd things! 😁 (🥲)#thank god for my meds and the thought that I’ll be starting therapy in the next week or two#and also my mom for being like the sweetest wver
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He doesn't let me do my work (this is my second cat, Ilya, I've shown you guys Lion once already)
#I don't wanna go to school on mondayyyyy#I hadn't been there for four weeks actually#I've had a music camp instead of regular classes for a week then a week of holidays and an internship for two weeks#it was nice but now I'll have to get used to being in school again#I'm glad I'll have regular band rehearsals and choir again though#and we'll have music and art classes this term!! These are some of the subjects which we only have for half of each school year sadly
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