#but hey! at least I got it planned??
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Oh I am so fucked next semester
#tell me why. there was only ONE POSSIBLE SCHEDULE. BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 8 IN THE MORNING. AND SEVEN AT NIGHT.#TELL ME WHY ALL THE ACCOUNTING CLASSES ARE TAUGHT BY THE GUY WHOS CLASS I FAILED#WHERES MY GURL KATIE#I HAVE AN A IN HER CLASS RN#I WAS ALREADY PULLING A SOLID 20% OUT OF MARCS BY NOW#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#anyways. I am. so so fucked.#on Tuesdays I’m gonna be in classes from 11 to three no breaks#it goes accounting -> counseling psych -> some HR class#I’m going to Cry#but hey! at least I got it planned??#and I only have. 30 credits left Total I think#actually just counted only 27#which really ain’t too bad#and I think I can appeal six of them because I AM NOT FUCKING TAKING 18 CREDIT HOURS OF STATISTICS#I AM NOT A STATISTICS MAJOR#WHAT THE FUCK#anyways send help imma loose it#and I have to get two internships#ugh.
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saw this design by @overcastedsays and Knew i had to draw it
#ultrakill#mirage ultrakill#mel/tav/fugo/marcy arts#aghhh i meant to draw this all the way back for ultratober but then i got sick twice and wasnt able to#HEY! at least its finished now!!!#very appealing design btw i plan to hopefully draw the others at some point
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hey man. i'm just saying. why would we put inexperienced teenagers with over-inflated egos and obvious emotional issues into combat classes and make them claw their way to the top of their dorms and expect things to just run smoothly. who actually thought this
#the reason rsa doesn't have overblots is because they understand the joy and whimsy of life and friendship btw#LIKE. why is there no school counselor?? do you know how much time & resources & effort & TRAUMA we could have saved the students &#school from if ANYONE had reached out to riddle and was like 'hey are you alright i heard xyz and i wanted to let you know...' ESPECIALLY#since TREY LITERALLY TELLS US 'oh well here's the lowdown on her trauma this is Probably what is causing this'#or if someone sat down to tell leona 'hey! i'm rooting for you in ur magift(?) game! you're my fav player!!' AND LET HIM FEEL NOTICED#or if someone approached azul as an Equal to try to stop his plans. as a friend even. BEYOND A BUSINESS TRANSACTION#or if ANYBODY BUT ESPECIALLY KALIM was like 'jamil i think you should follow your passions and do something you enjoy today!!' or AT LEAST#let him know he was appreciated as a person NOT JUST FOR HIS WORK#'i know you're doing a lot today but i just wanted to thank you for how much Effort you put into this and..' etc etc etc#ERM.. IF ANYONE TREATED VIL LIKE A HUMAN BEING AND NOT A CELEBRITY??? or even 'hey i loved you in this film i was wondering if we could#do a play together or something..!!' AND LET HER TRY A TYPE OF CHARACTER SHE NEVER GOT THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE. and sing her praises.#if anyone reached out to idia beyond a 'hey the teacher said to come to class'/'get out of your bed and come to our housewarden meeting'#or even. IF ORTHO HIMSELF was like. 'you know it's not your fault... you didn't cause all of this. not really' OR SOMETHING#or if malleus ever got to experience a small firsthand loss AND WAS COMFORTED THROUGH IT. not just quick fix via magic. not replacing. just#GRIEVING SOMETHING??????? and wasn't feared by literally everyone#um. maybe the real twisted part is that all of this tragedy was easily preventable if we had a support system in place.#but idk. twst is a highschool. there's no support in real high school either. i'd probably overblot too if i could ajdjrjfinfdndjd#twst#chatter#LONG RAMBLE SORRY#yes overblots are essential to the plot. but also. do you know how frustrating it is watching the blot build up and sitting in silence.#I'M SORRY IK IF SOMETHING LIKE THIS WAS HAPPENING TO A GUY I JUST MET I WOULD PROBABLY NOT NOTICE.. but of it was my Friend or Housewarden..#I'D ASK BRO.... I'D ASK ... UGHHHHHUUUHHHH#not that anyone would notice if *I* was about to lose it tbh#speaks volumes about our society o think#OKAY NOW I'M DONE FOR REAL
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Repostober Day 29 | 29 Years
Detective Conan began its serialization in Shonen Sunday 29 years ago, and it's still going strong!
I think this is the first Cone I ever drew, in December 2012. At the time, I had no idea that several years in the future, this series would become so dear to me—and would introduce me to so many wonderful people!
#repostober#goop draws#detective conan#i had been getting a lot of anon hate and then there was the pandemic and so i kinda took a break from tumblr for about a year#i came back in 2021 with detco posts and was met with *so* much encouragement and support#all the time i wonder what i did to deserve folks being so kind to me 🥺#thank you detco fandom <333#also i could not have imagined my current detco collection in 2012 lol!#just got my sixth detektiv conan blu-ray box today and that means i now own several eps *three* times ^^;#(part 7 of the japanese vhs tapes and... well i have part 5-5 to part 24-10 of the japanese dvds...)#(so normal about detco ^^; was planning on going to nyc for the eng dub premiere of m24 but looks like it might not happen. again...)#(but hey at least i'll be in nyc!)
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I've been trying to figure out a dynamic between neve and rye that I find more compelling, because right now there's not much of anything there for me to sink my little teeth into. but I think I've landed on something delicious with the idea that especially after minrathous gets fucked, rye looks at neve and sees myrna -- someone he feels he keeps letting down horribly no matter how hard he tries not to and can't quite achieve the approval of/connection with that he wishes so it's better to just pull away completely and disengage rather than stay in that unshifting shame. neve is (very understandably) measured and distant with him after what happened, and he's flashing back to his student days of myrna gazing at the perpetually hungover heartbroken heap of a person of him on the other side of her desk every time he missed the deadline of a paper or project like '...can we at least both agree that this is. a bit disappointing. especially considering your potential.' (and him all smudged black eyeshadow and numb ruefulness being like 'sure that's a very kind way to put it myrna thank you'.)
aside from the 'if I let him get too deeply into this he'll go the way of brom and it'll be all my fault (again)' element, neve thinks rye is dismissing her and her city/being a bit callous in the same way he was after varric's death (listen. how fucking wild must rook's reaction to losing a beloved mentor seem to the rest of the crew who aren't seeing the blood magic paper doll ghost varric the whole time, especially those who got to see them interact. you WOULD think 'there's something wrong with this guy. putting the job first is one thing just not seeming to react at all is another this is fucking freaky', wouldn't you, especially after seeing the warmth in that dynamic in action beforehand.) perfect storm of two people who grit their teeth and turn inwards in pain deciding that not talking about it is their best bet (NEWSFLASH: IT ISN'T) lmao
(rye spent his last year of watcher training on a mostly joyless bender and then got it together enough to finish the eternal orb project last moment in a fevered near-sleepless week instead of the half a year that was intended. emmrich is both astounded and distressed to hear this. "a week? but -- but that is an astounding accomplishment rook!! and also why in the maker's good light would you ever do that to yourself?" ("well you see there was no one to stop me from doing it like that but me. and under those conditions these things tend to happen".) rye was working through/looking up stuff around transitioning and doing every kind of OTHER high level watcher research through that whole time, but ultimately he's an excellent watcher and a terrible student, at least under traditional methods. adhd from here to the fucking moon. touched by something akin to divine inspiration in moments of high tension that pulls all the threads into one coherent unbreakable cord, a bit of a frayed mess in most other settings. in our world he'd be dropping out of a masters program at the very last hurdle in this moment maker bless and protect him)
#myrna is actually really proud of him for pushing through and becoming a very fine member of the mourn watch#(and a good man)#but she is also. well. myrna. so she has never expressed as much to him. (she thought it went without saying. it did not!)#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#neve gallus#considering how satisfying the Arc with davrin has been I hope this can liven up neve and rye's interactions for me!#also very interesting and fitting b/c davrin will come for you where you live and go 'and hey btw ANOTHER THING --' no bullshit#which rye finds SO annoying but is probably why their relationship has grown so deep so quickly b/c davrin won't let him avoid him#while neve is ironically a lot more like him and it means they have a much harder time reaching each other b/c they're both so watchful#and guarded. they vibed so hard in the beginning it was all neve approves all the times b/c they have similar instincts. and now look at us#we live in the same house and politely pretend the other one doesn't exist. we're making ghosts out of each other!!!#explaining why he's semi-avoiding her. he thinks he's being thoughtful in giving her her space but uh. well.#perhaps more flight behaviour in that than he's willing to gaze at directly haha#rye looks at lucanis claiming he's a mess and goes 'oh buddy you should've seen me the first day in a year I was fully sober#and working on that fucking orb with head pounding and eyeliner running. even like this you're one of the tidiest#and most disciplined people I've ever met. you're literally fine.'#the reason the romance is so slow is not even mostly on lucanis I think rye is the slower to truly open up one in that dynamic lol#hey. I love rook. I love him so much. my trying his best underachieving babyboy who killed god when he got it together#I suspect this is going to be a situation where I've planned multiple other playthroughs#that will inevitably be hampered by '...but where is rye tho. I wish rye was here. does anyone else miss rye' lmao#for reference I've finished DA:O at least 4 times. and all four of them was sophia amell doing exactly the same things. I have a Pattern lo#a pattern I have only really broken in da:i where I have three inquisitors I care about sort of equally (adaar is my fave#but I have fondness for them all)#hawke I basically play as always the same person just AUs of him haha. what if he was a mage instead and it was somehow even sadder#that sort of thing
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oh lmao im sitting here like "hmmm what should i do after the mandatory Taking Care Of Myself part of the night..." - mf you have commissions!!! work on your comms!!! idiot (affectionate)!!!
#the neuron took a second to Fire but hey i remembered#couldnt work on em last night like i planned so!!!!#tonight i should be able to get one of the simple ones done!!! plain sketch yep!!!#i got like... four in a row#which is super neat and also Why Do They Always Come In Waves#like at this point if i get one dm i can expect at least two more in rapid succession#if not at the same time#absolutely unprompted#ANYWAY anyway. puppets. beef. shower. COMMISSION WORK.#gonna paste a sticky note that just says 'comms' to my laptop screen#bc you best believe im gonna forget!#there. sticky note written & primed to paste#oh fuck i responded to all of them right??? i did??? i think i did maybe??? ill have to check
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Hrmm... Revising my game and I feel like there's still sooo much writing left to do, for something that probably won't even amount to much, so.. I do want to narrow my focus more (especially given my health problems seeming to get worse/less energy the past few years), but I'm not sure how would be best to...
I currently have 5 characters as the Main ones with full planned questlines and such, with each character having 6 quests you can do for them. But I haven't really started the writing for the 5th main character. So then I was thinking, if I were going to write 6 full quests worth of content anyway... is it better to allocate that time on just doing a Complete 6 Quests for ONE single character, OR would it be better to do something like.. choose THREE side characters and do 2 quests for each of them? So that people have a wider variety to interact with and sort of sample around (of course with the idea that, once the first version of the game is released, IF people actually care about it enough to make it worth the effort, I would then add additional content to complete those 3 characters stories as well)
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SO... If you were playing an interactive fiction sort of game centered around talking to & doing quests for a cast of characters (like there's no larger plot, more it's just about interacting with people, every character kind of has a self contained story, the focus is just learning about them and the world and exploring the area) --- Which would you rather have?
(and of course it would be stated up front which characters have only partial questlines, so people don't expect them to have full quests like the others and then get disappointed, or etc. etc.)
Basically, is it better to just focus in specifically on having one fully complete questline? Or for there to be a few stories that are not complete yet, but have more initial options available?
#I guess I just feel weird about investing too much into characters if possibly nobody will like them. so the idea of being able to sample#around a wider variety opens up the option of like 'hey even if neither of these 4 are your favorite - you have 3 other options soon too!'#or whatever. BUT I also am very anti-the trend of releasing half finished games or shit like that where people preorder and then#the game sucks on actual release and isn't fully playable or good until 5 updates later#HOWEVER.. those are giant companies with hundreds of employees and millions in funding. I feel like it's different for someone#if they're just like ''hey I am getting zero money for this and doing it entirely on my own in my free time and before I do like 50+ hours#of work on top of the 100+ hours of work that I already did - I would like maybe to at least see some proof#people are interested in this - so I'm releasing the game with like a small amount of the originally intended content removed#that I still have planned out and hope to add later and the game is still entirely done and completely functional#except for just a few quests I might add later.. sorry'' etc. etc. ??? like I think that's different. but maybe some people dont see#it that way and would still be like 'grrr.. how dare there be unfinished options..>:V" idk#And the nature of the quests is such that it's not weird to have it be partial like.. again.there's no major plot. it's not like the quests#are leading up to some dramatic thing and having them half done would make it feel like a cliffhanger. It's meant to be very casual just#chilling and doing little tasks and such. And last thing to clarify I guess - by 'side character' I don't mean taking some unimportant bac#ground character and forcing them to have quests. I mean like.. originally the game had 8 full characters and I thought that was#too much so I cut it down to 5. So I still had everything planned for all the side characters too. Id' just be like.. re-giving them#quests and focuses that were already planned from the beginning but that I got rid of.. former main characters banished to the side lol..#ANYWAY... hrmm... hard to decide... It's just so niche I think. I feel more and more like I should just get it to a 'proof#of concept' state and get it out there to interest check rather than invest in it soooo much for nothing. Because I really do not have the#tastes other people do or interact with games or have interest in things in the same way. A lot of the stuff that I love (slow. character#focused things with basicaly no action or plot where its' just about getting to explore a world and learn about#people in a casual low stakes setting but ALSO not romance) I think people find very boring so... lol...#This year as I try to pick the project back up again after abandoning it for like 3 years I keep looking at stuff and going.. ough...#yeah... cut this maybe.. I should cut that too.. I should make them a side character.. remove this.. blah blah..#Though I did ADD a journal and inventory system and other things that like People Expect Games To Have so.. maybe#that will count for something.. hey..you can collect items.. it's not just 'talking to elves for 600 hours simulator'.. are you#entertained yet? lol.... When I was making my other tiny game for that pet website and I gave it to the play testers and someone was like#''it should have achievements so I feel I'm working towards something concrete'' I was literally so blindsided like..??... people WANT that#in games..? is the goal not simply to wander aimlessly &fixate on world/character lore& make your own silly pointless personal goals? I did#do them though because it IS fun to make up little achievement names and such but.. i fear i am out of touch so bad lol..
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ugh. my father insists on telling the family group chat whenever i take a lil half-step towards being a functional adult. "oh, ella is learning how to drive in the snow! also, did you know that shes taking a class to become a pharmacy technician?" dad im 25. your next youngest daughter is starting a master's program. shut the fuck up, not everyone needs to know i couldnt drive in the snow until now
#PLEASE just forget i exist#ill let you know if i ever become a homeowner and therefore 1/4th as successful as everyone else#not infrequently i look at my peers and remember that autism is actually. like. a significant disability#and that the vast majority of people diagnosed with autism are unemployed#and it. uh. doesnt make me feel better about myself#it used to be a 'hey. compared to your real peers you arent lagging behind at all!'#but now its 'you are statistically unlikely to ever pull yourself out of this rut and into a position where you feel#comfortable asking for the love you want and nearly all of your friends have had'#its at least partially the meds but i feel aggressively nauseous#immediately after posting this i entered the crying and throwing up and acting visibly hysterical in front of others#*phase. the phase of screaming crying throwing up. not screaming yet but ive got a drive coming up and i plan on#screaming in the car
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ℳ ➙
#tag dump#ℳ ➙ Player One | OOC |#ℳ ➙ “It's-a me~” | IC |#ℳ ➙ “Aah worthless koopa junk!” | Memes |#ℳ ➙ “Life is a game but it all depends on how you play!” | Musings |#ℳ ➙ “Hey! Come back here! You big-a monkey!” | Headcanons |#ℳ ➙ Press Start To Play | Asks |#ℳ ➙ Shy Guys | Anonymous Asks |#ℳ ➙ “It's a Stone Luigi you didn't make it.” | Luigi |#ℳ ➙ “Hey King Koopa! You can at least say goodbye!” | Bowser |#ℳ ➙ “Don't Worry Princess- we'll find that Oogtar soon!” | Princess Peach |#ℳ ➙ “Oops. I meant to do that.” | Crack |#ℳ ➙ “Why do salesman always have such bouncy personalities?” | Promo |#ℳ ➙ “But I've got drains to drain!” | Aesthetic |#ℳ ➙ “Oh No! It's a pipe-o-rama!” | Starter Call |#ℳ ➙ “No woman can resist the charm of a Mario.” | Starters |#ℳ ➙ “My crazy plans always work!” | Dash Commentary |#ℳ ➙ “Makes you think doesn't it?” | Open |#ℳ ➙ “Can you say 'chorizo'?” | Main Verse |#ℳ ➙ “I'm-a bet you can't do this!” | Art |#ℳ ➙ “Okey Dokey Princess! It's-a your turn to type!” | Royalty Verse |#ℳ ➙ “Throwaway!” | Queue |#ℳ ➙ “Don't forget to thank Mr Minamoto!” | Super Smash Bros |#ℳ ➙ “Whoops! I just invented the tossed salad!” | Drabbles |
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I just saw 10 things I hate about and immediately thought yeah , this is okay but what if we remove the messed up shit and make it andreil so it becomes prefect? Here's my idea
You know the drill, Katelyn wants to date Aaron but he can't date unless Andrew does because as always, those two are a little fucked up. Enter the only guy who isn't scared of Andrew : Neil. Now , in this universe I want Neil to be his unfiltered self, meaning that he accepts the money Kate gives him because that's what you do when people offer you free money, but he has no intention to go along with the plan. That's because 1 he is as demi as they come 2 he is an asshole but even he can see that making someone believe you fell for them and building a relationship with them just because you've been bribed is just cruel. So Neil won't date Andrew, instead he approaches him ,tells him the whole entire crazy truth about the situation, and proposes that the two share the money and start hanging out to get more money out of Katelyn. And Andrew, against his better judgement, is so fascinated by this unhinged pretty boy that he can't help but agree.
At this point everything is going great, Kate and Aaron are happy, Andrew and Neil are spending more and more time together, trading truths and falling in love. As always they both believe that the other would never reciprocate so they are pining for a while. And , before you ask yes, the scene where he sings for her in front of everybody and the cute date afterwards 100% happen for andreil too, because I say so.
Okay so everything is going great and Kate and Aaron want to go to prom so she pays Neil 300 dollars to make Andrew go as well ( I'm making Kate rich as fuck because otherwise I'd feel so bad for her, she's literally throwing money away). Neil obviously accepts and pretty much offers all the money to Andrew in the form of candy and ice cream and other stuff Andrew requests (Andrew is so smitten that he would go just because Neil asked, but the man has a reputation to uphold ).
What happens at prom and after in the movie doesn't really make sense for this au so I'm deciding that Andrew and Neil are completely bewitched by each other the entire night until they finally kiss and have their happily ever after.
#ten things i hate about you#10 things i hate about you#10 things I hate about you au#andreil au#someone write this please#aftg#andrew minyard#neil josten#andreil#aaron minyard#the movie is cute but I just hate that the relationship between the two protagonists is based on lies#he doesn't actually care about her#at least in the beginning#also she starts being interested only after he pretends to like the same music as her and acts like he doesn't smoke anymore#and I know that in the end they fall for each other but the original plan is just fucked up#so I got the healthiest ship ever to fix this#neil would 100% be like#hey man some idiot paid me to date you but since that's stupid let's gwt ice cream with the money she gave me#cut to andrew making heart eyes
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maybe the reason im so upset about it isnt cuz she broke up wme but because all that waiting over the summer just feels so worthelss now. like i know we couldnt talk as much or be around each other as much but i was waitingall summer like when we get back all we'll do is be together!!!! all of the 'new relationship syndrome especially now that its long distance' stuff will be fixed when we get back!! but were over and theres no chanec of fixing it because were over and its just like what if we waited what if we just figured it out for another few weeksand see where it went form there
#its not just that its also cuz she knew she wouldnt have a lot oftiem in the semester & also shes entitled to her experiences but its like#all summer we talked aboutall the things wed do together whenwe got back to campus so its like#all of that imagining is going to waste you know. and it makes me really really sad#cuz we had so many plans only for all of them to go in the air a week before school starts#and i guess i feel let down about all of it (which isnt her fault) because why did we say all that only for us to break up :(#and she told me breaking up was something sehd only recently started thinking about so its like#the emotional part of me is wondering why cant we just wait it out for a few weeks and find out of this is really worth saving you know#cuz it just feels so sudden like we werent meant to end just yet#it doesnt feel right. like we literally only just started you know#and she said she didnt feel like dragging me along whiel she figured shit out#which is kind btu i guess to me its like i would prefer being dragged along because at least then ill start to feel the pain of it too#cuz where we are right now i didnt even feel any sort of weirdness i thought everything was going so well#like id rather break up when i do feel something bad#not BEFORE i feel something bad you know???#but also its more than just about that. like she told me that she felt werid and i dont think she would have broken up with me for no reaso#like im sure she did it becuase she felt right about it and im not mad at her about it#im just really really sad cuz i really thought we were doing so good. like just last week she was saying how much she missedme#sorry ugh i know im ranting so much about it but i dont feel like bringing this up with my friends yet cuz its just so embarrinsg being lik#hey so you know how totally obsessed we were with each other. well we broke up not even 5 months later haha so embarrsing#like it all just feels like... what did we do all that for!!! what did we spend all summer telling each other we loved each other for!#but again just cuz i didnt feel like it was the end doesnt mean she didn't. she did say she felt werid but ughhhh i dont fucking know#im just really surprised and sad about it
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At some point, I will gif again! Maybe? Who knows...
#me planning sets vs me actually making anything#hey at least i got the screencaps mostly done#they're all diego sets... but this is for me and maybe like 5 people#also im still like not ok with giffing some parts so this is 100% a me problem#also also my cat's name is lila and now she's the only lila i see it's fine#random#also if youve made it this far im back from vacay
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welp.
#was really feeling good about myself these last few days maybe even weeks but guess it's over now and we're back to hating ourselves 🥳#turns out four days of constant 'food bad sugar evil need to lose weight at any cost' and food sniffing got to me after all :3#so now im just spending my time watching ig reels of women who look like me being told they're disgusting and should kill themselves <33#fuck knows why i do that but hey at least the drastic body-obliterating suicide plans are ✨back on✨💅 its been a while#iiii haaaate my fucking liiiifeeeee#but oh well at least its raining#posted a picture on ig and now i wanna delete it all but people have already commented on it so it'd be weirder if i did 🤡#but i keep staring at all those pictures i posted recently that i really liked up till like uhh an hour ago 🤡🤡🤡#but now i just feel disgusting 🌸💮🏵️
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💀
#my bros fiance and i speaking spanish and giggling and hes like “HEY THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO PLOTTING?”#“I HATE IT WHEN YOU 2 TALK SHIT AND I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING.”#then little bro you should've taken spanish in high school like i did#and got adopted by a few aunties in the community#i still cant speak it well for shit and if its spoke rapidly i can catch pieces#but i can read it pretty well even though i fuck up the grammar#anyway his fiance is like “BABY RELAX WE'RE JUST MESSING AROUND”#“I KNOW MY SIS. I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT INHERITED GREAT UNCLE JERRYS MANGO.”#“IF SHE WANTED TO STEAL YOU AWAY I KNOW SHE COULD FUCKING DO IT.”#HEHEHEHE HE CAUGHT ONTO MY PLAN#kidding kidding 😂#my future sis in law is wonderful and theyre a lovely couple shes the best thing thats happened to him#i just like fucking around and finding out yknow?#as for the mango piece our great uncle jerry was...popular#he was a ladies guy and might've been bi too#when my bro started showing signs he had the gift everyone was happy but come to find out i got it too and commence pearl clutching#at least i used my charisma powers for good a la helping my friends get hooked up with people unlike my bro#anyway point to this is BRO ADMITTED I OUTCLASS HIS ASA MUWAHAHAHA!!#20 SOMETHING YEARS IVE BEEN WAITING TO HEAR HIM ADMIT IT#im better!#LMAO#🎶i got more rizzz than yyyOOOOOuuuuuuuu🎶#need a tag for when i share something personal that makes me happy#not magenta but some other pink#anyway im good at flirting but if they flirt back or it gets too weirdly intense: jay.exe stopped working#needs strong emotional connection to continue subscription#stars#cant do it#not today!#not ever actually
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it was gonna be a weird night regardless but hot damn. that was a Night for Sure
#basicaly i got tickets for a lil pre-halloween misfits tribute show bc yippe! fun yk?#as i dicovered a couple days after i made that purcahse#the venue was the fucking hard rock cafe#which couldnt be More Lame tbh but yk?#i already had the ticket and it would get me outta the house at least right?#so i was planning to have a silly lil tropical margarita just to make danzig roll in his future grave#but uhhhhh. plans Changed <3#basically iiiii ended up drunksitting n drinking a mediocre strawberry lemonade instead#imm not gonna put all her shit Out Here on the internet even tho there is a less-than-zero percent chance that it could be connected to her#but yeah she now has the honor of being easily the most intoxicated (n still mostly conscious/functional) person ive ever been around#like hey it was nice to have a distraction from feeling Very Out Of Place#but i woulda Preferred that to not have stemmed from the 'oh holy shit this person is vulnerable i gotta Keep Them Safe' instinct#girl i hope you got home safe fr <3#anwyas. i go sleep now bai!!!#whatever the fuck#alcohol /
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Bg3 is kinda making think about my sexuality again. Thing is, attraction for me is mostly an abstract thing. If I fantasize I make up a person that things happen to. They're a puppet for me to put into situations and play with and imagine with other people, but not myself. If I try to imagine myself in sexual situations with other people it just feels weird and off-putting. That's a fact I have made my peace with. I'm occasionally playing around with the idea of a romantic girlfriend, but even so I've never really wanted any sexual contact with someone, even if I found her very hot (which I realize makes my use of the word probably differ from most people's definition of hot).
That said, Karlach? That kinda feels different. Now I know she's a fictional character, I am aware, I am also aware tieflings aren't real, but I still feel there's a difference there. Imagining myself is kind of interesting with her? Not sure I'd like to get to actual sex but ngl, I probably would try and make out with her a bit if she asked. I like the idea of that.
This isn't some grand revelation or anything, it's just kinda interesting to me that apparently there is a type of person I am not entirely opposed to doing things with, fictional or not. Tempts me a bit more to finally go to the local gay bar some time. We'll see.
#personal#me gently poking my secuality with a stick#also kind of interesting to me to poke arohnd different forms of attraction here#i am conducting my private little science#not sure about that bar plan yet cause i am definitely not going alone#i am way too awkward for that#so I have to wait for my friend to have some time#and i have no idea how it'll turn ouut#considering the one and only time someone flirted with me i got so awkward i just left#but hey at least they will probably have good cocktails so i shall simply focus on thag and let everything else happen as it does
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