#*phase. the phase of screaming crying throwing up. not screaming yet but ive got a drive coming up and i plan on

[lesbianralzarek]

ugh. my father insists on telling the family group chat whenever i take a lil half-step towards being a functional adult. "oh, ella is learning how to drive in the snow! also, did you know that shes taking a class to become a pharmacy technician?" dad im 25. your next youngest daughter is starting a master's program. shut the fuck up, not everyone needs to know i couldnt drive in the snow until now

[nicegaai]

Ch 7:

(i ragequit halfway thru rereading this chapter bc i decided i hated it and everything in the world and etc <3 its literally fine tho. im going to finish this reread bc i said i would and i WILL. and i keep daydreaming ab this universe lately. i miss them.)

Ohhh this is where I took a big break between chapters and I was never sure the flow between them made a ton of sense… idk I guess because the two of them had a good talk and then immediately Emil dreamed about sucking oniichan off…..

Ohh this is so silly… Emil my boy.. this is so awkward for sig what are u doooooing <3

HMM. There are edits I want to make here. I didn’t need the last sentence. I used to like it, now I don’t . :/

OH!!!!! I did write Leon into this!!! Id forgot! I had several scenes with him i cut out bc I just didn’t want to write them..

ohh my god I duplicated a whole paragraph. This has all just been an elaborate exercise in embarrassment. I can’t believe I got away with this.

Wow </3 if u think about it, Sig wanting to fuck Emil sooo bad actually saved him from the gay incel lifestyle. It could have been so much worse for my boy <//3

Oh. The transition made me gasp. Gagged me a bit. Get it boysss. Wild Fucking Scene between these three. Idk what to say to this. Op you have problems.

Another error to edit :-/

CRAP DUDE I LEFT IN NOTES THAT WERE FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW DID I NOT SEE THAT. I can’t take it anymore im so madddddddd 

Actually this whole chapter is my least fav yet. SIGHH. I wanna go in and edit dialogue again bc this just. ughh. Ive changed I could do him better this time

(I actually walked away here for like 4 hours. Maybe im just at the anger stage of grief. )

Ok forget Sig, Berwald would not say that either. What is any of this? Why is any of this. Mannnnnnn get me out of here!!!!!  Haha wait I can just skim read. Its fine.

(It was not fine. I rage quit again and started again the next day.)

IM SORRY FOR THE NEGATIVITY ALL OF A SUDDEN I don’t know what my problem is. It’s Sunday now, back at it. Im gonna finish this reread TODAY so I can START WRITING !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hm yeah this scene really didn’t play out as well as I hoped it would. I wanna throw up and cry but its good im good its good I am good … Its not good and I don’t know why it not being good is fucking w me this bad lmao

(RIGHT HERE is where i quit for like a month and im back again let's see if i freak out a third time<3)

so i guess this is why books go thru multiple rounds of edits. i understand now. writing is a mess and i came at this thing overconfident i could hammer something out on the fly,,,,,,,,

i will allow myself to go in and do rewrites and scene rearranging and such AFTER i finish the last chapter ONLY. thats my new motivation to finish this. and i will finish it. i will. i say this bc i really do fucking hate this scene and i want to do something violent to it in the rewrite phase sooo bad ill tear it to bits ill kill it dead #positivethinking

actually fuck this its my reread. i dont HAVE TO read this scene. aaaaand skip (<- liar who continues to skim and cringe)

ok scene over i lived. back to my darlingbabyboybabybooboobear

it was a mistake to involve characters that i dont want to throttle and soak in milk and slam against the wall. the writing only gets good when iceland is there i think & the rest is filler. the quality fr jumped about 3 levels this is so funnyyyyyy. im not hopeless after all ...!!

im going to squeeze emil until his head pops like a zit

im going to scream i m going to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD ARE THEY FUCKIN IN THIS CHAPTER? OH MY GOD ARE THEY? WAIT THERES STILL LIKE 1/3RD LEFT TO GO I DONT REMEMBER THIS ARE THEY GONNA --

im only getting more intrigued. what is this. whats happening. are they fuckin or nah

i love typos theyre eachand every one my special little friend *shaking w barely contained rage(

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i do not remember where this is going but i hope they fuckin oh my god oh my god im kickin my feet and gigglinggggg aiigieieghhghe

hes a nervous little thingg ...... uwa.. moé ... <333

this is stupid and indulgent but i live for emil reacting to things.

make another edit here i think emil could be reacting cuter. future me, make the gayboy MORE moe please tttthnak you

i made a stupid noise when they kissed im weak i a m a weak man. also i knowwww they fuckin now but i dont trust that the sex is going to be well written i know it wont be.

already i am disappointed. and i know why cuz i can feel exactly where i struggled w the eroticism of the peenus and im reading this like. yeah i didnt enjoy writing that and its coming across to the reader alright. or to me at least with my criticism goggles on. god the next few chapters are going to be so much worse. but i think i can make it work. theres. i have. ..im seeing visions from fujoshi jesus

oh no i squee'd .. theres not another word for it. AHH!!!! i fucking squee'd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ]IM KICKING M Y FEET AND STUFF WHAT denice got me rolling around schoolgirl style . im a full on mess i love them sm ,THIS IS SO SILLYYYYYYYY I LOVE THEMMMMMMMMMMMMM WHAT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im actually enjoying this so much i love denice.....

BWAHHHGHHH

EAUEGHAEUEGAHGAEHGA

projection in my fanfic? nooo neverr,

HES SOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE EMILLLLL BABYYYYYY I WUV UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

kicking my feet again aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

fav chapter ending ive ever written in anything ever. so good. what a horrible piece of shit i hate him. i hate all of this. something something my twisted mind. one more chpater ill read idk tomorrow maybe the next day.....well goodnight

im attempting my fic reread today. im announcing this bc i will be liveblogging to keep my morale up, NOT THAT anyone cares but i personally need this, like ill only commit to do the thing if theres an imaginary audience holding me accountable. & i like to have fun :3

anyway. captains log, its a beautiful sunny july weekend. i just finished my morning coffee, and, i am dreading this so much. i dont like rereading my own writing but i shall get over it. ok here we go.

Þetta Reddast vagueblogged directors commentary edition

Ch 1:

*opens fic and starts convulsing immediately* god i wish i smoked weed rn. i cannot chill out ever for the life of me

My Mission For Today Is: to remember what plot threads I’ve left hanging so I can resolve this story properly. And also try n remember where the flow is going. I have the end plotted out, I just am a little lost … it’s been a while :-(

------------

Abrupt beginning!!!! I’m not mad because I have . I HAD. Almost no writing experience when I started this. it isn’t ideal but I refuse to be one of those fanfic writers that starts rewriting early chapters without finishing the last ones. Ive never seen one of those types actually finish a longfic. …I’d already rather yap than actually read LMAO AHH

Oh this is worse than I remember. thats cool that s great ok alright *coughs up blood*

"20 somethings" WOW I really did not know where I was going with this when I started huh

LKJSDLKSJDLGKGDJSLDGJK ??? Who authorized this. Who let me cook. What the hell

I could write this better now. I could edit this into something beautiful. <- devil on my shoulder

FORGOT I WAS MAKING RICE BRB

"generously offered nothing to the exchange." wait STOPPPP. I’m so funny

GRAMMAR ERROR DETECTED why is there two periods. I’ll be coming back to fix that …………………. :-(((

Fuck. This is a lot. Marge Simpson Hiding Her Face dot Png

Oh this is stupid this is gayyy this is fukcinnn . Who fucking did t his. What was wrong with me,. This is so good actually. what was i ONNNN. 

Im gonna throw up and I don’t know if thats like/. A complimentary thing or if im just cringing that hard . Im feeling emotions. I love my OTPs..OT3~5? I love them so so much

Ok as much as im like “eww bad writing” this is .. dare I say, rly good in places. Not to suck my own dick but maybe all hope isnt lost and imposter syndrome is an illusion

Grammar mistake #2. Goddddddd. they should ban me from the archive for this

EMILLLLL EMIL EMIL EMIL HIIIIII BABYYYY EMILLL I LOVE UUUU AWWHUUGHH everyone clap for my bewoved baby bruvver right FUCKING now

Urghhh gritting my teeth… Im fully expecting the flow of events to start not making any gd sense. There’s no way this came together the way I hoped in my head and .... For real I was never able to read this all the way thru. this is my first time, lol. and it was all disjointed on the authorial end to say the least. Im scared T-T

Jlxjvklsdkjfsjlkdkjlsjklkljzsdkjlgaskljdgjklasljkgdljkasljkdgjklasjlkdgljkaskljdgjakl?????????? 

Im not liking the ratio of dialogue to whatever the other stuff is. scene-setting I guess. prose maybe. i could have dragged this out way longer... By which I mean made it a more satisfying read. But WHATEVER !!!! 

TIMO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TIMOOOOOOOOOO NUMERO UNOOOO DO MUNDOOOOOO I really need to utilize him more. As soon as I finish this fic I need to write a Timo POV spinoff where he gets cancelled on furry twitter for proshipping in real life

Hmmmm chapter ending didn’t hit as hard in practice as it did in drafts. Oh well. God damn that was a lot to happen in one chapter LMAOO???

OH SHIT MY RICE IS STILL COOKING —— 

[lovelyteng]

Haunted Corruption Chapter 4 - Forget and Forgive

(Fade to Cal when still passed out as sitting and tied with rope for hands and legs on the stage chair, then his forehead, nose, arms, legs, and chest was covered with bandages when got hurts from falling into basement, the voice-over was stared.)

Cal: (narrating) I fell and smashed into basement as passed out, when I barely saw and hear to my 11 friends who got infected with corruption...

(11 silhouette people with Nega-Bosses' eyes was glowing as looking Cal in worried as light on as revealed was 11 Inhabitants who looking Cal in worried. Iben takes Cal's fedora, brown coat, and normal coat as put it on the table.)

Sana: He's seem still doesn't wake up.

Eis: Yeah, seem likes... 3 hours as started getting night!

(11 Inhabitants realized for Eis' said was 3 hours as getting night, they walk away. Cut as close-up to Cal.)

Cal: (narrating) It's been 3 hours for knocked out as started getting night... As I imagined about them... (Fade in to pitched black screen, glowing indigo forming into Cal with glowing indigo as he looking around and started walking.) I'm in my consciousness but different section as appeared me... (Cal looking place was pitched black into school as he gasps in realized as Cal looking 12 years-old of himself who doing his chemistry at laboratory call as he wearing blue glasses, lab coat, blue gloves, and safety goggles.) ...I'm looking my memories.

Young Cal: Okay then. (Picks green chemical of test tube as slowly pours on blue chemical of flask as start worried.) Easy, easy...

(Young Eis walks toward laboratory class as he shocked, then chuckles mischievously as walks slowly without sound, under and crawling, then pop out to behind Young Cal.)

Young Eis: Boo!

(Young Cal screams as green chemical was more pours on blue chemical of flask as turns into dark violet chemical as start bubbling as Young Cal screams and Young Eis laughs while students watching in horror, then Young Cal and Eis paused at moment while students looking them in horror.)

Thomas Hale/Student #1: (in British voice-toned) Eis! What are you'd to done for him?

Edward Dall/Student #2 We're heard about Calvin's experiment was highly dangerous when more pours on his chemistry!

Young Eis: (worried) Then what is it?

(Dark violet chemical started shaking in violently as Young Cal, Young Eis, and other students shocked to it, then Young Cal screams and runs out of laboratory class as through as phases Cal as he looking 12 years-old self in horror as running and following 12 years-old self in hallways.)

Young Cal: Get out the school now!

(School staffs and students running and screaming as following Young Cal, then Cal running back to laboratory class. Cut to Young Eis shocked about happening while Cal watching him, the he got hurts and passes through him by students running out of laboratory class as falls, he stands up in pain and then runs but notice his feet was stucked by glue on the floor, then he looking another student as 10 years-old as he holding bottle of glue as smiling in evilly was Wally Darren. Cal and Young Eis gasps.)

Cal and Young Eis: (shocked) Wally Darren?!

Young Eis: Why are you did this to me?! I thought you are my friend as beating Calvin! (Cal shocked and then gasps.)

Cal: What?!

Young Wally: Sorry, Eis! But I'm wanted beat Calvin as I'm number #1 of most popular in the school again! (Holds the box of matches as opens, picks and light as fire on the match as Young Eis gasps while Cal watching them in horror.)

Young Eis: What are you doing with match?!

Young Wally: Well, I toss into Calvin's chemistry experiment as explode with fire! (Starts toss as Cal and Young Eis gasps.) Bye-bye, Eis! (Tosses as flying the match, then runs away while laughing.)

(Cal and Young Eis looking the match into Cal's chemistry experiment as it sinks, they screaming in horror, then explode with fire as Young Eis screaming in agony and Cal closed his eyes from bright of explode and the fires phases him as doesn't hurts him. Stopped the explode as he looking destruction of school in horror and then walks to Young Eis who got burn marks and passed out as Cal feeling regret and then looking his 12 years-old self, students, and school staff when looking in horror at school's destruction.)

Thomas: At least everybody got out of school.

Young Cal: (deadpanned voice with worried tone) Well, not everybody.

Dr. Dell Allen/Science Teacher: Where's Eis Glover?!

Young Cal: (still deadpanned voice with worried tone) He's still inside the school as left him.

Edward: As he's irresponsible to Calvin as anything. I calling ambulance for now. (Holds cellphone as calling, then presses "911" and answer it as to cellphone.) Hello, I need the here at the school right now! (Hang out as ambulance drives on the road of school as Young Cal, students, and school staff looking two male nurses holds the bed as running and rolling.)

(Cut to Cal looking two male nurses holds the bed, they hold Young Eis and they put him on the bed, then they towards to ambulance and then drives away while Cal and 12 years-old self feeling shocked and then anxiety.)

Principal Meyer: Now, now, everyone! He's okay as next time to him for enter the repair school while rebuild it as completely fine and-. (He, students, and school staffs looking Young Cal running and screaming in anxiety as phase Cal as he looking 12 years-old self in anxiety.)

Cal: So, that's when Eis learned for responsible to me as anything and got a pyrophobia as fear of fire.

(Cal walks on the path as sky fades into night until found his house as walks and enters as looking inside house as shocked was mess with sharps of glass, chess pieces, and trophies, then looking his past self covers his face in anger and sad as self-doubt, then he shoves chess board against the mirror in anger as breaks of all while Cal shocked and gasps in realized.)

Cal: I remember that! That's when I've gets corrupted as Fortstopher IV with my heart as my emotions has been warped by Lance! When I've got a first lost by Welly Darren!

Dr. Betty Suresh/Cal's Wife: (offscreen; weakly) Calvin... Help me... (Falls and rolls onto stairs as Past Cal gasps and runs to her.)

Past Cal: Betty, my dear! Are you okay! (To himself, sobs) What I have done?!

Betty: I'm okay, I just...

(Past Cal lifts Betty and runs out of his house as Cal following his past self and wife into hospital as Cal phases into it and he enters an elevator and closed as moves up, then stops and opened. Cal runs and enters Room 7 where Betty on the bed and Past Cal sitting on chair as he feeling worried while Cal looking them in regret.)

Past Cal: (sobs) I'm really sorry! I was too much focus for playing the chess until I've got a first lost! (His tears come out while sobbing.)

Betty: Calvin... (Quietly, holds up the rose.) You takes this as remember me... (Past Cal takes a rose and wipes his tears.)

Past Cal: Thank you, Betty! I'll never forget you!

Betty: (quietly) Just... don't... doing... again... as... you... forgotten... your past glory... (Passed out in smile as heart monitor long beeping as Past Cal start crying and holds her.)

Past Cal: (crying as worried) Betty? Betty?! Betty! No! (He sobbing as face on himself as covers his face.)

(Cal looking them in regret, then looking through window was Past Cal walking as holding rose and White King Chess Piece in sadly. Cal phases and jumps down the hospital as he runs and follows to his past self. He stopped and looking wind with fire, then he looking his past self was shield himself as a rose was fire on it, Past Cal looking a rose was on fire as screams in horror as petals of fire rose flying away as it phases Cal which looks in worried at the petals of fire rose flying on the sky and then looking his past self feeling worried for rose was gone, then start angrily as closed his eyes while Cal walks backward as stay back to his past self who stomps his foot and opened his eyes was glowing red and the chess pieces from his pockets as throws in anger and narcissism as self-doubt until White King Chess Piece was last throw on the ground, then Lance appears as behind him as Cal gasps to Lance.)

Cal: Oh no...

(Cut to Lance touches Past Cal's back as dark aura in his heart as he screaming as started surrounding him with dark aura as closed his eyes while White King Chess Piece floating along chess pieces with dark aura, he screaming and opens his eyes was Fortstopher IV's eyes. Cut to Cal gasps in horror to his past self gets corrupted, then he flying away against the mirror where memory's place was fade into dark violet void as mirror breaks it from massive waves of dark aura, he stands up and rubbing his head, then looking in shocked.)

Cal: Oh no! Fortstopher IV!

(Cut to Fortstopher IV opens his eyes and smiling in evilly as Fortie VI pop out Fortstopher IV's chest as he jumps on Fortstopher IV's right hand as he smiling along him as Cal who steps back to them, then Fortstopher IV and Fortie VI turns around in sharply to Cal who screams in worried, Fortstopher IV and Forties VI started feeling in sadly and calmly.)

Fortstopher IV and Fortie VI: (sadly and calmly) Hello, Our Bishop.

Cal: (gasps in shocked, then cautiously) Our Bishop? What was that to called me before? I never heard that.

Fortstopher IV: (sighs in sadly) Because... you have skill of intelligence for chemistry and reading, My Bishop.

Cal: (still cautiously yet confusing) Okay? That's second new called me.

Fortstopher IV: (sadly and calmly) Please... Don't leave us, Sir Suresh.

Fortie VI: We just need you to help us...

(Cut to Cal start walks slowly while he talking Fortstopher IV and Fortie VI.)

Cal: (suspiciously in worried) Yeah, right... I just need to go... safely spot... for this. (Runs away while screaming.)

Fortstopher IV and Fortie VI: (sorrowing) No! (Fortstopher IV floating as holds Fortie VI as following Cal.)

(Cut to Cal running from Fortstopher IV and Fortie VI until falls the hole as Fortstopher IV and Fortie VI looking him in worried and sorrow, cut to Cal looking them in barely worried, then cut to Cal's view as silhouette of Fortstopher IV and Fortie VI looking worried and sorrow.)

Fortstopher IV and Forties VI: (sorrowing, echoly) Our Bishop!

(Cal closed his eyes as screen was pitched black, then he opening his eyes as blurred the view as kind of blurred was 11 silhouette people as focus to normal view was 11 Inhabitants looking worried to Cal, then he screams as start struggles in fear from tied with rope on hands and legs while 11 Inhabitants started more worried than beforw until screams in pain from his legs, he hisses in pain.)

Iben: Stop! You getting hurts while you scared us as moving as painful.

Yuri: When you've got injuries from fell into Basement.

Jose: You need a rest and relax to us, Cal.

Cal: (worried and barely angrily) Rest and relax?! Why are you wants me to rest and relax?!

Sana: Calm down, brother! We know about you're worried to us while one more Inhabitants of half-corrupted was you!

Cal: (gasps in worried) No! Don't do this to me!

Attilio: Actually, we're did you already, Checkered King.

Cal: (shocked) Huh?! What are you means?!

Eis: Which means, you have a symptoms of transformation.

Cal: (still shocked) What?!

Lucy: There's 4 stages of symptoms of transformation. The First Stage was-...

Cal: (annoyed) I know that as I heard that by Eis!

Eis: (To Lucy) Ha! Told you!

Cass: Anyway, Calvin. You stay here while Invisible Custodian watching you. (Cal gulps in nervous as he looking Bruce who smiling and waves to him.) We're right back to get some special for you, Cal. (She and 9 Inhabitants walks away while Cal and Bruce looking them and then each other.)

Bruce: Okay, Cal. I have tell you.

Cal: What is it, Invisible Custodian?

Bruce: What's happened to you while feeling regret about the horrible past?

Cal: (gasps, closed his eyes as starts sobs, regrets) Oh, that was my horrible mistakes for I did to my wife and then my friends as losing them as alone myself!

Bruce: (holds Cal's back as pats) I knows you a lots of mistake, Cal. You might be helping as anything as be... (Cal grunts and breaks out the ropes in anger, Bruce gasps.) Cal?! Are you okay? (Reaching slowly to Cal as he holds his right arm and pull up in anger as Cal opened his eyes was glowing red as he glares at Bruce who gasps in horror) Cal, what are you doing?!

Cal: (angrily) No... Nobody wanted me to be... (Throws Bruce in anger as shouting in anger.) A FRIEND!

(Bruce against the wall and boxes as he stand up and shocked. Cut to 10 Inhabitants runs in worried to Cal and Bruce.)

Haoyu: (shocked) What's going on?!

Lucy: Wait... Cal? (She and 9 Inhabitants gasps in horror to Cal who breathing in anger.)

(Cut to Bruce walks as holds his right arm as looking Cal in horror and then looking 10 Inhabitants. Cal looking 10 Inhabitants in anger and then gasps in realized and shocked while his eyes turned normal, then looking Bruce in horror as steps backward from him.)

Cal: (worried) Oh no, I'm really sorry about this, Invisible Custodian! I just... (Holds his head, then grunts and fall as hold on the floor as screaming.) Oh no!

Jose: Looks like he seems used his anger for now.

(Cut to Cal coming his tears and coughs as come out white pawn chess piece as drools from his mouth, then gasps in horror while 11 Inhabitants yell in disgust and worried.)

Fiona: As started of Stage 1.

(Cal stands up and looking 11 Inhabitants while his mouth still come out with drools and his eyes still come out with tears, he takes fedora, brown coat, and normal coat, and then runs away while crying in regret as 11 Inhabitants looking Cal, then 10 Inhabitants noticed Bruce.)

Yuri: What did you to him, Invisible Custodian?

Bruce: Look, I didn't do that to him! I just talking to him about he feeling regret for the horrible past!

Cass: Wait, he's feeling regret about the horrible past? (Bruce nods in worried, she gasps in realized.) Which means...

Purrla: (in Cass' head) That's our mistakes for ourselves and Cal, Little Time Girl!

Cass: That's our mistakes!

10 Inhabitants: Huh?

Attilio: What are you know that, Clocktower Kid?

Cass: I think we did to him!

10 Inhabitants: (gasps in realized) Oh no!

Haoyu: Which means... we've been got hurts him! (He and 10 Inhabitants gasps in shocked and horrible.)

Iben: I think you're right, Clocktower Kid! Come on as let's find him!

(Cut to Jose and Eis on the door as looking in barely disgust and worried.)

Eis: Actually... we're should following him now.

(9 Inhabitants walks to Jose and Eis as joined them.)

Sana: How? There's no path as following him.

Jose: Just look down, Watcher.

(9 Inhabitants look down, then yell in barely disgust and worried. Zoom out as pans for revealed was chess pieces with covered drools on the floor as the path. Cut back to 11 Inhabitants as Jose and Eis looking them in annoyed and 9 Inhabitants looking barely disgust and worried.)

Lucy: Okay then. Follow was easier than find him.

Sana: What waiting for! Follow him! (She and 10 Inhabitants walks as following the path of chess pieces with covered drools.)

Lucy: (sobs) Why Cal never falls love me?

Inkabelle: (in Lucy's head) Because you're ways too much crazy lovestruck to him, then you need less crazy as he falling loves you.

Lucy: You're right, I'll make him in falling love without crazy lovestruck.

Inkabelle: That's right, Miss Wong.

(Cut to inside of Dressing Room as barely dark where Cal wearing his normal coat as keeps coughing off as chess pieces come out his mouth on the floor as he hold on the floor, then groans in pain as holds his stomach as his eyes turned Fortstopher IV's irises and pupils.)

Cal: Oh no! I'm reached Stage 2! (Spits out some more chess pieces and a checkerboard based slime that turns into a chessboard, he gasps in horror. Fortstopher IV appeared as shadow as behind Cal, gasps.) Fortstopher IV?!

Fortstopher IV: Hello, My Bishop.

Cal: (continue spits out some more chess pieces as drools on his mouth and starts getting swears on his head, worried) H-how did- How did those chess pieces got into my mouth? I don't remember swallowing them!

Fortstopher IV: Your corruption will get worst... Sir Suresh, just you wait and see...

Iben: (offscreen) He's here! In Dressing Room!

Lucy: (offscreen) Great job, Lady of the Midnight Sun! Now, we're capture him!

(Cal gasps and Fortstopher IV fades in disappeared as looking his fedora and brown coat, then broom and bucket, and then gasps in ideal. Cut to outside of Dressing Room as Lucy knocks the door.)

Lucy: Cal, darling. I know you're scared of me when getting too much my crazy lovestruck. Please, open the door. (The door was open by itself as she and 10 Inhabitants looking shadow of Cal, she gasps and runs and picks him.) I knew you for loved me! (Kiss him but spilts out with wheat in disgust.) What?!

(Jose turned on the light as 11 Inhabitants gasps to Lucy holds the broom and bucket with Cal's fedora and brown coat as 10 Inhabitants enter as join Lucy as they're looking in panic.)

Lucy: (panicked) Where is he?!

Bruce: (offscreen) He's in the vent!

(Pans to Bruce points up to opened vent as 10 Inhabitants looking the opened vent. Cut to Cal crawling the vent. Cut back to 11 Inhabitants.)

Eis: I know easy to catch him. Follow me! (Runs away as 10 Inhabitants follow him.)

(Cut to Cal opens the vent as his mouth still have drools as spits out white rook chess piece as it falls as looking down as scared, he gets out of vent and onto the rafters as walks slowly as cautiously without falls, then started little bit of headache and discomfort as closed and covered his eyes and then comes a little relief as opened and uncovered his eyes as turned Fortstopher IV's sclera as inner eyes completely transformed. Cal looking 11 Inhabitants walk on the rafters as he runs while 11 Inhabitants chase him until Cal stepped a broken rafters with hanging of rope as he holding the rope while looking 11 Inhabitants.)

Jose: There's no ways get out of this, Cal...

Fiona: ...As your intellectual...

Yuri: ...Your competitive...

Haoyu: ...Your clever of puzzle...

Sana: ...Your problem solving...

Cass: ...Your past

Iben: ...Your life

Attilio: ...Your experiment...

Lucy: ...Your gentleman fashion...

Eis: ...Your help...

Bruce: ...And your good-hearted and optimistic.

11 Inhabitants: And then we're need you, Checkered King!

(Cut to close-up Cal feeling anxiety.)

Fortstopher IV: (in Cal's head) It is too late for you, Sir Suresh. Your negativity has awaken me and we. Yes we! Will save our friends... Just like we agreed on!

Cal: (shooks as his tears come out, self-doubt) No... I never heard of it... I'll never agreed on for that!

11 Inhabitants: Huh?

Cass: What's going on to him?

(Cal holds up the scissors as start cuts on the bandage. Cut to 11 Inhabitants looking horrible expressions to Cal cutting the bandage offscreen.)

Haoyu: What's he doing with that?!

Fiona: I don't know!

(Cut to Cal uncovered as remove the bandages as he holds the scissors.)

Cal: And now... (Slowly to ropes with scissors while 11 Inhabitants gasps in horror.)

11 Inhabitants: Don't do it, Cal! (Cal stops cuts the rope.)

Lucy: We're know you have a lots of mistakes by yourself as doubt it!

Sana: She's right, brother! Please, don't do it. (She and 10 Inhabitants muttered for Cal don't cut the rope.)

(Cut to Cal shook in worried, closed his eyes as grunts in angrily, and opened his eyes was glowing small-sized red.)

Cal: (in unison of Fortstopher IV and his voice with eerie and echo, enraged and crying) No! Nobody need me as can't been a friend anymore!

(Cal cuts the rope as falls along broken rafters while 11 Inhabitants looking Cal in worried as Cal was surrounding dark aura and then completely covered as screaming, being "eaten" by a black silhouette of Fortstopher IV. Cut as fade to dark violet void as Cal knocked out on the ground as he stand up and looking around as normal eyes, then walks until someone taps Cal's shoulder as he turns around was Chapter 7 Costume Leaders as his power costumes, he gasps.)

Cal: (in normal voice, happily) Christopher, Arthur, Victoria, James, Henry, and William?! You're here on my consciousness?

Christopher IV Fortress/Quad Cannon Leader: Yes, it is, My Bishop.

Arthur Ford Fortress/Paladin Puncher Leader: We're here to help you, Sir Suresh!

Victoria Fortress/Floaty Flower Leader: We're helping you for your life, Cal.

James Fortress/Speedy Cheetah Leader: That's right!

Henry Fortress/Tackling Bull Leader: We're give you the key of combined power costumes!

William Fortress/Triple Jumper Leader: You never give up as be stronger, together, and then...

Chapter 7 Costume Leaders: (jumps up in happily) Hurray! (They glowing formed into balls as flying into Cal as inside him as appeared Combined Costume Key and then he stopped glowing as holds it.)

Cal: (amazed) Wow! I never seen before! (Puts as hide it in his coat.) Now, I finding out of away as I awake up. (Walks continue.)

(Fade out as screen black and then fade to Cal continue walks until stopped as he seeing shadows of Cal's friends even Leo, Emma, and 11 Inhabitants with glowing red eyes as Cal gasps in horror.)

Shadows: (whispered) Cal... Cal... Cal... (Repeats for saying)

(Shadows walks toward to Cal who feeling worried as steps back and then screaming. Suddenly one cannonball flying into group of Shadows as Cal shocked, then looking Fortstopher IV holds Fortie VI who hold cannon.)

Fortie VI: Stay away from Our Bishop!

Cal: Fortstopher IV and Fortie VI? You're helping to me?

(Cut to Fortstopher IV holds Fortie VI as he starts throw Fortie VI.)

Fortstopher IV: (smiling in calmly) Yes, we are, Sir Suresh. (Throws Fortie VI with cannon as shouting in happily onto Cal as shoulders.)

Fortie VI: Holding me!

(Cal holding Fortie VI's legs as he running as holding Fortie VI while firing to the Shadows until runs out the cannonball as left of Shadows was Leo, Emma, and 11 Inhabitants as Cal and Fortie VI hugging each other while Shadows toward them, then Fortstopher IV smash Shadow of Leo, Emma, and 11 Inhabitants as they're gone. Cal and Fortie VI shocked moment, then laughing in relief as Fortstopher IV joined them.)

Fortie VI: That was amazing while we're fighting!

Cal: (happily) Me too! (calmly and barely worried) But why are you acted right now?

Fortstopher IV: Because I heard Purrla as she saying... Our mistakes!

Cal: Our mistakes? You mean, me and our friends have mistakes?

Fortstopher IV: That's right, Sir Suresh. That's why we need you as help you. We're sorry about you to mocking you as ruining your life in whole time.

Fortie VI: Me too.

Fortstopher IV: You are forgive us?

Cal: Yes, I forgive you.

Fortstopher IV and Fortie VI: (happily) Thank you! As you given us for your box of macarons!

Cal: Huh, what?

Fortie VI: (Holds up Cal's box of macarons) After you wake up, I holds it as opens was cinnamon roll macarons for me.

Fortstopher IV: And red velvet to me!

Cal: Lemon Cheesecake flavored macarons as for me! (He, Fortstopher IV, and Fortie VI laughing as Cal takes box of macarons as hide it, then he sadly) Well, nobody need me as can't been a friend anymore.

Fortstopher IV and Fortie VI: (sadly) Same to us...

Cal: I have a learned my lesson... Never doing that again as forget it as they'll forgive us...

Fortstopher IV and Fortie VI: (sadly) Right as same us...

Fortstopher IV: I thinks we're together as bring a friends. Sir Suresh, White King Chess Piece please?

Cal: (holds his White King Chess Piece) Got it!

Fortstopher IV: You holding still as me and Fortie going holds your piece. (To Fortie VI) Ready? (Forties VI nods and rises his hand, to Cal) Ready, Sir Suresh?

Cal: (nods in determined) Ready!

Fortstopher IV: On three! (Rises his hand) One... Two... Three!

(Fortstopher IV and Fortie VI holds Cal's White King Chess Piece along Cal as they glowing mix of red and indigo layers as White King Chess Piece into Black King Chess Piece. They float and then flashes of light explode as screen pitched white as fades into screen pitched black. Screen shown like someone's view was open as kind of blurred was 11 silhouette people as focus to normal view was 11 Inhabitants looking worried to Cal. Cut to Cal covered the shadow with Fortstopher IV's eyes was glowing while different shapes, he closed his eyes, stand up toward light on to Cal as revealed was half-corrupted of Fortstopher IV and he opened his eyes and smiling while 11 Inhabitants gasps and looking to Cal in mix of shocked and amazed.)

Eis: Wow! Checkered King was amazing of half-corrupted form!

Sana: (excited) I know, right?

Lucy: (amazed) I know as he's handsome and gentleman.

(Cut to Cal looking and walks 11 Inhabitants, then feeling sadly.)

Cal: (in unison of Fortstopher IV and his voice with eerie and echo, sadly) Guys, I'm so sorry about this as I'm so mad to I did you as hurts.

Lucy: It's okay, Checkered King. We're so sorry, we're did you as hurts you.

Cal: Madam of the Mansion? You're not crazy lovestruck to me?

Lucy: No, not doing that again as forget it.

Cal: Same for me as you're saying, Madam of the Mansion.

Lucy: I have tell you about your wife...

Cal: What is it?

Lucy: That was my sister.

Cal: (confused and shocked) Huh? Betty was your sister?

Lucy: Yes, that's why I wanted you to fall loved me.

Cal: Guys, did you forgive me?

Cass: (nods along 10 Inhabitants) Yes, we're forgiven you.

Attilio: Did you forgive us?

Cal: Yes, I forgiven you, guys. (11 Inhabitants cheers as he applause, then drag by Lucy who holds his tie, nervously as blushes.) Madam of the Mansion! I don't want to-... (Lucy covers his mouth.)

Lucy: I know. You don't wanted crazy lovestruck was too much. Then I wanted you...

Cal: (muttered) What is it?

(Lucy kisses Cal each other while 10 Inhabitants gasps in amazed as Cal shocked and then happily as closed his eyes as continue kissing each other and then let it go as Cal and Lucy open the eyes as smiling each other and laugh.)

Lucy: Hey, Checkered King?

Cal: What is it, Madam of the Mansion?

Lucy: I'll show you for painting as I made you. (Holds covered the frame with sheet as holds the sheet.) Behold... (Pulls the sheet as shown the painting was Cal smiling and holds White King Chess Piece.) You and White King Chess Piece!

11 Inhabitants: (amazed) Wow!

Cal: Thank you, Madam of the Mansion! (Hugs Lucy as each other while he and 11 Inhabitants laughing until metal and glass shattered sounds likes as they shocked.) Hello? Someone here? (Six familiar costumes covered the shadow as they're feeling worried.) Come on here. Don't be scared. We're not getting hurts you.

(Cut to six familiar costumes walk together as revealed was Chapter 7 Costume Leaders as Inhabitants gasps.)

Inhabitants: Huh? Christopher, Arthur, Victoria, James, Henry, and William?

Cal: What are you doing here?

Christopher: Well, Leo and Emma... Were trouble from Lance.

Inhabitants: (gasp in horror) Leo and Emma was trouble from Lance?!

Cal: Oh no...

(Inhabitants and Chapter 7 Costume Leaders looking each other in worried. Fade out as pitched black screen.)

To be continued.

List of Chapters

First

Previous

Next

[soft--dragon]

Home Again

Five is still figuring out how to adjust to his new body and new life, surrounded by real people who cared

In which the Umbrella fam is worried about Five, and Five gets the damn hug he needs

Cursing (I wish I could say it was minor, but this is Five and his chaotic siblings were talking about here)

Don’t really know where this is set, sometime during season 1, I had an idea so I just wrote it (Vanya isn’t in this though she’s every bit deserving to be in the Umbrella Family as the rest of them)

Enjoy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Five knew it wasn’t going to be a good day.

It was a feeling that settled in his gut the longer the day dragged on. He jumped from his room to the kitchen, startling Klaus, and probably Ben who Five assumed was close by.

Klaus quickly got over his momentary shock, blinking a few times, taking in the bags under Five’s eyes and slump in his posture.

“You look like shit dude.”

It was a blunt statement from Klaus, one that deserved an equally blunt retort from Five. “Fuck off.”

The smallest of the Umbrella Academy dumped the contents of the coffee pot into a mug, taking a large gulp of the dark, rich liquid. He sighed at the familiar taste, swirling the half of the remainder before downing that too. Klaus visibly recoiled, eyebrows shooting to his hairline.

“Five, you might want to take it easy on the coffee, you’re in a body that isn’t built to hold that much caffeine.”

“That’s rich coming from the guy that’s killing himself with drugs and alcohol” Five bit back, eyes narrowing at his brother.

Klaus quickly raised his hands in surrender, hoping it might relax the riled boy in front of him. “Calm down Five, I was just-”

Five jumped before he could finish the sentence, taking what remained in the coffee pot with him.

“....That...could’ve gone better” Ben said from where he was sitting on the dining table, a contemplative look on his face.

“Yeah no shit genius” Klaus grumbled, crossing his arms firmly. “But at least he didn’t stab me.”

“Diego’s more likely to do that than Five, Klaus.”

“Fair point.”

Ben turned to look at where Five had disappeared, anxiety prickled at his skin. Something wasn’t right with his baby brother.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Allison wasn’t phased when she heard a loud thump close to her room. In this household, random noises were entirely normal. This was a mansion with six supernatural people, plus a mom robot and a advanced chimpanzee.

But what sounded like glass breaking and a hissed curse made Allison stand and move to the door. What she found, wasn’t what she expected.

Five was kneeling on the floor, rubbing his head and glaring daggers at the shards of glass surrounding him. The carpet was stained with what smelled like coffee.

“Five?”

The boy’s glare snapped up to Allison who had the sense to not react lest she agitate him further. Five was like a feral cat sometimes, had to be slow and unthreatening for him to give you the slightest sign of trust.

She leaned against the doorway, trying to appear casual. “You alright?”

“Fine.” The reply was curt and rough, like Five was trying not to let too much emotion slip out.

“Need a hand cleaning that up?”

“No, I’m more than capable Allison.”

“I know you are, I was just offering to help-”

Five hissed another curse and with a blink of light, he was gone again. Leaving Allison confused and a little hurt in his wake.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn’t a smooth jump.

Five stumbled over his feet, similar to outside Allison’s room where he dropped the coffee pot. He almost face planted, but managed to catch himself on a nearby desk.

“Jesus Christ Five!”

The shout made him start, leaping into a defensive stance, almost snarling like an animal. His gaze fell on Diego lying on his bed. He was clutching his chest and a knife tightly, breathing rapidly. Probably coming down from the momentary adrenaline rush of fright.

“Why the hell are you in my room!?” Diego asked, but there was no real heat behind his words, mostly confusion.

Five didn’t pick up on the lack of venom, instead challenging the question with his own spiteful words.. “I didn’t do it on purpose asshole!” He snapped, gripping the desk tighter when he felt himself tether on his feet.

Diego must’ve seen it cause he sat up, putting the knife down. His usual glare being replaced by raised eyebrows and worried eyes. “Five, you feeling alright?”

“I’m fine! Why does everyone keep asking me that?!”

Diego’s worry disappeared in a split second at the sharp retort. He glared back in response, feeling his anger rise like a wild fire. “Because we care? Don’t know why we bother though, seeing as you piss on every attempt of basic emotion we give you.”

Five flinched back, gritting his teeth to ignore the pain that sentence gave him, but good god did it sting. He blinked away before Diego saw how much that statement hurt. He refused to show weakness.

But Deigo had seen it. Guilt and regret pooled into his stomach, staring at the spot where Five has just been. “Damn it” he hissed to himself, pinching the skin between his eyes.

Five hadn’t had proper company throughout his years in the apocalypse. He was relearning the ropes of socialising with his family. And adjusting to life in general.

Deigo sagged onto his bed, gripping his knife like a life line.

Why did he never think before speaking?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Luther was probably the very last person Five wanted to see right now. And to make matters worse, he was accompanied by Pogo and Grace.

The universe seemed to love kicking him when he was down.

The trio looked over when Five blinked into existence, close to falling down again due to his exhaustion of late nights and constant jumping.

“Oh hello sweetie” Grace smiled pleasantly, though concern shone through her robotic features at Five’s state. “Are you al-?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine” Five cut her off, waving a hand in their general direction. He needed to jump again. Away from people for awhile.

“Master Five” Pogo spoke up. “You seem exhausted?”

“Late night Pogo” Five replied shortly, hoping he’d be satisfied with the answer and leave him alone. He went to leave the room when a strong, yet gentle grip caught his upper arm.

It didn’t matter to Five that it was gentle. The fact was, it was still a grip.

He swung round in barely contained panic, throwing a fist. It slammed against Luther’s jaw. Though it barely making the bulkier man shift, the look on his face said everything Five knew Luther was feeling.

Shock, concern, anger, maybe even fear.

He jumped for a fourth time, leaving Luther, Pogo and Grace behind in varying levels of distress.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Five hit the ground again, almost screaming every foul word he knew right then and there in frustration. He wasn’t trying to be a dick. Honest to god he wasn’t. But his siblings were just so- so....caring. He wasn’t used to it, he wasn’t used to having others around, except Dolores.

They all wanted to help him. He suspected it was because of his form, he looked so vulnerable that they felt a need to protect and help him any way they could. It was kinda sweet really, but so incredibly forgein to him. He reacted the only way he knew how. With anger.

It was the only emotion he had been feeling these days. Anger at himself for screwing up the equation that got him stuck like this. Anger that he wasn’t able to save his family from the apocalypse. Anger because he wasn’t damn smart enough to figure out how to save the world.

Horror swirled in Five’s gut when his vision became blurred, the tears slipping from his eyes and onto the carpet. He swiped a furious arm across his eyes but it did nothing to stem the flow. He scrambled to his feet, running down the hall. He had to get to his room. If he got there, he could hide, and the others would never know he was crying.

Why couldn’t he jump? His mind was muddled. He couldn’t see. He could barely breathe.

He slammed into something solid. He would’ve fallen to the ground if a tender hold to his arms didn’t stop him. He could hear someone talking, but he couldn’t place them. It was all too much right now. All he could see was ash, taste it on his tongue, feel it on his skin.

He screamed, not knowing what else to do, tears streaming down his face. His heartbeat pounded in his ears, everyhing was too damn loud.

But then he felt...warm? It was like a heavy blanket had been put around his shoulders. He clung into the source of the warmth, desperately to not let it go. To not back to the freak show he’d been forced to live with for 45 years.

“...ive! Five you’re okay, please just breathe for me, breathe you can do it.”

He knew that voice, he knew it. It wasn’t Dolores, it couldn’t have been Reginald he was dead-

“Five please, please just breathe.”

Five complied, trying to draw in air but coughing when he couldn’t get in a full breath.

“That’s it buddy, you’re doing so good, come on, in and out.”

Five tried again, fingers digging into a soft material.

“You’ve got it, you’re doing great Five.”

Five drew in another breath, feeling his head clear. He pitched forward heavily, being caught by a sturdy figure.

“Good job Five” a soft voice murmured praisingly. “I’m proud of you.”

Five blinked a few times, the tears in his eyes not fully receding. Above him was black hair, kind eyes and a soft smile.

“B-Ben?”

The ghost smiled wider, gently squeezing Five’s arms in confirmation. “Yeah, feel better now bud? Got it out of your system?”

Five’s hesitated then his head fell against his brother’s collarbone, sniffing. “Yeah...”

“You wanna tell me what triggered it?”

Five’s fist clenched Ben’s jacket tighter. “Memories” he mumbled.

Ben nodded his understanding. They stayed like that for awhile, Ben holding his little brother tightly to his chest, rubbing his back comfortingly. It felt nice, but Five’s anxiety wouldn’t stop spiking.

“I’m scared Ben...”

The small, unsure voice that spoke broke Ben’s heart. He squeezed Five tighter to him. Wishing he could take away all the pain and fear Five had to deal with during his time in the apocalypse. Take that away and give him his childhood back. See the boy laugh with a sparkle in his eye like he used to when they were all young. He dropped a kiss into Five’s hair, resting his head atop his smaller brother’s.

“I know” he murmured, “and I’m sorry you had to be alone for so long. I’m so sorry Five.”

The pair stood, arms wrapped around each other for a long time. Ben lost track of the minutes that went by. Though he did notice Five was getting steadily heavier in his arms. When he looked down, the boy was out.

Ben shook his head fondly, lifting Five into his arms. He paused for a moment. Had he always been this light? Ben couldn’t remember Five ever feeling so...small.

He shook off the surprise, carrying his sibling to Five’s room, gently easing him onto the bed. He sat on the edge, watching Five sleep, taking in how young he looked, but aware of how old he was. Having seen death and destruction at every turn. Years spent in solitude, forced to survive in a barren wasteland for years. It was horrid of think about.

Ben’s hand phased out of reality for a moment as he brushed it through his brother’s hair. Five nuzzled into the touch, eyebrows finally relaxing and giving him a look of peace.

“Sleep well Five” Ben murmured. “Your family will be here when you wake up, I promise.”

[loftyexecutor]

somnium vidisse se dicat in extremis orbis terrarum - 1

Chapter; 1 Rating; T+ WC; 1772 TWs; medical things, needles Pairing; AddElsAin [transform] AU; modern/dreamsharing scifi Summary; Being the best in the industry had its perks. Herrscher's name was known far and wide, work offers coming in left and right, extort this, extort that. But that still didn't stop his boyfriend from getting too tangled up in one of his dreams and switching places with the shade in his head. The shade that he had offered to extort ages ago. Fuck, this is a mess. Notes; its 2020 and this year pushed me to do some things im not proud of. like another els fic. o7 the title loosely translates to ‘the dreamer at the edge of the world’. edgy~~ AO3 LINK

Opening his eyes after hours of being hooked up to an ADSSU always felt like coming up for a breath after diving. The cotton feeling at the back on his tongue and the pounding headache developing behind his eyes did nothing to make the process any easier, no matter how often he delved into the craft.

Waving off the help of the hired technician and physician, he thumbed off the adhesive connecting him to the vitals reading machine and pulled the needle of the IV out of his arm none too gently. He handed it off to the physician, palm up because he had manners, who proceeded to disconnect and throw it out, doing his job of sterilizing the unit for the next use.

By now, his arm looked like an avid drug user’s, and he felt like one as well, with the somnicin levels in his blood well over the recommended dose. Thankfully, that would fix itself within the next hour, and so would, he hoped, the headache.

Next to himself, he could see Herrsch giving the equipment and technicians similar treatment, rolling his shoulders. Herrsch looked over, giving him a smile. Asshole, he never dealt with headaches.

Dox, at one point, joked about him having nothing in that pretty head of his, back before they’d dreamed together. Oh, how wrong he had been, how vast the worlds in Herrsch’s head were.

The dreamer of their latest job was waking up as well, the only person in the room to let himself be treated and checked. 

Dox pulled out his phone from the pocket of his jeans, noting an absence in notifications, but a missed call.

“Immo called,” he mused, thumbing the lock screen away. “Gonna ring back.”

Herrsch gave a nod, eyes tracking him as he got up, shook off the drugs making him drowsy and made his way to the corner of the room to call. Instead, he focused on the dreamer, when all the equipment was removed and the man rubbed at his temples.

The man noticed him, offering a wobbly smile. Extraction jobs always left the subject the most rattled, though they helped in the long run. He couldn’t speak from his own experience, not like anyone has ever run an extraction on him. He wasn’t sure if it were possible at this point anymore.

A thing to ponder later. 

The low hum in the room ceased as the technician powered the ADSSU down, all screens of connected computers and machines fading to black and leaving the room in only the dim light from the overhead lamps.

He looked over to Dox just in time to see his face blanch, brows knitting themselves together like they never expected to be apart again. Herrsch’s followed suit. Not much could phase Dox to that degree.

“You’re fucking with me,” he forced out, barely above a whisper. “Please say you’re fucking with me.”

Whatever he heard obviously didn’t indicate Immo was fucking with him. Herrsch didn’t think he could get any paler with his complexion, but he was proved wrong when Dox turned the same shade as the wall behind him.

“I— We’ll be— We’ll get the earliest flight, fuck, okay. Don’t… don’t go to sleep.” Dox pulled the phone away from his ear to check the clock. “It’ll be like— three? Four? Hours. Fuck, don’t go to sleep. Please.” A pause. “There are Monsters in the pantry. I don’t care if you drink all of them, please just don’t go to sleep.” Another pause. “Yeah. Yeah.”

The call ended with Dox’s arm going slack, falling down to his side, Immo’s photo bright on the screen before it turned itself off. 

Before Herrsch could open his mouth, utter a single sound, Dox turned to him and pointed with his chin towards the door. Obediently, Herrsch nodded, standing from the dream chair and leading the way. He had to hold the door open for Dox, who couldn’t seem to stop shaking.

As soon as it was closed, he turned to him, hand in his hair, and raked his fingers through the long strands in an attempt to calm him. “What was that about?”

Dox opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, leaned into his touch, closed it again, and let out the shakiest breath Herrsch had heard outside of a panic attack. “Immo…” he whispered, barely audible. “He… He dreamed himself too deep and— somehow, he ended up switching places with Conwell.”

Panic seized Herrsch’s chest, squeezing until he felt he couldn’t breathe.

“So, that was…”

“Mm-hm.”

“Can you get us the earliest flight back?” 

Dox just nodded, already on it, tapping away at his phone with shaky fingers. Herrsch squeezed him against his side for one short moment before rushing back into the room to grab their bags.

--------------- --------------- --------------- --------------- ---------------

Herrsch’s jeep screeched as they parked, tire tracks blooming on their driveway, and the engine wasn’t even fully off before Dox was wrestling with his seatbelt and jumping out of the car.

The front door opened to reveal Queen, with hair askew and a look of an old woman plastered on her youthful face. Just by looking, Dox knew— he knew it wasn’t a joke, wasn’t a ploy to get them to come early, but he had to— he had to check for himself.

Ducking under her arm was no problem even given their heights. He knew their house like the back of his hand, found Immo in the living room, sitting cross legged on the floor with an Xbox controller in his hand and some game on the screen. He was obviously losing, if his annoyed expression was any way of knowing, and even that blasted the alarm sirens in his brain. 

Immo was good at video games.

Empty energy drink cans littered the floor around him, ten, fifteen, twenty-six. Jesus Christ.

“H-hey,” he said, pulling Immo’s — Conwell’s — attention away from the screen. There were bags under his eyes, like he hadn’t slept in days instead of hours. 

“Thank goodness you’re here,” Immo’s mouth said, and Dox focused on that for some reason, the way his lips moved, the words they shaped, sounding for all the world like nothing Immo would ever say. 

Herrsch and Queen talked in the hallway, but he couldn’t make out about what, rooted to the spot. Tears welled in his eyes because — fuck! — he knew what it was like, getting tricked by a shade in a dream and not wake up for days. His legs didn’t feel like his as he crossed the carpet in the living room, offering Conwell one of his hands to pull him up. 

The smile he got as a reward bordered the uncanny valley. Conwell didn’t know how to move Immo’s body like Immo, instead looking like a passable double. For one single, terrifying instant, Dox was worried it was him that was stuck in a dream, one that was imminent for crumbling.

“C’mon,” he choked, refusing to let Conwell see him cry, “Let’s tuck you in.”

Dox lead Conwell downstairs, only stopping to tell Herrsch and Queen that they’d be in the lab, that he’d— keep Conwell stable until Herrsch figured out a way to do an extraction right. Just wake me up when you need me. I’ll keep the dream stable.

Herrsch nodded, his immaculately schooled features betraying all his worry and fears, if only to Dox. It wasn’t a good look on him.

The lab was dark, quiet save the ever-running ventilation keeping the basement breathable. Dox’s fingers found the lightswitch and he went through the motions of turning the ADSSU and all its equipment on, watching with blank eyes at the flat lines and numbers.

“Sit down,” he said, then added a soft, “please.”

Conwell obliged. Dox knew it wasn’t his fault. Logically, he knew Conwell didn’t like this either. He had already had his life, and becoming a dream shade attached to a memento Immo got his hands on and practically possessing the boy wasn’t for the purpose of stealing his body. It didn’t mean Dox wasn’t mad. It didn’t mean he wasn’t considering messaging the board of Dreamers to standardize checks on mementos.

Which is why he tried his hardest not to look at his face, the unnatural, fake smile on his boyfriend’s lips, as he held Conwell’s arm above the elbow. His hand shook, but as soon as he had opened a fresh needle and attached it to the drip of the IV, it stopped. 

He located the vein he knew by heart now, wiping the area with an alcohol wipe and puncturing the skin until he was sure the needle wouldn’t come loose. A strip of medical tape to hold it in place never hurt anyone, either.

He attached the vitals machine with similar detachedness, but didn’t let the IV drip just yet.

“Herrsch,” he called up the stairs, and it was only moments before he appeared, that knowing look on his face. He placed a hand on Dox’s cheek. He cradled it, because it couldn’t be called anything else, and led him to one of the other dream chairs. 

Conwell averted his eyes as Herrsch leaned down, placed a kiss on Dox’s forehead. It had been different to watch such interactions in dreams, through Immo’s eyes. Now he felt like nothing but a voyeur. 

The IV was attached to Dox’s arm for the second time that day, and so were the vitals, and Herrsch turned the IV on immediately, watching the somnicin make its way to Dox’s arm. He felt terrible about the dosage, but there was no way Dox was staying asleep if he didn’t up it.

Dox didn’t make a single comment on it, however, just looked at Herrsch with determination that screamed ‘I’ll do my best.’

Herrsch knew why Dox wanted to do this. Herrsch’s name held more power in the industry, and he was better at talking to people, if only marginally. Dox’s dreams weren’t stable, not most of the time, but in the first layer, it would be more than enough to hold them both for the few hours Herrsch had to think of something. 

Dox’s eyes fluttered closed and the vitals machine evened out as he fell asleep, the tenseness falling off his features momentarily. Herrsch moved to Conwell, turning his IV on as well.

“Don’t do anything shady,” Herrsch warned, looking straight into Conwell’s eyes.

Conwell laughed, voice Immo’s but not like Immo. He wasn’t so stupid to try anything, and even if neither Dox nor Herrsch believed it, he cared about Immo as well.

And he knew a threat when he heard one.

[lifeafterten]

RtN 02: Sept 02 -Sept 12; Get Me the FUCK Outta Here

I’ve been here for days. Who the fuck stays in the hospital for days?... Fucked up people. And I’m in Fucked-Upville-- Population (points to self) this mother fucker. 

Okay. Okay. I’m turning the drama down.  Honestly though... I’ve been here a fucking while. I have an I.V. tube in each arm, one for fluids, because I’m perpetually dehydrated, the other is for the antibiotics that don’t seem to be working, because I still feel like death. I have to often lay in awkward positions so I don’t tangle myself and make the machines go off. So. Much. Beeping. And I swear to Christ, if they come at you with a little blue bag and claim it’s potassium... RUN--Fucking run, because once they hook your ass up to that shit you’ll feel like they’re injecting fire into your veins and you can’t scream because let’s face it: you’re too damn tired, so you settle for some weird case of facial Tourettes in the form of wincing and hissing. And they turn the drip down enough for the fire to feel like a sting... and you feel that effervescent sting until it’s done. It’s “supposed” to take 30 minutes-- they say. But my pansy ass can’t take the heat so the slowed down version makes it last at least an hour and some change. I pray I’m not stubborn enough today to take the morphine.  Why won’t you take the morphine, Ashley? I’ll fucking tell you why-- I have control issues.  And the morphine feels too fucking good that I need the pain to remind me that I’m still alive and to gauge between dream and reality.

At this point I’m agitated (by pain and impatience). I’ve been stuck by damned needled so many times, because of all the bloodletting I’ve been doing.  These assholes have been taking my life source (no, not coffee, you freak) twice a day. Oh, I’m sorry, they’ve been taking my “blood cultures” twice a day.

Why? They don’t say. They tell me to ask my doctor. My doctor is a pussy.  Soft spoken; pussy footing fucking pussy, who can’t give me a straight answer.

I dismiss my doctor more than a person dismisses alcoholism. Day drinking is not a bad thing. Who cares if it’s barely noon and you’ve been drinking since 9. ... Not speaking from experience-- Anyway!

I dismissed my doctor a lot. I couldn’t help it. I’ve been laying up in this bitch for weeks and you can’t give me some indication of what’s going on; let alone a time frame of when I’ll be able to go home-- on top of a mother fucking reason why I’m being kept in here for so damn long? Yeah. Fuck that shit. Dismissed, mother fucker. I have no fucks to give for useless asshats. Come talk to me when you can tell me what the fuck’s up. 

I’ve been moved to three or four rooms. From the ER bed to Surgery... Then to another room in Surgery... to the Telemetry ward, because my heart rate was too high-- which honestly I’m not surprised... I’ve been on permanent pissed the hell off for quite some time now.  They take my vitals every 30 minutes.  I’ve been counting because I literally have nothing else to do, besides... I only feel that it’s fair that I monitor them while they monitor me. But mostly it’s because I’m bored and there’s nothing on TV.  By now I’ve refused visitors.  I’ve dodged death a couple times.

Homicide via Mio overdose: Backstory: I asked for Mio, because they kept saying I was dehydrated and I thought I needed electrolytes like a muh’fug, so when my friend Kris came by (note she had no idea what Mio was let alone how to use it) and had dumped an entire bottle of Mio (24 servings) into my water jug (16 - 24 oz tops). I take one sip of it and I thought I was gonna die. Chest was on fire. My machines were going crazy, because I was coughing my lungs out and poor Kris is panicked and distraught. Its hard to convey you’re okay if you’re croaking like you’ve been smoking for about 300 years and your vision is obscured by tears. Sidenote: The incident still brings her to tears to this day, she feels so bad. Personally, I think it’s adorable and funny... Now, at the time...? Owie.

Suicide via Mother doth Love too much: I love my mother. I do. I love my entire family. But they like to hover and it was stifling. They’re looking at me with worried eyes when they think I’m asleep and I get it.  It doesn’t look good, kid.  My sister? God love her, she tries to keep the worry and her tears in check because she knows I don’t know how to handle them.  My Dad? Shit, my dad knows what’s up. He knows I’m gonna handle my shit the only way I know how. On my own terms. This is why I’m a daddy’s girl. My brother and sister in law on the other hand? My bother spilled water down the front of my gown (had to change that shit. not fun) and his wife, in her efforts to break my fever, stuffed my fresh new gown with ice packs.. And when I say ice packs, I mean latex gloves filled with ice stuffed in my gown. Stuffed. In. My. Fucking. Gown. That’s it-- I’ve had it! Everyone’s banned.

And it’s also hard to put on a tough front when all I wanna do is cry, but I end up just being angry instead.

The only human interaction I had is when the nurses are taking my blood, or my vitals, or switching my IV bags, or helping me to the bathroom to do bathroom things, or giving me sponge baths because I’m too weak to get out of bed, or shooting morphine into my body to ease my torment; or shoving pills down my fucking throat because nothing is fucking working. I’m still getting fevers out of nowhere.  People are coming in and out every morning to lift my gown up (they do it so much they don’t even ask anymore. A brief thought of charging them crosses my mind, and I allow a small giggle. Because it’s silly, because I’m glad I still had somewhat of a sense of humor.) Still, I think my cooter deserves some ounce of respect. Women’s lib and all that crap. I’ve turned this part of the day into a game (I’m SO fucking bored). I like to spot the face tightening moment when they assess whatever the fuck is going on with my leg (I don’t know. I haven’t seen... I don’t want to see yet). 

It’s fun for me, because they’re medical professionals-- they’re supposed to be used to this kind of thing. But the face tightening? To me that’s a victory. That just means they have to school their expressions to indifference so as to not alarm me. Ah, bed side manner.  They’re so sweet. But I know just by their non-expressions that it looks fucked up. I have to look at the small details; read between the lines of what they’re not telling me.  I’d be in the dark otherwise. What are they not telling me? I know they’re testing for something... But I don’t know what they’re testing for. I stamp down fear, because I don’t have enough data to panic.

My dreams are getting scarier, because of the morphine. No more morphine, I promise myself. Vicodin only.  Yeah, that seems safer. The nurses, I’ve learned, just need someone to listen to them. Since I can’t get a decent night’s sleep because they’re fucking coming in every 15 to 30 minutes all day, every day, all the fucking time... Why the fuck not? I got nowhere else to be. I seem to have opened Pandora’s Box, because it’s 3am and I’m giving life advice to Agnes who has a very rebellious son, whom I point out is 16 years old and he’s going through a phase, it doesn’t mean she’s a bad mother.  Which I reminds me that I need to tell Doris who’s part of the Day crew that Agnes is off on Wednesdays too and that they should hangout together, because I think they would get along. I make a mental note to pass Agnes’ number to Doris later. I really should start charging... This pro bono shit aint working out. 

During my hospital stay I’ve managed the following:

Make only 4 nurse assistants cry

Befriend most if not all the Filipino nurses (they gave me all the apple sauce I wanted)

Make that one stern Indian Night Nurse smile (she gave me yogurt and bananas every time she was on shift)

Counsel only 5 to 6 nurses, mostly 5.. the 6th one kinda got weird. Didn’t take whatever she gave me.

Snob my doctor almost every day. 

Made my main nurse laugh because she thinks I’m a riot. 

Days later it was time for me to go home. I knew this for damned sure.  I saw so many specialists from an infectious disease doctor to a surgeon. I was so fucking bloated from all the fluids they were trying to fill me with that they could barely find veins to stab to get their precious blood cultures from. 

I also decided that with my body like this the Mitchelin tire man was my cousin.

Sidenote: To hell with the Infectious Disease doctor. That heifer made me lay on my side for two fucking days straight. Fat load that shit did for me. With all the extra fluids in my body, it just shifted to one side. All it gave me was a backache and lopsided boobs... and some fucking fluid in my lungs. Fucking devil woman. I got a fucked up leg, I’m the size of a float during the Macy’s Day Parade, and now I got lopsided tits. It’s funny... now. At the time? Not so much. It was September 12.  I had broken out in a rash due to an allergic reaction to one of the antibiotics. (Let’s just add that to the list of whatever the fuck else is wrong with my body, shall we?) My “doctor” (doesn’t deserve the title nor respect. Sorry not sorry) was trying to get me to stay a few more days. I’ve had quite enough. I told him to get the discharge papers ready. I’m leaving. My fevers were gone. My leg wasn’t draining so badly anymore (ew, gross. sorry) I felt fine. Despite me constantly checking my hands so they don’t try to scrape my skin off. Fucking hell I was so itchy. I didn’t need to be in here. That’s when the good doctor decided to divulge that I hurt his feelings and that I was his least favorite patient. (Boo freakity hoo.) But I was a good girl and let him talk, said all the appropriate things. ... He’s still a pussy.  He was glad to be rid of me and the feeling was more than fucking mutual. I did not tell him to get fucked. I did not tell him to suck my dick. I did not flick him off. I did not throw shit at him. I was rather proud of myself. I showed great restraint.  But I did point out that just because he had the “MD” attached to his name, does not mean automatic respect. Respect is earned Dr. Pussy foot.  I signed the paperwork with relish. Jessie came to pick me up and I was whisked off to spend my mandatory (couldn’t argue my way outta that one) bed rest at the Joseph’s.  I’m so tired of laying down. TBC...

[jflashandclash]

The Fall of the Sun (Traitors of Olympus IV)

One: Will

A Stroll in the Dark

             Will had only shadow traveled with Nico a few times. Although he didn’t like to dwell on it, he used to be afraid of the dark like the rest of his siblings, but, he always knew Nico would take care of him in the shadows. Despite Nico’s insecurities, Will knew Nico was strong and courageous, even if he did need the occasional reminder to floss his teeth.          

           Now, Will needed to do more for Nico than a quick dental exam. Hades’ words echoed over the scream of air around him, You can bring Nico back from the shadows and stop Melinoe.

           Unfortunately, Hades wasn’t big into How To guides, something Will had been trying to change.

           When Will saw Melinoe, the Greek Goddess of Ghosts, suspend Nico in a shadow state—Nico’s mouth quivering with a scream, his limbs writhing as her ghouls phased through Nico’s torso like it was no more than a sewer gate to crawl out of the Underworld, Nico’s skin dimming in and out of the darkness—Will took the only course available.

           His sister, Kally, had nodded to Will and said, “I’ll sustain you two! Go!” and Will ran towards the son of Hades. He went to shadow travel.

           In the past, Will had compared shadow traveling to riding in the sun chariot at full speed without a windshield. Percy had once described it as “going so fast that it feels like your face is peeling off.” This was different.

           Normally, Mrs. O’Leary sprinted through the shadow realm or Nico would take Will’s hand and pull Will full speed—often forgetting that Will was faster and liked to tease him about it.

           Now, everything slowed down. No map. No guide. No objective exterior to Nico.

           One moment, he was running at Nico. The next, everything muddled to black. He could no longer see the undead army charging Camp Half-Blood with Reyna leading a dismally small dispatch of Romans to defend its fallen borders. He could no longer see Melinoe laughing beside Phobetor, the ghastly God of Nightmares with a terrible taste in bowties.

           Will tried to stumble to a stop, but it felt like he’d wadded into an icy maelstrom. There was black tar everywhere, swirling thickly around him, like the shadows wanted to maul him. From his previous travels, what he’d mistaken as a blast of cold air was really their fingers desperately clawing at him. What he’d mistaken for the whistle of speed was their screams. Thousands of screams.

           This is what he feared entering the dark would be like when he was a child: smothering, eternal, inescapable, cold.

           Was this really what Nico went through every time?

           A mounting sense of panic twisted Will’s insides. He’d never find Nico here—in this vast expanse of nothingness and torrid shadows, with no sense of direction other than—

           Warmth gently tingled his back.

           Will exhaled.

           When he turned around, he could see a dim shaft of light piercing through the blackness. He remembered when Hades had cracked the ceiling of the Underworld, to give Persephone a ray of sunshine for her garden, killing hundreds of people for a few moments of her smile. He remembered Hades asking Will if he’d do the same for Nico. Will had hesitated.

           Will had no idea why there was a ray of familiar sunshine cascading through this darkness. Dawn shouldn’t hit Camp Half-Blood for another ten minutes. While Will really didn’t want that sunshine to come from the death of hundreds—as he had no control over it—he would be sure to write a haiku for them if that was the sacrifice.

           With the sunshine acting as some directional orientation, Will could take a calming breath.  

           He was undead now. He focused on everything Nico had taught him over the lazy months of summer—what Will could remember from when he’d been plotting over how to get the son of Hades to open up to him. From what he could recall, Will should be able to become one of these shadows to move around and turn back into a typical ghost after existing in shadow form. Shadow travel should be safe for him.

           Will stepped forward, the world feeling less like a maelstrom and more like a lake of pudding.

           Over summer, he had struggled to remind Nico that he was always there to listen if Nico ever wanted to talk about Tartarus, or being captured by Giants.

           But, looking at all of this that Nico handled so casually, Nico deserved so much more than a smilie band-aid or a happy sticker that Will swiped for him from the infirmary.

           As the pounding of Will’s heart quieted, and he stepped directly away from the light, he discerned the faintest echo of a sob over the shrieks of the shadows.

           Nico was crying in front of him.

           The shadows seemed to weave into the flickering form of his Death Boy. Unlike outside, where Nico was suspended upright by Melinoe’s powers, here, Nico knelt by the dim figure of a gravestone. No—he didn’t kneel by it. He was half-way melded into it. His hazy silhouette—the crazed, black hair, those hollow eyes—intermeshed with the shadows around them.

           Will could barely make out his features.

           The part most in focus was the gravestone’s etching, recording the names and dates of three people: Maria di Angelo, Bianca di Angelo, and Will Solace.

           Will opened his mouth to shout for Nico, but choked.

           Persphone’s instructions. He’d almost forgotten her warning—You can’t talk to him. You can’t acknowledge him. If you fail to ignore him, you’ve damned you both.

           At the sound of Will’s choke, Nico’s fading outline glanced up. “Will?” Nico asked. Even his voice sounded detached, like an old recording.

           Will turned away. He clenched his fists, trembling.

           “Will?!” Nico repeated, his voice more desperate.

           The pain in Nico’s voice made Will bite his lip. Will wanted to reassure Nico, to hug him, to tell him that he wouldn’t leave, that he’d somehow find a way to undo his death and the current threat to the camp. But he had to get Nico out of the shadows first. How was Will supposed to lead Nico out of this if he couldn’t talk to him?

           You need to have faith that your love will be enough to bring him back and defeat his despair.

           Will took a step towards the dim ray of light.

           “Stop—please!” Nico sobbed, “Y—you’re the only one left th—that has time to care about me—”

           The screams of shadows withered to nothing compared to Nico’s quivering voice. Will wasn’t sure if it was because the son of Hades had command over shadows, or because the terror in Nico’s voice sounded worse than anything the other shadows could produce.

           Like the sound was amplified for twisted assurance, Will could hear Nico stumble once after him. He tried not to envision it: Nico half crawling from that tombstone. “You’re the only one that hasn’t l-left me. N-no one else has time for me. I know they’re all good intentioned. B-but Reyna’s a praetor. Gleeson has a kid. Percy’s getting ready for college. You’re—you’re—you’re d—”

           Will was hoping Nico would run after him.

           He froze in horror when something dropped behind him. No more footsteps. Nico must have collapsed.

           Will closed his eyes, grinding his teeth to keep himself quiet. His body trembled to turn around and run to Nico, to assure him everything would be alright. But, he couldn’t do that. If he turned around, everything wouldn’t be alright.

           They could do this. They had to be able to do this. He wasn’t about to let Nico disappear into shadows. He wasn’t going to let Melinoe use Nico’s body as a conduit for an undead army to destroy Camp Half-Blood. The original hero who tried to return someone from eternal darkness, Orpheus, had failed his quest. Orpheus had doubted his and Eurydice’s love and violated the conditions of the quest by looking back. But Will wasn’t Orpheus. And Nico wasn’t a wood nymph or a daughter of Apollo…. Fortunate since that would be very weird.[1]

           Will visualized the first time Nico had kissed him: running late for archery class, Will scolding Nico for not getting enough sleep the night before, Nico leaning up and surprising Will before rushing toward the archery range. For the rest of the day, Will couldn’t stop singing. Nico kept complaining it was embarrassing, especially since campers kept high-fiving them and giving them congratulatory gifts. But Will loved Nico’s blushes and the way he pretend to be angry and Will had to express—

           “Every time you kiss me it’s like sunshine and whiskey,” Will sang aloud to himself.

           The shadows seemed to silence their wails.

           Will remembered how Nico’s blush extended all the way to his ears when Nico parceled out the words the first time.

           “Alright, you hit me like fire, shot me like a bullet.

           Burned me up and down, no way to cool it—”

           Nico’s sobs stopped.

           Will couldn’t hear Nico get up, nor could he hear Nico’s footsteps. But Will continued towards the dim ray of light piercing through the blackness. He felt like Persephone was testing him with the silence. Yet, somehow, Will felt calm. He knew they could make it through the darkness—their love would be enough.

           Come on Death Boy, he thought as he continued to sing. Let’s get you some sunshine.

           Will stepped forward, leading Nico toward the illusion of safety: a camp under siege by two gods with no plan of what to do when they got there.

  Author’s note: I’m baaaaaccckkkk! XD

Sorry for the delay, and those *ehem* cliffhangers.

 For those of you who might be new: Welcome! This is the fourth and final book of the Traitors of Olympus series. If you enjoy being flummoxed, not knowing what’s going on, and to further empower Eris (our beautiful goddess of chaos and strife) then please continue to read without catching up on the others books in the series and be sure to throw your computer/tablet/phone/printed out copy (*author fans self at the idea of printed-off copies*) across the room as hard as you can each and every time you read a name you’re unfamiliar with or find a plot point that confuses you. Eris will assuredly flutter down on her black wings and give you little Discordian welcome stickers and appreciate your contribution to her cause. Otherwise, if you liked the writing in this chapter and like to keep order in the world, feel free to check out the rest of the series before you read this one!

 To those of you returning: Thank you for coming back to put up with this series’ nonsense! It has been a rough past six months, and your comments and support have really helped pull me through. You guys are awesome and I want to give each of you a personalized hug! (complete with adoring attack weasels!)

  We should be back to weekly updates for the rest of summer with the occasional short! I hope you guys enjoyed and are ready for next week’s chapter: Kalypso—I Run to the Dumbest Spot Possible.

[1] Pax: *pouts* Must be nice not to have creepy siblings.

Eris: *pats his back* Welcome to godhood, my son!

[dimpled-doll]

Some of the best things I’ve heard in Heathers rehearsal so far:

“Oh no! My shirt, where’d it go?” followed by really slow and awkward finger guns

“Free pizza, and we don’t even have to buy it a pussy!”

“Those stupid tree thumpers”

*dramatically pirouettes and leaps in* “BIG SWORDFIGHT IN HER MOUTHHH”

“Aww that seems like a relationship that would last.” “Yeah until one of them blows up” “I guess you could say their love is….. explosive”

*Our choreographer screaming like one of those sheep used in parodies back in vintage youtube days whenever she gets frustrated or needs to get people’s attention.*

“So you’re going to do a Jesus lift” “A WHAT” “Just put your arms out and they’ll lift you like you’re Jesus resurrecting from the cross”

“Welcome to Newsies on steroids.”

“Be the closeted gay we all need.”

“The first step to any good plan is murder.”

“How much bitch is enough bitch though?”

“Imagine having to explain to someone like ““oh how’d you break your tailbone?” ““Oh I booty-popped too hard.”” 

“When we go off to makeover Veronica, can she still have the monocle, but, hear me out, it’s now bedazzled.”

“I have to check the historical accuracy of bedazzling in the ‘80s.”

“Okay, but what if we made it gay?”

“COSTUME NOTE: SOMEONE MAKE RAM PARTY SLIPPERS!” “What if they’re like bunny slippers, but with tiny party hats?!”

“This is Ram, he’s not very nice, but somehow my best friend still wants to fuck him.”

“Your whole bio better be about how much you love and respect women or else I can’t help you when your ass is being kicked.”

“I paired you guys together because you say he’s your sort of boyfriend later.” *Kurt proceeds to emark in various sexual dance endeavors with multiple other women* “That’s where the sort of comes into play….”

“SHUT UP HEATHER” *bursts out crying*

Our original Chandler dropped out so our original Duke got promoted to her role and just looks at me and says “Oh my god this is the most Heather Duke thing that has ever happened to me”

“That’s a school cheer?!?!”

“Real question: WHO HAS A FUCKING LOCK ON THEIR CLOSET?”

“What if when she makes you spit up the pills, your wig flies off?” “Oh no you’ve discovered the real reason behind my crisis, I AM NOT A NATURAL BLONDE”

“Maybe he should take up knitting or something as a hobby rather than therapedic murder.”

“The saddest thing is that’s not even 3rd base”

“Veronica, you’re soaking wet!” *cue our assistant stage manager loosing her shit*

“My character description is just internal screaming.”

“Who needs a dance partner when you have weed?”

“I feel bad having to ask but was that supposed to be a dick joke?”

“Do I get extra points if one of the pills hits someone in the face?”

“I can’t remember the lyrics but I’m pretty sure I’m still gay”

“Why didn’t they just throw the bomb and run or something, like why are they so determined to die?” 

*recites Blue Reprise as demonic slam poetry because we didn’t have rehearsal tracks yet*  

“Veronica, it’s not a phase. I’m just naturally a slightly psychotic bag of angst with great hair.”

*music director teaching us Blue* ”They’ll curl up on your face. And purr like-” *slowly looks up from music and proceeds to put his head in his hands* “There’s moments that I evaluate my life and this is definitely one of them.”

And we’re still about 3 weeks from tech week

Pt. 2: https://dimpled-doll.tumblr.com/post/166238065477/some-of-the-best-things-ive-heard-in-heathers

[hastalamiana]

Surrender

Like most artists I am going to say my best work stems from moments of melancholy. Its a sad truth, but one I am coming to realize. 

Merriam Webster provides the following definition for Surrender:

a :  to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand surrendered the fort b:to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another

There are many times in life where we must face this reality. I can think of a few times myself where I was forced to surrender. The most difficult of those times being when I brought my daughter into the world. Those of us who choose to have children without anesthesia are all to familiar with surrendering to the process. There comes a point where you are overcome by pain and the only option is to get the baby out. Literally thats it. The baby has to come out. So you surrender to the pain and the process and you push and push until the baby is out and (hopefully) screaming. Then just like that you enter into a whole new phase of womanhood and life. 

When you experience the death of a loved one, there also comes this moment of surrender. In psychology they refer to this as “Acceptance” Depending on where you look you will learn there are 5-7 stages of grief (For purposes of this blog I will use only 5). First denial. Then Anger. Next up bargaining. Depression sinks in and then... Acceptance. You accept or surrender to the fact that your loved one will never physically be with you in the form they were once in. 

Today... today I am not surrendering to labor pain or loss of a loved one. Today I am surrendering to the pain of a relationship. I thought I had done this before but I am finally starting to feel like there is no fight left in this dog. Just after New Years 2016 I found out that I was single. I say I found out because apparently I had been single for a few months prior, but I was still under the gaze that I was in a relationship. 

Story time:

Near the end of October I drove about 22 hours nonstop from California to Washington state to be with my sons dad as he was undergoing the second part of a knee surgery he had earlier in the year. It seems like from the time I got there the trip may have been doomed. All the details aren't necessary but the trip did end up with me leaving prematurely and that was apparently the end of our relationship. I have a hard time with being shut out and if it happens for more than a couple hours the possibility of me reverting to abandoned, 8 year old Miana skyrockets. So needless to say 8 year old Miana made an appearance and I felt like I needed to go. The act of leaving was adult Miana saying “ Girl if you don't feel like you are wanted or needed you have the resources to go... and thats what I did. By the time I made it back to California I realized that I could have handled the situation differently and that running isn't the answer. So naturally I called my man (well shit I thought he was my man) and we had a really good conversation and I thought we were all good. I mean there are going to be challenges in any relationship and we were still learning each other, so this was one obstacle we overcame together and we were on the verge of continuous growth together... Again this is what i thought. Well, wrong homegirl. Fast forward a couple months me and the baby go up again to visit for the Holidays and bae is being really distant. Like not a hug or kiss kind of distant. So naturally I am hurt... I am only a few months postpartum so Im super conscious about my post baby body and what not... Any who, we didn't speak much during my 6 or so days there, so naturally I break down on the ride to the airport. And his response is “I just don't want to lead you on” 

“I don't want to lead you on” like Im some chick he met at the club and took back to the crib but didn't want to spend the night after we got busy kind of deal. If I wasn't hurt before, this was the icing and sprinkles on the cake, I spent the next few days crying. Sad about the break up. Devastated that I am a single mother of 2. And legit just confused about it all. 

Now I have these two kids I have to pretend to not be in pieces for. I was living with my mom because our plans to move in together obviously weren't happening... so i also have to pretend to not be devastated in front of my mom and brothers, all the while I am a complete and absolute wreck inside. The Earth doesn't stop spinning because Im sad so I keep going. I wake up everyday and do what needs to be done. Fast forward to August. So its time for me to start working, I take my baby boy to Houston to stay with his dad when I go interview and what do I learn? TO my surprise he has a girlfriend. sigh. So I go to my interview completely stressed the F**k out and more anxious than ever wondering about this girl. Has she been around the whole time? Is this why he didn't want to be with me (y'all know I was cheated on before so my mind won't let me rule this option out)? What does she look like? How serious are they? Where did they meet? The list goes on and on. Then pieces of the puzzle start to fall in place. I haven't been this hurt in a while. All this time I am thinking there is a hope we will get back together and he moved on. 

Of course I have 1000 questions so I start asking. It doesn't go well and lets just say I ended up at the airport 6 hours early for my flight. :-( 

Now its time for me to start work. My new job required I do an extensive year of traveling so at just 14 months old I left my sweet baby with his dad and started working. This was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do and again another moment of Surrender. Handing over a child that I grew in my womb and spent a full year with day and night. Yes he was going with his dad but this was still very very difficult. We survived though. Getting back to it. So now we are in about December and I find out the girlfriend is in town. I expressed before it was important for me to meet her if she was going to be around our child. So it happened. I was not happy about it but it happened. Now I know she is real and Ive seen her in the flesh. Another moment of surrender. 

Despite all of this in the back of my head there was always a glimmer of hope. just a small little voice telling me not to give up because maybe the girlfriend will go away and we can work things out. Why, some may ask? Because I am naturally optimistic and I can't seem to help myself. Plus this is my family I am fighting for. Like something I have wanted since I was a little girl, to have a family that loves and celebrates one another. 

I have always believed that Love will conquer all. We can work out this relationship and bring our family back together because Love. I’ve apologized, cried, reflected, grown, cried some more and through it all I have loved like no other. But yesterday when I went to go get my sweet baby boy and I saw her car parked in the stall I think my heart was crushed for the final time. And yesterday night I realized it was yet again time to surrender. 

Time and time again he has made it clear that we will not be a we. Time and time again I have prayed and fought for us to be a we. I have my reasons. Mainly because I want better for our kids (the one we share and the two others) I want to break the cycle of broken families. I want to show our children what it feels like to be in a house with two loving parents because neither of us had that. I want to prove that time and love can heal all wounds and not matter who we decide to be with there will always be something but we can work through it together. I want to be able to tell the children stories of endurance and we persevered. 

But now. After more than a year of fighting... my heart has grown weary and realize what has become. It is time to surrender yet again. Throw in the towel. Come into acceptance. 

[carpethefanfics]

Unrequited V

Unrequited I   II   III   IV

It has taken me a while to get motivated and inspired enough to do this but I finally found it somewhere inside myself. I was moved quite a lot by a number of quotes so you can find all the links for those here in this sentence .

From the Anons when I first asked: Unrequited....i'm literally crying. I can't even express how amazing this is. The writing, the way you wrote their characters. Everything I love it all and you ♡ Also, will there be kind of a conclusion episode where they're all dating n cuteness? For unrequited ending..I was thinking just kind of a blurb where remus and sirius tell james and lily and james and lily tell remus and sirius and they're both like finally! And maybe just them finally being able to express all there lovey emotions  Honestly I just want to see jily and wolfstar happy and very fluffy for ending of unrequited. Like they just can't stop staring at eachother,holding,kissing or saying they love eachother. Just more fluff like "I can't believe you're finally mine" ect 

Enjoy.

There are so many things she wants to tell him

So many things running through her mind as they sit there on the couch in the common room

His eyes are glued to a book

And there’s this quill he’s fiddling with in his right hand

And she’s trying to read

But all she can feel is the way the fingers of his left hand dance along her leg

The way they graze the skin slightly

Moving back and forth so softy, so rhythmically, it’s like they’re barely moving at all

But she can feel herself pointing her toes as if arching her leg into his touch

It’s only felt like a few moments since that night in front of the fireplace

That night where she’d yelled and pushed and tried to run

That night where she couldn’t remember the taste of his kiss

But she still hadn’t gotten rid of the burning sensation on her skin

The way her waist was still on fire from where his grip held her

And his hand wrapped in her hair

They had decided to keep it quiet

For as long as they possibly could before the ruckus started

Before the school erupted into gossip and chatter

And it was nice

To have moments like this

Snap shots between no one else but them

When all Lily had to do was glance up from her book and get caught up in James Potter

In his unruly mess of tousled locks

In his deep chocolate eyes

In his calloused palms and defined jaw and hunched shoulders

In the way his smirk caused him to raise a single eyebrow

And his laugh made him throw his head back

She wants to tell him that she saw him through rose-coloured glasses

That she didn’t know when it started but it had yet to stop

That she wants him next to her

Always

Whether it’s in her bed

With his clothes making friends with her floor

She wants to love him so hard, love him so much that the neighbours wake

She wants to tell him that she loves to kiss him when he’s laughing

Because there is no better taste than his laughter in her mouth

She wants to tell him that when she looks at him

When she sees his face start to glow as their eyes lock

That maybe, just maybe, God does exist

Even if just for those few seconds as his features become light

But more than that

She wants to tell him that she goes through these phases

That some days she feels like the person she is

Other days like the person she’s supposed to be

But sometimes, more often than not, she’s no one at all

There is her and there is her silhouette

And her bed is more home than her body

But now, right now

Despite all her darkened lines and rough edges and shaded canvas

There he is like a beacon

A mug of tea grasped in his hands

A soft smile permanently etched into his skin

He’s more than just a breath of fresh air when she’s stuck feeling hollow

He’s like walking outside in nothing but a t-shirt when snow is falling and wind is blowing

Or when thunder is raging and rain is pouring

When your skin is shocked and nature is screaming Here I Am

But somehow still it’s like he’s taken the ice from her veins

Like he has taken up a space in the hole in her heart

A space he now calls home

And she wants to tell him that there are few things in this universe to look forward too

Few things that have lit her up in the year since she lost her parents

Since that letter sealed her fate

She wants to tell him that she used to see magic in the way the sky turned every shade of pink in summer

In the way that sparks flew from the tips of her fingers

In the way mountains seemed to moved and flowers bloomed and the tide came in

And she lost it all

She lost it in the darkness and the dread

But James

Oh god

James is so beautiful it hurts

She’s drowning in the endless caramel of his eyes

In their loveliness, their warmth, their depth

Her heart stops dead when he lifts his gaze

And she can’t find the words to say it because she is so entirely lost in him

‘I love you’

But then again

Maybe that’s all the words she needs

His fingers stop their dance on her leg

And his face flicks towards her almost instantaneously

No hesitation, no fear

‘I love you’

She repeats it steadily, more assuredly

Because she means it

She really does

Their love has always been like the rain pattering against the window panes

Sometimes torrential flooding and downpours

Sometimes soft and light and cool on your skin

‘I love you too’

Remus has never been easy to love

Never let himself be easy to love

Out of fear, out of shame, out of guilt

But Sirius crashed through his walls like a raging bull

And now ... well now ...

Each night before his tired eyes carry him off

Sirius lays in front of him

His fingers brushing the golden curls from Remus’ face

Their legs intertwining

The warmth of their skin mingling beneath the sheets of Remus’ bed

And Sirius lets things fall from his lips that cause Remus’ cheeks to burn

‘If you were music Moons I’d listen to you endlessly’

And Remus tries to roll away

‘Your kiss always leaves me breathless but I’ll always take one more’

Is what Sirius whispers to his hidden face

‘You know Moons, I don’t think I can recall if I fell for you the first moment I saw you, or if it was the second or third or four. But somehow, at some point, every time I started to look at you the rest of the world seemed to vanish’

And Remus is kissing him because that's all he thinks he needs

All he can think to tell Sirius he feels the same before Sirius’ fingers fall limp and his breathing evens

And every night it’s the same

Remus barely able to fall asleep because he just wants to stare at that face for a few moments more

That’s when he can think

That’s when everything he wants to say appears in his mind

And what he wants to do first is apologize

Because he knows he’s difficult to love

And he knows his heart is shy

That he goes through dark periods like the moon and tries to hid himself

But he wants to promise Sirius, promise him that even when his muscles are torn and his heart heavy he’ll kiss Sirius’ every wound

Even the ones that decorate his soul

Then he’ll pick himself up

Wash away the ache in his own bones

And brush his lips against Sirius’ skin

Soft like the petals on a rose

And he’ll take Sirius to a river

Take him to remind him that there is still beauty in things out of your control

And when their dark periods flow together

Remus will take him to endless fields of green

Take him to breathe with the waving of the grass as the wind blows through it

And they’ll lay there until the dark engulfs them

Until the night is bright again and they’ll stare into the sky

The stars will remind them there is beauty in burning

Beauty in the unknown

That they aren’t so lost

That it’s okay that some things are too vast to ever grasp

But after the apology leaves his lips

After he wraps Sirius in his arms and makes him realize he’s okay

That he’s still okay when he’s not

All Remus can think of is the rush that is Sirius Black

The way he electrifies his skin

The way he is a star unto himself

Bright and fiery and eternal

It’s in the wistful glances Sirius gives him

And the sultry winks and the quick fingers and the strong jaw

Remus doesn’t know how he ever got so lucky

How he could have been ever so blessed

And Remus wants to tell him that even though sometimes it feels like he’s been engulfed in his own black hole

That gravity has caused him to collapse in on himself

He will always find his way back to him

That the days and weeks that he thought he had lost 

Are nothing to the seconds and minutes he spends with Sirius

Because Sirius is deserving of being loved that much

Because Sirius is worth a love that never runs shallow

A love whose roots surpass that of a great oak

Whose depths you can never touch no matter how far down you swim

And even though there is no signed contract, no guarantees that they won’t break, no promises strong enough someone cannot leave

Remus wants him

And wants to tell him

Wants his eyes to be open as he whispers these things into his dark curls

As his fingers lay on the back of his neck

As Sirius’ shallow breathing can be felt on his naked chest

‘One day I’ll say this’

‘One day the sun will be shining on the both of us and I’ll stare into those silver eyes and tell you that when I kiss you I don’t even know how I’m able to stop. That you seeing the scars that line my body, that line my soul, as cracks to place your love is overwhelming. That my heart beats a little faster the days that we’re together. That I fall in love with you all over again every time I wake up and feel you pressed against me.’

‘One day Pads ... I promise’

And he lets himself melt into him

Not realizing that Sirius is awake as his breathing slows, as his heart beat calms

Not realizing that there are tears running down Sirius’ cheeks

Because Remus Lupin may think he is the broken window

But Sirius knows that he is the light that still shines through the shattered glass to illuminate the dark room

That Remus may not be his entire source of happiness

But god he comes so close

James knows something has been happening

Knows what it sounds like when the springs of Sirius’ mattress crunch as he leaves the bed

Knows what the pattering of bare feet across a hard wood floor sound like when there is nothing but darkness and silence

Knows what it sounds like when you leave long, drawn out, breathless kisses on someone’s skin

And he’s been waiting for it

That’s what he tells Lily anyway

And her eyes light up

And he’s wondering why she has that look on her face

But instead of asking, instead of hearing her answer

She stands from the couch with her palm outstretched

He takes it willingly, knowing that Lily Evans always has a purpose, always has a meaning

And he lets her trail him to the stairs of his dormitory

Lets her lead him to the top and push open the door

Her eyes flicker back to him and then flicker forward

Her hand tightening around his

‘Remus ... Sirius’

James sees them

They’re standing close

And their faces are but inches apart before they turn to the door

Sirius’ hands wrapped up in Remus’

Just as his is wrapped up in Lily’s

‘Jamie’

‘Prongs’

They speak almost simultaneously

And Lily smiles

And pulls James closer to her

She looks up at him with her lovely emerald green eyes

And turns back to Remus

Who looks almost like he’s glowing

‘I didn't set it free after all’

And Remus breaks into a smile

And James doesn't understand what’s happening

And he can see as Sirius’ brow furrows neither does he

But Remus responds, soft and gentle

‘You were right. I am happy