#and I don’t wanna play nice with people
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
˚ ༘ ೀ⋆。˚ 𝓑𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭!𝓙𝓸𝓼𝓱𝓾𝓪 𝓣𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱𝓽𝓼!
w/c; 1.4k
Warnings: Use of Vibrators, sexting, praising, spanking, (MINORS DNI - I am not responsible for the media you consume)
‧₊˚ ┊ Boyfriend!Joshua who loves, loves, loves~! To praise you! Oh you did something today? Oh well he’s proud of you! You ate a full meal today? That's good! You got compliments for your new perfume? Well obviously! You're just so so pretty, nice and you even smell great too! Isn't he lucky to have you as his girlfriend ! He will praise you any time he can!
➶ He loves to praise your body! Especially when you're having sex!
➶ The feeling of you clenching around him after he praised you, only makes him harder, and crumbles his resolve further as he fucks you harder. Wanting to make you cum together!
➶ Shua, shua, shua! You kept moaning out his name as he fuckes you harder, he can feel himself closer and closer to his orgasm, as you kept moaning out his name. He presses your knees further into your chest, as he brings his hand down and plays with your clit !
➶ You nod in pleasure as you start to squirm. Joshua groans as you get tighter and tighter around him. “F–Fuck.. y-you're so.. fucking–tight” You moan as you feel yourself squirt for the first time. “Oh, would you look at that, huh,” He plays with your clit harder, “You're such a good–good girl for me, squirting all ‘ver my cock, yeah?” He kisses your knees as he pushes them further. Making you see stars~!
‧₊˚ ┊ Boyfriend!Joshua who hate, hate, hates it, having to punish you ! Oh, you didn't respond to him and ignored him for 4 hours? Oh it's fine! He’ll just give you a good scolding and tell you not to do it again, yeah? Oh, you sexted him while he was at work? Oh, you're really going to get it when he comes home, aren't you?
➶ So when he comes home with a hard on, and you're still refusing to take responsibility and act dumb? Oh, he’ll make you dumb on his cock alright.
➶ So when he walks through the bedroom door and sees you wearing a loose nightgown, sitting on the bed. Immediately running to him and hugging him, he wastes no time pushing into you, kissing you roughly while hastily taking off his clothes. He suddenly feels you pull back for air, you giggle for a bit until he suddenly lifts you up by your ass. And lays you down on the bed ass up. He wastes no time taking off his shirt, and nipping at your neck, you can only giggle at his neediness. “Oh? What's gotten you–so worked up, baby?” You move your hips to tease him, but Joshua’s hands goes down and holds your hips in place before whispering in your ear, “What's gotten me so worked up is you sending me videos of you fucking yourself with a dildo molded to my cock.” He slips his hands down and feels your wet, naked pussy clamping on nothing. “Awhhh, you’ve been waiting for me since this afternoon huh? Waiting for me to fuck you dumb? Fuck this needy–fucking pussy dumb?” He circles your pussy and hears how you gasp and get wetter, he stops and strips himself of all his clothes before slipping his hands and playing with your nipples.
➶ “Want this don’t you, hm? Acting like a slut, when I’m not home, screaming my name fucking yourself on that dildo.. such a desperate baby, my desperate baby.” The condescending tone of his voice makes you wetter, his hands remove the clothes covering your body and slaps your ass. “Count. After this, I’m fucking you full of my cum.”
‧₊˚ ┊ Boyfriend!Joshua who loves to see you in matching cute outfits to flaunt you in front of other people ! He loves the stares both of you get when you’re outside in your cute matching outfits ! No matter the season, weather or date, if he can match with you, he will ! Wanna match hats, shoes, aesthetics? He’s already looking and buying, no need to use your pretty little head !
➶ So when he was away, he made a little shopping trip and bought you a few multiple, dresses of different styles and colors that he knew would fit you !! But then he knew any style or color would fit you! With a body like yours? He knew that he’d be wrapped around your fingers with just seeing you in it!
➶ “Hm.. how about this shua?” You replied to him as you spun around showing him how the dress fit you like a glove. “Hmm,” Shua’s lips curled into a sly grin. He stood up and wrapped his arms around your body, behind you, and whispered in your ear. He licked his lips and nuzzled his face into your neck, deeply inhaling your sweet, sweet scent. A deep hum reverberated from his chest and sent shivers up your spine. “You smell so intoxicating. So good, like a sweet little lamb, needing to be taken care of.” His large hands settled itself by your hips and his mouth kissed your neck and you whimpered at the noise his mouth made on your neck. His hands went lower, and lower until his hands were now in between your thighs. Your head rolled back as his hands caressed your thighs and squeezed your thighs playfully.
➶ “J-Joshua..!” You desperately called out to him, begging him to touch you, to take you. He looked at the mirror still in front of you and his eyes dangerously lingered, a lustful look taking over. His hands took themselves off of your thighs and held your waist tightly and whipped you around. Facing him, “Want me to touch you? Want me to make you feel good, hm?” His hands cupping your breast as you moaned in pleasure, nodding your head eagerly for his touch. “Use your words darling..”
‧₊˚ ┊ Boyfriend!Joshua who loves to see you squirm ! He loves to see you squirm especially in public ! The thought that only he knows that there's a vibrator inside of you only spurs him on and makes him harder !
➶ He loves seeing you come undone especially when the 2 of you go shopping! Don't you see he’s just trying to let your sales associate help you? I mean–why don't we just cut our shopping spree short and come next time?
➶ “Oh, baby, are you alright?” He asked as the 2 of you were shopping for clothes. He held you close to him and you started to tremble, his hand supporting you as he noticed you gripped the clothes a bit too.. tightly. He looked intently at you, looking if you’d slip up, suddenly your sales associate came back in the room, bringing with them a few pieces of clothing Joshua suggested, his face returned from his normal, carefree expression as he saw them walk up to you, clothes on hand. They saw the state you were in and their eyes immediately went wide as they fussed over to you, “Oh.. ma’am, a-are you okay?” Their hand reached out for you and you immediately tried to mask your embarrassment.
➶ “Oh, dear, If I may, would the two of you like to sit in the vip section of our store for a few minutes?” Your sales associate asked you, a hint of sadness in their voice. “Oh, yes please, we would be grateful.” Joshua replied in such a sickly sweet tone. As the 2 of you followed the sales associate to the room, they set aside a few of the pieces he asked for and sat the 2 of you down in the vip lounging area. When the 2 of you were finally sat down, you rubbed your legs together as you felt the vibrations getting weaker. “Oh, Sir Joshua? Would you like me to bring you both water?” They asked, patiently waiting for a response. “Oh, yes please,” He responded with a soft smile at your sales associate.
➶ When the sales associate finally left the room, Joshua leaned in closer to you and placed a hand on your thigh, you whimpered at his touch. “J-Joshua..” he leaned closer to you and whispered in your ear. “Don't you dare cum, okay baby? You don't want them to see you making you cum in such a public place do you?”
#seventeen#seventeen imagine#seventeen x reader#seventeen x you#seventeen headcanons#seventeen reaction#seventeen drabbles#seventeen fluff#seventeen fanfic#seventeen smut#seventeen joshua#joshua hong fluff#joshua x reader#hong joshua x reader#joshua smut#joshua hong
102 notes
·
View notes
Text
Our New Friend!
Last chapter:
Riley finds this tape hidden inside a Wooly plushy, which randomly explodes when the puzzle is complete. Riley should find this concerning, but their brain is filled with nothing but curiosity. They go ahead and play the tape.
“Hey friends, I’m Amanda!” Amanda says, with her usual smile and wave.
“And I’m Wooly!” Wooly beams, as usual.
“And today…” Amanda pulls out a piece of paper and stares at it for a while with a sad look on her face. “Today… we got a letter from one of our friends at home…” On further inspection, Riley notices that this letter looks very old. Even if it was a viewer-sent letter, it was sent a long time ago. “It’s from our friend Ruthie. Dear Amanda and Wooly, I have just moved to a new place and I’m going to be starting over at a brand new school. I won’t know anyone there. I’ve known my old friends all my life and I’m not sure how to make new ones, can you help me?”
“Oh yeah, starting fresh in a new place can be scary.” Wooly laughs nervously.
“Good thing we can’t go anywhere.” Amanda scoffs, rolling her eyes.
“Amanda, this girl really needs our advice.” Wooly protests.
“Wooly, this letter was sent over ten years ago, this girl probably doesn’t even go to school anymore!” Amanda shouts before quietly saying: “If she’s even… still alive…” Wooly becomes quiet as well.
“How… do you make friends?” Wooly wonders out loud.
“Huh?”
“Well it’s just… you're the only friend I’ve had for… years.”
“And it wasn’t really by choice.” Amanda adds. Wooly looks down at his feet and gently kicks a little piece of litter completely avoiding eye contact. “Alright Ruthie, we’re not the best people to ask on this topic but we can show you how it’s done! First, let’s head to the toy store!”
“Why the toy store?”
‘To look for a new friend, silly.” Amanda replies. “Can you tell me where that is?” Riley points to the store with a picture of a doll on it. “That’s right!” The tape changes to the store. Behind Amanda and Wooly is a shelf with three stuffed toys.
“Oooh! What cute toys.” Wooly remarks. The tape glitches and suddenly all three have X’s for eyes. “Oh… haha.”
“Which toy should be our new friend?” Amanda asks, “the doll, the dog, or the… dolphin… oh…” sadness suddenly hits her. For a split second Amanda’s face gets really close to the screen and we hear a distorted Amanda say “I’m… sorry Ruthie…” before the tape glitches back to normal. Riley selects the blue dog.
“Gre-Great choice, friend.” Wooly says nervously.
“Wooly, you be our dog friend and I’ll be Ruthie, got it?”
“Okay!”
“Hi I’m Ruthie, I just moved into town, wanna be friends?” Amanda says, grabbing the doll.
“Oh yes, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Wooly! I’d love to be friends!” Wooly beams.
“Wooly! You can’t use your real name!” Amanda hisses.
“Oh… right… um…”
“What should we name our new puppy friend?” Amanda asks. This is it. The perfect opportunity to see how they’d react to the name Riley spotted in the credits last episode. So they type it in. William. Wooly’s eyes grow as big as saucers.
“Hmm… William. I like it. Nice choice. Right Wooly? Um Wooly?” Amanda notices that Wooly is just staring at Riley in dead silence. “Wooly.”
“Ah, right. What were we talking about?”
“The puppy’s name, don’t you like it?”
“What was his name again?” Wooly asks. Riley types in William again. “Oh… right. Yeah nice name…”
“Okay… then…” Amanda utters, feeling a little weirded out, “Hi, I’m Ruthie, I just moved into town! Wanna be friends?” Wooly reminds quiet, completely spaced out. “Wooly? Wooly… Wooly!” Amanda says, starting to feel a little frustrated.
“Yes? Right! Sorry… It’s nice to meet you… I’m… William…” he trails off again. He starts gripping the puppy tighter.
“Hi, I’m Ruthie. I just moved into town. Wanna. Be. Friends?” Amanda repeats, growing impatient.
“It’s nice to meet you… I’m… I’m… I’m…”
“Um… W-”
“I’m… who am I again?” he asks, looking up at Amanda desperately. She wants to say, You’re Wooly. But deep down she knows that’s not what he’s asking.
“You’re you.” she finally answers. “You’re… you.” but that’s not nearly enough to calm him down. The tape starts glitching… really bad. “That’s not good. How about we take some deep breaths-” Wooly glares at her. “Not helping, got it.” Amanda frantically looks around the room, but the truth is she simply has no clue what to do. “Do you wanna talk about it?”
“I don’t want to… I don’t wanna think about it… ever again… never again… I just wanna forget…”
“Okay, then we can forget!” Amanda laughs nervously.
“But I can’t forget… I can’t remember and I can’t forget. I hate this… I just hate it all!” Wooly’s demon form starts popping out.
“Not good! Riley run!” Amanda shouts. But it’s already too late. The demon has already been summoned. Riley is already dead.
Not me listening to a piano cover of “Kuninaru” while writing this. (The lyrics fit Amanda and Wooly so well!)
Anyway this fit was shorter, but that's because this is a bad ending fic *rubs hands together evilly* IDK WHY I LIKE WATCHING CHARACTERS WHO BOTTLE EVERYTHING UP FINALLY SNAP I'M SORRY AND ALSO NOT SORRY.
#amanda the adventurer#amanda the adventurer 2#wooly the sheep#ata 2#amanda the adventurer wooly#maddykpost#fanfiction#fanfic#maddykwrites
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
Mitski + Cherik
I have a playlist of every single Mitski song ever made playing constantly 24 hours of my day for the past 2 years, I also went to see her live. I’ll be damned if I don’t make this post. (Also this has been in the drafts for like 3 weeks now)
So, at first, I was listening to Mitski and was like whoah the song “old friend” is perfect for cherik. And then the song “Eric” came on and I was dumbfounded, so here’s an explanation of lyrics and how they apply to Cherik.
Also I suck at making edits so this is technically the same thing but using your imagination instead.
“We nearly drowned for such a silly thing”
Charles diving into the ocean to save Erik. But this could also mean drowning in their decisions, they almost lost each other because of their beliefs. Such a silly thing to loose each other over.
“Someone who loves me now better than you”
This line makes me believe this song is from Erik’s perspective, either talking about Charles, or Magda. However I like the idea that it’s Charles he talks about since it’s the very start of the song. It might even be implied that “better than you” is implying Shaw.
“And that pretty friend is finally yours”
100% talking about Moira, boy is bitter. All of this so far is talking from the future looking on the past, so that previous line may be talking about Magda after all.
“I’ll be around on Sunday, if you’ll meet me at the blue diner, I’ll take coffee and talk about nothing baby”
Erik meeting Charles at the end of Dark Pheonix. Isn’t it nice to talk about nothing for once, instead of arguing about mutant rights or trying to save the world. They can finally relax together and just be people.
“At the blue diner, I’ll take anything you wanna give me, baby”
Switch to Charles perspective. Agreeing to stay with Erik.
This song is short but wonderful, I’ve only focused on the first half of the song because it fits far too well. The other part fits too but this was too specific.
The way it starts with how they met, then when they left eachother for other people, and then ending with them rejoining. Perfect few lyrics almost like they were made just for them.
And to top it all off, it’s called Old Friend. Thats CRAZY.
“Sorry I can’t take your touch”
Erik leaving at the end of pretty much every movie, the touch being Charles love and want for him to stay with the xmen, with him.
“It’s just that I fell in love with a war”
Erik’s constant belief that there’s a war coming and he needs to fight it first. He chooses this again and again over Charles, one could say he loves it more than he loves Charles.
“Nobody told me it ended”
Still fighting for the war he believes in, even though Charles has been working so hard for mutant rights and has done a lot of good work.
“And it left a pearl in my head, and I roll it around every night, just to watch it glow. Every night baby that’s where I go.”
That anger and sadness that stays within him, stuck in his brain, part of him. Memories of Charles, hating him, loving him. He sits with it every night, going over everything again and again. Also visual of Erik floating them little metal balls.
Beautiful song, good lord. This is all about Erik choosing the war over Charles, there’s also something about the imagery of sitting with a ‘pearl’ in his mind is so very Erik.
“But how long, how long can we play this way?”
Playing as in going back and forth, fighting, making up, fighting again. This is definitely from Charles perspective.
“I’m tired, I’m tired of not loving you”
Charles is tired of not being able to show Erik how much he loves him, he just wants him home.
“My heart, my heart wants to hold you”
All he wants to do it is be with Erik, he wants to comfort him again and show him he’s not evil, that there’s good in there too.
“But I know, I know, I know the rules”
But he knows the rules of this game, he knows they couldn’t ever be together. Be it their opposing beliefs, homophobia, or just the way they are. Perhaps also the rules as in the movie won’t allow it, their writing won’t allow it.
Painful. Other lyrics in the song are more sexual, which also fits if you’d like it to. First line of the song is “you like control, well I do to” and that would be a killer title for a dark cherik fic. They both control their environment in different ways.
“One word from you and I would jump off of this ledge I’m on, baby”
Charles telepathy, could be from any of the students, especially those from the first movie who later died. However it’s painful to think that it’s Erik saying “You’re a telepath Charles, you can convince me of anything.”
Also on that note, the ledge could also refer to delving deeper into his dark side, it would take one mean word from Charles and he’d get so much worse.
Or perhaps he means the ledge in which he’s raised himself to as a super villain, and he knows Charles could bring him down from it.
“Tell me don’t so I can crawl back in”
See my other post about Erik subtly begging Charles to control him. He knows he’ll always pick his cause over staying with Charles, he wants Charles to force him to stay. Get rid of his option to choose so he can crawl back to comfort. Be gone with his righteousness, and just be simple and safe with him.
The title of the song being First Love/Late Spring hurts me. Was mitski an xmen fan or what Jesus.
Left this one until last cause I don’t want to teach a grandma to suck eggs here, I’m sure you already know what’s about to go down. Nonetheless, it would be criminal for me to leave it out. Ready for some Charles angst? Too bad!
“Baby, my baby,”
Raven, Angel, Darwin, Banshee, Havok, adopted into the xmen with nowhere else to go but return to their unfortunate lives.
“Tell your baby that I’m your baby”
The first xmen looking on to the current, looking at who Charles ‘replaced’ them with.
“I bet on loosing dogs”
Charles putting his trust into those first kids, knowing they were young, but it was the last hope. He better is all on them.
“I know they’re loosing and pay for my place by the ring”
He knows they couldn’t stand a chance, but there was that hope. Perhaps if he trained them, gave them the right motivation, they could survive.
“Where I’ll be looking in their eyes when they’re down”
He’s with them the whole way, in their minds, in their spirits. These kids had fight in them, but they were still kids.
“I’ll be there on their side, I’m loosing by their side.”
When they loose, he looses with them. The xmens fate stands on the strength of those kids. Charles grief over loosing these kids makes him catatonic, wishing he had died instead. He was with them all the way, and yet he still hears “Where were you Charles” “You abandoned all of us”
#Spotify#cherik#angst#cherik fanfiction#mitski#I bet on loosing dogs#first love/late spring#Old friend#mitski old friend#mitski lyrics#lyrics#A pearl#mitski puberty 2#puberty 2#mitski be the cowboy#be the cowboy#xmen#xmen fanfiction#Charles Xavier#Erik Lehnsherr#magneto#professor x#mystique#xmen angst#cherik angst#cherik art
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
LMAOOOignore me for three hours then be like ur my ride home tho uwu EVEN THO THAT WAS NEVER FUCKING TOLD TO ME UNTIL TOO FUCKING LATE.
#can’t wait to show up for everyone to be ready to leave and basically just be an underpaid Uber fucking driver#I don’t even wanna fucking go#bc now I’m pissed#and I don’t wanna play nice with people#I wanna scream and shout and thrash#and bang my head into the fucking wall#and throw myself off the fucking balcony#I’m over it#fuck you#fuck life#fuck everything#I’m gonna go crash my fucking car
1 note
·
View note
Text
“Nine would have treated Martha better than Ten did”
I need to talk about this argument that never seems to stop circulating.
Note: Not a venomous/anti post. There’s more than enough of that across fandom spaces as is, and this is supposed to be a place for ✨sweet, blissful escapism✨
When making this argument, people seem to envision a scenario in which Nine never met Rose.
While I can appreciate a good hypothetical, recognizing Rose's significance to the Doctor (Nine and Ten) is essential to understanding why things with Martha played out the way they did in the first place.
In the third series, the Doctor is grieving. This grief is deliberately threaded into nearly every script, whether spoken aloud or not (and these are just a few examples):
He's burning in Rose’s wake the entire time Martha travels with him, which is why it’s so frequently called upon: It’s 100% deliberate in framing his grief. He grieved as Nine too, of course— having been fresh on the heels of the Time War — but then he met Rose, which changed everything.
Back then, he was still a rude, traumatized pain in the ass, but we watch Rose soften more of those jagged edges with every episode as they grow closer; as he lets his guard down and forms a deep connection with her.
He falls in love (against his better judgment) and it's game over.
And yes: provided S1E1 had been titled 'Martha', one can realistically assume things might have unfolded similarly to how they did with Rose. However, it wouldn’t have been that way just because the Doctor was Nine and “Nine was different” — it would be because he wasn’t already in love with someone else. The same can't be said for the start of S3.
Think of it like this: if Rose AND Martha had been in that cellar — if Nine had taken both of them along with him in S1 — we’d eventually be looking at the most melodramatic love triangle ever, what with him living in close quarters with two brilliant, gorgeous, compassionate young women... But Doctor Who is plenty “soap opera” as is with just one woman in the TARDIS.
(I certainly wouldn’t object to reading that fic, though)
Now, regarding the unrequited elephant in the room…
His inability to be romantic with Martha isn’t because he thinks her lesser, nor is it for lack of compatibility. It isn't because Rose is any better than her. It certainly isn’t just because he’s Ten.
It’s really only for one reason, which can't be denied — and now I’m a broken record:
He is still in love with Rose.
(cut from a tenrosedaily gif)
Nine is Ten, and Ten is only such a mess in S3 because he’s just lost the love of his life. Martha merely got caught in the crosshairs of a volatile Time Lord in mourning, and yes — it sucks. Absolutely.
But it also feels dismissive to chalk Ten and Martha’s relationship up to little more than some sort of mindless dance of pining, jealousy, and toxicity.
Ten trusted Martha with his life over and over again — and hers, with him. He constantly praised her brilliance, happily carting her around time and space with no intention of letting her go. In the BBC’s extended universe of novels/comics/cartoons/etc, there’s so much depth to their relationship: love and trust and trauma and sacrifice. They had their own special bond as mates, their own complexities — so it’s a bummer that it's forever overshadowed by the other things.
I’m not denying that there was a lot of stuff that sucked/was for sure toxic about Ten's S3 behavior, but so many of the things I've seen him catching flak for can be directly attributed to being A Clueless Fucking Alien Idiot (not a trait that’s unique to Ten) — as well as his flat-out obliviousness to Martha’s feelings.
So yes, I agree: if Rose never existed, he would have treated Martha differently as Nine. He also would have treated her differently as Ten. Certainly.
But Rose did exist, and when discussing canon, it matters.
“He tells me that he absolutely, 100% loves Rose... He tells me how my daughter; my wonderful, beautiful, clever little girl saved him from himself before… And he says that’s all because of me! I made her into the Rose Tyler that saved him.”
-Jackie Tyler, Flight Into Hull!
Martha got the short end of the stick in S3. She came round at the wrong place and time, but that doesn't mean it was all bad. It doesn't mean the Doctor didn’t adore her. It certainly doesn't mean the time they spent together was wasted or worthless. They were brilliant!
Sure, he could be a twat, but let it be known that he was a twat with Rose as well, both as Nine and Ten. I’m sure Tentoo can be plenty infuriating, too. So while I'll defend Ten (and Tentoo) into the ground forever and ever and ever, I'll concede that he's fucked up.
The Doctor is a certified Pain In The Ass. It’s one of the things I love so much about this character — dynamics.
But never forget that Martha was goddamn tough as nails and overcame every bit of it. She moved on with her life, and the Doctor moved on with his. One can only pray that, when they inevitably drag her back onto the show (which feels inevitable if I'm honest), we see at once that she's been living her best life for all these years.
#I'm paranoid af about posting this but also feel like maybe two people will read it so perhaps I'm safe#doctor who#tenth doctor#ninth doctor#rose tyler#martha jones#baby's first meta#dw meta#I hope this wasn't just a mess of discombobulated stream-of-consciousness chatter#try as I may to avoid it#I'm somehow still aware of the sea of bad fandom vibes surrounding almost every character mentioned#besides Nine - who for some reason seems to be above reproach#there's a painful absence of civil discourse#especially where shipping is concerned#but let me tell you#I've vibed with T/M people about T/R and T/R people about T/M and it is a beautiful thing#I wish we could all just get along#also I've got so many more thoughts about this topic#like an embarrassingly long list of thoughts#I tried to scale it down as best I could while also being as inoffensive as possible#gonna crawl back under my rock now#also you should all go read Peacemaker#best DW novel since the Stone Rose#belated tag added way after the fact but:#for some reason I’ve yielded so much hate mail since originally posting this#because I suppose some people have only cottoned on to my enjoyment of T/M#but please note that I’ve been writing my T/M series since 2022#it’s had no bearing whatsoever on my love of T/R+T2/R aka the OTP of all time#but I’m also a grown-ass woman in my thirties and we are all playing with dolls here#I just wanna spread love and write smut and I do this for fun so if you can’t be nice - then I don’t want you reading anyway
136 notes
·
View notes
Text
Mmm having another like venting in my head but knowing the second im done venting im gonna be like you didnt mean that tho moment
#its just hhhh I was not in the mood for other people today and my friend came over and took most of my day away and like… oh maybe there is#such a thing as relying too much on people and its this friend like rrrrr the i didnt mean that is because no people need to talk about thin#gs it’s healthy I dont want people to think theyre bad for taking my time its just that I wasnt feeling it for most of today I needed to be#by myself and like enjoy my games by myself and I attempted to make that known and i dont think they got the hint#and just hhh stop trying to bring up your problems right now this is my time to play a game I really wanna enjoy and i dont think im enjoyin#it as much as I could if I played it first by myself and I didnt say that directly so no way they could know and I will finish it on my own#hopefully if i have time cause thats it I dont have enough time for myself I need me time#and also my friend Needs to stop making suicide jokes. thats it thats the main one. like dude im having fun how do i respond to the reminder#that my friend doesn’t want to live#and going back attempting to bring up a problem while im gaming. I could of answered their question better but i was in such a mood that it#was like okay im gonna dismiss you and I dont want to dismiss struggling people no thats not who i want to be i want to help#… I hate it when I cant help so much#vent#I swear the timing of this to be when a certain someone went to bed was purely coincidence its just that I got back from friend hang rn#tw suicide mention#why is it when im in a mood I just sorta hate some of my friends like i was getting annoyed at them taking my drinks/snacks when usually im#like oh yeah go for it#is it oh youre in a mood you get the opposite of your usual love your friends with your entire heart or is it that like deep down I think th#ey take more than they give back. I have before almost said that I feel like I help their issues but they dismiss mine but then i got distra#cted by them essentially helping with it but like im not even sure if that was in response to me saying im lonely#also okay at one point they thanked me it was the bit where they said im their reason to live and then immediately asked if they could come#over and its like. well okay i feel like I have no choice here#and yesterday they mentioned oh i think I might take up too much of your time or something and like im too nice to tell you yeah sometimes#but it is to note i didn’t outright say no you dont I always love spending time with you or something i said oh i tell you if i really cant#due to homework. I am not made to be immediately busy immediately after i finish school I need time for myself#and im sorry you don’t have things to do on sat-wed but I have work I need to do cause there’s always so much work so at least thanks for#letting me have that time#… I love them I want to see them get better… so i wont say this to them
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
hii! i just wanted to say you're like my favourie steddie writer ever. its a fucking honour to get it read it
okay bye
i. i’m. 🥺 i don’t know what to do with this but say thank you 🥺🤍 and also what the fuck 😭 and that it’s a fucking honour to write for you right back!
#i don’t wanna do you the disservice of not believing you or questioning you but like#why? what’s there to like? what’s there to love? what’s there to love above all those other amazing lovely wonderful writers?#those who are consistent those who don’t take forever those who don’t find the most niche ans weirdest idea and go from there#like i don’t. i don’t question you nonnie. i love you so much for this honestly i just. i feel like i’m just playing with bricks and sticks#🤍#nice people being nice to me#(this might be the burnout talking bc she vicious so like feel free to ignore me)#one of these days i’ll grow an ego maybe and then it’ll be your fault nonnie 🥹
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
Looove feeling like a fucking child whenever I talk to kids my age ebecause I always feel like I’m either talking about my toys or like they’re better than me because I spent a majority of my childhood trying to make myself just as smart as everyone else because I genuinely thought I was stupid and didn’t deserve to live
#I wasn’t stupid I was like 10#god it doesn’t change the fact that I can’t fucking talk to people#I make my voice sound to nice I make myself talk quiet I don’t know how to respond#I don’t want everyone to hear me so I practactly whisper I don’t even say hi I just nod or wave#I love being autistic this is just the one thing I hate abt it is how fucking different you are from everyone else#I think differently I know that I don’t know how to navigate smth like this I always make myself the dumber or the less knowing one#I make myself think I’m a manipulator because I try so constantly to make people like me by making myself look like a ‘nice person’ like how#an animal plays dead or shows its stomach to say ‘oh don’t kill me I’m not a threat haha you want me around’#my therapist said I should try looking into psychology collage or smth she said I’d be good at it#I just think about how I think too much#my grades are shit I don’t wanna be in college for 8 years because my teacher said I’d be good at a job#then again I think psychologists make a lot of money and that could help with the art stuff#like Helen Highwater being a lawyer and doing all this crazy art shit on the side#fuck man what the fuck am I doing goodnight
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#Y’all don’t bring Nadine up unless you wanna fight 😭#I mentioned somewhere that I wish her scenes (those ‘boss fights’??) were cutscenes because the gameplay and player choice is an illusion#But that’s not an acceptable opinion to have I guess#Btw it has nothing to do with story or characters but THE GAME and the PLAYER#I’m ranting#But it’s because I was called an insecure man#I’m sorry?#People don’t even listen to you they just hear oh you don’t like Nadine then you can’t handle seeing a strong woman#But that wasn’t at all what I was saying#She can have those scenes where she kicks butt cuz that’s the point of her character in 4#But I’m not gonna pretend those sections are fun for me#I wish they were cutscenes#That is all#am I crazy? Am I hateful?#Gimme the L in a cutscene#I’ve also thought about this in DMC5#There’s an early boss fight that you’re meant to lose and I’m not so mad about that#After thinking about it it’s because player choice wasn’t taken away#You have all your move set and abilities and the ability to win is there you get a special ending#Nate can’t jump or roll or do his best because you’re given the illusion of playing but it’s only going down one way#And personally I don’t like it#Nothing to do with character or story it’s the illusion of gameplay that’s annoying to go thru#It’s taking things away from the player#Also in dmc5 there’s a forced walk section with V#It’s like less than a minute but it feels AWFUL especially in a game where everywhere else you have full character control#Giving control to the player is important#That’s why I think Mgs5 is so nice#You can infiltrate the same guard post an infinite amount of different ways#It’s up to you#im big boss and you are too
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
okay I severely misjudged spaghetti guy he’s actually just really cool
#okay so I came to this flat and he wasn’t here. greeted by a very dirty flat with shit all over the kitchen counters over cling film#I meet first my other flatmate who told me he stays in his room constantly bc of previous bad flatmates#has literally just a saucepan and some salt in the kitchen. so I’m like okay spaghetti guy potentially not great but could just be#how this guy is yknow#on Tuesday I get an email back saying he’s coming back from Norway tonight looking forward to seeing you feel free to use the kitchen sauces#rlly friendly message that I wasn’t expecting. I also didn’t know he’d been on a trip i just knew he wasn’t there bc his door was open#(to a REALLY nice room. multiple rlly nice plants (which he has little care labels for!!!) and it’s tidy and pretty#and he’s got a sheep teddy on the bed)#meanwhile I am in my own head bc I don’t wanna cook in the kitchen until I can clean it and I can’t clean it without moving his shit and#I haven’t seen him yet to talk abt it and I can’t bring myself to talk to him immediately bc I’m dying#and embarrassed as hell by how I’ve been cooking in my room with a microwave and air fryer (loud) and sneaking my shit out of the kitchen#but then yesterday I DO talk to him!! and he’s super friendly!! actually interested in having a conversation and Good at it.#and then he’s cooking and like. spaghetti burns but I’m not there for long and seems to be a mistake (he made the same thing for lunch today#and did Not burn the spaghetti) and is otherwise clearly competent bc the food smells Good and despite leaving a few things out it’s like#washed up stuff isn’t dirty and the sides are better despite still under cling film. more a case that he’s spread out than he’s messy#and now today we talked and i offered to hold onto some shit over summer bc complicated situation that boils down to he’s flying back home#and he cant take all his stuff and had to choose between chucking stuff/having literally nothing this weekend. like sleeping on the sofa etc#and then cleans the whole flat?? which I’m assuming a good chunk is his mess? but he did not need to do that. could’ve easily left#bc there are two people still living here who would’ve had to deal with it and he doesn’t know either at all#and THEN tonight we talk abt food which is fun bc we both ordered stuff. and he offers me some honeydew melon bc he’s been gorging himself#these past two days to finish it before it goes bad/he leaves which is also really sweet#and JUST NOW. I take my headphones out after finishing dinner and hear the sweetest fucking guitar#he plays the gentlest like dreamy sounding acoustic guitar I’ve heard in my life in his room (door closed by the time I leave)#this is actually just a really cool dude#now that the kitchens clear I’m gonna cook tomorrow and will probably offer him some bc otherwise he’s gonna be eating out all weekend#he has extra takeout for tomorrow night but might want smth Sunday#regardless I am just. huh??? left a bit stunned bc of the u turn my opinion of this guy has taken. bc my opinion of him was a reflection#of my discomfort moving to this weird dirty basement flat with two people I didn’t know#well. idk where to go from here. I think I’ll start by talking to him more this weekend. bc holy fucking shit.#luke.txt
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Consent PSA: Even blanket consent can be revoked at any point. Consent is never a one and done.
“Ascended Astarion can’t be abusive, Tav consented!”
Do you realize even perfectly average and happy marriages (where you consent to be together forever) in our real life can become abusive?
You realize the point of healthy dynamics and consent is that at any point that can be revoked and re-negotiated, right?
That people get stuck conforming to their originally-consented-to rules now without consent because of their situation in real life? Where none of this magic thrall stuff exists?
You can absolutely abuse someone that originally consented to anything, especially if there is a power dynamic in your favor.
Consent is not a one and done. Previous consent does not overrule current consent.
It is absolutely possible for him to be abusive should a moment happen where Tav changes their mind or doesn’t agree with him anymore and he keeps going anyway. He’s their master, he can just do that.
Anyone can become abusive, even to loved ones - usually especially to loved ones - especially the morally bitchy traumatized vampire with a fuckload of new power.
(This post is AA neutral. I legit thought all the discourse was people doing some variation and combination of forcing headcanons and ignoring canon on both sides, and being really weird about what is moral, not saying the cartoonishly evil character cannot be abusive at all ???? His path is escaping abuse and healing vs. getting stuck in the abuse cycle. That’s his whole deal. If your Tav wants what he’s doing for all eternity then good for them, that’s a very specific line to live. But he is still, always and forever, capable of abuse.)
#not even a false statement about the game it’s a false statement about life#vast majority of abusive relationships were consented to originally#that’s the whole reason they’re in the relationship to begin with#where the victim is then abused for one reason or another#the abuser still loves them in their twisted way#but they become abusive and the love they feel doesn’t change that fact#and their nice days/moments don’t erase the abusive days/moments#all humans are capable of becoming shitty people#the fucked up vampire is no exception especially considering he is not morally good to begin with#and if you really don’t want to see AA be the power hungry bastard that he is#reload your save and stop him this time#it’s not that big of a deal#or just ascend him and break it off when he wants tav to be a spawn#if you don’t wanna see romance be like that#if you want sweet nice man leave him a spawn#brought to you by a post I saw a while ago#and now reminded about with AA in my party#like are we playing the same game#actually this has nothing to do with the game#people just don’t understand how consent works nor how people end up in abusive relationships#plot twist: they’re usually in a good relationship at the start or at least what they thought was a good one#rambles
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
real talk in the tags for a second because i have a crush on a girl and i. a hehe. ahehehe.
will be burying this in reblogs and never touching on it again
#so random disclaimer this girl is like a year older than me and in high school it’s like a nono for older and younger batch to like be#a thing so i know i generally have no chance but i like to live in my own insanity and the progression of my crush on her has been absolute#ly cuckoo bananas. so like it started out as ‘i wanna be your friend’ and progressed into ‘shit they’re really pretty’ to ‘wow ur so??’ to#‘fuck i like them’ and then it died down and then by all golly it came back but more of a hallway crush now which is bearable bc i’m#not really a part of their life?? like we know each other but we don’t wave and shit and we don’t like ever interact that much so i was lik#ok this is fine bc they literally never think of me so i’m just admiring from afar. and the FIRST inciting incident was i request them onig#and i expect to not get accepted because according to their friends they onyl accept close friends and i’m like k this is a bad idea probs#but the worst that could happen is i get left in their follow requests right?? RIGHT?? but then within like two hours of reqing. lord.#i got. ACCEPTED. and they requested back. and suddenly it’s +1 tangibility like ok?? maybe we’re not as strangers as i thought we were#i later discovered i was not that special for this but also?? cool?? anyways for a while it kind of laid dead and we never spoke at all eve#tho i was in their acc now (at this time they barely posted but whenever they did it was so?? funny like they would slap the randomest shit#on that acc) and it was still a hallway crush altho my friends r awful (/pos) people who would always make me pass their hallway and i#would run into them so often but at this point we only ever like exchanged glances and they would walk right past me like i wasnt even ther#but THEN the second incident happened which was basically we had to play instruments for this christmas event thing and bc they’re literall#y amazing they played for it and i was roped into it and. i was so gay the whole time. bc who wears a leather jacket to school and gets the#prettiest haircut ever right on the last day before a long break?? and the worst part is whenevr something confusing happened they would#turn to me and this one other person and we’d b laughing together. like we r friends. and they’re so fucking nice they were checking up on#us the whole time i was literally dying i kept dropping my pick and stealing looks AURURUGH and they’re so gen funny and interesting i just#and the first few days of holiday break i just couldn’t stop thinking abt them it was so bad? like that was the moment where i was genuinel#like is this more than a hallway crush… eventually it died back down until the next event we had to play together where they were being SO#SO much more comf w me? like exchanging knowing looks when smt funny happens and that stuff.. at this point i didnt even know what to like#think of my crush on them so i just let it be yk. atp they’re not even waving at me in the hallways at all still so maybe they’re just bein#nice! BUT NO. THAT IS UNTIL I AUDITIONED FOR A BAND (theyr in charge of accepting) AND THEY ACCEPTED ME WHICH COOL BUT LIKE A DAY LATER I#HEARD FROM OUR MUTUAL FRIEND THAT THEY SAID ‘yeaa im so happy i got (my name)’ AS IN IN THE BAND. LIKE. HELLO?? HI U THIUGHT ABT ME?? and#during the first band mtg where everyone’s all awk they kept making eye contact w me and asking if i was good and making sure i got to say#smt before anyone made a decision and it. murdered. me. i’m sorry maybe it’s the fanfic writer in me or this shit is literally nothing and#think they’re just nice to everyone but who cares bc it means they’re nice to ME too. and then last week happened. which was like the nail#in the coffin. INTERACTION ACTIVITY. I IMPULSIVELY ASK IF THEY WANNA B GROUPMATES AND THEY SAY YES. THEY ONLY TALK TO ME AND THEIR FRIENDS.#I ACT STUPID. THEY ALUGH AND TOUCH MY SHOULDER. I ASK ABT THEIR CAMERA AND THEY GO ON A LONG-ISH (cute) RANT ABT SMTH. THEY ASK WHY I HAVE#BIG ASS STACK OF POST ITS. WE TALK. THEY LAUGH AT MY JOKES. SUDDENLY. THEY SAY A FULL HELLO IN THE HALLS. THEY WAVE AT ME A DAY LATER. FUCK
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn
#at least i finally got my meds so hopefully i feel a little better soon#although i’m now on 20 pills per day which is Just Great#whenever i’m in remission it’s nice to just. forget sometimes that this can happen at any time#kinda wish i had the typical kinda chronic illness that people talk about with ‘flares’#or at least triggers that i can plan around#the other times have all had an easily identifiable stressor tho tbf. idk what caused this one#the first time was whooping cough and the next few were all very major life stressors like my cat dying right after i started uni#and i think also towards the end of my honours thesis?#but this…….there’s no major stress right now. nothing wildly beyond normal#i’m a little concerned about my joints tho. they’ve been so much worse than normal the last few months#so i’m kinda worried i’m developing rheumatoid arthritis (also an autoimmune disease and it runs in the family specifically)#so if that’s happening then it could set my thyroid off? probably should get to the doctor at some point#obv i’m seeing my endo for thyroid stuff. but i should see my gp and get her to run all the autoimmune blood tests again#i’ve done that before but it’s been a few years and my ankles and knees are so painful i can’t even walk properly a lot of the time#BUT I JUST WANNA DO THINGS I ENJOY AND I CANT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT#‘oh you’re so lucky you don’t have as many obligations because you’re chronically ill’ ha ha ha please swap lives with me immediately#personal#but seriously. i wasn’t diagnosed until i was nearly 17 and we can trace it back to whooping cough when i was 12#so it was the last half of year 6 and then all of years 7-10 and the start of year 11 of just being. uh. ‘very lazy and complaining a lot’#and TEACHERS joking about me and my sister (who was dealing with an arguably more severe undiagnosed disease) missing so many classes#wow so funny pdhpe teacher who’s supposed to be teaching is about health#and the thing with being a mentally ill teenager is that hyperthyroidism can just look like a very severe anxiety disorder#so i didn’t go to the dr until i was too sick to go to school at all. and luckily had a good dr who did a blood test#i’m just rambling now because i can’t sleep and i don’t wanna lie here doing nothing#might go play pvz or something. that’s been keeping me entertained
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
I want to write but dry January just ended and I have video games to play. My life is hard.
#… also my pi ended up uhhh resigning for my research is fucking dead lol#which is concerning 5 months before graduation but ya know#also I played hollow knight which was amazing and so so so hard#and then started playing cyberpunk which is… surprisingly so good#but it’s on the Xbox and my SO is playing baldura#gate on that right now#so I’m playing yakuza infinite wealth which again I love so far#video games are so fun. I totally want persona 3 reloaded after this also#so that’s my excuse for not writing at all…… although I do think about akutagawa every day#the next chapter is rough because its just really sad in a way#I love writing misunderstandings but my boy Akutagawa is going to take things not well#but it’s been a month since I’ve updated I feel so guilty lol#the few people that are reading it are so nice and supportive and I really don’t wanna let them down
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
we have to MINI GOLF on Friday? NOOOOOOOOOO
#not only am I SHY AS FUCK#I don’t like playing games#and I’m a shitty golfer#and a sore loser#FUCK#I don’t wanna go to this Christmas party#I have to wear nice clothes??? drink wine??? with these people???#waaaaaaa#misha rants
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
if i don’t draw javieran dancing when i get home from work i fear i may die
#it’s terminal#the hyperfixation is back in full swing#I MISSED THEM SO BAD ITS MAKING ME NAUSEOUS#i so often think of them joyfully dancing around their own little campfire near a bank of a nice fishing spot#and out of the prying eyes of the gang they get to indulge and love and dip and dance and laugh and sing#and javier plays his guitar until he can’t stand not to dance with kieran to the songs in his head#so he rises and belts the lyrics and kieran begins to laugh because he is loved and javier begins to laugh because he loves him#oh they make me so sick#they have their rough edges but javier and kieran are both at their cores very tender and loving people#hell javier had to flee his own country because he shot a man over love#and kieran can’t help but find love in every little corner of the world be it in horses or pretty folk or fishing#the world could not force him into callousness. he loves too hard. all the does is love because all he does is fish and brush horses and#think about all he has left.#and so to put them together#the ones who can’t help but love and love and love#oh to put them together would be to write a poem so tender and loving you may cry the ink off the page#i really don’t go into these posts with the intention of writing a novel in the tags but i just keep Thinking Thots#they plague me.#save me javieran save me#rdr2#text#hero's talking to himself again#idk if i wanna tag the characters cuz. idk. i have guilt abt clogging up tags#i won’t. for now. i guess. i’m just thinking out loud anyway
1 note
·
View note