#they’re nice enough i don’t wanna be judgey but like

[beehop]

i joined a rec kickball league in like idk an attempt to make friends and the team i got placed in honestly had the weirdest vibes

[kthynes]

jingle balls

18+

You get very merry with Lloyd.

word count: ~890

warnings: course language. Christmas fluff! Husband for Hire AU (masterlist coming soon!)

This has not been beta’d - mistakes are my own

“This is silly.” Lloyd throws his arms in the air, appearing in nothing but a fleece Christmas onesie that barely reaches his ankles. He stands in the middle of the living room, grumpy as can be.

“It’s cute and festive. Turn around.” You do a finger roll and he obeys your order, giving you a taut 360 along with a great view of his ass. “Hmm…”

“I’m getting zero circulation to my balls, y’know that?” He cups his front and readjusts himself, kicking his legs apart as he does.

“I think there’s a front snap closure…” You sympathize in a daze while shoving handfuls of caramel corn into your mouth.

“Oh good, I can let my wang out for Cujo and anyone else to see.”

“Gross.” You finally snap into realization and Lloyd drops himself next to you on the couch, dunking his hand in the popcorn bowl.

“Why’re we doing all this, sweets?”

“It’s the holiday season. Why not do all this?” You strategically lean into him, his one arm slung on top of the couch as you angle your phone up in position. “Smile for the camera, Hany.”

He smiles. You’re elated. The selfie is candid where you’re looking up at him, mouthing the word ‘smile’ at the final click. It’s sweet, endearing enough to hold onto and Lloyd is equally reverent on it as well.

“I like this one. Send it to me.” He nudges while bringing his attention back to the TV. You smile and nod, pocketing your phone for the rest of the night.

“So this is it? This all you wanted from me?” He motions to the decorated tree, half empty mugs of hot cocoa and packs of beer. An unfinished game of Scrabble and Cujo who peacefully slumbered in front of the crackling fireplace.

“Pretty much.” Your head moves against his chest, fussing to find a comfortable spot, for him to be closer than he already is.

“You good?” Lloyd makes a face and you look up at him, piercing him with a judgey gaze.

“All my exes thought they were too good to celebrate Christmas, they weren’t about the kitschy traditions and galore.”

“And you think I’m spirited like that?”

“I think my pretend boo could just pretend for once.” You harp on sardonically. “Yeah?”

“By literal means.” Lloyd snickers as he snakes an arm around and draws you in closer, shuffling right into his next question. “So how many ex boyfriends are we talking about here?”

“Well you already know about Alistair…”

“Redhead with a temper?” He confirms and you sigh. “He’s an unforgettable dude.”

“The ones that came after him were a multitude. But I don’t wanna talk about them.” You dismiss.

“OK, just remind me whenever they’re around.” He grins from ear to ear, one that’s earnest of him and his diabolics.

“So that you can deal with them?” You gawk.

“Yeah.” He exasperates. You playfully thwart him for that. He’s smitten by the action itself, throwing his head back in deep laughter.

“They’re not my problem anymore. Don’t be that guy.”

“Which one are we talking about?” He lulls and you give him a doe eyed look.

“We’re not going there.”

“Why not? I can tell you about my exes.”

“You dated a whole platoon!”

“Yeah from a sorority.” He answers as if it made the situation any better. “Now if I could go back…”

“Oh all those Ashley’s.” You croon up in his face.

“They were something alright.” He comments while looking ahead. You smelled really nice, nice enough for his hand to fall from the top of the couch to your hip, pulling you in a smidge closer.

“Couldn’t stand them.” You huff, trying to focus on the movie. “They came after me in college because you were around.”

“You know, we could’ve easily dated back then.” Lloyd considers while taking a sip of his beer. He says this in hopes that it would change the current trajectory. But it doesn’t. Sadly.

“No we couldn’t have. You worked for my father and I wasn’t allowed to see you. Literally and romantically.” During your college years, your father deployed one of his men to watch over you. Lloyd was assigned and when he was your guy, all the girls wanted him too. It was hard to make sense of the ordeal when, for the longest time, you had no idea you were being watched.

“It was weird how Tany always asked about you too.”

Tany was your old roommate. Her phrasing would be: ‘where’s gel back?’ You assumed she was talking about stationary.

“That’s cause we fucked on the rare occasion.” Lloyd harmonizes a good memory with a nasty grin on his face, telling of a time.

“In our dorm?”

“And everywhere else.” He sneakily says into the beer spout.

“Ew!”

“Look, not everyone was holding it out like you, alright?” He reminds you of a private conversation you had with your then roommate about saving yourself for marriage. He had the unsaid opportunity to hear you out but paid no mind to it till now.

“I’m not wrong for doing so.” You defend.

Lloyd’s face changes, slighting some concern but not enough to press you on about it. Instead he simply nods and points the remote towards the TV.

“We should get back to watching the movie.” He’s lighthearted and smiles. “The best part is coming up.”

You smile wobbly, reminding yourself that this, you and him, was temporary. You’re not supposed to fully confide in this man. You weren’t supposed to let go.

[idkwhoiamanymorebutwtf]

What song do you associate with Gumball Watterson?

Ooh, there are a few! Not all of them are an exact fit for him but I think of him when I hear a lot of them. Below are two songs (along with a detailed analysis on why I think each one is fitting). There are more that seem to fit him but these are the big ones off the top of my head. 

Fine, Great by Modern Baseball is one. The song really strikes me as someone who tries to pretend they care less about things and people than they do, tries to seem annoyed with those around them, comes off as apathetic. “But it’s alright, and i’m okay, I don’t need your help anyway” is one example, showing how the person responds to other’s worrying about them, brushing it off and trying to act like they don’t want the support they clearly need. This reminds me of Gumball because he’s known to act like he’s fine when he isn’t (the shell is the biggest one example where he told his family he was alright and then went and cried his eyes out, and while usually it’s more subtext than that, his tendency to pretend things that upset him aren’t a big deal is present a lot) and usually he deflects any worry people may show for him by being sarcastic and snarky with them because when people are annoyed with him they don’t usually see through his fake apathy. “All I wanna do is worry about everyone but me” is another one, showing that the person doesn’t focus on themselves as much as other people. Now within the context of the song it probably means they try to help other people instead of helping themselves, however worrying about other people doesn’t necessarily have to be caring about them or innocent concern. I mean, have you ever had a teacher tell you not to worry about other people when you complain to them about someone else breaking the rules? “Worrying about” someone could be focusing on their negatives and they way they’re messing up, and it’s been established that Gumball often deflects his own insecurities by focusing on other people’s. The whole verse “I’m so tired, or maybe just bored, I can’t really tell the difference whenever i’m talking to you, and I know that you just adore starting off with me that way there’s no way i’ll assume that you’re wasting all of my time to vent about your problems like how your instagram stopped working or how you’re friends bailed on you but it was funny because that was the day you were supposed to hang with me....yeah about that...” also strikes me. The part where they say “I’m so tired” could definitely be a sign that the narrator has some emotional issues and depression going on that would make them ‘tired’, but not wanting to confide in the other person they quickly backtrack, changing it to be talking about how bored they are with the conversation and how annoying the other person is. Again, I think Gumball purposefully portrays himself as selfish and tries to act all bored an judgey and apathetic specifically so people don’t look too deeply into him and all I can think about when I hear those lines is him talking about how annoying Alan is because he’s nice to Gumball and Gumball doesn’t know how to deal with someone being nice and patient and actually acknowledging his emotions since he uses being a bit of a jerk to deflect that exact sort of attention and usually people don’t look much deeper. The whole verse “I’m guilty as charged for leading you on a lie that I know it’s easy to see, but it’s crucial to blot out any signs that I might have feelings This way you don't ask me, how am I? This way you won't force me to proceed with actually having to tell you my worries, with actually having you give a damn about me....you giving a damn about...” has the same implications but it actually shows that a lot of people around the narrator notice something’s wrong but choose to take the opportunity to ignore it. ‘Leading you on a lie that I know it’s easy to see’ is saying that their false apathy is see through and that people can easily tell that it’s not real, however with, ‘it’s crucial to blot out any signs that i might have feelings’ it shows that not only does the narrator encourage people to ignore the emotions they try to hide, but that most people, seeing through the lie, purposefully take the opportunity the narrator gives them to ignore it since they don’t actually care, they just don’t want to be responsible if the narrator has some sort of breakdown, and they take the deniability the narrator gives them without a second thought. ‘this way you don’t ask me how am i, this way you don’t force me to proceed with actually having to tell you my worries, with actually having you give a damn about me..’ strengthens that. The people in the narrators life don’t actually care about the narrator’s feelings or mental stability, they don’t really want to know how the narrator is, they don’t want to deal with the narrator’s issues, they just want to look good by going through the motions of asking so they can say they tried, and the narrator, not wanting to talk about themselves or their issues, is happy to oblige and give them an out. Once again this reminds me of Gumball. The people around him love him but they also wanna believe everything is fine with him because they have their own stresses and if they found out he wasn’t okay, they’d be forced to deal with that, both out of a sense of obligation to take care of their loved one, and because they do care about him. It’s not that they don’t care, but they want him to be fine so they don’t have to deal with it if he’s not, and so when he tells them that everything’s fine and deflects by being all annoyed and apathetic, they want to believe it so badly that they do because they’ve got enough issues to deal with themselves. However it obviously comes across to him as if they just don’t care, and so he hides even farther because now he thinks nobody cares. At the very end of the song the narrator repeats the first few lines of the song “ I hate worrying about the future cause All my fucking problems are based around the past, and I hate when you call me late at night just to check in to make sure I got nothing to be sad about But it's alright and I'm okay I don’t need your help anyway.”, except with more emotion than the first time because the narrator is even more hurt by the apparent unconcern of those around them, which I find fitting of Gumball because while it’s true that the kid has a lot of emotional issues, the one I think effects him the most, is that he feels like those around him (especially his family) don’t really care about or need him.

Saint Bernard by Lincoln (ignoring a lot of the religious tones to the song and taking them as metaphor). The song starts off with the line “Hung pictures of patron saints up on my wall, to remind me that i am a fool—” and honestly what immediately strikes me about this line is the narrator referring to themself as a fool as if they legitimately believe themselves to be one. It strikes me that they have very low self confidence, and that reminds me of Gumball, especially since the narrator described themselves with the word ‘fool’ and Gumball has been lead to believe that he’s stupid. Now whenever I picture this song when thinking about Gumball I don’t use patron saints because....the religious references are just metaphors (at least in my interpenetration since...Gumball doesn’t have much to do with religion, lol) and I actually think of his siblings filling the role of the patron saints in this song. Someone above him, who’s better than him, who he doesn’t necessarily resent but who he still feels some level of hurt towards for them being better than him. Someone who’s pictures would be hung on the wall, taunting him, proving to him that he’s nothing, at least in comparison. Then there’s the line “Tell me where I came from, what I will always be: Just a spoiled little kid who went to Catholic school.”  and it feels like the narrator both is upset that he’ll never amount to anything or have a greater legacy than...catholic school, but he also refers to himself as ‘spoiled’ which shows that maybe the narrator acknowledges that they haven’t had an objectively awful life and feels like they have no place to complain. This reminds me of Gumball, not only because he’s been convinced that he doesn’t have any potential and won’t amount to anything, but because there aren’t many reasons for him to complain. His family loves him, he’s got food and a house and even a tv, he had an education, etc, so it’d be dumb to complain, and yet he’s still a very sad and insecure character (for good reason but it’d be easy for him to doubt himself and think he’s just spoiled) the song also has this line, “When i am dead i won't join their ranks because they are both holy and free” is another line. The narrator is comparing themself with these people and clearly doesn’t believe that he matches up to them and that they’re better than him. But the narrator also clearly sees all the good in them, not in an annoyed ‘ohh, they think they’re so great >:(’ way but in a genuine ‘they’re great and i can’t hate them because they really are great but i can’t help but hurt that i can’t be great too’ way. And I can see Gumball feeling that way towards his siblings, who I already said I was using as stand-in’s for the ‘patron saints’. He loves them with all his heart, really. He thinks they’re wonderful. But he’s painfully aware that he can’t compare to them. Now there’s the line “I said make me love myself so that i might love you. Don't make me a liar, because i swear to god when i said it i thought it was true”. Well this one isn’t talking about the patron saints anymore since the saints are referred to as ‘they’, separate people from the conversation, while thing line uses ‘you’, as in the person the narrator is talking to. And it feels like a romantic partner so when I think of this in the context of the song applying to Gumball I immediately think of Penny. This line just drips with affection and genuine love, like the kind of love that Gumball has for his girlfriend, but the line also acknowledges that the narrator is deeply insecure and feels torn because people always say you can’t love someone before you love yourself, and yet Gumball doesn’t love himself, and he does love her so so so much. Then there’s the line “Saint Calvin told me not to worry about you, but he’s got his own things to deal with. There’s really only one thing that we have in common: Neither of us will be missed” Well again, we have the ‘you’ prefix, which i’m assigning to a new person since I don’t think this line is fitting for talking about Penny tbh. However i’ll have to explain why i’m using this person so I won’t name them yet, just bare with me. ‘Saint Calvin’ is probably John Calvin, and I know I said I would use the religious stuff as strictly metaphorical, but I think the connotations behind him were interesting. John Calvin was a believer in predestination, or the idea that someone in destined to heaven or hell since birth. In the song, talking about John Calvin is probably speaking on how the narrator doesn’t feel like they have much potential, like they were born into a role and like they’re meant to spend their whole lives in it (the role of a spoiled kid who went to catholic school). When applying this to Gumball it works on multiple levels. First off, it works with the implications the narrator put to it, that, as said earlier, he doesn’t believe he has any real potential in his life. However there’s a whole new implication to that which we can put on Gumball that wasn’t implied with the original narrator. In tawog, they’re in a tv show in universe as well as out. The idea of being born into a certain role, predestined to be in that position, is incredibly prominent in the show. Gumball was put into the role of the protagonist, the hero. And what’s the other side to that? The villain. Which makes me associate this line with Rob, who was forced to be the villain just off the merit of Gumball being the hero. I’m calling Rob the ‘you’ in this section of this song. The part where he says ‘Saint Calvin told me not to worry about you’ is probably the narrator addressing someone he cares about who he sees as a sinner, going against the beliefs the narrator holds dear,  which makes the narrator want to help this person, but according to John Calvin’s belief, people are destined for heaven or hell from the start, so there’s nothing that can be done for this person. Well, putting Gumball in the role of the narrator and Rob in the role of the other person, this still works. Gumball clearly cares a lot about Rob weather he wants to admit it or not, but Rob was forced into the role of a villain, and to everyone involved he’s meant to stay in that role, and it’s no use trying to help him be anything else. Gumball isn’t supposed worry about him, though, both because it’s not supposed to be possible to change his role in the show, and because with Gumball being the hero and Rob being the villain, Gumball is supposed to hate Rob. Also, going with the theme of using Gumball’s siblings for the saints in this song, neither Darwin or Anais care much or worry about Rob the way Gumball does, and could also be the saint telling him not to worry about Rob, and I can see Gumball using the line ‘but he has his own things to do’ to show his annoyance over always being judged. They’re better than him and they clearly act like they’re above him, so they shouldn’t waste their time judging what he does, and they don’t because while they more than likely don’t see all that Gumball sees in Rob, they also are too occupied with other things most of the time Gumball is around Rob to scold him. Clearly, though, Gumball doesn’t follow this idea that Rob is bad and that he shouldn’t care about him, since he really really does not hate Rob. Then there’s the part of ‘neither of us will be missed’, which is also fitting of the two of them. Rob has no friends, no family, he was sent to the void for heaven’s sake, the only person who would probably notice if he went missing tomorrow is Gumball. And as for Gumball, he’s deeply insecure and feels like people don’t really care about him. If he disappeared tomorrow maybe people would notice but maybe they’d be better for it too. When Gumball imagines the future he probably sees his siblings (who we talked a lot about earlier) having good, successful lives. His sister’ll probably graduate college and be some big shot scientist or something and make loads of money and be able to support herself. His brother’ll probably have a nice house and marry his highschool sweetheart and have 2.5 kids and a dog and he’ll get a nice job and host game night for all his friends every saturday. However it’s been established that Gumball doesn’t really think he’ll have an important future. He probably thinks he’ll have no job or a poor paying one, probably thinks his girlfriend will either leave him or be held back by him, etc. Gumball doesn’t think he’d be missed if he were gone, really, and it’s something that connects him with Rob, who’s supposed to be his enemy, who he’s supposed to have nothing in common with. Then finally there’s this part of the song “A saint bernard sits at the top of the driveway. You always said how you loved dogs. I don't know if i count, but i'm trying my best when i'm howling and barking these songs”. Well, i’m hesitant on the meaning of this one because in talking about ‘saint bernard’ they’re most likely making more associations with actual saints, however I couldn’t find much meaning behind the actually saint bernard, so i’m going with the associations behind the dog breed cause he mentions the name particularly in reference to the dog breed. This breed is particularly known to be sweet and well behaved and patient and easily trained and very very intelligent. And going with the theme of associating ‘saints’ in this song with Gumball’s siblings...Darwin is very sweet and well behaved and Anais is definately extremely intelligent and trainable. Going off of another running theme in this analysis, we’re going to change who ‘you’ is in this paragraph too. Imma go with their parents who clearly favor his siblings over him. This shows Gumball, once again, thinking he can’t live up to his siblings, but trying his best to anyway despite thinking he falls short, and just hoping it’s good enough.

[jewpacabruhs]

thoughts on heiman?

i got this like two weeks ago sorry for the late reply

ok so i wasnt big on the s20 and s21 heiman kyman kydi love triangle bullshit but it def was a big deal, because it told us a lot about kyman’s current dynamic, & how cartman might act in a relationship, & how kyle would react to his being in one - lotta good shit. i won’t talk about kyman tho, i’ll stick to heiman. keep in mind i havent seen these eps since they aired but i jus reread summaries so i could recall & answer. so from my recollection, and from meta conversations ive had with my kyman buddies about what the whole heiman plot meant - let’s get started.

first off cartman has a singular basic need, and it’s attention. he’ll try to get it in various ways, and usually the easiest way is to act like an asshole. he gets negative attention that way, but it’s something. and the main four aren’t the healthiest bunch to each other, but they consistently hang out with cartman and pay attention to him, because they are friends, after all - and that’s generally enough for him. i think kyle’s the most important piece there, as he never can disengage like kenny or stan do - and it’s canon that arguing with kyle is cartman’s raison d'etre. so when the whole skankhunt deal happened and cartman got abandoned by everyone, all the people who provided him consistent attention, he went into a weird place, because for the first time he was alone with himself and alone with his thoughts. and for someone like cartman, that’s not fucking good. for anyone who has Bad Thoughts in their noggins, staying distracted is the most important thing in the world. and cartman no longer had anything to keep him busy - no social media and no friends.

but then he met heidi, and he went “huh. so this is what positive attention feels like?” and then all the lovey-dovey shit - i think cartman struggles with being genuine, so he emulates media with a lot of shit, including his desire to be antagonistic and badass. and while i think he might be cuddly with a future boyfriend (kyle), with heidi it jus felt performative and false. it felt like him 1) trying to show off to everyone and make a scene, and 2) trying to do the things he saw others doing, to the point of excess, to prove it was “real”. cartman always has something to prove. and why heidi went along with it, they don’t really tell us, but the assumption is she just likes romance or whatever & was like “aw this is sweet i like this”... simple as that yanno.

but then it got too much for cartman, and he sabotaged it. i think for certain personality types, too much of a good thing really gets to a person. it can get overwhelming, frustrating, annoying, boring. i say this because i think cartman and heidi’s relationship was too soft. that’s why he started to get awful again; it wasn’t stimulating enough for him, and he started lashing out to try to generate something. he craves relationships (platonic or not) where he can fight with someone - even if you don’t ship kyman, it’s clearly why he likes kyle so much; cartman feeds off of tension. so lacking tension with heidi caused him to be disillusioned - so he started to act the way anyone acts when they’re with someone who irritates them and aren’t good at hiding it. i don’t think he meant to mold her into something he could handle - i think she did that on her own. some people adapt in dangerous ways (ie losing themselves) to please their partners or friends. heidi’s apparently one of those people.

so on heidi’s end, she suddenly didn’t know what was causing cartman to seemingly dislike her, but she didn’t want to give up what they had, she was invested and liked him a lot - likely felt they had a genuine connection. so she enabled his behavior, and deteriorated into someone as unhealthy as cartman in an attempt to please him. i don’t think cartman’s toxic as a whole, but he could easily be in certain situations, because he’s the type who attracts passive insecure types (heidi & butters, namely) & causes them to pick up his traits in order to appeal to him more, or to handle his company better, really. that’s why he needs someone like kyle or wendy, who aren’t as malleable and are significantly more self-assured. he needs to be put in his place, and to be held on a tight leash. when he’s given control of situations, everyone suffers. 

now i don’t remember how kyle fit into things & i’m extremely sick rn so i don’t have the energy to rewatch like i oughta before writing smth like this, so i won’t get into that. but yeah … heidi and cartman only worked when cartman was faking. maybe if he was healthier as a whole they might’ve worked, but as of now cartman’s got too many unchecked issues - honestly, no one deserves to be with him in his current mind state. he’s too destructive, and he drags others down with him if they’re, frankly, dumb enough to get emotionally invested. he needs constant stimulation, man. he collapses in on himself without it. and that wouldn’t change even if he got better - he’s just, hah, high maintenance. so i don’t think him and heidi would ever work in any circumstances. they’re simply not compatible. sometimes opposites attract, but other times, they fucking,,,, eat each other broh. metaphorically and such. heidi needs someone who will let her love them unconditionally, and cartman needs someone who will give him tough love.

also, at the end of the day, i think cartman’s very gay and i hc heidi as a lesbian, lol. so within fanon i like them patching things up in ms/hs & becoming bffs - i think they’d get on well as friends, just not lovers. in a platonic setting, heidi might be a calming positive presence for cartman (and a nice reprieve from the guys, who r prone to teasing each other), to keep him out of trouble but not in a sharp or stern way, just in a “not worth it, eric” way, and cartman is fun and wild and might be a nice change from heidi’s more,,, composed & judgey girl friends. he also wouldnt let her dwell or get too involved in stuff that might hurt her, i could see him bein like “nah do this with me instead”; cartman’s not very intuitive, i just think he would always wanna do what he wants instead of what someone else wants, but that might be good sometimes, might keep someone prone to getting overly invested in smth from getting in too deep. like he’s a bit shallower but i think that might be good for somebody emotional like heidi to be around. yuh. that’s all i got.

[lovelylunarwriting]

Hufflepuff!Seokmin x Ravenclaw!Reader

To say that you’re tired would be the understatement of the century.

You’re exhausted, but you’re determined to place first in your class this year academically.

Last year you came in second and that just wasn’t good enough for you tbh. You wanted to be the best.

So that’s why this year, you spend all of your free time studying.

And when I say all of your free time, I mean a l l of it.

Walking to classes while memorizing potions formulas.

Practicing incantations while brushing your teeth.

Any moment you’re not doing something- you’re studying.

Except for when you’re sleeping. Which is also all the time.

Because that much cramming is soooo mentally draining.

Your friends don’t know how you live like this but they don’t tell you that they’re worried because you’re testing well and they know that’s what you want.

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” is basically how your friends view the situation.

So if you’re not studying, you’re napping. And if you’re not sleeping, you’re cramming. It’s an endless cycle.

This leads to you falling asleep in an array of odd places. From passing out in a chair in the library, falling out of it and just sleeping on the floor instead, to falling asleep in the quidditch stadium bleachers and being startled awake when everyone jumps up and cheers because Ravenclaw scores.

But like, hey- you’re not bothering anyone with your sleeping and studying habits, so there’s no problem, right?

Wrong. Because this does bother one person, and he doesn’t even know your name.

He knows you as “that exhausted overachiever”, which like. Isn’t entirely inaccurate.

This person is Seokmin. He doesn’t know you personally, and as a Hufflepuff, he’s not even in your house, so why is he so bothered?

Because this boy is a worrier. He just wants everyone to be well and happy, regardless of his personal connection to them, and to him you seem miserable.

And honestly- you are. But now in Ravenclaw, you’ve gotten the reputation as “the prime example of the Ravenclaw House”, and that’s not something you want to lose by stopping what you’re doing.

But at the same time, you’re compromising your own happiness, so even though you feel like a winner, you don’t feel like you’re winning, if that makes sense.

Like the “yay! I got what I wanted!” feeling is there, but on top of that is the “The way I got what I wanted hurts like hell and I can’t exactly stop now” feeling.

And even though your friends disregard your well-being due to your success, Seokmin is not having it.

He’s seen you cram, study, and fall asleep in every part of this castle at every hour of the day and one day, he decides that he can’t just sit by and watch you do this to yourself anymore.

So when you feel someone shaking your arm, waking you up from your position at the Ravenclaw table in the Grand Hall, the last person you expect to see when you open your eyes is the prettiest Hufflepuff boy you’ve ever seen.

And he looks so upset.

Before you can even ask what he’s doing, he’s already talking a mile a minute.

“Hi I’m Seokmin and I know you don’t know me but I’ve been seeing you around the castle and you just look so tired and are you okay?? and now you’re crying- oh my gosh did I make you cry???”

The combination of being completely exhausted, having just woken up, and someone actually showing genuine concern for you has turned you into an emotional disaster.

Like “NO I’m not okay I’m up here studying myself to death”

But also now you’re a blubbering mess in front of this cute boy who you’re just meeting for the first time… talk about first impressions.

He’s like “uhhhh do you wanna go talk about it?” and you nod, letting him lead you out into the hall.

But the hall is bustling full of people so you end up walking until you find a more secluded corridor to have a private conversation.

You went from sleeping in the Grand Hall to explaining your behavior to a beautiful stranger all too quickly for your brain to be able to handle what the heck is going on.

He speaks up before you can gather your thoughts, but he talks to you in a gentle voice, instead of the interrogation attitude you were expecting.

Seokmin: “Do you have that disorder where you spontaneously fall asleep?”

You: “No?? I just am tired from studying”

Seokmin: “You’re that tired?”

You: “...yes”

Seokmin: “Exactly how much are you studying??”

You: “Every chance I get, really”

Seokmin: “But do you have to study all the time?”

You: “If I want to keep being the best, then yeah I do”

Seokmin: “All the success in the world means nothing if it kills you in the process”

At this point you look like you’re gonna cry again and Seokmin can see that you’re tearing up.

Seokmin: “Look, I’m not trying to be judgey. I’m just really worried that-”, he starts, but comes to an abrupt stop when you throw yourself into his arms.

This time the tears are happy, weight-lifted off your shoulders, tears.

You’re just so relieved because finally- someone actually cares about your well-being and not just the fact that you’re doing well in school.

Seokmin smiles softly down at you and pats your back to try and be comforting.

The two of you stay like that for a little while until you clear your throat awkwardly and pull back from the embrace because “oh wow I just threw myself into the comforting embrace of the guy I just?? met???”

He doesn’t seem offended by your sudden retraction though, he just grins at you as if this is the most normal situation in the world.

“Here, I’ve got something I think will help”, he says, grabbing your hand and lacing his finger with yours.

Following Seokmin down the hall and outside to the grounds, the two of you walk in a surprisingly comfortable silence, considering the way you met.

The fact that he still has a tight grip on your hand isn't helping with the fast-developing crush you feel coming on.

Because wow, this boy has swept you off your feet- he cares about you?? just out of the kindness of his heart?? And happens to be gorgeous.

What person wouldn't be falling for him at this point

By the time you're about done contemplating The Feelings™ you feel yourself catching, Seokmin comes to an sudden stop, causing you to run straight into his back.

Seokmin: “Ah, not paying attention, are we?”, he teases.

You: “Just lost in thought I guess”

Seokmin: “See that's the problem with Ravenclaws sometimes, you all do so much thinking that you never make time to just have fun, which is what we're doing now”, he announces and gestures to the many different animal and mystical creature pens.

You: “We can't be here unsupervised! What if something happens with one of the animals? What if one of us gets hurt?”

Seokmin: “Well then we won't pet the bitey ones. C’mon!”

Feeling like it would be too awkward to decline after walking all the way down here, you agree and timidly reach out to the fluffy creature Seokmin pulls out of one of the cages.

The little ball of fluff jumps onto your shoulder and drapes itself across your neck.

Seokmin laughs as you visibly tense up, half flattered by the creature’s affection and half scared that it’ll attack you.

You: “Please tell me this one’s harmless?”

Seokmin: “Oh she wouldn’t hurt a fly, don’t worry!”

Reaching up and scratching behind her ears, she licks your hand gratefully.

The initial fear of the situation is long gone, and you and Seokmin spend what feels like hours just playing with all the fun animals.

All good things must come to an end however, and in this particular instance it ends with a Giant Slug projectile shooting slime all over Seokmin’s robes.

You: “That’s disgusting”

Seokmin: “I’m well aware- thank you for the support. Let’s head back so I can get cleaned up”

Making your way back up to the castle is a stark contrast from your walk down to the castle grounds earlier in the day- Seokmin does not stop talking.

And that’s not a bad thing at all, you’re thrilled to hear everything he has to say. It’s not one of those trying-to-be-polite-by-listening-to-you-ramble kind of situations, because he’s a hilarious dude and practically everything he has to say is interesting.

You’re so wrapped up in conversation with him that you don’t even realize he’s led you all the way to the Ravenclaw commons.

Seokmin: “It’s getting late- you should head in and get some rest”

You: “...you know, normally I’d study for an hour before heading to bed but tonight I think I’ll go straight to sleep”

Seokmin: “Oh really? Why the sudden change of heart?”

You: “Well you came barging into my life and suddenly spit out good advice so. I’m taking it to heart”

Seokmin: “...I mean yeah, but didn’t you say you have a big Charms test tomorrow?”

You: “Oh crap, I comepletely forgot about that. Okay- I promise not to work myself too hard tonight”

Seokmin: “Pinky swear it”

You: “Yes, sir!”, you say and jokingly salute him before wrapping your pinky around his.

Lying in bed after some very light studying, you don’t think of tomorrow’s test or upcoming assignments. You dream of the smiley boy that turned your world upside down in less than a day.

The next morning you wake up, throw on whatever comfy clothes you can find, and make the groggy trek to the Grand Hall for a yummy breakfast before classes.

Sitting down in your normal spot at the Ravenclaw table, right next to Wonwoo, you munch on pancakes while reading one of your favorite books.

It feels nice to be reading something simply for leisure instead of the usual vigorous annotating of whatever textbook you happen to pick up on your way out the door.

Breakfast with Wonwoo is always a peacefully quiet start to the day. You’re reading, and Wonwoo… well he just doesn’t talk that much in the first place, but especially not so early in the morning.

The next handful of days go by at what seems like the slowest pace possible, and every class, meal, and even leisure time is mundane.

Since you stopped studying yourself to death, you thought that things would cheer up and that life would be exciting again, but due to the ever apparent absence of Seokmin, the literal sun, nothing is as fun as you’d hoped.

Most of the time you find yourself thinking “oh but wouldn’t this be better if he was here with me”

And that’s the thing- he hasn’t exactly checked in.

Ever since spending that one afternoon with him, him making you smile so hard your cheek muscles hurt from overuse, the two of you wave at one another in the halls and exchange a simple “hello” and “hi!” in passing.

But that’s about it…

That one day with Seokmin was the most fun you’d had all year, and isn’t something- or someone for that matter- that you want to let go of so easily.

How exactly do you say “Hey I have a major crush on you and want to spend time with you” without putting your whole heart on the line.

Exactly. It’s impossible, which is why it takes the push of a friend to get you to do something.

One morning at breakfast, Wonwoo actually speaks. To you.

Wonwoo: “Y/N, why do you seem more miserable than normal?”

You: “...are you saying that I normally look miserable”

Wonwoo: “I mean yeah, with all that constant cramming, anyone would. You’re stopped studying but you still seem… down”

You: “Well, there’s this guy. And I wanna be someone special to him because he’s someone very special to me but… I’m not sure how I would go about making that happen”

Wonwoo: “Have you considered telling him that?”

You: “NO! Are you crazy?! Then he’ll know I like him!”

Wonwoo: “Isn’t that the point???”

You: “I guess so but?? It’s still so embarrassing to actually say out loud to someone”

Wonwoo: “More embarrassing than wussing out and never getting anywhere with this guy?”

You: “...point taken. But if I confess, you’re doing my potions lab reports for the next week”

Wonwoo: “Ugh, I hate potions. If it’ll get the rain cloud above you to stop pouring though, I’ll agree to your terms. You’ve got yourself a deal”

The only problem with this next plan of action is trying to find Seokmin alone to talk to. It seems like there’s always someone telling him a story or sharing a laugh with him.

It’s not his fault that his friendliness draws people to him, but it’s damn inconvenient, to say the least.

Then a thought occurs- “doesn’t he usually go visit the magical creatures by himself?”

Checking every classroom, hall, nook and cranny of the castle- Seokmin is nowhere to be found. Inside the building that is.

Dashing out of the gargantuan stone building and stumbling downhill to the edge of the forest where the magical creature pens are, you’re not surprised when you see Seokmin cradling a plush creature in his toned arms.

It is surprising however to see the solemn look on his face.

It never occurred to you that someone who radiates happiness would hide themselves away in moments of sorrow, but you guess it makes sense.

Taking a few steps towards him, the crunching of leaves with each step gives you away.

The frown that was there a fraction of a second ago is replaced with an over-exaggerated grin.

That is until his eyes meet yours. He drops the cheerful act but doesn’t go back to brooding. He just sits there on the smooth tree stump with a look on his face that you can’t quite place. Something glad, yet nervous.

You: “I uh- I was looking for you”, you say, suddenly feeling somewhat nervous yourself.

Seokmin: “Found me, I guess. Took you long enough”, he mutters to himself mostly, but loud enough to be able to hear clearly.

You: “Excuse me?”

Seokmin: “Other than a wave hello here and there, it doesn’t seem like you want much from me, so why are you here?”, he asks, the hurt evident in his voice.

It wasn’t like you were trying to ignore him, it’s just hard to say exactly how you feel. Putting yourself out there is always difficult, but when you really care about the person, it becomes a thousand times harder.

You: “I… I missed you”, you confess.

Seokmin: “You- you what?”

You: “I said I miss you! I’m here because I want more than just a hello in passing. I don’t want to always be passing you, I want to s t a y with you. If you’ll let me”

Seokmin: “Are you asking what I think you’re asking?”, he says, his voice doing a 180 flip from the dejected tone he’d been using before.

You: “Gosh, do I really have to say it?”, you say, covering your face with your hands out of sheer embarrassment.

Seokmin: “I’d kind of love it if you did”, he teases.

You: “I like you. Please go out with me”

Seokmin: “Now was that really that hard?”

You: “Yes!”, you answer, no hesitation.

Seokmin: “How about a first date with me and this lil fluffy guy?”, he asks, holding up the creature in the air, Lion King style.

You: “Sounds about perfect to me, just be careful!! With that!”

From there on out, you get to be the significant other of the actual sun.

Seokmin is such a radiant and positive person that just being around him puts you in a better mood.

Which is why if he sees that you’re having a bad day, he’ll tag along with whatever you’re doing and just having him there with you lets you relax a bit.

Dates where you just. Go pet animals is a frequent occurrence.

And since not many students are dumb enough to go play with these creatures unsupervised, it’s become you and Seokmin’s little hideaway.

Honestly you don’t know how he’s survived this long going by himself because sometimes an animal will just?? Attack him?? and he doesn’t notice

You: “Hey babe I’m pretty sure that rainbow beetle is biting you”

Seokmin: “Is it?? Oh well”

You: “Do?! Something!!”

You take it upon yourself to make sure that that doesn’t happen again.

The two of you mostly pet the furry pet-like creatures, but Seokmin thinks some of the bugs are cool so he likes to let them walk across his hand.

One day, you’re like “hey if you like bugs so much, why not pick up one of the spiders?”, and he’s like “hun I like beetles because they’re shiny but I’m not a freaking craZY perSoN”

As far as academics go, you’re not #1 in every subject anymore, and you’re 100% okay with that.

You learned that it’s better to be happy and average than to be the best and miserable.

If it looks like you’re working too hard in a class, Seokmin gives you the Motherly Disapproval Look™ and you’re like “crap, you’re right- let’s go get icecream or something”

Wonwoo is mad that he has to do your potions work for a week but does it reluctantly because “a promise is a promise”

By the last day though, he’s had enough. Instead of writing an actual lab report, he just turns in an essay on how if you hadn’t listened to him about talking to Seokmin, you’d be a “boyfriendless loser workaholic”

[feuqueerfire]

Close Friend Season 2 Live Blogging

Now why am I watching this despite not having watched season 1 (and not planning on doing so) and the show getting meh reception?

I saw a few clips of Fluke and was like he’s so cute, let me look more into him. -> saw a few OhmFluke clips and was like aw, they’re so cute. Wanna watch something with them but uhh not UWMA right now, I’m not prepared for that.

This show has established relationships! One of my top tropes truly

Two out queer actors playing main characters (Fluke is gay and Copter is nonbinary), I definitely want to give them my 1 view to show support lol

So here we goooo, hope I like it. I saw a few tiktok clips of it and it looked cute enough.

Episode 1 (June 17)

A little recap of Typhoon and Pierce: Ohm’s character is busy focusing on work and neglecting the relationship and Fluke’s character is like ;-; can you still act like you love me? (Also, this wasn’t in the recap but I heard something about an emotional affair one of them had <- the reason I’m not watching their S1 episode)

Recap of Jedi and Ray: something something VR headset but Jedi became real. 

Watching it on Viki and the subs are including the Khun/P’/-krub used by the characters and a small explanation the first time it appears. Loveee that, I just finished watching Secret Crush On You and it had Really Great subs but I wish they had included the P and Nongs 

the burnt ass food lmfao

After all the casual affection of SCOY, the reluctance to kiss here is like lmfao what, y’all are in a committed relationship and even living together

lmfao snuck in a butt pinch though

I think they’re retroactively trying to make the Jedi and Ray relationship be real and not VR sci-fi, which I guess fair enough 

Ayo, Jedi and Ray are sooo cute wtf the “am I dreaming?” thing all the way to the “heh, no cheek kiss or anything” *Jedi cheek kisses him* “Huh, so you knew”

Aw, Ray speaking about all of Jedi’s quirks that he knows

I guess Ray and Jedi’s conflict will be keeping the relationship a secret

Just read some people’s thoughts on r/boyslove on Pierce and Typhoon’s season 1 episode and seems like people wanted them to break up and Pierce was a shitty boyfriend. From the little glimpses we’ve been getting, I agree

Going from Jedi and Ray being freaking cute to the tension between Typhoon and Pierce is a rip

lmfao oh yeahh I saw clips of this Jedi and Ray scene where Jedi finds Ray at his workplace and Ray stumbles over himself trying to explain why he’s there it’s so aklsdfj >.< cute

Why is Ray’s mask there sometimes and sometimes not. Someone in the Viki comments pointed it out and I wish they didn’t lol

Bruh, the show is like 23 mins and then 6 minutes BTS + next ep preview?!

Episode 2 (June 17)

Phoon is so bad with secrets T.T the Pierce working w Jedi secret spilled in 1 second to Ray and Ray dating Jedi secret spilled in 1 sec to Pierce if not for Ray

girl why is Phoon asking why they can’t be like their couply selves at work like aklsdfj be professional wtf

The 2 meter rule took 2 seconds to break lmfao straight up making out at work and in a room other people can go to + with a see through door

Oh yeah the conflict isn’t just gonna be just that Ray has to be a secret but also that Jedi’s gonna fake-date Milin

rip Ray looking at the Milin and Jedi photos and fan dating speculation like “how can I not overthink” but also not going overboard

Bruh I already know like everything that happens in this story like I think Jedi’s fans stir up some real shit and also Pierce doesn’t wanna tell his parents he’s dating Phoon/a man and so that’s </3 since they’ve been dating for 3+ years already (and in the end Jedi forgives his fans and Pierce’s mom is accepting + possibly knew already?)

naurr Phoon being :D -> ? -> :( as Pierce introduces him as a housemate and colleague to his mom

Nah, why does the mom look judgey 

Oh these bitches still are wearing their rings lmfao

lmfao rip Phoon

The parents are just... here? Planning on staying? No heads up about coming and just deciding to stay over by themselves? Bruh. Like I... get it but also don’t. As a South Asian person, if my parents wanted to randomly come over and stay at my house without warning, I would let them because they’re my parents and saying no is impolite and rude but my parents are unlikely to do that because of the man-shamman (respect-honour) of it all. They have too much honour and pride to do something like that (unless they’re specifically wanting to catch me off gurad)

They’ve been together 4 years, so they definitely should’ve discussed this earlier. Some Viki comments saying it’s the same issue as season 1 so why aren’t they both on the same page? If one party wants to be in the closet, that’s their right but it’s either you break up if the other party wants to be out or they also have to be okay with being in the closet

Rip, stalker/paps photographed Milin coming out of Jedi’s car. I hope Milin’s fine and nice though lol

the Ray and Phoon discussion reminds me of a calmer, less drunk version of Kuea and Diao’s meetup in episode 2 Cutie Pie

Phoon is so ??, like how did the boss punish you + how would you not know that you’re not allowed act like lovers at work tf

Nah all the top kpop idols date in secret, I’m sure Ray and Jedi could go somewhere that’s not in broad daylight at a busy restaurant lmfao. 

Aw Ray </3 worried about the relationship ending soon and comparing himself to an indoor cat. Ray’s cute and endearing

Well, they too got drunk like Kuea and Diao

Episode 3 (June 17)

Trying to figure out whether it’s Jedi the character or his actor Kimmon that has me slightly on alert lol mans seems good at talking but somehow... calculated. Ray and Jedi still freaking cute tho

Pierce grabbing Phoon by the waist and sitting him on his lap is hoho

Naurrr work place conflict (a lit bit for Pierce but not too bad, just challenging) and work place inadequacy (for Phoon) is so aklsdfj I hate it, makes me nervous. Phoon just be good at your job. 

Fah our saviour, whew

Dang, my guy Ray is bored as hell

lmfao people on the comments being “I... do not like Milin, she’s trying too hard to make the relationship real” which I kinda agree with but also all the other higher ups and managers are also the ones pushing Milin and Jedi together, she’s just happy to go along with it 

lmfao it’s just kinda awkward to watch because this is how the BL actors promote  💀 with all these staged close/comfortable/intimate photos and the higher ups/surrounding staff (+ fans) egging them on

I liked Pierce and Jedi’s little heart to heart. It’d be great if Pierce could be that considerate to his boyfriend too lol

lmfao strange ass interaction. As soon as Pierce and Phoon come in, the mom’s like “Pierce, Phoon, have a seat” all grim and Pierce is immediately like “Mom, dad, you haven’t left yet?” I don’t get it, don’t the parents feel a bit of shame?

Naurr, not the starting a family talk. Even dad tried to talk the mom out of mentioning it. There’s no way they don’t know Pierce and Phoon are a thing right, the dumbasses have been wearing matching rings the whole time and clearly were living in the same room

omg... “or are you two in a relationship?”

klajdfs this Silence. I know Pierce isn’t gonna freaking come out right now but I wish he would. Like the parents clearly know... and aren’t being angry about it... 

Rip I guess the Ray/Jedi conflict will also involve them being outed?

Episode 4 (June 17)

Idkkk I can’t be super mad at Pierce because like lmfao I’m not ever coming out to my parents, so I get why he’s hesitant and scared. However, this is something you have to be on the same page about with your partner

Jedi so true “the person who infringed on my privacy should be punished”

Bruh, not the stupid ass ~staying single as part of the contract~ esp when they’re setting him up with a fake gf

Damn, the contrast between Pierce not wanting to talk about his relationship of 3-4 years to his parents even when they gave him an opening vs Jedi going to bat for his relationship with Ray

rip Tina isn’t... wrong, like... just be better at keeping secrets <3 I wanna know how much of this is just the dating thing (kpop idols get caught dating all the time and if you’re big the way Jedi seems to be, you bounce back unless your company’s stupid) and how much of this is the gay thing (i don’t even have precedence for this in Korea barring Holland but his situation isn’t the same as Jedi’s).

True about the “our fake relationship” strategy isn’t gonna work, so your secret getting out is affecting everybody’s work

O.O ? Not Milin saying “you can tell the journalists I’m P’Jedi’s real lover” without consulting anybody, esp Jedi, first ?!

Dang, Jedi’s really touching my heart, talking about sacrificing in this line of work but having a limit. Also how much he loves and stands up for Ray, who’s not even here to see it

rip they really going for the bitchy/bf-stealing girl archetype huh rip. I wonder if they’re even gonna make her be behind the leaks but that wouldn’t make sense since it’s sabotaging her career too

lmfao Aw Ray. His whining is so cute and understandable too

Phoon tell Ray how Jedi stood up for him at work!! He thinks Jedi’s angry with him

Naurr not all this talk about sadness and breaking up </3

How much did Jedi hear

T.T Jedi and Ray are freaking cute

Oh lol did Jedi not know Phoon and Pierce are dating? I guess that little conversation happened before Jedi was in the room. So Jedi just called a random person into his house ?! T.T

I wish it wasn’t freaking A-Okay to send Phoon home with Pierce when Phoon clearly keeps saying he doesn’t wanna go. Just let the man spend the night

I freaking liked this episode. The contrast between Jedi and Pierce, the way the entertainment industry was rolling, Phoon and Ray’s friendship, the way Phoon and Pierce are wobbling under pressure while Jedi and Ray still are cute through these tumultuous times (despite all the breakup talk). 

Episode 5 (June 18)

Jedi and Ray are actually so cute but then they kiss and it’s like ? the stiffest thing ever considering they’re soo casual and comfortable otherwise

lol Pierce knows how to take care of Phoon and is fond of him, just this  not telling parents thing is a whole rip

The Pierce/Phoon kiss is slightly better but dampened by the fact that Phoon’s mad at him + was just retching ?! I liked it when I was clips of it but wish it was like... at a better place in the story and in their relationship

not the suggestive speaking exercising that the mother overhears?! And she WALKS IN thinking they’re having sex?!

his dad does nothing but is funny

bruh I’m annoyed, I wrote stuff but now it’s gone. Gist of it was: Parents should make their environment be welcoming so that their children feel okay to come out, I wish the writers came up with a better conflict at work because this just makes the company look incompetent because obviously it’s not Phoon’s fault for drinking at his friend’s house or they should’ve explained more why it would be an issue among the fans

Jedi as the teddy bear cute as hell only to come home to an empty house and a note T.T

Nahhhhh, this goodbye sad as hell </3333 Fuckkk. Plus, Ray signed it and had a fucking smiley >.< beside it i’m so alkdsfj T.T

Nah, this is fucked up why am I attached to Jedi and Ray who I’ve known for like 5 25-min episodes and they’ve had like 30 minutes screen time together total (most of it has been seperate). They’re just too freaking cute and I like how they seem to freaking like each other and Jedi stood up for Ray and their relationship </3

Episode 6 (June 18)

Thus far, I’ve gathered Copter isn’t a very good crier

I guess this improptu VR thing to the fandom is supposed to be grand and romantic? It’s uhh cringe as well

I don’t know how I feel about what’s going on in the company. Are they gonna be good guys who are kind and great suddenly?

lmao I was like Jedi will probably just come to his house, no? Well, took him 13 minutes but he’s here. Fucking weirdo for live streaming it though, why are you doxxing your bf

Okay, I’m making the executive decision to stop thinking while watching. Just: Jedi and Ray cute! That’s it!

Ray scolding Jedi for finding to his house and doing a livestream etc is so true and so cute

Bruh Jedi has got to stop broadcasting everything! Especially without permission! It’s uncomfortable and unsafe

Aak, so cheesy but so cute >.<

Aww, mom brings out Ray’s baby pictures

Bruh, Pai is an evil man. I feel bad for Milin and if they end up making her the villain, I’ll just think the writers are even worse than I expected.

Sigh, I don’t know how I feel about them being a celebrity duo couple now

Oh, okay Milin and Marc can be cute, I’m glad they’re not just setting her aside

Why does poor Ray not have any input laksdfj everyone just deciding he’ll be promoting with Jedi and doing this and that in public 

Oh is that a little tease at season 3 with a different couple (from S1?)?

This was fairly fun. I came here for Fluke (and OhmFluke) but really like the Jedi and Ray storyline! I loved how cute they were as a couple and how Jedi was willing to do anything to protect his relationship and stand up for Ray. I wish we got to see a bit more of them being casual and domestic (their first scene in episode 1 after waking up was adorable).

Pierce and Phoon were... alright. Angsty but I was just like “rip, y’all should’ve been in the same page since before” the whole time. 

I wish the writing was stronger and had more nuance, especially regarding the celebrity and idol culture, because I have lots of experience in it and it’s a great trope and I would’ve loved to see a more nuanced and realistic depiction (without any doxxing involved lol). Wish they just delved deeper into actually seeing fan reactions, the motivation of the stalkers, writing up apologies and announcement rather than random ass lives, how it affects Ray, etc but we’d need more time and better writers for that.

Rating: 6/10

Tiktoks:

The Pierce/Phoon kiss from when the episode came out (before I was watching it obvs) because I thought it was cute 

[royalrastafariannaynays]

“Hey.” “Hi.”

((thank you for the prompt @notedchampagne! for this davekat soulmate/wedding/enemies to friends to lovers/fake boyfriends au!!))

Your ass was unlucky enough to be saddled with the absolute worst EVER soulmate. Fucker just had to say a normal greeting when he met you. No inflection, no tone, no punctuation, nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

Embellishment? Who’s heard of it.

Originality? Ha.

Hints as to which poor and sorry fucker it could be in your life? yeah right.

The only way you would ever know which soulmate was yours, would be if you kissed them right on the mouth. Or shared some other body fluid, but it’s not like you’re gonna be drinking tears or playing blood brothers - how unsanitary.

No. You have to just wait and see, for your entire goddamn life.

And the best part?

You have to show up to Rose’s wedding.

With a literal life partner.

That you told her you have.

And you absolutely, positively, don’t.

Now, of course, is when you’re sitting at the airport, and you’re waiting on your drink to get to your little space on the bar.

It’s almost too late to find a fake soulmate. It was a stupid idea to begin with, but at least you could fake it easily since your mark was so easy to match with… literally anyone. Jesus. Just a nice fake meetcute story and bam. There it is.

And then you could break it off! One of those ‘I thought I met my soulmate but it was actually not them because I’m a dunce’ stories.

No one is going to let it go if you don’t show up with someone, though.

Your soulmate tattoo is located just below your right nipple.

It says “Hi.”

Literally.

Fucking stupid, isn’t it?

The waitress is looking like a pretty good candidate for fake-soulmate. Just a few good lines, a promise of getting her some sweet fat stacks when you get home (not like you couldn’t afford it honestly), and she’d be an Oscar-winning actress.

Or maybe the bartender? He’s pretty fine. Big, burly, redhead. Probably more hair on his chest than you would know what to do with. Pretty much your type, but bears were always more of Dirk’s thing.

You sigh into your martini. Two hours until your flight takes off.

No one even bothered to hit you up on craigslist about your ad, and that almost always worked for like. Black tie events and parties and shit. Usually, then, you were glammed up. But you’d had to leave the ad cryptic so that your sister wouldn’t immediately find it upon trying to uncover your ruse.

Fuck.

And you’re carpooling with some friend of Rose and Kanaya’s that you’e never met, to get to their nice little rented vineyard once you’re there. His name started with a K, right? The only name that comes to mind right now is Karkat. Vantas, to be specific. Your biggest critic.

But no way he’d be Kanaya’s best man of honor or whatever. No way.

The world ain’t that small.

Rose is getting married to Kanaya, her soulmate. Your whole goddamn family will be there, as well as about a billion trolls. It’s gonna be a pretty big and fancy affair. Likely in tabloids.

And you’re already going to have to be putting on a good face for the paps and the fuckin’.....

Ugh.

You really screwed the pooch this time.

Someone sits next to you.

“Can I get something strong?” he asks, and.

Ooh.

Well if you’re gonna get truly and definitively fucked this weekend, you might as well get fucked by someone with that voice. Like ayyyyy, who are you fella.

There’s a short conversation, in which you turn to examine the dude out of the side of your eye. Okay, nice, dark skin, black hair, too much bangs, strong nose, tall, thick as fuck, okay. Damn.

The Jack and Coke is making you feel adventurous, and your normal grace is totally here, which means when your eyes reach his face, he’s glaring at you like you’ve sprung eight cysts and one of them is leaking on his cashmere sweater.

Fuck.

“Hey,” you stammer out at him, and.

For a second, you swear you see him freeze.

Maybe it’s the uh. Maybe it’s the alcohol?

“Hi,” he says.

And you don’t think anything of it.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” the guy growls at you, and ohhhhhh. Oh yeah. That’s a good one right there. His tone sends unruly shivers down your spine and you’re thoroughly embarrassed by how easy you are.

Like seriously, for a guy who spent his entire life like a mule in a horse courtship corral, you’re incredibly easy. Meaning that, no matter how awkward and uncomfortable you are, you will basically take anyone attractive.

Look, touching people is nice, okay?

And it’s usually only makeouts that you go for, maybe a handy or something.

Cuddling is the SHIT.

“I would, but I think a ghoul like you might break my camera,” you reply, instinctively, and. Oh god. Oh god oh god oh god what did you just say???? What???????

Luckily, he laughs instead of getting angry and throwing his fruity nonsense drink in your face. And he gives you a look that’s halfway between begrudgingly tolerant and something like a half-assed smolder.

The lemon wedge wouldn’t have felt good on your eyes.

“Okay, what’s your name, pain in the ass?” he asks, and.

Huh.

Somehow that worked.

Weird.

“Dave Strider,” you say, and wink. “Care to get a bat up in my belfry?”

…. What. You were trying for funny again.  

And apparently that was a mistake.

Okay, so it didn’t work.

His face is frozen in a mask of stone so solid you could break a diamond on it.

One of his hands is coming up to his mouth, and his eyes are widening in horror.

That’s when you look down and see his luggage tag.

[Karkat V. Vantas]

Shit.

This fuck.

Is your.

Oh my god.

“I thought she was joking,” he whispers, and you look back up at him. Your shades flip down from the top of your head and onto your nose and he.

He visibly recoils.

Ouch.

“I prayed that she was joking.”

Double ouch.

“Your movies…. They’re terrible.”

You wince, and remove your glasses.

Instant soberity.

“I know. I make them,” you say.

And he.

He gets up, chugs the rest of his drink, and.

He walks the fuck away.

You think you’ve seen the end of him.

That is, until you find your seat on the plane.

And despite it being first class, guess who’s sitting right next to you? Holding an identical invitation to yours in his left hand?

Karkat fucking Vantas.

It’s at this point that you realize that yes.

Rose’s critic friend, and Kanaya’s best man of honor, is indeed, Karkat Vantas.

The critic who hates you the most in the world is going to be a part of Rose’s wedding.

And if you didn’t know better, you would think that Rose married Kanaya just for this exact fucking moment. She orchestrated the entire soulmate thing with Kanaya.

Fuck.

He’s glaring up at you, and you’re trying not to scowl down at him, and the whole thing is so ridiculously inconvenient you could just cry.

“So you’re in this wedding, too?” you try, as you throw your carry-on up into the overhead storage.

The guy sighs so loud, you’re surprised heads don’t turn.

“Yes, idiot, I’m also in the wedding,” he says, and you try not to slump. Okay. Whole flight seated next to him. Maybe you could ignore him, and he could ignore you, and it’ll all be kosher?

“Right,” you mutter, and sink into your seat.

There’s a decent margin between the side of your chair, and his. It’s that kind of cheaper first class seating. The kind that doesn’t have like. Massive partitions, but instead has a little semi-clear divider between your chairs, and then some extra pillows and blankets, and better reclining.

It’s not your usual fare, but what can you say. You reserved the flight… a little late. Definitely not in fear of Rose’s judgey eyes.

Judgey at the fact that you’ll be arriving to her wedding, sans the soulmate you thought you had.

This is going to be a shitshow. You can imagine it now.

Rose, laughing at you per usual, saying that yes, she was correct in assuming you wouldn’t be bringing a plus one, yet again. Dirk, shaking his head very slowly at you. Jade, and Roxy all with identical blank faces destined to turn into glee the moment you turn around. And John. Who will be the only sad sap to actually feed you any sympathy.

;alsdkjf;lakjs.

There’s absolutely no chance at you finding anyone at this very short notice.

Someone knocks your face with their bag as they pass down the aisle of the plaine, and you just sit there and take it. Like a particularly smarmy penis, just slapping you continually, regardless of the fact that you don’t even want to suck his dick. Hhhhhhhg.

“Hey, watch it!” you hear from your left.

And you look over, to see Karkat V. Vantas, your biggest critic, glowering at the dude whose bag is entirely too phallic for its own good.

“Stop hitting random people in the face with your luggage, you careless piece of shit,” Karkat V. Vantas says to that man.

Huh. Defending you.

Maybe he doesn’t think you’re all that bad?

And you get the absolute worst idea.

The absolute best idea.

You wait until the flight has taken off, and they’re walking the little carts up and down the plane with snacks and shit.

“Wanna pretend to be my soulmate?” you blurt out.

And Karkat chokes on his complimentary soda.

“Excuse me?” he asks.

And yeah. This is gonna be a great idea.

From the angle you’re at, his coughing perfectly outlines his jaw, and you wanna get your mouth on it. Attraction from your side won’t be hard to fake, at all.

“I told Rose that I was coming to the wedding with a soulmate, and I don’t have one,” you say, waving one hand, once he’s done hacking his lungs out with enough force to make a flight attendant look pretty concerned.

You take a sip of your own beverage, and give him a look across the space between the two of you.

He looks more disgusted than he did back when he first found out who you are, and that he would have to be staying on the same floor of a hotel with you.

“How tasteless. How do you know I don’t already have one?!” he asks, patting his chest with his fist. He’s still working off the dregs of the coughing, and he waves away the flight attendant with his eyes still glued to you.

Ah yeah. You hadn’t considered that.

“Do you? Have one, that is?” you ask, and his face fills with red.

“No, I don’t, thank you very much,” he says, and you grin.

“Oh no! Don’t you dare give me that shit-eating smile, you nasty little sub-human,” he splutters, and you just grin a little wider. Your chances are increasing. And as he’s getting riled up, you’re getting a rush in your chest. The newfound coloring on his face is great to look at, and highlights his cheeks just so.

In that moment, you understand that you might be attracted to him more than sexually.

See, before, it was just physical.

But with every word, he’s etching out another little crease for himself in your mind.

Maybe after this, you could try to be friends.

He’s talking again. “...because of that, I hate your films anyway, so why would I waste my time on this farce for more than five seconds!”

You’re distracted, and you answer honestly and instinctively.

And for whatever reason, it’s something you’ve never told anyone before.

It sounds cheesy as fuck, and hokey and stupid. But it’s true, somehow.

“You only hate my films,” you tell him, simply, “Because you fail to realize that each and every one of them is an attempt at multi-faceted social and political commentary on the current state of events in Hollywood.”

Shit.

“Your very first review of my work was the most correct one yet,” you add.

And shit. More shit.

And, for the first time in maybe his entire goddamn life if you had to guess, Karkat Vicente Vantas is stunned into gape-mouthed silence.

“And now, you’re the only one who knows it,” you finish.

Something like long-coming realization is dawning on Karkat’s eyes.

His lips purse, and he looks like he’s going to throw up.

When you open your mouth again, he puts a finger to your face, and you close it promptly.

“You read all my reviews?” he asks, after a few minutes. “And you remember them?”

You just nod, not sure if you’re allowed to talk again yet.

“God, you’re full of shit,” he says.

And yeah.

You are.

That stunt with wearing a dress made of only recycled avocado skins to the People’s Choice Awards, and then telling a reporter that it was in defense of the avocado-consuming millennials everywhere? Classic Dave Strider.

Using your given name instead of a pseudonym, ridiculous as it sounds? Classic.

Skateboarding into celebration party of your tenth film, not wearing anything except one of those socks they use to strap penises to dudes’ thighs in filming sex scenes? Very you.

“No one is going to believe me,” Karkat V Vantas whispers, seemingly to himself.

“Nah,” you agree.

And he glares at you, then. The realization is still happening. Every little cog is flicking into place, every little moment that you orchestrated in your films, every little theme that you hid in the music scores and named as coincidence to the public.

“I did lie about you being the only one, though,” you say, sighing. “My siblings also know. John knows but doesn’t believe me. Jade doesn’t give a shit.”

“But I’m… holy shit.” he puts his hands on his head.

“You believe me now? Go ahead and ask Rose about it,” you offer, pulling up pesterchum on your phone.

Yeehaw for the in-flight wifi.

Karkat refuses.

“Oh no, I believe you,” he says.

“So will you pretend to be my soulmate?” you ask him, and he glares at you again.

Like, this, ‘how dare you suggest such a thing be done to my fragile countenance’ glare. Like you’ve asked him to shovel shit directly into his own mouth from the anus of a bull with really bad irritable bowel syndrome.

“Fine,” he says.

And you’re ready to beg again, but instead you’re the one leaning back now, surprised.

“What?”

“I’ll do it, but not for you,” Karkat tells you.

And uh.

Okay then.

“Alright, cool,” you say.

“But only to get back at that filthy wizard-fucker for making me wear a lime green suit to her wedding,” he says.

And oh. Okay.

“How would that get back at her exactly?” you ask, dumbly. “I mean I hate our lady-in-waiting attire as much as the next guy, but…”

“Fooling Lalonde is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, Dave,” he says.

And. Oh.

Hearing your name come out of his mouth feels really good. For no particular reason.

Like every soulmate romcom ever. Like this is reality.

You ignore that bit with iron blinders on.

“And she did this awful wedding trope just to spite me,” Karkat continues, examining his fingernails. “Because I mentioned the movie ‘27 Dresses’ and she almost creamed herself with bliss at the idea of making a man wear a suit that he could only use for one occasion.”

It hits you, and you groan.

“Like a hideous bridesmaids’ dress,” you sigh, sinking into your seat.

“Exactly,” Karkat says, and you slide your eyes over to look at him.

“So if we do this, what’s our story?” you ask.

And Karkat already has one planned, damn him. He improvises with the skill and speed of a practiced veteran.

Over the process of the next four hours of plane trip, you work it out.

The two of you met at a press party, and ended up kissing over a glass of champagne, and from there it was magic.

No, you weren’t planning on getting married anytime soon.

Yes, you didn’t tell anyone because you��re keeping it under wraps for the press.

Et cetera Et cetera for hours of making details happen. Karkat also takes a bribe with stride, just some extra assurance from you.

He wanted your new car for the bribe.

You bitched and moaned about it, but eventually agreed to sign over the title for him. It was no skin off your bones right now, anyway. You make enough money.

It was going to be an interesting weekend.

So, you were off the plane.

Karkat took your hand as soon as you left the gate, bags over your respective shoulders, and led you down to the baggage claim.

It’s for the press, you have to remind yourself. It’s for the press, and then once you’re in private he won’t have to put on a show anymore.

But his hand feels… nice.

It’s hard not to focus on it as you’re brought down to the baggage carousel, and you stand there, waiting. Your hands are almost always cold, and just from this moment you can tell he runs hot. Something about thermodynamic equilibrium and memes runs across the forehead area of your thoughts, and you snort softly.

Karkat gives you a weird look, and squeezes your hand.

When he tells you to stop giggling like a newborn moron, he leans in close to do it, and you can feel the put-upon smile on his mouth.

You’re getting a few stares, and you can see some press out of the corner of your eye.

They’re waiting for you outside, just a few since you’re not really quite that famous. And you hid your destination pretty well, you think. After one of them got a restraining order, they stay at least thirty feet away from you.

Having Terezi as a friend is fantastic.

“David?” you hear, just barely within earshot.

You turn your head slightly and see Rose, just out of the truly visible range of your periphery.

There are people with her, maybe two or three. One of them would be Dirk, since he insisted on being there to see your ‘new soulmate’. The other either Kanaya, or maybe, Jade?

Who knows.

The point is, before you can fully turn your head to them, the carousel starts up behind you.

The metal creaks and whirs, and the little blaring bell rings, and you can’t even focus on it, or be scared, or remember your little acting role in all of this.

Because Karkat Vantas is kissing you.

His hand is warm on the back of your neck.

His lips are so soft, but not too soft. You feel them, strong and moving against yours.

And his breath is sweet.

And your own air is just taken away.

Because all of a sudden, you feel it.

Galaxies burst into being in your chest, in your soul.

The mark on your chest burns, for a split second. Like the worst itch imaginable. And then it’s gone, and Karkat is panting against your mouth. And you’re leaning down to him, hearing a wolf whistle in the background, and sarcastic clapping from Rose.

And you know.

Holy shit.

There’s so much intent, and there’s so much knowledge and incredible awe in Karkat’s eyes. And you feel like you’re going to throw up, it’s so much.

You know.

He’s yours.

Yours.

He’s your soulmate.  

[tellywoodtrash]

dil boley oberoi: week 1 lb

the lb for the 13.02.17 can be found here.

ok, let’s do this! (said with at best, mid-level enthusiasm and mostly a sense of obligation to omkara... sigh. the things i do for love.)

14.02.17 

gotta say, as much as i hate it, i kinda miss the IB starting minute preview thing. it mentally prepares me for what’s coming up. 

gauri talks too fast. 

i want to rip that vest off omkara and fucking burn it. 

ok not a huge fan of gauri’s extremely dheelam-dhaale kapde. 

and the dupatta doesn’t go with the rest of the outfit????

the couple that hair flips together, stays together. 

also, the couple with super obvious wigs apparently stays together. 

since when is om such a jerk? 

ouff. tadi waala walk. 

oh boy. pehla ATMA-SAMMAAAAN waala dialogue from heroine. 

“ladki”??? as if you’re a 100 years old??

also, what’s your problem, om? you need the place empty by evening, and she said she’ll leave in 2 hrs. 

ouff zidd and vishwas and tadi and ughhhhhhh. 

OMG ASSHOLE. OM!!!!!!!!! I DID NOT RAISE YOU LIKE THIS! 

WHYYYY COULDN’T YOU JUST HAND HER THE MONEY LIKE A DECENT HUMAN BEING, OM????????? 

um... ok? what did she just yell at him? i don’t get half the things she says. 

pakka anika ki behen hai. dem muck throwing genes be strong. 

dude, he’s worse than shivaay? which is... an impressive feat. 

lmao, she’s watching a video on her phone on how to operate the bulldozer. 

the video said “escalator” for accelerator. 

why are these girls so damn extraaaaaaaaaaa when it comes to the oberoi boys’ cars? ek ne windshield toda, toh dusre ne bulldozer hi chala diya. 

that does look quite therapeutic for rage issues actually. i wonder if there are places that rent out bulldozers for such reasons. i could use it. 

damn. she’s kinda annoying, but i liiiiiike her. 

RUDRA! <3

ok if her mom is just walking around all fine now, she obviously wasn’t in life threatening danger. 

ok, i’m already loving the gauri/rudra dynamic. 

“bhaaji laane ke liye naukar hai mere ghar mein.” lmao

lmaoooo “AUNTY KA KHAYAAL RAKHNA”, as if he knows who she is. 

what’s happening to shivaay’s accent? 

please, shivaay’s name would never be saved as “bhai” in om’s phone. 

“anika kam thi, jo ek aur hindi ki dictionary aa gayi mere paas?” 

*snort* 

lol shivaay also got suckered into the namaste. 

“pyaari nahi, bohut SAARI baatein karti hai.” hee hee 

fwding her chulbul pandey theatrics coz nope. 

where the fuck did om just buy a new smart phone from this randomass bareilly bazaar? 

tadi waala sunglass removal. 

oh look, she has ishaana-style bangles, with the hanging thingys. 

haven’t seen a height difference like this since ek duje ke vaaste. didn’t think kunal was that tall. is shrenu just exceptionally tiny?

om’s dubbing is super bad, dude. 

jesus, what the fuck even is going on in the precap?

15.02.17

how does gauri even know shivaay’s name? anika/rudra didn’t mention it, did they? and the phone just said BHAI when he called. 

lmaooooo om’s exasperation. 

“yeh ladki hai ya aafat?!”

pft, tere bhai ne bhi yehi sab kaha tha. now look at him feeling up his wife at any given chance. tera bhi yehi haal hona hai. 

omg this fucking chachi

JESUS CHRIST WTF 

ok, i didn’t think i’d hate anyone more than bandari bua, but this chachi and her... whoever this guy is have rapidly risen to position #1.

... what’s wrong with the mom? 

why’s omkara just sitting outdoors, outside a BUS? it’s not even an RV. does bareilly not have hotels? 

i honestly don’t get half the things gauri says in her accent. 

why the fuck did you wait this long, you idiot girl? 

ouff 5 minutes wasted on zooming into these people’s faces. 

er, that bangle be tacky af. 

god. watching this is making me feel ickyyyyyyyyyyyy. 

also what a waste of rahul dev, who’s actually a pretty good actor. 

um, what the fuck?????????????????

jesus christ what kinda backward “na aana is des laado” bullshit is this show. for fucks sake omkara, how much must you exploit my love for you?????

CHARACTERLESS GIRL??????? om, i am fucking this close to disowning you. you heard her fucking screaming. did you leave your brain behind in mumbai or??? 

ugh i don’t wanna watch this crapppppppp. i was just here for funnnn hijinks from omRu. 

SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME WHY OMKARA IS OUTSIDE LIKE A FUCKING HOMELESS PERSON

ok, dramatic scenes are not kunal’s strong suit. 

also everytime he runs, i remember that insta video of his wig flying off and i need 10 minutes to stop laughing. 

um, where was all this “there’s always a solution” optimism when you were going through issues yourself, omkara? then you were perfectly happy to try and commit suicide and put your family through hell every other day. smh. 

ok, that’s the second jhanvi who’s just up and set flames to herself in a week. not a good week for jhanvis. 

how is she still okay enough to talk after burning for a whole minute??? 

are there are no such things as ambulances in bareilly? 

oh hai original!Jhanvi. have you moved to this show too? i miss pinky and your bonding. 

apparently in the ib universe, fire doesn’t cause scarring to anyone.  

um maybe coz you set yourself on fire in front of your kids, jhanvi? do you think that ppl stay emotionally sound after seeing shit like that???? 

oh shut up om. you’re an idiot of the first order. fuck off. 

16.02.17

hubba hubba. om in all black. be still my beating heart. 

you fuckin’ stop that, heart. we don’t like him in this show. 

oh i like gauri’s shaadi outfit. a little too gaudy, but i like the colours.

lo, svetlana di has also defected to this show. 

ugh ommmmmmmm. you’re a fucking idiot. 

use your WORDS, gauri. 

RUSTLE OR JANGLE THAT SHIT GIRL. 

IF SHE CAN MAAROFY THESE BADE BADE DIALOGUES, WHY CAN’T SHE JUST SHOW HIM THE CHAINS NOW????? THIS SHOW IS SO FUCKING STUPID I CAN’T EVEN

OK A MAN IS GIVING AN AURAT LECTURES ON BEING AN AURAT, FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT GARBAGE OM. 

lo, yeh bhi shaayari marta hai. gauri ki toh kismat hi phooti hai, chaahe shaadi villain se kare ya hero se. 

lmao gauri, DOES IT LOOK LIKE HE CARES?????? HE KIDNAPPED YOU. DOES HE SEEM LIKE A BIG SUPPORTER OF CONSENT????

what is it about kali that makes any woman who’s around him want to kill herself? 

what the fuckkkkkkkkkk is wrong with this chacha chachi? they’re straight out of the fucking purge, murdering ppl for shits and giggles. 

“hum theek hai”, the maa says, as she stands submerged in the drum she was being drowned in like 3 seconds ago. typical desi mom, downplaying her issues. 

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. SO MUCH MICHMICHI AND RAPEYYYYYYY

use your giant fucking skirt to hide it girl 

oh fuck off with your judgey eyes, om. 

yes please fuck back off to mumbai, where you’re less of a prick. 

AT LEAST LOCK THE DOOR YOU STUPID GIRL 

which chirota is she calling???? 

the chirota better not fucking call back right now. 

he’s going to, isn’t he? 

UGH. 

WHY IS THE ANDROID PHONE RINGING WITH THE IPHONE RINGTONE? 

om, why such snoopy? just get your papers and fucking go. 

of course. i hate such contrived bullshit. 

i swear i want to slappppppppppp om every time he makes that sada hua judgey shakal 

thakur’s coats are made of whatever bacha-kucha material there is after making the inner lining of shivaay’s suit coats. 

anniversary? 

EW. SUCH FUCKING RAPEY BULLSHIT. PLEASE MAKE IT STOP, I CAN’TTTTTT. 

“jawaani ka mol” jesus above. 

17.02.17

om has no fucking right to make such faces, being the judgey misogynist that he is. 

what the fuck is that tiny child even supposed to do? 

i am this close to clocking omkara in the face and pulling his oh-so-prized hair. 

that sona looks so fucking fake. some effort into props please. 

wow, rapey comments + weight shaming. nice crowd. 

I... UGH. THIS SHOW, MAN. WATCHING IS LITERALLY PAINFUL. 

just say you have a fucking itch on your leg girl. 

pft, as if thakur would let her dance to such a depressing song on his wedding. 

also fwding. because i honestly cannot. 

lmao, om’s face and shoulder jostles at her dancing on him. 

and wow, the thakur’s totally ok with her doing that. 

and there goes the phone. 

pfffffffffft. so over these trip falls. 

OM. COULD YOU STOP WITH THE ASSUMPTIONS. HONESTLY. 

gauri, why do you even care what he thinks about you? he’s gonna be gone tomorrow. 

OM. YOU AND YOUR TRUTH SERUM FUELED PERSONALITY. 

EW THAKUR GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER. 

AND OM, CAN’T YOU SEE YOU SEE HOW SHE’S REACTING? WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?????????

GOD THIS EPISODE IS SO FUCKING LONG WHY WON’T IT GET OVER

he keeps saying shaadi aaj hai, shaadi aaj hai; when is this fucking shaadi already???

GOD I CAN’T STAND THIS FUCKING CHACHI, I’M FWDING. 

is this the same mandap they used for shivaay and tia’s firrrrrrrrst wedding attempt? the day anika bust in with the poster waala reveal? 

and she’s back in this outfit? 

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M WATCHING THIS FUCKING RAPEY SHIT I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH 

that one brother’s moochi looks so fucking fake. 

GOD. WHY WON’T THIS EPISODE ENDDDDDDDDDDDD

FWDING. COZ I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE. 

UM EXCUSE ME WHAT THE FUCK KINDA POLYGAMY BULLLLLLLLLSHIT

I’M SORRY BUT I JUST CANNOT WATCH THIS SHOW. I CAN’T. I TRIED BUT I CAN’T. IT’S LITERALLY TOO PAINFUL TO WATCH. 

i’ll keep up with written updates and try and come back to it when it’s not such a fucking shitshow, but i really cannot watch this show as it is right now. 

fuck you om. i don’t love you thaaaat much also.