#and I always feel angry at myself because I want to be taken seriously

[girltakovic]

.

[mattsnight]

Summary: in which Chris can’t hide his feelings for Y/N any longer.

Warnings: cursing !!

WC: 5k+++

Chris hated how he felt for you. The extreme feelings were overwhelming and it was hard keeping them together. He couldn’t live like this. He couldn’t live knowing you were his best friend and that nothing would ever happen with the two of you.

You were always the clingy kind of type. You couldn’t be alone for more than 24 hours and always had to be with someone who you loved. Most of the times it was Chris, which he didn’t mind at first, but when his feelings for you started, it all became a lot.

You came over to the triplets’ house today, since Chris hasn’t been answering your calls. You were really worried about him. When you walked into the house you were met with an angry Chris. He didn’t want you here at all. He didn’t want to talk. It hurt him to do this shit to you, but he needed these feelings gone. And there it was, he was bottling up all his feelings and is now taking it out on you.

“Jesus what the fuck is wrong with you?” You say to Chris as he just ignored you when you tried giving him a simple hug. He never did this, he would always hug you even when he was annoyed. He lets out a huff, rubbing his eyes as he glances in your direction.

"Me? Nothing is wrong with me, I'm absolutely fine. It's you, you're just always around being clingy, I can't even breathe without you being all over me. Seriously, do you have to be so clingy? Give me a break every once in a while," Chris bites back with a roll of his eyes. A small gasp leaves your mouth at his sudden anger. “What the hell happened to you, chris? At first you’re all nice and sweet to me and now you’re acting like a huge dick.”

Chris grits his teeth, turning to look you in the eyes a lot sharper than usual. "So now it's wrong that I've decided to give myself a break from your clinginess? Is that a crime now?" He quips, raising a brow at you unimpressed. "God, you're always so needy, you can't even go half a day without wanting my attention. Have you ever considered that maybe I'd want alone time?”

“I was giving you one hug, chris. I wasn’t sat on your lap touching your chest while waiting for you to fuck me!” You yell back, anger now running through your body. Chris is visibly taken aback by your words, the harsh bite of them makes his chest ache, but he can't focus on that right now. He lets out an annoyed huff, running his fingers through his hair and sighing. "You always hug me!" He points out, throwing his arms out. "Like, it's never just one hug, you're always all over me, no matter if we're alone or in public. It's like you can't stand the thought of not being attached to me or something!"

“Im not always hugging you! I was so excited to see you, is one hug that bad?” You say, running your hands through your hair. "And there it is again, the excuses!" Chris exclaims in annoyance. "You're always all over me, you've gotta touch me. You know I'm not the biggest fan of physical touch, so why are you always so clingy with me, huh, can you answer that?" He asks, raising a brow at you with an expectant expression on his face.

“Because we’re friends? Cus i enjoy being with you? Because maybe im trying to get our friendship back!” Yeah, that one hurt. It had been a while since you and Chris had hung out. At first you thought it was because he got a girlfriend, but he didn’t, Nick told you that.

"And you need to cling to me to do that? You need to be attached to me at all times to do that, is that it?" Chris asks, clearly still frustrated and a little on edge. "It's annoying. I'm allowed to want my own goddamn space every once in a while, why's that so hard for you to understand? I just want a little space to breathe, alone, without having you sticking yourself to me like glue."

Fuck, why did it have to go like this? You hated this and you knew he did too. There was hurt smashed on both of your faces, but the both of you didn’t stop. “Then tell me to shut up, leave and never come back!” You say, a voice crack slipping through. Chris's eyes widen slightly, his mouth going slightly agape at your words, his heart beating loud in his chest. He did not see that coming. "What?" He asks, a hint of surprise sneaking into his voice. “Tell me to leave, end our friendship and do whatever the fuck you want without me.” You repeat with a voice crack.

Chris's jaw clenches, his chest feels tight and his stomach sinks at your words. Every fibre of his being wanted to scream at you to shut up, to stay with him forever. He did not want you gone, but for some reason he just couldn't bring himself to tell you. "I don't want-" he tries to protest, swallowing hard and averting his gaze. "I don't want that."

“Then what do you want, Chris?!”

"You!" His eyes widen the moment the word escapes his mouth, he didn't mean to say that, he meant to say anything other than that. He clamps his mouth shut, staring at you with a mix of shock and frustration. “What?” You say quietly, not believing that you heard him right.

"I- nothing, I... nothing, forget I said that," he runs his fingers through his hair, cursing himself inwardly. This did not get better. "I just... I think, maybe, we should just have some time apart for a while. Take some space, I'll be fine without you glued to my side, you'll be fine without me around all the time." His voice stays the same, not even a slight change.

“You said me.. chris.. what does that mean?”

"I said nothing, alright?" Chris snaps, trying to cover up his slip of the tongue, but it was too late. He couldn't lie his way out of this now. He lets out a huff, scrubbing his face with his hand, looking at you with a frustrated expression on his face. "Damnit... you weren't supposed to hear that."

You take a small step back at his snap. It wasn’t because you were scared, you wanted to give him space. His expression softens just the slightest as he sees you take a step back, his heart panging in his chest as he registers the hurt in your eyes. He shakes his head in defeat. "No, I... Damnit, I can't... Look, I can't do this right now." He runs a hand through his hair again, turning his back to you and walking a few moments. Clearly he was frustrated and upset about the whole situation. “Chris—“ you try, but he doesn’t want to talk.

"Just don’t." He bites, his voice low as he keeps his back turned to you. He clearly wasn't in the mood to keep the conversation going. He was upset, and in pain, and he knew he was hurting you as well. He didn't want to hurt you, but he knew he was, and that was so much worse in his mind. “Please just talk to me, Chris. I want to understand what is going on.”

"What is there to talk about, huh?" Chris turns to look at you again, eyes sharp and his muscles coiled tight with tension. "What are we supposed to talk about? I said something I wasn't supposed to, I can't take it back, so what do you want me to say? I don't want to talk about it, not like this, not right now."

He is still staring at you, his expression pained and frustrated. It was like he was trying to hold back so many things, trying desperately to keep them all at bay and yet they were so obvious on his face. "And what was that little stunt anyway, huh? Trying to get a reaction out of me, is that it? Well great, you got one. You did what you set out to do, I screwed up. I said something I shouldn't have said. Happy?"

Your eyes start filling up with pain. It wasn’t your intention to do this. You didn’t mean any of it, you just wanted a reason why you’re losing your best friend. Chris's heart clenches within his chest at the sight of your hurt expression. The sharp pang of guilt and regret hits him hard, but it doesn't stop him from continuing. "You wanted a reaction, and you got it. I'm human. Do you think you can just prod and poke at me all the time and I won't snap back?" He bites, narrowing his eyes at you despite the panging in his heart. “Im sorry, okay?…” you say.

"You're sorry, is that it? You're sorry?” Chris snaps, taking a step closer as he towers over you. His face is a mixture of anger and pain, despite the growing guilt at the expression on your face. “You're sorry? Great, that just fixes everything, doesn't it? You didn't mean to make me snap, didn't mean to prod and poke at me until I exploded, but that's fine because you're sorry now, right?" All his anger is aimed at you when you just tried to fix something broken. You don’t dare to speak, scared you’ll ruin it even more.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I thought," he continues, his voice still sharp and bitter. "You can apologise all you want but it's not gonna change the fact that you got exactly what you wanted out of me. You pushed me to the limit, and you got a reaction. So don't bother apologising, it's too late for that." He says, letting out a frustrated huff while scrubbing his face with his hand as anger and guilt clash together in his mind. He wants to yell at you, wants to scream at you and let it all out, but at the same time the sight of your hurt expression is killing him. "Goddamnit.." he mutters under his breath, running his fingers roughly through his hair.

“I should go home.. this isn’t gonna work.” You finally say, breaking the silence. "Yeah... maybe you should," Chris responds, but the moment the words escape his mouth he wishes he could take them back. His heart is panging against his chest, his stomach clenches with guilt at the idea of you leaving. He didn't want you to go anywhere, he wanted to talk to you, he wanted you to not look so hurt and upset, but he'd gone and made it all worse in his anger.

You grab your bag quickly after his respond, ready to leave. Chris can’t take this anymore, he needs to make this right. He needs to talk to you. His heart drops to his stomach as you reach for your bag, the reality of the situation hitting him hard as he watches you get ready to leave. "Just... just wait," he says suddenly, the words slipping out before he can even think about it. "Please don't go. I... shit.”

He falters, his breath catching as he tries to find the right words. "I... look, just... just sit down, alright?" He asks, his voice suddenly much softer and more vulnerable than before. He wanted you to stay. He couldn't stand the thought of you leaving right now, he needed you to stay. He swallows hard, forcing out the next words as his heart pounds in his chest. "Please just... just sit down. We need to talk, not like this. Just... just sit down and listen to me. Please."

“Why does this all have to be so difficult?” You ask, sitting down on the couch to listen to him. "I don't know!" Chris exclaims, frustration and annoyance rising in his voice again. Why does it have to be so difficult? He should've just kept his mouth shut in the first place, he'd made a huge mess and he knew it. "I don't know why it has to be so... so difficult." He repeats, softer this time. "I don't... I just don't know." He scrubs his face with his hand, gritting his teeth and taking a deep, calming breath.

“What happened between us?” You ask, wanting answers. Chris's heart pang's in his chest again at your question. A million answers could've come to his mind, but he couldn't get the words out of his mouth. Instead, he clenches his jaw, sighing deeply and shaking his head. "I don't know," he repeats again, his frustration growing. "I... I don't know, things just... changed."

He runs his fingers through his hair, raking his brain for the right words to say, the right way to explain things without saying too much. "I can't explain it. Things just... look, it's just so complicated." He glances at you, his expression a mixture of pain and confusion. He looks away again quickly, sighing heavily and shaking his head. "Things just aren't how they used to be. Something changed... and it's all wrong now."

“Does it have anything to do with you saying that you want.. me?”

Chris visibly tenses, his breathing catching in his chest as the memory of his earlier words comes back to him. He swallows hard and nods, his heart thudding against his ribcage. "Yeah," he mutters, his voice strained. "It has... everything to do with that." He says before looking up at you again, his expression pained and his eyes full of anguish. "You weren't supposed to hear that," he explains, his voice cracking slightly. "I didn't... I didn't mean for you to hear that. I didn't want you to know."

“But you said it, what does it mean?”

Chris takes a deep breath, his heart thudding so hard in his chest it's all he can hear. He knew he was in too deep now, there was no backing out. "It means exactly what you think it means," he mutters, his voice low and heavy. "I... I want you. I want you." He couldn't believe the words were coming out of his mouth, but now they were out there in the open and he couldn't take them back. His eyes search your face, looking for a reaction, a response, any sign of how you felt at his words, but he couldn't find it. "I... I want you," he repeats, his voice hoarse and raw with emotion. "I've wanted you for a long time, and it's been killing me. I... I've messed it up, I know I've messed it up and I can't take it back, but it's the truth. I want you. I need you."

“Jesus christ, Chris.. we could’ve talked about this sooner without that arguing.” You groan as waves of mixed feelings wash over you. Chris lets out a bitter laugh, shaking his head as he runs his hands through his hair again. "You think I wanted to argue with you? This is exactly what I was trying to avoid. I didn't want to deal with this, I didn't want to admit this." He sighs deeply, his heart panging in his chest as he meets your gaze. "I'm an idiot," he mutters, his voice quiet. "I just ruined everything, didn't I?"

“No chris— god.. i am in love with you too.”

Chris's heart stops in his chest, his breath catching in his throat as your words wash over him, a rush of emotions surging through him at your confession. His eyes widen, his heart thudding so hard against his ribcage he's sure you can hear it. He just stares at you for a moment, like his brain isn't quite comprehending what he's just heard. "You... what?" He asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I love you, chris..” you say. Those three words hit Chris like a ton of bricks, knocking the air out of his lungs and sending his heart into overdrive. He didn't think he'd ever hear those words from anyone, especially not from you. His expression softens, a mix of surprise and wonder and disbelief on his face as he takes a cautious step towards you, like he's afraid he might shatter whatever fragile dream he's suddenly found himself in. "You... you mean that?" He asks, his voice hoarse and low.

“Yes! I have for a long time, but i didn’t know how to feel when you just.. stopped talking to me.”

A wave of emotions washes over Chris at your words. Relief, joy, disbelief, excitement. He swallows hard, his eyes never leaving yours as he takes another step closer to you. "You... you love me?" He repeats, his voice a little shaky as he tries to process everything. "You love me?" He takes one more step towards you, his expression full of hope and awe. You look up at him, noticing he was already staring at you. His blue eyes are searching your face for any sign of dishonesty or deception. Instead, all he sees is love, and a whole lot of it. His heart is beating so hard in his chest it physically hurt, but he didn't care. All he could see was you, and the fact that you just confessed to loving him. He reaches out hesitantly, slowly putting a hand on your waist, like he's afraid you'll vanish if he moves too quickly.

And there it was, the kiss you’ve both longed for. It feels like a switch is flipped inside the two of you. Like you’re finally free. Your hands move to his cheeks, pulling him impossibly closer. His hands move to your ass, letting them rest there. Everything is how it’s supposed to be.

When the kiss finally breaks, Chris's expression is a mixture of wonder and shock, like he can't believe that just actually happened. His heart is pounding in his chest, his brain struggling to process what's just happened. He couldn't believe that you actually wanted him, that you loved him. He lets out a breathless laugh, his face still so close to yours that he can feel your breath on his face. “Shit that was so good.” He says, trying to get some air. Oh and it was good.

It was the best kiss you’ve ever had.

The end<3

Oh my god why is this sooo long :,) i hope yall liked it!

[sorryicantquitequeeryou]

My mom cries when frustrated, and it's led her into a lot of poor situations. Usually, I'll end up calming down when I see her cry, not to coddle her or to set some sort of example, but because I can tell she's passionate and I don't want my own passion to wash over what she wants me to hear or understand.

Sometimes we have to break away and come back to the conversation another time because one of us is so passionate that we can't truly hear the other person. It happens. We always try to make sure we gain some sort of understanding of the other person's view even if in the end we still disagree. this way we both feel heard and can come to the resolution that even if we feel differently/see things differently we know where the other person is coming from and can be respectful to one another despite it.

Y'know, some people do have a strong crying response to stress, and they might cry (even against their own will) when faced with an upsetting situation and that doesnt mean they are "gaslighting" or "manipulating" you.

There are people who use crying as a manipulation tactic? Absolutely. But that doesn't mean that every person that cries during a heated argument is trying to get under your skin. They have their own emotions and issues, and frankly, not everything other people do is a personal attack on you.

[quaintii]

Miguel Imagine Part 2

Gif taken from TikTok @almenhenn, not mine. Please check it out!

dom!Miguel x fem!reader

(long fic) :3

Contents: rough sex, choking, hair pulling, slapping, breeding kink, bdsm, oral sex, angry sex, degradation kink, praise kink, angry sex, mating press sex position, sexual tension, mirror sex, nelson position, masturbation, sex toy, fang kink, sir kink, etc.

MDNI.

a/n: sorry if this is quite long, just trying to feed u hungry miguel whores (aka me) this gon be nastyy

~

You were too anxious to go to his office, but you had to. Every Spider man/woman had to submit in their reports at least every week to Miguel or Lyla because it was a mandatory checkup. You haven’t seen him since that incident, it runs through your mind constantly. You sometimes use your vibrator to relieve yourself of that immense need that you crave so desperately

~Tonight you were pulsing throughout the whole day. You couldn’t stop aching for his touch, you want to go on your knees and beg for him to tease you, to use you like a fucking slut.

You turn on your vibrator and place it on top of your clothed clit, imagining it was his hands opening your folds whilst licking your slickness.

“F-fuck..this feels so painful..” Despite the vibrator making you jerk and twitch and spwel a couple of loud moans, it didn’t feel enough. You really wished he hadn’t stopped that day. You pushed two fingers inside your wet cunt, dragging them in and out slowly while poking that soft spot that made you mewl.

”M-miguel, fuck…I want your cock inside of my pussy..please fuck me until I can’t w-walk..” You say as you start reaching your climax. Your cunt clenching hardly on your fingers as the vibrator finally made your clit release that sweet sensation through your system. You started twitching and moaning, still not removing your vibrator off your clit so you could overstimulate yourself. “Nghnmf..please fill me with your cum Miguel..” You mewl. You then approach your second orgasm, making you hold in your breath and your heartbeat fastening and pulsing loud in your ears, feeling the blood rushing.

You arched your back and rested your head on your pillow, grabbing onto your sheets and palming them on your mouth to prevent you from screaming ecstasy. You then try to steady your breath back in order as you stare directly at your ceiling. Once again, disgusted because you just masturbated about your boss. But you had yet wanted a taste of him.

Today was the day. Your weekly checkup. Unfortunately, Lyla was offline so you couldn’t submit it to her so you had to face him.

As you were getting ready, you dolled yourself a bit but not too excessively to the point someone would weirdly point out. You wore a professional blazer dress with small heels, but allowed your cleavage to pop out a bit. Teasing him was your favorite thing to do. You began approaching his office.

Your heels tapping on the floor, causing echoes to spread across the huge room. Miguel was looking through the perspective cams at the top of his floating floor, you always thought it was stupid that he would slowly go down. “C’mon Miguel, I seriously don’t have all day for you to make this ‘entrance.’ You place two fingers on your nose bridge, sighing. “Should I remind you who makes the rules around here again? I don’t understand what gives you so much balls to talk to me like you command me.” He rolls his eyes at you. “Don’t be so egotistical, Mig..you have to stop being so full of yourself. Work on that. Here are the files, take a look through them and I’ll get going,” Miguel hums and looks back and forth at the files and your face.

“Me? Being full of myself?” He chuckles with a smirk. “How about you work on not looking like a total whore.” You audibly gasp as soon as he blurts out that word. Whore.

"I am one of your employees, you should respect me! I can’t handle your awful behavior sometimes, you’re so annoying.” You say.

“What makes you think that I also can’t fucking stand you whenever you open that fucking mouth of yours?!” He says angrily as he approaches closer to you, towering you. “You really need to be taught manners because you can’t seem to behave.” He glances at your breasts, a shaky sigh leaving his lips.

Miguel is trying his best to restrain himself from breaking you right now because you just look so vulnerable, he wants to take that smug look of yours off your face. Replacing it with him thrusting deep into you, making you not be able to even think a coherent thought.

The way his suit would perfectly shape around his muscles had you pool more into arousal. There was a loud silence between the both of you and you dared not to speak. “I thought you were going to keep up with that bratty attitude? Where’d it go?” He snickered. “Shut the fuck up, Miguel. Forget it, I’m leaving.” You turn your back to face the door, being completely covered in red webs. “Let me out you weird fuck!”

”You see, I’m so frustrated how you always seem to stress me whenever you come inside of this office. You’re going to regret being a fucking brat and learn some manners ‘round here, ‘kay?” Your back hitting the door, your breath hitches as Miguel struts towards you. You try running an opposite direction til you feel a web grab around your waist and place you on a chair.

Your hands now tied up behind your back and your legs separated, also tied to the chair. “L-let me go..now.” You spurt out. “Why should I? I can smell something that says the exact opposite.” He gets closer to your face, lowering himself to your level. “I mean you arrive in that dress of yours to tease me again? Do you even understand how badly I want to rip it off your body?” You shiver a bit from his cold tone. “I’m s–sorry Mig.” Miguel grabs your chin harshly. “Don’t call me that.” His chest heaving a bit more noticeably.

You aruptably gasp as he suddenly spreads your legs, his face getting closer to your clothed cunt. He nibbles and licks your outer thigh. You try not to give him satisfaction and hold in your whines. “You’re still being a brat? Let me hear you, carino. Todavía no vas hacer caso?” (You're still not going to behave?) He presses two fingers against your clit, rubbing it slowly. He rips off your panties and licks your wetness with his warm tongue. You still refuse to let out your moans, you resisted the urge to give in even though you desperately wanted to.

”No seas asi, tesoro. No te va encantar lo que te voy hacer si me vuelves ignorar. Quiero escuchar tu sonidos bellos.” (Don't be like that, love. You're not going to like it if you ignore me again. I want to hear your sweet sounds.) He swirled his tongue on your clit and spread your folds with his girthy fingers. Miguel loved seeing you squirm and still attempt to hide your mewls. He rapidly slid in two fingers inside your cunt. You finally let out a choked groan that’s been awaiting to be released from your aching throat.

”Fu-fuck..m-more Miguel.. touch me please.” You whine. “No tan rápido, mi reina.” He slurs as he places his hot mouth onto your pussy. Two fingers inside of you, being pulled in and out in a fast pace while his thumb massaged your clit and his tongue nibbling on your folds.

You lean your head back, accepting into submission. You wanted to cum around his fingers, for him to feel how good he makes you feel and how your cunt would clench so tight around his cock. Miguel rips off your clothes right off your frame, leaving you fully exposed in front of him. His voice groaned as he has a clear view of your curvy body. He moves his head up to suck on your nipples, pushing his tongue on your nipple causing you to twitch. His face was a mix of arousal and anger that still lingered. He moved his fingers slightly quicker, keeping a solid pace.

You felt like you were going to come, the pleasure felt so good and you were yet so needy for more. “Please Mig…make me cum..I can’t hold it in anymore.” You whined. “Please.. I can’t-“ You sobbed, the only thing keeping you in place being his hard grasp on your left hip.

“Please what?” You could feel him grinding against you as his fingers fucked you silly. No matter how badly he wanted to be inside you, he almost prepped you for him. He knew how big he was and how much he could destroy you.

His fingers only went even faster when you said that while he rested his head on your shoulder. He sunk his fangs deep inside your flesh, causing you to spring up and release your orgasm. Your screams and whines echo in the room, begging for him to stop because it was just too much for you. “I thought you could handle this..fuck..”

Your body was overtaken by a wave of electricity flowing through your veins. Your body shaking and your cunt throbbing. Your vision is blurred out with tears. You’ve never felt so breathless. Miguel loved how your pussy spasmed and clenched so tight on his fingers. He pulled out his fingers and sucked them clean. Seeing that explicit look of him only made you want more. “You taste so fucking good, so sweet. You’re such a fucking good girl for cumming around my fingers.” He whispers as he presses his lips onto yours. Both of your tongues are destroying each other, the both of you becoming breathless.

Miguel removed the webs tied around you and placed you right on top of his table. You look at him through your teary lashes, your mouth agape. “I want to taste you Miguel, I want to taste your fucking cock around my throat.” That alone was enough for Miguel to force you down onto your knees and slam his cock inside of your warm throat. You choke around his sudden thrusts pick up fast. Your tongue swirls around his length, taking all of him in your mouth. “Your mouth is made just for me, only mine. You’re such a dirty whore, taking me all like a fucking slut..” He groan and his head rolls back.

His hands run along your hair, grabbing it to push you deeper onto his cock. Small tears trickling past your cheeks. The gurgling and slurping you were making made Miguel harden, along with small whimper sounds parting from Miguel’s lips were the only noise around you both, it just made you even wetter.

You loved how his cock would repeatedly twitch inside your throat, so you hollow your cheeks which make him loudly groan and jerk his hips harder.

Your moans would make his cock feel so fucking amazing as it would make your mouth clench around his cock. He looked down at you, seeing how good of a slut you were taking him. He loved seeing you under him like this, taking him so well he thought. You clawed your fingernails deep into thighs, tapping on them so you could take a chance to catch your breath. “Miguel, please just put it in..” You moaned, reaching back to swirl your hands around his tip, getting a lovely groan out of him. You lowered your head on to him once more, teasing his tip with your tongue as your right hand pumped his cock all the way from the base to your mouth. You kept a close eye on him though, making sure he didn’t cum.

He immediately removed your mouth from his cock. That’s when you felt his bare cock teasing your entrance, covering himself in you. His voice was low and husky, laced with want. “I’m going to fill this pretty pussy of yours.”

Miguel didn’t want to cum inside of your mouth, he wanted to pump his hot cum deep inside your womb. He wanted to breed you like an animal. He quickly pulled you back up from your knees, placing your legs on his shoulders. You were now in a mating press position. He slammed his hips against yours, reaching your cervix.

Miguel could get a perfect view of his dick aligned with your warm cunt, how your cunt would suck him perfectly. Your eyebrows furrowed as you cried out, taken back by his cock pounding up into you. You slumped down, resting your head on his shoulder, to cock drunk to do anything else. "F-Fuck you're so good at this!" You shriek when he had his fingers pinching each of your nipples as he bit on the soft spot of your neck.

"Mm, I know, cariño." The way he whispered in your ear made you shiver above him. You held onto his arms but at some point Miguel slipped one arm down, rubbing your clit to increase the tension as he thrusted deep inside you. You were so cock-drunk, you couldn’t let out any word besides moans.

Miguel altered your positions so you were now facing a mirror. “You like it, huh, cariño?" He growled as his pace fastened deeper into your cunt. The sight of him fucking you in the mirror drove you crazy, crazy that you were clenching so tight - “You’re my little dirty slut aren’t you, muñeca?” "Yes sir, I love your cock inside of my f-fucking pussy..."

"Say that one more time and I'll have you screaming my name. He said dangerously.

"Please sir. Let me…" He pulled away from you and flipped you over so you were now underneath him. Still in front of the mirror, MIguel grabbed your throat, pulling it so you could arch your back.

Miguel moaned as you clenched your walls around him, the feeling of heat as your bodies collided driving you crazy. Your nails scratching at nothing but the floor. He plants his lips onto your sensitive neck, leaving it bruised for later.

Each thrust deepens, stronger and more irresistible. Miguel wrapped his hands around your neck, making you choke but excited at the same time. You looked in the mirror to see Miguel in such an erotic position on top of you. It was hot. Your walls clenching around him makes Miguel stutter his hips against your back, finally painting your plushy walls, white. The overwhelming feeling leaving you completely breathless, your body twitching and moving without your control. Your chest heaving heavily as you gasped for air. You eventually pass out.

~

You wake up to a warm feeling spreading across your body. You open your eyes hazily, turning your head towards Miguel who's massaging your back with oil. You let out a soft groan, it felt so relieving. You haven't been this relaxed since..ever. "Estás despierta muñeca?" (You're awake, doll?) You hum, resting your face on the pillow. "Hope you liked it." Miguel chuckled. "You left me with numb legs so I loved it. Gracias, Miguel." (Thank you, Miguel.) You say. "Te nada, mi vida." (Your welcome, my love.) The tension between of you finally cleared and your relationship grew closer than ever.

Taglist: @spid3rslvt @horror-cassettes @cl-0-vr @mars-yyy

<3

[dr-spectre]

Rambling about Marina and Relatability...

I've said in the past that i relate heavily to Marie, but as i think about it further.... I think i relate more to Marina... I just read through this incredible twitter thread by @ _CSenpai_ which i shall leave at the end, but it got me to really think... "huh... Marina is kinda me fr." (Also I'm gonna get pretty personal in this post so keep that in mind too.)

Marina has very serious special interests and clearly spends a lot of time researching and engaging in these interests. She gets VERY excited when someone mentions anything remotely about her interests and takes them seriously. Which is something i do as if someone even remotely mentions Splatoon out of the blue, my chest will go "BZZZTTTT" and i get the tingles and i wanna run around my room.

She's very into machinery, video games, music and manga/comic books. Marina stays up and overworks herself when it comes to music and her interests, which is shown in the dev diaries and chat logs in Side Order and Octo Expansion. This is something i tend to do as well as I consume my special interests way into the night and i can't go to bed because I'm so damn energized. Sometimes i become so focused that i don't even notice that time has passed by for so long and before i even realise it... It's 2pm and now i want lunch.

She corrects Pearl on wizards which reminds me of the kind of stuff i say during my rambles about Callie and her arc in Splatoon 2... I get VERY picky when it comes to people using ahem.... certain words when describing the events that took place.

In the Hero vs. Villain Splatfest, she is the only one who is taking it very seriously while everyone else is smiling or expressing anger.

She's using a god damn GAMECUBE CONTROLLER AND A HEADSET! She's literally me oh my god. When i go over for parties and celebrations and someone brings out a Switch and we play Smash Bros or Mario Kart? I take that shit seriously and i can't tone back my skill level and just have fun.

Also Marina is known to have sensitivity to certain food textures including mayo and pulp in orange juice. Now i LOVE mayo personally but i HATEEEE stuff in my drinks. I am a massive texture eater and i will avoid stuff in food that ruins the texture. When i get pumpkin soup for example, if i see vegetable bits in that shit i will actually feel sick and flick the bits off of my spoon.

Marina is also seen stimming and pacing back and forth when excited. When i tend to get overly excited by myself, i will literally violently shake for a brief moment and then squeal. I'm not joking.

Marina also tends to bottle up her emotions and often lashes out onto others when it's too much for her. Which is something i tend to do... I don't often say how i feel when someone asks how am i and i often wanna scream and break something when the anger is just too much for me to contain. I end up yelling by myself and cuss like no tomorrow. I can find solace in a character who does a similar thing i do, minus the cussing lmao.

I think one of the bigger reasons on why i relate to Marina is gonna be a weird one but... She is almost always seen with her headphones. No matter what situation she is in, she always wears her headphones.

Even when she's Marina Agitando and Overlorder has taken over her body, the Controller VM acts like headphones as it covers her ears!

Now this detail about her wearing her headphones almost often might seem minor, but to me it makes me love Marina even more. I always constantly wear headphones and it's due to various different reasons. First is because i love listening to music and enjoying background noise, second, it dampens the sounds around me as i can be pretty sensitive to certain sounds. And third... well... let's just say that i live with a uh.... loud parent who... gets pretty angry, NOT AT ME! THANKFULLY! BUT... when they scream... and swear... i put on my headphones and wait for the noise to go by. It's a comfort thing for me and helps get through those... rough periods... Marina wearing those headphones often and not being judged for it, makes me feel, happy...

...uh... yeah.

ANYWAYS! Another big thing i relate with Marina on is her want for order and balance in her life. She doesn't like massive changes in her routine and wants to maintain the balance in her life.

i do not like it when my routine suddenly changes and i get upset and angry. I have a strict routine and when it gets fucked over oh MAN OH MANNNN!!!!!!!!!!!

And that last point about feeling safe and secure, as i mentioned earlier with the third point about wearing headphones... I wanna feel safe and secure... I want to feel calm... I don't want someone to suddenly shout or get upset or for my routine to change and i can't do anything about it...

The only thing i don't relate with Marina on is well... Looks. Listen, i ain't no tall black octopus woman with a noticeable figure and a pretty face HAHAHAHA! I find it kind of funny that I'm able to relate SO MUCH to someone like her when I'm some 20 year old dude who looks nowhere NEAR like her. Except for maybe height i don't know.

However, i will say, i actually don't act this excited in person, i tend to be very shy and reserved in person compared to my online behaviour. I say words in a dry manner and i don't have the best social skills. So i guess that's where the relatability for Marie comes in as well. I'm a heavy introvert and despite my need for wanting to connect to others, i would rather stay indoors than go out and meet new people to start friendships or potentially a romantic relationship... like that's ever gonna happen anyways...................

I got two brain cells. It's them.

So anyways, that was all i wanted to say! I love Marina and she's my second favourite Idol, you can probably guess who's number 1 but i ain't talking about... her... well not today anyways.

Thanks for reading!!!

The thread that inspired this blog post: https://x.com/_CSenpai_/status/1367219374948376579

[assistedbytherats]

Feeling so loved by the gods and feeling so loved by all the people I love, I just sat on the floor staring at nothing saying “I love you” over and over again and nearly crying realizing how being so loved is helping me slowly learn to trust that I am worthy of that love. Realizing how love really is contagious and somehow I’ve been given all these gifts in the form of feeling loved, and how they’ve shaped my confidence in myself and the things that I do.

Realizing that I’ve been here on the floor murmuring about love and feeling overwhelmed with emotion for nearly an hour now.

Considering for a small second that maybe Lady Aphrodite is here with me,

Considering she is trying to tell me something.

I ask for a sign and have to correct myself because I’m actually asking for a sign other than this. Something in my head wonders why that is, and I answer:

“I’m still struggling to trust myself. I don’t always think I’m worthy of being taken seriously.”

And I realize that if she is reaching out, this is the reason. I realize she would want me to put faith in my own feelings, that she might not be willing to lay external clues. That if I’m truly ready to work with her, I’ll take a leap and trust myself just this once.

What’s the worst that could happen if I’m wrong? I’d realize eventually, and she would never be angry with me for making a mistake.

So I don’t ask for external signs, I don’t ask for tokens of good will or animal sightings. I ask for feelings that I can’t ignore.

I didn’t expect anything immediate, maybe just another bought of feeling loved or feeling so in love with everything within the next day or two. Maybe a sudden impulse to tell a person I’m with that I love them. Something like that.

Instead I feel a slight pain in my chest, and I worry I shouldn’t be hunched on the floor like this, until I remember when I’ve felt that pain before. I wrote a whole damn poem about that pain when I first realized I was in love with one of the people who love me the most to this day. The good kind of heartache.

The first time I felt it was when I couldn’t ignore my feelings for this person any longer.

A feeling I can’t ignore.

Thank you, Lady Aphrodite for being patient with me while I learn to love myself enough to trust my feelings just this once. If you are calling I am ready. If I am wrong, then I can live with that. I love you, I love you, I love you and I feel so loved.

[s-lorelei]

The Romanticization of Draco Malfoy and Severus Snape.

Draco Malfoy is not — I repeat, is not — someone to fawn over. He's not a "sexy, morally grey, rich bad boy", he is a BULLY. He hung around awful people by choice, not because of his father. He bullied Harry, Hermione, and Ron by choice.

The people who adore him either:

1- Are movie-only fans and simp over Tom Felton — who is not Draco Malfoy.

Or.

2- Don't care that he's terrible and choose to love him and say that he's a broken character. That "I can fix him" mentality is what makes people toxic. (And this goes for any book. I'm looking at you, Dark Fantasy readers)

And I know there's those people who are like, "Well, he changed! He changed after he left school and got away from his father!"

I. Don't. Care.

There is absolutely no reason for children to be bullies growing up, no matter who they had for parents. I hear so many people say "I was bullied in school so I became a bully."

No. That's not an excuse. I was bullied in middle school horribly, and I never thought to myself, "huh, y'know what? I'm gonna bully everyone now."

No 👏🏻 excuse 👏🏻

Seriously. Y'all are the same exact people who love Snape, too. Anyone I've met who is smitten with Draco defends Snape's atrocious treatment of his students.

Movie-only Snape lovers out there, I want you to hear this!

He threatened to poison students to test their antidote potions.

He threatened to poison Neville's toad, Trevor, just because Neville had made a mistake.

He forced Neville to disembowl a cauldron of Horned-Toads as a punishment, because he KNEW Neville loved amphibians.

Attempted to embarrass Hermione and Harry by reading a completely untrue article (written by Rita Skeeter) aloud to his class about Hermione "playing with" Viktor Krum's and Harry's feelings and making her out to be a ho, in which he would pause after every line to allow the Slytherin students to laugh.

In the fourth book, Harry and Draco had a mini duel in front of Snape's classroom while they were all waiting for him to show up; Draco's spell hit Hermione and caused her front teeth to grow super long. When Harry pointed this out right after Snape had taken points from Gryffindor, Snape looked at Hermione and said, "I see no difference."

He tormented Harry about his father on mutiple occasions. And, though Snape had his reasons to loathe James Potter, there was no provocation from Harry and, therefore, Snape had no reason to get involved. (You should, in no way, give children the image that their parents were/are bad. Let them learn that for themselves.)

Accused Harry of stealing from his office (in greater loathing than the movies, aka riled Harry up about his father just to make him angry and possibly let slip that he did it).

Tried to get Sirius killed, even though he had no business in the matter.

Refused to let Harry pass into Dumbledore's office when he found a delirious Barty Crouch in the woods.

And many, many other things.

All in all, Snape is horrible, and no amount of "Always" will change my mind.

Anywho, that concludes the end of another rant because I've typed way too much.

EDIT (for the people who have #no reading comprehension): This is a post about ADULT Snape. I am NOT talking about child Snape. He had every right to despise James (as I mentioned), and Sirius, and Professor Lupin, and Peter (although he doesn't matter because everyone thought he was dead). I have no idea what kind of high some of you all are on, but I'm clearly talking about Snape as a professor, in which he belittles children who don't know any better.

He bullies Harry for being James's son, but what was his reasoning for picking on Neville constantly, hm? Did Frank Longbottom make fun of Snape in school? We don't know because it wasn't mentioned at all. A teacher is meant to help students grow, not beat them down until they feel so useless they wanna disappear. In this case, Snape's actions are not redeemable at all.

[bullet-clubs-bitch]

Can I request a Christian Cage x Female!Copeland!Reader where Christian is married to Adam’s younger sister and they have their own little family together and she’s Christian’s Valet on screen when Adam arrives it causes a riff because (on screen) he’s trying to get his baby sister away from who he believes is her manipulative piece of shit husband but behind the scenes he’s the most caring and loving big brother and uncle and best friend?

Love Hate and Kayfabe

Warnings: Mentions of toxic relationships, hitting, violence, swearing, generic warnings of all sorts

Word Count: 4k

Main Masterlist Christian Cage Masterlist

When I was approached by Tony, Adam and Christian about this new storyline idea I didn’t like it. Not because Christian and I would have to act like a toxic couple who hated each other but the fact that our children would be involved. As an entertainer,  I’ll admit I was intrigued with the concept but as a parent, I wanted to protect my children. The twins were too young to understand that it wasn’t real. It didn't matter how I would explain it if they saw Mom and Dad yelling at each other they would think it was real. Except in this case, it would be much more than yelling, you have to keep the Kayfabe alive. 

Spending the past 20 years in the wrestling industry I was all too familiar with the issues many children with wrestler parents had. Christian and I knew this, that’s why we waited so long to have children, we wanted to make sure to be there when they grew up but sometimes an opportunity that’s too good to pass up shows up. The next thing you knew Christian and I were out of retirement and helped to create All Elite Wrestling. 

When I found out my older brother Adam Copeland would be joining AEW for some reason I was angry. I mean don’t get me wrong I loved him but I wasn’t as happy as I thought I would be. All Elite Wrestling was MY show, I didn’t need my older brother to steal my spotlight once again. Although my run in WWE during the divas era was quite successful, I was still always viewed as ‘Edge’s little sister’. I hated it.

 Adam and I were never close growing up, since he was 10 years older than me. He was always protective over me, too protective. I could never do anything without my big brother being there. When I told him I wanted to wrestle he shut down the idea immediately, he couldn't bear to see his little sister do such an extreme sport, it made me sick. Just because our dad died when we were young doesn't mean he can start acting like mine. It was his best friend Christian Cage that made Adam change his mind. Christian secretly trained me and vowed to keep it a secret from Adam despite the possibility of it ruining their friendship. Adam would find out about our secret when he went to a local indy show to support one of Christian’s friends on their debut match. What Adam didn’t know was that Christian’s ‘friend’ was me. Of course, Adam was mad at first but once he saw what I could do he had no choice but to allow it. 

Since that day I have engraved myself as one of the best female wrestlers of my generation, without the help of my brother. I did it myself, or I guess with Christian. Christian was there from the very start, he taught me everything I knew, he was there for every match, and every injury, and he even supported me when I asked for my WWE release. I knew I had to wrestle in a promotion without the famous rated R superstar to be taken seriously. During that time Christian and I had developed feelings for each other. After years of sexual tension between the two of us that my brother obviously never noticed we bit the bullet and slept together. When Adam first found out about our relationship he was furious, not because I was sleeping with his best friend but how we hid it for a year without him noticing it. But to be fair it was supposed to be a one-time thing, but of course that’s never how it works. A one-night stand turned into booty calls, to friends with benefits, then fast forward 15 years here we are. Christian and I have been married for the past 10 and have 5-year-old twins, a boy and a girl who we named Isla and Carter. Who currently sat with us in Tony Khans office as we went over everything. 

It was simple really, I had been Christians ‘valet’ ever since he joined AEW as I retired after having the kids so the fans already knew our relationship. That part was done, the only thing left to do was use the debut of Adam Copeland to create a rift in our relationship. 

**** 

“HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW HE WAS GOING TO SHOW UP! HE’S YOUR BROTHER FOR GOD SAKES!” Christian yelled 

“YOU KNOW I HAVEN’T SPOKEN TO MY BROTHER SINCE WE GOT MARRIED! HOW WOULD I KNOW HE WOULD SHOW UP? AREN’T YOU HIS BEST FRIEND!” I yelled back 

“FORMER best friend. You of all people should know what it feels like to have him steal all the spotlight from you. Now you better fix this problem because there is no way in hell I will let him take the spotlight away from us again”  Christian said this time in a condescending tone. 

I did exactly what Christian said, next week I would interrupt a backstage interview with Adam and attempt to ‘fix’ this problem. During the segment, Christian, Luuchasaurus and our newly adopted son Nick Wayne would attack him from behind. This would begin not only the rivalry between Christian and Adam but also between me and Christian since he would accidentally injure me, slowly creating that rift.   

*** 

“So Adam, everyone is dying to know why you decided to join All Elite Wrestling?” Renee Paquette asked 

“Well Renee, I decided to join AEW so I could finish my career with the man I started with. I want to end my career with my best friend Christian Cage” Adam said 

“Christian did not seem too happy when you made your debut at WrestleDream, he claimed that you were here to steal the spotlight from him. How do you feel about that?” 

“Well Renee, first off-” I cut Adam off before he could finish his sentence 

“Well Well, look who it is. It’s the rated R superstar Adam Copeland” I yelled in a cocky tone as I entered the scene, grabbing a chair to sit between Adam and Renee. “What’s wrong Adam? You seem…. On Edge? Renee, you should be asking why he really joined AEW, you and I both know that was a bull shit answer he gave you. The real reason you joined AEW was because you couldn’t bear to see your little sister in the spotlight. I’m not some kid anymore, I have become twice the star you ever were. People should be referring to you as Y/n’s older obnoxious brother who can’t stand to accept the fact that I am better than you. You can’t just walk into MY company and expect the golden treatment because of who you USED to be. I think it’s quite funny how you referred to Christian as your best friend. If you were really his best friend you would have called on his birthday, Christmas, New Year’s, fuck you would have been at his wedding. You left him hanging at our wedding day after you promised you would be his best man. You never called when I gave birth, never made the attempt to meet your niece and nephew, you never even called to see how I was doing after I NEARLY DIED after carrying this industry on my back for the past 20 years!” Just then on cue, Christian and the boys jumped Adam from behind and began the attack. 

The backstage area had become pure chaos, chairs, tables, and everything that was not nailed down was being thrown. Adam and Christian started pummeling each other, security tried to pull the pair away but was unsuccessful. Just then Christian threw a chair at Adam’s head which he ducked, hitting me in the head instead. As my body hit the floor everyone went quiet as reality set in, Christian ran to my side to see if I was okay but Adam pushed him out of the way, so he could check on me. “Get away from her!” He yelled at Christian. You could see the regret on Christians face knowing that he took things too far. 

***

A few weeks  had passed since our segment and the ratings had skyrocketed. We had to move faster with this story that we had originally planned because the people were just too interested in it. This week after playing with Adam for weeks he would get a TNT title opportunity. In order to get his title shot at Full Gear he would have to wrestle Luchasaurus and Nick Wayne in a two on one handicap match. Adam would win the match and I would get blame me for it all, claiming that it was still my fault for Adam’s debut in the first place. I paced nervously around the backstage area as I wanted for our que to begin the match. Sure Christian and I had argued in ring and real life on many occasions but this time was different. After this match Christian and I would have to fully commit to the act. That meant no more wedding rings, no more traveling together, we couldn't be spotted together. Christian noticed me toying with my ring and came up to me giving me a big hug. “You know we will still be married right?” he told me softly before placing a delicate kiss on my forehead. “Yeah I know. It’s just weird. Whatever I say tonight I’m telling you right now I won’t mean” I told him as I held him closer. “I know, and I’ll apologize in advance for my actions” Christian told me. 

“Alright you love birds, you're on in 60 seconds” one of the producer’s yelled. 

Christian and I exchanged I love you’s and a kiss before we heeded hand in hand to the ring for the last time. 

**

Christian sat on commentary and I was ringside supporting my boys. On multiple occasions I interfered when the ref wasn’t looking, but even with my tricks Adam still had the upper hand. I went under the ring and grabbed a steel chair, I handed it to Nick and distracted the ref. Unfortunately Adam countered and hit Nick on the crown of his head with the chair, busting him open. 1..2..3..it was over. 

Christian stormed down to the ring and the two of us began to argue. Although he didn’t have a mic it was still loud enough to be heard. “This is all YOUR fault. I told you to take care of this and instead you made things worse!” Christian yelled. Adam sat on the floor on one of the ring corners, listening to our argument. I tried to get some words in but it was no use. I just kept saying I was sorry but he didn’t care. Christian was angry, with every word he got closer, we were soon chest to chest. The way Christian towered over me made me feel small, I felt like I had been teleported to my youth, I forgot this wasn’t real. “You are worthless, you are nothing” Christian said through gritted teeth. I could feel the tears fall, I was crying. I pushed Christian away, so hard he almost fell. Big mistake, SMACK. He hit me, he actually hit me. My cheek stung and the arena went silent, you could hear a pin drop. I couldn't control my emotions, I was a mess. Looking back at the footage I cringed at the way I looked like a big baby, for god sakes I’m a forty old woman who was having a toddler meltdown on tv. Out of instinct, I hit Christian back, I don’t know why I did but I did, I didn’t stop. Adam quickly got up and separated us. He pulled me away as I screamed. “I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I’m sick of your shit Christian, I’M DONE!” I yelled as Adam pulled me out of the ring. I took off my wedding ring and placed it on the ring apron before Adam picked me up, throwing me on his shoulder, carrying me backstage. 

***

Christian and I sat in our private lockerroom alone and in silence for what felt like forever. We were the main event of the night and Rampage has just been filmed. We had been here at least an hour. I couldn't comprehend what happened, Christian hit me. I know this was all part of the story but I didn’t think he would hit me. He never hit me before, not in any way. It took me a while to calm down after the incident, I couldn't stop crying. Several of the female talent comforted me as I cried. I hated how vulnerable I was, many of those girls looked up to me as a mentor now they had to take care of me as I took my own story too far. I was distracted from my thoughts when I felt Christian gently place his hand on mine. I pulled away fast, still on edge from earlier.                    

“I’m sorry Y/n. I don’t know what came over me, you know I would never hurt you” Christian said softly. I said nothing, I didn’t look at him, I didn’t even move. “Can you atleast look at me?” Christian asked. I turned to face him and noticed his eyes were red as well, he was crying. He reached into his pocket and pulled out my ring, the large diamond shinned in the light. “You dropped this'' he said as I let him slip it back on my finger. “I’m sorry” I whispered as I could feel the tears reforming in my eyes “I’m sorry I hit you” I told him. “No, honey I’m sorry. I'm so sorry, it was right for you to hit me. Your poor face” Christian said as he gently cupped my face, brushing his thumb at the bruise that started to form on the side of my face. “I can’t believe I did that to you. I don’t know what I was thinking. Why did I do it so hard?” He said mostly to himself. “It’s okay” I told him “Can I give you a hug?” Christian asked, scared he would hurt me. I nodded and returned the hug. I was scared, so scared. What have I gotten myself into? What if all of this became real? 

****

Just like I said it became real. After the incident I filmed a backstage clip of me dragging Christian and I’s children out of the arena. Renee tried to ask me a few questions but I was trying to get out of there as fast as I could. I held Isla in one arm and Carter held my hand. “Y/n, can you tell us what you’re feeling after the actions that just took place in the ring moments ago?” Renee asked “I’m done, I’m fucking done. Don’t you dare come near me or my children. We are over and I WILL be getting full custody” and with that I left the arena. Once that clip aired the following week my phone was going crazy. People all over the world had been talking about the story, people bought it, I bought it. I actually ended up falling into a depression, I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't get myself to go to work. I couldn't look at Christian. 

Full gear was soon approaching and Christian and Adam had continued the storyline without me. Adam went on his weekly rants on how Christian had been manipulating me for years, how he didn’t deserve me, how toxic we were behind closed doors. Christian denied everything, he claimed that Adam was the one who was manipulating me. I mean, it was when he came to AEW we started to drift apart. Adam was just making me believe Christian was the bay guy. The crowd was divided, people on both sides of the story, so invested on what would happen at Full Gear. I, however, felt nothing but numbness. It didn’t matter how much Christian praised me behind closed doors, how many gifts he bought me to cheer me up, I coudn’t get it out of my head. I knew he loved me, I loved him but when you're so deep into a story it’s hard to get out.

It was now Full Gear weekend and it would be the first time I went to work after the whole fight. Christian and I arrived separately and stayed at separate hotels. It had been a whole week since I saw Christian last and when I saw him he was different. “Hi my love!” He said as he came up to me, holding me tight and kissing me. That was my Christian, not Christian Cage. “Have you been smoking again?” Christian asked me. I may or may not have taken up smoking again due to the stress of this storyline. “Maybe” Christian said nothing, he just laughed. “Why are you so happy?” I asked him “I’m just happy to see you. I missed you and I was talking to the boss and Cope, they think you should turn on him” "Turn on who?” “Adam, we can make it seem like the whole argument between us was just a work to get closer to Adam. Now we know his plans, now we can end him for good!” I liked this idea, did it make total sense, no, but I hated arguing with Christian more. 

I helped Christian get ready for his match and went over everything. I would accompany Adam to the ring and ‘help’ him during the match while I was actually helping Christian. Some started to catch onto my tricks. They were little things, throwing weapons in the ring to benefit Christian, distracting the ref so Adam couldn't get the pin, feeding Nick instructions to attack Adam. Soon I was feeling better, I felt like myself. I was finally able to get out of my head. The end of the match was soon approaching and this would be the finali. Just as Adam would get the three I would pull the ref out of the ring. The crowd went wild and by the look on Adam’s face I could tell he was shocked, oops. Just then I climbed in the ring and listened to Adam begging for answers. Why did I do it? Why would I do it? How could I do it? It was easy, I couldn't let him steal my spotlight once again. I then gave Adam a low blow and Christian gave him a conchairto. It was over. I pulled the lifeless ref back into the ring and listened to the painfully slow count 1….2….3… It was over. It was finally over, we won, I won. Christian and I passionately made out in the center of the ring as we drank in the boos. 

I went over to grab a microphone and made sure I got the final word. “You stupid, stupid old man. You really thought I was on your side. You’re pathetic, you see this whole thing was a trap and you fell right into it. You really thought you could split us up? I’ll give it to you, you got close but not close enough. If you thought a little argument would split us up you are sadly mistaken. Christian could put me through a flaming table and we would make up in time for dinner. You wanted to know why? Why I did it, it’s easy. It’s revenge. Revenge for making my life miserable, now it’s your time to live in my shadow, and if you think it’s over between us, that’s cute. This is only the beginning” 

Christian and I laughed, leaving Adam’s lifeless body in the ring, heading backstage to grab a few drinks, making sure to leave one for Adam. Sure I hate his guts but at the end of the day he is my brother. Christian and I might hate Adam on screen but behind closed doors we still love each other. Always have always will. I mean he is my brother, whether I like it or not. 

An: Sorry the ending is a bit rushed but I didn't want to make it too long or make a second part

[sweaterkittensahoy]

thinking about the sports medicine doc I saw several months ago because I fucked up a tendon last year and went to get evaluated for a cortisone shot and/or PT.

Due to white-knuckling my way through severe endometriosis for several years before getting help, and then white-knuckling through two more years of active treatment because I wanted to be SURE I REALLY NEEDED to just take out everything (that I wasn't using in the first place, not wanting children), my relationship with pain is a fucking mess. Like, I could feel it HURT when my back tweaked, and that was obviously an issue. But also, I have no idea what amount of pain is average.

So, anyway, first time meeting this sports medicine guy. Sent that way by my primary care doc who has always been fantastic. But the sports medicine doc wasn't HER, so I was worried I wouldn't be taken seriously because it wasn't until I was 29 that doctors actually started listening to me about my pain.

Doctor comes in. Asks what's up. I explain how the injury happened and when it hurts. And then I took a deep breath and said the scariest thing, "The thing is, I can't actually tell you how bad it is because I have a really unclear idea of how much pain I have because I spent several years in near-constant to constant pain with severe endometriosis, so I disconnect from my pain a lot."

And this doctor goes, "Oh, okay. Good to know. I've worked with a lot of endo patients. Let me check a couple of things."

And one of the things he tried was to put his thumb right on the lower back tendon that was flared up in anger at the overall issue and PUSHED. And I made some sort of noise, and he went, "Okay, so that tendon is super angry at you. You definitely need PT to get things healed up. Do you want the cortisone shot today? If not, I'm going to tell you to ice it and take painkillers and just be careful, but that can be easier with the shot on board."

And a part of me went, "No, of course not! Why would I need that???" But what came out of my mouth was "Yes, I would like the shot."

And I was very fucking proud of myself because, my god, the RELIEF. Did it long-term fix the issue? No. That was what the PT was for. Did it PROVIDE relief? YES. Holy shit. The level of BETTER I felt was amazing.

I don't know if I have an overall point of this post except to remind you that your pain is valid. Your pain is worth lessening. Just because you've suffered with no help before doesn't mean you have to do it again. Get the cortisone shot. Get the fat ibie prescriptions (just refilled mine). Do the PT and don't push yourself to the point of pain just because the therapist is watching (still working on that one).

[bellalaufeyson69]

Steven Grant x Reader | Darling pt. 1

Darling pt. 1

Description: Steven and Yn are paired to be a fake couple for a mission.

Wc ♡ 2,830

Masterlist ♡

Warnings ♡ none

————

Steven and I had been friends for about a year now. Ever since he and the boys were recruited to the avengers him and I have gotten along amazingly. I’d even consider him to be my best friend. We do everything together, between going to the bank, and getting some coffee for the team. It’s so refreshing to have someone like this, not to mention he always makes me laugh.

Though here we are now standing in front of Nick Fury as he just spilled the news of a new mission. A mission where Steven and I had to be boyfriend and girlfriend. “May I ask why? No- you know not that- I don’t mean- it’s not a problem!-“ Steven questioned the man his face turning red as he spewed out a bunch of words. He was now looking at me panicked and apologetic hoping I wouldn’t have taken offense to his question.

I laughed and shrugged it off, I was curious why also. “Because, it’s a publicity thing. We’re trying to take the heat off of Tony after his incident.” He began as if it made perfect sense. He seemed to have noticed our expressions of confusion and furthered the point. “People will be shocked at two avengers dating each other, I’ve been made aware of videos some fans have made, stories even.” He laughed to himself at this as if it were the craziest thing he’d heard. “They really want you two together, so we figure this will get a lot of attention and take it off of Tony,” he informed more seriously now.

I glanced at Steven who’d been staring at fury with his mouth propped in a trance. “So, what does it mean to be fake dating? How often do we have to act like it, and how far do we take it?” I questioned maturely. I knew I needed to know the information for the sake of the mission. “Also how long,” I added as the question came up.

He sighed at all the questions. “Alright alright,” he gestured me to slow my roll. “It means as far as anyone outside of this room knows, you two are together romantically. You have to act like it whenever you’re in front of someone else, unless it’s me. As for how far, I’m not sure I have the grounds to say that…” he said more awkwardly which made me feel rather embarrassed. I hadn’t meant I’d offer myself up to have sex with Steven for the sake of the mission but I fear I sounded like that’s what I meant. “Just do whatever you’d do with a boyfriend,” he said and gave me a nod as if to say this conversation was over. With a gruff expression he’d then left us to comprehend everything.

“Well… it’s a good thing we’re so close.” Steven began with a shocked laugh as he turned to look at me. I felt my cheeks heat up because this all still felt so intimate. The weirdest part of it all is the fact that I’m kind of excited about it. I wonder if he is too. “I think we skipped a few steps though,” he chuckled trying to lighten up the situation.

I smiled and laughed back. “Yeah… the fact that we can’t tell the team that this isn’t real either is just crazy to me,” I admitted while smiling to let him know I wasn’t angry and more just talking about the bosses choices. “Like, can you imagine what Kate is going to say? Ugh” I groaned out at the thought and as I said that Steven responded with an “ohmygosh” simultaneously.

Kate had always teased Steven and I about dating. Yes, prior to this mission and nick fury, we already knew about the avengers fans making ship edits of me and Steven. Because of Kate. How she came across that? Who knows. From that, and how close we were she’d always messed with us saying we might as well just put the label on our relationship. “Before we go out there, what’s the limits?” I asked Steven to try and get a gauge of how to act.

He stood there for a moment stumped, his cheeks reddened as he thought about it. “Uhm…” he was pretty flustered now I could tell he was extremely nervous. “I mean… he said to act how we would if we were really in a relationship… I just feel like I’m not good at acting, so I should probably be as authentic as possible y’know?” He began through a bright red face, his voice was so soft and sheepish. “Personally I’m rather affectionate, you know the hugging, kiss on the cheek, kind of thing yeah?” His eyes bore into mine as if he was hopelessly reading every single minor expression I could be making to find out if I was on the same page.

I nodded slowly taking in what he’d said. “So… we’ll hug and kiss on the cheek?” I wasn’t sure just how far Steven wanted to go but I felt like this wasn’t enough. I didn’t want to push but to be authentic this just wasn’t me. Although I won’t be going the full 100 on how I act in a relationship because I’m extremely affectionate.

He seemed to be conflicted, like he wanted to speak further but couldn’t bring himself to. I waited for a moment watching as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Well… I don’t want to be pushy at all so please tell me no if you don’t want to but… I feel like kissing could be helpful too? Just… everything… arm around the shoulder, holding hands at the store… stuff I would do if I was your boyfriend,” he explained nervously he seemed to be breathing just a little heavier too. With his history of anxiety and panic attacks I could tell he was definitely pretty anxious right now.

I nodded in agreement. “No yeah, you’re completely right, I was gonna say the same thing. I just feel like real life relationships, well for me at least, are more affectionate like that. Plus if we have to act like it even here at home it helps to make it more realistic,” I reassured him with a bright and happy attitude so he would relax a little bit more. It definitely worked as I watched his expression melt and shoulders sink in a more relaxed state.

He bit his tongue and nodded. “So.. shall we?” He asked gesturing to the door while holding his hand out for me to take.

I couldn’t help but giggle at this, it just felt so weird being intimate with my best friend like this. He laughed too, as our fingers intertwined. Neither of our smiles left even after the laughter stopped. We walked out of the meeting room hand in hand and headed for the common area where we were spotted by Rhodey and Tony. “Woah! Didn’t know you had it in you Tomb Buster!” Tony smugly remarked through a grin, he nudged Rhodey with his shoulder. “So he can talk to girls,” he laughed but Rhodey seemed uncomfortable that Tony would say that in front of Steven so he just kept quiet and gave Steven a little nod and smile.

“What?” Steven’s brows rose in confusion and he had an innocent open mouthed smile on his face. “Is that some sort of bet or sumthin’?” He asked quietly, I could tell that Tony made him nervous. Probably because their personalities were pretty much polar opposite.

Tony leaned against the counter of the bar and held his chin in his palm, while inspecting Steven and I. “Yeah, always thought you were too… hmm.. shy I’ll say,” he continued on more seriously. “But hey! Good for you man, and YN too?! Got yourself a spicy one, isn’t that right reindeer games?” He announced to the corner of the room where we’d turned to see Loki in an armchair book in hand, and a very disinterested expression.

At the mention of his name he didn’t move, but his eyes made contact with us. He glared at Tony which would be the only form of a response he was going to get. “Idiot.” He grumbled to himself before looking back down to his book.

I felt very awkward, I just knew my face was a dead give away of that too. “What uh… what’s that supposed to mean?” Steven tried to be nonchalant but it was obvious he was a little displeased with the comment.

Tony lowered his head to Steven with a grin. “Common, you haven’t seen those two when they’re drunk? They’re like me on a Friday night,” he smirked over at me his eyes trailing my figure then back up. “Isn’t that right sweetheart?” He was so cocky the smugness dripped off of him.

I gave him a warning look then quickly glanced to Loki to find him staring right back clearly active in this conversation. He quickly turned away to look back at his book. “Thanks for making things awkward, maybe for your birthday I can get you a filter.” I joked through pursed lips while patting his shoulder.

“Filters are for coffee, you can get me a condom tough.” He said it with a mischievously smile before shielding himself from my hand knowing I’d be quick to retaliate with that comment. I smacked his chest but hit his hands as he blocked me.

“You’re disgusting Tony Stark!” I laughed and smacked one more time, he laughed hysterically as he dodged my attacks.

He held his hands up in defense as he walked backwards toward the hallway. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, you’re right…” he softly apologized in a more serious tone. “Condoms are gross, hate the feeling, I’ll just go in all natural. Save your money, get me a better gift,” he spoke really fast while laughing before running into the hall as I lunged forward ready to smack again.

Rhodey took this as his sign to follow, I assume he was in the middle of a conversation with a very bored Stark who’d used me as a way to slip away from it. I looked to Steven as he watched Tony leave, he swallowed then slowly turned to me, his eyes darting to Loki on the couch then me again. “Me and Loki… have hooked up a few times… that’s all,” I felt the need to tell him the truth, otherwise things just felt very tense and awkward.

He nodded still not seeming very happy with the answer. “It’s nothing to worry about, we just kept each other company, filled each others wild and passionate needs,” Loki informed from his chair not looking up from his book.

Steven’s lips were a straight line as he stared at Loki on the couch. His brow furrowed slightly. “Well I feel like we should be mature about this and just say that YN and I are together now…” he said to Loki with a hint of malice in his tone.

Loki laughed from his spot a simple ‘Heh!’ With an amused expression he’d closed his book and stood up. “That’s interesting because we frequently talk about our lives and you’d never mentioned anything about a special person, not to mention a boyfriend,” he walked closer now zeroing in on me.

“Well I don’t tell you everything…” I tried my best to sound real but I knew the way I spoke was so artificial.

His eyes lowered, squinting skeptically. It felt like he could read right through me, like he knew something was off. “You know who I am love, you can’t fool me.” He said with a lowered, grizzly voice. And with that he’d left, his fingers brushing my hips, leaving me with a very bothered Steven.

He looked pissed now. He turned his from me and took a breath. I placed my hand on his arm and pulled him to look at me. “That guys a royal ass,” he began to vent through a scowl. “He acted like I wasn’t even here! Clearly flirting with you right in front of me when he knew you were my girlfriend! Well- you know-“ he began to stutter toward the end because he didn’t want me thinking this was too real to him.

“It’s okay, I know what you mean,” I soothed my hands both on his upper arms now. “Listen to me, Loki is just like that. He probably won’t stop either. I know this isn’t ideal, but it’s what we’re working with… I mean I don’t think either of us expected… this..”

He took a deep breath while looking at me. “I know, I know,” he seemed sad, and mad at the same time. Just completely bothered. “I don’t like it… the way he acts around you… I don’t want him-“ he began and paused for a second. “I don’t want him touching you.” he admitted though it was more dominant and stern than I’d ever expected from Steven Grant, and I hadn’t noticed but I’d unintentionally grinned at it. When he’d seen my face he couldn’t help but smile back. “Why are you smiling?” He said through a toothy grin.

“Nothing!” I defended playfully. “I just didn’t expect you to be so demanding,” I teased there was a hint of flirtatiousness to my tone.

He seemed to have picked up on it very quickly and he perked up. “Well you just haven’t known me so intimately before,” he started now in a more playful and upbeat mood. “I happen to be a very fierce and bold boyfriend,” he joked and put emphasis on the words to make himself seem more tuff which made me laugh.

“Ohh, wow, that’s pretty hot,” I went all out on this one and as soon as I said it I felt my heart start to race. This didn’t feel like a fake thing at all, it was so confusing. Steven’s flirting seemed so real, but that’s the point isn’t it? I can’t help but think that maybe this isn’t just the mission talking though… that maybe it’s really him. He seemed genuinely jealous at Loki’s flirting. This was the time to make or break this.

His brow rose and his confidence seemed to have grown. “Oh yeah? I’ll remember that then darling,” he flirted back his voice was lowered now and he’d stood so closely. The tensions were thick as we stared at each other. His hands slowly made their way around my waist before resting on my back, he pulled me into his chest and hugged me resting his head on top of mine. I relaxed my head to his chest and wrapped my arms around him back, feeling as he began to sway us. “If anyone else tries to flirt with my girlfriend I think I’ll go mad.” He huffed and it seemed more like a confession than a statement.

I didn’t know how to respond to this, so I go along with it? Do I joke it off? What if someone else is in here? Then I’d have to go along. I decided to go with my gut, “I’ll beat them up for you.”

He chuckled at his and his thumbs traced circles around my back. “I always knew I’d have to fight off the competition for you,” he didn’t seemed to have realized what he was saying until it was too late and I could feel his body tense once he did.

“Oh yeah?” I poked playfully. “You always knew huh? Seems like you’ve thought about it for a while now.” I commented to mess with him. I knew he’d be flustered but I thought it was cute.

His thumbs stopped moving and I could tell he was deep in thought. “Uhm…” he started but couldn’t seem to grasp how to reply. “I just-“ I leaned my head back to look at him, right then Bucky had walked in giving a greeting nod and sitting on the couch to readjust his arm. I looked back at Steven with an amused grin knowing how we truly did have to be all show about this fake relationship. He looked at me softly, his eyes bouncing between mine then down to my lips. This simple pattern of minuscule movements made my heart flutter. His breathing picked up as he slowly leaned closer to me his eyes now fixatives on my lips before he finally fully kissed me. It was a hungry, long and passionate kiss, his hands placed on my cheeks and mine on his chest. Once we’d finished he leaned his head back just a small bit, still very close to me, close enough I could feel his warm breath brushing my face. He traced circles with his thumbs on my cheeks while he stared at my face in awe, a smile slowly forming on his lips which I mirrored. “Yeah, I’ve thought about it for a while.”

————

[redheadwannabesblog]

Hermione and Ginny friendship: Girls supporting girls

I went to the gym last night and the coach teaching class has the most incredible abs. kind of inspired this. ——————————————————

Hermione’s parents had remained in Australia after their memories were restored and the group had made it a frequent vacation spot since. 

Ron and Hermione had been there a week already visiting and Harry and Ginny had arrived this morning for a rare long weekend.

Ginny couldn’t wait to go down the beach. She had started surfing recently but Englands waters were cold but the sun was shining today. Ron was thrilled with the suggestion saying Hermione hadn’t been interested with going to the shoreline all week and she smiled weakly and agreed. Harry was helping Ron fill Mr. Grangers jeep for their day out while Hermione and Ginny got ready. Ginny went to Hermione’s room to see if she had extra towels to find her angrily swearing front of the mirror while struggling with her bathing suit. 

She looked up at Ginny and groaned “oh come on” while waving frustrated in her direction and she slumped onto the bed. 

“Hermione what is going on with you” Ginny said urgently running to her side as angry tears streamed down her face. 

“It’s just how do you look like that. You look incredible, Your stomach is so flat! I can barely fit in my clothes anymore, let alone wear a bathing suit.” 

Ginny looked down at her own bath suit top and shorts. She’d had a light white top but the blue bikini top shown through. The season had wrapped but her tight muscles were still highlighting the core strength she had built over the last few years. 

She looked at Hermione. Her beautiful curls filling her arms around as she pulled her crying friend into a hug. 

“Is that why you haven’t been wanting to go to the beach? Hermione you look incredible.“

Hermione scoffed. “I’ve been so focused on law school and the internship. I feel so bloated and stressed all the time. Ron has been trying to get me to relax all week but I don’t feel like myself at all.  And I see you and the girls here all look like models and i just feel so out of shape.”

Her exhaustion was so evident and her self esteem had taken a hit. 

“You are studying and working 20 hours a day. Of course you don’t feel like yourself, your body is telling you to slow down. And as much as I hate to admit it my idiot brother is right. You need to get some real rest.”

“Rest isn’t gonna make me look as fit as you. You don’t get it. You’ve always been hot”

It was Ginny’s turn to scoff.

“I’m flattered but I’m afraid I have a boyfriend. “

Hermione gave a wet snort through her tears. 

Ginny squeezed her shoulder. “I am a professional athlete. My job requires me to train several hours a day. Trust you don’t want to be this fit. And you think I don’t get it? 

When I was first signed to the harpies there were dozens of articles saying the only reason I was brought on was because I was Harry’s girlfriend and I was too small to really be successful. When I crushed my first season they started saying I was freakishly strong and overly aggressive. Witch Weekly did a whole piece on if arm muscles were sexy or if they were too masculine, with a photo of me from training camp. The damn paparazzi got a shot of me sunbathing and called me slutty even though it was meant to be a private beach and when I refused to do the Quidditch Monthly photo shoot I got called a prude for ages. “

Hermione dried her face realizing the truth of all of it. Ginny’s body had been under nothing but scrutiny for years and had always not let it phase her. 

“Of course it gets to me but I know there is no winning and everyone always has their opinions but what I refuse to do is let what other people think dictate what I do or how I feel. And neither should you because honestly Granger you are fucking hot.”

It made Hermione giggle. But Ginny kept going.

“Seriously, You’re jealous of my abs. I’m jealous of your tits. They’re incredible. If I had those maybe I would’ve done the centerfold photo shoot. The world shouldn’t be deprived of such beauty.”

At Hermione’s bright smile she double down. 

“Harry would feed himself to a pack of thestrals before cheating on me but I’ll bet you my bonus if you walk out in this he’s gonna spend all day desperately avoiding looking at you. And Ron’s gonna start drooling the second he sees you.” 

Hermione squeezed her future sister in law hand and said “thank you really. I don’t know what got into me. Everything has been stressing me out.”

“Come on let’s go have a great day at the beach.”

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for accidentally killing my partner in a fit of anger?

ok so basically four years ago my friend P (25) and i (28) were building this super huge basement to make a statue room (we would build statues and then put them there), when we discovered this like small red fuzzy egg thing covered in vines. we both instantly thought it was super cute and began showering it with gifts and spreading its vines around the local area and even inside our house!

my situationship/husband/boyfriend/bff/silly rabbit S (24) hated it though. like he was really seriously creeped out by it. i was already attached to our new little egg at this point so i was really hurt and thought it would cause a divorce or something, so P and our mutual friend A and i decided to lock him up with it and see if he warmed up to it.

he did, but in a much worse way than i was expecting. when we broke him out, he'd turned bright red from his original diamond blue and all he wanted was to stay next to that stupid egg. it's like we weren't even friends anymore...

anyway i obviously drove myself further into devotion for the egg and decided to band together with my friends and take over the land with it. unfortunately, not many people seemed to like our methods of spreading the seeds of the egg around, nor did they like our more... aggressive methods, shall we say. eventually, it became too much for P and she left us altogether to form an anti-egg organisation (pro-omelette she called it); it really hurt the group morale, but the egg assured us that this was for the best. she wasn't a true friend anyway.

to get back in the good graces of the general public, we decided to host a banquet as an olive branch and apology for everyone.

a few days before the event, i visited S in the egg room (our plans to make it a statue room had been abandoned now that the egg had grown and taken over), and we had a huge argument. he didn't wanna talk to me at all, just wanted to be alone with the egg. he didn't understand that i was doing all this for him. every little thing i did in the past few months, sacrificing my friendships and hurting people and organising this event and preaching and devoting myself to the egg was just so he could come back to me.

but it was like he didn't even recognise me! (or i didn't recognise him, but what's the difference, really) our argument got so heated that i pushed him--it was supposed to be a light push, just to snap him out of it, or most probably just because i was angry and needed to let something out--but he was always so much shorter than me. he ended up falling into a pit of lava and losing his first life.

i wouldn't let this deter me, though; if anything, inwas even more determined to make sure all this wasn't just for naught. the banquet ended up being a smashing success for the most part, until we revealed its true purpose as a mass sacrifice to the egg and beheaded P's son. enraged, they killed A in retaliation despite being the one who betrayed US in the first place but that's a whole other thing. and then my son-in-law (long story), an anarchist with questionable ethics and some teenager showed up and forced us into hiding, containing the egg in the process.

i found out that S woke up on our shared island uninfected, which makes me feel a little better, but not much so. he killed me to release me from the egg's power too, and all the horrible things i'd done under its influence came crashing down on me when i respawned.

was all of this my fault? i feel like it was, but at the same time, i know i couldn't control myself. at least for the most part.

AITA?

[alpaca-clouds]

Something I am thinking about a lot while I am in the hospital is how our measurements of expertise are bound so strongly to structures of power. This is not inherent to expertise - it is just how our current system handles things.

The fact that someone has a doctorate in a field of medicine does not inharently enable them on a reality level to actually treat someone, who is sick. It enables them to do so legally, yes, but not realistically.

As someone who has struggled with health related issues forever, I can tell so many stories of times, where it was not a doctor who helped me but some other person. There was a nurse once, who saved me from being poisoned by a doctor, because she realized - other than the doctor - that the doctor accidentally had prescribed me the wrong medication. And there was only two years a nurse in the psych hospital who fixed an issue with my knee that so far several different doctors had failed to fix.

Throughout my life I several times correctly diagnosed myself with medical conditions, after different doctors misdiagnosed me.

The same is happening right now as well. @g-vlssz and I correctly identified the issue plaguing me right now TWO FUCKING MONTHS ago, and my current deterioation in health could've been prevented if any of the multiple doctors who saw me during this time just gave me corticoids. But they didn't, because I do not have a medical degree. It took me six weeks to convince a doctor to just look into our suspicion - a test that any other doctor could have ordered as well.

And the only reason that nobody took it serious, despite me arguing on a medical level (like with blood lab results and stuff) why I was suspecting the thing I was suspecting. And the only reason why it was not taken seriously is, that I do not have a piece of paper by a medical institution that gives me the legal power to just prescribe myself the medication.

Self-Diagnosis is always this massively politically charged topic, especially when it comes to a plethora of disabilities. Not only will doctors often get really angry, when you bring the topic up, but a lot of non-doctors, who believe in the existing power structure will as well.

It is something that on some level does make sense intuitively. Like, sure, we do not want people to be able to prescribe themselves like morphines, I guess.

But a lot of talk also always centers around the fact, that a lot of people do simply fear cancer. So, when some varied symptoms show up, they often will jump to the conclusion of "OMG, it has to be cancer". But... like... You are aware that this happens mostly because those people end up often feeling neglected by their primary medical providers after like going to the doctor for their chronic stomach issues and do not get serious - or will not even get to see a doctor in months because the waiting lists are so long. Nobody WANTS to be sick with cancer - but if nobody looks into any causes, what information do have people to go on? It is simply a fact that cancer is one of those sicknesses with a lot of information available on it. So, when someone starts to google: "Chronic stomach ache cause" cancer will be one of the things that will come up.

I mean, the reason why both I and my friend were correctly able to identify my symptoms (not with the exact sickness but the correct type of sickness) was that I managed to get at least seen by doctors and get some blood work done - and that I simply went into it assuming that the various symptoms that showed up unrelated over the last year without a cause ever being found were connected. And one of the symptoms is something that basically only shows up with the type of sickness I have. No, I did not know that to begin with, but I googled it and other than what the anti-self-diagnosis crowd tells you, you can actually get pretty good information that way.

I have yesterday contacted a lawyer. I will talk to that lawyer later today. But I cannot help but think about not only how unfair this entire situation is to me (had the doctors given me corticoids 8 weeks ago, I never would have ended up in hospital), but also towards other people. Because right now there is a lot of healthcare money and man hours put into my case. Things that would be probably be better spend with someone, whose issue could not be fixed by just giving them a two weeks course of corticoids. Like, I am taking up room in this hospital for at least two more weeks, and by the end of it my health insurance will have paid between 30 and 40k for this. Simply because my GP was not available and nobody else would just give me the medication I needed?

[violentviolette]

Do you have any advice for approaching violent and homicidal urges or just general anger with a therapist that's a little. Gentle? Anger is a very large portion of my problems, and I'm just concerned that my therapist will be more freaked out than she already is by me.

i think everything is in how u phrase it. im gonna be very real, a lot of traumatized ppl (myself included when i was younger so no judgement) tend to phrase what we say in the worst most extreme and shocking manner possible. some of that is intentional, because getting negative reactions from ppl and making them uncomfortable gives us a feeling of power and control over other ppls emotions. and sometimes its unintentional, because weve been conditioned to seek out negative reinforcement or have learned that our feelings are not taken seriously unless we explain them in the extreme

but either way it does mean that when ur trying to avoid a negative reaction it can be difficult to get those feelings across. but its actually pretty easy when u stop and give it some more thought. a good idea if u have trouble doing that on they fly would be to write down what u want to say and bring it in to read it/consult it while talking

a good place to start is to break the feeling down to its base parts and describe more of how ur experiencing it. this helps to avoid the initial emotional knee jerk ur therapist might have. so instead of being like "i have homicidal urges and fantasize about killing my family" something more like "im really struggling with my anger, when things happen, my first reaction is to get angry and then i cant move past that feeling to think clearly"

also always avoid actionable statements. don't say things like "i want to shoot my classmates" or "when someone talks i just want to take a brick to their face" those can get u in trouble but they're also just more likely to get a negative reaction because now ur therapist has to choose between u and the people they think u might harm. dont put them in a situation where they would have to even hypothetically choose ur feelings over someone elses safety cause thats when things get sticky. it puts them at odds with u and makes things go from simply "helping u" to now "protecting other ppl" a good quick trick for this is to just replace ppl with objects. instead of "i want to punch them" using "i want to punch something" or instead of "i want to kill them" using "i want to break things" if u absolutely must talk about ur urges being directed at living objects, its a good idea to qualify that u know thats wrong and lie that its not what u "really" want to do. things like "but i know thats not okay" "i know thats not healthy" "thats not how i want to react" "i want to find a different way to handle that feeling"

also using more broad language that is again centered on urself can be more productive. describe what the sensation physically feels like for u to experience as opposed to what it makes u want to do "when ppl talk to me at the wrong times, it feels like my skin is on fire and i get very antsy, it becomes hard to focus on anything else except how angry its making me" or "sometimes i get very restless, it feels like my body is buzzing and i cant get that to stop until i break or hit something, but i know thats not a good solution"

this will again help to keep ur therapist focused on helping to relieve ur feelings rather than protect others from potential violence. u stay the center of the conversation and they can focus on addressing the individual parts of ur feelings instead of being worried about how ur actions are affecting others

[lluvioscatniptea]

Hello. Want a scrapped Cyn-centric hunger games fanfic? Here you go.

[Scrapped] 1: Travel “Buddies”

Hiiiiii my first fanfic after finally getting over my “OMG YOUR FANFICS ARE CRINGE” phase :’3

This is gonna be very Cyn-Centric because there aren’t enough Cynfics! Plus, I find the concept of Cyn finding herself in a powerless position fascinating, and I want to go into that more.

Note: this fic may feel rushed at times and WILL have plotholes and cop outs, :( it’s my first fic after a while and I’m busy with OC projects and stuff-

Hopefully it’s good enough tho!! :D

(I’m waiting 5 months for an Ao3 account lol)

Enjoy?? Idk if I’m posting this tbh T-T

Why does Notes hate the name Cyn lmao

REMINDER TO SELF: CRINGE IS FREE. SHUT UP ABOUT JUDGEMENT, IT DOESNT MATTER. YOU WANNA DO THIS, SO DO THIS. GOD WHY DO I HAVE TO YELL AT MYSELF

“Cynthia Elliott.”

Cyn replayed those words in her head for at least the hundredth time, as she paced back and forth in the train on the way to the Hunger games.

“Excited pace. Pace, pace. Excitement.”

She has always known she would volunteer as tribute, but what she didn’t know was that her name would be the one picked without even having to try. This made the time even better to her, if it wasn’t good enough.

She had been shown to her mentor not long before, but she had been more interested in stabbing the table with her fork to even notice he existed. The mentor quickly got fed up and left.

She had seen the other tribute from her district, but she hardly paid him any mind either. She just wanted to get to the arena and start killing and eating.

“I hope the people taste good, giggle.”

The other tribute in the train just looked at her and blinked, before responding by slowly stepping away and saying,

“Remind me to stay away from you in the arena… or anywhere actually.”

“Too bad, silly.” Cyn adjusted her partly-limp head.

“I’ll eat you eventually, but I’ll wait a bit first. It’s no fun if everyone dies in the beginning, it’s not playing properly”

The other tribute just stared.

“I have a family, you know…”

“Good, if you taste good that means there’s more!”

“…”

“Quiet pause.”

The two just stared at each other awkwardly before Cyn took a step.

“What are you called.”

The tribute took a step back.

“Wh-what??”

“Nice to meet you, ‘Wh-what??’.”

‘Wh-what??’ just stood there with an uncomfortable look in his golden eyes.

“So, ‘Wh-what’. Were you hoping for in?”

“Absolutely not!!” He looked offended by this question.

“Wow. Touchy subject..” She fixed her bow, sitting down on the floor.

“…you know theres a seat behind you?”

“I’m aware of the seat 7.62 cm away from me, ‘Wh-what’.”

“Stop calling me that.”

“You said that’s your name. Cheeky grin.”

Cyn obviously took none of this seriously.

“It’s not- ugh, O!! My name is O!!- Don’t you even understand that this could’ve been the last time I saw D?? Or G, o-“

“BOOORIIIING.”

O just looked taken aback.

“Why are you like this.”

Cyn just sat there, with a

“Smiley face.”

As she shifted into

“Criss cross applesauce.”

“You- you are.. how are you going to get ANY fans with the way you’re acting..”

“I will.”

“Right. Your family, just about no-“

“Null.”

“…excuse me?”

“I didn’t really care about the other tributes but one of them is big brother N. I think. I wasn’t paying attention.”

“..oh.”

“And I skinned Tessa, I still have the skin som-“

“Please enough. Being a hunger games tribute is traumatizing enough without a creepy story about skinning someone.”

“Pouty glare. You’re no fun.”

Finally, the train stopped at the destination. Cyn immediately bolted past O and out the door of the train, trying and failing to contain her excitement.

“Giggle, giggle. I’m here! I’m here! Yippee!!”

she then skipped ahead, the peacekeepers having to drag her back onto the right track as she kicked around trying to get free.

“Put me down! I can walk by myself!! Angry struggle.”

This was only a minor setback, however. This is gonna be just what she thought it was gonna be!

[warrioreowynofrohan]

I was having some sad Turgon moments (he needs to be appreciated so hard) and honestly that line: 'And neither he nor his siblings are to blame, but it still feels like they’re saying “it’s not that we don’t love you - we just love the people responsible for the destruction of all that you built and cherished MORE”.' is such a hard-hitting one and so true in every way that it makes me love Turgon even more as a middle child myself because that's such a middle child experience (I think). On a serious note, this was what I also thought about Turgon's situation and you nailed it. Honestly, it is hard for me to love and sympathize with his siblings and cousins, because the more I think about it, the more I feel like his pain and his feelings were never really validated and taken seriously by his siblings that by the time they were reembodied in the fourth age, I won't be surprised if he maintained such cold and aloof behavior towards them and that he wouldn't reach out anymore. It's petty and doesn't go along with your thing about mercy and forgiveness but yeah. For once, I would love to see an AU of them reaching out to Turgon instead of HIM being the one to do it, because really, it is always Turgon who needs to right his wrong, and is always implied to be wrong in what he felt and that he's the one condemned for it and be yelled at. Sorry, for this long-ass ask and my rambling, it excites me to see a similar thought for a character that's been subjected to such hate for something he is completely validated to feel.

Oh wow, thank you for the long and thoughtful ask! ❤️ (The post referenced is this one.)

I think that, after returning to life in Valinor, Turgon would probably become closer with Orodreth and Thingol, because they have similar experiences in terms of ruling hidden kingdoms and trying to survive as the last safe places in Morgoth-controlled Beleriand, and because they all have very good reason to have no use for the Fëanoreans. He would also still have his close friendship with Finrod. And he would, after working through hus feelings of guilt surrounding the city’s fall, be close to all the people he knew in Gondolin. He would be close to his father abd mother. And these relationships could easily be closer and more meanngful to him than his relationships with his siblings.

At the same time, there’s also the emptional experience that the last time Turgon saw Aredhel, it was at her death, and the last time he saw Fingon it was right before his death. He’d have a ton of grief for them wrapped up with the pain. I certainly agree that he shouldn’t be the one condemned and yelled at!

For Aredhel - I have trouble seeing her being the one to reach out to Turgon because of all the ways it’s wrapped up in her own grief and guilt and pain and trauma. Her son betrayed his city to Morgoth! Her son tried to abduct and (implicitly) rape Idril! Her leaving and later returning to Gondolin was the catalyst for the city’s fall! And then she’ll have to grapple with what Celegorm and Curufin, her friends, did - took a woman captive and tried to forcibly marry her - and draw the connections between that and her own experience with Eöl, and Maeglin’s treatment of Idril. All that on top of dealing with her own trauma. I think there would be this terribly misery and guilt of Why are all these people who I loved evil? What is wrong with me, that I loved them? And even knowing all those, she can’t help but love her son; for so many years, he was the only good thing in her world. He wasn’t evil when she knew him, when she raised him. I think that this conflict - knowing what Maeglin did, knowing that people hate him, knowing that she loves him, feeling that they can’t accept her love for him and she can’t deal with their hate for him - and the shame around it, would lead her to avoid most people, and most especially to avoid her family.

And I think Turgon, even through all the pain, would want to reconcile with his little sister. And angry as he is at Maeglin, he wouldn’t blame Aredhel for the fall of Gondolin in the way that Aredhel on some level blames herself. (He blames himself for it, entirely. That feeling is the biggest thing keeping him in the Halls of Mandos and he doesn’t return to life until he’s finally wiling to face it.) I think he would seek her out and want to talk to her and let her know he still cares about her and doesn’t blame her, even though Maeglin remains the elephant in the room that they can’t mention. And I think that Turgon has a lot of confused, hurt, angry, betrayed grief for Maeglin of his own - they were very close and Turgon trusted him completely. And in the long run Turgon and Aredhel might be able to grapple with their grief together.

For Fingon it’s more complicated, because I think he would be fairly open about wanting to get Maedhros back from the Halls (I see him returning for the Halls before Maedhros does, but that’s another topic), and Turgon would be going He literally got you killed when you trusted him, he massacred my people, do you have a brain, do you freaking care about anything or anyone that’s not Maedhros?! Unlike with Maeglin, he has zero mixed feelings about Maedhros. I think they could have a good long while where they talked to each other rarely or not at all, and even if they did interact I think it would be rather tense and reliant on neither of them mentioning Maedhros or anything related to the Fëanoreans.