#am i scared that it will happen again?

[leave-me-alone-please]

Sometimes your head just randomly starts a war with you.

But it's ok. Nobody will know.

[goonmypenis]

i drew this like a month ago and i am TERRIFIED to post anything on here but ive been convinced

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

Hello may 31th anon! Look at that, another year behind us and a new one to come. Have a nice day! ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡

[endlesslytired]

Penacony.

more from the post looooop:

[rinnstars]

white mercedes!

he’ll always be here when you eventually come back

itoshi rin x reader: toxic dependent rs LOL + on and off rs, inspired by charli’s song, angst(?) but you get back tgt, both pov!, not proofread + likes n reblogs r appreciated! <3

its a cycle - a cycle that rin has grown too fond of, too familiar of, too used to. of course, he knows its unhealthy, not that anyone tells him, its a secret he’ll keep deep in his heart. he tells himself, its just familiarity - the way your face buries in his chest, hands tugging at his shirt for comfort that he swear as makes his heart swell up, the way your name rolls off his tongue so perfectly like it was meant to be, the way you always come back no matter what. its meant to be in its own sick ways, and it gives him a sick feeling that thrums against his heart when you inevitably come back - as if you know you’ll be his no matter what.

he thinks he can forget everything when you ring him up after another bad ending to a date or relationship (he prays to no one in particular for it to end each and every time, cursing them too), when you come back home to his familiar apartment that you know the passcode and have the keys to in your bag at all times, when you melt yourself against him, fitting with him like a puzzle piece. he can forget the way you practically ripped his heart out with your bare hands when you tell him the inevitable words: “lets break up”, he can forget the way he swears the world turns black with puzzle pieces with the way his ears and ringing and his head throbs, he can forget the way you look at him like he’s nothing, like he’s just temporary, a toy to you when you feel a little lonely, when things don’t go your way. he can forget that he’s just temporary comfort in your arms, forget that you don’t love him the way he loves you, forget that you’ll be gone and in love with everyone else but him he swears. he can forget that your lips had touch someone else’s just hours ago, he can forget your hands had lingered and roamed someone else’s before, he can forget that you don’t only look at him with that look in your eye that he wishes to keep in his own museum of memories. he thinks he can forget all the hurt you put him through when youre together - forget the emptiness in his heart when you go to another party, find someone else, and be anywhere else without him that now feels full with your touch that practically feels like a drug to rin., forget the tears that streams down his face and stains his face that your fingers trace so softly as though an apology when you stop texting back, a reflection of you being busy with someone else yet again, forget the sleepless nights wondering where you are now that youre right beside him on his bed.

but deep down, he hopes tonight, you’ll stay a little longer. more than just what he should expect now - more than just warming his bed and his heart and his body, more than just another temporary comfort where you’ll be gone tomorrow morning or night, more than what he knows you’ll ever be able to give him. maybe each and every time he lets you stay - its his confession in his own way, of unsaid “i love yous” that he knows wont be reciprocated by the end of the week, of unsaid wishes of you staying by him for the rest of his life even in this twisted way that he loses more and more hope of every cycle, of unsaid pleadings for you to just stay with him in his world. but he knows too, that by the end of tonight, he’ll drive you to work, and your replies will slow down, and he’ll be left all alone in his apartment by the end of tomorrows night - or even if he’s lucky, he knows its inevitable, a month of loving you and being yours before the house of cards comes crashing down and all he’s left alone are the ashes of you and him: all alone in his room that he can still practically see the ghost of, feel the phantom touches of yours that he swears is imprinted on his body, lying in the gory mess of his guts all thrown up and ripped out of him when you inevitably say your goodbyes. yet, he keeps opening that damn door whenever it rings with that familiar tune, accepting those cursed phone calls that restarts the cycle, giving you his already scratched up and bruised heart for you to make a mess even more. its love - letting you step all over him without a single word and still letting you do it for the rest of his life until one day you’ll grow tired of this comfort (he hopes you never will, its the only thing he can offer after all). its love - letting you stay over and mess up his life, leave him with bruises on his neck and hands with your kisses and bites that he’s always so mesmerised by, as though youre letting it known that he belongs to you (even if he doesn’t because you end up leaving). its love - letting you run away each time and still letting you come back without any hesitation even if logically he should (because the pain is worth the warmth you always give him whenever you come back).

and you don’t want to admit that its love you feel for him - its fear you feel when your heart inevitably only beats a little faster when youre with him, its anxiety you blame it on when your stomach pools with butterflies when youre in his arms, and its guilt you feel when you inevitably run away again. love is overwhelming - being with him is too much, you don’t feel that sensation that practically brings you to that high, not with alcohol, not with partying, not with anyone else. its strange, the first time you feel it with him, and you don’t want to admit that its love - as though its forbidden (everyone with a mind begs you to just stay with him), as though its one-sided (you know it isn’t, you know he loves you too: he tells you and its pain that courses through your whole body), as though it was never meant to be (only because youre too scared to stay).

its not love, you tell yourself, when you inevitably come back to his apartment that you’ve memorised the address and route to from work, from the club, from anyone else’s house you just don’t feel at home with. its not love, you tell yourself too, when you go out with everyone else but him, your heart hurting as though its conveying to you its wrong, its wrong to be with anyone else other than itoshi rin. and its not love, when you spend the night looking at his face that you try to memorise every curve, every line, every bit of it before you inevitably have to leave, when you spend the night awake breathing in his warm and familiar scent that almost lulls you to sleep if not for your dedication, when you spend the night awake loathing the fact youre going to leave the next morning.

deep down, you know you can stay - its what rin wants underneath all the walls he’s built sky high that he lets collapse when youre with him, its what rin wants when he lets you in each and every single time no matter what time it is, when he lets his fingers and gaze linger a little too long for it to be deniable anymore. and you should - he always has your favourite snack stacked up almost as if trying to appeal to you even though he follows a strict diet for his career, always have your shirts and pants all neatly folded in the closet when you come back, always have your side of the bed neatly arranged, your figure practically already imprinted on it.

and its fear that grips at your heart when it just feels so right. you know you’ll mess it up, not that you haven’t millions of time when you already have him at the palm of your hand. you know youre no good, the first break up was a clear reflection - in your mind, its bloody, gory and messy, the hearts of you and him strewn onto the grown, soaked with tears and black blood that still paints your memories. yet, you two keep finding each other, as though magnetised by some sort of twisted fate that wont let him escape your sick love. you end up always at his place anyways - after a bad breakup with some nobody whos face is blurry and hazy in your mind as you look at rin’s, after a night out that leaves you throwing up your bloody black and red guts into his toilet as he rubs your back so gently, a complete contrast to the way youre violently throwing up, after another date that sees through your disinterest and leaves you right in the rain that rin somehow fights through with an umbrella to shield you from the rain and maybe from the world too, your hands holding his shakily as though hes the one who will inevitably disappear on you.

but today, it just seems so different - his touch on you feels fleeting, as if hes already ready to let go, his eyes seems a little more watery than usual as though hes only counting down to your eventual farewell, his familiar bracelets that matches with you nowhere to be tugged at when you intertwine your hands with his as though you two are no longer together. you think it just might be over - its inevitable, of course hes sick of this stupid cycle you cant help but continue each and every time to feel safe and secure, of course hes lost feelings now that hes seen the real you, of course hes tired of you who has done thing but leave after youve gotten your way. and you want to say its alright: because youve never loved him the way he should, because you cant be what he wants, because its not love you were made for. and yet, youre selfish, god you know you are: when you come back each and everytime and melt into rin’s arm thst is deserving of so much more, when you leave even when you see the tear stains on his face and shaky voice memos he leaves you wishing you to be nothing but safe, when you repeat the cycle.

“rin… y-youll always be here right?” you hate how your voice shakes, your feelings unintentionally boiling and spilling over more than it should ever, you hate how vulnerable you sound whenever youre with him because deep down you feel safe and yourself with him that you dont with anyone else, you hate how youre asking for confirmation from him, because you know he’ll say the same thing each and every time.

“of course.” and rin hates how he will never change the answer to the inevitable question because he loves you and always will, hates how he can never leave this twisted grip that feels like thorns in him whenever he holds you that pricks at his heart and lungs, hates how he feels you might be slipping away from him with the way you hesitate yet again, restarting the cycle that he loathes and wish nothing but to leave on some days.

“… rin. let me stay, more than just tonight.”

you know its selfish, to trap him in the twisted thorns of your love, to keep him withh you away from the rest of the world, to make it official only to end it again inevitably when you yourself get terrified of the same thorns that claw at you the same way it claws at rin that he never minded. its selfish to promise to stay, to be his soulmate again, to be his again at all when you know deep down youll leave - simply because you feel him leaving, because you feel hes getting tired of it, because you know he deserves better.

and yet, you dont miss the way rin’s eyes seem to light up from its earlier dull look that pains you from the thought of him crying over you, dont miss the way he unconsciously tugs at your shirt, clinging closer to you with the reassurance, dont miss the way he lets out a breath that he has held this whole time. and you know deep down, he’ll always let you stay: even when you leave again, even when you dont stay, even you keep breaking his heart. and in a twisted way, you love it: because it means he loves you too even if you cant bear to tell or show it in fear, because means that he wont get tired of you to be the one who leaves, because it means youll always have him forever one day when you put your fear aside and embrace him the same way you do now.

and rin doesnt miss the way your voice seems so afraid and shaky when you ask of him as though youll ever be afraid of him saying no, doesnt miss the way your eyes too light up even with those dark eyes circle that he wishes to fix when he takes you back in again, doesnt miss the way you bury your face in his chest either when he says yes to you being his again. and he loves it: because it means you love him too even if you keep running away for god knows why, because it means one day youll stay forever in his embrace, because it means youll deep down never be sick of him with the way you always come back into his arms.

maybe youll go back on your promise, maybe you wont - but for tonight: youre rins, and rins all yours.

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Asagiri and Harukawa could not have delivered a scarier Halloween chapter if they tried because what the fuck was this—

[catocappuccino]

[silvergreenseraphim]

So about that part in Ever Crisis where Sephiroth tries to call Genesis, I used Google Translate to try and see the actual translation of the original Japanese script. "頼む･･････出てくれ•"

Google Translate translates it as "Please...please come out."

I looked up 頼む(tanomu) and it translates as "to ask; to beg; to request" and 出てくれ(dete kure) translates to "to appear or to come out."

Is Sephiroth literally begging for Genesis to reveal himself?

Aaaa!! Yes, he is! I actually hadn’t translated this bit yet, but yes that phrase is very…pleading.

"頼む･･････出てくれ•"

“Please…please come forth…”

The second part of the phrase does indeed mean to “come forth, reveal oneself.” Sephiroth is pleading for Genesis to appear out of…wherever he is. The tone is desperate.

So yes, it works in context with the phone-call. Sephiroth wants Genesis to show up on the other end.

Yet knowing the deeper context of the current events, and Genesis’ desertion, it is almost like Sephiroth is saying,

“Please…please come back…”

He is terrified for Genesis. This is one of the few times I have seen Sephiroth express genuine anxiety and desperation as an adult.

[marleneoftheopera]

Photos from the Magdeburg production of Love Never Dies. It opens on June 14th and is the first open air production of the show.

[mayullla]

NO I AM NOT OKAY. IF THIS PERSON WHO DID IT IS SOMEONE WHO FOLLOWS ME TAKE IT FREAKING DOWN. I NEVER GAVE PERMISSION FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS AND NEVER WILL.

If someone knows about this fic. Please please please I beg you please send a link to me so that I could report it. If I remember correctly it is only the author who could report something being stolen on wattpad. (The story they took from is one of my original works that is Just One Drop) And please if you do know or if you find out don't go attacking this person.

[heretherebedork]

Yin and War will do anything for their fans but can they break with BL traditions and give me Jack genuinely having to go after Joke because both of their traumas matter and they both need to put work into this relationship to make it work and to put them on equal footing in this love story rather than it being about Joke always having to apologize for his choices?

[forestgreenlesbian]

.

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry

( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)

(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)

[witchinatree]

making a list of my favorite quote/ones that stuck with me from each season 1 episode because i feel like it

(i'm starting this after episode 4 but it will be a WHILE before i post it)

episode 1: "bones are a lie peddled by Big Milk" - alice

i love this one because it's a great introduction to alice i think. also it radiates spiral so i hope we get avatar alice not dead alice (isnt there a podcast called alice isnt dead?)

episode 2: "If I wanted to clear the canvas, I would have used turpentine." - statement

this one was just fucking powerful and caught me so off guard like 😶

episode 3: "What would I do without her?" - statement

the norris statement <3 it feels like martin asking what he would do without jon which makes mag200 a lot sadder and i love them

episode 4: "Perhaps you shall prove a stronger will than I, and will yet find it within yourself to destroy this hungry thing of wood and cat-gut." - statement

augustus sighting #1 and we immediately get jonah magnus expressing that it may be possible for gwen bouchard unknown family member to overcome the eye's hunger spooky violin

episode 5: "Voyeur needs to be seen to be believed." - statement

i feel like this one is pretty reflective of how the seasons gonna go? like if you explain the events of tma (mag200 specifically) no one's gonna believe you, it must be seen to be believed!! and also seen!! like the eye!!!

episode 6: "Not sca- This isn’t some poxy blood test, some little pinprick, this is hundreds, thousands of razor sharp points pushing into your flesh." - needles

i love needles so much and i thought this was really funny because it was like "you dont find me scary!! what the fuck!!!" just kind of toddler michael energy

episode 7: "It’s not like we’re wrestling with tape recorders and manila folders." - celia

STOP IT. celia you can't say that you just cannot!!!!!! you Know™ too much maam i cant with you

episode 8: "Pleasure to meet you both. I’m Gerry!"

RAGHHHHH OH MY GOD GERRY!!!! i love him so much and idk how to handle him being alive in the tmagp universe!! gertrude too but idk we got so much of her in tma and not nearly enough of gerry

episode 9: "And honestly, it’s kind of compelling by this point." - sam

they got him 😔😔 the horrors got sam 😔😔 also i found this to be an interesting contrast to jon's heavy resistance in season 1 like he was being compelled but he wasn't going to let anyone know that vs sam "its kinda compelling to trauma dump on this paperwork :]" how is he somehow even more victim material

episode 10: "Gosh you’re sexy, here’s a twenty for your trouble.” - alice

does this count as a quote if shes also quoting what she thinks sam should say? idk anyway i love her i would say that to her if given the chance and it was very silly. i will not be addressing bonzo i am scared.

episode 11: "...Thank you, Alice" - gwen

dyhard dyhard dyhard dyhard dyhard. okay also, the way she CRUMBLED at the idea of anyone doing anything nice for her please someone give her a hug and let it be ME. this series is tossing me back and forth between sam & alice (what is their ship name) and dyhard but this put me back to dyhard

episode 12: "You know it's rude to have absolutely no game?" - alice

she's so fucking funny i need her to be okay so badly!!!! i don't think even tim made me laugh as much as she makes me chuckle and this one really got me. it's hard to write such a comedic character in a podcast since you only have the voice but they really nailed it i adore her

episode 13: "Is it my fault?" - gwen

each of these episodes just reveal a little bit more about how loving and soft gwen is and idk i love her so unbelievably much so seeing that she felt guilt about the bonzo stuff just made her so much more real :(

episode 14: "Christ, they’re in the walls…" - statement

theyre in the walls!!! theyre in the goddamn walls!!!!! anyway that got me because i realized the hole before the statement said it. made more sad than scared tbh

episode 15: "Babies are cool!" - alice this entire interaction between her and sam & celia was so awkward, she is so obvious and i love her anyway

episode 16: "It’s not like I was holding doors open for Mr Bonzo or anything." - gwen my wife is so so so stupid but i adore her AND this gives room for character development. i wish she did not do that though. i love when characters are flawed and have depth but i struggled to get past THIS flaw of hers

episode 17: "Thanks, I guess. Not exactly the same, though, is it?" - celia shes talking TO JON IN THE COMPUTER. SHE KNOWS. i lost my damn mind i love her i love her. get the gay people out of the puter please queen

episode 18: "Why would I need to talk to you? Your work is satisfactory. Unless you have a work-related issue I could assist you with?" - lena solidified my opinion that lena is the best boss to ever have, i adore her and i would want to work for her if she wasn't the boss of Creepy Establishment #1

episode 19: "You’re going to throw it in the fishtank, aren’t you?" - alice colin's behavior is like really worrying BUT i'm glad he's back. i was not convinced he was still alive

episode 20: "I suppose it’s too late for remorse, isn’t it? And why should I be sorry? This is what I deserve!" - ink5oul/statement they reminded me of jon a lot, like especially his season 3/4 transformation when he doesn't quite know everything but he knows he isn't who he was in season 1 anymore, i hope we see more of their life and they can be helped :(

episode 21: [Tape Recorder Bites Ink5oul] - audio description i know it's not technically a quote but this is just so fucking funny. why does it have teeth. what does this mean for the lore. holy shit.

episode 22: "Jonathan Sims and Martin Blackwood" - celia. knawing at the walls of my enclosure i am so not okay. i'm not okay. wtf. wtf. wtf. they're real. wtf.

episode 23: "I had a favorite mug. It said “love you, bitch” and had a picture of a drunk dog on it." - alice. okay i just love this entire interaction because gwen got to open up a little bit and my dyhard heart is so full

episode 24: "I am told that children like me, and I’ve always held the opinion that the world would be a better place if everyone just thought more." - basira. once again this whole interaction was so fun but like idk i loved hearing basira somewhat happy and in a safe place :] my wife <3

episode 25: " I am trying to help, to save us from this goddamned fucking nightmare machine!" - colin. MAN I REALLY WAS ROOTING FOR YOU!!! I WAS SO CONFIDENT YOU WEREN'T GONNA DIE!!!! it's over

episode 26: "I was worrying for a moment that you were Magnussing." - alice. MAGNUSSING BEING CANON MADE ME SAY IT EVEN MORE I'VE SAID IT LIKE TWICE ALREADY

episode 27: "You didn’t tell me the room was labelled, “Archivist.”" - celia. oooooh somebody's got TRAUMAAAAA LMAO

episode 28: "So you’re telling me you know nothing about an OIAR external contract being found with the bodies of two tattooed thugs who met rather grisly ends?" - TREVOR HERBERT???? anyway. ink5oul mention!!!!! i hope they stop killing people it's really rude

episode 29: "Alice, er… we’ve got to talk. It’s important." - teddy. i knew it was over for him but i didn't think it was gonna be THIS bad??? bye babe i guess??? 😭

episode 30: how do i even pick. the whole fucking episode. i can't. i am in a state of shock. i need to lay down for 30 years.

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

this whole fear of repressed memories regarding sexual abuse has been following me around for years, probably since I became aware of memory loss/repressed trauma in the first place, but idk why it's been so intense this summer and it's really really frustrating how every time I think I've worked through it and gotten over it, I see a picture or someone says something and I'm all "I'M SCARED THAT THIS FAMILY MEMBER RAPED ME AS A KID AND I JUST CAN'T REMEMBER IT" and like. it's so frustrating because it's literally a symptom of OCD or whatever that I can't stop going over and over and over this, and it's driving me nuts that I can't seem to trust my own mind

[ancha-aus]

Gifted Drabble - NewAgeAU - Understanding

Hey @spotaus !! As promised :3 I got a little something for you!

Your drabble got me thinking and made me consider something. (also i am so sorry if i got the ages wrong. I really tried)

As always. Feel free to use whatever you want from it or just ignore what doesn't fit <3 I am just having fun and it is meant as a gift for you <3 (also to motivate you to keep writing more about it!)

*------------------------*

Nightmare gets off his horse as he stares at the castle.

Well. His castle now.

He is still not quite used to that. Refering to it with his castle instead of his mother's.

Even after almost 12 months. He still doesn't expect to see himself in the mirror. or maybe the problem is that he expects his old self. The young teen.

The weakling. The failure.

No focus.

He isn't that anymore. He now has the magic. He is the new powerful leader of his land. And he will make this work. Even if he still has no idea what he is doing.

No. He needs to get back and make sure no one tried to rebel against him. That no one tried to hurt Ccino while he was gone.

Nightmare gets off the horse and someone rushes over to take the horse. Nightmare stares at this person and figures out quickly it is the stablehand who has been taking care of the horses.

Nightmare looks over his shoulder and motions the new people to follow him. The set of brothers, the dog monster. and Killer.

Nightmare walks into the castle as he speaks "Some of the other servants will take you to your chambers to rest and clean up. Tomorrow the three of you will join some of my other staff to see what is needed and where you fit. Killer. You will-"

"My liege."

Nightmare blinks and looks over.

Ccino has appeared out of one of the servant secret passages and walks straight towards him. Nightmare can see, and feel, when Ccino takes in the new people and just who they are.

Ccino's face turns a bit harder and Nightmare can feel the annoyance and frustration in the air "My liege!" Ccino smiles brightly as he speaks "Have you eben succesfull in finding a possible knight?"

Killer chuckles behind him and mutters "someone is in trouble~"

Nightmare knows Killer is being sarcastic. But if only Killer knew how right he was.

Nightmare however could never be worried or afraid off Ccino. For him? Maybe. But never because of him. He gives a tiny nod. The only amount of respect their places and ranks allow them when others are near "Ccino." He waves into the direction of the new arrivals "These people will join my workers." He looks at the four new arrivals "This. Is Ccino. He is head of the house." a title that will never pass away from him. Not as long as Nightmare is in charge.

Ccino nods "Pleasure." he looks back at Nightmare "My liege. If you have the time. There is a matter we need to discuss."

Oh yeah. Nightmare is very much in trouble.

Nightmare's voice is still calm as he speaks "Very well. I will meet you in my study after i made sure they go to their chambers."

Ccino feels unamused but he nods with a bow before he leaves the hall with a quick turn.

Nightmare turns back to his new... servants? He never quite liked that word but it works. He turns to his servants and feel his tentacles slowly rise from their position on the ground. They slowly start to idle again as he makes sure the new people learn where their rooms are and where to get food.

He brings Killer to a room more seperate from the others. Beyond the guard positions. Just because Nightmare wants to give him a chance and the fact he doesn't fear him is refreshing doesn't make Nightmare forget how dangerous Killer is.

Fuck this was a mistake.

What if Killer hurts people here?

What if he hurts Ccino?

Killer looks around his room before lounging on the bed "So what is the deal with the other skeleton?" he grins and wiggles his eye brows "Little secret going on there?"

Ngihtmare needs a moment as he wonders what Killer could mean. Then it sinks in and Nightmare feels his tentacles all spasm as he shudders "No." the answer is final and harsh. Killer actually looks surprised.

Nightmare holds his sight and speaks slowly "I will only repeat this once and remember this well. I don't like having to repeat myself." he holds Killer's gaze "Ccino is head of the house. He will remain head of the house. Nothing anyone can say or do will change this." he holds his gaze before straightening himself again as he moves towards the door "Tomorrow we will start training."

Kilelr sputters "We?!"

Nightmare stops and shoots him a look "Obviously. How am I to keep track of your skills and promise if i don't oversee the training myself?" and he leaves the room.

He hurries back through th castle towards his study. Sinking in and out of shadows as his mind, body and soul all know where he wishes to go.

He stops by his study and enters it.

Ccino is already in there. Studying the old masks in the special glass casing.

Nightmare closes the door and Ccino turns to him with a glare "What were you thinking?"

Nightmare gets taken back to a year or two prior. When he was still small. When he had cut himself to practise for the ritual. He hadn't been able to sleep and had been nervous about the apple ritual already. He had wanted to practise his part. to perform a blood oath to promise loyalty until death to his twin.

Ccino had caught him with a knife out.

Nightmare blinks back into the here and now as Ccino looks at him expecting with his arms crossed.

Nightmare blinks as he looks to the side for a moment. How is it that even wiht him being taller than Ccino he still feels small compared to him? "They were innocent."

Ccino looks unimpressed as he crosses his arms "Now with less lies."

Nightmare blinks and shoot his traitorous tendrils a look. No doubt they did something to give his little slight lie away. Ccino jsut raises a brow as he taps his foot.

Nightmare speaks again "Most of them were innocent. I didnt want them to get hang for something they did not do."

Ccino hums as he waits "And the murderer?"

Nightmare looks at Ccino "how did you know?"

Ccino sighs but has a small smile on his face. an old fond feeling as ccino looks at him and the tiny part of nightmare that had been stressed relaxes. Ccino just keeps looking slightly amused "There is a reason i told you to get out more. you only hear so many things from people in the castle nightmare. You need to go out to hear everything from everyone. I know who he is because i go to the market sometimes."

nightmare gives aslow nod as he looks away. So Ccino knows that nightmare brought a serial killer home. great.

Ccino sighs and sits on the couch for visitors and Nightmare joins him instead of sitting in his own chair.

Ccino looks at him "Just... tell me what happened. Why did you decide this?"

Ngihtmare looks at his hands. again slightly shocked to see the goop. It never stains anything yet it feels like a reminder. It is dirty. it isn't the holy light the powers promised. it is weird and looks diseased which is fitting for him. someone who betrayed everyone. who betrayed his twin. He may have gone it to protect dream. But even dream doesn't see this.

Where does that leave him?

Ccino's hand rubs his cheek and Nightmare shakes himself out of it. Ccino looks so worried as he rubs his skull "Hey... it is okay... i am not mad at you. I am worried about you. I am sorry if it seemed like i was mad."

Nightmare knows ccino isn't mad at him. Not like that at least. Nightmare can feel that. But he likes that ccino still tells him as much too.

Nightmare sighs as he leans into the gentle hold and touch. Ccino had always been one of the few to hold him. As his and Dream's babysitter it had been his job. But Ccino had always truly cared about them both. The moment that Nightmare could feel emotions he had been shocked by that.

That Ccino held no hatred for him. Not even a little bit. He enver blamed either Nightmare or Dream for his situation.

Nightmare speaks softly "The... kngihts you picked out. they were amazing. They showed much promise and would have made fine warriors."

Ccino hums as he keeps rubbing his skull "But?"

Nightmare sighs "They hated me. Even if with time they would eventually grow loyal and accept their place. They would forever hold resentment towards me for making them come."

Ccino hums and nods "I get it. It were only options Ngihtmare. there will be more people who fit the job."

Nightmare feels another part of him relax. knowing that Ccino still understands him "Killer wasn't afraid."

Ccino hums questioning.

Nightmare speaks slowly "He wasn't afraid. Not of me. Not of his situation. He stood up when near me. He didn't cower and he didn't hide." he sighs as he leans into the hug. He shouldn't need these anymore. He is an adult now and not that awkward young teen anymore. Nightmare shouldn't still count this much on the other "He saw me and didn't hate me. He knew who i was and didn't hate me. It was... new."

Ccino still feels unsure but he holds him still "And that gave you hope? That maybe if soemone didn't start with that hatred they could maybe become truly loyal?"

Ngihtmare shrugs. He isn't quite sure. he didn't think that far ahead. He just didn't want to lose another person who didn't hate him.

Ccino sighs as he keeps rubbing his skull and the back of his neck "I won't say i trust him. Because i don't. And I worry about you. I am scared he will end up hurting you."

Nightmare rolls his eyes as he answers "I have yet to even lose a fight and i had almost no training." all because of his tentacles and his newfoudn power.

Ccino just holds him tighter "There are more ways someone can hurt you Nightmare."

Nightmare feels the fear of before return. THe idea that somoene would kill Ccino. "If... if him being here makes you feel unsafe i will return him to the guards."

Ccino laughs and shakes his skull "Ngihtmare I am fine. I am not scared for me."

Nightmare keeps holding him as he feels himself start to shake. fears he had been trying to ignore and push away return to the front of his mind "Waht if they realise just how important you are? What if they try to hurt you to hurt me? What if they kill you to hurt me? Ccino maybe it is better if you hide." hide... hide away... out of sight out of mind.

Ccino just rubs his neck "It is okay Nightmare. It is okay. They don't know. and even if they have an idea your reputation adn the past of this country will just make them think I am someone who will be used as sacrifice last. That i will be punished last or least."

Nightmare shakes as he keeps holding the one person who remained "What if they hurt you because of me?"

Ccino is so calm and sure "then it would be on them. Not you. You don't want others to hurt me. It wouldn't be your fualt Nightmare and I will never see it as your fault. It is okay."

Ngihtmare still feels unsure. He made it obviously clear to Killer that Ccino is improtant. Killer is smart and Nightmare has no idea what he could be planning.

Another thought enters his mind. Somethign he had found early on in his ruling.

A very very damning piece of paper. a slave contract.

Nightmare speaks softly "I am sorry you are stuck here..."

Ccino shrugs as he keeps rubbing his back "Not your fault."

Nightmare shakes as he holds him "I.... I can undo it... I can give you back your freedom..."

Ccino had been taken from his home. Sold to the castle with a very clear purpose. First to be a babysitter. and later... well... Drema had been planning to be all powerful and go from young teen to adult in just one ritual. There is a reason Ccino's age had been only 6 years older than them.

Ccino had been suposed to be Dream's from the very start.

Ccino hums "A nice thought. Not that i thought about that contract in a long time. It hardly matters nowadays. Not like I can just leave."

Nightmare feels his grip tighten and his tendrils curl around them. He doesn't want to let go of the one person who cared. The one person he could count on to help him. To give a single shit about Nightmare. But... but how long will it take before Ccino starts hating him? If Nightmare keeps him here?

Nightmare holds him close "I... I can get you a horse... I can give you gold..." He will just use some of the treasury. Ccino deserves it. "I can send some guards with you on your way. You could go wherever you want. Back to your family."

Ccino locks both his arms around his skull and hums softly. an old lullaby and Nightmare stops. The amount of memories almost hurt. It was always Ccino who held him on bad nights. Or when he was sad. Or when everyone pushed him aside again.

Ccino speaks sfotly "Nightmare. When I say i can't leave i don't mean i physically can't leave. It means i don't want to. I decided a while ago i want to stay here Nightmare."

Nightmare shakes but refuses to let go "What... what about your family?" Ccino's fmaily have to love him. Ccino is so amazing. There is no way he isn't missed dearly after he was stolen from them.

Ccino sighs sadly "Nightmare... They have been killed a long time ago. The day i was taken the guards made sure i knew there was nothing to return to. even if i ran." Ngihtmare feels himself freeze. why... why had he thought?

Ccino rubs his skull "It hurt a lot but i accepted a long time ago Nightmare. I accepted that you two were my family now... and well... now it is just you. and it is okay. I am okay with that. I will always support you Nightmare." he grins "You may be older now but i like to think i am still the older brother."

Nightmare feels aprt of himself break as he just sinks fully into Ccino's hold "please don't also leave me." it is weak. it is pathetic. He should be stronger than this. He should have been prepared for this.

Ccino just covers his skull wiht his body and holds him "I am not going anywhere Nightmare. I will be by your side. I swear on my soul."

Nightmare relaxes and lets himself enjoy the comfort he should not need this badly. He enjoys it and can't help but let his eyes slide around the room. His sight finds the masks and remembers.

The masks are the highest honour. only shared with those most special.

He thinks something catlike will fit his older brother.