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ermmmmm 🤓👆color pallets eeeh! First just wanted to say I am super hyped for your next drawing! I think like a color pallet of purples or blues would be soooooo pretty!!!

like these???

This palette reminded me that he's just frozen the entire time

GET HIM OUTTA THERE

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Angeal’s Regret

This is a good translation of Angeal’s words here, but I wanted to explain something very painful that we learn from the Japanese.

Dissidia:

ところがひどく心配させたようでな

やつれた顔を見たときは悪いことをしたと思った

However, it seems it caused him to be extremely worried.

When I saw his haggard face, I thought I had done something wrong.

Crisis Core:

セフィロス やつれたか?

Sephiroth, are you haggard?

Angeal uses the same word to describe Sephiroth’s condition in Dissidia that he did in Crisis Core.

やつれた

“yatsureta”

I found a good definition of it for English-speakers:

Angeal noticed that Sephiroth was gaunt, exhausted, and worried. Unhappy. We can see this exact state of Sephiroth in Crisis Core. Many of us describe him as depressed and worn. I think that is a fair assessment, because it was evidently so noticeable that Angeal saw it immediately.

In Dissidia, it’s a key point of regret. Angeal remembers how Sephiroth looked and realized it was because of his and Genesis’ disappearances. When he tries to speak to Sephiroth in Dissidia, he also realizes that Sephiroth was alone when he discovered his origins.

“Sephiroth…did you come to know of your birth? I had Genesis at that time…but you…”

Angeal regrets. He wishes he was there and communicated better to his dear friend. He did not understand at the time, just how far Sephiroth would fall after, from his perspective, being left behind.

Zack: “You all had a really good relationship.”

Sephiroth: “Hmph, I wonder…”

—Crisis Core

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“I know it’s not cool to go around asking about your mother, but….”

(FFVII Ever Crisis — The First Soldier, Chapter Five — Japanese Script).

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Sephiroth: What in the world do you want to do?

Rosen hesitates before answering.

Rosen: What I want is….if there’s really no one left, kill me. I want to meet them all in the planet.

Sephiroth believes there is another way. He can save Rosen.

Sephiroth: Let’s escape together.

Rosen continues to face away from Sephiroth.

Rosen: There is no place for me in that world.

Sephiroth is insistent.

Sephiroth: You just have to make a place of belonging. Work together. I did it too.

Rosen hangs his head in weariness.

Rosen: I can’t try my best anymore.

Sephiroth’s voice shakes with desperation.

Sephiroth: Rosen, please. I thought I could help those people. They’re so kind, I’m certain they’ll die because of it.

Rosen turns from the flames and faces Sephiroth with a stern look.

Rosen: Come on, do it! If you keep hesitating, everyone will die. I’m not the one you want to save.

Sephiroth gasps and his eyes fill with tears.

Rosen: Decide. Who do you want to save?

Sephiroth readies Nameless. He hesitates and shakes, but he hears Glenn’s voice calling for him.

“Sephiroth! Stop!”

He knows who he wants to save.

A direct translation of Sephiroth’s scene with Rosen in chapter 8 of The First Soldier

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Me before the social gathering:

Me during the social gathering.

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Hm. If I had a nickel for every time Sephiroth experienced a sudden painful and life-altering event before a hot-headed friend of his with a “G” name came in to deliver a final blow by also taking away hope about his mother, I would have two nickels. It’s not a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice 😅

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Profiles for Zack, Angeal, Genesis, and Sephiroth from the Bradygames Strategy Guide of Crisis Core Final Fantasy VII for the PSP

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warmup sketch

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Brush test went better than expected :0

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cramps so bad I gave them to Genesis Rhapsodos

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a gaggle of soldiers doodled in my geology class right after rebirth came out

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cloud: [watching the captain america film]

cloud: i relate to this a lot it's like seeing my own life story

*steve comes out of the super-soldier pod two feet taller*

cloud: [flips table and throws his sword through the tv screen]

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Sephiroth

I can’t draw unless I’m emotionally in a trash can, apparently.

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“Obedient Soldier”

[A phrase uttered by Sephiroth in Scene 07-06. As this line indicates, Sephiroth in BC (Before Crisis) was regularly obedient to orders, such as defending the Mako canon and protecting Hojo. Therefore, Shinra valued the worth of Sephiroth's loyalty and treated him like a hero.]

-Keyword Collection, CC Complete Guide, p. 285

“Until then, I will be an obedient soldier of Shinra…”

He uses the term “従順な“ which is described above. He willfully submits himself to Shinra’s authority regularly in spite of inner turmoil and reluctance much of the time.

I see more of this with every update in The First Soldier. Sephiroth calls it his only job. You would say then “Yes, and he is paid for it and treated like a hero! That is why he obeys!”

First. Where is this interest in money? And who is to say he receives it? He was raised and trained by Shinra from his boyhood days. His lack of interest in money is said clearly.

Angeal might have partially misjudged him for it too in chapter one of episode 2 when Bachman asked Sephiroth’s opinion on the situation in Robio:

Sephiroth: “Search for the missing troops. Don’t interfere with the filming. Anything else is not my job.”

Angeal: “You’re a stingy guy.”

Sephiroth: “What?”

Angeal: ”There’s no harm in experiencing things. Don’t just consider profit gain and loss.”

Sephiroth: “That’s not the reason.”

Angeal: “Then tell me what it is.”

Sephiroth: “….”

(Japanese translation) (*Note about the nuance here at the bottom of the post!)

There is another reason Sephiroth focuses so narrowly on his job but he does not want to state it. He does not want to explain why he focuses on nothing else. Why?

His disinterest in money itself was more obviously stated in episode one:

Matt: “We'll have to talk about the distribution of the reward money… fortunately, he (Sephiroth) doesn't seem to care about money.”

Money is not the reason for Sephiroth’s loyalty to Shinra then. You might then say it’s because they treated him as a hero! Like as it was said in the Guide, they valued his loyalty and dealt with him as a hero. But where is it stated that Sephiroth wants that either? No, it is the opposite.

Sephiroth: ”I don’t want to be a hero. I want to live a normal life…”

Glenn: “What did you say?”

Sephiroth: “Nothing. It’s never going to happen.”

But Sephiroth! Since you are a hero, Shinra must spoil you and treat you well? They must give you so much! Is that why you stay with that defeated resignation?

Perhaps you have authority and respect within the military! The fandom has always called him the General….

Ignore that you see the cameras he hates, the false propaganda he knows about, his low sense of self-worth, how he sees himself as a cyborg killer that does not deserve friends. He never experienced the sensation of joy and fun with others until he met Glenn’s team. Ignore that he was trained to be afraid and heartless. Forget that he has memories of Hojo’s pain and training.

And authority?

“Very sorry. We cannot follow orders from others outside of the normal chain of command.”

These are just infantrymen.

Sephiroth’s ability to refuse orders in Crisis Core was also an unofficial privilege that existed under Lazard’s generous command. If it were Heidegger, no privilege like that would have existed and Sephiroth would have had to kill Genesis and Angeal in Banora. Lazard, a man already disloyal to Shinra, had to be in command for that point in Crisis Core to exist.

“Also, there may or may not be a right to veto orders...It seems to be just unofficial though..”

-Kunsel to Zack, CC DMW flashback

Angeal Hewley is also made team leader over “Shinra’s hero” in episode 2 of The First Soldier. Years later Angeal still gives orders to Sephiroth that the hero follows. Sephiroth’s authority inside Shinra is not like a general or even a captain.

Not that then. Perhaps you are living a lavish lifestyle, hero?

….ah, but do I even need to explain why this one is nonsense when this boy was isolated and brought up by Hojo?

”Mom? Why are you in my bedroom?”

-Sephiroth, chapter one, The First Soldier Episode 2, Japanese.

A lab cell near to where Aerith and Ifalna were held as prisoners?

“I’ve never had many opportunities to interact with people.”

-Sephiroth, chapter five, The First Soldier Episode 1, Japanese.

He would not have in the environment Hojo gave him.

“I am a SOLDIER that was raised to stand on the battlefield. SOLDIERs are worthless unless they are strong in body and mind.”

-Sephiroth, chapter five, The First Soldier Episode 1, Japanese.

“You and I grew up in different worlds. The day we understand each other will never come.”

-Sephiroth to Angeal, chapter one, The First Soldier Episode 2, Japanese.

Hojo is who raised him like this! In isolation and cruelty!

“I am the only one who can speak to Professor Hojo freely at any time, who researches the limits of our SOLDIER abilities…”

-Sephiroth to Angeal, chapter one, The First Soldier Episode 2, Japanese.

Did that Halloween event not show us the deeper horror beneath these other horrors? And who they were connected to?

Hojo: “Endure the pain, Sephiroth. You’re not at your limit yet. The more you endure, the more of your hidden strength will awaken.”

Glenn: Hey! Hang in there!

Sephiroth: “I’m sorry. I was suddenly in a lot of pain, but I’m alright now.”

Glenn: “Don’t be so strong!! Rest! Rest! Don’t push yourself so hard just because you’re the team leader!! Just relax!

Sephiroth: “….I’ve never heard anything like that before. It’s just the reverse of what the professor said…”

(Japanese translation)

Who would have ingrained such deep loyalty into the world’s strongest SOLDIER so well other than his father Hojo? Sephiroth does not speak of leaving Shinra until he is close to 25 years. He was shaken when Elfe questioned why he fought and if it was for any reason. He responds to a command from his friend Genesis on immediate instinct.

He is conditioned. That is why he was an obedient soldier to Shinra and why he stayed with them even when he hated his life. He was afraid. Of them and of Hojo!

The First Soldier will only keep showing this. Sephiroth’s friends were his chain to mental stability. When they left and died, he became vulnerable again and Nibelheim was timed just right. How much grief and anger must he have felt learning about how deep the use of his body and mind had gone? Enough to hate Shinra and soon everything.

Shinra is run by greedy pigs who have their dogs and sheep. They have their SOLDIER recruits, their Turks, their Deepground prisoners, their clueless employees. You will find that among these pawns, there are many who try to leave or question the power keeping them in check and that is because Shinra was not so careful enough to condition and lie to them.

They were careful with Sephiroth though because disloyalty from him would be so dangerous. The story shows this well enough.

Out of all of their abused pawns and attack dogs, Sephiroth was the one chosen to be exploited in front of the world and decorated in hero’s ribbons to cover up the scars. He was lied to about the depth of his abuse and given false hope in his two dear friends. He was trying to claw his way to the light and find himself so that he could be a real hero and protect others but there was no hope for such things. His cage was gilded and when he became aware of it, that boy’s heart was filled with sadness and then anger and then hatred.

His life was DESTROYED by Shinra from the start. His loyalty was sown into him mostly by Hojo. This new episode of The First Soldier has brought this truth further to the light and I do not think it was will stop.

Thank you to those who helped me with this post in DMs!

Notes:

*Angeal’s words in chapter one of FS Episode 2 about Sephiroth’s “stinginess” do have a nuance that I do not want to ignore. He can be talking about money gain/loss but also a whole mindset! His words are broadly referring to a narrow-minded and “Scrooge-ish” view of things where there is not much room for anything outside of Sephiroth’s thin focus. That thin focus is Sephiroth’s assignment and the gain of completing it, which could include profit from Angeal’s perspective and would be a reason to complete a mission if we remember his scene with his parents where that is a discussion. The point is to say that Angeal is not only talking about money, but for this post I focused on that aspect of it because of Sephiroth’s response against the entire assumption and his formerly mentioned lack of interest in money.