#always doubt yourself
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 28 days ago
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I love you Safety Wizard.
(Inspired by @keroascrazy)
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tonya-the-chicken · 3 months ago
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That is an interesting article
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skywalker-swift · 10 months ago
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btw cause I think some people still need to hear this, but the rose colored glasses coming off and the ‘revision’ to the meanings of her songs about joe was always gonna happen. with travis around or not. so saying she should focus on her new relationship is not the dunk you were thinking it is. like I keep saying it but she wrote him into her world, she included him in the world she wrote music in, and when she needed to, she wrote him out. why would he get to stay when he hasn’t earned that anymore? she would have kept him in, she even would have left the bad stuff in a box, but he didn’t seem like he wanted that part of her life. please can we all just realize that this is just such a normal reaction and end to a relationship and Taylor doesn’t need to ‘take the high road’ or whatever just because she’s in a new relationship. the reckoning of what happened was always going to be closing the chapter of the story she wrote for them. she’s releasing it whether you’re ready to reckon with her or not.
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dykedvonte · 3 months ago
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Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like
-💀
It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.
If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.
Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.
He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...
#this is less headcanons and more my thoughts of the intersectional horror this brings to mouthwashing which is also a thing it#already has but more directly in the mix vs just the class gender and positional struggle. like the idea he waited to confront Jimmy becaus#he could conceptualize the crime better because of experience with womanhood and also how it would've destroyed him in terms of being trans#like its weird to word as a comparison but thats kinda how empathy works as in an understanding and ability to project through aspects#like you found out your friend who has always had weird feelings about and relating to you is a rapist and got one of your other friend#pregnant and is now being openly hostile and aggressive towards you. You have only a few days to really think on all of this all the years#with him and how many oppurtunites he had that you blame yourself for giving him both in life and to do to you. You are starting to#realize that he may have done what he did to Anya because it was no longer viable with him or because of weird transphobia/homophobia#from Jimmy and god its so much and he should've know better and what did Jimmy do then - c r a s h#he is at such a small amount of mercy to Jimmy now and he can't protect Anya and it's terrifying because i know and you know that Jimmy is#giving him those weird looks again...#like it adds another layer of horror to things and while I don't think Jimmy would do anything to Curly it's heavily implied he targeted he#because of relatively more important position and getting Curly to have doubts about him as a power play and Curly knows Jimmy well enough#that him immediately exerting his authority and power would set him off after already having been mad about it and even when doing#damage control it still set him off. like its the horror of accidenlty siding with your oppresser and hurting other like you only to then b#stabbed in the back again by the person who took advantage of your nature like its so complext but my actual trans curly headcanons#are just a little bit happier like i imagine he was the first on the boys soccer team and a star player. maybe he and jimmy even picked ou#his first offical “boy” clothes and Jimmy picked most so he looked like the grungiest white boy but she was a boy so it didn't matter cause#it was with his friend who accepted him and I bet on the bed he looks back at all those moments and notices the little details that his#friend wasnt actually so happy but he can't be certain when he started looking so bitter or hes just imagining out of paranoia cause he jus#cant know and even if he could he wouldn't want to ask like god thinking about Anya and probably being a little glad if not heartbroken#that she did get out of it in the end like trans curly and anya destroy me even more its so upsetting like he didn't realize how much he go#you girl and waited to act like it was cowardice but then would she not realize what hes realizing? should that be a grace or more of a#condemnation in her mind like what are her thoughts? espically during the scene Jimmy hits Curly like she had to hear and what did she thin#they are tormented in a similar hells with the same demon and its fascinating#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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clownsuu · 2 years ago
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Small detour of what I usually post, but I absolutely wish (other) clown the best of luck during these confusing and almost hopeless times- nobody knows how to deal with such amount of attention in such short amount of time- a blessing and a curse to behold
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the more i think about it the more i believe doriath not letting the refugees from himlad - even pass through their lands, let alone shelter there, was perhaps a contributing factor to that part of the fëanorian host’s. virulent hatred of doriath
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waitmyturtles · 27 days ago
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Feeling grateful tonight for good people on the internet who shared good vibes with me all day. May your karma be positive, and y’all look amazing.
If I can get it together tomorrow, I will bless you all with spicy screenshots of Ohm Pawat’s latest show.
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sylver-drawer · 6 days ago
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So many Novel Athy lovers complain about how people hate on Novel Athy because she’s selfish, meanwhile I hate Lee Jihye because she dehumanizes people around her and that skews her perception of others and the situations she’s in, all while inheriting Claude’s tendency of preferring her image of [other people] rather than trying to acknowledge the real [them].
It took her eighteen years to realize she generalizes the people around her as one-dimensional characters instead of human beings (seen passively through how she treats the original cast of LP, and people she sees as mob characters like nameless and faceless nobles and girls she invites to her OWN parties), but she doesn’t dwell on or try to change that part of her, or how she treats them.
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pleasedontcareaboutme · 4 months ago
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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firebugfrenzical · 3 months ago
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Haven't you seen?
You are made, flaws and suffering in form.
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which-qsmp-egg-would · 5 months ago
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Thoughts about the Minecraft movie trailer?
Imagine if it had all been filmed inside of minecraft, SMP style. It would be so funny to see the most intense scene and on screen its just 🧍‍♀️🧍🏽‍♂️
The trailer is...... something. Not something good, but it definitely exists. What a timeline we live in.
Does anyone know what the like to dislike ratio looks like right now?
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martyrbat · 2 years ago
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grimm – batman: legends of the dark knight #149
[ID: a panel sequence of young Dick Grayson just two months after his parents' murders. He's sulking at the dining table in the grandiose Wayne Manor. The dinner is taking place in front of a lit fireplace that causes the entire room to have a soft, bronze glow to it. The table itself is long and decorated and Bruce Wayne is sitting on the opposite end of it. Alfred Pennyworth prompts, “More mashed potatoes, Master Dick—?” But Dick is too busy thinking about a young criminal he ran into when he snuck out earlier. He quietly mutters the taunt she told him, “‘Spoiled brat in a circus suit’—?” Alfred asks, “Was that a yes or a no?” The pouting child brusquely tells him, ”no,” which causes the butler to clear his throat. Dick begrudgingly corrects himself, “No thank you, Alfred.” Alfred responds, “As you wish, Master Dick.”
But Dick is already uttering another taunt under his breath, “‘Lap of luxury’!” Bruce leans forward slightly and asks if everything is okay but Dick dismisses his concern. He excuses, “I'm... I'm not very hungry, Bruce. Is it okay if I go to my room?” Despite his obvious qualms, Bruce awkwardly smiles and replies, “Uh... Of course. Certainly.” Dick gets up as Alfred tells him the food will be in the refrigerator if he gets hungry later but Dick just ‘uh-huh’s him as he walks away. With the child upstairs, Bruce immediately stands up and paces. He stops in front of the fireplace and stares into the blaze as he monologues his worries, “Maybe this was a mistake. What in the world made me think I could raise a boy? I don't know the first thing about it! I've always been a loner! I don't have the knowledge... or the disposition... to make this work.” Alfred wryly asks, “Are you addressing the fireplace, Sir—or me?” But Bruce stresses his demur without looking at him, “His parents are dead, Alfred! What gives me the temerity to believe I can replace them in his life?”
Alfred solemnly reassures, “I asked myself the same questions once. What in the world did a butler know about raising a young man who'd just lost the two people he loved most in the world? But strangely enough, Sir—I adapted. I learned. I learned because I wanted to... Because I cared. And... despite some difficulties along the way—I think the young man in question turned out splendidly. And I think Master Dick will too.” Bruce doesn't say anything but he his eyes closed in thought as Alfred talks before looking at him with a soft smile. He straightens his posture when Alfred finishes and puts his hand on his shoulder, silently grateful for the man's fatherly reassurance and support once again. END ID]
#losing my mind at this....#bruce worrying and doubting himself and if he can give dick the life he deserves#he loves him. he cares. but he knows love alone wont save someone and his own worries about what if he fails#alfred who started this cycle of caring about someone elses son and trying to raise orphaned children while fearing you arent good enough#you see your own heartbreak in their face and you try so hard to save them because its saving yourself in a sense.#bruce doom spiraling because dick didnt want his mash potatoes....#dicks chubby little face....#alfreds love and support but always with that barrier. he loves & raised bruce like hes his own child but hes always going to be the butler#every ‘son’ being replaced with ‘sir’...#and bruce internalizing that barrier and that layer of separation and distance so he duplicates it because its all he knows#he doesn't want to but its all he knows and hes still terrified of what if he fails them? what if he loses them#by disappointing them and them seeing hes not qualified and good enough to be their father?#but also if he isnt good enough he'll fail them by getting them killed. he'll lose his loved one yet again#just this cycle of fear and doubt and love and trying your best despite it not always being good enough and GAH#also cannot stress enough bruce monologuing and doubting himself because dick is upset and didn't want dinner is so funny#c: batman: legends of the dark knight | i: 149#crypt's panels#bruce wayne#alfred pennyworth#dick grayson#bruce & dick#alfred & bruce#happy sad boy sunday !!!#<- it counts enough only because im posting this on a sunday >:3
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spareasterisks · 7 months ago
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So, remember this from the Circe Saga?
EURYLOCHUS:
Captain, I have something that I must confess
Something that I must get off my chest
Until it is said, I cannot rest
Captain?
ODYSSEUS:
There's only so much left we can endure
Whatever you need to say can wait some more
Of that, I'm sure
Well the wait finally ended in the Thunder Saga.
EURYLOCHUS:
I've got a secret I can no longer keep
I opened the wind bag while you were asleep
I'm so sorry
Forgive me
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iknowwhereyousleepatnight · 6 months ago
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should i sleep for a hundred million years or purposefully stop sleeping just to see what happens
#i have slept 2 hours and haven’t been able to fall asleep again for like 3 hours and i was really tired and mad abt it but now i am not#tired and not mad abt it so maybe the path i should be taking is to stop sleeping. sleeping a lot gives me little energy and i’ve been#having trouble sleeping anyway so maybe i should use this to my advantage and run my little sleep deprivation experiment that i was#originally planning to do a couple years back but then got sooo eepy sleepy that i didn’t really get far. but maybe that’s bc i wanted to#go 72 hours straight w/o sleep so i could record my response to it. i should be more subtle i think. maybe only a few hours a night#and more 30 hour waking periods. do not listen to a single thing i say ever i’m an unreliable narrator btw. i think i could trigger smth#fun to happen i:m a good age for sleep deprivation to do something fun and interesting to me and i want to play god#but i’d get kinda sad being awake all the time bc sleeping is like my number one coping mechanism. then again the pain of losing#that on top of the physical and mental consequences of sleep deprivation would be like so cool. it would pain me so much#but i find that compelling. do not listen to a single word i say i will realize this is dumb later but rn i do kinda want to think abt#running my little experiments and trying to ruin myself further. i’m such a good thing to think abt experimenting on bc i’m so affected#by things i just wish i had more force of will Does anyone want to kidnap me and keep me awake for 72 hours (i’m thinking electrocution#will be involved) and keep notes i fear i’d give up and i wouldn’t keep good enough track of things which would be so sad#obvi it would be unethical but i’m cool w that. i would also want it all on camera for review purposes. hmm i’m digging this idea. 72 hours#is not very long and i doubt there would be lasting consequences so it seems like a good idea. however i’d want to do this when i have#things to keep me busy and restricted access to places to sleep. okay i must think on this further pay no mind to what i say unless u have#suggestions like how to keep yourself from giving in bc i always have difficulty w that one
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anarchonist · 6 months ago
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That post about guilt and shame only being effective as deterrents but not in inspiring anyone to change their behavior in any meaningful way got me thinking about those other posts about progressive circles consisting way too much of people not with a desire to do something right but instead with a fear of doing something wrong, and...
Yeah. Those two are related. Guilt and shame are the weapons of the status quo, designed to instill in everyone with a conscience a fear of failure, of hurting others, of being a bad person. And it's pretty fucked up when people are being shamed for that, since, well, shame doesn't inspire any meaningful change. So the problem persists, deepens, even. Since by shaming someone for not getting over that shame, you've now discouraged them from thinking about that instilled shame and maybe finding a solution.
It's shame and guilt all the way down. Perhaps shame and guilt could be used against people who tend to shame and guilt others in order to shame and guilt them out of shaming and guilting others? I don't know. And that's a true shame.
#random thought of the day#shame#guilt#toxic guilt#yeah it's a pickle#i kinda feel this way of thinking is deeply ingrained in the modern hyperindividualistic worldview#which ignores everything we know about humans as a social species shaped by our social circumstances#in favor of this very catholic guilt inspired 'stop being naughty' mindset that whips people into obedience never into self-actualization#as i wrote in the tags of the other post frustration is one of the most dangerous feelings since shaming and guilting starts there#if you look at the world around you and think you see the problem and the solution but others won't listen to you#it's natural to feel frustrated#the desire to shame and guilt others in a twisted way try to make them spring into action seems like a natural response#but it's stupid and wrong#shame and guilt are primarily ways to make yourself feel good in the moment to stroke that sense of superiority#i look back at how i was raised and i understand that a lot of the hesitancy and self-doubt and other paralyzing feelings are guilt#if you were raised to always doubt yourself always assume that you're in the wrong always take others at their word#you were raised to be a perfect victim#it's really hard to push through that and the metacognitive capabilities one must have to monitor all of that are staggering#meanwhile people who were raised through inspiration and motivation can be immune to guilt and shame#so what are we even doing here why is it so easy to fall back on a method that at best has little effect at worst increases the problems#there is a lot to say about this and i wish i had an answer but alas
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uncanny-tranny · 2 years ago
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Too often, humbleness and humility are conflated with downplaying everything about yourself, to make yourself stand out as little as possible, and to compartmentalize anything and everything that makes you you.
Humility and being humble are seen as a way to apologize for being, I've noticed. "Oh, I'm not a good singer or a good writer or that talented or or or..." it is a knee-jerk reaction, one that I think many people use to protect themselves from the hurt of being belittled for their talents or interests or appearance, or anything you may value.
My whole point in this post is that there is a huge difference between being humble and humiliating yourself before anybody has the chance to. I want to encourage people to reflect on how they view humbleness and how one might use humbleness to self-flagelate and punish themself for who they are. It is so hard to break this cycle, but you are worth the time and effort it takes to love and value who and what you are. Everything that makes you you is worth it.
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