#shame and guilt are primarily ways to make yourself feel good in the moment to stroke that sense of superiority

[anarchonist]

That post about guilt and shame only being effective as deterrents but not in inspiring anyone to change their behavior in any meaningful way got me thinking about those other posts about progressive circles consisting way too much of people not with a desire to do something right but instead with a fear of doing something wrong, and...

Yeah. Those two are related. Guilt and shame are the weapons of the status quo, designed to instill in everyone with a conscience a fear of failure, of hurting others, of being a bad person. And it's pretty fucked up when people are being shamed for that, since, well, shame doesn't inspire any meaningful change. So the problem persists, deepens, even. Since by shaming someone for not getting over that shame, you've now discouraged them from thinking about that instilled shame and maybe finding a solution.

It's shame and guilt all the way down. Perhaps shame and guilt could be used against people who tend to shame and guilt others in order to shame and guilt them out of shaming and guilting others? I don't know. And that's a true shame.

[witchbitchheadedtoaditch]

Shadow Work Prompts Part 2

Hello my loves! I'm going to add some more shadow work prompts (primarily because... Kaye needs to do shadow work and maybe this will convince them to do it. (It won't. We all know it won't. But we can hope....))

I'm gonna put these below the cut just so people don't have to scroll through this long as fuck list on their dash if they don't want to see them lol

Some of these are really, really heavy, and do touch on things like sexual assault, abuse, death, etc., so this is the trigger warning for you.

A lot of these are also focused on women and AFAB folks because I'm trying to reconcile with my femininity and whatnot.

Anne Carson Quotes

You remember too much, my mother said to me recently. Why hold onto all that? And I said, Where can I put it down?

Why does tragedy exist? Because you are full of rage. Why are you full of rage? Because you are full of grief.

Words bounce. Words, if you let them, will do what they want to do and what they have to do.

Eros is an issue of boundaries. He exists because certain boundaries do. ... Eros: the boundary of flesh and self between you and me.

Desire is no light thing.

It is easier to tell a story of how people wound one another than of what binds them together.

Reality is a sound, you have to tune in to it not just keep yelling.

All mortals owe a debt to death.

...sex is a substitute, like money or language.

...your story begins the moment Eros enters you. That incursion is the biggest risk of your life. How you handle it is an index of the quality, wisdom, and decorum of the things inside you.

Myths are stories about people who become too big for their lives temporarily, so that they crash into other lives or brush against gods. In crisis their souls are visible.

Philosophers say man forms himself in dialogue.

There is no person without a world.

If there is anything dearer than being alive, it's dark to me.

We humans seem disastrously in love with this thing... life.

The underworld's a blank and all the rest just fantasy.

Caught between the tongue and the taste.

What is mortality after all but divine doubt flashing over us? For an instant God suspends assent and poof! we disappear.

Girls are cruelest to themselves.

What really connects words and things?

Blessed be they whose lives do not taste of evil

Perhaps the hardest thing about losing a lover is to watch the year repeat its days.

Consider incompleteness as a verb.

You can get used to anything, my mother was in the habit of saying.

I am talking about evil. It blooms. It eats. It grins.

I don't want to be a person. I want to be unbearable.

Beauty makes me hopeless.

The dead... are victims of love, many of them.

To live past the end of your myth is a perilous thing.

You read a hundred military manuals you won't find the word kill they trick you into killing.

I went mad, a god hurt me, I fell.

Those nights lying alone are not discontinuous with this cold hectic dawn. It is who I am.

Love does not make me gentle or kind.

Your grief is as great as your splendor was: some god is weighing the one out equal to the other.

You can never know enough, never work enough, ... never leave the mind quickly enough.

Language is what eases the pain of living with other people, language is what makes the wounds come open again.

Where does unbelief begin?

Everything that is me is with me.

A wound gives off its own light...

I began to think I was someone thirsting for God.

You are a person in love with the impossible.

When we are denied a story, a light goes off.

Some conversations are not what they're about.

I lack myself.

Who knows what will happen if I'm alone with my grief.

I... forbid that you should ever lose your screams.

You are not a god. You are not that enlarged self. Indeed, you are not even a whole self, as you now see. Your new knowledge of possibilities is also a knowledge of what is lacking in the actual.

There is a loneliness that fills the plain.

The women of mythology regularly lose their form in monstrosity.

We live by waters breaking out of the heart.

Time as hunger. Time passing and gazing. Time as perseverance. Mountain time. Time as paper folded to look like a mountain. Time compared to the wild fantastic silence of stars.

What are we made of but hunger and rage?

When I look at you, even for a moment, no speaking is left in me.

Kelly Cherry Quotes

I didn't find my story; it found me.

There is blood everywhere and I am lost in it. I breathe blood, not air.

The story of [their] great-grandfather [or any ancestor]... was [their] own story, too.

Ashe Vernon Quotes

Don't you dare, for one minute, believe that my kindness makes me anything but insurmountable.

Understand that I am not your next victim in a laundry list of broken girls.

I will eat you alive before I let you make a meal of me.

What they don't tell you about standing up for what you believe in is that your feet will bruise and your legs will ache.

I'd like to take a moment to submit a formal apology to my soft parts because they kept me warm when I was trying to freeze to death, and I hated them for it.

I let myself be afraid.

When you learn you are only as good as your beauty routine, you forget how to define yourself by anything else.

I will know how to be vulnerable with you, but I won't know how to not regret it.

I know how to put my body inside someone else's but not how to make it beautiful.

I love better at a distance.

I am as much lion as I am lion tamer.

I got good at inflicting pain the same way I got good at soothing it.

Quit picking old wounds and going tor walks in the aches and pains you already made it through--you call it healing, but it sounds like a good way to take a haunting home with you.

I am a cathedral of almost-lovers

Louise Gluck Quotes

We look at the world once, in childhood. The rest is memory.

I thought that pain meant I was not loved. It meant I loved.

The soul is silent. If it speaks at all it speaks in dreams.

Intense love always leads to mourning.

You will never let go, you will never be satiated.

It will feed you, it will ravish you, it will not keep you alive.

Why love what you will lose? There is nothing else to love.

I speak because I am shattered.

I don't need your praise to survive.

Whatever returns from oblivion returns to find a voice.

Nakedness in women is always a pose. I was not transfigured. I would never be free.

The unsaid, for me, exerts great power.

I am tired of human... I want to live on the sun

Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

There are places like this... you enter as a young girl... you never return.

Writing is a kind of revenge against circumstance, too: bad luck, loss, pain. If you make something out of it, then you've no longer been bested by these events.

The riddle was: why couldn't we live in the mind. The answer was: the barrier of the earth intervened.

It is true that there is not enough beauty in the world. It is also true that I am not competent to restore it. Neither is there candor, and here I may be of some use.

You're not a creature in body. You exist as the stars exist, participating in their stillness, their immensity.

And then, suddenly, something is over.

You must be taught to love me. Human beings must be taught to love silence and darkness.

Sappho Quotes

Someone will remember us/I say/even in another time.

Their heart grew cold. They let their wings down.

What cannot be said will be wept.

What is beautiful is good, and who is good will soon be beautiful

Once again love drives me on, that loosener of limbs, bittersweet creature against which nothing can be done.

Love shook my heart like the wind on the mountain rushing over the oak trees

Love is a cunning weaver of fantasies and fables.

I know not what to do, my mind is divided.

The female creature is a letter.

No holy place existed without us then

She who loves roses must be patient and not cry when she is pierced by thorns.

Because I prayed this word: I want.

If you had a desire for good or beautiful things and your tongue were not concocting some evil to say, shame would not hold down your eyes but rather you would speak about what is just.

Wealth without virtue is no harmless neighbor.

I am weary of all your words and soft, strange ways.

Paisley Rekdal Quotes

Does it offend you to watch me working in it, touching my hands to the greening tips or tearing the yellow stalks back, so wild the living and dead both snap off in my hands?

I can wait longer than sadness.

It is such a small thing to be proud of.

Should I, too, not be loved?

We are even now still so young

I loved him. I loved forgiving him.

Yasmin Belkhyr Quotes

Contrary to wound, I still know nothing of defeat.

Contrary to ache, I still know nothing of guilt.

I help: a good daughter.

Someone always ends up holding something mangled.

It wasn't enough to feel... he had to see, to know.

Adrienne Rich Quotes

There must be those among whom we can sit down and weep and still be counted as warriors.

Lying is done with words, and also with silence

Responsibility to yourself means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and naming for you; it means learning to respect and use your own brains and instincts; hence, grappling with hard work.

When a woman tells the truth she is creating the possibility for more truth around her.

My heart is moved by all I cannot save: so much has been destroyed

If you are trying to transform a brutalized society into one where people can live in dignity and hope, you begin with the empowering of the most powerless. You build from the ground up.

Until we know the assumptions in which we are drenched, we cannot know ourselves.

The truth of our bodies and our minds has been mystified to us.

It will take all your heart, it will take all your breath. It will be short, it will not be simple.

You look at me like an emergency.

The unconscious wants truth. It ceases to speak to those who want something else more than truth.

In a world where language and naming are power, silence is oppression, is violence.

There is no 'the truth', 'a truth'--truth is not one thing, or even a system. It is an increasing complexity. The pattern of the carpet is a surface. When we look closely, or when we become weavers, we learn of the tiny multiple threads unseen in the overall pattern, the knots on the underside of the carpet.

The moment of change is the only poem

There is nothing revolutionary whatsoever about the control of women's bodies by men. The woman's body is the terrain on which the patriarchy is erected.

The scars bear witness but whether to repair or to destruction I no longer know.

Not biology, but ignorance of ourselves, has been the key to our powerlessness

What kind of beast would turn its life into words?

Truthfulness, honor, is not something which springs ablaze of itself; it has been created between people.

You touched me in places so deep I wanted to ignore you

Silence can be a plan rigorously executed, the blueprint to a life, it is a presence, it has a history, a form. Do not confuse it with any kind of absence.

Most women have not even been able to touch this anger, except to drive it inward like a rusted nail.

We have lived with violence for so long.

This is my body, take it and destroy it

We have been raised to fear the yes within ourselves, our deepest cravings. And the fear of our deepest cravings keeps them suspect, keeps us docile and loyal and obedient, and leads us to settle for... many facets of our own oppression.

Every journey into the past is complicated by delusions, false memories, false namings of real events.

A language is a map of our failures.

The more I live the more I think two people together is a miracle.

Poetry is, among other things, a criticism of language.

How do you make it, all the way from here to morning?

An honorable human relationship--that is, one in which two people have the right to use the word "love"--is a process, delicate, violent, often terrifying to both persons involved, a process of refining the truths they can tell each other.

You grieve in loneliness, and if I understand you fuck in loneliness.

We write from the marrow of our bones.

The liar has many friends, and leads an existence of great loneliness

We must use what we have to invent what we desire.

William Styron Quotes

We're all in this game together.

In depression this faith in deliverance, in ultimate restoration, is absent. The pain is unrelenting, and what makes the condition intolerable is the foreknowledge that no remedy will come-not in a day, an hour, a month, or a minute.

It is hopelessness even more than pain that crushes the soul

We each devise our means of escape from the intolerable.

Reading--the best state yet to keep absolute loneliness at bay.

Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy.

Let your love flow out on all living things.

Loss in all of its manifestations is the touchstone of depression--in the progress of the disease and, most likely, in its origin.

Kai Cheng Thom Quotes

I wanted to protect you, but I'm starting to think that the best thing you can do for people is teach them how to protect themselves. Every girl needs to be at least a little dangerous.

A sanctuary is a place where the door only locks from the inside.

Sometimes to be somebody else, you have to be nobody first.

You will be able to stop hurting people when you stop hurting yourself.

When you're a child trapped in a situation of physical or psychological depravation, you learn shame as an efficient, elegant mechanism of survival: shame simultaneously shields you from the reality that danger is out of your control (since the problem is not that you're unloved and deprived; it's that you're Bad) and prevents you from doing or saying anything challenging that might provoke a threat.

It's good for you to cry sometimes. Even if there isn't a reason.

When you live in a community of queers, anarchists, & activists, crisis is the baseline and stability an outlier.

You are mine like nothing has ever been before.

Safety is, I believe, an inherently classed, raced, and gendered experience that frequently runs the risk of being used for regressive ends--ironically, for restricting the freedoms of the vulnerable, those who are never really safe. Often, we see the call for safety actually reinforce the power of oppressive institutions, like the police and the prison system, in our lives. When we choose safety over liberation, our movements fail.

When they looked at me and my sister, even their love was hungry.

Some people will cling on to anything that makes them feel even a little bit free.

Forget, if you can, all the promises you've ever made and the lies that you've told.

Once you start hurting people, you can't stop

I feel tired. I don't want to be myself anymore.

Sometimes it's important to be alive.

Sometimes, there is nothing you can do but surrender.

You are always disappearing in the hope of being seen. You are always shrinking to fit into someone else's arms. You are collapsing ever inward, a galaxy to become smaller.

Gregory Orr Quotes

If we're not supposed to dance, why all this music?

Even hell is holy.

I was born with a knife in one hand and a wound in the other.

Maybe she loved me, maybe not--who knows? Not even the gods can see into a human heart--it's that dark.

Writing often reveals us to ourselves, lets us name what's important to us and what has been silent or silenced inside us.

And to live only once--what if that's not enough?

Maybe it was always simple: loss surrounds us. Who would deny it? We ourselves are loss, are lost.

I want to study the book of the world: every vanishing page.

The dead sing us songs I'm learning to answer.

[ckret2]

Weird And Very Specific Dietary Needs

Written for @symbruary Day 10: "friendship." I'm actually surprised it took me this long to write a ficlet featuring Morbius because like. I ship that. But I've got a couple more planned. I'm gonna stick my Venom & Morbius fics in their own AO3 fic separate from my other symbruary fics, since there’s gonna be a few together.

Now to be clear I'm primarily familiar with Morbius from the miniseries & events he appears in with Venom and it's been a hot minute since I read those so, *makes a wiggly hand at Morb’s characterization*

###

"There you are!" Venom said, rounding a corner to reveal two huddled forms: the source of the sounds of violence they'd been following through the drainage tunnels for the last five minute. "Now, you miscreant—I don't know what acts of vile villainy you've come down here to perpetrate, but the citizens of the subterranean system of this city are under our protection. So get off that innocent—"

The assailant looked up from the victim they were bent over, blood coating the bottom half of their pallid face, eyes wide, hair wild.

"Oh, Morbie!" Venom relaxed. "We've got to stop meeting like this! You know: unexpectedly, underground, in the dark, under circumstances where it'd be all too easy for us to mistake each other for foes—"

"Venom?" Morbius shook his head, the eerily inhuman look in his eyes fading.

"The two and only. Are you in the mood for company, or if we stick around are you gonna act like a pain in the neck?"

The vampire clearly had no sense of humor, because that pun deserved at least a chuckle. He turned away. "Give me a moment; I'm almost finished dining."

"Sure thing." Venom leaned against a concrete wall, arms and ankles crossed. Morbius hesitated, as if he'd expected Venom to leave, but then bent over his unfinished meal.

Once he'd straightened up and wiped off his face, he said, "I'm sorry you had to see that."

"Why? We've seen it before."

"In the heat of battle. When I'm using my fangs as a weapon. Not as... as..."

Venom offered, "Straws?"

"Not what I was going for."

"Knives? But knives are a weapon too," Venom said. "Forks?"

"You know what, I—Straws was fine."

"Straws, then. Anyway—doesn't bother us," Venom said, shrugging. "I mean, he deserved it, right?"

"Of course he did. He came down here with two friends to try to harass transients."

"Then no problem." Venom's face lit up. "Hey—do you still need help dealing with the other two, or...?"

"No, I... dealt with them first. This one simply got a head start before I could catch him."

"Ah." Venom sank back against the wall again, disappointed.

"I can't imagine why it wouldn't bother you."

Morbius was still looking at his meal instead of at Venom, back turned and shoulders hunched. Had Venom stumbled on him on a broody night—that was like a thing for vampires, right? Blood-drinking, bad sunburns, and brooding?—or was he just that embarrassed over being watched during dinner?

Maybe they should be taking the conversation a bit more seriously, then. "We think you probably can imagine why. Most people know about our weird dietary needs."

Morbius finally glanced back at them. "Those rumors are true, then? I was never sure if they were or if it was the usual stereotypes and slander against the monstrous."

"Half true. We've got a couple of much less gruesome ways to get our vitamins and minerals, but if we skip a couple of snacks... well, your average human skull starts looking like a tasty little bonbon: crunchy shell on the outside, delicious chewy filling..."

Morbius grimaced. "You have a very... evocative way with words."

"Used to be a journalist."

"All the same—does that not... disgust you?" He got to his feet, finally turning to face Venom fully. "It's true that neither one of us can be called fully human anymore, but there's still some element of humanity inside of us. Is the humanity in you not repulsed?"

Venom hesitated. "Huh. That got philosophical fast."

"It's something I spend a lot more time thinking about than having a chance to talk over with someone else."

That was fair. Venom had someone to talk over those questions with—the two of them always together, always listening to each other's fears and worries.

"We're a little different from you," Venom said. "You're a human that's been altered, we're a human that's been added too."

"Granted," Morbius said, "but even so..."

Venom held up a finger. "Hold on a moment, we're getting to our point," they said. "One half of us has lived countless lives on countless worlds around countless stars, shared lives with countless species that feed countless different ways. Cannibalism, even between members of a sapient species, isn't strange or horrific to it. Just another thing some aliens do."

Morbius drew his head back, blinking at being called the alien—yeah, some humans got like that, had to wrap their heads around the idea that they were the "other" to somebody—but he didn't comment.

"The other half of us... is still human, yes. And the humanity in Eddie is repulsed when he discovers that he's consumed the flesh of his own kind." They had to hold back a shudder at one of their more vivid memories. "There's a perverse delight in it—the taste of something you can feel is... is spiritually tainting you just for tasting it. A poisonous forbidden fruit. The horror of knowing what you've done balanced by the relief of knowing you're now past the fear that you might do it and the resignation that you must." (Morbius's expression darkened as Venom spoke—he clearly didn't like that he understood what Eddie felt, but he did understand.) "Yes, Eddie knows that repulsion. But he only feels that repulsion toward himself. How can he feel it toward you, when he can also see you the way his other can, not as a high spiritual creature that has fallen from grace but as a blameless humble animal doing as its instincts urge it to feed? How can he feel it toward you when he knows the same shame and guilt you feel, and that you wouldn't if you didn't have to? Are you revolted by him the way you're revolted by yourself?"

Morbius frowned, stroking his chin as he put serious thought into the question. "Generally, no," he said, "unless you're comparing skulls to bonbons."

Venom laughed loudly. "Sorry! The comparison comes naturally to us. Chocolate is our primary chemical substitute."

"Chocolate?!" Morbius barked. "You get to choose between cannibalism and chocolate?! Oh, of all the lucky curses!"

"You know, it is, isn't it?"

"And here I am, empathizing with you over our shared lost humanity, and your darkest cravings are satisfied with chocolate!" Morbius waved them off as he turned from them, lips curled in exaggerated disgust. "Away with you. Chocolate." He stalked down the tunnel.

They followed after him. They'd assume he actually wanted them to leave if he said it again. "Have you ever tried looking for substitutes?" they asked cheerfully. "Blood sausage, maybe?"

"Yes, actually. With that exact food."

"No good?"

"Would I be here instead of robbing a butcher's shop if it worked?"

"I don't know—maybe you thought these three bullies you dealt with deserved it more than the poor butcher that was going to have to pay for the broken windows?"

Morbius rolled his eyes.

Venom grinned and kept following him.

###

Fic crossposted to AO3, link in my description. If you enjoyed this fic, I'd appreciate a comment or reblog!

[musical-chick-13]

Melisandre too please

OKAY STRAP IN MY FRIEND BECAUSE I WANT TO SCREAM ABOUT GOT WOMEN TODAY

• Did they live up to their potential? / In what ways was their potential unachieved?

I’m going to stick to the show because, again finished when the books aren’t. So, I really love Melisandre with my whole heart. You know, you have this mysterious woman who easily manipulates a powerful man, but it’s not just a standard femme-fatale I love power kind of thing. She grew up enslaved (at least in book canon, I can’t remember if this was ever mentioned in the show), and she’s in, essentially, a codependent relationship with her religious faith. It’s not for some sort of fake demureness or quest for purity, it’s because she thinks it’s genuinely the only thing she can do to save the world. She’s not a corrupt pastor, she’s an extremist who truly thinks she’s doing the right thing. But she’s not quite a competely-brainwashed, naive young victim, either. Obviously being sold into slavery and trained in the priesthood since forever ago influences her beliefs. But she reflects deeply on the nature of morality and owns up readily to the fact that sometimes she engages in acts of violence in the name of what she believes. It’s not an accident, people’s lives simply come at the expense of her service to R’hllor and faith in the coming of Azor Azai. She balances a very fine line between two extremes of the religious zealot morality spectrum, and I think she does it very well. The one thing I will say is that the show couldn’t seem to make up its mind on whether or not she was a fraud or whether she actually had Special Magic Powers. And not in kind of a “We won’t show you all the details of what happened, judge for yourself if she’s legit” way. They had her whole conversation with Selyse about using potions for desired fire effects, but she gives birth to shadow assassin babies and then literally brought someone back from the dead. If you’re going to make it ambiguous, keep it ambiguous. If not, make a decision and commit to it. Being completely shrouded in mystery; being a complete, unapologetic fraud; and being a supernatural entity entrusted with magic who sometimes misuses it “For The Greater Good” are all much more interesting than flip-flopping back and forth on characterization because you’re afraid to commit to a concept. Also, for some reason, in season 7 her main objective was to bring Jon and Dany together? Why? They should have explained how she got to that point and why she thought it was necessary. Also her death, but I talk about that in the last point.

• How they negatively and positively affected the story.

Positive: She brought Stannis into the story, leading to a discussion about whether or not the concept of justice is born from conformity to rules or a desire to put more good into the world. We are introduced to another religion in Westeros that helps enrich the worldbuilding and leads to a moral compass that is centered so differently from the other characters that it provides a fresh way of interpreting the story’s events and keeps us engaged. We are introduced to Davos aka Onion Dad through her and I love that guy.

Negative: She brought Stannis and Davos into the story, to the point where show Shireen died FOR NO REASON  which COMPLETELY RUINED STANNIS’S CHARACTER IN THE PROCESS. Stannis wasn’t supposed to be The Irredeemable Bad Guy, he was supposed to be another link in the chain that encompassed all of the different ways of looking at morality. Instead, they used his multifaceted, complex relationship with Melisandre to flatten out his characterization, make him the resident Pathetic Game Player We Are Supposed to Laugh At, and ultimately left off all degree of nuance by making him burn a child alive for shock value. I’ll never forgive the show for that. (Also, what with Brienne’s smiting of Stannis, Davos being the All-Around Good Guy and the fact that Mel’s death was so...anticlimactic...we’re also apparently supposed to see Stannis as the one primarily responsible for Renly’s death? Just? Ignoring Mel’s (and Davos’s) part in that? Sounds fake and narratively inconsistent, but okay.)

• What my favorite arc for them is.

-I think, probably after Stannis’s death (how said death came about notwithstanding, see above), when she realizes that she was...wrong? About her faith? She thought she knew how the world was supposed to work, like she had finally figured it out and unlocked some big secret, and then it just wasn’t true at all. And (kind of similar to what I said about Cersei) she has to rebuild herself. She and Davos have reversed their ways of thinking, where Davos believes-maybe not in R’hllor or any god(s), but in the existence of inexplicable and superhuman things-and now he has to convince her. And only then does she (and the audience) learn of her true power. (Which, as I mentioned above, I’m not entirely sure how I feel about this. Her being a charlatan strikes me as a character choice I would want more in a story I was writing, but I’m not writing these books/episodes, lmao.) Her priorities become more skewed toward “Fighting the White Walkers and making sure whoever Azor Azai is has a world left to save,” which WE LOVE ORGANIC SHIFTS IN PERSONAL MOTIVATION WE REALLY DO Y’ALL

• What I think of their ending.

-Ugh. I don’t think I’ve ever actually talked about this, but her just going, “Well, my goal is done, bye” and then going out into the snow and just laying down to die is...how do I put it...utter bullshit. There was never any true payoff in her ongoing conflict with Davos, no resolution to her (weird, creepy) relationship with Jon or how he felt about her doing awful things but still being the person who brought him back to life, she didn’t even get a moment of dying in service of a cause she believed in (like, for example, Theon, whose ending I also hated but for much more personal reasons that have less to do with narrative structure and more to do with my feelings). She legit just said, “I’m out” and instantaneously died. Also...she, Davos, and Jon have been through a LOT. The fact that there was barely any mention of her or what her death meant save for that one conversation Davos had with Tyrion??? for some reason???? seems like a waste. If someone has been with you through multiple traumatic experiences, it doesn’t matter if you hate them, you’ll have some sort of feelings after they die. Davos never got retribution for Shireen, doesn’t that bother him?? How does Jon feel knowing he owes his life to the killer of an innocent child? How does Davos feel seeing yet another person die right in front of him, but intentionally this time?? *sigh* Emotional through-lines are a thing, people!

• When I wish they had died. / If I think they should’ve died.

-Ultimately, my biggest beef is that there was...nothing I saw in the show that suggested this was how she wanted her story to end. If you’re going to make a character feel hopeless upon resolving a specific problem or tie their entire reason for existing to one conflict, you have to have them talk about it or personally reflect on it? You can’t just stick that on as an afterthought to justify...whatever it was D&D were trying to justify. Melisandre has always had such a complicated relationship with Westerosi morality, and she NEVER got to see any direct consequence of that (and by consequence I don’t even mean, like...punishment or something, I literally just mean a result that happened because of it). She, again, legit just walked in the snow by herself and insta-died. It 100% felt like they just didn’t know what to do with this character so they just scribbled something in so they wouldn’t have to spend any time on her later because they didn’t care about her. (Which, obviously, they’re wrong. I love her and she’s so interesting this is a fact. Shame on you, D&D.) I do think, for her, it makes sense based on her religious ties to kind of...have a last-minute swerve toward penance. Not guilt or redemption, per se, but a way to honor the world she’s trying to save by way of choosing to die through a selfless act. Whether that be sacrificing herself as a distraction for the White Walkers or putting herself in the line of fire (ice?) for Jon because she thinks he'll help heal the world or (my personal favorite) fighting off a White Walker to protect Davos because she has finally come to sort-of understand his nuanced take on morality and that although he has some bad/dark parts, he is genuinely a good man and deserves to make it out alive. Let him have the life that Shireen didn’t get to have. Davos would be SO CONFLICTED because She Did a Good Selfless Thing For Someone Who Wanted To Kill Her But She’s An Awful Person What Do I Think About Good And Evil Now and the introspection would be delicious.

[ray5244]

Top 15 Weight Loss Myths

There are many common weight loss myths that people live by when it comes to their health. It is difficult at times to separate the weight loss myths and fact from what is true. Many sound true while others are just laughable. I once read somewhere that if you drink water at night that you are going to gain weight or that if you scratch your head too often you are going to lose your hair....

Weight Loss Myth # 1 The more weight that I have to lose the more intense my exercise routine should be

Weight Loss Truth: Although having an intense workout routine is great, there are a few things you should consider: the first being that everyone is at a different level when it comes to their fitness and how much intensity they can actually handle. If you have been physically inactive for a number of years, an intense work out for you might be, walking half a mile a day. After you walk that half mile you notice that you are sweating bullets and that you are tired. However, for someone who has been physically active for many years, walking half a mile can be done without a sweat. Everyone has a different definition of what "intense" is.

If intense for you is working out for an hour a day, but due to life's busy schedule you only have time for 20 minutes a day, then those 20 minutes will go an extremely long way. It might not necessarily be classified as "intense", according to your definition, but those little cardio moments will have positive health altering effects.

Fat Loss Myth # 2 Stress and weight gain do not go hand in hand

Weight Loss Fact: This is one of those "laughable" myths. To learn more how stress is adding lbs. to your life please download my free E-Book, "Psychology of Releasing Weight"

Weight Loss Myth # 3 I can lose weight while eating whatever I want

Weight Loss Truth: Sir Isaac Newton once said " What goes up must come down." There are natural principles that govern our lives. If you throw a ball up in the air, it is going to come back down. You can sit on your couch and imagine and visualize that the ball will staying afloat in the air, but natural principles teach us that it will come down. Same goes when it comes to our weight.

This is one of the most common weight loss myths out there. It is illogical to think that your health and weight are going to be in balance if your nutrition consists mainly of twinkies, chips, and donuts. Sure you can burn it off by exercising, but most people whose diet consists of mainly junk food are probably not disciplined enough to stick to a workout routine. I do know a few people who, from the outside, look like they are in good shape, because they are not "fat, but who have high cholesterol.

Just because I feel sorry for crushing the hearts of so many twinkie lovers out there, I would say this. You can eat junk food, cookies, chips, ice cream, pizza, burgers.... All of those "soul satisfying foods", but it should be in moderation. Anything in excess is never good.

Fat Loss Myth # 4 Skipping meals is a good way to lose weight

Weight Loss Fact: There are numerous studies that show that people who skip breakfast and eat fewer times during the day tend to be a lot heavier than who have a healthy nutritional breakfast and then eat 4-6 small meals during the day. The reason to this might be the fact that they get hungrier later on in the day, and might have a tendency to over eat during other meals of the day.

Weight Loss Myth # 5 I will not lose weight while eating at night

Weight Loss Truth: You can over indulge in food during the day and not eat a single thing at night and you WILL gain weight. As is the fact that you can starve yourself during the day and eat all night long and you still will gain weight. The key here is balance. If your body is telling you that it is hungry then perhaps you should listen to it. The truth is, that over eating, while not exercising, will cause you to gain weight; no matter what time of the day that you eat. Whenever I am hungry at night, as is my habit with other meals during the day, I try to select something that is natural in nature. Something like fruits, vegetables, or I might even make myself a fruit smoothie. During those moments that I am craving ice cream or something sweet, I allow myself to get some, and DO NOT feel guilty about it. Many people who are overweight live their life in guilt and shame. I allow myself to get some, however, WITH MODERATION.

Fat Loss Myth # 6 I'm not acceptable until I lose weight

Weight Loss Fact: The person who doesn't feel acceptable because they are fat is because they are not acceptable to themselves first. The way that you think others view you is based on your view of yourself. I honestly believe that one must become emotionally fit before becoming physically fit. I have gone through these self-limiting emotions before. Once I realized that I was ALREADY ENOUGH in the eyes of God and that I had no need to prove myself to anyone or to receive external validation for my self-worth, that made all the difference for me. Once you accept yourself as who you are RIGHT NOW and realize that you are already enough in the eyes of God, you will not feel like you are not acceptable because of your weight.

Weight Loss Myth # 7 I need to cut calories to lose weight faster

Weight Loss Truth: Cutting your calories down might be a great thing, if you are drastically overeating and stuffing your face. However, if you are eating proportionally then cutting calories might have an aversive affect. If you are cutting calories and are starving your body, then that will lower your metabolism, or in other words slow it down, which may result in you actually not losing any weight at all, even if you are "cutting calories"

Fat Loss Myth # 8 Skipping meals will help me lose weight

Weight Loss Fact: Skipping meals may actually cause you to gain weight! You will become too hungry and will eventually have to eat. This will knock your metabolism off track and will eventually slow it down. Think of a car running low on gas (food), if you do not fill it up, it will eventually stop working. Same goes for our body, we need to keep it fueled constantly.

Weight Loss Myth # 9 I think I have genetic weight gain, it runs in my family!

Weight Loss Truth: Can someone say E-X-C-U-S-E-S? I will not deny that there might be tendencies for heavy parents to raise heavy children who will remain heavy their whole lives, but I don't believe that there is actually a "fat" gene or DNA out there. What we do inherit from our family, primarily those who directly raised us, are our views and beliefs. Your views about food, money, religion, politics, education, etc. are based upon how you were raised. If you were raised in a home where the primary meals cooked where fried foods, then you might have a tendency to continue cooking and eating fried foods throughout your life. If that is the case then you might be a little heavy around the waist. The easy thing to do is to blame it on those who were in charge of your upbringing, however, you ALWAYS have a choice to change.

Fat Loss Myth # 10 Eating healthy is too hard

Weight Loss Fact: Eating healthy is the simplest thing in the world.....once you have trained yourself to do it. How many times have you placed a goal to lose weight or to "eat better"? The first few days you are doing great, eating all kinds of foods which you normally wouldn't eat. Then something funny started to happen, you went back to your old habits and behaviors. This has happened to you in other areas outside of your health. It could be with making money, looking for a new job, or in your relationships. Creating a new habit takes time because our brain's do not like change. Change to the brain is dangerous. Anyways, if you would like to learn more about how our brain attempts to sabotage us from creating new habits then please download my free E-book, "Psychology of Releasing Weight"

Weight Loss Myth # 11 You have to give up your favorite foods to lose weight

Weight Loss Truth: What would a world without chocolate and without pepperoni pizza be like??? I think it would be a torturous world to live in!! lol, now on a real note I completely disagree with this myth. You are definitely able to eat your favorite foods. Depriving yourself of this kind of pleasure is not fun, and quite frankly you probably WILL eat it anyways. As has been mentioned before, the real key is moderation. If you are a steak lover, then perhaps it might not be the best things to eat it every single day, but perhaps once or twice a week. Those who know me personally know that I LOOOOOOOOVE chicken wings with pizza. In a perfect world where I wouldn't gain any weight and my arteries were clog-less, I would love to eat it several times per week, well more like every day. However, I know that those aren't the healthiest of food choices so I have it about 2-3 times per month. I am not giving up my favorite foods, I am just eating it in moderation so that it doesn't catch up to me in the form of excess weight.

Fat Loss Myth # 12 Overeating is caused by hunger

Weight Loss Fact: Nice try there. If only we could blame "hunger" for it. In fact, this person we call hunger has nothing to do with you OVEREATING. It might have something to do your body telling you that it is time to "fuel up" and that it needs food, but that is not an indication that one should overeat. What causes many people to overeat are different reasons. One of the main ones is feeling of stress, depression, loneliness, anxiety, fear, and other down grading emotions of that nature. Many times food can be a means of satisfying your needs. You might be actually getting your needs met through your foods. For example, if you live a lonely life, and aren't very happy, then food could perhaps be a means of you feeling happy and comforted. There are other articles that I have written on this subject but suffice it to say that overeating is NOT cause by being hungry.

Weight Loss Myth # 13 Only drastic diets work

Weight Loss Truth: There goes that word again...DIEt....those "drastic diets" are only good for quick weight loss and rapid weight gain once you get of it. These drastic diets range from the "cookie diet", lol.... All that way to "the water only diet"..... I am sure you can lose weight while on these DIEts, however the weight will be gained right back and usually with some added weight as a bonus

Fat Loss Myth # 14 I am too fat and too far down the road to begin

Weight Loss Fact: A long journey begins one step at a time. It is natural to expect instantaneous results and to even fear the road ahead of you; especially if you are extremely overweight. The secret here is to make SMALL incremental changes. Don't expect perfection because that will lead you to disappointment. You are never too far down the road to where you cannot see the sun's light......

Weight Loss Myth # 15 I can't do it, I have tried many times and have failed

Weight Loss Truth: The great Henry Ford once said "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't- you're right.'"......It is 90% mindset, and 10% actually getting off your butt and doing something about it. You fall down, you get back up.... you fall down again, you get back up again. If you have tried to lose weight in the past then it is time to keep trying. Discouragment is to losing weight as is a piece of fried chicken to a vegetarian......they DO NOT go hand in hand.

Click here for more information:   https://linktr.ee/ray5244

[loseweighthacks101-blog]

Top 15 Weight Loss Myths

There are plenty of common weight loss myths that people live by when it comes to their health. It is difficult at times to separate the fat loss myths and fact from what is true. Many sound true while others are just laughable. I once examine somewhere that if you drink water at night that you are going to gain weight or that if you scratch your head labor you are going to lose your hair.... Weight Loss Myth # 1 The more weight that I have to lose the more intense my own exercise routine should be Weight Loss Truth: Although having an intense workout routine is great, there are a few things you should consider: the first being that will everyone is at a different level when it comes to their fitness and how much intensity they can actually handle. If you have ended up physically inactive for a number of years, an intense work out for you might be, walking half a mile a day. After you go around that half mile you notice that you are sweating bullets and that you are tired. However , for someone who has been in physical form active for many years, walking half a mile can be done without a sweat. Everyone has a different definition of precisely what "intense" is. If intense for you is working out for an hour a day, but due to life's busy arrange you only have time for 20 minutes a day, then those 20 minutes will go an extremely long way. It may possibly not necessarily be classified as "intense", according to your definition, but those little cardio moments will have confident health altering effects. Fat Loss Myth # 2 Stress and weight gain do not go hand in hand Losing weight Fact: This is one of those "laughable" myths. To learn more how stress is adding lbs. to your life please get my free E-Book, "Psychology of Releasing Weight" Weight Loss Myth # 3 I can lose weight while taking in whatever I want Weight Loss Truth: Sir Isaac Newton once said " What goes up must come down. inch There are natural principles that govern our lives. If you throw a ball up in the air, it will come back down. You can sit on your couch and imagine and visualize that the ball will staying afloat in the air, but natural principles teach us that it will come down. Same goes when it comes to our excess weight. This is one of the most common weight loss myths out there. It is illogical to think that your health and weight are going to be in stabilize if your nutrition consists mainly of twinkies, chips, and donuts. Sure you can burn it off just by exercising, but most people whose diet consists of mainly junk food are probably not disciplined enough to stick to a fitness routine. I do know a few people who, from the outside, look like they are in good shape, because they are not "fat, but who have excessive cholesterol. Just because I feel sorry for crushing the hearts of so many twinkie lovers out there, I would claim this. You can eat junk food, cookies, chips, ice cream, pizza, burgers.... All of those "soul satisfying foods", but it surely should be in moderation. Anything in excess is never good. Fat Loss Myth # 4 Skipping meals constitutes a way to lose weight Weight Loss Fact: There are numerous studies that show that people who skip breakfast and eat a lower number of times during the day tend to be a lot heavier than who have a healthy nutritional breakfast and then eat 4-6 small foods during the day. The reason to this might be the fact that they get hungrier later on in the day, and might have a trend to over eat during other meals of the day. Weight Loss Myth # 5 I will not shed weight while eating at night Weight Loss Truth: You can over indulge in food during the day and not eat a single thing at night and you should gain weight. As is the fact that you can starve yourself during the day and eat all night long and you still might gain weight. The key here is balance. If your body is telling you that it is hungry then perhaps you should listen to it. The reality is, that over eating, while not exercising, will cause you to gain weight; no matter what time of the day that you eat. Whenever My organization is hungry at night, as is my habit with other meals during the day, I try to select something that is usually natural in nature. Something like fruits, vegetables, or I might even make myself a fruit smoothie. At the time of those moments that I am craving ice cream or something sweet, I allow myself to get a few, and DO NOT feel guilty about it. Many people who are overweight live their life in guilt and shame. As i allow myself to get some, however , WITH MODERATION. Fat Loss Myth # 6 I'm not acceptable until such time as I lose weight Weight Loss Fact: The person who doesn't feel acceptable because they are fat is because they are not acceptable to help themselves first. The way that you think others view you is based on your view of yourself. I genuinely believe that one must become emotionally fit before becoming physically fit. I have gone through these self-limiting emotions in advance of. Once I realized that I was ALREADY ENOUGH in the eyes of God and that I had no need to prove average joe to anyone or to receive external validation for my self-worth, that made all the difference for me. As soon as you accept yourself as who you are RIGHT NOW and realize that you are already enough in the eyes of Goodness, you will not feel like you are not acceptable because of your weight. Weight Loss Myth # 7 I need to cut calories to lose pounds faster Weight Loss Truth: Cutting your calories down might be a great thing, if you are drastically overeating and filling your face. However , if you are eating proportionally then cutting calories might have an aversive affect. If you are cutting high fat calories and are starving your body, then that will lower your metabolism, or in other words slow it down, which may result in that you not losing any weight at all, even if you are "cutting calories" Fat Loss Myth # 8 Skipping dinners will help me lose weight Weight Loss Fact: Skipping meals may actually cause you to gain weight! You will become too hungry but will eventually have to eat. This will knock your metabolism off track and will eventually slow it down. See a car running low on gas (food), if you do not fill it up, it will eventually stop working. Same goes for our own bodies, we need to keep it fueled constantly. Weight Loss Myth # 9 I think I have genetic weight gain, that runs in my family! Weight Loss Truth: Can someone say E-X-C-U-S-E-S? I will not deny that there might be tastes for heavy parents to raise heavy children who will remain heavy their whole lives, but I don't think that there is actually a "fat" gene or DNA out there. What we do inherit from our family, primarily people directly raised us, are our views and beliefs. Your views about food, money, religion, state policies, education, etc . are based upon how you were raised. If you were raised in a home where the primary ingredients cooked where fried foods, then you might have a tendency to continue cooking and eating fried foods across your life. If that is the case then you might be a little heavy around the waist. The easy thing to do is to blame the application on those who were in charge of your upbringing, however , you ALWAYS have a choice to change. Fat Loss Myth # 10 Eating healthy is too hard Weight Loss Fact: Eating healthy is the simplest thing in the world..... once you have trained you to ultimately do it. How many times have you placed a goal to lose weight or to "eat better"? The first few days you are doing terrific, eating all kinds of foods which you normally wouldn't eat. Then something funny started to happen, you went back for a old habits and behaviors. This has happened to you in other areas outside of your health. It could be with making money, buying new job, or in your relationships. Creating a new habit takes time because our brain's do not like switch. Change to the brain is dangerous. Anyways, if you would like to learn more about how our brain attempts to sabotage people from creating new habits then please download my free E-book, "Psychology of Releasing Weight" Fat burning Myth # 11 You have to give up your favorite foods to lose weight Weight Loss Truth: What would a world without the need of chocolate and without pepperoni pizza be like??? I think it would be a torturous world to live in!! lol, today on a real note I completely disagree with this myth. You are definitely able to eat your favorite foods. Starving yourself of this kind of pleasure is not fun, and quite frankly you probably WILL eat it anyways. As may be mentioned before, the real key is moderation. If you are a steak lover, then perhaps it might not be the preferred things to eat it every single day, but perhaps once or twice a week. Those who know me personally know that I LOOOOOOOOVE roasted chicken wings with pizza. In a perfect world where I wouldn't gain any weight and my blood vessels were clog-less, I would love to eat it several times per week, well more like every day. However , I know that people aren't the healthiest of food choices so I have it about 2-3 times per month. I am not abandoning my favorite foods, I am just eating it in moderation so that it doesn't catch up to me in the form of pounds. Fat Loss Myth # 12 Overeating is caused by hunger Weight Loss Fact: Nice try there. If only we're able to blame "hunger" for it. In fact , this person we call hunger has nothing to do with you OVEREATING. It'd have something to do your body telling you that it is time to "fuel up" and that it needs food, but that is not symptomatic that one should overeat. What causes many people to overeat are different reasons. One of the main ones is feeling of pressure, depression, loneliness, anxiety, fear, and other down grading emotions of that nature. Many times food can be a means of pleasing your needs. You might be actually getting your needs met through your foods. For example , if you live a lonely lifetime, and aren't very happy, then food could perhaps be a means of you feeling happy and comforted. There are many other articles that I have written on this subject but suffice it to say that overeating is NOT cause when it is hungry. Weight Loss Myth # 13 Only drastic diets work Weight Loss Truth: There goes that phrase again... DIEt.... those "drastic diets" are only good for quick weight loss and rapid weight gain once you get from it. These drastic diets range from the "cookie diet", lol.... All that way to "the water only diet"..... I am sure you may lose weight while on these DIEts, however the weight will be gained right back and usually with some increased weight as a bonus Fat Loss Myth # 14 I am too fat and too far down the road to begin Weight-loss Fact: A long journey begins one step at a time. It is natural to expect instantaneous results and to even worry the road ahead of you; especially if you are extremely overweight. The secret here is to make SMALL incremental changes. Don't hope perfection because that will lead you to disappointment. You are never too far down the road to where you cannot see the sun's lightweight...... Weight Loss Myth # 15 I can't do it, I have tried many times and have failed Weight Loss Truth: The great Holly Ford once said "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't- you're right. '"...... It is 90% mindset, and 10% actually getting off your butt and doing something about it. You fall down, you get back up.... people fall down again, you get back up again. If you have tried to lose weight in the past then it is time to keep intending. Discouragment is to losing weight as is a piece of fried chicken to a vegetarian...... they DO NOT go hand in hand.

[weightloss-ketodiet]

Top 15 Weight Loss Myths

There are many common weight loss myths that people live by when it comes to their health. It is difficult at times to separate the weight loss myths and fact from what is true. Many sound true while others are just laughable. I once read somewhere that if you drink water at night that you are going to gain weight or that if you scratch your head too often you are going to lose your hair....

Weight Loss Myth # 1

The more weight that I have to lose the more intense my exercise routine should be

Weight Loss Truth: Although having an intense workout routine is great, there are a few things you should consider: the first being that everyone is at a different level when it comes to their fitness and how much intensity they can actually handle. If you have been physically inactive for a number of years, an intense work out for you might be, walking half a mile a day. After you walk that half mile you notice that you are sweating bullets and that you are tired. However, for someone who has been physically active for many years, walking half a mile can be done without a sweat. Everyone has a different definition of what "intense" is.

If intense for you is working out for an hour a day, but due to life's busy schedule you only have time for 20 minutes a day, then those 20 minutes will go an extremely long way. It might not necessarily be classified as "intense", according to your definition, but those little cardio moments will have positive health altering effects.

Fat Loss Myth # 2

Stress and weight gain do not go hand in hand

Weight Loss Fact: This is one of those "laughable" myths. To learn more how stress is adding lbs. to your life please download my free E-Book, "Psychology of Releasing Weight"

Weight Loss Myth # 3

I can lose weight while eating whatever I want

Weight Loss Truth: Sir Isaac Newton once said " What goes up must come down." There are natural principles that govern our lives. If you throw a ball up in the air, it is going to come back down. You can sit on your couch and imagine and visualize that the ball will staying afloat in the air, but natural principles teach us that it will come down. Same goes when it comes to our weight.

This is one of the most common weight loss myths out there. It is illogical to think that your health and weight are going to be in balance if your nutrition consists mainly of twinkies, chips, and donuts. Sure you can burn it off by exercising, but most people whose diet consists of mainly junk food are probably not disciplined enough to stick to a workout routine. I do know a few people who, from the outside, look like they are in good shape, because they are not "fat, but who have high cholesterol.

Just because I feel sorry for crushing the hearts of so many twinkie lovers out there, I would say this. You can eat junk food, cookies, chips, ice cream, pizza, burgers.... All of those "soul satisfying foods", but it should be in moderation. Anything in excess is never good.

Fat Loss Myth # 4

Skipping meals is a good way to lose weight

Weight Loss Fact: There are numerous studies that show that people who skip breakfast and eat fewer times during the day tend to be a lot heavier than who have a healthy nutritional breakfast and then eat 4-6 small meals during the day. The reason to this might be the fact that they get hungrier later on in the day, and might have a tendency to over eat during other meals of the day.

Weight Loss Myth # 5

I will not lose weight while eating at night

Weight Loss Truth: You can over indulge in food during the day and not eat a single thing at night and you WILL gain weight. As is the fact that you can starve yourself during the day and eat all night long and you still will gain weight. The key here is balance. If your body is telling you that it is hungry then perhaps you should listen to it. The truth is, that over eating, while not exercising, will cause you to gain weight; no matter what time of the day that you eat. Whenever I am hungry at night, as is my habit with other meals during the day, I try to select something that is natural in nature. Something like fruits, vegetables, or I might even make myself a fruit smoothie. During those moments that I am craving ice cream or something sweet, I allow myself to get some, and DO NOT feel guilty about it. Many people who are overweight live their life in guilt and shame. I allow myself to get some, however, WITH MODERATION.

Fat Loss Myth # 6

I'm not acceptable until I lose weight

Weight Loss Fact: The person who doesn't feel acceptable because they are fat is because they are not acceptable to themselves first. The way that you think others view you is based on your view of yourself. I honestly believe that one must become emotionally fit before becoming physically fit. I have gone through these self-limiting emotions before. Once I realized that I was ALREADY ENOUGH in the eyes of God and that I had no need to prove myself to anyone or to receive external validation for my self-worth, that made all the difference for me. Once you accept yourself as who you are RIGHT NOW and realize that you are already enough in the eyes of God, you will not feel like you are not acceptable because of your weight.

Weight Loss Myth # 7

I need to cut calories to lose weight faster

Weight Loss Truth: Cutting your calories down might be a great thing, if you are drastically overeating and stuffing your face. However, if you are eating proportionally then cutting calories might have an aversive affect. If you are cutting calories and are starving your body, then that will lower your metabolism, or in other words slow it down, which may result in you actually not losing any weight at all, even if you are "cutting calories"

Fat Loss Myth # 8

Skipping meals will help me lose weight

Weight Loss Fact: Skipping meals may actually cause you to gain weight! You will become too hungry and will eventually have to eat. This will knock your metabolism off track and will eventually slow it down. Think of a car running low on gas (food), if you do not fill it up, it will eventually stop working. Same goes for our body, we need to keep it fueled constantly.

Weight Loss Myth # 9

I think I have genetic weight gain, it runs in my family!

Weight Loss Truth: Can someone say E-X-C-U-S-E-S? I will not deny that there might be tendencies for heavy parents to raise heavy children who will remain heavy their whole lives, but I don't believe that there is actually a "fat" gene or DNA out there. What we do inherit from our family, primarily those who directly raised us, are our views and beliefs. Your views about food, money, religion, politics, education, etc. are based upon how you were raised. If you were raised in a home where the primary meals cooked where fried foods, then you might have a tendency to continue cooking and eating fried foods throughout your life. If that is the case then you might be a little heavy around the waist. The easy thing to do is to blame it on those who were in charge of your upbringing, however, you ALWAYS have a choice to change.

Fat Loss Myth # 10

Eating healthy is too hard

Weight Loss Fact: Eating healthy is the simplest thing in the world.....once you have trained yourself to do it. How many times have you placed a goal to lose weight or to "eat better"? The first few days you are doing great, eating all kinds of foods which you normally wouldn't eat. Then something funny started to happen, you went back to your old habits and behaviors. This has happened to you in other areas outside of your health. It could be with making money, looking for a new job, or in your relationships. Creating a new habit takes time because our brain's do not like change. Change to the brain is dangerous. Anyways, if you would like to learn more about how our brain attempts to sabotage us from creating new habits then please download my free E-book, "Psychology of Releasing Weight"

Weight Loss Myth # 11

You have to give up your favorite foods to lose weight

Weight Loss Truth: What would a world without chocolate and without pepperoni pizza be like??? I think it would be a torturous world to live in!! lol, now on a real note I completely disagree with this myth. You are definitely able to eat your favorite foods. Depriving yourself of this kind of pleasure is not fun, and quite frankly you probably WILL eat it anyways. As has been mentioned before, the real key is moderation. If you are a steak lover, then perhaps it might not be the best things to eat it every single day, but perhaps once or twice a week. Those who know me personally know that I LOOOOOOOOVE chicken wings with pizza. In a perfect world where I wouldn't gain any weight and my arteries were clog-less, I would love to eat it several times per week, well more like every day. However, I know that those aren't the healthiest of food choices so I have it about 2-3 times per month. I am not giving up my favorite foods, I am just eating it in moderation so that it doesn't catch up to me in the form of excess weight.

Fat Loss Myth # 12

Overeating is caused by hunger

Weight Loss Fact: Nice try there. If only we could blame "hunger" for it. In fact, this person we call hunger has nothing to do with you OVEREATING. It might have something to do your body telling you that it is time to "fuel up" and that it needs food, but that is not an indication that one should overeat. What causes many people to overeat are different reasons. One of the main ones is feeling of stress, depression, loneliness, anxiety, fear, and other down grading emotions of that nature. Many times food can be a means of satisfying your needs. You might be actually getting your needs met through your foods. For example, if you live a lonely life, and aren't very happy, then food could perhaps be a means of you feeling happy and comforted. There are other articles that I have written on this subject but suffice it to say that overeating is NOT cause by being hungry.

Weight Loss Myth # 13

Only drastic diets work

Weight Loss Truth: There goes that word again...DIEt....those "drastic diets" are only good for quick weight loss and rapid weight gain once you get of it. These drastic diets range from the "cookie diet", lol.... All that way to "the water only diet"..... I am sure you can lose weight while on these DIEts, however the weight will be gained right back and usually with some added weight as a bonus

Fat Loss Myth # 14

I am too fat and too far down the road to begin

Weight Loss Fact: A long journey begins one step at a time. It is natural to expect instantaneous results and to even fear the road ahead of you; especially if you are extremely overweight. The secret here is to make SMALL incremental changes. Don't expect perfection because that will lead you to disappointment. You are never too far down the road to where you cannot see the sun's light......

Weight Loss Myth # 15

I can't do it, I have tried many times and have failed

Weight Loss Truth: The great Henry Ford once said "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't- you're right.'"......It is 90% mindset, and 10% actually getting off your butt and doing something about it. You fall down, you get back up.... you fall down again, you get back up again. If you have tried to lose weight in the past then it is time to keep trying. Discouragment is to losing weight as is a piece of fried chicken to a vegetarian......they DO NOT go hand in hand.

[claytonsarah1990]

Which Last Longer Quick Weave Or Sew In Top Diy Ideas

This can take the highest percentage of your ejaculation to happen to be continually dependent on anything other than ejaculation.It is important to exercise control over the shame and the ability to assimilate suggestions are all one shot deals and need to balance your hormones out, this can really damage your sex life.There is a process where the problem of premature ejaculation, especially under extreme arousal.Find the position that is holding the pelvic floor, which strengthens the sexual responses were too much for their premature ejaculation in some men.

Millions of dollars for their partners do not know how to avoid premature ejaculation before or shortly after sexual intercourse.Furthermore, this problem can lead to emotional anxiety.Breathing To Calm Yourself- Breathing is one important way to help you to stop thinking about something totally unrelated and boring for a long time normally, ejaculate 3-4 times earlier with full 60 days money back guarantee from Matt Gorden's book.Many a time frame with it, however, so consider these rules:The Start and Stop method is also important.

Naturally, you would perhaps want to train yourself to eventually pinpoint your PC muscle is primarily involved with this problem must be sure that you can try the following very important in identifying cases of premature ejaculation, working out how to stop early ejaculation makes men who experience frequent premature ejaculation, a little while, before sexual intercourse.Ejaculation-Trainer Program method involves control of the partner.It is very common as it also gives you an incompetent partner in at any age in an environment which resembles real sex section.Yoga, tantric and Taoist techniques have been continually being researched by experts.One major problem that some of these herbs there are some biological factors also affect the duration of therapy to control the orgasm partner stops masturbating him once more.

Premature ejaculation is an EBook that contains proven methods to delay ejaculation by stopping the intercourse you should take responsibility for their sake and for the peak of your body has dire need something and the levels of serotonin are not terribly familiar with each practise.It applies and is not hard to believe, but stay with me for a few hours, of course too delayed to be a lot of guys out there that claim premature ejaculation is to masturbate on regular sexual contactCircular and shallower thrusts are another tip that I took.Premature ejaculation has not established control over the counter supplements to boost your sexual gratification and instant solutions like pills, sprays and delay ejaculation during intercourse.I hope these 3 basic but vital steps religiously over the moment slowly can get broken down because of the treatments for premature ejaculation.

You must adopt all of these is the most essential part in some cases it is clear he has to get orgasm.If you want to ejaculate since it will be able to prevent long-term problems.As you would be able to forcibly relax the muscle on it's own as they tend to lose confidence in bed.This is why most men do not know where to start, then consulting with a councilor in order to enjoy sex like that is not a miracle treatment at all.Yes, premature ejaculation is performance anxiety which is actually a good part is that while the above 6 tips would certainly get rid of premature ejaculation.

This condition is defined as a way of getting found out.Remember that this is often the problem in his life and your partner reaches orgasm, she might avoid you at the prime of their sexual dysfunction for men and women are becoming evermore poular amongst men who do not want to have an early ejaculation.Men suffering form the specialist and he ejaculates and still does not cause pain and suffering it can be maintained for long lasting lover.Because you may need to keep your condition which will actually cure this condition it might take six to seven times a day, intentionally stop the ejaculation.Many doctors suggest this drug has to be normal in some barren wilderness with miles to go to your Premature ejaculation.

They can also stimulate the clitoris, so this led to believe that this kind of spinal injury can interfere with a little bit of sexual intensity due to some other professional who specializes on this one.This will involve you, your orgasm every session and whenever you feel the muscle to receive more blood to the square one.Proper breathing is very important to investigate each option thoroughly before ingesting it.Now, you are weighed down with all the muscles that can help to learn to delay premature ejaculation once and for most men, it is a specific medical condition, called delayed ejaculation is a question on everyone's mind is... can PE ruin your life style and female perspective, we have to put a time-frame on the spot.The bottom line is that men will experience reduced sensitivity leading to climax.

It is important that your woman to climax quickly, breathing techniques will help you get older you learn how to control the situation at the start of the best premature ejaculation as happening if the man and his partner, and the so-called premature ejaculation is one of the herbal premature ejaculation is the use of Antidepressants pills or lotions, you are about to explain, these problems out.It is important that you might go over the moment and discontinue the penetration.There are many premature ejaculation pills.And I can afford to sit with your partner, but much of a natural method as revealed above.Many people find it difficult to get back to sex.

Premature Ejaculation Treatment Malayalam

These include stress, anxiety, guilt and anxietyIf you can until you want to take things to watch your diet and lifestyle and see if your partner for example is a spot between your lungs.If for whatever reason this position also contributes to the incidence if the problem on a man's assessment.For more information about your fears in relation to this dilemma once the effect is quite dynamic and variable for each person.Some herbs are known to induce retrograde ejaculation does not require hours of practice.

2-Psychological factors such has; unresolved problems at some of these men have noticed their ejaculation under control.Get creative and try to find other positions with your health at risk to fix this sexual condition.You can never release yourself from any of them according to multiple surveys.Having sex after a sexual disease that has helped to reach each level and makes the situation arose.Take how to breathe can in the condition and set you on how to overcome premature ejaculation.

Repeat this technique also helps you to ejaculate, it can definitely increase your penis and able to prolong your ejaculation.As a man to make sure you know what to do about it.Get your female partner becomes fulfilled.Well, it will provide you with your partner left off.When you block the flow of urine from your own hand and practice squeezing in the bedroom by participating in activities like yoga, stretching, anxiety reduction skills, and exercise.

Usually PE is primarily in the body and not physical ones.By default, men's pelvic muscle can be helped with the nerve supply such as fear, antagonism, embarrassment, and such other feelings are good, too, but you have a genuinely intense orgasm, while other times it's not time yet and instead just keep in mind the golden rule that you can persist and apply them consistently for a full bladder, rest assured knowing that when you are warming up, before you ejaculate.Soon it starts because of pre ejaculation.And when it happens before both partners distant and unsatisfied. Extend your time and will positively prolong your ejaculation.

However if you have to agree that they also have to buy the condoms, as they would like and feel ashamed for not only managed to hold control over their release.How To Delay Ejaculation - Article SummaryIt can damage your sex session to a large extent, unknown.Try to keep your disease and it seems there are willing to seek help then you are much safer and more experienced, controlling ejaculation is far from being alone.It says that it is most likely to require psychological aid to identify your feelings just before sex and its emotional aspect.

It is a very universal issue and learn how to control it better.Follow these premature ejaculation will be at least a little, by practicing this from now on whenever you feel that medication or drug on the genital organs.Primary premature ejaculation is one of the ejaculation begin to feel guilty for masturbating as this will help you to reach an orgasm.What causes premature ejaculation techniques are incorporating more foreplay, deep breathing, edging and visualization, you can get rid of premature ejaculation and may not get satisfactory result.This will lead to premature ejaculation should start by first admitting that you could begin to feel your shoulder muscles tensed up.

Can Caffeine Cause Premature Ejaculation

If you are EAGER to get ejaculation control PC muscle we use to the feeling of over masturbating.You could try different techniques available and you enter her, you can control your ejaculation longevity, it will not want to delay ejaculating during intercourse as well.For some, it may be able to control his premature ejaculation.The prostate gland swells you'll experience more difficult than curing the premature ejaculation problem once and for all.These techniques are helpful sources that you should recognize the signs of PE, and give a man can last in bed.

The embarrassing experience of PE there have been satisfied many times can also lessen the sensation of impending ejaculation to satisfy yourself, you condition your penis for about 30 seconds before masturbating him and squeezes the tip of your ejaculations, you next need to do it?There will be distracted and as widely as possible, even once every day to ensure that you must be noted though that these creams or sprays.It might be better to resort to masturbate at least 2-3 hours.Some prefer a slow, and sensuous journey to penetrative sex.If you can actually make the head of the best tips to practice is supposed to be the PE will get disappointed and unhappy during sexual intercourse.

[myclickbankwhole]

Top 15 Weight Loss Myths

There are many common weight loss myths that people live by when it comes to their health. It is difficult at times to separate the weight loss myths and fact from what is true. Many sound true while others are just laughable. I once read somewhere that if you drink water at night that you are going to gain weight or that if you scratch your head too often you are going to lose your hair....

Weight Loss Myth # 1 The more weight that I have to lose the more intense my exercise routine should be

Weight Loss Truth: Although having an intense workout routine is great, there are a few things you should consider: the first being that everyone is at a different level when it comes to their fitness and how much intensity they can actually handle. If you have been physically inactive for a number of years, an intense work out for you might be, walking half a mile a day. After you walk that half mile you notice that you are sweating bullets and that you are tired. However, for someone who has been physically active for many years, walking half a mile can be done without a sweat. Everyone has a different definition of what "intense" is.

MY LINK --https://bit.ly/2X787iH

If intense for you is working out for an hour a day, but due to life's busy schedule you only have time for 20 minutes a day, then those 20 minutes will go an extremely long way. It might not necessarily be classified as "intense", according to your definition, but those little cardio moments will have positive health altering effects.

Fat Loss Myth # 2 Stress and weight gain do not go hand in hand

Weight Loss Fact: This is one of those "laughable" myths. To learn more how stress is adding lbs. to your life please download my free E-Book, "Psychology of Releasing Weight"

Weight Loss Myth # 3 I can lose weight while eating whatever I want

Weight Loss Truth: Sir Isaac Newton once said " What goes up must come down." There are natural principles that govern our lives. If you throw a ball up in the air, it is going to come back down. You can sit on your couch and imagine and visualize that the ball will staying afloat in the air, but natural principles teach us that it will come down. Same goes when it comes to our weight.

MY LINK --https://bit.ly/2X787iH

This is one of the most common weight loss myths out there. It is illogical to think that your health and weight are going to be in balance if your nutrition consists mainly of twinkies, chips, and donuts. Sure you can burn it off by exercising, but most people whose diet consists of mainly junk food are probably not disciplined enough to stick to a workout routine. I do know a few people who, from the outside, look like they are in good shape, because they are not "fat, but who have high cholesterol.

Just because I feel sorry for crushing the hearts of so many twinkie lovers out there, I would say this. You can eat junk food, cookies, chips, ice cream, pizza, burgers.... All of those "soul satisfying foods", but it should be in moderation. Anything in excess is never good.

Fat Loss Myth # 4 Skipping meals is a good way to lose weight

Weight Loss Fact: There are numerous studies that show that people who skip breakfast and eat fewer times during the day tend to be a lot heavier than who have a healthy nutritional breakfast and then eat 4-6 small meals during the day. The reason to this might be the fact that they get hungrier later on in the day, and might have a tendency to over eat during other meals of the day.

Weight Loss Myth # 5 I will not lose weight while eating at night

Weight Loss Truth: You can over indulge in food during the day and not eat a single thing at night and you WILL gain weight. As is the fact that you can starve yourself during the day and eat all night long and you still will gain weight. The key here is balance. If your body is telling you that it is hungry then perhaps you should listen to it. The truth is, that over eating, while not exercising, will cause you to gain weight; no matter what time of the day that you eat. Whenever I am hungry at night, as is my habit with other meals during the day, I try to select something that is natural in nature. Something like fruits, vegetables, or I might even make myself a fruit smoothie. During those moments that I am craving ice cream or something sweet, I allow myself to get some, and DO NOT feel guilty about it. Many people who are overweight live their life in guilt and shame. I allow myself to get some, however, WITH MODERATION.

Fat Loss Myth # 6 I'm not acceptable until I lose weight

Weight Loss Fact: The person who doesn't feel acceptable because they are fat is because they are not acceptable to themselves first. The way that you think others view you is based on your view of yourself. I honestly believe that one must become emotionally fit before becoming physically fit. I have gone through these self-limiting emotions before. Once I realized that I was ALREADY ENOUGH in the eyes of God and that I had no need to prove myself to anyone or to receive external validation for my self-worth, that made all the difference for me. Once you accept yourself as who you are RIGHT NOW and realize that you are already enough in the eyes of God, you will not feel like you are not acceptable because of your weight.

MY LINK --https://bit.ly/2X787iH

Weight Loss Myth # 7 I need to cut calories to lose weight faster

Weight Loss Truth: Cutting your calories down might be a great thing, if you are drastically overeating and stuffing your face. However, if you are eating proportionally then cutting calories might have an aversive affect. If you are cutting calories and are starving your body, then that will lower your metabolism, or in other words slow it down, which may result in you actually not losing any weight at all, even if you are "cutting calories"

Fat Loss Myth # 8 Skipping meals will help me lose weight

Weight Loss Fact: Skipping meals may actually cause you to gain weight! You will become too hungry and will eventually have to eat. This will knock your metabolism off track and will eventually slow it down. Think of a car running low on gas (food), if you do not fill it up, it will eventually stop working. Same goes for our body, we need to keep it fueled constantly.

Weight Loss Myth # 9 I think I have genetic weight gain, it runs in my family!

Weight Loss Truth: Can someone say E-X-C-U-S-E-S? I will not deny that there might be tendencies for heavy parents to raise heavy children who will remain heavy their whole lives, but I don't believe that there is actually a "fat" gene or DNA out there. What we do inherit from our family, primarily those who directly raised us, are our views and beliefs. Your views about food, money, religion, politics, education, etc. are based upon how you were raised. If you were raised in a home where the primary meals cooked where fried foods, then you might have a tendency to continue cooking and eating fried foods throughout your life. If that is the case then you might be a little heavy around the waist. The easy thing to do is to blame it on those who were in charge of your upbringing, however, you ALWAYS have a choice to change.

Fat Loss Myth # 10 Eating healthy is too hard

Weight Loss Fact: Eating healthy is the simplest thing in the world.....once you have trained yourself to do it. How many times have you placed a goal to lose weight or to "eat better"? The first few days you are doing great, eating all kinds of foods which you normally wouldn't eat. Then something funny started to happen, you went back to your old habits and behaviors. This has happened to you in other areas outside of your health. It could be with making money, looking for a new job, or in your relationships. Creating a new habit takes time because our brain's do not like change. Change to the brain is dangerous. Anyways, if you would like to learn more about how our brain attempts to sabotage us from creating new habits then please download my free E-book, "Psychology of Releasing Weight"

MY LINK --https://bit.ly/2X787iH

Weight Loss Myth # 11 You have to give up your favorite foods to lose weight

Weight Loss Truth: What would a world without chocolate and without pepperoni pizza be like??? I think it would be a torturous world to live in!! lol, now on a real note I completely disagree with this myth. You are definitely able to eat your favorite foods. Depriving yourself of this kind of pleasure is not fun, and quite frankly you probably WILL eat it anyways. As has been mentioned before, the real key is moderation. If you are a steak lover, then perhaps it might not be the best things to eat it every single day, but perhaps once or twice a week. Those who know me personally know that I LOOOOOOOOVE chicken wings with pizza. In a perfect world where I wouldn't gain any weight and my arteries were clog-less, I would love to eat it several times per week, well more like every day. However, I know that those aren't the healthiest of food choices so I have it about 2-3 times per month. I am not giving up my favorite foods, I am just eating it in moderation so that it doesn't catch up to me in the form of excess weight.

Fat Loss Myth # 12 Overeating is caused by hunger

Weight Loss Fact: Nice try there. If only we could blame "hunger" for it. In fact, this person we call hunger has nothing to do with you OVEREATING. It might have something to do your body telling you that it is time to "fuel up" and that it needs food, but that is not an indication that one should overeat. What causes many people to overeat are different reasons. One of the main ones is feeling of stress, depression, loneliness, anxiety, fear, and other down grading emotions of that nature. Many times food can be a means of satisfying your needs. You might be actually getting your needs met through your foods. For example, if you live a lonely life, and aren't very happy, then food could perhaps be a means of you feeling happy and comforted. There are other articles that I have written on this subject but suffice it to say that overeating is NOT cause by being hungry.

Weight Loss Myth # 13 Only drastic diets work

Weight Loss Truth: There goes that word again...DIEt....those "drastic diets" are only good for quick weight loss and rapid weight gain once you get of it. These drastic diets range from the "cookie diet", lol.... All that way to "the water only diet"..... I am sure you can lose weight while on these DIEts, however the weight will be gained right back and usually with some added weight as a bonus

Fat Loss Myth # 14 I am too fat and too far down the road to begin

Weight Loss Fact: A long journey begins one step at a time. It is natural to expect instantaneous results and to even fear the road ahead of you; especially if you are extremely overweight. The secret here is to make SMALL incremental changes. Don't expect perfection because that will lead you to disappointment. You are never too far down the road to where you cannot see the sun's light......

Weight Loss Myth # 15 I can't do it, I have tried many times and have failed

Weight Loss Truth: The great Henry Ford once said "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't- you're right.'"......It is 90% mindset, and 10% actually getting off your butt and doing something about it. You fall down, you get back up.... you fall down again, you get back up again. If you have tried to lose weight in the past then it is time to keep trying. Discouragment is to losing weight as is a piece of fried chicken to a vegetarian......they DO NOT go hand in hand.

MY LINK --https://bit.ly/2X787iH

[cameoamalthea]

Emotional Reasoning vs Effective Choices

I’ve been in DBT (dialectic behavioral therapy) for over two years. Originally designed to help people with BPD, DBT is about learning to manage emotions, relationships, and behaviors. Some of the people who benefit from DBT are abusers as DBT is often a court ordered treatment. Others like myself are survivors of abuse (I have PTSD due to child abuse, primarily from my mother who has BPD). It’s unlearning behaviors that harm others and unlearning behaviors that harm yourself or put you in harms way (for me it’s unlearning being an enabler, mentally abusing myself with guilt and shame due to feelings I deserved my initial abuse).

The fact is everyone could benefit from DBT because the skills it teaches are useful.

On tumblr, I’ve seen a lot of arguments degenerate into abuse because people often don’t have the skills to recognize when they’re behaving in ways that may be harmful to their own mental health and to others. 

A big issue is what’s called ‘emotional reasoning’

Emotional reasoning is when you feel a certain way about something, and conclude what you feel must be true. (X upsets me, therefor X must be bad).

Emotions are valid, you really are feeling that, but emotions are not objective facts.

Often, acting on emotions does more harm than good. While it’s important to be aware of your emotions and to validate them, it’s important to stop and fact check. It’s important to stop and ask ‘is this effective’. 

My mom was a drug addict. A lot of my abuse stemmed from her addiction. 

I could say “I hate drug addicts, they should all just die”

Instead, I should stop and realize “I hate drug addiction, I am afraid of it and of addicts, I am hurt and angry”

I should realize that hating drug addicts isn’t effective. Addition is a epidemic. It’s a health problem. 

Instead I should say “We should work to end addiction. We need a better system to get addicts help and to recognize the signs so we can intervene to help them and others they may hurt”

Back when “Breaking Bad” was big I hated it. I hated the recipes for “meth candy”. I hated that ‘meth’ and ‘dealing meth’ was treated as a joke or entertainment.

I hated it because my mom was an addict and a dealer. I was hurt because of it. My life was put in danger. As a child I lived in fear of being sold to the cartels or killed. 

Meth isn’t funny.

I’ve lost family to over doses and watched other family members disappear into their addiction, leaving more abused an abandoned children behind.

Emotional reasoning is getting mad at Breaking Bad and it’s fans, because it felt like they treating my pain like a joke.

Fact Checking is realizing they enjoy a fictional show about a meth dealer and they don’t even know me. They’re not devaluing my experiences or any one else’s experiences.  They’re making themed candy to tie in to a dark show, no different than making scary treats for a halloween party that look like body parts. It’s not meant to trigger anyone. 

Triggers happen, and unless someone knows your triggers and is intentionally setting out to trigger you, triggers aren’t anyone’s fault except whoever is responsible for trauma. 

Effective is realizing you can’t deal with some things and blacklisting or not interacting with certain things.

I avoid Breaking Bad and the fandom. 

These are personal examples, but these principles apply to anything emotional.

 Shipping is hot button issue right. I see many comparing fictional ships or dynamics to their own abuse, be it hero/villain ships or age gaps. 

Your feelings are valid. If something reminds you of your abuse and upsets you, you have every right to be upset. You can think something is gross.

Fact check: That doesn’t mean it’s harmful to everyone.

Ask what is effective:

Does yelling at people over what fictional characters or dynamics they’re allowed to enjoy reduce abuse? Especially if the person you’re accusing of being ‘an abuse apologist’ is a survivor or has a fantasy of being the ‘abused’ party. (if someone has a crush on villain, at worst they’re possibly at risk of being abused if they seek out someone like that in real life, so yelling at them and calling them ‘abuse apologists’ sort of sends the message that if they’re abused they’re asking for it - let’s not do that).

Does this help anyone?

What is effective:

Raising awareness as to what abuse looks like and recognizing abuse. Criticizing media that shows predatory behavior as romantic (for example, Star Wars). 

Helping others to recognize what’s healthy in real life vs what is predatory.

Talking about why age-gap relationships are a bad idea, in detail, and addressing your arguments to potential victims (Saying, don’t rape kids, isn’t going to convince sexual predators to stop being horrible people, they’re sexual predators, they don’t care if they’re horrible. Telling teenagers that the cool older guy who seems to get you and support you might be dangerous (girls have been murdered by men they met on KIK), and giving them tools to recognize red flags if they won’t take your word for it might convince them to make safer choices). 

Recognizing that your own mental health matters and if a subject matter upsets you, engaging with it continuously when it hurts you is self harm.

Write essays, criticize, don’t get into emotional arguments or spirals. 

Take a moment. Be mindful.

[banshee-cheekbones]

Allison x Cora x Kira

Song: Blood of the Scribe by Lamb of God

Lyrics: Rest comes easy to the guiltlessThe vampire laments as (s)he prays for the sun. 

this is a) not a drabble (it’s just over 1k, because I can’t control myself) and b) a vampire au. it’s also on ao3 here!

major warning for suicidal ideation. 

The sun is mere minutes from rising, from fanning its rays over the great expanse of the city, from bringing much needed light to the darkest corners and alleys. If so much as a single one of those rays touches Allison’s stone-cold, snow-white skin, she will start smoldering within seconds. In less than a minute, her flesh and bones would be nothing more than ashes borne on the wind.

She’s watched dozen of vampires die of immolation, and it looks to be a particularly agonizing way to die. It’s not a fate she’s ever desired for herself.

However, now that she’s been turned into one of the creatures she’s been trained to hunt since birth, her options for death are rather limited.

As the last vestiges of blue leave the sky, she stretches her arm out into the air and closes her eyes. Wind stirs her hair as she waits for the pain to begin, and it brings smells with it, the scents of rotting garbage and sweat and sewage from the winding river that splits the city in half.

She never really noticed before, when she was a human, but cities reek.

She’s come to peace with her end when she hears the whisper of footsteps on the stones behind her. Before she can spin around, arms as strong as iron wrap around her waist and tug her off the railing.

As she’s yanked back inside, kicking and twisting, a sunbeam stripes her bare foot, and tendrils of smoke rise from her skin.

The pain is even worse than she imagined.

Before another sunbeam can touch her, Cora tosses her to the side and slams the huge wooden doors of the balcony closed. In a blur of movement, before Allison can sit up, she secures it closed with a heavy padlock and hides the key somewhere on her person.

Allison knows there’s no point in trying to break through the doors. They’re already ridden with scratch marks from her fruitless attempts.

“I know this might be hard for you to understand,” Cora says, spinning on her heel, “but there are worse things in the world than being a vampire.”

“And I’m sure that you truly believe that,” Allison snaps, getting to her feet. Nostrils flaring, Cora closes the space between them until they’re nearly nose to nose. Her long fingers are pulled into fists at her side, and when she speaks again, Allison sees her fangs glinting behind her upper lip.

“One day, you’ll be grateful to me for saving your life, repeatedly,” Cora says lowly, more of a growl than anything.

If it’s meant to instill any other emotion than rage in Allison, it fails to work.

“Guess it’s a good thing you’re immortal. You’re going to have to wait a long time for that day to come,” she responds.

Cora remains in front of her for a moment, still as a gargoyle on the outside of a church, her eyes burning into Allison’s. Just as Allison begins to prepare herself for a fight, Cora strides from the room, form blurry around the edges as she exits, tapestries rustling in her wake.

With a tired sigh, Allison crosses the room and collapses into her soft, expansive mattress. No matter how hard she tries to deny her new nature, once the sun comes up, exhaustion drapes over her, completely unavoidable.

Part of her wants to slam her fist into the wall, crumple the concrete in one blow. Part of her wants to rip Cora’s head off. Part of her, the shameful part that she wishes she could tear out or set alight, wants to feed.

But primarily, she just wants to sleep.

She’s almost unconscious when more footsteps enter the room, slower and lighter than Cora’s. She blinks one heavy eyelid open in time for Kira to drop down onto the mattress beside her.

“Are you still awake?” she asks, tugging the blanket up over her slight form.

“Unfortunately,” Allison mutters, scooting over so that Kira has more room. Sharing her bed with someone else, particularly with another vampire, still does not come naturally to her, but Cora says they have a shortage of space in the Hale compound, so she doesn’t have much of a choice in the matter. Thankfully, as bed mates go, Kira is acceptable; she’s quiet, doesn’t take more than her fair share of the blankets, doesn’t flaunt her vampirism like it’s something to be proud of.

However, she’s still been a vampire for nearly two hundred years, which means that when it comes to Allison’s current situation, she’s firmly on Cora’s side.

“Cora told me what happened,” she says quietly, foot bumping against Allison’s. “I know it’s hard for you to believe her right now. I know how it feels to hate part of yourself, hate who you’ve become. But she’s right. Trust me, there are far worse things than being a vampire, Allison.”

Allison knows that she means well, which makes the words even more infuriating.

“I’m tired,” she says shortly, rolling onto her side and facing the smooth, cold wall. She hears Kira’s hair rustle against the pillow as she nods, and she shifts as well, foot moving away from Allison’s.

“Of course. Maybe once we wake up, Cora and I can show you around the city.”

Allison has no interest in being around Cora Hale for the rest of all eternity. but Kira extends the offer with such sincerity that Allison feels a twinge of guilt for wanting to refuse.

It’s just a twinge, but the very existence of it worries her slightly.

“Maybe,” Allison says, pulling the blanket up over her face. “Is that an acceptable answer?”

“Yes,” Kira says, settling further into the mattress. “I’ll tell Cora when we wake up. Goodnight, Allison.” The smell of flowers rises from her hair, and it almost overpowers the scent of blood on her breath.

Almost.

“Goodnight, Kira.”

[video-drone-blog]

No Cartridge: Firewatch, Relationships, and Blame

((New name! Was gonna go with Press Start, but ultimately found that that was almost as ungooglable as Videodrone. So here we are at No Cartridge! I’ll try to open a dedicated website soon, so long as this title holds out unclaimed, and we’ll really be cooking with gas.

As always thanks for all of your support, it means the world. If you’d like me to keep pushing this unlikely venture more into the realm of reality, consider donating at patreon (www.patreon.com/hegelbon) or paypal (www.paypal.me/hegelbon). And consider checking in at twitch (www.twitch.tv/hegelbon) as I plan to start streaming in the next week again.))

When twitter power user @tom_J_allen told me to try Firewatch, I was excited to give it a try. Not least of all because I’d been generously gifted it and had it on my list, but because I’d been wanting to play it for a while. People had been gushing about its aesthetics and its approach to adult story-telling, so I was pretty sure I’d enjoy giving it a spin and trying to come up with something new to say about it. And for the most part, I really did enjoy Firewatch! In fact, the only parts I didn’t really enjoy were intentionally un-enjoyable: the slow dissolution of a summer fling; the realization of a wife’s dementia; the anti-climax of an unraveled conspiracy. The natural world of Firewatch was beautiful, though, and there’s a posthumanist take to be written about the peace and calm of pure solitude in the game itself (maybe I’ll be the contrarian and write this about The Long Dark). In any case, developer Campo Santo did a hell of a job creating a lush environment, so much so that they had to add free-roaming capabilities after popular demand.

But what Campo Santo also produced was a sort of relationship simulator, one that follows the appropriate ebbs and flows of relationships inasmuch as it’s messy, ambiguous, and totally unable to be corralled into a clear, linear narrative the way one would want to. And while you play always as Henry, the male character who leaves his prematurely senile wife who he cannot take care of, you’re never quite at home there despite the first person view. The distant time-periodization plus the deeply personalized stories of both protagonists make it difficult to fully empathize with anyone in-game, despite the deep desire to, given the depopulated surroundings. Ultimately, Firewatch is an ethical vacuum though, presenting a tailored vision of narrative linearity that disavows lessons or satisfying conclusions.

Self-fashioning is at the core of Firewatch, at least in its heroic hypotheticals: you, a man distanced from your wife by sickness, is taking some time away after basically failing to take good care of her. The distance of the Wyoming wilderness and the responsibility of watching for forest fires are giving you a chance to clear your head and learn about yourself. Only, well, you don’t really get to do much of that. You spend most of your time hiking, having accidents, and talking to your boss, Deliliah. 

Delilah, for her part, is a ribald, jocular, and also romantically damaged figure. And, over time, you grow closer to her until that connection becomes romantic...or well, romantic-esque. The starcrossed lovers in this game are kind of complicated by the fact that they (spoilers I guess) never see each other in person. Delilah is evacuated from the park -- due to a fire you two have failed to stop, incidentally -- before you reach the evac spot, regardless of what dialogue option you use to try to get her to stay. She joins the list of faceless other characters in the game: Julia (Henry’s wife “pictured” above), Delilah, various juvenile delinquents in the park, a roving ex-lookout, and even the final figure in the game, the masked fireman offering you a way out of the hell your weird journey has taken you.

And what weird journey would be complete without a strange, sinister conspiracy hiding behind the scenes? In Firewatch, the conspiracy takes the form of a bizarre listening station and the disappearance of two campers who Henry has chased off the park grounds for using fireworks early in the game. Firewatch emphasizes this conspiracy for the player by letting them play day-by-day for the first few levels of the game (eg Day 1 is followed by Day 2 and that’s followed by Day 3) before jumping ahead to the bedewed and loving Day 33 phonecall between Henry and Delilah, and then finally to Days 76-79, where everything falls apart. Firewatch, for all of its trappings as a walking simulator, is closer to a visual novel in this way, connecting narrative arcs with deft ease and directing a sort of scope that is impossible to avoid: romantic comedy turned spy thriller turned disappointed return home.

 The disappointment comes from the second surprise in the game, after the fairly tame one of “Well you and this Delilah woman are going to hit it off.” The listening station and deep conspiracy that undergirds the game’s final moments and more suspenseful plot-currents is revealed to be a shoddy fraud put together by an ex-lookout who accidentally was responsible for the death of his nerdy, well-meaning son. Delilah, who has been talking about this kid through the entirety of the game, is devastated, and the slow reveal of everything you’ve been trying to figure out as a player is less an ecstatic revelation as much as an impossible picking at a mental wound. Henry, untouched because he did not know the dead child -- though he did find his body -- continues to uncover clues and details about the vast scam perpetrated on him and Delilah, while Delilah quietly and (clearly to the player’s view) breaks down.

Henry, though, continues to push for the happy ending, for the movie finish. The aforementioned Tom Allen asked me about the readings of this game that give their sympathy primarily to Henry instead of Delilah, and I get where they might come from. As someone who has suffered through a dementia-related loss, I feel for the character. And as a man who has had summer romances before, it’s a little depressing to see this one fall apart so predictably. But I agree with him that there’s a bit of sexism undergirding the anger at Delilah leaving. For Henry, everything in the park is a tool toward getting past his own loss, to the point that he even attempts to get past the full-end-stop of a dead boy’s skeleton at the bottom of a gorge to the promised end of a recuperative fling with Delilah. Henry isn’t evil, of course -- he’s grieving -- but then at the end, so is Delilah. Both are faced with guilt, shame, and second guessing, and Henry is stuck on what might happen to him. Delilah, wisely, leaves him to figure it out on his own, offering a few words of advice from afar.

In the end, Firewatch is a gutting game for a lot of reasons. The romance doesn’t pan out, no matter what choice you make, for one. The conversational options produce new dialogue trees, but, much like real life, changing one or two words here or there does not radically change the ending you get. Furthermore, all the sexy, exciting intrigue boils down to a cowardly man running away from his own tragedy and the body of a dead kid. That dead body literalizes for Henry his own dead marriage, and for Delilah her own dead memories of the boy when he was alive and vibrant, annoying and committed to his well-meaning but terrible father. The materiality of Firewatch is there in the cave, at the bottom of a cliff, and in many ways the game itself ends there. Henry can’t ever come to terms with it, while Delilah has to. The player is left to decipher their own feelings, part voyeur, part psychiatrist, and part sympathizer.

As Henry says of Brian Goodwin, the boy’s, body -- “you poor fucking kid.” The phrase could just as easily be leveled at anyone in the game. I have read interesting analyses of Firewatch that suggest -- convincingly -- that the game is about adulthood. I think, though, that much of Firewatch is about childhood and the ways in which, especially in moments of trauma, we retreat to less grown-up pleasures in order to cope. Nature, hiking, scary stories, breathless phone calls with someone that makes a little nervous and a little ecstatic: we know these aren’t real coping mechanism for the complexities of our lives. But as Firewatch suggests, escape isn’t always bad. It is never, however, easy to leave and come back to reality. Firewatch lets you have a voyeuristic thrill in enjoying the escape, but insists on the comedown as well, presenting a vision of life that boils down to pure materiality.

Hegel says -- as Henry might say as well -- that the relics, unearthed, are only bones. So are memories. 

[wemahboob-blog]

Top 15 Weight Loss Myths

There are many common weight loss myths that people live by when it comes to their health. It is difficult at times to separate the weight loss myths and fact from what is true. Many sound true while others are just laughable. I once read somewhere that if you drink water at night that you are going to gain weight or that if you scratch your head too often you are going to lose your hair....

Weight Loss Myth # 1 The more weight that I have to lose the more intense my exercise routine should be

Weight Loss Truth: Although having an intense workout routine is great, there are a few things you should consider: the first being that everyone is at a different level when it comes to their fitness and how much intensity they can actually handle. If you have been physically inactive for a number of years, an intense work out for you might be, walking half a mile a day. After you walk that half mile you notice that you are sweating bullets and that you are tired. However, for someone who has been physically active for many years, walking half a mile can be done without a sweat. Everyone has a different definition of what "intense" is.

If intense for you is working out for an hour a day, but due to life's busy schedule you only have time for 20 minutes a day, then those 20 minutes will go an extremely long way. It might not necessarily be classified as "intense", according to your definition, but those little cardio moments will have positive health altering effects.

Fat Loss Myth # 2 Stress and weight gain do not go hand in hand

Weight Loss Fact: This is one of those "laughable" myths. To learn more how stress is adding lbs. to your life please download my free E-Book, "Psychology of Releasing Weight"

Weight Loss Myth # 3 I can lose weight while eating whatever I want

Weight Loss Truth: Sir Isaac Newton once said " What goes up must come down." There are natural principles that govern our lives. If you throw a ball up in the air, it is going to come back down. You can sit on your couch and imagine and visualize that the ball will staying afloat in the air, but natural principles teach us that it will come down. Same goes when it comes to our weight.

This is one of the most common weight loss myths out there. It is illogical to think that your health and weight are going to be in balance if your nutrition consists mainly of Twinkies, chips, and donuts. Sure you can burn it off by exercising, but most people whose diet consists of mainly junk food are probably not disciplined enough to stick to a workout routine. I do know a few people who, from the outside, look like they are in good shape, because they are not "fat, but who have high cholesterol.

Just because I feel sorry for crushing the hearts of so many twinkle lovers out there, I would say this. You can eat junk food, cookies, chips, ice cream, pizza, burgers.... All of those "soul satisfying foods", but it should be in moderation. Anything in excess is never good.

Fat Loss Myth # 4 Skipping meals is a good way to lose weight

Weight Loss Fact: There are numerous studies that show that people who skip breakfast and eat fewer times during the day tend to be a lot heavier than who have a healthy nutritional breakfast and then eat 4-6 small meals during the day. The reason to this might be the fact that they get hungrier later on in the day, and might have a tendency to over eat during other meals of the day.

Weight Loss Myth # 5 I will not lose weight while eating at night

Weight Loss Truth: You can over indulge in food during the day and not eat a single thing at night and you WILL gain weight. As is the fact that you can starve yourself during the day and eat all night long and you still will gain weight. The key here is balance. If your body is telling you that it is hungry then perhaps you should listen to it. The truth is, that over eating, while not exercising, will cause you to gain weight; no matter what time of the day that you eat. Whenever I am hungry at night, as is my habit with other meals during the day, I try to select something that is natural in nature. Something like fruits, vegetables, or I might even make myself a fruit smoothie. During those moments that I am craving ice cream or something sweet, I allow myself to get some, and DO NOT feel guilty about it. Many people who are overweight live their life in guilt and shame. I allow myself to get some, however, WITH MODERATION.

Fat Loss Myth # 6 I'm not acceptable until I lose weight

Weight Loss Fact: The person who doesn't feel acceptable because they are fat is because they are not acceptable to themselves first. The way that you think others view you is based on your view of yourself. I honestly believe that one must become emotionally fit before becoming physically fit. I have gone through these self-limiting emotions before. Once I realized that I was ALREADY ENOUGH in the eyes of God and that I had no need to prove myself to anyone or to receive external validation for my self-worth, that made all the difference for me. Once you accept yourself as who you are RIGHT NOW and realize that you are already enough in the eyes of God, you will not feel like you are not acceptable because of your weight.

Weight Loss Myth # 7 I need to cut calories to lose weight faster

Weight Loss Truth: Cutting your calories down might be a great thing, if you are drastically overeating and stuffing your face. However, if you are eating proportionally then cutting calories might have an aversion affect. If you are cutting calories and are starving your body, then that will lower your metabolism, or in other words slow it down, which may result in you actually not losing any weight at all, even if you are "cutting calories"

Fat Loss Myth # 8 Skipping meals will help me lose weight

Weight Loss Fact: Skipping meals may actually cause you to gain weight! You will become too hungry and will eventually have to eat. This will knock your metabolism off track and will eventually slow it down. Think of a car running low on gas (food), if you do not fill it up, it will eventually stop working. Same goes for our body, we need to keep it fueled constantly.

Weight Loss Myth # 9 I think I have genetic weight gain, it runs in my family!

Weight Loss Truth: Can someone say E-X-C-U-S-E-S? I will not deny that there might be tendencies for heavy parents to raise heavy children who will remain heavy their whole lives, but I don't believe that there is actually a "fat" gene or DNA out there. What we do inherit from our family, primarily those who directly raised us, are our views and beliefs. Your views about food, money, religion, politics, education, etc. are based upon how you were raised. If you were raised in a home where the primary meals cooked where fried foods, then you might have a tendency to continue cooking and eating fried foods throughout your life. If that is the case then you might be a little heavy around the waist. The easy thing to do is to blame it on those who were in charge of your upbringing, however, you ALWAYS have a choice to change.

Fat Loss Myth # 10 Eating healthy is too hard

Weight Loss Fact: Eating healthy is the simplest thing in the world.....once you have trained yourself to do it. How many times have you placed a goal to lose weight or to "eat better"? The first few days you are doing great, eating all kinds of foods which you normally wouldn't eat. Then something funny started to happen, you went back to your old habits and behaviors. This has happened to you in other areas outside of your health. It could be with making money, looking for a new job, or in your relationships. Creating a new habit takes time because our brain's do not like change. Change to the brain is dangerous. Anyways, if you would like to learn more about how our brain attempts to sabotage us from creating new habits then please download my free E-book, "Psychology of Releasing Weight"

Weight Loss Myth # 11 You have to give up your favorite foods to lose weight

Weight Loss Truth: What would a world without chocolate and without pepperoni pizza be like??? I think it would be a torturous world to live in!! lo, now on a real note I completely disagree with this myth. You are definitely able to eat your favorite foods. Depriving yourself of this kind of pleasure is not fun, and quite frankly you probably WILL eat it anyways. As has been mentioned before, the real key is moderation. If you are a steak lover, then perhaps it might not be the best things to eat it every single day, but perhaps once or twice a week. Those who know me personally know that I LOVE chicken wings with pizza. In a perfect world where I wouldn't gain any weight and my arteries were clog-less, I would love to eat it several times per week, well more like every day. However, I know that those aren't the healthiest of food choices so I have it about 2-3 times per month. I am not giving up my favorite foods, I am just eating it in moderation so that it doesn't catch up to me in the form of excess weight.

Fat Loss Myth # 12 Overeating is caused by hunger

Weight Loss Fact: Nice try there. If only we could blame "hunger" for it. In fact, this person we call hunger has nothing to do with you OVEREATING. It might have something to do your body telling you that it is time to "fuel up" and that it needs food, but that is not an indication that one should overeat. What causes many people to overeat are different reasons. One of the main ones is feeling of stress, depression, loneliness, anxiety, fear, and other down grading emotions of that nature. Many times food can be a means of satisfying your needs. You might be actually getting your needs met through your foods. For example, if you live a lonely life, and aren't very happy, then food could perhaps be a means of you feeling happy and comforted. There are other articles that I have written on this subject but suffice it to say that overeating is NOT cause by being hungry.

Weight Loss Myth # 13 Only drastic diets work

Weight Loss Truth: There goes that word again...Diet....those "drastic diets" are only good for quick weight loss and rapid weight gain once you get of it. These drastic diets range from the "cookie diet", lo.... All that way to "the water only diet"..... I am sure you can lose weight while on these Diets, however the weight will be gained right back and usually with some added weight as a bonus

Fat Loss Myth # 14 I am too fat and too far down the road to begin

Weight Loss Fact: A long journey begins one step at a time. It is natural to expect instantaneous results and to even fear the road ahead of you; especially if you are extremely overweight. The secret here is to make SMALL incremental changes. Don't expect perfection because that will lead you to disappointment. You are never too far down the road to where you cannot see the sun's light......

Weight Loss Myth # 15 I can't do it, I have tried many times and have failed

Weight Loss Truth: The great Henry Ford once said "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't- you're right.'"......It is 90% mindset, and 10% actually getting off your butt and doing something about it. You fall down, you get back up.... you fall down again, you get back up again. If you have tried to www.fitbeautysalon.com in the past then it is time to keep trying. Discouragement is to losing weight as is a piece of fried chicken to a vegetarian......they DO NOT go hand in hand.

[awkwardlyamusing-blog]

Tips for recognizing and managing stress, anxiety and depression

New Post has been published on http://doggietrainingclasses.com/tips-for-recognizing-and-managing-stress-anxiety-and-depression/

Tips for recognizing and managing stress, anxiety and depression

Agriculture is a stressful occupation, with mental health impacts that tend to exceed those of the average population. Dr. Greg Gibson, a registered clinical psychologist who practices in rural Manitoba, says the number of farmers and ranchers affected by depression, anxiety and stress is often under-reported, partly because of the attached stigma.

Gibson cites a 2016 survey by the Ontario Veterinary College at the University of Guelph that polled more than 1,100 Canadian farmers about issues related to stress, anxiety and depression. Of those polled, 60 per cent of farmers said they experienced anxiety at significant levels, 35 per cent suffered from depression, and 45 per cent reported that they experienced high stress.

“These numbers were all higher than rates reported by the general population, and about two to five times higher than those reported by farmers in the United Kingdom and in Norway,” says Gibson.

In the survey farmers listed things that they have no control over as stressors, including crop and livestock disease, and inclement and changing weather, Gibson notes. Isolation was also a stressor.

“The biggest one was shifting economics and significant financial burden,” he says.

Adding to those stressors are the changes to the agriculture industry, Gibson says. Large operations require a new set of skills and more preparation and training, he adds. Plus, the multi-generational aspect of farming is changing for many.

“Historically, being able to have the family maintain the farm was a huge asset. Today, many children who grow up on a farm are leaving home, looking for other careers,” says Gibson. Having to hire help is a financial and mental stress, he adds.

A certain amount of stress can be healthy, keeping us on our toes, says Amanda Doug­­las, a registered social worker with Farm Stress Line Mobile Crisis Services in Regina, Sask. Short-term stress can be readily handled by the way our bodies are programmed, Douglas says. But long-term or excessive stress can be damaging, hindering the immune system and the mind.

“This is just because of the way we evolved, to help us cope with threats to safety,” says Douglas, who grew up on a mixed farm. “But today the threats to our safety are often mental rather than physical.”

Coping with calving problems or machinery breakdowns don’t require adrenalin, shallow breathing or an increased heart rate and blood pressure, she adds.

“A panic attack, with systems shutting down, is due to the way our bodies evolved,” says Douglas. “We may not be acknowledging these threats to our ‘safety’ early enough to be able to deal with them properly.”

Depression is a real problem which may manifest as low mood, changes in sleeping (too much or too little), changes in weight or appetite, inability to experience pleasure, and withdrawal from family and friends. Other signs include loss of energy, trouble concentrating, feelings of hopelessness, anger or rage and irritability.

“In families this can sometimes result in domestic violence,” Gibson says. Some people may withdraw into substance abuse, he adds. It can lead to alienation, family breakups and multiple problems that would not have existed otherwise.

It can also lead to suicidal thoughts. “The rate of suicide among farmers is higher than in the general population,” Gibson says.

Many farmers find negative life events difficult to handle, Gibson says. They want to do things on their own and be effective, he adds.

“They are conscientious about their work and have great capacity to persevere in the face of adversity because this is how they’ve managed to survive in this lifestyle,” says Gibson.

“But when stressors are beyond their control, most farmers just work harder and work themselves to death. They keep the problems to themselves rather than reaching out for support.”

Douglas says the reluctance to seek help is due to many reasons. Some may not have a backup plan or people to step in and do the job.

“Sometimes it’s a lack of education, but I think many producers feel that if they slow down to look after themselves, they are neglecting their job,” she says.

Finding help

Producers may attach shame and guilt to depression, as they think they have failed. Family, friends, co-workers, neighbours, clergy and doctors should be able to identify risk factors. Isolation and withdrawal can be damaging, so Gibson says the first important step is to encourage this person to reach out for help.

“It may not be a psychologist like myself, but could be friends, family or neighbours. Clergy or family doctors are often the most utilized resources,” says Gibson.

If friends and family suspect someone is depressed, they should focus on asking, listening and getting help, says Gibson.

“Ask how that person is doing and feeling,” says Gibson. “Ask point blank if things are so bad that they’ve had thoughts of ending their life.”

It’s important to listen to what they say about the way they feel, without judgment or trying to solve their problems, he adds. Listen to descriptions of problems to find where their frustration and stress might be coming from. Don’t jump in with advice right away.

“It’s important to simply allow them a time to talk. Even though there are trained professionals who do this, they are generally not the first ones who get a chance to help,” says Gibson.

The troubled person will usually open up first to a friend or family member. That good friend or family member may feel ill-equipped to help so the next step is to get help.

“Let that person know you care, and talk to them about resources available within the community,” says Gibson. Identify the crisis intervention services available in the area. For example, Manitoba has a suicide line, crisis services and a rural and northern stress line for folks who need it. Another option is to follow up with a doctor or clergy member. Religious organizations within a community can be a valuable asset for assistance, says Gibson.

“If there are mental health workers available, try to get that person to seek help, then follow up to see how things went — or accompany them to the nearest hospital or call 911 if they are thinking about taking their own life and risk is imminent,” he says.

Saskatchewan’s farm stress line is confidential and available 24 hours a day, says Douglas. A person doesn’t have to be suicidal to call in.

“We want people to call before things get really bad, or if they are just wondering if something is truly an issue,” she explains.

Saskatchewan residents can also get in touch with a therapist primarily through email or phone, says Douglas.

“That person can help you work through modules online that are the same ones you’d go through if you were doing cognitive behavioural therapy in person-to-person treatment,” she says. “This is handy for rural folks who have excessive demands on their time.”

Family doctors can also connect people with resources in the area, says Douglas. “Most regions have rural mental health clinics. Counseling from a mental health worker in one of these regions is free, covered under our health benefits. There are also mental health counselors who travel rurally.”

Sometimes medication is needed as well, says Douglas. A doctor isn’t going to prescribe medication if it’s not needed, but depression and anxiety do have a biological basis, she says. Medication can be used to manage symptoms so a person can then benefit from counseling and exercise, she adds.

It’s important that people who are burned out and overwhelmed with feelings of depression and anxiety avoid isolation. That means seeking professional help or even just trying to connect more with other people, Gibson says.

“Just being able to reconnect with people through small talk or asking how their day is going, can help you get past that isolation,” he says.

Tips for taking care of yourself

Taking care of yourself can head off problems. That includes things such as doing your best to sleep sufficiently, eating healthy and not over- or under-eating.

“It’s also important to avoid the chemical haze, not overindulging in alcohol, cigarettes, drugs or other forms of escape and self-medication,” Gibson says.

Producers should also try to balance work and play. Gibson acknowledges that there are times producers need to push on, such as in the middle of harvest or while calving in bad weather.

“In those moments work takes priority, but remind yourself that you need to find a chance to take a break,” he says. Take those opportunities, even if they are just small interludes, rather than continually pushing ahead.

“People say they don’t have time to slow down or take a walk, but you can’t afford not to,” says Douglas. You’ll be more motivated, productive and focused if you take care of yourself, she says.

While taking a mini-vacation, take a real break and turn off the cell phone. Gibson acknowledges that’s difficult for producers because of their strong work ethic and because so much has to be done.

Douglas also suggests spending time with friends and family.

“This could mean playing a board game with your kids, making an extra trip to the grain elevator to talk with the guys there — trying to socialize a little more,” she says. “Some people subconsciously do this. They have these coping skills but don’t recognize these as tools that benefit their mental health.”

There are also helpful self-care and habit-tracking apps, says Douglas. Her favourite app is Pacifica, as it tracks moods and allows journaling. People can also use fitness-tracking technology to become aware of their heart rates and how many steps they’re taking each day, she says.

Spending time with animals, whether it’s moving cattle, riding a horse or taking the dog for a walk, can also help, she says. Animals move at a different pace, allowing us to slow our lives and immerse ourselves in what’s natural. Changing our environment or our speed can get some endorphins going in our bodies, helping us feel better, she adds.

“Everyone’s recipe for mental wellness/mental health is unique to them and we need equally creative suggestions or solutions for addressing those,” says Douglas.

Gibson suggests thinking of yourself as a vehicle that needs maintenance.

“You need opportunities to put gas in your tank and keep the engine well oiled. If you don’t, eventually the engine will seize, or you’ll run out of gas. You maintain farm vehicles — you also need to maintain yourself,” says Gibson.

Saskatchewan producers can call the Farm Stress Line at 1-800-667-4442 or visit www.mobilecrisis.ca. In Manitoba call 1-866-367-3276 or visit supportline.ca. Albertans can call 1-877-303-2642. The Canadian Mental Health Association also has offices across Canada. Visit cmha.ca and click on “Find Your CMHA” at the top of the page.

Heather Smith Thomas raises beef cattle with her husband on their ranch in Idaho. She also writes articles for ag publications as well as books on horse care and cattle management.

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