#damage control it still set him off. like its the horror of accidenlty siding with your oppresser and hurting other like you only to then b | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dykedvonte · 20 days ago

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Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like

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It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.

If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.

Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.

He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...

#this is less headcanons and more my thoughts of the intersectional horror this brings to mouthwashing which is also a thing it #already has but more directly in the mix vs just the class gender and positional struggle. like the idea he waited to confront Jimmy becaus #he could conceptualize the crime better because of experience with womanhood and also how it would've destroyed him in terms of being trans #like its weird to word as a comparison but thats kinda how empathy works as in an understanding and ability to project through aspects #like you found out your friend who has always had weird feelings about and relating to you is a rapist and got one of your other friend #pregnant and is now being openly hostile and aggressive towards you. You have only a few days to really think on all of this all the years #with him and how many oppurtunites he had that you blame yourself for giving him both in life and to do to you. You are starting to #realize that he may have done what he did to Anya because it was no longer viable with him or because of weird transphobia/homophobia #from Jimmy and god its so much and he should've know better and what did Jimmy do then - c r a s h #he is at such a small amount of mercy to Jimmy now and he can't protect Anya and it's terrifying because i know and you know that Jimmy is #giving him those weird looks again...#like it adds another layer of horror to things and while I don't think Jimmy would do anything to Curly it's heavily implied he targeted he #because of relatively more important position and getting Curly to have doubts about him as a power play and Curly knows Jimmy well enough #that him immediately exerting his authority and power would set him off after already having been mad about it and even when doing #damage control it still set him off. like its the horror of accidenlty siding with your oppresser and hurting other like you only to then b #stabbed in the back again by the person who took advantage of your nature like its so complext but my actual trans curly headcanons #are just a little bit happier like i imagine he was the first on the boys soccer team and a star player. maybe he and jimmy even picked ou #his first offical “boy” clothes and Jimmy picked most so he looked like the grungiest white boy but she was a boy so it didn't matter cause #it was with his friend who accepted him and I bet on the bed he looks back at all those moments and notices the little details that his #friend wasnt actually so happy but he can't be certain when he started looking so bitter or hes just imagining out of paranoia cause he jus #cant know and even if he could he wouldn't want to ask like god thinking about Anya and probably being a little glad if not heartbroken #that she did get out of it in the end like trans curly and anya destroy me even more its so upsetting like he didn't realize how much he go #you girl and waited to act like it was cowardice but then would she not realize what hes realizing? should that be a grace or more of a #condemnation in her mind like what are her thoughts? espically during the scene Jimmy hits Curly like she had to hear and what did she thin #they are tormented in a similar hells with the same demon and its fascinating #mouthwashing #mouthwashing game #anya mouthwashing #curly mouthwashing #jimmy mouthwashing

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