#also. gotta graduate lol
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,,,i miss Her (the ocean)
#eliot posts#i live in a landlocked state and can't really afford to travel#but when i was a teen me and my sis would get sent off to spend a couple weeks w our cousins by the beach#(while our parents stayed home and kept working but enjoyed childlessness lol)#but a mix of adulthood and covid and my aunt passing away means that hasn't happened the past couple years#i miss my aunt as well she was a sweetie pie but that's not a quirky text post you know#my grandparents are taking me on a cruise later this summer though!#i'm excited but a bit nervous bc i've never been on a cruise before#but i do love boats so yay#idk how much i'll enjoy the Activities involved w being on a cruise and i think i may dislike the crowds#(also the pollution put out by the cruise industry oofa doofa)#but i'm excited to have this bew experience at least once in my life#first i gotta clean my apartment and find a petsitter and prolly get more covid shots and pack my bags. bleh.#oh also! i'm hoping to move to savannah georgia after i graduate!#fingers crossed that all works out#but it seems like a near perfect city for my personal needs#just gotta find a job and apartment there after graduating#also. gotta graduate lol
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me, a responsible being, working on the coding project as I should vs. me, a dysfunctional shithead, getting distracted by reading about brains (once aGAIN damnit (it's my favorite "I need to study my field but bc I should do that it's an impossible unthinkable feat now, so I'm reading about something else to fool my brain I'm still being productive"-topic))
#but after my thesis me & brains have been on a break bc got tired reading abt them during that (bc I had a topic that sorta allowed me to#sidetrack to brain stuff also) but seems I'm over the brain overload now#yay? i guess#also no one who actually studies medicine/brains/etc. yell at me abt wikipedia and like ''why are u studying that like that''#I'm just going through the wikipedia & reading article abstracts path; nothing serious#also my procrastination has reached inhuman levels like it's a full-time job now#bc I have like a chill week's worth of work to do and then I've done the courses for my bachelor's degree#but sending in that ''heyy i'm done with the courses let me graduate''-thing fills me up with sO MUCH anxiety & dread I'm working so slow#now (even tho couldn't send that in for like a month bc gotta first wait the courses to be graded and stuff so in actuality I should#not be slowing down even a bit bc I need to finally be done with this damn degree asap; gotta move on and should've ages ago (it's actually#super bad how late I'm with it (1.5 mf years jesus christ; I'm not even like a little bit proud abt getting a degree anymore like I'm sorta#just embarrassed if I have to tell ppl like ''yea I graduated'' bc dude ?? only now?? u were supposed to be done with that 1.5year#ago what have u been doing (fuck if I know) so I'm keeping it like ''if anyone asks'' basis)))#(the tags and parantheses started a life of their own lol sorry abt that)#studyblr#studyspo#bookblr#booklr#study#november 2024#2024
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Made more of these fuckass drawings
#i got super lazy with kakuya lol#also why is mashita's hair so???? to draw??#i cant get it right#will return with more fuckass drawings#gotta graduate first tho lol#death mark#kazuo yashiki#death mark 2#spirit hunter death mark#mary death mark#yashita#spirit hunter#spirit hunter ng#akira kijima#seiji amanome#kaoru hazuki#self indulgentmanic art
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Hey I'm graduating college in may and I just kinda realized that I'll be Done Done with school after that. Not fake-done like I was graduating high school, where I'd have to go to college at the start of the fall. And not fake-done like I was in any of my semesters I took off.
Done Done. As in I accomplished my degree, and I won't ever have to go back to school if I don't want to. What a beautiful, beautiful thought.
#speculation nation#i enjoy learning but not in school. school is the soul killer. there's a reason it's taking me 10 years to get my bachelors.#failed classes and switched majors and part time school (so i could work and pay my way thru) and semesters taken off...#for 9 and a half years now it's been a fucking shadow hanging over my head.#just gotta keep going just gotta persevere. slow and steady wins the race.#and well im nearly there now. holy fuck tho i didnt miss full time school lmfao#i went to part time a few years back to save my fuckin self bc it was just *impossible* to do full time school And work to support myself.#and even part time school plus a job was horrible. but i did it anyways.#and here i am now with my lovely life insurance from my awful paternal death. life sure happens as it will huh.#which will let me complete school in a neat 10 years. graduated high school in 2015 and college in 2025. wild.#not glad my dad died but im grateful that ive gotten this opportunity afterwards.#sure is strange the ways life goes.#anyways yeah im in deadlines hell rn with all these fucking projects but ONCE I FINISH THEM#i will be done with this semester. my second to last semester.#theyre releasing class schedules today for next semester too and im a little antsy. cant edit until next week regardless#but i wanna KNOWWWWW what i got. best case scenario i get my 3 classes i need to graduate#plus my orchestra and bowling. so i have a full 12 credit hours. to be full time still.#im scared of not having gotten 3 classes bc theyre selectives yea so i dont need These classes Specifically#but also it'll be a pain in my fucking ass if i have to go scrounging. and i wanna have my first choices...#but we'll see. i selected several fall-through options and i dont need any single specific class to graduate.#so long as i have 3... thatll be enough...#AUGHHHHH college!!!! im almost done!!!!! i might get straight As this semester!!!!!! exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i need to email my professor about setting up the book meeting lol. i should do that today.
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sent THREE super long / important assignments due next week today maybe spending days inside working on them was worth it
#im gonna cry/pos it feels like a bus ran me over but whatever#so exasperated working on them but whatever#i only have like 5 more for next week and the next one and half of my thesis for january well#no holidays for me this year it seems#BUT WHATEVER I JUST SENT THREE IN A DAY#lets cheer and idk maybe watch a naruto episode#< lies im gonna do another two (the shortest ones)#also yesterday i did my first professional real interpreting in an important event whatever whatever (guy whos showing off right now)#i wore a suit and everything#it wasnt so great honestly#my tutor was super happy with it tho#i was so proud that i convinced myself of getting a PhD (< hasnt graduated yet nor done a masters degree lol)#today me disagrees with that but then again whatever#gotta keep the url alive for a few more years#academia posting#hell is university
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Kinda weird but this is still like one of my fave things I've ever drawn lol, it's just a background study from Shawn James' cover of Arkansas by Damien Jurado (there was a character here too once iykyk lol) but I was Going Through It at the time and painting this was soooo cathartic
#it was the first time that i didnt hate drawing a background lol#and also the song is like a melancholic reflection on a relationship that fell apart#and ill always remember a comment someone made when they reblogged this saying it captured the feeling of the dog days being over#and i was like DAMN wait thats exactly what this is#i had just graduated college and was working overtime and living back with my parents and not doing well with it#and was going through the thought process of like#wait. is this all there is? i just work for the next 40 something years?#the realization that i had taken summer days like the one i painted here for granted nauseated me#and i didnt really recognize it until someone commented that and i was like girl oh naur#for the record working is not all there is#for example: i just got laid off LOL#but real real like there is so much whimsy and joy and freedom in adult life you just gotta make sure you give yourself the time for it#i didnt until like. 2 years ago lol#anyway. normal tags now#painting#study#digital#uhhhhhhh#digital plein air#maybe#its not a secret to anybody who knows what i used to draw that S**** V****** was originally the focal point of this image lol#but i kinda never liked how he turned out and always thought the background looked way better than the character for once#those background leaves could be way better looking if i spent more time on them but i was so thrilled with how the rocks looked#that i was just like alright pack it up boys
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Survived today somehow? And things are actually going like really well for me?????? Knock on wood
#everything was falling apart with my classes and internship and I was so scared I wasn’t gonna graduate on time for like 5 different reasons#but then it all just kinda fell perfectly into place#but god I am so exhausted from all the stress#also my new psychiatrist is amazing and I’m switching to new meds.. on my Zoloft arc….. we’ll see how it goes#I’m a little nervous but very hopeful!#I have a new internship now! and it’s the internship I wanted from the beginning! and not one that I dread doing!#I ate alone at a sit-down restaurant today and it was very pleasant#I sent so many emails today also oh my god#beleugehh#now the only main stressor left is my grad school application#but my letters of rec should be taken care of now!#I have one done and another reference who will write one tomorrow if needed#but I’m gonna give my original choices a day or so to respond#just bc they know me better in an academic sense than my voice teacher lol. love her though and it’s maybe a good perspective to have#people (especially older people like admissions staff hehe) always find classical singing Neat#anyway I’m saying all this to kind of calm myself down#I’ve been hyped up on adrenaline and anxious energy all day#my grad school stuff should be good 👍 just gotta wait a couple days and then I can submit my personal statement and resume and then I’m DONE#whew.. I hope all goes well 😭🙏🙏🙏🙏#🤓posting
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Are you in the middle of writing anything rn? Do you have any future fic plans/ideas that you'd be willing to share?
heya! thanks for asking :> ive spent the last few months writing my thesis so the writing part of my brain feels completely shriveled atm haha,,,, generally i bounce between art and writing projects, so it's likely ill do an art project next, since my last big "project" was love languages. i do have a few stray ideas for some mlp oneshots (mostly in the humanized au that i dropped due to ppl tagging my shit as ut*na). but mostly for writing i need to cook a while until lightning inspo strikes me haha. something something that quote where the only thing worse than writing is not writing lmao
HOWEVER, i do i have an original short story i keep picking at, and additionally a cool secret project that hopefully will come to fruition this summer. lots of things i cant share yet, but stay tuned!
#lili talking#as i near graduation im also like#feeling time pressure of pivoting completely to original projects before its ''too late'' lol#ik the pressure is not real ofc!! its just hard to find time for both original and fanon stuff simultaneously yknow#i envy people who can work off prompts#for me i gotta b 100% possessed or the writing does not write lmao
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pla commissions me so i can buy more weed im almost out :(
#i gotta go update my ssn finally so i can finally sogn up for a credit card so i can ensure ill be able to pay all my bills in September#but also so i can get weed...#i get my university money in mid/late September so THEN ill be fine#but i do in fact need to pay rent on time#and buy furniture#and save up for after i graduate bc finding a job is gonna be hard#i love being an adult!!!!!!#i love graduating in a big recession!!!!!!#i LOVE being a starving artist in the worst time to be an artist ever!!!!!!!!#god i wish id graduated in the mid 2010s or something#my sad face abt weed is partly in jest for i can probably survive a few weeks without it#but also it helps me sleep#which i should be doing right now#lol
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I have roughly 9 assignments due in the next 4 weeks, why am I not losing my mind?
#a few are small but most of them are big#i think it helps that i can be creative for a few of these. so a little less pressure? maybe?? actually maybe not lol#gotta list em all here for myself hang on:#imagining food sovereignty + imagining food justice + a 2-in-1 critical reflections assignment#+ a pass-or-fail tiny thing + a research proposal + a photo essay + a group project/presentation#+ a fall term essay + a journal + weekly readings and discussion forum posts.#but before i write the journal i have to finish reading the novel.#BRUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA#it's okie.#oh but i also have work in-between all of this and some more research to do for a lot of these assignments#i hate november babeeeyyyyyyyyy may i never experience another november like this in my LIFE bc i'm graduating next october
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Noooo it's not the sketch books I thought they were :((( they're probably still at my parents house ugh
But I did have one of my drafting sketch books for my wammys house au.... Absolutely weird names going on here but go off. That's part of the death note flavor for real tho
#qeyond sucks#q art#this gotta be from like 2010/11 or something#also his name is alexander kendrick :3 and i stole his fuckin name#get dunked on dumb ass#and my beyond birthdays alias is Cole Ravensdale#love my boys so much#the only characters of these i think i ever explored more into than just a name would be#scarlet star. zachary flint. and Kia Kintz.#scarlets name is Aurora. Kias name is Nicole and zackarys alias is blaZe LMAO#hes a stoner and he doesnt graduate and thats okay#also dont ask me about matt being in there please cuz i dont know myself LOL#i think he was suppose to be like a little enfant and just loves cars so much#i dont know man i dont know#OH AND V IS MY FRIENDS OC his name is Thomas King and hes besties with A and B ; w ;#anyway rambling. im sad i dont have my old sketch books wtf!!!
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hi jupiter request anon here, have a further question about your character lineup: I noticed that squall and jupiter have the exact same pose just flipped. IS THIS A METAPHORRR? 👁
if so: ISSJUHWDCIOBCWADKUVYQCWDOIU
OMGGG I'm so happy that you noticed that!!!! It was very much intentional lol
I don't actually draw them enough (and I post them even less) but I looove thinking abt designs for Nevermoor characters and why I might do certain things when drawing, what they'd mean, etc. The lineup I posted before I did in literally a day for a media adaptation class and I didn't allow myself much time to really think about and draw the designs. Plus I stuck more towards canon than my own interpretations, so I really need to draw everyone more because I don't fully agree with some of the ways I drew some of them. Looking back at it, I liked some of the ideas I had regarding shape language in the lineup and there's definitely some aspects I'd like to elaborate on and exaggerate in the future. For example, Jack's hair has sharper angles because he puts on a bit of a prickly teen persona, whereas Mildmay's hair is rounder because of his kind persona. Very basic and I need to work on making it more complex, but a fun start.
I want to work on nailing down designs for characters and rules for different parts of their designs so that I can easily draw folks in the future. I have this idea for a young Squall drawing that's on my to-do list of Nevermoor ideas, so I wanted to think about how I would draw his hair to reflect his more innocent nature as a child, but still relate to his hair as an adult. I also wanted to try and nail how I would draw his hair as an adult, bc I struggle to draw him and have never liked the results. Here's something from like two months ago, where I started to think about Squall's hair throughout his life:
Not fully where I want it yet, but it's a start! I need to revisit it when I have time. I think that especially for Squall, equating different hairstyles to different times in his life might make it more fun to draw him at different stages, because his life has been so long and he's changed so much. I don't fully remember every decision I made when drawing these Squall ideas, but I think I remember some of them, so if anyone ever wants me to elaborate I'm more than happy to!
#also I saw your request and I'll get to drawing jupiter....... as soon as I graduate lol#I am a very busy person rn!!#asks#nevermoor#aaahhhhh I love thinking abt character design when it comes to nevermoor#but my hand is behind my brain when it comes to drawing so. gotta practice more lol#anyways. my favorite thing is going against “canon” and giving characters glasses when I think they deserve it#however now I literally can't view rook and holliday as glasses-less bc it fits too well
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Did driving practice today. Actually did parallel parking practice this time, even tho I really didn't want to still. Finally got it into my head that I can maybe do this.
SO......
I have scheduled my driving test. For November 13th, 3 weeks from today.
#speculation nation#IM SO NERVOUSSSSS but i need to do it. i need to. worst case scenario i fail and have to try again another day.#i was actually gonna try to schedule for a week from today but they were full up for the next 2 weeks.#so. 3 weeks! my therapist is gonna be happy for me when i tell her haha#this is. something ive been avoiding for over 10 years now. but i decided at the start of this year that This would be my year.#Year Of Unfuck My Life. and im finally doing it. im going to finally get my license.#it's so. huge actually. a similar level of Holy Shit factor as me graduating.#which seems like an uneven comparison but honestly ive just been so so so scared of this driving test#an insurmountable obstacle bc i was stuck at school away from family to help me practice etc etc#very tied up with me being stuck at school for so long actually. the neverending purgatory of being Stuck In Place.#but my cousin lives closer to me now and hes been helping me out. and i am so very grateful.#augh augh augh augh. life is so busy and it feels like everything is happening at once AAAAAAAAAAAA#but im taking it all in stride. i am. oh god i might have to just practice and then take my audition video all on the same day.#bc i am too tired to deal with it rn and i have an exam tomorrow so idk if i can practice then. also i have to clean.#i will make it work. i will make something work. for the love of fucking god i will make it work.#no time to write barely any time to relax but thats okay i am Go Go Going and trying to keep enough time to sleep#(prior few nights being the..exception lol.)#i certainly wouldnt want to live this way for too long. but just a few more months. i can do it.#next semester hopefully wont be as busy. i'll have 3 hard classes but if im lucky they wont even have much homework.#i can do it. i can get through it. i will get my license in 3 weeks (manifesting) and i will get my own car.#i will find a new apartment to live in. i will Hopefully find a job.#within a year my life is going to be much much different.#my life is Already much much different than it was just a year ago. tho this year has been more... metamorphosis.#in a year's time. i will be 28 years old. and the pieces will Finally be falling into place (hopefully!!!!!)#for now. god i need to rest. will probably go to sleep early tonight. need to be rested for my exam tomorrow.#first tho i gotta shower and feed both me and the cats. yes.
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i wanna be on here more but everything’s just rly dull rn lol and i have different anxieties in life than before
#i’m officially out of money and it’s scary!#and the thing that would fix it is obviously getting a job. which now i even WANT when just some time ago the fear and complicated aversion#was so strong i thought i dont even WANT to work. but i absolutely do because i fucking need the money like. urgently :D but the thing is wh#at i specifically need are INTERNSHIPS because that’s the ONLY thing i still gotta do to graduate next spring and i dont know how things wou#ld work if the perfect approachable not-scary internship would be non-paying… like i mean is there a way you could still get money somehow?#like työmarkkinatuki or something? i just have no clue.#because the thing is at this point in my life if i were to find a job in my field that i felt i could approach and i wouldn’t want to die fr#om fear and uncertainty about how things work (there) and all that stuff. then i would a million percent have to prioritize that over gettin#g money from it.#because i Need to step into the next phase of my life or ot will just get more difficult and difficult.#i even know of places to ask and kind of even how.#but there’s some block lmao.#so i kind of can’t just apply for normal jobs because that would of course obviously complicate things when i get that other more important#thing.#lol and lol.#bye. i wanna redo my layout#i also gotta make a showreel of my costume work#am i doing it anytime soon? god knows. bye#it talks#janna’s film school diary
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barely alternate version of that billions 4x12 scene
#opened this thinking it was a different video only to get to immediately go wow even the same opening shots#winston billions#remembering the nonsense like what do you mean taylor is meant to infer the true Secret Intentions behind this meetup here#through applying thematic context of the opera snippet rudy happens to be singing?#a) yes impressive that they can identify the snippet & knows all about the full opera & its Themes etc etc as usual but#b) this is yet another completely hypothetical deduction that could be completely off? why should it Begin to be correct#& c) why wouldn't we infer IF it's correct it's b/c rudy is sending a secret tipoff in case someone also appreciates the same opera too#but oh no rudy is a winstonlike Loser Nerd where we're even wrong to ask ''uh why would he help axe (cap) who Did fire him''#or to think he's not just being pwned. b/c of course you Accidentally tip off your schemes through what you Happen to sing. r u kidding me#it is Also not appealing like why doesn't anyone walk in like ''did you forget we were showing up'' like cmon man#ohhh ya caught me (see above video)#which we get to know is b/c like we have an actor who can actually do this so we GOTTA showcase it#like how connerty actor has not only Gotta show up as doing just fine in post career transition heaven but He's Cooking just like irl#like fine yes of course you know they can't work in Every actor's special fun skills but like. interesting the ones they bother with#rudy getting to stand here operaing at us And Other Characters is SO obtrusive yet they make sure to work it in there. And Yet.#like don't even need say faves winston & taylor to sing b/c their actors can. they can sing As Though Less Experienced Than IRL#yet all these other characters Do get to sing thusly while again the faves can only on occasion Recite Lyrics. killing biting#no word of even ''easter egg'' style inclusion of like winston moment from will irl. a la taylor Mason Jar Meal from akd lol#like a) wrol wardrobe inspo i'm guessing is b/c quant kid 2 perhaps had No special costuming i.e. was all will's own clothes anyways#b) like having a winstache b/c will just had that going on. i suppose that could count but it wasn't at all character relevant#c) similarly like oh asking him for Real Life Pics to be framed as ''material to kys over'' like wow. don't think that things like#[graduated irl] [married irl] is the stuff of ''wow we may as well slip this in as a nod / Fun Thing to do Specifically inspired''#much less yet another thing that's just [this is simply an actual quality this person has] to use as Point & Laugh At. amaze....#anyway also truly recalling this scene like @ billions i Don't respect that lmao. and i don't like it either.
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SECOND THAT
luke castellan x reader
��� “i’m restless, i’m wrestling with the song that you love, it’s been stuck in my head”
ABOUT - luke castellan is the only one at camp who sees right through your perfect and poised persona; and all he wants is the satisfaction of ruining it.
WARNINGS - smut, mentions of choking, both the reader and luke are TERRIBLE but luke is much worse lol, swearing, written from the perspective of a deranged luke, penetration, only loosely proofread.
A/N- i have NEVER written and posted smut before EVER. like i get close but i never go all out. so… no hate guys 😘 also i feel like this is a bit ooc for luke so just pretend he’s actually insane and terrible guys!!! if you ignore his incoherent ramblings, it’s PWOP sooo… anyways this might be the first and last time i ever write smut who knows
luke castellan is no amateur when it comes to pretending to be something else. growing up, the only thing that mattered to luke was receiving praise or recognition for being ‘great’ or ‘honourable’ or whatever.
when you live your whole life pretending to be a perfect person, you kinda start to believe you really are a perfect person.
and if everyone you meet also believes you are indeed a perfect person, what’s the harm in continuing to pretend?
at the end of the day, both parties gain something. you get the validation and acclaim that you truly deserve, and they get a role model they aspire to at least halfway resemble.
luke is the sweetest guy at camp- everyone loves him. and he deserves it, doesn’t he? he deserves their praise and love and respect. gods, he should be rewarded for pretending to be so admirable for so long. he’s entitled to it.
you, on the other hand? you don’t. you don’t deserve an ounce of the praise luke has worked so hard to receive.
to luke, you’re vermin. behind your polite smiles and sweet words, there’s darkness. there’s an evil lurking within you- he’s sure of it.
he sees it during early morning sparring sessions, watching from the wings while you tactfully dodge every attack that comes your way. and when you eventually falter, he sees how your eyes turn cold and your smile fades.
he sees how you take a shaky breath, brushing yourself off with your bony hands before flashing a toothy grin. he feels nauseous when you extend your arm out to shake the hand of your opponent- because how the fuck can they believe your little act?
your gentle kindness and bashful charisma is so obviously fake. of course, he’s not pissed that you’re acting; everyone at camp is acting to an extent. but you’re going all out, and he can still see through it. what pisses him off, is that nobody else seems to recognise how truly malicious you can be.
maybe it’s because you’re pretty. luke is no stranger to getting special treatment based on his appearance, and neither should you be. maybe that’s the whole basis of your appeal. it seems to be the only thing holding your pathetic little facade together, considering your sloppy acting skills.
if you were ugly everyone would be able to call out your bullshit straight away, and then he wouldn’t have to worry about sharing the spotlight. honestly, the only reason why everyone loves you so much is because half of them want to fuck you, and the other half want your attention or approval- not that it’d be worth anything.
it was the last week of spring, meaning only the year-rounders and a few of the older kids were at camp. you just graduated high school, and arrived at camp early.
of course, you just had to return to camp prettier, taller, more confident, and with a fancy college acceptance letter. maybe you were much smarter than you let on- but it became very apparent that your intelligence wasn’t the reason you got accepted into NYU once he learned what you were studying.
“oh, i’m getting a degree in art history,”
seriously? art history? that’s gotta be the funniest thing luke has ever heard in his entire life.
“really? why art history?” he asks politely, watching your every move as he awaits your dumbass explanation.
you shrug cheerfully, looking around at the few other campers scattered around in a tight-knit circle as they wait for you to tell them about your ‘lovely’ 18th birthday and ‘eventful’ senior year.
“i don’t know, my mum works with a lot of artists, so she said it’d be a good conversation starter,” you say cheerfully, as if it wasn’t the stupidest thing to ever exit your mouth.
luke can’t help but let out a little giggle, before instantly lowering his head to offer some non-verbal apology. but to his surprise, you laugh along. “yeah, i really wanna score a job at the MET or something. i don’t mind either way,”
luke nods politely, letting the conversation continue without interrupting with a snide comment or unsolicited laughter.
he plays along as the conversation continues, pretending he doesn’t want to grab you by the throat and push you against the wall, demanding you to confess. demanding you to tell the fucking truth; that you’re a manipulative sycophant who’s bound to end up in rehab for getting addicted to designer drugs.
why is he the only one that sees you for who you truly are? gods, if he knew any better he might be charmed. you were naturally picturesque- or at least you seemed to be. the way that you were sitting on the grass with your hair draping over your body; you looked gorgeous. but you always look gorgeous, that’s your best quality after all.
of course all of camp half-blood was fooled- you were to pretty and kind to be lying. maybe it was better to let them keep on believing that you were this perfect image of a girl.
but he’d still appreciate the satisfaction of seeing you for who you are- seeing you in your rawest form.
and then suddenly, he saw it. some athena girl asked you if you wanted to go on a run with her later, to which you politely declined. of course, you kept your composure, told her that you had to take a nap, offered her a sympathetic smile and a ‘maybe next time’. but she didn’t see the way your eyes rolled to the back of your head as soon as she looked away.
luke was astonished. you really were getting sloppy, huh?
and yet, nobody else saw it. nobody else saw the look of disgust on your face as soon as she finished talking. he was seething- how on earth could everyone be so blind?
luke looks around at the group of people surrounding him, his eyes darting back to you ever 5 or 10 seconds. they all look at you with awe- as if you’re the most precious thing on earth.
fuck that. he was going to put you in your place.
a few hours pass, and it was finally time for everyone to walk back to their cabins.
luke spots you walking alone to your cabin, your face dimly lit by the moon as it shines over the camp. he’s so overwhelmed with anger, he couldn’t fathom caring about the consequences of whatever situation he was about to put himself in.
he quickly catches up to you, meeting your walking pace as he shoots you a friendly smile.
“hey, y/n. you got a minute?” luke asks, still adorning that charming smile. you smile back at him, nodding your head ever so gently, as if it would fall off if you moved it too fast. like a rusty elvis bobble head bought 1976 that resides on the dash of your grandmother’s busted car.
“yeah, why?” you hold your hands behind your back as you walk beside him, slowly approaching your empty cabin. luke shrugs his shoulders. “oh, i just had a little question. mind if we talk in your cabin?” he asks.
you nod, opening the door for luke and letting him walk through. you close the door behind him, before leaning your back against the wall. luke stands in front of you, his cheery demeanour vanishing as he crosses his arms.
“why the fuck are you such a little bitch all the time?”
you furrow your brows, mirroring his posture as you cross your arms defensively. “excuse me?”
luke rolls his eyes, letting out dry laughter as he looks you up and down. “you heard me,” he adds, watching you anxiously begin to pick at your lips with your freshly manicured fingernails.
“do you have a problem with me or something?” your whole body feels tense as you continue picking at your lips, your eyes locked onto his.
“yeah, i do have a problem. i’m tired of your little ‘nice girl’ act. it’s getting fucking annoying,” luke scoffed, taking a step closer towards you. your eyes darken, before shaking away your hostile expression.
“are you sure you wanna do this right now, castellan?”
“is that a threat?”
you pull your fingertips away from your lips, shifting your weight to the other side of your body as you cross your arms once more. you let silence fill the room before finally speaking up.
“listen, luke. everyone pretends to be someone they’re not. you and i just tend to do it more than others-“
luke cuts your off, taking another step forwards. “fuck off, we are not the same.”
you roll your eyes, banging your head against the wall as you groan irritably. “so what? are you gonna go around spreading cheap lies about me now?” you ask tiredly. luke shakes his head, slightly shrugging his shoulders.
“nah.” he replies curtly, his voice blunt and expression vague. “mkay, then what the fuck is your problem?”
luke takes another quick step forward, tightly holding your chin in his hand as he lifts your head to face him. “you’re my fucking problem.”
you let out a dry laugh, staring into his eyes as you attempt to intimidate him. “you’re such a loser.” you whisper, refusing to fight back against the way he’s gripping your face.
he stays silent, biting his lip as he looks over your form. “and you’re a brat.” he retorts.
“are we just going to keep throwing insults back and forth all night, or are you gonna explain why you’re so obsessed with me?” you ask playfully, cupping his face in your hand as an attempt to patronise him.
luke is stumped. to be fair, he is entirely obsessed with you. and he has been for years now. and now he has you cornered, watching your weak attempts at asserting dominance over him.
luke was over it.
suddenly, luke leans in, harshly pressing his lips against yours. you retract your hand from his face, pressing it against the wall as you feel his body moving towards you.
he wraps his other hand around your neck, only gently gripping it as to not alarm you.
luke is surprised by how you sink into his grip, pulling away to see your closed eyes and swollen lips. when you wipe your mouth and look at him with those hauntingly innocent eyes, he’s almost fooled.
you scoff, smirking as you tear away from his grip and take a few steps back. “is that all you wanted?” you say confidently, watching him turn around to watch you carefully pace around the room.
he shakes his head, groaning quietly as he walks over to you once more.
luke purses his lips, trying to suppress any sense of genuine attraction to you. but when his eyes gaze over to your red lips and flushed cheeks, he can’t help but let his mind wander.
“if you’re done, you can leave, castellan.” you say irritably, leaning against your bed frame.
it goes straight to his dick when you call him that, especially when your voice sounds so hoarse and cocky. he feels as though he’s finally accomplished what he’s been yearning to do for years now. he’s seeing the real you.
he couldn’t dare squander this opportunity now.
he pushes you down onto your bed, watching how your hair flows over your newly made bedsheets as your head hits the pillow.
“but you don’t want me to leave, do you?” luke says lowly, hovering over your body as his hand hold your wrists together above your head.
“i don’t care what you do, castellan.”
luke groans, pressing another rough kiss against your lips. you kiss back for whatever reason, and your firsts relax within his grip. it was almost as if you got off on the idea of someone calling out your bullshit. or maybe you got off on the idea of somewhat hating your guts. either way, luke knew you were more than eager to continue.
he let go of your wrists, before biting your bottom lip. your mouth opens slightly, offering entry to his tongue, deepening the kiss.
you hand cups his face, while the other grips his shoulder. after a few moments, he pulls away and begins sucking at the skin of your neck, leaving purple marks on your delicate skin while you let out hoarse whimpers.
his hands begin to fiddle with the fabric of your shirt, causing you to push his body forwards as you position yourself to sit on his lap. you take off your shirt, throwing it away as you run your hands down his back.
luke looks down at your chest, growing more aroused at the sight of your lacy little bra. it’s as if you knew someone was going to see it.
you feel a hardness growing from under his jeans, poking against your upper thigh as you slowly grind against his lap. luke let’s put a low moan, continuing to bury his face in your neck.
“i fucking hate you,” he growls, gripping the sides of your waist with his hands as you move against him.
“don’t care, take off your shirt,” you demand hurriedly, running your fingers through his hair as you tilt his head up to look at you.
luke rolls his eyes, before taking off his shirt. he quickly presses another series of harsh kissses against your neck, fiddling with the clasp of your bra as you push your chest up against his. you giggle softly at his incompetence, before he finally unhooks it and ravenously pulls it from your chest.
luke pushes your body backwards onto the bed, trailing kisses down from your neck and onto your tits. you let out a quiet moan, before biting down onto your hand in order to stifle the sound. his large hands knead your left breast, while the other grips the area just under your right breast, resting on top of your ribcage.
luke’s hands slowly move downwards, hip thumb tracing circles against the side of your hip as you gently grasp onto his hair. his fingertips gently pull down your shorts, leaving you in only your underwear.
he rubs his thumb over the wet fabric, before tilting his head to look up at you. “pathetic,” he mutters, smirking at your flushed faced. you groan, burying the back of your head further into the pillow as your back arches involuntarily.
luke’s thumb massages your clit from over the soaking fabric, watching you squirm in response. he lets out a dry laugh, before pulling down your panties and tossing them onto the floor.
“luke…” you moan quietly, closing your eyes as your hips jerk into the mattress. his fingers trace your wet folds, before letting his thumb rub circles against your clit and forcing two fingers inside of you.
you whimper before pursing your lips, rolling your head around as he slowly pumps his fingers in and out. he quickens his pace, pressing down harshly against your clit while beginning to suck on the skin of your upper thigh.
luke holds down your hip with his free hand as you begin to squirm.
suddenly, he stops.
you look at him with a confused expression, your face red as he pulls his fingers out. he chuckles at your disappointed face, before taking off his pants and boxers. you stare at his length unashamedly, biting down on your bottom lip.
“so fucking needy.” he says lowly, his voice horse as he softly begins to continue massaging your clit. you moan, feeling your back arch as he positions himself in front of your legs. he forcefully spreads them open as he teases your folds with the tip of his erect member.
you let out a little whine, your voice trembling as you try to move your hips against his length.
luke rolls his eyes at your poor attempts at penetration, before slowly pushing his cock into your entrance. you let out a breathy, high pitched moan, your hands eagerly gripping your bedsheets.
he gradually pushes in the entirety his length, continuing to rub circles into your clit. luke tightly grips your waist as he begins to slowly pull out, before jamming himself back in. you let out a breathy yelp as you body moves with his thrusts.
like continues relentlessly pushing in and out of you, massaging your waist as his thumb gradually increases the speed of its attack on your clit.
you try to steady you breathing, your face flushed as lukewarm continues to deliberately overwhelm your body.
“mm… luke, i’m gonna…” you mutter, your hips jerking upwards. he smiles at you, amused by how blissed out you look taking his cock. “so soon?” he teases, rapidly moving against your body.
you let out a stammering series of whimpers as your back arches upwards, feeing yourself suddenly release. luke grins, continuing to rub circles into your clit as he rides out your orgasm.
luke slowly retracts his thumb, repositioning the hand to gently grip your hip. he begins to slow down his movements, before quickly thrusting into you repetitively. you squirm, the movements of your hips constrained by his grip.
suddenly, he pulls out, releasing onto your stomach. see? he was a gentleman.
luke gazes over at the girl he just reduced to a panting mess as he stands up and puts his clothes back on. he smiles at you as he zips up his jeans, before kneeling besides you as you turn your head to look at him.
“i wont tell anyone how fucking pathetic you are, don’t worry, princess.”
you nod, staring at him as he continues to look at your defenceless body. “such a pretty girl,” he hums, cupping your face in his hand before kissing your forehead.
he reaches over to your discarded underwear and gently pulls them up your legs, the gesture acting somewhat as a peace offering. he takes a step back, simply taking in how endearingly stupid you look.
you slowly sit yourself up, grabbing your camp t shirt and putting it on. “goodnight, luke,” you choke out, your voice hoarse and breathing shallow. he nods, smiling softly as he turns to walk away. “night, princess.”
#luke castellan enemies to lovers#luke castellan x y/n#luke castellan x you#luke castellan fic#luke castellan smut#luke castellan imagine#luke castellan imagines#luke castellan x reader#luke castellan#luke castellan x reader smut#pjo#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#percy series#pjo x reader#pjo tv show
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