#also this is not meant to make anyone feel invalid for liking something just for the sake of liking it

[oswildin]

Just to add generally so everyone is clear and aware…

A “friend” who acts like this is not a friend.

A “friend” who sends unsolicited pictures of their SH or claims they will take their own life because of you is not your friend. They’re a manipulator.

A “friend” who constantly tries to guilt trip and make out like you’re the bad guy, is not a friend.

I also want to add that these instances don’t always have to be so harrowing, direct or dramatic in nature. A “friend” could also use subtler language/techniques to try and guilt trip you:

Deliberately misinterpreting someone’s words and twisting them to make it seem like they have upset them or offended them. For example:

Person A: “Please don’t do/say that.”

Person B: “Why would you say that to me? Am I not allowed to feel this way? Are you trying to invalidate my feelings?”

Person A: “That’s not what I meant, I said don’t do/say that because I care.”

Person B: “No, you don’t. You’re invalidating my feelings and my mental health. Don’t tell me what to do.”

It’s clear Person A is asking Person B to not do something rash or speak badly about themselves. However, Person B immediately turns around and snaps at them, accusing them, trying to make them feel bad and twist the narrative to make it seem like Person A was trying to invalidate or minimise their feelings. Everything is a personal attack to them. They will make you feel responsible for their own emotions, like it’s on you to make them feel better or listen to their struggles but not be allowed to take a break, suddenly hounding you when you do go quiet on them.

This “friend” may also try to hold certain things over you, whether they be true or not, and this is to get you to stay, as evidenced in this latest statement.

This “friend” may suddenly go silent with you to make you chase after them. They may use the silent treatment to ‘punish’ you.

This “friend” may try to sabotage your other friendships/possible friendships by telling you to block others who have wronged them and be upset when you don’t do it, immediately accusing you of being on ‘the other side’ to try and make you feel guilty for not doing as they say.

Unfortunately, I have witnessed and been victim of manipulation and emotional abuse first hand in my life, so I sadly can spot the behaviour and pattern, even through a computer screen.

(I also researched some general behavioural psychology independently for a time, so I have an understanding of certain techniques and why people do them.)

If your “friend” ever makes you feel guilty, like the bad guy, or like they are your responsibility, they are not your friend and I would advise you stay very clear. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, not them, not anyone else who asks. You can cut ties with someone for your own health whenever you want in these situations, because this is not a normal two way street friendship. Do not let them make you feel bad for ‘abandoning’ them, you aren’t, you are just putting your own mental health first.

I am not stating the “friend” does not struggle with mental health issues and doesn’t have their own problems, but just because they do, it doesn’t mean they get to take it out on others and make them feel bad. Their subconscious thought is typically: ‘I feel bad so others have to too.’ Of course, this is all regarding to this behaviour being repetitive. Anyone is capable of the is behaviour when under strain or bad mental health; but when it is constant and the behaviours are exhibited over and over again with no evidence of change or self improvement and accountability… That’s when it becomes a concern.

I’m 26, and I know what is healthy and what is not when it comes to friendships. This is not healthy.

Today, we'll be focusing on one of LLD's main victims in the past. Official-President-Loki was among the many that asgards-trickster-god harassed, most likely coming from a place of jealousy. LLD seems to go for popular users (not just on Tumblr, unfortunately) and spread lies across their page, when they're not guilting and baiting their own death to the user themselves. It's truly nerve-wracking (if not a little embarrassing) the extent they're willing to go to try to ruin a person's life.

The following is evidence of LLD's harassment toward Official-President-Loki. Please stay safe, folks!

[twilight-good-yall-dumb]

I'm realizing that the reason I feel so deeply attached to things I loved as a kid probably has something to do with the way I don't feel that attachment with my parents. Like yeah, I'm going to be devastated when the member of a band I've loved for over half of my life dies because he was there for me when my own parents weren't. And yeah, I'm going to feel ridiculous adoration for the woman who writes and sings songs about love and heartbreak who I've been singing along to since I was a child because she's shown me what love could be when my own mother couldn't set that example. And yeah, I'm going to love a cozy atmospheric piece of media because I felt comfortable living inside of that world when my own home growing up was never a place of reprieve. etc etc etc

[unproduciblesmackdown]

truly something that, amidst facing / going through a dramatic Life Change ft. unavoidable emotional effects of that, there are instances where i can't conceal any & all degrees of being distressed / upset, & repeatedly getting "it's hard for me too" as a Direct Response to that: really something & a half how the asserted theoretical Sympathy of [i feel similarly!] is invoked so as to, oh you know, preclude sympathetic Treatment. such as that what would be More sympathetic in these instances would be to say Nothing, "if there's nothing but dismissal / making it first & foremost about someone else's feelings to say, don't say it at all" style

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Yo! Good morning/evening, hope you are fine^^💝. I wanted to ask you a question but I was afraid that it may bother you or something (you know..that feeling when you are scared that you might disturb someone or being an unwelcome person) but yeah I will ask you since i was serious about your answer for some time now so I hope I'm not annoying you or something *feel free to answer only if you wish^^. You seem to know the characters pretty well, you are quite capable and great at reading and understanding them, one of the things I'm serious about is what do you think would make someone qualified enough to be with malleus? Do they have to be of the same species?certain Reputation, stature or traits?(sorry can't help it since I can't rest until I know everything about what interests me and figure it all out😅). Thanks for giving me some of your precious time I really like your blog, you're amazing💜

No worries, you’re not bothering me at all ^^ I love to talk about my hyperfixations www

Now, I know a lot of fans (particularly on the EN side) like to ship Malleus with their OC and especially with Yuu so I want to first make it clear that my response is NOT meant to invalidate those Malleus shippers. Whatever I say here is based on my own interpretation of canon lore (and let’s be real here, TWST won’t ever confirm if anyone is romantically interested in Yuu because it might not work with how some players view their own relationship with that character). In fanon, anyone can be with anyone, but in canon there are very specific in-universe rules and expectations laid out for Malleus so these are what I will be referring to.

I also want to emphasize that the final traits I discuss in this post do NOT reflect Malleus’s personal tastes or views. He has little say in what kind of an individual his spouse would be, so his own preferences are not speculated about or taken into account here. The traits I will be bringing up are based on what I believe the lore implies are the desirable traits for those marrying into the Draconia royal family.

We got it? Good 👍 Read more below the cut!!

Firstly, I’m completely disregarding the ideas of “Malleus can love whoever he wants to love”, “Malleus can scare people into accepting who he loves”, and/or “Malleus can change the law so he can marry who he loves” (a la Sultan from Aladdin or through some other Disney magic or logic). Here’s why:

In general, those solutions for “high stakes issues” are too simple, and that has never been how Twisted Wonderland tackles complicated problems. Just look at every single OB boy’s backstory. They’re so complex that they aren’t totally resolved by the end of their books; these problems persist and are long term things each of them are working on addressing. This is also true of the politics TWST introduces to us; Leona for example explains how there is social pushback and resistance to the idea of infrastructure reform because the culture of the Sunset Savanna stresses harmony with nature. This has made it difficult for them to adopt new technologies because real politicians in their world have to seriously weigh their cultural values with their health and societal progress. The only time there are really easy solutions are in events or vignettes where the emotional stakes are not super high, but who Malleus marries is, in fact, super important since this will entirely change the life of a main character and his country.

With that first bullet point in mind… No, Malleus cannot love whoever he wants to love. Certainly, he may feel affection for another but he can never truly be with them. He is royalty and the only heir to the throne of Briar Valley. It follows that he is expected to marry for political reasons/to better his nation. This is a non-negotiable obligation for him.

Rather than saying, “Malleus cannot scare people into accepting who he loves”, I think it’s more accurate to say Malleus knows he probably shouldn’t. I mean, yes, he may be upset about his S/O not being accepted by his people but I feel that is discrediting a lot of the loyalty he has for his own country. As a kid he may have thrown tantrums when he was upset and potentially harmed staff, but as a 178 year old he has a much better understanding of decorum and maintaining it in spite of his own grudges. For example, even though he personally dislikes Leona he still commands Sebek to apologize to him because, at the end of the day, this could harm Briar Valley’s relationship with the Sunset Savanna. That’s not to say that Malleus can’t be petty (he definitely is)—but implying he would be petty toward basically his entire country just because they would disapprove of the one he loves?? (We know this would likely be true because Sebek’s parents faced similar backlash when they got together.) I feel like his own sense of awareness and responsibility for his country, crown, and people would override that. As an example, Malleus states that he has never been in a car before because the senate would be against it and often kept Malleus in the castle. Someone of his power could easily ignore them and sneak out and do whatever he wanted, yet the dialogue implies Malleus didn’t. He obeyed his political advisors even when he was younger and arguably much more immature. Malleus might not like certain decisions made about his life but it sounds like he ultimately complies with them.

Continuing from the previous point, let’s say for the sake of argument that Malleus does scare everyone into line. What about his public image and the mental health of his S/O? Maybe Malleus can frighten people to not talk out of turn to his face, but he cannot control what people whisper about him behind closed doors or to treat his S/O well or like they actually like them. Not only would they be alienated (away from their own home and forced to adapt to a new one) but they’d be treated oddly by others too. What kind of reputation is that for Malleus? To be a tyrant king who throws a hissy fit anytime someone talks about his partner in a way he doesn’t approve of? With a spouse who is not at their best mentally because of the constant ostracization? (This is similar to what Leona experienced in his childhood.) I don’t think Malleus would want to subject anyone to that kind of life, especially not one he loves. And again, this attitude would be the vast majority of his people. It’s not like it can be avoided or resolved in an easy manner, especially when the people of Briar Valley have proven to be against change.

Lastly, Malleus would not change the law so he can be with whoever he wants to. To begin with, I doubt this is a unilateral position the senate would approve of. But okay, let’s accept that Malleus is royalty so his power overrides the advisors’ power. So he effectively just changed a law for a very selfish and personal reason rather than changing something to actually benefit his people. That doesn’t feel in-character for him, not when Malleus seems to understand that it is the duty of those in higher status to help those below them rather than themselves (see: Riddle’s Suitor Suit vignettes. Malleus has acted selfish before, yes (who remembers Endless Halloween Night? His Dorm Uniform vignettes? I do.)—but never at the cost of changing the status quo of his country. (Book 7 is not included here because he’s in a very distressed emotional state then; this “new law” scenario posits that Malleus is in a normal state of mind.) This is a major change—change which Briar Valley, its people, and most importantly, Malleus, are not ready for. You think there wouldn’t be social pushback against this? From a society that has become complacent with its own way of life and is still isolated from the rest of the world? That Malleus, someone who struggles greatly with accepting life changes himself, could enact such a big change so easily? (On a more technical level, you don’t just pass a law and it instantly becomes tangible or real, there is a process of approval and then implementation.)

Additionally, it’s made clear in Ghost Marriage that “[Malleus] cannot enter into an engagement lightly”, which is why Sebek goes in his place. Eliza, the Ghost Bride, is royalty (er, albeit dead) but it seems that royal status is not enough to qualify as his partner. Maybe this is because she’s dead and doesn’t have anything of value for Briar Valley (no land, no people, no political power), but it could also mean that the partner has to be given the thumbs up by other parties.

All that being said, here are some of the conditions I think would have to be met for Malleus’s future spouse:

Has to be someone of equal or at least high status. This means they also have to be a royal or at least of nobility. This appears to be true of Malleus’s dad, who is referred to as a duke.

Because of how self-contained Briar Valley is + nocturnal fae having beef with diurnal fae, I imagine his partner would have to also be a nocturnal fae. This would also solve the MASSIVE lifespan difference between fae and non-fae because at least fae would be far closer to each other even if their lifespans fluctuate but subspecies.

Someone suited to rule by his side. Being married into any royal family is no joke—it comes with the expectation that you will contribute somehow, and the partner should be fully equipped to enter the world of politics with him.

Piggybacking off the last point, I think mental fortitude is also a prerequisite. This is because being a politician (navigating the social climate both within your country and outside of it, keeping your people and colleagues happy, maintaining public approval, managing laws, dealing with potential attempts on your life, etc.) can be very stressful and can hurt those who are faint of heart or not prepared for the responsibility. Leaders have to make tough calls at the drop of a hat, and they have to be ready for it.

Has a lot to offer in terms of benefits to Briar Valley as a country. This could be in terms of resources, connections, and/or political savvy. This appears to be true of Malleus’s dad, who acted as a diplomat for Briar Valley.

Vetting and formal approval from the senate. lmao good luck with that

Has to be able and willing to have a child. They at least need an heir to the throne to succeed Malleus. (However, knowing how exclusionary and conservative as heck the senators are, I doubt they would accept anything but a biological child 💀)

Preferably someone with powerful magic or is skilled at magic already so as to lessen the chance of “tainting” the bloodline with a weak mage or a non-mage.

I believe that Briar Valley would prefer someone with old fashioned values like them, not someone pushing for massive reform. They have a culture that is resistant to change and a history of fighting for resources with outsiders, so if Malleus’s new spouse tries to introduce a bunch of technology or open its borders to other countries (even if they have good intentions), the people + the senate may oppose them. His father is implied to be open-minded, but he at least understood that such change isn’t reasonable without time and effort dedicated to the endeavor.

All that being said 💦 I think that this topic is actually less about what Malleus as an individual wants and what his country, his people, and, yes, even his asshole senators, want. This is basically an arranged marriage situation so that their country can maintain power and relevance. It’s about the collective and what Malleus must do for their perceived security and prosperity.

[bluevveather]

Op and this reblog as well as the vast majority of the people in notes are 100% correct about it being extremely disrespectful and enraging(the explanation of what the original painting was and means is also very very good to spread) but seem to be missing the actual point of the tweet iirc.

Rage. In my heart. All-consuming. FUCK AI.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

I was thinking about killer and his emotionlessness in st2. And people struggling to portray that in writing (for those who wanna portray it), but based off some personal experiences I won’t go into specifically, maybe here’s some ideas for anyone who needs them.

Maybe write his emotionlessness aspects as a firm belief, integral to his sense of self. Write it as a deeply ingrained coping mechanism that was only encouraged and reinforced by the people around him, who wanted him to be and behave that way because it meant they got what they wanted from him—consistently shamed or invalidated or worse if he showed an emotion that wasn’t wanted.

He has detached from himself, the body, his surroundings; most things don’t feel or seem real, including himself.

because killer thinks of himself as emotionless, and he very likely doesn’t feel some emotions such as guilt or remorse or even love in an emotional way and struggles with empathy which are things trauma can absolutely cause, its also important to keep in mind that it is abuse and trauma that has caused this.

Trauma and abuse has led him to dissociating and numbness, repeated everyday violence and murder and abuse has been completely normalized and accepted as a part of his existence.

His apathy is a result of all of this, constantly being pushed to his limits emotionally, physically, and mentally over and over.

Due to the circumstances of his world, the abilities of Resetting and the like, even death has become the norm. Both of himself and others. He is surrounded by so much of it that it no longer means anything to him.

His thoughts of things being ultimately meaningless, his knowledge of the Players making him believe that no one really has free will in the end. It all only makes him disconnect from himself and his body.

However. Just because killer does not believe himself capable of emotion, does not mean he isnt expressing any. His body can still react to things—crying when stressed, flinching and wincing in pain—even if Killer himself just doesn’t understand stress or enjoys his own pain. Especially if the pain wasn’t “that bad” in his eyes.

You can write it as if Killer believes his body sometimes does things on its own without his say so. Grabbing things without his awareness to fidget with because he needs stimulation, attempting to stab someone if even being touched causes his body to react negatively, as if the touch was painful or frightening. Constant fidgeting and shifting, and getting frustrated about why it can’t just stay still.

(He might eventually face a bit of resigned acceptance to this, eventually just having to accept that the body apparently needs to do these things. And no matter how hard he or anyone else tries to get it to stop, it’s impossible, and likely to just make the fidgeting ‘worse’.)

If his body cries from stress, he’d probably be extremely confused; steadfast believing he doesn’t feel anything, and just wipes it away—perhaps dissociating even further or getting frustrated, because he doesn’t believe thats something he’d do.

Experiencing cognitive dissonance, because the action of crying suggests something’s wrong but he feels..nothing. Neutral, as he always does. Or if hes physically hurt during a mission, his body could be crying from the physical sensations and yet killer is mentally riding the high of “finally” experiencing emotion.

If someone is berating him or verbally abusing him, he might be confused by the body’s tears because there is no physical harm. He doesn’t feel offended or hurt by what this person is saying to him, so why would he cry. He doesn’t think it’s logical, and thus will rationalize it away as just something up with the body.

He might look back during his moments in Stage 1–happiness, fear, guilt—with either a sense of detached confusion or maybe amusement, believing that other side of him to have been rather dramatic. Maybe he’s even curious about why the world seems so much brighter when someone like Color is around.

Because killer doesn’t connect the body to himself in his mind, he probably has a hard time visualizing it or showing any care for it beyond making sure it’s functioning and still useful. And he doesn’t really feel any empathy for it either.

It is also very possible to have people react to the way he doesn’t react—such as simply standing and quietly watching whenever nightmare punishes someone in the gang, not seeming bothered by it at all, as opposed to anyone else who is witnessing. This can be compounded by any signs of dismissiveness and downplaying what happened.

You can have people treat him differently, react to him differently, either being disturbed/uneasy by his appearing to not have any emotions—no anger, fear, hatred, disgust—in situations they feel he should.

Appearing unbothered or unphased by things said or done to himself or others as if they don’t matter—either because it is normal for him, or because he is so commonly dissociated that no one notices that he dissociated in these moments.

Others may even be outraged and offended by his apparent lack of concern or compassion, and even more may interpret him as being arrogant. Others may make it a personal thing to try and provoke from what they believe an appropriate response to be from him. (They’ll probably end up being killed or mortally wounded in this case.)

Writing people’s reactions to him and his lack of reactions, besides those big dead black eyes and empty grin, will definitely help set him apart from others around him.

He will likely struggle to accept the idea that he can feel genuine emotions; and may outright reject or rationalize/intellectualize away anything that contradicts this belief of his. He may avoid anything or anyone that provokes reactions he doesn’t understand—as a form of self protection. Especially if someone or something has convinced him that his emotions are inconvenient, useless, weak, or dangerous.

It’s also quite possible that hed be reluctant to acknowledge his body’s needs or emotions, to let it “speak” in a way, uncertain of how it will react or what it will make him do. Especially if his body has destructive breakdowns when repressed stress and pain catch up to him, and it makes him feel out of control.

Automatic responses like sweating, shaking, changes in breathing, temperature fluctuations; all are likely to be observed in a detached way and not really linked to any specific emotional state. Insomia, changes in eating habits, and chronic pain are likely to be some biggies for him.

He probably doesn’t actually know why his body appears to be in so much pain—besides the amount of DT accumulation and the history of physical trauma—but he’s more likely to take some twisted glee in being able to feel it than care about where its coming from or why.

He’s probably also likely to have a decreased immune system and might be prone to sickness, due to the results of chronic stress and the results of repressing it all; but he’ll probably over intellectualize it away.

Another form of self protection for him could be his typical silly, dumb, hyperactive facade being a deliberate choice on his end. Because it not only leads to people overlooking or underestimating him, it protects him by keeping people away.

If he pretends to feel what others seem to want him to feel in certain situations, they’re less likely to start pestering him and trying to provoke reactions from him. It also helps keeping people entertained, makes him seem unpredictable, and most of all, doesn’t allow anyone to look at him and find him lacking. Find him boring. Enough to potentially get rid of him, or replace him.

He may not may not actually care about others’ opinions of him—praise or criticism—but people sure seem to want him to, so he’ll pretend to if it’s beneficial.

[tumblingxelian]

The "real" Batman

I see people complain about the emphasis some people put on Batmans more negative character traits a lot.

"That's not the real Batman, that's flanderiztion, fanon, a few bad but popular adaptions, the 90's only" and the like are common refrains and it really gets to me. Cos see, while I am aware no incarnation of Batman is totally one note, I emphasize the more negative sides of Batman for reasons that aren't "Edgy, badass, GRRR, Toxic masculinity woooh" bullshit and I hate being dismissed as such.

So, here's why I do it:

First is because of general frustration at the dismissal of any incarnation of Batman, regardless of popularity, or ongoing presence in the main-line comics and timelines, being invalid. IE, the "HE's not the real Batman so he doesn't count" when he canonically is, & as done stuff like that.

60s/80s Batman smiles after sending a purse snatcher away in an Ambulance, kidnaps & others relies on torture style interrogations. Just like 90s/2000's Batman threatens people with assault in prison & looms over a Mugger he slammed so hard into a wall it left a giant blood splatter.

It is fair to ague that brutality is not all of what he is, that's valid. But that side of him is not something I feel one can just handwaved away as "not canon" & people doing so frustrate me in large part because it feels intellectually dishonest. Its refusing to engage with a metric ton of the canonical lore of a character they are discussing.

Secondly is the fact that a lot of the lore, history, character development, derailment, treatment, tone, framing and more for characters OTHER than Batman relies on him having a history of problematic behavior.

Cassandra basically living in a Bat-Cave with no civilian life or identity because Bruce is giving her what HE wants for himself even though its bad for both of them is just an example of a huge part of their dynamic. One that can be deeply damaging, self destructive and messy, but also makes perfect sense given the characters involved.

How Jason's entire shift in character and framing was done largely to insulate Bruce from criticism over his death, IE, Jason being characterized post death as violent, arrogant, not particularly bright and then coming back as a villain also ties into 20 something years of smearing his name to protect Bruce's.

Stephanie's entire character history begins falling apart if Batman doesn't treat her like the trash he did in canonical mainline comics, and leaves her with only a couple of borderline cameos at best. Hell, even 'new' stuff where he's "nicer" still has him do things like fake therapy appointments to trick her.

Hell, even Dick in a lot of incarnations as well as mainline comics at different times has a lot of issues that came from being raised/trained by Bruce. No, it isn't universal, but it is far too common & recurring of an element to just say "doesn't count!" & declare the discussion over.

& the thing is, when people say they want the "Real" batman or the "Good" Batman, they not only erase these characters histories. They don't replace it with anything worthwhile for anyone but Bruce himself.

If ignoring all that meant replacing it with stuff like Jason never died & or never became Red Hood & is a totally different character. Or Cassandra and Bruce having arcs about their obsessions with vigilantism at the expense of their personal lives, or Stephanie actually getting to be ROBIN. Then it would be something at least somewhat interesting to engage with. But they don't, instead Jason still became a supervillain & is the Red Hood, Stephanie still got fired if she was Robin at all.

They are either forgotten (Cass & Steph) or end up being warped (Jason) so their characters history, everything is different and all to better serve making Bruce look good. I really find it vexing that even in "Batman is not a jerk" stuff, he still warps the narrative to everyone else's detriments.

[tinyboobsbignipples]

Hcs for Ellie dating someone with small boobs

N/A (Ignore if you want LMFAO): I think everyone is on board that Ellie is a boob girl, and I totally agree, but whenever I see a post about it, the writer never exactly clarifies what size they are giving the reader, but it is almost always obvious that it is targeted toward girls with a bigger chest. Some writers will even put something like ‘Ellie loves all sizes’ but will continue to only write details for bigger boobs. Which is totally fine. If big boobs are all you know how to write, then continue to do so. I still read them, and I enjoy doing so but sometimes it just feels a little invalidating..? I would also like to say that this isn't targeted at anyone, and this isn't meant to hate or call anyone out this is just something I've noticed as someone with a smaller chest.

Anyway, this is for the girls whose boobs don’t exactly drop or fall when they take their bra off.

WC: 900+

CW: Talks of NSFW at the bottom (separated from the rest of my hcs), I guess thats it?, established relationship.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Loves when you wear oversized shirts. Small boobs + oversized shirt = more room for Ellie's head to sneak her way into your shirt and listen to your heart beat. For the longest time, she would swear that this was the only way she could fall asleep but then summer came and it got too hot to do that anymore :( 

Got right back to it though when the weather started cooling down 

Ellie loves kissing the tops of your boobs when you wear a low cut shirt. If you don't wear low cut shirts often, she will give extra kisses in hopes that it will show how much she loves you and your body. If you wear them often, then you’ll be getting chest kisses just as much. 

You often tap her nose and say "Boop,” so one day when your nipples were poking through your shirt, she tapped one of them and said “Boop.” You both stared at each other in confusion until you broke and started giggling. You did the same thing to her because her nipples were also poking through her shirt

Loves hugging you. Because both of your guys boobs are small, you guys can get really really close to each other during hugs. Like nose touching close, every limb of your body is touching her, and if your noses weren't in the way, your guys would be able to give each other butterfly kisses. (When you flutter your eyelashes against someone else, in this case, ellies eyelashes.) 

Hugs every day, all day. She's so clingy, she needs to be touching you in some way or “she will die.” (her words) 

If you’re feeling really insecure about the size of your boobs, Ellie will try her best to comfort you. Shes a bit awkward and will often bring up how she has small boobs too and doesnt feel bad about them and sometimes that just makes you feel worse but it's the thought that counts. :’)

If you’re the type to wear tiny tops because your chest allows you to do so, Ellie would just have total heart eyes. She thinks you're so perfect and loves taking you out because she knows you’ll get all dressed up for her. 

Nsfw: 

On the topic of tiny tops (if you wear them), Ellie likes them because of easy access. It's so easy to just drag the fabric down or up, and bam, your chest is right there on display for her. 

The first time Ellie saw you without your top on, her pupils would just expand. She would kiss all over your boobs. Below, on top, right on, everywhere. She's so in love its embarrassing :')

On the rare occasion that you guys are away from each other, she’ll ask for a picture because “she needs to see them,” and you’ll make a joke something along the lines of ‘there's nothing to see’ and she will get so pouty because she's so needy, and you think this is an appropriate time to make jokes. 

You're sitting on Ellie's lap and riding her strap, you guys are face to face. If Ellie's hands are bigger than your chest, then I would imagine she would have her hands on your upper back or your side, right next to where your boobs are, because she likes to watch how they bounce. Even if it's not a lot, she still gets mesmerized. 

Ellie's phone background is a photo of you, holding the camera completely topless with Ellie behind you. Her head rests on your shoulder, and each of her hands is covering your boobs, acting like a bra. 

If you don't wear bras: Before you and Ellie were dating and you guys were just friends, she would try so hard not to stare. She would try focus so so hard on something else, but it was so difficult for her to look away when your nipples were just right there. Later, when she got home, she would touch herself because she practically already knew what your boobs looked like, and Ellie has a very active imagination.

Loves playing with your nipples. Before, during, after sex loves playing with them and loves hearing the little reactions you give her

Pinches your nipples during sex and can get pretty rough with it too 

After sex, when you two are just lying in bed, she will lay her head on your shoulder, put her palm over one of your boobs and just keep it there

Ellie loves sucking on your chest and your nipples. When it leaves a mark its just an added bonus.

She thinks its so hot when its just the two of you home alone and you're walking around in just a tank top proudly showing off the hickeys she gave you last night (and this morning)

[dust-jacket-analysis]

With the recent potential developments in the My Hero Cannon lately, shipping discourse is at an all time high. Spoilers, by the way.

Izuocha is allegedly made canon in some sort of final chapter of My Hero. And the Togachako and Bakudeku shippers are screaming, crying, throwing up. The Izuocha shippers are ecstatic, and everyone else is watching this absolute dumpster fire of a situation develop. And with this all, some feelings have been spun up. So I'm gonna talk about it.

First and foremost, Izuocha was always going to be canon. Sorry, not sorry. It was implied from the get go. Right off the bat a mutual crush was confirmed. While it focused more on Ochako's feelings, Deku definitely felt the same as the series progressed. All the blushing and awkward tension was there. And I say this not to invalidate the other ships, we'll get too that. But because this is pure fact I want established.

Now, it being well written, is another story. Obviously My Hero was never intended to be a romance. It is a Shonen anime, mainly action. While also making social commentary on corrupt governments, and discriminatory social systems. Those were always the main themes and points of the series. With Bakugou and Deku's complicated dynamic being second to that, and everything else prioritized after this. so naturally Izuku and Ochako's romantic relationship would not be as focused on. Hence why it's writing is not as good. It's just important to clarify this.

Which brings us to my actual main gripe with the whole situation. The way this fandom is invalidating not only just shipping, but relationship dynamics as a whole. And I've seen this with a LOT of fandoms. People tend to find they're OTP and stick to it. Buying their heads in the sand like Ostrich's when it comes to any other dynamics those two characters may have. People will say "My ship makes the most sense, and all the other ships are ridiculous," or, "I can't see them being anything more than platonic. My ship however, is meaningful and romantic."

That all lowkey pisses me off. Because when pushing that we forget a key detail of the human experience. As we go through our lives we meet hundreds of people. Form hundreds of group and individual dynamics, forge relationships with these different people we meet.

It's the beauty of being creatures with consciousness. Because we don't just meet someone, breed and die. We meet so many people who are all unique in their wants and desires. Different life goals and motivations. Different experiences that've shaped them.

Toga met Ochako. A girl who understood her more than anyone she'd met before. Who didn't see her just as the villain she'd become, but the girl she'd been and was still. A connection that meant something. But she also had the League of Villains, and Twice. People she'd found home and family in. As twisted as it was. Another meaningful connection in her life.

Bakugou Deku's dynamic is a huge section of conflict throughout the story. Despite that though, through all their ups and downs, they help each other grow. Become better Hero's and, in Bakugous case specifically, better people. It's meaningful. But Bakugou also meets Kirishima. One of the first people to ignore his threats and anger, her shouting. To put himself next to Bakugou and say "I want to be your equal. Your friend." And Kirishima plays a big role in softening Bakugou. And Bakugou helps Kirishima with his confidence. It's meaningful.

Just like how Deku and Todoroki's dynamic is important for both. Deku helps Todoroki to understand he does not have to hide parts of himself to spite his father. "It's yours! Your quirk, not his!" It's a huge break through for Todoroki. And in turn Todoroki is one of the people that helps Deku realize he can ask for help, he can lean on his friends. That needing support isn't weak (a lesson Deku also helped him learn), and that it doesn't make you a bad hero.

And Deku and Ochako. She's one of the first people to truly believe in him. To look at him and say he will make a good hero. One of his first friends. And Deku helps Ochako in that same way. He also inspires her to work harder and eventually she realizes she wants to be a rescue based Hero.

But Ochako also meets Toga. A girl cast out by society for her quirk, which she uses unashamedly. It helps Ochako see villains in a different light. One of empathy and understanding. While she still wishes to hold them accountable, she now sees the circumstances for how villain's are made. And she makes it her life to help other Children with quirks like Toga's to not become villains through quirk counseling. It's meaningful. All of these different dynamics shape the characters in different aspects of their lives and personality. Each dynamic is important, just as much so as the next. Whether platonic, romantic, or otherwise. They mattered. To invalidate that because it's not a ship you like is asinine.

Also, people can fall in love with more than one person. Toga fell in love for both Deku and Ochako, on different levels. And I argue Ochako did the same. Deku can love Ochako, Bakugou and Todoroki too. Bakugou can love Deku and Kirishima. People can fall in love more than once, regardless of who ends up with who.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what's canon. It never has. Fandom has never cared or let it hinder the way it operates on tumblr, ao3, etc. You still get meaningful dynamics in the source material. Relationships that shaped the characters and their story.

[herrling]

we've been talking a lot about the coley video but can we also talk about comments?

okay let me yap on some of these points

‼️big salt ahead‼️

first of all i don't want to invalidate anyone's experience here. it's fine, it's okay, yeah. but let's please remember something - YOUR experience is not EVERYONE'S experience, yeah?

now, in order

the first comment is so fucking stupid I don't even want to discuss. "oooh self shippers are so problematic" yeah i think if someone chooses Bakugo over you it's either A COMPLETELY FUCKING NORMAL THING THAT PEOPLE HAVE PREFERENCES, or you must've been so damn shitty to them they chose someone else. idk.

second, third and some other that has adjacent message sound so... disvaluing? i might surprise someone out there but there's 👏 nothing 👏 wrong 👏 with 👏 taking your self shipping as serious as you want. no, really. if you count your self shipping as something more than "just having fun tee-hee" then GO FOR IT. you know what's TRULY concerning? when you commit a literal CRIME for your self ship, but afaik it's concerning in irl relationship too.

yeah finding balance is cool blah blah blah. it's not like i disagree, i just don't like the wording. it feels like another disvaluing of one's experience. everyone has different families - some have very abusive ones so their self ship is a literal safe haven. some people are FICTOS (hi lachlan if you're reading that I now understand what you meant) so their self ship is a literal part of their sexuality/romance experience. why do I even have to explain that???

then there's this part that is so stupid i can't. "if my partner would feel jealous about my self ship I'd drop it for them", if your partner isn't okay with a literal part of you maybe they shouldn't be your partner??? no, i mean, hear me out on this. i know this stuff is complex and all but just. all of these comments seem to NOT allow that some people consider their f/os their full partners, as I said, and that's the fucking issue. so take this from a person who DOES consider. there are situations where people fall in love with more than one person at once, yeah? there are polys and stuff, yeah? some people okay with being in a poly relationship and/or share their partner, some not. if you two are full grown adults, you SPEAK about it and come to some agreement - to continue your relationship, to not, whatever. so if your self ship is important to you, THAT'S what has to happen. you don't need to drop everything suddenly just because "oh well it's fictional and not real..." (if it's works for you tho it's fine, I'm talking about the statement that it's like what ALWAYS should happen FOR EVERYONE).

so yeah I'm mad with these comments. self shippers get hate in fandoms already, and even when they're accepted it's ONLY if they don't take their self ship seriously. as for those like me, oh don't get me started. I might make a whole bingo of what I got personally and what people said in general about self shippers like me. i was harassed for identifying as ficto, btw.

oh and yeah my favourite. "it's just fun and fiction, if a person can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality, they need professional help". typical advice nobody asked for but here we are. I honestly hate advices like that because they sound so fucking ableistic and clearly come from people that think that after seeing a couple of pseudopsychological videos or reading a couple of sci pop articles they can give advices here and there (plus to people they don't know shit about).

and do i need to remind you how many self shippers are seen as mentally ill ONLY for self shipping alone? do i need to remind you how much harassment they get basing on that?

and yeah this video doesn't help. even though people say it wasn't as bad as the title said it still didn't help and, as my moot said, was UNNECESSARY to do.

what do I say. self shipping itself is HARMLESS, in any form (yeah there are proselfshippers that selfship with literal kids, not even aging them up just. with kids. ykwim). yeah I said there was a dude who killed for their self ship or smth like that but it's a bad wording, we all know the person just had general issues and making it look like he committed mass shooting because of self ship is a "kids are violent because of videogames" typa shit, I hope y'all understand this. I'm saying that people seem to just not care to educate themselves enough before saying "ummm well selfshipping is fun BUT 🤓☝️". seriously, stop. leave selfshippers alone. if someone chooses selfshipping over irl relationship well that just HAPPENS yk. it's literally the same as just. choosing one person as a partner over another, but we don't consider it as a problem that should be mass discussed, do we? so why's selfshipping is any different?

I must also bring this up: fictophobia is a kind of aphobia, in my opinion, if we consider the fact that fictosexuality/-romantism is on aspec. I'm not sure I should elaborate on this one. you won't judge an aroace for not dating/sleeping with anyone, so why you should judge someone who takes their selfship seriously to choose over irl relationship?

in conclusion, just. talk to your partners if you're in a relationship, idk. people be tapping about this so much as if there isn't already an ultimate solution to every issue - TALKING. you know? the ability we were given along with the way our throat is built and our brain is shaped (okay sorry this cane out kinda mean-).

and choosing selfshipping instead of irl dating is not something morally incorrect. you have the right to. just figure it out with your partner if they're present. yk people date, people break up, it's normal.

idk why the comments are like that.

jeez.

[theheirofthesharingan]

Hear me out

itachi DIDN'T EVEN THINK about killing Sasuke when he had to wipe out his entire clan, he wanted him to live and there was NOTHING anyone could do or say to convince itachi of otherwise.

Sakura on the other hand, WANTED to kill Sasuke for the sake of konoha or whatever shit, she THOUGHT of it and ACTUALLY TRIED TO do it. Now I feel that's the diffrence between real love and simple attraction

(btw if this sounds sus don't worry I swear I just meant pure platonic love)

It's why I'll never ship her with Sasuke. I don't mind her being disappointed in Sasuke and not loving him as much as Itachi did. I do mind her not giving a thought to why Sasuke became what he did. Especially when he was the same person who'd risked his life to save hers. He was the same boy who'd sacrificed his life to save Naruto's. So what changed that Sasuke had joined the Akatsuki? What did she do after learning there was something to do with Itachi that had broken Sasuke? Nothing.

I get it. Just like everyone else, she was also brainwashed by Konoha that anyone who was a threat to the village needs to be eliminated. She gave herself the justification that she wanted to save Sasuke from darkness. Did anyone bother to understand him and try to heal him?

Everyone's solution for Sasuke's sufferings was that they wanted him dead. Naruto's involved his own death in the process, but it still meant Sasuke would be dead too.

When shippers talk garbage about Itachi and defend their ships with Naruto/Sakura would never do something like that to Sasuke because they loved him and that makes Itachi's love for his brother invalid, I can't help but think how much violence in sns and SS there is. And while Itachi did damage Sasuke, he doesn't ever demand a thing from him. Not even forgiveness despite what he endured.

If he were deluded or felt entitled, he could have asked Sasuke to forgive him or, you know, tried to justify himself. What do the popular ships really have other than violence and distrust?

Sasuke loves Naruto, but he loves Itachi more. Sasuke feels nothing for Sakura. Yet their fans are quick to hate on Itachi, as if Itachi didn't have the burden of the whole world on his shoulders when Naruto's worst concern was screaming at Sasuke (stolen words from a dear friend) and Sakura's was to drool watching Sasuke.

The burdens Itachi endured at the young age don't even compare to Team 7's (excluding Sasuke).

So, yeah, neither ss not sns fans have any right to go "oh, but Itachi.." and "Itachi can never be forgiven." Well, no shit. You just discovered an impossible situation all your favorites are lucky not to be in, so you can tell how cute and adorable they are, while Itachi gets to be thrashed by the shippers.

[polling-sonic-fans]

I gotta be completely honest with you, I'm a little frustrated with the people who interact with this blog. I don't want to be rude, especially not to you the mod, but seeing how popular the added "unsure" and "haven't heard of this" options can be for some polls, I feel like it takes from the poll entirely. For example, the recent one about Sonic Omens. I think that anyone who doesn't have a leg in the race just shouldn't vote, and the poll isn't for them. I feel like including options for people who can't even answer the question sort of messes with the data. I only mean this as constructive criticism, not to cause harm or hate, and I hope to hear your side of it, as well as submitters who make the polls. What do you think?

This, too, is data I must learn. My thoughts are under the cut, thank you for your feedback.

Joking aside, I understand the point, but I moderately disagree.

For the past month or so this blog has been running completely on user submissions. I only edit options to add something I think is missing and will result in unnecessary distress (see: the lack of chill on the first Sonic Voice Actor Poll. Lest we forget.). I do not currently remove options; I presume people meant what they said unless they tell me otherwise.

I do understand that some polls may have a lot of people choosing the opt out option, and that could pose specific problems. I don't think I agree with your example for this: I for one had never heard of that project, so would have voted the opt out option. And while I could and possibly would just ignore that poll, there's a chance someone might just pick or guess any answer if their response is not encapsulated in the options. People are nosy. They want to know the results even if they don't know anything about the topic.

Also, you can always calculate the proportion of the votes that went to each without the cop-out option with some simple percentage calculations. So the data isn't invalidated, the sample is just smaller. That is also data: it tells you many people aren't aware of or engaged with that topic. I think that is interesting too.

Where I could see your point is on more general but difficult things. If I listed a poll like 'Who's better: Shadow or Sonic?' I expect many people would want to click the cop-out option because they really like both, and there I would lose data. Because if they were really pushed, they could probably manage an opinion, but it would be easier (and give the gratification of button pressing) if they can not think about it and choose a 'I refuse!' button.

However, even in such cases I still think it's important that I do not edit people's polls to remove catch-all options if they have listed them. For all I know, the submitter was actually interested in capturing data on how many people would refuse to answer, and would be dissappointed to have that option removed.

My final note is I have found myself feeling quite protective of my submitters, especially those I suspect are regulars. This is not a massive blog being overwhelmed with asks. I would have given up already without them, I used nearly all of my ideas to get to past the first 100 polls. So if the polls are mislisted, contain errors, or you have grievances with them: raise those with me, that's my job. Give the submitters the kudos for providing the entertainment. I am not the last person you should be rude to but the first.

I don't want to ask voters to do anything except vote honestly, even if the answer is they don't know, and share questions they like. If they could continue to refrain from starting barfights on my posts that would also be swell. But I guess enthusiasm is appreciated.

Those who've read my essay here, please do leave your thoughts on the subject in the replies - I will be reading with interest and will let it impact my own polls, if not alter the submissions. Genuinely, thank you for the ask and your interest in the data we're making here, I am pleased that you are invested and like me want good data!

[sevensoulmates]

7x05 Buddie Meta YDKM Part 2 (of 4)

Part 1. Part 3. Part 4

I just want to make an aside and say that I'm really happy they didn't go the route of having Maddie just "know" about Buck's queerness. As much as it's a funny headcanon, in real life "the glass closet" reaction from other people can feel invalidating, and Buck obviously reacts defensively when Maddie says "Wow", wanting to know immediately why she would say that. Also, just because Maddie is his big sister doesn't mean she automatically knows everything about Buck. I'm glad that both she and Eddie reacted with some surprise but mostly just acceptance.

I like that they're making it a point to show that even though it feels like Buck liking men is coming out of nowhere, it's really not. He's felt feelings for men and sexual attraction to men in the past, he just thought it was all normal. This also reminds me of his relationship with Eddie (and not just because Buck admitted to being an ass man and we all know who has the best ass on the show) because he views the relationship he was with Eddie to be "normal" best friends when it's really not true. There's a lot of nebulousness there but then in the scenes where it very much stands out that this is not typical male best friendship. But Buck just didn't realize it, and my guess is Eddie doesn't realize this either.

Very brief aside, but my roommate thought this line was interesting because apparently "clefts" in men are supposed to be generally perceived as "super manly" or known for being something The Manliest of Men have (think Clark Kent/Superman) and I just find it interesting that Buck's attracted to something that's very stereotypically masculine. Once again proving that he's attracted to the male form, not just personalities or such.

Qualifying Tommy as "Eddie's friend" here is fascinating because I really think Maddie was flashing back to the last episode when Buck was in her kitchen complaining about Tommy and Eddie, and Maddie had justified it as Buck being "friend jealous" only for Buck to turn around and date Tommy all of a sudden. I think a lot of things are slotting into place for her now, and I think a lot of her "wow" comment was also her thinking about the implications of this too.

Hence why this next line feels pointed. It's very straightforward, practically bashing us over the head at this point. Buck's not sure of his own feelings yet. I don't think this is meant to say he's unsure of being bisexual or attracted to men, but that's he unsure of what he's feeling in regards to who the object of his affection is at the moment.

"If there's something you need to tell Eddie, you will. In your own time."

Are you kidding me? Could you BE any more blatant? It's not "you'll come out to Eddie when you're ready." or "you'll tell Eddie about Tommy when you're ready". It's a purposely vague line because Buck doesn't know what his feelings are just yet, but those of us who have been paying attention know. What he has to tell Eddie goes far beyond just his newfound bisexuality. And once Buck figures out what his feelings are, that's when he'll tell Eddie that "something". And it's not gonna happen on anyone's timeline but Buck's. This line really leads me to believe that Buck is a strong contender to figure out his feelings by the end of the season and may end up being the first person to admit their feelings (possibly later on in season 8).

Trigger warning for Eddie/Marisol post-sex scene:

Firstly I want to draw several comparisons to Eddie's previous scenes with his love interests. The first is that this wide shot of the setting before panning to them in bed reminded me of the scene in 4x08 Breaking Point where Eddie is on his date with Ana and we hear grunting/moaning sounds, but it's a fake-out to them just sitting on the couch learning math. This time, it's not a fake-out, they really were having sex in this scene. The second parallel is the fact that Eddie and Marisol are lying together upside down on the bed. In my opinion, this is a blatant call-back to Shannon and their sex scene in 2x10 Merry Ex-Mas. Which to me signals a couple of things. 1.) That Eddie is very obviously trying to force Marisol to be a replacement for Shannon and 2.) He's doing the same thing with Marisol that he did with Shannon and using sex as a distancing method.

I know that sounds contradictory. Why would he ask her to move in if he's been trying to distance himself from her? Bear with me and I'll explain in a minute.

We know that Eddie doesn't know Marisol all that well, as proven by this episode. So what were they doing all of this time when they've been dating for months? Just not talking? Nope. Apparently, they've been having sex. So much sex apparently that they haven't been able to have any "get to know you" conversations.

With Shannon, the two of them had sex because it was easier than actually trying to talk to each other. Because when they would talk, it would always devolve into screaming fights. If Eddie is subconsciously trying to make his relationship with Marisol into the one like with Shannon, that may be an explanation as to why he's been so hesitant to actually get to know her at all. I'll come back to this more later.

Now I'm curious if anyone else picked up on this line because it felt like a clear parallel to season 5, but not to Eddie's last relationship. Instead, it felt like a parallel to BuckTaylor shortly after she moved in 5x13 Fear-O-Phobia. Not only is BuckTaylor paralleled because Buck also asked Taylor to move in on a whim in order to save a failing relationship, but it's also where Taylor decided her couch (any couch theory truthers out there?) was better than Buck's couch and therefore he would have to get rid of his in order to make room for hers. To me, that showed Taylor's clear inability to make any compromises with Buck, and anywhere she lived would always be her place, and not theirs. This parallel is interesting because it just makes me think that it's foreshadowing more incompatibility for Eddie and Marisol in the future. With Marisol "invading Eddie's home", the more of her that is moved in, the more of himself he has to get rid of, shut down, or deny. That's not to say Marisol is on the same level as Taylor Kelly, oh no, but it might just show that this relationship Eddie has with Marisol might just be as unhealthy for him, as Buck's relationship with Taylor was for him.

I also find it interesting how Eddie starts to make what he's learned sexual. He's not talking about your general "slapping of the hands or arms with a ruler", spanking very much has one definition, though it can be used in both PG and sexual situations. Spanking of a child's bottom is used as punishment, often to cause shame, in order for the child to not do certain things again. (This might be a controversial take but) spanking a child is physical abuse, and often has psychological repercussions on a child as they grow up. Eddie here seems to be insinuating that he was put through something similar when he was young. But then he also conflates it with the sexual form of spanking which should normally be fine between consenting partners. To me, I think Eddie is now subconsciously mentally connecting shame, punishment, and the conditioned urge to Never Do It Again or suffer the consequences with having sex with Marisol. The question then begs, what is Eddie so ashamed of and what are the consequences he's so afraid of?

I find it very curious that rather than Eddie being concerned that Marisol is too religious for him, or that they might have differing lifestyles that may not be compatible, he worries how this will affect their sex life. In my opinion, it's because on some level he's aware if he can no longer have sex with Marisol, what else are they supposed to do with the time they spend together? Do they have anything in common? Do they share any hobbies? It's especially interesting juxtaposing 7x04 where Eddie was having a BLAST going on dates outings with Tommy, and they had so much in common and Eddie was just asking Marisol to babysit multiple times a week. So with the little time he has been spending with Marisol recently, all they've been doing is fucking.

It's the same pattern of distancing he did with Shannon. She got pregnant, they got married, Eddie immediately enlisted and preceded to spend most of the following 4-6 years away from Shannon, only seeing her for short periods at a time where they spent most of the time they did see each other fighting. When he was back, Eddie was emotionally distant, which was a large part of the reason Shannon left in the first place. And when she came back, and he didn't have any other ways to distance himself? He used sex instead, and only really got it into his head that he wanted to get back with her when she had her pregnancy scare.

That's not to say there weren't good moments, or that Eddie didn't love her. But I do think a large part of the reason Eddie looks back on that time and romanticizes it is because he enjoyed the concept of being married to her and the safety net that provided him. Their marriage/feelings for each other were nuanced, but it can't be denied that from what we've seen on screen (which is all we can really call canon) it seems like a large part of their marriage was spent in (mutual) deep dysfunction.

So now that he doesn't have sex as a way to distance himself from Marisol what does he do? Avoids her physically as much as he can.

Additionally, I would like to touch on something known as the Madonna-Whore Complex:

After we see Marisol in her nun attire, the next time Eddie sees her, he sees her as the Virgin Mary, mother of Christ, aka, the ultimate Mother Figure in catholicism. One could argue that Eddie's turned off because she reminds him of old teachers who apparently used to physically hit him and probably weren't very open to certain things that they would classify as "sin" or "ungodly".

Towards the end of their relationship, Eddie very much only saw Shannon as Christopher's mother, enough so that Shannon even questioned if he wanted her for her. Now he seems to be going through a similar problem, but instead of Marisol being the literal mother of his child, he's seeing her as this Mother figure and therefore unfuckable, hence his struggles to feel arousal about her after this. But as we're shown later as proven by Bobby, it does feel as if Eddie is using the whole Catholicism thing as an excuse to distance himself from Marisol.

So what's the truth of this? The Madonna-Whore complex is rooted in misogyny and patriarchy, but where do queer or repressed queer men fall into this category? That might be a little above my pay grade to answer, but it is still something interesting to think about.

This was very telling as well. "To avoid not having sex" essentially means he was purposefully avoiding having to talk with Marisol in order to turn her down for sex. Idk, but if you're in a good enough partnership where you're at the point of asking them to move in, it's usually assumed that you at least know how to communicate to your partner that you don't want sex. Why is Eddie afraid to tell Marisol that he doesn't want to have sex with her? It makes sense if ALL they've been doing most of the time they spend together is having sex. If he has to tell Marisol no to sex, what are they going to do then? Talk? Actually get to know each other? God forbid.

This starts the series of scenes in this episode where Eddie does everything in his power to avoid having a conversation with Marisol because now his sex-crutch is no longer there to distract the both of them.

I'll admit I didn't know what the "Manchurian catholic" and "sea monkeys" dialogue lines meant but I've since done some research and I get it now. "Manchurian Catholic" is a reference to the movie "Manchurian Candidate" which is basically about a man who has was brainwashed into being an assassin, highlighting the psychological effects of suppressed memories and trauma. Sea monkeys were a children's thing where you had like shriveled shrimp where if you add water, they blow up in size. Basically, there are three lines all pointing to the same thing: Eddie's sitting on a well of repressed feelings (that are attached to shame) that may have been conditioned "out" of him over time.

This is what is known as Catholic Guilt. The question then becomes: What does Eddie feel guilty for? What "sin" has Eddie committed that is making him feel so guilty? Having sexual relations with a woman who was an almost-nun? Having pre-marital relations? Could be on the surface.

The show is acknowledging that Eddie is far more repressed than he even realizes. I feel like these lines are inviting the audience to think deeper: what is Eddie repressing here? Is it really just that he doesn't want to have sex with Marisol because God is watching and judging him for pre-marital sex or sleeping with one of his exes (thank you Bobby for that amazing line)? Or is it something different?

Marisol never actually got far enough to be a full-blown nun. She made the choice not to continue with it, but Eddie still has a problem with it. The main part of the problem, in his own words, is that he can't get aroused when he looks at her anymore. Not only that but he's been unable to even masturbate because the thought of her turns him off that much. Like my dude, there's no rule that says you have to imagine your girlfriend while jacking off. A lot of people, even people in loving committed relationships, have sexual fantasies that don't necessarily involve their partner and it doesn't necessarily make them a horrible person. I think it's interesting that even in his sexual fantasies Eddie's so strict about being "loyal" to his partner, that he can't even allow himself to imagine anything else other than her when getting off. But now, he can't because the nun things turns him off that much.

I can't help but wonder, is it really the nun thing, Eddie? Or is it that Marisol's strong connection to catholicism reminds you of times when you were forced to push down parts of yourself that were only starting to blossom in order to conform to what your religion and your family expected of you. Is it that the nun thing turns you off so much that you can't get hard? Or is it because now that you've been reminded of how you suppressed your feelings growing up, the reservoir of feelings has bursted and you're being reminded that women....just don't do it for you in general. But to think about men is to invite shame, punishment, guilt, and pain, and to be avoided at all costs.

Maybe it's easier to pretend it's the nun thing and not a women thing.

On a slightly more humorous note:

Buck's "I wish I could help you with that" line is VERY interesting. Freudian slip, mayhaps? Do you wish you could help Eddie get off, Buck? DO YOU? ;)

Other than that, I also wanted to point out that this scene in the gym is a parallel to 5x02, when Buck and Eddie last sat in these exact spots and Buck did the exact same thing and gave Eddie good advice about how to handle his last girlfriend Ana, basically telling Eddie to stop stringing Ana along. I find it interesting we're getting callbacks to Eddie's last break up because last time he also decided he was just going to stick it out and it was only Buck giving him some perspective that allowed him to finally make the decision to break up with her in the following episode.

But this time, Buck isn't able to fully tell Eddie all that he wants to say, which is the truth about himself. He gives him advice to talk to Bobby. And Bobby's conversation with Eddie is the LOUDEST in the entire episode.

This scene is incredibly revealing because it shows that Eddie isn't even really sure if it is his feelings regarding Catholicism that are triggering this reaction in him. Bobby rightly points out that the effects of being raised Catholic don't just go away once you leave the faith. They can have lasting and lingering consequences, some that people might not even realize until later in life.

Bobby very blatantly tells Eddie that this adverse reaction he's having to Marisol's past as an almost-nun is likely a reaction similar to his panic attacks that he had about Ana when things were moving too fast with her back in season 5. Bobby says Eddie never talks about her, not in any way that makes it seem like he was so serious about her as to ask her to move in. This comes out of nowhere for Bobby (and the rest of the characters) just as it does for the audience. This is to show us that what Eddie is doing IS out of nowhere and is a decision that should be questioned not just by the audience but by Eddie as well.

The fact that Bobby is comparing this reaction to how he acted with Ana really does harken back to the "repression" storyline of season 5. Eddie's subconscious is trying to tell him something, but he's ignoring it (as he always does) and is instead doing the exact opposite of what he should do and doubles down on Marisol.

And Eddie, as always, gets the exact opposite message of what Bobby's trying to tell him. Because Eddie's not a commitment-phobe. He commits too much, too fast, almost as if he cares more about getting to the "committed" part of the relationship, and doesn't care enough to actually build an actual bond with the women he's with. And Bobby gets to the heart of it by name-dropping Shannon. Because the crux of his commitment issues started with her. When he felt so guilty for getting her pregnant and then later for abandoning her for the military, that he basically vowed to stay committed to her for the rest of time, in life and in death. She's been dead for five years at this point, and Eddie is still hung up on his guilt over her. And no, I will not say he's hung up on her or his romantic love for her because that's not true as proven by his next line.

All I have to say is THANK GOD. Thank GOD the show is finally acknowledging that Shannon and Eddie did not get married because they really wanted to, or because they just loved each other so much. They got married because they got pregnant and were pressured into getting married by their catholic community and families. The show is finally starting to deconstruct Eddie's marriage and his romanticizing it over the years.

This line blew me away. Because he doesn't say "I loved her" or "I loved being with her." He loved being married. He liked being committed. He liked the knowledge that he had what was expected of him, a wife and a child. He liked being settled, knowing that he wouldn't ever have to go back out and make himself vulnerable to find another partner. He would never have to crack himself open so far to be truly known and get hurt. They could both hurt each other so deeply and it wouldn't matter because Eddie at least did his duty. He married her, made an honest woman out of her in the eyes of the church and their families, and provided monetarily for her. But he never gave her him, not fully, and that comes straight out of the mouth of Shannon Diaz herself.

What Eddie is seeking from Marisol is not a partnership, it's not a genuine connection with an individual. Because to create those kinds of relationships requires exposing yourself and letting in the possibility of being judged, of being hurt, of losing them. And Eddie doesn't want to be so invested in a person like that ever again. He already experienced that kind of loss with Shannon, and even they didn't have that kind of deep soul connection. I wonder if Eddie's afraid that he wouldn't survive that kind of loss if it was actually a partner he really deeply and unconditionally loved. It might destroy him, and that scares him.

So instead, Eddie would rather just skip forward to committed, to moved in, to married, to settled, and just stick it out when he has panic attacks, when he feels like he's sleeping next to a stranger, when sex is as deep of a connection he can ever get with a woman.

But when his body fights back, in various ways, in panic attacks, in sexual dysfunction, he doesn't listen to it. He ignores the signs.

Go to part 3!

Part 1, Part 3, Part 4

[thecorvidforest]

I have had a situation recently, and I would like your advice on it. I run a gaming discord server, with private servers for a few games. A streamer joined who claimed to have DID. They seemed to flaunt it all over their streams, seemingly very attention seeking. This, to me, seems likely to be fake, but I am unsure. Can you give any input? I don't want to have someone who makes up mental illnesses, discrediting those who actually have them, around, but I also don't want to falsely accuse someone.

sure, i’m happy to give my input, but it might not be what you’re looking for. you seem to have good intentions and this isn’t meant to bully or shame you at all, i just want to gently push back on this a little bit.

i personally believe there is never a good enough reason to accuse someone of faking a mental illness, especially something like DID/OSDD. there is no reliable way to spot a faker, and accusing people of lying does far more to hurt the community than faking does. let me explain.

some systems like to talk about their experiences, some don’t. same goes for anyone with any condition. talking about one’s plurality frequently is not automatically them flaunting it, and it’s certainly not grounds to assume they’re faking. plurality informs one’s entire life, we should be allowed to talk about it without having to worry if we’re being perceived as attention seeking.

here’s the thing. it’s wonderful that you want to help protect people who have DID/OSDD from people who might be faking it and i don’t doubt for a second that your intentions are genuine, but accusing someone of faking based on how you perceive them will do far more to discredit them than someone who’s actually faking it.

because here’s what’s going to happen if you remove them from your space because you think they’re faking: everyone around you who may be a closeted system - or even just anyone with a highly stigmatized disorder - is going to know that your acceptance of them isn’t based on their self-report, it’s based on your own perception of their symptoms. they will no longer feel free to be themselves, because showing their symptoms comes with the risk of being kicked out. you’ll have effectively made your space less safe for people with stigmatized conditions. and for the accused person, you’ll have removed them from a space that’s meant to be safe and completely invalidated their lived experience based on them choosing to speak about said experience.

on the flipside, let’s say they are faking and you do nothing. most likely scenario, they’re attention seeking and using DID to get the attention they want. what ends up happening most of the time is the person faking it eventually gets tired of the harassment and of having to keep all their lies straight and they stop.

of course lying about an already stigmatized condition for attention is an awful thing to do, and i’m not defending people who do it. what i am saying is that it is far less harmful to accidentally include a liar than it is to exclude someone who may or may not be lying with no way to know for sure if they are.

TLDR: whether they’re faking or not, them talking about it isn’t a reason to assume they are. and regardless, it’s always better to assume they’re telling the truth.

i hope this helps! we had a few switches in the middle of writing this so i’m sorry if the phrasing doesn’t flow well lmao

[lotus222]

Okay.

I only meant to make one SJM post cause Ik how certain girls like to tussle

But since the gwynriels and elucians decided to mess w me EVEN THO I SAID TO LOOK AWAY IF YOU GET EASILY TRIGGERED…

There is only one thing to do:

Talk more about why Elriel is not based in delusion — unlike some ships (not naming names, if you take offense that’s your mind questioning things)

Again, I am giving my PERSONAL OPINION. I even said at the end of my last post that I am not the author and I will love & respect whatever SJM does, which some of y’all can’t echo. That’s sad. This is a fictional world.

DISCLAIMER: if you’re easily triggered by elriel/elucian/gwynriel…l o o k a w a y

DISCLAIMER#2: I am unapologetic cause this is my page :)

Also, stop hitting my line with the “I wasn’t going to respond to this but…” or “you’re so anti…” like 1, if you weren’t going to respond, then don’t. It’s not that serious where the world is BEGGING for your opinion. And 2, I’m not anti anything, I’m pro-logic, again if that offends you then that’s a convo for you and you not you and me.

Now onto the main event…

Azriel

My mans is being dragged through the mud both in the books and online. We say we “love him” but are ignoring what he wants and babes, that’s Elain. If you don’t like her personally, that’s not how Az is feeling, that’s how YOURE feeling. Gwyn has one chapter (+1 sentence) of where I can even attempt to grasp at what Gwynriel’s quote as bible, but again, AZ AND ELAIN HAVE 3 BOOKS. Y’all are acting like Rhys in Az’s bonus chapter and if Rhys couldn’t make his stance acceptable, y’all definitely can’t.

Elain

Again, I say, if you do not like the lady pictured above, stop reading ACOTAR cause she ain’t going anywhere. To be so for real, I didn’t mind Elain at first, meaning I didn’t care whether or not she was included in any story whatsoever. But as I read ACOWAR and ACOFAS, I started realizing that there’s something so lovely about having a character who is innately good and wants/practices peace in a world of animosity and ugliness. She brings beauty in all areas of her life and I think that there’s nothing bad about being “boring” cause that just means your life ain’t a dang mess (*cough* *cough* everybody else in this book)

So here is where I debunk all the claims I have grown tired of ignoring:

• #1 - “He hadn’t gotten that far into his planning beyond the fantasies he’s pleasured himself to.”

(Picture credit: unknown) Get a good look cause that’s what he’s doing at night when he thinks about ELAIN. (It’s canon, so cry to yourself)

So, y’all really think you got us here, huh? So, my man Azriel blatantly admits to thinking of Elain when he wants to be intimate and y’all STILL want your girl to be with this man?

Ugh

Anyway, so Azriel hadn’t planned a relationship with Elain…OKAY???? Did you expect this man to have a map laid out about how he’s going to steal Lucien’s mate??? Do y’all even know Azriel? Like, be so for real rn.

Idk about y’all but when I have a crush on someone, I’m not thinking about how to steal them from the rest of the world, I’m imagining kissing them or going on cute dates. Not how I’ll actually make it happen. And ik y’all do that too with your favorite celebrities so stop playing.

He has a crush. Can you let the man figure out if Elain even wants him to act on it before he plans a 12-step mission on making Lucien disappear forever?

Azriel doesn’t want to force his emotions on anyone (as seen with Mor) so of course he’s not going to act or plot without confirmation that the other person in the party wants that. I.E. why he hadnt tried anything with Mor in all the CENTURIES that he liked her.

So, yeah, consider that point invalid.

• #2 - Lucien is Elain’s mate

(PC: @shauna_the_author) *sigh* This one cannot be dubunked, unfortunately, because it is true. You got me here.

BUT

Elain is more likely to marry Nuala and Cerridwen before she spends the rest of her life with Lucien.

And it has nothing to do with Lucien. It really, really doesn’t. Elain simply doesn’t like him. Y’all were in my comments like “oh he didn’t really sell out Elain and Nesta, he didn’t know”. OKAY. But Elain literally says in ACOWAR that she knows Lucien as two things: Feyre’s friend and the MAN WHO SOLD THEM OUT TO HYBERN

Who cares if it isn’t true, that’s what Elain thinks and with her in mind, you can’t say that this bond means anything more to her than Lucien having some ownership of her which she doesn’t like at all. She even tells Graysen that she doesn’t care Lucien is her mate (“I belong to no one, but my heart belongs to you.”)

Whereas with Azriel, my girl is practically skipping into his arms; talking with him about her dream garden, getting him not one but two solstice gifts, almost-kissing him, recoiling at Cassian’s dagger but actively using Azriel’s…

Idk about y’all but if someone who was fated to be with me was acting this way with another girl, I’d drop him like a hot potatoe. AND AS LUCIEN SHOULD. He deserves someone who wants him, not someone who, as even Lucien said in ACOWAR when he was questioning if Elain was “worth it”, is shackled to him.

I harbor no ill will toward this dreamy man, but it ain’t gonna happen so do Elain a favor and lose her number, k?

• #3 - Sarah wouldn’t do the 3 brothers with 3 sisters, it’s too cliche

Write your own book then. Fan fiction is a thing. If the ONLY thing preventing you to see reason is the possibility of a cliche in a book about kingdoms and fairies and magic then your priorities are so out of shape I won’t even spend the time explaining it to you.

This is SARAH’s WORLD. If she wants to be cliche and have the three female protagonists end up with the three male protagonists then let her. Omg.

• #4 - That Gwynriel scene tho

(NOTE THE PICTURE) Oh, you mean the bonus chapter that featured thoughts about Elain? Not that one? Oh, then maybe you mean the other bonus chapter that featured thoughts about Elain? No? You mean the scene with Gwyn…hmmm

OH! You mean the 2 page conversation about training and why he couldn’t sleep (cause of Elain) and the subsequent regift of Elain’s present to Gwyn. Yeah, I know about that but why are we talking about it? Cause that means Az likes Gwyn? Huh?

That’s how delulu y’all sound. And if I hear another “you’re the ribbon Az”, one more time I’ll scream. THE RIBBON WAS ABOUT TRAINING NOT GWYN WANTING TO SLEEP WITH THE MAN. We are talking about the same girl who hadn’t left a library in god knows how long because of a sexual trauma and y’all are forcing her onto another man??

Gwyn was focused on coming into herself and mastering the ways of the Valkyrie. Nesta meant Gwyn found another obstacle in Az that she would have to overcome to become a Valkyrie. The only man Gwyn was concerned about was Cassian and that’s cause he was getting it on with Nesta. Again, be so for real right now.

I refuse to acknowledge this point until the opposing ships acknowledge the 3 books (+ ACOFAS) of build up between Elain and Azriel.

• #5 - Elain doesn’t belong in the Night Court

This is the last point I’ll mention cause I actually feel bad for dogging the Gwynriels like this, but it had to be done. (Elucians get a pass bc at least their ship is based in evidence)

Elain doesn’t belong in the Night Court, okay, yeah Cassian said that the colors drown her out, I’ll give you that.

But Elain doesn’t know where she belongs anymore, just like Azriel has said about himself. She’s still figuring herself out and what she wants, so it’s okay she looks odd at times or feels at times out of place. Azriel keeps his shadows out 24/7 for the same reason. He doesn’t let anyone past the front he puts on unless he knows it’s safe to. They’re both figuring out how to live their best lives in their current lives.

I’ve heard Dusk Court theories and others but I won’t even repeat those (even tho they’re so good and you should definitely look into them). They just need to find their place in this world (and Cassian was right, Elain DOES NOT BELONG in the Hewn City).

Just like how Nesta didn’t believe she belonged in the Inner Circle, I believe there’s a place for Elain and Azriel where they can be themselves. They just need to find it I.E. their book.

-

Okay, that’s enough slaying of my enemies for one post. Again, this is just my opinion/theories and at the end of the day I’ll be happy with whatever Mrs. Maas gives us as long as she gives us something.

Act correctly or else I’ll be back.

[hxney-lemcn]

The Fall — Connor x gn! demi! reader

summery: Connor asks a personal question which leads to reader explaining their sexual orientation. Which ends up in a confession and fluffiness.

tw: anxiety attack, mentions of being invalidated

a/n: Super self indulgent. I may be aroace but I will live in this fantasy as long as I want.

wc: 1.5k

Master List

I felt frustrated. Oh so frustrated. I typically would spend my spare time reading. No, not reading novels or books like I probably should. It was kind of embarrassing to admit, but yes. I read fanfic. It’s not a crime, okay. But recently, I couldn’t pay attention to it, my mind drifting off to someone else instead. Every time too. I would be reading about my favorite characters and then think about him instead. Which led me to stare at my phone when I had free time and come up with scenarios that would potentially befall us. Not only did it waste my phone battery, but it also makes me look dumb just staring at nothing. 

I found myself in a similar situation at the moment. The t.v. droned on, some video or show, I wasn’t completely sure. I let out a small huff, tossing my phone gently onto my stomach. I turned my gaze to Connor, who happened to already be staring at me. 

Connor invited me out to Hank's house today. Just to hang out. I accepted, deeming that I need to socialize with people more…and maybe because that meant I could hang out with Connor. Hank was off who knows where, telling Sumo to watch over us. Which led us to sit on the couch and watch something. I was curled into one side of the couch, a light blanket keeping me warm.

“May I ask a personal question?” Connor asked, head tilting to the side in that cute puppy-like manner. 

“Shoot,” I replied, putting my full attention on him. 

“Have you ever been in a romantic relationship?” He asked, curious brown eyes boring into me. 

A range of emotions washed over me. Nervousness as to the implications this could mean, but also nervousness to what I was going to have to explain. I’m demiromantic, which meant that I had to get to know a person real well before even thinking about entering a romantic relationship with them. But I never really liked anyone like that for years…until now. 

Which meant that I had little to no experience when it came to dating. And I honestly believed that it would stay that way. Which I didn’t mind, don’t get me wrong. I was content on my own with my pets…but I always wanted something more with someone. To be special to someone. Which led me to reading fanfic. 

“No,” I replied hesitantly. 

Connor’s brows furrowed, a slight frown settled on his lips, “I don’t understand.”

I frowned in confusion as well, “What don’t you get?” His stare moved back to me and it was intense, some feeling I couldn’t put my finger on was swimming through his eyes.

“How someone as amazing as you haven’t found anyone yet,” Connor stated. 

I felt my heart rate accelerate and I tried to hide how flustered that statement made me, but I also knew he could scan me and find out without me even realizing. How could he say something like that so unabashed? He thinks I’m amazing? Does that mean he admires me? God, the thought alone made me feel all warm and fuzzy. 

“It’s…hard to explain,” I shrugged, looking towards the t.v. only to notice it was shut off. Connor stayed silent, eyes pleading for me to continue. I let out a small sigh, ready to fall into the usual spiel, “I’m demiromantic. I need to get to know someone real well before even thinking about anything more than friends, and the people I start to like never really saw me as anything more than a friend so I’ve never dated or anything.”

“How long does it take for you to gain these romantic interests? If I may ask,” Connor asked, his body moving closer in curiosity. 

Once again I just shrugged, trying to not think about how surprisingly quick I found myself falling for the handsome android sitting next to me. It still took longer than what the media portrays, at least a month, but that was quick for me. 

“It depends,” I finally answered. “I haven’t been interested in many people, I could probably count the amount on one hand.” I let out a small chuckle at the thought. “Why do you ask?”

My eyes were drawn to Connor’s led as it spun yellow. It even blinked red for a second and I grew concerned. Did…was he going to invalidate me somehow? Tell me I’m just trying to label myself and that what I felt was normal? It’s happened more than I’d like to think, but I trusted Connor, so if he said anything like that I wasn’t sure what I’d do. 

“I don’t wish to make you uncomfortable,” Connor finally managed to speak out. I moved to sit more upright, scooting closer to him. I gently placed a hand on his shoulder, and he seemed to relax a bit under me, the artificial muscles moving under my hand. 

“I trust you, Connor,” I spoke up. “I know if something comes out wrong you don’t mean it in a bad way.” 

“That’s not,” Connor huffed, shaking his head. My eyes fell onto that small piece of hair on his forehead, but I ignored the urge to push it back into place. His led once again blipped red before settling on yellow. “You produce these feelings inside of me, things I haven’t felt around anyone else. Hank has made some comments…and I believe this feeling is love, or strong attraction at the very least, but with this newfound information…”

Connor’s concerned, fearful look along with all the words he just spoke put my brain in overdrive. What? He…no. No…I…do I like him like that? I mean, yes I’m attracted to him, and yes, the idea of being in a relationship with him makes my heart pound faster. 

I pulled my hand away from him, scooting away slightly. I clenched my fists against my knees, staring down at the carpet floor like it would give me all the answers. I barely recognized his honeyed voice call my name in concern. I didn’t notice how his led settled on a deep red. I was too wrapped up in my own feelings, suddenly overwhelmed by everything. 

Scared, I was scared. Isn’t this what I wanted? Someone to like me? But was I in love with the idea of that? Or did I actually like Connor? I don’t want to start a relationship with the wrong intentions. Connor doesn’t deserve to be hurt. But I really really like him. Yeah, I like him. As a person. I like spending time with him. I like talking with him, I like helping him with his still newfound deviancy. 

Oh god, what if he only liked me because I was the first person to be kind to him? No, no it’s not my place to question his feelings. It’s all new to him as well. This is new to both of us…the thought alone made me relax a bit. I took a deep breath, and then another. Would it hurt to just try out a relationship? It’s Connor after all, and if it doesn’t work I don’t think it’d end too terribly…

With one last deep breath, I opened my eyes, feeling a lot calmer than I did a few seconds ago. I felt guilty as Connor fidgeted with his quarter, led bright red, eyes searching for something in mine. 

“Sorry,” I apologized nervously. “I…just got a bit overwhelmed.” Connor looked scared, he opened his mouth, but closed it. He seemed afraid he’d say something wrong. 

“Like I said, I’ve never been in a romantic relationship,” I explained. “And…I guess I kinda thought I’d never get a chance. So you saying that you…” The word felt heavy as it sat on my tongue. “...are strongly attracted to me…I guess it kinda scared me. I’ve never dealt with this before, and didn’t think I’d have to. Not that it’s bad or anything! Because I like you too, I’m just…scared.”

Connors led spun yellow, processing what I had just said. Finally it settled on a serene blue, his face morphed from fear, to relief, to settling on pure joy.

“I also don’t have experience in this field,” Connor replied. “I was built with a social programme, but it didn’t include anything to do with romantic human relations. I would like to learn with you.” 

Heat simmered through me, heart beating faster and I felt inexplicably happy. So happy, I had no idea what to do with this newfound energy bursting through me. I stared at Connor, his cute freckles, deep brown eyes, perfect eyebrows, full lips, to that damned piece of hair still out of place. It was hard to believe someone who looked so perfect would want to be with me. 

Trying to calm myself from doing something I’d regret, I lifted my hand up and brushed that piece of hair up and into place. Connor closed his eyes, tilting his head closer to my hand. I couldn’t help but marvel at how soft his hair felt. 

Continuing to brush his hair gently, I finally replied, “I wouldn’t want to learn with anyone else.”

Connor opened his eyes, his smile seeming to split at the seams. My heartrate spiked once more as I finally could put a word to the look in his eyes when he looked at me. Love.