#also the self tape required having no make up

[unclefungusthegoat]

.

[queenie-ofthe-void]

Hear Me Out, Keep Me Guessing

Steddie || wc: 2.5k || rating: T || tags: alternate first meeting, pre-S4, Eddie is a rollercoaster of emotions, Steve is over it, fluff and flirting || ao3

Inspired by my own post

☆☆☆

“Okay, Munson. What’s your fucking problem?”

Eddie hops on top of the wooden picnic bench to gain a slight height advantage over whoever’s decided to fuck up his day, when he spots none other than Steve Harrington headed towards him through the trees, fighting his way through brush and bramble.

“Well, well, well. How the mighty have fallen. Crawling through the dirt just to visit his former court jester.” Eddie smirks, hears Harrington mutter something under his breath that sounds a lot like jesus christ before he finally makes his way over.

Harrington’s looking up at him, squinting into the sunlight, and Eddie’s slightly repelled by his sudden desire to run a hand through King Steve’s hair. It shines in the sunlight, matching the flecks of gold in his brown eyes.

Eddie takes a step to the left, casting him back into shadow again where he’s just his normal, asshole self and not the angelic image Eddie conjured from his horny, queer little brain.

He can’t remember if it’s his turn to talk or Harrington’s, but it seems the King’s lost the plot as well. Completely zoned out, he’s just standing there staring up at Eddie, mouth dropped open and eyes wide in a way Eddie will certainly not be thinking about later tonight. Absolutely not.

Eddie coughs. Loud and obnoxious enough to break whatever trance they’ve found themselves in. Harrington awkwardly chuckles, running a hand through his hair. An image of Steve leaning against lockers, towering over a girl with heat in his eyes and a hand in his hair floods Eddie’s brain before he can shake it out like an Etch A Sketch. What the fuck is even happening to him?

“Yeah, Munson. Like, what the hell is your problem?” It lacks punch and drama the second time around, but it gets them back on track. Harrington props his hands on his hips, his lip juts out into a tiny pout, and Eddie wonders if he thinks standing like a disappointed mom is effective in getting what he wants, or if being adorable just comes naturally to the former King.

“You’ll have to be more specific, my liege.” He watches as Harrington brings a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration and he makes a mental note to develop a better, more refined taste in men.

“The kids, man. Why aren’t you friends with the kids?”

“Kids? What the hell– what kids?” He hops down from the table. If this is going to be a legitimate conversation and not a shake down, he figures it’ll be easier on even footing. Harrington takes the seat opposite him, his shoe accidentally knocking Eddie’s ankle.

Steve doesn’t move his foot. Neither does Eddie.

“My kids, man. They said they tried talking to you all week and you wouldn’t even hear them out!”

Eddie watches his fingers tap absently on the table top. He’s biting the inside of his cheek, and it’s shocking that Eddie is just now realizing that Steve’s actually anxious. Normally Eddie considers himself better at reading people, when he’s not distracted with puffy, pink lips and a confusing line of conversation.

He looks down, rewinding the past week. He’d made it through his first week of his third senior year without anyone getting in his face. Maybe he’s old enough now that even asshole seniors like Jason Carver have decided to leave him alone. Thankfully it seems the offer also extends to Gareth, Kenny, and Jeff, who’ve only reported minor name calling and a light shove.

That’s where he spots them, stops the tape midway through lunch on Wednesday when a group of three freshmen approached the table. He’d spotted the curly-haired kid earlier in the week, bravely decked out in a Weird Al shirt and a hat from some science camp. The kid was enough of a freak to earn free admission to Hellfire, but the other two required a bit more thought.

Eddie clocked Little Wheeler through the station wagon window Monday morning when he’d cut Nancy off in the parking lot. The kid seemed alright, but with a priss like Nancy as a sister, it was a tough call. The other kid seemed a bit too sporty, and a little too interested in basketball tryouts.

When the three amigos started talking DnD, the guys invited them with open arms. It was a relatively peaceful lunch. Exciting even, at the prospect of adding new members to their campaign. They’d mentioned trying to convince a few of their friends to play. A girl named Max Mayfield, who turns out lives a few trailers down from Eddie.

But when the curly-haired kid mentioned Steve Harrington, the Hellfire boys clammed up tighter than nun’s ass. His named dripped from their mouths like it was covered in gold, the hero-worship rotting them from the inside and Eddie wouldn’t stand for it. No true freaks would stand to be friends with an asshole bully like King Steve.

Of course the freshies tried to argue, saying he’d changed. It didn’t matter to the Hellfire boys. Clearly the freshmen were corrupted, and they couldn’t be trusted. So he’d sent them on their way, and the three of them posted up in the corner of the lunchroom every day since. Far away from jocks and freaks alike.

Now, Eddie looks across the table and sees false bravado slathered over the anxiety etched into the former King’s face. He doesn’t know how three freshmen freaks found themselves under the wing of Steve Harrington, but it seems the feeling is mutual. Steve cares about these kids.

“Yeah,” Eddie says, “I remember them. What’s it to you, Harrington? Aren’t they a little too old for a babysitter.” The joke falls flat when Steve sighs, heavy and exhausted, like somehow a rich boy from the Loch carries the entire world on his shoulders.

But he plays it off, trying to meet Eddie’s quip halfway. “Babysitters get paid, dude. I do it from the goodness of my heart or some shit.” Steve leans back, scrubs his hands over his face like he can erase whatever’s behind his eyes.

Eddie stares at him, hoping to catch a glimpse. The only consolation is Steve puts his other foot on the opposite side of Eddie’s, his ankle now fully cradled between Steve’s.

“They’re nerds, man.” Harrington states it like it’s a fact and not an insult he’s hurled at Eddie a hundred times over the years. “They’re freaks, you know– like you.”

Moment officially broken, Eddie scoffs, pushing away from the table wondering why he ever entertained talking with Harrington in the first place. As he grabs his lunchbox off the forest floor, he hears shuffling behind him.

“Wait,” Harrington shouts. “Just, fuck man, can you just let me finish?”

“Finish what, exactly?” Eddie snaps, whirling around to crowd into his space. He wears big and scary like how the King wears his crown and how assassins wield their blades. With enough power and confidence to scare off any enemy. “Finish listening to you shit on the little guy? Listen to you harp on the freaks of the world, or how you corrupted your little pions?”

“What?” Steve asks, lips pursed and eyebrows scrunched. Eddie’s not surprised his jock-rattled brain couldn’t find that word in its very limited dictionary, but what does surprise him is that Steve doesn’t back down. They’re practically nose to nose, so close Eddie can spot a small freckle on his lash-line, and Steve’s standing here like he doesn't have a care in the world while Eddie screams in his face.

It’s quiet again. He can hear the rustle of tall grass and birds overhead. He can feel Steve’s breath on his lips and Eddie can’t remember what they were talking about. Again.

Steve grabs his shoulders, and in his daze, Eddie lets himself be maneuvered back to sitting at the picnic table, while Steve stands in front of him.

“Are you always big and loud and obnoxious? Can you just cut the shit for like, five minutes so we can have a normal fucking conversation. Jesus christ, you’re practically perfect for them.” The last part is quieter, seems more like an unfiltered afterthought.

“Ok,” Eddie says. If Steve’s willing to take the crown off long enough to talk with Eddie, then maybe he can shed his own metaphorical battle vest. “Say what you have to say, then.”

Steve clears his throat, shuffles slightly as he gains his footing. He looks at Eddie with a determined set to his shoulders.

“Henderson, Sinclair, and even Wheeler– they’re my kids. I’ve spent the last nine months watching out for those little shits because all they’re good at is getting into the worst kinds of trouble.” Eddie tracks him as Steve paces the forest floor, rambling and raking a hand through his hair like it helps him think. “But I remembered you didn’t graduate, right? And you run that Dungeons and Dragons club–”

“Whoa, whoa,” Eddie interrupts. Steve stops, turns to face him, and shoots him the bitchiest glare Eddie’s ever seen, but before he can say anything, Eddie pushes on. “You, Steve Harrington, King of Hawkins High, leader of meatheads and bimbos alike, know what Dungeons and Dragons is?”

Steve sighs, hands back on his hips as he rolls his eyes. “Ha ha, Munson. Don’t worry it’s all against my will, okay? I’m not coming to steal your freaks and weirdos so I can lead them too.” He smirks, and it pulls a laugh out of Eddie, shocked that Steve’s willing to joke around with Eddie at all, let alone when it’s at his own expense.

“Now, quit interrupting me, you’re as bad as Henderson.”

Eddie mimes zipping his lips closed, only to open his mouth to swallow the imaginary key. Butterflies explode in his chest at the sound of Steve laughter, and Eddie wonders if bashing his head into a tree would be a decent excuse to explain the red flush erupting on his face.

“Anyways,” Steve chuckles. “They’re smart as shit but don’t know when to give something up just to get out of a fight. I’m surprised they haven’t gotten their asses handed to them already, and everyday I pick them up all I'm thinking about is which one of them I’m gonna have to stitch up. Sure, some of the guys in the grade below were alright, like Andy. But guys like Hargrove, like Carver.” Eddie can practically see the dark cloud form over Steve’s brow.

He remembers as well as anyone the fallout of Harrington v Hargrove, Fall 1985. There’d been endless rumors about what happened, each one more ridiculous than the last. Now he’s left wondering if it’s not really about Nancy, or drugs, or Billy fucking Steve’s mom, but about these kids. The timing checks out, nine months on babysitting duties lines up pretty well with when Steve showed up to school beaten and broken.

Maybe Steve isn’t all he seems to be.

“Guys like Carver won’t mess with you. They’re too scared you’re using DnD to worship the devil and get kids into sodomy and drugs and shit like that. I told them that you’d be cool. That you’re big and loud, that you play DnD like them. You're smart and you read the same nerdy books. I told them they’d be safe with you, man.” Steve rubs his face again, until his hands fall to the sides and he tilts his head up towards the sky. “I just need to know someone’s looking out for them. Please, Eddie, just–”

“Okay.”

Steve’s attention snaps back to him, relief written plain as day in the wide set of his smile. “You’re serious?”

Eddie can’t help but smile back. He’s not sure he’s ever seen Steve smile so unguarded, and never aimed his way. The sheer brightness of it fills him with warmth he wants to wrap himself up in.

All on top of the fact Eddie's never gotten this many compliments from anyone before, let alone from a guy as gorgeous as Steve Harrington. His ears are practically on fire.

“Yeah, Harrington. I’ll share custody of your little nuggets.” Before he knows what’s coming, Steve sweeps him up into a hug, lifts him fully off the ground and can feel the tinkling of his laughter on the shell of his ear.

“Thanks, Munson. Damn, you have no idea how freaked out I’ve–”

“What about the other stuff?” Eddie can’t stop himself from asking. He has to know, deep in his bones, that Steve is thinking this through. That Steve won’t change his mind in a few days or months and decide it’s time for Eddie Munson to eat dirt.

He lets Eddie go, but holds his shoulders at arms length to look him in the eye. Any lingering mirth has been replaced with intent curiosity. “What stuff, Munson?”

He can tell by Steve’s tone they’re both talking about the same thing. Rumors that’ve haunted Eddie since eighth grade after Davey Richardson beat him up under the bleachers. It didn’t matter that Davey kissed him first, all that mattered was he was popular and Eddie was weird.

He’d grown numb to the slurs over the years, but how could he forget hearing the reason why Byers beat the shit out of King Steve. The only surprise from that fight was it sounded like he never even tried to fight back.

“Harrington, if I don’t get to act loud and obnoxious, then you don’t get to play dumb.” The intensity of Steve’s stare reminds him of the few conversations he’d had with Chief Hopper before he’d died. The man could tear Eddie down to the bones with one glare, and he’s sure it’s the only reason the Chief brought him back to the trailer instead of a jail cell.

“Eddie,” Steve says, tone firm, “I’m not that guy anymore. I don’t care about the shit people say, especially self-righteous assholes like Carver. The only thing I give a shit about is you watching over the little gremlins and not selling them drugs, so I can breathe easier when I don't have eyes on them.”

Steve shakes him lightly, like it’ll sift this world-changing view into his brain, then pats his shoulder as he passes by him.

“Wait,” Eddie shouts, always a glutton for punishment. He spins around to catch Steve walking backwards away from him, hands in his pockets, effortlessly cool. The sun’s catching his hair again and there’s a smirk on his lips. “You really don’t care?”

Steve laughs, taking a step back. He chews on his bottom lip, and he smiles when he catches Eddie looking. Because he knows. Steve knows now, before Jeff or Wayne or anyone else.

“Eddie, whoever you decide to love or fuck– or not– is none of my business.” He turns to leave, and as Eddie relaxes he hears Steve call out, “unless you want it to be.”

Steve’s light laughter follows him out of the woods, and Eddie plops himself down in the same spot on the same wooden bench in the exact same forest as he always does every Friday after school. Except a twenty minute conversation with Steve Harrington leaves Eddie feeling like his world's been turned upside down.

Maybe ‘86 will be his year, after all.

[little-pondhead]

Some fic because I love your au, Fenton is gender brainrot, and little baby dan cracks me up. Full disclosure, my only familiarity with DC is DP crossover fanfic, and a Batman movie I fell asleep during. (If I had a better grasp on the characters I would totally write more :(( i love interactions) also sorry for the weird spacing. Idk why tumblr did that

~~~~~~~~

There was an empty cardboard box on the table of the Justice League’s main conference room. Taped on the top flap, next to a doodle of Fenton’s logo, was a jump drive.

Heaving a sigh, Batman plugged it in and pulled up his screen on the projector. The drive, which was named “little baby dan’s evil playtime”, contained two files; WATCH_ME_FIRST.mp4 and its-a-secreeeet.pdf. He clicked on the video file, and immediately the projector filled with a blurry close-up of Fenton’s goggles.

After a moment of fiddling with the camera, Fenton stepped back, giving a cheery wave. His lab coat and goggles were a pastel pink, which was new. “Heeeeya, Bats! Whoever else is there! If you’re watching this, you probably weren’t there when I dropped the box off, aaand it’s probably empty.”

He clapped his hands together gleefully. “And Connie, if you’re there, this is payback for cussing around my daughter.” Batman was instantly relieved that Constantine wasn’t on base. Hopefully the situation wouldn’t require Constantine’s expertise. (Or any of the Justice League Dark. Fenton seemed determined to drive them all to an early grave with his casual refusal to acknowledge the supernatural air around him.)

“Now, as you’re all heroes, I’m sure you’re all familiar with the whole,” Fenton paused for a moment, as if searching for the proper words. “”You ate a burger on a Tuesday or something equally inane, and it kickstarted a series of events that led to you going insane and evil and murdering 95% of the Earth’s population and now you must fight your evil alternate self, because your time-controlling cryptid Peepaw said so,” shtick, so I’ll skip the backstory. Say hi to Dan!” Fenton grabbed the camera, and Batman quickly jotted down several notes about the concerning number of things the boy had just said.

The camera swiveled around to show Nightingale, holding a strange beast in a manner that reminded Batman of an “elongated cat meme” Nightwing had shown him when he was still a Robin. The creature bared a maw full of razor sharp fangs at the camera. Nightingale adjusted her grip to hold the creature’s paw and make it wave, which evoked a deep growl.

“Haha, he’d kill me if I did that. Dan likes Nightingale much more than he likes me.”

“Because the worst she has ever done is attempt to shoot me.”

The camera had moved, so Batman couldn’t visually confirm that the deep voice had come from the creature, but the voice didn’t match any of Fenton’s previously revealed companions. “Yeah yeah, her aim sucked back then.” Fenton gave the camera a toothy grin that was only slightly less unnerving than the creature’s. “Dan’s not technically me, he’s much more like Dani, actually, but the world would probably end again if we left him with his other... What did you call him?” Fenton glanced offscreen.

“Bane of my accursed existence.”

Fenton chucked. “The other half responsible for his existence.” Batman added more notes to his file. “So, yeah, Clocky left him with us for a bit to help along his rehab. But a certain psychologist-in-training I know says that repressing rage isn’t healthy, and even without a lot of his powers, he can wipe out most of a city in- what, an hour? We tested it. It was around an hour.”

Everyone present shared a look of deep concern. As if able to see their reaction, Fenton quickly held up his hands in surrender. “Don’t worry! Clocky reset it. Approximately zero people have died from Dan in this timeline.”

“Yet.” Came a furious rumble from off-screen.

“Yes, you’re very scary.” They heard Nightingale coo.

Fenton laughed. “Yeah, we need him- and all of you, -out of our hair for a bit while we concoct more evil plans, and you’re all the least likely to die to him, so you get to babysit! Thanks!”

He reached to shut off the camera before pausing and turning away. “Foley! Which of the furries is the one who really likes animals?”

“Man, do you realize how that sounds out of context?” Foley laughed. “I think Tim said it’s the little one. Damian?”

Fenton nodded and turned back to the camera. “Don’t let Damian try to adopt Dan. Or anyone. Dan will bite their hands off. I mean it!” To emphasize his point, he removed one of his hands.

Batman sighed and added “ability to remove limbs” to a list of Fenton’s powers.

“I’ll include a list of “tasks”” Fenton’s disembodied hand made finger quotes, “we gave Dan to keep him occupied. There’s some at the bottom for you guys. They’re mostly just blatant abuse of his powers for the sake of fun and science. I’d appreciate it if you’d let him mark things off the list and add notes on how it goes. Or you can do it. Or I can steal your cameras. Your choice.”

He thought for a second. “I think you’re supposed to leave, like, pizza money or something, but I don’t think you can get pizza delivered to space. Anyway, thanks for letting me blab your ears off while Dan’s probably committing war crimes for twelve minutes. For your sake, I hope he inherited my interest in space. Good luck! Thanks for babysitting!”

Waving with his still detached hand, Fenton ended the video. Batman closed it and opened the PDF as the few other members present murmured amongst themselves. Most of the pages were filled with a curling script Batman didn’t recognize. The fourth page had a huge, bolded header, reading JP TASKS.

The door opened and shut in half a second as the Flash burst in. “Superman!” The speedster wailed. “I can’t get this thing off of me!”

The Flash waved his arm around, sending small droplets of blood flying as he tried to dislodge the creature sinking his teeth into the speedster’s arm. Batman raised an eyebrow beneath his cowl as Superman quickly lent his super strength in attempt to pry the creature’s jaw open. Dan didn’t budge.

Well, he could certainly see the family resemblance been Fenton, Dani, and Dan. Shaking his head, he turned back to the list.

Task 1: Find Dan. He’s probably attacking someone.

He highlighted the text and crossed it out. This was going to be a long shift.

[Anon, this is me crying over the wonderful gift you have given me. You bastard.]

---

"Do you think Fenton's regeneration powers extend to his..." Green Lantern frowned, trying to remember the word the kid had used but coming up blank. "I dunno. But do you think if we cut off little Dan here, he'll heal back up with no problem?" He gestured helplessly to the scene in front of him. Flash was still screeching about the beast on his arm, and now Superman and Wonder Woman were trying to pry him off. Batman was standing to the side, silently bemoaning the lack of quiet. He just wanted one peaceful shift. Just one. Please.

"I'd like to see you try, hero. And I'm not little." Dan spoke, startling all of them. His grip on Flash's arm tightened, making the speedster squeal before releasing the man and spitting out a mouthful of his blood. Batman noticed that his mouth didn't move despite the clearly spoken words. In fact, when Dan closed his mouth, it was like he didn't have one at all.

"So you do speak!" Superman marveled.

"Of course I do. I am not unintelligent, unlike you lot."

Despite his pain, Flash still made sounds of protest that everyone promptly ignored.

Superman flushed. "I just wasn't sure. It was hard to tell in the video."

"Ah, yes. The video that the Fenton menace sent you. Was there a note for me in the flash drive?"

"Uh, no." In one of his less finer moments, Green Lantern stuttered over his words and moved in front of Batman, obviously lying. Dan merely growled and flew through both men, heading straight for the giant monitor. Batman barely suppressed a shiver. Density shifting? Might as well add it to the list. He could see Martian Manhunter, who was in the back of the room, tilt his head at the display.

Dan ignored the room as he used his entire body to manipulate the computer mouse and scrolled back up to the top of the page. Staring intently at the scribbles no one could make out, the heroes could do nothing but shoot each other nervous and confused glances. More than a few of them jumped when Dan chuckled deeply. Honestly, his tiny body was at complete odds with his baritone voice.

"Maybe rehab will be fun if he's letting me do this." Dan sneered, flashing their reflections a sharp fang. No one wanted to ask what exactly he was in rehab for. The little beast turned his gaze to Batman. "You are the one called Batman, who rules the cursed city, correct?" The dark hero nodded, not trusting himself to say anything. "Excellent. You will be my chaperone for now, just as Fenton decreed it. Good luck, mortal man. Pray, I do not destroy your home a second time."

Without any time to unpack that conversation, Dan promptly disappeared from view. Some blinking text caught his attention, and Batman scrolled back down to the English text, glancing at the next few items on the list.

Task 2: Do not let Dan read his portion of this letter until you have a way to track him. There is no containing him.

Task 3: Keep him with a chaperone at all times. (If you can)

Task 4: Do not let Dan back into Gotham unless you're fine with a sudden decrease in the clown population.

Task 5: Take him for a walk in Death Valley. He likes hunting lizards.

Task 6: Make sure he goes down for his 2pm nap every day.

Task 7: He'll ask for it, but do not give him any burgers for mealtime. It upsets his stomach.

Task 8: Dan gets ONE(1) sweet after dinner before brushing his teeth. Those green pop rocks Batman always carries will do fine; he likes those. :)

A sudden alarm blared from his wristwatch, making Batman tear his eyes away from the screen, indicating an emergency at Arkham. This time, Batman actually sighed out loud. There was more to the list, but right now, he really needed to find their new charge before he killed the Joker, from the sound of it.

[ugh-to-love-a-boy]

DATING SERO, MINA, AND DENKI WOULD INCLUDE!

DATING HANTA SERO WOULD INCLUDE

• Spider-Man kisses I know its probably over said, but he would tape himself up and kiss his s/o randomly.

• hanging out with the Bakusquad and being best friends with Denki and Mina, doing chaotic things that make Bakugo question why those are his friends.

• This man is a gentleman, so if you want to take it slow, he’s respectful and stays within the set boundaries. He would never ever force anyone into something they don’t want.

s/o,• If Mineta was caught staring or he heard him say something about his s/o he would probably tape his mouth shut and get either Mr. Aizawa or Bakugo to do something more,because cause he would probably just get his s/o and get them away from the pervert.

• As stated earlier, he stays within boundaries, so when it comes to PDA, he doesn’t really have a problem with it. He’s fine with hand-holding hugs and kisses if you are too great, but if you are not, he’s respectful of that and just sticks to hand-holding.

• Though I feel like he would definitely be affectionate, cuddles in the commons, watching movies with the bakusquad, or just in your room or in his, and forehead kisses are probably what he enjoys both receiving and giving, though if his s/o is too short, he’s okay with just hand kisses.

• and he probably gives you adorable little gifts, nothing costly, given the fact that you’re both just high schoolers.

DATING DENKI KAMINARI WOULD INCLUDE

• You would have to put up with his atrocious flirting skills, though after a while you’d think it’s cute how he still tries to win you over when you're already his and he’s yours.

• You now have a portable outlet anywhere you go. Your phone needs charging. He’s got your hearing aids. He’s got you literally anything that requires electricity. He would use his quirk for it.

• Now hanging out with the bakusquad is really fun. Being close friends with Mina and Sero, you would almost always be up to your weird shenanigans. Kirishima loves you and Denki together, but he’s running out of energy trying to keep Bakugo calm.

• If he caught Mineta, his (now former) friend, talking about his s/o, he would not be cool about it; he would most likely scream about it, getting the attention of half the dorms instantly, including Mr. Aizawa, who was not happy about Mineta yet again being a pervert.

• This man is a simp for his s/o, and he wants everyone to know they are his, so hand-holding and quick kisses throughout the day make him happier than anything.

• As stated above, he’s affectionate, so everyone knew you were dating within a couple of hours, but the poor Bakusquad had the worst of it; they had to see his flirting with you and the cuddling anytime they hung out.

• Now, when he’s nervous, it’s not very rare that he would accidentally shock you while holding hands in training camp. You were holding hands when the attack began, and he shocked you.

DATING MINA ASHIDO WOULD INCUDE

• late-night sleepovers Either she is sneaking into your room because she is bored, or you are sneaking into her room because you are bored.

• random shopping sprees with Momo and what you two can’t afford; that’s why you have Momo.

• Hanging out with the Bakusquad is a given, and being besties with Kirishima while things get crazy somehow means Bakugou doesn’t try to kill you two.

• skin care/self-care nights with the girls every week, just going over the random things that take place at UA

• Personal alone time is sweet; she is a very affectionate girlfriend, holding piggyback rides, kisses, and cuddling the whole 9-yard

• If she so much as thought Mineta was staring at her, she would threaten to burn his eyeballs right out of his body with her acid, and if she heard him say anything, she would threaten his tongue next.

• From her bubbly nature, she is friends with almost everyone, so with you together, you are also friends with almost all of Mineta and a handful of people from 1-B.

• You are always either hanging out with her or talking, and if you are not fine, it's not like a codependent relationship; you just bring out the best in each other.

[thelaurenshippen]

finally taking the time to read through the SAG agreement summary and oof, I hope they have an AI town hall soon because...well, there are things to discuss!

so, in case folks are curious, here are my immediate takeaways from the deal as a SAG actor, a SAG producer, and person who is not any kind of expert but spends a lot of time being skeptical of contracts I sign. this is a summation/commentary, not a holistic breakdown of every point, nor even an in-depth discussion of the points I do talk about. and it is, of course, in no way legal advice or voting advice.

this post is already maybe the longest post I've ever written on tumblr (lol) and I feel like I've barely scratched the surface. to be clear, nothing I'm saying here represents how I'm going to vote, how I think other actors should vote, or my be-all-end-all stance on a particular issue. this is me reading through, flagging what concerns me, and asking myself questions. and I'm here to take your questions too! though of course my expertise is limited.

(what?? something I wrote got annoying long?? in my tumblr? it's more likely, etc. huge write-up after the cut)

the good

self-tape stuff: this is one of the more niche/the thing that the general public will find least interesting, but they've put in a lot of provisions to make sure self-tape auditions have limits (# of pages, no stunts, no nudity, doesn't have to be professionally shot, etc.) which is amazing because these types of auditions have gotten out of control since the pandemic. this feels like a great gain

data transparency: in no world did I think the streamers were ever going to agree to any data sharing with either the wga or sag so even though the data is limited, this still feels huge to me.

folks who sing and dance will be paid for both of those things now, which is great

they've added MLK day and Juneteenth as holidays (about time)

a performer cannot be required to translate their own lines

principal performers are required to be given hair and makeup consultation or reimbursed for obtaining their own services - this seems like a small thing, but it's being put in here pretty much entirely because HMU services have generally been appalling when it comes to textured hair/a variety of skin tones. there's also stuff in here about working to hire more diverse HMU artists

it looks like it's going to be easier/provide a path for folks getting IMDb credits even if they're not credited on screen

miscellany: there's a bunch of gains in wage increases, P&H increases, relocation fees, franchise language etc. that all seem good to me, though my limited knowledge on those subjects prevents me from going in depth on them.

this is not important, but it tickled me, there's a term to replace all instances of "telegraph" in the contract with "email & text" which like...why has it taken us thirty years to do that lol.

the "...hm..."

intimacy coordinators: oof. when I watched the press conference SAG gave, I was fucking thrilled when they said that the new agreement required folks to hire intimacy coordinators for nudity and simulated sex scenes. that was almost reason enough for me to vote for it tbh - not requiring it is the exact reason I voted no on our last contract. however, reading the contract summary now, the exact language is: "Producer must use best efforts to engage an Intimacy Coordinator for scenes involving nudity or simulated sex and will consider in good faith any request by a performer to engage an Intimacy Coordinator for other scenes. Producer shall not retaliate against a performer for requesting an Intimacy Coordinator." this....sucks. "best efforts" and "good faith" are not the same as "required". IMO, an intimacy coordinator is the same thing as having a stunt coordinator or, like, any number of health and safety requirements. OSHA doesn't say you must "in good faith" put your "best effort" to providing fire exits. it's great that performers can request coordinators for any kind of scene, and this is still the strongest language we've ever had in a contract but....c'mon guys.

residuals: look, I can't speak to these new terms in any concrete way. there are increases, there are bonuses for streaming success, there's a whole thing about a fund regarding those successes that I need explained to me more in depth, but overall, it looks like we made some in-roads here. as someone who employs actors under digital distribution contracts that has no residuals (podcasts), I know how genuinely cumbersome the unholy trifecta of "views-success-profit" can be (as in views do not equal success, success does not equal profit, etc.). I also have no sympathy when the majority of companies dealing with that cumbersome trifecta are massive media conglomerates. anyway, long story short, idk if this is good enough, I'm hoping to attend the next info meeting sag has.

the bad

the new hair/makeup provisions are explicitly for principal actors. while I hope it leads to better, more inclusive HMU services all around I haaaate that this implies supporting or background actors (who oftentimes also have to sit in HMU) don't deserve the consideration. (then again, background actors are usually required to do their own HMU/bring their own costumes, but for productions where that's not the case, the same HMU provisions should apply IMO)

as with every contract, there's language that could be stronger, clarity that needs to exist, and important things missing - but this isn't the final contract and I'm not a lawyer, so I'm gonna leave that stuff to the experts.

but, "lauren", you say, "what about all the AI stuff? where does that go?" well, reader, I was planning on including that in the above but it's the hot-button issue right now and I think it's wickedly complicated, so I wanted to break it down separately, after I had a chance to point out all the good-bad-in-between stuff that's not getting talked about.

a note: in my career, I've learned there's two big things to keep in mind when reading a contract you might sign:

what is the worst case interpretation of this language (thank you to my lawyer, prince among men, for teaching me how to do this in practice (that said, anything I say here is not legal advice, he'd also want me to say that lol))

what are you willing to lose/compromise on/what are the limits of your pragmatism? contracts are not about a company giving you everything you want out of the goodness of their heart - it is always a compromise. pragmatism has to be a part of the equation.

so, with that said, I'm going to play a little devil's advocate here, and a) try to find the good/the pragmatic and b) catastrophize the worst case scenario. but first, it might be handy to look at this SAG infographic for some basic definitions. let's go.

the AI good

a ton of stuff here requires consent. that is not a small thing, and the consent continues even after your death (whether it was a yes or no; though this can be complicated by your estate/your union)

the language does establish that the consent must be a separate signing from the employment contract, even if its in the contract, which is great (but more on that below - timing matters)

actors often do get paid for use of their digital replicas, though it's different based on the use/type of replica.

the actor must be provided with a "reasonably specific description of the intended use". this language is vaguer than I would like, because it allows producers to decide what "reasonably specific" and "intended" means - there's always going to be some vagueness when it comes to this specific thing, but a good start would be for producers to require not blanket consent, but conditional consent for each significant use of digital replicas.

if the replicas are being used in other mediums, that must also be consented to, thank god.

replicas cannot be used in place of background actor counts on a given day - if I'm understanding this correctly, this means a production can't just have a bunch of fake background actors by themselves, they have to engage real people up to a certain number first (which in this new contract is 25 for TV and 85 for movies). we're already filling in background with digital people or copy-pasting of the same crowd over and over and have been doing so since at least the late 90s, so it's good we're continuing to put up boundaries around that.

the AI "...hm..."

it's unclear (to me) when an actor can be asked to consent. IMO, everything is meaningless if the consent is happening as part of regular contract negotiations. these things have to happen when - and only when - the actor has already been engaged in a role and feels empowered to say no

the use of independently created replicas (replicas pulled from existing footage, not created by the actor) being allowed without consent under first amendment reasoning - this is obviously concerning a lot of people bc first amendment arguments are so broad. that said, there's a pragmatism part of me that understands this is already happening/has been happening for a while and used in ways I think are perfectly fine - I was just watching the new episode of For All Mankind (one of the best TV shows right now!) and it's an alternate history, which meant that in the opening scenes of this season they had some bonkers good deep fakes of Al Gore saying stuff he never said. I think that's okay to do in a fiction show that imagines a different US history! "but Lauren", you might be saying, "Al Gore isn't a member of SAG!" are you sure? are you positive? because I'm pretty certain he is - he was in several episodes of 30 Rock, way more people are in SAG than you think (every NPR reporter for instance), and the two worst presidents we've had in the last 50 years (yes, those ones), are both definitely members of SAG (even if one is dead). now, the other side of this is that public figures like politicians are under a different social contract than actors, and if they wanted to sue, they could, unlike the average SAG actor who might have their image abused. this is why this is in the "hm" column - deep fakes and parody/satire/commentary use of replicas is already here and there's always going to be a 1st amendment argument to make, so we need to figure out how best to limit those and protect the most vulnerable.

alteration: with this language, a project can digitally alter without consent if the script and performance stays "substantially" the same. again, this language is too mealy-mouthed. I don't know that I have a huge problem with a line of dialogue getting replaced with a digital version of that actors voice if, for instance, a word was mispronounced, or wind garbled the sound or whatever - yes, it would eliminate the need for ADR, but if we put some limit on it like..."if there are more than 5 lines in a given episode/movie that require digital alteration in the service of clarity, the actor must be engaged for an ADR session or paid for the digital replacement" then I could see this being workable. I'm also personally okay with things like costumes being digitally altered but, again, we need limitations on that. digital altering cannot replace the art of costuming but, for instance, if a costume needs to be altered to include a hate symbol or something, I think that's fine (example: I have friends who worked at the VFX house for an alternate history TV show that involved a lot of Nazi costuming and set design - a huge part of that VFX house's job was to put swastikas in places, rather than props making nazi flags. I'm okay with that!) but again, these fringe cases do not a compelling arugment make, and this contract language can be interpreted too broadly for my comfort! like everything else in this "hm" category, I need to see the final contract language to decide.

the AI bad

there's a bunch of circumstances in which actors don't get paid for creating their replica/use of it and those circumstances are too broad for my taste.

synthetic performers - this is just awful. no. no, we should not be allowing AI to generate entire actors. just............no. there's some language about the producers having to talk to the union if the synthetic performer is "used in place of a performer who would have been engaged under this Agreement in a human role" but this doesn't apply to non-human characters so....wouldn't that be all roles?? leaving the producers room to be like "this role has to be synthetic, we never would've cast a human!" is bullshit. also, even if we're having AI create a magical talking unicorn whole cloth (which, like, also no, we have artists for this), that unicorn still needs to be voiced by a human person. this whole section is a disaster.

the exceptions to consent for digital alteration are bad-bad. I talked about the potential ADR replacement above and that has a whole host of issues with it that I didn't even get into, but I can see the argument. the rest are very troubling:

there is an exception under "any circumstance when dubbing or use of a double is permitted under the Codified Basic Agreement or Television Agreement" - okay, so does this mean we can replace dubbing artists and stunt performers entirely? this section is about digital alteration, but who's to say alteration couldn't turn an actor broadly miming a fight into an entirely digital, expertly performed fight that usually a stunt double would have done? with AI translation technology, does this mean we're replacing VO artists for dubs entirely? bad!

similarly, "Adjusting lip and/or other facial or body movement and/or the voice of the performer to a foreign language, or for purposes of changes to dialogue or photography necessary for license or sale to a particular market" - Justine Bateman has a great twitter thread on the terrible puppetry potential of this but I want to draw attention to the particular market bit - we all know that selling to china is such a huge part of studios' strategies that they'll remove entire scenes or lines around queer stuff. to me, this clause makes all of that so much easier. I know the argument here is going to be "we can replace swear words and license it for kids!" which.......sure? fine? but, uh, we already have ways to deal with that? and the potential for abuse here is terrifying to me. with all the digital alteration stuff too, there's just so much icky implication for the beauty/body standard to get so much worse.

if a background actor’s digital replica is used in the role of a principal performer, they'll be paid as if they actually performed the days for that role, which, sure, but uhhhh why are we saying it's okay for a digital replica of a background actor to suddenly be a leading role!?!?! I can't think of anything more demoralizing than going to set to act in background (a job I've done! an important job! a fun job a lot of the time! but creatively limited) and then getting a much bigger role (the dream!) and.....not being able to, you know, act that role or be in scenes with other principal actors or do the thing that you've dedicated your life to doing. nightmare stuff.

woof. there's so much more to say but I'm going to leave it there. these are the concerns I'm going to go into SAG's meetings with, and the concerns I'll be considering as I decide how to vote. I know there are things I didn't address and very possibly things I misinterpreted or misrepresented - if you're an actor, I highly recommend a) reading that Justine Bateman thread and b) attending SAG's meetings to ask questions and express your concerns. and I'd love to hear what y'all think! my ask box is open.

[nastymensimp]

FNAF headcannons

*ascends from the gave with a platter* for my beloveds. If people enjoy this I may make a part 2. Most of these are romantic but I guess they can also be seen as platonic, at least some

OG Foxy

Possibly one of the most touch starved animatronics. All that time alone in Pirates Cove made him very lonely

Depending on what shift you work depends on how on you he will be. Night shift? You better believe he is sitting on the floor with you in his lap, doesn't matter if you actually have tasks to do one of the dayshift people can do it

But if you are on day then its a bit of a problem. With the Cove being closed Foxy can't leave his area meaning physical affection is out of the question when you aren't on break and it destroys the poor pirates heart

Any merch that comes through the door with his face you bet you get first access to. New shirt? he got it in a size bigger then you like so it wont shrink to small. An action figure? well lucky you it gets his signature as well ( though he does kind of have messy writing its still a nice gesture)

Stop by the Cove every once in a while during your shift to sneak him a kiss please

Foxy deserved a tail 100% and at the slightest mention of you its going a mile a minute, the rest of the band likes to tease the poor fox

OG Chica

THE best at hugs. Her bigger body plus soft feathers? it heaven

You guys share custody of her cupcake. If she's doing a task that requires both hands then the confection child stays by your side. It also gives her peace of mind that the two main things she cares about are keeping each other company

Calls you her little chickpea

cooking is one of her main love language, she will spend days if need be perfecting a recipe that you like

Chica's a big girl and sometimes she gets self conscious so please give her some reassurance when she feels down she will make it up to you ten fold

In a small area in the corner of the stage she has pictures of the two of you taped where only she can see them, she says you are her good luck charm

Toy Freddy

Another one on the good hug list

Yk how people will put pictures of their S/O in their hats? That's him 100%

Sit on his lap as he plays video games, its not a ploy to make you beat levels he can't how dare you assume that. Can't he just spend time with you? But there is one level in Mario he has been struggling with and if you are offering-

Likes to sing to you when he has the chance

I like to think that all the toys are big gossipers, so when he hears something about one of the parents you are the first to know

With his ego he def bought you an official Freddy Fazbear set of ears that he expects you to wear 24/7

[princesssascha]

Summer Glow Up Action Plan (1/3 - Health)

As I mentioned in my previous post, we are going to have the best summer of our lives.

I was depressed for years, but during the summer, in just 2 months I became truly unrecognisable.

I did it unintentionally, but I believe I cracked the code to glowing up insanely fast. That is, if you're willing to get out of your comfort zone for a few weeks. But what's worse? Being uncomfortable for 2 months doing something that is good for you OR suffering for years? I'll let you answer that for yourself.

Thanks to my experience I made an action plan to make this summer even better and I'd love to do it together with YOU.

1. Mental Health

If your soul is shattered, your body will reflect that. By taking care of your mind you will automatically want to take care of yourself in every other way. Not because you think you're not pretty enough or smart enough, but because you deserve to be healthy and educated.

Get out of your comfort zone

Whatever that is. Last year I went abroad all by myself. I was so insecure about my English and I was soo socially awkward, but I did it. And when I tell you it was the most special feeling in the world. It was stressful at first, but I came back as a new person. I think it was the main factor that contributed to my mental glow up.

Obviously, you don't have to travel to a different country to glow up, but think about what's something you'd like to try that you're afraid to do. Maybe it's bungee jumping, going out to a restaurant alone, coming up to someone on the street. It is supposed to make you uncomfortable, it's called exposure therapy and it is really one of the best things that I have ever stumbled across.

Meditate

It's popular for a reason. Quiet your mind, control your breathing. You can also do yoga, as it requires the same things as meditation, however you also get physical exercise! Start with 5-10 minutes a day and work your way up to whatevers comfortable for you. You can try guided meditation/yoga for beginners.

Go outside

There's a reason why people tell you it's so important.

First, you get physical exercise, you get fit, you get healthy and everyone's happy.

Like actually happy. Physical exercise (the kind you enjoy ofc!) and being outdoors is proven to be good for your mental health. So go out. You can go somewhere crowded or somewhere isolated like a forest. You can take your pet on a walk if you have one.

Self development content

Especially YouTube, I get that some people can't get themselves to read books, but nowadays there are so many ways to educate ourselves. I will mention this topic again in this post, but I love watching YouTubers that post self development & mindset videos.

My favourite YouTubers are:

TheWizardLiz,

Mae Alice Suzuki,

Tam Kaur

If you like reading I recommend Brianna West, she's incredible.

Affirmations

I am such a fan of affirmations! If you feel bad about yourself start affirming the opposite? You feel insecure? "I am confident" etc. You don't want to affirm out loud. You can do it in your mind or listen to affirmation tapes. Even if you don't feel like it's doing anything KEEP PERSISTING! Your mind will conform.

2. Physical Health

This chapter focuses on health, not beauty, although they are connected. If you're unhealthy you won't be that attractive, because we find health attractive. So here I'll share more advice on being healthier rather than getting a sexier body. Healthy>sexy because HEALTH is SEXY!!

Vitamins and supplements

You can't be healthy if you have a vitamin deficiency. Get a blood test and start taking supplements for what you need.

Here's a little cheat sheet, although please do your own research to be safe and be mindful of what dosage you can ingest!!

Visit a doctor regularly!

If you are getting a disease it's important to diagnose it as soon as possible. In some cases it could save your life!

You need to go to your doctor at least once a year, but you should visit them at least twice a year and whenever you have any concerns. That includes a dentist, gynecologist, dermatologist etc. Although I understand not everyone has free healthcare and there are many reasons why it could be difficult for you to get there, at least go to one doctor once a year or when you suspect something is wrong.

Check up on yourself every month

Of course, you're not gonna go to the doctor every month, so it's important to do a little check up yourself every month. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

- what does your skin look like?

Are there any new moles? Maybe some spots? Just because you have a mole doesn't mean it's dangerous, but a mole could turn into skin cancer, so please be careful! Here are a few tips for recognising if a mole is actually a melanoma:

Melanoma is more likely the paler you are, but no matter what your skin color is you should always wear at least SPF30, although the higher the better. If sunscreens are too greasy for you or leave a whitecast I recommend Missha All-around safe block

Look at your skin, did anything strange appear? Something that wasn't there before? Don't forget about the inside of your mouth or between your toes. Although not very common, melanoma can also appear in your eye, in which case you need to contact a doctor ASAP!!

oral health

I don't think I need to tell you to wash your teeth, but I will still share some tips for those pretty teeth:

Oil pulling: get a spoonful of coconut oil and oil pull for 10-20 minutes. After that rinse your mouth thoroughly.

Wash your teeth for at least 2 minutes after every meal and after waking up, HOWEVER if you eat something acidic wait for at least 30 minutes until you wash your teeth. If you can't wash them rinse your mouth with water, but you should still wash them when you get home.

Use a tongue scraper! Like one of those steel/metal ones and scrape that bad boy. It is honestly disgusting how much bacteria sits on your tongue. There are also 2in1 tongue scrapers and flosses but it won't scrape anything off, so save your money. Also, only use flosses when necessary.

CHECK FOR CAVITIES!!

Seriously! I don't think it needs any explanation. Open your mouth and show your teeth. Look at how they look. If there's anything concerning contact your dentist.

skincare

Although it also suits the beauty part, what we find beautiful is just healthy. No skin conditions, clear glowy skin. What skin concerns do you have? Acne, hyperpigmentation, redness etc. Visit a dermatologist or find some skincare yourself, although do it carefully. Just because something is trendy doesn't mean it's good. Everyone's skin is different, so be mindful.

Also, there are different kinds of pimples, so check which types you have and how you can heal them. You can have just one or multiple kinds.

One universal thing: SPF! CANT STRESS THIS ENOUGH!

haircare

Just like with skincare, healthy hair is what we find beautiful. That's why I emphasize health so much. If you're healthy you are beautiful.

I won't talk about styling right now as it has nothing to do with health, but haircare is 80% of the job.

Is your hair greasy or dry? Keep in mind it can be both, your scalp could be greasy but your ends could be dry. Do you have thick hair or thin hair? Curly or straight? If you bleached your hair it means your hair is damaged (because it's dead), but your hair can be damaged nonetheless, so think about what you need and find products that were made for your concerns.

Learn how to wash your hair correctly. A lot of you guys don't know how to do it. Just because you rub shampoo on your head doesn't mean you're doing it right. And when you're not it could do more harm than good. I recommend theblowoutprofessor on YouTube, he explains it well.

Healthy eating

This is a pretty obvious one so I won't get into details, however if you guys want me to make a post dedicated to healthy eating lemme know in the comments!

Eat veggies and fruits, limit Ur sugar intake. Don't starve yourself, you'll have uncontrollable cravings and you'll get it all back.

move your body

Although good for you both mentally and physically, it's important to choose something you like. Here are my favourite forms of physical activity:

Dancing,

Yoga,

Pilates,

Walking,

Horse riding.

If you don't have a favourite right now, experiment. It doesn't have to be expensive, there are many sports that you can do at home with no equipment.

Try to move for at least 30 minutes/day.

[trishmishtree]

Finally finished my 18th century ensemble!

(Excuse the lack of sleeve ruffles. I haven't made them yet and need a break from 18th century for the time being..)

Pattern is self-drafted, based on the historybounding strawberry dress I made last summer. Construction is about 90% HA, and by that I mean it's built to be worn without stays because I didn't trust my stays pattern (still working out tweaks to it before I commit to making a proper pair of stays) and decided to build the structure directly into the bodice lining instead. Also, the center front closes with hooks and eyes instead of being pinned shut the way they typically did it back then because I don't change sizes much. I also attached the skirt to a twill tape and then whipped that to the bodice lining, instead of sewing the bodice and skirt directly together, so the bottom corner of the bodice is flipping upwards weirdly because I haven't tacked it down to the skirt yet.

Fabric is a cotton quilting from Joann that just happened to be the perfect red-on-ivory floral print. Skirt is hiked up with hooks and eyes but can also be worn like a normal open robe.

Entire ensemble is worn over otherwise period-correct structural layers, sans stays. I'm wearing my regency shift because it pulls double duty for my regency and 18th century costuming. Over that, I would wears stays if I had any. Then over my (lack of) stays, I'm wearing the American Duchess split rump (not photographed), over which I put on a new linen petticoat (also not photographed yet - it's just your standard apron/side-closing 18th century petticoat). Finally over all that, I have on a striped petticoat in a matching color scheme to the gown, and then the gown itself. (Definitely wishing I had the confidence to make a pair of stays with a self-drafted pattern, because this amount of tapes and strings around my waist is...not the worst thing ever but definitely not comfortable.)

Fichu is hand-embroidered and made from a leftover cotton batiste I used to make my Edwardian princess slip. It's disproportionately small because I didn't have enough fabric to make it bigger. Tempted to put a couple extra inches of ruffled lace on the two straight edges to make them a little wider, but that would require sourcing a convincing-looking lace that can also be used for sleeve ruffles.

[beefrobeefcal]

Dieter Measures Up feat. Dieter Bravo & Cookie (f!reader)

a HeftyThrowaway one shot drabble | Rated: 18+ | word count: 834 warnings: weight gain, grinding, Dieter being a needy mess A/N: thank you @toxicanonymity for celebrating 900 friendos in the bistro! and yes... this is a bit more than a drabble.

Dieter groaned. He looked over the email from his manager, suggesting in the firmest way possible that wouldn’t compromise their job, that he needed to wear an actual suit to the premier. To add to his grief, they put in bold right at the end before signing off: YOU ARE NOT WEARING ANYTHING REMOTELY RESEMBLING SOMETHING YOU COULD SLEEP IN.

Included in the message was also the requirement to get fitted for the suit because they knew he hadn’t lost any of the weight he’d gained for the role. Rolling his eyes, he flipped the bird at his phone, tossed it into the pocket of his robe, and pulled the tube of raw cookie dough from the fridge. He forwent the spoon, taking a big bite of the dough, and leaned over the counter thinking.

An idea hit him: he could just send the measurements that were taken when he arrived on set to shoot ten months ago. He smiled as he pulled out his phone and scrolled through his notes before it dawned on him that he had to be measured and then remeasured a few times over the course of the shoot because his costumes kept shrinking. As he wondered who he needed his assistant to contact to track down the measurements, another email arrived from his management team: DON’T ASK FOR PRIOR MEASUREMENTS. THEY WON’T BE ACCURATE ANYMORE.

He scowled at his screen. “Mother fucker.”

*****

It had been a while since he’d been to a tailor, normally opting for off the rack because prior to this role, he was within the sample size range. He was pretty sure he still was. Sure, he had less of the iconic ‘slutty little waist’ and sure, his belly had stuck out when he wasn’t close to being full, but there was no way he was that much bigger.

At least he thought that until the seamstress, an older European woman, came out and began to measure him. Every time he felt the measuring tape pull tight against his body followed by the older woman calling out a number much higher than he anticipated, his body reacted. Not negatively – no, quite the opposite. He was getting hard.

Even after the project wrapped, he kept you on as his private cook, telling you that now he’d had a bite of his ‘Cookie’, there was no way he could have any other. And while nothing was official between you, he hadn’t fucked around with anyone else, and even cleared out his extensive vintage clown pornography collection from the guesthouse and set you up in there so you could live on sight. He loved the praise you gave when he finished his meals and he craved the look you gave when he sat back, belly heavy and sitting on his lap.

He needed to get home. Now.

****

You stood at the door to the pantry, debating on whether to make burritos or chicken korma for dinner that evening when you heard the door from the garage open and slam loudly. Before you could ask if everything was okay, Dieter was behind you, shoving you against the wall, his front to your back.

“Fuck, you do your job so good.”, he grunted, biting softly into your neck. His whole thick body pinned you and he bucked his hips, seeking friction.

“Most bosses offer a raise… not a full body slam.”, you breathed back with a smile.

“Most bosses…”, he panted, “aren’t grateful… enough.”

“Dieter… we can go to the bedro-“

“No… right… oh fuck… right here’s fine…”, he grunted with a whine. He ground his hips, and his painfully hard erection finally found the right angle against your left ass cheek.

“Dee! The couch! Not here!”

His breathing picked up and he bit the crux of your neck and shoulder with a whine. “Just… almost… need this…”

 You pushed your body from the wall with all your strength, but it was no use; Dieter’s additional weight had made his physical self just as stubborn as his personality.

“Got me so… fuckin’ big… Olga… measured me… no idea… who I was… said I was a… a fat man…”, he whimpered in grunts, breath panting over the skin he’s made wet on your neck and shoulder.

You couldn’t help but moan in response, and his arm snaked around to your front, cupping your legging clad mound, and pulling your ass against him harder. It was almost painful, but also euphoric. Dieter’s breaths became faster and carried high pitch whines with them.

“I promise… I’ll fuck… I’ll fuck you later… after dinner… just need… to cum n-oh fuck!”

You felt a warmth through your leggings on your ass cheek and his whines hit heights that only dogs could hear. When he finally stilled, his body relaxed enough that you could turn around and face him. He gave you a goofy half grin with heavy lidded eyes.

“Now that we got that out of the way, I’m starved. What’s for dinner?”

[lemotmo]

That anon talking about Tommy trying to seem cool has me wondering if thats what Tommy is supposed to read as, or if its LFJ's approach to the character and acting. I read an interview with him yesterday (an older interview) and it was so focused on how cool he thinks Tommy is and constantly talking about him from the first person (I'm so cool flying into that hurricane). He was also talking about the queer community and calling us "the lgbtq+ spectrum" which felt so weird to me?

So now the scene just feels like LFJ trying to act like he's really cool for being both very man's man masculine (and everything in that interview reads like LFJ thinking thats the ideal/awesome) AND doing this "exciting new thing that hasnt been done before" (I'm paraphrasing) which just... makes me feel gross. (He also made the entire thing be about Tommy/himself, acting like people talk abt 7x04 because Tommy is a gay masculine man and not because Buck is 100x the man Tommy is).

And idk. In a way i feel like he was cast perfectly if they were going for "uninteresting and emotionally stunted and self obsessed asshole" but also 🤢🤮

Hey! Yeah, I don't know. Is he 'acting' to be dismissive and annoying because it was required of him? Or is that just the way he is and how he acts in real life? I truly don't know.

I suspect it might be a combination of both. The man obviously likes to talk about himself and he's very 'present'. It also feels like he genuinly doesn't have a clue what he is talking about and how important some of these subjects (discovering your sexuality and coming out of the closet at a later age, LGBTQ+ topics, representation...) are for the people watching the show.

All this could have been avoided if he had done some basic research on the topic. I realise this was all decided and taped last minute, but it doesn't take all that long to open a few websites or videos to read and watch some statements of people who came out later in life. What was it like for them? How did they feel? Were they afraid of their family/friends finding out? Did they feel uncomfortable the first time they went on a date with someone of the same sex? How did their partners feel? How important is rep for them on television or in books?

He obviously didn't do any of that, because otherwise his answers in these interviews would have been very different.

For him? 911 and the bisexual Buck storyline is just a 'great' thing HE HIMSELF got to do. He's beating himself on the chest, saying 'Look at me! Look at how cool I am! I wrote history!' He makes it about himself, while this isn't about Tommy at all. It's about Buck and his journey of coming out. Tommy is just the guy who happened to be there and acted as a catalyst.

But you know, many people in Hollywood are like that, so whatever. It is what it is. It has always been this way. He isn't the first person to act like that and he won't be the last one.

I do suspect that the script said to amp up some character traits, such as his dismissiveness towards Buck and the way he always uses bad humour and sex jokes to deflect a serious conversation. Pair that with the fact that he was asked to always call Buck 'Evan'? It all adds up.

It all boils down to the fact that the writers didn't write Tommy to be a 'forever kind of guy' for Buck. They wrote him to be the person to get Buck out of the closet. Then they slowly started revealing his less than admirable character traits to slowly show the audience that this guy wasn't a good match for Buck at all. It's all right there, for everyone to see, when you look at season 7b. You just have to open your eyes and be willing to see the truth.

[heliza24]

Simon doesn't repress his emotions, actually

There seems to be a widely held fanon understanding of Simon that goes something like this: Simon hides and represses his emotions, and his relationship with Wilhelm is what opens him up. I disagree with this characterization. In fact, I think Simon is actually very in touch with his emotions, and expresses them openly to his family and friends. Wilhelm and August are much better examples of emotional repression than Simon is, and if anything, the show is commenting on how the restrictive class system that raised Wilhelm and August fosters emotional repression. 

I can think of lots of examples where Simon is very open with people he loves and trusts, even when that openness might lead to conflict. I think he is really pretty open with Sara in a lot of ways. Their argument towards the end of season 1 is such a perfect encapsulation of this. He expresses how much he loves Sara and wants a good relationship with her, and also how frustrated he is by how she is pulling away from the family. 

He is also consistently open and unguarded with Rosh and Ayub. He tells them about how he’s feeling about his relationship with Wilhelm in season 1, about how he feels during the fallout from the sex tape, about his changing feelings about Marcus in season 2, and about the prospect of getting back together with Wilhelm.  The scene where Simon falls asleep on the phone with Ayub is one of the most tender, emotionally open scenes I’ve ever seen on television. 

Simon also channels his emotions into his music, which is a healthy and appropriate way to deal with the heartache he’s experiencing. We see him slowly crafting his song over the course of season 2, and returning to the keyboard when he’s feeling especially distraught. Creation of art like this requires self introspection, and I think Simon has that in spades.

What Simon doesn’t do, especially in season 2, is confide in Wilhelm. But this isn’t because Simon is afraid to talk about his feelings at all. He’s making the conscious decision to withdraw from Wilhelm, because Wilhelm deeply hurt Simon and betrayed his confidence at the end of Season 1. Drawing conscious boundaries like that also requires self introspection; working to keep yourself emotionally safe is not the same thing as repressing your emotions.

I think it’s easy to interpret Simon not talking to Wilhelm as Simon squashing his emotions because Wilhelm is the protagonist of the show, so we naturally see the world of Young Royals through his eyes. So when Simon doesn’t share with Wilhelm, it feels like he is also refusing to share with us, the viewer. But that’s why Lisa and the writers chose to create Rosh and Ayub, so that Simon would have confidants that he trusted, that were outside of the hostile class system of Hillerska. They are great characters, but they’re also devices that allow Simon to show the audience how he is truly feeling. 

In my post about Simon and radical acceptance, I talked about how I see Simon’s arc in season 2 being about accepting that he is still in love with Wilhelm. I should maybe make it clear that I don’t think that he doesn’t understand or express how he’s feeling at the beginning of season 2. He tells Rosh and Ayub that he is still stuck on Wilhelm, and he starts writing his song to express his heartbreak. But at the beginning of season 2 he is trying to move on from those feelings, and leave the drama with Wilhelm behind.  The change comes in the way that he accepts that he is in love with Wilhelm by the end of season 2, and decides that it is worth walking towards their relationship, even if it could lead to him getting hurt.  I think as a fandom we need to be careful not to reduce all of Simon’s emotions to whether or not he is actively pursuing Wilhelm. He is a complete character who expresses his emotions whether or not he’s with Wilhelm.

It kind of baffles me that Simon gets brought up when we talk about emotional repression, but Wilhelm and August are never mentioned. Both were raised in families where stoicism is valued above all else. (This is especially true in the Royal Family). Both are grieving (Wilhelm for Erik, and August for Erik and his dad), but we hardly hear them talk about this after the initial loss, even as it continues to motivate their actions. Both have physical manifestations of the emotions they are trying to repress (Wilhelm has physical symptoms of anxiety; August punishes his body through disordered eating in an attempt to maintain control of his emotions.)  Wilhelm is eventually able to open up to Boris, but it takes a lot of coaxing over several sessions. August flat out refuses to be honest with Boris at all.  

When @bluedalahorse and I were discussing this idea of emotional repression, the male characters’ relationship to anger came up a lot. I think the stereotype of emotional repression in men is that they are pressured to appear perfectly still and stoic at all times. But in reality, anger in men is often viewed as neutral or logical, and is therefore the socially acceptable method for engaging with any and all emotions. 

I think a large part of Simon’s character is a sense of righteous anger. We see this come up in different ways for him. He gets angry at the class system of Hillerska, at his dad, at August, at Marcus, and at Wilhelm. He often manages to translate that anger into an assertion of boundaries, which is a healthy way to use those feelings. He manages to set up boundaries with Wilhelm and with Marcus, for instance. And even when he does explode in a way that is unhelpful or dangerous, he has Rosh and Ayub to call him out and reel him back in, like when he jumps on August in season 1. I’m not saying Simon has a perfect relationship with anger; he definitely doesn’t. But I think he has a much healthier relationship with it than August or even Wilhelm, who uses anger as a substitute for sadness and grief.

August spends most of season 1 translating his distress into being a bully to the boys in Forest Ridge and shitty boyfriend to Felice. Shooting and posting the video also feels like a way to channel his sadness through anger to me. He records Wilhelm the same night that he admits that his dad’s suicide made him feel guilty. This is the only time that we hear him talk about his dad at all, and he immediately covers up this moment of emotional vulnerability with an act of aggression against the person he shared it with.

Wilhelm has a really hard time dealing with the sadness he feels at the loss of Simon in season 2. Wilhelm spent so long repressing his emotions, and finally felt like he could confide in someone when he met Simon. But in season 2, that one emotional outlet is taken away from him (with good reason from Simon’s point of view), so instead he lashes out, first at his mom and then at August, neither of whom are directly responsible for the breakup in the same way that Wilhelm is. 

So if we’re going to talk about emotional repression and growth towards openness and vulnerability in Young Royals, I think we should be talking mainly about Wilhelm and August. A big question of the show is if these two characters are going to arrive at a place where they no longer repress their emotions. Right now Wilhelm is moving in the right direction, and August is backsliding. But it will be really interesting to track how they evolve in season 3. 

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

What's ur top five for the mclennon evidence tier

Depends from whose perspective, so I'm dividing them up

(and I feel this demonstrates why I have very different opinions on who had feelings for whom; if someone disagrees they're welcome to argue with me [I like that lol] but it really comes down to what type of evidence I find more convincing)

John

1. His Widow Literally Saying It? You know, THE quote:

From chance remarks he had made, she [Yoko] gathered there had even been a moment when—on the principle that bohemians should try everything— he had contemplated an affair with Paul, but had been deterred by Paul’s immovable heterosexuality. Nor, apparently, was Yoko the only one to have picked up on this. Around Apple, in her hearing, Paul would sometimes be called John’s Princess. She had also once heard a rehearsal tape with John’s voice calling out “Paul … Paul …” in a strangely subservient, pleading way. “I knew there was something going on there,” she remembers. “From his point of view, not from Paul’s. And he was so angry at Paul, I couldn’t help wondering what it was really about.”

2. 1972 Sandra Shevey interview:

I wanna be clear like. THIS is BY FAR the best evidence. I will list more, but nothing else really comes close to the above quote. There is zero interpretation needed (or room to take it as a joke) and it's coming from about as close a source to John as possible.

The only thing ever lacking in working with another artist and they were usually male - whether it was Stuart Sutcliffe (my art school friend) or Paul McCartney (my musical friend) - is that the relationship only goes as far as the front door and after that you are alone in bed. It's a plus not a minus. The plus is that your best friend, also, can hold you without… I mean, I’m not a homosexual, or we could have had a homosexual relationship and maybe that would have satisfied it, with working with other male artists. [faltering] An artist – it’s more – it’s much better to be working with another artist of the same energy, and that’s why there’s always been Beatles or Marx Brothers or men, together. Because it’s alright for them to work together or whatever it is. It’s the same except that we sleep together, you know? I mean, not counting love and all the things on the side, just as a working relationship with her, it has all the benefits of working with another male artist and all the joint inspiration, and then we can hold hands too, right?

3. David Sheff insanity feat. Yoko:

JOHN: Well, that’s rubbish, you know. Because nobody controls me. I’m uncontrollable. The only one that can control me is me, and that’s just barely possible. [Yoko laughs] But that’s what life is about. And that’s the lesson I’m learning. Because – nobody ever said anything about Paul having a spell over me, when I was with him for a long time. Or me having a spell over Paul. They didn’t think that was abnormal, two guys together. JOHN: Or four guys together. In those days? Why didn’t anybody ever say, “How come those guys don’t split up? I mean, what’s going on backstage? I mean, what is that Paul and John business? Why – you know, how can they be together so long?” YOKO: They might have. [laughs]

These next ones are again a tier below. The above three are eyebrow-raising independent of each other, but the below two sort of require the above three to feel like they've got argumentative weight IMO.

4. "It's just handy to fuck your best friend."

5. 1974 self-interview.

The last one is a good example of what I meant here. The self-interview could be much more easily dismissed as a joke if the above points didn't also exist.

Stuff like John marrying Yoko immediately after Paul married Linda is interesting when considering John having feelings for Paul, but I don't think it would constitute evidence in isolation. I think it's important to differentiate events which take on a very specific meaning when you make a (perhaps reasonable) presupposition from things which directly imply said presupposition. I also find the fact that there's an incredibly strong case for John experiencing attraction to men who are not Paul – while not evidence for McLennon per se – significantly increases the likelihood that the above quotes are pointing to real feelings for Paul.

(also notice how none of these are song lyrics lol – songs would almost always fall under that idea of something which might take on a connotation, given biographical context, but can almost never be seen as evidence of something on their own)

Paul

1. That "Maybe if I had been a woman I could have–" quote. I don't have the exact phrasing handy, but you know the one.

2. Generally how defensive Paul has historically been about John's sexuality. This is completely circumstantial, but I agree it's a reasonable reading of Paul's behaviour.

The above two points are by far the biggest arguments for Paul IMO though they are notably not as directly linked to the idea of Paul having feelings for John as my John quotes were (which doesn't mean Paul being in love with John is impossible, of course).

The next stuff doesn't really convince me at all but I still think it's the best:

3. His general reaction to JohnandYoko*

4. Paul going off about John's looks a lot.**

5. I guess lyrics lol. Dear Friend and However Absurd are probably the best ones. Honourable mention to the "I find my love awake" verse of Too Many People.

*I'm actually a fierce believer in the concept that a) JohnandYoko were not a normal couple so this isn't just a simple case of being upset at your bestie getting a partner and it's imo willingly obtuse to act like that's what was happening and b) even then, platonic jealousy is not unheard of. But I certainly recognize that it could be a sexually-driven jealousy.

**Gay men and straight women will fawn over women's looks and talk in much more sexually charged language than Paul about John. Sure, "it's different for straight men", which is why I'll grant it, but just something to think about as well.

The Paul stuff looks a bit half-hearted – because it is, but I did spend a lot of time trying to think of stuff. If you can think of something you personally find more convincing than any of these points, feel free to send it over and I'll tell you how I would "rank it" and why. It's possible I'm forgetting something that deserves to be up there.

Last point, but I actually think it's really important to be able to more or less rank evidence of one's own beliefs. And of beliefs one doesn't hold.

[templetogavage]

Hey there! I've noticed a few tags appearing on multiple posts like 'gone to seed' and 'sampling the beefcake', and I was wondering if you had like. A directory for all the different tags you use?

Not as of yet! So I guess I should start.

General

#adipose answers: This tag identifies ask answers.

#fattening feed: This tag identifies reblogged content.

#delectable diet: This tag identifies original content.

#rotund roundup: This tag identifies roundup content.

#weekly weighing: This tag identifies weekly roundup content.

#content type: [type]: This tag identifies the type of content featured: text, audio, video, photo, art, or AI art (AI art is separated because I know some prefer not to see it).

Body

These tags refer to body type, mostly, but includes a few other factors about how a man looks.

#bears out of provincetown: This tag applies to men with the bearish quality- hairy, perhaps a bit of muscle, typically a firmer gut, and with a hint of masculinity. This is mostly about Vibes and doesn't require all of the things I just mentioned, and I rarely tag this with #chasable chub.

#chasable chub: This tag applies to men without the bearish quality- hairless, lacking muscle, with a softer gut, and with more of a feminine energy. This is mostly about Vibes and doesn't require all of the things I just mentioned, and I rarely tag this with #bears out of provincetown.

Dynamic

These tags refer to whether there is a dominant, versatile, or submissive element to the post.

#throwing his weight around: This is the fat man as the bully, the boss; he is bigger and better and badder than you, and he can prove it.

#lard work and delicatessen: This is the fat man as the gainer, the man who has dedicated time and effort to getting as big as he is, and wants to show it off. (Self-assured and dominant, but submissive in its desire for worship)

#prize hog at the county fair: This is the fat man as the helpless hedonist, the pig who needs to be fed, who is being fattened up for someone else's pleasure.

Props

These tags describe additional elements of the post that make it hot, in my opinion. Typically this is an aesthetic, props, etc.

#a massive man in uniform: This tag applies to men in police, firefighter, military, and sometimes particularly formal attire. Anything that could pass as a Halloween costume if needed, basically? If I think the clothes he's wearing make him hot because of what they represent, it goes here.

#dressed for excess: This tag applies to men who are peeking out of, bursting out of, or otherwise struggling to fit into the clothes that they are wearing. Tight clothes, but also shirts riding up.

#geek physique: This tag applies to men who have props that make them seem like big geeks or nerds. Video game console? D&D paraphernalia?

Kinks

These tags describe other kinks that for me, overlap and intertwine with gaining & encouraging, but are separate enough that they're tagged to represent that flavor of post.

#bound to immobility: This tag refers to an emphasis on immobility, difficulty moving, etc. Anything in the realm of immobility kink goes here.

#funhealthy lifestyle: This tag refers to an emphasis on unhealthy gaining. Unhealthy eating, sedentary lifestyle, smoking if I ever find a post like that I'm into which is rare...

#measure twice cut once: This tag refers to an emphasis on measurement and numbers. Tape measurements, stats about clothing sizes, popping buttons, etc.

#temple to gluttony: This tag refers to an emphasis on feederism, food, chugging, and similar things that are visceral and physical and specifically highlighting eating.

[Will be updated as I write up more of my tagging system.]

[alex-fictus]

Not a suggestion, more a question - how do you make your stickers? Your art inspired me to make stickers but I don’t know where to start!!

Ooh Tutorial Time! I have a small rundown of my process here. (I’ve got a video here, but I’ve had an update in my materials. Also this got a little away from me, I hope this helps and lemme know if there’s anything I need to elaborate on!)

---  Materials:  Printer - Epson Ecotank 8500 Cutters - Silhouette Cameo 4s (I’ve got 2 at the moment) Paper - Zicoto Glossy Vinyl Laminates - Glossy and Holo Star Laminate (Both Self Adhesive) Misc    Off Brand Sticker Cutter mats     Ruler Squeegee with extra microfiber wrap    Sports glove tack spray or sewing basting spray

Printer - Aim for a photographic printer at the minimum. General print quality, color variety, and paper handling will make sure your prints are the highest possible quality. They’re a little more expensive, but my last printer lasted 4 years with frequent weekly printing. The ecotank is nice, it’s more visual that the ink is actually disappearing than the pre-filled cartridges lol.  Cutter - I’ve only used Silhouette, but I’ve heard to stay clear of Cricut due to general cut unreliability and lack of customer service assistance. I’ve also heard great things about the Siser Juliet cutter from mutuals. In order to use 2 machines at the same time, I had to purchase the Business license ( p sure it was a one time $50 purchase, but I can work twice as fast). If you want to cut by hand, check out what kind of ergonomic scissors you can find. Classic scissors over time can really screw up your hands, especially when you’re making fine cuts. 

Printing and Sizing - The Silhouette Studio resizes your stickers without many issues with quality changes. This does kinda depend on the base size of your files. I always make my stickers on a canvas 3000x2000 pixels and 300 dpi. I wouldn’t go any lower than 100 dpi for print, and no larger than 500 dpi, but you can always test this out.

Paper - I enjoy the luster of the paper I linked above, there’s almost a pearlescent quality to it. If you’d like a different quality, I recommend still sticking with glossy vinyl for your paper. Laminates on matte sticker paper have had a lot of trapped air underneath for me and it tended to be more likely to bleed in contact with water despite being laminated.

Laminate - If you’re just doing paper finish stickers, you can skip this step :)

Laminate them to make them more water and scratch resistant. The laminates I’ve listed are all self adhesive. There are also heat adhesive laminates, which require a heat laminator. I haven’t experimented much with heated laminates. Mine are best rated for hand wash, though they can go through the dishwasher a few times.  When laminating your sticker sheet, be sure to not cover your registration marks. When your cutter tries to read over them and the surface is really reflective, it can cause the machine to read improperly (and it’s worse with the holographics lol). Either precut your laminates like I do in the video I linked above, or you can use matte tape over your laminate to dull the sheen. If you accidentally cover your registration marks, the matte tape is a lifesaver.  Self laminating takes some muscle memory to not get bubbles trapped under the laminate, but a wide squeegee and firm pressure helps make sure you get as few bubbles as possible.  Mats - Your cutter will come with a few, but I find that my off-brand ones are just as good and less expensive. I prefer low-tack, but there comes a time when the tack is absolutely gone, and I have 10+ mats just sitting around. That’s where the Sports Glove spray or Sewing basting spray comes in! After washing them (soap and water, then dry for a few hours), I hit them with a few coats of spray. Right now I’m using Pow’r Tac Grip Spray. It’s just ok, but this leaves less residue on the back of my stickers than the Basting Spray I used to use. I retack every month or so, but that’s more bc I’d prefer the mats to be less sticky than risk ripping my backing sheets. 

----

If there’s anything you’d still like to know, please let me know!! 

[glasskey]

Nick & June's Mix tape Vol. 2

With season 2 comes volume 2 of our Nick and June mix and it’s an interesting one. Nick and June fall in love, await the arrival of their new bub, fight off numerous enemies and we learn that true love requires absolute sacrifice.

Rebel Handmaid Commander

Watching Nick and June fight at the Boston Globe is absolutely mesmerising. These two have been locked up and forced to behave for so long, now they have the freedom to actually argue (amongst other things…. cough cough) it’s like shaking the can and ripping off the lid. This scene is supercharged from the word go. The sex scene here is raw, real and by ordinary standards, it’s seriously graphic. These two are finally taking a deep breath of one another, instead of whispering sweet nothings and secreting themselves away in clandestine corners. June bites Nick, it’s antagonistic, a sign that they’re not going to be playing nice today. She’s still slightly pissed off and she wants no part of the lawn boy bit, so he’d better bring his A game. Well okay then.

There’s an incredible sense of relief at watching June being able to argue with Nick, the Handmaids hood and its accessories are ashes, and at last after years of being made to be quiet, she’s allowed to actually yell at a man for being an idiot. She’s also not this delicate precious thing in the tower anymore, and Blaine’s finally got the opportunity to have a few choice words of his own. Essentially both of them have grievances and they’re not pulling any punches. It’s clear from June’s new nickname that she’s already earning herself quite a reputation amongst The Eyes as a bit of a trouble maker. As the mother of his child, Nick’s understandably feeling a little antsy about her sticking her neck out so readily for the noose. Given Gilead’s somewhat unforgiving laws, Blaine seems to be a touch vexed that he’s spending a lot of time playing “stubborn or stupid” when it comes to June. But it’s exactly this relentless recklessness that enables her to be the kind of leader, he already sense’s she will become.

June’s rightfully annoyed that, while yes she has been extricated from the Waterford’s clutches, Nick doesn’t seem to have much of an idea as to what’s next. At this point Nicks still finding his feet with Mayday, no doubt he’s always known where to find them when he needs to, but up until now he’s never needed to. In Gilead you need to think two moves ahead and June’s allegation of Nick wanting “to play the hero” is a crack at just how unprepared he is. There’s a definite dig here at his status in the Waterford household as the resident whipping boy who’s suddenly decided that he wants to level up. As with June transitioning from “not being that kind of person” to our Rebel Handmaid Commander it all takes time. Heroes aren’t born, they’re forged through struggle and battle and Blaine’s not even close to being fully formed yet. It’s not until the end of Season 2, when he finally holds his daughter, that we see him begin this journey and it’s only the end of Season 5 that he truly earns a place by her side as a warrior.

Blaine’s definitely not thinking straight, he’s a freshly minted baby daddy who’s freaked out and gone against all of his instincts of self-preservation, to help June make a break for the border. June’s no better, she’s all heart, no head here too. Her love for Hannah completely outweighing any reasonable argument that Nick may have for the remotest chance of success. Ultimately his options are limited to letting her go with a gun or without one. Make no mistake, she was always going to get those keys.

Corinthians

In season 2 we see Blaine cite Corinthians 13:4, a psalm espousing the pure nature of love in front of Fred, Serena and his newly arranged wife, as he looks at June. “Love is patient” according to Corinthians 13:4, in Gilead it has to be, marriage is transactional and love is an inconvenient obstacle to a servant’s higher purpose.

If you were ever under any illusions that Nick was a “free” man, the whole Eden debacle should clarify things for you nicely. A free man doesn’t have to marry a child bride while the woman he loves and the mother of his child watches. That’s just not a thing. Nicks selection of this psalm is a message to June that’s designed to serve as an assurance amongst all the recent emotional rubble, but he’s also hoping to God that some of its actual meaning will penetrate Fred and Serena’s thick skulls. Unfortunately it’s to no avail, to the Waterford’s Corinthians is simply just pretty words and no message.

When Nick reads Corinthians, Serena understands exactly who it’s for and promptly sends June to her room…….like that’s actually going to make a difference. Serena’s maneuverings in this arranged marriage and Eden’s ensuing death are an eerie reflection of her forced conception of Holly and the ultimate theft of Nick and June’s dream for a family through the appropriation of their child.

Eden’s death is a metaphor for the destruction of paradise, her recitation of Corinthians 13:4 just prior to her death brings into sharp relief Gilead’s ruthless annihilation of beauty. Eden’s refusal to apologise for, lie about or relinquish Isaac, speaks loudly of the absolute unselfish sacrifice of true love. Nick may not give a fuck about himself but he loves June entirely and refuses to see her dead, however painful, he resolves to give her up.

Serena has observed the progression of Nick and June’s relationship and decided enough is enough, it’s now reached threat level 9 and needs to be stopped before it hits critical mass. Corinthians 13:4 speaks of love as something that is earned, treasured, abides through trials of great suffering, heals and humbles. If Serena had any inkling of what this meant, she’d know it was already way too late.

He's the one who got them out.

There’s selfless, and then there’s this next level shit that Nick pulled in season 2 when he smuggles out a bunch of handmaids letters and then credits Luke with getting them out. Okay so maybe not completely incorrect after all Luke and Moira did flood the internet with them. But seriously the statement “got them out” implies some type of serious effort or danger like let’s say a trip across the border with them, rather than a simple post on Insta or Twitter with a few choice hash tags.

At the very least Nick should get a bit of credit here right? RIGHT? The fact that he DOESN’T take any is absolutely intentional. Nick returned from Canada asking for nothing and giving June everything. It cost him a huge part of himself and the fact that he gave it away so readily was designed to illustrate his pure self-sacrifice for her. This is the moment, right here that’s designed to show that Blaine loves her, like LOVES her, and officially doesn’t care what it costs him.

The very act of passing these letters to Luke and then crediting Luke with them, is a veiled metaphor for the passing of messages back and forth between June and her family. While ridiculously selfless it’s necessary for Blaine to credit Luke in order to complete the actual construct of the metaphor.

Blaine is June’s conduit, her messenger, guardian, guide, lover, but with the words “I met your husband” he reminds her and acknowledges that in the ordinary world he will have to relinquish these roles. There are three words contained in this scene that perfectly capture Blaine’s sentiment and they’re heartbreaking in their simplicity: “I should go” he says and as he leaves he tells her he loves her for the last time that season.

Blaine looks crushed and limps away visibly wounded, June is so overjoyed by his news about Luke and Moira, it’s as if she is blind to his pain. For both of them there is the realisation that not only CAN she leave but she inevitably WILL. It’s not long after we see him arrange for June to leave and for the next three seasons he keeps his distance. This is a crucial moment for Blaine, the letters home and meeting Luke face to face form the basis of his attempted growing separation from her as he tries to do “the right thing”. The only problem is, the more that Blaine sacrifices for her, the more her love for him grows.

I wish I could hold her

No exaggeration, this fucking wrecked me. There are a few moments on THT that choke me up spontaneously and this is one of them. It’s absolutely gutting to see a usually stoic Blaine suddenly dissolve into a puddle of vulnerability, heartache and tenderness.

Blaine doesn’t often talk about their baby, he doesn’t dare, it’s altogether too much to hope for that they might one day be a family. Here he can’t contain himself, “Our babies so beautiful” he says, his joy over the birth of his new daughter and his love for the mother of his child, spilling out of him. “I wish I could hold her” he says with the heartbreaking revelation that Nick has been stripped of any claim to his own daughter, including the ability to hold her for the first time. Tears well in June’s eyes, her usual sassy cynicism completely melting away in a single heartbeat.

With the birth of Holly comes the first time we hear Blaine actually mention the possibility of leaving Gilead, for the first time he has something that might make him try. The two of them fantasise about an idyllic escape from the Hell of Gilead. The golden glowing leafy window makes it hard to believe they’re not already standing on a sandy beach beneath lush green trees.

The Waterford’s window contains a gingko biloba, the most ancient of all trees, a symbol of their lasting love and growing family tree. This is one of those incredible THT moments that will stay with you throughout the seasons, where two parents bond over the birth of their child and dream of a better life together…..in Hawaii. I’m not crying, you’re crying…

Before I get into our 3rd Nick and June Mix tape, I’ve got a second Lawrence and June Mix. In the future Nick and Lawrence will be getting a separate Mix tape, and Nick, June and Tuello will all be getting their own playlists. See you then.

[woman-for-women]

hello w4w! i love your blog, thank you for all that you do. i was wondering how you make your stickers? i would love to make some feminist stickers with my own designs! thank you/have a good day!

Hi, and thank you! I think this is a good chance to write up:

How you (yes, you!) can make your own feminist stickers (a comprehensive guide from cheapest to most expensive)

Method 1 - Label Sticker Roll and Markers

This is the easiest and cheapest method. ANYONE can do this! (Seriously, this is your sign.)

You can use regular permanent markers, multicolored markers, or jumbo markers (seen above) for your desired effect. You can also buy label stickers in smaller packs if $10 for 500 is out of your budget. Permanent markers also last a long time and stay visible for ages. However, the label stickers will deteriorate over time, since they're primarily paper-based and not water proof. I use a glossy paper for my stickers, which has held up decently in heavy rain conditions.

Method 2 - Label Sticker Roll and Stamps

You can use a customized rubber stamp, a customized self-inking stamp, or a self-inking stamp that you customize yourself with the provided tray of rubber stamping letters that you place on the stamp tray (seen above). This option is great because you can quickly make tons of stickers. The downside is that stamp ink is a little less weather resistant than permanent marker, and the labels are still not water-proof.

Method 3 - Printing Stickers without a Sticker Printer

These label sticker sheets come in a ton of styles! Since it's just a special 8.5 x 11 in paper, it works in most regular printers! You can format your text or artwork to print on each sticker in Word, Canva, or Adobe Illustrator, then print it at home, at a print shop, or at a local library. Again, these aren't waterproof since they're primarily paper-based, but they stick pretty well and can help you make stickers quickly.

Method 4 - Outsource your Printing

printplace.com does vinyl stickers for super cheap. You just upload your artwork and you can get stickers for around $0.05/sticker. The downside is you have to buy in bulk, meaning prices start around $50, but the upside is the stickers are high quality, waterproof and weather resistant, don't require tons of manual labor from you to produce, and are ready to go once they arrive on your doorstep!

Method 5 - Thermal Label Printer

This is the method I use to make my stickers! The two printers below are the ones I have, and the refills are the tape refills I use. Since they're thermal printers, they don't use ink. Although the printers are a bit pricey, you get a lot of stickers for your money per sticker tape refill order.

Both printers use a phone app to print and design stickers. They work via Bluetooth and connect to your phone to do all the printing. Both printers print black text/designs only. The Vixic label printer app is a lot more limited. You can only use different fonts and text, small emojis/icons, and different borders for your sticker design. The NIIMBOT printer allows for QR codes and uploaded images in addition to different fonts/text. The stickers are also larger. The NIIMBOT printer is compatible with several different sticker sizes. The NIIMBOT stickers are primarily paper-based, so they're not completely waterproof. If you want your NIIMBOT stickers to be waterproof, you can buy their clear stickers! Both printers support clear and different-colored tape refills for more colorful stickers. You can also color on your NIIMBOT stickers with Sharpies to add color.

Between the two I would recommend the NIIMBOT. The refills are a much better value for your money and the stickers are larger and more versatile.

For further resources, I would recommend checking out my w4w how to tag, linked here! It explains how I make my artwork for infographics, posts, (and stickers) in Canva!

You can also order FREE Radical Feminist stickers and dowload FREE ARTWORK for your own stickering/flyering endeavors from my store here!

Because my store blew up overnight a few days ago, I'm introducing limited-inventory drops (hence the X left banner on each item), where every few weeks I will package and add more stickers. That way when someone orders, it's guaranteed their stickers are packaged and all I have to do is address an envelope to them and ship it.

In order to keep up with demand and keep this project afloat, the stickers will remain free/pay-what-you-can, but I'm charging less than $2 for shipping to keep this project funded and make sure I can make and distribute as many stickers. It's also a pretty cheap option for stickers, which is the whole point of my sticker project!

The good news is I'm mailing discount codes on the back of my business cards to customers so they can get a discount on any return orders! I encourage people to order again :)

You can also download 20+ sticker designs, completely for free, in the link above. You can use it to make your own stickers, flyers, whatever you want!

Happy stickering!