#lauren takes too long to say things

[thelaurenshippen]

finally taking the time to read through the SAG agreement summary and oof, I hope they have an AI town hall soon because...well, there are things to discuss!

so, in case folks are curious, here are my immediate takeaways from the deal as a SAG actor, a SAG producer, and person who is not any kind of expert but spends a lot of time being skeptical of contracts I sign. this is a summation/commentary, not a holistic breakdown of every point, nor even an in-depth discussion of the points I do talk about. and it is, of course, in no way legal advice or voting advice.

this post is already maybe the longest post I've ever written on tumblr (lol) and I feel like I've barely scratched the surface. to be clear, nothing I'm saying here represents how I'm going to vote, how I think other actors should vote, or my be-all-end-all stance on a particular issue. this is me reading through, flagging what concerns me, and asking myself questions. and I'm here to take your questions too! though of course my expertise is limited.

(what?? something I wrote got annoying long?? in my tumblr? it's more likely, etc. huge write-up after the cut)

the good

self-tape stuff: this is one of the more niche/the thing that the general public will find least interesting, but they've put in a lot of provisions to make sure self-tape auditions have limits (# of pages, no stunts, no nudity, doesn't have to be professionally shot, etc.) which is amazing because these types of auditions have gotten out of control since the pandemic. this feels like a great gain

data transparency: in no world did I think the streamers were ever going to agree to any data sharing with either the wga or sag so even though the data is limited, this still feels huge to me.

folks who sing and dance will be paid for both of those things now, which is great

they've added MLK day and Juneteenth as holidays (about time)

a performer cannot be required to translate their own lines

principal performers are required to be given hair and makeup consultation or reimbursed for obtaining their own services - this seems like a small thing, but it's being put in here pretty much entirely because HMU services have generally been appalling when it comes to textured hair/a variety of skin tones. there's also stuff in here about working to hire more diverse HMU artists

it looks like it's going to be easier/provide a path for folks getting IMDb credits even if they're not credited on screen

miscellany: there's a bunch of gains in wage increases, P&H increases, relocation fees, franchise language etc. that all seem good to me, though my limited knowledge on those subjects prevents me from going in depth on them.

this is not important, but it tickled me, there's a term to replace all instances of "telegraph" in the contract with "email & text" which like...why has it taken us thirty years to do that lol.

the "...hm..."

intimacy coordinators: oof. when I watched the press conference SAG gave, I was fucking thrilled when they said that the new agreement required folks to hire intimacy coordinators for nudity and simulated sex scenes. that was almost reason enough for me to vote for it tbh - not requiring it is the exact reason I voted no on our last contract. however, reading the contract summary now, the exact language is: "Producer must use best efforts to engage an Intimacy Coordinator for scenes involving nudity or simulated sex and will consider in good faith any request by a performer to engage an Intimacy Coordinator for other scenes. Producer shall not retaliate against a performer for requesting an Intimacy Coordinator." this....sucks. "best efforts" and "good faith" are not the same as "required". IMO, an intimacy coordinator is the same thing as having a stunt coordinator or, like, any number of health and safety requirements. OSHA doesn't say you must "in good faith" put your "best effort" to providing fire exits. it's great that performers can request coordinators for any kind of scene, and this is still the strongest language we've ever had in a contract but....c'mon guys.

residuals: look, I can't speak to these new terms in any concrete way. there are increases, there are bonuses for streaming success, there's a whole thing about a fund regarding those successes that I need explained to me more in depth, but overall, it looks like we made some in-roads here. as someone who employs actors under digital distribution contracts that has no residuals (podcasts), I know how genuinely cumbersome the unholy trifecta of "views-success-profit" can be (as in views do not equal success, success does not equal profit, etc.). I also have no sympathy when the majority of companies dealing with that cumbersome trifecta are massive media conglomerates. anyway, long story short, idk if this is good enough, I'm hoping to attend the next info meeting sag has.

the bad

the new hair/makeup provisions are explicitly for principal actors. while I hope it leads to better, more inclusive HMU services all around I haaaate that this implies supporting or background actors (who oftentimes also have to sit in HMU) don't deserve the consideration. (then again, background actors are usually required to do their own HMU/bring their own costumes, but for productions where that's not the case, the same HMU provisions should apply IMO)

as with every contract, there's language that could be stronger, clarity that needs to exist, and important things missing - but this isn't the final contract and I'm not a lawyer, so I'm gonna leave that stuff to the experts.

but, "lauren", you say, "what about all the AI stuff? where does that go?" well, reader, I was planning on including that in the above but it's the hot-button issue right now and I think it's wickedly complicated, so I wanted to break it down separately, after I had a chance to point out all the good-bad-in-between stuff that's not getting talked about.

a note: in my career, I've learned there's two big things to keep in mind when reading a contract you might sign:

what is the worst case interpretation of this language (thank you to my lawyer, prince among men, for teaching me how to do this in practice (that said, anything I say here is not legal advice, he'd also want me to say that lol))

what are you willing to lose/compromise on/what are the limits of your pragmatism? contracts are not about a company giving you everything you want out of the goodness of their heart - it is always a compromise. pragmatism has to be a part of the equation.

so, with that said, I'm going to play a little devil's advocate here, and a) try to find the good/the pragmatic and b) catastrophize the worst case scenario. but first, it might be handy to look at this SAG infographic for some basic definitions. let's go.

the AI good

a ton of stuff here requires consent. that is not a small thing, and the consent continues even after your death (whether it was a yes or no; though this can be complicated by your estate/your union)

the language does establish that the consent must be a separate signing from the employment contract, even if its in the contract, which is great (but more on that below - timing matters)

actors often do get paid for use of their digital replicas, though it's different based on the use/type of replica.

the actor must be provided with a "reasonably specific description of the intended use". this language is vaguer than I would like, because it allows producers to decide what "reasonably specific" and "intended" means - there's always going to be some vagueness when it comes to this specific thing, but a good start would be for producers to require not blanket consent, but conditional consent for each significant use of digital replicas.

if the replicas are being used in other mediums, that must also be consented to, thank god.

replicas cannot be used in place of background actor counts on a given day - if I'm understanding this correctly, this means a production can't just have a bunch of fake background actors by themselves, they have to engage real people up to a certain number first (which in this new contract is 25 for TV and 85 for movies). we're already filling in background with digital people or copy-pasting of the same crowd over and over and have been doing so since at least the late 90s, so it's good we're continuing to put up boundaries around that.

the AI "...hm..."

it's unclear (to me) when an actor can be asked to consent. IMO, everything is meaningless if the consent is happening as part of regular contract negotiations. these things have to happen when - and only when - the actor has already been engaged in a role and feels empowered to say no

the use of independently created replicas (replicas pulled from existing footage, not created by the actor) being allowed without consent under first amendment reasoning - this is obviously concerning a lot of people bc first amendment arguments are so broad. that said, there's a pragmatism part of me that understands this is already happening/has been happening for a while and used in ways I think are perfectly fine - I was just watching the new episode of For All Mankind (one of the best TV shows right now!) and it's an alternate history, which meant that in the opening scenes of this season they had some bonkers good deep fakes of Al Gore saying stuff he never said. I think that's okay to do in a fiction show that imagines a different US history! "but Lauren", you might be saying, "Al Gore isn't a member of SAG!" are you sure? are you positive? because I'm pretty certain he is - he was in several episodes of 30 Rock, way more people are in SAG than you think (every NPR reporter for instance), and the two worst presidents we've had in the last 50 years (yes, those ones), are both definitely members of SAG (even if one is dead). now, the other side of this is that public figures like politicians are under a different social contract than actors, and if they wanted to sue, they could, unlike the average SAG actor who might have their image abused. this is why this is in the "hm" column - deep fakes and parody/satire/commentary use of replicas is already here and there's always going to be a 1st amendment argument to make, so we need to figure out how best to limit those and protect the most vulnerable.

alteration: with this language, a project can digitally alter without consent if the script and performance stays "substantially" the same. again, this language is too mealy-mouthed. I don't know that I have a huge problem with a line of dialogue getting replaced with a digital version of that actors voice if, for instance, a word was mispronounced, or wind garbled the sound or whatever - yes, it would eliminate the need for ADR, but if we put some limit on it like..."if there are more than 5 lines in a given episode/movie that require digital alteration in the service of clarity, the actor must be engaged for an ADR session or paid for the digital replacement" then I could see this being workable. I'm also personally okay with things like costumes being digitally altered but, again, we need limitations on that. digital altering cannot replace the art of costuming but, for instance, if a costume needs to be altered to include a hate symbol or something, I think that's fine (example: I have friends who worked at the VFX house for an alternate history TV show that involved a lot of Nazi costuming and set design - a huge part of that VFX house's job was to put swastikas in places, rather than props making nazi flags. I'm okay with that!) but again, these fringe cases do not a compelling arugment make, and this contract language can be interpreted too broadly for my comfort! like everything else in this "hm" category, I need to see the final contract language to decide.

the AI bad

there's a bunch of circumstances in which actors don't get paid for creating their replica/use of it and those circumstances are too broad for my taste.

synthetic performers - this is just awful. no. no, we should not be allowing AI to generate entire actors. just............no. there's some language about the producers having to talk to the union if the synthetic performer is "used in place of a performer who would have been engaged under this Agreement in a human role" but this doesn't apply to non-human characters so....wouldn't that be all roles?? leaving the producers room to be like "this role has to be synthetic, we never would've cast a human!" is bullshit. also, even if we're having AI create a magical talking unicorn whole cloth (which, like, also no, we have artists for this), that unicorn still needs to be voiced by a human person. this whole section is a disaster.

the exceptions to consent for digital alteration are bad-bad. I talked about the potential ADR replacement above and that has a whole host of issues with it that I didn't even get into, but I can see the argument. the rest are very troubling:

there is an exception under "any circumstance when dubbing or use of a double is permitted under the Codified Basic Agreement or Television Agreement" - okay, so does this mean we can replace dubbing artists and stunt performers entirely? this section is about digital alteration, but who's to say alteration couldn't turn an actor broadly miming a fight into an entirely digital, expertly performed fight that usually a stunt double would have done? with AI translation technology, does this mean we're replacing VO artists for dubs entirely? bad!

similarly, "Adjusting lip and/or other facial or body movement and/or the voice of the performer to a foreign language, or for purposes of changes to dialogue or photography necessary for license or sale to a particular market" - Justine Bateman has a great twitter thread on the terrible puppetry potential of this but I want to draw attention to the particular market bit - we all know that selling to china is such a huge part of studios' strategies that they'll remove entire scenes or lines around queer stuff. to me, this clause makes all of that so much easier. I know the argument here is going to be "we can replace swear words and license it for kids!" which.......sure? fine? but, uh, we already have ways to deal with that? and the potential for abuse here is terrifying to me. with all the digital alteration stuff too, there's just so much icky implication for the beauty/body standard to get so much worse.

if a background actor’s digital replica is used in the role of a principal performer, they'll be paid as if they actually performed the days for that role, which, sure, but uhhhh why are we saying it's okay for a digital replica of a background actor to suddenly be a leading role!?!?! I can't think of anything more demoralizing than going to set to act in background (a job I've done! an important job! a fun job a lot of the time! but creatively limited) and then getting a much bigger role (the dream!) and.....not being able to, you know, act that role or be in scenes with other principal actors or do the thing that you've dedicated your life to doing. nightmare stuff.

woof. there's so much more to say but I'm going to leave it there. these are the concerns I'm going to go into SAG's meetings with, and the concerns I'll be considering as I decide how to vote. I know there are things I didn't address and very possibly things I misinterpreted or misrepresented - if you're an actor, I highly recommend a) reading that Justine Bateman thread and b) attending SAG's meetings to ask questions and express your concerns. and I'd love to hear what y'all think! my ask box is open.

[thelaurenshippen]

oooh interesting question! thanks for tagging me @holliwoobz!

I have complicated feelings about the word "creator", but I have complicated feelings about nearly every term used to refer to what I do, so it's no better or worse for me than any other. this question could just as easily have the word "artist" or "writer" or "podcaster" and I think my response would be equally ambivalent. in any case, I'm not sure that I have a strong definition for feeling like a creator - on the one hand, I felt like a creator the moment I put pen to paper and wrote my first story and on the other hand, I still don't feel like a creator at all, because I don't feel fully successful as one. I make my living from a patchwork of things, and creating is, in many ways, the smallest contributor to that patchwork.

but there are a few moments that stick out to me in the "oh shit I'm really doing this" feeling -

the table read for @thebrightsessions - hearing Julia, Briggon, and Anna give voice to these characters that had been only in my head was deeply surreal and rewarding

seeing fanart for the very first time. I remember it SO vividly. it was on instagram, in march of 2016, pretty much just after our second season began. it was a few doodles of chloe and I remember thinking "if this is it, if this show completely falls apart tomorrow, I'll be satisfied, because someone felt moved enough by it to make their own art"

recording the season 3 finale of TBS, the safe house episodes. those were the first episodes we ever recorded in a studio, not my bedroom (the only other episode we recorded in a studio in the first 4 seasons of TBS was the musical) and it was a full, 8 hour recording day, with pretty much the whole cast at, like, a real, fancy-ass studio that I dipped into my measly savings to cover and I sat in the parking lot for a full hour because I woke up at 6am and by 7:30 I just had to get out of the fucking house even if the session didn't start until 9. I had not one single goddamn clue of what I was doing, had never directed anything in a studio, had never tried to block anything before and, sure, we'd rehearsed, but I felt entirely unprepared. and then, you know, not the most emotionally chill episodes ever, so by the end of it, I was wrung out. but I got back into my car that evening and thought about how ten hours earlier I'd had to stare at the steering wheel and concentrate on not throwing up and now I was driving home having done it and done it well and maybe I really could make something of myself in this medium

and even now, having written hundreds of episodes of audio drama, directed even more than that, having worked with big companies and produced indie shows from other creators, having been hired to consult as an "expert", invited to speak at conferences and to college classes, I still sort of feel like I'm going to throw up every time I'm about to walk into that studio. I constantly have that feeling of "well, I made something that some people like, but that was a fluke, I'm not really a writer".

part of this is, of course, just your garden variety imposter syndrome that I'm not sure any of us ever truly get rid of. but the other big piece, the lesson I learned a few years into making shit and having it go somewhere, is that you never really arrive. you're never done, you've never made it. I long for the day that I'll be able to just write and make things and have that be enough to pay for my life and, god forbid, actually contribute to my retirement account, but I know that that level of stability won't necessarily mean I finally feel like a creator, like that's my job, like that's who I am, and like that's enough. but every day I do create, and that's the important part. so that's the feeling I try to focus on.

Audio drama creators: what moment made you feel like you were *actually* a creator?

[faaun]

ok let's catch up quickly

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Humphrey Bogart (Casablanca, Key Largo, Sabrina)—John Huston speaking at Bogart's funeral: "Himself, he never took his work too seriously. He regarded the somewhat gaudy figure of Bogart, the star, with an amused cynicism; Bogart, the actor, he held in deep respect … In each of the fountains at Versailles there is a pike which keeps all the carp active; otherwise they would grow over-fat and die. Bogie took rare delight in performing a similar duty in the fountains of Hollywood. Yet his victims seldom bore him any malice, and when they did, not for long. His shafts were fashioned only to stick into the outer layer of complacency, and not to penetrate through to the regions of the spirit where real injuries are done … He is quite irreplaceable. There will never be another like him."

Buster Keaton (The General, The Navigator, Sherlock Jr.)—For me Buster’s hotness comes not just from his physical beauty but in the constant surprise and contradictions of the man, he’s simultaneously delicate/rough, feminine/masculine, confident/vulnerable, 5foot5 pretty face with an unexpectedly deep voice, at first glance you think oh he’s a cute little thing and then he takes his top off and it’s Superman abs underneath. He was intensely shy in social situations but had no hesitation in jumping off the top of a building. He famously never smiled on screen* but he exudes warmth and joy and laughter. He created some of the most beautiful, intelligent movies ever made but refused to acknowledge his own genius and talent as an artist, instead maintaining that all he wanted to do was make people laugh. If he was here in reality competing in this poll he would give it 100% but he would not be at all bothered if he didn’t win. And that’s why he’s the hottest vintage man. A vote for Buster is a vote for all that is good and decent in the world 💕 (*he did smile on camera occasionally despite his own assertions to the contrary 😄)

This is round 3 of the bracket. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage man.

[enormous amounts of additional propaganda submitted under the cut]

Humphrey Bogart propaganda:

Bogart on why he became an actor: "I was born to be indolent and this was the softest of rackets."

Bogart about his wife Methot [who later divorced him]: "I like a jealous wife ... I wouldn't give you two cents for a dame without a temper."

Bogart, on why he was one of the only cast members filming African Queen to avoid catching dysentery: "All I ate was baked beans, canned asparagus and Scotch Whiskey. Whenever a fly bit me, it dropped dead."

Bogart's advice to a recently-nominated friend on how to write an acceptance speech for an oscar: "Just say you did it all yourself and don't thank anyone."

"the way he looks at Lauren Bacall……"

Buster Keaton propaganda:

"Just look at his freaking face...."

This entire Tumblr page was submitted

This post

This video

"And for those who have never heard it, here’s his lovely voice in action: link"

Submitted: Link to Buster Keaton car stunts

Submitted: BK fancam

Submitted: quotes about BK video compilation

"Ripped body, gorgeous unique face, beautiful personality too"

[leqonsluv3r]

heyy could you do some hcs abt re4 leon having a crush or dating a dso secretary? love your wirting sm <33

boss!re4 leon kennedy

—re4 leon!kennedy x dso!secretary reader, a headcanon list

masterlist taglist

an: jesus, i’m reading terms and conditions by lauren asher, so the timing of this request is perfect. thank you anon <33

boss!leon kennedy who has high expectations when he hires you. thinking you’ll be different then the secretary’s before.

boss!leon kennedy who watches you arrive 5 minutes late on your first day, messing with your clothes and getting started on the tasks he asks. he doesn’t usually let his secretary’s be late, gives them hell for it. but for you he’s letting it go.

boss!leon kennedy who finds it hard to focus sometimes when you come into the agency, your heels clicking and snapping him from his reports like a siren sound.

boss!leon kennedy who always lets his eyes linger on your legs whenever you wear a skirt, letting his eyes linger a little too long. he swears one day he’ll fuck you with a skirt on, he almost promises himself.

boss!leon kennedy who likes the way you giggle at stupid jokes and things that are said around the office. he even cracks a few when he stops by your desk outside his office, just to hear your sweet laugh.

boss!leon kennedy who takes time memorizing everything you like. making mental notes for all the things you love and hate. just because he’s interested in anything involving you.

boss!leon kennedy who drives you home late one night. he wouldn’t dream of you paying for a taxi or walking, not a beautiful girl like you and not in the city late at night.

boss!leon kennedy who steals glances at you in your pretty work attire as he drives you home, listening to your brief talking of the stressful workday and all the people you had to deal with.

boss!leon kennedy who makes sure that all the stressful people come directly to him instead of you. not wanting to stress you out or make you cry (heaven forbid), he couldn’t bear the sight of that.

boss!leon kennedy who asks you to be his date to the agency’s annual banquet. telling you it’s just a work date, but who is he kidding? he just wants to see you dressed up in something that’s not a tight blouse or skirt for once.

boss!leon kennedy who picks you up two days later at your place. having the address memorized from when he dropped you off that one time. he watches you walk out in a dress that leaves little to the imagination.

boss!leon kennedy who introduces you as his date, shushing you when you try to tell them that your his secretary instead. and he loves the way your brows furrow in confusion as you look between him and the agency’s finest at the banquet.

boss!leon kennedy who practically sends glares in other men’s directions, daring them to even try and talk to you. he doesn’t trust other men, not with what’s soon to be his.

boss!leon kennedy begrudgingly agreeing to dance with you as you drag him to the banquet halls dance floor. your arms slung around his neck and his hands hesitantly on your waist. your perfume like an aphrodisiac to him, hints of vanilla and coconut wafting into his nose as you two say on the dance floor.

boss!leon kennedy who drags you out afterwards and takes you to a conference room in the banquet hall. before you can protest he presses his lips against yours and you return it, immediately getting the subtle hints he’s dropped this evening.

boss!leon kennedy who peppers kisses along your jawline and grinds his erection into your hips as you kiss, your hands pulling greedily at his hair and letting little sounds slip. he sits you on a table and keeps devouring you.

boss!leon kennedy who pushes your dress up as you lay back on the table. he takes his time teasing and devouring you, making you whine and grasp at his hair like a tether. the prettiest sounds falling from your lips as he makes you moan and chant his name.

boss!leon kennedy who doesn’t care if there is a banquet going on outside the door, he’s going to fuck you regardless, give you what you both so desperately want.

boss!leon kennedy who fucks you with intention, letting you accommodate to his size as he smothers kisses and hickeys to your jawline, moans slipping from your lips as he fucks you faster.

boss!leon kennedy who, afterwards, makes an excuse that your feeling ill to everyone and takes you back to his place.

boss!leon kennedy who helps you take off your ruined makeup from the sex at the banquet and brushes out your frazzled sex crazed hair. he even gets you one of his large t-shirts to sleep in. loving how the fabric drowns out your frame.

boss!leon kennedy who swears you’ve ruined all other women for him. he’ll never be the same again, he swears it. he presses kisses all over and guides you to the bed.

boss!leon kennedy who tells you that he likes you, wants to be with you. despite his stoic persona is nervous and just wants you all to himself. and when you agree, wanting him back. he feels like he won the lottery.

boss!leon kennedy who falls asleep with you, in his bed in his t-shirt, feeling like the luckiest man ever in the world. not just because he’s your boss, but because your his now. and he’ll never let you go.

an: you guys are so creative. your requests never fail to blow me out of the water. reblog, like and my asks are open :)) a one shot will be up later this week. promise. i love you guys sm, mwah, kisses xx.

[thelaurenshippen]

🚨🚨🚨ALERT ALERT🚨🚨🚨

The WGA Audio Alliance has released guidelines for ALL audio writers - union and nonunion alike! - for how to best support the strike.

We worked really hard on this - it was an incredible group effort and I'm so proud of all the work the Alliance has been doing in support of the strike. I've copied the guidelines below as a read more, and color coded the safe, iffy, and not good action sections with green, yellow, and red for easy reading! There are separate guidelines for members and non-members, so be sure to read the right section!

The 2023 Strike Rules put out by the Writers Guild of America, West (“WGAW”) and the Writers Guild of America, East (“WGAE”) (jointly, the “Guild” or “WGA”) cover the official guidelines that are in effect while the Guild has called for a Strike. One of the features of these Rules is the application of them to fiction podcasts that would be covered by a WGA contract.

In general, any writers (especially those who are members of the WGA) are advised to consult with the WGA Audio Alliance to determine whether such writing is prohibited before performing, or contracting to perform, any writing services. The WGA is not interested in punishing or banning writers for finding work in fiction podcasting during the strike, only in avoiding podcasts being used as a loophole for TV and film studios to develop new projects while they are being struck.

You are in safer territory working on a project that is already in development, rather than pitching out new ideas. You are also safer working on projects that are intended to be monetized as audio-only. A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself: “Could a TV or film studio use this project to generate money or intellectual property during the strike that they wouldn’t be otherwise?” If the answer is no, you’re probably good to go!

When in doubt, contact the WGA Audio Alliance at wgaaudio@gmail.com.

GET INVOLVED / SUPPORT THE STRIKE

Join the Audio Alliance Discord

Check out the Picket Schedules and Locations

Non-Member WGA Strike Support

QUICK LINKS AND DEFINITIONS

Official WGA 2023 Strike Rules — The official guidelines outlining the rules that must be followed by members of the WGA.

WGA 2020 MBA — The entirety of the WGA 2020 Minimum Basic Agreement. Page 18 lists the original signatories to the document, which are now the struck companies.

Who Owns Who in Podcasting — A table of the major companies in the podcasting industry and who owns them.

Podcast Taxonomy — Definitions of roles and credits in podcasting

Other Definitions:

Signatory: A company that has agreed to the WGA Minimum Basic Agreement (MBA) or Collective Bargaining Agreement (CBA). For the purposes of this strike, we’re only concerned with those who have signed the MBA.

Non-Signatory: A company that has not made an agreement with the WGA and therefore operates outside of the union and strike rules.

Podcast Network / Collective: A company or organization that is responsible for the distribution and/or ad-sales of multiple podcasts. A network can also be the creator/producer of each podcast on their network (Wondery), but this is not always the case (Radiotopia). Networks tend to have top-down power (iHeart), whereas collectives tend to have decentralized power (Maximum Fun), but these terms are largely used interchangeably as they serve similar functions for the shows that are part of them.

Podcast Studio: A company/organization that produces podcasts under one name (Gimlet, Parcast).

Platform / Publisher: A company or organization that distributes podcasts of all kinds on a dedicated app (Apple Podcasts, Overcast). Some of these platforms may also be networks (iHeart) or studios (Spotify).

Independent: For the purposes of this document, independent is defined as self-owned IP financed either through personal means, crowdfunding, or a third party with no controlling interest in the IP. When in doubt, contact the Audio Alliance.

GENERAL GUIDELINES

What are best practices around promoting my fiction podcast during the strike?

Promoting your own work to non-signatories is absolutely fine, though if you’d like to stand in solidarity, it is best to avoid promotional work or appearances that would benefit a struck company.

I am working with a non-signatory on a podcast and was hoping to negotiate my contract under the WGA MBA — can I still do that?

You can, but in the event you succeed in getting the project covered by the MBA you will have to strike. The Guild is not currently signing any new signatories, so it may be best to just hold off.

WGA MEMBER GUIDELINES

SAFE ACTIONS:

1. Can I write and produce my own independent fiction podcast?

Absolutely. As long as no part of production (including pre- and post-) involves a struck company, make your own stuff!

2. Can my independent fiction podcast join a non-signatory podcast network/collective?

Yes. As long as no signatory company is involved, making and profiting from your fiction podcast is not considered crossing the picket line. The exception to this would be if the network/collective is exploiting your IP for TV/film development. If the network/collective would fully or partly own your IP, please reach out to the Alliance or your Guild’s counsel for guidance.

3. Can I write a fiction podcast for a non-signatory company that has no ties to any WGA signatory to the MBA?

Yes. As long as no signatory company is involved, making and profiting from your fiction podcast is not considered crossing the picket line. The exception to this would be if the company is exploiting your IP for TV/film development. If the company would fully or partly own your IP, please reach out to the Alliance or your Guild’s counsel for guidance.

IFFY ACTIONS / PROCEED WITH CAUTION:

4. Can I work on a fiction podcast with a non-signatory company that has strong ties to or is a subsidiary of a WGA signatory to the MBA (ex. Audible and Wondery are owned by Amazon, iHeart has a first look deal with UCP)?

Yes. However, guild members are barred from any work that may be considered or lead to TV/film development during the strike. Going pens down in sympathy on these projects is appreciated but not necessary. It is recommended that you try to include language in new deals that specifically precludes the development and pitching of the work for television or features until after the strike. If you have questions or concerns about your specific situation, please reach out to the Alliance or your Guild’s counsel for guidance.

5. Can I submit my fiction podcast to showcase events and festivals (i.e. The Gotham Project Market) during the strike?

Submission of literary material to a struck company, even indirectly, would be considered scabbing. We would encourage writers not to submit material for any of these kinds of programs in order to be sure they are not providing literary material to struck companies. If you have questions or concerns about your specific situation, please reach out to the Alliance or your Guild’s counsel for guidance.

ACTIONS THAT CROSS THE PICKET LINE:

6. Can I write a fiction podcast for a WGA signatory to the MBA?

No.

NOTE: If you are a staff member at a company under a WGA Collective Bargaining Agreement and your staff job involves writing a fiction podcast, you may continue to work. Shops under a CBA contract (like Gimlet, Ringer, and Parcast) have their own no-strike clauses in effect for their staff members and cannot strike or engage in a sympathy strike.

7. Can I take a meeting with a WGA signatory to the MBA to discuss fiction podcasts?

No. Meeting with WGA signatories during a strike is not allowed and would be considered crossing the picket line.

8. I already have a podcast — what if a company approaches me about optioning it for TV?

WGA Members cannot engage in negotiations regarding TV/film production during a strike, and entering into any agreement regarding TV or film during the strike would be considered crossing the picket line. If your option was already negotiated prior to the strike, a company may pick up the option and pay you during the strike, but no new work or negotiations may take place.

NON-MEMBER GUIDELINES

The Guild does not have the authority to discipline non-members for strikebreaking or scab writing. However, the Guild can and will bar that writer from future Guild membership. Standing in solidarity with WGA writers means not taking work with WGA signatory companies or companies owned and affiliated with WGA signatory companies that may be using fiction podcasts as a way of developing IP during the strike that could be adapted to television or film. In general, continuing work you were already doing prior to the strike is safer territory than pitching or developing new work during the strike. Also making clear boundaries for your work during the strike is encouraged. In order to stand in solidarity with fellow writers, exercise caution and reach out to the Alliance directly to ask about anything you’re uncertain about.

SAFE ACTIONS:

1. Can I write and produce my own independent fiction podcast?

Absolutely. As long as no part of production (including pre- and post-) involves a struck company, make your own stuff!

2. Can my independent fiction podcast join a non-signatory podcast network/collective?

Yes. As long as no signatory company is involved, making and profiting from your fiction podcast is not considered crossing the picket line. The exception to this would be if the network/collective is exploiting your IP for TV/film development. If the network/collective would fully or partly own your IP, please reach out to the Alliance for guidance.

3. If I have an existing contract with a WGA signatory to the MBA (or a subsidiary of one) to write a fiction podcast, can I continue to fulfill that agreement without crossing the picket line?

Yes. If you have an existing contract (especially one with a no-strike clause), you will have to finish those contracts and will NOT be barred from the WGA in the future. If you have questions or concerns about your specific situation, please reach out to the Alliance for guidance.

NOTE: If you are a staff member at a company under a WGA Collective Bargaining Agreement and your staff job involves writing a fiction podcast you may continue to work. Shops under a CBA contract (like Gimlet, Ringer, and Parcast) have their own no-strike clauses in effect for their staff members and cannot strike or engage in a sympathy strike.

4. Can I work on a fiction podcast with a non-signatory company that has strong ties to or is a subsidiary of a WGA Signatory to the MBA (ex. Audible and Wondery are owned by Amazon, iHeart has a first look deal with UCP)?

Yes. While this can be a murky area depending on the company’s intention (are they making a podcast solely to sell it into TV? Are they trying to get around the strike in order to keep their development machine moving?), having a connection to a TV / film entity does not automatically make a company struck. Going pens down in sympathy on these projects is appreciated but not necessary. It is recommended that you try to include language in new deals that specifically precludes the development and pitching of the work for television or features until after the strike. If you have questions or concerns about your specific situation, please reach out to the Alliance for guidance.

5. Can I write a fiction podcast for a non-signatory company that has no ties to any WGA signatory to the MBA?

Yes. As long as no signatory company is involved, making and profiting from your fiction podcast is not considered crossing the picket line. The exception to this would be if the company is exploiting your IP for TV / film development. If the company would fully or partly own your IP, please reach out to the Alliance for guidance.

IFFY ACTIONS / PROCEED WITH CAUTION:

6. Can I hire WGA members to write on my podcast?

Maybe. Guild members are prohibited from doing work-for-hire for non-signatory projects that may be developed into IP for television and features. If you are not planning on ever developing the project for television or features then you’re probably okay, but it’s still a gray area. If you have questions or concerns about your specific situation, please reach out to the Alliance for guidance.

7. Can I submit my fiction podcast to showcase events and festivals (i.e. The Gotham Project Market) during the strike?

Submission of literary material to a struck company, even indirectly, would be considered scabbing. We would encourage writers not to submit material for any of these kinds of programs in order to be sure they are not providing literary material to struck companies. If you have questions or concerns about your specific situation, please reach out to the Alliance for guidance.

ACTIONS THAT CROSS THE PICKET LINE:

8. Can I enter a new contract to write a fiction podcast for a WGA signatory to the MBA?

No. This would be considering scabbing and could bar you from future Guild membership. As non-members, only fulfilling EXISTING contracts will be allowed during the strike (see #3 above).

9. Can I take a meeting with a WGA signatory to the MBA to discuss fiction podcasts?

No. Meeting with WGA signatories during a strike is not allowed and would be considered crossing the picket line and could bar you from future Guild membership.

10. I already have a podcast — what if a company approaches me about optioning it for TV?

Entering into any agreement regarding TV or film during the strike would be considered crossing the picket line and could bar you from future Guild membership.

We've put together guidelines for fiction podcasters during the WGA Strike. While not part of the official Strike Rules, this doc is meant to serve as an additional set of guidelines for audio fiction writers (both members of the WGA & non-members) who want to either ensure they are following the rules of the strike or stand in solidarity with the WGA.

[featherandferns]

daylight - eight

jj maybank x fem!reader | part 8 of the daylight series | read part 7 here

content warnings: sexual content (f receiving); drug use (weed)

word count: 2.5k.

blurb: whilst watching cheesy eighties horror, you and JJ somehow end up in a fight as all the mess from the past two months finally comes to a head.

“This is the dumbest fucking movie I’ve ever seen,” you snort, passing JJ back his joint. 

“Shut up, this is the best part,” JJ mutters.

He takes a hit and the cloud of vapour clouds your vision. It temporarily blocks the view of the screen, showing Lauren Daniels, permed blonde hair and pink-sweater clad, quivering in fear atop of a shelf in her apartment. The slimy, green-toned cannibalistic monster lingers below, snarling with its fang-like teeth and beady eyes. In the light of modern C.G.I and with the humour from the high you’re on, the whole movie is ludicrous and hilarious. JJ had begged for you guys to watch it. Your vote was Legally Blonde but he turned his nose up. So, here you were, sat side by side, your feet in his lap, dazily watching C.H.U.D as you pass a joint back and forth. You’re at JJ’s house. It had the lingering household smell of weed and booze. Untidy and unkempt, there were empty beer cans and unclean laundry strewn about all over. Intermixed was mechanical parts which you assume are from his dad’s handy-man jobs. His dad was out somewhere: JJ hadn’t said and you didn’t ask. 

As Lauren tosses a bucket of developer on the monster, one of JJ’s hands absentmindedly massages your left foot. It shoots tingles up your legs. It’s weirdly domestic, this entanglement. Something about it feels more than friendly. I mean, you can’t imagine JJ messing with Kiara’s feet whilst watching a movie. Tuning out of the movie and taking another hit of the joint, your mind starts to wander. 

Things between you and JJ had gotten more and more complicated. Most conversations started with teasing jabs and ended with his dick in your mouth. Hang-outs came with the unspoken agreement of making-out at some stage. But things were deeper than sex. The conversations were deeper than those shared between fuck buddies. The touching felt more sensual than a rush to get off. There were these times you’d catch JJ looking at you, and there’d be this longing in his gaze. You knew it because you saw it in your own eyes. Catch it in the reflection of a mirror or window, or spot it in a photo taken by one of the Pogues at whatever hang. You always kept the focus on him, though. It felt easier to pleasure him than to have his hands on you. Everytime he tried to, you’d tense up and internally freak out, and spiral into thoughts and anxieties that stemmed from Tyler. In short: it scared the shit out of you to let JJ have you. You knew that the moment you’d give yourself to him would be the moment you were in too deep. 

But every time you think about bringing it up or cutting it off, you remember how relaxed you feel in JJ’s company. How seen. The two of you shared a language that didn’t require trivial things like words. The thought of JJ being the impending meteorite circling your orbit lost its weight in worry with the notion that you got to have him near. That you got to gaze upon and marvel at him when he wasn’t looking, and wonder how on earth something so pure and perfect was handed such a shitty deal in life. How someone like him wanted to spend time with someone like you. 

JJ’s knuckle hitting a pressure point in your foot has you twitching, coming back to the present. He chuckles quietly. Does it again just to get a reaction. You lightly kick at him. 

“Knock it off,” you mumble. 

“Can’t help it. S’funny,” he replies. “You hear from Mimsy recently?”

“A little. I think she’s really into Darren,” you say.

It’s weird that JJ knows about that. About Mimsy and her livelihood, and was interested enough to ask about it. He had a habit of checking up on you. Asking you about how you were feeling about Kildare, and how your parents were, how the photography was going, how Mimsy was doing. He coaxed anecdotes about Vancouver out of you whenever you felt homesick simply because he knew how much you liked talking about your home. 

“Didn’t you say he was a trust fund baby?” JJ sniggers. 

“Yeah, well, there’s worse people for her to hook up with,” you shrug, requesting the joint back with wiggling fingers.

“What? Like Lloyd?”

You glance at him, mildly bewildered. “How do you remember that?”

“Hm?”

“How do you remember Lloyd?” 

You don’t even remember mentioning him. JJ shrugs. 

“I dunno. I remember most things you tell me,” he says, looking back to the TV screen. His fingers continue rubbing the palm of your foot. You’re practically desensitised to it now. “I like hearing you talk.”

And you fucking hate it when he says things like that: passes compliments to you like it’s Monopoly currency. You hate how easy it is for him to do it, seemingly unaware of the effect it has on you.

When JJ turns to you again, likely seeking out the joint, he finds your stare set on his profile. Smiling, he asks, “what?”

Your lips twitch upwards at the deja vu. “Nothing. It’s just that you’re really fucking pretty.”

JJ eyes light up. His smile turns bashful. It's taken out of view when he dips his head, turning it away from you. You giggle and prod at his chest with your toes, teeth sinking into your lips to try and keep your cheesy grin at bay.

JJ's fingers wrap around your ankle. He drags you to him, across the sofa, making you yelp out with a laugh. Those very fingers slide up your bare legs, slipping under your pyjama shorts to cup your ass, and he tugs you into his lap. You loop your arms around his neck with a giggle, blunt still balanced precariously between two fingers, and accidentally bump his forehead in the process. The two of you laugh, doped up and dizzy, and his nose brushes yours as he calms. The two of you sit like that - you in JJ’s lap - passing Eskimo kisses, eyes closed, smiles steady. When he finally presses his lips to yours, the kiss feels different to all the other times. Less frenzied. It almost feels like he’s trying to tell you something as he brushes your lips against his. His tongue that slips into your mouth carries messages you can’t seem to decipher, as the two of you fall into one another. One of your hands strokes along his jaw, angling his head to deepen the kiss. He’s growing hard beneath you, making your cunt throb with the thought. He flinches away suddenly with a hiss. 

“What? What’s wrong?” you mumble, leaning back in his strong hold. 

He chuckles. “Fucking ash hit the back of my neck.”

Giggling, you take the joint away and carelessly put it on the coffee table behind you. Turning back to him, you find yourself taken aback by the look on his face. It makes your heart stop still in your chest before it plummets down your ribcage. You know that look. You’ve seen it on your own face, when you stare into the mirror. 

“JJ…” you whisper. 

His lips on yours silence you with a fiery kiss. You gasp against them as he picks you up and practically tosses you on your back on the sofa, with something between a grunt and growl. He scrambles to be atop of you, unapologetic as he kisses down your jawline and neck. You hurry to take off your shirt the moment his fingers tease at the hem of it. He’s back on you in a minute. Your body feels like it’s on fire. Like you might combust if someone were to light a match. And, God, do you want him to.

You rut your hips instinctively at the feel of JJ’s lips on your nipple through your thin bralette. Eyes slipping closed, head tilting back, your fingers latch into his scraggly hair. You hum out a moan. 

“So fuckin’ pretty, baby,” JJ mumbles against your heaving stomach. “So fuckin’ needy too.”

Your fingers fiddle with the back of his collar, tugging at it until he takes the hint. He grabs it by the back and pulls it off his head. Tosses it to the side, chuckling with a horny grin as he reconnects his lips to your bare skin. Your bralette joins the pile, much to JJ’s pleasure. His hands fondle at your breast; the pad of his thumb tenderly brushes over your hardening nipple before pinching it between his forefinger. You gasp out a soundless moan. 

Kissing just above the waistband of your shorts, his fingers find purchase on your hipbones. They dip below the fabric and try to coax them down. 

You feel like gravity hits. You come plummeting back down to earth. Palming at his shoulder and jaw, you try and coax his face back to yours. 

“Lemme suck you off,” you mumble, looking down at him. He looks so pretty, between your legs. 

He shakes his head with a smile. “Wanna make you feel good.”

“You don’t have to,” you say, trying to keep your voice light. You try to bring him back up to you again but JJ doesn’t relent. It takes you physically shifting out of his hold to stop him from pulling your short down. When he looks up at you, his smile is fading. You try to bring it back with one of your own. “I just wanna get you off.”

JJ pauses. Physically stills. Then, he sits back on his knees. Your smile vanishes. After knowing JJ for as long as you have, you can recognise the telltale signs of his frustration and anger. JJ looks to the TV screen, attention elsewhere, and begins to shake his head. Slow at first, then fast. All you can do is watch. Finally, he makes a sound. It’s a humourless scoff.

“Why won’t you let me touch you?” JJ asks, looking back to you. 

Your stomach twists nervously. “I do.”

“No, you don’t.”

“JJ, I literally just let you feel me up,” you return with a failing laugh, brows furrowing. 

“That’s not what I mean and you know it,” JJ quickly returns, tone turning short. 

You blink at him, faux smile gone, and your lips bumble to find some sort of response. JJ’s irritation momentarily subsides and is instead replaced with hurt. 

You hate the vulnerable insecurity in JJ’s voice when he asks, “do you not trust me or something?”

“No, of course I do–”

“Then why do you never let me near you?” JJ snaps. He tosses out his arms. “I mean, am I not good enough for you or something?”

“What?”

“Not fucking worthy enough to see you naked, is that it?”

“Of course not,” you breathe, bewildered by the thought. 

“Then what? I don’t fucking turn you on, is that it? I just don’t do it for you and you wanna spare my fucking feelings?”

Your eyes narrow at his words. “Are you throwing what happened in the chateau in my face right now?”

“No, I just–” JJ cuts himself off with a sharp exhale, clenching his eyes shut. He clenches his fist to try and restrain his anger. His knuckles slowly lift to his lips. “I just want to know why.”

“Why the fuck do you think you deserve to?” you snap. Sitting up, you grab for your shirt and tug it on. “What? You think every person you’ve ever known owes you an explanation for why they’re not falling at your feet?”

“Oh, fuck off,” JJ mutters, shaking his head. “You’re avoiding the question.”

“I don’t need to avoid it,” you sharply return. “Cause I don’t need to fucking answer it.”

“You don’t need to answer it?”

“No, I don’t.”

“You don’t think I deserve to know why, after two months of us doing this fucking thing, you don’t let me go down on you?”

Your eyes clench shut. 

“Why you don’t let me fuck you?”

You laugh out a humourless laugh. Gape at him, eyes mean. “Oh! So that’s what this is! You’re fucking bitter cause a girl won’t let you fuck her? You know, there’s this wonderful thing in the world, JJ - you should learn about it sometime. It’s called women having rights.”

“Oh my fucking God,” JJ spits, pinching the bridge of his nose between two fingers as his eyes shut. “You’re fucking impossible, you know that?”

“And you’re an entitled prick. Guess we both have each other’s number now,” you quickly retort.

You get to your feet and search for JJ’s shirt, finding it on the other side of the coffee table. The drivel coming out of the television only pisses you off more, so you shut it off. 

“What aren’t you telling me?” JJ asks. His voice is calmer, though still strung tight. With your back to him, he can’t see the look on your face. He can’t see the physical pain that question causes you. “I thought things were good between us.”

You look down and your eyes close. Fist scrunching JJ’s t-shirt in your hold, your lips purse to keep from quivering. You knew this was a bad idea. Most things are, when it comes to romance. Somebody always gets hurt. 

“Well? Aren’t they?”

You take a shaking intake of air and finally find enough courage to turn. JJ’s not angry anymore. He looks just as dejected as you feel. You shake your head weakly. 

“What are we doing, JJ?”

“I…” His mouth moves but no words come out. Until they do. “We’re just messing around.”

It feels like that’s the final shot to your stomach that sends your whole world crashing. As if laying down to rest, your eyes slip shut. 

“Yeah, well, it’s certainly a fucking mess now, isn’t it?” you whisper.

You throw him his shirt with no conviction. He only just catches it as it slides down his chest. For once in his life, JJ doesn’t seem to have anything to say. Shaking your head, breaking his stare, you run your fingers through your hair.

“I’ll see you around, JJ.”

As you walk past him, towards the door, you hear JJ call out your name. You don’t stop. Don’t turn. Don’t think about anything but Vancouver the entire way home, as if it’s some escapist daydream. Halfway to your house, you try to call Mimsy but she doesn't pick up. You try again as you walk through the door. Home alone, the house feels just as lonely as yourself. With one final attempt, you go to voicemail for a third time. You leave her a mess of a voicemail. And then, you crawl into bed.

part nine coming soon!

taglist:

@princessuki21 | @psyches-reid | @heybank | @avengersgirllorianna | @rrosiitas | @yourmumstoy | @jjsfavgirl | @void21 | @fictionalcomforts | @gsp420 | @redhead1180 | @wearemadeofstardust0 | @mrs-jjmaybank | @ifilwtmfc | @heybank | @lilyw1235 | @belle101200 | @maybankskiss | please tell me if any tags aren't working - I've never done taglists before!

[takavasen]

Tumblr dashboard in Night Vale simulator

🧪homo-genius

Today's science fact:

Spiders have an open blood circulation system, which means they do not have veins and their blood is different from the blood of mammals. Unfortunately many healthcare professionals do not know this, which can lead to improper methods in...

Read more

🎙️voice_of_night_vale

Spiders are a valuable part of our community and deserve good healthcare.

But more importantly, I want everyone to know that Carlos the Scientist made this post, he is my husband and I love him very much! 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

🪬a-thousand-fingernails Follow

Cecil everyone knows you and Carlos are married and most of us are happy for you but you don't need to tell this in every post you make

🎙️voice_of_night_vale

Wait have I mentioned it before?

809 notes

⭐sheriffofallarts

Hah saw some loser (@ marble-eyes) bring the same girl (@ mountainbeliever343 I think, couldn't see her face clearly from the cameras) home for the third time this week lol

cmon just say you are girlfriends already dont be shy

💎marble-eyes Follow

Hey you can't just share private information like that!! And besides that is not true, I haven't brought anyone home for a long time, I don't have time for that anymore!!!

🟡secretly-in-your-home

No. I can confirm that what Sam said is true. I was there. I am always there. Also, I put the rest of your cereal to your washing machine. They have been in the cupboard for a while now, I thought they were getting quite dusty and needed cleaning.

31 notes

🏀basketballpalmer Follow

We had an another great season with @nvwheelchairbasketball team again! Thank you everyone, it's an honor to be the captain of the team! See you guys next season <3

👍wallabyyy Follow

Aaaaa congratulations! I miss you guyssss

43 notes

☀️prophet-of-smiling-god

I just had the most delightful date with the most gorgeous theologist in Desert Bluffs Too!!! We had a lovely dinner at my house (some eyeball salad, mushed tarantulas and fried human fingers), watched some movies and of course made sure to serve our great Smiling God by making each other as happy as possible!! Unfortunately Charles said that it would make him unhappy if I shared the details, but I can confidently say that I have never been more joyful!!

🦷smiling-mayor Follow

Kevin, you missed a service in the Temple of Joy because of this. Surely you would remember doing that for an old friend, wouldn't you? 😊

☀️prophet-of-smiling-god

Oh, Lauren, of course I wouldn't ignore anything like that on purpose, you know how much I love tolerating you!!

98 notes

🪽not-an-angel Follow

Does anyone happen to have 10 bucks?

You can send them here: absolutely-not-a-scam-link

🌟erikaaaaaaa Follow

Does anyone happen to have 10 bucks?

You can send them here: absolutely-not-a-scam-link

💵ex-vanston Follow

Does anyone happen to have 10 bucks?

You can send them here: absolutely-not-a-scam-link

💡erika-the-black-one Follow

Does anyone happen to have 10 bucks?

You can send them here: absolutely-not-a-scam-link

3 notes

😎violentfootstool-deactivated20230416

Hey guys, so I just spoke to the new scientist lady and found out I don't actually have three pairs of arms. The lower two were just robot limbs that I tried out when I was seven years old and forgot to take them off. So hows your day ://

🔬janet-lubelle

I am always happy to help with explaining your problems away.

🎀tinfoilforteeth

Hey bitch how is it going under the cow

754 notes

🎙️voice-of-night-vale

Alright, I'm going to say it. Steve Carlsberg does NOT know how to be a basketball coach. He knows nothing about any game structures, and he only allows one ball per game!! He talks too loud, except when you can't hear him. It will be ALL HIS FAULT if we end up losing this season!!!!!

🌠lines-in-the-sky Follow

:(

🎙️voice-of-night-vale

For everyone who finds this post now: I made this many years ago. Things have changed a lot. I'm very sorry, Steve. I couldn't hope for a better brother-in-law. You are my best friend, and I was the irrational one in this situation.

I have changed the way I look at people. I will not treat them the same way I used to treat Steve anymore.

1,642 notes

🎙️voice-of-night-vale

Alright, who let Susan Willman be in charge of anything? She is the absolute worst at making desicions, like, who asks an obelisk its NAME? She had an oppoturnity to ask almost anything, and that's what she chose?? She better stay away from our way for at least seven decades, and keep her "Huntokar"-nonsense with herself!!!

11 notes

[lovelytsunoda]

indecent exposure // liam lawson

summary: some men should not be allowed to buy gag shirts when they go to vegas. liam lawson is not one of them. or, the liam face-sitting fic i've been ruminating on for months and never wrote.

pairing: liam lawson x female! reader

warnings: 18+!!! SMUT!!! porn with very minimal plot if i do say so myself. lots of double entendres for common police charges (disorderly conduct, indecent exposure etc.), liam refers to himself as 'agent lawson' and makes us all cringe with laughter. the actual face-sitting portion of the fic is really only a few paragraphs at the end lmao the foreplay was too fun with all the cop jokes-

author's note: somebody should take both my library card and every british detective show in existence away from me because this is what happens when i watch too many episodes of anything with a hot detective in it. never mind the fact that i binged lauren layne's new yorks finest series last year when i was snowed in and my classes were cancelled for almost a week

there was nothing that y/n loved more than coming home from a long day at work and taking her dress pants off. and her high heels, and her bra. typically this would be followed by a pint of ben and jerrys and a few episodes of 'grace and frankie'. sometimes it would be followed by a feel good eighties movie, or by her boyfriend ordering takeout and ravishing her while they waited for it to arrive.

all of these were good options, as far as y/n was concerned.

"hey babe!" liam shouted, darting across the hall from the small gym space they'd set up, to the master bedroom. "look what i found in the closet...jesus. you look gorgeous." he stopped in his tracks, eyes fixed on his goddess of a girlfriend as she stood in front of the gilded mirror next to the walk-in closet.

"you saw be before i left for work." she laughed, taking out the small diamond studs in her ears. they were a gift from liam for their anniversary. "all i've done is take off my slacks and bra, and undo my shirt a little bit."

but it wasn't the lack of pants that was getting liam all flustered, nor was it the way the collar of her silk work shirt dipped down just a little too far, the hem not quite long enough to cover the area where thigh met ass.

no, it was the black prada glasses that delicately framed her eyes. the eyes that had so captivated liam from the moment they met.

"if you ever decide to get contacts, i'm leaving you. seriously."

he wasn't serious in the slightest.

"the way you look in those glasses should be a crime. you're gorgeous, babe."

facing him, she laughed, hands on her hips. "i thought you threw that shirt out!"

she groaned internally, looking at the tight-fitting black cotton shirt that liam was wearing, and the cracking white vinyl lettering over his heart. fbi. a gag gift he had bought in vegas. it was too tight despite it's age, hugging each and every one of liam's muscles far too tight, and looking deceptively erotic when paired with his dark blue jeans.

"so did i! isn't it great?" he grinned like an idiot, spinning in a little circle to show off the writing on the back.

female body inspector.

who the fuck came up with these things? on any random guy in the street, she would have gagged at the vulgar implications of the words. on her boyfriend? she only rolled her eyes.

"there's a reason it went missing in the move, babe."

liam shook his head, ignoring her words. "ma'am, i'm special agent lawson from the federal bureau of investigations. i've received a complaint about disorderly conduct on the premises. and now that i'm here i might have to upgrade that charge to indecent exposure, little lady."

"you're such a fucking idiot." she giggled, looping her arms around her boyfriend's neck before kissing him softly. "i love you."

"love you more." he rasped in between kisses, his hands travelling underneath the hem of her shirt. "what do you say the two of us make a case for disturbing the peace?"

"if you make one more cop-related come on, i'm walking out that front door and never coming back."

liam flashed a shit-eating grin, raking his bleached blonde hair out of his face. "so does that mean you won't consent to a frisk search?"

"i will humor you this one time." she laughed, taking a step back. "take it away, agent. but you do realize that the fbi don't get to make disorderly conduct calls? that's a beat cop's job."

"i seem to recall that you have a right to remain silent?"

she winked, undoing another button on her shirt, the fabric falling away just enough to give liam a glimpse of the soft flesh of her breasts. "and i don't recall being read my rights."

"hands against the wall, feet shoulder width apart, you beautiful smartass." liam laughed, waiting for her to turn slightly before playfully swatting at her backside. "then i can read them to you."

the wall was cold against her palms as she got into position, listening half-heartedly as liam attempted to remember the american miranda rights. he got about as far as 'you have the right to remain silent' and 'you have the right to an attorney' before he gave up.

"you know what, this isn't that serious. fuck the right to remain silent, you have the right to remain sexy as fuck. how about that." she could hear the playful annoyance in his voice, and couldn't help the smile that broke out across her face.

there was the liam she knew and loved. not one to mince words, even in the bedroom.

his smooth hands were a welcome presence on her body, travelling up her legs, over her hips and up the sides of her torso. torturously slow, his warm hands dipped underneath her shirt, taking her breasts in his hands, her peaked nipples between his fingers.

heat rose to her skin, adding a rosy sheen in the halflight. she sighed under his touch, her head dropping back to rest on liam's shoulder. liam smiled fondly, one of his hands reaching for hers, the other dropping to cradle her waist.

"you're beautiful." he hummed, kissing her neck gently. "i hope you know that."

this was a side of liam that only she ever got to see. on the outside, he gave off frat boy energy: the hair, the way he carried himself. the way he spoke. but just under the surface, was a man who was wrapped around his girlfriend's finger. one who loved shamelessly, and with his whole heart.

pulling away from the wall, the turned in his hold to face him, tangling her hands in his hair and kissing him deeply.

"if you can get that shirt off without tearing a stitch, you can keep it."

liam beamed, breaking from the embrace to scramble for the hem of the worn t-shirt. he had almost gotten it over his head when he heard the first few stitches begin to pop, fabric getting stuck by his shoulders.

"fuck!"

"need some help with that?"

"i think i'm good!"

somehow they ended up on the bed, both half dressed and pent up. she was soaked through her thong, despite her earlier attitude towards the t-shirt and further proving the point that her lover looked good in just about anything (or nothing, for that matter). she was needy, every nerve in her body reacting to the way liam's tongue probed her mouth, the way his hands touched her body. the way he moaned when she pressed up against the bulge in his jeans.

"babe," he mumbled in between kisses. "do you trust me?"

she cocked an eyebrow, brushing his bangs out of his face before looking down at him "should i be worried?"

"do you trust me, yes or no?"

"of course, li. of course i trust you."

liam nodded. "good. so sit on my face."

she paused, almost as if her brain was sending up error messages. she knew this day would come. liam lawson would eat pussy any which way. truthfully, she was shocked this day hadn’t come sooner.

it wasn’t that she didn’t want to. of course she wanted to.

“babe, how will you be able to breathe? I’ll suffocate you.” she protested, reaching for his hand. “I don’t want that on my conscience.”

“sweetheart, it’s okay. you won’t hurt me. and if-god forbid-I do suffocate, trust me on this, I wouldn’t want to go out any other way than with your thighs on either side of my head.”

and with that, liam took her hands in his, and guided her towards where he needed her most. she looked down at him with a soft smile, running her fingers through his hair.

"i love you." she whispered, moving her hands to the headboard and beginning to lower herself down to meet her lovers tongue.

she inhaled sharply as she made contact, liam's plump lips mouthing at her pussy, her grip tightening on the wooden headboard.

"i've got you, princess." liam's voice was muffled, but his words were reassuring as he ran a hand up and down her thigh. "just ride my face, darlin'. use my tongue to get yourself off."

feeling bolder than she was when she first sat down, she began to grind on liam's face, his nose bumping against her swollen clit with each movement. every bit of friction, every swipe of liam's tongue drove her wild, was like setting fire to her nerve endings.

"oh sweet jesus, god." she whined, fighting the urge to close her thighs together around liam's head, focussing on the way his hands gripped her thighs in a bruising way. she looked down at his face and moaned again, seeing the pleasure mapped out on her boyfriend's features.

"oh, i'm in heaven." he moaned, pulling her down further to plunge his tongue inside of her, rapidly flicking it inside and out.

her eyes rolled back as her hips bucked, grinding against the tip of his nose as one hand came down to clutch at his hair. tears of pleasure pricked the corners of her eyes as she cried out his name.

"liam- right there, oh my god, keep doing that." she whined, trying to move her hips faster. liam's face was soaked, the entire bottom half coated in her juices. there was so much of it, running down the sides of his cheeks and soaking into the pillowcase behind him.

she felt so good she could barely see, screwing her eyes shut. her pants and whines became closer together and more high pitched, the movement of her hips more frantic as she chased that feeling, that high.

"are you going to cum for me, baby?" liam asked, pulling his face away from her. she continued to drip onto his face, and he opened his mouth wide, catching some of her slick on his tongue. "come on my face. please, i want to be drowning in it."

and how could she say no to that?

she could barely keep her shoulders straight as she resumed her motions, fingers gripping liam's hair to keep herself steady. his hands grasped desperately at the flesh of her ass cheeks, squeezing and massaging as one of her own hands came up to grasp at one of her tits, teasing the peaked nipple between her fingers.

"oh god, liam, i think i'm coming!"

"i've got you, i've got you. just breathe-"

his last word was cut off with a moan as she began to gush, coating his face in her release. his moans were muffled by the weight of her body, but they were no less loud as he set about licking her clean.

her legs felt like jello and her body like mush as liam tried to sit up, easing her body back so that she was sitting in his lap, wet core right over top of the massive bulge in his jeans. liam was certain that if she moved at all while she was on top of him, he'd come in his jeans. totally spent, she slumped against him, resting her head on his chest.

he leaned down to kiss her sweaty forehead and she scrunched up her face. she looked adorable in her fogged-up glasses with her messy hair. and liam couldn't stop his heart from melting as she reached for the box of tissues in the nightstand and began to clean up his face.

"that was incredible." her voice was soft as she cleaned him up. "i had no idea you could do that."

"don't give me all the credit." liam laughed, playfully nipping at her fingers as she moved to wipe his mouth down. "you played a very large part in why i'm still hard right now."

she laughed, a big smile on her face as she looped her arms around his neck and leaned in to kiss him softly. with his large hands holding her in place, they kissed again. sweet, chaste and soft, with no intention of it leading anywhere else.

at least, not this early in the evening.

TAGS:

@magnummagnussen @httpiastri @libraryofloveletters @cartierre @lorarri @userlando @diorleclerc

[oneforthemunny]

evieee i’m feeling soft and mushy and i had a thought... what was the eddies’ “oh. OH.” moment, like the exact moment they realized that reader was it for them and they actually wanted to marry reader :') i mean i know some eddies are not into the idea of marriage but that’s fine! but what about the others :') (also ily MWA)

omg this is so cute (ily2 mwahhh!)

so older!eddie you can actually read his because it’s the moment in don’t be cruel where they’re both with brielle and reader is just so happy and getting along with her and they’re actually getting along. that’s the first time he’s like yes i could marry her, i want to spend the rest of my life with her.

mafia!eddie it’s definitely after one of his more vulnerable moments. maybe after a particularly draining day when he lets the mask fall, so to say, and is open about how emotionally draining what he does is. the way she validates it and listens, tells him she doesn’t think less and just stands by him and supports. he’s looking at rings that next day.

boxer!eddie there’s an angst blurb with him about how he’s using steroids (found in vivis writing challenge masterlist) and the aftermath of that, when he sees how much she really cares and how passionate she is about him and his health and career. that’s really when he’s like, “damn. she does love me. and i really want to be with her forever.”

dom!eddie’s is definitely super simple and sweet, pretty early on too. they’re out listening to a band play somewhere, and she’s just all over him- very publically and unashamed. it’s not her usual scene but she goes for eddie. they’re both a little tipsy and he’s just absolutely love struck. feels like he wants to do everything and anything with her.

cowboy!eddie it would be the first time she came to one of his competitions. he told her not to come, didn’t want her to travel and move things around just for him, but she did anyways. didn’t tell him, just showed up and surprised him. it really meant a lot, and he’d tell her that much later, because normally he’d just say not to come bc no one ever showed up even if he asked. a defense mechanism for him really. so when she did it just meant the world to him and he wanted her to show up for everything for the rest of his life.

rockstar!eddie it was in nantucket. set after dark shadows when they take their trip to the summer house on the east coast. there was feelings there before with both of them, but they were still trying to fight them and hide them but this is where things change and they decide to try and date. but a specific moment would be during the fourth of july. there’s a firework show on the docks, eddie stands out from all the others clad in ralph lauren and linens and nb couldn’t love it more (such a stark contrast from the first meeting lol). it’s really mundane and something just flips and all eddies feelings come out and he’s just like ok i want to be with her.

janitor!eddie’s is really early on, really cutesy and simple. shortly after they start dating. his birthday, the first they celebrate together. she goes all out, gets steve’s help in planning a party at the hideout with all his friends. “even tried to reserve a room, munson. like we have a fuckin’ private room.” the owner cackled and told him. she got his favorite cake, even a gift, and he was so overwhelmed with affection and love and just was in love.

hockey!eddie it was pretty early on honestly. during the start of the season, their first together. he’s bummed because he’s out of town for halloween, his favorite holiday, and won’t get to celebrate. she flies out and surprises him, books a stay at a hotel for the holiday as a long weekend and the two go out. brings a costume (a special festive lingerie too for later) and they go out after eddie’s game to a bar that’s celebrating the holiday, they come back and spend the next day watching the halloween movie marathon on tv, splitting a bag of candy. just so casual and sweet, but eddie is head over heels.

modern!eddie, i mean he’s in love from the first moment lol but honestly, when she’s vulnerable with him. when she’s soft and shows a side of herself to him that feels so personal and special to see. he feels just overwhelmed and special to get to see it and is in love.

bouncer!eddie it’s so dumb but it’s true i’m sorry, and it’s the first time she lets him cum inside lmao. he’s been in love before but like she let him creampie her??? he’s never felt more connected and in love ever. genuinely. he’s so obsessed after that just infatuated.

[thelaurenshippen]

open ai made a little post about how they chose their chatbot voices and two things stood out to me:

a) I am genuinely pleased and surprised that the voices come from specific real people that they hired and paid, rather than being built off of all of the data open ai has scraped. the voice for siri did one job for one company 20 years ago and now she is literally everywhere without ever being compensated by apple or even acknowledged as the voice. there's simply no way she was paid enough in that original job. whereas, open ai says "each actor receives compensation above top-of-market rates, and this will continue for as long as their voices are used in our products." this could mean literally anything (what market rate are we going above? does continue mean they get residuals or get paid for doing more sessions?) but, christ, at least the actors are doing it with full knowledge of what their voices are being used for and can decide for themselves if the compensation is enough

b) the post talks about working with "award-winning casting directors" to get the voices. first of all, yay for paying casting directors! we love to see it. but they also say the CDs received over 400 submissions in a week and they state that like a big number and it's just...not at all. and look, without knowing the intricacies of the casting process, it's hard to know what approach the CDs took - it's very possible they were selective from the jump and 400 is a lot from the pool they were tapping. 400 would be a lot if you were going to the agencies directly and asking for names, but there's just no way in hell open ai went after big stars for this. so it would've been a pool of unknowns. in which case, 400 is laughably small. even if you're not using the big casting sites like actorsaccess, I've worked on projects with CDs and their own internal systems where we've gotten over 100 submissions for a single role. I've posted roles on casting sites and received literally thousands of submissions in just a few days

look, I have a very limited perspective on this - I am not a casting director (imo, one of the most important and undervalued jobs in hollywood) and I, in fact, hate the process of casting with a passion. but 400 just seemed like such a tiny pool to pull from and, idk, it heartens me! it's heartening to think that there's very little interest from actors and agents to be doing this kind of stuff. and absolutely no shade to the actors who did--I want actors to get their bag however they want as long as it's, like, safe sane and consensual, you know? but there's something encouraging about thinking that open ai hired some big casting agency to get their foot into the voice acting door and people didn't come running

[mysticficti0n]

It's been so long

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Hello my beauties, I was looking through my inbox and saw around like 9 people asking for a Phil Wenneck fic and I rewatched all 3 hangover films and this idea came to my head, my 500 follower special is still in the world as I want it to be perfect. I've wrote this in like 4 hours and only skimmed it so if there any spelling mistakes ignore them- love you 😘

warnings- 2009!Phil wenneck x y/n Y/l/n, (he's single and has no kid either), swearing, mentions of underage drinking, pet names, p!inv!, sub/readerxdom/Phil,

words- 7.9k

"Dylan are you ready?" I called waiting next to the front door, swining my car keys around my finger "Dyl come on you're gonna make us late and mom will kill me if we are late!" I yelled losing my patients

"I'm here" he spoke coming down the stairs "why don't you just don't tell them we were late" I hummed actually taking in his idea

"good idea- well anyways come on" I answered getting into the car. I started the engine and began the short drive to his school, the roads were busy and that meant that was making us later and later

"god- when's your meeting?" I spoke turning to my little brother

"erm.. 5:45pm" he said after looking at a sheet of paper that he pulled from his pocket "and its now...5:45 Y/n"

"Shit-" I spat "oh sorry Dylan" he laughed as I slapped a hand over my mouth "well lets just hope this doesn't take much longer"

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finally after another 15 minutes we made it, hurriedly we walked into the school, Dylan had my hand pulling me through corridors until we made it to room 7L and he knocked on the wood "come in" a voice sounded and Dyl pushed the door open "ah Dylan, you're here!"

"Hello sir" my brother smiles going towards a small chair put out in front of a desk "this is my sister, Y/n" I followed behind him and placed my hand bag on the floor before turning to face the teacher

"hi, I'm so sorry that we're late the traffic was ter-"

"Y/n?" the mans voice cut me off "Y/n Y/l/n?" even in heals I wasn't as tall as him, so as my eyes met his face I knew who it was straight away

"Oh my god Phil- I can't believe it!" I laughed, I knew Phil all through school, from Pre-k to collage, and he hadn't changed a bit since we had left, chiseled jaw, sun kissed skin, his brown short hair flowing effortlessly around his face and a smile that was always imprinted on his lips "you haven't changed a bit Wenneck" I spoke as we pulled from a hug

"Neither have you Y/n- you look great- erm please take a seat" he grinned as he took a seat behind his own desk "woah- well Dylan it's great to see you for the second time, and also you Y/n, great to see you again too"

"how do you two know each other?" My brother inquired giving me a confused look

"Me and Mr Wenneck went to school together, well we basically grew up together, he was one of my best friends" I answered shooting the man a smile, Dylan nodded getting a grin across his face

"okay well- lets look at everything shall we?" Phil pulled open a folder and his finger traced down the page and then tapped "here, so Dylan by the looks of things you are doing amazing in all classes with b+'s and some A's which is great for a boy your age..which is 9 but 10 In a few weeks if I'm right?" Dylan excitedly nodded, a cheesy smile coming across his lips, my hand patted his shoulder seeing his smile grow bigger "and your behaviour... no detentions, or warnings this year little man, much better then when your sister was in school" he joked

"excuse me- you were a lot worse then me, remember what you did to Jake that day?" I asked raising my eyebrow

"he had that coming, but I wont say much more, need to professional" I shook my head laughing at him as we both remembered the day in high school-

_____ 12th grade (1992) _____

Me, Sasha, Lauren, Stu, Phil and Doug sat in the bleachers laughing about whatever random things we could think off "and what about that time Lauren fell over the curb when we went to that party?" Stu laughed getting a slap from the red head

"I was drunk okay- and like 15 so that doesn't matter" she angrily spoke trying to stop the smile from going on her lips. the six of us kept talking while we sipped on our drinks we brought from the lunch hall. Soon the break was over and we all went to head back in, I stood up, straightened my skirt around my legs and fixed my top around my shoulders, and grabbed my bag from the seat in front of me

"Nice rack Y/l/n!" I herd a voice call from the bottom of the steps, I stood straight back up covering my front with my hand and my eyes immediately locked with those of Jake Casey "its alright babe don't need to hide them from me- oh and nice panties too girls, down there had a great view- didn't it boys" he joyed blowing me a kiss as the three guys around him shared a laugh

I quickly stopped down the steps, coming face to face with the creep "what did you just say?" my voice was low as I got into his face, his friends oh'ed; clapping there hands

"I said-" Before he could even finish his sentence my hand slapped across his face "Ow! what the fuck is wrong with you!" I went to walk away until the feeling of his hand fixed on mine "don't you walk away now bitch" he seethed, his other hand wrapped around my waist pulling me onto his body

"Let go of me you perv" I yelled, desperately trying to free myself, but in an instant, Jake lay helpless on the ground, his grip on me replaced by Phil looming over him like a dark storm. Soon Phil's fists crashed into Jake's body relentlessly, each punch harder then the last, and those three friends from before were not to be seen as the dashed across the field to get away from Phil who wasn't stopping his beating

"don't- you- ever- fucking- do- that- again" he warned as he hit the boy again

"OKAY, OKAY, I'M SORRY!" A shattered voice pleaded, but the brunette remained unrelenting. "PLEASE, GET OFF!" we all watched as Stu and Doug forcibly tore Wenneck away from the now bloodied and battered man. quickly Jake pulled himself up whipping around and running off to join his group who were half way across the track. Phil backed off, dusting himself from the dirt that lay on his jeans and fixed his sun glasses to begin back on his head

"Thanks Phil," we said in unison as we approached, the two girls going to stand with Stu and Doug as they talked about what had just happened. "You okay?" I asked, brushing his arm where he had a faint red mark.

"I'm fine. How about you?" he replied, his concern evident. I nodded, showing him the small mark on my wrist. "Does it hurt?"

"No, I'm okay... Thanks for stepping in again," I said again, I got the feeling like it was just the two of us in that moment, drawing closer, Phil's hand landing softly on my waist the warmth overpowering the heat from the Los Angeles sun. "I—" I started, but Stu interrupted with his usual humour.

"Come on, you two! We'll be late if you start a love story now after all these years!" he joked, pointing at us "flirt after class is done" I couldn't help the red from painting my face as the whole group fell into a laugh

"Shut up, Price," Phil said, rolling his eyes as he put his arm around my shoulders instead of my waist, pulling me closer in a simple yet meaningful gesture.

_____ end of flashback _____

"and Dylan- how are you finding school?" Phil asked, grabbing a pen off his desk looking back to him with a warm smile

"good- I have lots of friends and a girlfriend!," Phil oh'd looking to me as a we laughed " and I like my lessons, and I'm in the soccer team!" he talked "and the homework is okay, Y/n helps me a lot because she's smart"

"stop it" I laughed scruffing the young boys fluffy hair

"well that sounds good then, I have some of your books here for you Y/n if you want to have a look through and also his end of year report" I grabbed the small pile of books from the mans hand and began looking through while listening to the two talk about soccer and things, I looked to the page with the title 'my family' and saw a family tree scribbled with crayons and our faces drawn in: Mom, Dad, me, him, Grandma, Papa, our cousins and aunties and uncles too.

"Dylie your work is really good!, especially your family tree, you've got everyone!" I cheered. After I finished looking through all the pages I set them back on the desk and Phil finished up his convocation with Dylan

"is there any questions you have Y/n?" He asked looking to me, his face warm

"I don't think so, I mean he's doing great and thats all I can really ask for, he seems to have a good teacher too" I spoke seeing Phil smirk at me shaking his head

"great, that ends this then- Dylan, Y/n thank you for coming to see me and I'll see you on Monday little guy, and don't forget the trip money" Phil stuck his hand out to my brother who's little hand shook it back and I watched as the blonde waved walking to the door

"Y/n! Sam's out there can I go say hi?" he asked excitedly looking to his friend out side the window

"sure" I replied seeing him hurriedly open the door, he shouted a quick good bye to 'Mr Wenneck' and quickly left us behind in the class room "again sorry for being late Phil- just everywhere seemed to be busy" I laughed grabbing my bag from the floor and placing it on my shoulder then getting Dylans report off the table

"its fine don't worry- you two were my last appointment anyways, and as its you I don't mind either" he smiled coming round the front of his desk and leaning against it "but honestly Dylan is a great kid, I don't even like teaching but kids like him make it worth it you know" I nodded listening to him

"I never thought you be a teacher you know, I mean you hated school" he laughed rubbing the bridge of his nose

"Yeah I know but life happened" he said looking back to me "erm well I was wondering- do you wanna go out for dinner tomorrow?" I was a little taken back, in a good way though "it's fine if not, but we could have an actual catch up you know? I mean I haven't seen you since we were 20 ish and were now old "

"thank you very much for reminding me- but yeah what time?" I agreed, I watched as a smile spread along is face

"I'll come pick you up at 8?" I nodded "cool well erm- I'll see you tomorrow Y/n" he stood up leading me to the door, before I left I pulled him into another hug

"see you tomorrow" I whispered before letting go and walking out to grab Dylan who was happily chatting to his friend and his mom "hi Carol" I waved

"hey sweetie, how'd it go?" she asked

"good, Dylans doing really good- how's sam doing?" she shook her head and her smile dropped "oh"

"I got told he beat up another kid the other day- I don't know what to do, I mean when Charlie was younger he was nothing like this, and I remember when you were little and your little friends, you guys were never in fights- well not when you were 9! but Sam always is" her voice was full of anger

"mh, It's very odd- must be something triggering him" I spoke

"maybe I'll take him to see your mom when she's back, she's a therapist so maybe she can get to the bottom of it" Carol laughed "aways we must get off- Samual come on" the two boys said their goodbye and we walked out

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"Night Dyl" I whispered leaving his room, I walked down the stairs to the living room, falling onto the couch and flipping on the tv to a random channel, I couldn't get over that Phil was teaching my little brother, my old best friend teaching my brother... life was weird. It reminded me, I needed to get someone to Have Dylan over the weekend, I knew he would enjoy staying at our grandparents so I picked up my phone and began calling my Grandma

"hello Rosie" she answered

"hi Grandma, how're you?"

"good poppet, is everything okay?"

"yes thank you, I was just wondering if it was okay if you had Dylan tomorrow night please? I met up with an old friend, well actually do you remember Phil?"

"Oh yes Phil Wenneck, of course how could I forget Philly! he was always with Doug, Stu, you, Sasha and Lauren wasn't he" I hummed agreeing

"well I found out he's Dyls teacher! and were going out for a catch up tomorrow night"

"aw thats lovely, of course we can have Dylie, Sofia and Ryan are sleeping tomorrow so its no issue"

"thank you so much, I'll bring him at about 5:30 if thats okay"

"yep thats fine, see you tomorrow lovie"

"night, love you" I came off the phone and saw a dot on my messages, I clicked on seeing -Phil- 1 new message-

'Hey Y/n, just checking (and I hope this isn't weird) are you at your moms house, just I know you're watching Dylan for the two weeks, he was telling me x'

'Hi Phil, yeah I'm here, and bless him I had a feeling he'd be telling everyone, he was saying we were gonna throw a party and everything x' I answered

'I mean if they were anything like your parties, I'm coming x' I laughed

'yeah gonna sing bah bah black sheep with the kids? x'

'of course, it's my favourite song x' I rolled my eyes

'I bet- see you tomorrow Wenneck x'

'night x'

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"thank you so much again for having him Grandma, papa" I crouched down pulling my brother into a hug "I'll come get you tomorrow, go have fun and I'll call after okay, before bed" he nodded hugging me back then running to play with our little cousins "see you later" I hugged my grandparents then quickly drove back home to shower and get ready for seeing Phil.

I decided on a black dress, it wasn't to much, just around my thighs, some black heals, smokey dark make up and a dark red lip, my hair straightened down my back and some silver jewellery. I sprayed L’Interdit Rouge and grabbed my bag and threw it over my shoulder

I went into my kitchen, hurriedly pouring myself a glass of water and chugging the glass trying to suppress the anxiousness I felt rising in my stomach. The sound of the door bell rang through the hall and into the kitchen, I took one more deep breath before walking and opening up the door. I pushed the handle down and pulled the door open

"Hi Phil" I sounded as my eyes met him, he was dressed in a black suit which blended into the night perfectly, it fit his figure amazingly, hugging his muscles in all he right ways, his button up was only done up to the third one and the last two were left open showing of his toned chest, my eyes reached his face, his hair messed graciously behind his head and his sun glasses perched on his head "you look amazing" I spoke not realising I had been staring doe eyed for what felt like a life time

"I could say them same- look at you" he smiled "oh I brought you these" from behind his back he pulled out a bunch of roses, blood red- my favourites

"Phil! you didn't have too- these are beautiful!" I giggled like a child being given a lollipop

"almost as beautiful as you" I herd him chirp, my gaze snapped back to him

"careful" I laughed "come in, I'll grab a vase for these" I walked away hearing him follow behind after shutting the door

"god this place hasn't changed at all- holy shit I feel 17 again" he breathed coming into the kitchen "Its the place I first took a shot how about that" he reminisced

"yeah mom kept basically everything the same though she was going to change it all, then Dylan was born in 2000 and then she just kept it this way" he hummed leaning agains the kitchen counter

"how come your mom had Dylan- is that a weird thing to ask?...I- you don't have to answer that" he awkwardly laughed

"oh well Mom and Dad divorced erm 97' as you know, and mom got with this guy called Michel and then accidentally got pregnant, and we didn't know if he would make it because obviously mom was a lot older then most women who have children but they both made it and Dyls 10 soon" I explained

"oh wow, your moms a strong lady so I get why she made it through, I think thats why I was really shocked to see you yesterday because his name isn't Y/n/l Its Lee"

"yeah, I mean I didn't even know you were his teacher because he only ever called you Mr W or Sir" I spoke "and mom wouldn't have actually met you because this was his first parent teacher thing huh"

"yeah, anyways not that this isn't great we need to get going" he spoke checking his watch "so if you please" I walked towards the man and linked my arm with his as he led us out the house. Phil pulled open the passenger door for me and I gently settled myself into the leather seat, I watches as he went over to his side and slid in "ready?"

"Mhm" I smiled as we began our drive

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The car stopped at a restaurant with the name 'Le Rouge', The two of us stepped out the car and immediately my arm hooked on his "wow this looks- beautiful" I breathed. The door was opened by a tall man who shot us a quick smile as we stepped through the threshold. To say I was taken back was an understatement, a soft, red glow washes over the space, enveloping it in an aura of intimacy. The dim lighting, like flickering candlelight, shone a warm hue. The décor, a careful balance of simplicity and refinement, features rich dark wood accents and sumptuous red velvet curtains that drape gracefully, adding to the sultry, moody ambiance.

"Good evening Sir, Madam- how may I help?" a sweet looking girl cooed, her hands quickly grabbing a paper that lay in front of her

"hi, I have a booking should be under the name Wenneck" the girl nodded checking down the paper until her eyes seemed to find the name

"okay- if you two would like to follow me" the blonde began trotting through the many tables full of customers until she stood next to a small dark wood table for two, one candle and flower sat as the centre piece and two menus lay in our places "Erin will be your waitress tonight, and she'll be over soon to take your orders but would you like to get started on drinks?" Phil looked over to me giving me a quick nod telling me to go first, hastily I lifted the drinks menu from the side and scanned the paper

"I'll have a....Cabernet Sauvignon please" I answered seeing her write it down quickly, I turned to look back to the man sat across from me who's eyes flickered down the same menu as me

"make that a bottle and two glasses please" soon the girl disappeared with our orders "so what do you think?" Phil asked, his gaze landing back on me

"you've out done yourself Wenneck, it's gorgeous in here- I bet this place is really expensive though so I can pay-" before I could even finish the brunette chirped rolling his blue eyes at me

"shut up- I asked you out. I pay. let me treat you, I haven't seen you in years so this is the least I can do for making up for the fact that you haven't seen my face in so long" he smirked fluttering his eyes

"oh yeah of course" I laughed pulling my chair in closer "so, how have you been since I last saw you, and I don't mean from just yesterday" I gave a warning look hearing him titter

"well, we all left school I was going to work with dad in the car place but we got into this huge argument and he said I was choosing the 'easy way out' so I proved him wrong and became a teacher, then I got a job at Dylans school in 2007, been working there since, but erm I was with this girl after we left school- her name was Shannon but erm she cheated on me and I haven't actually been with anyone in god 6 years this year" the man sadly laughed "but you know I'm doing okay, I have a home and a job so thats all that matters" without really thinking about it my hand reached across the table taking his softy, I watched as his sad smile got replaced with a warm one, his eyes growing softer "what about you, what have I missed?"

"ah well- we left school obviously and I started working for a few people as a PA, worked on a few sets during like 2004 and 5, but it wasn't really enough money so changed and stared working at this bank place 2 years ago. I can't say I love it but I bought an apartment West Hollywood but I've taken the next 2 weeks of to watch Dylan but I'm looking for a new job again, hopefully back on the PA thing because I enjoyed that" he nodded, listening to every word "I was also with a guy, Jackson for a good few years but we broke up on my birthday actually, he said he was bored and needed a 'new spark' so I guess I wasn't that interesting to him" I chuckled, I looked down to my one intwined hand, the feeling of Phil's soft padded thumb swiped on my skin

"who needs those people though, I don't doubt that one day a good guy will see you and think 'damn, she's beautiful, talented, interesting, funny, beautiful'"

"you said that twice" I spoke in almost a whisper

"Its because I mean it" I felt my face heat up a ferocious red colour, before I could say anything else a wine bucket was placed onto our table and two glasses placed with it "ah thank you" Phil spoke with a smile, our hands broke away leaving mine cold. "do you want some?" the blue eyed man spoke, his voice filling my ears bringing me back to reality, I hummed holding my glass to him, the work popped and soon the red liquid began to flow into the glass until it nearly reached the rim, he filled his own then steadily placed the bottle back on the ice "to old friendships" his hand clenched around the neck of the glass, lifting it up

"to old friendships" I cheered, I let the wine cool my throat, taking all the red blush away with it, I could still feel the pricing blue gaze watching me over the table, not in a menacing way- but a adoring one. I tuned my attention back to Phil whose eyes fixed to mine "what are you going to have?" I asked seeing him look to his menu

"stake maybe, or lamb- you?" I checked down the list, until my eyes found my favourite "let me guess- filet mignon?" I nodded, a grin spreading on my lips "still know you well then"

"well I mean its been a good few years Wenneck- you sure?" I pondered, chewing my lip "do you really know me?" my voice lowered, and I couldn't help but watch his expression falter from being confident to slowly becoming more soft

"whats changed about you- tell me love" hearing the nickname nearly knocked the breath from me, something about hearing It in his voice, from his face, on his tongue

"you'll have to find out yourself" I challenged, his stare narrow

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

the meal was one not to be forgotten, and the bill was another thing I would also never forget "Phil stop it- split it with me, you can't pay $250!" I snapped trying to pull the bill from his grasp

"Y/n I am a grown man with my own money- fuck off let me do this- I'll be paying tonight" he demanded

"next time I pay" I sassed, shoving my card back into my pocket, I watched as his eyebrow lifted, questioning my words

"a next time huh?" he responded with a smirk, I shook my head staring away from his eyes as he paid the bill "come on gorgeous lets go" He was killing me- the nicknames, the watching, the smirk.. I felt like a teenager again... the first time I fell for the stupid boy

"watch it Wenneck" I quipped, he brushed me off by taking my hand and leading me from the building, it was a warm night, the sky still a ink blue but a darker colour than before

"wanna go see something?" Phil's voice broke through the silence "it's only down there" I followed his out stretched arm that pointed to a small cleaning in some trees, in my head I kept thinking of the negatives but in my heart, as cheesy as it sounded, I knew if I was Phil I would've been okay.

"okay" I agreed and soon we began moving toward the narrow entrance, he pushed some branches out the way with his free hand, his other still softly holding mine "where are you taking me?" I asked, a soft laughter leaving after I saw him look back with his signature smirk. Soon we stopped as we came to a opening

"welcome to the most cozy place" I looked round the mans figure to see a small pond littered with lily-pads, and pond grass, lit by the moons glow, it was very romantic and every girls dream place to sit after a night like ours

"Phil how do you find these places?" I questioned taking in the view, he gleamed shrugging off his jacket and laying it on the floor next to the water "careful it'll get dirty"

"Y/n it can be cleaned- just sit down" without wasting anymore time, I perched myself next to him on his jacket, our legs bumping as we relaxed into the floor. I stared out in front of me, watching the small movements off the trees as the wind blew past, and the ripples that bounced in the water "tonight has been so amazing Phil, thank you" I said sincerely, my look changing to face him "really" in this light he looked heavenly, his outline illuminated by the light cascading from the sky, his eyes shining into mine, it felt like it was just us again in the world, only me and only him

"Y/n, can I ask you something?," I hummed, slowly nodding my head because no words could leave from my lips "can I kiss you?" every good emotion began wizzing around my heart, butterflies flitted in my stomach and my brain turned hazy, none of it felt real

"please" I breathed, feeling his gentle touch as his hand caressed my cheek, drawing me closer to him. My heart raced as I wrapped my arms around his neck, surrendering to the warmth of his embrace. Slowly, I settled onto his lap as his other arm pulled me onto him, our bodies fitting together like pieces of a puzzle. Our lips met in a tender kiss, igniting a spark that had been smoldering between us for years. A sweet hum escaped my lips, a melody of longing and relief, as the weight of unspoken words lifted from my shoulders..

Reluctantly we both pulled away, taking in each other movements, my lips curled into a smile which Phil quickly mirrored, his hands finding my hips as he sucked for a breath "god I've waited so long to kiss you Gorgeous" he muttered, the pads of his fingers drawing random shapes as he spoke "why did we wait so long?" he questioned

"Phil, kiss me again" My voice trembled slightly as our mouths met once more, a surge of desire mingling with passion, flooding my senses. In an instant, Phil shifted our positions, his form now looming above me, casting a shadow over us, swallowing us in darkness.

"Fuck, you look so pretty like this," his words pierced through the intensity of our kiss, but I couldn't bear to be apart from him for a moment longer. With urgency, my hands pulled him closer, silencing any further words with the press of our lips. His knee parted my legs as he leaned further into me, his wight laying on his arms that caged my head between them; his lips slipped from mine and began traveling down my jaw, to my neck, to my collar bone

"Umph Phil" I whined unexpectedly, my eyes fluttered open seeing the brunettes gaze shift to a darker, hungrier side, his lips began another assault on my skin, sucking and peppering me in little butterfly kisses as I tried to stop myself from making any noises that the outside world could hear.

Phil pulled away, smiling at the view of me, I copied his expression as my hand carefully tucked back a fallen piece of hair "you should let me take you out more often" he laughed softly, his hands found mine and pulled me up to meet him, my legs felt uneasy from the moment but I forced myself to stand although my head only met his chest, the hands that once lifted me began to drag up my side until the two cupped my jaw "you okay?"

"yeah... I think just still in shock, I don't think I've ever been kissed like that in my life" he hummed, a suggestive look painting his features "what?" I asked looking up to him

"I just think you look really hot right now," he spoke with a amused smile "like, really hot" Phil repeated, his head bent so our mouths were basically exchanging air "can I kiss you again- please" It sounded almost like a beg but how could I refuse?

"you don't need to ask" I replied as once again my arms tangled behind his head. Though this kiss felt different than the last ones: hungrier, more passionate, wanting, pleading for more. My one hand knotted into his hair pulling a handful of strands causing him to lift slightly from the kiss

"ugh- fuck Y/n, don't do this to me" his voice croaked in a moan "or I'll take you home right now" I felt a rush of excitement run through my veins hearing the words leave his mouth

"do it then" I commanded pulling away to stare into his blue eyes that seemed midnight black all of a sudden. In one swift movement Phil lifted his jacket off the floor and grabbed my hand leading me back out the wooded area and to his car, the lights flashed as we climbed in and in seconds the engine roared. I couldn't stop my face from heating up as I watched his knuckles whiten from their grip on the wheel as we turned out from the restaurant parking lot back to my house.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

His hand hadn't left my thigh the entire drive home, it drew small circles on my bare skin and I couldn't help but fall into the rhythm, I watched as we turned into my street and the car came to a abrupt stop on my drive way. We exited the car and rushed to the front door, I dragged my keys from my purse and slotted them into the lock and after a few tries the door swung open

I spun around to face Phil, my heart pounding with anticipation as my arms wound around his neck, pulling him closer. Through the doorway, our bodies collided, a rush of heat and longing coursing between us. My back met the wall, but the world around us faded as our kiss deepened, the intensity building with each passing moment.

Our shared desires spilled into the air, mingling with the soft sounds of our breath and the gentle rustle of clothing. In the haze of passion, we fought for control, our bodies moving as one in a dance of longing and need. As we finally broke away, gasping for air, our faces flushed with desire, I closed the door behind us, turning my back to the man that now stood behind me, softly I felt his hands creep around my sides, his breath climbing up my neck

"I need you gorgeous" he whispered, his lips brushing the lobe of my ear, without another thought I grabbed his palm and led him up the stairs. I felt like a teenager again, messing around with my crush for the first time. We made it to my room and I knocked the door open but soon my attention was torn away and all I could think of was Phil, Phil Wenneck who's hands were holding my body as his lips pushed against mine, Phil Wenneck who was laying me on my bed and holding himself above me. Phil Wenneck.

"Take this off me," I whispered, my gaze locked with his, my voice dripping with desire. As he obeyed, his fingers trailed down the small straps of my dress, exposing my chest to his hungry gaze. I felt a shiver of anticipation race down my spine as his touch ignited a fire within me.

His hands caressed my skin, teasingly light, sending sparks of pleasure dancing across my body. I watched in rapt fascination as he cupped each breast, his touch firm yet gentle, kneading them as if they were dough in his palms

With a soft groan, his lips left mine, blazing a trail of kisses down my body, each one sending waves of pleasure coursing through me. I arched my back, offering myself to him, my breath hitching as his mouth hovered tantalizingly close to my aching nipples.

As he took one between his teeth, a sharp gasp escaped my lips, pleasure and pain intertwining in a heady mix. "F-Fuck," I hissed, unable to contain the overwhelming sensation coursing through me.

"Like that, don't you?" Phil's voice was husky as he released me, his gaze smouldering with heat. I could only nod, my body trembling with need, words failing me in the face of such intense pleasure. He repeated his actions, each touch sending me spiraling further into ecstasy. His tongue traced delicate patterns on my skin, leaving me trembling again and again, his kisses a gentle reminder of the tender passion that consumed us both.

I began to feel the heat between my legs grow hotter as I watched him draw himself down my body, my dress slowly coming all the way off and pooling at my ankles leaving me in just my black thong "you look- just woah" he grinned, his hand petting mine

"you still have too much on" I flirted sitting myself on my knees in front of him, I let my hands trail up his front till I met the first button and I pushed it undone, then the next, then the next until his top was bare revealing his tanned torso, and tanned muscles that decorated his front. I pushed myself closer to the man, my lips pressing against his peck until I reached his collar bone, my tongue poked out from between my lips as I licked a line up his neck to his ear "I need you to take these off for me" I sighed

"do you?" he purred, standing from my bed his hands unfastened his buckle then popped the button letting the material fall to the floor leaving him In his boxers which outlined his boner leaving nothing to the imagination "gonna keep staring or come do something about it" he asked with a smirk

"not if you act like that" I answered slyly as I kneeled at the side of my bed in front of the man, his hand reached for my jaw propping my mouth open, dipping his thumb into the wet

"be a good girl and lay back for me, hm gorgeous" I pulled off his finger with a pop and lay myself down, my thighs parting to show him stood just in front of me, his palm stroked my heat, the friction sent waves through my body "so sensitive already" I hummed, trying not to grind myself against his flat hand. His fingers dipped behind the material and hooked the thong away, pulling them down my thighs then to the floor, softly his hands once again parted my legs, showing him my already went cunt "look at that" he praised

"please do something" I begged, in a matter of seconds I felt his fingers brush over my skin, a few digits pushing through my folds "agh- oh Phil" I whimpered at the touch

"god if you say my name like that again I'll cum right fucking here" I smiled looking up to the man who's finger began slipping down my wetness again "deep breath baby" he spoke. I sucked in a breath which was harder then anything I had ever done before then felt a finger push through the threshold, dipping into my cunt

"Angh" I cried as Phil began a agonisingly slow pace, the pad of his finger narrowly brushing my want "a-another- another please Phil- oh please" I pleaded

"already? such a good girl gorgeous" I nodded but soon my body was stuttering at the feeling of another digit sliding in

"Nagh- tha...nk you" I breathed, my hips moved involuntary at the pleasure- my eyes screwed shut, I hadn't got the power to force them to look at him, my voice was stuck in my throat as the knot in my stomach tightened "Phil-holy... I'm gonna-" before I could finish my own sentence I cut myself off "Ooh- fu....fuck fuck my god Phil" I called, my hands blindly reached for something to hold, trying to stable myself but I couldn't reach a thing

"you're okay- come on you're alright" he cooed, his free hand stroked my head as I slowly came down from my first high, my eyes finally opened and my first look was at Phil "there we go, hey gorgeous" he smiled

"hey" I greeted back, our lips connected again and I couldn't stop my fingers from going back to his hair, small pieces caught between each digit as I pulled him closer

"hmph- Y/n gentle with me" he joked breaking the kiss, I rolled my eyes turning my gaze away from his face to his body that sat above mine, I couldn't help but notice the tent in his boxers only looked larger. Slowly I lifted my leg letting the bulge sooth over my knee "agh.. mh you think your funny don't you?" he taunted

"no- I just really want you inside me Phil" I purred as both my hands held his face "please Phil" the man moved quicker than I have ever seen a man move before, his boxers were pulled away from his hips and down his legs revealing his length. My eyes widened- he was huge, no wonder girls in school jumped at the chance of a night with Phil, now I understand.

He knelt behind me, lightly pumping his cock before brining it up to my entrance "your safe word is Mexico okay- you say that and we stop" I murmured an 'okay' and he started to come closer, his warm tip stroked through my split "ready?" I hummed, steadily he pushed in, breaking through my entrance inch by inch before pulling out and repeating his action until he was fully sank into me "god baby you're so tight" he grumbled, I nodded not being able to speak because of feeling so full "want me to start moving now?" he spoke breaking the silence.

"mhm- slowly, you're so big" I welled watching a smirk plaster his face, Phil agonisingly pulled back until only his tip sat in me "Phil don't tease" I whined "need you to...fuck me so good" i was breathless already

"no problem gorgeous" he snarked before slamming his hips back and his full length pushing back inside me, I yelled at the force as he found a pace, our bodies hitting together in a rhythm only gods could create

"Oh Phil...Feels so good in me" I chattered, eyes fixated on him, I couldn't tare my gaze away as his shoulders tensed to keep himself up, a sheen of sweat building on his skin, his hair becoming unruly on his head as stray strands fell

"You feel so good around me- ugh fuck Y/n- such a good girl Y/n" hearing my name fall from his mouth only made me needier, it sounded so right

"fuck Phil- I feel so fucking good, shit- you fill me up so well Wenneck" I panted, my hands digging into his shoulders, nails scratching his skin

"fu-fuck you say it so well baby, I only wanna hear my name out your mouth" he moaned pressing open mouth kissed on my neck "I feel close- are..are you?" his voice trembled

"mhm- I was trying to hold off for you" I spoke, to brain numb to stop the truth, I could already feel his cock twitching inside me as he pounded my g-spot tirelessly

"cum with me- fuck baby" he hissed as I felt his thrusts get faster, our moans started to sync, I never thought I could fall for Phil, but seeing this side, hearing his voice, his moans, his venerability, I couldn't help the feeling "Y/n I need to come so bad" he begged

"shit- i...I- Oh my god" I hiccuped feeling the tie in my stomach rip apart and a swarm of warm blanketing me everywhere, then the sensation of my walls being painted with ropes of cum as the man above me faltered

"mgh- ah, holy fuck" he gulped, his head falling to my shoulder "I've never came that quick in my life" a small laugh escaped as he caught his breath while pulling out

"neither...Jesus Phil" I breathed, our eyes met again and we both had a new glow about us "you look pretty like this" I spoke brushing my fingers through his hair

"you've always been beautiful but right now," his lips tenderly met mine, the kiss was sweet and meaningful making the moment only better "Y/n can I say something?"

"yeah" I agreed, he shifted to be lay next to me, his palm sliding down to rest in the crook of my waist "what is it?"

"I really love you, I did all through school and, when we left I regretted not telling you but yesterday, seeing you and all, then today, I remembered how I felt," I blushed, hiding my face with my free hand "that was so cheesy but I don't even care anymore" he chuckled

"I really love you too Phil" our lips caught each others again, smiling into the make out, we pulled away letting our foreheads rest against each others "we waited so long"

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

My eyes fluttered open to my sun kissed room, the light stripping against my walls, I hummed letting my head nuzzle back into Phil's chest where I'd been lay since the early hours of the morning, my fingers drew up his stomach and scratching softly over his peck, I felt him stir at the touch, pulling small faces at the feeling "what are you doing" he yawned

"nothing" I hummed pressing a kiss to his skin "but it is time to wake up" he sighed rubbing his face with the hand that wasn't wrapped around my waist. Finally he opened his eyes and faced me, though I had already been watching for a while

"morning gorgeous" he sounded

"morning Phil" he pulled me close laying a kiss to the top of my head then propping his chin against my forehead "I've gotta get Dylan soon by the way" he hummed again, I could tell he was falling back to sleep, so quickly I sat myself up pulling the cover away from our bodies

"Y/n come on! five more minutes" he sneered "please baby" his voice begged as morning still lay thick on his voice

"no, come on Wenneck- I remember when we were kids you would say that then not move for another hour so up" I demanded taking his hand and pulling him from the bed. He rose up, towering above me

"you're mean" he commented as he loomed down on me

"but you told me you loved me last night" I played, my finger teasingly running down his front

"I do," he grinned leaning closer "but I also think you're mean" I rolled my eyes wondering away as he sat himself back on the bed falling back.

Quickly I got showered, washed my face and brushed my teeth and changed into jeans and a jumper in a few minutes, Phil on the other hand had just managed to brush his teeth and stick his shirt back on as he continuously groaned about being awake so early on a Sunday, though it was 11:30am

"okay well I need to go get Dyl now, he's got a soccer club to get to at 1 and I need to clean the house and things" I moaned, leaning my head against Phil, soothingly his hand ran down my back comforting me as he laughed

"why don't I stay and help? I have nothing better to do, and I can stay with you a bit longer, make dinner, be like another date" he asked, and I couldn't help but smile at his idea, having him around would make things better

"sounds perfect, now come on we've gotta go get Dyl"

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My hand pushed the doorbell and soon enough the shuffling of slippers appeared on the other side "afternoon sunshine" my grandma beamed pulling me into a hug "and who's thi- Oh my lord, Phil Wenneck, look at you!" quickly she came out grabbing his face, inspecting all his changes "Philip aren't you so handsome!" she cooed

"thank you, you look lovely yourself, haven't changed a bit" he spoke as she stepped away laughing

"stop it you, anyways let me grab Dylan, he's been playing with the dog all morning- Dylan Y/n's here!" she called wandering back into the house

"Y/n!" a voice called as the noise of shoes tapped down the hall way and soon hands wrapped around me "you didn't call last night like you said!" he complained though still with a smile on his face

"I'm sorry, I got a bit busy last night Dyl" my gaze changed to Phil who was stood smiling at us

"Mr Wenneck?"

[gretagerwigsmuse]

rocketman: part i - it's just my job five days a week

Summary: in which lieutenant commander bradshaw is on a three month special detachment in the pacific and the holidays have never felt lonelier for either of you. it's just three months, it'll be fine, right?

OR you and bradley write each other 159 emails

Pairing: Rooster x Fem!Reader 11.8k

Warnings: 18+, explicit language, suggestive dialogue, bradley needs to remember this is a government email server...(okay yes, i am perfectly aware that our esteemed lieutenant commander would probably get kicked out of the navy for some of these emails…that being said, i also don’t particularly care! we’re playing fast and loose with the time stamps too because i may be smart, but math has never been a strong suit of mine!) enjoy the companion playlist! rest of the series can be found here!

12/17 @ 6:19am

I miss you already and I haven’t even left the parking lot. I’m still in my car typing this after having stayed for probably far too long watching your C-40 take off (like people were staring at me I was there so long)(and, yes, I looked up the name of the plane). Pete asked me if I wanted to get breakfast with him, but I said no. Felt too lost. Plus, I need to get ready for work. We’re going to get dinner on Wednesday before I head up to Berkeley Thursday morning, though!

Hope you have a safe transport and settle onboard quickly. I left you something in your duffle bag (yes, it’s safe to open around other people…head out of the gutter, Bradshaw).

Love you and stay safe, x

12/18 @ 5:46pm 

Just dropped off the gifts at the Junior League for Caroline’s adopt a child thing. She was completely in her element (they gave her a clipboard and a bullhorn!), though she did say we went wayyy too over the top. But little Carter asked for all that stuff! We couldn’t just not get it all for him? She also appreciated your wrapping skills, very impressed with the bows and tight corners. I met a couple of her friends there, which was nice and they invited me to stay for drinks (the prosecco was flowing…), but I wanted to head home. 

I miss you so much already, it feels weird not going over to your place after work and making dinner and prepping lunch together - and it’s only been two days. I know you’re on a comms blackout for the next couple days, so I’m just gonna keep sending these so you’ll have a bunch to read all at once.

All my love, x

12/19 @ 11:48am

My brother and Lauren decided to come out here for Christmas after all! My dad was so excited when he called me, but I think Mary’s a little less enthused. Feels like shit knowing we were the backup option for them. Apparently, Lauren’s mom is sick and the whole house is in disarray (not hard in that family…) so my dad is paying for them to fly in from New York tomorrow. I think it’ll be nice, we’ll almost have a full set (baring you, of course, my darling rocketman), so the house won’t be as lonely. Do you think we’ll get to talk on Christmas or Christmas Eve? You should be getting a package soon (‘twas preemptively sent!) and are under strict orders not to open it until Christmas Eve, buddy!

Going to dinner with Pete tonight, I’ll let you know how it goes. Amelia’s coming with us, but I don’t know about Penny? I hope they like the gifts we got them. I’m going to stop by your place, do a once over, and make sure the tree is ready for Pete to take, etc. before I leave on Thursday.

Love you and talk soon! x

12/20 @ 7:03am

House looked good! In my seat on the plane. If my morals were shakier, I would 1000% have taken Max up on his offer to fly me up to Berkeley. But alas! Climate change is real and private jets account for 20x as many carbon emissions as commercial planes, so I am up at the ass-crack of dawn for this 7:15am flight. I’ll message you when I land, love you!

12/20 @ 9:04am

Just landed - easy flight. Now to find my dad in arrivals…

Love you, talk when you get the chance! x

12/23 @ 4:45am

Hey sweetheart! Back online and all settled in. I’m bunking with Payback and we actually have a pretty decent layout. He graciously offered to give me the bottom bunk, due to my ‘geriatric status.’ Honestly, I’m just glad I don’t have to sleep in the bunk room with the ensigns and rest of the crew. I forgot how noisy it is being on an aircraft carrier, which makes Payback’s snoring surprisingly pleasant. I’m glad he and Bob are with me. The rest of this squadron’s from Lemoore and Bob knows some of them. It’s interesting seeing him and Payback fly together, but they mesh really well.

Glad Mav is there to keep an eye on you. 

Okay, I had way too much fun picking out all those presents, so I really hope Carter loves them too. And please tell me you have a picture of Caroline yelling into the bullhorn? I can truly think of nothing scarier than Caroline Calloway ordering the young women of San Diego county around like Santa’s chief elf. And speaking of gifts, I loved my pictures. The one from the Christmas party is my favorite, did Fanboy take it? I saw him running around with his Pentax. When the hell did you have time to print it? I’ve got it hanging up in my bunk so I can see it every night. 

I still don’t understand why you don’t fly into Oakland instead of SFO? Like I get it, you’re not a Spirit or SW girl, but kid….it’s an hour and forty minute flight? Live a little. And I think it’ll be nice having your brother and Lauren around for Christmas. How many people do you think it’ll be? I always loved seeing Christmas Eves with large families in movies and stuff, all the chaos and whatnot? But it’s just gonna be you five Christmas Day? I’ve heard rumblings that I might be first in line for a Facetime on Christmas Eve, so save some time for me too, kid. I’ll let you know for sure in a couple days. 

Okay, think we’re all caught up now. Talk soon and love you so much,

Your Bradley

12/23 @ 9:08am

Bubs! I read your email four times since I woke up, I can’t stop smiling. I’m glad you’re all settled in - Reuben’s snoring and ageism aside haha. How’s the food? Do you want earplugs? A sleep mask? Are earplugs allowed for sleeping? What if you need to get up right away and you can’t hear? I could send you a white noise machine? Or is there a fear of hacking with that? I should’ve done more research on this before you left. Tell me if you need anything, I’ll send it out express! Oh, I’m just so happy to hear from you. Keep me posted!

Lots of love, x

12/23 @ 8:53pm

You and me, hot date tomorrow night at 11:45pst - don’t be late. (And look cute.)

Your Bradley

12/23 @ 8:55pm

I’ll be there 😉 Love you, x

12/25 @ 9:56am

Bradley Bradshaw you absolute sneak! How on Earth did you pull a Christmas miracle off!?! Mary said she had no clue, so I’m extremely impressed you got my dad to keep that secret!? I was totally not expecting another present from you? The cooking lessons and apron were more than enough - to say nothing about moving in together!?! I love the bracelet so much, you have no idea. I started crying when I opened it! Mary took a video, which I’m sure she’ll send you. God, Bradley? You didn’t have to do that! It’s perfect, it’s like we’re locked together. I’m gonna wear it everyday. Please email me later if you get the chance! 

(Also, Lauren looked really jealous 😉 my brother was sweating)

Love you and Merry Christmas Rocketman! x

12/25 @ 11:38am

Ummm, not sure what you’re talking about, kid? That sounds like something Santa would do? Probably heard about how good you’ve been this year? x

12/25 @ 11:40am

Thank you, I love it so much and wish I could give you the biggest hug and kiss right now. I’ll have an extra slice of babka for you tonight, talk soon and Merry Christmas, Bradley! Love you x

12/27 @ 4:49am

I miss sleeping next to you. Whenever I can’t sleep, I think about the way you looked at me in the living room after our Christmas party. You looked so happy and I hate that I have to leave you for all our firsts. First Christmas, first New Year’s, first Valentine’s Day. And god, sweetheart, you’re so fucking gorgeous it makes me want to lose my mind sometimes. Always thinking about you, Bradley 

12/27 @ 8:38am

I miss sleeping next to you, too (especially since your body is like a furnace and you hold me close when I get cold). And I know you being away during the holidays is hard, but look at it this way - we’ll just have our firsts next year. Next year will be our first Christmas, first New Year’s, first Valentine’s Day together, not an ocean apart. We have all the time in the world, rocketman. Love you today and every day x

12/29 @ 6:02pm

There’s already so many things I’m dying to tell you and stories about the squadron we’re teaming up with, but the Navy will have my ass if I give away too many details so I’m just going to leave it at this: are we sure Max doesn’t have a twin on another continent? Take that as you will. What’re your plans for New Year’s? Your Bradley

12/30 @ 9:20am

Sorry for the delayed response! A minor issue with my brother and my dad that I won’t bore you with had the whole house in a tizzy. Thankfully, he and Lauren are gone even though my dad still won’t tell me what the issue was? Anyway! God, I wish I could hear more about Max’s twin? I am honestly kind of scared about knowing there’s a Max doppelgänger in the Navy (jokes!). For New Year’s, I’m going to this party with Mary and dad in the city, it’s at this fancy venue and I have a cute black dress! It’s very different for me and I wish you were here to see it! I’ll have to wear it again. Message me when it’s the New Year your time! Love you! x

01/01 @ 12:09am

Happy New Year, sweetheart! They had a little party for the officers - we even got cake and Bob snuck me and Payback seconds somehow. It’s always the quiet ones you gotta look out for. You absolutely need to send me pictures of you in that dress, I can’t wait to see it on you in person someday. Hope you have a great time with your dad and Mary, give them my best. Love you and again Happy New Year! 

Your Bradley

01/01 @ 12:01am

Happy New Year, Bradley!!! You got cake!! You broke some rules! I approve! Milk them for all the cake they’re worth! I’ll send some pics of the three of us and one just for you big boy 😉 Talk soon and love you so so much! x

01/01 @ 10:59am

Had a late start! Here are the pics from last night! Try and sneak some more cake xx

[mary_and_dad_being_annoying.jpg]

[me.jpg]

01/02 @ 6:12am

You know you labeled the pictures wrong…luckily no one was behind me…

01/02 @ 9:04am

Who? Me? I would NEVER! (Just trying to keep you on your toes.) Hope the flying is going well and you’re staying safe, B! Love you!

01/03 @ 8:00pm

Yeah, it’s going well. It’s so different flying on the open ocean after so long? Last time was in September when I went to Hong Kong. The desert is cool, don’t get me wrong, but seeing the clouds and the water together is unreal. The pink and purple clouds remind me of you (sorry, that was lame). You still gotta let me take you up, kid. I’ve heard Mav is trying to convince you, but you gotta let me be the one. Can’t trust just anyone with my girl. Love B

01/04 @ 10:13am

Bradley…he’s practically your father, I’m pretty sure you can trust him to take me up in a plane, you silly boy. Not that I’m saying you won’t be my first…but come on! And it’s not lame. I like that the pink and purple clouds remind you of me. Every time I see a plane I send a little call out for your safety. Gotta keep you safe, rocketman! Talk soon and love you! x

01/06 @ 4:45pm

My parents just dropped me off at the airport and no matter how many times I leave them, I always cry. I think the only time I didn’t cry when I left their house was when you were with me over Thanksgiving. You always make it better, bubs.

They’re coming down in a couple weeks to help me start packing, anything in the house you wouldn’t want them to see while dropping off boxes? I can still bring my old bed, etc for the guest room, right?

All my love, x

01/06 @ 9:58pm

I think I get that, having you around this time makes it different. I’ve never had anyone to really write to while I’ve been away before. Sure, I talked to my grandparents when they were still around and my aunts and uncles, Nat, Ice, and a couple others, but not like this. And I don’t ever want to not feel like this again. 

I’m an open book, kid. Ain’t got nothing to hide. And yeah, anything like that feel free to bring with you for the guest room or office. It was the bed, nightstands, and dresser and then your couch for the office, yeah? We can get new bedding and pillows for it if you want? I’m on comms blackout for a couple days, so message me whenever you want so I can read them all when we’re back online.

Your Bradley

01/06 @ 10:07pm

Perfect! Love you and stay safe, rocketman.

01/06 @ 10:09pm

Love you too, kid.

01/09 @ 6:11pm

Bradley, I don’t mean to alarm you, but there was a raccoon in your garage! Scratch that, a FAMILY of raccoons!??! I’m sure Mr Harrington was ready to call the cops when he heard my scream. They’re so cute, but also terrifying at the same time? So, I called Pete and he came right over, a true knight in shining armor! Amelia and I did a THOROUGH sweep of the house to make sure they were relegated to the garage. Pete got them out safe and sound with a random tennis racket and your 4 iron, but somebody’s coming tomorrow to check on how they got in there. And I know they aren’t hurting anyone, but I just don’t want there to be any issues later on? (The babies were actually so cute and reminded me of my cat growing up, Porter.) Anyway! Enough drama for tonight, I hope that gets a laugh out of you - talk soon!

Love you! x

01/10 @ 8:05am

Well, the exterminator got here around 7:30 and sprayed all this stuff and blocked the hole in the crawl space of the garage. He showed me pictures and let me tell you, there was quite the nest up there. These raccoons were living large over the holidays. 

01/12 @ 5:21pm

Okay! I’m in the parking lot, waiting for my first cooking class to start. Is it weird I’m a little nervous? I hope everyone else’s skill level is similar, I don’t like feeling behind. I brought my new apron, ironed it and everything. I feel a little like Ina Garten, isn’t she just divine? Okay, okay, I’m going in now! I’ll let you know how it goes! Thanks again for getting me these xx

01/12 @ 7:03pm

I feel so tired? Like my hand cramped a little bit? We started off the class with knife skills, which we’re going to do every week and then made this “simple” egg dish, which was NOT simple and I overcooked the egg. Ina would be so disappointed. Alas! Onto next week. Love you!

01/15 @ 9:12pm

Bradley you’re not going to BELIEVE what just happened on Succession. My heart is POUNDING? Do you think if I called and asked really nicely the Navy would get an HBO subscription for everyone? That is what I would like my tax dollars to go towards. Can you get me a direct line to someone in charge please? Love you!

01/16 @ 7:47am

Not to worry my little Barefoot Contessa, I have returned back to civilization (ie the internet), though am dismayed to have missed this mind blowing Succession episode? Has Perry Mason started back up again or will we be able to watch that together? 

Bob and I were in the gym earlier and he almost dropped a dumbbell on my foot, I swear my life flashed before my eyes. But I had a new PR on the bench press today, up to 285 pounds. Glad the cooking lesson went well though! What’s the class makeup like? x Bradley 

01/16 @ 9:04am

I’m glad you’re back online and safe! Perry Mason has not started yet, though I’m still certain you’re the only person under the age of 55 that watches it (I guess I should say we’re the only people under the age of 55 that watch it, but whatever). You’ve also missed a couple Top Chef episodes, but we can always binge this season later. 

There’s about 12 of us in the class and it’s pretty evenly split? Though there’s tragically this really annoying couple who were at the station next to me. I hope we get to change next week, I don’t think I can watch them feed each other food another week. 

And I’m still waiting for that direct line to the Navy, Bradshaw! Love you! x

01/1 6 @ 6:59pm

Wait, wait, how did I miss there? There was a WHAT in my garage? A raccoon? Multiple raccoons? We need to get a dog or a cat or something. x Bradley 

01/18 @ 7:02am

Bradley!! I know we talked about a trip once you got home (provided you still feel up for it with the transition and all), what if we went here? I was talking about our tentative plans with my dad and Mary before I went back to San Diego and they went to Punta Mita this past fall and LOVED it! What do you think? Love you!

01/18 @ 6:03pm

Holy shit! That looks absolutely amazing, yes I’d love to go! Can we afford that though? It looks expensive? xBradley

01/18 @ 6:05pm

YAY!! Ahh, I’m so excited you have no idea! I want to hug and kiss you so bad right now! We can fly for free since I have a bunch of AA points (thank you pwc) and then I have like a million Amex points, so it’s not full price!! 

01/18 @ 6:12pm

When you say ‘like a million’ do you actually mean a million or?

01/18 @ 6:14pm

Yes! I’ve had this card for like 15 years! My whole family does the pooling on it! It’s a drop in the bucket, promise! Plus, I always use my other card for work and that has a whole bunch of Bonvoy points on it, too. We could stay at one of those? I think there’s a St Regis next door?

01/18 @ 6:22pm

Sweetheart, I want to go, I just don’t want you to waste all those points on this. 

01/18 @ 6:26pm

What if we go for 6 nights instead of 9? Maybe no plunge pool? Or we could pay cash instead? And then I could get 6x the points from paying that way? So, really….the points just keep accumulating, we’ve got to use them sometime! The points can pay for the flights and the hotel and then we can split the room charges and incidentals 50:50?

Will you think about it? You don’t have to give me an answer right away and we can always pick another hotel? But if we want to go someplace in late March/early April, I think we should book soon with spring break and all? Not that I imagine many coeds will be staying at the Four Seasons, but you never know…

01/18 @ 6:33pm

You gotta send me a ppt on all this points stuff, you know math stresses me out. And no, I don’t think many coeds will be staying at the Four Seasons, kid. 

01/18 @ 6:37pm

Can I send you a dossier with everything!?! Even if you say no to that I’m doing it anyway ;) just promise me you’ll think about it, please? I’ll do whatever you want, Bradley <3

01/18 @ 6:40pm

Yes, please send the dossier my way henceforth, Moneypenny. 

And you’ll do whatever I want, huh? Might have to send you a dossier of my own now…

(But yes, I promise I’ll seriously consider everything. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to spend all this money to make me happy. I’d say we’d both be happy camping out on the beach, but I think that might be a security issue down there, plus neither of us like camping - anyway, you know what I mean.)

01/18 @ 6:43pm

Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw!! Is this a dossier for my eyes only? What will M say!? I’ll send you mine if you send me yours?

(But seriously, thank you! I’ll send you more specifics tomorrow - like pricing and whatnot - and you can take a couple days to think it over. And thank you for clarifying the camping thing, I was worried for a second there.)

I love you so much rocketman and we’ll talk (email) tomorrow 

x Moneypenny 

01/18 @ 6:46pm

I’d say ‘sleep tight,’ but that’s a given considering you haven’t been fucked in a couple weeks. 

(Perfect, I genuinely am really excited about it, just want to make sure it works out for us both.)

Love you so much, kid 

Your Bradley

01/18 @ 6:58pm

Bradley Bradshaw!! You did not just say that over a government email server! 

Imissyourcocksobadlyit’sdrivingmeinsane

01/18 @ 7:01pm

Couldn’t help it. Plus, we both know it’s true. 

01/18 @ 7:04pm

Oh, shut up. Shut me up

01/18 @ 11:43pm

I’m sorry if I came off too strong about planning earlier, I might’ve gotten a little carried away and been a little too eager about planning something five days after you’re home from a three month detachment. If at any time before you come home or even right after you come home you don’t feel up to the trip, please please please tell me. I want to do something nice for you and give you a chance to truly relax, but I’d hate for it to come at a price. So, just let me know, okay? Say the word and we’ll push it, alright? I don’t exactly know what you’re going through, but tell me if it’s ever too much. I’ll always be here, promise. Love you x

[dossier_for_your_eyes_only.ppt]

01/19 @ 8:29am

Kid, no. I promise I’ll tell you. You know I love how excited you get planning things. I think I like it so much because you take care of it all. Sure, you ask for my opinion and what I want, but I just have to tell you one thing, one idea and you take care of it. 

Funny though, isn’t it? How it’s totally opposite in the other side of our relationship? You tell me one thing, one idea and I take care of all of it? Bet it’s hard for you not having someone around to do that for you? Maybe next time we Facetime we can talk more about that? x B

01/19 @ 10:11am

Luckily, I have a very creative imagination, Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw. 

See right now, I’m in my office, sitting at my desk, feeling so overwhelmed. It almost hurts how overwhelmed and frustrated I am. And you bust down the door, hair windswept like you’d flown to Del Mar, and you have that slutty flight suit on and I don’t even mind that you’re sweaty and gross. You smell absolutely divine and I rake my hands through your hair as you eat me out underneath my glass desk. I get a conference call, but you don’t stop the entire time. You like how squirmy and fussy I get, I can’t focus on the deliverable I’m working on for the client. You like that I can’t control myself, that I squeeze my thighs around your head. Eventually, you can’t take it anymore, your cock is aching so badly, and you need to fuck me on top of my desk. You’re so strong it almost breaks. You fuck me so good everyone in the office can hear me crying out for you. 

(actually, I’m on the couch, watching college football, but it’s more fun to imagine you fucking me in my office - see, creative imagination! Make sure you get a quiet room for that Facetime...)

Love x

01/19 @ 7:29pm

You think you’re funny, huh? You have any more of those thoughts, feel free to send them my way. ‘m taking out that picture you gave me for Christmas right now. How you taking care of yourself? My imagination isn’t as creative as yours. B

01/19 @ 7:40pm

Guess you’ll have to wait for our next Facetime…

x

01/20 @ 4:24pm

Your dad and Mary write me emails, you know. They aren’t as good correspondents as you are (for how could they possibly be, my dear?), but they check in about once a week or so. Mary sends me some of the articles she gives her students and talks about the show she’s watching with your dad. Your dad mainly talks about you. It makes me wish my parents were still around to do this stuff with me. Just checking in and writing emails and bragging about me to my girlfriend? How was yesterday’s class?

Your Bradley

01/20 @ 5:39m

I didn’t know they wrote you that often and I’m beyond embarrassed that my dad talks about me that much? But come on, Bradley…you have someone who does that, too? He’s about 5’8” (on a good day), looks great in a leather jacket, and just spent about two hours last weekend cleaning your gutters and telling me about how you won your high school’s debate scholarship?? Like how could you not tell me that? It’s literally one of the hottest things I’ve heard about you!

Class was good! They taught us a trick to cut onions without crying and one of the other girls complimented my apron! We’re doing meats next week, cutting, marinating, cooking, etc. and I’m excited!

01/20 @ 5:42pm

Oh gee, I bet it’s just awful for you to have Mav around all the time. Knight in shining armor…

01/20 @ 5:48pm

He’s not a bother! And it’s not all the time! We’re actually going to get lunch together on Saturday! It’s this new place on the water.

01/20 @ 5:50pm

Sounds like a cute little date! You’ll have to tell me how he is. Love you so much B

01/20 @ 5:55pm

I’ll keep ya posted, bubs! Love you!

01/22 @ 10:01am

Breaking news, kid. Your esteemed, naval aviator boyfriend is going to be on 60 Minutes at the end of February. Totally came out of left field, but I couldn’t say anything until they finished filming. It’s about the Navy in the Pacific and “the lost art of shipbuilding.” They even rigged up a camera on my plane and everything, it was so cool. I’ve been dying to tell you, but again couldn’t say anything until it was official. I probably won’t be on it long since they interviewed the Admiral and Pac Fleet Commander for most of it, but yeah, Payback and Bob and I will be on with my girl Norah. I made sure I had enough sunscreen on so I was camera ready at all times. Love you B

01/22 @ 10:09am

YOU’RE FUCKING SHITTING ME????? Oh my god, Bradley! That’s amazing! Margie even ran into my office to see what made me shriek! I am TOTALLY having a viewing party! Oh my god, how do you think it went? Did they get your good side? What about hair and makeup? I know you get helmet hair, bubs. 

Seriously, so so excited and proud of you, Bradley! I’m going to make my dad and Mary come down for it! She doesn’t teach on Mondays, so this is perfect for them to stay over Sunday night! But now don’t go letting all that fame get to your head, Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw 😉 Love you so much x

01/24 @ 12:17pm

Rocketman - 

I was sitting at my desk earlier and listening to some music before my 12:30 meeting and Elton John’s Rocket Man popped up on my shuffle. Obviously, as you are my rocketman, I always think of you whenever I hear it, but today the lyrics really scratched that special part of my brain, so I did a deep dive into the song’s origins. 

Please note, I’m including this time in my billable hours to the client (re. you). My findings are as follows:

Bernie Taupin was inspired by a Ray Bradbury story written in 1951 titled ‘The Rocket Man’ - not drugs as the urban legend states! Drugs! Imagine!

Bradbury’s ‘The Rocket Man’ was first published in Maclean’s, a weekly Canadian magazine, before it was published in the short story collection ‘The Illustrated Man’ that same year

‘The Illustrated Man’ later was made into a film, though ‘The Rocket Man’ story was notably absent

Some of more popular and renowned stories from the collection include ‘The Veldt’ and ‘The Long Rain,’ the latter of which is commonly read in high school honors English

Was client in honors English? Please confirm in follow up correspondence

Client has mentioned extensive library resources at disposal - perhaps he can check this collection out on his next visit? But for now, an executive summary has been provided:

With space travel more commonplace in society, Doug’s father, an astronaut, is sent on frequent, three- month journeys into space

Despite missing his dad, Doug also longs to be a Rocket Man, though his mother frequently prevails on Doug to beg his father to stay on Earth and be with the family

“What’s it like, out in space?” Mother shot me a frightened glance. It was too late. Dad stood there for a full half minute trying to find an answer, then he shrugged.“It’s the best thing in a lifetime of best things.” Then he caught himself. “Oh, it’s really nothing at all. Routine. You wouldn’t like it.” He looked at me, apprehensively. “But you always go back.” “Habit.”

The father finds that his work is ruining his life, but the draw of the stars is too great: "You don’t know what it is. Every time I’m out there I think, if I ever get back to Earth I’ll stay there; I’ll never go out again. But I got out, and I guess I’ll always go out.”

Even while on vacation with the family, having Thanksgiving dinner, or sitting on the back porch, the father’s eyes are always on the sky…

Doug’s father begs him to not be like him, to not be a rocket man, but what happens when his father goes on one last journey to the stars?

Through much reflection, I have decided that ‘The Rocket Man’ was written about you - and your mom and your dad and me and on and on until there is no longer a need for Rocket Men - or the rocket man simply stops and breaks the cycle

You are both the Rocket Man and the little boy, forever waiting for his father to come home from space

The allure of flying, of being a ‘rocket man,’ is both too great and too sad for you to ignore

None of this is to say the rocket man is selfish, no. He simply cannot resist the temptation. He knows nothing other than the thrill and peace of being amongst the stars

And his mother shielding Doug from the sun at the end is like your mom asking Mav to pull your papers, she does it to save him, but it cannot keep him from becoming his father

Needless to say - I had to postpone my 12:30 meeting until tomorrow as my eyes were far too puffy and any word I tried to say felt like cotton in my mouth.

I miss you and I love you - your ‘Lilly’  

01/24 @ 8:22pm

Fuck - I love you so much. My clever girl.

01/24 @ 8:28pm

I pour my heart out to you and that’s all you have to say, rocketman? ‘Fuck - I love you so much’

(of course, I also love you so much, my clever boy.)

01/24 @ 8:30pm

Darling - it’s going to take me a little longer to come up with any commentary you deem appropriate, so for the sake of time, yes. I gotta read this story in full. I’ll be at the library at my earliest convenience. ‘The client’ will send an annotated copy with his notes henceforth.

01/24 @ 8:32pm

Of course, sweet boy. Goodnight, I love you so much. x

01/25 @ 11:44am

As promised, my darling girl. Love you.

[b.bradshaw_the rocket man_final paper.pdf]

01/25 @ 7:14pm

Oh Bradley! I love you so much, rocketman. Yes, I couldn’t have said it better. Yours x

01/26 @ 10:39am

Bradley! They’re sending me to London in February for two weeks! I even get a swanky corporate apartment for the stay. I wish you could come with me - even if it was just for a long weekend? We could go to all my favorite restaurants and afternoon tea and for walks in all the parks. One day it’ll work out! 

But tragedy of all tragedies! I just realized I’m going to miss a couple cooking lessons when I’m in London! I already emailed the instructor before today’s class and she said there’s other classes throughout the week that are behind us, so I can make it up with them! Ahhh I’m so excited! Talk soon, love you!

01/26 @ 11:13pm

I didn’t realize how nervous I was about the trip until I went to bed tonight. It’ll be my first trip abroad since I got my promotion in November. Plus, it’s a completely different client than my last trip abroad and I’ve only met one person on this new London team before. Sometimes I go into these meetings and still feel like a little kid? I’m always the youngest person in the room and normally the only woman and on one hand, that’s cool? But sometimes I feel like someone’s daughter instead of their colleague? Like these guys are my dad’s age? And they’re actually supposed to listen to what I have to say about their company? Do you ever feel like that? Like you don’t really belong, despite knowing you’ve earned your place? I wish you were beside me right now. My bed feels way too big tonight. Love you.

01/27 @ 7:48am

Sweetheart! I am so unbelievably proud of you! That’s amazing! You gotta celebrate, go out to dinner with Caro and Darcy, maybe even Nat! I know you’ve been working so hard these last couple of weeks, you absolutely deserve this. I can’t say I know exactly what you’re going through, but yes. I have absolutely felt like I haven’t belonged or deserved something despite having ‘checked off all the boxes.’ I felt that way when I got promoted to LC and when I got that award in October. Everytime I see it on my uniform, I feel a bit like a faker? Like do I really deserve this? But then I remember the way you smiled at me when I got back to my seat that night and how proud of me you were and I think maybe I do deserve it? Plus, I also think of how goddamn gorgeous you looked all fucked out later that night. 

And please note, I would happily slip into bed alongside you, especially since my bed feels way too small tonight. Love you, Bradley

01/27 @ 10:56am

Thank you for earlier. I don’t know, sometimes I just feel like I’m just too soft for all of this? Like I’m always trying to prove something to everyone and I get a little lost. Tell me something good? x

01/27 @ 7:01pm

How about this? Every time I go up in the sky and see the way the sun hits the clouds, I think of you. I’ve never wanted to be with someone as much as I want to be with you. I love you so much, kid

Your Bradley 

01/27 @ 7:06pm

Sometimes I can’t believe we love each other this much, it feels like a dream  x

01/27 @ 7:11pm

I can. Your Bradley 

01/30 @ 7:08am

i slept in one of your shirts last night. it doesn’t smell like you anymore, but it feels like you: soft and safe and warm x

01/30 @ 7:23am

Well I spray my pillowcase with your perfume whenever I miss you so I guess we’re even

Your Bradley

ps - can you send me another bottle?

01/30 @ 7:34am

You’re already out? What sort of illicit behavior are you engaging in with that perfume bottle? 

01/30 @ 10:33pm

I burrow my face in my pillow so I can smell it while I fist my cock, why? What’d you have in mind?

01/30 @ 10:37pm

How does that work though? Like genuinely? Do you jack off with Reuben in the top bunk? Or wait till he’s in the gym? I’ve been curious about this for a while now. What about the showers? Is it like an open floor plan thing? Or are there stalls? Is there a Zillow listing for this aircraft carrier?

01/30 @ 10:41pm

Now why would I ruin the mystery? 

01/30 @ 10:43pm

Bradley!!!!

01/30 @ 10:44pm

Atta girl, that’s the spirit! Love you 

02/02 @ 6:30pm

I am so sick of going to the gym. It seems like it’s all Payback and I do lately. We got this new workout regime that’s been killing me - don’t say it’s because I’m old. Though, I have been using my Theragun. Payback does my back if I do his in return. It was only awkward the first time he turned it on too hard and yelped (please tell everyone that). 

02/02 @ 6:46pm

Oh, so you and Rueben Theragun each other, huh? Say more Lieutenant Commander!

02/04 @ 2:45pm

Going to Pete and Penny’s in a bit to watch the Super Bowl! Max is at the game, apparently his golf buddy Jimmy G hooked him up, though he neglected to bring me or Caroline. I feel like you would’ve been his first choice, so take that as a compliment I suppose. Do you guys do anything onboard for it? I have $350 on the 49ers winning by 3. Have a lovely day my darling boy x

02/04 @ 9:30pm

Guess who’s as snug as a bug on a rug in her bed AND $1400 dollars richer? That would be me! When you get home we’re going to Juniper and Ivy, my treat, bubs! x

02/06 @ 4:57am

Awww sweetheart are you gonna sugar mama me again? 

02/06 @ 7:03am

You do know the only reason you’re getting away with that is because there’s an ocean between us, right? 

02/06 @ 6:00pm

Sorry, couldn’t resist! Love you! B

02/06 @ 6:10pm

You’re lucky I love you so much. x

02/08 @ 9:58pm

Can you imagine if I was gone for 20 years?

02/08 @ 10:11pm

Bradley that’s not funny 

02/08 @ 10:13pm

It’s not supposed to be. I’m reading the Odyssey and it got me thinking. 

02/08 @ 10:16pm

Bradley I love you something awful, but you are such an old man sometimes. 

Are you going through some sort of midlife crisis reading the Odyssey while you’re at sea?? Is the Old Man and the Sea next?

(ps i love the thought of you reading in your bunk in your spare time and being so struck by something composed thousands of years ago that you have to email me)

02/08 @ 10:20pm

They wait 20 years to get back to each other - practically half their lives. They miss so many things and barely knew each other before he left, but they’re still so - I don’t even know? They’re just so intent on getting back to the other in Odysseus’s case? While Penelope makes sure there’s something for him to come back to? And I must’ve read this stanza ten times before I had to email you: 

"...the gods cast me upon Ogygia, Calypso's island, home of the dangerous sea nymph with glossy braids, and the goddess took me in in all her kindness, welcomed me warmly, cherished me, even vowed to make me immortal, ageless, all my days - but she never won the heart inside me, never" 

And I know it’s not a perfect comparison or parallel, but I read that last bit and I couldn’t help but think of you? And how you’re the one who won my heart and it’s always going to be that way. Whether I see you in twenty seconds or twenty years.

02/08 @ 10:23pm

You’d come home to me whether it took twenty seconds or twenty years. You’d come home to me and I’d know you anywhere. I love you so much. 

02/08 @ 10:58pm

“Now help me, please, to get back home, and quickly! I miss my family. I have been gone so long it hurts.” 

Your Bradley

02/09 @ 7:03pm

At the airport for London! Taking off! And I may or may not have used points to upgrade to a Club World seat…but like? It’s a nonstop flight, so it’s okay, right? Work’s already paying for business class? It’s points from my work card? It’ll be fine, right?

I had to take an ativan in the lounge. I just hate that I still get so nervous whenever I fly long distance? I fly all the time, I shouldn’t be like this? You know, one time, I pretended you were flying my plane. I know it’s kind of dumb and silly and a completely different type of plane, but it made me feel better because you’d never let anything happen to me. 

Anyway, we’re book buddies!! I went to the bookstore a couple days ago and got a copy! I read the Odyssey back in high school, but forgot so much. I was reading in the lounge and this part made me think of you:

“...this lovely house, my marriage home, so full of wealth and life, which I suppose I will remember even in my dreams.”

I’ll text you when I land my darling boy, love you x

02/10 @ 6:02am

You gotta squeeze every last bit of your per diem out of pwc. You’ve been working way too hard lately. Fuck it, on the way home just put the upgrade on your work card or put it on mine. Have a safe (rest of your) flight - maybe one day you’ll let me take you up. Love Bradley 

02/10 @ 10:08am

Just landed and on my way to the office (already…)

I thought of you as I read and stared out the window on the plane. I could pretend I’m flying towards you, rather than further away. I can’t imagine how you feel doing this everyday, but I imagine it’s like feeling limitless, like everything is in front of you, there for the taking. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll let you take me up one day. 

I’ll keep you posted on how everything’s going if you do the same. All my love x

02/12 @ 5:49am

How’s it going, kid? They working you too hard? You’re in London! Try to enjoy it, you deserve it. One of the guys I’m with gave me a restaurant rec for you, said the drinks were amazing, his wife loved it. Do something fun while you’re there! And send me some pictures dammit!

Love you, 

Bradley 

02/12 @ 8:22am

Bradley! It’s been so so crazy here! I feel like I haven’t stopped since I landed. My ‘flat’ is so cute and right by the client’s offices, so it’s an easy commute. I feel so professional taking the Tube places too! It’s one thing I’d like us to have in San Diego as opposed to all the traffic. Also, it’s CHILLY here and I’m so glad I dug my big coat out of storage. I’ll try and check the restaurant out this weekend, I’m gonna sneak in a trip to the Tate, too. I’ve always wanted to see the Turners. Talk soon and love you bunches! x 

02/14 @ 9:54am

Bradley Bradshaw! You absolute SAP! HOW!?! Did you conspire with my dad again? Thank you for the flowers! I’m going to have the biggest smile on my face all day. I love you and hope this is the first of a lifetime of Valentine’s Days together. Always x 

02/14 @ 7:33pm

Happy Valentine’s Day to you too, kid. I’m not gonna lie, I gave your dad very specific instructions for the bouquet (I was going to ask Max, but he’d probably swap it for something ugly and cheap and keep the change…kidding (not)), so I’m glad they turned out well. It was a very big day on board today: we got special red heart cookies for the holiday. The mood was infectious, I can still taste the sprinkles. Maybe you could cook for me on our next Facetime? Have you learned anything good in class lately? It doesn’t have to be fancy, just wanna see you (and maybe also live vicariously through whatever you’re making).  

02/14 @ 7:33pm

Bradley! I think I can swing that for you, when do you think our next call will be? 

02/16 @ 3:18pm

Kid, you spoil me. This package is amazing, I don’t know where to start (just kidding it’s with the Cadbury chocolate and the Sudocrem as my burnt shoulders thank you), but everything is wonderful, thank you. I love hearing about London and seeing the pictures you sent last time. But I do have one complaint…you’re not in any of the pictures, kid, and that’s truly egregious. (Think we won’t be able to Facetime for a while, I gave Payback my slot the other day.)

02/16 @ 3:23pm

That’s not true! I’m in the one in front of the Tate!

02/16 @ 3:25pm

Yeah, but I can’t see you under all those layers! Just want to see your face. It’s been way too long since our last Facetime.

02/16 @ 9:52pm

As requested, Lieutenant Commander. I had one of the girls in the London office take this at dinner tonight. She really did wonders with the lighting and even managed to get my sidecar in the pic! x Love you

02/17 @ 6:55am

You look pretty. New dress? B

02/17 @ 7:17am

Maybe…it was on sale, couldn’t resist. But you’re gonna hate me because all of my clothes are very much not going to fit in your closet. Also, I bought you a new jacket and some socks. x

02/17 @ 7:20am

Ehhh I’m not too worried about the closet thing. But if you keep buying me clothes we might have a problem.

02/17 @ 7:24am

It’s so cute though!! You’re going to look so handsome in it! I got the green one for you!

02/17 @ 7:29am

Okay, admittedly a very nice jacket, thank you. But you are aware that we live in San Diego…

02/17 @ 7:31am

I am aware of that fact, LC Bradshaw. You can wear it when we visit my parents. Hell, I had to get my coat out of my storage closet for this trip. 

02/17 @ 6:53pm

Sighhhhh you raise a good point. Alright, alright, thank you for the jacket and socks my darling girl. What’d you have for dinner last night? We had chicken with these absolutely awful biscuits, tasted like saw dust, my stomach was growling for some more of that Cadbury chocolate (yes, Payback and I ate all of it already, though it was mainly Payback) for hours afterward. 

02/17 @ 6:59pm

Oh my sweet boy! Who do I need to call about your meal plan? Give me the number and I’ll call the Navy up right now. And I had scallops with truffle risotto. It was delicious. Wanted to lick the bowl clean. Love you bubs x

02/19 @ 10:22pm

Bubs, I cannot eat another meal out. I feel like I’m going to burst. I’ve gone to so many work dinners and lunches even before coming here, it almost makes me feel like a glutton. 

I miss you and your cooking (though I’ll have you know that my skills were vastly improving before my trip abroad!) and you standing behind me at the counter while I try to perfectly cut peppers. Sometimes I do it wrong on purpose so you’ll put your arms around me and I can feel the rumble of your voice. Would we call that weaponized incompetence? You better be ready for some Michelin Star meals when you get home, buddy. I just can’t wait to be home with you and roll over next to you in the morning and to tell you to stop snoring and that the battery in the smoke detector needs to be changed. I can’t wait to be home with you and make a life with you. I’m going to be really sappy now, but let me have this because I was reading this poem the other day and thought of you. 

“I am supposed to be touched. I can’t wait to find the person who will come into the kitchen just to smell my neck and get behind me and hug me and breathe me in and make me turn around and make me kiss his face and put my hands in his hair even with my soapy dishwater drips. I am a lovely woman. Who will come into my kitchen and be hungry for me?” (x)

Only a month until you’re home with me, I hope you’re hungry. 

All my love x

02/20 @ 4:50am

It’s only weaponized incompetence if the other person minds. I, however, do not mind. I loved that quote you sent me, going to be thinking about that one for a long time. I hate to tell you this, but I’m gonna be offline for a couple days. I hate that it’s at the end of your trip, but please please message me when you’re leaving/taking off and again when you land, you know I worry. Love you and am so unbelievably proud of you, kid! You killed it in London. Your Bradley

02/20 @ 7:03am

That’s okay, I totally understand. I’ll give you all the details on our next Facetime. In the meantime, I message you when I leave. Stay safe and love you, Bradley! x

02/23 @ 3:45pm

Taking off soon! I got an upgrade again, thankfully! And I made sure to put your new coat in my carry on - I don’t trust British Airways not to lose it! Taking an ativan again so hopefully I’ll sleep the entire flight - love you and talk soon!

02/24 @ 10:33pm

Just landed, slept through….90% of the flight! Apparently, there was bad turbulence, so probably for the best. Now, I know you would never have me deal with that my darling rocketman! Talk later - love you! x

02/25 @ 7:09pm

Feels kind of weird being back? I can’t quite get back into my routine. I’m not sure if it’s jet lag or something else? Feeling a little lost? x

02/26 @ 7:55pm

Bradley!!! You were so good, I’m so so proud of you! Max had everyone over at his place for us to watch you! We have quite the party here including my parents, Pete, Penny and Amelia, Natasha, Mickey and Cielo, Caroline, and Darcy. I’ll have to tell you about the parents meeting later. I wish you had been here for it, they took to each other like bees to honey. 

You looked tragically handsome, I practically had to hold back a moan when you were standing on the flight deck talking to Norah O’Donnell (is she as nice in person as she is on TV?). God, I want to ravish you, you sounded so fucking smart. You know like half the country is going to be in love with you now, right? I’ve got to get back to everyone, Max ordered dinner for us afterwards, but I had to email you as soon as you finished!

Just wanted to let you know how proud of you I am and how much I love you x

02/27 @ 5:09am

Thanks, kid. Sorry it took me a bit to respond, things have been getting a bit crazy, you know, now that I’m a celebrity and all? We’re winding down this training, so the next couple weeks are gonna be full of debriefs and paperwork, which means I should have a more stable schedule. Love you B

02/28 @ 11:48pm

Sometimes I wonder if you were here what would you do? Hold me? Love me? I never feel small except when I’m in your arms. x

02/29 @ 11:48pm

Some nights in bed, if I try really hard, I can imagine I’m laying down next to you. And it makes everything just a little easier. Bradley

03/01 @ 12:56am

I haven’t taken anything besides my fingers in months. You’re going to stretch me out so well when you get home. 

03/01 @ 7:19pm

And I’m gonna mark your ass pink for that comment. I can’t believe you sent that in the middle of the day. You getting yourself off at work? Dirty girl. 

03/01 @ 9:41pm

Never feels as good as when you do it. 

03/01 @ 10:01pm

And my hands pale in comparison to your pretty little cunt. You know that first time we slept together you were so fucking tight, I knew you hadn’t had a good fuck in ages. It gonna be like that again when I come home?

03/01 @ 10:05pm

Where are you going to have me first?

03/01 @ 10:06pm

In our bed, in our house, after you make me dinner in our kitchen. 

03/01 @ 10:09pm

Just over two weeks now, I can’t wait to see you. x

03/03 @ 5:55am

How you holding up, kid? You doing a little better this week work wise? Try and log off around 5 if you can. Don’t want you getting all worn down on me. 

They had us doing these war games yesterday that made me think of you. You would’ve walked circles around some of these other guys I swear. Think I can get a Facetime for us in a couple days? Probably will be our last one before I come home. Love you, B

03/03 @ 7:12am

Bradley! That's the best news I’ve had in ages! I can’t wait to see you! Definitely felt a little lost after coming back from London, but I hope my rut will be over soon? Tying things up with a client is always so lengthy and tedious. 

War games! ‘Would you like to play a game?’ I’d ask if you won, but no one ever wins in the art of war 😉Love you!

03/05 @ 8:54pm

So, here’s a new one. My mom called? She’s going to be stateside and wants to get lunch tomorrow. Could’ve done with a bit more warning, but apparently, she has a layover in San Diego on her way to New York to see my brother? I didn’t even know she was going to see him? I don’t even know if I want to see her? It’s funny, I can already tell you exactly how it’ll play out:

We’ll go to lunch at some sort of vegan restaurant, probably Donna Jean

She’ll make me pay

She’ll try to get me to use some sort of herb to promote weight loss since I’m looking a bit “pudgy” around the face

Though she’ll forget to ask about you, she’ll tell me about her latest string of failed relationships with bartenders and surf instructors in Canggu. Or is it Ubud? I genuinely don’t remember, she started in Ubud, but honestly my knowledge of Balinese geography is rudimentary at best 

She’ll ask how ‘that woman’ is doing as if Mary is just the woman my dad is seeing, not the woman who raised me and my brother

And finally, she’ll ask for money though betting is still open as to what for!

So, what do you say? Wanna put a wager on it? Your terms.

Love you! x

03/06 @ 6:30am

$100 she orders the caesar and makes you pay. I’m not even going to entertain the third parlay, pretty girl. Oddly feeling like she’s got a winner on her hands so yes she’ll talk about her new paramour. Does she really call Mary ‘that woman?’ And yes, without a question, she will ask you for money.

Your move my gorgeous girl,

Bradley

03/06 @ 7:49pm

I really wish you were here right now. She doesn’t even know me, but she somehow always manages to make me feel small. 

Caesar - no croutons 

I paid

Pudgy and frumpy, but she was hawking shakes not herbs

Failed relationship? No, she’s actually GETTING MARRIED

She did not ask about you much other than to say I need to watch my figure for you (see bullet point no. 3)

Mary was called ‘that woman’ six times before I stopped counting

She asked for money as a wedding present 

So, you didn’t get them all, but not a bad showing. Love you. Talk tomorrow on Facetime. x

03/07 @ 6:09am

God kid, I’m so sorry. She doesn’t know what she’s missing. Actually, I don’t even think she deserves to know what she’s missing. Did you talk to your dad or Mary about it? I know we’re talking later, but I just wanted you to have a message from me before you start your day. What’re you wearing to the office tomorrow? Have you worn that wrap dress lately? You know it’s one of my favorites and that I always love unwrapping it when you get home from the office. 

Can’t wait to see you tonight. All my love, Bradley

03/07 @ 9:55am

The dress doesn’t fit. My mom was right, I shouldn’t have gotten the french toast.

I’m planning on talking to dad and Mary later today before you and I have our Facetime. I know they’ll make me feel better, much like you have my darling boy, but it still feels pretty crummy. Especially since I’m sure she’s going to have wonderful time in New York with my brother 🙄 and I’ll have to hear all about it next time I talk to him. 

And I’m not sure if I’ve unpacked that dress yet! I’ll have to do some digging. Talk soon! x

03/10 @ 3:26am

We had a little baby. He was always giggling and laughing and we were making silly faces and he looked so small in your arms, Bradley. So small and little and he was ours. And then I turned around and he was toddling around the house and we were chasing him and his little legs were moving so quickly and we all wound up on the couch in a tangle of limbs, giggling under the blankets as we tickled him and he called you daddy. 

It wasn’t our house - or what will be our house, I guess? Instead of the leather couch you have, it was white and big and wide and the three of us could easily fit on it, snuggled together. 

And I could feel your arms around me, rocking me back and forth. I could feel you humming in my ear and kissing my neck and telling me you loved me. I could feel it. I could feel you. I could feel him and you. And it was nice and I felt warm and safe and cherished and loved. Because I felt so much love for this little boy in my arms - the perfect mix of me and you. Everything felt right and perfect. 

Except when I rolled over in bed to tell you about it, I realized I was alone in my bed, in my apartment, and not in the house that we shared or with the little boy that looked so much like you and I haven’t felt so empty and sad since I can’t remember when. 

And I just miss you so much, Bradley. I know I can come across as glib and unfeeling sometimes and like this doesn’t affect me as much. But it does and sometimes I feel like my heart is going to burst because I’ve never felt like this for anyone else before? It’s never been so easy for me to love someone and let them love me to the point that I always want to be beside them. And I know with your job - and mine - that can’t always happen, but god Bradley I wish you were here right now so you could hold me and tell me you loved me because I just want to feel your arms around me and know you’re real. I want to tell you about the little boy - the perfect mix of me and you. 

I love you rocketman x

03/11 @ 12:49pm

I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. I realize that’s a lot to drop on you, especially since we can’t talk in person. I guess I’ve just never missed a person more in my life and seeing that future showed me what we could have when you come home. God, Bradley I want you to come home so badly. I want you to stay here with me forever and never leave and to have that cute little boy who was the perfect mix of me and you and to have you here in my arms every night. And I know it’s selfish of me to ask or even make you think about it, but I want you right here - in twenty seconds, not twenty years. 

How did your hop go today? x

03/11 @ 7:03pm

I have dreams like that, too. I’ll be little, but still older than I was when my dad died and we’ll be at the beach, running around, and he’ll pick me up and spin me around like I’m flying on an airplane. 

But then it’ll be me and my kid, running around and I’ll pick them up and spin them around like they’re flying on an airplane. Sometimes it’s a girl, sometimes a little boy. But I always just can feel and tell that I love them and I’d do anything for them. 

And I used to hate waking up alone after I had them and I’d feel empty and sad and like I had the feeling that they should still be there? Except now I have you and I know it doesn’t just have to be a dream?

Sorry it took me so long to reply. Today was hectic and I didn’t get to check my email until later. But if I checked it earlier, my day would’ve been a lot easier on my heart. 

All my love,

Your Bradley

03/12 @ 7:11pm

How do you always know exactly what to say? I’m sorry for springing that all on you, know it wasn’t exactly a quick/easy message, but I love that you knew exactly what I meant. My day’s always a lot easier on my heart when I hear from you, too. Love you x

03/13 @ 10:17pm

i miss having you around to take care of me. and telling me what to do and what to wear for you and how you want me and where you want me and when you want me and and and. and how good i feel around you as you come, how you take what’s yours. how i need you to take control and tell me what i need because i’m too much of a dumb slut to figure it out on my own. i need you so much bradley. and it’s so hard because i’m trying to take care of myself like you do and imagine what you’d do if you were with me right now. but i’m so frustrated since no one takes care of me like you do. i feel so empty. nothing stretches me out like you do, nothing makes me feel as small as you do, nothing makes me flush like the sound of your voice against my neck as i come, nothing soothes the ache inside me like you do. need you to call me good girl, pretty girl, sweet girl, anything as long as it’s yours. 

i need you i need you i need you i need you bradley bradley bradley bradley

3/13 @ 10:39pm

Awwww sweetheart, did you get yourself all worked up over me? It’s okay, I know it’s hard for you all by yourself. Must’ve been real bad for you to risk this getting flagged, huh? Poor thing, don’t worry, I’ll take care of you. 

Want you to pretend I’m next to you, leaning over you as you lay down and touch yourself. Say yes Bradley, more Bradley. Bradley, Bradley, Bradley. Good girl. 

Want you naked under the covers, no frilly little pajama set or anything. No, I want your cum to stain the sheets and then for you to have to clean up in the morning, all embarrassed because you did this. You made yourself like this because you can’t control yourself without me around. All that cum being wasted. Nobody around to lick it off your pussy. So what doesn’t get on the sheets, you have to taste. Good girl. 

Want you to use your fingers - only your fingers, I’ll know if you use anything else. Start with your breasts. Think of how perfectly they fit in my hands and how yours aren’t quite the same. They aren’t as big. Aren’t as strong. Play with your nipples, drag your nails across the soft skin on the underside of your breasts.

Want you to sigh my name as you slide your hands down your stomach towards your pretty little pussy. Have you shaved? Gotten a wax? You know how I like it, want it just like that when I get home. Pretend it’s my fingers sliding into your cunt. A few touches and you’re already clenching on air and I’m not even around. 

In and out, in and out. Circle your clit with your thumb. Add another finger, then another. You rocking your hips yet? I know you’re soaked. I know you want more. Three fingers can’t stretch you out nearly as much as you need. But I don’t know if you can handle anything else without me around. And I know you would never disagree with me, right? Because you’re my good girl and good girls do what they’re told. 

Don’t hesitate to get loud. You’re in our house, in our bed, you can be as loud as you want. Bet you’re getting close, huh? Try and last a little longer, can you hear yourself and how wet you are? Are you shaking yet? I know you’re close. Go ahead, speed up your fingers, just the way I do. It’s okay, you can come. Know you’re gonna get sleepy soon, wish I could sleep inside you, nice and tight.

Now say thank you Bradley. Good girl. 

03/14 @ 5:49pm

Thank you, Bradley. Thank you for taking care of me last night 

You like chicken piccata, right?

03/14 @ 7:33pm

Yeah, kid, I like chicken piccata. 

03/14 @ 7:39pm

Okay, that’s good. I’m going to make it when you come home. I ran it by my cooking instructor. Ina’s recipe of course. 

(I’ve read your email seven times since you sent it. I’ve thought about it constantly. I want you to take me softly and slowly that first time. But after that? I can’t wait to let go and float. Love you so much x)

03/15 @ 6:09am

You’re the boss. Good thing I’ll be home soon, you’re gonna run out of material. As is, I had to type that last one with one hand. 

Love you,

B

03/15 @ 7:21am

I’ll be good till you get home, promise. 

Have a good day, do you think we’ll get to talk much from now till Friday? Love you x

03/15 @ 7:24am

I’ll hold you to it. 

I don’t think so, might be able to send one out before leaving the boat. Better make it a good one. 

All my love

Your Bradley 

03/15 @ 7:25am

You got it! Love you bubs 

03/18 @ 11:08pm

Kid - there’s this lyric that keeps running through my head: ‘and I want you right here.’ I want you beside me - today, tomorrow, all my days. I want you right here, beside me forever. In twenty seconds, not twenty years. See you tomorrow.

All my love,

Your Bradley

03/18 @ 11:11pm

See you tomorrow, rocketman. I’ll be the one in blue.

Love you x

a/n: thanks for reading! i'll be back with part ii and part iii (hopefully not in...4 months). i had so much fun writing these and getting to explore a different format and side to their relationship! thanks to alexa @sometimesanalice, kylie @ofstoriesandstardust, cass @notroosterbradshaw, elle @dissonannce, nik @cherrycola27, and loren @heartsofminds for all the support!

[the-boy-meets-evil]

some habits are hard to break | feat. jungkook

(where you know that jungkook is the last person you should keep running back to, but neither of you can seem to let the other go.)

pairing: jungkook x fem!reader genre: angst, smut, est. relationship rating: explicit, minors DNI word count: ~12.5k warnings: the relationship isn't healthy (but they're very human), miscommunications, misplaced hope, bad habits, unhealthy coping mechanisms, cheating (reader on unnamed boyfriend), mentions of past trauma (reader), mentions of therapy, mentions of mental health struggles (reader), explicit smut: unprotected sex (don't do this), fingering (f. receiving), oral sex (f. receiving), handjob, semi public sex (behind a closed door at a club), teasing, hair pulling, light choking, i think that's it but let me know if i missed anything

a/n: she is finally here! i did not expect this fic to take me this long, but here we are. thank you to one of my favorite humans @ugh-yoongi for reading this over and assuring me they weren't terrible, just human. this story feels personal to me so that was reassuring.

a/n 2: lauren has asked for a pt 2, so i’ll be writing that after i get through both my collabs due in august 💕 banner/divider credit: my bby @classicscreations who always comes through tagging: @pjmparadise @axialitae

Every single thought is the same. You know better than to send the text sitting on your phone. You know precisely why it’s wrong. You know that nothing is ever going to change.

Here’s the thing. You’re in a healthy, stable relationship with someone who’s good to you and for you. He’s honest and caring, funny and sweet. Despite all of your baggage, he never makes you feel less than, never makes you feel broken. This is the first time in your life that you’ve been able to lay all your shit on the table and have someone accept it unconditionally. And he always does what he says he’s going to. You’re never up waiting at 2 in the morning, wondering where he is because he hasn’t called or texted.

So, yeah, things with him are good, great even.

But…

And that’s the thing, isn’t it? As soon as there’s a but, it’s like you can’t see all of the good. It’s all just a placeholder before what may be the worst three-letter word in the English language. You wonder if it means there’s just something fundamentally wrong with you. Who looks for the “buts” of every situation? Why can’t you just appreciate all the truly wonderful things in your relationship?

Because you’ve had the one thing you’re missing. You know it exists and it’s hard to forget.

Your boyfriend is great, perfect, even, in almost every way that matters. It’s just, you’re not exactly…satisfied. And you know that you could guide him to be better for you in that way. He just seems a bit sensitive about it at times and you don’t want to make him feel less than since he never does that to you.

This is exactly why you’re staring at your phone. Paralyzed because you both want to send the text and know you really can’t. Your body remembers his, remembers the way the slightest touch sent your heart racing. You try to also remember every word he’s ever uttered to you, too, because he’s always been very clear about who he is.

It’s fucked up that you’re even considering it, beyond wrong that you typed those 5 words out in an empty conversation thread. (Even though you usually keep every conversation, you deleted this one after you got serious about your boyfriend. You say it’s to keep the temptation away, but really, how well is that working now?)

You: what are you up to?

Just like that, your need to fill your desires wins out against every other rational thought you have. Part of you hopes that he doesn’t respond. It’s been months since you last spoke and you know he’s got a short attention span. Maybe he’ll spare you having to make a final decision.

Jungkook: out getting some drinks with friends

He doesn’t. His answer comes in far quicker than you expect it to and you get that same feeling in your stomach. Like anticipation mixed with desire. You’re so fucked.

Jungkook: what are you up to?

Tomorrow you’ll look back and realize this is a chance to bow out, to realize that this is a mistake. That you hadn’t sealed your fate when you sent the first message. You could still just bow out and walk away, leave the message unanswered.

You don’t.

You: nothing, just at home alone Jungkook: what about the boyfriend? You: away for work

You know that you should feel bad now. A normal person might realize that this was destructive behavior, that you’re purposely sabotaging your own long-term happiness for instant gratification. At least, that’s what your therapist tells you.

Jungkook: I can be home in 15 minutes, I’m just around the corner

The message is really your last chance, whether you consciously think about it or not. There was no preamble with Jungkook. He assumes you’re texting him so you can come over. And he’s right, isn’t he? You weren’t exactly texting to catch up with someone you weren’t ever friends with anyway. No, you’re both adults and you know what this is. Just like you’ve always known.

You: give me 30 and I’ll be over

Was there really any other outcome? From the moment you opened Jungkook’s contact to start a text, this was the inevitable end. You can pretend that you have control and you were on the fence. But, you know the truth, and so does Jungkook. He knows it from the moment your name appears on his lock screen. This only ends one way, the same way it’s ended countless times before.

Thirty minutes later, after cleaning up and getting dressed, you stand on Jungkook’s doorstep. There’s a moment where you genuinely question if this is smart. Smart is the wrong word, you think. Of course, this is fucking stupid. You could ask 100 people and every single one of them would probably tell you to turn around. So no, this isn’t smart.  The real question is if you’re going to do it anyway.

Jungkook opens the door before you even knock and the question dies. There he is, in baggy sweatpants and a t-shirt, like the true fuckboy you know he is, and your body remembers. It remembers every kiss, every touch, every tremble. It starts to react without your permission.  By the smirk he’s wearing, you can tell Jungkook remembers too.

“Right on time,” he says, leaning against the door frame like he needs the support.

“Are we gonna have a whole conversation out here?” It’s a challenge and a mistake all rolled into one.

He doesn’t answer, just moves aside so that you can step past him. There’s a moment, as you’re stepping past him and glancing around his apartment, of nerves. Of wondering what the fuck is going on. But his apartment hasn’t changed, not that you expected it to, and neither has he.

“Want anything to drink?” he asks, moving around you to the kitchen. He looks back over his shoulder at you, a confident smirk on his lips. “We could do a couple shots.”

“Trying to get me drunk?” you wonder. Still, you follow him into the kitchen.

“No, definitely not.” His answer is swift and his eyes roam over you, appraising. “You just seem a little on edge.”

“Wonder why that is,” you huff out.

Jungkook leans back against the counter, eyes still trained on you. “If you don’t want to be here…”

“I didn’t say that either,” you respond.

There’s this weird tension settling between the two of you and you’re not really sure what to do about it. Not really sure how to get out of your head for even a second. That’s when you feel Jungkook’s hands on your hips, pulling you back against his body where he still leans against the counter.

“I don’t want you to feel pressured,” he says and dips his head to kiss along your jawline.

“I don’t,” you respond.

“Do you want me to stop?” he whispers against your skin as he continues to kiss down your neck.

The only thing that comes out for a second is a hum when Jungkook lightly sucks at the base of your neck where it meets your collarbone. “No.”

“Are you sure?” He’s pulled back now and looking you directly in the eye.

You take a breath and then another when your heart starts to speed up. The only thoughts are of his lips on yours, his fingers grazing along your body. Slowly your fingers trail up his arms and he doesn’t move at all. Just watches you and waits for you to make your decision. Leaves it all up to you.

So you do the only thing you can, the only thing you were going to do once you sent that text. You let your fingers find purchase in his hair and you press your lips hard against his. He’s turning the two of you around in an instant so it’s you pressed into the counter. The kiss is hard and desperate, like you’ve both been starved and this is the only way to solve that. His hands feel like they’re everywhere and it’s still not enough, not completely what you need. Nobody has ever set your body on fire just from kissing the way Jungkook does. It’s bliss the way your brain goes almost silent except for thoughts of him. And you know he’s just as turned on, can feel it in the way he’s pressing against you.

Jungkook kisses down your neck again and you don’t even bother to hold back the moan. When you feel him lightly sucking into your skin before pulling away, part of you wishes he’d do it harder. Wishes he’d leave a mark. Wishes for something to show what you’re doing here tonight without you having to say it. He doesn’t, though, and you know he wouldn’t even if you asked.

Instead he pulls away, smirks at your whimper from the lack of contact, and reaches for the hem of your shirt. He’s still asking permission, so you give it. Your shirt and bra disappear in record time and his mouth is back on. Softly kissing down the space between your breasts and across the underside of one. It’s too much, the way he knows exactly what you need, the way his lip ring teases you as he moves across your skin, the way he stops to just look at you when he knows he’s driving you crazy.

Well, you think, two can play at that game. Before he even realizes what you’re doing, you’re spitting into your hand and reaching inside his sweats and boxers (since he’s annoyingly still clothed). You’re slowly dragging your hand along his length, moving painfully slowly. He groans when you slide your thumb over his tip and pulls back.

“Fuck,” he says and slowly pulls your hand out.

“What?” you ask, actually confused.

“Come on, I can’t fuck you against this counter but if we don’t get out of here, I’m gonna try,” he says and pulls you along into the bedroom.

Jungkook kisses you hard and lightly pushes you back onto the bed. You prop yourself up to watch him quickly undress. You love watching the way his muscles contract with each movement, love the lean lines of his body, absolutely love everything about him. If he sees you watching him, which you’re sure he does, he doesn’t say anything. Instead he leans over you, kisses you hard again as he pulls your pants and underwear off nearly in one motion.

“Eager,” you taunt.

“You won’t be saying that when you can’t walk tomorrow,” he says.

Before you can answer, Jungkook is flipping you over so that you’re on your hands and knees, pressing down on your back so your ass is in the air. You’re a little surprised, because usually he takes his time with you. Not that you’re complaining. He moves on the bed and then you hear a bottle opening seconds before you feel the cold liquid at your entrance. He may be a lot of things, but he always makes sure you’re taken care of.

Despite his words, he still slides into you slowly and lets you adjust to him. His hands grip your hips tightly as he rolls his hips into you almost carefully, like he’s not sure if you’re adjusted. It’s bordering on painful that he’s so still.

“Fuck Jungkook, move,” you whine.

“What’s that?” he asks.

“Just fuck me, please fuck me,” you beg and you hear the low chuckle.

“Thought you’d never ask,” he says and snaps into you hard.

“Fuckkkkkk,” you draw out.

Removing one hand from your hip, he presses you back down into the mattress. You arch your back further so he has a better angle and let the pillow muffle your moans. It mixes with his own groans and the slap of his skin against yours every time he buries himself fully inside you. There’s something frantic about it and you’re sure this is what you’ve been missing. Sure this is what you need. He removes his hand from your hip again and roughly slaps your ass.

“Oh my god, Jungkook,” you yell.

He slaps your other ass cheek and it makes you scream out again. Yes, this is what you need. Someone to be a little rougher with you. Someone who doesn’t treat you like you’re going to break or worry if you can take it because he knows. He knows exactly what you can take and exactly what you like. Him pulling on your hair is only further proof of that.

And then he’s pulling you to him, so that your back is against his chest. The new angle has him hitting deeper inside you, reaching that spot that nearly has you seeing stars. Jungkook moves his hand out of your hair around your neck, gripping lightly.

“Do you like that, baby?” he whispers roughly in your ear.

“Yes,” you moan out.

“Because I fuck you the best,” he continues.

“Jungkook, fuck, just fucking choke me, please,” you beg, unbothered by how much you’re begging him.

That doesn’t need any answer from him beyond his fingers tightening around your throat. It’s the perfect pressure too, just like every other time he’s choked you while fucking. It makes you feel a little lightheaded but also like everything feels that much more amplified. Every hard thrust into your cunt pushes you closer to the edge. Every breath sounds louder. Everything is just more.

He also knows your body to know when you’re close. You almost whine when he removes his hand from your throat because you felt like you were about to come. And then he rubs a thumb over your clit, continues to make sure you come first, like always.

“Fuck, fuck, I’m gonna come,” you shout.

“Come on baby, I wanna feel you come,” he says into your ear.

It’s the only permission you need as you let go. Somewhere, in the haze of your high, you can tell that he’s coming too, that his release comes just after yours. It’s all you can do not to slump against his body, though. His arms are strong around you as he pulls out so that both of you can lay down on the bed.

A few minutes later, after he’s cleaned you both off and you’re lying together in bed, you wonder how you’re going to extract yourself. You’ve never really felt awkward around him, so you’re not really sure why you do now.

“I should be going,” you say and start to sit up.

Jungkook is quick to pull you back down. He meets your look of confusion with nothing but desire. You think, not for the first time, it’s the kind of look that you drown in. The kind of look that ruins you.

“And just where do you think you’re going?” he asks.

“Home?” you offer.

“Why?” he fires back.

“I don’t know, Jungkook, we already fucked,” you say. Part of you is a little exasperated at having to spell it out.

“Do you really think I’m going to let you leave here when I haven’t even tasted you?” he asks.

Fuck.

(He follows through with exactly what he says. It’s slow and measured, like he wants to pull apart every thread you have one by one. Like he wants to ruin you for anyone that isn’t him. Like he doesn’t know he already has.

The lip ring is new since the last time you fucked him and you’re not sure if you’ll even be able to tell when he’s between your legs. Until you’re praising him so loudly you’re sure his neighbors must hear. Or maybe it’s just because he’s so good at getting you off. Even if tonight, he takes his time, brings you to the edge over and over before finally letting you slip over.

It’s the early hours of the morning by the time you’re both worn out. You offer to call a ride, only to have him insist you stay. It’s much too late to be going anywhere when he’d be worried if you were safe or not. So you stay and it’s the best sleep you’ve gotten in awhile.)

The wait is excruciating. Your boyfriend comes home tonight and it’s terrible timing, you know, but you also know that you have to tell him what happened. It isn’t fair to him to just go on without knowing. He’s one of the kindest people in the world, doesn’t deserve this. He’s not broken like you, something you’ve pointed out since the beginning. Maybe those intrusive thoughts were right and you just aren’t built for healthy relationships.

Although you haven’t told many of your friends what happened, you had to confide in a few. Each of them tells you that you shouldn’t tell him what happened. They say that it’s just one of those things where confessing might make you feel better, but it’ll only make him feel shitty. It’s hard to know how he’ll feel. Shitty is probably fair. But, you think they’re wrong about how you’ll feel. Getting this off your chest will just replace one weight with another. Wanting to come clean isn’t about clearing your own conscience. It’s about honesty and him having the ability to make an informed decision.

It actually goes far better than you thought, somehow. He’s hurt, how could he not be? Despite that, he’s calm in the conversation. Instead of breaking it off there and then, which is what you expect, he suggests taking a step back. It’ll allow the relationship to be less defined and maybe less serious. You can’t really believe it when he says that he’s there to work things out with you and give you the space to figure out what you need. It breaks your heart a little bit more, somehow, to see him so patient with you. You don’t deserve it.

Instead of seeing this as a failure, he wants you to see it for what he sees it as. This is just a slip, a step back. There’s been so much trauma in your life that it’s natural for you to have moments where you slip. He’s hurt, yes, he’ll admit that, but he’s not angry with you. At the end of the day, he genuinely cares for you and he’s willing to do whatever it is the both of you need in order to move forward. You both agree that therapy as a couple might be important. However, he insists that it can wait while you sort through how you’re feeling.

Overall, you think you feel okay about it. Things will look different with him for the time being, but you can actually see past this moment in time. That’s new for you. You’re feeling hopeful for the future and you even let yourself imagine a future with him in it. Maybe this isn’t the end of the world after all. Maybe this is just something you actually needed to close a chapter.

Weeks go by. Therapy is back to being once a week, sometimes twice when the sessions fit into your work schedule, and you do trust this therapist. Really, you do. She listens to everything you say and interjects in meaningful ways. It’s clear that she’s actually listening to you and giving you genuine feedback, rather than some previous therapists that only asked how something made you feel. Sitting in that office has forced you to face a lot of deep-seated issues, everything from your childhood to past relationships to the deepest recesses of your mind. Sometimes you don’t really want to relive those moments, but she’s always done a good job of explaining why you need to do the work.

But…

And there it is, again, that stupid three-letter word that brings everything to a screeching halt.

Despite all your therapist’s work, there’s a part of you that doesn’t see the future anymore. Therapy is wonderful and you’re actually really thankful you found this therapist. You’re sleeping better, you feel lighter, and the world doesn’t feel like it’s going to crush you every day. Maybe she’s a little too good at her job, though, because you’re wondering how to move forward. Your boyfriend is perfect…for someone. And you’re not sure anymore if that someone is you.

It’s been weeks and he’s still just content to take the backseat while you do whatever work you need to do. It’s stupid, you know it’s stupid, but you want him to fight for you. You want to see that he is actually upset over what happened with Jungkook. It’s not healthy, you know that and your therapist reminds you it’s not healthy. You’re doing everything you can to make your brain catch up that it’s not healthy. You can’t shake it, though. All the doubts and insecurities creep back in when he still doesn’t seem bothered.

So you do the only thing you can think of, the thing your therapist disagrees with. Well, disagrees with the reasoning, not with the idea itself. You break off the relationship. He tries to approach it in such a way that leaves the door open for you both to come back to it down the road. You don’t want loose ends, so you lie. It hurts to see his face crumble when you say you just don’t love him and he should find someone that does. It’s cruel. You hate yourself for doing it. But you think it’s easier this way. This is too comfortable and you don’t want to string him along.

Then, you make the second decision your therapist disagrees with and text Jungkook. After seeing she can’t make you see her perspective on the break-up, she suggests spending some time alone to learn more about yourself. That’s terrifying. If she could hear your thoughts, surely she would not suggest leaving you alone with them. They’re intrusive and self-sabotaging and just loud, so loud.

Unsurprisingly, Jungkook is happy to hear from you, happier still to know that you’re unattached again. Not that he minds being discreet, he’s happy to confine things to the four walls of his apartment. It’s just that he also likes to get you dressed up and go out. He’s always liked having someone pretty on his arm, even if he’s just at some local sports bar.

That’s not where you end up tonight, though. Your head is especially loud and you want some quiet. Need to get lost in something other than the potential mess you’re making of your life. When Jungkook suggests a club a friend of his owns, you say yes before he even finishes asking. The place is familiar to you and it’s perfect, in all its noise, low lighting, and crowded spaces. There’s no better way (at least as far as you know) of quieting your brain than going somewhere even louder.

It’s easy to get lost, several drinks in, as you press your back into Jungkook on the dance floor. The tight dress that seemed like such a good idea rides up your thighs now, with a little help from the light sheen of sweat covering your body and a little more help from Jungkook’s hands that grip you tightly.

Everything is familiar. You’ve been here before, to this exact club with Jungkook, more than once. And it’s the kind of easy you’re looking for now. As his hand inches further up your thigh, you press further back into him, looking to erase any space between the two of you. Tonight is just to forget and Jungkook is excellent at that.

Maybe if you were a little less drunk, you would stop his hand. You are in public, after all. As it is, you really don’t care. He likes to tease, gets off knowing someone may see, and you’re not in the mood to put a stop to it. Tonight, he seems even more daring than usual. He lets his thumb graze the thin layer of fabric at your core, likely feeling how much you want him. You shudder as his warm breath tickles your ear.

“There’s a storage closet in the back that might be unlocked,” he says, voice low with desire.

And that’s new because you’re certain that of all the times you’ve fucked Jungkook, none of them have been at the club. It’s been close, getting a little carried away under the table in one of the VIP booths, running his hand up your shirt on the dance floor, but you’ve never fucked him here. You’re also a little too tipsy to register that at the moment when all you want is him.

It’s too loud for you to answer him so you just squeeze his hand and nod. That’s all the permission he needs, anyway. Before you can give it a second thought, he’s pulling you off the dance floor and down a hallway. He looks around like he’s not completely sure where he’s going and then sees a door.

The door opens and you’re both in without another thought. Jungkook crowds your space, pressing you against the closed door and stealing your gasp with his lips on yours. Your hands find purchase in his slightly shaggy hair and one of his hands digs into your hip, holding you firmly in place. Like there’s anywhere else you would rather be in that moment.

From the moment his lips make contact with yours, you remember why you ignored your therapist and walked away from your relationship. It’s just a kiss, granted a pretty heated one, but still. It’s just a kiss and your whole body is alive in a way it hasn’t been since the last time you were with him. As he trails kisses across your jaw and down your neck, you can feel the heat he leaves behind with each touch.

Jungkook also never makes you feel self-conscious about the way your body responds to him. Not that your boyfriend, ex-boyfriend now, ever said anything about your moans, but he was also really quiet in bed. And you stopped reacting as much, because it wasn’t the best part of your relationship. Not that you want to be dwelling on that now. Not as Jungkook is working his way down your body, clearly just as turned on as you, eliciting soft moans as he goes.

When he drops to his knees in front of you, you think you may really be done for. He lifts one of your legs and rests it on his shoulder, your dress hiking up around your hips in the process. You lean back against the door for support as his tongue makes contact through the thin fabric. It’s another tease, a Jungkook specialty, and you find you don’t much care. Thankfully, he quickly moves the fabric to the side. The movements of his tongue, fast and slow and fast again, are perfect. Your brain goes blank, just the kind of blank you need. No thoughts except for his tongue on you and the bliss of it. Even the thud of the bass out in the club dulls to background noise. Every one of your senses is present in this moment in a way you haven’t been lately.

His movements quicken and you knot your hands in his hair both to find purchase and to let him know that you’re close. Not that it’s hard to tell by the increase in your moans. He knows what he’s doing and he knows that he’s got you on the edge. You want to tell him that you want to feel him inside you and can’t make yourself speak the words. A second later it doesn’t matter. He slides one finger in, then quickly adds another and your brain goes fuzzy.

He pushes you over the edge too fast, you want to savor more of this moment, more of him. You register that somewhere in your bliss coming down from the orgasm. You need more of him, more contact, more of whatever it is that makes your brain go quiet. You’re catching your breath and refocusing when you notice his pants down around his ankles. Did he get that hard just from getting you off? He’s already pulling a condom on and you’re almost relieved.

“You didn’t think I was done with you yet, did you?” His confidence drips off of him when he’s like this and you wish you were the kind of girl who had something witty to say back. You wish, at least now, that he didn’t affect you like this.

Instead, all you do is shake your head at him. You don’t trust yourself to speak and he doesn’t seem to mind. In one movement, he puts his hands on the back of your thighs and picks you up, still keeping you pressed against the door. The next second, he’s slowly sliding into you, letting you adjust. It’s the only break he gives you before setting a fast pace. Your legs tighten around him and your nails dig into his back. You’re sure they would leave a mark if he didn’t have a shirt on. Part of you hopes maybe they still will.

One of the best parts about Jungkook is that he doesn’t ever need to ask what you want, he just seems to know. He knows what you like and when you want something faster like this or when to take his time. It’s like he’s mapped your body with the way he’s able to hit just the right spots in just the right way.

Your head rolls back against the door, eyes closed and brain numb. Even then, he manages to bring you back to him, kissing up your neck until you meet his lips. The kiss is messy, capturing each of your moans as they escape. Jungkook’s grip on your thighs is as strong as the pace he’s setting and it isn’t long before you’re falling over the edge again.

A pleasant daze settles over you as you do your best to look presentable so that you can leave the club. (You don’t succeed and you definitely look just fucked, but the club is in full swing and the only people who might be able to tell are the poor workers that have to stay sober).

“Do you want to come back to my apartment?” Jungkook asks the question, one hand gripping yours while the other pulls up Uber on his phone to order a ride home.

And it’s kind of funny, how he asks like he doesn’t know the answer. In the time you’ve known him, Jungkook has been a lot of things, but he’s always been confident above all else. So it catches you off guard that he asks.

“As long as it’s okay with you,” you say and he smiles that easy smile.

“Of course,” he says.

You can’t really place the feeling that settles over you at such a small exchange, everything is crowded with the lingering effects of alcohol and sex. But something feels different and you think you like it. Almost like a part of you is waking up.

The next few weeks pass in somewhat of a blur. You’re happier than you can remember feeling in a while, much more fulfilled in all aspects of your life. Despite some reservations that your therapist has, you agree to start seeing her every other week unless something changes. You’re hoping to drop it back down to once a month but understand her hesitance to make such a big change so quickly. It would be a shame to ruin all that forward progress, after all.

Most of your free time is spent with Jungkook, a fact that your best friends are quick to point out with some version of the same cautionary advice. They want you to be careful, want you to remember your history with him, don’t want you to get ahead of yourself. It seems like they just don’t understand. Yeah, you and Jungkook have been here before, multiple times, but this is different and they just haven’t seen that.

Every other time led up to this. It took a relationship falling apart for you to realize that none of the other times with Jungkook were failures, they were just your “right person, wrong time” moments. Now the timing is right for both of you.

You knock on the door to his apartment, surprise take out in one hand, realizing belatedly that maybe you should have given him a warning of some sort. What if he was busy or had already eaten?

“Oh hey, what a nice surprise,” Jungkook answers with a smile as he steps aside to let you in.

Suddenly, you feel kind of silly for the momentary worry that showing up like this would be too much. Jungkook seems like he meets you at each point, so this shouldn’t be any different. It also helps that you’ve known each other for years and you know the way to his heart (through his stomach with only his favorite foods).

The whole thing feels surprisingly normal in a way you weren’t expecting. Jungkook makes small talk as he gets plates from the kitchen and sets them down for you to eat. He offers you a drink from the fridge, gets one for himself, and it’s just…easy. The whole thing with him is easy and you’re so thankful that you took this chance. As it turns out, he’s exactly what you need. Maybe he’s even the reason your last relationship ended the way it did. Not that you would ever say that. For all his outward strength and his image, Jungkook can be surprisingly sensitive. The last thing you’d want would be him feeling responsible for causing other people pain.

You’re not really sure why you do it, but you mention that your friends have a lot of warnings about the relationship. In what should be typical Jungkook fashion, he brushes it, reassures you that you know what’s happening and that’s all that matters. It doesn’t matter what your friends think because you’re both happy and living in the moment. You smile at that. This is definitely the best kind of happy.

Once you’ve gotten plates of food, you settle down together and Jungkook pulls up Netflix. He’s got a whole list of movies and shows that you can pick from, all things he wants to see or thinks you’d like, he tells you. And that’s sweet, isn’t it? That he sees something on Netflix and saves it in case you want to watch it together. It makes your heart constrict a little bit. It doesn’t feel like something you do with someone who’s only casual. Surely his thinking about you, when you aren’t around, is a positive sign.

You sigh happily and let him decide what it is he wants to watch. Not that the two of you ever really finish anything. It’s the thought that counts though. And Jungkook seems to be thinking of you. For a second you wonder if this is just the list he’s created for anyone he has over, you haven’t talked about seeing other people. Until you realize that most of them are thrillers. It’s your favorite genre but probably not good for generally inviting girls over. You really need to stop second-guessing everything with him.

Another few weeks go by as easily as breathing and that small part of you that’s waiting for the other shoe to drop gets even quieter. You’re not even thinking that this feels different anymore because it is different. Instead of late-night (or really any odd hour of the day) texts, you’re making actual plans on when you’re going to see each other. It doesn’t feel like a fuck buddy, it feels like someone you’re moving along with in a different way. There’s a lightness to every space of your life now, a lightness that looks a lot like Jungkook.

Of all the things Jungkook is good at, and there’s a lot, because he’s hyper-competitive and doesn’t like losing, cooking is decidedly not one. That suits you just fine, though. Cooking is an absolute favorite of yours and cooking for someone you care about makes it all that much better. It had taken a little more convincing for Jungkook agree to you coming over and cook for him, he didn’t want to be a bother, but you were glad to be here now.

“I know this isn’t really what we do, but I have a family wedding to go to, for my cousin, and I was wondering if you’d come with me? It’s kind of last minute, I know. I just wasn’t expecting to have to go alone,” you say and Jungkook puts down his fork. You’re nervous again and you’re not quite sure why.

“Sure, why not?” Jungkook says easily.

“Really?” The question is out before you can stop it.

“I like spending time with you,” Jungkook says, “we have fun.”

“We do, yeah,” you agree. “It’s just…it’s like 2 hours away, so I got a room. And you’d obviously need a suit.”

“This may come as a surprise, but I have been to a wedding or two before, so I have plenty of suits. And what kind of idiot would I be to turn down an overnight date with you?” Jungkook is smiling as he says this and it puts you at ease.

“It’s in 2 weeks, which is really soon,” you say. Jungkook pulls out his phone.

“Friday or Saturday wedding?” He’s looking through his calendar to see what he’s got going on.

“Saturday,” you say and he puts his phone down.

“That’s fine, I’ve got something going on Friday, but Saturday and Sunday are all yours,” Jungkook says.

Easy. Everything is just easy. You weren’t even really thinking of asking him to come to the wedding when you decided to cook for him. It just seemed like the right timing to ask and your cousin had just texted you that afternoon asking if she should change the seating chart. Although she said it wasn’t a big deal, you know she’s secretly going to be relieved to not change anything.

Not planning things also really is your motto these days. You weren’t planning to stay over at Jungkook’s when you offered to cook. Yet you wake up in his bed the next morning all the same, like it was a foregone conclusion the second you stepped over the threshold.

You figure now that Jungkook is coming with you to a family wedding as your date, that your friends will get off of your back about him. And most of them do. It’s been over two months of seeing him, which makes it feel more stable. Mostly, they’re happy if you’re happy and know you’re enough of an adult to handle your own life. Most days, at least. It’s just one of your closest friends that’s holding out. Not that he doesn’t like Jungkook, because he does, he’s just also been friends with you since you were kids and he’s seen how this has gone.

“It’s different, Jimin,” you say for what feels like the hundredth time.

“Have you had The Talk?” He doesn’t put quotes around it, but you can hear them in his tone anyway.

“No, we haven’t had The Talk,” you say, matching his tone. “We’re both adults, like actual adults, I don’t think it’s necessary.”

“This time around with him started with you cheating on your ex,” Jimin says in a not-so-subtle reminder. If it were anyone else, you would leave.

“Thanks, I remember,” you bite back.

“I love you, you know that. I just want to make absolutely sure you’re not going to get hurt with this. I need to know he’s in this as much as you are,” Jimin says.

“Can you ever really know that?” The question seems valid enough.

“No, everything in relationships is a calculated risk. But it’s on you to make sure you have all the numbers before doing the calculations,” Jimin says.

“Meaning?” You think you know what he means, but it’s best to be sure.

“Meaning,” Jimin says with faux exasperation, “that the talk will let you know where he stands and allow you to be on the same page. He could lie, but then that’s on him if you get hurt. If you get hurt now, when you haven’t had the talk, that’s on you.”

“Little harsh, Jiminie,” you say, using the nickname to try and soften him.

It doesn’t work and he just shrugs. “We’ve done this song and dance a few times, maybe too many times. I just don’t want to see this end badly.”

“Then have a little faith, he is coming to a family wedding,” you say.

“And some of the way the conversation went makes me a little uneasy,” Jimin admits.

“Just have some faith. This time is different, I can feel it,” you say.

There’s a lot more than Jimin wants to say, a lot more he wants you to hear. But he’s also known you for years and seen you through every one of the Jungkook phases. People change all the time, he knows that. As people grow, the things they want or need evolve. Until you have an actual chat with him, though, Jimin is not ready to say this time will be different. It’s silly because he also knows that you’re going to do what you want, you always have. Not in a bad way, you’re just very stubborn when it comes to listening to advice. All he can do is hope for the best and be there if you need a shoulder. He tries not to think when you need a shoulder. As much as he likes being right, he likes you a whole lot more and he wants this to work.

The wedding goes well, great even. Jungkook is a hot topic of conversation, with a number of your family members gushing over how attractive he is and how good you look together. It gives you a small amount of pride to hear it too, even if it shouldn’t. It’s also good to have someone to retreat to when your family gets overwhelming. The added benefit of them not knowing him is that you both can slip out of conversations much easier. He’s never met anyone in your family and they don’t have as many questions for him. You also did an excellent job of establishing that you and him are very early on in the relationship, so questions about getting more serious are off the table.

Staying in a hotel with Jungkook is also a much better experience than you thought. You’ve stayed at each other’s places countless times over the years, but you’ve never gone away somewhere together. Even though it’s only a few hours from home, everything feels different. Everything feels more intimate.  And there’s something to be said for hotel sex too. Everything is new and more exciting.

You reach out to Jimin the day after you get back to let him know how things went. And you’re a little surprised by his response. Instead of being excited for you that it’s going so well, he asks again if you’ve talked to Jungkook about where you are and where you’re going. It’s kind of a buzzkill and you’re quick to tell him so. But Jimin is stubborn too.

Jimin: I love you, you’re my best friend in the entire world, but I’m scared you’re going to end up hurt Jimin: I’ll be here to celebrate once you talk to him and I’ll say sorry when it’s all cleared up, but until then, I can’t fully support it

That hurts. It’s like he doesn’t realize that in not wanting Jungkook to hurt you, he’s hurting you instead. You shake that thought off as quickly as it comes, though. It’s not his intention to hurt you and somewhere deep down, you know he’s making sense. Jimin has been your go-to person for everything in your life since a matter of months into the friendship. The two of you were able to click in a way you haven’t really experienced with anyone else. So yeah, maybe, on some level, you get where he’s coming from and maybe you’ll understand later. Not right now, though. Right now you’re just hurt and a little angry at your best friend for not supporting you the way you want him to.

(Jimin, to his credit, does think he’s supporting you. It may not be in the way you want him to and you may not see it, but it’s the way he needs to support you. There’s a moment where he thinks that he’s the friend you deserve, just not the one you need right now. So he’ll let you be mad at him as long as you need to. Or maybe he’s been watching Dark Knight too much lately.)

This is where you know you’re not always the best at being an adult. Whether Jimin is right or not becomes irrelevant because you’re more concerned with not letting him win. It’s like he tells you something and you have to do the opposite, just because. Which, really, that’s probably something you need to address in therapy. It’s probably not a healthy approach, but it’s where you’re at for now.

Things feel…a little different. Not good different, either. At first, you were positive that it was just the lingering effects of Jimin being Jimin. Even when he’s not speaking to you, since this is not the first time he’s done this, he’s very loud. But days go by and the pit in your stomach only gets deeper. You can’t separate your own thoughts and anxieties to see if anything with Jungkook is actually different.

When you stop to think about it, though, everything with Jungkook should be different. It’s been around three months now. Three months of you spending a truly absurd amount of time together. Three months of movie nights in, dinners out, random trips to the park. Three months of ending up in each other’s bed every time you went over. Three months of you not seeing anyone else. Was he seeing other people, though? Surely not. Would there really even be time?

But…

That nasty word coming up to haunt you again. But, could you really make any assumptions where another person was involved? After all, your ex had no reason to think anything was wrong with you, no reason to think the relationship was coming to a screeching halt. Yet, it did. It did because you stopped talking to him. Well, you didn’t stop talking to him, you said a lot of words. You just didn’t say any of the ones that actually mattered.

It’s impossible to keep the last conversation with Jimin off your mind. You will never tell him he was right, but you’re also constantly wondering if it’s time for that talk. Lately it’s been taking Jungkook longer to do everything. Longer to text you back, longer in between seeing each other, longer to come out of his phone if he checks it while you’re hanging out (something he never used to do).

And, okay, from the outside, you know how any of those things look. It’s just, you’re still really happy and you’re not really looking to give that up. You think that maybe what’s best, for now, is just to take a slight step back, not be the one to reach out to him and make plans. Either he’ll make plans with you or you will have the final push to have a conversation you should have had weeks ago. (Really, you should’ve had this conversation before you blew up your life, but who’s counting?)

Jungkook: hey, things have been kinda crazy with work, but can i see you tonight?

Which answers that, doesn’t it? You ignore your smarter thoughts, most of which are driven by Jimin’s words playing on repeat, and answer quicker than you should. Even though you offer to stop on your way to pick food up, Jungkook says he’s already picking something up and to just meet him at the apartment.

It’s all different now. Before, when things were only happy, you’d be excited that he knew you well enough to pick up takeaway for the both of you. Now, you wonder if he really has been busy with work. There’s something about the text that implies something’s shifted. You hate it and you want to just go back to before. Maybe tonight will be the perfect chance for that.

It’s not.

The silences are awkward and what’s worse is that you can’t tell if Jungkook feels awkward about it as well, or if it’s just you. Actually, what’s worse is you don’t know which you’d prefer. Then there’s this weird space between you while you’re watching a movie. It’s like you’re not really close enough to cuddle and you’re not really far enough away for it to be a normal, friend-sized space between you. It’s just this awkward limbo and you’re trying really hard not to overthink the space being a metaphor for where the two of you are in this weird relationship.

Jungkook is on his phone a lot throughout the movie too, which only worsens the way you feel. He says he’s still got a lot going on at work, that they’re in very real danger of missing deadlines and he’s so sorry. The rational part of you really wants to let it be that. The louder part of you, the one you know is irrational, can’t leave it alone. At least internally. You know you can’t say anything out loud and have it come across right. Your internal monologue is another story, though.

But, that’s the thing, isn’t it? You made a lot of assumptions about where you were with Jungkook, about what the two of you were doing, about it being a relationship. The reality is you’ve been fucking regularly for months now and haven’t bothered to define things. It was perfect at the beginning, when Jungkook insisted that the two of you knew what was happening and what other people thought didn’t matter. It made you feel like it was you against everyone else. Which should’ve been a clue. A relationship should never put you against the people outside of it. A healthy relationship should be able to integrate into your regular life.

You don’t stay over at his place that night. Jungkook offers and even makes it seem like he wants you to. You might even believe him if he didn’t mention getting up early for work and checking his phone. That annoying voice in the back of your head is shouting danger, danger, danger. The ugly thoughts wonder if he actually wants you to stay at all or if he just doesn’t want to be the bad guy for sending you home.

He gives you a kiss in the doorway and you’re on your way out. The last little bit of positivity in the back of your mind is hoping he’ll change his mind, that he’ll come rushing out and say he’s been stupid. Of course he wants you to stay and of course it’s worth it being tired at work tomorrow because he’s missed you, things have been off, and he wants to make sure he fixes them.

But, he doesn’t do any of those things. The doubts firmly take hold of your brain.

The next day, you’re still thinking over what you want to do when you get an unexpected text from him. He’s got a function after work, the kind of thing where you have to go to a bar and pretend you want to be socializing with coworkers off the clock, but it’s okay because the boss usually buys a few rounds. It’s the kind of thing someone might ask their partner to come to, so they’re not so bored.

Jungkook’s message is clear. He wants to see you. After he’s done with the work function, which he warns might not be until later. So he understands if it’s too late for you to come over since it is still during the week and you have to work tomorrow. He seems genuinely excited when you say you’ll definitely still come over and your heart constricts for a second.

You need to set your phone aside, just for a second, just long enough to let your heart settle back down, because you’ve made up your mind. It’s time (past time, honestly) that you have a real conversation with Jungkook. This last exchange proves it. You’re back to being the girl he calls up after a night out at the bar, the booty call for sex. Admittedly, it is the best sex you’ve ever had, but that’s not the point. For a bit, you were the girl that he made plans with. And, yeah, he’s asking you before he goes to the bar if you’ll be there after. But, the fact is, it’s still same day and it’s not really anything more than a hook-up text.

The text from Jungkook letting you know he’s heading home comes and you take a couple shots to give yourself the confidence to go through with The Talk. You weren’t planning on driving anyway. No matter how this goes, you’re not planning to head home afterwards so having your car seems more inconvenient than anything.

Apparently, Jungkook only beats you there by a few minutes, which might’ve bothered you in any other situation. The way he says it sounds accusatory in your mind. All you can see now is talking before you lose the little bit of liquid courage you have.

“Do you want to watch a movie or do you just want to…” Jungkook asks, trailing off suggestively.

That pit in the bottom of your stomach worsens. The unfinished question hangs between you like a glaring sign saying he just wants to fuck you. It all just feels really cheap and like another waste of your time. Just another in a long line of mistakes. Only one way to find out, though, and so you take a deep breath and dive in.

“Actually, I kind of wanted to talk to you,” you say and that brings him up short.

“About what?” Jungkook asks.

He seems defensive. It’s all wrong. Something in you had been holding out hope that this would go exactly the way you wanted it to. That hope gets harder to hold onto.

“Just…this, us,” you say, hating how you sound so unsure.

“Us?” Jungkook asks and somehow that makes you angrier. Is he being fucking stupid on purpose?

“Yeah, Jungkook, us,” you say with more bite than you intended. “We’ve been doing this dance for, what, like 3 or 4 months? What are we doing, exactly?”

Jungkook’s confused. He gets this look on his face sometimes, like he’s trying to work out a really complex calculus problem and just can’t make things make sense. It makes him look younger, more innocent. It makes you want to protect him. But you can’t afford to think that way, and he doesn’t need to be protected.

“We’re just, I don’t know, we’re hanging out. We’ve been having fun, you know, everything is just easy, which is nice,” Jungkook says.

“Just hanging out and having fun? What, are we back in college?” Your voice raises an octave because, despite all your planning, you really aren’t ready for this.

“I’m not really sure what’s happening here,” Jungkook admits.

“I’m just confused,” you admit in return. “Like we’re always together, we go out on dates. You came with me to a family wedding for fuck’s sake.”

“Yeah, because I like hanging out with you and the wedding seemed important to you,” Jungkook says.

“It was important but still, what is this?”

Jungkook really still looks helpless and you’re constantly reminding yourself not to take care of him. It’s not what either of you needs. “Why does it have to be something defined? Why does there have to be this big deal?”

“Because we’re grown now, because I can’t keep blowing up my life for…” you start, but cut yourself off, quickly closing your mouth again.

“No, blowing your life up for what? For me?” Jungkook asks and you look away, unable to see him looking at you like that. “I never asked you to blow up your life for me.”

“You didn’t exactly turn me away that night either. You knew I was in a relationship,” you say and he scoffs.

“Yeah, I did know. But last time I checked, it’s not my responsibility to make sure you don’t cheat on your partner. I wasn’t the one in a relationship,” Jungkook says.

“No, because you’re never in a relationship, you’re always just having fun,” you say, voice dripping with disdain.

“And what’s so wrong with that? I’ve never been anything but honest about exactly who I am and what I want,” Jungkook says.

“People change all the time! Excuse me for thinking you’d grow the fuck up and realize actually being with someone isn’t that bad,” you say and Jungkook rolls his eyes again.

“What do you think I’ve been doing? I know being with someone isn’t bad. We’ve been having a great time for months until whatever the fuck this is,” Jungkook says.

“And how many other girls have you been having a good time with at the same time?” The question is out before you can even figure out if you want to ask it.

Opposite you, Jungkook rolls his lips together, like he’s trying to give himself a minute before answering. He can have a short temper at times.

“I’m not really sure why the answer to that question matters,” Jungkook says and you shake your head.

“I should’ve known,” you say.

“None though, for the record. Like I told you, I’ve been busy at work. So, I’m either there, working out, playing video games, or with you,” he says and you come up short.

“What?”

“Don’t take that the wrong way,” Jungkook says quickly. “I haven’t fucked anyone else in months, and I haven’t wanted to either. I’ve been having a great time with you. But, that also doesn’t mean this is something more than it is.”

“Meaning?” The balloon of hope pops just as quickly as it formed and you’re feeling even worse than before.

“Meaning,” Jungkook starts. “I don’t want…this. I don’t want to be fighting with you about some bullshit definition of what we are or where we’re headed. I like you, I do. But my answers to those still haven’t changed from the first time we hooked up 7 years ago. I don’t want that super committed relationship with expectations and check-ins and eventually marriage. I don’t want a house and kids and a white picket fence so the dog doesn’t get out.”

“You make it sound like a death sentence,” you say, completely deflated.

“I don’t mean to, it’s just not for me. It’s not what I’ve ever wanted and I’ve never kept that a secret,” Jungkook says. “I mean, I don’t know, maybe it is like a death sentence for me.”

“It feels like a slap in the face,” you admit and Jungkook bristles at that.

“Why? Because I don’t want the same things as you?”

You struggle to find the right words because that’s not what you meant. “Because you must have known it’s what I wanted and yet we still kept going.”

“I guess I figured you heard me when I said, over and over again, that it wasn’t what I wanted,” Jungkook says. “I figured you heard me and you could make your decisions on what you wanted.”

“It just seemed like…” you start and frown. “We’re always together, it felt like more.”

“So you just assumed that it was something more without even asking me about it?” Jungkook asks and gets a glare in response.

“Okay, that’s a little extreme,” you say.

“Is it? I can see it. You’re mad at me, which I get, kind of,” Jungkook admits. “But also, I don’t get it? Because none of this had to happen. If you’d talked to me instead of building it all up in your head…”

“Wow, that was kind of a dick move,” you retort and he shakes his head.

“Or is it a dick move to create a whole relationship in your head and then make me the bad guy for not being on the same page?”

That brings you up short again. Does he have a point? Is that what you’ve been doing all this time?

“I do actually care about you,” Jungkook says. “I know that may be hard to believe, but I do. It’s also really fucked up to create a whole world in your head and then turn me into the bad guy for not being on the same page. I always said we were having fun, that it didn’t matter what friends thought, that we’re just going a day at a time.”

“Because you knew, Jungkook, you had to,” you say. He furrows his eyebrows at you. “You’ve always said things like that and for what? What reason do you have to constantly remind me what this is if you don’t think there’s confusion?”

“Once again, it is not my job to force a conversation you may want to have. Weren’t you just saying we’re not still in college? That goes both ways,” Jungkook says.

Round and round and round in circles you and Jungkook go. You’re mad at him for something that he may not even be able to control, something that you’ve always known about him. And you’re mad that he’s known you probably weren’t on the same page for a while. He’s mad that you’ve had so many of these conversations in your head or with friends without cluing him in. He’s mad that he feels like the bad guy.

The whole fight feels pointless, honestly. You both are mad at the other and maybe you both have a reason to be annoyed. Maybe he has a point and maybe you need to take a step back to examine some of the decisions that you’ve made too. Maybe he’s not the only one bringing this house of cards crashing to the floor.

And maybe that’s not something you want to deal with tonight.

The rational part of your brain knows you should leave and call an Uber straight to Jimin’s apartment. That same part knows that even if he has someone over, he’ll drop everything to make sure you’re okay. He won’t even start the I told you so until tomorrow. Because Jimin can be a giant pain in the ass when he wants to, but he’s got the biggest heart in the world. Going to Jimin’s is absolutely the right decision.

That’s why you call an Uber and head to the bar.

After a few drinks, the empty seat next to you is taken by a stranger with fluffy hair and an easy smile. Despite your protests, he takes over your tab so that you can keep drinking. It’s a bad idea, you know it’s a bad idea, and you don’t really care. You don’t really have any room for good ideas right now.

For his part, he actually seems like a decent guy, if you were sober and present enough to notice. He tells you his name, his job, about his friends. You think he even mentions movies he likes. Nothing about it feels like the normal situation at a bar. Then again, it’s a Wednesday night, not exactly prime time to be out picking someone up.

The next morning, you wake up in a too bright room in an unfamiliar bed and immediately start piecing things together. The conversation with Jungkook and your subsequent decision to get completely shit-faced come rushing back. A sense of shame washes over you. This is the part where some attractive guy, usually one you somehow know, walks into the bedroom, maybe wearing just a towel, and you realize what you did.

Except this isn’t a movie, thankfully, and somehow you’re actually clothed in the bed. You’re in an oversized t-shirt and gym shorts, but you also still have your bra and underwear on. Likely a sign that nothing happened beyond you getting embarrassingly drunk last night. Actually, looking around the room, it looks more like a guest bedroom than the master. Did you actually manage to find a decent guy when you were hellbent on making bad decisions?

You aren’t really in the mood to figure any of it out. Your clothes are folded up beside the bed and, when you get up, you hear the shower running. It’s the perfect time to leave without having to have an awkward conversation. And since you were at your quota for those, you grab your phone from beside the table and slip out, thankfully unseen.

First up, your text thread with Jimin. Which is a mistake, of course you had texted him and of course it was barely coherent. But bless Jimin, honestly, because you see he had taken care of calling you out of work. Actually, bless him for having all your passwords and being able to sign into your email to send the message. You know part of him calling you out is also so that he can carry out his Jimin-approved therapy, but you’ll take it. You’ll even take him telling you he was right.

In a slightly uncharacteristic move, Jimin is waiting outside your door when the Uber drops you off. He’s already been shopping for the essentials and he’s got his arms open for you to collapse into him before even crossing the threshold into the apartment. There’s nothing on his face except for care and concern, which really isn’t surprising. His beating you to your own apartment may be surprising, but him being the best friend you’ve ever had isn’t.

Everything kind of pours out of you at once when you and Jimin sit down on your couch, the tears, the self-loathing, the anger, the confusion, the pain. So much pain. Pain over your ex, pain over Jungkook, pain over past shit that you really thought you were over. It’s like the past months with Jungkook were just a bandaid, putting off the day you would eventually feel everything. There’s no putting it off anymore though. Now you’re in it and you’re so thankful for a friend like Jimin to hold your hand.

He’s surprisingly quiet throughout the whole thing. He listens to your thoughts, comforts you during the gaps in speaking, makes sure you have snacks and something to drink, keeps music playing quietly in the background because he knows you hate the silence. He asks questions that are gentle, nothing too heavy or accusatory. The only time he gets firm is when you cry about not deserving a friend like him.

“Yeah, you can be an asshole sometimes, but don’t ever let me catch you talking that way about yourself,” Jimin says, unmoving. “You’re human and we all make mistakes. We learn and we move forward. I won’t let you be mean to yourself, though. That’s what you don’t deserve.”

Once you feel like you’ve said everything that you could possibly say, Jimin informs you that you’re taking tomorrow off as well and that he’ll be staying over. Just like when you were in college. The order for the night was trashy TV and junk food and no wine for you because you’re still hungover and no talking about feelings at all. You can pick all that up again tomorrow, but tonight is about giving your brain a break.

It takes much longer than you expect to really come to terms with what happened between you and Jungkook. You haven’t seen him since you walked out the door. In fact, you hadn’t even texted him until reaching out yesterday to see if he was willing to meet up. It wasn’t to work through things, though, as much as it was for you to heal. And hopefully for him to heal as well.

The past few months have been some of the scariest and most rewarding of your life. You’ve never really been alone, separate from a partner. You’ve gone from one relationship to the next for as long as you could remember and ignored anyone suggesting to take time nearly as long. The fight with Jungkook had been a wake-up call, an unwelcome one at the time, but one that you can now see the value in. It forced you to really look at yourself, at your choices, at everything that led you to that moment, to learn what you actually wanted.

And you don’t really know what you want, but you think it’s somewhere between your ex and Jungkook. Yes, you want something stable and comfortable, someone that you know and that you can rely on. At the same time, you want someone that will challenge you, excite you, keep you on your toes. It was unfair of you to put all that onto Jungkook. Whatever mistakes he may have also made, you want to own yours. Part of you knew that he was never going to be what you needed him to be and rushed forward head first anyway.

Everything led you to this point now, where you wait for Jungkook to show up. He had replied quicker than you expected and seemed happy to meet, despite you being clear on needing to talk to him. Maybe there were things he needed to say too.

The tinkling of the bell over the door catches your attention and you watch Jungkook walk through the doors, somehow exactly the same. It’s only been a few months, you remind yourself, not like he could change entirely.

The next part feels awkward, how do you greet him? You stand, considering what to do, when he saves you the trouble and goes in to give you a quick hug. Nothing too serious and also nothing too formal.

“Thanks for meeting me,” you say and he smiles.

“Of course,” he says. “I’ve been thinking about everything that happened too, honestly, so it felt like a good time.”

And just like that, it’s easy to talk. Really talk. Jungkook lets you go first and you lay out everything you’ve learned over the past couple months. He lets you make your apologies and makes his own. You’re able to take ownership of the mistakes you make, because you really understand them after months working through your shit, and feel like he’s forgiven you for how you handled things. You know that you can never fully expect to get closure in life, but this feels close. It feels like you can actually close the door on a chapter to move forward.

Apparently he’s been doing a lot of work on himself too. He admits to knowing that you were in deeper than he was and letting it go on anyway, something he’s not proud of and something he hopes you’ll forgive. He’s not there yet but he’s working on better communication, letting partners know what he can give and what he can’t. He’s trying to figure out what it is he actually wants and what he doesn’t. Even though you don’t need him to say it, he also wants you to know that, as cliche as it sounds, it wasn’t you. Not entirely at least. He got so caught up in how good the physical side of things was that he didn’t consider how you were both hurting each other.

Neither one of you is really sure how to leave things. Part of you, and you can see part of him too, wants to ask if there’s a way to move forward as friends. He’s been part of your life on and off for the past 7 years, since meeting when you were only 18 years old. You take the plunge, though, and say that he’s always going to have a place in your heart. You’re just not sure he can have a place in your life, at least not now. There’s a moment of relief on his face. Like he’s happy you were the one to make the call because he isn’t sure he could. He really does have a lot of work to do, he says.

“Do you know him?” Jungkook asks as the conversation is naturally winding down.

You turn your head to follow his eyes on a man wearing dress pants and a nice shirt. He seems caught up in whatever he’s reading on his laptop, slightly shaggy hair slipping into his eyes. You’re about to say no when he looks up and meets your eyes. There’s something…familiar about him. Like you know him from somewhere that you’ve forgotten. Almost like the memory is hazy and you can’t fully grasp it. He smiles, a really nice smile, and then looks back down at his laptop.

“I don’t think so,” you finally answer.

“He keeps looking over here,” Jungkook comments. You look for any sign of anything negative on his face, but it isn’t there.

“Yeah, I don’t know, if I do know him, I can’t figure out from where,” you admit.

“Maybe you should say hi,” he says and you just smile.

“With you here?” you ask.

Jungkook smiles with a shake of his head. He’s standing up the next second. “I actually have to go to an appointment with my therapist.”

“I’m proud of you,” you say and stand as well to give him another hug. Slightly less awkward this time.

“I’m proud of you too, proud of us, really,” he says.

“Take care, Jungkook,” you say.

“You too,” he answers with a smile.

Just like that, he’s heading out the door. He looks back once to smile at you and you wave. You’re wondering if that’s the last time you’ll see him. Maybe it is and maybe that’s exactly how it should be. Things feel better now, easier. There’s no lingering doubts and even though you know you still have a ways to go, you think that you can really do it this time.

But before you can retreat further into your own head, a voice breaks through your thoughts.

“This seat still taken?”

You look up to find the man that Jungkook asked about moments earlier and that’s when it clicks. Yes, you do know him and you finally remember from where. The world certainly works in mysterious ways.

i hope you liked it, it was definitely a ride writing it <3

[dreamyvill]

On purpose -2

Roman reigns x oc

Lauren is handling her ex-boyfriend from colleges divorce, he and Lori embark on a journey that proves how things happen for reasons. Either hers or his will it work out this time.

Her thoughts are slanted and this is somewhat proofread.

Previous part

This was my last case as a divorce settlement lawyer before I returned to being a prosecuting attorney. When I first went to law school it was to be a criminal attorney but when I graduated I was desperate to get out of debt and get a job so I settled into a smaller firm that paid well and was able to pay off my debt a few years ago but over time every last case became my last until the next one came along. I meant it this time Joe Is my last case and hopefully it's open and shut.

Making my way into the next conference and meeting I had with Joe walking down the long white minimalist halfway, with bright white lighting and pieces of furniture here and there and a mixture between abstract and a kind of Picasso. Opening the big gray painted white oak door laying eyes on the tall, brown eyes that I hadn’t seen in damn near twenty years, his hair was wrapped in a military style bun with his salt and pepper beard and he smelt more than heavenly when he reached in for a hug before we broke apart. I watched him drink in my grown woman's body. I hadn’t always had the curvy of curves but after college my grown woman body really settled in and I was more than in love with myself.

“Hello Joe, can you give me a bit of background or insight into your marriage over the last few years?” I said sitting down getting right into it sitting himself across from me and the polished oak table that matched the door. Looking back and forth between Joe and my pen and notepad as I waited for him to answer the question.

“Hi Lori, I'm doing great thank you for asking, haven't seen you in a while but that's okay.” he said sarcastically, having a conversation with himself using a bland tone before seeing my face and sitting up clearing his throat. “It was amazing the last few years but i've been working a lot between the traveling and long distance she couldn’t handle it and wanted to divorce about three years ago but I wanted to save us and suggested counseling and that i'd cut back on working and for about seven or so months it worked and everything was blissful but then I got an amazing storyline and it projected my career up and i started making more money but then i was way for way longer and we barely got to see each other and a few months ago she served me and said it was over and she didn’t want to try again.” he listed I wouldn’t dare and say I knew him because he’d changed so much since since id last seen him but i could see sadness in his eyes when he listed off the last few years with his wife Juile.

“Okay so what do you do for work?” I asked, jotting everything he’d just told me.

“I'm a wrestler, including endorsements of at least five million more if I book a lot.” he told me

“Okay and your wife wasn’t able to travel with you?” I asked him looking up.

“No, she gets sick in a car long distance and she works as a trauma surgeon so it’s hard for her to take time.” he explained watching me write it down, before asking my next question i made sure to make direct eye contact with him. “Did you at one point or another cheat on your wife with anyone whether that be emotionally or physically? I need you to be very honest with me.” I asked, waiting for something to change to tell if he was lying. At this point Joe had spoken with firmness in his tone and kept his answers short but detailed.

“No, because i was working so much i was too tired for sex at the end of most days.” he said staying firm with his tone and maintaining eye contact not seeming nervous at all.

“Okay and I don’t expect you to know this but did she at some point cheat on you in any way?” I asked keeping the same vibe, not one of tension but honest and open.

“No, she didn’t” continuing to answer firmly.

“Okay, and during the counsouling what was the conversation like?” i said counting to ask my normal oeping questions.

“Same things i just said working long and late and she felt like we weren’t married anymore and she felt neglected.” he reiterated

“And finally do you have any children?” I asked him

“Five, two set of twins four and six and a older daughter who just made fifteen.” he said making my eyes slightly bulge out of their sockets.

Damn

Hearing his deep chest laugh

“Sorry its just damn anyhow is there anything else i should know?” I asked him.

“No” he quickly gave

“Okay we’ll be intouch and figure out numbers and settlement later it seems like you both are ready to move on, this should be finialized by nexty month.” I said walking him out the door wanting to get the day over with.

Finally getting home just after ten o’clock I was beyond worn out and itching for a bubble bath, unlocking my front door hearing the automated voice announcing my arrival, my mother was standing in my kitchen over the stove.

“Momma, whatcha doing here?” I asked her sitting my briefcase down and stepping out of my heels my height dropping as I took them off one by one. Standing over with her hands in her hips looking at me some kind of way.

“Is that how you speak to someone let alone your momma?” She said with her ‘fix yourself tone’.

“Where Joe?” She asked looking behind where I was sitting and into the walk way.

“At home probably” I said standing and looking through the pot seeing chicken that hasn’t been fried yet as well as red beans with sausage and rice on the stove.

“I told you mama we’re not just going to fall out of the sky into a relationship, I’m just his divorce attorney.” I told her leaving the kitchen to go into my room and take my bath for bed.

Turning the faucet on and filling the tub floor with bubble solution slipping out of my clothes and into the water feeling the water warm and the bubble form on and around my wet body. Taking in a deep breath peacefully before my momma busted into the bathroom.

“Momma!” I said frantically gathering the bubbles to cover me before she smacked her teeth at me and with a wave of her hand said.

“Girl I’ve seen every crevice of your body you ain’t special.” She said sending a small ping to my heart but nonetheless shaking it off.

“That doesn’t matter, momma I’m grown you can’t do that.” I pouted at her. “God why does she always make me feel like a child”

“You worried about the wrong things you need to worry about how you gonna get Joe back, he’s doing more than well for himself with his play fighting.” She pointed

“What happened to this all being immature and besides that was a long time ago.” I said sinking I to the bath wanting her and this conversation to stop.

“Girl money is forever don’t be dumb now I’m going to finish the food and be on my way since you wanna act like you don’t care about nobody.” She said with an attitude walking off. Which made me sigh and just lay there and enjoy the warmth.

Getting out of the tub sometime later I dried my body off and did my nightly routine, slipping into a big tee-shirt before dipping into the kitchen for some food seeing a plate made and everything else cleaned up. Eating my food I thought about yet another guilting conversation with my momma.

I didn’t understand why she flipped from mommy dearest to getting like that. Finishing up and putting away my dish I slipped into bed and allowed sleep to take me.

-

[jordanelemus]

ybc musical costume in-depth analysis! 💥🎸🎱

hi! I'm jordan, the costume designer (and also an actor and co-writer) of "the young blood chronicles" musical! i posted this on instagram, but i thought it might be cool to post it here too!

my initial role in “the young blood chronicles” musical was costume design, which, as a fashion enthusiast, i was incredibly excited about. i spent about a month curating a huge pinterest board collection and creating individual moodboards. the show takes place in 2013, but i wanted to take inspiration from both pre and post-hiatus fall out boy looks! here’s an in-depth look :’)

patrick’s main inspo was his “soul punk” era, which lives distinctly in the hiatus. i wanted something that would remind us that years had passed since the last time the band had made music together; something cool and trendy, but a little too dressed up for a long day in the studio. even when not onstage, ybc patrick is performing. clothes can give you power and he knows that. the yellow sunglasses were our way of getting around patrick’s glowing yellow eyes from the music videos, but i really love how it makes it seem like he has a mask on. it makes the end of “miss missing you” even more heartbreaking.

pete’s main inspo came from both his early clandestine drops as well as his more androgynous looks (both pre & post-hiatus). pete really cares about fashion, but he still has a chill la vibe. 2013 pete could often veer more edgy, but i chose to move in a different direction in order to better distinguish pete and patrick’s styles. unless you’re a vixen or patrick, you don’t get a leather jacket! sorry pete! to me, pete’s fashion has always felt so current while still being forward-thinking. ybc pete’s outfit could be from 2006 or 2024 and that was very purposeful!

andy’s looks are mostly pulled from more recent years, but band tees never go out of style. the mesh top under the tee alludes to his tattoos, which make up the extent of his stage looks these days since he typically does shows without a shirt on. celia had this mesh top in her closet and i love the colors on her (it’s the only source of color in the heaven outfits!). andy’s outfit is maybe the simplest of the four on paper, but i think it’s sick. it’s laid back, but super specific and grounded. it makes me want to start wearing basketball shorts.

joe’s looks are pulled from both pre-hiatus and early post-hiatus looks! striped sweaters & cargo pants are things he’s worn before, so i'm lucky i had them in my closet (especially since i wasn’t originally joe!). joe, especially in recent years, really likes wearing dark colors onstage, but, similar to how i avoided leather jackets for pete, i wanted to very clearly differentiate the boys from the vixens. any black piece of clothing on any of the boys had to be broken up with a design or pattern. no all black outfits! sorry joe!

the goal with the heaven outfits was to make the exact same outfits in all white. i wanted the exact same silhouettes as before. i’d say we were pretty successful! we got really lucky when it came to finding these costume pieces.

my vixens! these costumes were a lot more nebulous throughout the process. many of the costume pieces came from the actors’ own wardrobes. it was really important to me that each vixen had her own distinct style. baylee’s vixen (whom she named blair) has a more feminine style, her main costume piece being a lacy leotard. she's sweet with an edge. ava’s vixen is second-in-command & her outfit really screams that. the lingerie top is so killer. alexa’s vixen is almost a mix of baylee’s & ava’s in terms of style. the outfit is sweet, but edgy with the ripped tights & lingerie-style top. lauren’s vixen is a little more utilitarian, actually dressed in a way that makes sense for kidnapping four people. she’s more sporty than the others, but her combat boots are incredibly threatening. hbic is all that and more. her outfit is simple, but powerful. she is terrifying.

tiffany had to feel a bit like an outsider. she’s wearing the vixen clothes, but her jacket has some color on it. it’s a little too big on her. the other vixens really live in & embody their clothes, but for tiffany, it's a bit more like a costume.

here’s how i describe the angels: 1) the hottest girls at the ren faire & 2) like that picture of the angel guiding the two kids that every latine family has in their house. they almost feel out of place; so incredibly fluid in a show that is mostly made up of harsh lines. texture and layers were really the name of the game here, but the angels still have an edge to them. to quote fob: “…angels choking on their halos, get them drunk on rose water. see how dirty i can get them, pullin' out their fragile teeth & clip their tiny wings.”

+ i made pete’s bass machete and tiffany’s/joe’s guitar axe! i don’t have much to say about them, but i loved getting to utilize my cosplay foam skills.

this was my first time ever costuming a show and it was such a dream. the entire cast was so willing to experiment with me and it was such a joy to revisit aspects of 2013 fashion, which i remember from my preteen years, but never got to truly participate in! :’)

- jordan <3

ig: @/jordanelemus

photos: @/cararittner on ig!