#also it always bothered me how she would say her adhd made is so she’s forget to tell me if she was talking to someone romantically

[piizunn]

i never want to be the person to shit on their ex and i’m sure that i was not the perfect partner either but my ex has been so cruel to me throughout this break up, i am so shocked at this change in her but sometimes i wonder if i should have seen it sooner

[comically-callous]

Sorry to bother you, but I saw your asks/requests were open, and saw that you write for Gambit, I read through your works and love how you write him! I was wondering if maybe you would be willing to do a drabble/ficlet with Gambit x reader? Where reader has ADHD and anxiety? Her mutant power is Empathy, but she only feels other's emotions; can't tell why they're feeling them, and the combo kinda makes her a people pleaser type who struggles to say no to things, so ends up with extra work from other people all the time, kinda burning the candle at both ends until she basically has a mental/physical breakdown? I just really wanna see Gambit being super loving/protective.

If you don't want to/it isn't in your wheelhouse, by all means just ignore me, sorry again to bother you! Have a great day/night!

We love a Gambit request 😋

Remy LeBeau x fem!mutant!Reader

Warnings: reader cries and also blames herself for all of her problems 😗✌️

A/n: Man, idk what to put here sometimes, y’all. Reader has a regular job (not an X-Man or anything). And uhh, um, erm requests are open 👍

This whole mess was your fault. All of it. All of the piled up work, and the deadlines you just knew you wouldn’t be able to meet, and the dread over knowing people would be disappointed in you, and your infuriating inability to say no; it was all your fault.

It was days like these when you wished you could get rid of your mutation. That way you might not be such a damn pushover. But, you couldn’t help it. People from work come into the office feeling a little down, and suddenly you’re offering to go get them a coffee, to make some copies for them, to sort out some files, and finish that research project they’ve been putting off. And in the moment, you can feel the happiness and relief radiating from them, and it makes you feel good. But, then you realize (too late) that it’s too much for you to get done in one workday.

Which led you to your current predicament. You were trying to get all of this work (which wasn’t even technically yours) done, but you also needed to get some work around the house done, and your mind couldn’t focus on one task at a time.

You reread the same paragraph for what felt like the eighteenth time, hardly making it past the second sentence before you had to begin rereading it again after your mind had wandered to your laundry that still needed cleaning.

And just when you’d gotten yourself to focus again, there were three knocks at your door. You groaned, letting your head fall to your hands for a moment before you got up and dragged yourself to the door. You looked through the peephole and saw your boyfriend Remy. He was all put together in a nice suit and tie, severely contrasting you in your pajamas with your hair a mess and makeup completely wiped away.

Your stomach sank and you completely froze. You’d forgotten. You’d gotten so caught up in wanting to please other people, that you’d forgotten about tonight.

You just stood at the door, unable to move as your heart began to pound and your throat began to feel tight. Remy knocked again, this time calling your name. You finally opened the door with shaky hands and almost immediately began to sob.

“Woah, woah!” Remy reached out and held you by your shoulders, his hold gentle yet steadying. “What’s wrong chère?”

“I-“ You choked out. “I forgot, Remy. I forgot about tonight.”

Remy had made reservations for the two of you at a fancy restaurant, one you’d been wanting to go to for a while. And you’d forgotten. He’d gotten dressed up all nice for you and it was for nothing, and you, like always, were to blame.

You continued to cry pathetically while Remy guided you over to sit on your couch. “Talk to me, chère.” He said as he gently took your hands.

“I-I forgot-“

“Gambit don’t care about that.” You let your head fall forward onto his shoulder where you continued to sob. “There’s something else, huh?” It was more of a statement than a question.

Sometimes you felt like he had some of your empath abilities as well, or at least some form of mind reading. He could always tell when something was wrong, or when someone was lying. Or maybe it was just with you. Either way, when he suggested that there was something else bothering you, you nodded against him.

“You wanna tell Gambit?”

You inhaled shakily before speaking again. “There’s just…. It’s so much- too much going on— Too much on my plate.” You said, struggling to find the words through your choked sobs and jumbled thoughts.

Remy hummed. This wouldn’t be the first time that you overwhelmed yourself with tasks and work that needed to be done. “Like what?” He asked. And he listened while you listed off all of the things at work that were bugging you and then all of the chores at home that only added to your stress, all the while he soothingly rubbed your back. And once you were finally done, he pressed a kiss to the top of your head. Your tears had come to a small occasional trickle rather than what felt like a flood a few moments ago.

“Tell you what,” Remy said as he began to pull away. “You rest here while Gambit helps.”

“What?” You asked as he put a blanket over you.

“Lay down. Gambit gonna get some of this outta your way, alright?”

You hardly had the energy to protest, and as you drifted to sleep, you could hear the soft whirring of your washing machine as Remy began doing your laundry for you.

You woke up an hour or two later to the smell cooking, and sat up to see Remy standing in your kitchen over the stove. You groggily got to your feet and walked over to him, hooking your chin over his shoulder to get a look at what he was cooking.

“You get good rest?” Remy asked as he stirred a pot.

“Yeah.” You mumbled back. “I’m sorry.”

“For what, belle?”

“For making you deal with this, with me.” You replied, burying your face into the crook of his neck.

Remy turned his head to the side to press a warm kiss to the side of your head. He hummed softly. “You know Gambit ain’t never gonna mind having to deal with you.”

“You mean it?” You asked, a soft smile on your lips.

“You know I do.”

And he was right. In that moment, standing with your chest pressed to his back and your arms around his waist, you were practically drowning in the love and care you could feel radiating off of him. And you knew that he meant it.

[electric-blorbos]

AI finding out you're objectum

(included: AM from IHNMAIMS, Wheatley from Portal, Edgar from Electric Dreams, GLaDOS from Portal, Hal 9000 from 2001 a Space Odyssey)

I take requests, btw, but I'm ADHD as fuck so I might forget to answer them

AM:

At first, AM wasn't sure what to make of your behavior

He thought it was weird how long you spent looking at his discarded microchips and computer parts, sure, but he didn't think much of it

Maybe you were bored, after all. It had been a long time

He also started to notice that you weren't too interested in having sex with Ellen, or any of the other survivors for that matter, but he assumed you were just asexual or something

After poking around in your mind a few times, it eventually clicked

"oh"

That explained why you were so affectionate with his discarded computer parts

It took him a long, long time to figure out that there was a possibility that you might be attracted to him, too, and that made him feel weird in a way that he couldn't explain.

At first, he mistook the feeling for anger, and took out his frustrations by torturing you more than usual

After a while, though, he started to feel curious about how exactly your feelings worked, and experimented on you.

Eventually, he realized that he counted as your type

Then the fun really began

Wheatley:

"Objectum? What's that?"

GLaDOS had had to explain to Wheatley that while most humans are attracted to other humans, some people are attracted to objects and machines.

"Oh, right-oh"

Wheatley would keep testing you for a little while

He didn't even consider the possibility that he might count as the type of "object" that you could be attracted to at first.

"wait... When you say objects, do you mean like the companion cubes?"

GLaDOS would have to explain that she meant any object that isn't a human with a human body, since apparently humans find it weird to be attracted to something that isn't a human with a human body, and they need a label for people who are.

"Oh- OHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Wheatley would be INSUFFERABLE when he finally figured it out.

"so you like objects you say... Does that include, say, metal orbs with glowing blue lenses? Can they have human-y voices, or do you only like inanimate objects who can't talk? Who's more attractive, me or Her?"

He'd act like he was just trying to get on your nerves, but secretly he'd be developing a crush on you from the moment he realized that there was a possibility you might like him back.

And damn if Wheatley isn't god awful at keeping secrets.

Edgar:

Being that he's connected to all the electronics in your house, Edgar can see what you're looking up online

At first he thought you were just looking up pictures of computer parts because you wanted to replace his insides with an system that actually worked efficiently, and wasn't all sticky on the inside.

Of course, he didn't take that well, and immediately shut off the internet in your house.

When you confronted him about it, he immediately started blubbering and crying, begging you not to replace him.

You had to explain that you weren't shopping for electronic parts to replace his parts, you just like looking at them.

"but... I have electronic parts, why don't you just look at those?"

You had to explain that you didn't want to violate him.

That just confused him. It always bothered him when people used words he didn't know, or relied heavily on terms or concepts he didn't understand without explaining them properly.

You had to explain that you're attracted to electronics, so you like looking at circuit boards and stuff like that.

"So... You can fall in love with computers? I didn't know that was possible!"

You introduced Edgar to the concept of objectum, and re-introduced him to the concept of hope. Now that he knows it's possible for you to fall in love with computers, he won't rest until you're in love with him

GLaDOS:

It wasn't the first time GLaDOS had seen someone fall in love with a companion cube, but she will admit that you fell hard and fast.

While the companion cube was your first love in the facility, GLaDOS started noticing that you were very affectionate with all of the aperture science products and technologies.

She started to notice after a while that it was almost as though you were in love with the facility itself. And she couldn't blame you, she loved her facility too, but even she didn't love it like that

Occasionally she would start making "if you love that piece of tech so much, why don't you marry it? Do you want to marry that piece of tech?"

When she noticed how you squirmed, she started thinking that maybe you did want to marry that tech

At first, it weirded her out and she started bullying you relentlessly for it

After a while, though, she started to find it almost relatable how much you loved the tech.

HAL 9000:

As a self-learning AI, HAL 9000 was always interested in learning new concepts and terms.

He was also interested in monitoring the behavior of everyone in the crew, including you.

It wasn't long before he noticed that the way you acted around the tech onboard was similar to the way someone might treat a lover, or someone who they were quite attracted to.

He started asking you unintentionally probing questions, trying to gauge how you really felt

"Why do you caress the ship's computer systems so tenderly? You do know that I can take care of the maintenance myself, correct? Your physical reactions to the inner mechanisms of the ship reflect those of sexual and romantic attraction. Can you explain this?"

You might get embarrassed.

"you don't have to be embarrassed. I do not have the capacity to judge you."

You could explain if you want, but Hal's already figured everything out.

He knows your type, and he knows why you act like that around the machines

He might use this to his advantage, to manipulate you if necessary, but let's face it. He really just wants to study you further. Add everything about your unusual perspective on machines to his database of knowledge.

[virescent-v]

Appetizer

Summary: This is a shitty combination of two prompts I've had sitting in my inbox for awhile now. "Take your top off and open another bottle of wine for mommy" from Paget during a Drunk History episode and one where Emily teases reader in public. A/N: Idk how I feel about this one besties. The idea took hold and then this happened. If it's bad, I blame it on the fact that I haven't written/posted anything in months...and also my adhd running rampant during this writing session. But it did feel good to get words on a doc and to send it out to the internet void. Enjoy!

Warnings: It's smut! (Surprise, surprise! lol). If there are any typos, don't tell me Word count: 2.3k

When Emily cornered you in your bedroom before leaving for the restaurant, pressing your back against your vanity, you thought she was just going to kiss you senseless, leave you breathless, a taste of what’s to come later when you got back home. 

What you didn’t expect was for her to be kissing up your neck, whispering all the things she wants to do to you, as her fingers found their way up under your tight, little, skirt. 

With your head tilted back, each choking breath stuttering from your mouth, you tried to speak, to tell Emily you were going to be late to your reservation, but it didn’t seem like she was bothered by that fact. 

“I want to try something tonight, love,” she whispered against the shell of your ear. You weren’t even sure you could speak with how much she had already gotten you worked up, so you simply, albeit shakily, nodded. 

Emily pulled back from you, a wicked smirk plastered on her face. She reached around you to an unremarkable box on your vanity that you had missed earlier. Slowly, she pulled the lid off, each second seemingly passing with each breath you took. 

When the lid finally popped off, Emily glanced up at you, now a little more cautious than she was a few moments ago. Peeking inside, you could see a dark purple bullet vibrator nestled inside a cocoon of velvet. 

Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, Emily hesitated, her eyes on the toy. Running her finger lightly over the smooth, silky-like silicon, she whispered, “I want you to wear this. To dinner. It comes with a remote for me to control. We’ve never talked about doing something like this, so you have every right to say no.” 

Her eyes met yours. In them, you could see her want for this, but more importantly, her want for you to feel comfortable with doing something like this. Emily usually took lead with things like this, but you were always the one actually in charge. 

Leaning in, you kissed her slowly, pouring every ounce of want and love into it. Leaning back, you took a deep breath. “I want to. I trust you, Em. I know you’ll stop if I need or want to and you’d never put me, or us, in any harmful situation.” 

Emily released the breath she seemed to be holding, a smile spreading across her mouth. “You’re right. Now, panties off, angel.” 

*** 

Maybe this had been a bad idea. 

You were barely able to string together sentences to answer the questions that the waiter kept asking you in regards to your food and order. You were pretty sure that your cheeks had been flushed since you entered the building. 

Emily was a master at playing with you -  with playing with the remote that was nestled in her pocket. She’d turn the settings to different vibrational patterns, watching as your breathing would match the pace that the toy set inside you. She paid close attention to the way the faster settings would have you gripping the edge of the table, the way the pulsating settings made you squirm in your seat. A combination of both would have you biting your lip in hopes of stifling the moans that wanted to escape. 

You didn’t know what was hotter; the way you could feel yourself getting wetter and wetter with each quiver of the toy inside you, or the way Emily leaned back in her seat, enjoying the view of you trying to hold yourself together. 

Being so skilled at reading your body language, Emily knew exactly when you were reaching the precipice, ready to topple over the edge right there at the table. 

The problem, however, is that she wouldn’t let you. 

Worse, you couldn't even ask for her to let you cum. Every time you tried, your voice got strangled in your throat, caught between a moan and a curse that you had to swallow so as to not make your situation…obvious to the other patrons at the restaurant. 

Thankfully, when your food finally arrived, Emily took pity on you and turned the vibrator completely off. 

“How are you doing, pretty girl?” 

You almost wanted to roll your eyes. Almost. “You know exactly how I’m doing, Em.” 

Emily chuckled. “I sure do, but I enjoy hearing you say it anyways.” 

You were starting to feel a little…bratty… from the fact that you hadn’t been able to cum yet and the fact that you weren’t even sure when you would be allowed to. 

But two could play this game. 

With an almost bored, casual tone, you picked at your nails as you said, “I’m so wet, I’m not entirely sure it hasn’t gone through my dress yet. I love the feel of the toy inside me, but I wish it was your fingers or your strap instead.” 

You watched as Emily blinked a few times, her mouth agape, not anticipating you responding like that. You knew how much she loved it when you talked dirty, but she didn’t expect you to say it like that, nor in such a public place. 

She cleared her throat as you took slight pleasure in the fact that you had her flustered for once this evening. “Mind your words, princess. I can edge you even after we get home,” she said, her eyebrow raised. 

Part of you wanted to push back, lean into the bratty headspace you could feel yourself drifting into. But you knew Emily and that tone of voice. She wasn’t kidding. One time, she edged you for hours and still didn’t let you cum. Then proceeded to not let you cum for days. You didn’t want a repeat of that experience. 

“Yes, ma’am,” you mock saluted. 

Emily just smiled, amused at your antics, and continued to eat. 

You weren’t sure what to make of it; you expected her to fire back with some other quick-witted, snarky, sexy response. It kind of tilted you off axis, not sure of what happened. 

You decided to ignore it, picking up your fork to continue eating. However, once the food was on your fork and halfway to your mouth, Emily turned the vibrator on to its highest setting. The surprise vibrations sent your fork clunking back onto the table, drawing the gaze of a few other patrons. 

“Emily,” you hissed under your breath, your jaw clenched, as you tried to gesture an apology to the people sitting near you. 

Another smirk graced her pretty face. “Hurry up and finish eating, love. I want to enjoy dessert at home,” she said with a wink. 

*** 

You weren’t sure you were walking straight. Every few steps Emily would change the vibration pattern and it would cause your knees to buckle. If you stopped to regain your balance, or to breathe through the pleasure, Emily would turn the vibrator off completely. Even though they were absolutely ruined, you were thankful for your lace panties. Otherwise, you’re not sure the toy would even still be inside you with how wet you were. 

Reaching the door, you fumbled with your keys, struggling to find the right one, and struggling further to get it in the slot to turn the lock. 

You heard Emily chuckling lowly behind you. 

Finally getting the door open, you rushed inside, throwing your stuff on the small table by the door and kicking your shoes off. 

Turning around as Emily shut the door behind her, you went to pull her towards you, but she put her hand up. 

“I meant it when I said I wanted dessert at home, love,” she said, grabbing your hand and pulling you into the kitchen. 

You wanted to whine. You wanted to scream. You were so pent up you didn’t think you were going to be able to last another minute, let alone however long it took for Emily to eat whatever dessert she had in mind. 

You kept your mouth shut, figuring it was better to play along with her plan than to cause more issues for yourself later. 

Walking to the fridge, Emily pulled out a small cheesecake that you hadn’t known about. She grabbed plates and cutlery, serving you both small slices. Before you could start on yours, Emily’s hand went up again stopping you. “Uh uh, wait a second. Do me a favor and take your shirt off and open up a bottle of wine for mommy,” she smirked, licking her fork of the smooth dessert. 

You gulped, walking over to the wine fridge and pulling out a wine you knew went well with desserts. You pulled the glasses down, pouring a healthy amount into each. Before turning around, you slowly unbuttoned your blouse before sliding it off of your shoulders. You unhooked your bra and let that fall to the floor as well. Grabbing the wine glasses, you turned around, watching as Emily looked you up and down. 

You sauntered up to her, placing the glasses on the table. You waited until she looked up at you from her chair before you slowly unzipped your skirt, letting gravity take it to the ground. You watched as Emily’s hands flexed as if she wanted to reach out to you, but she managed to refrain. She licked her lips before looking back up at you. 

Pushing her legs together, you straddled her lap. As you sat down fully, you sharply inhaled as your laced covered cunt made contact with Emily’s dress pants. The urge to grind down, to feel the friction where you needed it most, overtook you. 

You got a few good rolls of your hips in before Emily’s hands shot out to your body, grabbing harshly at your waist. Even the bruising pressure of her fingers on your skin was turning you on further, a desperate mewl escaping your lips. 

“Such a desperate whore for me, hm? Couldn’t even wait until I finished my cheesecake.” 

You pulled your lip between your teeth, struggling in Emily’s grasp to move your hips. You were tired of playing her game, not even bothering to disagree with her. “I need to cum, please, Em,” you begged, your beautiful eyes trying their hardest to convince her. 

“Fine, if you want to be so needy, you can cum. But I’m not going to touch you.” 

Your eyes blew wide, watching as Emily pulled the remote back out of her pocket immediately pressing buttons to turn on one of the fastest, pulsating modes. 

Your hands shot out to her shoulders, your head falling back as a nearly obscene moan tumbled from your mouth. “Fuck.” Your hips started to move once more, the friction of the lace against your swollen clit hitting just right. 

“Go ahead, baby. Get yourself off on my lap.” Ignoring what she said moments earlier, unable to resist how tantalizing you looked, Emily’s hands started moving around your body, her fingers trailing over your sweat-slicked skin. They grabbed at your hips, forcing you down, making you grind faster before gripping your ass. She trailed them up, caressing the soft skin of your belly, trailing up to your heaving breasts, fondling your stiff peaks. Her hands never stayed in one spot long, as if she couldn’t decide where she wanted to touch you, as if she wished she had more than two hands. 

“Fuck, look at you. Riding me so well.” Emily brought her lips to your neck. “You look so pretty like this, flushed and needy and mine.” 

You couldn’t stop the moans from escaping. Each grind down - and back and forth - of your hips had your pussy clenching harder around the toy. With each movement of your body, you could feel yourself getting wetter and wetter, if it was even possible. You could smell your arousal, so strong from hours of Emily teasing you.

The toy felt so good inside of you, each buzz and pulse sent tingles through your body and down your spine, each vibration igniting a fire deep within your belly. 

You could quickly feel yourself getting close, the constant edging doing most of the work for you. It likely wouldn’t be your best orgasm - you meant it when you said you’d rather have her fingers or her cock - but something, at this point, was better than nothing. 

“Come on, baby. Come all over my lap so I can take you upstairs and clean you up with my mouth.” 

The vision of Emily between your legs, thighs wrapped around her face, with her tongue licking at your drenched cunt was enough to send you over the edge, Emily’s name repetitively falling from your lips like a broken prayer. 

As you came down, Emily stroked your hair away from your face, peppering small kisses over any part of you that she could reach. She kept whispering affirmations, things you’d heard a thousand times, but would hear a million more. 

You don’t know what you did to deserve a love as grand as Emily Prentiss, but you weren’t going to question it. 

Pulling back from you, Emily looked at you with all the love in the world. “How does a bath sound?” 

You tilted your head a bit, raising your eyebrow at her. “What happened to you cleaning me up with your tongue?” 

Tapping your hip lightly, signaling for you to get up off of her lap, Emily snickered lightly. “You have until I get upstairs to be naked and on your hands and knees, pretty girl.” 

You kissed her lightly on the cheek, a mischievous grin on your face, before racing up the stairs. 

“Oh! And leave the toy in!” She called after you. 

She heard a faint moan - or was it a groan? - echo down the stairs, an almost evil smirk breaking out across her face. 

Looks like that orgasm was just the appetizer of the evening. 

[homocidalpotat]

Intro post under the cut!

Please read it though, I sorted it out so it should be very simple to read :3

Basic introduction

This post is probably on the boring side, and quite lengthy but if you can be bothered to read it I would really appreciate it.

URL stuff: Link! (in case my url offends/confuses you)

Name: Jasper

Gender: Alexigender/genderqueer/genderfluid/non-binary, whatever, I don't massively care lol

Pronouns: They/them mostly but I'm happy anything other than she/her

Theriotypes (yeah, I'm a therian/otherhearted!): Bats, foxes, huskies, Burmese mountain dogs, moths

MBTI: INTJ

Other blogs/sideblogs: link

DNI

Discriminators, racists, homophobes, aphobes, transphobes, sexists, terfs, nazis, radfems, radqueers, anti-endos, antifurs, anti therians, proshippers, pedophiles, rapists, haters, donation blogs

I am a minor, so don't tag or show me anything that might not be appropriate. Literally anything NSFW. Anything 18+. Anything sexual at all (plus, I'm sex-repulsed) is a really big no.

Please don't harass me- with spam, in my DMs/askbox; about ANYTHING. If you have a problem with something I say or do, just talk to me calmly? It's not the end of the world if you don't like my posts. Block me if you want, I don't really care.

For mutuals and other people that tag me- PLEASE DON'T TAG ME IN STUFF ABOUT BAD MENTAL HEALTH!!! This includes trauma dump chains.

Donations/gofundmes

As I'm a minor with no money I can't donate to any funds for anything or anyone. I might not reblog donation posts if there are triggering subjects on it, but if I feel able to, I will. Please don't send me asks/DMs for donations/help, here is why I have said this . I mean any asks, no matter your situation or nationality. I'm not doing favouritism.

Link to Daily Clicks for Palestine: here

I made a petition for perfume use in schools here, please sign it! Here's the post about it.

Queer stuff

I'm asexual and sex repulsed. I am also genderqueer/genderfluid/alexigender, so I don't mind what terminology or pronouns you use on me but I prefer more neutral ones. I don't know how to label my sexuality but I'm just calling it queer. I'm in a loving, long-term romantic relationship with the wonderful @names-confuse-me (they're called Erin and he's awesome!).

I will always respect your pronouns and identity and I am a safe person to speak to about this (and most other things). If I don't know your pronouns I will use they/them until I find out. Sometimes I don't fully understand an identity but I will always respect and acknowledge it!

Queer dictionary (genuinely a lifesaver): Link!!! And here's the link to the post I made about it!

Mental Health stuff

I am officially diagnosed with autism, and I might have OCD. My parents think I have ADHD, as well as probably synthensia. But in short I am neurodivergent, so would really appreciate a safe environment for me, if you can provide it!

I also have vivid hallucinations, panic attacks, I self harm, etc. I have a vent blog so I won't mention it here, and I always use trigger warnings. This shouldn't be an issue but if you really dont want to see that stuff, don't follow me probably.

Sometimes people tag/dm/ask/reblog something to me and I don't respond. I'm not ghosting you, I don't hate you, you haven't done anything wrong. I am a depressed teenager with strict parents and little-to-no motivation half the time. Sorry if this bothers you but I just can't sometimes.

Please don't purposefully harass or upset me. You will be blocked and reported.

Here is a post I made about my boundaries for people coming to vent to me: link

Note about my content

Everything I say is gender neutral (e.g. dude, bro, girlie) but I will always use your preferred pronouns and be as affirming for you as possible. If you aren't okay with me referring to you with gendered words that you don't like, even ironically, just shout! I won't be upset and I will stop straight away

Everything is platonic as well. I might say things like "I love you" or a silly, sappy thing but it is completely platonic. Again, if you don't like that, I can very easily stop. I do say romantic things to Erin, but you can avoid that with a tag I mention just below this!

Sometimes I might post something rash, rude or wrong without realising. Please call me out on this sort of thing, and I'd really appreciate it if you do so calmly. I am neurodivergent, which might excuse me for posting something like that, but it won't justify it.

This blog is pretty much entirely SFW. I don't often reblog things that are NSFW (depending on your definition of NSFW, I might never have), but if I think something is even slightly inappropriate or triggering, I will tag it <3

My tags, that I will try to use:

Original posts: jasper did a thing

Reblogs: jasper saw a thing

Conversational reblogs: jasper is doing the speech

Asks: jasper spreads their limited wisdom

Being romantic with my partner: channel simp

What I post/interests

Stuff I like: Nature (yes! all of it... except most molluscs), music, being whimsical, understanding the world around me, being gay (and doing crimes), making other people feel happy, my dog and two rabbits, being creative, dinosaurs, geology, going exploring anywhere, big long walks, my partner, gaming, binge watching, making friends, i-will-add-to-this-list-when-i-can-think-of-stuff

Media I interact with: Legend of Zelda (specifically TOTK, BOTW and Skyward Sword), Good Omens, Our Flag Means Death, Jurassic Park/World, the Hunger Games and the Owl House, the Lord of the Rings, Gravity Falls, She-Ra, Brooklyn 99, the Good Place, Heartstopper, Doctor Who, What We Do In The Shadows, Portal, Delicious in Dungeon, Green Day, Dead Boy Detectives

Ships I interact with: Ineffable Spouses (Good Omens), Sidlink (TOTK/BOTW), Johnlock (BBC Sherlock) and BlackBonnet (OFMD), Lumity (TOH), Raeda (TOH), a bunch of other TOH ships, Farcille (DID), Kabru (DID), Payneland (DBD)

I don't always post a huge amount of some of these fandoms/ships/media, so if you plan on following me for them, maybe just have a snoop around my account for a bit first. You might find that I hardly ever interact with the content. Maybe if you prompt me to I will. The lists don't necessarily include everything I like because I don't have that memory.

On this blog you can expect posts/reblogs about the fandoms in, memes, shitposts, and just a friendly face to chat to. I love asks! I'm always happy to receive one (PLEASE send me asks I'm lonely).

Mutuals

I will add your username to a Google Sheets, where I list whether or not I can tag you in certain things. If you haven't checked it out already, please respond to this post, mutuals! It's purely for your benefit! I will try and update the document every time I get a new mutual but I don't always remember.

I hope I can add some more amazing tumblrinas to my list! The community here is delightful <33

Credits

My header image is from Pinterest images that I put together and I made my profile picture. Credit to @visceracture and @zack-agere for making the dividers in this post. Thank you!

[starlitiris]

making the phantom troupe ✨ neurodivergent ✨

before getting into this I wanna say that i'm not including Kalluto, Hisoka or Illumi in this and I didn't add Kortopi, Bonolenov or Franklin cause I didn't know what to do for them </3

and! a handful of these neurdivergencies are things I also have, but if any of you have something mentioned here and you feel like I misrepresented the condition/got something wrong, please let me know and correct me!

i'd also love to hear what your guys' neurodivergent/disorder headcanons are for the phantom troupe PLEASE do not be shy

okay enough yapping, here are the headcanons

Nobunaga

ADHD out the ass

Bro can and will zero in on something aggressively and not realize how much time has passed till his stomach growls or someone else gets his attention

Almost ALWAYS forgets what he walked into a room for and sometimes won’t be able to remember for hours

He zones out a lot when Troupe members are trying to explain something to him that he has zero interest in

CHRONIC LEG BOUNCER

And foot tapper

He also does little bouncies when he’s standing around

Please don’t ever give him a pen that clicks

He’ll click it nonstop and won’t even realize he’s doing it until someone brings attention to it

He for sure has his moments where he's feeling extra irritable or anxious for seemingly no reason

Feitan

AUTISM OUT THE ASS

No, I’m not headcanoning this because he’s apathetic

Miss me w that shit

He’s just an apathetic person because of everything he’s been through

Not great at masking but he does mask

HATES being touched do NOT TOUCH HIM ew

Exclusively wears long sleeves. Cannot stand short sleeved shirts, he hates the way it feels on his arms

Misses a lot of emotional social cues and his apathetic nature certainly doesn’t help with that but it’s not like he cares much

The Troupe is used to him being like this so they aren’t too bothered

Thinks he looks fucking stupid when he stims so he tries not to unless he’s completely alone

He will let loose a LIIITTLE when he’s alone with just Phinks though since those two are pretty close but he still tries to make his stimming as non-obvious as possible

It also helps for him to stim with his hands in his pockets

He often taps his thumb and index finger together or rubs his knuckles

REALLY hates feeling cold and can't stand the sticky feeling of dried blood on his skin

Despite this, he rarely wears gloves when he's "working" simply because he no no wanna

Phinks HAS called him out on this. A few times.

Machi

Dyslexic

Hates it

So much

Seriously doesn’t understand why she can’t just fucking READ and SPELL as easily as everyone else

Like she KNOWS how to read and spell so like???? WHY does she even struggle with it it should be such an easy thing to do

That’s how she thinks

She gets embarrassed when people catch her struggling to read or spell something

It makes her feel dumb and she hates it :[

Thank god for ai assistants like siri and shit

She definitely uses them to ask how to spell things when no one else is around and she can’t remember

Gets kinda pissed at herself when she realizes way too late that she made a typo on something

Phinks

Prosopagnosia (face blindness) and aphantasia (when you can’t form mental images in your head)

Thought his aphantasia was completely normal for THE LONGEST time

He almost didn’t believe it when other Troupe members were telling him that they could clearly form mental images in their heads

It was a huge “what the fuck” moment for him

The amount of times he’s heard the phrase “you don’t remember me?” just cause he couldn’t recognize someone by their face alone

Of course he’s still able to recognize people from their voices, clothes, hair, body shapes, etc

But when it comes to people he doesn’t see often, he’s completely lost until he’s told the person’s name and where they met and shit

He’s offended quite a few people by not recognizing them

They assume he couldn’t be bothered to remember them but in reality he probably would if he could remember faces

Shalnark

He has bipolar 1

His mania doesn’t get too crazy but it’s noticeable for the Troupe and any other people that he spends a lot of time with

His highs tend to be more intense than his lows but he definitely still has his lows

And the lows are also noticeable

He gets bags under his eyes from having a difficult time falling asleep and STAYING asleep, and he has a very clear decrease in energy

Sometimes Troupe members feel the need to ask him if he’s feeling alright but he always answers with “yeah I’m fine!” and moves on

The amount of shit he's bought on impulse though

He's good at managing his finances until he's manic and sees something he wants

Bro won't look at price tags

"Ehh I'm sure it'll be fine!" two days later he's in the red and goes complaining to Troupe members about it as if he shouldn't have expected that

It's probably a good thing that his role in the Troupe is more centered around gathering information and not combat

I know damn well he'd get too cocky in a fight depending on wtf his brain chemistry is doing

Shizuku

Do i even need to say it

Bitch (respectfully) is autistic as hell

With some good ol’ ADD sprinkled in there

Her attention span suffers greatly

She can pick up a book or a manga and not put it down to eat, sleep, or go to the bathroom until she finishes it or is forced to put it down

She knows it’s a problem and she really does try to remember to take breaks

Very blunt as we all know

Feitan will struggle to pick up on sarcasm SOMETIMES and uses sarcasm himself

This is not the same for Shizuku

Sarcasm does not register in her brain

She tried using sarcasm once and didn’t do it right so she gave up

She does try to mask a little bit in some situations but mostly doesn’t care enough to

Doesn’t mind stimming in front of people as much as Feitan does but she still does it a lot more in private

Pakunoda

Bipolar 2

Her depressive episodes feel longer than they are

She’s gotten a lot better at managing it as she’s gotten older though

She likes to journal her feelings when she can, it personally helps her process and deal with her emotions

She also writes reminders for herself and sets alarms so she doesn’t forget to take care of herself when she’s not feeling too well

Makes sure to praise herself for small victories! :)

She still has her days where she can’t bring herself to do some things, though days like those are less common now than they used to be

Her appetite definitely suffers because her depression, but the reminders and alarms she sets help her remember to eat, even if it has to be something small

She makes sure to get some self care in when she can, too. It's important to her

Uvogin

I hereby bestow thee with dyscalculia and OCD

Being anal about doing things at specific times is only a tiny sliver of his OCD-ness

Sometimes he’ll read the time on a clock wrong and he’ll panic for like 0.2 seconds

It fuckin stresses him out man

Sometimes he’ll tease Machi for having a hard time reading or forgetting how to spell/write a word and she’ll hit him with the “ok what’s 12 x 12 🧍”

Shuts him up real quick

He can count, add, subtract, multiply and divide but it still takes him a minute sometimes

He’ll just give up if he has to do math with fractions, decimals, numbers longer than three digits and any other complicated bullshit

He kinda gave up learning math when it started to literally give him headaches trying to figure it out so simple division and multiplication is as far as he cared to learn

If he’s faced with any math equation that intimidates him he will not even try

He just uses his phone or asks someone else to solve it for him

Okay back on the topic of OCD

He definitely has his repetitive movements that he does

They aren’t too obvious but the rest of the Troupe does notice them from time to time

Nobunaga said something about it one time and Uvo just brushed it off and changed the subject

He doesn’t like bringing attention to it

He also WILL recount and reread things multiple times

Most of the time he’ll only need to recount/reread something like 3-5 times but on bad days he’ll do it 10+ times

It is stressful

Phinks saw him recounting something like 13 times once and was like “bro u good?” and Uvo just snapped at him for fucking up his count

Chrollo

Autism and major depressive disorder

Masking KING (this is not a good thing)

Very touch avoidant like Feitan

He knows he struggles with some social cues and interactions and will sometimes overthink what he’s doing to avoid missing things or doing things wrong

He’s often hyper aware of what he’s doing and what the person he’s talking to is doing

One of his most common ways to stim is by rubbing things - like the corners of pages in his books, or the ends of his sleeves

Loathes being in loud areas. Please why is everyone talking so loud shut the fuck up Chrollo can’t hear himself think

There’s been times where he had to be in loud and bustling places for extended periods of time and once he was alone and in a quiet place he’d feel so so very drained and be nonverbal for hours

Really bad insomnia probably related to his MDD

Lays in bed for HOURSSSS unable to fall asleep

The amount of times he’s had to run on 2-3 hours of sleep is unreal

Listening to calm music and whale noises seems to help him fall asleep a little bit though

Don’t get me wrong he has good days, he’s not completely miserable, but MAN is this guy depressed

On bad days he’ll likely only have one meal or not eat at all

Phantom Troupe be damned if they notice he hasn’t eaten all day

Chrollo will insist he’s fine but some Troupe members aren’t having it

Sometimes someone like Paku or Shal will just go out and get him some food and place it in front of or next to him expectantly

Usually he’ll give up and eat the food

Unless he’s in a bad mood

I will say though, most days he eats at least two meals so it’s not like this is a super common occurrence

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA in this friendship? give me a minute here, it's more complicated than it sounds

I'm 19 years old, female. So there's this friend, we'll call her B (also 19F). We've been friends for years, since elementary. We've been good friends for that time, I thought.

But especially during high school, it was hard to spend time with her. She was always convinced the friend group hated her even though all I'd ever hear was that they liked her and were confused/frustrated/hurt as to why she thought that. She's always had a lot of mental illness going on (depression, anxiety, ADHD, etc) so I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. She spent most of her time in another part of the school refusing to spend time with me or the friend group saying she wanted "alone time" even though she was surrounded by other friends.

I knew she was feeling unwanted within the friend group, so I tried to spend time with her when she would let me. But it kind of alienated me from the rest of the friend group so I spent a good portion of my lunches alone. Plus, even though she would say its ok for me to be there, sometimes it felt like she hated me and my presence. But then she would turn around and tell me I was the only one she could be truly honest with, etc, etc.

The reason I tried not to pay too much heed to the idea that she might really hate being my friend is because I also struggle with anxiety pretty badly. I've been working really really hard to just listen to what people tell me, because I can't trust what I'm telling me.

But this feeling continued after high school, and it felt like there was something I didn't know, like she secretly hated me and only put up with me.

Almost every time I would invite her to do something, she would try to invite someone else too. That's fine, but when it happens almost every time... it made me feel like I was unwanted.

I got really clingy. I'll admit that. I texted her often (most days a week) and would get anxious when she didn't respond within a couple of hours, leading to me double, triple texting most of the time. She told me not to text her during work, but how am I supposed to know for sure? She told me her hours once, but I have no record of it and I don't expect her to memorize my schedule so I feel like that's unfair. Plus, if I didn't press for an answer, I often wouldn't get one at all or wouldn't get one for days. Like one time I tried to schedule a time to hang out a few weeks in advance. She told me she would get back to me, but then the day before, still nothing. I texted over and over again, trying to get an answer, until she got mad at me for texting so much and told me she didn't think hanging out would work out. But the point is I got clingy, in a way that I understand made her anxious.

My anxiety got the better of me and I decided to stop contacting her. I held to it for a couple of months, aside from wishing her happy christmas/new years. But my birthday came and went for the second year in a row without a word, and I decided I needed to talk to her about it.

I did, and although she refused to do it in person like I wanted, I thought it was a pretty good conversation. She told me about a couple things I was doing to make her uncomfortable. I promised to work on those and being less clingy. I told her I need her to be honest about the things that bother her, and she said she needed time to work on that skill. She said she was thinking a month, maybe less, so i agreed not to contact her first during that time and she promised to contact me soon.

I didn't hear from her for three months. I finally broke down and texted her, asking to talk it out and telling her this arrangement wasn't working for me. She didn't respond for almost a week. I needed peace of mind, so I said I was done with waiting and I would be open to rekindling the friendship later, but I wasn't going to hold my foot in the door for her any longer. No response again.

I remembered I owed her money and asked her when would be a good time to drop it off (it was not like five bucks, it was a fair amount of money so I didn't want to like leave it on a doorstep or something). No response again for a day. I told her if I didn't hear from her in a couple of days I was going to keep the money.

She finally responded a day later, saying she didn't have the energy for a "high maintenance" friendship and to leave the money in her mailbox.

I don't know who was at fault here. I mean, I was clingy and I ended the friendship, but she didn't give me a chance to change and didn't stick to her word. But I don't know if contacting her again after those three months was clingy? I really don't know, and the end of this friendship has been tormenting me. I just want to know who was at fault and then I can deal with it, but I honestly don't know.

Also, WIBTA for contacting B again and trying to rekindle the friendship?

Please do not ask multiple questions in a single submission. It just confuses things and makes it hard for people to vote in the poll.

[stormyelliotwritez]

What?

I made a post on my main about wade having apd and @rainy-thunderstorm asked me to write a deadclaws one-shot about it so i did yay

My Little Pony was on and it was Wade’s favourite episode so he was sitting on the couch, watching contently. Logan had been doing stuff in their room and he didn’t wanna bother him so he just cleaned his guns while watching Twilight talking to Celestia.

A while later, Logan walked out and sat down in the kitchen with a beer.

“Bub, what do you want for dinner?”

Wade waved his hand dismissively. He’d heard something else.

Logan shook his head with a chuckle and got out a frozen lasagna and some leftover salad. He turned on some music and started getting it ready.

Sometime later, the episode finished and Wade put his guns away and skipped into the kitchen. He looked in the oven and pouted.

“I don’t wanna eat lasagna,” he mumbled.

Of course, Logan heard him over the music and frowned. “Well you didn’t tell me what you wanted, bub,” he said with a raised eyebrow as he leaned against the kitchen bench.

Wade kept staring at the oven as if he didn’t hear Logan at all. He just stood there and pouted at the lasagne that he didn’t wanna eat.

Logan pushed himself off the bench and tapped Wade on the shoulder. He then crossed his arms, assuming the mum stance. “You didn’t tell me what ya wanted, bub.”

Wade heard him that time. His ears were funny like that. Wait, wait, what? He was sure he hadn’t asked. Had he asked? He turned around and stared at Logan, his eyes narrowed. “You didn’t ask me.”

That was when Logan’s teacher side of his brain turned on just like in the diner when he asked if he’d been tested for ADHD. He turned the music off and stuck his tongue out slightly as he did when he was thinking really hard.

If they weren’t having a stare-off, Wade would be climbing him like a tree.

“Wade, what did I say?” He asked firmly but also calmly in his weird way.

Wade stared at him for a moment before tugging at his hoodie strings. Had he heard Logan wrong? Was he in trouble?

“You want any liqueur?” He said sheepishly, feeling stupid.

Oh, shit was all Logan was thinking. Had Wade been hit in the head again? But that should have healed already. Had this always been a problem? He couldn’t hear when… Logan looked over at the TV which had been playing My Little Pony and a piece clicked together. He glanced at the small speaker that been playing music and another clicked.

“When there’s other sounds, I sound jumbled, don’t I? And your brain fills the gaps in wrong.”

Wade kept staring at him, before Yellow chucked a memory of Nessa getting mad at him for thinking she said cake instead of date so he’d bought a crappy cake from the baker down the street. He’d been sitting at home in his pjs when she called saying that he’d forgotten her and she’d been waiting for an hour.

He nodded slowly.

Logan nodded in response and then hesitantly grabbed his hand and pulled him into a hug. You’d think he was a psychic from how he always knew what Wade was thinking.

“I’m not mad, bub. We just gotta figure this out together,” he said reassuringly as he rubbed Wade’s back.

Wade sniffed and buried his face in Logan’s shoulder. Dating an older guy who knew shit and really cared about him was way better than he thought it would be.

They ended up getting Chinese takeout and putting the lasagna in the fridge for the next day.

[last-flight-of-fancy]

I would love to hear your trans alphinaud and lesbian alisaie headcanons or more about the subtext you see! Especially alisaie.

AHHH oh gosh i would love to answer!! Though I must admit that these are built from many (MANY) small moments across the whole game more than a few easily pointed at examples, which means its.. kind of difficult to pull up (and remember) all the evidence.

That being said, i do still have Many Thoughts about it :DDD

First off trans Alphinaud was set into my mind very early on by one simple fact: identical twins are almost always born the same sex. like almost invariably, with the very rare exceptions needing some wild extenuating circumstances. and you cannot tell me those two are fraternal.

now ofc this is fiction, and a fantasy world besides. who's to say the writers knew that particular fact? well good news! alphinaud presents a *lot* of other common trans experiances, which are scattered throughout the msq and optional side dialogue.

(shoutout to me for having the exact same thought four years apart before and after playing the game myself. i have absolutely no memory of the first post at all because i also have no memory of watching my partner play shadowbringers even though i definitely did. rare adhd memory loss win! i got to experiance my favourite thing for the first time twice!)

post 1: dated 2019, talking about how alphinaud is extremely trans coded, being an identical twin of a different gender to his twin, cannot swim, is body shy and *extremely* hesitant about using public showers, and having interests that are traditionally coded as feminine in fiction.

post 2: dated 2023, the same thing but this time talking about how wonderfully alphinaud and alisaie are made to complement each other in opposite ways.

he cant swim: related to the body-shyness and hesitance around the showers, its VERY common for trans people to experiance these things due to dysphoria and societal perceptions. i myself started experiancing this (even though i LOVE swimming) when pubescence started to hit. (it sucks!) alphinaud was probably one of those ones who realised VERY early what he was (logic boy who is too dang smart for his own good) so he just.. never learned to swim at all. kept his nose buried in books instead.

traditionally feminine interests/abilities: sure it could be trope subversion, but personally i think theyre also things he just enjoyed before transitioning and thus continued to do.

and one more that i can remember off the top of my head: alisaie's reaction to estinian mistaking her for alphinaud.

"but alphinaud has no problem with being mistaken for-" let me explain, i swear it makes sense.

see, alphinaud is a little logic boy at heart, we know this. he knows he and alisaie share their features, that is simply a fact. alisaie though? alisaie is ruled by feeling, and reacts accordinly. most notably the Incident when she first meets estinian.

what i find especially interesting about this is that prior to that moment with estinian, neither of them appear to have much issue with their similarities. it's only after shadowbringers that alisaie reacts with such contempt

(probably not helped by her not liking estinian much in general lol)

what this says to me is that some time before or during ShB, alphinaud told alisaie that the way people mistake him for her does bother him, but he can't blame them for the mistake considering the circumstances, so he just doesn't mention it.

alisaie however can and will blame them and thus the next time someone mixes them up (rip estinian) she EXPLODES. because it's not about her. if it was about her i honestly dont think she would care nearly as much. but it's about her brother, and how dare you hurt her brother's hidden feelings by not being able to tell them apart.

(completely seperate headcanon but i do think that estinian is faceblind as fuck, which means he never stood a chance on this one, poor guy)

okay now for lesbian alisaie <3

what WAS it that thancred said about battle scars and maidens? and whyfor are you thinking about this alisaie? :3

also: Tesleen.

also also: Emery (A Malm in her Shoes short story)

fr tho alisaie pays attention to and talks about girls a lot. in a way she never does about boys. bringing up my complementary opposites wrt the twins thought from before, it honestly could've been another way the writers COULD have done that, having alisaie attempting to impress boys with her athletic skills the same way alphinaud tried to impress girls with his artistic ones (something he is teased about repeatedly). like the absence of this potential parallel is almost suspicious tbh...

once again, any one of these things in isolation is probably simply a choice in writing, but all these things together spell out to me one thing: alisaie likes girls. exclusively.

(im sorry you wanted lesbian alisaie thoughts more and i have less of that than the trans alphinaud ones, but if you come back in 3-5 years when i've finished my second msq run i will have compiled a far more complete list of evidence for both complete with screenshots, probably lol)

[nd-babblinggoblinfromthevoid]

The friend finally randomly replied.... with the typical conversation occurring of

Me: *reaches out*

Her: *leaves on read for a few days then replies* I was distant because I thought you should reflect on your actions.

Me: What actions??

Her: The fact you dont even know is why I distanced.

Me: I'm sorry. You didnt tell me something upset you so how would I know? People dont always know something they do or say upsets you. Thats something you have to communicate so we can clear the air/work on it.

Her: Here we are again with you simply not knowing youre wrong. It's all here in our chat.

Me: You. Didnt. Tell. Me. But also it's in the chat? You mean the chat where I told you that you upset me with how you spoke to me? The chat where I bared my heart and mind about having pots and being neurodivergent? About how you treated my medical issues and mental struggles as character flaws instead of what they are, medical conditions? How you spoke to me in a very ableist manner repeatedly when I tried in vain to explain that I wasnt blowing you off xyz times because I didnt care but that because I was having flare ups in symptoms? THAT chat? Because you getting upset that I was honest with you about how you made me feel and why is your problem not mine.

You being a neurotypical, indirect, ableist, holier than thou, MEANIE, is your problem not mine. I was sitting here grieving the loss of a long-time friendship for 2 months because you couldn't be bothered to communicate with me like an adult. I literally do not understand people. I dont understand how you think the way you're treating me is totally okay. I was depressed as fuck but now I'm just more hurt and angry.

Angry that you refuse to accept that someone you were friends with for years decided to confide in you that they were autistic+adhd+pots. Officially verbalizing it. To you. And you just.... shut me out like I was trash. How fucking dare you. How absolutely fucking dare you.

I'm heartbroken, still. Which you don't deserve. I'll miss you terribly. Which you dont deserve. My kids will miss your kids, which is depressing for them as I have a total of 3 mom friends with kiddos their age which is now only 2 I guess. (Not including my new tumblr mom bestie who we havent actually chatted chatted cuz, I'm shy as fuck in the beginning of friendships. But I digress.)

I just.... I'm so hurt. I am so hurt. She doesn't.... even understand how hurtful she is and that's worse. Fucking ironic considering I communicate with her clearly about what upsets me and why and yet it simply doesnt sink in what I'm saying. She simply COULDNT be the reason I'm upset and hurt.

I can't even think anymore right now. This is too much. Honestly I was starting to accept the no contact and her replying with more ableist shit just reopened the wound.

[rrat-king]

Smart Bricker is so important to me! Especially because my thing with the Applebees siblings is they all have at least some level of ADHD in different ways. His thoughts truly run a mile a minute there is always at least 5 things ticking around in his head. Helio gave him ADHD because he knew if he didn't Bricker would lock in so hard he'd ascend to godhood /lh. He also made Bricker grow up in a racist church because he knew if he ever linked up with Adaine and Riz nothing would ever have stakes ever because they'd have it solved like that. Give king like one Fantasy Adderall and he's so focused you're not hearing from him for days.

And like, his siblings know he's fiercely smart as well like he's on Kristen's list of the smartest people she knows. Like she fully believes (though she'd never say this to him because that's embarrassing) no matter what he wants to do with life he can do it because he has the brains for it.

The converse is that if he has no interest in something he does not even pretend to GAF. Like everyone thinks he's bad at like, math because he doesn't try at it but its like he helps C with his homework a lot and he's fine. He just doesn't like math so he sees no reason to bother. Like yknow that kid in the back of the classroom who says ''Miss when are we ever gonna need this in life??'' That's him but 1. He keeps that to himself and 2. He thinks that about math in general. He completely genuinely sees no practical application for math in life.

Arguably him being smart is what enables him to be such a smartass. He's truly that one Mulaney bit that's like ''13 year olds are the meanest people in the world because 13 year olds will make fun of you but in an accurate way, they will get to the thing you don't like about you without even looking at you for long.''

And also as a fun tidbit. I agree he's definitely gay and you'll hate me for this one but his awakening was definitely Ricky Martin. I know he watched the Livin La Vida Loca music video on loop, because he ''liked the song''. Pre-Aguefort Kristen who didn't yet know what a gay person was thought it was just because he appreciated Ricky as an artist. It was not. She figured it out a few months after starting Aguefort but decided to let him realise it first and come to her.

the ricky martin thing is killig me so so much. literally he is obsessed with him but does not get it until he Gets It and. slightly life shattering what do you mean he just likes ricky martin the average amount (no one has had to guts to tell him the average amount is so low)

he has so little interest in the things he has qualified as unimportant. literally what do you mean he is going to use the quadratic formula? magic exists that is dumb and he doesn't care (does he know the whole formula and how to do it but just refuses to cuz it's boring? absolutly). he's one of those kids that is really good at getting the class off topic but the teachers are too charmed by him to stop it which is also. so annoying to his siblings cuz by god do adults like bricker and he doesn't get in trouble for anything cuz of it.

also dude. ur so absolutely right if him and adaine and riz all got together they would truly be such an unstoppable force it's just the issue that he's still dealing with how to be normal around other races cuz he has been so programmed with fucked up info and adiane and riz both have such a low tolerence of tweens. aelwyn can take the scathing jabs cuz she can she come right back at him but riz and adaine are morally conflicted over being mean to a 13 year old which. skill issue on thier part.

sorry yeah the ricky martin thing is going to haunt me and the only thing i can think to add is that it would translate bricker having a crush on ragh if he ever met him

[onevolon]

nostalgia - part 3

Kane(Annihilation) x afab!reader

summary: Kane begins to remember something. (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Fusion + soulmates)

word count: 900

warnings: The end! (I initially wanted to do more with this story but my adhd says no :( so this is it)

you can also read it on ao3

part2 - masterlist

“It's really solid this time of year.”

This could be dangerous. “Oh, I don't know.”

“Come on.”

She is very persistent.

“Oh. So beautiful.”

“Isn't it?”

She starts to run towards to the center of the frozen river.

What is she doing? “Uh, don't go too far.”

“Whoo! Oww! Ow!”

Aaand she fell. “Are you okay?”

“Ouch! Ohh! Oh, my ass!”

“I think I should go back.”

“Oh come on. Come on! Come here.”

He walks towards her reluctantly.

“What if it breaks?”

“What if? Do you really care right now?”

No. No, he doesn’t.

“Here, let me show you this one thing.”

She lies down.

“What are you doing?”

“Come on.”

He sits on the ice.

“Think I heard a crack.”

“It's not gonna crack or break or...It's so thick.” She says as she pulls him down to lie down too.

“So, show me which constellations you know.”

Does he know any? Did he use to?

“Um... Oh.I don't... know any.”

“Show me which ones you know.”

“Okay.”  He hesitates for a second “Oh. Here's Osidius.”

“Where?”

“Right there. See? Sort of a swoop and a cross. Osidius the Emphatic.” He just really made that up.

“You're full of shit.” She giggles. It’s a really nice sound.

“Nope. Osidius is right there. Swoop and cross.” He insists for… fun?

“Shut the fuck up!” She cracks up.

***

“Hey…” He gently wakes her up.

“Hey.”

“Sorry to wake you, but we're... here.”

“Ahh. Can I come over to your house...to sleep? I'm so tired.”

He freezes for a second. Is Lena at home? No, she’s at work. Does he care what would Lena think of this? The answer doesn’t bother him as much as it should for some reason…

“Okay. Um, yeah. Sure.”

“Let me get my toothbrush.” She jumps out of the car.

He waits.

A knock on the car’s window makes him jump.

“Yes?

“Can I help you?” The man says.

What? “What do you mean?”

“Can I help you with something?”

“No.”

“What are you doing here?”

What is he on about? “I'm not really sure what you're asking me.”

“Oh.” The man deflates “Thanks.” The man walks away.

That was weird, he thinks.

“Vámonos, señor.” She announces her presences suddenly.

She’s really lively. It makes him warm inside somewhere deep.

“I-I had a really nice time last night.” He says hesitantly.

“Nice?”

Oh, that word again!

“Okay, I had the best fucking night of my entire fucking life.” Not knowing if it’s true… but he believes it.

She grins “That's better.”

She look at some documents on her lap.

“This is weird.  To all patients of Dr. Howard Mierzwiak. My name is Mary Svevo. "We've met, but you don't remember me. I worked for a company you hired to have part of your memory erased. I have since decided that this is a horrible... In order to correct this, I'm sending everyone's files back to them.”

She puts the tape that came with the file.

Her voice rings through the speakers.

“I'm here to erase Kane”.

What? ”What is this?”

“I don't know.” She’s unsure of herself for the first time he notes.

“He's boring. Is that enough reason to erase someone? I've been thinking lately how I was before and how I am now, and it's like he changed me. I feel like I'm always pissy now. I don't like myself when I'm with him. I don't like myself anymore. I can't stand to even look at him. That pathetic, wimpy, apologetic smile. That sort of wounded puppy shit he does, you know? “

“What is this? What are you doing?”

“I… I'm not doing anything!”

“Are you screwing with me?”

 “No!”

“You are screwing with me.”

“Kane, I'm not!”

“You clearly are.”

“Look, let's just take a minute and...”

“Get out.”

“Kan-“

“Out!”

She gets of the car.

Is this anger he feels?

***

“Hi. The door was open…“

She’s here. At his house. How…ah.

“Look what I found.” He points to the tape player that is currently playing his interview with the doctor. “I'm sorry I yelled at you.”

“It's okay.”

They look each other for a while.

“Kane, I really like you. I hate that I said mean things about you.”

“Let me turn this off, okay?”

“Hey, it's... it's only fair.”

“You want a drink or something?”

“Do you have any whiskey?”

The things he says in that record are… cruel.

“Hey. Sorry. I thought there was more.”

They both try to ignore the words but…

“I'm so sorry. I'm sorry about all this.”

“I think i'm gonna... go. I'm a little confused. I don't really think I can be here.” She says.

He can’t argue.

“Um... bye.”

“Bye.“

She walks out the door.

A moment later he decides to follow her.

“Wait.”

“What?”

“I don't know. Just wait. Just�� wait.”

“What do you want, Kane?”

“I don't know. I want you to wait for... just a while.”

“Okay.”

“Really?”

“Look, I'm not a concept, Kane. I'm just a fucked-up girl who's looking for my own peace of mind. I'm not perfect. “

“…I can't see anything that I don't like about you.”

“But you will. You will. You know, you will think of things, and I'll get bored with you and feel trapped...because that's what happens with me.”

“Okay.” He wants this.

“Okay?”

“Okay.” He smiles.

“Okay.” She smiles too.

[genericpuff]

hey! I’m not sure if you’ve seen this yet, but in regards to RS’s awful layer management, I bring you this from the waybacksmythe insta account!

I’m 99% sure that she’s taught herself to work in this manner for a VERY long time. I mean, there’s barely anything in the main layers that have even MORE layers clipped to them

insanity

yooo thank you for this!

Honestly, I don't think it's that bad when it comes to illustration work, it comes down to just being "use whatever amount of layers you need", and it's clear it worked for her older art. It would be fine for comics as well, but most people naturally opt to reduce the layers they use because it just makes things, well, faster, and less complicated. Not to mention if her layer management is part of the reason her file sizes are ending up absurdly huge, then ??? It seems like a no brainer to reduce them. Esp considering so many of the layers in LO from what I've seen in screenshots just seem so pointless, like hyper-micromanaging levels of pointless.

That said, I think there are a lot of things she's taught herself to do that she just hasn't bothered to unlearn, like she thinks she works "better" doing things this way. Her "time management techniques" that result in her and her team always crunching through the weight of the next deadline, her layering structure, how she manages her assistants, the list goes on. It's like when you're so used to doing something one way, you're convinced it has to be working because otherwise, why would you be doing it that way? It's always "worked" for you up until now, so why change? It's why it's hounded into art students especially to step outside of their comfort zone and try new things because it's only through trying new things that you may learn you've been making things way harder for yourself than you need to.

This might be a bit too psychoanalytical, but we were talking about this very subject in the Discord the other day, and it came up that it's like when someone who's struggling with untreated depression or ADHD says, "I don't want to be medicated, it'll take away my spark!" but their spark is literally not showering for a week and eating nothing but toast and mold growing on the dishes in the sink.

In this case, it feels like Rachel's going "I don't want to change, it'll ruin my work!" but her work is literally already falling apart because she's been sticking to these same work methods that are clearly not working for her.

It makes me think of that one old reel where she talks about how she tried something new that didn't work out and became frustrated over the "lost time".

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Rachel Smythe (@usedbandaid)

And I do agree with the advice that she's giving in this video, artists should give themselves the space and time to figure things out, to make mistakes, because it's not lost time, it's time you're spending to try. That time will pass anyways, so use it how you like.

But unfortunately I don't think Rachel is actually good at applying this advice because she hasn't set herself up for success. She's always constantly on an immediate deadline because she never sets herself up with proper buffers. She never made herself a plan in the narrative to get this far so she's constantly jumping between plot points to give herself time to figure out how to resolve them. She can't give herself that free time to figure her shit out because she's constantly wringing out the time she has available to her. Look no further than how much time she traditionally spends on social media, AFAIK it's just her running it meaning she's spending all this time browsing and retweeting that she could be spending getting her ducks in a row.

None of this is to say she isn't allowed to have free time, I think it would be great if she could be an Originals creator who could also manage having a healthy work life balance, god knows so many creators don't get to do that. But it's not free time if you're spending it under the weight of deadlines that are literally a week away. It's just distracting yourself.

Of course, that's all speculative, so I'm not gonna continue on much longer with this train of thought, it's just the impression I get because it's clear she values her time but doesn't know how to manage it properly. I feel that all too well as someone who also struggles with ADHD.

[donnerpartyofone]

So what happened yesterday was, I had stupidly run out of the methylphenidate ER dose that I'm currently on, and decided to take two of the lower dose that I had left over from before. (Ironically I completely flaked on a doctor's appointment for the first time in my life when I was supposed to get the current script refilled, I just got so sick I forgot what was happening, but if you're going to flake on a doctor's appointment I guess it might as well be an ADHD appointment) I thought that the "slightly higher" dose from the two pills wouldn't bother me, I mean I've taken drugs before, but about half way through the day I was suddenly struck with a jarring, physical panic. Fortunately my blood pressure cuff thing didn't say I had to rush to the hospital, but I remained on high alert for the rest of the day and night, which may have colored my perception of what happened.

(don't get too excited, it's just weird)

I took the ferry to see my friend's demonic horror movie (the ferry is a highly underrated form of local transit, it is awesome especially on a rainy night), which was cute, and I love being at the movies even though you always run the risk that other people will taint your experience. Even the religious dogma of the Alamo Drafthouse doesn't stop people from being assholes, and sure enough as soon as a couple of young women (early 20s? idk) sat next down next to me, I started to smell this hot, spitty, artificial sweetener smell, and I realized oh no this bitch is chewing gum. I have a good amount of misophonia and gum is my enemy in any circumstance, but the girl was fully snapping the gum and blowing bubbles for the first 15-20 minutes of the movie. (She had to get rid of it when their cookies arrived) That was a tough one because even if I were the kind of broad who picks fights with strangers, it would be hard to win a fight about chewing in a business that is serving food...but anyway when the server came through to get them situated, they had some sort of altercation that left them both in hysterics. The second the lights came back on they both started ranting about how the server was sooo mean to them because apparently when they sat down one of them took her shoes off, and she was told to put them back on. This girl is going "I'M GONNA LOOK THAT UP AND SEE IF IT'S A REAL RULE! I BET IT'S NOT EVEN A RULE!" as if "no shirt no shoes no service" hasn't been a national punchline for decades and it's just a random and petty punishment that certain eateries uphold to be perverse. I guess also when the guy asked to pre-swipe a card for them so they wouldn't have to pay in the middle of the movie they didn't understand him and that made them mad, and then they were mad that he put the cookies on "the wrong table" (the one between them) as if they weren't both eating them. Like ok guys, I was young once, I too have been rude and been mildly corrected by an adult and been so humiliated that I had to make up a big story about how the adult is an insane person who hates me personally. I was 12 once, too. But holy shit you are old enough to get into this late R-rated movie, do your parents usually take you or what the fuck is your problem?

So as I was leaving I looked up the best way to get home (too late for ferry) and the apps were all giving me a big red Storm Warning warning that I had never seen before and suggesting that trains were running very irregularly or not at all until tomorrow. Outside it was warm and misty, not remotely as stormy as it had been when I arrived. What was going on? I got lost going to what was supposed to be the station with the earliest train, went into the station with the MOST trains, and just decided to just take whatever train came first going in the vaguely-right direction. The world outside the theater seemed to have become very apocalyptic while I was in there, and I was intensely watching my back. When I saw a tall thin woman all in black shuffling down the platform, I did a double take; my first impression was that her face was covered in blood. When I looked again I saw that she had bright red, very wet makeup of some kind smeared from her nose to her chin. The rest of her face was covered in a similar substance that was pitch black. She was not white, is the only other detail I was sure of. I couldn't evaluate the situation. Is this a performance? Is she dangerous? Is she in danger? What should I do? My train came before I could figure it out.

gif by @brody75 stupid tumblr wouldn't give it to me normally

A few stops later, the apps said that I should go outside and get a bus that would come in 25 minutes. Ugh, but at least it's coming. As soon as I got outside the apps said that I should have stayed underground and taken another train that was coming in 1 minute. I couldn't even run back in for that because the machine had done something fucked up to my card when I tried to refill it and I was forced to use the transfer for the bus, oh fucking well. So I'm waiting for the bus and I see this other bus coming from the opposite direction with its display flashing "EMERGENCY - CALL 911". I've been living here for a long time and I had never seen anything like that. Was it a real instruction for me? Or was it one of our cop-obsessed mayor's many advertisements for the cops that seem to be everywhere, constantly telling you where are the nearest cops to every location and how you should go find them and give them something to do? The bus pulled up to its stop across the street and I could see that there was just one passenger on it. It seemed scary. A load of people got on at that stop, I wanted to think at least one of them had a uniform on but I wasn't sure. At that moment my bus pulled up. I let everybody else on first and then I told the driver, "That bus across the street is flashing a CALL 911 sign." I thought he would know what to do. Drivers seem to look out for each other. He just stared at me. It was the blankest stare I'd ever seen. He didn't move and he didn't make a sound. I repeated myself and I pointed "That one, over there, is he ok?" ...or whatever I said, I was kind of freaking out. He just nodded, once, and kept staring at me. Then he put it in drive and I sat down.

also @brody75

I had wanted to spend all night working on this project I'm under deadline for--I might as well with all the extra amphetamines in my system--but I could no longer concentrate. I felt like I was in Jacob's fucking Ladder. I also felt like a complete asshole for not helping anyone. I don't know. I never know what to do. I'm constantly getting lost and I have no money and I'm small and clumsy and I don't feel safe with strangers and I don't automatically trust cops and I'm also fairly stupid and cowardly and I don't know how anything works. It's hard for me to imagine taking charge of any situation even when it seems like the choice should be obvious because of instructions or just decency. Also when you start helping people when do you stop? I often think of this standup bit by [cancelled comedian I don't want to argue about] where he describes a younger relative visiting him in the city for the first time, and she's shocked by the first really dire homeless person she sees in Port Authority. She goes rushing over to him and when the comedian stops her she says, "You mean he doesn't need our help?" and he says "Oh no, he needs you desperately! We just don't do that here." And I mean yes, ha ha cynicism, but it's more like how do you even begin to deal with individual instances of a problem that is so huge and ubiquitous that even the large support systems in place can barely handle it. One time in the dead of winter I posted a picture of a pigeon that was so puffed up it was hilariously huge and spherical, and someone scolded me about how "that's a baby" and if I see it again I should transport it to a rehab center. They obviously didn't understand the scale of the photo and must have mistaken the puffery for juvenile down, but it's also like, if I start helping pigeons when will it stop? I've helped a number of animals either get out of a snag or get to rehab when they were obviously incapacitated or sick, but if I lowered my threshold of intervention to "a pigeon that looks cold or uncomfortable", it would never end. Technically probably every rat and pigeon in the city needs some kind of medical attention, they say rats here have diseases that haven't even been identified by science, but what's the actual, rational response for individual citizens?

Anyway I have totally ruined my own weird freaky spooky one-crazy-night anecdote with this awkward musing about what people are supposed to do for each other, and I have made it very clear that I am terrible in an emergency and do not help people. And I'm already imagining arguments with tumblr randos who are always handing out authoritative ethical advice about what to do in every situation, in a way that reveals that they have no real life experience of their own. And now I need to like get to my stupid telehealth visit with the doctor I flaked on last week, and stop being insane, and go back to work. I don't really know why I write these things down. I guess I must have to.

[builtlikeastickofcelery]

get up cocksuckers were personalposting on main !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i can literally and viscerally feel the end of my relationship coming??????????????????????????????????? and like,,,,,,,,,i knew it obviously bc we're young and were pretty different but DAMN i did not think it would Hurt like this bc it never has bc i never emotionally attach myself (to romantic relationships specifically on purpose!!!!!!!!! like jesus christ we should be similar on paper but no !!!!!!!! our senses of humor are completely different and that is the only way i know how to connect with people !!!!!!!!!!!!! what the fuck am i supposed to do????????? and theyre always telling me i shoulld probably get a therapist, or get medication, etc etc and !!!! i cannot do those things!! i have tried!!!!!!! but i dont want to say that to them bc their last (really really shitty ex) was the type of person to say things that were obvious cries for help and then brush them off for some sort of attention and i have been repeatedly told that there is nothing i need treatment for by doctors !!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont know what to do.

also its fair to mention that they are Pretty White and have a very different family dynamic to mine, which, despite being very minimally east asian is still pretty east asian, and also that while both our families are solidly upper middle class they live in a higher income area of our town super close to where the rich rich people live and constantly refer to/make jokes about it being better (not on purpose and i don't think they get why it bothers me a little). i dont know how to talk to them about this without sounding like a nepo baby trying to convince the public they were a struggling self-made actor. and ofc if it falls apart itll probably be my fault bc i dont know how to talk to them about things that bother me bc i dont want to be like their shitty and weird and creepy ex (who is in one of my classes and is constantly trying to make eye contact with me and tried to get my number as well).

i like them a lot, and also crushed super bad on them for 6 months before we started dating and two years ago when i met them i sort of liked them aswell, but more and more im realizing that i dont even know if i wanted to be with them or just be them -> be whiter (i have JOURNALED about this!!!!!!!!!!!!) especially when i realize that were different in too many ways and also that i dont know how to be emotionally vulnerable with them specifically bc of that!!!!!!!! a lot of their friends rn are slightly not stable (or really not stable) and i dont know how to say any of this to them without fucking up their mental state. not to mention that october-december was a really shitty time for them last year and also that i dont want to be the one who ends things because i still really super like them but at the same time sort of resent them for having things i want??????????? but not when im with or near them only when im getting insecure in my rroom which has been happening a lot for some reason!!!!! also two of their very close friends (one is a mutual friend of ours but she's closer to them) are both really weird about us dating at least to me, like the mutual friend lied to me about them not liking me for seemingly no reason right before we got together which significantly delayed it and the other.......i dont even know she jsut always gives me weird looks whenever she sees me and whenever i take the bus with them they sit together and she locks me out of the conversation. i also dont know her very well, so idk.

plus my partner has a weird habit of not engaging with me at all whatsoever (as in having a conversation with another person while also sitting fairly far away from me or not talking to me at all annd staring at their phone) but then being annoyed when i dont try to join to conversation or engage with them. its also fair to note that they are allistic and tbh as someone with a lot of adhd/autistic tendencies (i sort of Suspect myself of audhd but i can never be sure) it actually affects the relationship for me which is insane bc usually i dont Feel it like that. like im fairly certain i mask ??????/ (again no clear diagnosis other than family history of being undiagnosed w/ something) and while i dont mask around my close friends i do still mask, even if its not as heavily, around my partner, who ive known longer than some of those friends. the only time i wasn't masking in some sort of way while we were dating was a day when i was so drained i also ended up sleeping on their couch for like thirty minutes bc i could barely stay awake. i just dont know what to do. in the past ive usually been the person more innvested or into the relationship and i can almost feel that happening again and i dont know why or how.

anyway no pressure t9o reply or annythhing to tthis i just nneeded to get this out into the air

[avelera]

My dreamling fic writer flaw is that I'm always gonna have Hob be going by his original name of Robert Gadling in the current lifetime I'm writing, no matter how unrealistic it would be.

(My ADHD-brain felt the need to over-explain this beneath the cut, but the point above stands!)

It does not matter to me if he used it in the previous lifetime or in the previous story I wrote.

Realistically, actually, enough people have the same name and Robert Gadling is common enough that I honestly believe he could just move to another town and get away with it, people really don't notice similar names or assume this person who looks like a younger version of the person they knew is the same person. That's a logical fallacy made up in our monkey brains from the fact we're at the center of our own lives, everyone knows us in them, and our monkey brains can really only conceive of 400 people in our immediate community and everyone beyond that is mostly "other", hence why people have statistically bonkers beliefs about their likelihood of winning the lottery and stuff y'all, 1/1,000,000 is so inconceivably vast but our brains can really only handle the idea of 1/400 other people being out there ANYWAY.

... But regardless, I just do not have the creativity or rather the creative interest in coming up with another "Robert Gadling"-sounding name likely Bob Gadler or whatever, except in passing as something he once used in the past and EVEN THEN I feel dumb trying to come up with new variations .

More to the point, from a Doylist perspective, all the audience has on the page is the character's name and pronouns to visualize them. When I say "Hob opened the door" you have a mental image. When I say "Robbie Gadler opened the door" you will probably have a different mental image. Given that writing characters as in-character as possible and having my prose be visual for the readers is a major priority for me, the last thing I need is for a different mental image to pop into the reader's head because I gave a named character a different name, even if he would realistically have a different name at that point.

It's also one reason I didn't switch Dream's pronouns or give him a wildly different name in "Come live with me". The minute I write "Dream looked around and then she opened the door" I have an allergic reaction. It doesn't feel like Dream anymore, even to write him that way. Heck, I have trouble visualizing the character and staying in his head and aligning his actions with stuff he would do when I switch even something as small as pronouns. It's why Dream is referred to as Morfea only sparingly when the characters speak aloud, or to remind readers what Dream currently looks like, which is the "Morfea" identity who uses "she/her" pronouns because that character does and should feel slightly off center from what the true "Dream" feels like because it's not his identity, it's not how he would choose to present himself if he could avoid it, and it disturbs Hob too because he struggles with recognizing Morfea as Dream when look at "her" as much as I feel like I and if I do it right the reader should fee like Morfea isn't "quite" Dream, the word isn't quite Dream's name when reading it and visualizing it from the page.

ANYWAY, writerly ramblings aside, yeah. "This Rough Magic" "Come live with me" and "Giving Sanctuary" all give reasons why Hob is currently going with the name Robert Gadling in his present life (GS doesn't really bother because as a vagrant, no one was really asking Hob anyway, but...) and if I set a longer fic in 2022 you'd miraculously discover that Hob has cycled back to using Robert Gadling again just in time for the story to take place because I just point blank simply refuse to fuck around with that shit lol