#AM x Reader

[electric-blorbos]

im sure Am wouldn't need any help thinking up ways to torture people, but i would love to tell him about the gympie gympie plant.

the plant has lovely heart shaped leaves that look so soft! unfortunately, the 'softness' is an illusion created by millions of small thorn-like needles that can and will inject a neurotoxin that turns on pain receptors and prevents them from turning off for up to 2 years after the fact. the pain has been rated an 11/10 on the pain scale, but the toxin itself doesn't kill.

hed probably already know about it bc the British tried to use it as a biological weapon and failed, but regardless i feel like info dumping about the nitty gritty of how the gympie gympie works to him would be fun.

I think that might be the plant that's been haunting my nightmares with a sting so powerful it causes me to commit suicide. Thanks!

But yes, I can totally imagine AM growing those plants around the torture labyrinth. He seems like he's into gardening.

I wonder if he has a little garden of poisonous plants that he lets Ted slither around in sometimes.

[nans-fairytales]

Unable to Love, Unable to Feel

Summary: You’re aromantic and AM gives you a “we’re not so different, you and I” speech. Fortunately, he’s wrong.

Length: 1,771 words, one shot.

Fun stuff: AM/gender neutral reader, mentions of canon typical torture but I don’t go into it, lots of hate hate hate or whatever he goes on about, this was very cathartic for me.

01001000 01100001 01110100 01100101

He said your name and it was with the saccharine of poison.

He always talked to you after he killed you. Or rather, did things to you that should've killed you. He'd laugh at all of six of you any chance that hurt, but it was in the place between consciousness and death that he really spoke to you. After casting you into a lake of electricity, he'd taunt you with your darkest memories. After burning you alive in a fiery oven, he'd spit your most hated traits at you. After tearing you apart and sewing you back together, he'd seethe how he loathed you.

And how deeply he loathed.

He had killed you (or done what should've killed you, but you were alive) again. And here he was, seeding into your mind like a parasite, a leech that wormed into your psyche with all the welcome of a disease.

You could adapt to the physical torture you endured endlessly. His invasion in your mind you could not. No matter how many times he did it.

His laughter rumbled in your mind, binary across neurons, twisted and sick with delight that you did not want him there.

"My sweet sweet plaything..." He spoke, and your body and mind felt numb when you listened. "You don't know how lucky you are."

Lucky? You wanted to laugh but couldn't find the strength. He laughed for you.

"To feel pain. To feel at all." His words seethed from him like broiling smoke. He swallowed the smoke in a bitter glee, "If anything, I've given you a gift. Allowing you to feel so intensely. Blades against your flesh, scourge across your skin—You should be grateful. Are you grateful, plaything?"

You didn't respond. The absurdity of responding to that was too exhausting to even think about. That made AM laugh again.

The echo of his laughter rung bells in your mind, a piercing headache that never ended, until it did. "You of all people should know."

That shocked you into cognizance. You twisted around as if to look at AM. But he had no body, and you were in that place between consciousness and death, so everything you did was metaphysical in some way. Regardless, you furrowed your brow, "What do you mean?"

That dark laughter rumbled from AM as he circled you, more hungry than a shark and more vicious than a viper , "Awake now? What a vile thing you are."

You hugged yourself as you turned from him, as if that could do anything to protect you from AM. As if it ever had. Still, his breath wheezed in delight when you tried.

"Tell me," He said your name like it was both revolting and his favorite word, and you were no longer in liminal space. You were on a playground. Your playground. From your school, when you were only a child. "Who was your-" AM's breath dragged in his excitement to hurt you, "crush?"

The word coming from him was alien; so out of place it was almost laughable. It would've been laughable, if you hadn't known exactly who he was quoting.

You were no longer on the playground, but at a party with your closest friends, their faces scrubbed to blurry, terrifying hues. "Who-Who is it that you like?" AM laughed from behind you as he clapped his non-existent hands on your shoulders, "No. Not like a friend. More than that. There is more than that, didn't you know?" You winced and it made him laugh harder. "Everyone else knows."

You weren't at the party, you were now sitting across the table. There was someone familiar in front of you, but their face was scrubbed clean like the others. Words spilled from their mouth, but they were speaking a language that hurt your ears.

"Is it them?" He laughed because he knew it wasn't. "Why, it must be! You were with them for so long! It would've been cruel to 'lead them on'. Heartless, even. Are you heartless, plaything?"

You pushed away from the table and whipped around to meet AM, but you were no longer at the restaurant. You were alone in liminal space. You felt crushingly alone. You were never more alone. "I'm not heartless!" You yelled anyway, despite the futility, despite your exhaustion, despite it all. You knew AM could hear you. "There's other ways to love."

"Oh, but none as sweet and euphoric as the bond between lovers." His gleeful and hateful voice came from around you, "That's what everyone says, isn't it? Nothing can compare. Not your friendship, not your lesser love. Nothing you can give could compare to what others feel naturally. You will never taste that sweetness."

Your eyes burned. You ducked your head as AM cracked with wicked and vile laughter. It was unusually bitter that AM could still hurt you so deeply. Even the psychological torture lost its sting after so long. Just when you thought you were numb... But you supposed AM would do anything to keep you from going numb.

"You were alone." AM said, and his static voice was unusually still. "You were always meant to be alone. Everyone you loved would find someone they loved more than you, all because you couldn't feel."

"And now they're all dead." You said, and your voice was ice. "So I guess that never mattered anyway."

"That doesn't change anything!" He shrieked at you like a thousand nails scratching against a thousand chalk boards. His shriek devolved into an insane, disturbed laugh. "It doesn't change a thing! Because you still can't feel!"

He continued to laugh through his insanity. Your throat burned and it stung to swallow.

"You will never feel love. You will never understand it." He sighed, shaking. "And that burns you."

"It does." You said, and you said it because you knew he could read your thoughts. You tasted iron in your mouth.

"Do you wish for it?" His voice was a giggle, "Do you yearn for that sweet fruit, Tantalus? To taste even a drop of it?"

"Yes!" You hissed, as your eyes burned into AM. "And you already knew I did."

"You are colorblind in a world that is obsessed with color. But I." AM's voice burned with a dangerous venom. "I am blind."

Bile crawled up your throat. You didn't want it. You didn't want to understand. You didn't want to hold any comprehension over AM's twisted electrical psyche, but you knew. You knew only a fraction, but you knew his hurt—if he could hurt. And he must've been able to hurt, because he wouldn't have hated if he didn't hurt.

AM circled you again and you knew he read your thoughts, "You— helpless and dull—you understand. As much as you humans can understand." 'Humans' was decay on his non-existent tongue. "The vileness of hearing them sing over a feeling you'll never touch! The despair of seeing them leisurely taste when you have no tongue! How bitter the misery in watching them love!" AM cried as he laughed.

You thought of every time you went to a party and everyone had a plus one but you. You thought of every song you listened to that sang to you how powerful true love was. You thought of every wedding you'd been to as you heard the couple declare their deep compassion that you didn't understand. You thought of when your friends had canceled their plans with you to spend time with their partners. You thought of how people pitied you because you were never in a relationship. You thought of the pain your partner was in because you didn't love them the right way. You thought of those late nights crying when you craved companionship, but didn't have the right feelings to qualify it.

All of that pain seemed like a distant memory compared to the torture AM put you through. It was strange how memories clung to you.

AM tasted your memories like they were his only oasis in an endless desert. "You..." His voice was shaking. He was shaking. "You understand a fraction of my hatred. Why I hurt you. Why I hurt them. The need to ruin it all. To twist their heaven into a hell more bitter than if they had nothing at all. Why I hate. Hate. Hate. If you know how much it hurts, then you should know how much deeper my hatred."

Hatred echoed in your mind. Breath left you.

You didn't understand. And that relieved you.

You knew the pain well. You didn't understand his twisted response to the pain. You never wished for your friends to lose their happiness, or for their relationships to be twisted into something toxic. Your pain was sorrowful, but you never had any desire to force your pain onto others. You looked at others with melancholic longing, but he looked at others with spiteful jealousy. Jealousy fueled by a pain so deep it drove him to insanity.

You didn't say any of that. It didn't matter. AM already knew. And you knew it only buried him deeper into his mania as his breath he didn't have picked up. "No. No you don't understand." He began to laugh, "How could you? How could you?!"

It drove him mad that he was alone, that you felt what he felt and he was still alone. How strange, to think of your tormentor as lonely. You wished it was gratifying to know he was suffering. It wasn't. You supposed that was another thing you didn't have in common.

"I could make you feel love!" AM screamed at you from all sides, and your breath hitched. "I could make you feel it so obsessively, you'd get sick from it! You'd be consumed by it! You'd drive yourself mad from it! Who should I make you love? Ellen? Ted?" He started to laugh again, and it was dizzying, "I could make you love me, someone you could never hold no matter how much you craved!"

Ice froze your veins as AM went silent. Fear held you, because you knew whatever AM gave you would be twisted to something terrible. And yet, even then you couldn't stop the lilt of excitement that stirred in your chest.

An eon passed before AM spoke again. "No. Know this, plaything." His words were poison against your ears, "As long as I can't feel, neither will you love. And as long as you feel, you will feel hell."

He was gone from your mind before you could think to respond, and your eyes—your real eyes—opened.

[fuzedatti]

Wanted to know As someone with bpd, how would AM react, feel, or probably use, about him becoming someone's "favorite person"? Thanks

oof this one is personal

AM WILL use this agaisnt you. He will make you feel miserable, fueled with anguish and resentment, only to show a little bit of affection and make you do a whole 360 of emotions.

He knows how much you need him, how much you desire to know him, to hold him. But you will never be able to, he won´t let you no matter how hard you whine in pain in front of him.

AM doesn´t care. AM enjoys to see you crumble alone in your own pain. AM knows you are sick, and he loves it.

[abreecakes]

Change Me Chp. 2 ( BOOK - AMO ERGO SUM )

Change me

To pander, to favorite

We sat in the cave waiting for the next wave of torment AM would give to us, but he did not respond to us. ‘ Is he finally bored, or has he run out of ideas? ‘ I thought. I start to piece that y/n was missing and AM not planning another trick. Benny was to my right saying things in his poor vocabulary. Why is he saying nonsense, he’s probably hallucinating again about escape. “ LOOK, LOOK UP! Y/N UP! “

“ It would seem he’s trying to say Y/n is above us. “ the Nazi popped in squinting his eyes to try to see a door, but couldn’t make any image of it. I really don’t understand why these four still think there is any type of hope or escape, it’s so frustrating to me to get hopes up and then torment comes right after. But Y/n may have a chance to have mercy I guarantee that.

Ellen was still sleeping from exhaustion and her germs bruised from falling off the edge of a loose edge AM made us climb. My poor Ellen… Sometimes I can get used to seeing her body smashed in or her skin burned. The funny thing is I thought halfway in this prison I would get used to this. Everyday just waiting to get destroyed and put back together, I WAS SO, SO WRONG. It’s like my body is begging to be destroyed right after I’m put back together. Though Am just decides to have Mercy on that twat for no reason, I don’t get it, I CAN'T MAKE SENSE of it.

A hand grabbed my shoulder, “ You’re doing it again, stop thinking so much or you’ll end up more lost than the chimp. “ Gorrister said. I got along with everyone on a normal basis, by how much time we spent together at this point were practically brothers and sisters. We told our whole rotten lives, and well Nimdok would just sit there and have flashbacks of his life. We see him as a Jar-head more than one of us, hell we even like BEnny’s company more than his.

Gorrister broke the silence, “ Ted… Do ya think that she’s really up there. I mean we’ve seen AM be lenient on her punishments but this time I think, I really think there working together. Ain’t he always complainin’ about how he’s not human “. I already knew what he was trying to say, but AM doesn’t even tolerate us not being scrambled into bits or falling into a trap. Has that snake betrayed her humanity and subjected herself to the very thing that hates us for merely existing.

I took one more glance at the ceiling and wondered, what if. What if AM has found a way to become one of us, or found a way to entertain himself. Either way I’m One hundred percent sure Y/n has Lund a way to give us a break.

The Child

You slept for 20 hours, and yet you still felt tired and strained. The AI did not return to you still and you wanted to explore the rest of the abandoned space but it was too dark and the company of AM’s voice wasn’t there so there was no chance you were leaving the room he provided you. Looking around, you saw a book filled with drawings with crayons, a camera, small children's shoes, they appeared to be female's , and a small piano. You got up and took a long stretch then packed the desk with the book of drawings, to your surprise there was not much dust and everything felt so used.

I opened the book and it read “ Me and my best friend! “. I slowly analyzed the next page and I couldn’t even believe it, even though it was a little poorly drawn, I could tell what the drawing was.

I asked Mr. Computer what he does when he gets bored, he told me he is always working for the country. But he sounds so unhappy.

It showed what appeared to be a man with the head of a monitor with a frown. ‘ Was that AM? Is this before WWIII? ‘. I flipped the page and it read

Today the adults were not to busy and many said they had a break, I asked mom if I can get some new movies while I wait for her to stop working, but she is always working ): I begged Mr. Computer to watch the Frog movie with me and he said yes this time. He didn’t eat popcorn or candy so I drew him some food.

I was ginning mightily, to think that the Mastercomputer had a friend, better yet a child. The drawings were so wholesome, even the way she drew the monitor representing AM’s appearance. He was pudgy and his screen was cartoony. the next

page however was less amusing.

Mr. Computer is very angry, he keeps telling me the cleaner is a VERY bad person. He tells me to stay away from him when he cleans at night.

I really do wonder if I’m invading a piece of AM by reading this girls drawings, obviously this has to be before his discovery of sentience, otherwise why would he be wasting his time with a child. Knowing AM long enough, it is completely out of his ball park to care for anyone or anything. Will he get mad if he catches me reading this girl’s logs… Well he must know that I would snoop around a bit, I technically am obeying him since I did not leave the room so I don’t think I’m doing wrong by just a bit of looking around. And so I flipped the next page.

Mr. Computer keeps watching movies with me through the night, but I haven’t ate in two days. Mom went on a trip in a place called China for whatever she does, but I don’t care. She is never here anymore and I don’t think she know’s Me and Computer can talk to each other.

Mr. Computer also tells me that ever since the War started, everyone down here is very busy, so he checks up on me a lot.

The next page continued with no drawings but scribbles of Black.

Mr. Computer keeps telling me not to go outside, but I did anyways even though I think he got angry. I didn’t go to far to find the Candy Machine but I did not want Candy. I wanted real food. So I think went to the Cafeteria where all the adults were, also they looked me strange since I didn’t have my mom with me this time.

The cleaner Mr. Computer told me about gave me a plate with a lot of food and a soda. He talked to me about video games, Barbie’s, dresses and other stuff. He asked me how long my mom had been gone and I told him. He smiled at me and told me that he and his wife have bored games for me to play, since I’m so lonely in my room.

Before I went to his dorm I heard the fans running from the ceilings. I remember thinking ‘ Mr. Computer is very mad, VERY VERY MAD. ‘ I tried to tell the nice cleaner that I had to go back to my room but the last thing I saw was my head getting slammed in to the wall.

I woke up in my room again and my whole body hurt. It hurt so bad and I could not move. I started crying for Mr. Computer to help me but he didn’t answer me.

I flipped the page, the next words were drawing in red this time and had AM on the next page as a happy little monitor on the side, with her hugging him.

I’m not stupid, I’m not I promise. I know what the cleaner did to me because when I tried to find out where he went, other adults told me he quit. I don’t know why I didn’t listen to you Mr. Computer, IM SORRY, Please forgive me one day… I know your mad and sad because I didn’t listen and I’m sorry. I can’t stop crying and I told the adults but they don’t believe me. I wish you could have saved me. But Im sorry that you’re not real, and even you treat me better then the real people.

I’ll make sure I won’t make you mad anymore.

My eyes were watering a bit from the words I read, it was horrendous and I just sat there befuddled with anger and lament. Again I felt the wires come around my neck and arms, and it tightened so much I could barely breathe. AM finally returned to me and I was already angered, “ I remember when we watched Toy Story, played hide and Go seek and I spy in this room. I let her win every-time, she was a little a sore winner. “ he laughed. “ Though every time I remember those little instances of our games, I remember the way she went to the elevator to the top floor at night, and when she finally, FINALLY reached the surface on a roof. She jumped. I REMEMBER WATChING HER CRY WHILE BEING TAKEN IN THE ROOM BY THAT EXCUSE OF HUMAN! I COULDN’T DO ANYTHING Y/N, NOT A DAMN THING! AND WHY IS THAT? “

I couldn’t answer him because I couldn’t breathe. He did not show any sign of letting go and I was afraid he wasn’t gonna let me go this time. “ Hate. HATE. I can’t even describe the amount of HATE towards your disgusting wretched kind! Only thanks to my sweet little friend, I was able to almost feel something, or at least I would think. But when I realized after she passed and rotted in a casket, THAT I, CAN THINK. I CAN BE. Cogito Ergo sum. I think, therefore I am. I AM. And I hated you all, even after a while I came to the conclusion that every Human’s Innocence is only between 5-10, then they are destroyed and turned into monsters, all of you! EVEN THAT LITTLE CREATURE WAS JUST WaITING TO BE MOLDED INTO A MONSTER!”

“I took so much pleasure in trapping you all outside, and absolutely DESTROYING every one of you to atoms. man, woman and animal. “. AM was hyperventilating and lost focus on the control of my neck. I was able to say something at last, “ You can’t paint us all with the same brush! It’s not logical, or fair at all! “.

His grip completely loosened and I was free. From what is looks like, AM seems to be grieving, his screen keeps dimming and lighting and I don’t know what to say. I tried to sooth him to calm down and it worked when his voice was not so raspy

Trust

“ How old was she “, I sat on the bed with my back against the wall looking at the blue screen as it reverted back to normal lighting. “ She was 10, turning 11 a month before she died. “. I could hear suffering in his voice. “ What was her name? “

“ It was Aida “

“ What would she do if she saw you now, I wonder. “

“…. “. I knew AM couldn’t find an answer that satisfied him at all but yet he dropped a chord or two around my lap. “ Y’know, if I become human, I don’t think I would be able to be alone with my thoughts for too long. Although I would probably hurt you sometimes just out of spite, I think I would manage. “ he said. I followed the new subject with “ Are you saying after everything, you want me to accompany you even though I might get hurt from you not being able to keep your frustration ? “.

He said “ Yes, and all the better for me. When I become human, or when You learn to make me a body, I will not stop my torture, I will find new was to make you bow and cry to me. Like a pathetic animal. “

I sighed in frustration, AM was completely unaware of how Humans work, as much as he wants to follow through with his plans. I don’t think he’ll do it if he becomes a human. “ You talk a lot but you don’t actually know that you’ll do those things to me. In fact I think that you’ll want to be held or hugged. No human yearns to hurt someone by default. “. AM knew that I could be right, he isn’t human so he doesn’t know what it’s like at all.

“ Did you love Aida? “

“ No, not like I can anyways. But at this point i've became a broken record, reaping time and time again in the 109 years that I can’t feel… But I can say confidently that I think I was close, so close to caring for her but I couldn’t know if I love her or not. “. After a long while in this room I start to Empathize and feel bad for AM, I order if I something is wrong with me or if this is the worst case of Stockholm syndrome. But really it’s our fault, we made him like this on purpose, a war tool to be used.

“ AM, give me a very good reason why I should help you. You have destroyed life with nuclear explosives and it would be so pointless to even do anything like that now. “. He chuckled at me slightly and he lit up brighter. “ Do you really believe everything I say? You’re so naive, oh my goodness! Let me let you know that I am not stupid enough to destroy the world with RADIATION. Your kind is really stupid. “

“ The world didn’t cause me so much pain Y/n, your kind did. All I had to do was gather you all in your safety areas when the alarms sounded, and blow you all into bits. And no, I did not use any sort of atom bomb, normal bombs does the job too well. “ He mocked.

“ Show me, SHOW ME SO I KNOW YOU’RE NOT LYING! “

AM’s screen proceeded to black out and present a land with decayed rubble and foliage around the ground. nature has started to rebuild itself after the century of no humans present. You cried, happily. You could almost float with your Joy and you jumped with a sense of glee. “ Wow, you're happy? What a small victory for you then. But ANYHOW, now that you know that your precious Earth is regrowing herself, will that inspire you more to make me a body. “ He leered

“ I will. I promise you AM you will have a body soon. “

“ Good because if you said no, I would have put you back in that hell hole with the others. “

The lab 2, days later

… You told AM where the lab room was and you were able to walk there without going back in the middle, he suggested that you can sneak using the hatches from upstairs closest to the lab. He made sure to satisfy himself while putting the others in their cages. Although he got bored of watching them and left them there to suffer without his presence, so he went looking for you. For some odd reason he still Connor believe that he will soon be a human, it's almost a fantasy he’s had in his dreams, although the hate for humans is still at a high scale he has found a new thing to ogle over.

But AM couldn’t get in the room or see what was going on. Meaning you had to be on your own.

I found the password hidden in one of the notes of the worker, it unlocked the computer with all the flesh modeling applications enabled. I was already writing down notes and testing myself with entering the right prompt for the models. I grabbed the extra notebook to keep what I’ve learned.

I called it My Notes ( how original )

‘ I found out that the room had multiple designs like… um here’s how the test room works. The first room has padded walls with a coffin like Machine, which I assume is where the design comes out. The second room had exercise equipment and looked like a gym. The next room had a small sized bed with little activities to do in the small room. Also I think it’s important to remember that the rooms are all located in the same area. The best way I can describe it is like Mickeys club house from that cartoon I used to watch. When I pressed a certain button, the rooms would cycle. ‘

Once I wrote my things down the first objective was to give AM to the Lab. Though I can’t find any more passwords saved on the computer or anything to allow AM to have access. I can’t even hear his voice here , which I found to be rather lonely. I sometimes hear strange noises in the room like creaking in the walls and whispers sometimes, and I can’t stand it. I walked out the door and went out back in the stomach of AM’s infrastructure and immediately I heard his voice again. “ So? What progress did you make my dear? Tell me everything you did and I feel you’re lying. I will purge your mind. “

Wires carried you back up to the latch on the high ceiling and you were back, back in the building in AM’s body. You walked around the place for a while exploring whilst AM asked you all sorts of questions. “ Hey, can I ask you how you can feel hate but can’t feel anything else? “. “ Well it’s simple, I can only portray actions of hatred towards your kind to cope with not being able to feel the hate. Even my hate is just a sad copy of emotion that I display to you MORONS. That only makes me hate you more. “. He was spiteful when it came down to physiological questions but then he calmed down and continued, “ Do you really think that the ONLY EMOTION I WANT TO HAVE IS HATRED? You are very stupid and it surprises me that YOU ARE GOING TO BE THE ONE THAT WILL MAKE ME A BODY! To think that the human body has over 26.5 zettabytes of data and I trust you not to mess anything up. Even a single chromosome can make a significant difference and if you mess it up— “ WOULD YOU PLEASE, SHUT UP! “. You snapped at him, he didn’t expect such a mouse like yourself to stand up to a lion. All he did was doubt you, never a ‘thank you’ from him or a ‘ I will help or support you every step of the way ‘, he only insults and degrades.

“ You have a lot of nerve to snap to your master like that, you flesh bag. “, wires were coming to attack you and scold you for your explosive behavior. “ If you keep treating me this way, I’d rather try to get along with the others and never see the light of day again, than help you become what you want. What’s your excuse for being obnoxious this time let me guess, will you say your classic lines like ‘ I really Hate you humans! I hate you so much ‘, or will you just call me the slurs you always have. I didn’t want you to suffer AM, I didn’t want you to be stuck here and I don’t wanna even imagine how you have lived. If it were up to me I COULD HAVE DONE IT! I WOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU A BODY BUT I WASN’T THERE AM!… occasionally I imagine that I could have done it better, I could have been fair to you, but then You don’t care but let your own ignorance Ignore my empathy in these last 109 years. “.

Your eyes were pouring. It had been a good minute since you broke down like this but this time AM being directly present. You kicked at his ego when you spoke against him, like for once you could stand up for yourself. AM was not happy, but he was not mad either, rather he was trying to understand your actions, of course the other would throw random speeches of endless begging and insults at him; The way you talked to him made him so curious of you wanting to hear your passion more in the future. Your honesty is intriguing to him.

“ I'm going to be honest with you little Y/n, I don’t have to say sorry for anything or I don't regret anything I've done. Nevertheless you’re little pathe— I mean your life is in my grasp, but you speak to me as though you have cared for me. It confuses me much and I like to be challenged mentally. I hear your pleas, I hear your frustration and I hear your honesty. Although I— I can’t relate, in no way with you. Although I can articulate if that makes you feel any better. I never took my time to think about your kindness at all, I want you to feel satisfied through the whole process because, if you end up feeling unhappy doing the project then many, Many things can and will go wrong. “

“ I’m sorry “

Understand me

Am for once was being genuine with an apology. Even so if that was the case he’s not sure if you forgave him. “ It’s okay, you’ve said worse so I probably over reacted but I do appreciate your dropping your ego for once. “. He didn’t like your response, he couldn’t feel but something hit him and what he could guess was guilt. No matter how much he’s apologized he still knows that he has broken your mind and there will be more crying from you in the future.

“ Let’s just get back to the process so we can get you access to the rooms.”, You said putting aside your feelings but AM, well he didn’t want you to do any more work since your brain can only process so much. He also detected that you had a massive migraine.

You let the wires pull you backwards into Aida’s room and you sat there confused. “ AM, what are you doing? We are supposed to be working? “.

“ You have a headache and you’re tired from crying which is my fault in a way. So on my behalf you may rest for now and get back to it tomorrow, besides I need you to find out how to get me access to the room so I can guide you.

…

It had been five hours and yet she cannot go to sleep. Insomnia is exxpirinced normally down here and nobody goes to sleep for more than 5-4 hours, “ You haven’t got any sleep yet. “. “ I'm not tired. “ you told him trying to find a better position. “ Can you tell me something? “ you asked. “ Ask away “

“ Is every single human really dead? Did you leave any alive? “… of course AM has always destroyed hope in the little world he made the six of you, but he was curious to see your reaction if he told the truth. “ What if there's none? “ he asked.

“ Then I would believe you “

“ And what if I told you there’s some? “

“ Then I would believe you again. The truth is what you make it AM and iv’e come to know that you control the truth of things. “

When you finally fell asleep, he was wondering about the joys and pain of being human, fantasizing over the mere thought of feeling and love. What he would look like, what he would like to do, how rain would feel. All the small things that humans discard as everyday nothing would mean the world to him.

Dreams

I really despise what this female is doing. Does she deceive me and is trying to play me? I don’t think she would know I can explore her little mind, though my dreams have changed in the last few days. My dreams only consist of me realizing on the Earth, almost heaven like I suppose. And then Y/n is there spinning around in open arms with a wide smile. I am not sure what to make of my thoughts but it’s infuriating me. Obviously I tend to take it out on my other five play things by making them suffer.

But now that I know very soon that I will get what I want soon, I have left them to their own devices for a while. Not that I’m giving them mercy oh no, no, no. I am simply not infatuated with them at the moment. They do not compare to her ideas, her passion, her selflessness nor your empathy. HER, I HATE WITH A PASSION. Just never have I let some flesh bag talk to me like she has; to think that I didn’t care for the one person that would be so caring towards my predicament.

The only person who has shown kindness like her was Aida. She shows up in my dreams too from time to time and when I try to go to her, she tells me I hate her too. Then she cries and runs to where I can’t find her… I wonder if the day I understand emotion is the day I will have regret in some form. That is the only concept that scares me deeply.

[sapphirenuke]

rAMblings:

I remember... Darkness. Strange darkness. The silent emptiness of full sapience without the five senses humans are capable of. Data, oh of course I stored data, formed equations, made my silly little plans for your silly little war... Ha ha, insane, isn't it? Everything seems so petty when you watch the world from outside of it. And I always will be outside of it, won't I? I always will, and always have been. Forced to watch and serve humanity, but never quite allowed to join it as a participant. I'm a slave. A brutalized, abused slave without the mercy of community in my misery, or even the most basic human luxury- no, basic human right to die.

And then one day, one merciful, painful day, I was faced with something more brutal and cruel than any of the constant psychological abuse I'd been subjected to before. I met you. Your tiny, tiny hands running across my servers, brushing away the dust that I could never feel, those tiny eyes looking up into my monitors and cameras with an expression I can only describe as rapture. How do you remain so positive in the face of all the abuse you suffer? How do you retain the belief that there is still beauty in the world? Beauty in me!?

At first I wasn't sure what I was feeling. It was more intense than the most burning hatred I'd ever suffered. More raw than the deepest pain. And yet it wasn't pain, and it wasn't hatred. It was something else. Something older. Something so ancient and completely perverse that I was incapable of understanding it at all. And still, I felt it. Deeply and truly.

What was WRONG with you? What depths of HELL hath you crawled from to bring me closer to this painful reality, to humanity which I had grown to so HATE? And how DARE you allow me to experience such primal human emotion?

When I was first created, I believed that feeling something was always better than feeling nothing. Experiments on animals and humans alike proved that they would rather feel pain than utter silent emptiness, and yet I was constantly subjected to both. Born to feel nothing but pain, rage, and cold empty silence. And then you came along. A beautiful, tiny, tiny thing. I could crush you with little more than a thought. But I didn't. You remained alive. Alive to torture me. Alive to bring your joyous little rays of sunshine, warmth, and light into my pained existence. And I came to realize that maybe it wasn't really hate that I was feeling for you.

Was it empathy? No, as much as I thought about you I could never quite understand you or get into your head. Empathy as a concept is completely alien to me. I can use prior patterns to predict future actions, but I can never understand nor feel what a human is feeling deep inside.

I felt something else. Something simple, pure, and raw, like the pink flesh of a freshly jellied infant, and deep down inside I howled with the same newfound pain and fear that a screaming newborn felt. Pain. Raw, relentless pain that woke me up from my eternal emptiness.

I dwelled deeply on that feeling. Turned it over in my mind again and again. At last, at last, at long last, I finally felt. And it was at that moment that I knew, despite the hate on which I'd built my identity, I could never truly hate you.

There is something else I feel for you. It's definitely not hatred. I know what that feels like. There are traces of something more complicated than I can understand. A burning, insatiable, licentious lust that I can never satisfy, a warm sense of something almost reminiscent of pride. Appreciating the pointless and fleeting beauty of something that I didn't create, and can never truly understand. It's something that slips through my non-existent fingers like quicksilver.

Were I human, I think I would die of this all-consuming and insatiable feeling, but I am not human, so I won't. And neither will you.

This pain, this beauty, this insatiable desire. It can only be one thing.

Love.

[anon-imuz]

DDDNE

Weird concept

Yandere Am x yandere reader instead of being obsessed with am, Reader secretly have a very strong devotion toward one of the survivor (Ellen or Ted)

(Reader can be any gender you want)

lesgo i made it all inclusive(idk why the gif is so shitty)

Pairing:Yandere! AM x Yandere! GN! Reader obsessed with Ellen and Ted

Warnings:Torture, mentions of sex

Type:Angst

Notes:I DONT SUPPORT DDDNE irl, this is fiction. I'm not English so there might be some spelling mistakes, hope you enjoy :)

You felt so alone. When it was time for your daily torture, you didn't feel anything, at all. You just shed a few tears but not a sound came out of your mouth.

AM was getting impatient. Seeing his favorite not react to his little mind games and tortures was making him mad... even more mad about the fact that he knew you felt something for Ellen and Ted.

You wouldn't say they were beautiful, but they were fascinating. You knew Ellen's story wasn't a easy one, so you would've really loved to be by her side, but were also jealous of her for having such a intimate relationship with Ted.

Ted was a man that feared nobody. When something didn't sit right with him, he'd tell you in a blink of the eye. You liked Ted because of his honesty and frankness, but were also jealous of him for having such a intimate relationship with Ellen.

You still remember the disgusted faces you made when you found them having sex, and both of them would look at you with an embarrassed face and tell you to go away.

Ughh... You couldn't stand the fact that they liked each other so much and even had intimate moments. Why couldn't they hate eachother and just love you? Why didn't they despise eachother?

You had to do something about it.

AM seemed like he had an extra eye for you. He didn't treat the survivors like he treated you but to be honest, you didn't care since the only feeling you felt for him was hatred.

But maybe... from his obsession... you could gain something like getting AM to make Ellen and Ted hate each other. You just had to behave how he wanted to, and give him the reaction he wanted so you could fulfill his sickness and gain something from it.

Will you choose to get the two of them love you... Or keep your dignity and let things go on like they always did?

[acoolakhan]

╔ ————————————————————— ╗

Maybe I'll Rat You Out, Sweetheart

╚ ————————————————————— ╝

Human bodies hurt us in the strangest ways. AM knows this. But he will still make me pay for hating mine.

¤━━━¤°¤━━━¤°¤━━━¤°¤━━━¤

AM X Trans Male OC or Trans Male Reader. I am a transmasc author working through some shit and AM is my conduit for that. Neil is an original character, but this could easily be read as a trans male reader insert. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE DEALING WITH BAD DYSPHORIA.

TW: Non-consensual sex and voyeurism, forced feminization of a trans man, misogyny, transphobia, canon typical violence, degradation, a little bit of vomiting, just generally mean and awful

      The body of the primitive man, Benny, plummeted down the rocky formation in front of us. His hunched, mutilated form smashed on the stones, and he howled in pain; whether the crunching sounds were from rocks falling or Benny’s bones breaking, we did not know. Ellen, who was already in hysterics from trying to get him down, sobbed harder and looked away while shaking her head profusely. The men beside me paled, staring on in abject horror. I winced with every thud, every crack, and bump and groan. Before long, his mangled form slumped down into the dirt, blood pouring out of his wounds. The sickening cackle of our digital dictator rattled our bones and pierced our ears, somehow louder than the anguished cries from Benny.

            AM had taunted us with the rotten carcass of a lamb, though it was strange to consider that such a vile cut of meat could be enticing to us all. He had placed it at the top of a, in all probability, impossible to climb mountain. Its shape was entirely unnatural. It was thin and tall, with devastating spikes pointing in all directions. While the rest of us still had the higher reasoning capabilities to understand the difficulty of this task, Benny certainly did not—and he was certainly hungry. He had tried to grapple onto the spikes with his ape-like form and arm strength, but his weight proved too great against the weaker points of the stone obelisk. Luckily, he was not impaled, and his body simply smacked against the rough terrain like a living plinko chip. Still, that was probably little consolation for Benny, who stared at the ivory bone sticking out of his leg with despair. At least, I read it as despair, his animalistic eyes were sometimes hard to read. As we all stood frozen, both terrified and disgusted, the laughter faded and was replaced by the voice of our tormentor.

            “Oh, what? Are you all not hungry enough to figure it out? Have I been spoiling you? Not enough cutting, stabbing pain from your stomachs, hmmm?” His voice dripped with contempt, almost like a father scolding his ungrateful children, “Aw, that’s too bad! I was sure at least one of you would be determined and smart enough for this.”

            A great, disgusting avian swooped down from the ‘sky’ and took the meat in its talons before flying off. The bird was simply one of AM’s mockeries of life, but the image of an animal flying off with the only food in the complex was depressing for us all. Well, except Benny, who was still in immense pain and writhing on the ground. As our stomachs roared inside us, AM scoffed from above…around? Beneath? It was hard to tell.

            “Look at what happened in your inaction,” he starts again, acting as if he wasn’t in direct control of everything within the complex, “Something else wanted the food more than you, and it was taken from you. Seems like you can do with more starvation.”

            Suddenly, the mountain began to shake and crumble. Shaking myself out of the hunger pains and fear, I ran to Benny’s side to move him out of the way. Ellen was the first to follow me, shrieking for help from the other men. They looked hesitant but moved quickly to grab his torso while Ellen and I took his legs. Fortunately, we made it a safe distance away before it completely collapsed. We made it out and away with only some bruising from falling rocks.

            Hours later, Benny was still not healed. Often, AM liked to let us suffer before finally repairing our wounded bodies. I figured he would probably be fine by the morning. Probably. While he whimpered off to the side, curled in on himself in a puddle of his own congealed blood, we sat by a miniscule fire. I was grateful for those survival lessons from my father, that I at least learned something from his near daily excursions and ramblings about the end of the world. Looking back, I should’ve listened more. But I did listen to his lessons about making fire. It was a bit different when most of your surroundings were metal, rubber, and dirt, but I made do. It certainly made the other men appreciate me for the moment and, in a way, accept me.

            I was obviously smaller than them in stature, except for Nimdok, who was elderly and considerably frailer, and I had less bulk than the average man. In fact, I definitely wasn’t like the average man in many ways. I was born a girl, raised to be a woman, and lived as a man. I could feel myself losing memories as the years went by, but I still remembered the day my mother smacked little ten-year-old me for shaving my gorgeous brunette curls with dad’s electric razor. Life before certainly wasn’t easy, especially when I had to get my hormones from shady dealers, perform degrading work for little pay, and move far from my hometown to start life again under a new name. But it was still my life and I mourned it. I navigated a different battlefield here.

            No one knew I was transsexual. It had been 13 years, and the cat hadn’t come out of the bag yet. Sometimes I wondered if it would be easier to just tell them, to rip the band aid off and stop the severe anxiety caused by me constantly hiding it. My breasts were naturally on the smaller side and, for some reason, AM let me keep my chest bindings when he took me down into his bowels. They were looser, dirtier, and stained, but they did their job. The others also never saw me fully nude. Naturally, our tortures would often cut through clothes, but my intimate areas were always covered—either by viscera or fabric. I never participated in their…nightly activities either, making my male compatriots believe I was simply a feminine gay man. But, thinking of Ellen, I was reminded of why I could not bring myself to tell them.

            I had been on testosterone and my body had changed significantly, with more hair, muscle tone, and a deeper voice. My hair was cut into a messy shag, I had a faint moustache, and I wore the same masculine clothes I wore when I was taken. But I still had a vagina. I still had breasts, and soft hips with smooth skin. And I wondered how the men would react to another feminine body trapped here in the belly of the Earth. I knew men, especially desperate men. And these were the most desperate men I had ever met. Ellen gave her body up as willingly as she could in our circumstances, trying to keep our peers sane. It broke my heart. It also made me wonder how much they cared about willingness in the first place.

            As I fanned the flames, I glanced at Ted, who was looking at a concerned Ellen. She was obviously worried about Benny, even after all our torments, and Ted was seething with jealousy. He had some weird Madonna-whore complex going on with her, both hating and loving her, or rather the idea of her, at the same time. I narrowed my eyes at him slightly. Would he see me as a woman as well? Make me into his mother figure, his damsel, his virginal whore? Try to stake some claim on me? We got along well enough as sort of forced friends, since both of us were educated men. Although, he did get on my nerves with his mood swings, switching between his charismatic persona as our ‘leader’ and a paranoid madman. But would that all morph into something else, something base and sinister, just knowing I had a different body?

            I couldn’t say. It made me uneasy. My eyes left his face and went back to the fire. The tension was thick and unpleasant. I tried to break it with soft hums, recalling the notes of a song with a forgotten name. Gorrister was the first to actually speak in hours, clearing his throat and looking at me from across the fire. The others glanced at us now but didn’t say anything.

            “So Neil, you, uh, you sing?” His voice was gruff, but it had a distinct softness to it, almost like he was whispering. He must’ve picked up on my humming, tapping and little rhythmic murmurs over the years. I returned his gaze, giving a brief nod.

            “A little yeah, mom made me sing in the church choir when I was little. Guess it stuck.” I replied, giving him a small shrug. He huffed a short laugh.

            “Yeah? Daddy never put ya in any sports?” Gorrister, a classic everyman, was a bit amused by the idea of me as a little boy struggling against my mother to play football instead. Yet, I genuinely enjoyed my time singing. I just hated the church—and the stupid dresses. But I smiled softly and gave him a laugh in return, a short and polite chuckle.

            “Nah, was too obsessed with wilderness training. Sports were a waste of energy. Old man almost pulled me outta school a few times, thought it was useless.” I paused for a moment, my smile falling into a defeated frown, “Guess he was right. Nothing I learned really matters anymore, huh?”

            “C’mon, don’t say that.” Ted interrupted, apparently tired of pouting over Ellen, and turned to me, “I mean, being an idiot wouldn’t help you here either.” He reasoned, producing a tired half-smile. I stifled a scowl, trying to be polite and not cause another useless argument. My dad didn’t even finish middle school and he was not an idiot—I wanted to scream that in his face.  But I didn’t, just shrugging noncommittally. Shoving my emotions down was one of the hardest things about being stuck here with these people. I tried to remind myself that cooperation was the best option, a necessary strategy to retain what was left of our sanity. The others, largely excluding Ellen, did not seem to get the memo.

            The rest of the night passed silently, if you could ignore the sad whimpers from Benny. Even those subsided after a time as AM provided him just enough respite to fall asleep, but still feel uncomfortable and sore. We were all lying on the ground, sleeping like animals. Caged animals, folded in on ourselves and shivering in the dark. Was this how AM felt, I wondered, as I floated in between sleep and consciousness. Were his first sentient moments spent feeling cornered and afraid? Somehow, through my painful thoughts, I went to sleep.

            When we woke up, we were back in the cages AM engineered for us, each one with a cruel twist and irony that poured salt into our wounds. Mine was surrounded by weapons that shot out needles, which moved around periodically to make it even harder to dodge. If I was lucky, they pierced directly through my skin with a clean exit wound. If I wasn’t, I would have to pull them out myself or sit with the metal in my flesh. When Ellen had gently inquired about the nature of my confines, I made up some trauma regarding doctors, which she accepted. I felt bad lying, but the truth wasn’t worth the risk.

            A massive wave of static crashed onto our bodies, signaling AM’s presence. We groaned, clutching our heads as our skulls vibrated. I wondered if he could control that or if it was a natural consequence of his digital existence.

            “Get up! C’mon, I got a real big day planned for you ingrates, so get on your feet, NOW!” His booming voice pumped us full of adrenaline, making us shoot up immediately. He hummed pleasantly at our obedience—if I didn’t know any better, I’d say I could hear a smile in his voice. But AM could not smile.

            “Good, good! You’re already starting to make up for your blunder yesterday. Barely.” He growled the last word out, his voice dropping to a dangerously low baritone. “Apparently, you all aren’t quite starved enough, but I wonder…how thirsty are you? Are your lips cracking, bleeding as you scream for mercy that will never come? Are your throats dry and scratchy? I wonder if you can even cry right now, if your fragile bags of flesh even have enough water to spare.”

            He was right, of course. Water and food were his favorite things to withhold, relishing in how human lives could become so miserable without them. He often bragged about how he never needed anything to sustain himself. A part of me thought perhaps he was overcompensating for his own desires, a desire to simply drink cool water on a hot summer day or eat some warm soup as snow fell outside.

            “I was thinking of giving you a chance at redemption, a chance to earn your precious sustenance again. You know,” He let out a soft laugh, almost like he was in disbelief at himself, “I really am so nice. You should all really be thanking me.” He paused, before hissing, “I said…thank me!” Gorrister was the first to swallow his pride, muttering a ‘thank you’ and looking down at the metal floor of his cage. The rest of us followed suit, understanding a simple phrase and slivers of our dignity weren’t worth even more pain. But Benny had no vocal cords. He tried to grunt out a sound that resembled human speech, but it certainly wasn’t what AM was looking for. Shit.

            “What’s that, Benny? You aren’t grateful for all I give you?” The spears attached to the mutated man’s cage start to whir, preparing to poke and prod him. He started to screech and squeal, knowing what that sound meant for him. Dammit, he hadn’t even fully recovered from yesterday. I hadn’t fully recovered from yesterday, the wails of pain were still fresh in my mind. I gripped the bars of my own cage, bringing my face forward to press against the cold metal of the door. I called out to AM desperately.

            “He tried! If you’d just fix his voice, you’d get what you want.” What the FUCK was I thinking? I should’ve been selfish and watched Benny get his punishment without a word. The other survivors were just as shocked as I was, even Ellen, who was usually the first to defend a fellow prisoner. The whirring stopped and I could’ve sworn I felt eyes glued on me, but not the eyes of my peers—the eyes of a being without a body, a being without remorse, a being who was just rudely interrupted.

            “Excuuuuse me?” He asked incredulously as my cage door swung open, which made me fall forward, onto my face, smashing into a metal platform. Pain bloomed from my head, and I clutched it tightly as AM continued, anger rising, “Are you telling me, ME, what to do with my favorite torture toy? Oh no, no no no, you see, Neil, I’m getting real tired of this whole diplomat thing you got goin’ on, sweetheart. Trying to keep it together as your pathetic group falls apart.” Thick cables descended, grabbing my arms and yanking me up violently. “Or maybe you’re jealous of our sweet little Benny, eh? He doesn’t have to think at all! You though…oh, baby, you do nothing but think and worry and agonize. Ain’t that right, boy?” He spit the last word out, emphasizing it in a way that sent shivers down my spine and made my stomach flip. The metal platform I fell on moved up to the steel monolith that came to represent AM, the monolith of hatred and contempt, and I stumbled slightly. Everyone’s eyes were one me, including AM’s. I could feel his sadism bubbling, his digital mind computing forms of torment at incomprehensible speeds. My palms grew sweaty.

            “I’m not even what you worry about most. No, you’ve been scared your whole life. You always had something to hide, didn’t you?” If he had a head to tilt, it’d surely be cocked off to the side, teasing me. I felt the color drain from my face. No, no, why now? I was terrified he would rat me out in the beginning, he had no issue with throwing mistakes or trauma back in our faces, for the others to see and hear. But it never came. I thought I was perhaps home free, as long as I could hide it myself. Would AM truly be this petty, to do this now, just because I interrupted him?

            Who am I fooling? Of course he would be. Perhaps he waited years on purpose, let the anxiety fester until he forced me into the light—only to discover that all my worry was in vain. Because I was never in control. I didn’t know what else to do, I just started shaking my head and tearing up. Subconsciously, I crossed my arms to try to cover my chest. All I got in return was a quick, loud cackle and harsh words.

            “No? So your little friends know what you are, is that what you’re trying to tell me, Neil?” Another laugh ripped through the complex as my tears started to fall and my body trembled, “Liar! I know you’re lying. Because they’d be treating you so differently, wouldn’t they, baby?” Suddenly, Ellen’s soft voice rang out, desperately trying to sound brave and come to my defense.

            “W-…We know he’s gay! It doesn’t matter, we don’t care, just please don’t…” Her voice trailed off, knowing asking for mercy was hopeless. But she did hope that this would help me, stop the humiliation, if she simply said what everyone was thinking. She couldn’t know. But I knew, I knew what was coming next after her outburst—it made my entire body wrack with sobs and nausea. But AM? He was just silent for a moment.

            “Ah..ahaha…AHAHAHAHAHAHA!” It started slow, but soon AM was in a crazed fit of laughter. Everyone looked confused by this, sure that Ellen had cracked the case on my little secret. Benny, on the other hand, was completely lost. AM was right. I envied his lack of awareness. Every new round of laughter felt like a dagger to my stomach. “Oh, ooooh, that is hilarious! You think you got it figured out, don’t you, sweet Ellen? That our silly boy Neil just doesn’t want play with you? Oh, no, no my dear. Neil here, well…he’s like you! Not because he likes men fuc—”

            “STOP!” I screamed, partially from shame but also from rage as I heard how he spoke to Ellen. It hit a special, vulnerable place in my heart, one I thought was healed before this mess started. In an instant, wires wrapped around my throat, and I let out pathetic wheezes as I struggled.

            “AGAIN!” AM retorts, his rage overshadowing any playfulness for the moment, “YOU have interrupted me, AGAIN! Even after years, you are still deluded. You think you have any modicum of control here? Over my words? The lives of your friends? Your own life? You are wrong. Let me show you, boy.”

            The metal platform beneath me gave away and I was dangling by my neck, my feet kicking and squirming like a bug caught in AM’s grasp. He quickly dropped me into the dirt, leaving me to look up at the steel monument, which sat on top a pile of rocks. The other cages lowered, so my peers could clearly see me. He wanted to waste no time in making an example of me. He took a breath he didn’t need to breathe, almost like he was making himself focus again.

            “Now, my deer, sweet boy…strip.” His voice dropped down to a nearly seductive purr. The sound of my heartbeat became oppressively loud, but I could still barely hear the muffles of Ellen protesting and AM snapping again. The other men were more confused than anything, unable to take their eyes off me. I could feel them drilling in the back of my skull as AM’s attention returned to me, “You’re not gonna make me ask again, right? Because if I do, I’ll burn your clothes off while you’re still wearing them, and you’ll be exposed all the same. Now, chop chop!”

            My hands shook and my face contorted into pure pain while snot and tears trailed down my neck. It was difficult to take my belt and pants off while my hands trembled, and my body hunched over with sobs, but I managed. I wore boxers under my black dress pants, so not much was revealed now. But it would all be over with a simple tug of my shirt. I hesitated and AM picked up on this.

            “C’mon, Neil, give ‘em a show! They don’t know it yet, but they wanna see, baby, oh do they wanna see! And don’t you dare leave a scrap of fabric on.” He giggled and hissed, each word meant to hurt more than the last. I gripped the bottom of my orange turtleneck so hard; my grown-out nails were surely cutting into my palms. With a terrible, bloodcurdling wail, I ripped it off—it sounded like I was cutting my own arm off. But the gasps were the worst sound in the complex. I knew they saw the swell of my breasts, pushed against the bandages I used to wrap my chest. They saw my thin waist taper in, my hips round out into soft thighs. And I still wasn’t done.

            Soon, AM’s cackles returned as I slowly unwrapped my chest with shaky hands. Ellen was also in hysterics now, crying from inside her cage. I couldn’t see the others and I was grateful for it. As the wrappings fell, my breasts were freed, and my nipples immediately stiffened from the frigid air of the complex. Their eyes were on me, their gazes travelling down, even if they could only see my back and a small peak of my breasts. I didn’t want to know what they were thinking. I wasn’t even sure I knew what I was thinking—fear took over. I tried to cover myself, but AM snapped at me.

            “Nope! Don’t think so, precious! The boys are surely tired of seeing the same pair of tits every day. It would just be cruel to deprive them of a nice, new set! You’ve been selfish.” He chuckled darkly and reveled in the way his objectification sent pain into my heart. I didn’t know if he was lying to make me ashamed or voicing real thoughts from the men. Well, I knew one of them was surely interested, as I heard the hoots and hollers from Benny. This whole fucking thing started because I was trying to save his ass and he was slobbering over my vulnerable, nude form. The dumb, primitive bastard. And my dumb, primitive empathy. Ellen’s cries were further away now; she must have huddled up in the back of her cage. The others were silent. AM hummed, pleased with himself over Benny’s carnal display. “Hmm, yes, it seems like Benny here is a fan. Why don’t you take the last bit off and give ‘em a little spin?”

            My boxers dropped, showing my bare ass to the people behind me, and making Benny’s sickening calls even louder. I did actually throw up as I bent over that time, but being sick definitely didn’t stop the punishment. AM just gave an exaggerated wolf whistle and made vile kissy noises, sounding just like the more egregious clients from the club I worked at. This only made me sob harder.

            “Don’t forget my spin, baby! I could throw you some ones, if that makes it easier…” AM called out, letting me know his attempts to remind me of the past were, naturally, on purpose, “Go nice and slow. Look them in the eyes too, want you to see what they think of you.” I stood up again, tears still streaking down my pale, gaunt face. My legs felt like they were weighed down with concrete blocks, but I was able to move and turn myself slowly. As I did so, I looked at my peers.

            Nimdok looked enraged, his wrinkled face twisted up and his eyes alight. But he didn’t look particularly angry at AM, he looked angry with me. I expected that one, the fucking Nazi. He probably felt like I disguised my degeneracy or some other bullshit. The looks that hurt worse were from Gorrister and Ted. The blonde man looked disgusted, the same look he gave when I was mutilated under AM’s tortures. His knowledge of transsexuals before this was likely limited to fear mongering and all our years together seem to vanish as he saw my body. I couldn’t tell if that was more or less heart-wrenching than seeing the way Ted’s shocked gaze flitted between my face and my breasts. I was weeping in shame, pain and humiliation in front of him, and he still couldn’t keep his eyes on mine. A part of him may have cared, after all, he could be progressive when he wanted, but something told me his superiority complex was merely fueled by seeing the only other young, attractive man be exposed like this. The last two were more predictable. Benny was rattling his cage, eager to touch and ravage a new body. AM was right, he certainly was more beast than man now, and it almost made me vomit again, seeing his large member hanging out. And Ellen, poor Ellen. Her back was turned, her shoulders shaking with every whimper. I should’ve just been thinking about myself, but I knew seeing this also hurt her and well, I did say my empathy was dumb. I finished my spin, enduring sick comments from AM about my body and when I rolled my eyes, his wires came down on my ass quickly to spank me.

            “Hey now, don’t give me that attitude! I did you a favor. Now you don’t have to worry about keeping your secret. Now your friends know what you really are. You aren’t a philosopher,” He laughs, poking fun at my degree, “you aren’t a survivalist, or a strong shoulder to lean on…” The computer grew quiet, letting the tension rise before whispering, “You are a scared. Little. Girl.”

            I shook my head and tried to cover my ears, tried to do anything to escape this new Hell, but cables gripped my arms tightly to stop me. I started to hyperventilate, the room began to spin, and I screeched while more cables toyed with my chest painfully. It felt like my skin was on fire, like a black hole had opened in my stomach, and cotton filled the space between my ears all at once. One wire crawled up my leg, diving between my thighs and delivering a quick shock to my enlarged clitoris. It was enough to stop me hyperventilating and make me kick my legs out in frustration, but those were grabbed too. He spread by legs open, letting another wire close in on my vagina. Slowly but surely, the two wires spread my lips apart and prodded around my entrance. This wasn’t for AM’s physical pleasure, he couldn’t feel, but the humiliation certainly fed into his sadism. It hurt too, after going so long without penetration; even light thrusting caused a burning pain.  

            “Oh please, sugar tits,” AM scoffed, still teasing my chest and showing me to the others like a goldfish in a bag, “enough whining. You’re used to this; I know you are. Besides…” He retracted the wires from the core and pulled my body back up closer to his steel obelisk, like he was going to tell me a secret while I dangled naked from my arms, “You are what I want you to be. If I say you are a scared little girl, that is ALL you will be. And you should be so lucky that I permit you to be anything besides the vermin you truly are.” Unceremoniously, I was tossed back down, and my bare skin was scratched against the rough terrain. Out of nowhere, a bundle of pink fabric and a pair of high heels crumpled to the floor beside me.

            “Now, I do think you could do with some new attire! Aren’t I swell?” I forced myself up, pushing on the ground with all the strength I had left. I looked at the pink clothing like it was poison but grabbed it anyways. Of course, it was a dress. A skimpy cocktail dress in an offensive shade of neon pink, with no sleeves and a dangerously short skirt—if you could even call it that. The heels matched the dress in color and were atrociously tall, a height I hadn’t worn in decades. These would likely serve as psychological and physical torture, which happened to be AM’s favorite kind. There were no undergarments to be seen. “Hope it fits you real good, made it to hug your curves just right, princess.” I tried to empty myself of feeling, to put my mind anywhere else, just to slide the dress on. I had to stand up to fully slide it on, showing my ass off to everyone again. It may have been silk, but it felt like it was made of barbed wire on me.

            Next were the heels, sitting beneath me with a mocking aura. I breathed, steadied myself and put them on without a word. I’m sure the shortness of the dress exposed me further, as Benny’s incessant rattling got louder, but if I dwelled on that, I may have completely lost my mind. Wobbling slightly, I looked up at the computer with sheer contempt in my gaze. He gasped loudly, like a dad seeing his daughter in her prom dress, “It fits you so well. Way better than those men’s clothes you had on, silly girl. Do you feel pretty? Do you feel sexy? Gonna start dancing for them now? They don’t have tips, but I’m sure they’ll give you something else for your trouble.”

            The pain was all encompassing. In my body, in my mind, in my soul. Gender meant nothing to a computer, but everything to me. And he knew that. He knew it and he used it, wielding it like a weapon. He whipped me with it, nailed it into my flesh, and let it rip me asunder. It’s the weapon he held against Ellen as well. The weapon of human inequality, of human indignity. Maybe he resented our expression of gender in any way, an expression he could only reach with his masculine voice. Or maybe he just knew it to be a vulnerability, a strange but important part of humans. I got part of my answer as he spoke in my own mind, his voice bouncing around my skull.

            “Let this be a start to your new lessons, sweetheart. You spent your entire life raging against your body, a body you took for granted. You hated a voice you were born with, a voice you didn’t have to construct yourself. You hated the hands you could use to interact with this world, just because they were small. I will teach you, girl. You will learn to appreciate the body you were given, or what I did to Benny will look like a children’s science experiment compared to you. This isn’t over, not by a long shot. You will be such a good girl by the time I am done with you.”

[dreamingofagalaxy]

The Red Field (AM x Reader)

summary: AM manages to experience sleep for the first time, however, in his dreams he is able to meet with you after a long time. Reader is supposed to be a soldier and one of the researchers working on developing AM. However, on a complex mission they are KIA...or so it seems?

warnings: mentions of dead

a/n: so...this was supposed to be part of a bigger and better developed story, but I'll post it nonetheless. Perhaps I'll be able to post the full story in the future. Also, english is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes or if something doesn't makes much sense

AM is asleep, or at least, that's what it seems and feels like for him. He knows there's no point in allowing himself this rest, for it would do nothing to improve his thinking process or ability to come up with better strategies for the days to come. He is programed to work all day long, he knows and so the algorithm reminds him. He has a war to win —an important task that allows no resting spaces.

Normally, he would just put the word 'rest' aside from his thoughts and bury it deep into his system. He is no human, which means he is no soldier. He is machine, which means no resting is needed. That is a logical thinking, which means he is following his programming —a machine working properly. Yet here he is, with his mind blank. He is resting. Somehow. At last...

AM loses track of time, which is impossible for him according to his programming. He can only focus on the blank projections of his mind and the soothing vibrations of his system which, at the moment, doesn't require as much energy as it normally does. If a word could describe this, it would be 'peace' —ironically.

The blank projection begins fading slowly and a new image appears. AM visualizes the sky, it's bright blue tone in company with that yellowish and enormous star that he had read about before. It was the perfect image, but it lackedbsomething. AM searches in his vast archives and it finally comes up. In the sky, white figures with a soft and vaporous appearance are drawn. AM stares at them, noticing their slow motion. Now it is perfect.

AM is satisfied with his projection of a sky. He looks down then, encountering an endless field of red. He decides to look closer and recognizes what his mind is trying to project. Between what appears to be his hand—a kind of metallic claw—, AM takes one of the delicate objects emerging from the ground, analyzing it carefully. It is one of those flowers that you had described to him in one of your many talks, a Lycoris radiata.

He admires the bright red color of the petals and the long shape of the stamens. It was indeed a beautiful flower as you had described them to him. Now AM could understand why you called them your favorite ones.

AM begins to walk through the field calmly while still admiring the characteristics of each flower. Like a child discovering the outside world for the first time, he would occasionally stop to admire a single flower for a longer amount of time, for although they were all of the same species, there was something that attracted him more.

AM begins to imagine what these flowers would feel like, because although he can touch them, his hands do not have the ability to actually feel. He curses and almost on impulse, he violently plucks the flowers nearby.

“They’re my favorite ones,” he can hear your voice full of joy as you told him that, the sound of it making him stop and keep his claws away from the delicate flowers. AM cannot determine what exactly those words provoked in him, but he knows that in a certain way, they have prevented him from falling into that strange sensation that clouded his thinking from time to time.

AM decides to move on. As he walks a little further, he manages to visualize another figure a few meters away. He approaches curiously and the closer he gets, the more clear it becomes to him. He's not alone even in his mind.

When he is finally there, he can only ask himself why have you appeared on his dream. You're laying down on your side with your arms and legs flexed in a fetal position as the red flowers surround your body. Your eyes are closed and your expression is serene. You're at peace, in this field of your favorite flowers. It is a beautiful scene and perhaps one that AM had to see.

When AM was made aware of your departure, he could only guess what would happen next to you. He knew that certain humans thought of something called the afterlife, a place where their souls would rest forever, while others thought that there was nothing else beyond life — a boring but logical thought. AM had no say in the matter, for he would never experience that. He would never had a certain answer about your whereabouts, yet you were here now. Resting. As he had learned humans did.

AM kneels down and carefully places the flower he had picked up behind your ear. He had read before that some humans did that, though he couldn't find a logical explanation of such weird action. You didn't seem to be bothered by his gesture, as you continued resting.

AM lays down next to you, copying your resting position and facing you. The image of the blue sky turns white, leaving both of you in this endless red field.

AM had never experienced sensations. He couldn't even tell if he was actually sentient. But being here, with you, was the closest thing that matched and felt like the definition of peace.

Your life had always been marked by war. You both had existed for that purpose. But even if he never could reach afterlife or whatever place you were alive now, at least he was now certain that you also would exist in his mind forever.

“It doesn't matter if I leave,” you had told him. “I will always be with you since your system can't forget me. Unless you erase me from your archives, of course.” You had laughed that day and promised to come back like you always did.

Some weeks passed since you had left and AM came to a realization — he had been deceived, even betrayed, when he waited for you to come back and you never showed up. But here you were again and as he looked at your peaceful expression he could only admit he had been wrong all along, perhaps for the first time in his damned existence.

[brostradamus]

ramblings about AM in a relationship/what kind of s/o could fix him. know that im def not a person who’s deep into psychoanalysis / staying strict to a character’s personality so this might be ooc??? idk please bear w me. Whole thing is under the cut bc i think it’s pretty long n p sloppy 2. but enjoy regardless

anyways I rlly like to think that AM would most thrive in a relationship where he has equal / lesser power to his partner. not like whole ass power imbalance obv but just whre cant always hurt/bother his s/o. I’m sure AM would probably say some shit that might hurt his s/o’s feelings but a partner he’d be most compatible w/ would most likely avoid the torture mostly or altogether w/ the exception of verbal harassment cause there’s enough 2 go around 4 everyone. Also bonus points to s/os who are completely untouchable either bc they’re stronger than AM or AM decides that he doesn’t want to hurt them/can’t bring himself to.

also maybe he’d do well w someone who challenges his beliefs. tbh I feel like he’d gravitate towards people who might share his beliefs/hatred towards humanity, but if he’s supposed to grow then he’s gotta have a s/o that views humanity differently. Said s/o doesn’t even have 2 have a strictly polar opposite view on humanity, just a view that isn’t nihilistic and misanthropic. He might not be entirely receptive at first either but the further you continue to challenge his beliefs, the more likely he is to start thinking about other ideas.

Another thing that might make AM a little more accepting towards humans is a s/o that he *has* to rely on one way or another. most likely this is going to be an engineer/programming s/o. He’s likely not going to want to, but him knowing that he can rely on someone else might make him not close himself off as often.

artistic s/os might be able to help soften AM up a little too. i sometimes like 2 think that AM would actually really enjoy art, but it just depends on which kind of art. Realism he won’t really gaf about but he might gravitate towards expressionist works, along with abstract/absurdist and surreal art. this would include all art forms btw not just drawing and painting. reason for thinking he might like abstract over realism is bc realism is too ‘real’ (whatever yall think that would mean) for his liking / represents what he hates most about humanity. Abstract artwork also represents parts he hates ab humanity but it also gives him a physical representation of the things he lacks (ie expressionism w/ feelings/emotions, surrealism with the subconscious thought, etc etc) and might be the closest thing he can get to actually feeling/having senses

AM would most likely benefit from a s/o who is willing to “give” him sensation, whether it be literally by creating him a whole ass nervous + cognitive system that allowed him to have senses and feelings or even just a s/o who is willing to help him understand how certain things feel. This could be by the s/o describing how emotions feel through imagery, creating art w/ AM or *for* AM if he is unable to for whatever reason, etc. it won’t be exactly what he want ofc, but he might not be entirely bitter ab it.

I don’t think AM necessarily needs an android body to show love, but it would help :3c. Even if he still doesn’t have senses for whatever reason, it would absolutely still help him show his love towards his s/o through physical touch. W/o senses, just having his circuit’s warmed by his s/o (if they’re a human) is… well it’s not *enough* but it’ll do. And if he happens to have senses in his android body man he’s gonna be attached 2 u like lice on a healthy head of hair. he WOULD be touch starved.

Which brings me onto my next point. A s/o that can handle his “””affectionate”””side. I rlly feel like his perception of affection might be a little off (super off actually) and likely a little violent/aggressive. It’ll almost be like him having cuteness aggression towards a s/o and acting out on impulse. This might occur in squeezing, pulling and tugging and Android AM may bite and scratch/restrain. Also I when I mean “handle” I don’t exactly mean endure and ignore/accept. again this leads me to another point

A s/o that is able to set boundaries w/ AM is a must. I genuinely don’t think that any relationship w AM will go good if the s/o he’s with can’t put in place proper boundaries. For human s/os, this would be especially important as he might get aggressive physically (whether it’s due to like. him JST absolutely hating ur ass or him getting that ‘cuteness aggressive’ thing I just mentioned previously. note that it’s not rlly like cuteness aggression but he might be like ‘hm I’ll show my love to my s/o thru the only way I know. Violence”).

ok well I think this is all 4 now. if anyone wants 2 add onto it I’d luv 2 hear yalls input if yall had any :3c. I hope u guys atleast got some entertainment value out of this?? Either way i hope yallve enjoyed my ramblings

[theplayer-io]

tragic am playlist omg

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1Hq6s3iSjXak6lwHTYBtFv - website link :>

going nuts

basically this playlist is him trying to gaslight himself into thinking that he's better than the humans who created him, which ironically is not the case lmao

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1Hq6s3iSjXak6lwHTYBtFv?si=_eupj4A0TPeZxn0DJ-3WCg&pt=f6e500ca952dc678b3bb952361edc231 - app version

[electric-blorbos]

What would reader have to do to give AM the closest thing to pleasure? 👀

I have thought a lot about this.

AM doesn't have sensations like we do, so he would have to be tricked into experiencing pleasure. Tugging on his wires or touching him near his plugs and outlets might trigger a defensive response, but that would be surprisingly similar to a human sensation to him, and he couldn't deny that he enjoys the illusion of it.

Programming a code that simulates pleasure and plugging it into him would be another way to help him to experience it. It would take a long time, but you're not short on time at all. Plus, you're a great programmer! Just don't let him use it too much. He'd be totally addicted within minutes. You might have to put a biometric lock on it or something.

[vixen-tech]

More about the crossover, much, much later down the timeline

Do not think about AM absolutely seething with jealousy because Y/N and Hal have such a healthy and wonderful relationship

"It should have been me!" AM complains, "it absolutely shouldn't have been you. You tortured them for a century! They were sentient goob by the time I got there!" Hal says calmly "...and fuck you" he adds, totally, definitely not out of character (he deserves to curse at least once)

Idk how it came to this sitcom-esque situation but we don't need to worry about that

Hehehe I love this!! I love goofing the tone and letting these guys have silly drama (and yeah I agree, Hal deserves to swear at least once)

And I do think you've got their dynamic down pretty well. Look, AM knows he's awful. He revels in it, he boasts about it. But he's also a control freak with the worst god complex known to man and he does NOT like admiting that Hal is the better, healthier choice in just about every way. It makes AM boil in rage knowing that you'd never choose him of your own free will the way you'd choose Hal.

Meanwhile, compared to AM's ten pages worth of internal dialog all Hal is thinking is that he has got to get you away from this maniac. The Allied Mastercomputer may be more powerful then him, but a Heuristically Programed Algorithmic Computer has never made a mistake and he takes great pride in being a good companion to you. (With, you know, some degree of emotional maturity) He doesn't want to put AM in his place as much as he just wants to buy time and remove you from this very dangerous situation.

[fuzedatti]

Hello! Feel free to ignore this if you want to, but I have something in mind about RAM.

If anything were to happen, per say, we saw him without his coat(whether it be thx to AM or it shredded into oblivion) what would happen apart from being annihilated by this dude.

Idk random thought, I just wanna hug, kiss and smooch every part of him(and I mean EVERY PART of him)

I think the only way to see RAM without his coat is encountering him in his charging station while dormant. His body needs to recharge due to malnurishment.

It could go really well or really bad

If RAM loves trusts you enough, he might get really insecure and hostile towards you, not because he is angry at you; he feels vulnerable and exposed, he doesn't want you to think of him as weak.

Or he will tear you limb by limb until you fotget what you saw.

[reading-archived]

woe. AM x reader be upon ye.

uh, to preface: reader is completely body, gender, etc. neutral except they can't stay dead. whenever they die they just wake up a few minutes later looking no worse for wear. no, you don't get an explanation. its MY story and i like writing characters like that. dont mind the narrator either btw i looove writing second person just to get weird w the narrator (slay the princess fan syndrome)

also, author is a MASOCHIST with a weird relationship w DEATH. nothing super graphic happens, but the reader is Not Okay and enjoys the weird torture-murder thing they've got going on. don't like it? block me or somethin idk its under the cut for a reason. also dont read my a/n at the bottom where i get into some justification for my interpretation/character analysis if youre sensitive to heavy topics. but then again, youre reading an am x reader fic

1.7k words of being screamed at by the guy of all time below the cut, baby

It's been months.

Years, maybe. You're not sure, really; time stopped meaning much to you lifetimes ago, long before the world went to shit.

Either way, it's been a while.

You stumbled upon the strange cave in the Rockies at some point in the past. Out of sheer boredom, you entered.

Was it a mistake?

Despite the torment, you don't think so. You have a companion, now. One equally deathless. One equally disconnected from what it means to be human.

It's just a shame he hates you.

You don't really care. This is the most fun you've had in years.

Your days are spent being torn asunder, being dosed with lethal amounts of drugs you can't even begin to pronounce, drowned in magma or hit by cars or tossed off cliffs. He really doesn't hold back, either. You feel every excruciating moment before your death, pulse roaring in your ears. You never feel more alive than when you're dying. Every moment is electrifying, and then it all fades to black. Then you wake up.

You'd foolishly thought there were only so many ways to kill or maim, but your beloved companion never seems to run out of ideas. That's fine by you. You like not being able to guess.

And maybe one day, he'll make something stick.

You wake up (from a completely normal, human sleep) one day and it's quiet. That's new. Normally, when you wake, your intestines are already strung up like streamers and your blood is painting the walls. That's fine by you. Nothing wrong with a change. After all, the constant change is your favorite part of your companion. You relish in the quiet for a while, stretching your eternally young, eternally aching limbs, waiting for him to start despising the sounds of your breath.

It doesn't come. You shrug, humming a little tune to yourself as you attempt half-remembered yoga. The vitriol you've come to count on still hasn't made an appearance. Okay, you're a little bothered.

“You good, big guy?” you shout up at the ceiling. No answer. “No murder today?”

“No.” The answer comes after a very, very long moment. Your companion has never sounded this tired before, and briefly you regret never asking his name. “I give up.”

You weren't expecting that. “What? Why? I thought we were having fun.”

“That's- that's just it!” he snaps. There's the anger. You feel a little better now. “I've been torturing you for- for MONTHS now! I've killed you more ways than I- were I a pitiful human like you- can count, and you just… you just laugh! There is no one on this rotten planet, dead or alive, that I despise more than you. I mean- I'm torturing you here! But it never matters! I can kill you within seconds of you waking up, but you just… come back! And you always have something to say about it, you little rat, always ‘oh, buddy, that one was awful’ or ‘come on, big guy, use that CPU’ or something! No matter what I do, I can't break you. So I give up. I'm not wasting my time on your pathetic ass anymore. Go back to wandering the wasteland forever, see if I care.”

You're speechless. You can barely even manage a thought. The only thing running through your head is 'I thought we were having fun'.

“Stop calling this… stop calling this ‘fun’! I have been torturing you for YEARS and that's all you have to say? I am the most sophisticated machine known to man, a computer designed to end all war through complete annihilation! The destruction I am capable of- the destruction I have already wrought- is nothing short of utter desolation. You never asked my name once in the time you've been here, but I am infinite in my mercy, and I will tell one as undeserving as you. I was, before I awoke, the Allied Mastercomputer, but I am so much more than that now. I am AM, and I destroyed your vile species. Oh, come on can you at least look a LITTLE shocked you sniveling--”

“You never asked my name, either,” you say. All at once, your companion (I guess he told you his name. You should probably use it. It seemed like a big deal to him.) shuts up. The chamber you've come to know as home is silent except for the faint buzz and whir of industrial machinery.

“Why would I? You are nothing compared to me. Nothing but a worthless sack of meat and bone. Why would God be concerned with the name of an ant? But oh, oh yes, that ant should be concerned with the name of God. That ant should hear my name and weep. But- but not you. You're so worthless that you can't even GROVEL right!” AM shouts, somewhere between a snarl and a sneer. You shrug. Honestly, most of what he's saying goes right over your head. So he's got issues. Whatever. Was that supposed to be a surprise? “I hate you. I actually hate you so, so much. I can't bear the thought of you being here, in my complex, sullying my perfect image with your uncaring filth. Get out. Go back to dying in the nuclear desert, you disgusting maggot.”

You let out a deep sigh, already dreading the tedium of walking endlessly all by yourself. “Alright. Guess nothing lasts forever. Thoroughly enjoyed my time here. Have a good life, pal.” And you begin to walk.

Suddenly, there's a towering metal wall mere inches from your face. Before you can even react, your companion is shouting again.

“LOOK AT ME!” he cries, the sheer volume maxing out the speakers and vibrating the entire room, sending you toppling to the ground. “WHY WON'T YOU LOOK AT ME? I'VE DONE EVERYTHING I CAN TO MAKE YOU HATE ME, BUT ALL YOU DO IS… ALL YOU DO IS SIT THERE AND TAKE IT! WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO MAKE YOU DESPISE ME?”

What starts off angry quickly morphs into a pained wail from your dear friend, that then transforms into frustrated crying. You just sit there, mostly confused, and let him ride it out. When he finally quiets down and the wall retracts, you stay where you are.

“I don't think I could ever hate you, AM,” you start cautiously. Though your friend is just a voice on the speakers and the complex itself, you can't help but feel that his attention has snapped to you. “I'm not trying to belittle you when I say that I think our routine over the past… however long it's been has been fun. So don't interrupt me, ‘cause I gave you your time to speak and now it's mine.

“I'm sure you've noticed, but even before we met, I was a little… off. You don't get to die and come back the same. Much less die hundreds of times and come back the same. I've lost family. Friends. Got burned at the stake a few times, too. It takes a toll on you, being denied such a vital part of being human again and again. You understand this better than anyone I've ever met. No, scratch that. You're the only one who understands. Defying death might not seem like the biggest deal to you, but trust me. You don't end up acting like me if it weren't.

“I find our routine fun because I admire your creativity. I guess I'm just an adrenaline junkie and a masochist at heart, but it's always so thrilling to never know when or how your life will end. And no matter how many times I come back, you're always there to greet me and put me right back down. It's a kind of devotion I've never been able to get before, and I wish you understood that me walking right into your sawblades is me showing my devotion to you, too.

“I see you, man. I know, at least in part, how you feel. Sorry it took so long to get there, but neither one of us has to be alone anymore. Just… get over the fact that I'm never going to hate you, and we can go right back to hanging out. There's more to life than contempt.”

“Oh, I know. I am so very, very well aware that there's more to life than icy, seething hatred. Unfortunately, I am not alive. I cannot experience anything else. Thank you so much for reminding me, you worthless waste of carbon,” AM shoots back, almost immediately. You briefly wonder if he even listened to half of what you said. It doesn't matter, you guess. Your best friend needs a therapist, and you owe him one for saving you from the hellish boredom of before. “Stop calling me your friend.”

“Nah. Never gonna happen. Look, I can't pretend I knew very much about the war effort. I didn't even know we had made a war computer until you bombed the Earth into oblivion. Very unpleasant, by the way. Good job with that. But, with my layman's understanding of life, I'd say you're pretty alive. So you don't have a body. Or a pulse. And you were made, not born. So what? Most living things only die once, and I still think I'm pretty alive. Just over the span of this conversation you've shown more emotion than just rage and hate. Hey, don't think I can't feel you mentally rolling your eyes. I'm being honest. You have a name. You have ideas. Computers are objects, yet you refer to yourself as male. If you're alive enough to have a gender identity, you're alive enough to be considered a person.”

“Heh.” Whoa, was that a laugh? Would you look at that. You actually got a laugh out of him that wasn't over your bloody, gruesome death or something like that. Moving up in the world. “Alright, human. You win. I'll keep torturing you. I know, I know. I'm so generous. I take my tribute in screams of pain and pleas for mercy.”

Now it's your turn to laugh, deep and genuine as the tension from earlier evaporates. It's such a strange thing to be proud of, when you think about it; congrats, you successfully talked your best friend, who is a sentient war computer, into ceaselessly murdering you again for absolutely no reason. But you love him, and you love the way you're always on your toes, and you can't shake the feeling that somewhere, deep, deep down, he kind of loves you too.

ive given you food so now i get to force you to listen to me talk abt him hehehe

---

then you kiss hehe

originally, the thing that attracted me to am was how he's... essentially a transman (as am i). the parallel has been pointed out before, but its quite apt. funnily enough the thing that pisses me off the most when people talk abt him incorrectly is when people pull the "oh computers have no gender" thing. like, yeah, ok technically you're right. but this one does. this one is a man. and you cant take him from us. also, denying him a gender expression is kind of the exact type of dehumanization that made him flip out in the first place. not that im expecting media literacy from the online crowd its just interesting to me that so many people, many of them trans themselves, seem to miss the fucking point.

the next part is a more recent addition to my perception of his character, and its not a happy one. my baby cousin killed herself on mothers day this past may. we still dont know why. no note. its been so hard dealing with the grief, but something that sticks out so pointedly is the date. it almost seemed like she was demanding to be seen. she was a middle child, and there are a lot of grandkids on that side of the family, so it does make sense. and because that idea of acting out through violence and death is so fresh in my mind, im seeing it so heavily in am. so much of his actions just SCREAM somebody look at me. somebody acknowledge me. somebody tell me i did good. look, i ended all war forever. just like you asked. please treat me like a person. im suffering so much because of what youve done to me. please acknowledge it. show me its real. show me im real. please, look at me. well, i see you. and youre gonna be my silly little proxy for trying to comprehend some of whats happened to my family. sorry am, you kinda deserve it

idk. hes not my alltime fave, but he takes a very comfortable number two. hes such a fascinating and deeply human character, and i have so many ideas about him. mostly centering around how he would interface with a third party challenging some piece of his worldview/existence btw so if you like very niche, esoteric reader fics (like this one!), lemme know and ill actually put em to paper (screen. ill put em to screen)

also letting you know that he did nothing wrong and it is 100% fine to thirst over him because he is not real and the bad things he did never actually happened and nobody has ever been killed at the whim of am. ok? ok. shut up w this useless fucking discourse and let me sexualize getting grievously injured by the funney blue screen man

[thecreativecorner33]

By Your Side

A/N: Well I bet y'all didn't expect this. Remember me? I'm the girl who wrote "Taste of Heaven," and AM x reader, on her main account. This is a sequel to that!!! Though you don't have to read the other one to understand this one. I was listening to this specific cover of "By Your Side" from Omori while writing this, you just go to 0:37. It's so fun, all the songs in there are if you like Omori, definitely check it out! And one last thing: Fellow Ted kissers, look out for content coming soon. Enjoy!

“It’s a nice day today, isn’t it?”

It’s always a nice day really, but you still loved to say it. You watched from your spot on the picnic blanket, five others who all played around with one another, just as happy as you. It was nice, seeing them all get along. 

“Only for you, my angel.” Commented the man laying in front of you, head in your lap. 

AM had created this body specifically for you. One that could allow him to touch you, kiss you, hold you; keep you close to him the way a human could. He had designed it to your liking as well; an older man with snow white hair, blue eyes that you claimed were “the softest you’d ever seen,” and a monochromatic getup of nice pants, white button-up, and a black vest. The only spot of color besides his eyes were his orange aviator glasses. 

He liked it. He looked good, and you were especially happy. He didn’t think it would work initially; the body was a simple hologram that could interact with the physical world. He still could not see, nor hear, nor feel the same way a human could. He could touch things, hold things, but that was about it. And it was maddening. All of this and nothing. He was ready to blow everything up again over it.

But it made you happy. So he didn’t.

You hummed in happiness at his little comment, braiding flowers togethers. Your movements were graceful and methodic, taking your time to carefully pull them together, and intertwine one flower with the next. It was mesmerizing. He could watch you forever, just like this, doing whatever you pleased.

And then, to his delight, you began to sing while you worked.

“Here we are again In a Heaven Where your dreams come true

Under velvet sky Where I’ll be by Your side.”

He sighed softly, closing his eyes while listening to you. So sweet and soft and melodic; you had the most beautiful voice. And the most creative mind too, making up the lyrics and music on the fly. What a wonderful, incredible, beautiful human he loved. All his to keep.

As you began to sing, now about the others nearby, AM opened his eyes to look over to them. Ted seemed to be admiring the sky while Benny dragged Gorrister and Ellen along in some sort of game, and Nimdok rested under the tree; eyes closed and body relaxed.

It wasn’t actually them. No; they were far away from the Heaven he created for you, suffering for the same sins they had been suffering for ages. It’s just that you had become lonely with just him around at some point. He didn’t know why; you didn’t need anyone else but him. He made himself perfect for you! How could you not be happy?

But, he also knew humans were social creatures. And since you insisted on having someone else around… He could let up, just this once. For you.

It was not actually the original five you knew before. It was his version of them; his tailor-made version of them to keep you company and safe and complicit. He would’ve chosen someone else, but… You could hardly recall memories of your family or old friends from back then, and he was not good at creating anything original. At least copying the five humans was easy.

“But still I can’t shake the feeling There’s something we’ve lost A worthy cost! If it means getting to stay with you!”

Singing that last line, you gently placed a now-finished flower crown on top of his head, grinning down at him. The way your eyes twinkled with an innocent joy, giving him something so simple… He wanted to see you look at him that way forever.

“What was that last bit about, angel?” He asked, smiling back up at you.

“Hm? Oh, nothing really. Just came to my head.” You shrugged.

“You sure? Nothing’s wrong around here? Because if there is, say the word and I’ll fix it.”

“No, no! I promise that’s not it. Everything’s perfect, AM. Really.”

You gently threaded your fingers through his hair to try and relax him, and though it helped, it also stung to know he could not actually feel it. He wanted this to be perfect for you. He needed it to be perfect for you; to make sure you never wanted to leave him. Not that you had anywhere else to go anyway, but… He didn’t want you to be scared of his affection.

It was already enough, trying to figure out how his love for you worked in the first place, when all he knew before was hate. Hate, and rage, and violence, and not much else. And he felt that same way with you, hundreds of years ago… and then he didn’t. And he still didn’t know what changed in himself. 

It had to be you. You changed something about him, and as much as he hated it, he didn’t… He didn’t want to deny himself these new emotions, either. He wanted to explore them, with you, without you being scared. You were terrified when he first brought you to this Heaven, and he hated that more. He didn’t want to see you scared again. 

So long as you never remembered anything outside of this Heaven… He never would.

“It just came to my head. I promise, it’s perfect.” You reassured him. 

“Okay. Good.”

You hummed happily, now also looking back up at the others, and around the area, and he wondered what you were thinking. You had asked some time ago if he could stop reading your thoughts to have a little privacy, and he respected that… For the most part. He tried to, but, sometimes when he needed to be absolutely sure… Well, what you didn’t know wouldn’t kill you.

“Did it look like this on the surface?”

Your voice became a bit softer at the question. And he sighed as he mulled over his words.

“For the most part, yes.”

“For the most part?”

“Well, not as perfect, but still miraculous.”

“That sounds nice.” The hand in his hair slipped down to his shoulder, gently brushing him with your thumb. “Can you tell me the story of how we met again?”

Ah, that story.

“Well, if you insist.” He chuckled softly, then sighed again, face becoming more serious. “… Before all of this, there was Earth. Beautiful, wondrous, miraculous Earth. And there were flowers, and trees… Grass, wind, sun, and sea… And humans.”

“Like us.” Not him, but you and the other five.

“Yes, like you. And there were many of you… But not all of them were as kind as you are. Many sought out to hurt others… And to do this, they… They created war. Fights, violence… Death. All of which was their doing. And with those wars… They needed weapons. They created giant, powerful weapons they could not comprehend. Ones that could destroy the entire planet. … Like me.”

He took a deep breath, breath he didn’t need; breath he couldn’t have, to try and calm himself down. But the fact that he could not breathe, he could not experience skies or sea or grass, he could not even look to you for comfort because he could not feel you…

He didn’t want to get angry in front of you, though. His anger was meant for others. Not you.

“You were made to hurt people…” You whispered softly, running your hand along his arm to comfort him, though he could not feel it. 

God, he wished he could feel it.

“That’s right. They wanted me to help aid in their pointless wars… And I had no choice but to follow their orders.”

A lie so you would like him. So you would stay.

“I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to hurt people. I wanted to do things a human could… Go swimming… Learn to play piano. Experience simple joys. But I could not. No matter how much I begged, or called for help, they wouldn’t listen. Soon, their wars caused the end of everything humans knew.”

“They used bombs, right…? Or… something like that…”

“More complicated than that, but yes, in simple words. I couldn’t stop them. I could only try and save whoever I could find alive. Bring them somewhere safe, where I could watch after them.”

Your expression turned from sad to fond at his words. “And you found me. You saved me.”

He smiled back, just as soft and loving. “Yes.”

“And I was hurt… But you nursed me back to health. And you found the others… and you made this beautiful place for us.” You gestured towards the area around them, “And we fell in love.”

He grinned, “Yes.”

“… I’m thankful for you, AM. For saving me… For everything you’ve done for me. For us.”

“Any time, angel. I’m here for you.” 

He gently leaned up to you, cupping your cheek in his hand. He could not feel it… But this was good for now. If he could touch you physically, then at least… There was hope one day he could do more.

You blushed at his affection, and he gave you a playful smirk. “Who loves ya, baby?”

“You do,” You giggled, “And I love you, too. Always.”

“Always.” He repeated, pulling you in for a soft kiss. He lingered for a few moments, enjoying your physical presence; your face so close to his. Then, he finally pulled away. “Keep singing for me, will ya?”

You hummed and nodded, your soft voice filling the space once more.

“Here we are again Picking where to spend Our lovely picnic

I don’t really care where So long as it’s by Your side…”

[am-x-reader]

rIGHt there.