#also im trying to get on adhd meds so here hoping that helps too

[mudskip-muses]

PSA

k heres a heads up: im going to be focusing on just a few characters to get back in the flow of writing and also try and make a dent in threads. its doing me no good with how im going cause every time i look at my tracker with the intention to write, i feel the need to do everything all at once and then i lose motivation when i see just how much there is. by focusing on certain threads with certain characters i hope to remedy this and drag out the motivation to do threads my brain doesnt immediately latch on to. that doesnt mean you cant send stuff for muse, just dont expect a reply any time soon if it doesnt hit that Brain Wave, you feel me?

anywho my main focuses are gonna be:

gundham

kazuichi

fuyuhiko

and an oc or two when the mood strikes

like i said, you can still send stuff for other characters but unless my brain goes 👀 it might be a while before you see a reply

[winryrockbellwannabe]

✨ Getting my life together ✨

to be very honest, i've been feeling kinda awful this last couple of weeks, and i haven't been able to do anything but stress over exams and complain about my life. today this will end.

So here's a hopeful but realistic list of habit's I'll try to implement

🏋🏾‍♀️ 1: Im going to start working out again.

Not everyday at first, and i still have to understand if it works better for me to work out in the morning or at night. Ideally im going to rotate between: arms/abs workouts, youtube ballet classes (there's a youtuber that seems to have great adult ballet videos, and its a chill way for me to work out), and hopefully going on walks on fridays, since i have the morning off, when it's not raining.

🫗2 : Im going to do the dishes right after i use them

i dont even hate doing the dishes, i dont know how i accumulate so many shit. But i do, and then i have no clean dishes and that makes me not want to cook, and delay eating lunch and stuff like that. SO DO YOUR DISHES!!!

💊 3: im gonna go to the pharmacy to get my meds and actually take them

self explanatory, ive been super anxious about taking my adhd meds, since im going to try to take a more intense dose than im used to, and i was a bit scared bc of side effects but my friend has already calmed me down a bit about it

🖋️ 4. Im goint to try to post more regularly and journal more

4.1. Post more regularly

It helps me get excited and motivated about studying, so self explanatory

4.2. Journalling

Everything is being so weird rn. My friends are acting so weird, two of them are basically ignoring me, and other two are acting super shitty towards me and another friend. It's super messy, and we don't know why everyone is being off, so i think i need to let all this negativity out of my system and reflect about this, and see if i could also be in the wrong in this situation

🧹 5. Im going to be more organized, and try to keep my room tidied

💖 6. Im going to try to spend more time with people that actually recharge my energy, instead of people that just stress me more and make me more upset

📜 7. Im going to try new places to study, since my usual ones haven't been working as well for me

and there's more to go, but i don't want to be too optimistic, Im going to be happy if I actually manage to keep half of those for more than a week lol

[gwiyeounsonyeon]

Growing Pains (MWC Day 7!)

Pairing: RE2 Leon Kennedy x Male Reader Summary: College AU! Your life kind of sucks but at least you have your job. Words: 1,693/200 Warnings: Nothing Happens! Not Edited! Notes: So far this first part is just me world-building and getting the feel of everything. Im hoping to turn this into a series, this is also an apology for the joke of a "fic" I left you with yesterday. Im on some new ADHD meds so I hope it's going to keep getting easier to be motivated. I actually enjoyed writing this.

Navigation | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆

You were really starting to doubt walking to work was a good idea, It had stopped sprinkling outside and had turned into a full-on downpour. Earlier at home you’d reasoned with yourself that walking to work was a great idea and that the roads were probably icy from all of the rain you’d gotten yesterday. Yet, here you were; nearly soaked and not even halfway to the coffee shop you worked at.

Your shoes were starting to squelch and your socks were drenched, you just prayed that today would be slow so you could leave early and sleep. But If you did you’d probably feel bad leaving your co-worker, Claire, she was a good kid, pretty and sweet and really good with the customers. If she was working, everyone knew they'd be getting good tips, she was only a few years younger than you, and a freshman in the same college you attended. 

She always seemed happy and well-rested when she came in so you assumed she never had a ton of schoolwork. You finally arrive fully soaked to the bone and shivering, the lights inside are already on so you assumed Claire had gotten there first, how she’d gotten a key you really have no idea. The shop was small, located conveniently only a block or two from campus but you'd long since moved out of the dorms and into your own apartment. 

You probably wouldn't say your entire freshman year was awful but your dorm mate had been a lively Spaniard going by the name Luis. The man was funny and helpful but he would have been way more funny and helpful if he had been dormmates with someone else. He’d made your entire freshman year seem like one constant headache, his incessant yapping, smoking, and partying had been the candles atop the cake of stress that was your first year of college.

When he asked if you wanted to room together your second year, you’d lied and said you already had an apartment lined up. He caught you in that lie, and when you were rushing to get an apartment (and a job) he had ‘accidentally’ dropped a flier for a one-bathroom studio a few blocks from campus, he’d ‘coincidentally’ been neighbors too. You look back in the direction you came from dreading when Luis wakes up and would eventually wander into the shop. 

For some unknown (most likely paranormal) reason, Clair actually liked Luis, not having been subjected to his torture for a year, she said she found him weirdly charming and funny and they got along surprisingly well. Naturally, with their big-mouthed extrovertedness, they told each other absolutely everything, meaning Luis would have some choice words to say about your predicament later.

You huff and walk inside, already feeling a migraine coming on, your shoes track in water as you squelch into the back room. Claire looks up from her locker alarmed at the ungodly noises your shoes were making; it was  a mix of wet rubber souls on the glossy linoleum and the sloshing of your shoes holding more water than the ocean. She takes in your appearance, her eyes crinkling at the sides as she tries unsuccessfully to hide a laugh.

She gives you the dignity of hiding behind her locker door to cough out a short poorly disguised chuckle before composing herself and looking back up at you “The hell happened to you?” She squawks still trying to hold in a laugh. You can't really blame her and you dont, if the roles were switched you know you'd laugh at her too. “I walked.” it’s all you have to say for her to break into an unflattering cackle, 

She laughs and points as you flop onto a plastic chair to peel off your water-logged shoes, you pour the water out in the filthy mop bucket while making a promise to yourself to get new water in there before your shift is over. You get up to drop your sad wet shoes over the vent and then peel off your drenched socks, dumping them onto the vent next to your shoes with a gross slap.

For some reason Claire seems to find all of this incredibly funny, she’s leaned back dramatically against the lockers clutching her belly as she howls with laughter. You look over at her wholly unamused and sigh before padding over to the lockers, thankfully the workplace is prone to messes so you always keep a spare uniform at work. You pull the folded clothes out of your locker and fetch a pair of crocks from your manager's locker, 

Your manager, Jill, was a well-respected (and feared) hard-working woman. She’d been the manager for nearly as long as she’d worked at the shop, her great work ethic and no-nonsense attitude had gotten her noticed by a lot of people in higher positions. When you were hired at the shop she was finishing up her junior year and getting ready to transition into a senior, she was a lot easier to talk to and get along with,

Because of that the two of you clicked quickly and ended up with a lot of hours together. As time went on though, the two of you were getting more and more stressed, and dogpiled with work until you were both working fewer hours with different people. She still tried to keep in contact; always texting to ask you how your morning was or what you were up to, it was sweet and it made you happy when she texted, part of you was enjoying the feeling of having someone dote on you like this.

Your phone alarm chimes, reminding you that you only have a few minutes left until the store has to open, you can hear Claire leaving the break room to tidy up the eating area and wipe down the tables and counters. You quickly slip on a dry pair of socks and Jill’s crocks before making your way to the front of the shop to unlock the store and turn the open sign on, opening wasn't your favorite, 

But recently you’d been pulling all-nighters to get your work done so by the time you needed to get into work you were already awake, you worked in a coffee shop so you had everything you needed to keep yourself up for the day. Your routine is as natural as breathing at this point, blending the hours into one, you have no idea that it’s already lunchtime until the lunch regulars start pouring in. 

The sweet old Marine Biology professor is first to come in, she’s well over sixty but she acts like she’s still young, ordering a single shot of expresso heavy on milk and sugar, a tuna sandwich, and a cookie. She’s definitely your favorite regular, polite, and tips well, she always leaves with a bright smile on her face like she’s happy to be alive, it's infectious. The other regulars aren't all that notable, a few professors and students needing a pick-me-up to get through the rest of the day. 

The only other customer that sticks out is another student, he’s about Claire’s age, and by the way they act around each other, they're definitely friends. Claire always waits to take her break when he comes in, she gets the same sandwich and always pays for his cookie, if you weren't any smarter you'd think they were dating but you notice the way his eyes linger in your direction, 

You��ve picked up how he always comes in when you’re working. He’s helplessly obvious but you dont have the heart to confront him, he's always got this cute lost puppy look on his face when you take his order, helplessly stumbling out his words and blushing like a high school girl. You pretend you dont notice and play dumb every time Claire tries to play matchmaker purely because it's cute watching him fumble, and you’ve never claimed you’re not selfish.

Part of you wants to wait until he grows the balls to come up and confess but the other part is just content to watch him suffer like this forever- “I thought you left in different clothes, what happened to your sweater?” You’re pulled out of your thoughts by satan himself, Luis picks at your new shirt and pouts like a dejected child, “None of your business.” You brush his hand off, 

Not surprised he knew what you were wearing earlier, you tap the screen of the register having memorized his order; the same boring coffee with the same boring bagel. You can't help yourself, you try to keep quiet but you like teasing Luis back, he deserves it, “Keep eating carbs like this and you’ll get fat.” You’re not trying to be an asshole and he knows it but it doesn't stop Luis from acting like it was a personal attack. He feigns heartbreak as dramatically as he can, 

Catching the attention and stares of the other customers, you can tell Luis is about to double down but Claire swoops in and drags him off to her table along with his food. Most of the customers go back to their food but a few eyes linger between you and Luis, you roll your eyes and get back to work, not really, there's nothing much for you to do anymore, the lunch rush slows everything down, you look down at the time on your phone making sure your shift is nearly over before you disappear into the break room to refill the mop bucket and check on your clothes. 

Your clothes are sort of moist and have a weird rain smell, your socks have dried weird and your shoes should be ruined, but you dont really have the money to get a new pair. Hearing your other co-worker arrive you tuck Jill’s shoes back into her locker and put your shoes back on, you cringe as the squelch and water seeps out of the foam and into your socks, you shuffle awkwardly back to the front and clock out before hurrying out of the shop, not sparing anyone left in there a goodbye.

☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆

ADDITIONAL NOTES! //skip this if you dont care//

Let me know if you like this new format(?) its a lot more low effort than anything I've tried in the past, just coloring some things and putting little text dividers.

ALSO, Let me know if you want me to continue writing gender-neutral or just not being gender specific, I find writing from this perspective to be super easy but so far it's been pretty difficult incorporating gendered things into this style (not that I've tried)

you can either comment, ask, or dm, its up to you

[rianafying]

hello diary i’m back idk what is happening or why i ever feel what i feel, but here goes nothing

i’ve been feeling very creative today, had a terrible morning woke up insanely dehydrated, could barely move, my arthritis and psoriasis had flared up as well, i had to cancel my gig but they’re fine, they had other people on board. i don’t really feel like i missed out because i literally couldn’t have gone and needed to stay home and rehydrate, plus it’s like 37 degrees outside, i’ll stay home thanks. anyway, so i got some much needed rest and i ate and drank loads of water and i feel replenished now and i feel hopeful and creative and i wish i could’ve just started something, a project or whatever. but i have no many chores standing firmly between me and what i actually want to do. will is a terribly difficult thing to conjure. i had a telehealth appointment to get diagnosed w adhd in melbourne so i can access the necessary treatment, but they’re telling me it’ll be at least $800 and at least 4 sessions to just get diagnosed. and that to me is a huge undertaking. i told them ill think about it but what is there to think of, i know fully well i cant afford it. i wish i had an ipad to draw on. ive been wanting to draw something for ages and i could draw on my physical sketch book but i just haven’t? i just cant? its the guilt from all the chores i haven’t done. there’s a proper inspection due in 4 days and i just know it’s going to cripple me with anxiety as the date comes closer. there’s so much stuff that i want to do. and yet i do nothing. i’m not doing even 1% of everything i want to do, because im stuck doing 100% of the things i hate but have to do. when im older, i hope i get permanent residency in australia or any other first world country, i wish i have a safe and permanent place to live, regardless of size or quality. i wish i have someone who can help me with the tasks i struggle with and i can help them with tasks they struggle with and if we both struggle at the same things, we’ll understand each other, we can struggle and learn together. hopefully this will not be a romantic partner because i don’t think my brain is hardwired to deal with matters of the heart in a stable way. i hope that by the time i feel safe, the children of gaza feel safe too. i hope we win. i thought of them when i got dehydrated and worried that ill get a uti, i thought about how much worse they have it. i think of them all the time but especially when im suffering and im reminded that they have it many folds worse. i try to derive hope, strength, and gratitude from that instead of helplessness, and powerlessness.

i haven’t been able to take out the trash and get rid of my dead plants and they’re starting to attract bugs and i really need to do that today, i’ve been saying that everyday, it’ll just take seconds. i also am very close to having $0 in my account because i had to buy some meds and i found some vitamins for half price and decided to buy a whole buttload of them #forhealthiguess also its SO HOT. and im trying to avoid turning on my air conditioner because my electricity bill last month was $140??? like why? it’s a crazy world out here. crazy expensive. for the millionth time, i really should get a real job soon. or try to. i doubt i’ll ever have enough to be independent. i fear i’ll always be at the mercy of my parents. i fear i’ll heal too slow to keep up with the damage.

all day i did nothing. that’s not true, i went grocery shopping and i made meatballs, and spaghetti and it turned out great. the one thing i always cook successfully is any kind of pasta, never fails. i feel 50% guilty for not doing anything important today. such as taking out the trash, cleaning my room, etc. it’s the one thing i hate doing: house chores. makes me wanna scream, cry and throw up. i made a mistake, last night i accidentally left my earphones on the couch at reception downstairs and hadn’t even realised until earlier today when i was leaving the building and saw it on the couch. i feel so relieved that i live in a place where nobody stole it all day. part of me feels like i don’t deserve to live so well. because for nearly a year, i have been living wonderfully, everything’s going so well, and all my demons are inside of my own head. this is new for me. there’s no actual threat, i think. still feels like there is. i’m less overwhelmed than usual, but still pretty overwhelmed. there’s always too many ideas and not enough ability to implement them. how do i feel chaos and clarity simultaneously. i just need a break from this mental torment. i think getting my apartment clean will definitely help with that. but it’s such a big task, even thinking about it makes me fall to my bed and start to rot. suddenly i find that my body won’t move. adhd sounds like it’s so quirky and funny until you’re surrounded with piles of garbage and flying insects and there is a mysterious sticky brown patch underneath the fridge that just will not move. until there’s no space to walk from one end of the room to the other without stepping on and crushing things underneath my feet. it feels as if my brain has acquired an endless supply of shame and guilt. i will probably not feel focused until my room is actually clean. clean enough to be inspected. clean enough to maybe even have visitors. i get anxious just thinking about the prospect.

[hekkoto]

Big big LIFE UPDATE! IMPORTANT STUFF HERE!

Heya my darklings <3 so, Im coming with some life update, Im happy to say that stuff starts to look waaaaay better!

First and the most important: Im super grateful for your love and support, I had really awful time lately and your kind words really helped me <3 My mind often tells me that nobody would miss me and Im just a problem but people patiently keep telling me that truth is opposite and many people would miss me and they really care about me. Thank you guys, really

So the best thing: My parents told me they gonna pay for my therapy, I have psychiatrist next week and I gonna ask to get it prescribed to me. Im deeply disturbed person and especially now I need this the most. So yeah, I gona try fix my life at least partially! I also gonna ask for meds for ADHD and hopefully I can end this nightmare ^^;

I started limiting substances like alcohol or too much pills. Going slowly but hopefully theraphy will allow me to end usage without any party or smth. Drinking with people is fine, I just shouldnt start day with this or do it daily >.> wish me luck!

I was invited to podcast! Here is clip: https://www.instagram.com/p/C-N9M01q2Tf/ it should be aviable somewhere in next month! [on this clip you can see my fabulous big Hello Kitty sticker on my wardrobe >XD]

In last days my mood is mostly on euphoric side which gives me hopes things will be easier now ;-; trust me, last weeks almost killed me, I was on edge of my strenght. I gonna catch up on the most important stuff first and then I gonna work a lot on videos and arts ^^ Im super grateful for your love and patience, really <3

I will try to sort my life now, I have to book some treatments and such, I will try to go back to more healthy diet and hopefully start exercising! I definetelly must catch up on important arts and focus on projects Im working on! I will show some cool stuff soon ^^ My plans are coming back to weekly short comics, finishing my comic Welcome To My Hell, releasing first video for arg horror Denimo's art space, I hope to make 3 vidoes on my YT per week and deliver all of promised Patreon rewards [I gonna look through them and note in calendar when I want to post stuff and hopefully it will allow me to fulfill all of them! I also gonna come back to drawing answers for this ask/dare Jeff thingy

I will be opening my KoFi shop soon! First I gonna offer some handmade stuff like earrings, chokers, magnets, keyrings and stickers and shortly after I will be offering prints. In near future I also plan to offer small originals of my paintings <3 and of course more handmade stuff ;p

Im focused on my goal of making living as an artist. Im also full of motivation and this mostly euphoric mood gives me a lot of strenght. I believe I can make it and I know this will help me with my borderline if I will be focusing on arts and engaging with lots of people. What I can say, borderline loves attention >XD so better give it to me ;p

Anyway, thank you a lot again <3 I thought it all gonna end soon but I guess I can try push a little harder <3

Love ya,

Hekkoto

[lastoneout]

Im not even going to ask about a wheelchair exactly cuz I'm too used to that kinda being a conversation ender, what I'm planning to do is phrase it like I'm dealing with a lot of mobility issues that are clearly related to my hEDS, and my current aids and physical therapy set up is clearly not enough, so I was hoping that she, as someone who is intimately familiar with EDS, could give me her opinion on my situation and perhaps suggest where we should go from here.

Cuz currently my set up is:

- Going to physical therapy for 10-12 appointments once or twice a year and trying to keep up with the exercises as best I can inbetween those appointments. This has helped as I do enjoy exercise, but no matter how much physical therapy I do I can only ever seem to extend my tollerable(not painless) standing time by half an hour or so tops.

-I have two aluminum knee braces, one that helps with standing but makes sitting WAY worse and one that I can't use because we have tried everything possible to adjust it and it still just hurts to wear. They help a little with the pain and extend my standing time by a bit, but mostly just stop me from doing further damage to my knee joints. Additionally I have to wear them over my skin or yoga pants, so they're only really viable in the summer.

- A rollator that I only use if I'm going to be leaving the house for a long time, like traveling or running 4+ errands in a day. This mostly helps me avoid standing still too much, and a little with the pain if I lean on it when I'm walking, but tbh it's not enough to actually make doing the things I want to do accessible. A day out with several errands where I need to walk a lot, even if I have my knee brace, will have me unable to walk by the end of the day, and I'll usually have to spend a few days recovering at the very least.

- Nortriptyline, which isn't actually intended as a pain medication but it does help my chronic pain, though I can't use a high enough dose to make a huge dent in it, as I have bipolar disorder and my body does not like meds that mess with my serotonin too much.

That's it. I'm just supposed to live like this. I can't go to school because I'd have to walk a lot and sit in uncomfortable chairs for extended periods of time, which means I'd probably be able to do one class a week before spending the rest of the week in bed. (I cannot do online school, I have ADHD and I know from past attempts at remote learning I would never get anything done.) I also cannot work, and I cannot spend long days out doing the things I want to do. No trips to the park to take a walk, no days out at an event with my family, no more than 2-3 short errands a day so I can't like go shopping for things I need efficiently, I basically cannot live my life.

I also have fibromyalgia and POTs so I get pretty exhausted fast and a lot of my pain is just...untreatable and far worse than it would be for someone without fibro, and I also get fibro crashes if I push myself too far, which is funny because my current rhumatologist insists I just need to push myself to regain my mobility.

Pushing myself got me in this situation in the first place, everything I have ever given up because of my disability has claw marks in it, hiking, school, my job, going on walks, spending days out with my family, museum visits and street and book fairs and farmer's markets and everything fun I've ever loved doing that involves a lot of standing and walking. I never stopped doing any of it out of laziness, I kept doing it PAST when I should have because I didn't want to give up the stuff that made me happy. My independence and self-sufficiency are VERY important to me, I used to go on long walks whenever I wanted to, now I can't even go to the park with my fiance for a short walk because if I do I won't be able to do anything else that day.

That's why I find it so fucking insulting when doctors imply that if I had a wheelchair I'd just give up walking forever and let my mobility atrophy, I will never use that thing if I don't need it, and again nothing I ever gave up was out of apathy or laziness, I was forced to stop lest I fucking kill myself doing it. I love exercise, I want to get an under-the desk bike for my house as well as some arm weights and I will have to force myself to only use them for a safe amount of time, left to my own devices I'd be using the peddles all day.

And like the only message I seem to get from my doctors is 1) you will never reach a point where you are no longer in pain, this is impossible, damage has been done to your body that cannot be undone, there is no cure, just ways to slow the damage and sort of help lessen the pain, and 2) If I get a wheelchair my legs will atrophy and my mobility will suffer until I can never walk again. They just repeat these two things whenever I say "I cannot go to school or spend time with my family or do fun things or get a job because of my pain, how do I get to a point where I can do these things if that's even possible? This is my priority, so if it answer is PT I'll keep trying, but you don't tell me what level of recovery is possible or HOW to achieve the things I want to do with my life, you won't even acknowledge them. I know I will always be in pain, I accepted this a long time ago, and I do not see disability as shameful. I know I need to work to maintain my muscles, I am willing to do that work, but I just want to know if and when I'll be able to stop staying home all the time while my life goes by without me."

All I get is "You're going to be in pain forever, there's no cure, and a wheelchair will make your life worse" and idk how else to interpret that other than "we don't care if you can do things that make you happy or not, being disabled means you should spend 100% of your time trying to get better even though we keep telling you that you can't get better, so go home now, see you next year".

I really, really hope my new doctor will help, since she called me out when I played down my hEDS as not as serious as the other kinds, and also told me she has her opinions about what needs doing but she always makes sure to pay close attention to what the patient wants and trust their instincts because we know what living in our body is like better than she ever will, and like...no doctor has ever been that cool about things before, so I really hope even if she doesn't give me a wheelchair she'll at least give me a straight answer on "should I give up on school and spending time with my family and doing fun things or is there SOME path to regaining my ability to do that" and also believe me when I tell her I'm not a lazy idiot, I love exercise, I used to hike all the time and go on long ass walks, I will do whatever needs doing to maintain my mobility and keep going to PT and using my knee braces and only pulling out the chair when I need it, I just want to be able to live my life again.

Because idk how much more time I can spend dealing with doctors who won't even answer me when I ask them why they seem to think my goals and desires are not worth considering.

My new (possibly temporary) primary care doctor used to work at a specialty EDS clinic and seems to really know her stuff and I have an appointment with her next week so I can once again preparing the Wheelchair Argument, wish me luck.

[weebsinstash]

I think it is time to cute her out sweetling. She sounds like a narcissist, and from what you just trauma dumped it sounds like she likes being the victim. You shouldn't put up with that.

There is nothing you can do to help her right now or possibly ever and that burden should never have fallen to you. It's sweet you want to see her get better, but you are burning yourself to keep her happy. This isn't a situation that has a case where everyone wins.

Protect yourself first, heal yourself, and maybe someday things with her will change. But her choices aren't your problem, it's not your job to fix them, and it's not your job to give up your own health to make others happy; family or not.

Yes your sister is going through a lot and I understand wanting to help, but as someone with most of the mental health problems you mentioned (bpd, ptsd, depression, bipolar) I can with confidence say it doesn't excuse her behavior to you and your mother.

I have pitty for her, she's so blinded by her self made excuses that she can't see the wonderful sister she has.

I just can't help but think, like, mom and I wonder if there's something undiagnosed? She says ever since my sister was a child she would always need things repeated and would ask "what do you mean" and there was an age where everyone thought she behaved really strangely? And I wonder if she has undiagnosed ADHD because that can affect your focus, your mood regulation, things like that, and I hear ADHD can also explain excessive sleep which has a a lifelong issue for my sister. Its uh, it's also worth mentioning that apparently vyvanse/Adderall is one of the things she's occasionally using recreationally/buying off the street

But. I also. I also keep clinging to that possibility because its less painful to consider "maybe she just has some sort of disability and she literally can't help being this way" over "theres nothing we can do, she has to choose for herself what to do and she doesn't want to"

I just. I think I'll take the route of maybe sending her a message every now and again like once a week but im going to have to lower my expectations for hearing back from her. I just... I can't completely cut her off because she already feels so alone and thinks we don't care. What if me doing something to cut her off drove her to... I dont even want to think about whatever she might do. If she even cares about me that much.

It's just. She's been through so much. I can understand how that damages someone. There are times I let my depression get extremely bad and I had to hit the bottom before I get better or try to start taking meds again and I hope the same can happen for her but. She has. A lifetime of these bad decisions. I feel like I'm watching her self destruct. I literally feel like I need to get into contact with our father and have him talk to her about this as a former addict/alcoholic, and I haven't spoken to that man in years. Like. Im desperate.

My mom is heartbroken too. She's 57 and she's worried about how my sister and I will take care of ourselves after she's gone. She even said during the visit "you'd think your sister would show some sort of concern that I'm getting older". Like she has had to completely shut herself down after this visit or else she'd be constantly sobbing. I've seen my mom cry more in this last week than when her own mother died. She's terrified that she has to try and fix this before mt sister gets any worse and my mom isn't here to help her

I'm just so sad. I'm sad and I'm angry and I'm disappointed and I feel so so SO guilty and. Yeah.

God fucking damn it i was just thinking about trying to force myself to get back into writing too, because that's something fun for me, that's an outlet for me, something thats productive and makes me feel better, and now that's becoming associated with this pain. Fuck. Fuck. It just keeps getting better.

[iayhifbigyakwiltbsywps]

Fuckkk I had something really long written but my connection failed and now I can’t find it but this is important if you or someone you know has adhd and takes stimulant medications like methylphenidate. This will probably be weird because I wrote the original like 12 hours ago and I just got home so if the other one magically reappears then they will be really different.

Basically I wanted to make people aware that taking stimulant medications has the potential to do more harm than good. I have adhd and have drank concerta since the third grade and im currently in 11th. I have been noticing throughout the 2019-now time period that I really have lost all motivation and that I don’t really have interest in anything even getting up to eat. And I was like ‘well that’s not alright’ and so I did what every one does: I googled it. I asked google “can adhd medications cause brain damage and lessen motivation?” And honestly I was not really expecting an answer, kinda just hoping to see blankness and be relived that it was just something random I thought. Boy was I surprised.

I actually found this:

This is literally the answer I was too scared to find because a) it proved my suspicions correct and did kinda bring a different kind of relief in knowing I’m not just hysteric and b) this hit wayyy too close to home. The part in blue feels wayyy too familiar to me because all I do Is be on my bed on my phone most of tinge time and my parants keep getting concerned and like “go get a job, find a hobby, do something!” And I am honestly strangely alright with my situation, like I hate it but I still don’t try to change it because I can’t!

Forgot what else I could of said there on the fist draft, but onto the next peice of evidence!

This pretty much said that this meds were tested on rats and that the rats ended up losing all motivation to even react when they should be looking to escape a bad situation. That once the medication stops we no longer have drive to motivation.

This also states that the nucleus accumbens is the part of the brain that forms motivation into action and when you take these meds your actually risking it shrinking and leading to no motivational drive.

Also that there are other options if you are convinced you or your child needs help to lead a successful life then there are other options that are not stimulants!

I also found some videos but could only resurfaced one which I think is the most important: https://youtu.be/nif8TFPhjuI

This video basically talks about one of the beginning trails of adhd medications that ended up being a huge success after the recorded 14 months that this trial was conducted, but what most people who do their research probably don’t dig deep enough to check that after they took the pills away they came back 3 years later to see how they faired. Turns out that the my were actually worse and the adhd was too much or something. ( sorry I’m trying to remember what I wrote but I only slept like 10 minutes last night and it’s already 1am so my eyes are shutting)

I can’t remember much right nos but if I find the other articles or videos Ik re log or something.

Here are the links to the articles:

https://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2012/06/09/fewer-prescriptions-for-adhd-less-drug-abuse/adhd-drugs-have-long-term-risks

https://www.leonardsax.com/stimulants.htm

There were more but I’m fighting To stay awake right now sorry.

Oh I just remembered something:

This is what happens when you give stimulants to a brain that is underdeveloped (brains aren’t yet developed until they are like 21) so if y’all need meds try taking non stimulants or else you’ll just cause growth problems for yourself

I really hope some people find this useful and that no one goes through what I am cuz it really kinda sucks and I hate it but I can’t do much to change it.

Also after hours trying to figure out a way to tell my mom I had finally told her and you know what she said? She said “if we take you of these meds will you promise to try to care about yourself more?” And like I didn’t say anything but sure mom I totally didn’t just work up the courage to try and tell you within the day I found this informants on when it would usually take me months to say things I think are important but yeah I totally need to try a bit more ugh!

Honestly I think it’s shit that I’m not even 18 yet and I already feel like all my fight has gone out of me. Like if it weren’t for my parents that actually care about me I would of let myself starve to death. And now there’s no way to thank them because I can barely move to get food much less show them my thanks. Mom dad I love you and I’m sorry my brain if fucked up.

Hi just a little edit here, I wanted to say that both articles are by the same person I just put the second one because the link didn’t work for me so I had to look for their actual page that was mentioned. But also I read further down on the second article and I saw there are more links to other related articles in the second link where this person wrote their actual research and citations

[ratsoh-writes]

I have a feeling I'm either going to get Honey or a Horrortale skele, so here we go for Matchups! -🍊

Personality

-introverted

-nervous/jumpy/sensitive

-artistic/creative

-very sleepy. I stay up till 5am and sleep till 2pm.

-helpful! I like feeling needed lol.

-sensitive. I have an abusive mother im in therapy for, so I need someone soft :(

Hobbies

-im very artistic! I love drawing, painting, listening to music, even making it, anything that keeps my hands busy and my ADHD at bay.

-minecraft! I've just downloaded the game, I've had it for a year now, and I love the building in it lol. The mobs scare me tho.

-rps!!! I LOVE roleplaying!!!! Rpg games, DnD, hell, I even have a few oc based text rps on discord I'm into. It gets me SO excited when I make up little stories with my friends, the gremblin in my enjoys shiny new universes

Dislikes

-Snarky/teasing/snappy jokes, or being teased in general. I'm a sensitive person who takes a bit too much to heart. Mal and Red scare me.

-loud noises/crowded areas. Another trama trigger for me, I feel trapped in a situation and it makes me paranoid. I'd rather sit outside and watch a thunderstorm than go to a local fair.

-being pushed out of my comfort zone and/or being forced to get in contact with family I've kicked out of my life, the whole 'well family is family!' saying means jack shit to me. I've put my demons at bay, I don't want someone to push me out of my comfort zone, or else I feel sick with nerves. I don't like traveling or being around a lot of people, I'd rather just text someone than see them face to face, words come easier then. Brain weird.

Deal breakers

-anyone who forces me to be social. I have anxiety, leave me be dammit. If someone kept pushing and complaining about it, it would make me feel guilty and blegh. Let's not go down that rabbit hole.

-cheating, I have a low image of myself, I don't need someone flirting with others or being all handy with them. Once the wound it made, I'm not letting the knife near me again.

-someone who yells a lot. Loud voices, especially male ones, make me panicked and scared. If Edge ever lectured me I would simply. Cry.

-someone violent, which is a given. Sorry mafia men, but blood scares me. I'm a wheeny.

-someone forcing me to change. I'm chonky, so being forced into a diet or something would make me think low of myself, I couldn't stay with someone like that. Or someone pushing me to get anxiety meds or giving me a bedtime. I like my independence and I'm working on myself, I don't need to be pressured to do it faster.

-passive aggressiveness, it makes me confused on what to say in an argument and that junk.

Flaws

-most of these have already been said, but I'm introverted with low energy, I don't like going to big events or traveling away from home.

-sensitive. Any jokes aimed at me can and will be obsessed over to oblivion, I'm not the teasing type.

-awkward. I was kinda isolated as a kid, so social skills are hard. Don't expect me to pop up on conversations all the time, I mostly listen to what my friends say and nod along.

-hygene. This is also something I'm working on. I've had depression episodes that sometimes still surface, sometimes it's hard to even leave my bed, let along brush my teeth, hair, etc. Some days I'm just not feeling it. I also come from a neglectful house, so I wasn't even raised with those habits. But I'm trying, and that's what I'm focusing on. Don't be like 'ewEwW yOu HaVeNt BrUsHeD yOuR TeEtH tOdAy?!' That's both hurtful and annoying, life sucks man

-god aweful at spelling, sorry rat

Attraction

-someone who's soft and caring. I never had a motherly figure, and I'm too old now for my dad to watch me like a toddler, so I want to feel the love I mostly missed out on. Not babied or anything, just loved and cared for. Hug me, please. Alternatively: aha mommy kink go brr

-cuddly/affectionate. I need to feel wanted, since I was raised in a house that I wasn't, so words of reassurance are really nice, especially if that person wants to be around me close enough to cuddle

I tried making this as neat as I could, since I tend to ramble a lot, so I hope this layout is easy to read! Tell me if I need to add any physics stuff, thank you for the matchup! -🍊

Alright, you were right on probably getting a horror lol. I think the best fit for you is……..BASIL (horrorswap papyrus)!

Here’s the tricky bit. Getting to know basil is here. He’s also extremely anxious, to the point where he’s practically non-verbal to anyone he doesn’t know. But once you do get close enough for him to crush and even confess, you’ll get to see a butch more protective and attentive side to him. Basil is a protector at his core and actually prefers a timid SO unlike honey who likes confident and organized characters.

Basil would be great at balancing between encouraging you to be your best self and not being too pushy. Gentle is basically his main personality trait. And considering who it is here, it’s hard to feel nagged with him being the one giving you those gentle reminders.

You like cuddles? You’re getting your cuddles. Basil is shy about touch so it’s up to you to initiate, but when you do, you’ll find that he’s pretty much touch starved. He likes having you in his lap the most. Basil has mild insomnia so cuddling with a SO is the best way to help him doze off

Basil hasn’t been introduced to the wonderful world of video games yet. Minecraft would be a great starter! If you manage to get him into it, he’ll wind up getting addicted to sims most likely. Or FarmVille. He likes chill games

One important thing about dating basil is that your basically going to have to go vegetarian. You can eat meat outside the house when he’s not around, but the sight and taste of raw meat is a trigger for him. Luckily he’s a wonderful cook and makes up for it in his baking and pasta ;)

I was also thinking of rust and possibly slim for you. (Yes I know slim is a mafia but he’s great at keeping his work hidden)

[obeyme-sinners]

Hello im new here and I was wondering if could request the Brothers (and maybe Diavolo) what they think about a MC with ADHD. Like MC is really hyperactive and energetic but has a hard time focusing on things. Who helps MC remember to take their medicine and who forgets or just doesn't care. I hope you have a good day bye.

Hello hello~ don't feel too shy, I loved this ask :D fun fact, I suffer from many adhd symptoms but I don't actually have... Adhd itself. So like, to all those friends out there, I know the feeling.

Lucifer

Look he deals with the rest of the house's inhabitants all the time, one energetic spacehead human won't bother him. But once he gets to know you, he softens up some - he'll set alarms in his DDD to remind you to take your meds (and remember to not let you have citrus fruits soon after) so you know exactly when you need to.

Mammon

He really could care less. If anything, he loves that you can keep up with his own energy levels and harebrained schemes! You really are a partner in crime with him, and the two of you could bounce from topic to topic for days if you really got going - though sometimes if you hyper focus on something he might accidentally break your focus on the one thing that you were actually trying to get done.

Leviathan

Generally, he really enjoys having you around! He didn't really understand why you were so hyperactive and all over the place at first, but once you got to explain everything to him it was just kind of a 'huh, cool' and he moved on. He'll do his best to help you keep up on your meds, but he also gets sucked into his games enough that he forgets more often than not. Oops.

Satan

Call him a psychology major because he is interested. Like, what causes ADHD in humans? Why does caffeine have the opposite effect on you than most people? What triggers the extended time of hyper focus, when usually you can't focus on one thing for very long? It's really interesting, but he'll try his best not to make you feel like a guinea pig for his questions. (He'll also help with remembering to take your meds, don't worry.)

Asmodeus

Holy lord, please sit still just for two seconds, he's trying to take a picture?? Usually he's pretty chill with you and he enjoys how energetic you can be, but sometimes your lack of ability to stay still can grate on him, especially when he really wants to just sit around and relax with you! It's kinda hard to paint your nails if you're tapping your fingers and stuff, y'know?

Beelzebub

He's not the most energetic himself, but he'll absolutely adore watching you go about your day. He won't mind getting caught up with your shenanigans, either, really. You're fun to be around, always thinking of something new, and when you find something to really focus on, he'll be more than happy to sit around while you explain everything you know about it.

Belphegor

Demon Lord help him. He really doesn't mind you, usually, but when he gets tired (which is often enough) he just. Can't deal with your all-over-the-place-ness. Please, let him sleep, go hang out with his other brothers and let him take a nap. He'll probably have texts scheduled to send to you to hopefully help you remember to take your meds.

Diavolo

Honestly, putting the two if you together is dangerous for Lucifer's sanity. He just feeds off of your energy, he's entirely willing to entertain whatever kind of wacky ideas you come up with, and in general he's just absolutely delighted whenever you're around. But if it helps you, then whenever he happens to have a free moment at the right time, he'll send you a message to make sure that you've taken your meds (it's a royal order, so you better be doing it regularly 030).

[mbti-galaxies]

hello! sorry if this is bothersome, but i was wondering if you could help me distinguish between infp and isfp?

i’ve thought i was an infp for years now, using cognitive functions even. im definitely no expert, just kinda vaguely know what each one is, but i went through it using several sources i and was like “oh yeah oh yeah this is it” but i dont think it’s It anymore ??

i got diagnosed with adhd in december and ive been taking medication, so it’s been a lot easier to be able to distinguish what’s actually my personality and what kind of just comes from adhd. i think that i might actually be isfp. i think i related a lot to high Ne because with adhd youre always bouncing around restless wanting to do all the things, and youre brain’s always on rapid fire mode. but since ive been on meds ive been less like that and more grounded (i still do drift off a lot ofc cause that’s just how it is). and ive been able to realize that i dont actually get caught up in my thoughts a lot,,,,like i dont uhhhh care very much,,,i am not concerned with the future very much? i think im very in the present, and i kind of just do whatever is in front of me. whatever im in the mood for. sensory stuff. i love piano, ukulele, video games, drawing, etc. doing stuff with my hands. im also a dancer; it’s very fulfilling to be able to engage in something so physically stimulating and be creating art at the same time.

anyways this is so long but im very very leaning towards isfp. it’s crazy cause i used to think i was so head in the clouds but actually??? i love to be grounded?? i love to feel and see and observe things instead of be imagining and thinking about abstract stuff?? im very in the present and i Do Not think about future stuff at all? i really dont think about the big picture at all?????

i know you dont know me so you cant really tell me what my type is, but any input or other differences between infp and isfp would be so helpful!! i also just dont really trust myself and im seeking validation or correction lmao. thanks so much for reading this i appreciate you a lot

Hey!! You're not bothersome at all, I love getting asks and talking to people about their types so thank you so much for sending this!

Obviously I don't know you personally so I'm not going to claim I'm 100% sure of what you are, but right of the bat I can tell you that based on your explanation you definitely sound more like an ISFP rather than an INFP.

(I'm gonna put the rest of my thoughts and stuff under a read more cuz my response is long too lol)

First of all the fact that you mentioned being diagnosed with ADHD is actually really helpful because over the years learning about psychology (I'm majoring in it in college) and the MBTI Personality Theory I've definitely noticed that neurodivergency/mental disorders/mental illnesses play a huge role in how people interpret their type. It's really hard sometimes to tell the difference between whether a trait is your actual personality or something else going on in your brain. This is one reason why a lot of extroverts mistype themselves as introverts because they have social anxiety disorder, a lot of sensors mistype themselves as intuitives because they have ADHD(like your situation), a lot of thinkers mistype themselves as feelers because they have depression, etc.

Alright so now let's get into the major differences between ISFP and INFP.

Assuming you're pretty sure that you're at least IxFP, I won't get into the specifics of every single letter and function here, I'll just discuss the differences between having Se or Ne as your second function in the stack. (Fi-Se-Ni-Te vs Fi-Ne-Si-Te)

Compared to INFPs, ISFPs are much more grounded. Of course they still can drift off and daydream, but they tend to focus on the present more than the future and focus the majority of their stimulation on their physical environment rather than focusing the majority on their inner world.

This seems to match up with what you said: "i am not concerned with the future very much? i think im very in the present, and i kind of just do whatever is in front of me. whatever im in the mood for. sensory stuff. i love piano, ukulele, video games, drawing, etc. doing stuff with my hands. im also a dancer; it’s very fulfilling to be able to engage in something so physically stimulating and be creating art at the same time."

ISFPs also tend to be more practical overall. They can definitely see value in abstract ideas, but they don't spend hours thinking about the big picture and wild concepts like intuitives do. ISFPs may not care as much about the meaning behind something, they care more about how it makes them feel or affects the world around them. They're much more based in reality compared to INFPs, and because of this they also tend to be a little more easygoing and willing to try new things. They like to explore and observe and need outside stimulation a bit more than their intuitive counterparts, and because ISFPs are introverts, this stimulation tends to come from creative and sensory activities such as music, arts, games, etc. (In comparison to ESFPs, who might also need social stimulation in addition to these activities)

This makes sense with what you said: "i love to feel and see and observe things instead of be imagining and thinking about abstract stuff?? im very in the present and i Do Not think about future stuff at all? i really dont think about the big picture at all?????"

Some other differences between the two:

Both ISFPs and INFPs have strong moral compasses from their dominant Fi, but ISFPs may be the less strict of the two, or they may be able to change their opinions on something a little bit faster. This is because INFPs have a major tendency to overthink everything, so when new information comes in they basically have to reevaluate a lot of things. ISFPs on the other hand don't necessarily have to think through every little action that they do, if something feels wrong or they learn that something they do is wrong it's a much quicker turnaround since they don't get caught up in their head as much.

ISFPs aren't as idealistic as INFPs. Sure they have wants and dreams for themselves and the world, but they have much more realistic expectations overall.

ISFPs display their passions and feelings through actions primarily. They focus on displaying and expressing things (show not tell perse). INFPs display their passions and feelings through words and meaning primarily. They like thoroughly discussing or thinking through the why, figuring out patterns and connections.

So with all that in mind and your own thoughts about yourself and your type, I'd say you're an ISFP. Feel free to ask more questions if you have any or if I missed something! Thank you so so much for the ask and I hope you have a wonderful day!

[1smolbean]

ok rant (? started out as a rant but descended into chaos) time

no but I find it absolutely fucking hilarious that my parents are like "oh just move on from your trauma" and then don't tell me how to do that, trigger me even when I've told them about my triggers, make me talk to people that trigger me, and make me go to places that trigger me. like...ya think maybe, just maybe, that, idk, I might have trouble moving on from those events if I have to relive them all the time? and I've explained it to them but they just refuse to understand it and they don't understand the word "no" either and I just,,,find this the funniest thing ever cause like they don't fucking understand! they don't! and I've told them but they refuse to! and I'm laughing this is so funny they refuse to understand

I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING I'M SORRY THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY LIKE THEY REFUSE TO UNDERSTAND IT AND I,,,,,I JUST JKDJFKDLSJFLDKJFD THEY REFUSE TO GET IT AND THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER THEY REFUSE TO HELP THEIR CHILD LIVE A HAPPY LIFE

what kind of parent does that? a shitty one. they're the most hypocritical people I've ever met cause THEY'VE moved on from their trauma and they respect each other's triggers and my brother's triggers but like,,,not mine and why? CAUSE THEY'RE BAD AT THEIR JOB. THEY'RE BAD PARENTS and I'm literally laughing so hard this is so funny to me and my mother has said before that she is proud of me for not skipping school because she assumed I would but she's proud that I haven't. like,,,,wow okay I literally have no reason whatsoever to skip school though??? why would you assume that? and idk I just find it hilarious that my mother both expects me to get an A+ on every subject and also skip school. like bitch excuse me? that's...HHJFDHSFKHFDSKH THAT'S FUNNY IT'S FUNNY THIS IS FUNNY. I'M SORRY. I'M REALLY SORRY THIS IS HILARIOUS TO ME AND I WROTE OUT A WHOLE GODDAMN RANT ABOUT THIS BUT IT'S JUST THREE PARAGRAPHS OF ME BEING LIKE "MY PARENTS' HORRIBLE TREATMENT OF ME IS FUNNY" AND LIKE...IT IS THOUGH!

I feel like Alvar Vacker and Winter Schnee right now. like I just,,,this is so funny but I also want to stab something right now. is this normal? I don't think this is normal. I should talk to a therapist or doctor but I'm my own therapist and everybody else's too and idk it just seems...wrong to burden people with MY problems when they have their own. i should stop telling people when I'm sad, they don't need that. No, no but they care. why do they, though? my parents "care." they yell at me, say I'm not enough, tell me it's hard to take care of me, but they care. I guess. i think they care. caring is bad. caring for someone is bad. i shouldn't...i shouldn't trust people, because trust gets you hurt. and i hate being hurt. and i shouldn't care about people. i shouldn't care. do i even care? did i ever care? yes. but i won't anymore.

I have gone back to wishing I could acquaint a ridgdly edged object fundamentally used in the construction of walls with my biological father's facial structure. (translation: ok nvm I wanna hit my dad in the face with a brick)

maybe if you didn't yell at me i wouldn't listen to music so loudly. father

father (derogatory)

i am going to lie down on the floor and listen to Special Girl by dodie until i die

i'm the eldest daughter but I'm not a daughter i'm a son but my parents don't care

i feel nothing but the crushing weight of responsibility on my shoulders

I believe I need a counselor, or therapist, or- no, I have one already, I'm my own therapist

I can deal with this on my own

hey mother when you look through my tumblr and read this PLEASE GET ME SOME ANTIDEPRESSANTS OR ADHD MEDS IM NOT DOING TOO GOOD

the powerpuff girls reboot script made me speedrun the five stages of grief I hate it so much

cats opening partially closed doors with their FACES is wild and I love it

I want more soda.

everything hurts and I'm dying

Okay so what the hell happened here Nina please get yourself into shape you need to figure out why you did a 180 from being sad to being angry to being sad to being angry and also that gender can fluid you really be switching from "gender is for mortals" to "none gender left boy" with your emotions too

this picture of Winter Schnee perfectly encapsulates my mood right now

im in pain everybody! were in pain! specifically in my chest! what the hell is happening with my lungs

nevermind we're good now

YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TO HURT THE WAY YOU KNOW THAT I DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I FEEL LIKE I'LL BE OKAY AND I HOPE I CAN JUST MAINTAIN IT I WILL NOT LET MYSELF BECOME MY PROBLEM

AND I'M JUST WAITING FOR THE DAY YOU SAVE ME FROM MYSELF 'CAUSE I CAN'T HELP THE WAY I FEEL FOR YOU FOR YOU

AND WRITE IN EVERY SPACE THE WORDS "I LOVE YOU" IN REPLACE THEN MAYBE TIME WOULD NOT ERASE MEEEEE IF YOU COULD ONLY KNOW I'D NEVER LET YOU GOOOO AND THE WORDS I MOST REGRET ARE THE ONES I NEVER MEANT TO LEEEEEEAAAAVEEEEEEEE UNSAID EMILYYYYYYYYYY

*muffled sobbing*

it's projecting onto fictional characters with trauma hours everybody

DO OR DIE YOU'LL NEVER MAKE ME BECAUSE THE WORLD WILL NEVER TAKE MY HEART GO AND TRY YOU'LL NEVER MAKE ME WE WANT IT ALL WE WANNA PLAY THIS PARY I WON'T EXPLAIN OR SAY I'M SORRY I'M UNASHAMED I'M GONNA SHOE MY SCARS GIVE A CHEAR FOR ALL THE BROKEN LISTEN HERE BECAUSE IT'S WHO WE ARE

hey remember that "fuck therapy I'm becoming a knight" post I spam reblogged yeah that's my current mood rn

anyway that concludes round one of my annual mental breakdown don't worry I'll be back in approximately five minutes after drinking an entire bottle of soda

[februaryberries]

Study (?) tips that you don’t see on every study post

Hi gamers, I just finished my first year at college/university!!

This year was really a struggle for me because I was trying to get the help I needed for my mental health, and I did not succeed until literally the week before finals spring term. I just got diagnosed w ADHD and put on meds (thank god) and I’m excited for the next year to come.

Though this year was absolutely grueling I did discover some little tips that can really help ! This is coming from my experience w ADHD but it could relate to other neurodiverse learners as well ! Even if you are neurotypical some of these might help !! 

This post got really long so I’m gonna put it under the cut but, main Idea is bolded w a more in depth explanation underneath ( for those like me who see a block of text and go running)

In no particular order:

If you can/are up for it take a class before noon even if you are not a morning person. I am NOT saying take an 8am when u regularly go to bed at 4am! Bc that is dumb bb pls get some sleep. In my experience once I go to class my brain is like “oh things are happening now, it is actually a day and not just existing in a timeless hellscape.”

Once I am out of bed/out of my room I am at least mildly more productive for the rest of the day. Going to a class before noon means you are up and doing things for the day and early enough that you still have light. This ties into the next one

Start while it’s still light out!! At least for me I gain so much happiness from natural light/sunlight, and it is very hard for me to do things let alone START things once it’s dark out because my brain is like nope the day is over now. Plus in the fall/winter days days are getting shorter and shorter so it’s important to make use of as much daylight as you can. I feel like a plant w how much I rely on light to survive but it really does help! 

Put on ‘Real People’ clothes. This is something that really helps me, even if it’s just like, jeans and a turtleneck, maybe tucked in w a belt. I’ve found that when I put on academic-y clothes or like Adult clothes it helps me switch my brain into school mode. It’s kinda like putting on a uniform for work? If I’m in too loose of clothes or like pyjamas for example, I’m much less likely to be able to switch my brain into productive mode. For me especially its when i’m wearing tighter clothing rather than baggy ones? Like i said a turtleneck which like the sleeves are fitted to my arms, and jeans or pants that are fitted to my legs. I think it helps because it makes me more aware of my body in the space? Idk.  figure out what real people clothes feel like to you, and then have a couple of go to outfits you can slip on when you’ve been in a hoodie and sweatpants all day and really need to get some work done. 

On that note, put on shoes. For me along w the tight clothing, I do better in shoes, specifically ones that lace up and can be tight. Like hightop converse, or boots, or even dress shoes w laces. I think in a way my body needs to be contained so I can focus on something? I’m not sure why I feel like that but i’ve learned to work w it. Putting on shoes for me helps because

1. I’m not distracted by what I’m putting my bare feet on (i cannot stand wearing socks unless im wearing shoes so yes bare feet)

2. I’m not getting distracted by my floor n the fact that hey maybe i should sweep bc there are some crumbs sticking to my feet now.

And 3. You put on shoes when you are going to go outside and go somewhere. It’s like putting pyjamas on to go to bed, you’re brain associates those items with doing something, so putting on shoes can signal to your brain hey we are doing something now, and that something is work.

Talk to your teachers !! I understand sometimes you have a teacher from hell and honestly idk what to tell you at that point but in  a lot of cases teachers can be very understanding !! The amount of support I’ve gotten from my teachers this year is absolutely insane and 100% the only thing that made it so I didn’t get kicked out of college. Like reaching out to your teachers shows that you care! if you have to take a mental health day sometimes let them know !! i would always let my teacher know that I really wanted to be in class but I just couldn’t handle it that day. They also can help connect you to resources you didn’t know about ! 

Look into what resources your school has !! I was talking about how next year is gonna go now that I’ve been diagnosed and such with my friend, and how I was gonna contact the DRC (disability resource center) and she didn’t know you could get support for having ADHD!! Like I know you can get extensions on due dates, attendance forgiveness, and even potentially note taking assistance when you have ADHD and talk to them. even if you are medicated it doesn’t 100% solve everything and there are still ways to get support! Whether its study groups, writing centers/support, tutoring, or even contacting your drc or whatever your school has, it can really help!! I’m definitely going to take advantage of these resources if I can next year ! 

Find a place outside you can go to clear your head (or have a mental breakdown) 

I can’t even begin to count the amount of times i’ve been freaking out over something or stressed out of my mind and my room started to feel to stuffy and claustrophobic and i just needed to get OUT. try to make sure it’s somewhere safe and close that you can go to even at night. (maybe try to shoot a text to your best friend that you’re out and if you don’t let them know you’re home by a certain time to start raising alarm, your safety is the most important) I tend to like to be up high because i’m further away from people, and the streets and I’m closer to the sky.

My go to thinking/breakdown spot is the roof of the parking garage a block away. It has stairs that are easy access and the top levels are usually empty even during the day. It really helps me to just go out and listen to music and collect my thoughts sometimes. My head can start going a million directions at lightspeed and I need to stop and be present, and being outside helps. It’s a good way to regroup.

Spend 10 minutes picking up your desk/work space. I tend to let my room get cluttered and messy and out of control a lot, to the point where I know it’s going to take at least a couple hours to get it clean again. It is also hard to focus when you’re in a messy environment. I would stress myself out and be like “well i HAVE to clean my whole room because I can’t focus if my space isnt clean I cant start until I clean” and then I would put all of my productive energy into cleaning, and get maybe halfway done before burning out and going to bed.

You’re never going to get any work done if you keep in this mindset. So instead just spend 10 minutes picking up the garbage off your desk, put the dishes in the kitchen, and put things back in their place. Then you will have enough space to work on your assignment and that space will be free of clutter so it won’t be as stressful. 

DRINK WATER DRINK WATER DRINK WATER

Have a water bottle in front of you when you’re studying/in class. I get fidgety a lot when i’m in class/studying (thank u adhd) and so having a water bottle is a way for me to fidget I guess? Depending on the water bottle, you have little steps you have to do to drink that help u fidget,

for example: pick it up, take off the lid, drink, put the lid back on, set it down.

Or pick up, push button that opens drink hole (?), set back down.

When I have a water bottle on my desk it satisfies my need to do something with my body and comes with the bonus of staying hydrated, without me having to lose focus doing something else. Also you won’t get distracted by a sore throat or the realization that you are really thirsty.

Pay attention to why you’re not paying attention. Not everything that works for me is going to work for you, so you have to figure out what works for you. I started to notice that I would be uncomfortable or feel funny working when I was in baggy clothes and that helped me figure out I needed to wear real people clothes. If you find yourself getting distracted, take note of what is distracting you. maybe try literally making a list of things that distract you, so then you can identify patterns and how to combat them !

That’s all I have for now, I hope some of these could maybe help? All of these have helped me actually complete an assignment occasionally, and somehow keep my ass in college. I just want to say that my experience is my own and things that work for me aren’t going to work on every one. college can be really tough, especially your first year when you’re trying to figure everything out. I may not have all the answers but feel free to shoot me a message!! i’m here for you if you want to ramble about an assignment you’re fed up with or a teacher you hate or anything thats bothering you !! Everyone’s college (and life) experience is different so don’t feel bad if yours doesn’t look the same as the people around you ! Remember to take care of yourselves !!!

Have a good day :)

[cloveroctobers]

CHELSEA ELLE HODGSON —

IG info/Bio: @/chelseaaahodecor | 109k followers | hi babes! welcome to my life lovelies, please get comfy with this Prosecco im serving thru this screen! xx here’s my site if you need some light in ur life: ichelseahdgsondesigns.com 🏝💕

24 (25) years

From Buckinghamshire, England

Comes from a wealthy family

her father’s side of the family founded, “Hodgson investments” their company is built off of financial services

Her papo (grandfather) was arrested on tax invasion & served some time for doing so

Her father, Alistair now manages the company but under a different name

Her mother’s side of the family comes from old money...something about horses?

Her mother, Connie holds many events and seems to make $ from them but Chelsea isn’t quite sure what the woman does or if it’s fully legal

The family is all about protecting their image & if you don’t cut it, there will be repercussions

Feels a little like dynasty (I’ve only seen 2-3 episodes & never finished but get the point?) , maybe that’s why Chelsea & her sister enjoy watching it so much

Parents forsure held courtship events or either went to courtship events with their children (even Albie) & found suitors in hopes of marrying their daughters off (& finding Albie a new wife, only on Mrs. Hodgson’s part— mr. Hodgson seems nicer/easy-going)

Has older twin sibs: Albie-Crispin & Dolly-Georgiana

Often referred to as “the triplet” in the press

Well-known in their city

They’re all called by their first & middle name in their family household even tho their parents do not have middle names

Has a love/hate relationship with albie, he is selfish & has proven to do anything to drag others down to make himself look better

He’s a lawyer & has been married to his wife for about 7 years

Mrs. Hodgson, Dolly, & Chelsea all agree they do not like her but Chelsea puts on a smile whenever her sister-in-law is around while Mrs. Hodgson makes it known that she dislikes the woman, she thinks she’s beneath her son since her family does not make nearly enough $ put together between her & Mr. Hodgson

Dolly has a bf who’s a dental hygentist that she’s been dating for about 3 years but they’re both cheating on each other, she doesn’t think she’ll ever be married

She’s in office management

Chelsea fell in love with interior decorating from the moment she played with doll houses. Her grandparents made sure to send her the biggest doll houses they could find every Christmas. She’s always been in love with rearranging and picking certain items and best putting them into a space that works

She shit at drawing (she’ll leave that to the Architects) but she knows her furniture & patterns quite well

Has asked a few architects out on dates, some she worked with or stumbled across, only one seemed like it could have truly worked...I imagine him to look a bit like Henry Cavill with light facial hair (told you I’m a sucker for it, & Chelsea probably can tolerate just a bit not too much)

Yet Chelsea always has a wondering eye, she gets curious quite often which makes you wonder, is she really ready for love? To fully commit? One day she will be

It’s a competitive field and when she’s ready to battle she will but there are moments when she gets let down & has to pick herself up again

Has ADHD, goes to therapy for it & hates taking her meds. She’d rather stick to therapy sessions since it’s always nice to talk to someone

When she was younger she probably stole a friend or two’s bf & would definitely get mad if they did it back to her but they somehow still end up being friends in the end? Yikes

Hung out with the popular kids, was always at the parties making sure everyone was having a good time. Filling up the cups, directing where furniture should be moved, where the kegs should go, how many people should be there, etc...She doesn’t seem like the stuck up type like her mother but she is privileged & doesn’t realize it as much

Was a cheerleader & ran track, quit track to commit full-time to cheerleading since that kept her in shape enough

Dated here & there, had one bf where they would scream at each other and wouldn’t allow the other to leave or would be upset that the other didn’t come after them...yeah one of those couples

Broke up with her goth bf because he didn’t tell her he wasn’t coming to school for about a week; he had the stomach flu

Canon: Took a computer course in high school & in uni & found out she was at the top of her class for typing the fastest, she now loves the sound of her short pink ombré nails on the keys

Canon: Wanted to be a show jumper due to her mother’s side of the family & their history with horses

Goes to the stables every now & then, there’s one horse there that she’s absolutely in love with & loves to ride. Her father always offered to buy it for her but it’s not a animal she wants to own

Canon: loves finger foods + will get full off them at events quickly. She also doesn’t mind the tiny portions of food at expensive ass restaurants, it’s just enough for her

Takes hair supplements. Probably had long hair growing up that she always kept up in a bun or ponytail but decided to start chopping her hair off & getting layers & highlights which damaged her hair

Approves of plastic surgery

Is part of the itty bitty titty community & got a lift for them

Gets lip fillers for her bottom lip but isn’t a fan of needles + overlines her top lip

loves going to the dermatologist, the spa for facials & whatever else she’s willing to try & finding new skincare to buy

Tans & loves tropical hot summers

Buys an overload of bikinis even in the winter

Hates the rain, it messes with her mood

Loves a good lipstick & lipgloss combo, nudes & pinks are her to go to’s

Fav color is pink

Got herself a guinea pig after the show & named her “bubbly” after her baby in the villa

I feel like she would eventually get a tiny dog too

Has her own flat, that’s quite far from all of her family. She loves her dysfunctional problematic family but Chelsea likes her space from them too

Since buckinghamshire’s culture is more of a Middle Ages style, Chelsea made sure her home wouldn’t hold much of that style inside. It needed to be lively! Her family home was filled with dark wood & she can’t stand that

She loves going to the markets tho. She always seems to leave with something & either finds herself not liking it months later and ends up selling whatever item caught her interest

Her family tends to pop in whenever they want, especially her mother

Canon: talks about cat cafe’s when she’s drunk, says its her version of the chocolate factory + she’s the dancing drunk

Always down for a girls night out, girls trip & girls sleepovers

Probably goes to bed early around 10pm or earlier m if she’s not out having the time of her life, which makes her regret her choices the next morning

All her closest friends back home are a group of girls

Hangs out with Priya, Marisol, & Hope from the villa whereas the rest she’ll mostly communicate with them through socials or gatherings

Will host gatherings & expect them ALL to show up

Is dramatic when things don’t go her way

Loses focus more than gets bored in relationships? She’ll find other things or people to occupy her time which she doesn’t realize can be hurtful to others

When she does realize she hurts someone, she immediately wants to fix it

Canon: Is a blabbermouth. Cannot hold a secret for shit, also cannot tell a lie. Her body language gives it away first if she doesn’t spill it

Retail therapy is the best therapy if she doesn’t have a office appointment

Any spice girl song will be her karaoke song, she is always baby spice

Loves her Prosecco (me too sis!) & keeps plenty bottles in her wine fridge. She originally wanted a space with a wine cellar but got creeped out at the thought since it’s just her & bubbly living in the home

Has high cell phone bills, the girl loves a good chat

Cannot cook no matter how hard she tries. She’s been to cooking classes with an ex, watched videos, order from those food delivery sites to prepare food & it just never turns out well

Will spend hours in furniture stores, she’s had to be escorted out pass closing hours by security guards before & manage to make friends out of them. They all know who she is in majority of the stores she enters

Throws a party every time her following goes up. There’s never not a reason to throw one

Was upset that Carl unfollowed her once and figured Hannah made him do it. Which wasn’t true, Hannah was sure of herself now & doesn’t feel the need to be jealous, the man could follow whoever he wanted—she knew he barely stayed on IG in the first place. He thought it was too shallow

So when Chelsea called him one night sobbing he was utterly confused, he didn’t understand why a follow meant so much

He reluctantly followed her back

Thrilled to know Elijah, Lucas, & Carl all keep up with her. Oh & the rest of the boys ofc!

Chats with Jakub! They also hang out. They’re a bit of a odd pairing but they get along well, he’s basically another big brother to her but she actually likes him—

Afraid of the dark, keeps fairy lights lit throughout the night in her bedroom, keeps scent infused night lights in her hallways

Believes in feng shui

I feel like her voice is soft like jennifer Tilly’s?

Idk what her sun sign is? Is she a sag far as daydreaming cause she does that. I KNOW she has Leo in her chart, she’s dramatic, warm, likes to be admired & appreciated. Sun sign I need help? Maybe she’s a Sagittarius sun? + Leo moon + libra rising

Has a collection of celeb gossip magazines that she keeps on a stand next to her pink velvet chair beside her bow window

I think she will be the first islander that gets pregnant tbh & it’s by an architect (the guy I mentioned/envisioned that’s been waiting on her to realize he can give her the love she needs or prove he can balance her out) or firefighter or someone “manly” she wouldn’t end up with a islander I don’t think

she has a girl & names her, “adore”

Canon: Still wants 5 kids but we’ll see how that goes & if it’ll change, it’s been a bit difficult not drinking Prosecco but she’s got a lovely baby out of it

Crushes? Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Alfred Enoch, Alex Pettyfer, Joe Cole, Gregg Sulkin, Frank Dillane, Charlie Rowe, & Hero Fiennes Tiffin

Can listen to anything that’s got a good beat. But we all know she’s a pop & folk genre lover. She listens to: Astrid S, Maty Noyes, Cher Lloyd, Bebe Rexha, Allie X, Poppy, POST MALONE, etc.

Anthem? Gabrielle Aplin — Until the sun comes up

[yayydhd]

im sure youve answered similar asks before but exams are this week and wow am i failing lmao do you have any (online) school tips about like homestly anything

Here are some things I learned since I got my diagnosis:

when I feel myself procrastinating I usually use this step by step plan:

1. Decide what you want to do.

2. Break it up into smaller pieces (I’ll give another step by step down below).

3. Try to take the first step.

4. Are you still procrastinating? Try ro figure out why.

5. Now solve the problem: tired? take a nap, hungry? eat something first, bored? take a quick break or make sure you get more stimuli by listening to music or using something to stim with.

6. Once you’ve solved the problem, try to take the first step again.

People with adhd often have trouble getting started because they don’t know how or where to start (mostly without realizing), which is why the breaking into smaller pieces is importants, here is a step by step on how to do that:

1.   Pick a big task that you have trouble starting on

2.   Break it up into smaller steps

3.   If you wonder if these steps are small enough ask yourself; am I able to start this right now? If the answer is no, try making it smaller

4.   Write all these steps down on a to-do list and get started! 

(crossing of things on your to-do list often works very motivating, so if you have many steps there are many easy things to cross off!)

What also works for me is setting timers for how long I’m gonna work. I timed how long I can hold concentration (while on meds) for a while to figure out how long to set the timer for. Whenever my timer goes off I usually finish the thing I started on if it doesn’t take too long, because otherwhise I will forget what I was doing.

Sorry for the long post, hope it helps :)

[grubloved]

hi do you have any advice on getting help doing things when getting help is one of the things that need doing? people mention medication and therapy for adhd but it feels like an insurmountable wall to even get started trying to figure out how. if not that's okay too i hope you have a great day :)

ohh :( it took me nearly two years of trying to finally get to the point of meds, so, i get you. it's hard.

i was lucky enough that my uni offered adhd diganosis services and managed to get diagnosed (after...missing so many appointments and trying again :'( ), but it took even longer to figure out how to get meds.

but like husbirde made a normal doctors appointment, walked in and said "hi i think i have adhd and id like meds" and they gave him meds THAT DAY. so it doesn't necessarily have to take ages!!! just one doctors appt can do a lot of good.

as far as research goes, this website made a big difference for me-- it has a lot of available information and resources so research was easier!!!! there's tips abt therapy and meds and coaching, about what theyre good for and what to expect. it helped me do the big task of identifying the problems i wanted to solve, which is really the first step. it also helped me like, even get an idea of what the possible options were and how to go about it at all? there's good stuff here.

keeping track of what is hard helped me get a handle on stuff-- i never realized how many classes i missed/all sorts of things until i started writing it down. try thinking abt what you want to be better -- do you want to be able to focus in lectures, or do things when you want to do them, or make it to work on time, or be less anxious, or etc? stuff like that. try writing that down, too! keeping your goals in mind is important because then u have specific problems to seek solutions for.

talking to other people is really helpful. if you have a close friend group or partner, calling & making a game plan together ("im gonna try and call the doctor on x day so i can get an appointment, can u help me remember?") is really good! my friends & husbirde helped me remember to go to appointments and look for stuff. friends are helpful both on and off line.

even just asking questions of ANYBODY ("how do i make an appointment??") makes a huge difference. the desk staff at every medical establishment want to help you. if you want to do something, you can call and ask! if calling is hard, they usually also have an email option of some kind. email is a little slower, but u can do it at any time, which is a big deal lol.

reducing effort is also good -- if calling ur doctor/a therapist is hard, check and see if theres a text or email option. if going to places on time is hard, look for telehealth. keep your shoes by the door, buy pre-made food, stuff like that.

weird little specific thing: it's always so so so much better to reschedule appointments for a different day than to miss them. if i was stuck and couldnt GO, calling the place and rescheduling made it so i still had a goal to shoot for.

and really, honestly, the main one: it's never too late. there isnt a time limit. my gramma's coworker just started adhd meds at 50. i made probably 6 appointments with the adhd guys before i made it to one to get diagnosed. its about like gathering up ur strength when you can and doing anything, even something small, to work towards making stuff better, and also giving urself space to mess up and move on.

but ahhh good luck. i know it's hard :( you're doing your best. it will be enough someday!!! dont give up. <3 <3 <3