#also feeling very validated recently
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the worst parent poll made me realize just how many ppl in the fandom are willing to jump straight into abuse apologia. bc on one hand you have ppl dumbing down crow's abuse to "him just being mean" and on the other end you have ppl saying that curlfeather didnt abuse frostpaw because she sacrificed herself and frost + her siblings love her so she couldnt possibly be an abuser. truly mindboggling stuff take these serious topics away from the fandom asap.
Part of me feels like it's because many in this fandom have a feeling that if a character's actions are abusive, it means you're "not allowed" to like them. Like there's an impulse where if you liked a character, it MUST mean they weren't THAT bad, because you'd personally never like "an abuser."
As if it reflects poorly on your own morality, as a person, that you connected with An Abuser. Understood them, even. Even if it was just a character.
If it's immoral to Like Abusive Characters, of course your reaction is going to end up being abuse apologia. To enjoy something isn't logical, it's emotional, so you will get defensive about it when questioned. When you do, it's not going to be based on logic because you didn't reason yourself into that position in the first place. It's an attack on you as a person.
I feel like that's often the root of abuse apologia in this fandom, and sometimes the world at large; "If I admit that this character/person IS abusive, it means I was doing something bad by liking them, so I have to prove to everyone else that they weren't or it means I'm bad too."
And to that I say... That's a BAD impulse! Grow up and admit you resonated with a character that did a bad thing! If that's an uncomfortable thought, sit with it!
Sometimes abusers are likeable! They usually DO think they're justified in their actions, or doing it for "a good reason," or were just too preoccupied to care. MOST of the time, people who commit abusive actions are also hurt or traumatized in some way. You might even empathize with them. None of this means their actions have to be excused or downplayed.
"Abusers" aren't a type of goddamn yokai, they're people just like you and me. You don't help victims of abuse by putting the people who hurt us in an "untouchable" category.
In fact, all it does is make you less likely to recognize your own controlling behavior. You're capable of abuse. People you love are capable of it, too. People who love YOU can still hurt you.
In spite of how often people regurgitate "It's Ok To Like A Character As Long As You're Critical Of Their Actions," every day it is proven to me further and further that no one who says it actually understands what that means.
All that said; I think it's no contest which one's a worse parent, imo.
They both mistreated their children, but Curlfeather did it through manipulation without verbal or physical abuse. She politically groomed her into a position of power so that she could use her as a pawn. It can be argued if this counts as child abuse-- but it's firmly still under the broad category childhood maltreatment, which is damaging.
(though anon I'm with you 100% at seeing RED when "but she sacrificed herself" is used as an excuse. Curlfeather's death does NOT CHANGE what she did to Frostpaw in life. I think it's a valid point to bring up when comparing her to another terrible parent for judgement purposes, such as in the context of this poll, but I really hate the implication that redemption deaths "make up" for maltreatment.)
Crowfeather, meanwhile, is textually responsible for putting Breezepaw through verbal AND physical abuse, as well as child neglect. His motivations include embarrassment from a hurt ego, revenge on his ex, and being sad because of a dead girlfriend. This abuse drives Breezepelt towards radicalization in the Dark Forest.
You could argue Curlfeather is a worse person for Reedwhisker's murder, but as a parent? It's not even a question to me. Crowfeather's one of the worst dads in WC.
#Recently I've been reading a book on verbal abuse by Patricia Evans#And something I really appreciate about it is the way that it explains the way that abusive people *think*#The way that victim and abuser typically have a WILDLY different view of the world#The most important thing about this book though it how much it stresses that *these impulses are still human*#They play these power games to keep a sense of control in their relationship. It feels GOOD to hurt and dominate their partner.#And even when it describes the worst of humanity and the behaviors that escalate into physical violence--#--the book keeps in mind that anyone could change. But not everyone will. And it is NOT your responsibility as a victim to change them.#Reading it is painful but also very validating.#I wish I'd heard of it several years ago when I was first leaving that relationship lmao#but. How do you reconcile it when one of the most traumatic experiences of your life was an act of love in their eyes?#When it *wasn't* part of a game to hurt you but something they legitimately did in the thought they were protecting you.#You don't even get the satisfaction of having it just be nice and simple. That it was bad and we allll agree it was bad.#Frostie girlie you and me are going out to Carvel's and I'm buying us both a milkshake#warrior cats analysis#child abuse
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Sometimes you see people on the internet say shit and you're like... You realize "interesting dynamic" is not like an inherently gay thing, right? You realize heterosexual relationships are allowed to be interesting and emotionally complex and even queer? You realize this is true even if everyone involved is straight? Like I get hating the standard straight romance tropes, I mostly do too, but. Uh.
#im posting annoyance on my own blog bc I don't wanna get annoyed at the person in question where they'll see it#but i recently saw someone tag heterosexual ship art with -this feels like yuri to me-#and like#?????#Like I get preference for gay ships but uh. Something being compelling to you doesn't mean it should be gay???#God forbid you discover you like a heterosexual relationship.#This is not the biggest problem in the universe. It's just a thing that peeves me.#And it's very present in spaces I like being in. So. I encounter it a lot.#This is one of several little stupid winges I have about the way many other queer people talk about heterosexual and straight stuff#And frequently implicitly deny it the same range of complexity that exists in gay stuff.#You get to have a preference. That's fine. -I'd prefer this dynamic if it was women/men/trans/whatever- is valid. But come the fuck on#-I want to see this but gay/trans/whatever- is also valid! Just be normal about what it actually is!#THE CHARACTERS IN QUESTION ARE BOTH BI IN THIS CASE TOO IT'S NOT EVEN NOT QUEER#LIKE I GET ANNOYED ABOUT THIS RE: OVERSIMPLIFYING STRAIGHT PEOPLE TOO BUT PLEASE COME THE FUCK ON#okay I'm done winging#As I said to Ash. Im sure Id be plenty annoyed at stuff in mainstream culture too but I don't live there.#No one cares how annoying someone else's roomate is to live with.#And I'd certainly rather be in this house than the other one#I just wish my proverbial roomates were less annoying about some stuff.
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Hi i love your fat Andrew art insanely much. It's so cool. It helps me feel valid.
#ngl I got got by my own agenda the other day#like the whole point in how much I study different body types is to make people feel represented and valid and happy#I was at the river recently#and looked down and immediately thought of one of the comments I got on insta#like ‘haha wow tummy. very Andrew core’#and my brain went !!! gotcha bih!#like damn#it really works every once in a while huh#also.#princess bride my beloved#not art sorry guys#asks#anon
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Jen, v random but I think you follow the whatiwillsay pod? I was wondering if you had thoughts about their larry ep from a couple of years ago?
I do follow her on spotify, but I don't always listen (depends what I have in queue, the topic, etc). I *did* listen to that ep, though, and I disagreed with pretty much all of it MAINLY because you can't have it both ways, i.e., you can't say here's all this gryles proof, here's all this swiftgron proof, then dismiss larry or kaylor when it's the exact same amount of evidenceTM. Like, I'm all for reaching, reach away! But when you're matching, then match it! If it's fandom bullshit, call it as such, but where there's that much smoke, there's at least a wee bit of fire!
#it felt very much like well THIS one is real#but this exact same one isn't lol#all because of some insanity in the fanbase--and i get that#i saw it just recently in fact--like if you're gonna say shit like my ship is real! this 1/2 was pictured by himself in one city!#this 1/2 was pictured with fans in this other city half a world away!#THEY'RE MARRIED!!#it sounds insane because it is#and it means a lot of people will write off EVERYTHING ELSE accordingly#you can show randos outside of fandom early larry proof posts and the will 1000000% get it#but if you try to act like it carries over to today it not only does NOT carry over#it sounds literally insane and negates most of anything else#hence the big anti gap#if more larries left room for jesus (breakups etc) it would be a lot less crazy sounding#and yet!#ditto kaylors!!!!!#so I respect Cam as an outsider thinking hey yeah no#because she CAN accept that her ship (swiftgron) is done and over#but that said i still feel like if you're saying all this proof of gryles being so valid means you can't ipso facto larry NEVER existed#esp when you talk about louis's very clear jealousy...it's not purely just guys being bros who are pals...that just doesn't check out#and once again the fact that larries can't be YES they were a thing but they broke up later and/or it's messy#it has to be gold-star virgins who have only fucked each other#or else you're a full-on anti#well congrats you played yourself and excluded all room for nuance so OF COURSE you'll get podcasts saying larry is bullshit#it ain't that deep#it's also why a lot of this fandom is 'broken' etc#can someone like me be considered a larrie if i think they WERE a thing but they aren't any longer? i'm not saying they can't in the future#but i'd imagine i'm an ex-larrie in the eyes of the lord (redacted shitty blog names) and fine by me!#and yet that's not the full larrie definition you know?#so again OF COURSE podcasts not fully in this gatekeep mindfuck aren't gonna get it or even care#and more power to 'em i say
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#ohhhhhh my fucking god. omg. omg#i really need to learn to trust my own instincts about people#there's this dude - let's call him biff - who lives in my city#he's always been very consistent about staying in touch with me over the years even though we don't really have any shared interests#i met him when he was dating this girl i was friends with. then they broke up & he wanted to hang out with me#then he started dating someone else & they got married and had a kid#and after a while he stopped messaging me (fine by me)... UNTIL#i posted on fb the other day that i was starting the process of quitting everything Meta#and that people should comment if they wanted my contact info elsewhere#after making this post i thought 'hmmm maybe i should have restricted the audience to the only people i actually WANT to stay in touch with'#but it was too late. biff had already messaged me and asked for my number#stupidly i gave it to him. he (a german) joked 'still no german number i see?'#(it is clearly a german number. also i live in fckn germany. and have done so for 7 years. how the hell would i not have a german number?)#then he realized that & added me on whatsapp (kinda silly bc i explicitly said i'm going to quit the whole metaverse eventually but oh well)#first message: 'how u doing?' this man is in his 40s and has still never learned to type properly#second message: he said that he (singular) had recently moved to a new apartment and was not doing great#which makes me think that maybe he's gotten divorced and that's why he's suddenly so eager to reach out to me again#and he added apropos nothing 'but the good thing is that now i'll finally get to see the harry potter movies!'#ummm... great? fuck that transphobe but have fun i guess? what a weird thing to mention#third message was - just fucking WAIT FOR IT - 'what do u think about what's going on in the US recently? are you planning on going back?'#if y'all know me by now you know that this kind of question drives me bonkers#so i replied 'no i'm never going back. i live in germany. kinda sick of people asking me that. I LIVE HERE'#and i just... godddd my intuition is so depressingly good sometimes.#the moment his name popped up in my messages i had this sinking feeling of 'why did i give him my contact info'#and then what do you know... in his next two messages alone there were at least three minor red flags#NOTE TO SELF: TRUST YOUR FUCKING INSTINCT#why haven't i learned this yet? i do not need a 'valid reason' to softly let someone slip out of my life#cosmo gyres#personal#tag rant
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I'm realizing that the reason I feel so deeply attached to things I loved as a kid probably has something to do with the way I don't feel that attachment with my parents. Like yeah, I'm going to be devastated when the member of a band I've loved for over half of my life dies because he was there for me when my own parents weren't. And yeah, I'm going to feel ridiculous adoration for the woman who writes and sings songs about love and heartbreak who I've been singing along to since I was a child because she's shown me what love could be when my own mother couldn't set that example. And yeah, I'm going to love a cozy atmospheric piece of media because I felt comfortable living inside of that world when my own home growing up was never a place of reprieve. etc etc etc
#like sometimes I really wonder if I'm just developmentally stunted because no one else seems to hold onto the things they loved as a child#as much as I do#but I'm starting to realize that those things play a very specific role in my psyche#like there's a reason my brain won't let go of something that brings me this much joy#I need these things to feel whole#and maybe that's a problem or maybe it isn't#I've certainly felt the negative aspects of it recently#aka feeling like my own life was falling apart because a celebrity I've never met died#but also I'd rather have codependent relationships with media and trinkets and artists than with people who could genuinely hurt me#like if this is the way my brain has chosen to cope with that feeling of loneliness and helplessness#I'm fine with it#because at least I'm not seeking comfort/validation in worse places#I'd rather be a bit delusional about my hyperfixations than end up in an abusive relationship#and it isn't as if I don't find comfort in my friends and people in my life because I do#but I don't think friends can always make up for the emotional wound of parents who weren't there for you the way they should have been#also this is not meant to make anyone feel invalid for liking something just for the sake of liking it#not all of our interests have to stem from trauma of some kind lol#you are totally valid if you still love things that you loved as a child even if you had a perfect childhood#there's literally nothing wrong with that I'm just reflecting on my own experience#personal
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people can use this site however they want but there's something almost- idk, sad? about how few people are actually using their blogs. you can turn themes on and have skeletons dancing in the background. you can make everything hot pink. your blog is your scrapbook and you can put whatever you want in there. tags are okay at organizing things so you can have just a whole archive of cool shit to look at later. i know people complain a lot about people liking stuff about reblogging for engagement, and on one hand i get that- it is WILD to see a drawing i spent hours on get only 12 reblogs and 60 likes. Absolute culture shock compared to my previous fandoms. but i don't think you should reblog anything to make artists happy. i think you should reblog things so you can find them again. i think you should queue things to appear on the dash at specific times on certain days. i think you should reblog things so when you're talking to your friends about xyz post you saw you can look in your blog's archive and find it again. i think you should reblog things so that your dash is filled with one really sleepy cat. with the loss of reblogs there's the loss of engagement, which Does hurt the community-focus that makes tumblr so appealing, but idk i just wish people were more excited about the incredible amount of customization that tumblr allows and took advantage of that more
#if you're ever nervous about reblogging stuff just remember that people can always turn off reblogs#and also pls theme your tumblrs after silly fish or weird cube people or dnd#just anything that's fun to you have fun!!!#this is the silly cringe website please join us and be silly and cringy#i need to go to bed i think#but i also keep thinking about how i enjoy myself the most on this website when people reblog things from me and add commentary#comments/replies are great sure but they really bring the conversation to a halt and doesn't allow anyone else to chime in#idk some of my fave followers are the people who only like stuff#but when there are *only* people liking things it really feels like you're just yelling into a complete void#and then it's harder to find more content for things you like too#because the people you follow aren't reblogging things youd like to see#i have to delve into the main tag for my fandom content a lot because the people i follow are usually just making og posts#maybe i just need to find people who reblog things more but idk#i love it when fandoms become little communities but it feels like that's been stifled recently#which is what my actual gripe is i think#maybe ill delete this in the morning maybe not im just full on rambling at this point#getting a lot of likes feels like twitter validation#and reblogs feels like 'im putting this cool thing up on my very big fridge'#i don't want a popularity contest i just want to share cool shit >:c
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the wild robot was a good movie but i think i watched it at a bad time 😔
#rant in the tags to be less annoying ->#so its what i was talking the other day#the alineanization i have been feeling lately watching shows and moviescause i have realized very recently that im in the loveless spectrum#and how its like. its not the media's fault. they want to tell stories about love? cool! very beautiful!#but its like. sometimes. I feel kind of awful. and its silly i know#again its not me saying 'ugh this story sucks 🙄' cause like no they dont. i enjoy them! also i dont have to relate to everything#but its like. the lack of loveless acknowledgment in... well everything not just in media. is taking a toll in me lately#so this movie was like. its a good movie#but it is a 'robot learns to feel love' kind of story that falls into a lot of tropes that are... not fun to watch right now#again not the movie's fault. good movie go watch it#its just oh maaaan. i feel like an alien i feel like something is wrong with me#friendshiptest is genuinely helping me a lot and like its NOT perfect im not trying to say#'MY story is better than all of these' like good lord no my game sucks so bad 👎🏻#its just nice to... validate lovelessness. think about lovelessness. its nice to not feel like an alien
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| @handgiven :: from here |
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He'd not really meant to raise his voice. Well, as much as something like him could raise their voice - it was still comparatively soft, disuse evident in the way it cracked and broke over the words in the middle. The idea of talking about something like this with anyone, let alone a stranger, was mortifying; the words had escaped before he could cage them because he was just so tired and sick and angry - so angry all the time and he didn't understand why. It was all overwhelming enough that it hadn't even really sunk in yet that this person could see him.
The question prompted a pang of guilt to settle between his collar bones. Was that really what he thought? A part of him had sort of been unconsciously hoping that, since he couldn't un-say words, he'd at least feel a little better after saying them, but he didn't. So instead of getting up from where he'd stumbled he remained seated with legs curled under him where he was, back turned to the other, and wrapped his arms a little tighter around himself to make himself smaller. Coordinated movement was still not his best thing yet.
" I... " he did his best to crush the wavering of voice that came with wanting to cry, " I want to go home. "
#👁️🗨️ | violently do I know the world :: verse |#| Is Eden's recently resurrected verse#he is not good at piloting a body yet and he's so tired I'm sorry Em |#Also a very valid way to feel about Eden's situation none of this is very good
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i'm only on chapter 2 of Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, phd, but it's SO good, makes me go !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#haiz reads things#same feeling as with ace by angela chen#the author is autistic and trans if it helps#i feel like ive been better at honoring and recognising my autism for the past couple years#but medical professionals have always seemed very sceptical of it - to the point i had to be assessed a second time to be diagnosed#and listening to this book is already so validating and powerful and putting words to so many things#(slightly related but i recently realised im probably not just a 'anxious type of person' i probably have Actual Anxiety#despite having been screened by therapists on several occasions. but im probably very good at acting well-adjusted#see also being rejected from therapy for not being depressed enough during the most horrible time of my life. ANYWAY)
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you know if you guys voted for stretch armstrong i probably would have shut up a lot sooner tonight
#so really this is all your fault /lh /j#i love thinking about h2o tho so im happy#VERY FUCKING TIRED THO WISH I COULD SLEEP#i think my brain is kicking into overdrive after being filled with cotton the past 3 days which. hey im glad ur back bud#CAN YOU SHUT UP NOW I NEED REST#i was just thinking because im probably not posting that essay i will summarize here (i saw#that privating it made it lose like 4 recently edited paragraphs and i don't want to type all that out again my memory isn't good enough)#it just boiled down to the pods basically making a self fulfilling prophecy by orphaning their sons and making them increasingly#desperate for connections to other people like them which is why i think erik behaves the way he does esp when ondina is around#like i am not excusing his actions in the slightest dont get me wrong here he really fucked up BUT#his last conversation with ondina before he goes to the chamber kind of sold that idea to me#how he scoffs at her saying rita says it's dangerous because she's 'old school' and of COURSE old school mermaids think all mermen are evil#and then starts adding on how he wants to do this for HER and get her home back for her by controlling it#like a bit of an add-on at the end to try and convince her#i think what he really wants is to be hailed as a hero. you know. validation and acceptance from the ppl who originally abandoned him#the OGs who made him feel like an outsider. the ppl who ripped everything away from him just bc of the way he was born (which is prob why#when he's trying to convince zac to help him he keeps bringing up their ancestors bc that's what unifies them)#i don't think he's an evil dude per se i think he thought stealing the trident stone from rita's grotto would be small peanuts in the past#once he finally got the pod to come home bc he genuinely (mistakenly) believed he COULD control the power of the chamber#i also think that's why the camera keeps focusing on his face when he's watching the others panic over#zac's sacrifice and i think he is feeling jealousy bc they are paying attention to him and not Erik#like that's not the face of someone who deeply regrets what they just did. my guy is just sitting there like 'that should be me rn'#i think that is why he also sounds so desperate to make things right with ondina afterwards. iirc he's just like 'wait no we can start ove#RIGHT?' and she's like 'uhhhh... no??????' (valid). my dude is lonely as fuck and he finally found a group of ppl like him and he messed up#big time just trying to get their attention and affection bc he couldn't just be normal abt it he had to go big or go home#like i kind of feel bad for him in a way#but i feel bad for everyone#i felt bad for denman the other day! that's how bad this is getting!!#i mean come on imagine making the scientific discovery of a LIFETIME only for all that shit to happen in a row#especially after you get your comeback. they just go right back to fucking you over again
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I ran this morning AND wrote some AND made art and I’m so proud of me
#didn’t get any of my actual office work done oopsies#but in my defense it’s a Friday and also I did allot time for it I just ended up not doing it#anyways still proud of me!!! guys art is so so important and I know that and I preach that but I haven’t been doing it#and I just picked up a blank sheet of paper and did it#and is it good or anatomically correct? no but it was so FUN#and I’ve been working thought Tim Clare’s writing stuff and it’s been GOOD#I like this new series of exercises a lot better than the couch to 80k#they’re. the same honestly and I don’t actually care about his commentary all that much#maybe I’m just more present or more invested in them#I only ran for 15. min and then I had to call my brother to pick me up because the heat was gonna make me pass out :/#but also I TRIED#I fucking tried today#also did u know running is utterly miserable.#runners high is def a thing#felt amazing afterward#but holy shit it’s awful in the moment#my roommate ran a 25k recently and I talked to her about it and she said it never gets better#which is. not very encouraging#but also I Want To run as much of this 5k as I can#maybe I’ll be dead after but it’s fine I have a couple days to recuperate before the eclipse#WHICH IM ALSO EXCITED SBOIT. I’ve never seen a total eclipse before#goddamit my brain jumped to too many places#delete later#anyways. if u didn’t u should acknowledge ur accomplishments today#even if they didn’t feel like much#now I’m gonna go read a 115k fanfic that’s gonna wreck me#that’s my treat to me#I HAVE ACTUAL BOOKS TO FINISH. but NO. THIS is how I’m spending my time. and it’s fine I’m valid#I’ve been talking to all the lesbians about running too#and they’ve been so encouraging too!! I love my coworkers and very distantly related coworkers sm
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just posted the first fic on ao3 since giving my ao3 user to a friend im actually nauseous
#this is so dramatic#but also#valid i feel#every one of my fics but especially the ones ive written recently#feel so vulnerable and raw to me even if they arent just bc ive been putting so much more of myself into my work as of late#and its a little very scary to think abt him reading it#anyway if yall like damian wayne or tim drake u should read my new fic up on ao3 user marella1ggy
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If your democrat friends start muttering about stolen election conspiracy theories, the time to have a sit down with them and express your concerns is NOW, while you still have a chance to reach them, not 6 months from now when they're fully conspiracy-pilled.
Here's some of the talking points and why they're bullshit:
'10 million votes don't just disappear!' -> Joe Biden's 81 million votes were a statistical outlier, sparked by the recent experience of the Trump presidency. The democrats failed to maintain that sense of urgency, but Harris still got more votes than Hillary Clinton, more than Obama and more than any previous democratic candidate. These numbers are not weird at all.
'The Republicans tried to infiltrate election- and vote counting organizations!' -> yeah, they did, and yet hundreds of independent legal observers didn't see anything go wrong enough to raise any alarms. Independent exit polls are also very consistently similar to the counted votes. Tons of international organizations specialized in this stuff observed the election and didn't see a reason to raise the alarm.
'But I know a dozen democrats whose mail-in votes were not counted!' -> In any election a certain number of votes are registered as invalid because something was wrong with the ballot. In a country the size of the US, that translates to many thousands of votes. The internet allows these people to find each other, creating the false impression that a suspiciously large group of votes was not valid.
'Musk used Star Link to mess with electronic voting!' -> Electronic voting machines are not connected to the internet and dozens of independent media have already debunked this myth. It is absolutely impossible to use Star Link to fake election results.
'There is voter disenfranchisement!' -> This is true. This has always been true, for every election. It's an issue worth talking about but it's not a special secret conspiracy that's unique to this election.
But just as importantly as the facts: sit down with your friend and talk about the anxiety that's behind their conspiracy leanings. Acknowledge their pain and fear. Help them find ways to feel less powerless and regain their sense of agency. Take them to a mutual aid event, involve them in a fundraising event for a marginalized group, invite them to a local community effort. If they spend more time feeling connection and empowerment and less time doom scrolling online, they're far more likely to stay in reality.
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my favourite part about being multigender to this day is something i realized within a couple weeks of coming out to myself, which is that i get to be a better man than the very misogynistic & violent men i’m related to while also still being a woman. i get to be fucking poetry.
(if you’re confused as to why you’re seeing this, read the tags. there’s a one piece post hidden there.)
(also, like just because i exhibit the paranoia of a terminally online hermit™️ deprived of an habitat enrichment, & because this website is hellish, i want to be clear that i’m not trying to exceptionalize @ the expense of monogender trans people who come to similar realizations, we are doing the same thing in a different genre.)
#also shout out to the terms “personally coming out” & “coming out to myself” for encompassing those who exist both within & outside of the#born this way paradigm. very sexy chefs kiss.#anyway posting this on my op blog because it is arguably a tad sanji + ace coded#(& i want to state this before some idiot gets weird- this is just as if not more meaningful when interpreting sanji as transfem multigende#rather than as a tme character for all transfem readings of sanji are a nuanced topic due to ways she in this reading can fall#into negative stereotypes/caricaturization due to the perv gag + the transmisogyny in#the writing of the kamabaka characters (apologies if i am misremembering what they are called i’m very stoned) & other such problematic tex#-ual elements i don’t think the solution to that is to entirely disregard the fact that any trans coded textual elements are specifically#coded as transfemine- which is something i’ve started to see fandom veer toward recently. like if it’s projection that’s one thing whateve#but like you are genuinely arguing that any of that is transmasc coding you are being willfully transmisogynistic through erasure though#like idec i’ll be blunt & say it. you cannot look at sanji’s relationship with transness being specifically centred around transfeminity#in every relevant portion of the text including the added (albeit still transmisogynistic itself) post-sabody anime material & then go#“all of this is oda saying trans guy” & expect me to think otherwise like. that’s not how narrative coding works. that’s not how anything#works. & even if you are arguing a reading in which sanji as a transmasculine individual realizes he is allowed to be gender nonconforming#& is affirmed in his manhood as a result rather than the much more heavily (especially in the anime) conclusion of the egg shell rebuilding#around her like. that is reliant on a premise that the text has in no way presented us with or implied which is that sanji is cafab.#& like tbc i do not care about personal projection headcanon or for fun headcanon & that’s not what i’m talking about here.#i headcanon zoro as a transfemine butch in spite of there being a lack of textual basis for it cause i think it’s more interesting#in particular when examining from the lens of zoro being so impacted by kuina’s internalized misogyny in part due to her own gender#alienation (for lack of a better way to put it) when she was that young & how it hit a really sore spot both in terms of like in-the-moment#dysphoria & like personal conceptions of her relationship with gender as she got older & how that relates to her desire to be the strongest#swordsman & the like.#oda didn’t imply all that it is just an interesting way to tug at the thread presented by kuina & zoro in the flashback.#what i do care about is when we get into the territory of text-based readings & claims of textual validity & that’s when the transmisogyny#discussion comes into play here.#for the record i was not expecting to say all that it just came out.#anyway i’m highkey curious as to what the transfem folks in the op fandom think of the transfem sanji reading whether that be in a mono or#multi-gender sense. it’s not a perspective i’ve seen get much spotlight unfortunately.#i’ve been tempted to make a hey share your thoughts post but it feels like in this context it would be demanding women explain things to me#& i don’t want to do that yk?
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THE TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION TELLS CHUCK TINGLE TO STAY HOME BUT WE PROVE LOVE ANYWAY
just when you buckaroos thought 2024 would be a break from book drama, here comes chuck tingle in the mix. recently i was asked to be a featured speaker at the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION annual conference. a few days ago they rescinded my invitation. here is what happened.
(EDITED TO ADD THIS LINK. if you have a hard time reading this on way of tumblr you can also read for free on chucks patreon)
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i would like to start off by saying it is not my intent to start a fight, and all those reading this should know that the actions of a few misguided folks do not speak for the whole TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION. i am sure there are many involved who will be very upset to learn what others at TLA have done in their name. there are many individuals here, so please do not paint them all as villains in your mind. besides, chuck loves the dang library everyone knows that.
the point of writing this is not to vilify. i am writing this is because MOMENTS OF DARKNESS are the best places to SHINE A LIGHT AND PROVE LOVE IS REAL. this is a perfect time for learning and growing and for us talk on some very important things that queer buckaroos and neurodivergent buckaroos face every day. this is an unfortunate moment that WE can turn around and use to prove love is real.
i am also writing this to understand some of my own personal feelings on the matter. for something that seems very simple on the surface, the trot is complex, and i am still working out my emotions on the whole dang thing. i am learning in this way.
PART ONE: BAG OF LOVE
a few months ago chuck was asked to be a featured speaker at the 2024 TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION ANNUAL CONFERENCE. i have been asked to do things like the before and it is ALWAYS a fun time to meet bookseller and librarian buds. trotting around face to face and talking about my story of conquering chronic pain and overcoming my mental hurdles is VERY IMPORTANT to me. i say YES to these things whenever i can. (here i am with authors at CALIFORNIA INDEPENDENT BOOKSELLERS ALLIANCE conference. they are a WONDERFUL group and they proved love with their OWN invitation to chuck. this was such a moving event with so many amazing authors and stories. got very teared up during this photo)
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ANYWAY BUCKAROOS i get the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION invite and say 'YES BUD LETS TROT'. we are then confirmed.
months pass. a few weeks ago i get a call from my manager and agent and publisher saying ‘the TLA have rescinded their invitation.’
turns out some things had been going on behind the scenes
at some point the TLA asked chucks INCREDIBLE HEROIC BAD ASS PUBLISHER if chuck would be okay with not wearing the mask, to which tor/nightfire/macmillan said ‘what the heck are you talking about of course chuck is going to wear his mask. this is how chuck presents himself’ (NOT EXACT QUOTE)
as you all know, my pink bag way is a VERY IMPORTANT SPACE. as an autistic buckaroo it is a boundary that allows me to express myself freely and relieve my chronic pain from neurotypically masking all day. i have talked about this for years, and it is why i consider my private identity a SACRED THING. it is literally a health issue.
fortunately THE PINK BAG is never really a problem when making appearances. i have spent years going on television shows, doing interviews, speaking at other conferences and conventions, hosting book events on tour, and even MEETING WITH LAWYERS in my pink face covering. it is always respected and that is very validating to my way.
when arriving anywhere i always take precautions. i always warn buckaroos ahead of time that there is a masked man coming. i always have someone go in ahead of me JUST IN CASE. again, there has never been an issue. at a big conference where i am a special guest there is ESPECIALLY not an issue because my face and bio are printed IN THE DANG PROGRAM
SOME FUN TIMES AT BIG EVENTS BELOW:
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CHUCK ON TV SHOW NAME OF 'AT MIDNIGHT' BACK BEFORE I WROTE LOVE IS REAL ON MY HEAD:
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well, there has never been an issue.... UNTIL NOW.
PART TWO: RESCINDED
a few days ago TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION suddenly messaged my publishers and said that chuck tingle is no longer invited. my invitation was rescinded. the reason given was that people could possibly be uncomfortable with my mask
right out of the gate i would like to say this: it is absolutely the right of the texas library association to disinvite someone from their conference. it is their event, after all, and they can ban anyone they would like, for any reason.
of course, that doesnt mean other folks HEARING THIS NEWS wont have their own opinions the TLA choices. if the TLA disinvites someone, their reasoning for doing this can be discussed and analyzed. whether or not they follow their own guidelines can be questioned, and certainly their kindness and tact can be considered
there are a few BIG POINTS to make regarding this choice from the TLA
first and foremost, i just gotta say buckaroos, it is incredibly rude to invite someone to be a guest speaker at your event, have them confirm and mark off their calendar and turn down other offers, then rescind their invitation. this is maybe the simplest of the points, but it is an important one.
second, (DEEP BREATH HERE WE GO BUCKAROOS) i personally do not think of my autism as a disability very often, but i also KNOW that despite these feelings it ABSOLUTELY IS. autism is important to be listed as a recognized disability because of the help some autistic buckaroos need regarding government programs and things like that. ALSO just because my neurodivergence has helped me in some ways (hyperfocus and a unique artistic sensibility for example). i personally need to step back and remember my battle with stress and chronic pain from having to neurotypically mask all the time. for as much as i love being autistic it has made some things very difficult.
in other words, i am perfectly capable of speaking and interacting with folks without this pink bag on my head BUT WHEN I AM IN THE CHUCK TINGLE SPACE I REQUIRE IT. i can ONLY use this space while covering my face. is not a want. it is a need. holding this boundary is more important than i can ever say. i will not, and can not, let these spaces cross.
TLA not letting an autistic author wear the face cover theyve set up to express their neurodivergence in a safe, healthy way is--for lack of a better term--NOT A GOOD LOOK.
i cannot fathom them disinviting another author for using a disability aid. i cannot fathom them saying that a buckaroo who hears better with a hearing device cannot use it during their panel because it would make others 'uncomfortable'.
but here we are.
PART THREE: WHAT DOES A BUCKAROO GOTTA DO TO GET BANNED AROUND HERE?
this is the TLAs official stance on disability issues according to their website:
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when poking around on the TLA website i noticed a few other things. i noticed a previous guest speaker wearing a niqab, and i was left wondering if the religious significance is what make that okay but chuck tingle banned. that made sense until i looked deeper and saw mascot buckaroos dressed up on the exhibition floor, and saw some kind of spiderbud in a costume contest. nobody around them seemed to be all that scared. their invitations REMAINED INTACT.
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it should be mentioned here that AT ONE POINT during the discussions an email was sent from TLA saying chuck is allowed to come and wear his mask in the exhibition halls and smaller panels, just not at any of the big PAID PANELS i was once supposed to participate on. this was a confusing offer, but their explanation was that people who paid for something should have the option to not see chucks 'scary neurodivergence aid'. i tried to wrap my head around WHY they would make a distinction. maybe the exchange of money (rather than time) causes some kind of philosophical adjustment that i just cant grasp?
i wonder, would the author who wears a niqab ALSO be banned from the paid panels? i hope not
my answers trotted up short until i investigated deeper and found this quick moment from one of the TLA help videos. while some events DO require additional buckaroo cash, it actually appears that THE ENTIRE CONFERENCE IS TICKETED AND COSTS MONEY.
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at this point i realized there is clearly no actual official policy about not covering your face (other than one from a few years ago saying that you HAVE to cover your face), and the addition of 'money' is a red herring. these excuses make no sense
PART FOUR: CLOSE THOSE GATES
it appears that my neurodivergence is 'scary' enough to get me uninvited, REGARDLESS what their disability and mask policies may say
BUT WHY? why is chucks preferred physical presentation valued SO little by the TLA that a THEORETICAL complaint is worth more? is my neurodivergent expression so awful? is my own safety as a queer activist such an afterthought?
is a pink bag with the words 'love is real' scrawled across the front REALLY going to frighten someone when the posters and pamphlets on the way into in panel would have a photo of my masked face saying THIS IS LITERALLY WHO IS ABOUT TO APPEAR BEFORE YOU.
if THAT accommodation is too much, would it really be so difficult to have someone trot out beforehand and make an announcement? to say 'there is someone on this upcoming panel who needs a mask to express this part of himself, if this makes you uncomfortable then this panel might not be for you'.
and really, i have to heckin ask, is this physical expression of my raw inner truth really so hideous and frightening that fear of making someone uncomfortable is a REAL problem?
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(a terrifying display of autism. apparently)
i cannot imagine what kind of precautions they need to take before a stage play featuring costumes and masks.
you MIGHT think chucks queerness and left leaning politics could be the issue with this organization, but they have had drag queens as past speakers (also featuring some GLORIOUS makeup and hair that covers almost all of their faces. VERY CURIOUS). regardless, the TLA do not seem like a conservative bunch.
if you are bisexual or an autistic person who is good at 'passing' you probably already know where this is headed, your dang spiderbuckaroo senses are tingling at FULL ALERT. i will say i do not KNOW the real reason why i was uninvited, and i do not have enough information to make any concrete statement of the real answer. there is only evidence that masks have been fine at TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION events in the past, but not much else to go on.
so the FACTS part of our discussion ends there, but i think it opens us up to talk about some very important feelings that bisexual and autistic buckaroos know well.
THIS is where we take a unfortunate, hurtful moment and turn it into a discussion. this is where we prove love is real.
as someone who is constantly doubted and put through purity tests because of my unique way, we are pushing up against a subject i know well. thats right buckaroos: we are talking GATEKEEPING
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AGAIN, i do not know if this is the answer, but someone in my position might be VERY STRONGLY INCLINED TO THINK that a few well-meaning left leaning buckaroos think i am a joke and that this is a character, and that there is something problematic about my work because i am not really a real person.
any upstanding left leaning organization would OF COURSE allow a mask for a neurodivergent buckaroo with an unusual visual presentation, an autistic buckaroo who conquered his chronic pain ONLY by creating this important space... but what about a FAKE autistic buckaroo?
any upstanding left leaning organization would OF COURSE allow a mask for a queer LGBTQ activist standing up for gay and trans rights against a torrent of scoundrels hunting for his legal identity. its a matter of safety... but what about a FAKE queer activist?
let me be very clear for the 100th time: i am a real person. this is not a joke. i am not playing a character. i am really autistic and bisexual. tinglers are sincere and they are not ‘so bad theyre good’. they are just good. camp damascus is not ‘my first serious book’ because my queer erotica is serious. my art is important and real.
when people tell me to unmask they often do not know WHY they want it, and of course one very good reason is innocent curiosity. but there are SOME cases where i start to get THAT feeling--that tingle all of us ‘passing’ buckaroos get when we can sense the real intent behind the poking and prodding. that is the feeling of stumbling into a gatekeepers crosshairs.
if i was to take off my pink bag, what about my face would you analyze to tell if i was REALLY queer. my eye color? my ear shape? if you learned my legal name, would you see if it sounded autistic? is my voice neurodivergent enough?
or is all of that utterly absurd? i am curious what the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION thinks.
PART FIVE: GENDERED
this will be the shortest of parts, but it has to be said. i have a very complex relationship with gender, as written about at length here and here. i understand these things can be difficult to parse for some, but i ask that you trust me when i say that the ONLY reason i have been able to talk about my gender and sexuality and learn these things about myself is because of this pink bag. this outward appearance is a direct expression and reflection of my gender journey.
if the texas library association does not care about my appearance as an expression of my autism, then i cant imagine them giving a dang about it as an expression of my gender and queerness. that being said, it is personally very important to me and i think it should be mentioned
PART SIX: SO YOU WANT TO REMOVE AN AUTISTIC QUEER AUTHOR FROM YOUR EVENT BECAUSE PEOPLE MIGHT FIND THEIR DIFFERENCES SCARY
there is a question to be asked here: how could the TLA have done this correctly?
i have one very big piece of advice i would like to shout from the rooftops. please, for the love of sweet barbara, DO ENOUGH RESEARCH to know if this appearance will be a problem and, IF SO, dont extend an invitation in the first place. unique buckaroos with different presentations are constantly left in this place of limbo because we are bombarded with careless actions like those of the TLA. before you consider extending a branch to an artist who might need more accommodations than usual, think to yourself 'CAN WE MAKE THESE ACCOMMODATIONS?'
putting all of this on the shoulders of a single 'buckaroo with a difference' is exhausting. as the TLA has shown, we currently live on a timeline where a buckaroo like myself never really knows if an invite is SOLID without doing a deep dive history lesson on how often a group discriminates and against who.
i did not want to spend my whole family holiday worrying whether or not i should say something publicly or just lie down and shut my dang mouth. i had to consider HOW i should say it. i had to worry whether or not its worth standing up for myself in the face of the largest state library association in the country. i think buckaroos with differences are with me when i say: WE ARE SICK OF HAVING TO DO THIS WORK TO COVER FOR THE POOR BEHAVIOR OF LARGE ORGANIZATIONS WHO TREAT US BADLY
another option would just be to use kindness and common sense and happily accommodate artists with unique presentations to your conventions
PART SEVEN: LOVE IS STILL REAL
i would like to close by saying THANK YOU to my publisher nightfire and editor kelly for standing up for me. they immediately stood firm and had my back. they are the real dang deal. THANK YOU to my management and agent buds dongwon and gino for trotting along beside me. THANK YOU to the folks at the texas library association who initially invited chuck with goodness in their heart and then likely got bowled over by someone else, and maybe even got knocked to the side by a big closing gate.
i hope there are librarians in texas who are still interested in carrying BURY YOUR GAYS when it comes out (which is ironically about someone who creates a space through art to express their queerness where they cant otherwise). libraries prove love is real and what they do IS SO IMPORTANT. it was SO IMPORTANT TO ME as a young buckaroo and i cannot thank you enough. i am not sure if me writing all of this will hurt my sales in some way, but this opportunity to speak about the reality of disability awareness and queer gatekeeping is too important to stay silent. (if you have not already preordered BURY YOUR GAYS then give it a preorder to make up for some texas library losses i guess.)
which leads me to my final thank you. THANK YOU to the buckaroos reading this. yes YOU. i am in the position to stand up and speak my mind against scoundrel forces ONLY because i have the might of you buckaroos by my side. the buckaroo trot is ALL OF OUR TROT and we are ALL HERE TO PROVE LOVE. i cannot tell you how much i appreciate the way you have created a space for me to express these important parts of myself. you have seen this pink mask over my face and saying YES, I ACCEPT YOU, you have literally saved my life. for that i am so thankful.
if you are UPSET by what youve read here, then turn it into something positive. you can support autistic creators, or make a donation to the AUTISTIC SELF ADVOCACY NETWORK
and besides WHO IS REALLY MISSING OUT? this is what it looks like when you invite the worlds greatest author chuck tingle to your event and treat their identity as valid. WE HAVE A DANG GOOD TIME
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KEEP TROTTING INTO THE FUTURE. KEEP KICKING DOWN GATES WHEREVER THEY MAY BE. KEEP PROVING LOVE IS REAL AND PROVING IT TOGETHER. lets go buckaroos - chuck
UPDATE AN HOUR AFTER POSTING:
true buckaroo TJ KLUNE was set to be another author on panel chuck was removed from and has informed me he has now chosen to decline his invitation in support and solidarity with chuck. i am so deeply moved by this. thank you from bottom of heart buckaroo
to be very clear TJ has a huge platform and DOES NOT NEED TO DO THIS. these conferences are great for book sales and he is taking a hit out of pure solidarity. this is queer buckaroos standing up for eachother. i am floored by this kindness and love
please consider checking out his books if they are not already covering your dang bookshelf. chuck blurbed IN THE LIVES OF PUPPETS and i was blown away i heckin loved it
MOST RECENT UPDATE:
here is more
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