#almost like it reset itself

[rio-hearts]

I know the tumblr mobile app is buggy but it literally just straight up stopped working and took me to my home screen. I was just at the top of my dashboard.

[machine-saint]

the op of that "you should restart your computer every few days" post blocked me so i'm going to perform the full hater move of writing my own post to explain why he's wrong

why should you listen to me: took operating system design and a "how to go from transistors to a pipelined CPU" class in college, i have several servers (one physical, four virtual) that i maintain, i use nixos which is the linux distribution for people who are even bigger fucking nerds about computers than the typical linux user. i also ran this past the other people i know that are similarly tech competent and they also agreed OP is wrong (haven't run this post by them but nothing i say here is controversial).

anyway the tl;dr here is:

you don't need to shut down or restart your computer unless something is wrong or you need to install updates

i think this misconception that restarting is necessary comes from the fact that restarting often fixes problems, and so people think that the problems are because of the not restarting. this is, generally, not true. in most cases there's some specific program (or part of the operating system) that's gotten into a bad state, and restarting that one program would fix it. but restarting is easier since you don't have to identify specifically what's gone wrong. the most common problem i can think of that wouldn't fall under this category is your graphics card drivers fucking up; that's not something you can easily reinitialize without restarting the entire OS.

this isn't saying that restarting is a bad step; if you don't want to bother trying to figure out the problem, it's not a bad first go. personally, if something goes wrong i like to try to solve it without a restart, but i also know way, way more about computers than most people.

as more evidence to point to this, i would point out that servers are typically not restarted unless there's a specific need. this is not because they run special operating systems or have special parts; people can and do run servers using commodity consumer hardware, and while linux is much more common in the server world, it doesn't have any special features to make it more capable of long operation. my server with the longest uptime is 9 months, and i'd have one with even more uptime than that if i hadn't fucked it up so bad two months ago i had to restore from a full disk backup. the laptop i'm typing this on has about a month of uptime (including time spent in sleep mode). i've had servers with uptimes measuring in years.

there's also a lot of people that think that the parts being at an elevated temperature just from running is harmful. this is also, in general, not true. i'd be worried about running it at 100% full blast CPU/GPU for months on end, but nobody reading this post is doing that.

the other reason i see a lot is energy use. the typical energy use of a computer not doing anything is like... 20-30 watts. this is about two or three lightbulbs worth. that's not nothing, but it's not a lot to be concerned over. in terms of monetary cost, that's maybe $10 on your power bill. if it's in sleep mode it's even less, and if it's in full-blown hibernation mode it's literally zero.

there are also people in the replies to that post giving reasons. all of them are false.

temporary files generally don't use enough disk space to be worth worrying about

programs that leak memory return it all to the OS when they're closed, so it's enough to just close the program itself. and the OS generally doesn't leak memory.

'clearing your RAM' is not a thing you need to do. neither is resetting your registry values.

your computer can absolutely use disk space from deleted files without a restart. i've taken a server that was almost completely full, deleted a bunch of unnecessary files, and it continued fine without a restart.

[a-killer-obsession]

The Bet [Kid Pirates x Reader]

🔞 MINORS DNI 🔞

It all started in the most unexpected manner. Kid had never even considered having children, but after it happened he'd found himself thinking more and more about it.

CW:  established relationship, fivesome F/M/M/M/M, breeding, breeding kink, pregnancy, polyamorous relationship, everyone is bi/pan and together, smut, oral, double penetration, blow jobs, deep throating, anal fingering, afab reader

Self indulgent one shot for my birthday

WC: ~3.5k

Masterlist || AO3

It all started in the most unexpected manner. Kid had never even considered having children, but after it happened he'd found himself thinking more and more about it. He couldn't deny that the thought of you swollen with his babe inside you was alluring, it awakened a kink he didn't even realise he had. But it went further than that, he realised, when a small child had run to you and clung to your leg crying, while the crew was docked on some tourist trap island waiting for the log pose to reset. The ease in which you picked up the child and comforted them, before helping them find their mother, awakened something in him. He started dreaming about it, a little redheaded child with all his fire and all your charisma, running around the deck teasing the crew. Making them small toys with his abilities and seeing their eyes light up. Teaching them to shoot a gun, being scolded by you for doing so. He often found himself thinking about it, more than he would like, or ever admit to.

Until it had happened though, he'd had no interest, and did not think you did either. After all, were children not something people in more… traditional relationships wanted? The polyamorous relationship you had with the Kid Pirate commanders was hardly traditional. Not to mention the logistics of having a child on a ship. Was it only him you'd asked for this with, or did you not care who it happened with? Did you even mean it like that, or was it just a lust-fueled passing thought, caught up in the heat of the moment?

He'd already been fucking you ruthlessly for hours when it happened, the two of you coated in sweat and other bodily fluids, your hands threaded in his hair as he slammed you in to the mattress of his giant bed with every deep thrust, your moans bridging on screams. He'd leaned back to admire his work, your pussy already puffy and pink from multiple rounds as he watched his cock bury and unbury itself inside you. With an annoyed groan he began to pull away, but you held him tight with your legs around his waist.

“Babe, the condom broke,” he complained, “let me go, I'll be quick”

“Nooo,” you moaned, rocking your hips towards him as he tried to pull away, “don't go, cum inside me, please”

Kid couldn't believe what he was hearing, almost cumming right there and then. “I'm- babe are you sure?”

“Put your baby in me,” you moaned as you rolled your hips against him, fucking yourself on him while he hesitated, “breed me, please”

His hesitation was immediately lost to his stupid caveman brain and he slammed back into you at a new, desperate pace, eager to fill you with his load. “Yes! Yes!” You cried out between moans, “fill me up, breed me- oh fuck I'm cumming~”

You clamped tight around him and he hit his own peak, your pulsing hole milking him for everything he was worth as he emptied inside you. “Fuck,” he groaned as he came to a rest, his thick cock still sheathed deep inside you.

“Mmm, don't pull out yet,” you mewled, still holding him tight against you, “I don't want any of your cum dripping out of me, don’t wanna waste it”

“Fuck, [y/n],” Kid groaned, planting his head against your shoulder and letting out an almost growl.

“And you didn't think to ask her about it afterwards?” Killer raised an eyebrow at Kid. The four commanders, your lovers, were sitting around the table that sat in the middle of the navigation room. Kid had just finished telling the others about the condom incident, hoping to get their insights on it or see if you'd done the same to them.

“She was so tired, so we just cleaned up and fell asleep,” Kid shrugged.

“Maybe she's on some other birth control?” Wire suggested.

“Nah, she doesn't like the way they make her feel,” Heat explained, “that's why she's always insisted on the rubbers”

“Well, how do you feel about it?” Killer asked, “do you want a kid?”

“I mean, I didn't think I did,” Kid mumbled, scratching the back of his neck, “but… I can't stop thinking about it”

“I mean, y'all know me,” Heat laughed, “I've been waiting to breed her. She'd look so fucking good all swollen with my baby”

“Yeah, we know,” Wire groaned, “you never shut up about it. I can't say I haven't thought about it too though. I mean, she's been with us for years, it was bound to cross our minds at some point. What about you, Kil?”

“I've known for a while I want to be a dad,” he shrugged, “raising Kid was shit, but rewarding as hell. I'd be more prepared this time”

“What are we saying then? That we want to knock her up?” Kid questioned.

“If that's what she wants,” Wire replied.

“Maybe we should ask her,” Heat suggested.

“Okay but what if she agrees? Then what?” Kid asked, “what if she only wants one of our kids? What if the kid is born and has long ass blonde hair, are we still gonna all act like we’re all the dad?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Wire hummed, “I mean, we all love her equally, right? And if we're all putting in the effort to make it, I think its fair we all take equal charge, even if it comes out with flaming red hair”

“Okay, so we're all in agreement then?” Killer asked the group, to which they all nodded and mumbled their agreements.

“There you all are!” You shouted enthusiastically as you skipped into the room, “I thought you guys were having a orgy without me” you pouted.

“Never without you sweetheart,” Wire booped your nose as you slid into his lap.

“What's going on then? You guys talkin’ bout me?” You teased, “only sexy things I hope”

“Actually,” Killer cleared his throat, “we were talking about you”

“Oh?” You tensed a little, stressed that you’d done something wrong.

“Nothing bad, sweetness,” Wire rubbed your leg reassuringly, “we were just discussing something Kid said you mentioned”

“Oh? What did I say?” You looked at Kid with a puzzled expression.

“Well I- we were just wondering whether you uh,” he scratched the back of his neck, “whether you wanted a baby”

“Ooooooh,” you smiled, tapping your lips with your index finger, “I did tell you to breed me, didn't I? I had planned on bringing it up but the condom beat me to the game”

“So you do want a baby?” Killer asked.

“Yeah, I do,” you replied anxiously, “is that… okay? I know it's a complicated situation, with the five of us and being on a ship and all. But every time I see a kid on some island I get this wave of longing, I really think I want one”

“We talked about it and we all agreed that we're okay with that,” Heat replied. You shimmied excitedly on Wire's lap, making him let out a little grunt.

“And you're… all… okay with it?” You asked, scanning the others with your eyes anxiously, “I mean… I'm not asking you all to be a dad if you don't want to, and I can only carry one guy's baby at a time”

“Do you want it to be specifically one person's?” Kid questioned.

“No, I mean, how am I supposed to choose?” you pouted, “I love all of you, I want everyone's baby. I don't think I want four kids though”

“It's okay peanut,” Heat reassured you, “we talked about it and we're all happy to claim the baby even if it's clearly not ours biologically. As long as they're loved, that's all that matters”

“None of us even had one parent around, to have five would be a blessing,” Wire hummed.

“I bet it'll be mine though,” Kid smirked, “none of you have anything on the size of these big breeding balls, these things were made for baby making”

“Kid, that's what all balls are made for, on literally every mammal,” Killer sighed.

“Alright, I'll make you a deal then,” you smiled mischievously, “if the baby comes out with flaming red hair, you can name them. Same goes for any of you. But that's the only special privilege you get”

The men looked between each other, playful grins forming on their faces. They could never turn down a bit of competition.

“Deal,” they all agreed. Wire immediately grabbed you by your hips and bent you over the edge of the table, making you squeak. He wasted no time tearing down your panties and running a long finger through your slit.

“Hey! No fair!” Kid pouted.

“Says who?” Wire tutted. You moaned as he slipped a finger inside you, followed quickly by a second when he discovered how wet you already were, “you already got to breed her once, the rest of us have to get started. God shes fucking soaked from just talking about it, you want it bad huh baby?”

“Yes! Hnnn-” Wire slipped a third finger inside you and pumped you hard while his other hand came underneath you to rub your clit, “I want to be bred so bad~”

“Fuck she clenched when she said that, she wants our cum so bad,” Wire laughed, pulling his fingers out of you unceremoniously, making you whine. Heat was quick to take his hand and lick your slick off his fingers, a hand already down his own pants.

“Let me get a taste of her before we fuck her up,” Heat purred, pushing Wire out of the way unceremoniously as you rolled on to your back and he knelt between your legs, your knees slung over his shoulders. You adored when Heat ate you out, his greedy mouth was always so hot against your needy pussy and he always did it with such fervour. One of your hands found his hair, the other sliding under your shirt to play with your nipples.

“Let me help you with that,” Killer whispered close to your ear, his mask discarded. He pulled your shirt over your head before removing your bra, and dipped his head to suck on one breast, his hands giving attention to the other. Your newly freed hand threaded through his hair as he ran his wet muscle over the pert bud, flicking it with the tip of his tongue and sucking it into his mouth. You turned your head to the side to see Kid and Wire keeping each other entertained, exchanging wet, messy, open mouth kisses while their hands made deft work of each other's pants. You loved watching your boys play with each other, and it made the coil in your stomach wind tight as you watched them. Wire getting on his knees, combined with a particularly deep thrust of Heat's tongue inside you, was enough to put you over the edge. Killer swallowed your moans with a hot kiss as you came on Heat's face, Heat hungrily moaning and lapping up your ambrosia as you shook and tugged on his hair.

Your eyes were shut in bliss as you laid against the table and panted, barely registering the fat tip of Heat's cock as it slid inside you with ease. “Fucccck, I can't wait to fill you up [y/n],” he grunted as he bottomed out, “I've been thinking about breeding you for so fucking long”

Your legs were still over Heat's shoulders, so much higher now that he was standing, his head tilted forward as he watched the spot where his cock disappeared inside your hungry pussy. “Good girl [y/n],” Killer purred beside you, “let Heat breed you like a good little broodmare”

“Oi, you fucking thief,” Wire growled as he realised Heat had stolen his spot to fuck you first. Heat gave him a smug grin, thrusting into you harder to purposely rip moans from you.

“Yeah? She seems to like it just fine,” Heat teased.

“I'll teach you to steal,” Wire warned, sliding up behind Heat and spitting on his hand before slipping a finger in Heat's asshole. His other hand reached around to play with Heat's pierced nipples, the man was always more sensitive because of them and Wire knew it well. You openly laughed between moans at Heat's pained face as he realised he wasn't going to last long with Wire touching him and pumping his asshole with two fingers now. As predicted in only a few more pumps he shuddered and let out a guttural groan, stilling inside you as he filled you with his seed.

“Fuck… you… Wire,” Heat panted.

“Aw Heat baby, you can try again later,” you gave his face a gentle pat, “but Wire, that was rude, you gotta wait now”

“Oh come on!” Wire groaned.

“You heard the lady,” Killer shoved Heat and Wire out of the way as he pulled his thick erection out of his pants. You smiled sweetly at him and spread your legs wide on the table invitingly. He gave an appreciative hum before lining himself up and pushing in with a grunt.

“Can't wait to see our little blonde baby,” he purred in your ear as he started a slow, deep rhythm.

“You gotta knock me up me first,” you cooed back at him, leaning back on your elbows so you had an anchor to roll your hips, forcing him in deeper. He let out a almost whimper at the sudden unexpected force, which spurred him on to fuck you harder, his hands gripping your hips hard. “There you go, hnng, just like that Kil~”

Wet sounds to your right caught your attention, Wire dishing out more revenge on Heat as he face fucked him hard. You could see the bulge Wire's cock was making in Heat's throat. “Hnng, you better not waste that cum Wire,” you tutted.

“Of course not baby,” he gave you a coy smirk, “that's all for you darlin”

Kid crowded over you on the other side of the table, pumping his cock in his hand as it hovered over your face. You eagerly leaned back and opened your mouth for him, and he sprouted his praises as you took him down your throat in a well practised manner.

“Good girl [y/n],” Killer praised, “you always take our cocks so well, made for us, just like you were made to carry our baby”

Your moaning around Kid's cock made him groan, his hands groping your exposed breasts as they bounced with every thrust from Killer, a contrast of temperature between his warm flesh hand and his cool metal one adding to your pleasure. You tapped his thigh twice to indicate you wanted him to pull out as a new lustful thought consumed your needs.

“What's up baby?” He palmed himself as he waited for you to speak.

“Want- both of you-” you moaned, “you and Killer~”

“Hear that Kil? Little mouse thinks she can take us both,” Kid laughed.

“Well who are we to deny her,” Killer smirked as he pulled out. He climbed on the table and laid on his back, and you eagerly rolled on top to straddle him, reaching down between your bodies to position him and sink back down on his cock. Kid came around the table to where Killer had previously stood, climbing on top of the table which creaked under the collective weight of the three of you. You would have worried about it breaking, if this hadn't been the first time this had happened.

You buried your face in Killer's neck as Kid sunk inside you, stretching your pussy to its limit while all three of you groaned in unison. He stayed put for a moment, letting you adjust to the new level of fullness before slowly starting to move. You loved it when the boys took you like this, because as they fucked you they also slid against whoever else was inside you, fucking you both at the same time - it turned you on immensely to think about their cocks rubbing together inside of you. Killer's eyes were glazed over with bliss as Kid set a harsh rhythm, as he always did, and you took the opportunity to nip and suck at Killer's neck, making him whine. The room was filled with lewd squelching sounds and moans as the five of you were consumed by your collective pleasure.

The men inside you felt your pussy squeeze around them as you got dangerously close, your moans turning to pathetic sounding whimpers as you felt the coil tighten. Killer pulled you down to suck on your neck, and the coil snapped. Your pussy clenched hard around the men, your hole already tight to begin with, and they both hit their limit at the added pressure. Killer made a quiet grunt as he came, he was never very audible, while Kid roared like a caged tiger as he unloaded inside you.

“Fuck, fuck,” Wire growled, pulling Heat's mouth off him and rushing to your side. Kid pulled out, Killer's dick coming with it, and they were quickly replaced by Wire. He barely made it two pumps before spilling inside you, your face buried in the crook of Killer's neck as you panted.

Wire stayed inside you for a moment before slowly pulling out. The collective cum of your four lovers started to spill out, and Kid scooped it with his fingers and pushed it back inside you. “Don't waste it,” he tutted.

“You need anything from us?” Killer stroked your hair soothingly as you continued to rest against him.

“I think she's supposed to lay on her back with her ass raised for a bit,” Heat said, wiping the spit from the messy blow job he'd been giving Wire from his face.

“Of course you'd know,” Wire tsked, “you and your fucking breeding kink”

“Let's get you to bed then,” Kid said, scooping you off Killer and carrying you bridal style. Wire had the good sense to throw his cloak over you before Kid could expose you to the whole crew.

The boys were as excited as ever several months later the first time you puked after looking at what was by all accounts a totally normal meal, cheering like idiots while you ran for the ship railing to barf. Of course they’d all been working hard to make sure you were full of cum at all times, all of them doing whatever they could to be the one who sired the baby so they could win the bet. They spent the rest of the pregnancy working diligently to build a nursery aboard the Victoria Punk, reading every baby book they could find at every island they landed at and fighting over baby names, still sparring over the bet. It made you laugh, they were all so enthusiastic. You’d been so worried about even broaching the subject of a baby, but it warmed your heart to see how excited they all were about being dads. Towards the end of your pregnancy you spent a lot of time sitting with Heat, his body temperature was always so high and felt so soothing for your sore back. The others of course all spent time soothing you in their own ways: Killer would cook whatever you were craving (even if it was weird as shit and made the others gag), Kid would carry you everywhere without complaint if your ankles were swollen and help you bathe if you were feeling too tired, Wire would give you long, full body massages and make sure you were taking your supplements and resting.

For all their planning though, when your waters broke on the deck in the middle of the day they all turned into headless chickens, you had to rely on the girls on the ship to care for you till they got their shit together. Heat sat behind you on the infirmary bed to soothe your backaches, Killer and Wire sat either side of you, risking a broken hand every time you had a contraction. Kid insisted he was fine but would nearly faint every time Emma gave an update about how dilated you were, so he spent most of the labour being forced to lie down.

After 20 gruelling hours of active labour, the baby finally came. A healthy baby girl, and the others eagerly crowded around as Emma placed her in your arms, their eyes sparkling, a few watery with tears. There was a silence as they all tried to figure out who's superior sperm had won the race, and you couldn't help but laugh. The baby was a tiny copy of you - your eyes, your skin tone, a small puff of hair that matches your own. Even her other features like her nose and face shape looked like you.

“Well shit,” you laughed, “I never bothered to think of names cos I thought it'd be obvious”

There was a short silence as the men all looked between each other, it felt like an old western stare down. All at once, all keen on swaying you to their chosen name, they yelled:

“VICTORIA!”

You laughed harder as the men stared at each other in disbelief. All these months of squabbling and they all wanted the same name anyway, typical.

“Victoria it is then,” you giggled, looking down at your baby, “and how lucky you are little Victoria, with four daddies who all love you very much”

[ktsumu]

A CHILDHOOD BEDROOM tw: allusions to divorce/his family dynamic, holiday comfort for the soul

Ushijima’s bedroom is nothing like the one you share. 

His walls are bare, save for a few frames with pictures that are older than the two of you. There’s a bulletin above his desk that’s naked down to the cork, a few tacks littering it at random.

He has his dresser, a small mirror on the wall hanging above it. The room is nearly devoid of colour aside from beige and navy, but the Christmas lights from the house across the street give it some red and green. Not much, but it’s good enough.

You walk along the perimeter of the room, the floors cold, hands tracing over his desk and chair. He watches you from the doorway, the door closing softly behind him as he does. You hear the same floor creak beneath his feet as he crosses to his bed, the frame sighing under his weight.

A print-out picture of him and a redhead (Satori, he’s mentioned) standing side-by-side in school uniforms is framed on said desk, thumbs up on all four of their combined hands. A team in maroon stands tall beside it, and he’s dead center. A three-person family — father, mother, boy — takes up the space beside that, the frame much more sophisticated than the others. He looks about ten.

The clock on his wall tells the time wrong; it hasn’t been reset since he graduated and moved out at eighteen. It looks like it’s a few hours behind, but it’s really telling you time six years back. 

“Your walls are so bare,” you comment, turning back to look at him where he’s sat. He offers an almost unnoticeable, lopsided smile. “Where are all the medals, huh? I’ve heard big things about Ushiwaka the Great, you know.”

You’re joking, but he answers, “In my drawer.”

(You check; it’s full of them.)

Ushijima watches you hold them, looking at all of the engravings before setting them back, the years stretching further back the deeper that you dig. It’s like your chest is swelling with pride over things he won before you knew him. 

“What is it?” he asks, eyes following you as you cross over to his bed, sitting down to face him. His brows furrow, leaning his back against the headboard that looks so comically small; then his lips tug up at the sight of gold around your neck. His teenage pride rests on your chest.

There is something so invasive about a childhood bedroom, about wearing what once was his entire life as he looks at it — a whole life you didn’t have the chance to watch lays itself out in front of you. This childhood doesn’t exist anymore (maybe it never really did) and yet you see it around you all the same. 

(It is invasive, but it is full of love. An empty room that feels so full.)

“Why doesn’t your mother display your medals in the house?” you ask, tilting your head. “Hell, my mom would’ve lined mine up in the window. And your desk is like a trophy factory.”

 “It’s not practical, I suppose.”

“So they just sit in here?”

Ushijima looks at you like he’s in thought. 

He shrugs. “Mostly,” he says, “my father has a few in California. My player portrait is on his office wall. My mother shows her affection in her own way.”

“Can we take some back home?”

“Why? They’re old.”

“I don’t mind,” you say, shrugging. “I’ll display them around the room for a bit, swap ‘em out when you rack some up this season.”

Ushijima just chuckles shortly, shaking his head as he moves down the bed, laying down flat. His feet hang off the end a bit, and the pillows are the same as they always were. “If you wish. You know I never stop you from anything.”

You hum. “God, does it echo in here?”

“Sometimes. It never used to.”

“When did it start?”

He knows when. “I’m not sure.”

You know, too. “That’s okay. Our room at home doesn’t echo, at least.”

“No, you won’t let it.”

“Never.”

Ushijima reaches out a hand, his left, and he twirls the medal you picked in his hand. You wear it still, and it looks like it gleams. His eyes flicker up to yours. 

“I love you,” you tell him. “You and your empty room.”

He sighs a laugh, one you taught him how to make, and he pulls you into his chest by the ribbon around your neck. He breathes, your head rises and falls with his chest, and the room comes alive; breathing with its maker, welcoming him home the best it can. You certainly help.

Ushijima looks at his bedroom walls, his broken clock; the house is not resetting, his parents’ old bed will always be half full and half made, but he thinks this is enough — coming back with you was enough. Now, when he leaves, he will remember a warm bed and leave to sleep in a warmer one. 

“Love?”

“Mm?”

“When we find a home we like enough to live in,” When. Not if, when. “I’d like to paint the walls with you.”

“Ooh, what colour?”

“Not white — or beige.”

You grin, angling your head up to see him. Ushijima is looking up at his clock, six years behind like he just got home from training camp, his boxes packed for the city.

(He meets you two years later.)

“Pick a swatch, baby. Just no neons.”

“Oh. I was thinking of a traffic cone orange.”

“Ha-ha.”

[myosotisa]

i'm starvin, darlin - e.m.

Eddie Munson x Reader

ǁ summary: Since coming back from the Upside Down, Eddie has slowly been changing. Each week seems to bring something different and he finds himself doing things he never thought he would.

ǁ tags: gender neutral reader, no pronouns, no y/n. nickname used (sweetheart). mentions of season 4 final episode and what occurred. canon divergent (every one lived). it's not smut, but smut adjacent. it's sexy

ǁ word count: 2k

ǁ notes: i sat down and wrote an entire one shot in one sitting again. and i am also not going to edit this one. and i do not feel bad for lowercase hozier title, so don't even try me like that. if y'all really like it, i can add a part 2 with smut, but this is it for now

-

There are still a lot of things Eddie is having to come to terms with since the night his heart stopped.

That night in the Upside Down, laying in Dustin’s arms, he had died. Without a doubt. Dustin had felt his pulse and there was nothing there. And though he didn’t know CPR, had no idea what he was doing, Dustin had laid him down on the ground and started to beat against his chest. Like maybe if he hit hard enough and in the right place, his friend would come back to life.

Somehow it worked. No one bothered to ask why.

But they all knew something was wrong two days later. Eddie, barely breathing and with a weak heartbeat, had been dragged back to the surface and hidden away in the RV they had stolen. Someone watched him round the clock as they debated what to do. If they should try to get him to a hospital, how they’d be able to explain it. But then something miraculous began to happen:

Eddie started healing. All on his own. Way faster than any person should have been able to.

His skin stitched itself back together faster than should be possible, leaving less scar tissue than it should have behind. His chest began to rise and fall in more steady breaths, his heart beat getting stronger, bones resetting themselves with slow and quiet creaks as he laid in that RV bed and slept. He’d been asleep since they brought him back.

The day he woke up, his body had almost entirely healed itself. From the brink of death, having even stepped over to the other side, and now he was almost back to before it ever happened. It had only been a week.

Everyone rejoiced, refusing to question anything weird that may have happened in the Upside Down and just thinking they finally won for once. Max had casts on both her arms but was otherwise unharmed, Steve had recovered from his own injuries at the rate of a normal human and now sported a scar around his throat that he sometimes felt self conscious about. Dustin was on crutches with his broken leg for another month at least. Eddie was alive and whole and back to himself. They’d made it, everyone had made it.

He began to notice more and more things that were different as the days went on.

The first thing he caught on to was that he had the capability to be strong. Way stronger than someone who had recently been bed ridden should be. It was like in the comic books with the Hulk – if he wasn’t paying attention or if he got too emotional, he could easily break anything. A walkman destroyed, a ceramic bowl reduced to shards, a metal pipe bent beyond fixing, the wooden handle of a hammer shattered in his grip. The boys were all present for the hammer incident and sighted it as one of the coolest things they had ever seen. They swarmed him, asking him how he did it, what else he could do, how strong he really was.

Only the other teens, Steve, Nancy, Robin, you, started to look a little bit closer.

When the next few changes became apparent, it was clear something unnatural had happened to Eddie that night in the Upside Down. He could feel other people's feelings. They brushed against his consciousness like ghosts whenever he looked at someone. Happiness like warm rays of sunshine, fear like a shuddering gust of wind, anger like hot coals pressed to his skin. It wasn’t a conscious effort – in fact, there were a lot of times he wished he could turn it off. Whenever he looked too hard at someone, it’s like his brain adjusted to a different frequency and their emotions reached out to him, no matter what they were. And he didn’t struggle to make sense of the sensations like he thought he might, his brain completed the dots easily at first, but then he began to recognize them consciously. It was certainly useful sometimes, especially when it came to you, but it still felt a bit invasive. When he’d explained it to a few people, he assured he tried to ignore it whenever he could, but sometimes he couldn’t help but react. The icey spike of terror he felt when you woke up next to him from a nightmare. The velvet comfort that enveloped you and him when he held you after.

The first time he spoke into someone’s mind it was an accident. Steve had whipped toward him, breath catching in his chest, eyes wide and mouth open in a gasp. Eddie felt it like ice down his spine. “Did you… You did that?” He’d asked breathlessly. It had been so shocking, Eddie wasn’t even sure what’d he said, or projected, or whatever it was.

“I - I don’t know.”

Steve stepped closer, suddenly looking determined. “Try to do it again.”

It was a slithering feeling when he dipped back into Steve’s mind. Like sliding his way in between cracks to a place he didn’t belong, seeping into the forefront of his thoughts to plant one of his own. It made him feel dirty, uncomfortable, and wrong. But it worked. Steve explained it as having a thought like his own but it came out in Eddie’s voice instead. An intrusive thought but not an uncomfortable one.

As with all of the other discoveries, a meeting was called. Dustin, Mike, Lucas, Max, Will, El, Robin, Jonathan, Nancy, Steve, and you. Steve did most of the talking while Eddie sat and looked at his hands. These meetings, while he acknowledged were important for everyone to keep track of his progression into… something, it still made him feel a bit like a zoo animal in a cage. A magician with a magic trick. All the boys immediately begged him to do it to them, they wanted to see what it felt like, wanted to see how easy it was for him to do it. 

Nancy and Jonathan had shooed them, catching on to how overwhelmed Eddie was, their excitement and curiosity battering against him like a whipping wind of too much. Once it was just the older people in the room, you crossed over to where he was, kneeled down in front of him, reached out to hold his hand.

Pity felt like someone was pissing in his pants.

“Are you okay?”

How could he say no? How could he admit that he was scared, confused, and feeling more and more like a monster with the passing days? “It’s just a lot. To deal with.”

Your smile was pained as you pushed yourself up onto your calves and wrapped your arms around his shoulders. His came around your waist on instinct, the breath feeling like a wheeze in his lungs as he held tight. Face pressed into your hair with his eyes squeezed shut, he inhaled deep in relief.

That was when the next thing changed.

It was a desire. A need. One he couldn’t place a name to. Like he was desperately missing something, desperately craving something and he didn’t know it was. It crawled under his skin like ants and sent him scratching for a feeling that couldn’t be satiated. No matter what he tried: eating, drinking, masturbating, exercising. The feeling wouldn’t go away. It got stronger day after day, his mind focusing more and more on the void it left behind until it was all he could think about.

Steve threw a little get together at his house once a month or so. Just time for everyone to get together, eat some food, listen to music, play board games, maybe watch a movie. This was the first get together since his hunger began.

He was sitting on the couch on his own, decompressing. While normally he was right in the middle of everything, today it was a lot to handle when he was hyperfocused on the crawling beneath his skin. He had his legs spread wide, hands resting on them, leaning deep into the cushions of the couch in Steve’s basement. While he had initially tried to close his eyes, hang his head back, maybe stare at the ceiling – he couldn’t stop his attention from drifting back to you.

You and Eddie had been friends for a long time. Understandably, you’d gotten much closer after the events in March. The two of you had helped each other through hard nights of nightmares, panic attacks in parking lots, flashbacks in public. You’d been a great comfort to him since he came back. But today your laugh sounded like music. The smell of your perfume hit him even across the room. Each emotion crashed over him in waves, pushing and receding like the tide as he tried to get off your frequency, unentangle himself from you before he did something he didn’t mean to do.

I’m starving.

Your back stiffened, the grip on your plastic cup getting just a bit tighter. A moment of fear quickly shifted to mellowed surprise, curiosity. He’d never spoken into your mind before, hadn’t meant to do so now. But you still shifted, your eyes slowly coasting across the room until you caught sight of him on the couch.

A shock of electricity shot down his spine as you made eye contact, his hands tightening over his thighs in reaction. Unsure exactly what to do, he settled for projecting again. Slithered his way into your ears and settled a respectful distance from the area he’d never been brave enough to venture. Sorry, he offered with a wince, didn’t mean to.

What he didn’t expect was the utter flood of feeling that hit him next. Like a drip of warm honey settling into the space between his hips, pooling there in a subtle swirl as the warmth from it started to diffuse outward. You realized you’d been staring and your eyes flit away, but the feeling didn’t cease. In fact, it only got stronger. Your lower lip caught on your teeth as you shifted between your feet. Things that would be completely normal to see, wouldn’t have anyone looking twice, but Eddie could. Your desire. The want that poured from you like water when your eyes first met his.

Was this the first time? Had something changed between you and him? Or had he just never caught on before?

The ants beneath his skin began to vibrate as he narrowed in on the feeling, on you. Like the part of him that had slithered into your thoughts was now bearing down, digging in for purchase, wanting to stay awhile and feed on this new feeling, what you were offering. It didn’t even occur to him what he was doing, how invasive it might be, how wrong he normally would have felt. All he knew is that it felt like licking at the thing he’d been craving for so long and he was helpless to chase after it.

Sweetheart. It came easy as breathing now, teeth sunk into your consciousness from where you stood across the room. You whirled on him again, another flood of warmth hitting him deep as you leaned your hip against the counter you were standing next to and focused on him. What’s got you so worked up?

He couldn’t even consider how bold he was suddenly being, the fear that he might ruin this friendship well out of his grasp. Especially when your embarrassment spiked along with the want, the pool of warmth now suddenly coming to life to have a heartbeat of its own. Your eyes widened, shifting on your feet again as you broke eye contact. It only took a few moments before you couldn’t help but look back at him again. The buzzing settled further, now like a purr beneath his skin. It was bearable as long as you kept your eyes on him.

You wanna do something about it?

-

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thanks for reading, please reblog and leave a comment if you liked it!

[unhappy-last-resort]

Delusions (Yandere Simon x GN Reader)

Warnings: smut, worship of the readers body and reader in general, creampie, GN reader, short

A/N: Just a drabble because I was thinking of Simon as one does late night. I'm also waiting for server reset in PGR so I can decide if I wanna pull on the light trails banner or not.

Apologies for any grammar/spelling issues and what not, it's almost 2AM for me

Your soft pants filled his bedroom, your chest rising and falling with each breath, his arms holding your hips flush to his.

Nothing could compare to this moment. You were absolutely divine, a gift from the gods, a blessing to humanity bestowed by the stars, and you, despite being so far beyond him that he could only watch your star trail in awe, you chose him. You chose him over the numerous, beautiful and heroic constructs and humans who stood by your side.

It made him shudder, his eyes almost rolling at the thought. How could anyone not desire you? Who wouldn't lust after such an incredible hero? Just look at yourself. The way you move your body underneath him, the stretch marks along your thighs, your swollen lips parted in ecstasy, your glossy eyes, your mesmerizing voice as you moan so sweetly for him.

He couldn't help but kiss every inch of you he could, studying you like a piece of art. He kissed each scar he could see, admiring them. Perhaps others might find your scars to be blemishes that needed to be hidden, or fixed, but to him they were breathtaking. Not necessarily because he thought the scars were beautiful, but because they gave him insights into you and your story. You don't talk much about your past, not that there was reason to, but still, he longed to know you more intimately than you knew yourself. If only you'd open yourself to him, if only he could climb to your stardom and share the burden with you.

Perhaps if he lulled you to orgasm enough times you would be relaxed enough to let him know you more. He kissed your neck and whispered his admiration of you into your skin as he gently fucked you, holding you closely to him, becoming so engrossed your moans and cries that he nearly forgets his own pleasure.

He could stay like this forever, listening to you whisper his name as you grind against him. He holds your face gently, drinking in your expressions. Each cry you make resonating in his heart and rippling through his mind, overshadowing every other thought and sensation until only you existed.

He would never stop chasing after you, never stop longing for your attention and recognition, he would never stop desiring a level of intimacy that would only belong to you two. He needed your acknowledgement of his efforts and devotion, he needed to hear you say you loved him just as much as he loved you, maybe even more. He needed you to love him back, he needed your attention, he needed you to look at him as something more than a friend. His desires driving him to push in and out of you faster and faster until you writhed and trembled, until his hips stuttered and the tight cord drawn in his stomach snapped as he babbled your name like it was his salvation.

As his hips slow down, you wrap your arms around him and bestow him a kiss filled with so much love he feels himself melt into your body like it was made to hold him.

"Simon..." You whisper breathlessly and his breath is caught in his throat. Your hand cups his cheek and leans into it, kissing down along your wrist reverently.

You watch him lovingly, letting him worship you. Your eyes meet and his heart soars, you look so bewitching like this the sight burns itself into his brain. Slowly, your lips part and he desperately waits for what you're about to say, hoping that you'll tell him those three words he longs to hear. He watches every slight movement you make, enraptured as he watches you swallow, debating whether you should say what's on your mind or not and he gives your hand a slight squeeze of encouragement.

That seems to give you the push you need as you focus on him again and his heart pounds in his chest as he leans in closer to you, needing to hear every word you're about to say.

"Simon, I-"

.

.

.

.

He wakes up, his hair sticking to his skin and the sheets unbearably hot. Simon stares at the ceiling, seeing nothing but blurry shapes as he contemplates what just happened. Humiliation crushes his chest as the stickiness in his hand makes him realize that it was just an intense fantasy and nothing more. He feels like a teenager helplessly pining after a crush and it almost makes him cry.

It was foolish for him to ever think that you could be his, that you'd ever spare him more than a cursory glance and a few words. You may have never said it out loud, but he knows he's beneath you. Someone your caliber would never look his way, but he can't help but keep chasing after that hope, after that dream that one day, one day you might look at him with something more than friendly comradery.

...He should stop entertaining such ridiculous and inappropriate thoughts about you and wash his hands, probably change his sheets too. If you saw him like this, you would be appalled. Shocked that a fellow soldier could be so...so unprofessional. He's already embarrassed himself a few times in front of you, he needs to be better. He needs to improve.

You'll never give him the attention he desires, so he must do what he can to earn it and treat what little you give him with the utmost care and respect.

He needs you, he needs your love and acknowledgement and he'll do whatever it takes to get it. Even if that means sacrificing everything he has.

[lefluoritesys]

A breakdown of apps you can use to communicate with your alters as separate people and write down information about them online and offline with their pros, cons, and a personal rating because I really needed it when I was new to being a system:

Note: by "PC" I mean any computer/macbook/etc. By "all devices" I mean PC, mobile, tablet, iPad, etc.

I apologize for mistakes in advance.

1. Antar: An app created to chat with your "inner self," found in both Play Store and AppStore. One of the more popular ones among systems. It is an app where you get to create personas that would be chatting with each other in chats called "sessions." Those sessions can either be given a name or just left named after the date they were created on. Each persona is given a color that would become the color of their messages in sessions. Offline app.

Pros: Fiarly easy to use, no in-depth information needed to access it fully. Biometric lock; 4 languages (English, Chinese, Hindi, Spanish) for the system, however any language can be used via text; no limit to the amount of personas added (as far as I'm aware). Messages sent by the wrong persona can be changed; the "quote" feature allows you to start a thread under a message; provides descriptions of each persona. You can also give your personas an avatar rather than just a color. Has a "replay" and "visualization" feature, though I'd say it's strictly just for funzies.

Cons: Not available on PC; has no backup, phone-related resets or deletion of the app results in all information lost. Session order constantly changes depending on which senssion you entered, which in my opinion (+OCD) is a nuisance; you can't delete the "me" character which I've been wanting to do for a while. Can't add hexcodes.

Personal rating: 6/10. If you need an app that you can lock from unwanted visitors, if you don't mind and even prefer something simple, and if you don't care that the conversations might disappear, this app is a good choice.

2. Discord's PluralKit: A more avdanced discord bot with tons of settings and commands that was created specifically for systems. Allows you to add almost any information about your system memebers, even such things as birthdays. The way it works is, it "proxies" your messages with a certain command somewhere in the "normal" message, sends a message identical to yours from a bot created with the name you chose, and deletes your original message. Basically replaces a message from your account with a message from a bot you created earlier. Proxies are small commands that give the both a green light to do that, and they can be whatever you want them to be. Online bot.

Pros: Feels like different people are talking; allows you to track your switches; available on all devices; one system can be linked to multiple accounts, although you can't create multiple systems under one account; allows you to group alters together; allows you to restrict access to certain information from all users; allows you to add as many alters as you want; has a number of ways you can access the information you put in which would all be sorted and organized for you; autoproxy allows you to not proxy every message you sent; since you can't delete messages of other people on servers that are not yours, and the bot messages are not, in fact, yours, PluralKit allows you to react to the message with an emoji that deletes the proxied message; while you can't use it in DMs, you can set up commands in DMs with the bot; every memeber has a unique code, and so does the system itself, and it records when the member was created; can be exported to SimplyPlural.

Cons: Commands are difficult and complex, and so is the dashboard; can only be used on servers; sometimes offline as all bots are, though rarely; you can't use it anywhere outside discord (a con for those who don't use discord); I had instances where I saw people use it for roleplay which is also allowed; proxies are a pain; you'd need a guide to tell you why certain things are needed in it; you cannot reply to messages with gifs when using a proxy; when being exported to SimplyPlural it exports everything, so if you had 10 members on SimplyPlural and 15 on PluralKit, it's best to add those 5 manually than delete 10 new exported alters (I did it with 100+ alters by accident and it was a pain).

Personal rating: 9/10. Complex, difficult to figure out, but once you get ahold of it and how it works, you'd be amazed. Also a pain that you can't use it in DMs, but it's to be expected from a bot. And you can always create a server with just you.

3. Discord's Tupperbox: A discord bot created mainly for roleplay, but actively used by systems who cannot get along with PluralKit. A simpler bot, easy to use and figure out, most things can be done via dashboard, doesn't have the opportunity to add a lot of inofrmation. Online bot.

Pros: Simple; allows grouping alters; allows different tags for different members and groups, sometimes individually; way simpler commands, and most things can be added via dashboard; looks and works almost the same as PluralKit when in a conversation; available on all devices.

Cons: Can't add avatars via dashboard, only using the commands; can't add two alters with the same name (which you can do with PluralKit); people reported it glitching out and deleting members; mainly used for roleplay; gives a weird list of members via commands that is unusable in my experience; doesn't work out of discord.

Personal rating: 7/10. Perfect for people who just want to talk and not write down information about them with the bot, but the threat of members being deleted, especially as a larger system, is concerning. We mainly use it for OSDD-1a subsystems. It was also not created for systems, as far as I'm aware. I see more cons than pros.

4. Simply Plural: Another more well-known tool used and created for systems. Simply Plural is an app that allows you to create profiles of your members and add any information you'd like about them via custom fields. It has a chat feature, allows you to track your front and switch history, add friends, and many more. Supports endogenic systems (which is being mentioned not for discorse purposes but as a fact. Whether you find it good or not is up to you) and allows singlets to create profiles as well, although I don't know a lot about that part. Both offline and online app.

Pros (and a bit about the app): Backup included; tracks your switches and front, allows you to change exact time for them, too (24-hour clock down to minutes included); the polls feature works like polls on same Tumblr and everywhere else but specifically for your system memebrs; analytics provide information about who fronts the most, during what time of day they usually front; you and your friends can see each other's profiles, which is why singlets can also create profiles, which allows you to acces info about each other's systems; "trusted people" feature allows you to pick whether you want everybody to see your alters or not, or if you want outsiders to see your profile at all; provides resources and guides to plurality (which I personally haven't checked, but still putting it in the pros, if somebody thinks I shouldn't, let me know); has an app reminders feature; you can add as much information as you want; front history shows up in a person's profile; alters can add notes; alter groups are available; available on all devices, however, only as a website on PC; colors of your alters can be used in the chat to highlight names; hexcodes are available; "custom front" is a status you set with fronting which can be hilarious sometimes; connects to PluralKit in a number of ways.

Cons: The chat feature is a bit difficult to use, and first time I did, I freaked out because I couldn't get out of it (the trick is to go to "channels" and press "navigation", there you'll see the dashboard); friends can't communicate with each other; copy-pasting is hard on both mobile and PC; something about the interface and navigation irks me and our visually impaired self; notes have same visibility as the profile itself, which is inconvenient if you want your profile to be seen but not your notes; avatars can't be added via website.

Personal rating: 6/10. I don't like how it looks and works (probably due to being visually impaired and other issues), but if you manage to get the information in it, it's pretty accessible and thoughtful of what systems might need. Could be used as a tool to start working with your system rather than do it long-term.

5. Twinote: An app that is your "personal Twitter." Pretty sure it was created for the purpose of having fun rather communicating with alters. Offline app.

Pros: Backup provided; allows "private accounts" that other "users" can't see; can create as many users as you want, as many posts as you want; can upload up to 4 images; works almost like Twitter; has a chat feature; comments, retweets, likes are present; "lists" feature allows you to group users and see only their messages which could be used for "things only protectors sent" and such; storage shows all pictures used in the app, so you won't lose anything; tagging and following people is still an option, and following private accounts give that user an opportunity to be the only one seeing their tweets.

Cons: Can't upload videos; can't do much with anything other than posts and profiles, so trends and other stuff there is off-limits (as far as I know); you have to constantly switch between profiles for the chat feature; share button only shares the contents of the message; very easy to accidentally press the wrong button and delete a tweet by dragging it left (which I almost did a few times).

Personal rating: 7,5/10. I know it's probably annoying that I didn't just type either 7 or 8, but the reaosn why is cause I have mixed feelings about it from a practical point of view. We use it strictly to communicate what we did during the day as a small journal and just joke with each other, and it's incredibly funny in itself, but it doesn't allow you to write down a lot of information about your alters and has a character limit in profiles. So it's strictly for communication.

6. Notion: An app created as a dashboard for literally everything you could ever dream of. You can personalize it however you want and use it for whatever you want. Those who saw the post we made a while ago probably know the reason I'm mentioning it is due to a template that I linked here. Online app.

Pros: Can be used for literally everything without limits; available on all devices; big and has enough storage for a lot of information, text, projects, etc; can be designed however you want; a lot of useful templates for all life instances (even taxes); can be shared with people who also use Notion in a variety of ways (either only comment, only see, etc); can add your own custom covers and icons via both gallery and links; looks neat and doesn't mess with visual impairment for us; can add a page in a page in a page which can be used for diaries; links to different pages on other pages are also available; endless possibilities, I could rant all day.

Cons: Glitches on the phone a lot; certain things are allowed on computer and not on mobile and vice versa; all templates available only on PC; you need to have an account in order to use it; glitches if it's offline; sometimes deletes a bunch of text because of glitches, usually the triggers for it are writing a lot in it directly or erasing previous text a bunch of times; can't invite someone in your space, it would take too much storage; some storage needs to be bought, although, I don't know the limit (but there's a lot. Like, a lot)

Personal rating: 9/10. With all its antics, I love this app dearly, it's incredibly useful, and you learn to deal with the cons. It's the best one I've used for communication and information storage so far.

7. Texting Stories app: As ridiculous as it sounds, it could be used as a tool to communicate with your alters, especially in secret. We are fighting for our safety here, so I ask you to take this suggestion seriously. Could be used when you don't want to let anyone know you're a system and have noisy family members/relatives/etc who like to snoop through you personal devices, by using it, you can say you've just been doing a story. Offline app.

Pros: I believe you can add as many people as you want; can add avatars; different stories can be different days of the week; easy to use; easy to brush off as "just making stories."

Cons: Can't change colors, you need to pay for most things.

Personal rating: 5/10. Can be used for emergencies and communication only, although we haven't used it much.

8. Notes: Just the same plain old notes app on your phone that everybody has installed as default. Offline app.

Pros: Easy to use; can be easily lost within your other notes for privacy; used for literally everything you desire, even drawing; automatic backup.

Cons: Doesn't give you the ability to really present as separate people; doesn't have as many options as Notion.

Personal rating: 5/10. used it at some point just for communication, was cool, somple, easy, but nothing too big.

I hope this helped to put these apps in perspective. I do apologize for it being a bit all over the place, but I did attempt to make it coherent enough (I am currently in a psychotic state, it's difficult for me to communicate). And remember, there are always options to use a written journal rather than a digital one. If anything, it's better to keep both in case one gets lost. Who knows, maybe our parents asking us what we would do if the internet disappeared is actually a warning. /j /nm

-host

[turtleblogatlast]

cw: // death mention // violence // torture //

Aw man I have an idea for a “Leo spends a lot longer in the Prison Dimension” divergence.

The way the Prison Dimension works is that it essentially keeps you alive so long as you haven’t completely broken.

Leo, despite how sure he was that he was going to die, didn’t want to, and that’s all the Prison Dimension needed to keep him “alive” and “resetting” him. His body is kept in the exact same state he was in when he entered the dimension - messed up, but mostly okay.

Also, Leonardo “jokes are how I cope” Hamato eventually uses his newfound “oh I can’t die” status as a way to relentlessly quip at Krang One. Sure, he “dies” many times doing this, but eventually he just treats it like a game. How much does he have to fuck around until he finds out?

The amount varies.

He’s thankful that his (Casey’s-) photo is still intact, though at some point he has to etch the names of the people in it (his family-) into the walls of whatever building rubble he called home.

Sometimes he and Krang One talk. It’s almost nice, at times, having another being there.

Leo doesn’t know what to think of this.

The nice feeling always ends with his “corpse”, anyway.

Leo’s eventually saved, of course, and he’s brought back home and he smiles, smiles, because of course his brothers saved him! Of course he got out! He never gave up, not really, so they didn’t either-

And then he noticed how tall they were. How Mikey had hair, how Raph’s scars had long healed, how Donnie’s tech was more advanced.

Six years, they tell him. Six years.

And Leo looks the same. Just as banged up as ever, still a mess of bruises and cuts that he’s grown so familiar with. (And it does not escape Raph’s eye how dark the ring of bruises around Leo’s neck are-)

And it’s fine! It’s fine. He just needs to play catch up, now. He’s technically six years older too, right? Only his body is sixteen. His wounds will heal, and he will grow up too.

Only that doesn’t happen.

Because here’s the thing about the Prison Dimension: it’s grown fond of Leo. Six years is nothing to it, but Leo was new, different from what normally comes through. Leo was a bright blue light that only grew brighter with time, coming back from where it was almost snuffed out. So, a piece of the Dimension attaches itself to Leo’s soul, living yet not, and he remains as he’s been for the past near decade.

His wounds do not heal. He does not grow.

He exists more than he lives. And in the back of his mind he can hear Krang One screaming.

He wonders if his own screaming was heard back.

[chasingstardustandmoonbeams]

Once More (III)

A/N: I would like to thank Star Trek: Short Treks for giving me permission to have Spock laugh and smile. I did so much research for this, it's not even funny. I must have stared at the Enterprise schematics for a full hour.

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: None (unless you count minimal proof reading)

Masterlist & Playlist

Side by side you walked with Spock through the Enterprise hallways. You weren’t quite sure where you wanted to go, you just knew you’d be damned if you lived through another routine loop again. You chewed on your lip, there were so many endless possibilities in front of you right now. The part that you still had yet to wrap your head around was that none of it mattered. No matter what you did with Spock, you’d simply reset as if none of it ever happened. Just an endless Thursday. Over and over again until the end of time itself. 

At least you weren’t alone. At least you had Spock. Spock who always seemed to escape you and capture you all at once. Trying to figure out Spock was almost as maddening as trying to figure out what was causing the loop. 

“What destination did you have in mind?” Spock asked gently, his gaze on you as he matched your stride. It was so hard for you to imagine how he was feeling. Did he feel helpless like you? Was he anxious about finding a way to end this? 

“Rec room?” You questioned. You weren’t sure why you said it - being on the Enterprise didn’t leave you with very many options. 

“Are you inquiring or stating?” He cocked his head to the side, eyebrow arching. He was teasing you as only Spock knew how. 

You let out a snort, your gaze on Spock as the corner of his mouth twitched. “Stating. Come on, I doubt there’s a crowd. Alpha shift is up and running and beta should be heading to bed soon.“

Spock simply nodded at you following your lead. You both found an empty corner in the rec room. You didn’t miss the odd looks from some of the crew. You understood for the most part. You and Spock weren’t necessarily seen together outside of the odd job or two. Though it wasn’t for lack of trying - at least on the part of Erica andUhura’s. Your two friends often meddle in a way that leaves you more perplexed than you’d like to admit. 

Sitting across from Spock, you anxiously began to drum your fingers. There were too many thoughts racing through your head. You had been trying your best to hold it together. You knew there were at least five loops where you had become a total asshole to everyone around you. Spock, of course, had never wavered. His eyes landed on your hands, his eyebrow raising in question. 

“Are you alright, Lieutenant?” The words left his mouth so softly, that you nearly found yourself crying. It was too much - it was all too much. 

You paused the drumming of your fingers, a beat passed before you let out a humorless laugh. “I’m fine, Spock, really.” The last thing you needed was for Spock to think you couldn’t handle yourself. 

“Fine has variable definitions, Lieutenant. I would not consider fine an acceptable term for our situation.” 

Spock had a way of surprising you. He always had. You ran a hand over your face letting out a breath, “I’m…hanging by a very thin thread,” you sighed. “I need a break. I need to not think about the anomaly or the loop. I want…” your voice drifted. You weren’t sure what you wanted. 

“What do you want, Lieutenant?” Spock had gradually leaned forward, his chest now pressed against the side of the table. 

“I want you to stop calling me, Lieutenant, Spock,” you said, a smile appearing on your face. “I think after everything we’ve been through so far we can dispense with the formalities.”

You watched Spock, there was something there, an emotion at the surface that you couldn’t quite register. 

“That would be acceptable,” he paused, “Y/N”. The corner of his mouth tugged slightly upwards, it would be nearly imperceptible to anyone who was not paying attention. You found yourself wanting nothing more than to emit the response again. 

Smiling as you sat back in your seat, your mind reeling with the thought of knowing more, more about him,  “Can I ask you a question?” 

“Anything.” He said it so simply, so matter of factly that it almost took your breath away. You could almost hear Uhura and Erica muttering about how you and Spock try to talk more. There had been a conspiracy between the two of them that you were never able to get to the bottom of. 

“How do you feel about all of this? I know my emotions are more on the surface, but I can’t -” You hesitated, “This is selfish, but I need to not feel so alone.” 

Spock’s eyes met yours before his gaze drifted. “I am unsure of how to proceed,” he paused, “I worry for the safety of the crew and for you.” 

“Thank you,” you breathed. Spock gave you a simple nod in response. You found yourself leaning forward on the table, arms loosely crossed in front of you. “You know, I really didn’t think you’d agree to playing hooky with me.”

“Playing hooky?” 

“Ditching our jobs to do absolutely nothing meaningful,” you shrugged your shoulders. 

Spock leaned forward slightly across the table, “I do not believe I would categorize our interactions as having no meaning.” 

You made a face to let him know you doubted his meaning, “I’m sure there are at least twenty people you would have rather gotten stuck with than me.”

“On the contrary, while I would rather neither of us be in this situation, I am grateful for your company.” 

Instinct told you to deny, to argue that he would rather be with Chapel, La’an, Una, or Captain Pike. Instead you fought the instinct and gave him a small smile. “I’m glad I’m with you too, Spock.” 

Your answer seemed to satisfy him in some way, “Do you have other suggestions on how to best spend our time?” 

You let out another laugh that left Spock confused, “My plan is to have no plan.” 

“That would be counterintuitive,” he reasoned. 

“Yes, but considering our last twenty odd plans have literally and figuratively blown up in our faces, I think maybe going with the flow might work in our favor.” 

He paused, you could almost see the wheels turning in his head, “That is an acceptable premise.” 

“So-” 

“Lieutenant L/N there you are!” You watched as one of your engineering crew members, Kyle, briskly walked towards you both. 

“You ready to run?” You quickly got up from your seat. 

“Run?” 

“I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to spend the rest of this loop in the brig.” 

“Lieutenant!” 

Spock gently stood up from his seat, pushing in his chair. “What is the destination?” 

Your smile only grew wider, “Just follow me.”

Spock nodded at you. Both of you began your sprint out of the rec room. Faintly, you could hear both of your names being called. You could feel Spock matching your stride beside you. By nature you knew he was faster than you, still, he matched your speed. 

You felt free for the first time in a long while, your smile never leaving your face. You dodged and weaved your way through the sparse crowds in the hallways. You made your way to the turbolift, your own anxiety rising as you made your way inside. 

You looked at Spock now, he gave you a reassuring nod as you both walked into the turbolift. Gently you pressed the handle, “Deck 21.”

“Clarify,” Spock was looking at you in utter confusion. 

“When’s the last time you went bowling?” You leaned against the side of the turbolift. 

“I do not recall utilizing the bowling alley.” 

“Perfect,” you smiled, standing straight as the doors opened. 

Wordlessly, Spock followed you to the bowling alley. Of the six lanes, only one was occupied. There was a small group of ensigns huddled together to the farthest wall. Generic 20th century music echoed through the room. 

You spun to face Spock, “Tell me, Spock, have you ever bowled before?” 

Spock’s gaze flicked between you and the bowling balls. “I cannot say that I have, though I am familiar with the rules.” 

“I’ll go easy on you,” you smirked. You went first, carefully selecting a bowling ball before setting yourself up in front of the lane. You could hear cheers coming from the other side of the room as ensigns began high fiving each other in celebration of their game. 

“Be the ball,” you whispered. 

“I do not understand. How can one be the ball? It is not a sentient being.” 

You let out a sigh, “Figure of speech Spock, now please, shush,” you paused, “I need to focus,” you breathed out before releasing the ball. You watched as the ball rolled nearly perfectly straight down the middle of the lane. You successfully knocked down all of the pins save for one. 

You picked your ball back up and knocked your final pin over. You turned smiling facing Spock. “Your turn,” you encouraged, watching as he tilted his head to the side examining each ball before picking one. 

Spock stood rigid in the center of the lane, he simply stared at the pins in front of him for a minute before he swung his arm back to release the ball. You watched as the ball rolled perfectly down the center before knocking down all of the pins. 

“What? How did you- you’ve never bowled before?” You sat baffled on one of the chairs as Spock walked towards you. 

“I used simple geometry to calculate entry angle and its impact on pin deflection.” 

You stared gaping at him, “Did you,” you blinked, “did you just hustle me, Spock?” 

“I believe that to hustle you I need to have lied about my skills at bowling. As I have never played the game before I would not consider this swindling you.” 

You got up from your chair, grabbing your bowling ball. You turned to look at him, “Just you wait, by loop one hundred, I’ll be taking you for all your money.” 

“I am not sure that would be sufficient time for you to succeed.”

You spinned around to look at him, eyes wide. “Now you’re trash talking me?” You said in disbelief. You nearly found yourself laughing. He was staring at you with the straightest face imaginable, but his eyes, oh his eyes told you a different story. 

“I am simply stating that your current skills would need more practice.” 

“I see,” you bit your lip to hide your grin. “Well, we’ll just have to see about that now, won’t we?” You brought the ball up to your face before swinging it back and bringing it forward. You watched as you got a perfect strike. 

With a bounce in your step you walked directly in front of Spock who sat with his eyebrow raised. You leaned down a bit to better meet his eye level, “Don’t hustle the hustler,” you teased before taking a seat across from him. 

“Indeed,” he replied. He stood walking to retrieve his own ball. You watched as Spock got another perfect strike. “Perhaps we are a better a match than I had anticipated.” 

You found your mouth had gone a bit dry at the thought, “Oh, we’re just getting started,” you said softly before getting your ball. “I will win.” 

“I expect nothing less than your best effort,” he replied. 

On and on you went, one strike after the next. You tried not to let your minder wander, though Spock had a way of distracting you in ways that you weren’t used to. There was one goal and one only, win. Your life was full of nothing but loss lately, but this? This you could win. 

It was the final game, if Spock got another strike it would be a tied game. After he bowled a perfect game you couldn’t see how he wouldn’t get another strike. 

Spock spared you a glance before he let his final ball go. You watched the ball veer left going straight into the gutter. He quickly collected his ball and managed to only knock down five pins.

You jumped up from your seat in disbelief. “Did you just-?”

“I miscalculated the trajectory,” he said simply before sitting down. “I believe your next turn determines the winner.” 

“Spock, I’ve never seen you ever miscalculate anything,” you sputtered. 

“It is illogical to believe I can never make mistakes.” 

You looked at him, trying to find any tell that he was lying. You squinted at him before finally acquiescing. You lined your ball up and watched with bated breath as you got a strike. You screamed jumping up and down. 

“I won! Oh my God, I won!” 

“Well, played,” Spock stood behind you giving you the barest hint of a smile. 

“You totally threw the game so I could win, didn’t you?” 

“I lost fairly,” he stated, “I believe it is time for our midday meal.” 

You sighed, “Yeah, okay.” 

You followed Spock from the turbolift to the mess hall. Both of you walking towards the replicators. You were making your way over to Spock, when you were suddenly yanked backwards. 

“And just where the hell have you been?” 

You stared wide eyed at Erica. Unsure exactly what to say. 

“Engineering has been looking everywhere for you,” she squinted at you, “Well, you and Spock.” You watched as her face went from confusion to questioning to disbelief. “Were you - were you playing hooky with Spock?” 

“Um,” you hesitated. 

“You, you actually got Spock, Vulcan rule follower, Spock to ditch work?” 

“Well…”

“I knew it!” 

“Knew what?” 

“Oh, no, Uhura is going to want to hear this too.” Erica steered you towards a table where Uhura sat sipping her soup. 

“Hey, what’s-” 

“Y/N was playing hooky with Spock,” Erica rushed out. 

Uhura’s eyes went wide. Her gaze drifted behind you and back to your face. “That explains why Spock is just staring over here. He actually looks a bit…well a bit like a kicked puppy. What happened?”

“Nothing, nothing happened. We just…went bowling.” 

“Bowling,” Erica repeated. “Is that a new code for-” 

“No!” You cried out shrinking a bit as you got stares from the crew around you. “We literally were bowling…I won, not that it matters.” 

Erica and Uhura looked at each other before turning back to face you, “What brought this on?” 

“I can’t say,” you mumbled. 

“What do you mean you can’t say?” Erica questioned. 

“I literally can’t say.” 

“We won’t say anything, this is just between us,” Uhura said softly. “It’s just, well, we’ve noticed a bit of a…” 

“Connection,” Erica offered. 

“I was going to go with tension, but that works too.” 

“What are you two on about?” You argued. 

“That’s why we’ve been trying to get you and Spock to hang out more. There are these, I don’t know, lingering looks between the two of you.” 

“What?” You stammered, “There are no lingering looks between Spock and I.” 

“Oh, yes there are,” Erica urged. “So again, what has got the two of you playing hooky?” 

“I can’t,” you insisted. 

“Oh, come on, we’re your best friends.” 

“I can’t-” 

“Just tell us.”

“I really-” 

“Just-” 

You stood up harshly from your seat, “Fine!” You could feel the entire mess hall looking at you. “Spock and I are stuck in a time loop!” 

“What are you-” 

Alarms began to blare throughout the Enterprise. 

“Shit,” you sighed, sitting down and putting your head down on the table. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You knocked on the door timidly. Spock opened the door and looked down at you. 

“Okay,” you sighed, “That one was on me.” 

Spock gave you a look that made you run your hands over your face in frustration. Spock turned to the side allowing you entry into his room. 

“May I inquire as to what prompted you to tell Lieutenant Ortegas and Ensign Uhura about our situation?”

You could feel heat rushing towards you face, you quickly turned away from Spock and looked anywhere but him. 

“Uh,” you started, “They were just asking me a bunch of questions. I got a bit overwhelmed and it kind of just…slipped out.” 

“It slipped out?” 

“Mhmm,” you replied, your eyes locking on the Vulcan lute in the corner. “I didn’t know you played,” you said softly, your eyes finally meeting his. 

“I find it helps me to work through difficult problems,” he stated. 

“Has it helped with figuring out the anomaly?” 

“No, it has not.” 

“Would you…would you play something for me?” You weren’t sure what made you ask. You never in a million years would have just straight asked Spock anything like this, but now - now things were different. At least in the loop. 

He nodded his head before retrieving his lute. Spock took a seat, following his lead you took a seat next to him. You watched as Spock delicately plucked the strings, the sound emitting from the instrument was like nothing you’d ever heard before. 

You weren’t sure how much time had passed, you found that you had completely gotten lost in his playing. When he plucked the final notes, he gently set the instrument aside before meeting your gaze. 

“That was beautiful, Spock, really.” He looked different to you now, calmer, more relaxed than you’d seen him in a while. It was nice, different. This version of Spock was new to you, but you found that he was someone you wanted to see more of. 

He gave you a curt nod, his hands now folded in front of him. “I do not believe everyone would agree with you. I have received a noise complaint before.” 

“What? That’s crazy. Who would do that?” 

“I was not able to procure the identity of the complainant, however, I have my suspicions.” 

You silently nodded chewing on your lip, “So,” you started, “How should we spend today?” 

Spock furrowed his brow, “Are you familiar with the game Yahtzee?” 

You smiled widely, “You could say that.” 

You played with Spock for hours. Laughing as he said would yell out Yahtzee with that emotionless tenor. 

Spock’s eyes met yours as you threw your head back laughing at a passing comment he made about winning. You were doing a victory dance after finally beating him after five rounds of losses.

The sound hit your ears before you could register what was happening, you quickly looked to see Spock laughing, his smile wide as you paused your exaggerated movements. You smiled at him in disbelief. 

He quickly clamped his mouth shut, “My apologies.” 

“Why are you apologizing?” 

Spock seemed to hesitate, “I was advised to ‘keep my freaky to myself’”

“Spock, we are living nothing but freaky now, please don’t hide yourself from me. You and I are all we have.” 

The corner of Spock’s mouth turned upwards to a smile, “Noted.” 

“Do you want to try take two on getting food?” You prompted. 

“That would be acceptable,” Spock said. 

The both of you walked side by side towards the mess hall. Spock all the while discussing with you the probability formula he used to help him with the game. As you walked into the mess hall, you avoided the replicator from yesterday. You watched as Spock used it instead. Erica, instead of you targeted Spock. 

You watched from across the mess hall as Spock no doubt endured the same cross examination you did on the last loop. You watched as his gaze bounced back and forth from Uhura to Erica. Both women fired off one question after the next. 

You heard alarms blaring overhead, a laugh escaping from you. Crew members watched you wearily as you stood up on a table, hands cupped over your mouth to help carry your voice. 

“Looks like this one is on you, Spock,” you laughed, enjoying the embarrassed expression on his face. You could swear you could see his ears tint green from your angle on the table. 

“I’ll see you in a few!” you yelled out before white light enveloped you. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spock met you in front of your own room, you opened the door with a small smile. 

“Do I want to know what they said to get you to spill the beans?” You teased. 

Spock’s gaze drifted down, his hands folding behind his back, “I do not believe that the conversation was relevant.” 

You let out a small laugh, “If you say so.” 

Making your way out of the door, you walked beside Spock through the hallways. You could see Sigala up ahead with your cup of coffee. You took the cup as you passed him without looking, “Thanks Sigala!” You said in passing. 

You sipped on the warm drink as you walked with Spock, both of you held a comfortable silence. You spent the majority of the day with Spock hiding in cargo bays to keep from being questioned. The both of you managed to find the food preparation bay, saving you both from the questioning of Erica and Nyota. 

Time passed around you both slowly, blurring around you until the only thing you could see clearly in front of you was Spock. It was terrifying and comforting and another emotion you couldn’t quite put your finger on - thrilling you almost thought. 

Spock, for his part, had managed to occupy you both with an endless barrage of questioning. Some of it involved your opinions of the mechanics of the warp core, and other questions had you trying to hold back laughter. When Spock had asked if you liked eggplant, you had nearly hit your head against the cargo wall. 

It was easy with Spock. Something you could not have predicted, you found yourself almost oddly grateful with the time with him. 

You both managed to find more food before making your way to the observation deck. You both sat across from each other on the floor of the observation deck. 

“There’s nothing quite like it is there?” You said out loud, your eyes fixed solely on the view in front of you. 

“No, I do not believe there is,” Spock replied. 

You turned to look at Spock, his gaze already on you. 

“How many loops has it been, you think?” You set your dinner aside and gave Spock your full attention. “I feel like I lost track around twenty loops ago.” 

“Eighty-six.” 

Your brow furrowed as you tried to think back on your loops. “Really?” 

“Yes, we attempted to notify Captain Pike and the crew-” 

You silently waved him off, “It’s okay, I’m sorry I asked.” You found yourself slumping against the wall. You were deflating again. 

“You know,” you prompted, “I think this is the farthest we’ve made it without dying.” 

“You are correct,” he agreed. His gaze fixed solely on the view of the stars.

“What are you thinking, Spock?” 

“Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland,” he paused, “My mother used to read it frequently when I was a child.” 

“It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.” 

“You are familiar with the book?” 

You gave him a soft smile, “A little. I think I read it when I was a kid. I only remember small details here and there. It kind of feels like we traveled down the rabbit hole a bit, doesn’t it?” 

Spock let out a warm hum in response, “I would be inclined to agree with your statement.” 

Alarms began to blare overhead, repeating red alert. 

“Well, I guess that’s it for this loop,” you sighed, scooting your way closer to Spock. You were shoulder to shoulder now. 

Spock turned his head to look at you. You looped your arm through his, your head resting against his shoulder. 

“Spock?” 

“Yes?” 

“I…” you bit your lip, unsure of what you wanted to say. Words clawed their way up your throat, but died on your lips. 

Your vision began to swim with white. You squeezed your eyes shut, holding onto Spock’s arm more firmly. 

I think I’m being to fall in love with you, you thought before you felt the pull in your stomach. The rest of time falling around you.

[moonsunmermaid]

Heavenly guided messages ✨✨✨Pick a Pile

Disclaimer: Please remember, this is just a general reading from the collective, apply how it might resonate and take in consideration that tarot readings are not 100% real, you have the power to change your life anytime. Also please, regarding any kind of health issues this is no game, go to a doctor, I or spirit will never give you any advice regarding your health in this blog.

1-2-3

Pile 1- Reiki Magic

In this moment and age, with all the things going on in this planet earth, heaven wants to assure you you are protected and safe. Angels and your spirit guides want you to know you can trust your intuition, they whisper the best advice possible and you can feel it if you connect to them and your heart.

If you have any practice that helps you connect to your guides, they want you to know they are with you all the time and encorauge to keep going with the practice. Sometimes even when we can't hear, feel or see, faith is imporant. Anyways, here's your message, keep trying connect with them.

Also there's a message from the moon, you can call her Selene, Diana, Artemis, Ix Chel, Khonsu, Hecate... or just the moon itself, however you like to call her, she whispers teachings that benefit you. I recomend you learning about the moon cycles and moon magic if you're into witchraft.

Pile 2- Glitter Wings

Energy sorrounds you and your aura, you are picking up on too much from others and you have to learn to let go of what is not yours. Your love for humanity is appreciated and venerated in heaven, yet you also have to love yourself. Angels don't want you depleted because of the efforts you put onto others!

Mother Kwan Yin, who always helps me , wants to tell you she's there for you too. Maybe this is too specific, but if you're suffering, you can call her and she will try help and allievate your pain.

Try be super soft with yourself and allow yourself to rest your mind as much as possible. Sometimes we need reset days when we don't talk with anyone, listen to anything and we just are. Maybe this is an extreme, and extremes are never ok, but try ligthen outside stimuli and kiet the mind. Do not force it, be kind to yourself, but try relax, please, also when I was reading the cards a huge amount of messages came to me, my ears started ringing and I almost had to stop the readings because it was too much stimuli for me. If this is how you are feeling in life, please, stop for a while and breathe!! (🙏🙏🙏 this is also a message from me )

Pile 3 - Angel Doves

For some reason, you got extra cards... also while I was shuffling the cards I felt a strong pain in my heart. I don't even know how to start, but I feel you, ok? I sense you are now healing from a very toxic situation, but you are determined to achive a goal or a dream, or maybe you only want to be free of this pain. One day at a time, progress takes you to the final goal, not perfection.

There's angels surrounding you to help, they are guiding you through the dark waters of uncertainity and want you to know comparing yourself to others is what makes it harder. They want you to remain calm and look inside, your light is never ending and your heart holds the magic to heal thousand million pains and more.

When we come to earth (or any other planet to be honest) we separate from source and we become individuals. Ego makes us believe we are not in comunication with source, society makes us believe we are not good, we are not God, they tell us God is a separate entity from us. Even in spiritual circles sometimes I heard we are nothing and we are bad compared to angels!!! But what angels want to remind you here and now is you are them. We all are Achangel Michael, we all are Kwan Yin, we all are God. Their energy is within us, and in this case: the energy of a thousand suns is within you, to heal or to achieve any goal. Allow the voice of angels get to you because you are them, you have the power, never foget this, please.

[art-is-kayos]

Dream that I had

I only remember about half of the dream itself, nor have a done more than wikiskim ruina, so bare with me for this.

The general gist of it was the idea that X exists within the Library. Namely, in a subterranean floor of it that Angela first sent him to a short time before Roland first step foot in the Library.

Then the game happens and afterwards Angela decides to open the door, because otherwise she'd have that loose end for the rest of eternity.

However! Whilst the first to enter the Library was the X that successfully completed the Seed of Light, there were many more versions of him that came before, versions of him that began manifesting within the Library.

Each and every X from each and every loop or reset over time began to exsist within the Library, with some likening waking up and having to sort books for a reason they don't really get to waking up and having to manage a facility for a reason they don't really get, and promptly got to work.

Others, especially those who had loops cut short due to breakdowns or suicides or the like, did not cope so well. Dying and turning into anything from a paragraph or two to a couple of pages depending on how many days they managed to complete as manager. They would always be brought back shortly, much to their chargrin.

Many, in fact, have less than positive words to say about Angela, though day 50 X never told them about Angela's betrayl since it would make pretty much everything worse almost impressively quickly. Though, the amount each of them knew would vary, influencing their behaviour. The ones who kicked it earlier on would be more biased towards Angie whilst those that had their journeys stopped at Abram would be greif stricken, for example.

Regardless, Angela finds them all and just kind of has to deal with that. I do not have much else to say as most of my day/dreams are mostly just 'hey wouldn't that be fucked or what' with little else.

Have a good day, none of these people are. ^.^

[handofmidas-writes]

I didn't hate season 4. Or the love triangle. Let me explain.

Okay. Listen. Listenlistenlisten.

I know everyone is pissed about season 4. I hear you. I get it. I don’t think anyone is thinking that this was a well-executed season. Not by any stretch of the imagination.

But hear me out.

The bones of the thing are good in principle. The arc makes sense at the heart of it. Again, hear me out.

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

The entire series is about saving the world by stopping the apocalypse. And as all the Fives in the deli have shown, the apocalypse is due to the Hargreeves siblings’ very existence. Reginald has fucked over every iteration of the kids to bring back his wife who died as a result of her own actions in creating marigold. He couldn’t give her up, and he was willing to rip universes apart to get her back. Five has tried time and time and time again to save his family, ad infinitum. He knows how to solve the problem, but he can’t bring himself to do it. Until this Five. They are, as we here on tumblr love to say, doomed by the narrative.

Five also says the universe loves balance. We saw this in season 3 with the kugelblitz. They were an impossibility in the universe and the kugelblitz formed to solve the problem by eliminating them. Impossibility for impossibility.

One of the Fives founded the Commission to solve the problem. It happens every time.

Abigail’s purpose through the whole season is to ensure the Cleanse, to reset the universe to the correct timeline. She shouldn’t be there. The kids shouldn’t be there. They are a direct result of Reginald releasing marigold into the world to enact his plan of resurrecting Abigail. The universe is trying to return to homeostasis, balance itself. And in every iteration, it needs to rid itself of the marigold, the substance that shouldn’t exist in the first place.

Ergo, the principle is sound, in my opinion.

The execution was shit, as I’m sure we all can agree.  I don’t like that they cease to exist, necessarily, and I think there were other avenues they could have taken to avoid that. But I can stomach it.

The shit storm is certainly in the characterizations. They did almost everyone dirty in some way or another. I think it could have been saved with a few more episodes, but we know that Netflix sucks like that and the season definitely suffered after the strike. I won’t be going into all of the characters just now since I’m apparently a loquacious bitch and don’t have the space. (And I know this is all being screamed into the void anyway. None of y’all will be reading any of this lol.)

Here’s where I’m going to ruffle feathers. I buy into the whole Diego/Lila/Five thing. And here’s why. (Cut here because this bitch got real long. Like 1.5k words long. Oops.)

The first episode is called “The Unbearable Tragedy of Getting What You Want.” Is it a slightly contrived Now That We’re Not Superheroes Our Normal Lives Kind Of Suck thing? Absolutely. Has it been overused in basically everything ever? You bet. Does it kind of work here? Yeah, actually.

These people legitimately don’t know what to do without powers. They’re coming fresh off the heels of trying and failing to save the world 3 different times. That takes adjustment. A lot of adjustment.

Lila and Diego fall into parenthood, which is a huge thing in and of itself. It’s not surprising that Diego turns into the stereotypical suburban dad, the breadwinner because that’s what he thinks his role should be. It doesn’t fully make sense that Lila turns into a housewife, but I can see her trying to throw Diego a bone and trying to make up for how she’s treated him in the past. Not to mention proving herself as a mother.

It makes sense for Lila to want to get out of the house and do her own thing, without her kids and her husband. It makes sense for Diego to resent his low level job when all he’s wanted to be is a badass and a hero.  Their frustration about their family life is understandable. Being a family is a lot of effort. There’s a loss of freedom when people become parents. And these are two headstrong people who have things to prove to themselves, to make sure they show up for their kids. Which leads to breakdowns in taking care of themselves and their relationship to each other.

Now, the sticky bit comes in with the whole love triangle. I know folks hate the subway subplot. Here’s the thing, despite how it was executed, it makes sense, too.

It’s an interesting way to portray the Many Worlds Theory and it’s plausible enough that Lila and Five connect in this way because of their shared knowledge of the Commission. It makes sense that they explore it together.

Which leads me to this: Five is incredibly lonely. He spent 40 years alone in an apocalypse and tried everything in his power to get back. He fell in love with a mannequin because she was the only thing keeping him tethered and sane-adjacent (sweet Dolores, we’ll never forget you, queen). He was desperate and alone and persisted because he had to.

He joined the Commission to try and stop said apocalypse and then inadvertently ended up in another. He’s tired of trying to save his family over and over and now he’s not sure there’s anything he can do to save them this time. And now here he is, stuck in the labyrinthine Subway of Fuckery with Lila and they can’t get out. Lila who has the same training as him, the same knowledge base, who went with him to the remnants of the Commission in season 3 and tried to save them all. Let’s call them frenemies, I guess.

And now here they are. Stuck together and feeling helpless. Enduring every fucking thing under the sun, watching each other’s backs, and they only have each other. And they’re tired. They’ve been searching for a way home for six fucking years. So, they decide to stop running and catch their breath. I won’t say it’s an inevitability, but Five is so lonely and scared. And Lila is lonely and scared and without her children. But they’re safe with each other, and they take comfort in each other, and it’s so easy to blur those lines.

So yeah, they end up together in the now infamous cottagecore greenhouse with the strawberries. And they try not to think about Diego. Is it right of them to do this? Well, no. But are people messy as hell? Yes. And are their actions understandable? Also yes.

So, to me, when Five finds the notebook and keeps it hidden from Lila, it tracks. Because he’s so fucking scared of what’s going to happen now. What if they still can’t make it back? What if they can’t save the world this time? What if it all comes down around his ears again? So he hides in easy domesticity and thinks about the solace they’ve found in each other.

And Lila, understandably, blows up when she realizes Five has hidden this from her. Because for her, this was a way to cope. To survive, as she says. She loves her children. And she loves Diego. She didn’t stop loving them. She couldn’t stop loving them. But she might just love Five, too. And isn’t that scary as hell?

People are many faceted, my friends. Does it make what she did morally right? Of course not. But does it make sense? I truly think it does.

The limited number of episodes is one of the largest contributors to the half-baked-ness of it all. There’s not enough time to flesh out a proper resolution to the whole thing. Which led to Diego’s hunch from episode 2 of Lila cheating with Greek guy/Five accidentally being correct foreshadowing. Which then resulted in a heavy confession from Lila in front of the entire family (which I was digging, just like the siblings, tbh). And then the boys started throwing punches and the whole love triangle thing went completely down the shitter (a dubious and debatable statement, I know).

So, that leaves us with Lila who is now in the middle of two brothers. Said brothers are now physically fighting out bad blood and pent up frustration. And only part of it is due to Lila.

Diego’s character is criminally underdeveloped. He was always halfway between the underdog and class clown and his characterization in this season falls spectacularly flat in all aspects. He’s a character who has fought to prove himself over and over again, and is still trying to do that here, but nothing really lands. Diego and Luther are comic relief mostly. And Diego’s role, unfortunately, ended up being a stick in the spokes of a sloppy love triangle and pretty much nothing else.

Five is obviously the favorite in Blackman’s eyes. Five is knowledgeable. Five always has an idea. Five is the one the family looks to for answers, more often than not. Five is the one who almost always opts to save his family in some way, shape, or form. And this has resulted in Five being sad and helpless, in a way. He has been building this emotional bomb for decades and across timelines without any real release or acknowledgement. So Blackman chose to have Five get his emotional release in the form of “a love story” with Lila. Doing it this way, with the limited number of episodes, left Diego’s part woefully inadequate.

No resolution really takes place here. Diego kind of “wins” insofar as he convinces Lila to take their family to the subway and she takes his hand first when they all say goodbye. Five gets the teary “I hate you for this,” after she ends up choosing self-sacrifice with the others, which we know means “I am so incredibly sad and I hate that you told us the truth because it means everything ends for real this time and I’ve had to let my family go.” Then she holds his hand, too, showing that all is forgiven, here at the end of all things.

There’s definitely not a resolution for Diego, and it can certainly be inferred that he still pretty much hates Five’s guts. I get the feeling that Five is just resigned to finally ending the cycle. He knows he’s hurt Diego badly and I think he does feel bad for it, but it’s not translated into the final scene, which leaves the whole situationship hollow and earned it the well deserved hate for hilariously poor execution.

So that’s it, friends. That’s my unpopular opinion and way too many words justifying it. I surprisingly have more I could blather on about, but I’ll spare y’all from including any more in this post. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

And for a final palate cleanser for those of you who do not care about any of this: I think we deserve a side plot of Five and Derek the Twink from the CIA. The true OTP. (Also Brisket Five, who is the real MVP.)

[carlyraejepsans]

Oh! What are your headcanons for frisk? I know we don't know much about them in canon so it's hard to extrapolate but I'm still curious

oh sure! mind, these are all personal headcanon, as there isn't all that much canon info i can go off of, HAHAHA

obviously I don't think frisk had a happy home life, just like chara. but while chara's abuse was more active, i think frisk's abuse came from neglect rather than outright hostility or violence from the people around them. maybe they were a single, unwanted child. maybe they were among the last of many, many siblings. too many to be notable... or missed. so they left.

by the time the game starts, they've already been living on the streets (of the city that became of the village of the humans that chara was born in) for a few years. they get by with their wits. i think they're VERY clever, unnaturally so for their age, and judging from their ability to talk/charm themself into and out of anything in the game, they probably refined that skill for survival (you make yourself liked enough, people are quicker to show you kindness. leftover food, a dry shop window to sleep in at night, some used clothes).

undertale itself raises the question of why frisk climbed Mt Ebott. i like the idea that it was a force outside of themself. like a sudden, SOUL deep tension that would only release if they followed the call. an intrinsic certainty that, somewhere, somehow, someone really needed them. maybe it was fate. maybe it wasn't. maybe they were tied to chara's spirit long before they ever fell (by blood, as a long descendant? by magic? both?) and they were reacting to flowey calling out for them. point is, they felt the instinct, and they followed it.

because here's the thing: in my take on this, frisk desperately wants to be needed. that's what ties them so closely to chara. going with the more literal interpretation of them as a ghost, chara still has unfinished business in the underground. they haunt their former home, much like flowey did, and they NEED to see more of it, they just can't let it go. and they can't do it without frisk. they need them. so frisk goes along, because FINALLY, they're needed. that's why they reset at the end and try again, that's why they keep returning to the underground. but of course, chara isn't the only undertale character who needs frisk. the entirety of monsterkind does, and the entirety of monsterkind gets better thanks to their intervention. flowey, too. asriel, too. that's what resolves chara's unfinished business and allows them to finally let go (i mean... as long as YOU do, too, of course :])

and this is precisely the reason I'm not a fan of making frisk traumatized by their experiences in the underground. having leftover baggage from before they came? love that. but the whole point of their journey, to me, is that they were the single most powerful being in the entire story. the amount of liberties they could take, with their actions, with their words, with their own person, due to the sheer scale of power they had on everything else.. sure there was violence, and fear, and adventures and misadventures and betrayals, but when you can literally control time, i think that was almost euphoric for them.

after the life they used to lead, i like to think frisk saw their experiences in the underground as positive. no more powerlessness. no more loneliness. finally in (shared) control of their life. was it maladaptive as hell? yeah! but it was better than nothing! and if you've been following me for more than a month, you'll know by now that i am obsessed with the idea of a post pacifist, reset-heavy frisk freaking out AFTER their happy ever after, when chara doesn't follow them out of mt ebott and takes the SAVE power along with them (which is... kinda what happens in the game). being back to square one would mess them Up. fortunately, they now have a whole support system of family and friends who love them to make them feel needed and safe. it's gonna take some work, but man. it's gonna be worth it.

[ranfordgallus]

Hi, are you still doing your ask the Vratt Brothers if so, what's the worst that could happen to them in terms of glitching? Love your stuff BTW

Hmmm....lets see, theres a few things that could happen to them when glitching/malfunctioning

First, theres a thing called "overheating" where khriz's stomach would malfunction and spew the acid in his stomach to his mouth which can be dangerous BECAUSE, in the previous posts about his stomach function his stomach acid is so strong that it could melt anything, so if it where to spew from his mouth, his body would break down from his acid making him incapable to operate... however this happened once when hes still getting used to his body so it hasnt happend for years...not saying its impossible

Second, khriz has a chip on the back of his head that helps him operate obviously, but the thing is that the chip is a bit weak so it can get hacked, not easily but its possible since the chip doesnt have the capability to protect itself from hacking, this happend when one of avivas micro-fly thing (which i forgot what its called but i think it was shown in the creature power suit race episode where zach uses his mini zachbots to fuck up the power suits) went through khriz's back and breaking his chip and thus hacking him to not able to move or speak , this happend twice in diff years ago

Third, marvtins second chip helps regulate his aggresive and strength levels, and when its damaged the second chip cannot regulate his aggressiveness thus making him fuckin feral and wild....LMAO, though this malfunction is kind of intentional because the second chip is close to the first chip which helps him....like i said in previous posts helps him operate, so if the first chip gets damage it can be severe and takes alot of time for it to fix so the damaged second chip is kind of like a way to defend itself from actually damaging the first chip, this happend once during a fight and marvtin gets his nape impaled by one of martins porcupine quills, did the kratt brothers survive?......almost, he almost mauled their ass bruh!!!!!

And the last, theres a malfunction thats so severe that the only way to fix it is to reset them, basically shutting their memory down and forget they ever existed, this is due to a malfunction to the first chip being so broken it cannot be fix and it has to be replaced with a new chip, losing all memory storage from the old chip

So yeah most serious malfunctions are all because of the damage of the chip, its like getting impaled by your brain

[greatestrival]

Yuki Tsunoda: 10 Things I Love for GP RACING MAGAZINE APRIL 2024 ISSUE

scanned by me (please credit if you repost lmao these took so loooong)

text under the cut

10 THINGS I LOVE

RB's Japanese racer on his love of saunas, good coffee and - well, food, of course

Fashion

I like fashion. I like to choose my outfit according to my mood or where I'm going. And I like to show my colours, if you like. In short, it feels good to look good.

Food

There's no particular cuisine I like, but for me a good meal is a kind of tool to reduce stress and feel happier. It doesn't matter what kind of food it is - if it's good, I enjoy it, whether it's tacos or sushi. I really like pasta. When I'm in Italy that's what I usually eat. But it's important for me, wherever we go, to find a good restaurant so I can enjoy the food. Because in a way, as strange as it may sound, it gives me the same feeling as driving a Formula 1 car. When I drive, I just concentrate on that. It's not that I don't think - of course I do, especially during the race - but when it comes to driving, it's more about the senses than thoughts. When I'm driving I don't think about anything else. And it's almost the same with food. You just enjoy the taste and flavour - and I really like that!

Nature

We travel a lot and are surrounded by electronics and computers, Laptops, telemetry, data is our world - and sometimes it's just too much. So I like to get away from it all, to go hiking, for example, or just get out into nature and experience a different environment to Formula 1.

Jason Statham

Definitely my favourite actor, especially after meeting him in Abu Dhabi last year. I've always liked his films and Transporter is my favourite - but sometimes when you meet your hero and get to know the person better, you can be disappointed, can't you? It wasn't like that with Jason. He is such a great guy, really nice, talkative, very respectful and really, really strong! He's got everything you need. He's strong, he looks cool, he's bald. I might go bald in the future to look more like him...

Singing

I'm not the one who sings in the shower, but I do sing in the car. I just feel like it, to feel the rhythm, to have fun. And when I'm singing, I feel like a real singer.

Saunas

It's something I like to use to reset. 20 minutes in the sauna, then a cold shower and lying down - at that moment I feel like I'm in space. And it is an incredible feeling. It feels like your body is resetting itself. It feels like all the stress I have, it just comes out with the sweat, so after the sauna I feel fresh. Like a brand new me. It's funny, I didn't really like it before, but my friends kept telling me how great it was. So one day I just decided to give it another try and finally understood what they were talking about. Now it's one of my favourite things to do: just go to the sauna and relax.

Coffee

I have a good coffee machine at home. I like to grind coffee beans in the morning and make myself a good cup of coffee. Good coffee makes my day.

Wine

I don't drink alcohol very often, to be honest. And I'm not a guy who knows a lot about wine, about different types and varieties of wine. I'm not an expert, if you like. But it's nice to have a glass of wine with good food. It helps you enjoy it even more

Apex Legends

I used to play a lot more when I moved to Europe from Japan - and Apex Legends was my favourite game. I don't play as much now, but during my junior career it was a way to keep in touch with my friends in Japan because we were so far apart. Of course you can call and chat, but doing something together, playing and talking at the same time, is a lot more fun.

Football

I sometimes play football with the mechanics, engineers and other guys from the team in Faenza. And I love it. Because first of all I like the game itself, but then it's also good to hang out with the guys from the team - especially considering that it's usually the guys who don't go to races and stay at the factory, so it's also a good opportunity to bond with them.

[lipstickchainsaw]

The Pristine Blade

I've played a whole lot more of Slay the Princess, and it is excellent, but I've been wondering, why the 'Pristine Blade'?

Obviously it represents the power you have over the Princess in the dynamic, and how that dynamic develops over the chapters depending on your relationship to that power (see the achievement you get for handing the Blade to the Witch: Past Life Gambit, Hand your power to a suspicious character), but why a Pristine Blade?

Most of the voices are happy to call it a knife, or a dagger, or whatever else, or even ask for different weapons, but the Narrator is insistent on calling it the Pristine Blade, every time, which does make sense. It is one of the few constants in these scenarios, next to you, the Hero, the Princess, the Woods (most of the time), and the Cabin. As with those others, it was made fit for purpose by the Creator, perhaps with some details filled in by the Long Quiet's conceptions of reality (one aspect sure is, but we'll get to that).

What is the Pristine Blade?

For this, I'm going back to my Otherverse roots (hi, StP fans, read Pact and Pale), and analysing this as an Implement, which is what the Narrator explicitly refers to it as.

First off, it is a knife. Knives have purposes beyond enacting violence, but this particular one is a knife made for killing, there can be no doubt about that. You can still use it for other purposes, of course (like cutting the Thorn free), but showing up with it still marks you as a killer (and the Princess responds as such).

Secondly, it's small, which means it can, in fact, be hidden. The Opportunist is the only voice to consider this, but it is an important aspect, since it has its effects on you even if not showing it visibly.

Thirdly, it's small. This means that, to do its job, you need to get close and personal. You cannot keep your distance (which is why several voices wish you had something better) and, while it's suggested, in the Nightmare route, that you can throw it, in practice, the Paranoid can only do so much to keep your body functioning, and that kind of dexterity isn't part of it.

This makes it an intimate weapon, which sure is fitting for the dynamic between you and the Princess. Every time you use it, or choose not to, you are saying something about this relationship, and influencing how you both develop in the wake of the cycle of violence and revenge it enables.

But that doesn't explain the insistent terminology.

Why 'Pristine'?

The Pristine Blade is something implanted into the Construct by the Creator, it exists in every reality, and every iteration of the Narrator expects it to be in the Cabin even when it isn't, and every time, it is Pristine.

It is always perfect, almost the platonic ideal of a dagger, cutting through anything except the Razor (including bone!) with ease and it, too, is temporaly 'sticky'.

When you move from one chapter to the next, the scenario the Construct is running resets, except for you and the Hero (and whatever other voice you've picked up), the Princess (and the changes wrought upon her), and the Pristine Blade. And the Pristine Blade, too, remembers what happened, where it's supposed to be:

If you died with it in hand, or having it forcibly taken from you, it will be right where the Narrator expects it to be in the chapter after, but if you gave it to the Princess, either by actually giving it to her, like in the Witch route, or having it fulfill its purpose by stabbing her heart (and boy, there's a metaphor), it will be with her in the chapter after.

But even if the scenario itself states ages have past, the Pristine Blade is still that, Pristine.

Because it is unchanging. It will never be anything other than Pristine. It is, in some sense, stagnant, a constant. In short, it is the Long Quiet's weapon.

The Long Quiet's Weapon

The Long Quiet was created to slay the Shifting Mound, to end death, by putting a stop to change, transformation in all sense, and thereby ridding the world of doom, of the cycle of life and death.

And the weapon to do this is the platonic ideal of intimate violence. A constant, never changing, in this relationship.

Yes, in part this is because the Shifting Mound and the Long Quiet were once one, and their split wasn't perfect, so each carries a kernel of the other within themselves, but how delightfully ironic for stagnant violence to be the thing intended to destroy change in order to kill death. What a perfect encapsulation of the futility of the Creator's mission.

In the final confrontation, the Shifting Mound tries to convince you to join her by pointing out how you are both so familiar with the cycle of violence and revenge, and clearly this means she's speaking your language, and maybe she is.

But she doesn't have to be, because at almost every juncture, you could choose to leave the Pristine Blade behind, or wield it not to be violent. And every time you choose to leave the cycle of violence and revenge behind, to choose not to have power over the Princess, or at least use it with respect to her, it changes things, and it changes them for the better.