#all the shit that is going on and school and the future
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peppermintquartz · 3 days ago
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I'm feeling bitchily critical today so. Let's get critical.
Reasons why Season 8 of 911 (so far) sucks:
Bobby and Athena are aimless
They have no house. The logical development is for them to look for one, one for their future. That is theirs. Where are the house hunting woes? The disageeements and compromises? Are they ever going to have a chance to find a place they both love? Or build one, even?
Athena's job description is all over the place
She's giving school talks. She's conducting traffic stops. She's escorting a prisoner across state lines. She is mentoring new officers. She's a goddamn Sergeant but what is her job scope? Every single thing requiring the presence of police, apparently!
Hen and Karen have little direction for growth
The Mara adoption issue could have brought out more of their relationship, developed them in terms of relying on each other through a difficult time. The storyline with Ortiz could have really delved into the struggles of the foster care system, and how Hen and Karen broke rules designed to protect the kids. (Seriously, if a child is removed from a foster family, it's logical not allowing the foster parents to meet the child that was removed for the safety of the child). Where was the appeal to Ortiz as a mother? Where was the struggle? Where is the tension between the Wilsons and the Hans? Instead there was a Deux Ex Gerrard. And I am not even gonna start on the whole "why didn't you take leave for Halloween" shit, that stuff should have been settled when Denny was a baby. What are their next steps? Same old same old?
Gerrard is a joke
An established bigot and racist returns. He could have been a great way to show how the 118 has grown beyond him and his bullying. Instead they're cowed by him, and lets him yell at Buck? Whatever happened to the "who cares" courage in Season 7? And he gets the reward of his dream job?
Eddie is still not healed
He emotionally cheated on his girlfriend with his dead wife's doppelganger. Has he even processed what that actually means? No! His son moved to Texas. Has he coped with the loneliness in his house? Who knows? Certainly not the audience, since we don't see him go to therapy or, hell, have a full breakdown! He confides in people who aren't his friends, let alone his so-called best friend! Bobby gave him a prayer book but we don't even hear Eddie rage at a God who keeps putting devastation and challenges in his way. What wa the point of the prayer book then? He just danced in his underwear and somehow that made him smile and now he's moving across the country and, what, giving up on his home and his job? Is that really healing, Edmundo Díaz? Or are you just running from the problem again?
Chimney has no internal or external motivation
He was providing for Mara for a few months. Was he stressed about it? Did he think about seeking a promotion for a higher salary? Also, he is an immigrant. Does that influence how he teaches Jee? Has he and Maddie, white suburban raised Maddie, ever discussed the potential problems Jee might face? Or whether they wanna include some Korean culture in Jee's education, since they gave her a Korean name? Does he ever think about any of these issues? Is he at all conflicted? What does Chimney want?
Maddie
She was the one who wanted to meet Tommy. Has she done so outside of the wedding? What was her opinion of him? Is Maddie content to stay in Dispatch in the exact same position? Has she any career ambition? And about Jee: does she never think about the Korean part of Jee? Connecting to her own culture? Learning Korean, maybe? That would have been interesting because perhaps she wants her daughter to connect to that part of her roots but Chimney doesn't, for his own reasons. Also, if she wants to have a second kid, why didn't she discuss it with Chimney outright before the pregnancy? Was she not taking the pill? Were they careless again? What would she do if Chimney didn't want a second child? Abort? Given how the first pregnancy was traumatic for the whole family, including her brother, this development is showing her to be pretty self-centered, frankly. I don't know this Maddie. She's not the same one that gave Buck her Jeep to escape, knowing that she'll be hurt by an abusive husband.
Brad
Why is airtime devoted to a character that is barely connected to the 118? What is the reason behind giving him so much focus? Is he supposed to quit acting and become a firefighter or something? What is the rationale for his existence?
.
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And I haven't even touched on Buck or Tommy.
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emrikae · 2 days ago
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aot cast modern au jobs in my head:
eren: cybersecurity specialist. i feel like erens one of those kids that suck in subjects like lang-lit or fucking geography but have an impressive talent in anything techi. i think growing up eren was a competitive gamer and i imagine him being pretty rich in the sense where doctor daddy grisha and also big bro zeke are always spoiling his brat ass with the latest technology. he gets so good, he initially goes into uni wanting to become a game designer but after a brief fallout with his dad when he dropped out and eventually had his allowance cut (a period where i think eren dips into underground hacking and also modelling?) he falls upon the sexy salary in cybersecurity (and saw how thrilling- and damn easy !for him! - the job is) he changed course. i think eren eventually builds his own successful company and becomes one of those rich folks who say that school aint shit.
mikasa: president of a major sports team. mikasa takes over pretty young (like early 30s) after old uncle kenny was involved in some ‘reiss scandal’. initially mikasa was labelled ‘princess’ (derogatory) by dumb angry hooligans who thought a woman would curse their current standing, jokes on them cus that same season the club broke their 20 year curse by reaching the championships. i also think old pictures of gothkasa gets leaked on the internet but it only brought her more praise. but i actually dont think mikasa stays in this job for very long, shes always wanted a quiet simple form of income anyway so when her baby brother comes of right age and maturity she passes the baton to him and lays back as just a shareholder before shes even 40. i also believe mikasa in another universe wouldve loved to be an archivist.
armin: celebrity marine biologist/activist that went viral online during lockdown. he gets his own fanbase and is termed ‘biologist bae’ cus of his cute looks. a tv producer who fell into his corner pretty much fell in love with him after seeing armin deliver a spiel about endangered dugongs. invites him to a bunch of talk shows and the viewership goes so high (a large portion of it being teenage fangirls who want to ‘save the ocean’ too!) he manages to score his own show where he eventually meets his future wife.
annie: senior tv writer who got with armin after working with him on his show. she usually works on sporty reality shows and competitions even though shes a big time introvert. known for her sharp dont fuck with me work ethic, annie gags at how easily she fell into ‘biologist baes’ charm, hates how shes just like the 14 year old fangirls who try to sneak into their shoots. but anyways, annies the ace at her job been going hard for about 15 years but ultimately decides to retire early after having her second child and really liking how ‘biologist bae’ was making enough dough for the whole family.
sasha: influencer cus shes so pretty and fun. was a design major so all her vids have a ‘aesthetic’. now she prettily promotes lifestyle hacks for all the girlies. she also has a set of vids called “what my chef husband cooked for me today” . i think also further on she ends up being one of those moms who shoots vlogs and reviews with their kids.
jean: jeans a classy guy with artistic talents so i imagine him being a successful automotive designer for a luxurious car company. a mommas boy, he used his first fat pay-check to buy his mom a sleek ride thats a little too fast for someone her age. dudes insta page is what you’d expect from a posh car enthusiast with flashy posts of either him, his car, his mom or all 3.
connie: real estate party man. he really climbed his way up and becomes a man of many stories, friends with everyone and plenty of connections. the old hustle got him familiar with the best locations in the city, and now with his excellent salesmanship dude manages to sell at least 3 huge properties a week. i also feel like connies one of those dudes to finally settle down in his 40s -50s (with someone half his age).
historia: i believe queenbee was made for wedding planning. she has her own company before her first job ever but damn is she good at it. being brought up filthy rich, historia is familiar with the highest quality of things, knows whats on the market that only the small percentage of rich people know and will get clients their dream wedding to a t. moreover, she also loves to play cupid (canon!) and is always up to planning her friends weddings (and baby showers, and birthdays parties, and…)
ymir: i imagine ymir being on the board of directors for a bunch of ngos. she had a tough upbringing, was probably moved around from one home to another and could see how hard life is for anyone working at minimum wage. she grew up to be a little spitfire in school, hadnt taken it seriously until she reached senior year and bonded with a school staff named Ms Ymir Fritz. With the wisdom and kindness she learnt from her old teacher, ymir wanted to pay it forward and decided to make a living helping those in need.
reiner: idk why, but i feel like reiners a softie at heart and i imagine him having a nice cozy candy shop. probably fighting old childhood demons and the parental neglect he faced, his cute little shop comes as part of his healing journey to compensate what he missed out on in his youth. its sweet (but a little heartbreaking) that reiners favourite part about his job is getting to witness and be a part of the joy that emerges between families when they enter his shop.
bertholdt: a nurse just cus i think bertholdt would know how to be gentle with the patients. hes got a soft way of speaking that makes vulnerable people feel safe and comfortable. hes also wildly knowledgeable in flexibility and keeping your muscles in good shape that he conducts morning stretches and sometimes yoga in one of their recreational halls.
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kalinara · 2 days ago
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Oddly, I find myself inspired to talk about Scott/Emma today.
I want to disclaim first that I actually really do enjoy the Scott/Emma ship. I think, at their best, they were amazingly good for each other. I think she was the partner he needed at a time when he needed to be harder and more ruthless, less yielding, for the sake of the survival of their people. I think he helped her remember the good person that she;s always been capable of being, despite her anger, rage and pain, and made her want to be that person again.
But I will never not be frustrated by so many aspects of how the relationship began. And I'm going to get into them below the cut.
(Content warning: I'm going to discuss violation, victim-blaming, and sexual assault/rape.)
So, let me talk about my first frustration:
I will never be able to stop my knee jerk reaction whenever I see someone, in character or out, call it a "psychic affair", when it goddamn well wasn't.
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(New X-Men #131)
What it was, was a case of therapeutic abuse. He went to her FOR THERAPY. The "affair" was conducted in the course of therapeutic sessions. This isn't just malpractice, something that, were Emma a real person in the real world, would cost her her license.
In the State of New York, real world, what Emma's doing is a prosecutable crime. Because a patient, in the course of therapy, has diminished capacity to consent.
And look, it's not that I think this is a deal-breaker to their future relationship. The X-Men are fucked up. We all know that. But it is irksome to me that, to this day, this is referred to as an "affair", and not a single character has ever pointed out that Scott was not actually a consenting equal partner here, but a victim.
(In retrospect, maybe THIS is the first initial sign that Hank McCoy was slowly drifting to the dark side, because I cannot imagine a man like DOCTOR Henry McCoy, of this era and before, not being seriously aware of and passionate about the ethical responsibilities that a doctor has to his patients.)
It's probably fair to note the Doyleist elements. It is possible that the writer/artist team never intended this to be as violating and victimizing as it is. But I am skeptical of this. You can't tell me that the people who wrote and drew THIS SEQUENCE:
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(New X-Men #128)
did not know they were writing Emma as a sexual predator here.
(I have seen folks bring up the "defense" that Scott was a fucking idiot to go to her for help, as though that in any way excuses her actions. Surprise! Someone who has been recently traumatized does not make wise decisions! That is entirely shocking! It's almost like he might not be in a position to consent to a sexual relationship with someone claiming to act as a therapist!)
--
You know what's even more frustrating though? The shit Scott gets for the actual START of their relationship.
You remember how it goes? Jean's dead. Scott is at her grave, mourning. Emma goes to him with an offer - a relationship and a co-leader position at the school. He accepts and there's that infamous making out at the grave scene.
It's awful! It's completely understandable that this turns off a lot of folk both readers and in character.
Except that's NOT what initially happened.
THIS is the scene as it initially, actually happened:
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(New X-Men #151)
So yeah, THIS is what actually happens. Emma makes her offer. Scott says no. He leaves.
But THEN we get a whole storyline with future bad things happening, and well, apparently someone gets the idea that there's one really good way to avoid all of that mess happening.
So in New X-Men #154, we get this:
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And the same scene again:
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The exact same scene. Same place, same dialogue, same time.
But what's Scott's response:
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It's really hard not to read this as anything but Scott having his "No" literally rewritten to a "Yes" by a future version of his own wife.
And here's the thing, this isn't a meaningless action. Scott takes a LOT of shit from a LOT of his friends and family for this decision. Not just taking up with Emma so early after Jean's death, but also where it happens. THIS IS JEAN'S GRAVE after all.
Rachel, his DAUGHTER, is furious. She basically disowns him outright, switching to her mother's surname and costume. It isn't until the End of Greys (meanspirited bullshit of a story worthy of another rant someday), and their shared grief, that they're able to reconcile.
Hank, probably the closest friend he has at this time, is utterly disgusted. And so many others have similar reactions.
Look, it can be frustrating to read and talk about X-Factor because, in my opinion, so much of Scott's choices are mischaracterized and taken out of context. But at least those are CHOICES that he actually made.
This wasn't a choice! This was an incredibly fucked up act of spousal rape by proxy committed by a hypothetical future version of Jean, where all of the negative consequences fell on the victim's head. Both victims, really, because Emma was not a willing participant in the violation of her new partner.
And what makes it so much more frustrating is that this will never be addressed. There is, I think, a very slight chance that one day an actual, ethical therapist or Doctor might hear the story of the affair and point out "actually, no, that was actually something terrible that happened to you."
But no one is ever going to learn the truth here. Why would it even come up? Scott and Emma have been longer as exes (Krakoa polyamory possibilities aside) than they've been together. Jean isn't the same Jean, she's as innocent of this as young Hank is of any of Hank Prime's crimes.
So this will never get addressed, ever, and I will seethe eternally at yet another example of unjust treatment toward my favorite character. And I can't even be mad at the people involved this time (unlike AvX!) because he DID what they're mad at him about.
It's just he DIDN'T initially, and it's so frustrating.
--
Again, i don't intend this rant to reflect on Scott and Emma as a pairing on the whole. As I said above, I think, on the whole, the two have been very good for each other. I like the weird whatever-it-is they had going on in Krakoa.
(I could have done without that X-Men Blue storyline where she tries to psychically force baby Cyclops INTO adult Cyclops, but that's a rant for another day. I was really glad to see her back as a proper anti-heroine in Rosenberg's run later.)
I just hate that these darker parts of their origin have never been satisfactorily addressed and it will always bother me.
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hashimasims · 2 days ago
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Kanaloa: What time is it?
Elucea: It's almost midnight
Kanaloa: Shit . . . I must've passed right out. I put the babies in the playpen at nine-thirty. Are they OK?
Elucea: Yeah, they're fine, asleep at the moment.
Kanaloa: El, I'm sorry I -
Elucea: Kan stop
Kanaloa: No, Elucea, please I need to get this out. I'm sorry for today, I'm sorry that I upset you with my thoughts and I should have had a better handle on them. I'm sorry that I feel this way and I guess I don't really have the right to, Abs set me straight on that. I know things won't actually ever be the same as a year ago between us but . . . like I told Abs I feel like we're just hired hands, that you only . . . you only have us around because you think you have to. I know I shouldn't have hoped for what we had almost a millennium ago between us, it was too easy a thought once you accepted what you are but the life you've been living obviously didn't just go away, I don't know why I thought you would go back to being the El from then, the El I stole. Back then you already went through the worst thing that could have happened to you, we had all the time in the world with no real responsibilities . . . but here . . . . . . Everything is different here, in the living world . . . you're different, and now we have the school to look after and you have the farm you wanted, I hate to admit I thought I could wear you down eventually to live in the Underworld with me but now I know that's never going to happen.
Elucea: Do you want me to -
Kanaloa: No, that's not why I'm saying it, I think the light you have would die if we went there . . . and I already can't stomach how . . . dim it has become. I also never thought that kids were in our future either, I know we wanted them and the only way was for you to be alive so we went about having you reborn, but after . . . After I lost . . . Milu . . . I don't think I truly wanted another, afraid that something similar was going to happen, and now I have four and . . .
Beginning|Previous|Next
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kings-highway · 2 hours ago
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oh if you insist @mayallsworld 😌 (sorry for the @ but you gave me such a good opportunity to talk...)
these are the characters I've developed for Nerd Shit 101, but have only recently properly fleshed out for future endeavours. I'll try to be brief on my thought process.
They're currently playing at level 11!
Daichi is playing a Human Fighter, Banneret archetype. His character was technically created for him by Kuroo, the entire thought process being "intuitive to use, abilities Daichi will naturally want to do" - as a result, Daichi's character is heavily geared towards protecting his party. Sentinal feat + Protection fighting style. Bitch goes in and keeps the attention on him. Which is great because Daichi's complete lack of mechanical game knowledge means his playstyle is "where's the enemy? stab stab stab."
Kuroo is playing a Tabaxi Rogue, Mastermind. He is going all in on being stealthy and quiet and dealing as much damage without ever having to get hit. He gets pretty into the roleplaying aspect of it, but he also tends to have the most knowledge of game mechanics, and therefore tries to break the physics engine the most. Voted "most likely to argue with the DM" three years in a row, probably. Also most likely to try something fcking goofy.
Oikawa is playing a High Elf Cleric, Grave Domain. Oikawa is the roleplaying bitch. He is trying to romance all the other PCs. He wants to spend 3 hours just talking to NPCs in town. He gets real invested in the characters backstories and lore. As a Cleric, he has a heavy emphasis on party buffs and healing, and tends to under-prepare spells that can do any damage. He is all about supporting and elevating his team and making sure they don't fucking die. Note taker and dice goblin extraordinaire. Will cry at the table.
Bokuto is playing a Goliath Barbarian, path of Wild Magic. He was playing an Owlin Paladin of Glory but he made a series of stupid decisions and got fcking dead. Bokuto is here for a good time, not a long time. He doesnt really understand the game mechanics but he really likes winning things, so this bitch is all about the combat. Very rarely remembers the plot of their campaign outside of the bosses they've killed.
Bonus Players that pop in on occassion but are not weekly players, treated in-game as allies on the homefront but not the quest:
Tendou, as an Aarakokra Bard/Warlock multiclass (Valor + Genie pact). Tendou has incredibly knowledge of game mechanics and simply chooses to not remember any of it. He is incredibly efficient and effective and has geared this particular build for attacking and dealing damage. He prepared cure wounds exclusively as a curtesy. He seems to be profoundly lucky with his roles.
Kenma, as a Tabaxi Wizard, school of Divination. He threw this character together sort of haphazardly to join Kuroo and the boys one evening as Kuroo's character's brother, and sort of regrets it. He likes playing wizards but Divination was chosen to fill a specific roll in the plot at the time and now they keep asking him to come back to help defeat various monsters and frankly its exhausting. Incredibly adept at the game, could be a rules lawyer but chooses not to. Is not super into the roleplaying aspect but tries not to break character.
Bonus-Bonus: I havent actually made these characters properly yet so they're subject to change but:
Suga guest starring as a half-Elf Ranger, and Iwa guest starring as an Tiefling Paladin. They dont have any game experience but get dragged into it.
And of course, and I take zero feedback on this, Ushijima as the dungeon master. I won't accept any other dungeon masters. I think he would absolutely excell in the dice management and monster-encounter designing aspect of the game, and when he has complete control over the worldbuilding there isnt a goddann plot hole to be seen. Airtight. He's also never lied or changed a role, he plays 100% to rule as he knows it. well reknown among his players for being absolutely brutal, and holding back nothing when it comes to themes and story beats and doing stuff like disembowling Bokuto's Paladin three sessions in. Hey. It's what the dice rolled.
spent the entire day creating full dnd character sheets for the captain squad. sorry. correction: for my headcanons of the captain squad's self insert ocs. yeah. that makes it sound like a perfectly normal thing to be doing. i'll go with that.
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book-lover85 · 3 months ago
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Stay at home dad and artist on commission Keefe
#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#keefe sencen#sokeefe#he watches him and sophie's 5 year old little boy and 11 year old girl (she's currently applying for Foxfire) while sophie works#he does his own art pieces along with commissions at home#and the little boy can teleport so he's constantly dropping in on sophie and fitz at their job#(it's related to them being cognates or something idk)#and keefe has a panic attack because he looked away for one second to add a detail to his sketch and now his kid's gone#their kid drops into sophie's arms (or right outside the door of the building she works at)#and sophie gives him an eye roll and a disappointed look for freaking his father out and interrupting her#(he has absolutely appeared when she was in a super important meeting)#this is all based on the assumption that elves don't have some kind of basic schooling before foxfire or other schools like it#when he appears back at their residence (their leapmaster floor has an open roof for teleportation)#keefe is standing there frantically ready to catch him#and their girl (im shit with names) is standing there giving him a look like “I thought you weren't scared of anything”#and he's just caught the kid and is trying to rock him to sleep cause teleporting is tiring for a 5 year old#but he humors her while walking down the hall to his bedroom#“who said i wasn't?” “i do” “why?”#“nobody who actually beat an ogre would be scared of their child teleporting away”#“you'd be surprised”#(she doesn't beleive he actually fought dimitar and thinks it's an elaborate inside joke between sophie him and queen ro)#so they keep going back and forth with him being vague about the details because while he did beat dimitar#he is absolutely exaggerating all the details#“keefe you can't tell our kids you punched dimitar and he immediately surrendered” “please” “no”#and then they get to his room on the second floor and he shushes her so he can place the sleeping boy in his bed#i have so many thoughts about future sokeefe actually
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respectthepetty · 2 years ago
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Me trying to be so brave about Moonlight Chicken, My School President, The Warp Effect, Never Let Me Go, My Beautiful Man 2, and HIStory 5: Love in the Future ending this week.
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So brave.
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b4kuch1n · 2 years ago
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more sk8. I think the cindereki stuff is extremely stupid but I am not immune to trying to conceptualize a princess gown in any setting
#sk8 the infinity#kyan reki#hasegawa langa#renga#if ur wondering yes the first gown I uh. pulled? from the brothers grimm version's idea#which I do prefer to the perrault/disney version. specifically bc there's no fairy#there are three balls happening on three consecutive nights and each night cinderella gets a gown and accessories from a tree#growing on her mom's grave#(the version I grew up with (translated to vietnamese) actually wrote it to be her dad's grave instead I literally dont know why)#and the wording is like. ''rain gold and silver on me'' or something like that? which is why all of the dangly bits in that design#(dont worry about the rest of the brothers grimms version. thats not important. dont think about it its not in the room with us)#also in this post: future!renga bc of fucking course. who do you think I am. who do you think I am#I see a character I love I immediately try to imagine a good future for them it is Simply my ways#ft. the lethal combo of being three kinds of queer + adhd + a teen#may just be bc I myself don't go to college lol. but I can't really imagine reki going to college. he'd get apprenticeship somewhere#like immediately. on sight. some uncle in nago would snatch him up a sentence in#I waffle on langa but him just getting out of the biggest shock of his life + severe depression would Not let go of his loved ones#so tbh I can't imagine him leaving okinawa either. at least right after high school#langa has the advantage of not giving a single shit about ''his potentials'' so he'll be chasing life's pleasures for a hot second thank you#also I believe in reki speaking at least passable conversational english thank you. he's trans and gay in asia#he's just also the kind of guy who has to think for a hot second to remember which way the written number 3 faces#''nailed the logic just plugged the wrong number in several times'' kind of guy#while langa's the ''doesn't understand the fundamental concept of puzzles'' kind of guy#man. this is like having two homunculi implanted in my brain. welcome boys come join leon pokemon#talk to each others while I do my job ok? thank you#that said. the comm queue should be finished up soon#(funny thing to say about three comms I know. but I will say it anyway)#and I'll take a few days break to unclench my brain and then get back into it#every day I learn new things about the dip pen. its great#okay. nap now tho. anything else can wait
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calypsolemon · 10 months ago
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I feel like a lot of the fandom assumes Connie during future is studying to an unhealthy extent and is making 0 time for herself but I feel like that's not the case? She literally introduces Steven to 3 new friends in Bismuth Casual, she seems to have free time for fun activities and hanging out. It's just... Steven who she doesn't always have time for, and I'm willing to bet it has just as much to do with her schooling than it does his own crazy busy schedule.
As usual, I think the perspective that Connie is always busy is mostly an effect of the show being told through Steven's perspective. She's always busy in the few moments that Steven has spare time. The thought of her moving far away for school, hanging out with people he doesn't know, moving on from the stressful things they had to do as kids... thats scary for Steven. But I think thats why Connie is more grounded than Steven in future, she's allowing herself to grow past gem stuff, make more friends than she ever had when she was younger, see the world for her own purposes rather than to do missions or save the world. Steven feels like he can't do all that, so he's imagining her as drifting away from him, with school as the culprit.
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orcelito · 2 months ago
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Considering the. Ahem. Ways this year has gone, I've not been thinking about it all that much, but. I did start this year with the motto of Year Of Unfucking My Life. With a few goals involved in that.
I got an official adhd diagnosis, as well as a diagnosis for PCOS. Other diagnoses in progress. Gotten adhd meds and birth control to regulate periods. I've gone back to school and I'm keeping up with it better than ever before. I've even been working on practicing driving, something I've been largely neglecting since I first got my driving permit, um... 11 years ago...
I just need to actually Get my license. And I need to get it before the end of the year. If I can accomplish that, then I'll say the Year Of Unfucking My Life was successful.
#speculation nation#i had some pretty major negative And positive influences for this goal of mine.#primary negative influence of course being my dad abruptly dying.#but that also led to the primary positive influence of the life insurance payout that's letting me just focus on school for my final year.#it's like a monkey's paw curl kind of moment. i got a genuinely astounding amount of money#more than enough to live off for a year+ and pay off the rest of my schooling.#with this i have finally exited the purgatory of part time school full time work to pay my way through school#a setup that led to endless stress (both physically and mentally) and suffering grades.#failing some classes and taking longer bc part time Anyways. locking me into years and years of this perpetual fucking Hell.#ive escaped it. school is so so so much more manageable when i dont have to work a job. im actually keeping up with my assignments.#for once theres no uncertainty about passing any of my classes. i Will pass them all. and i expect As in most if not all of them.#it's been fucking Amazing. everything i couldve wanted. and it came with the low low cost of losing my father when i was only 26.#... 'low' being sarcastic here of course. he was the 2nd worst person i couldve lost in my life. second only to my sister.#the 2nd worst grief i will Ever experience. bc he was my Good parent. hes the very reason i have a future at All.#and losing him fucked me up Severely. im still working on recovering. i kind of figure i always Will be.#thank god id already been taking spring semester off bc that would've been Horrible to go thru while in school.#i honestly probably would've just withdrawn from the semester. theres no Way id have kept up with it#given how damned BUSY those first few weeks after were. between funeral prep and inventorying and packing up his house.#so fucking much involved in settling an estate. and im the lucky one in that my sister's been handling all the legal shit.#so i simultaneously was dealt one of the most severe blows i ever Will be dealt#while also being given probably the biggest boost i'll ever get in my life.#if everything goes well with graduating and getting an IT job then i'll never want for money again.#considering there was a time early last year when i got as low as literally $7 in my bank account. this is a pretty big deal.#it's just... strange. the ways things go in life. this has been a very strange year for me.#just doing my best to use this boost to the best of my ability. even if it feels like im taking advantage of his death.#it's what he wouldve wanted me to do.
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conanssummerchild · 6 months ago
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having no friends is like whatever most of the time but like actually having a friend for once and then having to get used to not having them again. shit sucks. conan gray was onto smth with just let me be sad and lonely, im not interested in ever having friends again i was happy on my own why did you have to come in and screw up my miserable life and teach me what real love feels like. fuck you
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thedappleddragon · 4 months ago
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Hmm
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renytherat · 27 days ago
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i do not want to live here anymore
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adore-gregor · 1 month ago
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🙄🫠
#yk when i said i'm back to being active on tumblr well yeah 😅#i had to write a seminar paper for uni and it hasn't been going well because i got sick and didn't get much done#well i got an extension luckily but it still was a struggle the topic was just rly difficult to write about#i'm almost done now at least some 300 words i still have to write and then proofread and work on better formulating but yay#i should get it done today but yeah i'll manage so i'll be back when i'm done the latest tmrw#but seminar papers are for real my least favorite part of uni 😅 it's so time consuming and can be a real struggle ugh#i rather write an exam lmao#but anyway i needed to rant ://#my money got stolen 🙃😫#sometimes life just throws some shit at you ugh#like having to write this paper and not having a social life anymore isn't enougj#i don't know how it happened? i mean i don't know for sure but i can't explain it another way#like the money was in my wallet the day before yesterday and yesterday the whole day i didn't use my wallet qnd then it was gone??#maybe while i was at uni football but that's crazy it was not some public place but in a school gym lockerroom??#or maybe someone stole it from my backpack on the street idk?? but i didn't notice#but that was money i got for my birthday from my dad and aunts 😪#and i wanted to buy something nice with it and ig i will anyway but it sucks :((#it was not a little no i had 150€ in my wallet 😭 at least my credit cards are still there ig#but i realize now how stupid that probably was to carry so much money with but i thought it was safe fr#like i have lived in austria all my life and this never happened to me 😫 and it was not like i was walking around with my wallet openly#i mean i will be fine it would be a lot worse if that happened to someone who is just barely getting by but i'm still upset#and my mom told me that apparently it happened to a friend of her as well when she was in my city but like i never heard that before...#from any of my friends ... or maybe it really is that more dangerous with thieves in my uni city but like i wasn't aware#bc i mean in general austria is like a very safe country comparatively and feels like it never was on my mind#maybe it's horrible bad luck but in the future I will be careful to carry any cash with me 🙃
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raspberryjellybrains · 9 hours ago
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thought about AI generated work too long and now I'm mad
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bxdtime-ceai · 9 days ago
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huh
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