#all the shit that is going on and school and the future
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Weight loss & Updates
(some TMI)
Im at 43.2 pounds lost.
I feel really proud of this yall. It’s hard for me to accept feeling proud when I know I have so much further to go.
My tummy is a lot flatter. Not getting asked if I’m pregnant so often. My face is a little thinner. I feel prettier in photos. My bf said I’m “not fat anymore”. Which he meant as a compliment I swear, bc I’d said I have a lot more weight to lose and he’s like “where? You were fat a few months ago but not now”
I have a long way to go. I’m not even out of the 200s yet but I’m close. I want to lose 50-80 pounds more. If I lose 80��that has always like my “best” weight…right on the edge of overweight but docs won’t say shit. I was that before I was running, and after (muscle gain vs fat loss evened out) I’ve never been thin thin, not since I was 18. But even then I was bigger than my friends and sisters. Always curvy. Losing 50lbs I’d still prob be considered overweight or obese even but I would be ok with that honestly, and I’d still feel comfy in a bikini again.
I got myself new scrubs for Christmas. One shirt was way too big so I’m returning it and getting a size down.(xxl vs xl, the brand usually runs way small). The other is a xl set and it’s a little tight but wearable. I’m wearing it tonight lol. I think will be perf once I lose 5-10lbs more.
Im hoping to move to an apartment around march this year. It’ll be in town instead of so rural. Way closer to kids schools so less gas. But like double what I’m paying. I just can’t take another summer and the roaches there😭 also my landlord expects me to buy a mower to mow the 10 godamn acres which is ridiculous.
I currently live where there are no sidewalks and on the side of a pretty major highway. Not safe to walk or run. The apartment will be on the 1st or 2nd floor. Will use tax return to pay deposit and maybe hire movers. I’ll be able to start walking/running again. Im the slowest runner known to man. I used “couch to 5k” last time and got up to 15 miles no problem within 6ish months. It’s the only form of exercise I’ve ever been able to do consistently. And it has to be outside. I can’t fucking do treadmills, even when I was running long distances, not sure what it is but it feels like fucking torture. I’m finally at a weight where it doesn’t hurt to just exist. I can wipe my ass no problem! LOL! I can bend over if I drop something, get out of a chair/ get out of bed without it hurting like crazy.
With papi again in case you missed that. Finishing up our convo on the future and once I get a few more questions answered I’ll know if I’m staying in hopes he’s telling the truth or if I really need to walk away now. It sounds like by December we will be moving forward/he will have saved enough for a down payment on a house for his mom. Unanswered questions: will we be getting married by December? Engaged? Living together? Buying a house? What exactly will be happening by Jan 2026? I can wait another year, year and a half to move forward. And if it’s untrue/doesn’t work out like he’s planning? I think I can walk away knowing I fucking gave it my literal all. I know no one agrees with this decision but here we are. I fucking love him and just need to try to see this through.
This Year Goals?
Apartment
Walking running again
Summer pool time w kids
Start reading again
Consider going back to school. Either to further my nursing(NP) or something I can do from home that’s completely different. Or “just for fun” maybe writing or music
Moving forward w papi
Continue weight loss
Maybe take my ex back to court
Continue towards court w my former boss. Apparently it’ll be a few more months before we get a court date bc they keep motioning to dismiss.
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do you have any tips on how to layout your script/scripting in general?
hiii! i'll use my usual layout on scripts as an example. i like to be detailed in my scripts, but of course you can or can not do more and less.
i always start with all the informations on my dr self
in the about me section i put things such as: name, surname, nicknames, place & day of birth, current age, status (job/student or, like in my marauders dr, pureblood) species (if i shift in a place where im not human), height and weight. then i script my backstory — how i grew up — then my appearance informations (face claim, hair colour/lenght, eye colour, teeth, breath smell, skin, scent) and, clothes.
the second section is about my house. i usually start with where is located, then i do a detailed descriptions with pics. i focus on my bedroom with details… but i mainly do house details on pinterest.
the third section (i nominate it with my main nickname) is about things about my vibe, beauty things and my favourite things i have — like fav necklace or lighter.
now i do the social part.
this is pretty self explanatory… in the friend group section i script my friends and a bit of info like: their face claim, our relationship, their age & birthday.
in my family section i write the backstory/lore of my family (for example, in my hogwarts dr, where my family is the royal family of the wizarding UK, i scripted their old conquests, wars, and a backstory that then would come in play with me as their descendant and future queen). then i script my nuclear family: dad, mom and sibilings… with informations such as face claim, our relationship, their age & birthday, their job.
the third page is about my love life. i script a backstory of how we met and, since i mainly have enemies (to friends) to lovers, how we will start to be less enemies and more friends and then lovers. then their personal informations as; face claim, our relationship, their age & birthday, their job.
then, there's the career part (mainly for fame drs or boarding school).
for my boarding school dr i put informations like my (hogwarts house), dormitory, timetable, common room, school events, and the lore of my boarding school.
this is how my fame dr career part looks
at the end
in the rules section i put things such safety things.
in the waking up section where i’m going to wake up and what day it is
in the other section i usually script changes of any kind: in my marauders dr i scripted that the original plot won’t happen, and in my boarding school thing such as elections or taxes won’t be shit.
i hope this is helpful!!! i’m not the best at explaining
#reality shifting#shiftblr#shifting#shifting blog#shifting consciousness#shifting antis dni#shifting community#shifting motivation#shifting diary#shifting script#as if i didn’t script that#dr scripting#shiftingrealities
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Stay at home dad and artist on commission Keefe
#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#keefe sencen#sokeefe#he watches him and sophie's 5 year old little boy and 11 year old girl (she's currently applying for Foxfire) while sophie works#he does his own art pieces along with commissions at home#and the little boy can teleport so he's constantly dropping in on sophie and fitz at their job#(it's related to them being cognates or something idk)#and keefe has a panic attack because he looked away for one second to add a detail to his sketch and now his kid's gone#their kid drops into sophie's arms (or right outside the door of the building she works at)#and sophie gives him an eye roll and a disappointed look for freaking his father out and interrupting her#(he has absolutely appeared when she was in a super important meeting)#this is all based on the assumption that elves don't have some kind of basic schooling before foxfire or other schools like it#when he appears back at their residence (their leapmaster floor has an open roof for teleportation)#keefe is standing there frantically ready to catch him#and their girl (im shit with names) is standing there giving him a look like “I thought you weren't scared of anything”#and he's just caught the kid and is trying to rock him to sleep cause teleporting is tiring for a 5 year old#but he humors her while walking down the hall to his bedroom#“who said i wasn't?” “i do” “why?”#“nobody who actually beat an ogre would be scared of their child teleporting away”#“you'd be surprised”#(she doesn't beleive he actually fought dimitar and thinks it's an elaborate inside joke between sophie him and queen ro)#so they keep going back and forth with him being vague about the details because while he did beat dimitar#he is absolutely exaggerating all the details#“keefe you can't tell our kids you punched dimitar and he immediately surrendered” “please” “no”#and then they get to his room on the second floor and he shushes her so he can place the sleeping boy in his bed#i have so many thoughts about future sokeefe actually
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Me trying to be so brave about Moonlight Chicken, My School President, The Warp Effect, Never Let Me Go, My Beautiful Man 2, and HIStory 5: Love in the Future ending this week.
So brave.
#Moonlight Chicken#My School President#The Warp Effect#Never Let Me Go#My Beautiful Man 2#HIStory 5: Love in the Future#They all end in the next few days#Bed Friend is going to be my Best Friend through this trying time#Don't look at me!#I'm trying to get my shit together in peace
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more sk8. I think the cindereki stuff is extremely stupid but I am not immune to trying to conceptualize a princess gown in any setting
#sk8 the infinity#kyan reki#hasegawa langa#renga#if ur wondering yes the first gown I uh. pulled? from the brothers grimm version's idea#which I do prefer to the perrault/disney version. specifically bc there's no fairy#there are three balls happening on three consecutive nights and each night cinderella gets a gown and accessories from a tree#growing on her mom's grave#(the version I grew up with (translated to vietnamese) actually wrote it to be her dad's grave instead I literally dont know why)#and the wording is like. ''rain gold and silver on me'' or something like that? which is why all of the dangly bits in that design#(dont worry about the rest of the brothers grimms version. thats not important. dont think about it its not in the room with us)#also in this post: future!renga bc of fucking course. who do you think I am. who do you think I am#I see a character I love I immediately try to imagine a good future for them it is Simply my ways#ft. the lethal combo of being three kinds of queer + adhd + a teen#may just be bc I myself don't go to college lol. but I can't really imagine reki going to college. he'd get apprenticeship somewhere#like immediately. on sight. some uncle in nago would snatch him up a sentence in#I waffle on langa but him just getting out of the biggest shock of his life + severe depression would Not let go of his loved ones#so tbh I can't imagine him leaving okinawa either. at least right after high school#langa has the advantage of not giving a single shit about ''his potentials'' so he'll be chasing life's pleasures for a hot second thank you#also I believe in reki speaking at least passable conversational english thank you. he's trans and gay in asia#he's just also the kind of guy who has to think for a hot second to remember which way the written number 3 faces#''nailed the logic just plugged the wrong number in several times'' kind of guy#while langa's the ''doesn't understand the fundamental concept of puzzles'' kind of guy#man. this is like having two homunculi implanted in my brain. welcome boys come join leon pokemon#talk to each others while I do my job ok? thank you#that said. the comm queue should be finished up soon#(funny thing to say about three comms I know. but I will say it anyway)#and I'll take a few days break to unclench my brain and then get back into it#every day I learn new things about the dip pen. its great#okay. nap now tho. anything else can wait
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I feel like a lot of the fandom assumes Connie during future is studying to an unhealthy extent and is making 0 time for herself but I feel like that's not the case? She literally introduces Steven to 3 new friends in Bismuth Casual, she seems to have free time for fun activities and hanging out. It's just... Steven who she doesn't always have time for, and I'm willing to bet it has just as much to do with her schooling than it does his own crazy busy schedule.
As usual, I think the perspective that Connie is always busy is mostly an effect of the show being told through Steven's perspective. She's always busy in the few moments that Steven has spare time. The thought of her moving far away for school, hanging out with people he doesn't know, moving on from the stressful things they had to do as kids... thats scary for Steven. But I think thats why Connie is more grounded than Steven in future, she's allowing herself to grow past gem stuff, make more friends than she ever had when she was younger, see the world for her own purposes rather than to do missions or save the world. Steven feels like he can't do all that, so he's imagining her as drifting away from him, with school as the culprit.
#iunno#i feel like this is mostly me responding to seeing a lot of criticisms of connie as ''too perfect'' in future#or that she bears the brunt of steven's pain or something like that#but i think its pretty much the opposite. she can help because she's got other shit going on that's Not This#school isn't a problem if she's the one CHOOSING school and CHOOSING to take college touring as a chance to explore#i dont think its all academia for her. its socializing and travel
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Considering the. Ahem. Ways this year has gone, I've not been thinking about it all that much, but. I did start this year with the motto of Year Of Unfucking My Life. With a few goals involved in that.
I got an official adhd diagnosis, as well as a diagnosis for PCOS. Other diagnoses in progress. Gotten adhd meds and birth control to regulate periods. I've gone back to school and I'm keeping up with it better than ever before. I've even been working on practicing driving, something I've been largely neglecting since I first got my driving permit, um... 11 years ago...
I just need to actually Get my license. And I need to get it before the end of the year. If I can accomplish that, then I'll say the Year Of Unfucking My Life was successful.
#speculation nation#i had some pretty major negative And positive influences for this goal of mine.#primary negative influence of course being my dad abruptly dying.#but that also led to the primary positive influence of the life insurance payout that's letting me just focus on school for my final year.#it's like a monkey's paw curl kind of moment. i got a genuinely astounding amount of money#more than enough to live off for a year+ and pay off the rest of my schooling.#with this i have finally exited the purgatory of part time school full time work to pay my way through school#a setup that led to endless stress (both physically and mentally) and suffering grades.#failing some classes and taking longer bc part time Anyways. locking me into years and years of this perpetual fucking Hell.#ive escaped it. school is so so so much more manageable when i dont have to work a job. im actually keeping up with my assignments.#for once theres no uncertainty about passing any of my classes. i Will pass them all. and i expect As in most if not all of them.#it's been fucking Amazing. everything i couldve wanted. and it came with the low low cost of losing my father when i was only 26.#... 'low' being sarcastic here of course. he was the 2nd worst person i couldve lost in my life. second only to my sister.#the 2nd worst grief i will Ever experience. bc he was my Good parent. hes the very reason i have a future at All.#and losing him fucked me up Severely. im still working on recovering. i kind of figure i always Will be.#thank god id already been taking spring semester off bc that would've been Horrible to go thru while in school.#i honestly probably would've just withdrawn from the semester. theres no Way id have kept up with it#given how damned BUSY those first few weeks after were. between funeral prep and inventorying and packing up his house.#so fucking much involved in settling an estate. and im the lucky one in that my sister's been handling all the legal shit.#so i simultaneously was dealt one of the most severe blows i ever Will be dealt#while also being given probably the biggest boost i'll ever get in my life.#if everything goes well with graduating and getting an IT job then i'll never want for money again.#considering there was a time early last year when i got as low as literally $7 in my bank account. this is a pretty big deal.#it's just... strange. the ways things go in life. this has been a very strange year for me.#just doing my best to use this boost to the best of my ability. even if it feels like im taking advantage of his death.#it's what he wouldve wanted me to do.
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having no friends is like whatever most of the time but like actually having a friend for once and then having to get used to not having them again. shit sucks. conan gray was onto smth with just let me be sad and lonely, im not interested in ever having friends again i was happy on my own why did you have to come in and screw up my miserable life and teach me what real love feels like. fuck you
#it pisses me off so much how badly i miss her#and i dont even know if she misses me at all#is she relieved she doesnt have to deal with me anymore#i mean fuck its like taylor swift said “what a valiant roar. what a bland goodbye”#like what the fuck after everything youre not even going to tell me whats happening#we're just going to cut off contact like that#youre just going to move away to your stupid fancy new school and im never going to hear from you again#what was the fucking point#to teach me what real friendship feels like for literally the FIRST time in my whole life just to take it away just like that#i mean how did we go from planning our future together to radio silence#am i that unlovable#alex says shit#alex loves#last post abt her no more
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hello everybody
#sometimes i forget im actually a 14 year old and not about to leave my house for college#i dont even wanna go to college#at the same time though i have Lots more responsibility than i wanna have right now#my online school program changed my password to my email and never told me what it was. so i had to send an email to them#keep in mind ive never sent a professional email before#and they havent responded. for two days#so my dad emailed them#they still haven't responded#ive missed 3 days of school by now#i am STRESSED#and in general ive been worrying about my future#my dad keeps telling me “if you cant handle this and ur gonna act like this you will never be successful”#and he tells me im not gonna do well in my future if i cant get my shit together#man#im trying as hard as i can for a 14 year old#i am dealing with things i shouldn't be dealing with at my age#i dont wanna sound like THAT but seriously#everyone is so impressed how “mature” i am but whenever i Cant hold it in and i cry They get mad at me#all ive been doing is stressing and ive had a couple panic attacks this week#its so stupid im SO anxious and depressed i cant take my medicine to help those things#i feel so stupid#my mom wants me to get a job this summer#but i cant even handle waking up in the morning#this is just me ranting Right now currently im okay#i just made my bed which is a big step for me#i sound lazy but it's true#i feel weird#everytime im not sad or something i feel like its Wrong and i shouldn't be happy#this is basically an update for the 3 people who are gonna like this post#i just feel numb
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Hmm
#thanks for coming to my ted talk#vent#I know it’s just the 2 am talking#on top of some very shit events occurring today#but I feel like making some decisions that will ruin my life#not in a a danger to myself or others kind of way at ALL don’t worry about that#I mean like#destroying personal relations with my peers kind of way#I’m so utterly and completely fucked#my future roomate bailed on me 2 weeks before school starts#so if anyone wants to live in Muncie#my place is wide open#fucker#what is her problem#like legitimately#I’ve been making myself sick over this for going on#SEVEN HOURS#I can’t sleep#I’ve just been so utterly fucked over I don’t know what to do#and I���m not gonna have even an inkling of a solution until my apartment complex emails me back#and it’s a fucking weekend so who knows when that will be#if I think too hard I’m gonna cry about it#Steph is such a life saver tho. listening to me scream about this and playing video games drunk on call with me#fuck#I’m going to blow my goddamn brains out. but not actually#I guess on the bright side I might get to live alone
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🙄🫠
#yk when i said i'm back to being active on tumblr well yeah 😅#i had to write a seminar paper for uni and it hasn't been going well because i got sick and didn't get much done#well i got an extension luckily but it still was a struggle the topic was just rly difficult to write about#i'm almost done now at least some 300 words i still have to write and then proofread and work on better formulating but yay#i should get it done today but yeah i'll manage so i'll be back when i'm done the latest tmrw#but seminar papers are for real my least favorite part of uni 😅 it's so time consuming and can be a real struggle ugh#i rather write an exam lmao#but anyway i needed to rant ://#my money got stolen 🙃😫#sometimes life just throws some shit at you ugh#like having to write this paper and not having a social life anymore isn't enougj#i don't know how it happened? i mean i don't know for sure but i can't explain it another way#like the money was in my wallet the day before yesterday and yesterday the whole day i didn't use my wallet qnd then it was gone??#maybe while i was at uni football but that's crazy it was not some public place but in a school gym lockerroom??#or maybe someone stole it from my backpack on the street idk?? but i didn't notice#but that was money i got for my birthday from my dad and aunts 😪#and i wanted to buy something nice with it and ig i will anyway but it sucks :((#it was not a little no i had 150€ in my wallet 😭 at least my credit cards are still there ig#but i realize now how stupid that probably was to carry so much money with but i thought it was safe fr#like i have lived in austria all my life and this never happened to me 😫 and it was not like i was walking around with my wallet openly#i mean i will be fine it would be a lot worse if that happened to someone who is just barely getting by but i'm still upset#and my mom told me that apparently it happened to a friend of her as well when she was in my city but like i never heard that before...#from any of my friends ... or maybe it really is that more dangerous with thieves in my uni city but like i wasn't aware#bc i mean in general austria is like a very safe country comparatively and feels like it never was on my mind#maybe it's horrible bad luck but in the future I will be careful to carry any cash with me 🙃
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thought about AI generated work too long and now I'm mad
#WHYYYYYYYYYY IS THIS EVEN A FUCKING DEBATE. WHY IS IT A QUESTION. WHY IS ANYONE STILL ACTING LIKE THIS IS OKAY.#THIS SHIT EXISTS BC BUTTHURT INSECURE MEN CANT DEAL WITH THEIR INSECURITIES AND RATHER THAN GROWING THEY MADE COMPUTER PROGRAMS#AND COMPANIES ARE GOING TO EXPLOIT THAT FOR ALL ITS WORTH AND USE IT TO EXPLOIT US FOR ALL WE'RE WORTH BC THAT'S HOW CAPITALISM WORKS#THEY WANT THE MOST MONEY GAINED FOR THE LEAST MONEY SPENT AS FAST AS FUCKING POSSIBLE SO RICH DOUCHEBAGS GET TO BUY ANOTHEE YACHT#WHILE WE FORGET HOW TO FEEL AND TALK AND COMMUNICATE AND LOVE AND MAKE OUR OWN WORK JUST FOR US.#NO. THEY NEED TO SKIM OFF THE TOP OF EVERYTHING EVERYONE DOES AND IM FUCKING SICK OF IT.#HOW DO PEOPLE NOT SEE THIS ISSUE FOR WHAT IT IS?#ITS NOT JUST YOUR JOB THEY WANT TO TAKE. ITS YOUR SPIRIT TOO.#and MAYBE im being fatalistic about this but sue me! fucking sue me. i dont care. im so pissed off im going to lose it.#im not saying we're doomed im just saying that too many people seem too comfortable with the future generative AI really proposes.#and maybe you shouldnt be using it as a fucking art school student or professor. but what the hell do i know.#sending a campus wide message thats just the RISE. RISE. RISE. WHERE IS YOUR RAGE. RISE. RISE. image#and an article about generative AI business strategies#raspberry rambles#got 2 write essay now :(
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huh
#im really happy that i have a friend who i can talk with for hours and still have something to say abt the future here#it feels unfair to unload everything on my best friend all the time#who lives in a different country#i went on a 2.5h walk w a friend today plus we got a scalp treatment to celebrate her bday and we talked about everything#abt me applying to law school and her applying to programs for teaching abroad#abt me being ineligible for soooo many equity programs bc my shit is invisible#abt creeps coming into my streams and asking for 'pics'#abt how even if u are eligible for equity programs there is often guilt attached to the application bc someone else always has it worse#i think she is smarter than me <3#im not the best at saying what is on my mind and sometimes it comes out wrong but she will word my thoughts well for me#feels very in sync#im sad that we will both leave the country around the same time and prob wont see each other again after that but happy that we have things#that are happening in our futures#im excited to see where she will go#and me as well#thinking a lot abt my future lately#rant in tags
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i hate that i always get frustrated all the time.. im unable to enjoy my hobbies or going out with friends.. it's like im very much obliged to programming all day and i dont have any life outside it i hate it honestly
#not to blame my college but it's literally the very reason i started working all by my own limiting any social interactions and hobbies#yet i dont even feel like im going anywhere with this i feel so fucking shitty all the time it sucks#all because i fucking hate this college and this fucking course and i just want to get out of this hellhole i dont belong here#if only i could start over from high school again if only i got my shit figured out back then#if only i had a better mentor who would help me with my entrance test prep...#i wish i didn't trust those asshole hs teachers they literally fucked my life over.. all they care about is how much paid they're getting..#..and not how much they're teaching their students.. fucking assholes i hope y'all burn in hell i hope you guys get what you fucking deserve#for fucking over lives of several students like me just for money#well... just gonna cry myself to sleep now what else can i do#i cant change the past anymore better work towards the future
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i've pulled at least a dozen all-nighters this year I love [redacted school] GD :DDDDDDDDDDD currently in the middle of another one because i have a 100+ page bound book due Wednesday woooo
it's also the way everyone in gd i've talked to agrees that [redacted school] touting its more "academic"/"artistic" yada yada buzzword culture just means it gives us experimental projects we're not equipped to handle and doesn't teach us jack shit that actually prepares us for the job market,,
like idk how many of my followers would even be younger than me but if you ARE and you're looking into majoring in gd i'm willing to doxx myself and talk soooo much shit abt this school it very much gave me actual mental illness so
#[redacted] gd is good if you're 1) loaded AND not at all concerned abt your future or 2) you're planning on getting more degrees#or 3) you're unbelievably cracked and willing to push yourself to do things#how do i go back in time and slap the shit out of my past self who had this as their dream school#vent
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SNOW DAY TOMORROW YESSSYESYES YESYESSSSSSS AHHHHHH
#currently very excited abt that as you can tell#I GOTTA WRITE TLLR GUYS I GOTTA GET MY SHIT TOGETHERRRR#IM SO SORRY ITS TAKING SO LONG#wyrms says stuff#very very hyper all of a sudden i’m so fucking happy i don’t have school tomorrow#you know what#something i kinda did like when i first started writing tllr was making up this thing to motivate myself to write and draw tllr#called “Dew days” so kinda a play on words with due date#and by specifically calling tomorrow a Dew day#it’d make me more productive somehow and that was during the summer so literally every day was Dew day because i was excited as fuck about#tllr. so yk what tomorrow is a Dew day i am going to spend all day writing and drawing tllr because I WANT TOOO#i’ve been slacking badly. i wanna get to the good parts. chapter 12 and 13 are okay. you guys will Definitely like them but im more focused#on future chapters. so i gotta just sit down and WRITE and then… i really really wanna AHHSHGHHHH talk about the mystery character#but FDSJHHSDFJHKDFSJHH i can’t yet#anyway yeah new chapter maybe tonight or tomorrow I FUCKING HOPE
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