#to teach me what real friendship feels like for literally the FIRST time in my whole life just to take it away just like that

[conanssummerchild]

having no friends is like whatever most of the time but like actually having a friend for once and then having to get used to not having them again. shit sucks. conan gray was onto smth with just let me be sad and lonely, im not interested in ever having friends again i was happy on my own why did you have to come in and screw up my miserable life and teach me what real love feels like. fuck you

[kerubimcrepin]

LIVEBLOG: Wakfu Season 4, Episode 12

I will be honest: if Joris started seriously using this thing he would simply get scared like "WHAT IF I AM GOING TO DIE ON ACCIDENT AND NOT NOTICE DOING TOO MUCH". Also, his pride wouldn't allow him to overindulge.

What I'm getting at, is that his usage of this thing is literally the most in-character, funniest thing that he could have possibly done.

Yes. It's the demons again. I don't actually have anything to add. He looked pretty.

>touch eldritch artifact that feeds on life energy to make people powerful >use it to enhance your nonexistent magical huppermage abilities that were killed both by lack of education and the fact you have a weird fucking dragonized body to summon a tresstump magic wand from a different country >stop using eldritch artifact in any way Literally nobody does it like him. I can just hear him praying that nobody notices or thinks he's weird. But I do. I do.

...If he didn't have The Stump on his mind, he probably wouldn't have stepped anywhere close to this thing.

I thought about how many times Joris has probably had to read out war speeches, to be able to pull something this good sounding out with no preparation, and got a bit sick in the head.

There is nobody better to read out a speech like this, I think. I don't have any thoughts because I am now clinically insane.

At this point, they have discussed the plan for infiltrating the Necro world.

And I keep thinking about the fact that, Just like everyone in this place, Joris has a family to return to and protect (<- taking poison damage actively) and that Joris, like everyone else, is distinctly aware that if they die — not only will their loved ones be sad, they'll also be dead as well.

I really like this little moment of "I really hope you know what you're doing (I don't know what we're doing, and I'm scared)" and the way his voice sounds worried...

I can read complex emotional motivations into ANY Joris dialogue. Just watch me. The worms inside my brain guide me.

The little nod as their plan commences...

If Joris + Sword = Atchan behaviour, then Joris + his stupid log = Kerubim behaviour... From his full-front and full-back pirouettes, to the way he holds positions himself.

As I've said, while it might not be Ankama's intention even now, Joris's fighting style has always resembled Kerubim and Atcham a lot. Which would fit, considering they were probably the ones to actually teach him to fight. (However, by now, I'd be sad if it wasn't their intention...)

Though in the original movie scripts, I'm pretty sure it was Kerubim was the one who actually gave him the log and taught him to use it... So, maybe my jokes about Joris's style in the first seasons are actually pretty-on point and Joris's fighting style has always been based off his?

Whatever the fuck is going on with Joris and Kerubim's bond is at this point, like, written in the fabric of the universe. It's a big comfort to know that the one and only reason I began liking Joris as a character (that reason being his relationship with Kerubim) has always existed in some way

...Ankama please make Kerubim teaching Joris to use the log as a weapon canon already! For years, even before researching movie history, my headcanon has been "Kerubim asked Joris what weapon he'd like to learn to use first — expecting the answer to be something like "a staff" or "a wand" due to Joris's lineage... and Joris responded with "yours :) blunt damage to the bones yippie" which was unexpected but pleasant."

I'm fucking crazy you know. Yugo took Joris's hit... The way Joris softly says "Yugo! :(". The way he immediately rushes at Toross... Friendship is so real and poignant.

Joris "I can't show people they're getting under my skin or that I'm uncomfortable bc that's a sign of weakness" Jurgen saying this is just. you know that he's just fucked. that he's stressed out. and maybe scared of dying. if he was feeling normal, he would not fucking say this.

He probably means this in a "you're not even the 1238423th person that I outlived and defeated to try and get at me like this" but it comes across as "I'm so tired of it".

He's always been disrespected. No matter how hard he tries or how hard he works, everyone just treats him like a child, calls him a little guy at best, a midget at worst — even if he is a politican, even if he is 600 years old. Every person that doesn't know him tutoyers him. Even his family sometimes treats him like a child — albeit for different reasons.

He has 20 mental illnesses, and half of them would be solved by indiscriminately shooting anyone who calls him "petit" or "nabot" or "garçon" with a gun.

[walks into the sea]

On the first watch-through, I genuinely cheered and clapped. Ya!!

Kill him Joris. Kill him and be reborn as a lotus flower.

:(

[deadghosy]

If I was in Hazbin hotel:

Author insert x Hazbin Hotel

Prompt: an author is bored as they decided to jump into their favorite fandom at this very moment.

Honestly I’m bored asf rn lmao.

Will, the blogger in tumblr known as Deadghosy was bored in his room as he listens to jay aka kub scoutz 😍 playing lil guardsman. Being even more bored they opened their palm as a digital portal opens-

OKAY STOP…at first I was gonna do that story ass shit but let me be real. I died by not getting enough sleep and I popped into hell for not liking those Jesus posts😭

I’d honestly be in the sloth ring for being lazy asf and being tired most of the time. But also be in the gluttony ring as well. A BIG BITCH GOTTA EATTTT😭

But I would probably still be able to go into the pride ring because of my pride in not needing help from people. 😭 I hate asking for damn help irl.

I actually have very sharp canine teeth and bottom rows, I might as well be mistaken for a humanoid demon lol/j

But if did have a demon form, it’s a bear since I eat and sleep all day lmao.

Alastor wouldn’t “hate hate” me but find me annoying. I would try to get on his good side and never do deals with him obviously cause I like my soul 😍. But dead ass I’m showing him lingo of gen z ☝🏾💀 cause ain’t no way ima hear this deer man yap in a way I can’t understand. This is not no new broadcast from the old times dude. “Salutations!-” HAVIN ASS😕

Friendship level: 5/10

Sir Pentious, I’m teaching this bitch how to do the whip and nae nae 😄. I love him personally cause he so silly sometimes. I would just pop up as he works on weapons but not help him lol. I think personally our friendship would be the kind to talk to each other for a little and stop and repeat😕

Friendship level: 4.5/10

Charlie would like me because of my hyperactive personality sometimes. Like if I’m fixating on something, she would listen and probably tell her father. But mostly i wouldn’t do the trust exercises, she’ll have to drag my black ass to do them 💀

Friendship level: 6/10

Lucifer and I would be so chill dead ass. He’s probably adopt me if I’m gonna be honest cause I also have a duck toy in my room as we speak 😭LITERALLY I MIGHT AS WELL BE A MINI HIM WITH HIM HAVING HYPER FIXATIONS.

Friendship level: 10/10

Vaggie and me, idk she’s chill but short tempered. But I don’t think she would hate me but only he suspicious at first, but then just be chill with me. I would try to help her around but procrastinate lmao

Friendship level: 5.5//10

Husk would probably be chill but not have an opinion on me honestly. It will depend on me just going to talk to him or being nervous to talk to him. I hate being awkward so I would just wave or sit by his bar and chill with him as I draw.

Friendship level: it’s probably between 3/10 and 5/10

Angel and me, idk I feel like I would be a small friend of his to help. He wouldn’t trauma dump that much on me cause I’m just a kid so it would be like “oh my work is shit but my boss is even more shit.” So I would just nod acting like I don’t know what’s going on. Plus, I would probably try to make him something with the help of Lucifer

Friendship level: ima be honest…it’s probably a 4/10 cause I’m a minor and he has problems he need it overcome. He doesn’t need a minor to yap his ear off 😕

The Vee’s…😕ain’t no way ima talk to them front to front if I’m actually gonna be their friends dead ass. I would probably mostly be friends with Velvette to hook me up on outfits😍

Friendship level: -1000/10

Valentino…HAH YOU WOULD HAVE TO CATCH MY BLACK ASS ACTUALLY DEAD IF IM GONNA CHILL WITH THIS BASTARD 😂 I’m burning his whole studio down in a cool ass pyro tf2 mask. Fuck that bitch, all my homies hate Valentino 🤭

ENEMY LEVEL: 10000000/10🖕🏾

Vox, I’m begging him to try to advance my phone so I can prank call heaven and hell at the same time. I’m using so much evil ass shit🦆 like dead ass ima say “I heard your high school bully is in heaven” to an angel so they would go crazy trying to find their bully lmao. But Vox would hate my ass cause..I’m me? Idk lol

Enemy level: 8.5/10

Velvette, eh I feel like we would be mutuals but not too friendly. More like a hook up just so i can get free outfits and she can get a quick teen model and I can leave with the fit fr 😍 no money, free outfit��️

Friendship level: 4.5/10

Adam and me..we throwin hands. Full on fist to fist. He probably would try to cheat but nahhh, you gettin kicked in the manhood bitch 😄‼️ but yeah me and him, enemies for life. He’s funny I’ll admit, but be honest having him beside you irl💀

Enemy level: he better keep one eye open.

Sera…yeah she not letting me in heaven lmao 😭 that’s all ima say LMAOO

Friendship level: -0/10

Lute will 100% percent kill me for my mouth 😭. I’d probably say GYATT to her for funnies only to get stab. But I would just be quiet and try to be on her good side lmao

Friendship level: 2/10

Emily would like me but would be the type of person to keep me in check with my mouth and vulgar language as I just chill eating all the food in heaven. She def givin me good tours.

Friendship level: a good 7.5/10

That’s all I have lmao

[ndjournal]

hello i would like to give a little experience. happened a few days ago. keep in mind that i had learned of ND in october 2023 (i was a big hater back then lol crazy how it helped me more than LOA ever did), and only began to take it serious in may.

i managed to “minishift” (in reality shifting terms) to my old dr. this was after plenty of hours doomscrolling and being worried of my supposed life in this world.

i began to experimentally visualize stuff not necessarily from this dr but randomly. and i could literally feel it, sense it which led me to the thought.

a thought that “this world is malleable like a dream..” which im sure helped before i tried this.

all i did was have an indifferent attitude,. if it happens, it happens. who gaf. and so i set an intention.

and immediately i was there. with it looking like my moodboards/what i imagined it to be.

surprisingly i wasn’t excited. all i felt was “i shifted, cool!” it was like peace. like it was just natural.

i came back because it was an old dr.

now the thing about this is i am not fully realized. and i know that the only reason why it worked was due to me simply not being attached to this old dr and its expectations. i have observed this happening with other “manifestations” (like my moms cancer scare, etc) my real goal is my dream life but im too attached and its hard to let go. i want this no attachment type shit forever

right now im trying to stick to the “i am that” book.

my question is how does one investigate like the book states.

Hello and thank you for sharing! Yes I've also found indifference to be key, it allows one to let go and let it be. While still identifying with the character, the level of indifference possible depends on the limitations held in the mind such as attachments/aversions etc which can be deeply subconscious.

Here's something from the book Friendship of God by Neale Walsch that explains why:

Have intentions, but don't have expectations, and certainly don't have requirements. Do not become addicted to a particular result. Do not even prefer one. Elevate your Addictions to Preferences, and your Preferences to Acceptances. That is the way to peace. That is the way to mastery. "You can intend for something to happen without preferring it to. In fact, holding a Preference is an announcement to the universe that alternative outcomes (to what you intended) are possible. God doesn’t imagine such things, so God never has Preferences."

In other words, you can have a goal or desire (intention), but without being attached to the specific outcome (preference). You're open to whatever happens, rather than being stuck on one particular result. When you strongly prefer one outcome, you're actually acknowledging that other outcomes are possible too and that creates resistance. By having a preference, you’re subtly saying, “I want this result, but it might not happen,” which introduces doubt. God doesn’t see limitations or alternative possibilities. God just creates with pure intention, without any doubt or attachment to a specific result, because there’s no awareness of potential failure. So the key message is: not having preferences (just intending without attachment or expectation of outcomes) is more powerful, because it aligns you more with a state of certainty and flow, without the resistance that comes from fearing other possibilities.

Now onto your question of how to investigate. I know you want to stick to the I Am That book but for my own journey, I did not use a lot from his teachings including my practices as they didn't resonate with me (including his way of self-investigation) so my answer is going to come from what I do know.

I'll first briefly summarize what his way is though in case it helps?

What you see as false, dissolves. It is the very nature of illusion to dissolve on investigation. Investigate — that is all. You cannot destroy the false, for you are creating it all the time. Withdraw from it, ignore it, go beyond, and it will cease to be.

Basically from skimming the search results of the keyword 'investigate', his way is to investigate everything that you think is real, then see it as unreal and drop it by ignoring it and refusing to give it attention. This is similar to what 4dbarbie taught and is described in How to let go of Vanessa.

Something I want to add here is to not compare your journey to others, for everything including timing, experiences, progress and practices. What works for others, may not work well for you and vice versa. Part of this journey is finding what resonates for you. Don't try to force something to fit but find what already will fit perfectly. If you listen to your heart, it will tell you because it is your own Self guiding you. Don't be afraid to explore if what you've been doing no longer works for where you are now.

Anyway, part of my own journey was realizing that there were certain limitations/attachments/fears/trauma/conditioning etc that were so deeply ingrained that it didn't matter if it was real or unreal, I couldn't let go of them by simply ignoring them. Ignoring them didn't make them go away because reality was already given on a deeply subconscious level, it just kept them in the back of my subconscious but they were still operating in the background regardless. What resonated more for me was "What you resist, persists. What you look at disappears and ceases to hold its illusory form. You see it for what it Is. And what Is can always be changed. It is only what Is Not that cannot be changed. Therefore, to change the Isness, move into it. Do not resist it. Do not deny it." (this was taken from the Conversations with God books 1-3) This meant diving deeply into myself, directly looking at the causative thoughts of whatever limitations I had and seeing them as untrue or deciding to drop them so they finally dissolved. (Now I don't do this for every single negative or limiting thought that comes up, sometimes ignoring a thought is indeed the way to go, but I just go with the flow and do what feels right depending on the nature of the thought. I don't stick to one practice for absolutely everything)

And so I worked on them individually as Lester taught. It's also self-investigation into the mind but in a different way. I won't dive into it here because this response has already gotten quite long but I've addressed this before in other asks on my main blog and I'll link them here in case it helps your direction (just take whatever resonates for you): 1, 2, 3, 4

If it resonates, you could take a look at Lester's book The Keys to the Ultimate Freedom which discusses more deeply in detail on the how compared to what I covered in my answered asks: Especially Session 9: Mind over Matter, Session 16: Take Full Responsibility and Session 32: Realization by Dropping the Unconscious. You can get the book from Ada's google drive. Link is in the pinned post of @4dbarbie-archive

[airytaurus]

placements in my birth chart that just make sense⭐️

🫤virgo asc- now this one I relate too in some parts well mainly I’m only a teenager a still need too grow into my rising sign but also I guess I don’t pay attention too my characteristics that much lol. But I am definitely critical of the smallest things and notice everything and anything, perfectionist especially when it comes too something I love , I have a very awkward/shy appearance at first , definitely that RBF🤭gets nervous and anxious over the smallest situations no matter what it’s literally my biggest annoying trait about me. I also tend too over analyze things especially people because their energy gives it off I also am very and I mean very adaptable no matter what which I think is a good trait every one should have , plus I make good conversations with people but I’m not that approachable but the few friends I do have yea I’m also I am very resourceful and can find anything out in a second.

SCORPIO MOON- this is definitely the most controversial moon sign apparently and I see why from some angle firstly I am a easily jealous person and holds an insane amount of grudges (going to therapy for that) and I have issues being fucked over in friendships mainly. But besides the negatives about scorpios I am loyal and trustworthy of my friends and always supporting them no matter what and always be by their side , I communicate and expect reciprocation because a friendship should be 50/50😁. Also I resonate more with my moon sign because it sounds more like me in so many ways like I want a deep and emotional connection with people I always like being a safe space for someone plus I always feel the need too have control over everything even my overthinking 3H moon things♏️.

taurus sun- let’s see I fit every stereotype loll… nah but most do what I read about taurus is so me literally I love food , being by myself , chilling doing absolutely nothing and equality along with keeping everything together and stabilized. I value my alone time and being with the people I love even my expensive taste in clothes , shoes basically anything materialistic and I hate people who tell me what to do constantly it’s makes me slow down even more , I am hardworking and my main goal is too work and get $$$$ too afford my expensive lifestyle. I am very mellow , down -to- earth and realistic asf I hate people that play dumb or just oblivious to their surroundings it’s ANNOYING😐.

10H MERCURY IN GEMINI- let’s just start off by saying I am a chatterbox when I’m around people I feel comfortable with literally anything and everything will have my talking for HOURS. I legitimately can sit and talk about shit I don’t know most of the time like it’s something I’ve been doing , I make no sense and make lots of jokes and very versatile with my conversations no topic makes me uncomfortable at all😄. I also can be judgmental when people talk because some people just sound dumb when they talk it’s like no way these people are REAL???!! I also when I talk filter what i say at times or how I say it but for the most part I am blunt and realistic with I’m saying which I think everyone should do , I also love teaching or guiding people with knowledge or fun facts it’s my strong suit and makes me feel good.

1H virgo Saturn- bruhh all these years I’ve wondered why I’m so insecure or don’t like being in the spotlight that much or just had so much self doubt and now Ik why😭🧍. I am overwhelmed by how I look or how I am dressed or my appearance, I make everything a 2 hours makeup routine because the slightest bit of overthinking has me like “ok I have too look good”. But I’m also an achiever and have some sort of self confidence and too myself which I think is good and I am assertive when I need to be.

Uranus opposition ascendant- no wonder why relationships give me the biggest cringe because I can’t stand be told what to do or have my freedom monitored every time I go somewhere. I am attracted or drawn too strange and weird people and strange/eccentric are drawn to me ig😭plus I’m surprised I have this aspect because I am a committed type but at the same time give me my space and freedom dawg I find being independent in a relationship is so hot and attractive.

[ssivinee]

➢ 𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚢 𝙰𝚗𝚒𝚖𝚊𝚕 𝚁𝚎𝚐𝚞𝚕𝚊𝚛𝚜

⚠︎ Directions ⇒ Main | Chapter 1 Elysium- Once the party girls of Langso University. The four met during a mutual friend's party. Yujin, Yena, Chaewon, and Wonyoung become close as they practically partied weekly with each other. Soon, the girls find out Yujin's love for music finding it interesting.

When the girls found out Yena's older brother had multiple instruments, the Choi household became their hangout spot. They fooled around with the guitars and drums until they became a real band.

Ahn Yujin 03' Liner | Lead Vocalist A girl who realized her massive ego had come in the way of her many friendships. Every enemy she had made throughout her life was because of her own jealousy and insecurity as a child.

Your former best friend turned enemy. Yujin loves flirting with anyone and everyone, but when it comes to you, you always feel like she just wants to torture you with her 'charms.'

Things Yujin has said: "Stop trying to fool yourself. You're clearly falling for me." "I can do anything and do it perfectly." "Y/n? She's a hot girl who hates me. Is the feeling mutual, though?... I'm not too sure anymore."

Choi Yena 99' Liner | Drummer As the party host of the group, Yena had been the girl who was known for holding the grandest of parties during their university days. She met the girls through her friend, Minju, who invited all of them to her 'first day of school party', and she hit it off with the three.

Yena's older brother was previously an independent artist who decided to not pursue the career, instead heading into an office job. After knowing the girls for some time, their hang-out spot would usually be Yena's garage, which held all her brother's old instruments.

Things Yena has said: "You guys wanna see me do a backflip into my bed?" "I have this new mix of drinks I wanna try. Come try it with me, please~?" "I literally came to class five minutes late because I almost ran over a squirrel... How is that my fault?"

Kim Chaewon 00' Liner | Lead Guitarist Chaewon, the so-called 'responsible mother' of all three girls, had always been the partier who took care of all their friends. She would stop them from drinking too much on school nights, have one drink as she was usually their designated driver, and put them into bed if they were too out of it.

Funny enough, Chaewon and Winter had been friends during university due to their similar appearances but soon drifted apart. Chaewon met all the girls at the party only because she was holding Yena's hair up after a long night of drinking and took care of the three afterward.

Things Chaewon has said: "Pabo-ya, I told you not to drink so much. Now you're throwing up like your lungs are about to come out." "You guys know you're not paying me to be your driver... right?" "This is so embarrassing. Wony, please teach Yujin how to use the formula for her physics class."

Jang Wonyoung 04' Liner | Lead Keyboard, Rhythm Guitar, Maknae The baby giant of the group, Wonyoung, was known for her studious ways. She held herself to a high standard in school all the time. An old friend of hers suggested to go to the first day of school party Yena held so she can come out of her shell, and she did.

Wonyoung had her first drinks, parties, and every fun experience you could think of with these girls. She was also the one who initially suggested forming a ban when they were fooling around in Yena's garage as a joke, but two weeks later, they turned it into a serious thing.

Things Wonyoung has said: "Guys, I have an exam tomorrow morning, I can't party too hard." 3 hours later: "The professor loves me. He'll let me take a makeup exam." "If two plus two is four, and five times five is twenty-five, then you and Y/n equal what kind of fuckary?"

[wondero28]

Yknow, real talk, in the most uncheesy way ever- 4town has really improved my life & genuinely ended up leading me down paths that have changed who i am as a person. But like- in a really really good way

Through 4town fan content, creating my own stuff, and through interacting with its community i ended up making some really valuable friends and finally began understanding certain things about myself. When i first got into the fandom i was in a horrible place mentally, struggling with loving my body as a trans body, and being completely unaware that i was autistic & masking all to hell.

But this community was so queer, so generally friendly, and so much fun at its height- that i was able to work through SO MUCH.

I now realize im autistic & have been making adjustments to help myself, ive been healing from feeling like someone who’s just freaky & doesn’t belong; i’m still working on loving my body as a trans body- but ive knocked down SO MUCH internalized transphobic bs I didn’t even realize i was carrying from past skewed teachings; i use 4town to cope both in art & writing! They help me improve my human-drawing abilities and have been helping me a lot with improving writing, reading, etc! They’ve also just.. helped me emotionally work through a lot??? Its crazy

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY

4town brought me into my current relationship. And before that point gave me some of the most healing & wonderful friendships i think ive ever had.

I just wanna say it cause i think its so crazy that this boyband who has like… 1 manga & maybe 5-7 minutes of screen time (counting their animated music video), has LITERALLY changed me for the better. I am healthier then i was before. Im happier then i was before. Im coping better, im working better. Im still struggling of course, but im better off then i was prior.

The 4town community doesn’t really exist anymore, most of my writing for it is gone, and i don’t think I’ll really be remembered here, but i whole heartedly believe that i will always remember it & be affected by its early influences.

I think ill always be better now then what i was before this silly little boyband

& i just think thats neat

[emmadigitaldiary]

Getting older makes you realize things, and one big thing I’ve noticed is that I want to make my circle smaller. I just want to cut off people who lie to me, treat me badly, or have two faces. And I quite enjoy doing that right now. I’m happy to be around people who are genuinely kind, respect friendship, and teach us to grow together.

When I cut people off, I literally just stop talking to them and stop caring about them. It doesn't matter how long we’ve known each other, if they’ve treated me badly, they deserve it. I don’t want to waste my energy on people who don’t value me. It’s like cleaning up my life and only keeping the good parts.

Of course, I feel anxious sometimes and question myself. I wonder if I really need to do this. Maybe they can change, maybe they didn’t mean it, or maybe I’m just too sensitive. I used to confuse myself with all these thoughts. But I don’t want to be like that anymore.

I’ve realized that people show their true colors eventually, and if someone shows me they are not a good friend, I believe them. I don’t want to keep making excuses for people who hurt me. I deserve to be around people who care about me and treat me well.

It’s not easy to cut people off, especially if we have a lot of history together. But sometimes, it’s necessary for my peace of mind. I want to be surrounded by positive energy and people who make me feel good about myself. Life is too short to spend time with people who bring me down.

I’ve learned that it’s okay to put myself first. It’s not selfish, it’s self-care. I want to grow and be the best version of myself, and I can’t do that if I’m constantly worrying about toxic people. So, I choose to let them go.

I’m proud of myself for making this decision. It’s a sign of growth and self-respect. I’m creating a life that makes me happy, and that’s what matters the most. I’m learning to trust my instincts and not second-guess myself. It feels good to take control of my life and decide who gets to be a part of it.

I want to be surrounded by love, kindness, and respect. That’s what I deserve, and that’s what I’m working towards. I don’t need a big circle, I just need a circle that’s real and true.

[prismaticpichu]

If you’re someone out there who enjoys my writing—enjoys anything that I do with my words or prose or style—I feel there’s something you oughta know!

I would not be anywhere without the incredible authors I took inspiration from.

I’m admittedly still a wee lad trudging through high school, and I still gotta whole lot to learn! And I’m gonna have fun on that journey. But I legit think I’ve absorbed and learned more from reading all these gifted works more than the lessons we were taught over the years. Ofc, the fundamentals were taught there—teaching me the rules before I could break them. But it was these people that taught me how to break those rules and how to do them effectively. And when you’re a writer, I find, there is no better learning experience than reading words on a page!

My style really seems to be an amalgamation of so many different things and people—prolly a lot of subliminal stuff, too. Though I feel like there’s at least two I gotta give HUGE hugs to for being so influential <3

~

LuckyLadybug on FF.Net! ~ Literally the first ever FF7 fics I’ve ever read. Literally the sole reason I love Zack & Sephiroth’s friendship. Her fics are absolutely legendary, all written in a very consistently clean and swift style. It’s not an overload on sensory detail, but it also ain’t choppy in the slightest. It really does strike that perfect balance of rhythmic and simple that I always try to fall back on when I find myself getting too flowery! It’s a real life savor—for real! And speaking of For Reals, almost everything I craft about Zack & Sephiroth’s relationship stems from the bond she created. I learned so much about how to make emotional, powerful scenes that really can convey just how much people can platonically love each other. She’ll always be the true power of friendship queen! And the best Zack & Sephiroth author I’ve ever had the honor of reading.

@altocat! ~ Oh boy… there is SO much to say xD Where to even start? While Ladybug was the foundation of my little fanfic quest, I don’t think there’s a soul who helped me build and evolve more than Alto’s works. Because if you aren’t aware, this goddess is just an artist with words. We’re talking the most vivid and powerful imagery you can imagine! Imagery that was so powerful, in fact (and I don’t think she even knows this lol!), that at least a solid year of my works fall into this Altocat-emulating-esque era. Never with the intention to copy, of course, but to try my hand at creating prose that was rich in rhythm, language, and meaning. And while I think I did take this WAY too far sometimes (I can say that bc I’m the author- and I know what just sounds unreadable in retrospect xD), but it was part of the learning process. And one I’m still in the middle of today. For more context, Alto was also the one who taught me the value of fragments and isolating words for emphasis. That something concise could be powerful. Beautiful. Beatiful and valuable. Like words that mirror the characters’ quickened heart rates as their thoughts begin to splinter and spiral and how to wield syntax in a way that’s both enjoyably breathless and taut with anxiety at the same time. I learned how to imbue emotion to my work and peel it back so it’s pure and raw. Altocat is an absolute MASTER of angst, and while I used to write relatively “dark” things, I don’t think I really ever got them right until readings AMT’s (see this! for more details on that gem). In a similar vein, she also taught me the kind of impact that beginning and ending lines can have—how to not waste them and how they can circle back to each other in clever and gorgeous ways. I learned the importance of diction from her work; I learned the meaning of SO many new words lol; I learned how to make dialogue just a tad more interesting. Overall, really, I think Alto really did teach me how to write in a lot of ways. At least, in the sense of taking a step that I had no idea was in front of me. A step I didn’t know existed, because I really never saw more beautiful craft in my life.

Anywho! I think I’m rambling a bit x,D I hope I didn’t embarrass you, my friend. Or weird you out lol!!! I was just doing some reflecting, really, and I just needed you to know how impactful your fics have been to me. And you have no flipping idea how honored I am to know you as a mutual <3 Ty for everything ❤️ Ty for being you!!

(For reference, this is why I always say to NEVER underestimate the kind of impact your works may have on people. No matter how small or how insignificant you think they may be. Because who knows??? Maybe you’ll end up changing a life, too <33)

~

Thx for listening to this spiel, folks!!! Much love!! <33

[camphorror]

ok so hello people of tumblr. who wants to know what happened since i last regularly posted here????

i became friends with this girl at work i was loooowkey crushing on, we became too close way too quickly. she confided in me a month and a half into out friendship how she had a crush on a***d which caused her a sexuality crisis bc she was convinced she was gay until then. i felt weird but loved her too much to let something silly like this ruin the friendship. he started hanging out with us, i felt real fucking baaaaaad. life situations led me into telling a***d i liked him for ages. he said we're too good friends to ruin it, we're beyond that point! if i had said something earlier then maybe! then i found out he liked her!!! but he decided because of me he would stop talking to her!! i was living thru insanity bc of it. then me and him spent a month and a half being friends but also more than friends? but also "it's just good friends it's nothing romantic bc i said i don't feel the same i don't wanna ruin it you're one of the utmost important people in my life up there with my childhood friends blahblah" and we cuddled and hugged every time we met, texted every day after work until late at night, went thru a kissing/making out one evening after drinking a lot of alcohol drama. he initiated all of this!!! always!! i was in this weird grey area and thought everything is Fine because i know it's not a good idea

then almost a month ago he decided to ask her out! he didn't tell me in advance (despite the fact i told him if you ever choose to act about your feelings just say so). she did not tell me about it despite me being transparent with her all along, and despite telling me she thinks friendship is more important than all of this. so this went on for a week and a half, without me being told, whilst i was feeling weird asf and convincing myself i'm going crazy because of my anxiety bc everything was Normal. and then i found out thursday march 28th (haha a month ago exactly.. what a coincidence) because we were together and he said he can't wait for a "right time" like she wanted to. all of life collapsed from the feeling of betrayal from and anger at both of them. first i hated her, now i realised i hate him because he was at fault for all this messed up shit and took zero responsibility the one time we talked. i gave 2 of them chances to talk as some closure and we haven't spoken since. i truly hate him and think he's a shit person.

took a whole week off work after that first happened. was depressed at home. one day i decided to dress nicely and go meet my friend who just came back from abroad at the city of christ..... told her everything. then she took me to see a cool hostel i'd like bc it's in an ancient building. guy who works there studied with us but i didn't remember him lol. we talked & had wine then i got tipsy i overshared everything. he was the most charming and cute person i met.... (& a proper proper leftist too). we spent 3 hours there with him despite my friend wanting to kill me bc that WASN'T the plan. he was overly friendly, had a very interesting vibe.. esp abt the situation... then he told me how he's going abroad the next day and perhaps is gonna break up with his ldr gf... we sat together whilst my friend was in another room/on the side on her phone (I APOLOGISED PROFOUNDLY) and he even showed me pics of him from the gym... my biggest regret is when we left, had food with my friend and just got on the bus, he texted me on ig that i should come back to say bye again.. i didnt... then he came back from abroad last week and sort of said if i got the time i should come visit.. so of ci did lol but the Vibe was gone (as like... he didnt break up with the gf and therefore there was no vibe & i was fine with it lol). he asked me if i want him to teach me how to fight and i said yeah so besides updating him again on my woes we also literally fought with each other which was fucking fun. like he was properly teaching me what to do in a fight. i'm still feeling sore (that was 2 days ago) he is so cool and i wanna be his friend now that i am not cr*shing on him...

besides that life is still grim and i am going back to work in a day and gonna have to see those 2 people who ruined my life again aaaaand i know my mental health will take a dive. what do you even do when this shit happens

[chickenkurage]

CHAPTER 16 OF ATG!!! CHAPTER 16 OF ATG WITH FLUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!

FIRST OF ALL..... HOLD ON- WHAT, ALAN HAS A HUMAN FORM??? SO YOU'RE TELLING ME... HE ACTUALLY GOT TO EXPERIENCE THE OUTSIDE LIKE- ACTUAL REAL LIFE WORLD FOR THE FIRST TIME??? AND FOUND JOY IN IT??? OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY G- OKAY BUT WAIT- FOR SOME REASON MY THOUGHTS SUDDENLY THOUGHT WHAT IF THIS WAS WHEN.... ALAN WAS POSSESSING ALEX IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY- LIKE MAYBE AFTER THROWING THE OTHERS OUT TO THE OUTERNET, HE TRIED OUT THE LIFE OF EXPERIENCING A HUMANS LIFE WITH A BODY THAT ISN'T HIS??? I MEAN THAT'S WHERE I HAD THE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT WHEN I READ ABOUT THE BODY NOT BEING HIS BECAUSE IF HE ACTUALLY HAS A HUMAN FORM WHAT WOULD IT LOOK LIKE- JUST HIM LOOKING HUMAN OR THE ACTUAL IRL ALAN??? OH MY GOSH THIA- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING FOR HIM PROBABLY- AND I EVEN GASPED ABOUT HOW HE THOUGHT TO TAKE DJ OUT THERE AND LET HIM EXPERIENCE TOO.... I WANNA SOB WHAT THE F*CK- ALSO HE HAD A MASK BEFORE? HONESTLY KINDA SICK NGL THAT'S SO COOL!!! BUT BRINGING THE TOPIC ABOUT HIS FAKE SMILE NOW, HOW THERE WAS SOMEONE THAT ACTUALLY MANAGED TO SEE IT UNDER HIS MASK, SO SOMEONE ACTUALLY DID NOTICED ABOUT IT. BUT DANG... THE WRITING ABOUT HOW HE DIDN'T KNOW IF HE WAS ACTUALLY HUNGRY OR NOT BUT ATE WHENEVER HIS MOTHER MENTIONED OR SAID SOMETHING ABOUT IT??? LIKE HOW SHE SAID HE MUST BE HUNGRY AND GAVE HIM APPLES AS HE ATE THEM ANYWAYS, BUT READING HOW HIS THROAT HURT AND HIS STOMACH IS GROWLING IN UNPLEASANT WAYS FEELS LIKE IT'S HIS HUNGER OR.... HE HASN'T BEEN EATING THAT MUCH AT ALL ACTUALLY??? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- MY BRAIN FEELS SCRAMBLED RN AT THE MOMENT AND IDK WHY SO I'M SO SORRY IF THIS ISN'T MY USUAL TYPE OF ANALYSIS OR SOMETHING WHEN READING IT- BUT THE FLUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!! IT FELT LIKE MY HEART MELTED ABOUT HOW KAORI WAS THE FIRST PERSON ALAN HAS EVER MET TO TRULY UNDERSTAND HIM AND NEVER CHANGE HER PERSPECTIVE ON HIM, EVEN WHEN SHE CONFESSED AND HE JUST TRIES HIS BEST TO CAUSALLY REJECT IT AND EXPECTING HER TO BE MAD BUT SHE DIDN'T, BECAUSE SHE UNDERSTANDS AND DOESN'T LIKE THAT GET IN THE WAY OF THEIR FRIENDSHIP WHICH IS JUST.... OH MY GOSH THESE TWO IN THE PAST MAKE ME SICK ALREADY ATP WHA- OFF TOPIC BUT IT SEEMS LIKE DJ IS THE THIRD WHEEL HERE WHEN THEY GOT TOGETHER LATER ON IN THE FUTURE I HAVE TO SAY IT- BUT KAORI REALLY SEEMS REALLY OBSERVING A LOT ABOUT ALAN WITH HIS SMILE AND LAUGH FROM HOW HE TAKES IT BECAUSE OF HIS EYES. WHENEVER I READ ABOUT HIM THINKING HIMSELF AS A MONSTER AND BEING BROKEN MAKES ME KEPT SAYING "STOP, STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-" LIKE- PAST ALAN NO JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN'T EXPERIENCE THESE KIND OF EMOTIONS WELL DOESN'T MAKE YOU ANY LESS F*CKING DIFFERENTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!! ALSO RIP THE GUINEA PIG. BUT KAORI IS REALLY TRYING HER BEST AND STILL DIDN'T CHANGE HER PERSPECTIVE ON HIM AT ALL AND IS WILLING TO HELP WORK OUT HIS EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS AND MORE ABOUT ALL OF THAT, EVEN IF HE SAID HE DOESN'T FEEL LIKE HE CARES KAORI STILL SEES IN HER VERY OWN EYES JUST.... OH MY GOSH THEY'RE- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKJABKJABKAHAKJHAKAHKAH WHAT THE FU- SHE DOESN'T MIND IF HE REJECTED HER LOVE AT FIRST, SHE'S STILL WILLING TO HELP HIM ANYWAYS BY TEACHING AND GUIDING HIM, I WANTED TO SCREAM SMM WHEN ALAN'S CHEST FELT WARM AND QUESTIONING IF IT WAS LOVE- SO ASSUMING IT WAS A TIME SKIP WHERE THEY ACTUALLY STARTED DATING AND GOT TO HAVE A FIRST KISS, WELL MOST LIKELY ALAN EXPERIENCING ONE BUT ALAN ACTUALLY ACTING MORE DIFFERENT WHILE DISPLAYING AND LEARNING MORE BECAUSE OF KAORI IS JUST.... WHAT THE F*CK THIS WOMAN LITERALLY PULLED A "I can fix him" LIKE OH MY GOSH- HER SAYING SHE'S BEEN PINING FOR ALAN 2 YEARS NOW MAKES ME THINK IT WAS LIKE LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT FOR HER AND I GIGGLED WHEN SHE SAID IT WAS PART OF HER DREAMS LIKE- DANG WHEN DID SHE GET THOSE WORDS FROM- AND HIM WANTING TO KEEP KISSING HER IS JIUST- *INSERT LONGEST SCREAM EVER BECAUSE THESE TWO ARE SICK IN THE FLUFFY OH MY GOSH*.....

IMAGINE DJ SUDDENLY WALKING IN THOUGH AND SEES THEM KISSING AS HE STANDS THERE AWKWARDLY- BUT MOMGEY THANK YOU FOR THE FLUFF FOR TODAY IN THIS CHAPTER THANK YOU-

Kaori is an MVP for changing Alan, the line "I can change him" does work apparently!! - S

[azraeldoesnotdispute]

y'all asked for it

okay, my bestie went back home, so I have some free time to write a fucking essay about this movie *cracks knuckles*

the barbie movie is not without it's issues, but overall, the movie perfectly points out imbalance, a mirrored world to our own. we have the patriarchy here in the real world and anyone with half a brain can see how unequal it is, for both woman and men. in barbieland, it's a bit more subtle, but it's definitely there and you really only need to lightly scratch the surface to see that.

I've had some people in the notes of my other post talking about how the matriarchy of barbieland isn't near as bad as the patriarchy that ken brought about, but it is bad, just differently than what you'd think. no, barbie's aren't gross and rapey towards ken's but they ignore them and use them just as props whenever they feel like it before ignoring them. can you tell me where the ken's live? because barbie couldn't tell me, hell even Ryan doesn't know. direct quote from an interview:

"We're still not sure what happens to the Kens when the Barbies go home. We think they huddle on the beach for warmth."

this is supported by the fact that when ken brings the patriarchy to barbieland, they don't "dudebro" up their own houses, they do it to the barbies houses. while we're on the topic of them being gross and rapey, some people are acting like that's the most unforgivable thing, but are ignoring the fact that they're only acting like that because they weren't taught any better. they learned about patriarchy from books that said that women have to be subservient, and their whole existence thus far has been them doing whatever the barbies wanted/striving to get the barbies attention, and then discarded when the barbies were done with them.

if you were treated like that, wouldn't you think, hm maybe it's our time to shine? except they did it in the worst possible way. so when I say the matriarchy is just as bad as the patriarchy, THAT'S what I mean. the kens were made to feel like less, just the way women are made to feel like less in the real world.

patriarchy teaches men that they should force themselves/their will onto women and men seen as "lesser" (see: Allen and the rejected Kens). matriarchy is more subtle, in that they used the kens as props and ignored the "lesser" men (see: Allen, and how no one ever really talked to him, not the barbies, and not the kens, who were likely just following the barbies lead.)

following up on the second part of my post: ken was never given any kind of identity outside of being barbie's boyfriend, which is both another stab at "matriarchy bad" and a reflection of how women in the real world are basically taught to put men (and children if they have them) first before themselves, which is so damaging. ken was literally created to just be barbie's boyfriend, she had no say in this, and she doesn't seem to be interested in him in the slightest, other than distant friendship, probably because he's basically an over eager puppy and she feels weird about it. BUT she also doesn't really like him when he's pretending to be all tough and badass either, she is disgusted.

the best part of the movie was that barbie told ken that he needed to find out who he was instead of constantly living her shadow, which I think is a lesson everyone should internalize. you can't know who you are if you're constantly trying to live for a single person, you have to know who you are before you can love yourself or anyone else.

also the story arc of sasha and gloria, such a wonderful one that deserves its own essay but I don't have the time to do so, just wanted to add that it was also a great way to show how both generations feel about this kind of them. us old folks want our childhood back, when it was simply playing with barbies and making up stories, while gen z is sorta jaded and sees everything in black and white instead of the grey areas between

[rayezaeri]

Spoiler warning for the anime’s Assassination Classroom, Nichijou, Black Rock Shooter, Girl’s Last Tour and 86.

I just feel like ranting about my top five favourite anime’s and so now it’s your problem. Before I start though I shall run a quick summary of each anime.

Assassination Classroom:

Yellow octopus threatens to blow up the Earth in a year and wishes to spend the year teaching a group of outcast kids who have to kill him to save the world.

Nichijou:

What?

Black Rock Shooter:

Lesbians unknowingly have epic mind battles with each other for the sake of friendship, I do mean that quite literally, they are clearly gay but no one gets together by the end.

Girls Last Tour:

Two girls who are either siblings or lesbians I really can not tell, explore a dead world.

86:

Trauma.

So now that the summaries are done it’s time to get to the actual ranting as to why these 5 anime are my favourite anime’s of all time so far.

So starting with Assassination Classroom, first let’s get the obvious reasons as to why I like this anime over and done with. I quite literally owe a decent portion of my life to this anime, if it wasn’t for my discovering it chances are I would not know most of my best friends, so already this anime has a special place in my heart.

Now for the actual anime. Personally I can see why the anime would be off putting to others, the very first episode is quite literally an info dump that looking back at it makes you think it’s just the ramblings of someone on drugs. We know nothing other than the fact that this weird yellow octopus blew up the moon, he is going to do the same to earth but first he wants to teach a class of outcasts who are tasked with killing him. Fucking bizarre out of nowhere concept that initially makes absolutely zero sense, of course some people would be put off by it, but if you stick around, in my opinion it becomes one of the best found family troped anime out there. Some of the students are quite clearly more involved than others but every character gets their screen time, we get to see all of them grow throughout the course of this anime thanks to some weird yellow octopus. The main reason I found myself enjoying it is because it provoked a sense of want in me, as I continued watching it I found it as something I would really want to be a part of. Of course the downsides being you only get a year and of course either you die or you kill the octopus who has quite literally become the best dad you could hope for in a million different lifetimes. For the students of E-class, it’s very much a year to remember, and it’s that sense of just throwing everything to the wind, shits fucken weird, may as well enjoy it. Form relationships I never expected, be taught life lessons that’ll haunt me when I need them to in the most unexpected situations, sign me up. As you watch and get invested in the anime, it just makes you want to be there more.

There’s a theme of attachment and detachment throughout the entire anime within the students of 3-E that I really enjoy, it’s quite literally like they’re losing themselves in a fantasy. They can’t really tell the outside world anything in general because the Octopus is a state secret, but we don’t get to see much in the world outside of E-Class. Sure they go to different places around the world for trips but it’s within the class bubble. We get to see Koro-Sensei (the octopus) going about the world in his shitty human disguise but those are tiny snippets. We know the government is here and there being the assholes they are but it’s never a focal point until the very end. E-Class has detached themselves from the world essentially, and become attached to each other, their class and the people within it. This year is for them, sure it’s to save the world, but in the process they have been taken from what they vowed as the deepest pit of hell in their life to quite literally the very top, all thanks to this class. It’s a real life fantasy, who would want to leave.

Now time for Nichijou, easily the weirdest anime on this list. There’s a video on YouTube by Brandon Talks titled “This anime is batshit insane” and I feel there’s one phrase he uses which sums up this anime perfectly. “This is supposed to be a slice of life but it’s more like a slice of weed”, and as someone who has never taken drugs in their life (not sarcasm) I can fully agree with this statement. It explains nothing, and this can be a bit detrimental for the show as some clips do require culture knowledge, but then again one of the most common known facts of comedy is that explaining the joke doesn’t make it funny. In my opinion there is no specific target audience when it comes to Nichijou, you either like it or you don’t. Some people will love it because it’s just so random and chaotic, others will hate it because it’s just so random and chaotic. There isn’t much of a plot to Nichijou, mostly just a series of small stories which some extended throughout multiple episodes, such as the tale of Mio and her hair cubes. Whether you like the show or not will very much be a gamble but a gamble you should definitely take.

My own little personal view on Nichijou is that it’s a bit nihilistic. While slice of life’s aren’t necessarily known for a driving plot or having an end goal, an end goal usually exists, we are witnessing the everyday individuals but things will always change. Nichijou doesn’t change, in terms of being weird that is. It’s chaotic nature is the anime’s own way of saying, “life’s fucked, may as well have some fun with it”. Nothing makes sense, the most absurd random bullshit can happen at literally every second of the show.

Personally I feel it’s main plot is simply the school trio and the Shinonome household becoming friends, purely so that more weird and chaotic things can happen. I’ve come to find that every anime has a certain moment in it when it just dawned on you that it’s going to end soon. Every anime has that one episode with that one point that just makes you feel deathly aware that the end is close, even if you have been paying attention to how many episodes there are, it’s this moment that makes you truly realise it’s coming to the final stretch. For its last few episodes, Nichijou takes a slightly more serious approach, closing off small little plot lines that it played around with throughout the anime, showing more genuine moments of friends being friends and having fun rather than just complete randomness. It’s when it gets to here that I get the feeling, “it’s going to end soon.” However Nichijou is still the slice of weed from the very beginning, as the anime ends our two main groups are together as friends now, the possibilities of randomness has grown, they can do so many more things. It’s the anime’s final way of displaying its message, life is weird and unpredictable, shit happens, randomness happens, completely unexpected events happen, yet who cares. That’s just life being life, so grab some idiots that you enjoy spending time with and embrace the chaos that is existence.

Black Rock Shooter. I don’t have any long paragraphs that go in depth to the anime for this one, in fact I could not for the life of me tell you why I like this anime so much, I genuinely have no idea what draws me to it to consider it my third favourite anime, but hey it’s here, and I’m glad it’s here because it’s a fucking amazing anime. Go watch it, it’s like magical girls but they’re mental illnesses. Quite literally the best way I can think to describe it.

Girls Last Tour, once again I can see why people would drop this anime or not be at all interested. There’s a total of only 7 characters, only 2 of which (the main characters) are recurring. In the simplest terms, it’s boring. Nothing happens. The world of Girl’s Last Tour is a post-post-apocalyptic one. Maybe add one more post there. The world is quite literally dead, the apocalypse so long gone there aren’t even corpses to prove that people once lived there, belongings don’t seem to exist, practically every house or building is stripped clean, no belongings, no furniture no nothing, just an open and empty building, the only food the girls can really hope to get is ration bars that were once used by the army but even they have become incredibly scarce. The entire anime is just us following these two girls as they just simply survive. The city they’re in is layered, and the goal they have is to reach the top, an incredibly long journey that they might not even make successfully. The reason I like the anime is because it speaks to me in my desire to study people, I’d love to one day just have unlimited access to everything about everyone, just to see all the little bits of people that they crafted to make themselves who they were. Being on a planet devoid of life but me would be great because I could just scavenge and study to my hearts content. Another reason is that for me it has a similar vibe to Nichijou of essentially just saying fuck it. The world is dead, so dead that there aren’t even remnants of a civilisation that did exist (except for the files found in the camera), there is no hope of regaining this world, so much so that in one episode, a robot decides that it’s time for his facility to be destroyed, it’s time for him to go because there is nothing left, the only reason it is prevented from completing that goal is because our main girls want to protect what is quite possibly the last fish ever alive, a creature they will probably never see again. This world is beyond repair, there is no hope for it, and yet when they are so deep into the depths of hopelessness, every character still holds out some kind of hope.

We encounter two different other people within the entire anime, each is only there for the episode they are introduced but they are there, and they embody that sense of hope in hopelessness. The first character is a man who’s decided to make it his purpose to make maps of the world. A seemingly useless thing in such desecrated world, and yet he does it anyway, plotting all of it down on paper. Towards the end of the episode he and our main girls are riding up an elevator so they can get to the above level, he drops the bag containing the map of the previous level he had worked so hard on, and the bag falls of the elevator, opening and letting out every individual page. At first he’s understandably devastated, but then after seeing the two girls do what they can to keep him from joining his maps, he decides, fuck it, I’ll just do it again. He’s on a new level and so he may as well just keep mapping. There’s no point to this, as I mentioned within this anime there are only a total of 4 humans we see, the only people who had ever seen his first map where the two girls, in other words his maps are basically useless. The only person they’d help is him but he’s not trying to find anywhere, he’s just seeing what there is, but it gives him something, a purpose which allows him to grasp a small bit of hope that lets him keep moving.

The second human we meet is attempting to make a plane, she has no experience flying a plane and so far has not successfully made safe and operational plane, our main girls agree to help her in response to her fixing their vehicle for them. By the end of the episode she has successfully made a functional plane, the girls make note that she could very well be the last pilot in all of history (if memory serves correctly, I feel I do remember this but my memory is terrible) either way it’s a bittersweet moment. She has achieved her goal and is now going to attempt to fly to the next layered city, except it all goes to shit. Once up in the air the plane brakes apart, Ishi is thankfully saved by her foresight to wear a parachute, and as she starts descending the levels of her world, she isn’t filled with anger or a sense of defeat, she just smiles, happy to be able to try again one day.

There’s just something attractive about the whole hope in a hopeless land theme to me, and it makes watching the journey that Chi and Yu go on so much more interesting to observe.

And finally 86 (yes I started a sentence with and, to those of you that are triggered by this just know your suffering makes me happy). Out of all 5 of these anime, Assassination Classroom and 86 made me cry, they are the only shows I’ve ever watched that have made me cry. 86 definitely did the better job, had me crying at the end of season 1 and at the end of season 2. The main thing which I think 86 does well, is making you attached. In 86 we follow the story of a group of soldiers who are discriminated against, they live in an 85 districted society full of people who are assholes. Every individual within districts 1-85 have white hair and I think those are silver eyes. Anyway they all deem themselves superior because of these factors, the 86 are the outcasts, they do not all have white hair and silver eyes, they have all sorts of different coloured hair and eyes. They don’t really live within the districts, they live in the danger zone, in the outskirts, referred to simply as the 86th district purely to give the assholes something to refer to the 86 as. The anime does an incredible job of showing just how dehumanised the 86 are, quite literally to the point that before I saw them in person I genuinely thought they were just machines. Lena (one of the white haired individuals) is told by her superior to stop marking down any human casualties, the 86 are so dehumanised they aren’t even counted as deceased in battle reports despite basically being the only fighters of this empire. So already we are led to one of two different paths, path one thinking along the lines of, is this just quite literally racism, or did the 86 actually do something that caused such oppression against them, and path 2. Omg screws these fuck heads, 86 rule, rebel and kill all the fuckers. Either way our attention is clearly meant to be drawn to them. And then (yes I did it again) we get introduced to Spearhead Squadron, quite possibly the most heartbreaking thing among the 86. It’s no secret that the 86 are the main fighting force of this empire, they pilot machines used to defeat their enemy, that being just simply machines inhabited by the souls of the dead. It’s a losing battle for this empire, the best they can hope for is continuous suicide attacks to keep the enemy at bay, hence spearhead squadron. To put it bluntly spearhead squadron is the chopping block for 86, they aren’t sent there to lead the war effort or anything like that, they are sent there to die. Spearhead squadron will receive no new supplies, no new comrades to replace the fallen, they will fight until they are wiped out, or until they are sent on their “final mission” which is just the fuckers fancy term for, rush the enemy and pray to god you survive. Once one spearhead squadron is done for, another is set up to take its place, the worst part is the 86 know this. Throughout season 1 we follow 1 spearhead squadron, and it is revealed towards the end that they are all aware they are on the chopping block, a fact that not even their handler (Lena) is aware of. Lena actually cares about the 86, especially those in spearhead and she tries desperately to get them more supplies and allies as their numbers dwindle until they finally tell her the truth.

Lena asks them why they seem so content being where they are, and for them the answer is simple, war and despair is all they really know. This anime does a good job of showing the affects of racism but it doesn’t show the 86 as being perfect like we would hope them to be, the 86 in spearhead fully admit they are aware that the 86 back in their home towns aren’t angels. Do the 86 deserve all of this oppression, no, but that doesn’t mean they’re amazing, there are shitty 86 who will turn on other 86, they aren’t united, they’re just trying to survive.

The way I feel this anime makes you attached is quite unique, whereas typically most shows would aim to get you as emotionally invested in a character as possible in order to make their death hit harder, 86 doesn’t necessarily do that. Just like with Ass Class, there are members within Spearhead that clearly get more screen-time, these are our characters to survive longer essentially. The ones with less-screen time however aren’t neglected, Spearhead view themselves as a family essentially, everyone in the squad is a part of that. 86 doesn’t focus on making you emotionally attached to each member of Spearhead, because most of them die, but they aren’t wasted deaths. The first casualty of Spearhead that we see happens quite quickly after we introduced to the squad, we don’t get to know much about the guy other than he’s a bit of a goof and a softie, and then he dies. Barely enough time for us to get to know him, but enough time to establish his role in Spearhead. He’s been their comrade for a while, we may not have any emotional attachment to him, but the rest of the characters do, and 86 uses that to make us care. His death is used as an introduction to the very dangerous lives this squad lives, as well as an introduction to how close they are together. With every death that gets added to the toll, whether it be a character with a lot or a little screen-time just keeps adding to that. We begin to get attached to the idea of the squad, the family they have created, so eventually, even seeing someone who we barley knew die becomes just a gut wrenching blow as seeing someone we did know die.

The real kicker for this is the commander of Spearhead Squadron, code name Undertaker. He’s been in service the longest and has been named the 86’s personal reaper, this is because back in his original unit, they made a pact to carve every person’s name into a broken piece of their unit once they die, last one standing would carry the rest on with them, Shin is always the last one. If it becomes clear that a comrade won’t survive, he mercy kills them himself, with every death in this squadron, each person is not truly gone as they are carried on by the living reaper, we begin to feel for Shin who carries a box with over 500 names in it. This anime makes us care about every 86 we see in this squadron by making it clear how much they adore each other.

Overall it’s a great anime that really tugs on your heart strings and will do everything it can to make you invested, would definitely recommend.

Anyways, these are my 5 favourite anime’s and the reasons why they are my favourites, I recommend you watch them all even with the spoilers you have gained from this post, and don’t blame me, first two words literally say spoiler warning, you knew what you were getting into, anyways bai.

[bigtopveggie]

Ship Bias - I WANNA BOTHER U TOO

Send ‘Ship Bias’ and I will share up ships I have a bias for for my muse 💚

Midori x Hajime

Ok ok ok, I really see this as Hajime being unapologetically open about finding Midori really fucking hot and it is very girlboss, that takes balls, especially towards someone who's known to have rejected so many girls. Hajime is shown to be very honest about compliments with some romantic/flirty undertones, but with Midori it like. A step next. It's heartthrob moment.

I like how Midori is also flustered by Hajime's compliments, but not in a way he is uncomfortable unlike with girls who confess to him or with Chiaki's skinship. He takes it genuinely, and that is something that is not easy. Midori is comfortable with Hajime, he finds him soothing and soft. I do see Midori subconsciously having this comfy feeling with Hajime like he does with a mascot given how he is said to be so pretty and cute, almost ethereally so. They are a miniature Chiakana.

Just this emotional trust coming from Midori means so much, and even unlike with Yuzuru, he does not feel pressure to be his best self : he can just be himself. Hajime is his friend. And not only his friend, but I do think the most peaceful AND close friendship Midori has, with the both of them having interests and personality that merge well with one another. They just naturally get along, and it is something Midori needs so, SO much to be happy.

On the other side, Hajime struggles to be seen as something more than his idol persona ... and Midori does just that. Midori has no interest in gossip, or even in idols in general, he is very open about not giving a single crap about it all, and he only sees Hajime as the boy he is. His clubmate, his friend he enjoys being around. And that is so precious for two boys with the same objective in life to just exist and ( cottagecore ) vibing. The only reason to me that they have not interacted more is just that Ryuseitai and Ra*bits do not cross path that often !

Midori x Hiyori

Whimsical City Rider has me in a chokehold too. Ok, ok, those two have had literally one story together but it meant so much. First of all, I mean, the classic boy next door and rich boy totally disconnected from the real world. Like, even in Jun's case, he's had enough drama in his life to be exceptional, but ... Midori is just a guy. The hilarity of it all.

Then just ... Midori has never met someone he actually aspire to be, he both sees Hiyori as attractive ( ?! Midori never found someone attractive before outside mascots ?! ), the ideal idol and even the embodiment of a mascot in a human. There's just so much to unpack here. How easily Hiyori was able to make Midori at ease with his antics, making him forget his intimidating reputation as somene from Eden. Hiyori encouraging Midori to just be himself and love what he loves ... How Midori can be both attracted to Hiyori and Hiyori being the type of man Midori would want to be ?! Like this is a possibility I never thought of before reading this story and YES I SEE IT. Hiyori likes cute and pretty things, they have that same type of aesthetic, only Midori is still shy and trying to find his roots. They have the same vibe in so many things, only coming from different socioeconomic classes ... !

Then there's the value of Midori in Hiyori's life. The bike teaching ? Right out of a romcom I'm just weeping. There's this aspect of Midori that is down to earth that feels so refreshing with narratives around Hiyori's privileged life, with the absence of imbalance in power dynamics. Usually, I do not really like those type of stories, but they really made it so Hiyori does not appear entirely stupid, he makes mistakes out of ignorance that are more probable without making him appear totally stupid. If they were to interact more, I'd love for Hiyori to see more things to look up to in Midori, as I believe his focus was on making everyone have a good time, with the bike riding being the one time he allowed himself to think about his own joy.

Overall, the two together ? I think they are just so adorable. Midori is pretty ... Hiyori likes pretty things very much, can we have a scene of him bringing Midori to Pretty 5 ? I enjoy how much Hiyori challenges Midori mentally, without taxing him emotionally. Unlike Chiaki, Subaru and co., Hiyori is actually paying attention to Midori's emotional state and this is just ... chef's kiss, so healthy. Love it. And in the same way, I feel like Hiyori knows that, since Midori is not involved in any drama or complications of the sort, he can have fun without worry or baggage, and this ... this is a pandora's box ready to open. It can be so so good ... !

[zuko-always-lies]

I posted 7,113 times in 2022

That's 4,927 more posts than 2021!

1,967 posts created (28%)

5,146 posts reblogged (72%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@zuko-always-lies

@balsa-margarita

@akiizayoi4869

@wingsfreedom

@lightdancer1

I tagged 2,798 of my posts in 2022

#azula - 1,371 posts

#zuko - 899 posts

#mai - 365 posts

#ty lee - 265 posts

#katara - 241 posts

#iroh - 190 posts

#au idea - 187 posts

#aang - 169 posts

#ursa - 169 posts

#ozai - 156 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#at the very least azula went to school with other children at some time in her life and was actually able to form a couple close friendships

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

The sad thing is that all the really weird discourse around “Zuko Alone” (and particularly the fucking doll) means that people have systematically ignored how the episode is a great depiction of how Zuko and Azula were indoctrinated into imperialist ideology by the adults around them, particularly Ursa and Iroh. We see:

1. Ursa read aloud to Zuko and Azula a letter from the war front, intimately connecting the children to the imperialist war.

2. In it, Iroh jokes about burning Ba Sing Se to the ground, and Ursa smiles at the joke as the children laugh, normalizing to them the violent and destructive conquest of the Earth Kingdom.

3. Iroh literally sends his niece and nephew the spoils of the conquest as gifts, with Zuko’s knife in particular explicitly being taken from a surrender Earth Kingdom general. Ursa of course actively participates in this gift giving, further normalizing it.

4. Ursa repeatedly reinforces to her children that they should show the utmost respect to the Firelord and to the line of succession(i.e. the core of the Fire Nation’s imperialist regime).

5. Ozai expects his children to show detailed knowledge of Firelord Sozin’s conquests to impress him, reinforcing the importance of this knowledge to them.

6. Zuko and Azula see Ozai deride Iroh’s withdrawal,  reinforcing the idea that imperialist conquests should be fought through to their conclusion, no matter the cost.

7. At Azulon’s funeral, he’s praised for his conquests and success in battle.

Edit: 8. Ozai has Azula demonstrate her firebending skill in front of Azulon, thus emphasizing the importance of firebending ability to the children.

551 notes - Posted August 6, 2022

#4

Toph was forced into joining Team Avatar more than she chose to do so[Toph meta]

Team Avatar didn’t intend this to happen, but their actions inadvertently led to this situation.

Before I begin, I would like to note that the conventional narrative surrounding Toph’s decision to join with the Gaang usually amounts to something like “Toph joined up because she was unhappy with her life with her parents and wanted a life of adventure.” At least, that’s what I thought until I happened to have a moment of insight recently. I happened to see a post which reminded me of this exchange from “The Chase”:

Katara: Ever since joining us you've been nothing but selfish and unhelpful. Toph: What? (Doing a half turn and pointing at Katara again.) Look here, sugar queen, (Drops arm and continues, Katara makes a gesture like she wants to interject.) I gave up everything I had so that I could teach Aang earthbending, so don't you talk to me about being selfish!

This didn’t exactly correspond to the conventional wisdom on why she joined Team Avatar. As we shall see, it doesn’t exactly correspond with the reality of what happened, either, yet it’s easy to see why Toph feels that way.

In “The Blind Bandit,” Toph’s introductory episode, Team Avatar try to recruit Toph since Aang thinks she’s destined to be his earthbending teacher. Their first real exchange goes like this:

Aang: (airbending himself to his feet) Well, a crazy king told me I had to find an earthbender who listens to the earth. And then I had a vision in a magic swamp and... Katara: (cutting Aang off) What Aang is trying to say is, he's the Avatar, and if he doesn't master earthbending soon he won't be able to defeat the Fire Lord. (The Bandit sticks her open hand in Katara's face, who looks taken aback.) Toph: Not my problem. Now get out of here or I'll call the guards. Sokka: Look, we all have to do our part to win this war. And yours is to teach Aang earthbending. (Cut to a shot of the Bandit's back as Sokka speaks. When he concludes, she turns around, looking distraught.) Toph: Guards! Guards, help!

Toph declines the offer to join, while demonstrating she doesn’t care that much about the war or regard it as her job to help lead the Earth Kingdom to victory.

Later on, Aang and Toph have a more substantial exchange:

Toph: Even though I was born blind, I've never had a problem seeing. (They reach the end of the bridge and she jumps off the guardrail and lands on the ground.) Toph: I see with earthbending. It's kind of like seeing with my feet. I can feel the vibrations in the earth, and I can see where everything is. You, that tree, even those ants. (The screen zooms backward three times as Toph speaks, each time showing a wider overhead shot of the pair. At the mention of the ants, cut to a shot from ground level showing Aang and Toph in the background. In the foreground, some ants are silhouetted waling across over a mound of dirt. Aang looks around, but is unable to see that ants that Toph is talking about. He finally turns to her with a smile.) Aang: That's amazing. Toph: (frustrated) My parents don't understand. They've always treated me like I was helpless. Aang: Is that why you became The Blind Bandit? Toph: Yeah. Aang: Then why stay here where you're not happy? Toph: They're my parents. Where else am I supposed to go? Aang: (pause, then with a smile) You could come with us. Toph: Yeah. You guys get to go wherever you want. No one telling you what to do, that's the life. It's just not my life. (The camera slowly zooms in on Toph as she speaks. When she concludes, her head turns suddenly as she senses something amiss. She drops to her knees and places a hand on the ground.)

Toph emphasizes that she feels the allure of the Gaang’s lifestyle and freedom, but also that she wants to remain home with her parents, even though she has to hide who she is from them and they don’t understand her.  Although this isn’t directly stated, a huge issue here is that she deeply loves them and doesn’t want to leave them. Her real wish is that her parents would not only love her but understand her and allow her openly live the kind of active life she loves.

Obviously, Toph and Aang soon get kidnapped, and Toph has to step up to save Aang in front of her parents and show them the other side of her to their disbelieving eyes.

Katara: Toph, there's too many of them. We need an earthbender. We need you! (Toph, Lao and Yu turn to look backwards, then cut to a shot of Lao.) Lao: (angry) My daughter is blind. (camera pans down and to the left to reveal Toph, holding her father's hand) She is blind and tiny and helpless and fragile. (Toph closes her eyes) She cannot help you. (Toph snaps her hand back from her father's.) Toph: Yes, I can.

Note, however, that she never says anything in this scene which amounts to a commitment to join Team Avatar.

Soon Toph has defeated her opponents, and she, her parents, and Team Avatar sit down for a chat.

Toph: Dad, I know it's hard for you to see me this way, but the obedient little helpless blind girl that you think I am just isn't me. I love fighting. I love being an earthbender. And I'm really, really good at it. I know I've kept my life secret from you, but you were keeping me secret from the whole world. You were doing it to protect me. But I'm twelve years old and I've never had a real friend. So now that you see who I really am, I hope it doesn't change the way you feel about me. Lao: Of course it doesn't change the way I feel about you, Toph. It's made me realize something. Toph: (hopeful) It has? Lao: Yes. I've let you have far too much freedom. From now on, you will be cared for and guarded 24 hours a day. Toph: But dad! Mrs. Bei Fong: We are doing this for your own good, Toph.  

Note that Toph does not actually ask for her parent’s permission to join Team Avatar. She doesn’t even mention the possibility, nor does she say anything which amounts to her agreeing to do so if her parents give her permission. In fact, from what we’ve seen in this episode, it’s not clear if anyone has ever actually unambiguously articulated the fact that Team Avatar wants Toph to join them as Aang’s earthbending teacher to Toph’s parents.

Instead, what Toph asks her parents to do is accept her as who she is.  She wants their acceptance of who she really is more than anything. It seems like what she wants to do is to be able to live an active lifestyle while staying with her parents, wants them to love her for who she is while allowing her to combine her lives. She doesn’t want to leave with Team Avatar, she wants to stay at home and live a free life with loving, understanding parents. It’s not clear if Team Avatar understands that this is what she’s asking for, though.

Of course, Toph’s parents reject this, and instead tell her that they will do everything they can to control her, eliminate her double life, and prevent from being active at all. Hence the following exchange:

Aang: I'm sorry, Toph. Toph: I'm sorry, too. Goodbye, Aang.

This is just about the only lines in the episode you could plausibly read as evidence Toph had already decided she wanted to join Team Avatar.

When Team Avatar first arrived, Toph had a choice:  she could either continue to live her double life even though she felt unhappy since her parents didn’t accept the real her, or she could leave them behind for a life of adventure. She choose the former. Due to the unintended consequences of Team Avatar’s actions, she no longer had that choice by the end of the episode. She could only choose between becoming nothing more than her parent’s perfect, controlled, doll, or joining the Gaang. Both what she really wanted(her parents’ acceptance of the real her) and the compromise she could live with were gone. Hence the following scene:

Cut to a shot of the bushes behind them. Toph runs through them, breathing heavily. Aang's turns to see her with a look of wonder.) Aang: Toph! What are you doing here? Toph: My dad changed his mind. He said I was free to travel the world. Sokka: (he and Katara look at each quickly) Well, we'd better get out of here - before your dad changes his mind again. Toph: Good idea. Aang: You're gonna be a great teacher, Toph. Toph: (slyly) Speaking of which, I want to show you something. Aang: Okay. (Aang airbends himself out of Appa's driver's seat. As he lands in front of Toph, she taps the ground with her foot and a rock erupts from the ground, throwing Aang out of the frame. Cut to a shot from the branches of a nearby tree. Aang hangs from one of them by his feet.) Toph: Now we're even.

This makes it understand why Toph was carrying around so much resentment in the next episode she appears in “The Chase,” and why she was so willing to leave the Gaang behind then.

613 notes - Posted July 5, 2022

#3

One thing I’m eternally grateful for is that in ATLA trauma and suffering don’t make you a better person, don’t make you a more compassionate person:

Zuko being burned, banished, abused, etc. didn’t make a better person; arguably it made him a much worse person(but it’s very hard to tell since our perspective on pre-exile Zuko is so limited).

Azula being abused didn’t make her a better person.

Jet being orphaned by the Fire Nation didn’t make a better person; it just embittered him and made him committed to winning the war, no matter the cost.

Mai and Ty Lee having awful family lives didn’t turn them good people, or people who weren’t OK with imperial conquest. It didn’t make them nicer or more compassionate.

Sokka and Katara losing their mother and being left behind by their father didn’t make them better people; being victims of genocide didn’t make them better people.

Hama being brutalized just embittered her and led her down a dark path.

Suffering just hurts people(and often makes them bitter and angry), it doesn’t lead them becoming nicer or more compassionate or more pure or more moral or free of sin.

Why am I making a point of this? Because LoK pretty explicitly claims the opposite, claims that Korra suffering awful trauma after awful trauma served to make her better and more compassionate and more empathetic. Fuck that idea!

637 notes - Posted March 10, 2022

#2

Iroh would be such an awful role model for Azula. And I don’t mean “Dragon of the West Iroh,” I mean “redeemed Iroh.”

687 notes - Posted September 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

If you live in the U.S. and you’re 12+, you’re eligible for the updated bivalent anti-omicron booster shot, and it should be available in your  local pharmacy. 

Please reblog this post, as there’s been very little news coverage and shockingly little propagation of information about the availability of updated boosters.

33,010 notes - Posted September 17, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[purplesurveys]

1883

What were you doing one hour ago? I was probably going on Instagram in the middle of taking a survey.

Where were your parents born? Somewhere in the city metro for my mom; somewhere in the outskirts of the metro for my dad.

Have you ever used public transportation to get to work? The most I've done is booking a Grab to the office during my coding days; but no, I've never commuted to work.

What do you miss the most from before Covid times? My friendships were more 'alive' and accessible at the time. We all graduated mid-Covid and are all sort of living our own lives now. It's understandable now, of course, being older myself; but it's something I find myself missing from time to time.

What has been the best thing to happen to you in the past year? I've managed to travel to three countries in a single year. That leaves me feeling so happy and grateful.

Who do you have listed as emergency contacts in your phone? I don't have any on my phone, but on documents and IDs and stuff I place my mom.

Are you prone to jealousy? Honestly, like not even close these days. I no longer pay attention to people's lives as much as I used to. I focus on and am grateful for whatever it is I have and go through.

How did you get through the lowest point in your life? BTS sort of barged in and literally made me start smiling and laughing again. That's why the way I explain it to others is that my admiration for them goes beyond fangirling and squealing over looks – they've been like lifelong friends who made me want to do and be better, not for them, but for myself. I respect them a lot for what they've done for me.

Have you ever been someone's first love? I don't know. I think?

Have you ever played frisbee golf? Nah. I've played ultimate but not that variation.

What is your favorite silly, feel-good movie? 13 Going on 30 and White Chicks.

How old were you when you got your first gaming console, and what kind was it? I never had my own because I was never serious about video games, but my first console memories were with the PS1. I started regularly watching my family play it when I was 3 or 4.

Who in your family has the coolest job? Tbh I think I do LOL, but apart from me I have an uncle who is well-connected with history NGOs as his main advocacy is to get Filipino prehistoric culture more known. He also runs his own Facebook page that has thousands of followers, where he posts photos from past centuries and archaeological finds.

Is cereal technically a soup? It's not. The 'soup' part is just milk. Soup in itself is a dish that's made with different ingredients.

Have you found your first gray hairs yet? They started showing up when I was around 11 or 12, but it's always just been one or two at a time.

What is something that drains your energy really quickly? Clients that either have unrealistic needs and are delusional-ly enthusiastic about said needs; or act super conceitedly. Or worse, conceited clients who have unrealistic needs.

Did you parents teach you how to make a budget before you moved out on your own? They never taught me stuff about money, which in my personal opinion is partly why I performed so badly with my salaries for my first two years of working haha. I had literal zero savings until last year, when I finally realized I had to straighten up. Fortunately it's all good now, but I was definitely a nightmare spender for a while.

What is your favorite food to put gravy on? Fried chicken!!!

Do you know anyone from Canada? Yeah so many Filipinos migrate to Canada. Most recently in my circle, it was Trina, Jat, and Ysa last year; and my mom's closest work friend's family is now also in the process of migrating one by one since they finally got approved to do so. I think the dad had his flight yesterday, with the mom and kids expected to follow suit eventually.

What's your opinion on astrology? Not real. You do you, but it's a topic I never want to cover in a conversation.

Do you use TikTok? Just for work. I almost never use it in my personal life.

What do you have going on the rest of the day? Surveys and RhyHi.