#and in general ive been worrying about my future

[kirexa]

There's a lot of things that if you guys knew you would probably yell at me abt

[conderkyl]

Big dumb heart

[hannieehaee]

ARE WE STILL FRIENDS (teaser)

18+ / mdi

summary: being besties with two of the most popular idols in korea always came with a few rumors here and there, but what happened when one of your platonic besties suddenly started acting a little friendlier than usual? or worse, what happened when they both turned their affections to you?

content: idol!au, hybeidol!reader x idol!mingyu, hybeidol!reader x idol!jungkook, 97liner!reader, friends2lovers, not mingyu x jk (they just share u like all besties would<3), not that much plot, afab reader, smut, oral (f and m receiving), body worship, fingering, penetrative sex, etc.

(^ no actual content warnings in the teaser)

wc: 1.3k (teaser); 8.2k (full fic)

release date: april 27th

or you can check it out on my ko-fi or patreon today by subscribing to either one!

a/n: decided to write a little surprise fic!! ive been getting into bts lately and so this was born<3

masterlist | kofi/patreon

support me through a one time tip<3

"Do you think the company would get mad if we did a live together right now?", Jungkook pondered out loud as the three of you sat on different pieces of furniture around his large living room.

"Yeah."

"They didn't seem to mind when Jungkook and I did it that one time," disagreed Mingyu.

"Yeah, but I'm the girl. I'm the one who wakes up to new dating rumors every time we hang out publicly."

"Yeah, but people must know we're just friends by now, right? It's been years."

That much was true.

You weren't sure of the exact date, but your friendship with both boys predated the overall international success of Kpop as of recent years. When you had met both boys, they had barely battled their way through puberty – though you weren't faring any better.

The media enjoyed making the three of you a subject, knowing that you were evidently the closest out of all members of the popular 97s friend group. Being the only girl integrant, it was common for people to have the misconception that you were romantically involved with either Mingyu or Jungkook, seeing as you were often spotted in public with them.

You'd gotten used to the rumors and hate that came attached to being their friend, now usually leaving those things in the back burner rather than letting them bother you. By now, the three of you were a bit more careless about being seen together. Being seniors in the industry, those things didn't matter much to you anymore, but being seen inside Jungkook's house would surely stir up the worst rumors to date, so going live with him was entirely out of the question.

It did bother you sometimes; the double standard. While Jungkook and Mingyu could even interact in public or mention each other freely, any time you did so you were met with hate from either fandom, sometimes even your own. It also made you worry about your future. Could you ever be in a relationship without facing the brunt of all the hate that would come your way? At 26 years of age, it was a frustrating reality to think about.

Jungkook got up at some point to go fetch some more bottles of soju. Apparently the seven bottles the three of you had drank collectively weren't enough for the large men you were drinking with.

While Jungkook was gone, Mingyu got up from his seat on the couch opposite to you and took a seat down next to you, invading your personal space like he usually did.

"Worrying your pretty little head about something?", asked Mingyu as he leaned over you, taking the occasional sip from his drink.

"It's nothing."

"C'mon, what's up?", his hand ran up and down your arm in a soothing manner.

Invading your space and being overly touchy usually meant that he was tipsy. But to be fair, you were a bit tipsy too.

"Do you ever think about dating?"

"Who? You?", he chuckled.

"No, dumbass. I mean in general."

He seemed to sober up a little at the mention of the subject, straightening up a bit as he sat sideways on the couch so he could look at you fully.

"What's got you thinking about that?"

"I don't know ... I'm 26 now. Isn't it time I started settling down? Have someone filling up the other half of the bed," you pondered, feeling a bit pathetic as you did so.

Mingyu let out a quiet sound of confusion, eyebrows furrowed and head leaning to the side in question.

"Isn't that what me and Jungkook are for?"

Not taking him seriously, you chuckled and took a swing of your almost empty bottle of soju.

"I'm serious, Mingyu. I mean a romantic relationship, where, you know, it's just us and we do couple things and we settle down and all that stuff."

"What can you do with some guy that you couldn't do with us?", he grabbed both your drinks and set them on the table.

Suddenly, his demeanor seemed a bit more serious, which confused you.

Where the hell was Jungkook with those drinks?

"I- Are you serious? Do you need me to tell you?"

"Yeah, I mean, why would you need to look for some guy if you have us?"

Oh. He was serious.

"Because we're friends?," you were beyond confused, "I can't go out with you romantically, or move in with you, or," you gulped, "or sleep with you."

"You can't?", he scoot closer to you.

"Mingyu ..."

"I just mean ... Why would you go after some loser when we can just take care of you?", his hand went back to touching you, though this time it ran up and down your thigh rather than your arm. That false semblance of innocence was gone, "You want someone to keep your bed warm? You don't even have to ask ... I'll do it- we'll do it."

Through his short speech, he got closer and closer, just as the air in the room got heavier. The atmosphere itself shifted dramatically, specially with Mingyu so close to you.

Mingyu was the touchiest man you'd ever known. Being his best friend, you had fallen victim to his touchy demeanor endless times, but never like this. Never while his eyes were hooded and heavy with some emotion you'd never seen in them before.

"Gyu, I-"

"Can I show you?", he rasped, eyes now on your lips.

"Y-you're drunk," you were sure that must've been it. The combination between drinking and talking about dating must've short circuited his brain.

"Just tipsy ... Tipsy enough to get the balls to tell you how much I want you ... but lucid enough to remember how many times I've thought about this."

The hands on your thighs moved to your waist, closing in on you, slowly pulling you toward him. By the end of it, you were halfway sitting on his lap.

"You've thought about this?"

Your nervous hands went to his shoulders for support, easily giving in to him.

"So many times. Jungkook too," he chuckled as he began burying his head in your neck, lips ghosting the sensitive skin.

Lacking any control of your body, you repositioned yourself to allow him better access to you, now fully on his lap as he sat sideways on the couch, arms wrapped fully around you and face buried in your neck.

"Gyu, I-"

"Yeah? Is this okay? Is it okay if I kiss your neck like this? This is what you wanted, right? Someone to take care of you?", he mumbled as he made his way to your ear with breathy kisses.

You were burning up, completely powerless to Mingyu. It was kind of embarrassing how easily you gave in to him. How you had been entirely unaware of his want for you until five minutes ago, yet you were now pliant in his hold, willing to listen to his senseless argument about him and Jungkook being good replacement for a relationship. You also had that to think about – the Jungkook aspect of it all.

The reminder of Jungkook's presence woke you up a bit, remembering that you were literally sitting on your best friend's lap while in your other best friend's living room.

With half a mind to let Mingyu do whatever he wanted to do with you, you powered your way through your decision to pull him away from your neck.

"Gyu, wait. Kook could get here any minute-"

"Don't stop on my account. Seemed like you were having fun without me."

Your head snapped to the door at the introduction of the raspy voice of your best friend, finding said friend leaning against the doorframe with a few drinks in one hand and a few ramen cups stacked on the other.

"Jungkook-"

"So, can someone catch me up?", he got closer, dropping off all the food he was carrying on the table and sitting next to you on the couch.

...

read today on ko-fi or patreon by subscribing to either one<3

NOTE: it wont let me reply to people anymore but ill be tagging everyone who comments asking to be tagged just letting u guys know<3

[bonefall]

This is unrelated to the blog's subject, but I'm SUPER hyped about this upcoming indie game called Critter Cove and I've got some super cool news; I got to give the devs some critter designs to show up as Townies you can invite to live in your town!

This isn't even all of them-- in total I've made well over 40 designs that they're gonna pick and choose from. These ones are just some of my favorites.

This character creator is CRAZY good. It's hard to find animals you can't make. Cow, squid, human, raptor, duck, I was even able to make a half-decent Anomalocaris up there. The ones that are difficult to make, like giraffes, horses, and insects, are actually planned to be added in soon.

Critter Cove plays like a mix between Animal Crossing and Subnautica. You sail around to collect scrap from the remains of sunken ruins, rebuild a rundown town on a polluted island, and make it appealing for both residents and visitors. There's also a plan to add a museum feature, dozens of islands, fishing mechanics, and even co-op in the future.

(but co-op will only come if the game's enough of a hit, which is why I'm shamelessly plugging it lmaoo)

It's launching into Early Access on September 10th, but it's got a VERY generous free demo which is only supposed to be "the first two hours" of the game...

...and I'm clocking 61.

(yes everyone this is part of the reason why ive been quiet lately. its a good game, man. i cant help it. im going coconuts.)

Progression stops when you re-build the cafe, but you can keep playing, sailing around, running quests, and doing some simple gardening. Your progress rolls over into Early Access too, so you don't have to worry about losing your townies, clothes, structures, etc.

For all my designs I've got a free key, but it's gonna be launching somewhere in the 20 - 30 USD price range. I can't recommend the demo enough, but even just wishlisting it on Steam boosts their metrics and gets them in front of more people!

[wallterwall]

day 32

if you like my (cybrthrillz) content, please read this

tw for self harm and suicidal ideation

i want to take a break

this is not a victory or a win for anyone. if anything all of the harassment and relentless targeted hate has only made me even more motivated to make this little space ive created a more accepting place, and i will continue to be a voice of support for "weird and contradictory" queer identities because we all deserve to be happy and accepted

but, for a long time ive been putting myself in harms way, generally neglecting my own needs for the sake of other people, because i dont care about what happens to me as long as other people are happy and safe, and right now i dont think i can keep pushing myself like that anymore. im tired

i havent had a s/h problem since middle school but now those urges are resurfacing again when i thought id never have to deal with that again

i havent been able to relax or enjoy any of my time without having dreadful thoughts in the back of my mind

ill probably be changing things going forward too, or maybe things wont be changing at all. i dont know. i just know that i want to try and relax and watch those movies ive been meaning to watch and play more video games without feeling guilty that im not using my time for drawing.

the controversies have wounded me a lot but unfortunately regretevator is still my main hyperfixation so ill have trouble getting myself to draw anything else and i dont think i want to really avoid it. so ill still be drawing, but ill be drawing for myself without really worrying about posting schedules. ill still be active on discord, tumblr, instagram

im not going to kill myself today, nor am i going to in the future. because whether some people want to believe it or not, i know and my friends know that i always try my best to be a considerate and kind, overall good person. i know that i genuinely have positively impacted many people in life. i hope that ill be able to go back to regularly posting soon with a clearer state of mind because your support has genuinely improved my life both emotionally and financially, and i couldnt be more grateful.

but right now, its okay to be a little selfish for my sake. and i hope that you all can understand and be patient with me. thanks for stickin around

[batfambrainrotbeloved]

Hiiii

So I was thinking about drakes spoiled brat (as I do. Quite a bit) and while scrolling through the DSB tag on tumblr I found those posts talking about epilogs and how that would look. And honestly-just imagine being a normal civilian at the end of this story and all you know is that Timothy "trash" drake is abruptly adopted by the Wayne's and suddenly is very very chill??? Like lol that would confuse the shit outta so many people LMAO

Timothy: I'm a cisgender heterosexual rich Christian white man. And I am better than all of you who are not all of those things. And even if you do check all the boxes, you still aren't me and therefore will never compare.

*the next day*

Tim: I'm uhh gender? Shit next question. Sexuality? Uhhh boys. And girls? Yes. Christian? Shit- fuck- no I'm an atheist...I'm rich and white I wasn't gaslighting myself about those two. So technically it cancels out. Anyways. Uh. Shit man idk I'm running on fumes rn ive been awake 51 hours straight...don't tell Bruce.

The general public: *slow blink* ...who are you and where is Timothy.

The bats: *low key getting some amusement over Tim fumbling*

Anyways. Idk if this is coherent lol I'm just bein silly. I love your fic so much and it's inspired me for some ideas of my own so thanks. You're a very talented author <333

Oh don't worry about coherency hon its brainrot and I just so happen to be a native speaker- and thank you for the praise <33

I will say that Timothy isn't your "classic" wolf on wallstreet guy-

Gotham rich people are a whole new breed because yeah there are social expectations and what not, but once you reach a certian class its mostly "fuck all as long as the investors are happy"

The public perception of Timothy is like a guy who you WANT to feel bad for, and can easily go "yeah that explains a bit of his behavior-" but your still making it REALLY hard to take your side

Most of his "Scandals" have come from him verbally assaulting people, underage drinking/drugs use, and just doing stuff that was not PR approved. To some hes a fucking menace, to others he's as entertaining as those two birkin boyfriends.

Yes he's an asshole, but he's also a kid who lost his parents pretty horribly (wink wink for future lore) and instead of being free as a young nepo baby should be, he's tied down to Gotham, keeping his parents company alive and dealing with all sorts of shit behind closed doors.

Of course hard to feel pity for a rich asshat so there are absolutely a decent percentage of people who roll their eyes whenever someone brings up "Timothy Drake" and everyone has a story of someone with a shit experience

BUT he gets adopted by the Wayne brood and is suddenly- half decent?? Most people would just accept of "Good- everyones favorite himbo gets a new kid, a bit of a fixer upper but lord knows he needed it"

Anyways heres MY ramblings in turn- will definently explore more of Tim and Timothys relationships in Gotham in the future so this is due to fluxuate but as of rn this is generally the perspective <33

[elderscrollsconceptart]

This will be a long post but I've been thinking about this since last night.

I get a pit in my stomach when I think about the new Fallout TV show and the chance TES may get a show if the Fallout show is super successful.

I've been hearing the show has been pretty good, but ive also heard some grim rumblings and worries about certain directions Bethesda/Amazon are taking lore-wise in the Fallout show. Apparently Todd has said everything in the show is canon.

I've not watched it myself as I'm not a huge TV watcher in general, but I don't know if I want to see Bethesda or an outside studio make massive changes to TES lore which affect both past and future installments in TES purely for the sake of "making good TV".

I am most certainly not a "modern Bethesda" hater or of the opinion that modern TES/Fallout games are bad. I pretty much love them all. (I even enjoyed Starfield, huge glaring flaws and all!)

I genuinely believe they are trying their best to make fun games. I also understand they have had a lot of struggles over the past decade+, particularly in company direction and budgeting of necessary resources (pre-Microsoft acquisition).

The old Zenimax upper management was awful (Trumps brother was literally on the Zenimax board of Directors before he died). And infamously refused budget allocations towards serious game engine improvements that were desperately needed. Bethesda has had alot of struggles but I feel they have always tried to do the best they can, even if the final result is middling.

I am also not a Todd hater. Even if he's not necessarily the best game designer, he has a lot of heart and passion and seems to genuinely care about Bethesda and its employees. I am glad he seems to have a genuinely good relationship with Microsoft and I have high hopes for Bethesda's future in the long term.

All that said, there are just certain changes that can happen when "Hollywood comes knocking" per se., even if most of the main creative decisions still come from Bethesda. TV shows can be fantastic and lauded with praise but if they are based on an established property with established lore, they often ultimately go in creative directions which negates the lore and other non-TV entries in the series.

Just look at GOT. It started off amazingly, and GRR Martin had a direct hand in all the early series. It was the best show on TV until suddenly GRR was no longer involved directly and the show runners started making their own decisions. They started ignoring established lore and making "changes and improvements" which nose dived the series by the end.

Perhaps I am paranoid, but I can see something similar happening to Fallout if the show is big and keeps getting new series. Furthermore, I hold a deep dread that TES may be next. Just think, how many people talk about GOT anymore? How many people are hyped for the next book(s) in the series? The books didn't get bad right? Only the TV show did.

But that's my point. If Fallout or TES have these big smash initial hits on TV but begin to fail after a while, it damages the series as a whole, not just the TV show. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to see TES/Fallout TV shows be nothing but great. I just worry as I've been hearing of major major lore changes being made by the Fallout show. These changes are irrevocable and utterly change the lore of that series, and not necessarily for the better. I'll try to refrain from further judgment on that, but I'll leave with this question:

What if TES had a super quality and popular TV show which negated large parts of pre-Oblivion lore? Suddenly, due to the show, innumerable people/places/things which were iconic to the TES series were no longer around or perhaps not even canon anymore? What if those things were just lost or written off for the sake of a TV show?

As a fan of TES, and maybe even of that TV show, how would that make you feel?

I'm am not trying to stir controversy here, but I think we as a fandom need to have more public discussions about this. We also need to be prepared to not dump on any new changes to the series or lore without giving them a fair shake. Something being "new and different" does mean its awful. Changes can be good or bad but they must be carefully considered.

I hope this new Fallout show's premiere will provide us a good chance to consider the future of TES media and lore outside the games before any changes are announced or made.

[destinysbounty]

This feels like a no-brainer, but since the very beginning Ninjago's biggest strength in terms of writing is its ability to craft memorable and compelling characters. This was part of the reason why I and a lot of other people were a bit wary about Dragons Rising before its release - people, myself included, were questioning if it could ever really feel like Ninjago if it decided to switch focus to a new cast. If they could conceivably introduce a new generation of ninja that would ever be able to match up to the old cast in terms of likeability and engagement. The core of Ninjago has always been the found family, after all - how could any sequel ever hope to compare to the original if it didnt focus on the og found family in question?

Well to my delight, we seem to all have been worried over nothing. Sure, the old cast does still carry the story in a lot of ways - looking at you, Lloyd - but i feel like the story can stand up well enough without them. Arin, Sora, and Wyldfyre are all strong characters in their own right, and if the ninja all permanently left the series at one point in the future i feel confident that plenty of people would still stick around to watch the new team's adventures (though ill be honest, the new team just doesnt feel complete without Lloyd as their dad mentor).

And yknow, its nice to see Ninjago regain its footing again, especially after Wildbrain. By no means am i trying to throw shade at Wildbrain, i love Wildbrain and it holds a special place in my heart, but i also wont hesitate to admit that its character writing kinda started to falter a bit. So to see Ninjago get back into the swing of writing strong, engaging, and lovable new characters again, while also giving the old characters a fresh coat of paint and some much-needed character development...its nice.

This seems to reflect itself in the way people talk about DR, too. Ive seen plenty of criticism thrown its way, but one of the aspects that ive seen the least amount of criticism for is probably the character writing. People will comment on plotholes and animation issues, but ive encountered much fewer people with something negative to say about the characters. Which, in my opinion, is exactly how a Ninjago series should be.

So yeah id say DR is pretty good

[hollybrookee]

Excerpt from Steve vs the World with cool enderman anatomy

[one of my fav scenes to write hehe]

“I'm leaving now. Have fun with the rest of this exam Nightingale. Fair warning, this one throws punches,” Steve snipped with a bitter expression.

Nightingale lifted his intense gaze from his patient`s wounds and his face morphed into something akin of ill masked panic. Steve turned on his heel towards the exit but came to face with a woman knocking at the slightly opened door. He startled at the intrusion.

A drowned nurse with a neat braid and powder blue scrubs presented a sheet of paper to the phantom with a green hand. “Doctor Nightingale, the blood panel came back for this patient.”

The doctor promptly stood and crossed the room. “Steve, stay,” he ordered as he passed the indignant human frozen from almost bumping into a member of the hospital staff.

“Nightingale, are you serious?” Steve murmured to him in frustration.

He placed a hand on Steve`s shoulder and leaned into his ear. “I have an idea but I need you to stay put,” he whispered.

Atticus blinked rapidly. He seemed to be recovering from the shock.

“You took my blood?” Atticus incriminated after recovering from the revelation that he had yet again been violated in the eyes of medicine and the law. He struggled to sit up again with a scowl. He didn’t get very far.

The night doctor accepted the document and scanned the report. “Not the only samples I took. Been checking your blood oxygen content regularly and we took radiographs shortly after you arrived, found a cracked rib, nothing too severe so don’t you worry about that, and then signs of acute pneumonia which is pretty common in endermen experiencing humid climates or rain for the first time. It's nothing we can’t treat. I’ve already started you on oxygen, which you are going back on, by the way.” The doctor pointed at the respiration machine and its face mask. He continued to study the pages.

Atticus seemed…overwhelmed, but Nightingale didn't let this cease his medical jargon rambling.

“We've started you on an antibiotic via IV so your lungs should be free and clear of fluid soon. The antibiotic is called azithromycin and we have you on a pretty hefty dose so don't be alarmed if you start to experience nausea, G.I. upset, loss of appetite, headaches, or dizziness. These are all normal side effects, but just let me know if they happen. This med can be pretty heavy on the body but it's better than going septic so we're gonna cut our losses, yeah?” the doctor rambled at the downed soldier trapped in the confines of his temporary bed.

Atticus looked horrified at the unknown treatments. “What’s a radiograph?”

Nightingale ceased his scrutinizing of the results to address the room once more. He nodded and began to take a more gentle approach to his explanation.

“Right, new to the overworld, I always forget our improvements in modern medicine are a bit more, shall we say advanced? Then the End or Nether. In short, our redstone engineers and leading researchers, I was on the team actually, created an ‘X-Ray’ machine that generates electromagnetic radiation and channels it through the body to create an image. Essentially, it helps us see what’s inside of you without having to cut you open to find out. Just the wonders of devoting research into its practical applications as opposed to a war effort I suppose. And very helpful for your diagnosis might I add,” the doctor spoke animatedly with his hands. He returned his gaze back to the paper to further interpret the findings.

“And you did that to me?” Atticus’ eyes were wide with distress and his mouth hung open. The enderman was panting. He was hyperventilating. Steve recoiled at the pitiful sight. He kinda felt for the guy. Probably because once upon a time he was in the same boat, a terrified patient of Dr. Nightingale’s in an unfamiliar city with an uncertain future.

“Oh relax,” Nightingale dismissed his anxieties with a nonchalant wave of his hand.

He flipped through the pages and scanned the data. He hummed at random intervals. Nightingale clicked his tongue as he traced a finger down the paper to follow each of the levels printed on the page. His finger paused at a number and the clicking ceased. He looked solemn.

“Low CBC,” Nightingale enunciated. He tapped the page with the pen several times. He was stalling.

The doctor looked up at the enderman, making eye contact with the respirator next to his head instead of his eyes. “I had a hunch.”

“And?” Atticus pressed through his unsteady breaths.

“I was debriefed by the proper authorities when you were taken into custody and I was informed I would be treating you,” the doctor began apprehensively, “each account said that one of the enderman, I’m referring to you, by the way, didn’t teleport out of harm's way. Your results indicate cytopenia, low CBC if you will.” Nightingale chose his next words with utmost care.

“An Enderman’s cardiovascular system, unlike other species, contains an extra organ. Their ender pearl is connected to their heart by an extra vein stemming from their superior vena cava.” The doctor pointed a finger at his own chest in a demonstration. “The pearl is responsible for much of the enderman’s hematopoiesis instead of relying on bone marrow. It’s also responsible for an enderman’s ability to teleport via a blood process where the blood cells go through a semipermeable membrane to the outside of their skin, then evaporate, except this happens at light speed. Similar to osmosis in other species with water but in enderman we get something similar with their blood, and this is the fun part, this quick process of moving blood cells from one place to another triggers a quantum reaction.”

Nightingale snapped his fingers. He was getting more excited with each sentence. It was candid that Nightingale was passionate about his work. He loved spilling science lessons into a room and always has. The phantom continued his ramble, “hence, the ability to teleport. With your pearl being damaged, your body is being deprived of blood cells and your cardiovascular system can’t function without that pearl being in tip-top shape. This explains why you’ve been experiencing fatigue, headaches, lightheadedness… But it also explained why you didn’t teleport. You couldn’t.”

Doctor Nightingale pushed his glasses up with his pointer finger then tapped the ballpoint pen onto the stack of papers again. “Science,” he added proudly.

[swordsandholly]

that Johnny rugby player au is fineee, omg! but also like do you think of writing something with Kyle someday? like I love him so much and I always adore the way that you specifically write him and I don’t see a lot of fics with him, sadly

but yeah like just a thought please I don’t want this ask to come off as like me trying to like demand it, i’m just curious hehe like I said before I love what you write is always amazing!! 💖💋

Ive been so hyper focused on poly 141 that I don’t have a ton of individual fics rn. I do have one that I started months ago that’s kind of angsty where Kyle loses a leg and has to go to prosthesis/physical therapist reader but I worry it’s too sad for our pretty boy

Some other ideas I have in my not started works note:

Bartender Kyle x Server Reader

News reporter x cameraman- just thinking about Kyle being a flirty cameraman and telling reader how pretty she is while she pretends to be annoyed

SoapGaz - Ex bf Kyle is pissed about reader dating Johnny. Poly shit ensues

Not Kyle specific just a general idea: Reader is walking in a park and thinks a man is following her. She’s jumpy and smacks him with her overfilled purse - has to take him to the hospital

I love this boy sm so yeah there will def be more Kyle in the future. Plus he’s pretty central in cherry bomb tbh

[qoldenskies]

Omg I just read the entirety of the canary continuity and I love it so much! I was crying so hard by the time I was done with it!

Also, I feel so bad for all the brothers, especially Leo, Raph and Mikey. Not only is their brother hurt, physically and mentally, but they can't even do anything cause it was (unintentionally) their fault. Their relationship has broken, and they can't even fix it, because not only would Donnie think that they are lying about being nice again when they try to help, he can't even see them before having a panic attack, thinking that they are going to hurt him (or worse, kill him).

I can't wait to see what would happen in the future chapters!

hi!!! im so glad you enjoyed!! >:D

honestly ive been rolling around the particular angst with the other three in my head, and i've been excited to dive deeper into them and how they're handling it but i need to get through a particular part of the story before i can properly switch to their povs, but you better bet it'll be happening!!!

its the pain of not being able to show him the kindness and gentleness he deserves after everything that happens to him. despite his fear and initial trepidation, he practically folds into april and splinter when they reach for him, and he panics when he sees them leave, and he uses them as a lifeline when he's scared. already twice now they've talked him down from a spiral of panic and comforted him (although theyve been unable to do it when the others are around, so they always have to make them leave. even when they dont want to!) and it's somewhat established that it's not even normally how donnie responds to trauma. he usually needs a while to sit and process before he can come for comfort, and trying to push him does not work at All, but now more than anything all that he wants and needs is the affection they CANT GIVE HIM because he's utterly terrified of them, even though its ultimately the most important thing for him right now. more than anything donnie wants his brothers to keep him safe, but he thinks they're gone, and he doesn't know when the curse started, or what part of it was how they truly feel and what part of it was the curse speaking; and even if he did, they are a trigger to him and there's nothing he can do about it.

and for raph and mikey in particular, who are so tactile and affectionate (and are just as comforted by affection as the person theyre trying to comfort in most cases) its fucking devastating. with leo with his hidden low self esteem its still awful for him, but he knows what this feels like, he's only acting so different because he can't fall back on his old coping mechanisms; because they're the thing that HURT donnie, because the curse weaponized them, so he's turning to anger (in ME he is intentionally trying to start fights because he wants to be yelled at LOL) and trying to stay productive instead. but raph and mikey generally have always had the impression of themselves that they're Good People (mikey is very confident and he hasn't really been disillusioned at all yet, and raph is someone i see to be very secure in the idea that he's a good person, which can sometimes make taking responsibility/handling guilt difficult for him. although he matures substantially around the time of the movie) so its just. shattering.

mikey never saw himself CAPABLE of doing something this horrible (he's just a kid! sometimes he struggles to see past himself!) and with raph it was a confirmation of his worst insecurity; to some extent he has always seen donnie and mikey as so much more fragile than him (he does canonically understand that donnie is very sensitive/takes rejection super seriously, and he worries about hurting his feelings. ty donnie's gifts for the brains and brawn fuel i use you so liberally), and especially when he was younger he grappled with this fear of hurting them badly on accident (and he probably had in play before), and even with the self-restraint he displayed under the curse, he still caused all this CARNAGE... and there's nothing he can do about it. donnie can't even hear his voice right now without screaming. they both need to comfort in order to feel comforted and that's been ripped away from them, and they're doing so fucking awful. cannot wait to write their povs honestly i have a lot of ideas >:)

[fabledferns]

I would love to try printing my own design on a shirt like you did! Could you please possibly make a guide on how you did it?

absolutely i can!! this is gonna get a bit long so im gonna put the full tutorial under a read more LOL

ALSO disclaimer: i’m making this tutorial with the assumption that whoever is reading it already kinda knows the basics of relief printing! BUT if anyone would like me to post a more basic tutorial about that, i would be happy to <3

1. the block!! i used the Inovart Eco Karve Printing Plates (very similar to the Speedball Speedy Carve Blocks, just a bit cheaper). but you can use linoleum, wood, etc. this was my first time ever printing on fabric and since it turned out so well i’ll probably stick to using this type of block in the future LOL but linoleum and wood do work! it mostly depends on personal preference and budget

2. i highly recommend doing a test print! both to prime the block a bit and to see if there’s any spots you missed (you can see a lot of chatter on the first test print that i got rid of)

3. the ink! i used the Speedball Fabric and Paper ink. it’s the only one i’ve tried for fabric, but i do recommend the speedball brand in general! whatever ink you use, make sure it’s for block printing, for fabric, and read the instructions

when getting your ink, i found that i ended up needing a bit more ink than i do printing on paper

you can either ink your print now or on step 5 if you’re worried about it drying out

4. prepare your shirt! try to get a shirt with the least amount of texture possible for the best results (not knitted, ribbed, etc). get yourself some cardboard to put in the shirt while you print, it’s supposed to be mainly to keep ink from bleeding but i feel like it also gives a better surface to print on

5. layersssss! shirt down first, flatten out where you want to print. then the block, and if you’re using a press, then the felt thing (it probably has a name)

usually printing on paper the block is laid down and the paper on top of it, fabric is the opposite!

6. printing! so for this i am obviously using a press (the Woodzilla Hand Press, highly recommend if you’re really getting into printmaking and have the money!!) if you’re using the press, after putting the top down, tuck the shirt under the lever. otherwise it’ll make marks in the shirt when you press down that will probably go away, but better safe than sorry

if you don’t have a press, no worries!! it just takes a bit more time and patience. use an old rolling pin or put a giant book on top and press! the bigger the print, the harder it is to print consistently. do your best to add enough pressure and make it even. even with the press, i usually put all my body weight into it

whatever method you’re using, use ALL YOUR MIGHT to print it!!!! too much pressure is better than not enough imo

7. TADA!! a (hopefully) perfect print!! if it’s not, don’t panic! i can’t attest for other brands, but ive been able to clean the ink out of misprinted shirts and print on them again. i washed them out in the sink to get as much ink out as possible (i used cold water, but to be so honest i have no idea if hot or cold water would work better). then use some sort of stain remover and just fucking. douse it. i used a Shout! spray for this. let it sit for however long the instructions say, wash it, and it should come out! it even worked for a light pink shirt for me, i can’t say for sure if it would work with white though

and that’s my guide!! hopefully i explained everything alright and people find it helpful <3 i’m happy to answer any other questions anyone might have! i am also pretty new to this though, so there is definitely some stuff i don’t know lol

[spectrechosts]

My Bloody Valentine

I want to be done reuploading and all I have left is shorter stories I haven't touched in forever which means shit is getting CONDENSED into single posts so I can have all this done by Halloween.

This one is about a warlock on an elven spaceship and the human who's newly hired to work with her. Five chapters in this post.

"For future reference, when you're hiring a human weapons tech, generally they know how to maintain particle beams, autocannons, things like that. Not… whatever this is."

"I'll keep it in mind, rook. Now touch up those containment sigils before we all fry."

The weapons bay on the Ivy Cudgel was a single small room. Refrigerators filled with bags of blood lined one wall, and five IV poles to place them on were arranged in the center of the room. The "weapons system" was a single elf, currently sitting within a summoning circle and gibbering to herself almost imperceptibly as the IVs dribbled blood onto her face.

The rookie had been introduced to her when she got the job ("Hello," She had said, not making eye contact. "I will be in your care, I look forward to working together."), and had seen her around the ship since. She was a quiet, fragile thing, even for an elf. She didn't speak unless spoken to, she was never in any of the communal areas if she could avoid it, the rookie only knew that she ate on account of her boss grumbling about making sure she did before going to the mess hall. Her uniform was unique among the crew, ceremonial black robes and various eerie trinkets. The rookie didn't know where exactly "warlock" fit into the command structure, but everyone on the ship treated her with respect, so she did too.

Even if she had to be the one to pour blood on her head so that she could channel a demon to rend enemy ships asunder.

The ship shuddered, sending IV poles clattering to the floor.

"Shit!" Her boss cursed, "Fix those, now!"

"Weapons officer, status." Came a voice from her boss' comms badge.

"Not ideal if impacts are going to keep knocking our shit over, captain."

"Shields are on their last legs, we need to end this quickly. Full power."

"Yes captain." She said, and clicked off her comm badge. "Okay rook, what you're about to see never leaves this room, got it?"

"…Yes?" She said, unsure of what could possibly be more taboo than what they were already doing.

"Good." Her commanding officer said, and then swiftly drew a dagger from her belt and drove it into her own palm.

"What the FUCK-" She screamed, and her boss waved her off with what was now her good hand, the other pressed to her mouth. Blood gushed from the wound, staining her face. She strode into the summoning circle and the demon snapped to face her, pupilless eyes trained on the source of fresh blood.

Before the beast could pounce, the officer removed her hand from her face and pulled her into a kiss, blood pooled in her mouth flowing between their lips. The containment sigils smoked and hissed and the rookie scrambled to repaint them all fast enough to prevent a breach.

She could worry about what the fuck she was watching later.

Her boss was now kissing the warlock's neck while she lapped at her bloody hand like an animal, and it wasn't hot, and she was focused on the circle and not blushing.

"We're in the clear, shut her down officer."

Her boss whispered something unpronounceable in the warlock's ear, and she shuddered and went limp as the demon left her. She held her tightly, kissed her forehead reassuringly.

"Pass me the bandages, rookie."

She did as she was told, and her boss started wrapping her hand. She had so many questions.

"Is… Is that part of my job?"

"No."

don't say it don't say it don't say it

"Can it be?"

Her boss chuckled. "Ask her when she's feeling better, rookie."

~~~

She has the same dream every night.

The ship is empty, but she isn't alone. She can feel it.

She wanders the corridors for an eternity. There is nothing to find. There is never anything to find.

She is alone, and something is with her, and nothing has ever been on the ship.

She tries to call upon her demon, but it isn't part of her anymore.

She wishes her demon was still here. She is terrified that her demon is still here.

She opens her eyes to a knock at her door, and the dream fades from her memory. She can feel the demon tugging at the edges of her mind again. She ignores it.

"Open door." She says, and the door opens, and the human pokes her head in sheepishly.

"Heyyy, um, boss wanted me to make sure you eat?" The human says, unsure of herself. "I brought you the blue nutrient paste, she said you like that one?"

"I don't like food." She says in response, but she pokes the straw into the pack and drinks it slowly. It tastes like ash in her mouth.

"Yeah, she uh, she said that's why I have to watch and make sure you eat. If that's okay."

The human is new to this, she thinks this is a quirk of hers and not something that happens to all conduits.

"It's fine. It's procedure."

She takes another sip. She is starving. This will not sate her.

"Why's that?"

The human is, if she's being honest, probably not qualified for her position. A weapons tech should know these things.

"Becoming soulbound to a demon results in complete loss of mortal appetite within 18 months in almost 100% of cases. To prevent physical degradation, conduits must be forced to eat regularly."

"…Mortal appetite?"

Another slow sip.

"We crave blood."

"Oh. So that's, that's an all the time thing?"

"Yes." She says, nodding solemnly.

"…Do you want some?"

"Always."

The human takes out a pen knife and cuts her fingertip, offers it to her.

She takes it into her mouth. The trickle of blood is ambrosia to her twisted senses. Her demon digs it's claws into her, eager for more.

She releases the human's finger and replaces it with her straw. The last dregs of nutrient paste make her want to puke.

"Thank you. I'd like to get more sleep now."

"Yeah, sure. I'll be back tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay."

The door closes and she climbs back into her bed. A fortress of blankets and plush toys quiets her mind enough to drift back into the dream.

The human's taste lingers on her tongue.

She is alone, and she is never alone.

~~~

The human keeps coming back on meal duty, eager to talk.

"So this is uh, the second ship I've been stationed on, and the other one was a human ship so this is all pretty different."

"Mm."

She sips her nutrient paste under the human's watchful eye. This is likely not the kind of work she signed up for.

"How many ships have you been on?"

The human makes a habit of asking things that she shouldn't. She could very easily tell the captain that the human is unfit for duty, with how little she seems to understand of her work.

"I am the Ivy Cudgel's weapon."

"So you never worked on any other ships while you were training?" The human asks, not understanding.

She slurps the last of the disgusting paste through her straw.

"Blood."

"Oh, sure."

The human cuts her finger once again, allowing her to drink from the wound. The crimson fluid washes the awful taste from her mouth, and she feels a little less tired.

"I have spent my entire life aboard the Ivy Cudgel." She elaborates, in exchange.

"What? Why?"

"Conduction is a multi-layered process. The demon is bound to the ship, the demon is bound to me, ergo I am bound to the ship."

"Okay, uh, why?"

"If the demon were bound solely to me, I couldn't exert it's influence beyond what I'm aware of. If the demon were bound solely to the ship, it would be… haunted, for lack of a better term."

"So like, what do you get out of it?"

She definitely shouldn't ask that.

"It is a great honor to be born into the service of the fleet." She says. And then, when the human looks unconvinced, she gestures around her room and adds: "I am well compensated. I want for nothing."

"You don't want to like. Leave?"

"Ohhhh no. No. No no no."

She shakes her head.

"I have a drone that I can fly around when we're docked and even that is… overstimulating. I can leave, there are ritual procedures that facilitate it, I just don't want to."

The human still looks unconvinced.

"You've never even wanted to go out like, on a date?"

Why does the human ask her such strange things?

"Why would I go out on a date?"

"…Like if there's someplace romantic, you and the boss-"

"Me and the boss?" She repeats, flabbergasted.

"Y-Yeah? Because- You, you kissed that one time?"

"I've never kissed anyone???"

Her demon loves this, because it knows she hates it.

"You, you did though, you and-"

"The demon did that! I don't want to kiss my boss!"

"O-Okay, I didn't mean-"

"Get out!" She screeches, and the human scrambles away.

Her face feels hot as the doors slide shut.

The human thinks- Ugh!

Why was she talking to her so much then, if not-

She slumps back into bed and squeezes a stuffed elk.

Stupid human.

~~~

Piloting her drone around the spaceport market, the warlock finds herself sending a request for assistance to the human against her better judgment. It doesn't take long for her to arrive.

"What's wrong?" She asks, eager to please.

She's been cold to the human, these past few feedings. It's making her act strange, desperate to rebuild their relationship.

"Carry this." She says, and her droid's mechanical arm points at a large plushie of a creature native to the planet, something between a walrus and a bear.

"Oh." The human says, grabbing it. "Is that all?"

"Yes. I would carry it myself but I don't want it to drag on the ground."

She pilots the drone to the checkout and transfers payment, then hovers away, human and plushie in tow.

"So, uh, about the other day-"

"I don't want to talk about it."

It is… unfair, of her, to remain mad at the human. She didn't understand the distinction between her and the demon, it was not a moral failing or an intentional slight.

She floats into another store, peruses their selection of games.

"Right, uh, we don't have to talk about it. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I uh, I misunderstood."

"You did."

"Yeah. And uh, I made things weird. And I would like things to not be weird."

The warlock would… also like things to not be weird, really. The human is on meal duty regardless of either of their feelings on the matter, any weirdness is going to be constantly out in the open.

"Speak no more of it then." She says, plucking a holodisc from the display and stashing it into a small compartment on the drone as she transfers credits to the clerk. "Accompany me as I return to the ship."

The drone can return autonomously, but the human is… peculiar. She shouldn't be here, she doesn't know what she's meant to be doing, and that makes her beguiling. The ship is her domain, she knows every inch of it's corridors, every scratch on it's hull as if it were her own skin. The crew behaves predictably, orderly, disciplined, except for the human.

She wants to understand her.

"Tell me, how did you come to work on the Ivy Cudgel?"

"Oh, uh, exchange program as part of the alliance. Humans go work on elf vessels, elves go work on human vessels, we all get a little more used to having aliens around."

"I'm aware, I meant you specifically."

"I dunno, seemed interesting I guess? See a new culture, or whatever."

"And do you find it interesting?"

"Sure. I mean, it's not super different, aside from all the magic stuff."

"You don't have magic on earth?"

"We have the concept, but like, we didn't think it was real."

"How did you become slipspace capable without magic?"

"I dunno, it's not my field. Some physics thing."

"How strange." The elf said, thinking. "No magic at all?"

"None. I mean they're probably working on it now, now that we know, but-"

A harsh gust of wind cuts her off, blowing out the drone's microphone and sending it spinning. Her viewport sweeps over the open sky, the massive skyport, the endless miles of city below.

She suddenly feels very ill.

"I-I-" She stammers, struggling to breathe. She wrenches the control helmet from her head and looks around her room, her four walls, safe and known and hers. "I'm setting the droid to autopilot. I have to lie down." She says, flicking a switch and leaving her desk before the human can answer.

She slumps into bed and covers her head with a pillow. She is inside. She knows the ship. She is the ship. Her demon creeps out of the back of her mind, sensing her agitation. It makes her feel strong when she is weak, brave when she is afraid. It is her only-

Her door slides open.

"Are you okay!?" Comes a voice, along with rapid footsteps. The human is in her room, panting from exertion after running all the way here. She places the walrus-bear into her bed and touches her shoulder gently.

The human is new. The human is an unknown factor. The human is in her room.

"Leave!" She hisses. She doesn't like change. The human is in her room.

"Okay, of course-" The human says, and she scurries away.

"W-Wait."

Her footsteps pause.

The human is trying. The human is in her room. The human doesn't know any better. The human is leaving her room because she asked, because she didn't know.

"Th-Thank you. for trying to help." She says. "But leave."

"Okay. I'll talk to you tomorrow." The human says.

And then she is gone.

The elf clutches her new plushie and cries until they leave port, until she is safe in the void again.

~~~

Someone knocks on the warlock's door, and she opens it and finds that it is not the human, but her medical officer.

"Evaluation day?" She asks, her mood sinking.

"Evaluation day." The doctor confirms. "May I come in?"

"Of course."

The warlock sits on her bed, grabbing a large stuffed shark from among her things and clutching it close to her chest, resting her chin on its snout.

"Relax, sweetie." The doctor says, trying to reassure her. "We do this every four months, you know it's not a big deal."

It is a big deal, because this is the part where the doctor asks her questions and most of them are easy but some of them are hard and the doctor always just nods blankly at whatever she says and writes it down, never telling her if she's behaving normally or if she's going to be decommissioned for suspected possession risk.

"We'll start with the systems checks, okay? There's an asteroid field to our starboard side, tell me how many objects are within your range."

She closes her eyes, and lets the line between her and the ship and the demon blur.

"Twenty-three." She says.

"Mhm. Destroy the object at 290 -051 368, please."

The ship pinpoints the relative coordinates, she gives the go ahead, and her demon crushes the asteroid like it's a glass bauble.

Blood trickles from her nose and drips onto the shark.

"Destruction confirmed, thank you. You may return to your body."

The medical officer offers her a tissue to wipe away the blood.

"Now, I have just a few questions for you about the past few months." She says, and the warlock squeezes the shark tighter because this is the awful part. "Have you been eating?"

"Yes."

"Exercising?"

"I… take walks." The warlock says.

"How often, and what distance?" The doctor asks, writing on her terrible notepad.

"A few times a week, and I don't know. I just wander."

"Wander where?"

The warlock wishes she had a good answer. There's nothing wrong with just walking around aimlessly, but everything she does needs to be scrutinized because there's a demon in her head. It's oppressive.

"C Deck, mostly. I just walk around the halls until I want to stop."

"Okay." The doctor says, and she writes in silence for a long moment. "There was a recent staffing change, per our alliance with the humans. An engineer, Faye Hoffman, has been assigned to you, correct?"

It occurs to the warlock that she has never asked the human her name.

She doesn't have a name, but she should still try to learn other people's. She'll apologize for being rude, next time she sees her.

"Correct."

"Has she made any attempts to interfere with your work in any way?" The doctor asks, clinical.

"No?"

"Is that a question?" She asks pointedly, looking for something in her response.

"No, I just wonder why you would ask that."

"There have been concerns raised that Miss Hoffman is unfit for duty. Do you agree with this?"

"No." The warlock lies, and immediately becomes very nervous because she has never felt the need to lie before.

"Elaborate." The doctor prompts, clicking her pen.

"She performs her duties adequately." The warlock says, which isn't really a lie if she thinks about it. "Menial tasks, mostly. Meal duty. Hostile engagements are a rarity, and I am insensate during them, but we have suffered no breaches."

The doctor nods, and writes, and reveals nothing.

"Okay, that's all for right now." She says, and she leaves the warlock alone in her room.

The warlock is loyal. This is her ship, she can say that more truly than even the captain. If the human were a problem-

Well, she isn't.

Not worth thinking about.

The warlock pulls a blanket over herself and her bloodstained shark and drifts to sleep.

[prairietrashdotcom]

eee i got tagged to do a tag game by @mrcrepsley thank you :)

im tagging: @stitchedgrave @laceandgore @r0ttdweller @cherubgore @cannibaldotcom @unfading-scrutiny but if you've already been tagged in this one or dont feel like it its cool. n if i didnt tag u please do it if you want to also.

Do you make your bed? if by make you mean pull down the duvet so it can air out, then yes. dont worry about why that is.

What's your favorite number? 3, 9, 13, 27

What is your job? i have been a sporadically employed hermit for the last four years :( i am starting college again next week though (media focused program) and theres a lot of production-like activity where i live so hopefully in the future that works out.

If you could go back to school, would you? See above, but i do sometimes wish i could go back to my uni in canada, but only if i was single so i could at least try n fuck my history prof at least once

Can you parallel park? no :(

A job you had that would surprise people? i have no idea how i am perceived on here so i dont know if it would surprise people that i've ghostwritten a book and worked as an actor in a haunted house. those were probably the least surprising answers but other than that its just bartending and baking.

Do you think aliens are real? duh.

Can you drive a manual car? i cannot drive any car but im working on it, although public transport here is just decent enough that it isnt, like, urgent.

What's your guilty pleasure? i honestly feel less ashamed of my various sexual proclivities than i do about living for TLC's Sister Wives. watching that chode get left in the dust not once, not twice, but thrice was especially delicious.

Tattoos? i have four. both of the ones on my right arm are bird themed but that was unintentional. theres a little bird on my forearm from The Garden of Earthly Delights' middle panel, and then a lawn flamingo on my right shoulder. the lawn flamingo is heavily associated in Winnipeg culture with the Transcona neighbourhood, where my mom's from and where i lived for a few years. everyone else in Winnipeg clowns on Transcona for being white trash, which is not technically incorrect but its my favourite place. On my left wrist ive got a hand with an eye in it, and then a crescent moon surrounded by clouds on my left shoulder.

Favorite color? pink, black, light blues, ive been really into brown this year.

Favorite type of music? i love music in general, any type can be good as long as the people making it care about it but 80s alternative/new wave/punk will always hit so so good for me. and vintage or alternative country. and 90s alt.

Do you like puzzles? i love doing the nyt puzzles stoned every night but i will die before i give them any money to play them.

Any phobias? someone with prior knowledge of my phobias using them to torture me

Favorite childhood sport? i did kickboxing in my teens for a lil bit n it was really fun :)

Do you talk to yourself? chronically, but only out loud if im home alone or out in public alone.

What movies do you adore? to the surprise of no one; horror, especially trashy b-horror/horror comedy. also whatever The Butcher Boy (1997) dir. Neil Jordan (i will never stop evangelizing this movie please watch it sinead o'connor plays the virgin mary) is.

Coffee or Tea? coffee 100%. i live in tea country however. sometimes its nice but objectively the 'tea' people are talking about here (Barrys vs Lyons) tastes like a hot wet paper bag unless you put 3 teaspoons of sugar in it.

First thing you wanted to be when you grew up? either a palaeontologist or a goth, its hard to tell which came first. ironically my mom was much more supportive of my desire to be goth. this is the cognitive dissonance that came with being an early 2000s evangelical christian who listens to Rob Zombie and Evanescence. she eventually relaxed about jesus.

[kosmicdream]

I got this ask on curiouscat but.. the site wont let me post my reply?? so i just decided to put it here since i dont get a lot of questions these days. so i like to answer them when i actually have something more to say. this one also went kinda off topic but w/e.

==

Q: How do you keep the motivation to work on all your long comics? I always start and then abandon a project cause another distracts me or I feel unsatisfied with the result... I admire your commitment so much!

===

Aw, thank you! I really appreciate it. But don’t get too discouraged.. I get distracted too! I currently have 9 ongoing comic projects with 2 more i eagerly want to start drawing, and at least a dozen concepts on the backburner that have been around for sometimes over a decade. I think that what I’ve found, is that starting a new comic takes so much time. It takes a lot of time to get a story really rolling, time to learn how to draw the story how you want and in a weird way - having a longer comic you’ve had more experience with, you can pull a lot more things from. I generally find that FFAK and NRD are much easier comics for me to work on because of all those years of experience with them. But it still can get demoralizing if i focus too much on the faults or how long I still have to go. Sometimes its easy to feel that readers have lost interest and moved on, or its just not as good as you wanted it to be, ect. If you look for reasons like that, reasons to demotivate you, you’ll find them in spades.So i try my best to NOT do that, because working on a comic is hard enough.

In a weird way, when i sometimes find myself in the pit of struggles like this - i realize every author ive ever read has been in the same shoes as me. There is no artist that just magically has it easier and never runs into some challenges like this, some challenges can never be overcome because they’re part of the experience of making the project. There’s limitations involved and things change overtime. You won’t always have the same experience with the same story as you make it, or the same feelings involved. Sometimes that's really hard to let go of, if you feel the earlier years were so much better than the struggles you have now. I know I faced that hurdle with FFAK and I am currently going through that with NRD, but even the harder times do change too. It never gets easy to make a comic, but it changes. 

With FFAK, i don’t honestly know how I will finish the complete story. I often struggle too, especially with the third (final) arc, if it really is good enough. In a way, a lot of places of it feel incomplete and rushed, so I tend to worry a lot about how that will go. However, I never thought i’d have a comic like FFAK in the first place, so i feel really lucky to have made it this far at all. Endings do scare me, as there’s just so much pressure involved to deliver and even reach it at all, that it feels almost like an impossible fantasy to pull off in a satisfying manner to yourself or the readers. However, I do think I’ve gotten more excited to reach endings than I used to be even a couple years ago, and I have gotten more forgiving of myself for not being perfect at it. No matter what I manage to make, I’m going to have my own critiques of it because there’s improvements to be made in all aspects of the story. I’m looking forward to seeing what I can actually do so I can learn from it and be more confident in the future. 

FFAK also has such a huge cast, it can be a technical nightmare to figure out. I dont envy authors like GRRM that have a seemingly endless cast to deal with. I already have so much of my hands full with what is essentially one family. And I know for my other comics that I’ve made, the cast has never gotten as out of hand as FFAK’s. But I dont mind having FFAK be like this, because it has been part of my enjoyment of writing the story too. FFAK is generally very motivating because I always have something I’m excited to share about it, and every small progress is a big reward for me. I’ve put a lot of years of work into ARC2 and i am desperate to get to share it with everyone, so I hope readers will enjoy what is to come for the future of the story even though it already is a decade old at this point.

[infernaltenor]

maybe im just a super salty person bc its 5am and im Still not sleepingn and Still thinking about it but i cant help but feel that qtubbo fans are some of the most hypocritial people ive ever seen. this is like. full of generalizations and just observations ive made as a crow and im. typically defensive and salty so im gonna try to be objective but at the very least im not trying to neg on the characters or the ccs, since im directing this towards the fans. its also like a solid two months of build up .so. oops?

but uh. how to start explaining this. well for one im taking this as a recent fan who is a phil watcher pretty much only. but i tend to chronically read posts about other characters since when im into things i like to be informed on all cases (idk constant instinct i have lol). like i said im gonna focus on qtubbo here, if i go into qphil stuff its purely as a comparison point. i cant speak much on interactions with other fanbases since i simply am Not informed enough but yknow.

for one, i think both tubbo and phil ahve similar things when remembering lore that is Not their own. not a neg on either one, since i dont expect them to remember it, but both have forgotten major stuff recently, ie. fred's kidnapping (phil) and the birdhouse (tubbo). both things happened before purgatoryand the subsequent forgetting happened after so even in character it makes sense (they had more to worry about), but i also think reactions in character tends to fuck with audience perception. ie, tubbos very visceral reaction to the ill timed fred joke phil had made (and it was ill timed, and thats all that i feel was criminal about it. tubbo and phils friendship is very much based on banter and friendly barbs, lots of teasing from either side. phil simply shot back on a smilar level as tubbo had originally, making his joke about "phil and who?". other people have spoken on that so im not gonna rehash about whos comment was worse, since imo they were both just shy of being insensitive, had tubbo not been dealing with freds presumed death at the time. im not gonna talk about the funeral, becasue if i do i'll get mad.). likewise, when tubbo forgot birdhouse phils reaction was much less outwards. he just said a birdhouse wouldnt be slaying- given the imprisionment he had, it makes sense that phil would associate it negatively, especially since it catalzyed all of his future derealization episodes. both of these are simply ooc things imo, from their original standpoint. i dont think either is in the wrong for forgetting. but what annoys me is the fandom perception.

this is a problem im going to link back heavily to purgatory. im not sure if it was present beforehand, as i only really got into qsmp the last two-three weeks in october (bad timing) and had only really been watching vods in order to catch up. that being said, i think the bolas and soulfire rivalry had widened the gap between the fans, which in turn affects negative perception. later weeks in november had full bad faith interpretations of phil because he was critical of tubbos choices or simply didnt understand sunnys character perfectly. and there were. a lot of those. purgatory had happened just a few weeks prior, so i liken it to that. maybe it is just my expierence, but the phrasing of a lot of character crit and analysis between the two has wildly different interpretations of a character (to wildly different results)

you can get qphil fans explaining against a bad faith interpretaiton, and people will (and have) called them excuses to defend against character analysis. i have noticed, however, when qtubbo fans do the same thing (and they have) it seems to be more of a matter of adding context to the conversation. thats.... exactly what qphil fans are doing however? when talking critically about qtubbo not communicating with other parents and friends both his and sunny insecurities, its all that hes younger and in a bad mental state. but you have something about phil not understanding sunnys character perfectly, and hes a cruel stepmother and such; and when an explanation is added to why hes not a bad father nor a good father, just an imperfect one trying his best, its simply a "mindless defense against a crit of his character". are these not the same things? providing context to a percieved bad faith interpretation? idk. i cant tell if its the age or the percieved roles theyre supposed to take, but why is tubbo allowed to be imperfect and doused in outward angst, especially when interacting with other characters (ramon had to take the initiative to communicate with tubbo. and yet. age age age.) phils just as complex and imperfect and unwell. all of qsmp is unwell. it is an explanation, not an excuse.

anyway. i think i was thinking about this because of the flightless bird/ostrich dna joke. ill timed, just like the fred one. but phils reaction speaks volumes doesnt it? if its an age one maybe he'll overdramaticize, but he laughs it off mostly. theres a lot he laughs off. he doesnt. "if your kid wasnt here id kill you". tubbo doesnt know about phils failed flight. he probably wont for a while (i cant help but think qphil is embarassed. he was knocked unconcious from hitting the water too hard. and he knows how to fly? fuck, man). i think its wild, however, that one fred joke gets the entire fanbase ready to deface and mischaracterize the whole character. but one wing joke gets maybe shocked laughter and about two posts complaining? idk. maybe im just complaining about nothing, im tired as fuck.

tldr is that tubbo fans are so wildly hypocritical that they cant see when theyre doing the same thing as everyone else. im sure im being hypocritical in this post, its human. but its annoying as fuck when its everywhere, and i think purgatory made it worse.