#all my brain can think about lately
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dervampireprince · 1 year ago
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[dni minors, dni blogs that have no 18+ age listed in their bio]
you just want to get miguel out of his head. he’d be a brat at first, too proud to let someone else take care of him, thinks deep down that he doesn’t deserve it, so you show him, edge him, tell him that he doesn’t get to come until he begs for it, until he behaves, until he says that he’s been a good boy, and it takes time, but by the end there’s tears on his cheeks, he’s oversensitive, and desperate to come, and you coo and keep praising him, telling him he’s doing such a good job, being such a good boy, that he finally let’s himself go and begs to come, says whatever you want, as long as you let him come, please he’s been good like you wanted so can he come, and you praise him all the more, tell him of course, because he’s such a good boy, because he deserves to feel good
he cries when he comes and you hold him, and when he starts to become embarrassed, you tell him there’s no need, and you’d happily help him get into that space again, that he deserves to be able to relax, let go, get into a subspace if he can and wants too... after all, he does make a very good boy
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beetlethebug · 9 days ago
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consider,,,a lucanis who is in love with emmrich, a spite who is in love with rook, a rook in love with emmrich, and emmrich who is in love with all three but wants lucanis, spite, and rook to get together because he feels he is not the type of man any of them deserve...
bonus points for spite being the one to realize just what sort of love quadrilateral is going on and is the one to get them all together.
#the angst potential alone#if i can convince my brain to write something other than smut i will in fact consider writing this#JUST. THEM BEING SO MESSY.#SPITE REALIZING THAT EMMRICH IS GETTING CLOSER TO LUCANIS TO TRY AND SWAY ROOK INTO FALLING FOR THEM#LUCANIS REALIZING THAT EMMRICH IS IN LOVE WITH ROOK AND DECIDING EMMRICH'S HAPPINESS IS MORE IMPORTANT#SO HE CONSIGNS HIMSELF TO HIS UNHAPPINESS#Rook could also be in love with all three in this scenario but i think it'd be SO FASCINATING for it to be Emmrich!!#Emmrich lamenting that he found the people he loves at a time he believes to be too late#consigning himself to a bachelor's life. he has his studies he has manfred he's content#and then he meets lucanis who is EXACTLY the type of man he fancied as a young man#Someone with so much heart but some rougish charm. appearing cold but so fucking warm under the surface. misunderstood perhaps#the same way he and death are#and so he is smitten. taken by this man and his watchful eye and his steady hands. fascinated by the demon living inside him#the demon who is so curious about this world. who craves to live and understand and emmrich who at his core wants nothing more than to TEAC#and rook. gods emmrich not having the same instant attraction as he did to lucanis but it all hitting him in the chest one night#reckless rook who takes blows they could have dodged to protect him. who always treats his necromancy with respect and curiosity#rook who always reaches out to touch him but stops their hand just shy of making contact. rook who is uncertain but willing to try#rook who is YOUNG and full of possibility and deserves more than whatever shell emmrich believes himself to be#i am just!!!!!!! do you see my VISION#something can happen here!! i'm fucking telling ya'll!!!!!#emmrich volkarin#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age rook#dragon age veilguard#lucanis x emmrich#lucanis x rook#spite x rook#emmrich x rook#emmrich x lucanis#emmrich x rook x lucanis
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infamously-winking · 4 months ago
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hot take on billford is that the secret third thing is obsession with being seen by someone for the first time in each of their lives
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theswedishpajas · 4 months ago
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Based on my favorite gif lately
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harlethresher · 7 months ago
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his more impulsive half.
(meat jake and brain ghost dirk sketch part...2!)
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camellia-thea · 5 months ago
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okay. just rambling here, but, i think armand took more than just the end of the interview away from daniel.
we got that little moment about that night, saying 'you asked me to' to louis. 'you asked me to take this from you, you could not live with it,' leading into, 'i look after you when you cannot look after yourself, i make those choices for you.'
we know that during the chase and devil's minion era, daniel was an addict, who was, by his own admission, slowly killing himself. he was also addicted to blood.
it's really not too far to make the jump, if devil's minion occurred, that armand made the choice to step in, in his own mind, for daniel's best interests. i know this isn't a unique jump to make, but; again with armand's "i look after him when he cannot look after himself" continual reiteration, i think it's a fair assumption.
he can also replace and blur memories, which makes the discussion of alice and paris -- why the dessert from that night? -- and how immediate and sincere his answer of "she wanted to say yes, but she didn't trust you. you hadn't given her a reason to." this could be the night he took them away, replaced himself with alice, planted something similar for her to start the relationship, then step back and watch it fall. and i think the thing that stands out there is just how tender he is while saying it. there's an undercurrent of something else entirely underneath, it isn't a dig at daniel in the moment, despite the pushing earlier in the scene.
and then in s1, when louis say to daniel, "i'd give it to you now." and the cut to armand, still in disguise, and his micro-expression of horror, the way he stiffens and looks away... and the little moment of what i read as conflict when daniel says no. his jump to "may i be excused?" i can't tell in the moment, if he's horrified about the offer itself, the fact that it is louis offering to turn daniel rather than himself, or the fact that daniel denies it. because i don't think armand could actually let daniel die if this was the case.
the disguise itself-- why pretend to be rashid? i think part of it is to try and hide behind a human persona to keep those memories at bay; especially given the little moments of flashback that got triggered by little mannerisms. i can't decide whether they're intentional pushes or not, whether armand wanted/wants daniel to remember on his own, or wants to keep it under wraps. i think, even if he believes he doesn't want it to come forward, he truly does deep down.
and once he's revealed himself as armand, the way he gazes at daniel, his beautiful boy. the continued "our boy", from both he and louis, the "he's still in there, somewhere..."
and i think "our boy" is also really interesting, because why would daniel be armand's boy, based solely on the moments that louis initially remembered? armand didn't really have any emotional connection to daniel that night, sure, he saved him, but that doesn't really mean anything; he saved daniel for louis, not for daniel's sake.
and, jumping back "our boy,[...] he's still in there somewhere"... there's implication that louis might know about it? again, i don't think this is related to the original interview, or at least, limited to it? i don't have anything concrete here, just vibes, but again, why is armand's boy still in there somewhere?
and sure, some of these are reaches and i don't think i'm necessarily right, but god it would be deliciously awful if i was.
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deoidesign · 2 months ago
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Someone killed my boss last night and he sent me this I'm so fired
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god I can't wait to make this comic.
#not me making a prelaunch link so I can share it on art of them that I do and then immediately being like hm#feels kind of weird to link a comic that doesnt exist yet#HAHAHAHAH#theres just no pleasing me#oh well I'll stick to my guns. I thought about it a long time#and doing things that feel weird is kind of the name of the game when it comes to making art#we were legion#zagan#this is so funny to me#its like not even that funny but#I love him. idk I think because I know what the comic is gonna be like stuff like this is 1 million times funnier to me#he sucks so bad and it would suck to read if he were the only one in the comic but because luciel is also there#then its just funny. cause juxtaposition#I love luciel too but theyre less good for standalone drawings and memes without comic context#so my brains like erm... theres nothing there....#also my tags are bugging out when I type them on the ocmputer idk how to explain whats happening but its kind of annoying#jumping around all over the place. makes it hard to read while I'm typing them. its fine#if theres typos its cause somethings going weird with my computer#lately when I've opened firefox its just shaking all over the place#til I alt tab out of it and back to it. I have straight up no idea why#and my internet has been bugging out. the LAN connection keeps flickering and then going out...??#YES I switched the ethernet cable connecting the modem and the router NO I dont know whats going on#I dont wanna deaaaaaal wiiiithhh customer serviceeee its fine. I'll do it later if switching the coax cable doesnt help#uh. anyways none of that matters cause I can still make my fuckin comics babeyyy#as long as I've got my comics. I'm good. though it is annoying when I cant look up references or spelling of words cause I do that constant#but its fine!#love I can draw without internet I dont even notice when it goes out sometimes aughajkghagj#anyways I'm super excited about this comic and if you're intereted theres a presave link now so#yeay#I'll post places other than webtoon but I'm just doing webtoon early so TTA readers can switch over easier
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electric-plants · 1 month ago
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i think cyno and alhaitham would keep their relationship secret for a while solely as an experiment/to challenge themselves to see how long they could last before the rumor mill sussed them out
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rosekasa · 28 days ago
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there is something so. intensely frustrating about feeling incapable of showing up for people the way that they want you to
#i wish people understood that it's so hard to be present in their lives and that closeness for me isnt about frequency of contact#but how open we feel during that contact#my brain is such a difficult place to live in it is so loud and so busy all the time#24 hours a day is a constant monologue and argument with myself for everything and it means that i just dont have the capacity to talk to#others most of the time#and like. i know this is so unreasonable. obviously we have to be present in the lives of people that care for us#but it just feels like every day i have to like. get on a stage and perform to every person in my life that cares about me so i can meet the#criteria of being a Good Friend or Good Girlfriend or Good Fan Artist or Good Mutual or Good Server Member#i feel like it is such a blessing to be seen by others as someone to expect things from#but as more people have started to love me it feels like i have to 'go out and perform' more and more and i am very exhausted#i wish i was someone that was easy to love and care for in the way that i am. and i dont mean that self deprecatingly it's just#i know im very hard to care about and love. because i disappear all the time and come back in a big flurry as soon as i get the energy back#and im just feeling it a Lot More lately because im starting to think this isnt going to be a short term thing i have to do before i start#feeling comfortable with a person#this is going to be my whole life#if i get married im going to have to 'go out and perform' and be a good wife and be affectionate and happy and not closed into my own brain#for days#if im going to make friends with colleagues I'll have to go out when they invite me and have to reply ro their texts and i cant just go#silent for weeks while i try to negotiate with my thoughts and then reappear once i make the slightest breakthrough#im very tired and sad. i want companionship but i feel like the kind of person i am is not fair for people who would be my companion#vent post#♡alizeh talks♡
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sciderman · 8 months ago
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I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain
Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it
i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)
really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!
undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.
i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.
people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.
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peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.
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it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."
so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.
people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.
autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.
#a lot of my traits have been exacerbated lately and i remember it was much easier for me before#and some of my friends have said “oh it's because you've been masking too long and now you're facing autistic burnout.”#and that made sense to me i think.#but then i found out about the stress thing. me overproducing stress hormone. and that's a very physical thing.#and that explains why i've been overstimulated more than usual lately. and why everything feels like too much.#and i wonder how many of these traits of mine are going to subside once i have lamar removed#and it makes me wonder a lot of things. and it's so weird how much your brain is tied to your biology.#i wonder how much i'll change. i wonder how i'll feel. i wonder if i'll still feel like me. i wonder how much me is me right now.#and how much of me is being altered by weird freaky hormones. who am i?? who will i be??#i'm almost looking at this as like. a superhero origin story of some sort. like this is my spider-bite moment. maybe.#will i be different? will i cope with things differently?? now that my body isn't fighting something anymore??#maybe i'll be normal. i don't know. i don't know.#i don't know what it'll mean for me.#but all of these things mean i relate to peter parker in a certain kind of way#i don't think you have to be diagnosed with autism to recognise and empathise with those traits i think#i think everyone can see themselves in peter. and i think that's the benefit of having characters that aren't diagnosed.#because there's so much overlap in the human experience. and certain feelings aren't exclusive to just one group of people.#peter has such a rich identity actually. it's an autistic thing. it's a queer thing. it's a jewish thing. it's a trauma thing.#there are so many overlapping parts of peter's identity that inform who he is and how he behaves and it's never just one thing.#it's a product of all of his things.#just like me! just like everyone.#so me? i guess i can be a million things. you can explain what i am in a million different ways.#a hundred different psychologists can all come up with different ways to explain why i be the way i be.#i don't think it's something that can be simplified.#sorry wow. i'm really going off here in the tags.#i hope people don't think i'm stupid. i don't know brain science. i'm just philosophising as usual.#sci speaks
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silusvesuius · 5 months ago
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this tree from my new drawing looking goated afffffff 👑👑
#yes this is a nel/vas drawing get off me😂#text#i wanted everyone to see it but also since i draw on paper in total silence i think a lot about everything so i wanted to voice some -#- thoughts too's. tbh i've been veeery self indulgent lately#actually i'm happy that n*lv*s is getting actual hits out of me that i like looking at#especially on-paper stuff that i can recall being fun for me to draw. all traditional art is fun to draw#and digital has turned into an actual task for me (only sometimes tho maybe i;m lying.. mspaint we're still bffs)#i think i just don't see the joy in trying to scrap up a ''' finished ''' piece in an art program .. pencil i love you and i love the -#- feeling of it scratching along the paper....sigh............ Rabu#i don't want my blog or thoughts to turn into traditional art suck-off ventures bc ik not everyone can get into it for many possible -#- reasons but if u feel like it U can ok? do it for Pencil✏️ and for me? for silusvesuius? 𝖎 𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖈𝖙 𝖞𝖔𝖚#but Lord i hope i don't also come off as one of those people that r like 'to improve in art just draw that one fictional character u -#- rly like 😂😂' bruh gtfo my face with that.#i'm noticing 'improvement' in my stuff mainly...i think... because i'm always striving to impress#not so much other people that are here just for my art but more so myself#i have a very huge ego (Mind Battle)#also it makes me sad to think about how big egos or genuine (not obnoxious) flauntiness are looked down on#and i can tell bc i used to look down on people that would express the things i'm expressing now#especially in art focused spaces. now i'd rather be in a circle of artists that love to J*rk off their own brain for it's ideas -#-and talent than be w/ very self-conscious artists that are never expressing pride about any of their work#worse if it's to the point where they actively start to fish for compliments bc of it#fishing for compliments is always OK i just wish it didn't stem from insecurity in that context if that makes sense#but maybe that's very easy for me to say and admit bc i did develop a very big ego around my art and ... Creativity? like it's a sims skill#not that i still don't seek out 'attention' or compliments from others to soothe myself but hmmmmmm i hope u feel me.#it just turns me into a very competitive person#who am i competing with? Myself#i'm always in 'you can do better Because you're YOU' mode#which is much better i believe than comparing yourself 2 other artists#i don't think a lot of people read my tag ramblings but if u do i wonder how one feels about a very pompous artist#like me .......(?)
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icewindandboringhorror · 7 months ago
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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phagodyke · 1 month ago
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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peaches2217 · 2 months ago
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Y’ever have really strong feelings about something and wanna write it all out but nothing’s coming to you? Just strong but unspecific emotions?
Mareach… good fluffies… happy feelings… wanna write… but write WHAT???
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scrawlingskribbles · 2 months ago
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not me blearily waking up at 5:30am almost in tears bc I had a dream that Ian had apparently been making more little OK KO shorts on the side and the utter joy I was feeling as dream!me was scrambling to find & watch them only to wake up before I could........ :((((
#there were 5 of them out already apparently#the most recent one had a Ray focus to it so big shocker that that's the one that caught my attention#and dream!me was like ''oh so THAT'S why ppl have been spam-liking all my Ray posts recently!! makes sense 👌''#I actually got to se like a little ending clip for that one where like. he was wearing this stupid cloak & outfit—#—kinda looked a little Shadowy Figure-esque actually??—but apparently he was like. secretly doing hero work on the side or smth??#and then at the end he had this convo with Darrell back at the factory where he monologued about how dabbling in hero work--#--made the villainy they do feel all the sweeter or smth like that & he was all dreamy-eyed pensive staring up at the sky#and Darrell was??? drinking imaginary tea/coffee from an imaginary cup which you could tell bc he had his pinkie up#and then when Ray finished his monologue Darrell just gave him this most unimpressed smirk & dumped out his imaginary cup over the balcony#like pour-one-out style??? and then that was the end of the short 😂😂#and so dream!me was pissing her pants bc HERO RAYMOND REAL AFTER ALL??¿????#and there were some other like screenshots/gifs I stumbled across on my way to find the actual shorts themselves#(Ian apparently had a whole lil youtube channel he was posting them to lol which I only found right before I woke up)#but the only one I can remember now was Elodie doing a Big YellTM towards KO about something 😂😂#broooo there are genuine tears being wiped from my eyes rn wtf is thissssss 🤣🤣 I have work soon I need my SLEEP#but I had to document this bc it was just. so Visceral & now I am so so so soooo bummed that it wasn't actually real TwT#I think my brain & heart have gotten too inspired by how some of my other Big Fave interests have been getting sequels/remasters lately#so now my soul is Once Again I Am Yearning For Justice For OK KO.meme TTwTT#anyways. god it's taken me an entire half hour to blearily tap this out on my phone. time to squeeze another half hour of snooze before work#OK KO#shut up Wisp
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insufferablemod · 2 months ago
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