#criteria of being a Good Friend or Good Girlfriend or Good Fan Artist or Good Mutual or Good Server Member

[rosekasa]

there is something so. intensely frustrating about feeling incapable of showing up for people the way that they want you to

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Gale’s Top Ten: Favorite ML Characters

Similar to my Least Favorite list, I am going STRICTLY by how I enjoy the person’s character in Canon only.  This is also my opinion, so Odds are you won't agree exactly with my list. and it does get a bit rambley

Let me know what your favorite characters are, I would love to hear about them.

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10. Juleka Couffaine:

Interestingly While her Brother made the other list, Juleka is a character I find very interesting. She gets a lot of funny quips and comments which you wouldn't expect from the quiet girl. She is actually one of the class that I find has an interesting character, she wants to model, but is lacking in confidence and finds herself in situations where she is photographed badly. She has anxiety but she still tries to live her dreams. She is a supportive Girlfriend Friend to Rose, a trust worthy member of the Help Mari bag Adrien club, and also just adorable. I love seeing her on screen and her akuma, while interesting in design has quite an interesting performance that is always fun to enjoy. Heck, the producers of the show used her Akuma THREE TIMES in season 3. She is a rocker girl with a soft side, and she actually helps give Luka a good chunk of his personality (so there is so MAJOR points for that.

9. Alya Cesaire / Rena Rouge:

Marinette’s blogger best friend and Fox Heroine of Paris. Alya has a lot of personality. Dedicated to finding the truth and being a good Wingwoman to Marinette. Alya does have a few faults, where she gets carried away in whatever catches her interest and sometime pushes Marinette in scenarios that can be considered Awkward, but she always has the best intentions and will fight for her friend. Now A LOT of people have recently become very bold with their feelings of negativity towards the girl, (salty fans) And I know an au or two have not been kind to her (one in particular that came out during Oblivio comes to mind). But I am not judging on Fandom criteria or salty au’s. I like Alya’s character and I can't wait to see more.

8. Lê Chiến Kim / King Monkey

The energetic Athlete who may be a bit slow on the uptake, but always down for a dare. He is the embodiment of endearing and he always makes me laugh when on screen. I just love how much energy he has. He is a dork and he doesn't give a damn what you say. One of the few characters that got even better in season 3, I love this monkey boy and his wonderful antics. Nothing more to it except, only he would bring a swimsuit in a train.

7. Max Kante / Pegasus

Our robot making class genius got a heck of an upgrade during season 3. His character shining like a diamond. He rocks his transformation, his relationship with his mom, best robo bud Markov, and his dynamic with the jock bro Kim are all wonderful. He gains mad respect for Marinette and I just love how he plays off of everyone. The boy is smart and has a way of getting a few good moments in pretty much any episode.

6. Alix Kubdel both Present and Future:

Whether she is a roller blading graffiti artist with some cute sarcasm or a time lord that is simply trying to correct history, Alix is a character I enjoy seeing on screen at any interval. I think if I HAD to pick, I lean towards present Alix, because I find her much funnier, plus her dynamic with EVERYONE is great, I was especially loving her bits with her bff Nathanael. but Bunnyx has me curious on a LOT of things regarding the future. Though her reveal did mean that adults got no time limit on powers seems like a cop out, but if the price is seeing Bunnyx then its Time well spent.

5. Kagami Tsurugi/ Ryuuko:

Okay, I know there are a lot of people that are not a fan of Kagami. You are wrong, but that is your opinion. Kagami is easily one of the most interesting characters in Miraculous ladybug. She is a mirror (like her name implies) of both Adrien and Marinette. She reflects the feelings Adrien has, growing up with a controlling parent with hardly any free time that enjoys fencing and just wants to make friends. She reflects Marinette’s crush on Adrien, both seeing him as the sweet guy underneath and not for shallow reasons. Kagami’s confidence paralleling Marinette’s when she is driven. Kagami can also be hilariously awkward and really wants to make friends. Her time as Ryuuko is also a delight to see. Now I know some people are all complaining that her characterization is inconsistent, and honestly, I don't see it. Kagami has always been an intense person, when she wants something, she goes for it, even if she is unsure of how things will turn out (her feelings for Adrien) or how to go about it (Trying to make friends with Marinette) She is honest to the letter and I think that is something very admirable.

4. Nino Lahiffe / Carapace

GIVE HIM MORE SCREEN TIME!

Nino is Adrien’s best bro. Nino goes out of his way to be supportive and caring for Adrien. The boy got akumatized because he was pissed at Adrien’s dad for NOT letting his son celebrate his birthday! Nino is so loyal, both as a bff or as a BF. He is a caring older brother and a cool superhero. The Dj/ Film director wannabe is a chill and fun dude that Totally deserves Wayzz (More then another turtle I know *Cough* Cough*)

I honestly can't find a single thing to dislike about Nino, he is just such a good dude. Sure he can be a bit of a foot in mouth guy, and can be a bit naive on somethings, but he is such a bro you can't help but love him.

3. Plagg

It Physically hurts me that I can't put him higher on this list. The two in the main spot are just in Leagues of their own. Plagg is the most developed Character in the series and I will FIGHT ANYONE on that. Plagg starts out as selfish and only caring about cheese but becomes a friend and Confidant to Adrien. He cares about his blond son and wants to see that boy happy and safe. He does know the rules and if he knows Adrien is not doing the right thing (i.e. trying to be another hero when he is chat noir) he will call him out on it. But Plagg also encourages Adrien’s teen rebellion, such as when he was so proud of Adrien sneaking out to go to London with his class. Plagg is the perfect Kwami for Adrien and his jokes and Banter is the best part of the show’s comedy. I love this little entity of destruction and I want more of him.

2. Adrien Agreste / Chat noir

Honestly Numbers one and two are interchangeable, but I think Adrien fits perfectly as the second spot on the list. I love how compassionate and caring he is. Adrien is an interesting character. In season 1 you would find that Adrien and Chat noir were pretty much opposites, Adrien was calm, obedient, composed, almost formal, while Chat noir was wild, flirty, impulsive, rebellious and a wisecracker. Both forms maintain his need to help others and his passionate love for his friends and his Lady. 

Adrien/ Chat noir’s dynamic with Marinette/ Ladybug is always a delight to see, changing depending on which side is being seen. The flirty chat with Ladybug, the sweet love struck Adrien with Ladybug, The cocky yet caring Chat with Marinette, and the Sweet caring friend Adrien to Marinette. The love square allows for exploration of their character and I wish we could have seen it better utilized. Chat noir loves Ladybug, even if she doesn't love him the same way, he still fights by her side and will do anything for her. (a few minor bumps, but hey it happens, he is allowed a few hiccups)

As the series goes on, Adrien starts acting more rebellious, starts joking more, even a bit more flirty, he starts becoming more comfortable with himself and others, he even lets himself be selfish at times. He cares about others and he is afraid of being locked away alone. His fear of being alone has made him very naive and trusting of others, willing to overlook behavior to an extent, with the exception that it doesn't hurt anyone he cares about. (Lila being someone that has crossed this line, and seeing Adrien actually being intimidating for once.) Is he flawed? Yes. That what I love about him, he is portrayed at this perfect model, but that is more of a mask then Chat noir, and Adrien is slowly peeking out and I can't wait to see him shatter it completely. 

1. Marinette Dupain Cheng /Ladybug

What can I say about this lovable daughter of mine?

She is without a doubt one of the best teen hero main characters I have ever seen. (And I am taking Kim Possible Level, Danny Phantom level) 

Marinette is creative, caring, compassionate, competent, clumsy, competitive, considerate, and a bunch more C words that mean good things. She is a top notch designer, guardian in training, and all she wants is to win over her crush, who she doesn't know is in love with her alter ego.

Marinette has a LOT going for her and I enjoy how she overreacts and I find myself relating to her in a lot of ways. Though she is worlds more competent then I will ever be, and she is 14.

Marinette also takes the weight of the world on her shoulders, always having to plan ahead, always having to be ready, and now she is the guardian.

I can talk on and on about how amazing she is and how interesting her flaws are, but I feel so many other people have talked about that to death. I will simply say that she is very likable.

She gets the audience to WANT her to succeed, she is so selfless that you feel for her everytime something doesn't go well for her. The season 3 finale felt Like LITTERAL Knives in my back seeing how much unnecessary pain she was in, all because of something that really wasn't her fault. (I am still salty about the finale) I really want her to be happy, and I hope she and Adrien do get together in season 4. Or I will be flying over to Paris and Punching EVERY PERSON writer at Zagtoon. INCLUDING a punch to Thomas so hard his non-existent grandkids will hear it.

Back on target.

Marinette is a delight and I am glad Miraculous ladybug exists because it introduced us to an amazing Heroine and Character.

[kpoptimeout]

My Top 10 K-Dramas of 2017 - What’s Yours?

2017 is ending soon and K-Dramaland has once again brought us so many goodies this year. As per our blog’s tradition [For 2016 faves click here] , below are my Top 10 favs of the year (my faves in alphabetical order so it might not be yours so please don’t judge)

My only specific criteria this year is that the show must have had started in 2017 to be considered a 2017 series (Hence, Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bookjoo and Goblin were in last year’s list)

Chicago Typewriter (tvN)

Ever thought of a haunted typewriter that will slowly help you recover stories of your past life? Maybe not but this innovative drama does just that. Featuring talented movie focused actors Yoo Ah In and Im Soojung (HER FIRST DRAMA IN 13 YEARS SINCE THE LEGENDARY “I’m Sorry, I Love You”) as lovers separated from the past life but current bickering duo and rising talent Go Kyung-Po of Reply 1988 fame as their half puppy-half manipulative ghost friend from the past, the drama is one rollercoaster of emotions jumping between two equally interesting timelines of modern South Korea and Japanese occupied South Korea. I really enjoy the combination of working out the characters’ mysterious past life and also the commentary on the modern literary world. If you want an intriguing and fun story-line with revolutionary history shenanigans and early 20th century speakeasies, Chicago Typewriter is the drama to watch!

Duel (OCN)

Finally, CLONES ARE PART OF K-DRAMALAND. After many dramas on multiple personality disorder and twins switched at birth etc., we see the concept of genetic copies and the ethics of such science finally pursued in this well-written and exciting thriller. Yang Sejong plays the clones in question and as a newcomer who only debuted in 2016, he is one to watch out. He expertly played the two dramatically different clones and honestly got me super freaked out watching the show. OCN continues their amazing run with thrillers and I cannot wait for more new content from them.

Fight My Way (KBS2)

Every year there is one bomb slice of life drama and this year it’s “Fight My Way”! Inspired by the real-life romance of mixed martial artist Choo Sunghoon and his wife Shiho Yano, this rom-com about a UFC fighter and his childhood love is sweet, funny, and poignant, touching on realistic experiences of everyday couples. Park Seojoon excels as the fighter Ko Dongman and I think he honestly does the best when acting in these common man roles like in “She Was Pretty” and “Witch’s Romance” versus the over the top hero ones like in “Hwarang.” Kim Jiwon proves she is no one-hit wonder and here to stay after her “Descendants of the Sun” fame in this relatable role of a girl who has to abandon her dreams due to practicalities of the real world and Ahn Jaehong continues to be a pure delight after “Reply 1988”.

Hwayugi (tvN)

Only 2 episodes in, the Hong Sisters already prove that once again they are the producing queens of K-Dramaland and Hwayugi is going to be scoring home runs like their earlier supernatural dramas “My Girlfriend Is a Nine-Tailed Fox” and “Master’s Sun”, whilst riding the wave of another widely popular mythical tvN drama “Goblin.” Reinterpreting the Chinese fantasy story “Journey to the West”, this drama plays with characters already well-known in Asian folklore and throws in interesting ghost/demon/monster fighting side stories along the way. Having worked with the Hong Sisters many times, Lee Seung Gi shines in his first role back from the military, playing the mischevious Monkey King Son Oh Gong. The other castings are also great - with Cha Seungwon fittingly being the eccentric and mercurial Bull Demon King, FT Island’s Hongki as the super flirt Zhu Bajie, and Oh Yeon Seo as the pure but strong-willed reincarnation of Xuanzang. If you need a fix after “Goblin”, just watch this already.

My Secret Romance (OCN)

OCN’s first ever rom-com is a fan favorite locally and internationally and for good reason. It is one of those expected rom-com plots with chaebol male lead, awkward grassroots female lead, BFF with a crush on her, etc. but just done very well. It does do something innovative - going around all the awkward will they kiss or not KDrama stuff to a male and female lead who meet three years later after an awkward one-night stand. Additionally, the chemistry between Sung Hoon and Secret’s main vocalist Jieun is great and made the drama all the more fun, cute and entertaining. Also, THE OSTs ARE AMAZING BECAUSE BOTH LEADS ARE GOOD SINGERS.

Ruler: Master of the Mask (MBC)

One of the K-Dramas I looked forward to the most this year was “Ruler: Master of the Mask” because of the amazing cast of Yoo Seungho, INFINITE’s L, Kim Sohyun, and Yoon Sohee and boy I was not disappointed. Going with a Prince and the Pauper-esque plot in Joseon Korea, Yoo Seungho and L did a great job in the delivering the two roles respectively. While some people complained the show was kind of slow, I rather the PDs slowly build up the story than rush a lot in the first few episodes then drag on forever at the end.

Strong Woman Do Bong-soon (jTBC)

Following the popularity of another tough female lead drama “Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo”, “Strong Woman Do Bong-soon” also made a strong impression on viewers. The story surrounding a cute and petite girl with supernatural human strength, played by popular actress Park Boyoung, made for a lot of laughs and also led to some fun romantic moments with male leads ZE:A’s Hyungsik and Ji Soo. The pairing of Park Boyoung as Hyungsik’s bodyguard was a well-done flip of normal K-Drama gender roles and I am excited about more female empowerment in K-Dramaland! 

Tunnel (OCN)

After tvN’s “Signal”, I was not sure if I can find another amazing time-travelling thriller of that quality to watch. But OMG OCN is back at it again with their thriller generating machine and they delivered me with “Tunnel.” The male lead, played by the honestly still underrated talent Choi Jinhyuk, is a detective from 1986 who finds himself in 2016 after traveling through a tunnel. Discovering the case he was working on is still unsolved, he joins forces with a modern police officer played by Yoon Hyunmin and a criminal psychologist played by Lee Yooyoung. This show inspired by the Hwaseong serial murders is very good and deserved to be the major hit it was in South Korea, being the most viewed OCN drama of all time. 

While You Were Sleeping (SBS)

Suzy and Lee Jong Suk is one drama already sounds like aesthetic goals but this drama also had good writing and plot to carry itself well. With Suzy playing a journalist who can dream of future deaths and Lee Jong Suk being a prosecutor who acquires her ability after moving into her neighborhood, the two form a likable team and really took us on a roller-coaster ride of emotions. While I am not the biggest fan of Suzy’s acting in the past, she has definitely improved a lot and I think people who are avoiding the drama just because of her should really give it a try.

Whisper (SBS)

Legal dramas with strong female leads are always fun to watch, be it tvN’s “Good Wife” or SBS’s “Punch.” Another such drama is “Whisper”, which is supposedly set in the same universe as “Punch” according to some eagle-eyed fans, and it follows the alliance between Lee Bo-young’s charismatic but debt-ridden female section chief police officer and Lee Sang-yoon’s virtuous elite judge in their journey to uncover defense industry corruption at Taebaek, the nation's biggest law firm. These two top actors of course delivered great performances and Kwon Yul continues to rise on my list of second male leads to watch out for.

Honorable Mentions:

Circle (tvN): An ambitious exploration of dystopian futures by tvN featuring a talented cast including Yeo Jingoo, Kim Kangwoo, Gong Seungyeon and HIGHLIGHT’s Kikwang.

I’m Not a Robot (MBC): Yoo Seungho aka #BAE? Count me in and ready to watch all the episodes. Also, the robot thing is a newer drama trope that has lots of potential.

The Liar and His Lover (tvN): While the storyline is the expected K-Drama rom-com fare, this was a solid debut performance from Red Velvet’s Joy and damn the OSTs were great. Crude Play needs to debut as a real band real quick.

Mad Dog (KBS2): Another amazing action-packed K-Drama thriller starring the amazing actor Yoo Jitae of legendary movie “Oldboy” fame. Also, K-Drama fans need to watch out for Woo Dohwan as this young actor is very talented and has huge potential.

Suspicious Partner (SBS): The final drama of Ji Chang Wook before his enlistment, this is a feel-good rom-com with a great cast of Nam Jihyun, Choi Taejoon, and Nara.

What’s your Top 10 K-Dramas of the Year? Leave your thoughts in the comments section below and may the drama sharing begin (and the road to more excuse for holiday procrastination!)

Also, if you want to check out underrated K-Pop songs of 2017, here are the lists for idol songs, artist songs, and OSTs!

[allmymisters]

Mr. Etch-A-Sketch

When you date an artistic person, you have to accept all their sensitive sides. Some tend to be self important, moody, and flippant, but also easily intriguing and passionate. This is the tale of Mr. Etch-a-Sketch, an artist in training that began one eventful evening and ended on a tearfully rainy day.

Mister was unexpected. The ones you fall hard for always are. I was 22 and at my second attempt of my college career. VCU at that time was an art driven school and was mostly made up of outcasts and those seeking the sought after, “Liberal Arts Degree” After failing at my future Fashion degree, I didn't know what I was going to be when I grew up.  At that time I really didn’t care about anything real worldly either. All I cared about was falling in love, going to shows, and finding freedom. Wasn’t that what college was for...again?

I had just gotten out of a fauxship and Mister was just another boy I had seen at another party who I found to be interesting.  This night was no different than any other Friday night in the Fan District and this night would consist of drinking with friends at one of the three main party houses.  I would do the usual, take way too long to figure out what I was gonna wear, because black is very hard to differentiate sometimes.  I would meet up with my lady entourage, drink a beer, listen to some music, tell each other who we hoped to run into and then we would venture to a gathering to be held at one of the main party houses. We had three. These houses would form a bit of a triangle starting with the legendary Red Zero with at least 10 occupants. A place of remarkable memories and a den of Star Wars geeks. Right down the road was 411. I had no idea how many people actually lived here, but the guys were older and intellectual making them great purveyors of philosophical babble. Then there was 1208, which consisted of a slightly younger population, but had the best house shows and where all the cool indie kids hung out. Come to think about it, I never really knew who actually lived in that house at that time. We were invited by the boys of 411 for a kegger this particular night and it would be my first time attending. We all agreed to meet at Lana's apartment that night. There we would wait for three more lady friends. When I arrived, Lana asked if we would mind if her roommates joined us. I met the first one whose lanky body barely covered a half painted canvas in his bedroom. He was sweet and had really great sneakers. He listened to Tortoise as he painted his canvas with muted colors of orange and yellow. Lana's apartment was nicer than most apartments my friend's occupied. Funny enough, I stayed in the apartment downstairs one weekend a few years back. Some college students came with mom and dad's money and their apartments showed.

The front door opened suddenly with a bike tire leading and another roommate to follow. I immediately recognized him  from a house show a few months back, except he had magenta hair at the time. Nope, no Lana, I didn't mind if these dudes accompanied us at all. Not one bit. Hopefully, that thought wasn't completely displayed in some goofy form of a smile as I replied to her earlier question.

Mr. Etch was of average of height – 5’11” maybe. Shorter compared to my particular criteria. He came equipped with sketchbook and pen, a Sharpie, and a distinct voice which orated a higher pitch and slightly feminine. He dressed like most boys of the time, cords and vintage tee with a cardigan ala Mr. Cobain. His hair was right below the ears, black and loose, a soul patch adorned his chin and two rings hung from his earlobes. The cuteness factor was up high with this one, but he also had a twitchy nature about him, like he was ready for some excitement. He wasn’t like the artistic types I was accustomed to growing up with. There was no mope to him. No brood or obscurity to him. He was indeed a flirt which complimented my own quiet brooding nature.

We fell in love during a game of telephone. What was supposed to be “The monkey is in the kitchen with a banana in his ear, “ turned out to be “I’d really like to hang out with you sometime." Well played sir. Well played indeed. I fumbled this game by having to guess what was originally whispered. So, I turned to my friend and whispered in her ear, “I’m getting up to get a beer because I have no idea what was said.” Got up. Walked towards the keg and poured myself another beer. Game won.

He was quirky.  He was expressive and fun. The night of the party I went home with him and the others and ended up staying for a few days.  We talked about music, art, tv shows, movies and we smoked a lot of pot doing it. It was the kind of infatuation which happens in an instant, where you lose yourself completely. It's full of passion and throwaway sentiment. You forget what time it is or what day it is. Cell phones were non-existent so there were no distractions.  For the next few weeks, I went down an Escher staircase with him. Everyone approved of our dating status, except his guy friends I think. I took too much time away from them. I would attend his band gigs and his art shows. We would meet for coffee in the middle of the day between classes, while I was still going. He was absolutely adorable with me and I with him. You can gag now. The first week we were together he asked me to join him for a fashion party of sorts. How ironic it was in the last apartment I resided, the green porch light still present. We were asked to come in some sort of costume.  Mister decided on a bright orange basketball jersey with an ascot-like tie atop a black short sleeved button down and plain black pants.  It was quite comical and while he decided on a more humorous ensemble. I, opted for my basic color scheme of black and white. I tended not to step out of my element at that time. Little did I realize that the red lit warmth of the apartment amidst a sea of balloons would be the location of my first dose of Ecstasy. Fantasia played on loop on the TV.  “You can just take half, it will be ok,” he coaxed me.  All I kept thinking was, “Can I die from this?”  He had this smile about him. It was a smile that belonged to Loki. His brown eyes sparkled and his gaze made me feel as though I was the only other person in the room. The next thing I know, that tiny bit of a pill was in my mouth. My world was about to get a lot bigger.

Our relationship was pretty serious, I thought. As serious as a 22 year old can be about such things. We had met each other’s families.  I had practically moved in with him.  We were the couple that stayed in the bedroom for days only to utilize the bathroom and eat shells and cheese occasionally.  We listened to Philip Glass, Sonic Youth, and the Boredoms constantly. We made sure to watch the X-Files diligently and we would go on about the mysteries of the universe and pick apart the genius of David Lynch. He was entranced with all that was noise and his artwork reflected that kind of frenetic chaos. He would sketch these layered shapes with bears, faces, and random objects all embedded in this labyrinth of colored lines. It was truly meditative.

I'm a pretty adaptable person. I tend to transform to who I date. He was no exception. I went from the moroseness of being a goth girl to transforming into an Electric Kool-Aid kid. My blacks became oranges and reds and blues and my curiosity about drugs became more loose. My first raves were with him. He introduced me to a whole new world of dance and movement. Oh, how he loved to dance. His dancing was just another way to get his art out there. He would get lost on the flashing lots and strobes and then he'd find me. I don't know if it was the Molly or if we really did have this cosmic connection with each other, but it felt fantastic.

Although my introduction to the world of recreational drugs was with him, I found it only to be a short phase in my life that seemed like an ongoing adventure with his. Soon, getting high became uninspiring to me. I had done all the drugs that weren't hazardous to your immediate health --- LSD, Marijuana, Mushrooms, Molly, and Opium. I had a good time when it was an event-like circumstance. Going to art shows and parties were more interesting for sure, but there were times when it was depressing. Being on Shrooms in the woods at night when you have an intense feeling your boyfriend is over you, is not a fun-filled evening.

He lost himself in his work constantly, sometimes sketching and creating for hours ---painting, filming, photographing, writing songs. I noticed he began to distance himself from me. Our outings became less and his drug use became more predominate in the relationship. He would have conversations I didn’t get and philosophize about numbers and patterns constantly. He would snap at me in frustration and leave the house to get away from me. He started finding excuses to go to his studio or extend his band practice time and I felt as though my pining was becoming a plastic bag around his head. He then decided to go on a trip out West and when he returned all infatuation was deflated.

It's true, I was what I had feared being the most...The Clingy Girlfriend! We sat in his car as it rained. I had remembered the day we had gone out to a movie and returned home as it poured. That was a good day. We danced and laughed in it like we were kids. Now, I just stared at the rain from inside the car as I tried to ignore the fate of our relationship. 

He said I was too much for him, that he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. I could feel the burning in my chest, working it’s way up my esophagus and the lump sat in my throat. I cried, the way I always did, with begging and pleading that I could make it work. His apathy hit me hard and I knew that was it. He dropped me off at my friend's apartment and drove away. I wiped the tears and knocked on the door for what would become the consoling party --- Lot's of alcohol, pizza, and why me's.

In the next few weeks, he would call me and ask if I wanted to come over. We would ultimately have sex and then he'd gently nudge me out the door. I wasn’t emotionally secure at that time in my life, so every time I did that I had a spark of hope. I didn’t have the capacity to be apathetic in that realm. I would see him at random parties with random girls, including very good friends of mine. That stung a bit. He still had that cute mischievous smile.  He would soon find a new girlfriend. He would soon move away and it would ease my pain for a while, but we would not speak for some time after this.  I would tell myself I wasn’t good enough and that’s why he left.  I would tell myself I wasn’t ambitious enough with my school or that I wasn’t pretty enough. I had all kinds of excuses and was really a pathetic mess for a while. Years later, he would come back to Richmond and I would see him crossing the street after a show. He looked up and waved with that smile.  I knew we wouldn’t be far from each other again, but I had moved on and was in a new phase of my life. I will never forget the day I randomly saw him at the bar we used to frequent. We were catching up on each other's lives and he kept looking down at my hands. He gazed at my chipped red fingernails and said, “Mmmm….chipped red fingernail polish, I remember that.”  With a wicked smile he would say it and for just one moment I thought, “Ha, I’m still with him.”  

It took about eight months, give or take a few weeks of back and forth, for this relationship to run its course. In that time, I managed to be as clingy as the static from the dryer sheets on my socks, but I also learned that I'm worth more than I had given myself credit for. I didn't need to impress him because he was occupied with stepping out of his head. He didn't live in my world and I didn't want to be in his. He had taught me a lot about art and I used to love watching him draw. I still have all the pieces he gave to me and I look at them fondly. It reminds me of the brief moment I had with him and all his floaty thoughts he put to canvas.

He married a few years ago. I went to the wedding and saw all the friends I had during that time in my life. We danced like we used to and hugged each other while sharing memories of fun times together. We are all grown up now and in different parts of our lives and at that moment, as we laughed, I recalled all of us sitting on the floor in his room that very first night I met him. The night I began my kaleidoscope adventure with him. I glanced over at him and he was already looking at me and I smiled.  He returned it with a wink and that was my cue to depart. I said my goodbyes, understanding that I would not be seeing these ladies again for quite some time, got up and slowly walked out the door, like some fucking John Hughes movie. I realized I was no longer his muse and he was no longer part of my landscape.