#aka Slytherin skittles

[zazzander]

The Marauders were the queer jocks

The Jaculi were the queer nerds

I don't make the rules

[crescenthistory]

in one of your posts you mentioned barty giving a best man speech at r and regulus’ wedding, it’d be nice to see your take on the full speech or like a wedding oneshot? love your work btw i adore how you characterise barty

are you taking emoji anons? id love ✂️

hey there babes<333 you can absolutely be ✂️ if you want to tell me your age and pronouns i’ll add you to the list 🫶 and thank you, i love and miss barty as well

unfortunately i don’t think i’d be the person to write a full length wedding fic 🥲 it’s just not my vibe. i might write blurbs referencing it, bring it up in fics (like with the fifth and sixth wheel series) or write out some funny dialogue i think i’d see, but beyond that weddings are so intricate and personal that i’d struggle getting it in a reader insert format

however, i present to you some random thoughts:

when i write reg x reader, i always imagine barty as trying to be both reader’s man of honour and reg’s best man lol

like he would CAMPAIGN to get to be both. and he’d likely win

i fear you’d have to share him and then have one more for each that’s just yours (for slytherin!reader i picture you have dorcas and he has evan or pandora) (potentially, reg has sirius and you have remus)

barty would by far be the most chaotic in the wedding party, but i believe he brings the kind of chaos those friend groups need to get through something as hectic as a wedding

he would have the “go, go, go!” attitude and the nerve to say “shut the fuck up” when needed

and you best believe that if anyone else cause drama, he’d be at their NECK. he threatens sirius from start to end of the wedding, even though he is on his best behaviour and super happy for his baby brother (fighting with him is just instinct for barty)

most of the black family were not invited and barty places evan at the door to ensure they do NOT try to sneak their way in. if they do, well then barty gets an opportunity to let out some steam

i can picture barty taking on an almost bridezilla persona as the best man to take some of the heat and stress off of you and reggie — he is the bad guy so you don’t have to

if you do end up having some kind of meltdown over the planning, his energy would switch up sooo fast and he would be the most caring, gentle creatures, cooing and cradling you while snapping at whoever’s closest to go get reggie

as for speeches, i think barty and sirius make the two “main” speeches, while dorcas makes a small toast and pandora recites a poem

i just knowwwww barty’s speech would have people so torn between cackling with laughter and tearing up — truly, they get whiplash, every other sentence is hilarious and heartwarming

(barty is seemingly none the wiser that people have to catch their breaths from the energy changes)

“i didn’t expect junior to make me so emotional”

he has known you and reg since first year, so he tells alllllllllllll the stories; the good, the bad, the pining and the embarrassing

i don’t want to talk about sirius’ speech because he’d definitely say he was incredibly proud of regulus and happy he has found love, and i cannot take that

it wouldn’t be the biggest wedding, just the people you truly considered family; it was perfect

[percesdead]

"jesus if you're there, why do i feel alone in this room with you?" but its catholically raised barty

[tadaxii-i]

Barty "Don't you dare look at me that way" Crouch and Evan "I don't need reminders of how you don't feel the same" Rosier

[leogichidaa]

Okay, so according to the family tree (which should probably be taken with a grain of salt as it claims Cygnus Black had 3 kids when he was about 17 and had Bellatrix at 13), Bellatrix was born in 1951. Sirius was born 1959. She’s 8 years older than him, so she couldn’t have attended school with Snape and the Marauders. JKR either didn’t think about the mathematics and logic (which is very plausible) or that gang of Slytherins went through several school years so it was an extended group.

Perhaps Rodolphus is several years younger than Bellatrix? Perhaps, like Cygnus, he was a child groom. But yeah, it can't have been only a school group. Slytherin is apparently a moniker that follows one around after school, to denote that you will probably turn out evil.

[the-wxter-is-fine]

Slytherin skittles centric supernatural au (not like the tv show supernatural, just supernatural in general) where Regulus is a black witch, Evan and Pandora are Gemini Twins (like in legacies but they both somehow survived the ritual and nobody knows how) and Barty and Dorcas are hunters (you know, like specially enhanced individuals with heightened strength, speed, senses, reflexes yada yada), and the five of them work as a team with a secret department in the government that helps regulate demons and other monsters. They're sent on missions to help those civilians (aka normal folk) inconvenienced by these creatures and are by far pretty successful.

To make things sad, Black magic (aka the type of magic Regulus was taught and forced to practice since young) is a very lethal form of witchcraft. Kinda like, once you start you can't stop or it'll kill you but if you keep doing it it'll kill you anyway. It's uncertain whether Regulus will live to see the good side of 40, and to make things worse he constantly has visions of his own death (drowning ofc) and there's always this voice taunting him when he does 'die' but when he asks who it is the voice only says. 'Call me Tom.'

Okay anyway the Skittles' latest big mission just so happens to be a mansion in London, the very same one Regulus' parents used to own before a demon summoning went wrong and they died and the mansion got sold off.

And bada bing bada boom guess who the new owner is you have three guesses... AND THAT'S RIGHT FOLKS it's none other than Sirius Black, estranged brother who emancipated at 16 because he wouldn't slave his life to his parents and black magic, and who Regulus hasn't spoken to in YEARS, who felt a certain sense of responsibility to this mansion (and works a job with high-paying salary) and bought it on a whim bc honestly only he would. Cue Black brothers angst.

Oh and just to stew up drama the Marauders + Valkyries are there as well (on a holiday of sorts bc wtf it's a cool gothic mansion!). Cut to some people having their gay awakenings (*violent coughing* jEguLuS and dOrlEnE)

Now remember that demon summoning that Walburga and Orion couldn't get quite right? Yeah they were basically trying to summon Voldemort, heinous malevolent spirit from Hell, and since the process wasn't completed, Voldy's kinda stuck. So he's there (you know, haunting the Marauders and Valkyries, spooky noises, stopped clocks, rotten smells) but not there (as in, he can't actually manifest in this plane of existence and wreak havoc).

And to make things complicated at some point the government (essentially the assholes of this whole lil fic idea) are skeptical. They're scared and try numerous times to pull the Skittles off the case but they're already in too deep. It all boils down to the police getting involved and the five of them being wanted criminals even as they frantically run around to try and banish Voldy back to hell...

Anyway this was a LONG ramble and basically a horribly vague future fic idea that I may or may not write (I already HAVE a WIP goddamnit) but this just wouldn't leave my head so.. :/

[er9tic]

barty crouch jr — headcanons ( for @loonsloon ily )

i headcanon him as any eastern asian ethnicity because i can .

barty being born an only son so all the pressure falls onto him and him only .

he was a hatstall between ravenclaw and slytherin — though for my personal indulgence i do adore ravenclaw bcj .

deriving from canon descriptions , barty always did excel in academics , but particularly in subjects barty sr never cared much for . he enjoyed literature and philosophy ( do they even teach those in hogwarts ? def not lol ) , questioning the world as it is , subjects that can’t make up a soldier out of a boy . but the fact that he was quite the dorky bookworm was always hidden, cast under his need to present as careless for knowledge and schoolings because his father stressed it was meaningless compared to the tough grit a soldier should embody .

barty was initially dyslexic & was born into the world deaf . i kind of … ick at the idea of magic correcting disabilities , it’s just erasure ? so yes ! he is deaf ! and when he acquires the right auditory tools to help him hear again ( because i’m sure hearing aids exist ) , barty relies on listening to read and study for the time that he’s unable to accomodate his dyslexia . i imagine it was probably why barty sr sought him hopeless in the academia department , and why barty never confided in his father about the struggle either . ( a little bartylus headcanon — he would get regulus to read out for him until they learnt a spell that accommodated his dyslexia ) .

barty was difficult to get along with at first with the rest of the skittles group . he has a sharp tongue and keeps to himself in underlying fear of not meeting people’s expectations , so he avoids it instead . regulus however caught his eye first , because he was the image of perfection and somehow barty envied that in a sense . it’s an academic rivals to close friends to lovers sort of thing for them .

barty warmed up to pandora next , before anyone else . somehow her peculiar nature reminded him of his mother’s witchiness ( in canon lore it’s said she was a wispy looking witch , wtvr that means ) . he grows protective over her in a way a brother would , and is probably the softest with her than anyone else .

barty copped more emotional / verbal abuse than physical but when it was physical he usually grew more reserved and pushy against those who care for him — again in avoidance because what if he isn’t good enough ?

barty sr had a habit of grabbing barty’s hair at times during physical fits , so one day barty begged regulus to shave it off to a buzz so nobody could ever tug on his hair again.

barty always is known to have an ‘ugly’ resonating nature — and is naturally attractive for the way he’s quite disturbing and confronting to look at . he isn’t completely good looking but he isn’t horrible to look at either . his buzzed hair and intentionally pierced ears , his split tongue ( because he can and will ) , all those bold elements of his making up contrast the perfection appearances of his lovers ( aka regulus being the image of perfection, evan being a beautiful looking boy i’ll speak more on it in another post ).

barty develops a phobia of magic when he breaks out of the imperious curse . in a canon divergence au where sad sad voldy dies or temporarily disappears until he reappears later in golden era , he probably disappears to the muggle world to live out his days and cope with an environment free of magic that can control him. he despises being around the essence of magic, feeling it bend the laws of existence , just as his father did him.

however barty coming back as moody and taking control of his body probably is his way of coping with the trauma his father inflicted on him by using the imperius curse ( yeah it probably takes place after he’s caught being a DE but i’m sure it wasn’t sr’s first time using it on him ) . if he can control someone else’s body freely , he doesn’t have to feel like he can’t control his own at times .

the imperius curse probably had dissociative impacts on him where barty , after his father dies , struggles with discerning between past and present . he’ll look at his hands and question if he’s the one in control or not , or feel outside - of - body experiences where his own body is a mere vessel or carcass .

he struggles to understand regulus at first because he learns of his silence in conditions he clearly is unhappy about . it reminds him of his mother in a sense who watched her husband do wrong , inflict harm to her and her son and yet never did anything about it . possibly why he holds an ounce of resentment or a grudge to regulus before he softens up and opens his mind .

i’m sleepy and i can’t think of anything else so enjoy xx

[epimetheusswrites]

⚠️MARAUDERS FANS⚠️

we've had the Marauders, we've had the Valkyries, we've had the Slytherin Skittles, now i present...

✨THE PERFUME POSSE✨

(aka the IT blondes of ravenclaw tower + our boy peter)

People: Peter Pettigrew, Gilderoy Lockhart, Rita Skeeter, Emmeline Vance, Xenophilius Lovegood, Pandora Rosier

Lore: Based on the Gilderat ship, the Perfume Posse consists of the IT BLONDES of Ravenclaw tower. Rita Skeeter started a school newspaper for Hogwarts called The Acid Zine: An A-Z on all of Hogwart's gossip. Gilderoy is her top editor and Ravenclaw liaison. He eventually teams up with Peter who, due to his ability to turn into a rat, is excellent at secretly getting gossip from all around the school. Xeno and Pandora are good friends with the others and constantly have to listen to Gilderoy complaining about Peter (they are definitely in love). Emmeline thinks they're all a little silly, but she rooms with Rita and Pandora, so eventually ends up befriending all of them. They are the bitchy gossips who have the entirety of Hogwarts wrapped around their finger because who is gonna mess with the people who could expose your greatest secrets? The Perfume Posse naturally get their name from the Gilderat lore, where Gilderoy becomes well known for smelling amazing. All of the perfume posse have their own signature scent, the brand of which is their closest guarded secret.

[equalmindz]

i am wanting some information! no arguments! :)

hey so i’m relatively new to the fandom- like in general. i’m twenty-three and let me explain because i have QUESTIONS

- i only WATCHED harry potter for the first time in May of 2024. i have not read the books, i plan too this year

- i started out reading a draco x hermione fic called the disappearance of draco malloy. which i thought was quite good, but i kinda took space from this area of the fandom because of the popularity and sensation that was manacled, mainly because it discusses topics of sexual assault and in my opinion seems to romanticized it, so i took a step back and moved to marauders. (i am a survivor of SA and this is just highly triggering to me)

- i then read ATYD, which was my first marauders fandom book, and i wanted to learn more about it because it was something i’d heard about from the outside, but never looked into in depth. i really enjoyed it, fell in love with wolfstar of course, and i did enjoy jily.

- i then read COPTP, which i am approximately 77% the way through. it is a beast of a thing, but i am enjoying it more than ATYD. mainly because it’s less sad and tied to our world and the OC’s are great. one thing that did strike me as odd before i started reading it was people on here saying they couldn’t enjoy it or want to read it now because there’s jily?? now of course i know about jegulus, and all the hype around it. for me this ship feels like it’s for people who wanted prongsfoot to happen but wolfstar is well wolfstar and so jegulus is kind of in place to satisfy this within the fandom?? (again, this is my OPINION)

- two days ago i then posted my first wolfstar fic. and i’ve been scrolling on tumblr more- and just being more active in the fandom through here. now i’ve noticed some things

there seems to be this weird contention between like old vs new people in the fandom, or people who ship jegulus and jily, and beyond you know regulus shipping i’m kind of wondering why? like genuinely in trying to learn more about the fandom i wanna know peoples opinion on regulus and his character— same with the slytherin skittles. i’ve seen a couple of posts where people are upset about regulus characterizations because of how it is far from canon. but couldn’t this be argued for draco? or snape?? basically i am just wanting someone to explain (someone with actual media literacy- in a kind discussion, nothing crazy) their opinions on the subject. again, i’ve never read the books and i’m fairly new to the fandom so take what i’m saying with a grain of salt.

so yeah! feel free to pm me because i’m kind of curious about like the parts of the fandom! also because i’m a writer i’m not really wanting to write about something (aka jegulus vs jily) without fully knowing all the information. please be kind too :)

[pqdfootsmoon]

my marauders playlists

the marauders

remus lupin

regulus black

lily evans

james potter type sadness

sirius depression

black brothers

the royals (aka the slytherin skittles)

wolfstar

jegulus but it's all over the place

jily

dorlene

nobleflower - my favorite playlist loykey

james & sirius - but like presque vu type prongsfoot (so lokey toxic and not 100 percent platonic)

crimson rivers

art heist, baby!

feel free to listen and save any one them (please)

i have a lot more playlists on my account, such as percy jackson and other fandoms so feel free to check those out as well :)

[starving-marauder-lover]

what are the marauders ?

like i can't figure out what they are even tho ive searched it up and im genuinely interested

okkk so the marauders is harry potters dead dad and his friends (aka james potter, remus lupin, sirius black, and peter pettigrew)

jk rowling basically gave them no personality so a lot of people wrote fan fiction on them.

there’s also other groups like the valkyrie’s and the slytherin skittles. the valkyries are mary macdonald, dorcas medowes, marlene mckinnon, and lily evan’s. in the slytherin skittles there’s barty crouch jr, evan rosier, pandora lovegood, and regulus black.

jk basically wrote nothing about them or made them really boring, so we made them all gay to piss her off. some of these people were only mentioned once or twice in canon, so they’re are a lot of different personalities these characters can have in the fics.

[crescenthistory]

the only time i’ll accept evan reg and barty as a “trio” in the skittles is if we’re shipping rosestarkiller — any other time best BELIEVE they were all equally good friends. reg and dora are a duo of sorts, but so are barty and dorcas and so are obvi evan and pandora and so are reg and barty and so are-

[idkjustlemmedrownlikerab]

So....@marsmarauders and I spent a whole while dissecting Louis Tomlinson's discography and associating all his songs with the marauders and here is the list!!

(If u don't already listen to him plz do he's such a great artist!! Also one of my fav fanfics is named after his song only the brave too)

Kill My Mind is Rosekiller

Don’t Let It Break Your Heart is Remus after Sirius went to Azkaban

Two Of Us is black brothers (from Sirius' pov after Regulus' death)

We Made It is wolfstar after they reunite 12 years later when Sirius escapes Azkaban

Too Young is jegulus

Walls is Remus (mainly post first wizarding war)

Habit is jegulus

Always You is wolfstar

Fearless is black brothers (from Sirius' pov)

Perfect Now is jegulus (from James' pov)

Defenceless is wolfstar (specifically during the first wizarding war when they both thought the other was the spy)

Only the Brave is the Slytherin trio aka Barty, Evan and Regulus

Change is all the characters in the marauders era

Copy of a copy of a copy is Regulus

Just like you is Barty

Just hold on is marylily (from Lily's pov)

Miss you is jegulus (from James' pov)

Back to you is rosekiller

The Greatest is rosekiller

Written all over your face is jegulus (from James' pov)

Bigger than me is James growing up

Lucky again is jegulus (from Regulus' pov)

Face the music is all the characters in the marauders era

All this time is jegulus talking about their relationship and respective friend circles (Um excuse me?? The bridge??)

Chicago is jegulus ( post break up from James' pov)

Common people is the core four marauders

Out of my system is rosekiller

Angels fly is wolfstar just after poa

Saturdays is Remus post war

Headline is bartylus

Silver Tongues is the Slytherin skittles (but especially from Barty's pov)

She is beauty, we are world class is marylily (especially at a Gryffindor party)

Holding onto Heartache is jegulus (post break up from Regulus' pov)

That's the way love goes is jegulus (from James' pov specifically when he starts moving on and falling for Lily again)

[t1oui]

hcs that the marauders & the valkyries & the slytherin skittles are all best friends and also gay as hell.

james is the first of the marauders to come out, he's pansexual

his first crush is on lily, who he loudly proclaims his love to. she immediately turns him down on the grounds of 1) being lesbian and 2) being 11 and they become best friends instead

meanwhile in the skittles they sort of all come out at the same time. like they all become friends and then are like hey wait we're all gay

dorcas is lesbian, regulus is gay, pandora is pansexual, barty and evan are both bi & evan is ace

meanwhile, marlene is lesbian, mary and remus are bi, peter is aroace, and sirius cannot be bothered to label himself past "moony is pretty and girls occasionally are too"

eventually the groups begin to mingle both through quidditch and various crushes

aka marlene sees dorcas looking bored out of her mind while watching a gryffindor v slytherin quidditch match and falls in love

(she then gets hit in the face with a bludger and is in the hospital wing for a week)

eventually lily also starts crushing on pandora and james starts crushing on regulus

lily and pandora get together first because they, unlike their friends, are normal about having feelings

eventually mary also starts dating them because hell yeah polyamory

they go on cute dates in hogsmeade and spy on their friends :)

james and regulus get together next, everyone knows james loves very loudly and with all that sunshine focused on him, there was no way reg could last

james, lily, and mary are fed up with marlene pining after dorcas and they get regulus and pandora to help them set the girls up

(as it turns out, dorcas is confident until she's faced with a pretty girl with no boundaries)

of course there's also wolfstar and rosekiller

rosekiller has probably been together this whole time (nobody knows when they started dating, including them) but remus and sirius are painfully oblivious so they don't get together until 7th year and then they seem to be kissing 24/7

("ew," james said, looking up from where he was cuddling regulus in the middle of the great hall)

oh yeah and there's no voldemort in this universe. the only angst comes from the occasional black family nonsense

i just realized i haven't mentioned alice and frank yet so here they are:

they're a few years older than the marauders/valkyries/skittles

james totally had a crush on frank and lily had a crush on alice (another thing they bonded over)

regulus and alice are best friends because alice and narcissa are dating

bellatrix is still kind of insane but in a fun way (idk how to write her as a sane person 💀)

andromeda is the big sister of the skittles, and once the skittles start hanging out with the gryffindors, she becomes their big sister too

walburga and orion still suck. there is just far less angst regarding them.

sirius still runs away first because he and regulus don't get along super well yet. not so much because of houses or family, though those are contributors, but also because they're just very different people. regulus ends up moving in with narcissa and alice and is living his best life

they all go off into the world as best friends and do not die young or in pain or scared and instead live fun lives with each other in a peaceful world, as they were supposed to :)

i will probably write this, at the very least some oneshots for it because AAAA

[inlovewithmyhyperfixations]

ok so i really wanna get into marauders fandom but idk how you get all the info abt the characters? bc ive like NEVER heard of some of them before. idk if that makes sense but could you help me out?

OH THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING ME I LOVE TALKING ABT THEM.

basically, when I joined, I knew about the marauders (Peter, James, Sirius, and Remus + lily) but never really much about anyone else.

I got all my marauders things from Pinterest, but I think if you just send asks in people's ask boxes, maybe you'll find answers?

here's MY overveiw (+ some headcanons):

Marauders:

James: desi, has adhd, the deer and sirius' best friend. Parents are Effie and Monty (ephemia and fleamont), the sunshine one who's secretly very depressed, AKA: prongs, pansexual

Sirius: the dog, MAJOR family trauma, SO PALE, ran to james' house when he was 16, the rebellious child, always in a leather jacket, AKA: padfoot or pads, has hemophilia, bisexual

Remus: the werewolf, Welsh, tan, VERY TALL, has executive functioning disorder, studies very hard and isn't naturally smart like most people think he is, gayyy

Peter: the rat, he's extremely protective of his friends and will hurt anyone who messes with them, amazing baker, has amazing prank ideas, everyone thinks he's the odd one out but he's not, panromatic and asexual

The Valriykins (that's not how you spell it but I'm a bad speller):

Lily: Scottish, needs academic validation to survive, lesbian, will destroy anyone who hurts her friends

Mary: black (mixed), in love with lily, amazing cook, (I don't rlly have that many hcs for her sadly)

Marlene: Her and Sirius are besties, the blonde haired rockstar girlfriend lesbian basically, amazing at makeup, has sooo many pins on her leather jacket, will do sirius' makeup, desi

Slytherin Skittles:

Barty: italian, dyed the front strands of his hair green cause he overheard Evan saying he liked people with dyed hair, a little insane, gayyy

Evan: Melanesian, twin named pandora, trans ftm, (don't have many headcanons for him either :/)

Dorcas: lesbiannn, black, will beat up anyone who hurts her friends, in love with Marlene, always has beads and things in her braids (no more headcanons for her either :(()

Regulus: GAY, has hemophilia, insomniac, front strands of his hair are white (born w/them), trans ftm

Pandora: Melanesian, can see visions in sleep (people's deaths, stuff like that) so she doesn't sleep, but that causes the visions to come during the day, makes crazy potions for fun, adhd, very clumsy but very sweet, panromatic and asexual, has pastel beads in her braids

ANYWAYS I HOPE THAT I SOMEHOW HELPED

:333

(and very sorry if I didn't :(()

[florsial]

Slytherin Skittles (aka Hogwarts' Pantheon) Incorrect quotes!

(+others)

. . . . .

Evan: We’ve been conducting an ongoing study to see what Barty will and will not eat. Pandora: Grass? Yes! Evan: Moss? Yes!! Pandora: Leaves? Ohh, yes! Evan: Shoelaces? Strange but true! Pandora: Worms? Sometimes! Evan: Rocks? Usually nah. Pandora: Twigs? Usually! Evan: Dorcas's cooking? Inconclusive! Regulus: How did you… test this? Evan: You just hand them stuff and say ‘eat this’ and if they eat it, they eat it. Regulus: ... I don’t know how to feel about this. Dorcas: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?

. . . .

Regulus: Where's Evan, Dorcas, and Pandora?

Barty: They're playing hide and seek. Regulus: Where? Barty: I don't think you get how this game works.

. . . .

Pandora: Regulus's first detention, I'm so proud. Evan: Whoa, back up. Why did they get detention? Dorcas: Because they're an idiot. Barty, terrified: They can do that??

. . . .

Regulus: I swear to god I'm the only one here with a braincell. Evan and Barty: ALL HAIL the keeper of the sacred braincell!

. . . .

Regulus: What did you guys get in your yearbook? Dorcas: 'Prettiest Smile' Pandora: 'Nicest Personality' Barty: 'Most likely to start a bar fight' Evan: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

. . . .

Regulus: You're a lying piece of shit! Barty: Oh yeah? You're the idiot that thinks you can get away with everything you do, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD! Evan: I'm leaving and I'm taking Pandora with me! Dorcas, gathering cards: Aaaaand that's enough Monopoly for today.

. . . .

Pandora: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me? Dorcas: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it. Barty: Three of us saw it, Dorcas. How do you explain that? Dorcas: *points at Evan* Sleep deprivation. *points at Regulus* Paranoia. *points at Barty* Delusional personality disorder.

. . . .

Pandora: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast? Dorcas: Several traffic violations. Evan: Three counts of resisting arrest. Barty: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks. Regulus: Also, that’s not our car.

. . . .

Barty: How do you connect with a fictional character? Evan: What? Dorcas: What? Pandora: What? Regulus: *pulls up a 500 slide presentation* I'm glad you asked.

. . . .

Regulus: Ah, yes. Here we have a beautiful couple... Pandora: I really care about your feelings! Lily: I really care about YOUR feelings! Regulus, turning their head: ...and then there's the disaster couple... Barty: YOU NEED TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME INSTEAD OF BEING AT THE HOSPITAL! Evan: I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME AT THE HOSPITAL IF YOU STOPPED INSISTING ON FIGHTING EVERYONE WHO COMES WITHIN A FIVE FOOT RADIUS OF YOU!

. . . .

James: What did you get Regulus for their birthday? Pandora: I got them a kitten. Barty: Really? Me too! Dorcas: I also got them a cat. Evan: Looks like we had the same idea. Pandora: James, please tell me you didn't get Regulus a cat as well! James: ...I got them a kitten. *later* Regulus, in their apartment surrounded by cats and kittens: This is the best birthday ever!

. . . .

Pandora: What do rainbows mean to you? Barty: Gay rights. Dorcas: There's money. Evan: The sign of God's promise to never destroy the whole Earth with a flood. Regulus: It is an optical phenomenon that separates sunlight into its continuous spectrum when the sun shines on raindrops.

. . . .

Regulus: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses. Barty: This knife is actually a magic wand. Evan: Meet me in the Denny's parking lot for a wizard duel. Pandora: * cocks gun* Magic missile. Dorcas: What the fuck is wrong with you people.