#again i feel bad about it morally but i would also feel bad sharing something that turned out to be a scam as that has happened before

[rosesradio]

i wish i could set my inbox to only get asks from people following me…

[glitteryinknotes]

There is a level of deep, bitterly poetic and cruel irony in Astarion's death and his eventual fate as a vampire spawn. Laughable, even. Lamentable.

Where do I even begin. I once posted here my thoughts on who Astarion was before Cazador took him; and all my thoughts were based on what we can assume to be canon from scraps on information in - game and interviews with Neil. That Astarion Ancunin who was laid into the ground at Baldur's Gate cementary was a corrupt magistrate, a shining example of power abuse, indulgence, hedony, existence in privilege without any service to the world around.

We also know for a fact that Astarion is not a good person in a moral sense. Again, Neil Newbon himself talked about it. He has capability to grow, mature, open himself up, soak in the positive influence and feel for others, but he never will be the default upstanding type. That is simply not at his core.

This is why (I am aware we're talking a fictional character, headcanon is free to all in whichever way they think it suits and pleases them) I cannot for the world believe in all the fanfiction based on the notion of the tragic, tortured soul unjustly attacked and turned into a vampire, because to me - it misses the entire depth and essence of Astarion's personality and arc. He was not a "worthy" persona before Cazador; in fact, the beating he got from the Gur was well - deserved and the near - death experience... Probably so as well. Maybe if anything, this would open his eyes and force him to reflect at least a bit on his choices in the position he was occupying. (But given that he mentions begging Cazador to turn him to be able to take revenge, I highly doubt that.) So yeah... The man got what was coming to him. He deserved it.

But what he got in the end once Cazador allowed him to drink his blood and had him in his hold? Two hundred years of misery and abuse beyond description, being completely stripped of any identity and personhood? No one deserves that. Such fate should not be thrust upon anyone. Ever.

It is the cruellest, most wicked twist of fate that it took that kind of ordeal to change a corrupt little elf's view of the world and force him to even acknowledge the existence of evil deeds and abuse of power - something I am quite sure he never gave any thought to before. It took being transformed into an utterly helpless victim to make him truly see that there is good and bad and perpetuating the bad leads to pain and misery for the innocents (and you can never be sure if not for you as well), and only then, at his most pathetic, most vulnerable, after centuries of torment, it took meeting, trusting, admiring, being grateful to, befriending / loving and being influenced by a genuinely good and kind person (probably the exact opposite of who he was before) to shake and cause some shift in his inner moral compass, or rather the way he was choosing to use it. The full circle, a poignant, unwilling journey from the one abusing power, to the enslaved puppet of someone with considerably more power abusing it in the most inhuman ways possible, and this time to his own woe, to the one person able to break the abusive cycle given the right influence.

Isn't that simply poetic in the most sickly sense? A tragicomedy, if you will.

Forget about Astarion Ancunin. The grave was good for lovemaking and sharing an important moment, but whoever was laid there was not anyone worthy of your time (just like "Ascended Astarion" )The one who stands by your side now is. Your Astarion. The new Astarion, the same "lovable rogue" with a taste for theatrics, drama, debauchery, beauty, murder mayhem and loose morality, but - a better person all the same.

[follow up post here

https://www.tumblr.com/glitteryinknotes/733162725841289216/a-little-follow-up-to-my-previous-post?source=share]

[v0rpalsword]

On Calling Out Antisemitism... in the Crossword

So I like to do crosswords. It's fun, sometimes I learn random facts, it exercises my brain, and that jolt of satisfaction when I figure out the gimmick brightens my day. I usually do it on the Washington Post, which is the same as the LA Times, mainly because it's free (though these days I pay for the WP in large part because I like Alexandra Petri's pieces, but I digress.)

So there I am, working on the Sunday crossword at work on a quiet Monday morning, and the clue is "sanctimonious sort." Could be many things, I skip it and continue. Slowly, as I get some of the crosses, I say to myself, "surely this isn't going to be 'pharisee'. I'm gonna be so mad if the answer is 'pharisee.'"

The answer was Pharisee.

If you don't know why that's a problem, in brief: The Pharisees were the precursors to modern Rabbinic Judaism, and that word has been used by those enacting violence upon us for centuries-- throughout blood libels, Inquisition, crusades, expulsions, etc. When "pharisee" means "sanctimonious, hypocritical, self-righteous, etc." and "pharisee" also means "Jew" even of the historic variety, it tends to be extremely bad news for the actual living Jews of whatever era it is.

So I wrote the editors of the LA Times and the Washington Post, and I said so. I told them about the history of the term. I told them that at a time when antisemitism across the United States is rising alarmingly, it is, at best, deeply irresponsible of the newspapers to allow this insidious conflation of Judaism with moral corruption and hypocrisy to appear in what ought to be a light-hearted game.

And you know what? I got a response from the LA Times within hours apologizing for the harm and saying they'd reached out to the crossword writing company to discuss it. I got a response from the acquisitions editor, who had spoken with the crossword editor, conveying their sincere apologies, saying that they were unaware of the antisemitic implications of the term, and they would never intentionally cause harm. They thanked me for bringing it to their attention, and also thanked me for my suggestion of an alternate clue ("Contemporary of Jesus").

We on Jumblr and in the Jewish community offline have spent so much time talking our throats hoarse and our typing fingers sore about the harms of antisemitism, especially since October 7. I know many of us are feeling frustrated, burnt out, and hopeless. We start to wonder what the point is, when none of it seems to be making a dent. I almost didn't send that email. I almost let it go. I let myself be distracted by work, forgot about it for a week or so until something reminded me and I got angry all over again, and then I sent off an email that I expected to be buried in the inbox to maybe get a response in a month or so, because even if it never got read, at least I knew I had written it. But it did get read, and it got shared with the relevant people, and they cared.

Sometimes people listen. Sometimes they learn. Sometimes, all it takes is one person saying "hey, this hurt me."

I'm taking the win today.

[m00nlight-ramblings]

Before the Happiness

After developing feelings for Astarion, it becomes clear to you that this is uncharted territory...and not just for you.

Pairings: Astarion x female Tav

Warnings: smut, fluff, angst, dual pov. MINORS DNI, 18+

Word Count: 4.4k

Requested: yes

A/N: Graphic made by me, I do not give permission to share it without asking.

The conversation and laughter around you had lulled to a dull roar as the night sky darkened. Sitting diagonal from Astarion at the campfire, you watched his lips move, almost in slow motion. You couldn’t focus on anything else – the rest of the party were conversing over bottles of wine that you all had found earlier in an abandoned village’s pub. Deciding to stay in the same campsite for two days as an extended rest, Karlach and Gale had the big idea of taking it easy and getting drunk – “to relax, and build morale!” Karlach had claimed.

Too bad you couldn’t take your eyes off of the fair-haired vampire across from you.

What started as an innocent crush – who could blame you, with Astarion being so cocky, and so charming, and so handsome? – quickly turned into something more. Now, you were unfortunately dealing with what you were sure was an unrequited love on one of Faerun’s biggest lady killers.

Figuratively, and literally.

“What say you, Tav?” Wyll asked, elbowing you gently. Snapping you back to reality, you immediately brought your goblet of wine up to your lips to buy yourself some time.

“Sorry, what?” You asked Wyll, keeping your gaze on your goblet. You felt a blush creeping to your lips…hopefully, no one had noticed your total focus on Astarion.

“Gale here was just saying that he could easily have taken on that hoard of goblins we came across this morning by himself!” Wyll chuckled, nodding towards Gale, “Him! Against 20 goblins himself! I say bullshit.”

“Now, now,” Gale interrupted, readying to defend himself, “I said if I had the proper time to prepare my spells correctly, I could easily fight against them-”

“Well, of course, if you had time to properly prepare for battle, you are more able to fight,” Shadowheart retorted, rolling her eyes, “But that’s not the point of battle.”

“Well…” You started as the party erupted into conversations about the designs of battle. As mini discussions started, you swept your eyes across the rest of the party, all who were animatedly debating whether they were for or against Gale’s point.

All, except for Astarion.

Once your eyes met his, you were locked on. He was absentmindedly swirling the wine in his goblet, his eyes unwavering against yours. Face completely unreadable, he caused heat to rise in you. You looked away quickly, only to check again to see if he was still looking at you.

He was.

You felt panic start in your fingertips as you gulped down the rest of your wine and immediately put your goblet down next to you. Standing, you wiped your hands on your pants.

“I’m going for a walk – I need some air.” You announced to no one (as they were still engulfed in their can-Gale-fight-20-goblins discussion). Without hesitation, you made your way to the creek a little bit beyond your campsite. Through the trees, the only noise was the fading of voices and the snapping of twigs beneath your camp boots. Finally reaching the creek, you were able to breathe out a sigh of relief, leaning against the nearest tree.

Your infatuation with Astarion was a point of panic for you – having never been in love (nor never had a partner before), you found yourself in undiscovered territory. You spent your whole life training as a fighter, not a girlfriend. So of course, the irony of it all would be that your first love would be a man who had so much experience, he would make the employees at Sharess’ Caress blush. He also happened to be a man that, though kind enough, wasn’t exactly a buddy. Astarion wouldn’t be the first person you’d reach out to in times of trouble at camp, no matter how much you wanted to. You and Astarion hadn’t had any talks where you were able to divulge your backstories – the only thing you knew about him was that he was a vampire, and his past with Cazador, really.

Oh, and that he was really, absurdly sexy.

You had only hoped that the others around you – especially Astarion – didn’t notice the extra time you spent staring at his face when you hoped no one was watching. Or the fact that your laugh was the loudest when he told funny stories around the campfire. Or that when travelling, you often found yourself walking near him.

“Are you alright?” A voice asked, forcing your eyes to pop open. You whipped around from the tree, finding Astarion step out from behind the forest. A friendly smile played on his lips, putting your thundering heart at ease slightly.

“Oh…yes, I’m fine. Thank you…I think I’ve had too much wine.” You said, quickly making up an excuse, “I guess my body has forgotten how to drink since we started this journey…since…we haven’t really had any wine…since…we started journeying.”

Smooth.

Astarion let out a chuckle, meeting you at the tree you were leaning against. “Ah yes, that makes…sense.” He paused the same way you had. You locked eyes and he broke out in a smile, and you realized he was teasing you. Your heart sped.

“You know what I mean…” You grumbled, kicking a rock in front of you and blushing.

“Yes, yes. I certainly do,” He paused for a moment, looking out at the creek. He didn’t speak, and you were suddenly aware of how loud the running of the water was. “I was worried about you when you ran off so suddenly. I was hoping you weren’t feeling ill.”

“Oh! Oh, no, I’m fine,” You felt flustered – Astarion? Worried about you? “Thank you, though…for checking on me.”

His eyes flickered down to your lips for a split second before returning to your eyes. For a moment, his eyes seemed to change…were they darker somehow? But he blinked, and they returned to his normal ruby red. He raised his eyebrows and he nodded, gracefully slipping his hands into his pants pockets. “You are welcome.”

“I’m feeling better, if you wanted to walk back to the campfire…with me?” You asked hesitantly. Gods, he was just a man! He wasn’t some sort of monstrous creature…so why did he make you so nervous?

Smiling, Astarion raised his arm as if to say, lead the way, “After you.”

You nodded and walked past him, ready to shake off your nerves. You committed to yourself to go back to the campfire and not look at Astarion once. You needed to be objective about your feelings towards him, no matter how strong they were. After all, you all had a mission to complete, and falling in love would simply get in the way. Leave your thoughts of Astarion when you were alone in your bed, drifting off to sleep – not when you were needed to be present.

Suddenly, Astarion gently grabbed your wrist. His fingers were ice cold as you expected, but it still sent a shiver down your spine. “I want to say something to you.” He started. You felt a lump in your throat, unable to speak. You simply nodded, your nerves making you unable to look at him.

“I have noticed that you and I haven’t been able to…get to know each other as much as the others,” His voice, barely above a whisper, was confident and sultry. “I would like that to change. I do enjoy your company very much. And after all, who knows how long we will be spending with each other until we can reclaim our minds from these wretched tadpoles, no?”

You swallowed and nodded, turning to look at him. His eyes glittered, mischievously. His signatured smirk was on his face as he slowly let go of your wrist. Somehow, his icy fingers left your skin burning.

“I would like that,” You eventually say, over the pounding of your heartbeat in your ears, “I also enjoy your…” Gulp. “Company.”

“Wonderful,” Astarion said. “Well, now that that’s settled, let’s get back to camp, shall we?” And even though he originally had you lead the way, he started off to camp first, leaving you a few steps behind.

Not that you minded…you obviously had to use this time to collect your thoughts.

Astarion wasn’t quite sure what had come over him at the party’s get-together the previous evening, but once he had seen you (very obviously) fixating on him from across the fire, something in him snapped.

Sure, he had noticed you immediately when he had joined the party – your kind eyes, and beautiful hair. Not to mention your lyrical laugh, and curvy body…the same one where, the mere thought of could keep him up all night…

It was safe to say he had developed strong feelings for you, so Astarion decided to do what he did best – keep a safe distance, and play it cool. There was no way romance and love and feelings would be a good idea in any sense.

Especially when he knew that your feelings were probably just lust.

Love was something so far from Astarion’s lexicon, he couldn’t even remember the last time he felt it. No one could ever love him – not after everything he had done, or even because of who he was. Worthless, disgusting, abysmal…there weren’t enough words to describe Astarion’s shortcomings.

Astarion was very aware of what many others thought of him – his only redeeming quality to the world was his looks, so the idea that people only wanted to fuck and leave was not a new concept. Though he couldn’t necessarily get himself into that particular situation all that much while under Cazador (though he somehow was able to sneak away for an hour or two while completing a mission), he saw how people looked at him on this journey.

It would’ve been flattering to him if he didn’t hate himself so much.

So the idea that your feelings – which were always written all over your face – could be any more than a fantasy of bedding him, was preposterous. Up until now, Astarion would be able to push that aside for a night or two in order to satiate his (and your) need to get off, but something inside him told him that his feelings would get in the way. His fantasies about you weren’t just sexual…sometimes, his mind wandered to holding you in his arms, or simply eating a meal with you by the campfire.

Or even worse…a future with you. One that didn’t include tadpoles and battles, but of sleeping in a fluffy bed with you on a Sunday morning; of going to the town market together to complete your errands, and of owning a cat with you.

Which, truth be told, scared him more than anything.

So when he found himself following you to the creek after you had left the campfire that evening without even thinking about it, he knew he was in trouble. Gone was any sense in his brain; instead, he knew his heart was taking over, and for whatever reason, he decided to go along with it. Maybe it was because his feelings were too strong, or that he couldn’t help himself, but he knew he needed to finally be around you more.

Even if that meant you wanted nothing more than a dirty fuck.

A few days after the night at the campfire (and - surprise, surprise - another night of drinking the following evening), you found yourself once again headed towards Baldur's Gate, party and belongings in tow. Since then, you and Astarion had fallen into your familiar rhythm of what seemed like standoffishness, but now with more smiles and pleasantries peppered in. Which, was more than okay with you, since the very idea of Astarion becoming close seemed to scare you.

However, your heart couldn't help but flutter when the surprisingly flirty remark Astarion made was thrown your way. So much so that you didn't mind the curious glances from Lae'zel, or Gale.

"C'mon, you have to tell us!" Karlach pleaded while on the road, her voice a hoarse whisper as to not draw attention, "What is going on between you and Astarion?! Don't think I didn't notice, soldier...him running after you the other night? And now he's flirting with you...complimenting you?! The others may not be noticing all that much, but I certainly am!"

You laughed nervously and swatted your hand in the air as if to say, it's nothing! "Oh, you know Astarion. He flirts with everyone!"

"Yeah, but this is the first time he's flirting with you," Karlach retorted. "Which, took long enough since Gods, you're hot! But, don't think I haven't noticed the change in attitude between you two."

A blush crept to your face as you felt yourself unable to look away from the back of Astarion's head, who was walking a few paces ahead of you, discussing something with Halsin very intently. Your mind wandered to other things as your eyes scanned his body...his back, his behind...how both of them would look naked.

"Alright, I'm leaving you to whatever weird fantasy is currently going on in that brain of yours, okay?" Karlach finally said, pulling you out of your daydream. She playfully shoved your shoulder and walked faster, stepping in line with Shadowheart at the front of the pack. As she passed, Astarion slowly turned his head to look at you, Halsin still blabbering away in his ear. Your heart leapt to your throat as you locked eyes with him.

He had definitely heard.

The night had fallen silently, the only noise in camp being crickets chirping away. The oil lamp in your tent flickered as you pulled the blanket on your bed closer to your body. The book you were reading was propped up in your lap, and you reveled in the peace of the evening - retiring to your tent early, you heard exactly when everyone else had gone to sleep. Sure, you probably should have been sleeping already since Wyll insisted on an early morning start, but you wanted to enjoy your book for just a few more moments.

Suddenly, a rustling came from the front of your tent, the sound of someone announcing themselves.

"It's me," Astarion's voice called, "Are you decent?"

"Um-" You threw the book closed and swept the blanket off of you in a panic, though there was literally nothing to panic about. Rising from the bed quickly, you started to pace your tent, "Yes. Come in."

The flap to your tent was quickly undid and thrust open. Astarion strode in and redid the flap with ease. He looked down, and once he realized you had enchanted your tent with a wooden floor, slipped off his camp shoes. When he looked back up at you, he smiled.

"Good evening, darling."

"Good evening." You said, holding your hands behind your back. You plastered a smile on your face, trying to suppress the urge to smooth your hair. A moment of silence passed by before you snapped into action, "Would you like to sit?" You asked, motioning to your bed.

"Ah, yes. Thank you." Astarion said awkwardly, moving towards the bed. He sat at the far corner, causing you to sit at the opposite side.

How funny...with how badly you wanted to jump his bones, you'd think you wouldn't be on basically the other side of the world.

"Well, darling, I just came here tonight to...see how you were doing?" Astarion started, looking at you. You couldn't help but smile as he leaned back on the footpost of your bed.

"How I'm doing?" You clarified.

He nodded, "Yes, as friends do. That's what we're working towards," He paused, his eyes flickering down your body. Then, his eyes did the thing - darkened slightly, causing an indescribable look to cross his face.

Suddenly, you recognized that it wasn't an indescribable look.

It was lust.

"Friends, correct? That's what we're looking for." He finally finished, meeting your eyes again. This time, his eyes stayed dark, running his tongue quickly over his lips to moisten them.

You heart began to thud and you shifted in your nightclothes, arousal springing in your belly. Just Astarion's look alone and you were suddenly putty in his hands.

"Y-yes. Friends...that's what we are." You quietly confirmed. Feeling bold - you couldn't believe that Astarion was feeling lustful towards you! Could it be a mistake? - you scooted a bit closer and leaned in slightly, "Unless you had...other plans."

Astarion smirked and cocked and eyebrow, mirroring your body language by scooting closer. "Darling...are you coming on to me?" His voice was low, floating to your ears. You began to feel warm, a bit of sweat pooling on your brow. "If so...well, that changes everything."

"Does it now?" You murmured, staring at his lips. Your boldness surprised you - you were surprised that the first time you took a chance with Astarion was working in your favor.

Not that you were complaining.

As your heart started to beat faster, Astarion slid closer to you, closing the gap between your bodies. His hand slowly snaked up your side, his pointer finger lightly tracing your thigh. He moved in, his lips mere inches from yours.

"Say the word", He said, his voice ringing in your ears, "And tonight, I'm yours. But I will not continue unless you say it."

Your belly pooled with heat, and you couldn't contain yourself, no matter how nervous you were, "Then be mine tonight."

At once Astarion was on top of you, his lips pressed against yours. Spreading his legs so that yours were in between his, he pressed himself down on your body, his erection already prominent. You moaned into the kiss, causing him to deepen it.

"Astarion," You breathed as he pulled away slightly, starting to push your sleep shirt up from the bottom. He smiled as he quickly looked into your eyes, finally finding your lips with his again.

"If this is what friendship means for us, then I cannot wait to get closer." He spoke teasingly, his words sloppy, encased in your lips. You giggled through the kiss and suddenly gasped as you felt his cold hands on your sides, under your shirt.

You heart raced as your hands found their way to Astarion's shirt, pulling it above his head. You ran your fingers down his chest, taking in the sight before you. He paused, obviously loving the attention. A smirk played on his lips as he pushed your shirt above your head, eyes widening as your bare chest was finally on display.

"Gods, you're gorgeous." He purred, maintaining eye contact as he slowly lowered his head to latch his lips on to one of your erect nipples. You immediately moaned as his tongue swirled around your breast, leaving evidence of saliva around your nipple.

"Fuck, Astarion." You grumbled, your back arching into his mouth. He smiled but continued with his mouth, his hands finding their way to your soft pants. Without ties or buttons, Astarion was able to easily push them down, and you helped by kicking them off of your ankles.

"Darling, I can't wait to take you all in," He said, his mouth rising to yours again. One of his hands found its way to your neck, holding on to the side, while resting on his elbow. His other hand met your clit, immediately rubbing circles, "You're already so wet." He chuckled.

"You feel so good," You retorted as an explanation. Your thoughts were swimming overwhelmingly - you couldn't believe you were finally in bed with Astarion. You had fantasized about this moment basically since you had met him, and being here felt better than you could have ever imagined.

Say the word, and tonight, I'm yours. His words rang in your brain, causing your face to flush even more.

Tonight.

Tonight.

But what about after tonight?

You hadn't much experience with lovers, aside from the few and far between "relationships" as a teen, so you didn't know what was supposed to happen after this night. Were you supposed to go back to normal...as friends?

Suddenly, a pang of panic spread through you - the idea of going back to normal, as just friends, was painful to you. Here you were, with Astarion finally as a lover, someone you've come to care for deeply.

How deep it was going to hurt if you couldn't continue on with him. How deep it would hurt if you gave yourself to him like that, only to have him take you and discard you.

You snapped back to reality, realizing that many moments of silence from you had gone by. You hadn't even felt anything Astarion was doing, and he noticed, quizzically looking at you while continuing to work on your clit. You felt anxiety rise to the surface violently, and you suddenly sat up in the bed.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, stop. Stop!" You said, immediately criss-crossing your legs. Astarion, shocked, sat back on his knees, his glistening chest heaving.

"I'm sorry! Did I do something wrong?" His lips were full and swollen, his eyes wide. You recognized the look of fear on his face, causing your heart to drop.

"I can't do this," You spoke frantically, sighing heavily. "I'm sorry I just...can't."

"Oh...kay," Astarion spoke slowly, seemingly afraid to startle you, "What's wrong?"

Your thoughts were still jumbled, the anxiety still at the surface, "I just...I just can't have you dismiss me after tonight!" Your voice was shrill, you knew it, but you couldn't stop.

Confused, Astarion slid closer. He was quiet for a moment, handing over your blanket. You took it, covering yourself, silently thanking him for the gesture.

"'Dismiss' you?" He asked, tilting his head to the side, "What do you mean, 'dismiss' you?"

"You know..." You said, almost panting from the panic, "Dismiss me! Like your...your other lovers!" You waved your hand in the air to accentuate the point, "Here I am, with true, deep feelings of love for you, and all I am to you will be another notch in your bedpost!" You sighed, finally catching your breath, "And I know I said yes to this, but truth be told I am not...experienced...with someone who is as experienced as you, and I know I said yes because I couldn't help myself due to my feelings for you. But I cannot go back to just friends after this, to party members after this. Like nothing had happened. I cannot be discarded..." Finally deciding to look at him, you felt tears spring to your eyes, "I think that will break my heart."

"Darling," Astarion whispered, taking your hand in his. "What makes you think I planned to discard you after this?"

"Isn't that what you want?" You asked, allowing the small tears to fall freely, "To just...fuck?"

"Gods, no!" Astarion cried, moving closer and smiling, "That's what I thought you wanted!"

"What?!" You asked, matching his smile, "What do you mean?"

"I thought you only wanted to bed me," He said, squeezing your hand, "That's why I came here tonight - because I thought it was what you wanted. My whole life, for as long as I can remember, my body has been used for others. I've never had someone bed me and want to stay...You know my history with Cazador...you know what I've been subjected to. I've never had anyone...care...for me before," He looked down, his voice softening, "...are you saying that you care for me?"

You nodded slowly. Bravely, you reached your hand to touch his cheek, causing him to look up to you again, "I care for you...deeply. I've fantasized about this moment since I've met you but..." You tried to find the proper words, "I'm not quite sure I'm ready for it. I have little experience and, I know that sounds young, but-"

"My darling, I would never ever push you to do something you don't want," Astarion interrupted, shaking his head, "If anyone knows about being forced to do things you don't want, it's me. Truth be told...it's quite a relief to hear you say that...I'm not...quite sure my body is ready to be touched in that way...right now," He smiled sadly, "Not by someone I care for deeply. Not in a relationship I want to grow more then just...sleeping with one another. I find that it is hard to think of myself sexually due to...my past. And I'd rather move past that before I..." His words trailed off, as if he didn't want to continue.

"Astarion," You whispered. "I won't hurt you like that. Just like you didn't want to hurt me."

He smiled finally, taking your hand closer to his mouth. Gently, he kissed your knuckles, a smile playing on his lips, "The last thing I will ever do is hurt you."

"So..." You gently nudged, "You're saying that you care deeply for me as well?"

Astarion looked at you seriously, continuing to hold your hand. He nodded, "I do. I'm terrified, but I do. I don't know what this is, and I don't know what it will become, but I've come to realize that whatever it is...I want to do it with you," He chuckled to himself, "A terrifying thought, my heart in your hands."

"And mine in yours." You spoke. Your heart was thundering with an overflow of joy - after all this time, this new revelation felt like a sunrise after a dark and stormy night. After a moment of silence, you tucked a piece of hair behind his ear, "Tonight, I think we just lay together. We don't need anything else. But I would like to spend time with you."

Astarion's eyes glittered as he nodded again, noticing your sleep clothes on the ground and picking them up. As he slipped his shirt back on, he laid beside you in bed, hesitantly putting his arms around you.

"I've never just...lay with someone before."

"There's a first for everything." You said mildly, turning to him in his arms. He smiled, gently kissing your forehead.

"I'm scared." He offered. You nodded, knowingly.

"I know. So am I."

"But before the happiness, there is always fear." He said. He looked at you, sincerity and kindness in his eyes. Gently, you met his lips with yours, trying to muster as much courage and support as you could through a kiss. When you pulled back, you smiled at him.

"And there will be a lot of happiness."

-----

What did you all think? I'm so sorry for the long break! I'm back! As always, reblogs, likes, and comments mean the WORLD for writers and are much appreciated!

My inbox is OPEN for requests!

[clowns0cks]

so, I got asked what's the spymaster timeline argument and why do I argue about it so much and keep defending spymaster lol so I wrote a long ass thing that I want to share with you.

SO. there are different arguments for people I argue with

1. having the master back as evil ruins Missy's arc and they hate him

2. having the master back as evil doesn't make sense after missy but would make sense before missy

3. They just fucking hate him god knows why.

4. A mix of these

Now. I have strong opinions, and those strong opinions are that I don't have a problem with dhawan master at all. I think he simply fits in after missy in the most normal way possible. I never saw a problem with it and I find it confusing that people do. Cause?? Imagine dying, then regenerating and realising the doctor has left you alone, but fair, cause he didn't know. So you go on gallifrey, hoping he shows up. While you're there you start hacking into the matrix for fun, cause you're the master and you like having a bit of fun. You discover horrible things. The doctor is not who they think they are, the time lords are not what you thought they were and all of your species including yourself is a product of the doctor's DNA.

This places the doctor as some kind of god. The origin of the time lords. They weren't time lords before the doctor, just gallifreyans, with no real power or anything to make them important. He's simultaneously angry at the time lords for lying about their identity, and at the doctor for being the most important time lord of them all, for being THE time lord, the original. Ultimately, for being more than him.

Now. The master has a certainty during the entirety of the show. The doctor is his equal, they have opposite moralities, but they're equals. Now, the security in this statement he believed in all his life shatters. They're not equals. He is who he is only because of the doctor. Thinking back to missy, she was the regeneration that absolutely wanted the doctor to see her as equal as well. She wanted to be like the doctor cause she missed him, and felt like he was the only one like her. So she tried to be like him, she accepted to be imprisoned in a vault and basically be changed to have the same beliefs of the doctor. But she did it willingly. Cause she wanted them to be the same. Now this entire arc feels wrong to the master (dhawan) , cause now he knows he could never be like the doctor, how could he? The doctor is much more. He thinks missy was his biggest mistake, he humiliated himself to be something he could never be. He gets out of the matrix and throws a tantrum, killing everyone on the planet for having lied to him (and to the doctor). When he sees the doctor again he hates her. He hates her cause she's just there, being her usual self, while in reality she has a bigger role in everything than she could ever think. He hates her cause a part of her is in him, and that means he's less. He's lesser than her. I also remember one scene where he was like "did I ever apologise for that?" (I don't remember what) And she was like "no" and him "good". I think about it often in relation to missy, cause he was definitely saying it because of her. Why any other master should have apologised for something? Only missy was apologising for stuff she did. It might be a big reach but I like to think it's about her. And he's like "good" cause he regrets being missy and trying to redeem himself, like I said before. Anyway the follow up from here is simple, he hates her and stuff, but he also feels bad not letting her know why. So then he decides to show her her story, all he can. No one should live without knowing their origins. so he shows her, and then he says he would like to show her more, but there's nothing else to show. It's the only moment in which he's doing something kind for her. Cause I believe in some way, he's also mad at the time lords for lying to the doctor. And here's part of why he decides to use their dead bodies in such an unworthy way. They have to pay not only with their life but also with their dignity, so he turns them into cybermasters.

This is also a way to cope and create his own race, to feel a little more on the doctor's level. She created the time lords, he destroyed them and created another species with their bodies. Then it's not enough and he decides that the only way to be equals is to become her. At this point he's gone completely insane, like, we see that. But it's totally understandable for him to act that way. His whole worldview changes. Everything he believed in is not true anymore. He doesn't know who he is anymore (I also just thought about this identity crisis he was having and how he stole Rasputin's identity, but this is an analysis for another day).

Anyway this got off topic cause I had to explain only the missy/dhawan thing but then started talking about dhawan in general so forgive me lol.

Other than this, if we take big finish in consideration there's the lumiat, that comes between missy and dhawan and her story really helps some people accepting the change (for some people it's still not enough though) and in the 2021 annual is confirmed that dhawan comes after missy, as we have the doctor and the master talking about the master's story from delegado to dhawan and thirteen says "I quite liked you as missy" and he replies that she spent too much time with him and it's something that should never happen again.

anyway. I've made my point on why the missy -> spymaster regeneration simply makes sense. It's just a normal timeline, I don't know why people think it doesn't work

[erabu-san]

First of all, I would like to thank you so much for all your support and your kind message !! Thank you so much for being patient with me too !! (you will see, I thanks a lot in this post lol)

Haha tbh I believe that ignoring and move on is a great way too! Yeees when I read this anon ask, I was wondering if they are living somewhere where pale person are oppressed and they are personally in this case and it affects them so badly that they have so much hate in them or they are just being hateful toward poc w/o any explication ? It was a bit uncomfortable And what is appealing with Genshin Impact (for me) is the fact that they use real culture to create their game ; even in the last survey, they ask if we like Natlan's authenticity (weird they only ask abt environment and music, i think they know they have issue with character design bahaha). I learn a lot about persian, algerian, but also chinese and even about french culture ! It is because people recognize themself that they start talking about it. I know there is a lot of controversial topic in Natlan, but because of this, I learn a lot on Hawai'i 's culture too. So yes, even if it is fiction, representation *is* important. And it is because they take inspiration of their culture that there is people who want a better representation, and in my opinion, this is something to not ignore !

About taking well what anon said, thank you so much ! If i can be honest tho, I didn't take it very well neither, or just I don't know how do I really felt at the moment I am an adult but I still hard time to distinguish what is morally okay or not, what is bad and good ? So if someone doesn't tell me they are explicitly a bad person with bad intention, I won't get it haha (ofc I grew up and now I identify my value and morals, but I still questionning if my morals are objectively great or not- yeaaah i was called weird for that, I am aware) Since forever I always try to understand other so I can communicate properly (at least I try), and that's why I am always interested on how does people think, why do they react in this specific way etc etc. Pro, I am patient and can take even the most violent take "well" (all depends. I am still a human) Con, I give free speech to those who have a "bad" take </3 and I apologize for that aaaa

KFSDLFSD I wish to express my angryness sometime but I just don't know if it is really adequate What if I interpret their text in wrong way as they initially try to say ? I wasn't feel offended by what they said, I was just uncomfortable because their opinion is something I consider hateful. and what if i was wrong??? But reading you all's opinion just affirm that's they were indeed rude ! I should stop overthink, life would be easier Maybe next time I have a doubt I will ask my friends's opinion before answering ksdkfsf

Oh my god thank you !!! If i can be honest, I draw Kinich this way because when I draw him w a darker skin for the first time, I thought "Oh !!! he looks so cool !!!!" and seeing a lot of positive comment abt my Kinich just makes me happy so I keep him like this ! And thank you for sharing with me informations !<<333 This is not overstepping at all ! And it is a reciprocate feeling anon ! It might be a bit weird but "angry" is such a complex feeling for me. I feel it but I don't really know how to express it in the most healthy way and it is super frustrating. So... seeing people getting mad at something I also disagree on makes me feel better !! And for this, thank you all !

I SNORT SO HAAAARD Damn Macron you again..........!! I didn't put all ask here but I read them all !! Thank you for sharing with me your opinion and reaction, it is truly interesting (and way more relaxing that the hater anon kskskss) !! and again, your support is truly meaningful for me. You all have sincere gratitude Hope y'all have a great day !! Stay hydrated too <3

[1800naveen]

My appreciation.

September 2023, I started the "a court of thorns and roses" series. Booktok got me hyped to read it so when I did, I really enjoyed it. (I fell victim to liking Rhysand and the inner circle, forgive me)

Feyre, Tamlin, and Lucien were my favorite characters. Their dynamic, how their relationship grew, I loved it all. (I was also a hater of Nesta but I changed now, my mind opened.)

I also saw spoilers on Tik Tok about acomaf and Rhysand which put me into a slump and I didn't continue reading the series again until April 2024. Yeah, it was that bad.

Finding out that people hated Tamlin for his later actions got me bummed because I really liked him at the time. I got spoiled for the rest of the series but I don't really care for spoilers that much.

During my slump, I made an account on Tumblr. I mostly liked posts but I would comment at times. I was afraid of making a post because I was just nervous.

I still had love for Tamlin so I avoided the Acotar side of Tumblr for a while. Because what if someone came after for my thoughts or opinions? That scared me. I felt somewhat alone when it came to not hating Tamlin or seeing him as a "villain" (he's more morally grey). I also still didn't like Rhysand because of the whole under the mountain thing which weirded me out.

Then one faithful day, I was looking through the Bryce Quinlan tag after finding out about her when I saw this post (it was about the crossover) and it was the first anti Rhysand post I liked.

And I clicked on the anti Rhysand tag and my third eye opened. When it came to booktok, I thought that hating this man was some sort of taboo.

These guys showed his wrongdoings, went on analysis, how he was toxic, how he treated certain characters, etc. Thanks to them, I was right to feel what I felt about him. He fucking sucks.

I then went on the pro Tamlin tag and I had finally found my people. Ones that shared the same thoughts as I did when it came to Tamlin and it gave me inspiration to make my first post on here.

(And the rest was history...) *cue the clapping*

Nah but seriously, I want to give my appreciation to the Tamlin, Nesta, Lucien, and Eris fans, the anti Rhysand people, the inner circle haters, and the people who just hate this series in general. I'm grateful for finding a community where I fit right in and where I won't get burned at the stake for my opinion (most of the time). I actually made friends on here which is great because I usually suck at making friends (Me and Tamlin twinning, can't make friends for shit) so this is great.

TIME FOR THE TAGS!!!

Giving my appreciation to the people who inspired me to become the blog that I am today: @szalonykasztan00, @copypastus (love your art❤), @shi-daisy, @arson-09, @thrumbolt, @achaotichuman, and @feyres-divorce-lawyer (so glad that I found you on tik tok first, a fellow Rhysand hater).

My mutuals where we are united by both love and hate: @sonics-atelier (thanks for making those analysis posts), @wingsdippedingold, @rin-u-pos, @positivelyruined (bless you for the Luke Eisner fancast🙏🏾), @nickel156, @viktoriaashleyyx, @thatapologisttoyourantis.

And those who I first found out on tik tok and then found them again on Tumblr (some are mutuals, some aren't and the first two I found out there asoiaf tik toks): @watcherintheweyr, @kataraavatara, @booksnwriting.

Yuh, that's about it. Just wanted to make something nice and sweet. Thanks to my 107 followers that I got for mostly being a hater or from other stuff that I post.

Me to all of you (This feels corny but I was born on the cob🌽):

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.

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(Here's the posts I was talking about.)

[mmoonwrites]

more hughie please omg 🙏

↷ bathroom stall (part 2)

featuring : hughie campbell

AUTHOR'S NOTE : i decided to go ahead and cont. my first x reader for him! i hope this is okay for your request anon ♡ PART ONE

word count : 2.8k contents : afab!reader, smut (minors DNI), oral (f receiving), p in v, unprotected sex, dirty talking, hughie calls reader "baby" a lot, dubcon, alcohol/drinking, one night stands.. kinda?, hotel sex, proofread this time!!!

it’d been a month – one month since you met the man now known to you as hughie campbell – just one month since your rendezvous point at the bar became the most sought after part of your week. in the beginning of your tumultuous relationship with the man, you spent most of your time together pressed closely in the bar’s bathroom with only short words shared between you.

things started changing after you headed over early one week. you thought maybe you’d get a drink or two and relax a bit before your plans with hughie played out but when you walked in and saw him already sitting at the bar like he’d had the same idea, something clicked.

you grabbed the stool next to him and sat down, maybe catching him a little off-guard at first, sure, but he was happy once he saw it was you. he must’ve only just started drinking himself given the slight glint in his eyes when the two of you started talking. it was different after that. 

not at all bad, but.. more real. it wasn’t just a hookup anymore, it was a real relationship. and yes, sure, it stood on some potentially morally questionable grounds, but hughie was nice to talk to, not to mention the great sex you were having together and you liked him.

and now, back you were again to meet him.

he slid onto the seat next to yours with a smile and ordered the two of you drinks while you caught up from the last time you’d seen each other.

“so.. forgive me for saying it right away, but you look great tonight-” hughie spoke slowly as he propped his elbow up on the counter, keeping his focus drawn to you. “i mean- you always look great but-”

“what, is it bad?” you said, gesturing to yourself with a mildly concerned look as you lifted your drink from the counter and took a sip.

hughie cleared his throat before continuing. “no, no- it’s not bad, it’s good- it’s really, really good. just too good for where we are.”

you laughed. “you wanna get out of here? hugh, we’ve never left the bar together-”

“i know, i know. i just- i feel bad that we keep having to come here to see each other.” deflated, hughie shifted and moved one of his hands to begin tracing the rim of his glass. he was nervous you noted.

pretendedly, you gasped, clutching your chest with one of your hands. “i like this place!”

an unsuppressable smile formed on hughie’s face. he reached over and jokingly shoved your shoulder. “i like it too.. but i also like you-” his attention faded back to the clinking ice in his glass. “-i like what we have going, but i think you deserve to be taken someplace better than this very charming shithole, if that’s okay.”

you placed your drink back down and placed your hand on his shoulder to rub circles in the fabric of his jacket. “hey, look. if you wanna go somewhere else tonight, i don’t mind. you pick the place and we’ll go.” you gave a small smile as he looked at you and met your gaze. “but i don’t like the way you talk about my favorite bar.”

after finishing up the drinks hughie ordered, he threw some money down and you both got up with your things and headed out. it would be a lie to say you weren’t nervous – this felt closer to being a date than anything you’d experienced with hughie so far. he said he thought you deserved better? what the hell?

“so.. where’re we going?” you asked, sounding more timid than intended as you both began walking.

“you’ll like it, i promise.” hughie’s words bounced back off of you so easily, the playful tone of his voice allowing you to relax a little. besides potentially getting some bad food or drinks, there was nothing to be worried about – not that your stomach bundled in nerves knew that much.

a few minutes of walking and talking later, hughie finally stopped in front of a little place on the corner. he rolled back and forth on the heels of his shoes while he looked to you for your response to his proposal of going in to eat.

you stared up at the aged building in front of you: the windows reflected the little bit of the sunset they caught from this spot in the city and from what you could see, were casting a warm orange hue onto the silverware on the tables. and when the door to the restaurant swung open and two people walked out, the smell of fresh dough flooded the air.

“what do you think?” he asked, poking your shoulder and fully pulling you out of whatever place you zoned out to in the glare of light. “‘this ok?”

you smiled at him. “buy me a beer and we’ll see.”

hughie chuckled and walked ahead to open the door for you to go in first, smiling all the while. once you were inside, hughie quietly closed the door behind him and pressed a hand to the side of your arm to motion you as to where to sit.

he’d picked a booth in the back of the seating area, snug underneath small fairy lights they had hanging throughout the building. it didn’t take long for the waiter to come over with menus and silverware – you ordered a bottle for the table to split over dinner since neither of you were driving tonight and somehow in your first taste of it, you’d forgotten how much you loved wine.

over dinner, you’d made various comments under your breath about how easy it would be for you to touch him under the table so hidden away from people like you were and by the time everything was paid for and you were walking back out, you could tell the things you'd said were getting to him.

under the moonlight, you stumbled arm-in-arm with hughie – his frame was warm in comparison to the cold night’s air. abruptly, you stopped, causing hughie to stop with you.

“-you okay?” he asked, his hand finding your shoulder to hold you steady.

“let’s get a room somewhere.” you blurted out, that bad habit of yours. as hughie tried to respond, you looped your arms over his head and moved your body in closer to him. “c’mon hugh. i’m tired of only being able to touch you in that bathroom.”

hughie huffed out a frustrated sigh, unable to look away from you in the minimal light. “fuck. okay-” he straightened himself out and pulled his phone out of his back pocket. “okay.”

he fumbled with his phone for a minute or two before finally looking back at you. you kissed and tasted the wine on his tongue as he deepened the kiss, his hands roaming to the small of your back.

“closest place is a block from here,” hughie said with a pop, pulling your wet mouths away from one another. “think you can make it? or do you need me to carry you?”

you playfully hit his chest and pushed yourself off of him, stumbling slightly as you did so. “keep being a smartass and you'll see where that gets you tonight.”

he looped his arm into yours and guided you in the direction of the hotel. “apparently, my smart-assery is part of what got me you, so i see no problem with it whatsoever.”

you howled out a laugh as you walked. the body heat from hughie comforted you as your hand wrapped around his bicep and squeezed gently. you spoke in small whispers of things you were going to do as you reached your destination: as you walked up, the glass sliding doors swung open and you both walked inside towards the desk. hughie’s hand stayed loosely on your hip as he spoke to the receptionist that checked you both in – his fingers toyed with the hem of your shirt while he spoke.

in the elevator up to the room, you couldn’t wait any longer. as the doors started to close, your fingers were already wound tightly in hughie’s curls. your wet mouths back on each other, impatiently kissing and sucking as the elevator bringing you to the correct floor chimed and forced you to pull away from one another and step out into the hallway.

your hand wrapped around hughie’s frame and groped him through his jeans as he unlocked the door to your room for the night. a quiet moan spilled from his lips as he turned the handle, pulling you inside with him. the door shut and locked behind you and before you could say a word, hughie pressed your body against the wood backing. his lips and tongue roamed your throat, already suckling hickeys into your soft skin while his hands kept your hips in place – you could feel your underwear getting wetter with the chastity of not being able to grind into anything because of how roughly hughie was holding you down.

“hugh- fuck. hughie-” you mewed as he used one of his hands to snake up your shirt and grope your breast.

hughie leaned closer, placing a soft kiss on the shell of your ear as he spoke. “your legs are trembling already and i’ve barely even touched you-” his breath was hot against you as he spoke. “you're such a fucking slut.”

you couldn't help but involuntarily thrust your hips forward at that. hughie just clicked his tongue. “look at this, you're so desperate for my dick and yet you haven't even asked for it properly-”

“-please fuck me. please- i can't wait anymore,” you panted out, so drunk on his touch. “i’ve been thinking about it since before we went to dinner. hughie, please give me your dick.”

“you need it that bad, huh?” hughie said as his hand on your hip relaxed, allowing you to shove yourself away from the door and into him as much as you could at that angle.

“yes, please.”

hughie’s hands slid away from you for just a moment and he began walking backwards towards the bed as he spoke. “c’mon then and let me give it to you, sweetheart.”

you followed him obediently, his expression made you dizzy the longer you stared. you watched as hughie sat back onto the bed, patting the comforter for you to come closer – you obliged, pulling your knee up and onto the mattress beside him to climb up onto his lap. your thighs tensed as your hips slowly began to rock against the bulge in his jeans. you moaned into his mouth – the friction made you crazy, especially when paired with hughie’s hands still wandering your body and starting to pull your clothes off of you.

he pulled away from you to lift up your shirt, quickly taking one of your nipples into his mouth. he swirled his tongue around the bud as your body spasmed in pleasure above him. you moaned wantonly above him and hughie began suckling the skin of your breast, leaving marks to remember before reaching around to grab your ass with his other hand.

“you're so perfect like this.” hughie whispered against you, the only thing between you two now being a string of saliva. “you taste so good for me.”

his hands moved back to your hips, successfully rolling you both over and pressing your back into the bed with him above you. “can i take these off?” he asked, gesturing to your pants.

you nodded and hughie moved himself down to slide them off of you. one movement more and he threw them somewhere behind you on the floor, his attention staying on you all the while.

once your pants were off, hughie could finally see just how wet your underwear had gotten. he leaned back down, this time hovering over the wet patch of fabric that covered your core. “oh baby, i’m gonna take such good care of you tonight.”

you gasped at the sensation. why hadn’t you thought of getting a room like this sooner? you were barely out of your clothes and hughie had you under lock and key – his lips pressed a hot kiss onto your underwear and you groaned out at the familiar feeling forming in your stomach. “fuck, hugh-” was all you could get out.

your arms fell back onto the bed and gripped the sheets around you as hughie continued teasing you through the sticky fabric. you moaned as your back lifted from the bed into an arch and his mouth kept sucking – one of his hands raised to grope and squeeze at your chest while his mouth continued working until you couldn't tell the fabric was still between you from how wet it'd gotten.

eventually hughie’s other hand pried your underwear away from your dripping pussy, tugging them down your legs and throwing them wherever your pants had ended up earlier. now left completely naked, you panted beneath him, impatient for his mouth to be back on you – he didn't make you wait long. a second more and his tongue was swirling around your bud as he hummed against you. the vibration was enough for your thighs to start tensing around his head.

“hughie, baby- i can’t last like this.. it feels too fuckin’ good-”

before you could finish your thought, hughie’s hand disappeared between you. his finger entered your hole without a moment's thought as his mouth kept up with the speed. you groaned out, your eyes fluttering shut as your thighs tensed, squeezing around him once more. he moaned on your clit as you shook from your orgasm, only slowing his pace and pulling his finger out when your legs lazily splayed back open.

his mouth lifted from you with a pop and he grinned. “need a minute?” he asked, sliding his tongue out to lick the finger that’d just been inside of you.

you huffed out a breath. “no, baby- i need it. now.”

hughie stood up quickly to unbuckle his pants following your words. his eyes roamed your body, watching as you reached down between your legs to spread yourself open for him, showing where you needed him with your middle and index fingers. “fuck me properly, hugh. i wanna feel you.”

his hand reached into his jeans and pulled himself out, weakly fisting off a few times at the visual of you on display. he placed his other hand on your thigh as he hovered above you; you could see how painfully hard his dick was and bit your lip at the sight of precum already leaking onto his hand. as soon as his hand stopped moving, hughie started lining himself against your hole. grunts and curses spilled from his lips as he entered, and pressed your foreheads together once he was fully inside.

as hughie began moving, the hotel bed rocked with every thrust, filling the room with the obvious we’re having sex sound you were sure the neighboring rooms would be very fond of.

“oh god- fuck, look how you're taking me-” at some point hughie’s focus shifted downwards, staring in awe at your bodies connecting. he dragged one of his hands down to rub circles into your clit as he fucked you. “fuckin’ made for me, baby.”

“hughie- fuck! don't fucking stop!” you didn't care if anyone could hear you. your fingers clasped at the back of hughie’s shirt as he fucked himself into you – the smell of wine still lingering on his skin made you dizzy. wrapping your legs around his waist, you could feel yourself tighten around him and knew you were close.

“i’m gonna come, shit- keep going!”

after you reached your high, hughie didn't take long to follow, his brows furrowing as the exhaustion and alcohol hit him like a truck once you were both spent. he'd flopped onto you for a few minutes, sighing happily into your skin. “this is so much better than that bathroom.”

you giggled upon noticing hughie’s hair had curled into his face. you reached over and pushed it away, leaning in for a kiss once you felt how close you were.

“take your jeans off and let's sleep already.” you stretched out, making room next to you for him to slide over.

hughie smiled and obliged, taking off his sweaty shirt and jeans and throwing them back where your clothes laid on the floor from before. he shimmied under the covers next to you, cradling you in his arms as your eyes struggled to stay open.

“you'll still be here in the morning?” you asked, comfortably wrapping his arm over you.

“mmhm. we can get breakfast.” hughie replied quietly, already fading.

“if you're planning on us doing any of what we just did again tomorrow, i’m gonna need to call out of work.” hughie weakly chuckled and kissed the top of your head, whispering a quiet goodnight to you before you both drifted into a deep sleep.

[jez-bez]

unpopular opinion: Korn is not the baddest of bad guys

Is Korn a good guy? No. Definitely not. He, without a doubt, accepts his place in the gambling/money laundering part of his father's company. Does he have a choice, though? I don't think he does.

I've seen people talking about Korn being the bad guy, who takes advantage of Ton Kla, their Sugar Daddy arrangement, cheats on him with Fasai (which imo is NOT something he enjoys or even wants to do. I think he's being forced into it but that's for another time I guess) etc etc but I see it differently

Korn loves Ton Kla. Plain and simple. He loves him. Korn just unfortunately, like a lot of people getting raised by shitty excuses for parents, is acting and reacting in the only way he knows how. By control.

It's so clear to see.

The scene where Korn comes back to Ton Kla after two weeks, to me, speaks volumes of Korn's feelings. He's an open book right there.

"How about I fill you in on what happened, okay?"

You can see the hope on his face. He's been gone for weeks, feels guilty about it and now he really wants to tell (his lover) where he was and what happened. I mean, he did just get promoted too (even if its into a fucked up money scheme wth). But he wants to tell Ton Kla because he's finally got time to see him again, he wants to share his hardships and joys. Like normal couples would, right?

But then when Ton Kla doesn't want to listen, doesn't want to hear any of it, Korn gets disappointed.

he then makes the stupidest mistake ever by assuming a fuck would fix everything. Give the boy what he usually wants and the boy will forgive him, right? right?

Wrong.

Ton Kla doesn't want to have sex , which tbf, after being ghosted for two weeks (and having found another toy to play with) isn't weird. I wouldn't either. Go Ton Kla for pushing him away.

The face of realization because Korn is losing control. Not that he's had any control over anything the last few weeks, because not even his subordinates listened to him when he ordered them not to hurt Nan. In fact, I'd even say Korn is naive for believing they'd follow his order.

And then Ton Kla drops a massive, all left over peace shattering bomb because 'his brother was killed and Korn wasn't there, Korn didn't know, Korn let him down.' <- aka Korn's inner monologue probably.

"Who did it, Ton Kla?"

Baby tries so hard, to come up with something to do, to help. Suggesting the only things he's knows, the only things that's probably helped him: his connections through his father. And here's where people bitch about 'he didn't even ask Ton Kla if he was okay!'

listen, I know, I understand. But the man has also been through some shit, he's just reacting right now. He needs to know what happened, so he can help. So he can get that control back that he lost and desperately needs back.

"You don't have to help me. Someone else is already helping."

And once again he gets rejected by his lover, shattering the already shattered pieces of whatever's left of his heart and patience.

Korn so badly wanted to come back to his love, his boy, to share with him what happened in the past two weeks, to finally breathe and calm down. But unfortunately, a lot has happened to Ton Kla too, who just can't handle Korn's absence and random appearance.

"Just go."

Another rejection. Shot straight through the heart.

Ton Kla is not playing around, that's for sure. And honestly, good on him. This is not a pity party for Korn. Both are just reacting to their feelings. Poorest little meow meows. Stuck in their own dysregulation.

"You dare chase me away?"

That right there, is the look of a man who is hurting. Who can't believe what's happening. Knowing he fucked up and won't be allowed to fix it.

He even stumbles out of the house! Poor Korn. I feel for him.

Korn may not be the best character, is very morally gray, but I think people shouldn't forget the home that brought him up. You become what is preached to you, and if you don't know that that is wrong, you can't change. Nothing.

[kairiscorner]

potential request: The reader has been dating Miles for a while and after having a particularly rough day, then being comforted by Miles, decides to thank Rio for raising such a lovely son and just expressing how grateful they are to call Miles their partner.

E-42!Miles and Rio would be preferred since I feel like that version of Rio, would appreciate the sentiment more (due to being more stressed as an overworked single mom). Although E-1610!Miles and Rio would work too.

aww, i love that idea <:)) i hope you like this anon, fuck, i truly love this what 😭😭💖💖💖

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

he was definitely raised right. – miles 42 x reader

art creds: @1_0T0R on twt !!

as you two were heading home for the weekend, miles didn't move his arm away from your shoulders–not one bit. he stayed there, holding you close to him, and letting you lean against his shoulder as you two listened to the playlist you both made together. today wasn't very good, it was okay but... it was tiring, uneventful, and it felt like it was dragging on longer than it should've. luckily, your boyfriend miles had caught on to your not so happy attitude and wanted to fix that the best he could.

he helped you out with your homework assigned today so all weekend-long, you'd be clear of work. he also carried your bag and books for you, even though you told him he didn't have to–he insisted; and when miles gonzalo morales insists on doing something, he'll go through with it and do it. as you two got off the bus and headed down towards his neighborhood, he offered to get you your favorite drink at a local bodega you guys frequent whenever you visit him. he let you look around for a bit, let you choose what you wanted to drink this time. you hesitated because the drink you wanted to get this time around was a little pricey and you didn't have much cash on you after the bus ride.

miles noticed your hesitation and asked you if you wanted it, with you saying yes, but putting it back on the shelf because it was too expensive. "nonsense." he said as he took the drink and walked up to the register with the snacks you two were going to share. you tried to take the drink away from miles and put it back on the shelf, but miles insisted to you, yet again, that he wanted to buy you that drink. "please, mi cielo, don't feel bad. as your boyfriend, it's my obligation to do this for you–and besides, it makes you happy, doesn't it?" he asked you with a smile as he thanked the cashier and handed you the drink he bought you on the way out. "if it makes you happy, then i'm already the happiest guy around, mi vida." he said as you gently smiled and took his hand in your free one, clutching the drink he bought you in your other hand as you sipped on it, feeling a lot more lighter and happier than you did earlier today.

you walked with miles, hand-in-hand, all the way back to his place. he carried all your things and the snacks he bought for you all on his own. every time you asked him if you could help, he'd gently reject your offer to help and insist that he's got it–all that matters now is that you're much happier than before. his mother greeted you two by the door, with her kissing miles' cheeks a 'welcome home' and her smiling and wrapping you in a tender hug. as miles went to the kitchen to get you some food that his mom cooked for dinner tonight, you and rio talked all about the events that unfolded between you and miles today. you went on and on to her about how sweet miles had been all day; how he offered to do things for and with you, buy stuff that'd make you happy and comfortable, and just how he'd stay with you all day to keep you happy.

rio smiled widely as you two sat at the dinner table, with you clutching her hand in yours as you spoke. "ay, my mijo's quite the gentleman, isn't he? he takes that after his father." rio said with a soft voice as she looked down at her hand being clutched by your own. she reminisced the happier, simpler times when miles' father was still around–when he and miles would be each other's allies when nobody else would be there for them, save for her and uncle aaron. she knows that miles still misses him like she does everyday, but to know that miles turned to be a very good, sweet, caring kid despite everything that's happened to them... it's enough to keep her heart warm.

you smiled as rio lifted her head up to face you, with slight tears in her eyes. "i guess so, but, mrs. morales... i think miles is this way because of you raising him right. and for that... thank you. thank you so much that you raised him to be the most loving, caring boy i know. no one can hold a candle to the love miles gives me and his friends, nobody is as caring as he is. i hope you know just how much he cares about you, as well, mrs. morales; not a day goes by without him worrying about you and thinking of calling you to say hi, tell him how he's doing." you said with a broad smile on your face as rio's smile fades; her mouth slightly agape as a few drops of tears fell from her eyes. you scrambled to get her a tissue from your pocket, since she hadn't wiped them away yet; oblivious to the sensation of her own falling tears at your sentimental words. "oh, no! no, no, i-it's okay, dear." she said with a smile as she wiped her tears away, sniffling the remaining ones back as her smile returned.

"i'm so glad... i'm just so glad. thank you..." she muttered as the tears came back again, but she wiped them yet again with a small chuckle as you grinned at her, sharing her happiness in that small moment when rio realized all her efforts, hard work, and everything she's ever done for her boy had paid off more than she expected it to. as miles came back with the dinner now served for all three of you, you let go of rio's hand as she nodded at you, thanking you for your assurance to her that she was doing a good job as a mother, and wrapped miles in a big hug. he was embarrassed at first since you were here, but as rio murmured to miles that she's glad the little boy she's cared for never left and remained as humble and gentle as ever, miles returned the hug and held his mother tightly.

you gazed upon the two with sheer adoration in your eyes, loving how even though this family had experienced a tragedy, how miles experienced a tragedy in his life... you were still loved wholeheartedly and endlessly by this boy, who always put those he loved first and would go beyond any and everything just to see them all smile and be happy.

tags !! @ii01vq @luvstarrstruck @maxoloqy @k4tsu3 @solecitoszn @toneystank-3000 @popeheywardssecretgf @lovefrominaya @onginlove @meowmoraless @euphovlq @q2ie @zalayni @conitagray @anikaluv

[roseameilatempest]

Sanemi’s delusion, and how it affects his relationships.

or a sanemi analysis 🙏

manga spoilers

This is mainly focused on kanae and masachika, tanjiro, giyuu, and of course genya. If you ship sanekana and are uncomfortable with them being portrayed as mildly unhealthy then feel free to scroll, this is no way meant to hate on sanekana in itself, this is just my personal analysis of their relationship. Keep in mind that nearly all of this is coming from the ‘signs from the wind’ light novel about sanemi, since we didn’t get many interactions of them in the main series.

To start this off, i’m not actually going to be saying sanemi is a good person, he’s a morally grey character, he’s done bad things while having good intentions. (attempting to blind genya, neglecting him, etc) To say he is a perfectly good person would be taking away a lot of his story. Something i feel gets overlooked a lot, is the fact sanemi had a mass amount of trauma before he even had his first encounter with a demon, yes this is to do with his father. Sanemi grew up in an abusive household which definitely changed his morals and understanding of how things work. After his father passed, he was really experiencing being in a safe environment for the first time in his life. He had a lot of responsibility that he shared with genya at the time too.

Throughout his life the only person he could look up too was his mother, the fact she protected his siblings even though she was so small physically. Then all of a sudden he was met with having to kill her to protect genya. Sanemi was absolutely not okay, he was hit with another load of trauma. To cope with this sanemi made up an entire life plan in his mind, so nothing could spiral out of control. This was of course making sure genya had a family and did not join the corps and die. Which is why sanemi tried everything in his power to make genya leave. This coping mechanism is a delusion.

Because of this delusion he fails to see the trauma that genya went through as well. Sanemi himself thinks he’s too far gone, he’s too burdened with the trauma. So instead he wants genya to grow old and have a good life, and he will do everything in his power to make sure that happens and genya is safe. While this delusion is mainly focused around genya, it affects his other relationships too. The people sanemi was comfortable around reminded him of his family (masachika and kanae, masachika being his brother and kanae being his mother) the people that sanemi hated, (tanjiro and giyuu) reminded sanemi of himself.

let’s start with tanjiro, when sanemi first met tanjiro it’s about nezuko, a female family member that’s turned into a demon. Something they both have in common. As well tanjiro was actively fighting to save his sister, Even though she’s a demon, it clearly reminded sanemi of himself. Giyuu is also an interesting one, sanemi misunderstood giyuu, because giyuu always distanced himself, we know this was because he thought he didn’t deserve to be a hashira, while sanemi thought it was because giyuu was stuck up. He misunderstood giyuu because he’d rather die then show that much vulnerability openly, giyuu is unintentionally wearing his pain, and that’s pissing sanemi off, he’s a reflection of sanemi’s pain. Something sanemi doesn’t want to admit.

Now let’s contrast that with masachika and kanae, masachika was the boy who recruited sanemi into the demon slayer corps. He had to try a little but eventually he did get into sanemi’s heart, and became sanemis brother figure. Sanemi ended up losing masachika as well, he was so kind, like genya. Sanemi knew he couldn’t let genya die in the corps like masachika did. Which again just fueled his delusion, wanting to keep genya out of the corps even more. Now with kanae, people do often say their relationship is romantic, because of gyomeis view on sanemi, though, i do think they’re very plausible as platonic. with what we are given.

Every parallel between kanae and sanemi are about sanemi’s mother, her hands, the fact kanae wanted to be kind to demons, just like how his mother was kind to their father, it’s the reason sanemi was so comfortable around her because of how similar to his mother she was. He also acknowledged that she was an older sibling too, but so very different from him, she trained her younger sister (shinobu) and let her join the corps. Not only just after that sanemi talked about how he wasn’t interested in women thirsting over him if he became a hashira, and in the fanbook it was also stated he was dense to romance. At most it was a crush, if it was sanemi didn’t realize it himself.

what we know about sanemi and kanae, i don’t think it would’ve been particularly healthy ether, the reason sanemi was only so calm with kanae in the first place was because she reminded him of his mother. Which wouldn’t be getting him out of his delusion, it would be temporary pacifying him IN his delusion, sanemi did indeed need a slap to the face. He needed actual tough love, something to pull him out of that delusion, kanae was shown to be kind and not being able to speak up for him when he was acting out, in the long run sanemi’s mental health would probably end up hurting kanae too.

it’s also worth pointing out that kanae gets watered down to sanemi’s love interest, while she doesn’t have many moments she’s clearly more then just a love interest to sanemi, she’s the reason for shinobus character development. I don’t think she should be watered down to a love interest when we barely got that in the main story.

overall, this is my analysis and isn’t meant to make you stop shipping sanekana, it’s just personally why i don’t ship it and an explanation of sanemi’s character.

[hotchfiles]

hiii !! i’m here to req no. 14 from the prompt list + james ( literally bc i can just imagine sirius telling them to kiss and make up ) 💘💘

send me one of my boys + a prompt

james + reader ⋆ "can you both just kiss and make up-" both of them: "SIRIUS"

There were things everyone in Hogwarts knew. Some of them where: You and James were extremely competitive, the sorest of losers, partners in crime? Yes, but stubborn from the biggest to the smallest bone you both had. Having you both playing for the quidditch team was a blessing for Gryffindor. And also a curse. A blessing because it meant the red and golden lions had never won so many matches in a row. A curse because you were both insufferable during quidditch practice and even worse than that, sharing dorms and common areas with the both of you after a losing match? Hell. Literally.

"Told'ya that stupid strategy wouldn't work," James' hands go through his hair, exasperated by the terrible beating Slytherin had done to the team's score, and to his self esteem. "But nooo, you're always miss right." His face twisting in a mocking expression. "Didn't work 'cause you didn't do your bloody part, Potter." You're just as frustrated, arms flailing around, the game ended hours ago, this is the fourth or fifth time you both are discussing this exact same point. The common room getting emptier and emptier each time, leaving only you both, Sirius, Remus, Peter and Lily, as your friends they were morally compelled to stay and keep you both from each other's throats. Both your wands already perfectly secure in Remus' pockets to avoid any disappearance of brows or cutting of hair. Exhausting really, dealing with you two was becoming exhausting, especially because you were both very easy going people with everyone else. James was a charmer, you were always a delight. It was fascinating how irritating both of you became in situations like these, how easy it was to get you both riled up because of the other. So it clicked to everyone, but you two, apparently, that you simply had feelings for each other. None of you knew how to react upon those, so you bottled it up and when James made something stupid it got you so mad because the feelings you had for him were all intense, all or nothing, no middle ground. And it was the same for him. Best friends who had so much in common and loved doing most of it together, who made each other laugh, and helped each other when things got bad. And then suddenly, a screaming match. Quidditch strategies, blaming each other for some prank, arguing about the right answer to a test, it was the stupid way you two found to actually feel and deal with the strength of your emotions. Lily and Remus leave while the argument went from the yelling to the huffing, both claiming to need tea if they were going to endure all that for longer. Peter debates staying for a while, he actually had plans with James for the day, but as soon as the yelling gains speed again, he knows those are gone and gives up, leaving only James, you and Sirius and the thick weight of the horrible mood the room was filled with. "I won't be doing idiotic stuff on the field just 'cause you want me to, honey." James keeps the nickname, not matter how mad he gets, but there's nothing sweet on his tone. And you want to reply, you really do, you want to say he's the only idiot, that you lost because of him, but instead you suddenly feel a strong push on the back of your head, making you and James touch foreheads. "Can you both just please kiss and make up already." Sirius isn't even joking, he sounds tired, his hands still holding both of your heads as you and James yelled his name, shocked he would even dare to say such thing. Why would James ever want to kiss you? Or you kiss him? Just because you enjoyed having him around and he made you heart feel a bit weak and you wanted him to validate how smart you are? Just because James always got your favorite treats from Honeydukes, always asked his dad to make you cosmetic potions if you wanted, and he would always have a spare scarf and gloves when you forgot yours? And the ball finally fucking dropped for you both. You saw it in his eyes as he saw it in your tiny grin, but oh, you were not going to give this so easy to Sirius, so you just crossed your arms over your chest, scoffed loudly and went straight to your dorm. Sirius was happy to get you both to shut up at least. And he did find out a month later that when he was napping on the common room couch, James went to your dorm and did kiss you, and that was probably why all arguments had turned into just light banter, with flirty laughs and touches. James did have to learn to accept you were mostly always right, but he gained a gorgeous girlfriend, an infinite supply of kisses and the hottest make out sessions, so he got over it pretty quickly.

[xxsabitoxx]

Pale Blue part 1 {Teaser}

Geto Suguru x AFAB Pregnant Reader

Warnings: This story will be multiple parts covering heavier topics and questionable morals. It also contains explicit sexual content, descriptions of pregnancy (like morning sickness) and other things.

September 2007

The air almost feels stale as you get your routine done in the bathroom, the test is still sitting in the small can beside your sink. It’s presence is heavy, to the point you question if you should take it out with you despite only having a couple tissues accompanying it. You decided against it when she knocked again. “Just getting dressed.” You mumbled softly, listening for her small “Hmph.” At least letting you know she heard you. Your uniform still felt foreign on your skin, it had for the last three weeks but you tried to ignore it. “About time.” Shoko smiled as you emerged, Satoru beside her. “Oh? You’re both here?” Your tone was questioning but not mad. 

“Yeah, Yaga said we should take the day to be normal or something like that.” Satoru drawled, circular glasses sliding down his nose as he rolled his eyes. “Us? Normal?” You snorted, pulling your door shut as Shoko began walking down the hallway. “He just doesn’t know what to do with us at the moment.” Satoru offered in a low tone, Shoko would scold him for speaking like that, especially to you. The thing is, he wasn’t saying anything that you hadn’t already thought of yourself. “I don’t know what to do with us either.” You could assume Yaga was being vigilant, the guilt of not seeing what was happening with Suguru was weighing on him too. 

The flick of Shoko’s lighter was heard as you stepped into the morning air, laughter bubbling in your chest as you looked at her. “It was killing you, wasn’t it.” Yaga had been cracking down on her bad habit, trying to limit her by saying no smoking in the dorms. “Just a little.” She teased back, inhaling deeply before blowing the gray smoke past her lips. “Shoko, gimme one.” Your eyebrow cocked as Satoru stuck his hand out. Her eyes met you for a moment before begrudgingly handing the lighter and pack to him. “New habit?” You commented softly, watching as he stuck a cylinder between his lips and held his hand up to block the flame from the wind. 

Satoru shrugged, inhaling a bit before blowing out, moving to hand the pack to you. You hesitated, the test in your dorm trash can still lingering in the back of your mind. “I’m good.” You took them anyway, handing them to Shoko. Neither of them said anything but they shared a knowing glance, they couldn’t be mad at you for trying to quit a bad habit. “So where are we going?” You didn’t like the prolonged silence as the two of them puffed away. “I didn’t think you’d want to go anywhere, but if you want we can go get breakfast.” Shoko’s eyes flickered over both you and Satoru, as if she was looking at two temperamental children. 

“Breakfast sounds good.” Satoru offered, shoving one hand in his pocket while the other plucked the cig from his lips. “It does.” You added softly, stomach turning at the very thought of food but you couldn’t let them know that. You had lost your appetite shortly after he left, but you still forced yourself to eat at least one substantial meal a day. The nausea that had settled in your gut most days usually deterred you from anything else but plain rice and maybe some soup. Still, it was food and the only thing you could keep down at that. “Alright, I’ll call for a driver and we can go get something to eat.” Shoko pulled out her phone, clicking on a number she saved. 

“You’ve been eating, right?” You jumped a little, eyes sliding over to Satoru. His tone was low, just low enough for only you to hear. “Yeah, I’ve been eating… you?” He looked the same, tall and lean with broad shoulders. Satoru nodded, pushing his glasses up to sit on the bridge of his nose. “The car will be at the gates for us in five minutes so let's get going.” Shoko started walking, like always you and Satoru followed behind her like ducklings. Satoru’s question still lingered in your mind, his ability to read your thoughts nearly rivaled Suguru. 

You had to wonder just how much those six eyes of his could see. 

🎶 Pale Blue Playlist 🎶

[graceshouldwrite]

How to Write Devastating Betrayals (Pt. 1)

Here are some elements + tips on satisfying betrayals that will destroy both your characters AND your readers!

1. Relationship Between Trust and Betrayal 

The #1 Betrayal Rule:

MORE TRUST = WORSE BETRAYAL

This is because TRUST implies 2 main things:

The traitor has probably PROVEN their trustworthiness, and now has a shared history + bond with the character they’re betraying 

The traitor probably has access to a LOT OF INFORMATION about the character, whether it’s career-wise or personal. Probably at least some information the character considers STRICTLY confidential 

An act of betrayal undermines Point 1 by manipulating Point 2 to their advantage.

So, if you want your betrayal to DESTROY, have the traitor be CLOSE with the character they’re about to betray. Lets compare examples: 

you are a gang boss. You hire a new recruit who doesn’t really know anything except one insignificant operation, like “today we buy groceries at 2PM”

your recruit tells the rival gang about the grocery trip   

→ betrayal doesn’t really matter that much

you probably didn’t place much trust in a new recruit 

the implications of information leak are insignificant 

→ not much plot weight 

On the other hand:

you find out that the entire time, your RIGHT HAND MAN (also your childhood friend!) has been feeding information to the rival gang and sabotaging your operations 

→ HURTS a lot more emotionally

might ruin everything you’ve built, career-wise, for good 

→ LOTS of plot weight

From a completely SECULAR PLOT STANDPOINT (please don’t come for me, theologians), Judas’ betrayal of Jesus is a good example because:

Judas was one of Jesus’ disciples, a.k.a. the people considered closest to him, and who followed Jesus throughout all of his preaching years

Judas’ information about Jesus’ identity and whereabouts led to Jesus’ crucifixion → LOTS of plot weight (the entire Bible from a Christian standpoint foreshadows this moment, and every point after is spreading word of this moment. Talk about plot implications!)  

ONCE AGAIN, I know all the “Jesus knew and allowed it to happen” “it was the will of God” stuff but this is purely used as a good plot example!!!!

2. Reason for Betrayal

“’Cause it’s super edgy/evil/cool” is DEFINITELY not a valid option. 

All the plot points in a book build towards achieving a goal, and all the characters do things they think will get them closer to what they want. Likewise, the traitor must want a specific thing that ONLY betrayal can get them, or that betrayal can get them more efficiently. 

People generally portray typical traitors as: 

completely selfish with no personality trait aside from infinite ambition and ruthless pragmatism

a hero whose had enough

someone who sees the person they betrayed as a “worthless disposable” or something 

Traitors don’t have to be morally bankrupt, even though betrayal is typically seen as something inherently bad, or just a bad means to a good end at best. 

They can be conflicted about the betrayal (like Macbeth delaying his murder of King Duncan), remorseful about it (like Discord from MLP feeling super guilty after he hands the main protagonists over to the villain), or even do it for the “greater good.”

e.g. Brutus thought Caesar was becoming too power hungry, and would destroy the republic by becoming a dictator, so Brutus betrayed him to preserve the republic 

→ example of a betrayal that was NOT self-serving

However, building on the MLP Discord example, a traitor can also have been manipulated into it themselves. 

(For context, the villain basically promised Discord lots of power if he handed over the protagonists, but then the villain also sucked away Discord’s powers afterwards—won’t bother explaining MLP magic mechanics LOL) 

3. Foreshadow It 

A satisfying betrayal is usually a subtle, looming shadow that creeps over your plot before it makes its grand entrance during the scene when the character realizes the traitor sold them out. 

A good example is in Shakespeare’s dramatization of Brutus’ betrayal: 

Brutus’ loyalty to the REPUBLIC is made super clear throughout. When Caesar starts deviating, seeming more dictatorial, Brutus remains firm.

Their values are CLEARLY conflicting, so SOMETHING has to be done. Either:

they reconcile by both agreeing on either dictatorship or democracy

they turn on each other...and that’s what happens

Basically, planting the possibility in your reader’s mind is a great way to foreshadow a betrayal. 

Other ideas could be: 

traitor begins suddenly acting a lot warmer to the unsuspecting character, or even colder right BEFORE the betrayal

traitor is always TOO obedient and/or sycophantic 

traitor acts suspicious, e.g. caught in lies, using inconsistent body language (ex. pretending to cry when talking about something really bad), caught talking to people they shouldn’t be talking to (e.g. rival gang)

∘₊✧────── ☾☼☽ ──────✧₊∘

instagram: @ grace_should_write

stay tuned for part 2!

Hope this was helpful, and let me know if you have any questions by commenting, re-blogging, or DMing me on IG. Any and all engagement is appreciated <3333

Happy writing, and have a great day!

- grace <3

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for not telling someone i know he’s being bullied?

⚠️ mentions of cancer + a suicide attempt

everyone mentioned here is in their 20s, with the youngest being 21 and the oldest being 28. none of the names used here are anyone’s actual names.

this is kind of a long story with a lot of moving parts and i can’t get into ALL of it so im trying to section JUST this off. basically i’ve had a group of friends for awhile. we met in a larger server and its a pretty big circle, so there is interpersonal drama aplenty. i stepped away from the bigger server and mainly maintained contact with 5-7 friends id made through a personal server and dm conversations.

one of the people in that server, erin (she/they) dm’d me to tell me they had to leave said personal server because they’d had a bit of an incident with 3 of the other members. they ended up telling me that they and the other 3 members had a group chat where they’d regularly talk shit about another person we know, bryce (he/him). apparently they all took something he said months ago WILDLY out of context to claim he’s a transmisogynist and therefore its fine that they bully him (this guy isn’t someone i’ve talked to very much since leaving but i do know him and we are on good terms. he can be a bit difficult to maintain conversations with but he very much is not a transmisogynist. also none of the people in this gc are transfem). like, they conspire in this group chat ways to make him feel bad. erin showed me some screenshots. its pretty textbook highschool mean girls behavior.

erin was also in this group chat and finally got fed up with them all and told them they need to stop trying to justify their actions. its pretty obvious bryce is not the bigot they’re saying he is and they’re just using that as an excuse to be cruel. the people in the group chat did not take that well so erin left and has also left any mutual servers they’re in with them.

she only told me all this because i offered to let her vent, but now im in kind of a rough spot morally. i think the correct thing to do here would be to let bryce know, but im being. kind of a coward about it.

this all may sound like im just throwing myself a pity party, but i am in a very, very bad spot right now. like i said, there was a ton of interpersonal drama in this group and i’ve been in the center of it before. it took a massive toll on me. so im not keen to get involved in drama in general, but also, mainly. i lost my best friend (minze, she/her) to cancer at the start of this year. i’ve known her since childhood and i’ve barely been able to function without her. we lived together. i still take care of her cat. we had the same birthday, and its coming up in a little over a week. i’ve been absolutely gutted knowing this is the first birthday ill spend without her in over a decade. i tried to kill myself a couple of weeks ago because i couldn’t bear the thought of it. i failed, obviously. and im fine at the moment but im definitely not perfectly well and im barely hanging on by a thread

i left the larger group because i couldn’t stand to be involved with everything going on. if i tell bryce about this group chat, i will be getting involved again. i dont think they know i know about it at this point but the only people who could tell him would be me and erin. even if i did it anonymously or asked him not to tell it would be incredibly easy to trace back to me. while im appalled to know my friends have been so viciously cruel to someone for no reason, since losing minze these people have been my only support network. they all knew minze, too. they’re some of the only people i can share memories of her with. i dont think i could process this grief alone

i know i need better friends but i don’t have them right now. i’ve sort of already got a strained relationship with some of them and i worry this could be the last straw and id just… lose them abruptly. and i know if that happened id put myself at risk again, because id be just as heavily suicidal but now with no one to confide in about it

bryce deserves to know. its the right thing to do, but it would cause me a dangerous amount of mental strain. but even though i say i don’t want to get involved i do feel, on some level, like i probably got involved the second i let erin even tell me about this. so i feel like im being a whiny dickhead and just making excuses but im just. im not willing to put myself through this again. not right now. aita?

What are these acronyms?

[fairuzfan]

It's the zionist concern anon again. I will say for now that with what you said about prioritizing Palestinians I do agree. The people going through a genocide are a bigger priority than people who are not going through a genocide. I just fear that due to the fact I am neither Palestinian or Jewish that I may end up embracing stances that I do not actually understand and that innocent people may suffer because of it. I do not want to be irresponsible. I am also someone who lives in a country built on stolen land, so that does to some sort of extent influence my feelings on Isreal as I imagine many people in Isreal share my thoughts on the fact we have lived our entire lives on stolen land. As I said before, I also do not know any Palestinians personally so I find it hard to know who I can ask about the history, Hamas, technical details of politics, etc without risking being taught the wrong things. On a much more selfish note, I also struggle with debilitating mental health issues that make it very difficult to navigate moral issues especially if the moral issues do not impact me on a personal level. So if I am being honest, my questions are not entirely selfless as I have very self-centered fears on if I am actually a horrible person. I thank you again for being so understanding, but I figure the right thing to do here is admit I am likely not as pure intentioned in my questions as I should be when a large factor to why I worked up the courage to ask is in hope I am worrying too much about my quality of moral character from a selfish perspective. Again, I thank you for being so understanding and willing to answer these asks instead of just brushing me off as a horrible zionist.

I don't think you're a horrible person at all I just think everyone has underlying zionist biases because it's a product of the society we live in.

And I do understand where you're coming from, honestly. Something that always helps me is remembering something that my parents taught me as a kid: always stand on the side of the oppressed. Now as I grew up I realized you have to define what oppression means and I think exploring that will also help you get a better understanding of how to combat other forms of racism/antisemitism/transphobia/etc.

If you do want to learn about hamas tho, I would suggest taking a look at Tareq Baconi, he has a lot of writings about the history of Hamas and he's Palestinian. There are also Palestinian podcasts and social media accounts. I understand that not knowing a palestinian personally to help you guide yourself through these things is daunting, but there are plenty of resources to help! It's why I'm here on this blog honestly, I don't mind you reaching out to me for questions or anything.

A good principle to remind ourselves with is "how can I ensure that justice can be had?" And to find the answer to that you need to look into multiple types of antizionist thought. Some blogs I like to check out for a diverse antizionist opinion are @el-shab-hussein and @bringmemyrocks as a couple of examples. Plus I'd look to Black American thinkers on antiracism (like Angela Davis and James Baldwin and Kwame Ture) because they do a good job of showing you how to examine your internal biases which we are all subject to.

I don't think this selfish to want to be a good person. I have the same worries. I actually do get worried that sometimes I'm *actually* a bad person secretly without me realizing and I reach out to friends and family to talk it out. Something that helps me through this is realizing that you have to forgive yourself for previous beliefs you've had and promise yourself to do better because at the end of the day youre human and you make mistakes.

But really my biggest advice is to read and listen to a variety of schools of thought and if you can, interact with local communities dedicated to antiracism. Even if theyre digital communities! That will help a lot with identifying any problem points.

Again, feel free to reach out with any questions. I don't think you're a zionist at all! Please don't worry and thanks for reaching out :)