#again i feel bad about it morally but i would also feel bad sharing something that turned out to be a scam as that has happened before

[rosesradio]

i wish i could set my inbox to only get asks from people following me…

[glitteryinknotes]

There is a level of deep, bitterly poetic and cruel irony in Astarion's death and his eventual fate as a vampire spawn. Laughable, even. Lamentable.

Where do I even begin. I once posted here my thoughts on who Astarion was before Cazador took him; and all my thoughts were based on what we can assume to be canon from scraps on information in - game and interviews with Neil. That Astarion Ancunin who was laid into the ground at Baldur's Gate cementary was a corrupt magistrate, a shining example of power abuse, indulgence, hedony, existence in privilege without any service to the world around.

We also know for a fact that Astarion is not a good person in a moral sense. Again, Neil Newbon himself talked about it. He has capability to grow, mature, open himself up, soak in the positive influence and feel for others, but he never will be the default upstanding type. That is simply not at his core.

This is why (I am aware we're talking a fictional character, headcanon is free to all in whichever way they think it suits and pleases them) I cannot for the world believe in all the fanfiction based on the notion of the tragic, tortured soul unjustly attacked and turned into a vampire, because to me - it misses the entire depth and essence of Astarion's personality and arc. He was not a "worthy" persona before Cazador; in fact, the beating he got from the Gur was well - deserved and the near - death experience... Probably so as well. Maybe if anything, this would open his eyes and force him to reflect at least a bit on his choices in the position he was occupying. (But given that he mentions begging Cazador to turn him to be able to take revenge, I highly doubt that.) So yeah... The man got what was coming to him. He deserved it.

But what he got in the end once Cazador allowed him to drink his blood and had him in his hold? Two hundred years of misery and abuse beyond description, being completely stripped of any identity and personhood? No one deserves that. Such fate should not be thrust upon anyone. Ever.

It is the cruellest, most wicked twist of fate that it took that kind of ordeal to change a corrupt little elf's view of the world and force him to even acknowledge the existence of evil deeds and abuse of power - something I am quite sure he never gave any thought to before. It took being transformed into an utterly helpless victim to make him truly see that there is good and bad and perpetuating the bad leads to pain and misery for the innocents (and you can never be sure if not for you as well), and only then, at his most pathetic, most vulnerable, after centuries of torment, it took meeting, trusting, admiring, being grateful to, befriending / loving and being influenced by a genuinely good and kind person (probably the exact opposite of who he was before) to shake and cause some shift in his inner moral compass, or rather the way he was choosing to use it. The full circle, a poignant, unwilling journey from the one abusing power, to the enslaved puppet of someone with considerably more power abusing it in the most inhuman ways possible, and this time to his own woe, to the one person able to break the abusive cycle given the right influence.

Isn't that simply poetic in the most sickly sense? A tragicomedy, if you will.

Forget about Astarion Ancunin. The grave was good for lovemaking and sharing an important moment, but whoever was laid there was not anyone worthy of your time (just like "Ascended Astarion" )The one who stands by your side now is. Your Astarion. The new Astarion, the same "lovable rogue" with a taste for theatrics, drama, debauchery, beauty, murder mayhem and loose morality, but - a better person all the same.

[follow up post here

https://www.tumblr.com/glitteryinknotes/733162725841289216/a-little-follow-up-to-my-previous-post?source=share]

[clowns0cks]

so, I got asked what's the spymaster timeline argument and why do I argue about it so much and keep defending spymaster lol so I wrote a long ass thing that I want to share with you.

SO. there are different arguments for people I argue with

1. having the master back as evil ruins Missy's arc and they hate him

2. having the master back as evil doesn't make sense after missy but would make sense before missy

3. They just fucking hate him god knows why.

4. A mix of these

Now. I have strong opinions, and those strong opinions are that I don't have a problem with dhawan master at all. I think he simply fits in after missy in the most normal way possible. I never saw a problem with it and I find it confusing that people do. Cause?? Imagine dying, then regenerating and realising the doctor has left you alone, but fair, cause he didn't know. So you go on gallifrey, hoping he shows up. While you're there you start hacking into the matrix for fun, cause you're the master and you like having a bit of fun. You discover horrible things. The doctor is not who they think they are, the time lords are not what you thought they were and all of your species including yourself is a product of the doctor's DNA.

This places the doctor as some kind of god. The origin of the time lords. They weren't time lords before the doctor, just gallifreyans, with no real power or anything to make them important. He's simultaneously angry at the time lords for lying about their identity, and at the doctor for being the most important time lord of them all, for being THE time lord, the original. Ultimately, for being more than him.

Now. The master has a certainty during the entirety of the show. The doctor is his equal, they have opposite moralities, but they're equals. Now, the security in this statement he believed in all his life shatters. They're not equals. He is who he is only because of the doctor. Thinking back to missy, she was the regeneration that absolutely wanted the doctor to see her as equal as well. She wanted to be like the doctor cause she missed him, and felt like he was the only one like her. So she tried to be like him, she accepted to be imprisoned in a vault and basically be changed to have the same beliefs of the doctor. But she did it willingly. Cause she wanted them to be the same. Now this entire arc feels wrong to the master (dhawan) , cause now he knows he could never be like the doctor, how could he? The doctor is much more. He thinks missy was his biggest mistake, he humiliated himself to be something he could never be. He gets out of the matrix and throws a tantrum, killing everyone on the planet for having lied to him (and to the doctor). When he sees the doctor again he hates her. He hates her cause she's just there, being her usual self, while in reality she has a bigger role in everything than she could ever think. He hates her cause a part of her is in him, and that means he's less. He's lesser than her. I also remember one scene where he was like "did I ever apologise for that?" (basically killing the doctor making them fall on the ground and regenerate, lmao) And she was like "no" and him "good". I think about it often in relation to missy, cause he was definitely saying it because of her. Why any other master should have apologised for something? Only missy was apologising for stuff she did. It might be a big reach but I like to think it's about her. And he's like "good" cause he regrets being missy and trying to redeem himself, like I said before. Anyway the follow up from here is simple, he hates her and stuff, but he also feels bad not letting her know why. So then he decides to show her her story, all he can. No one should live without knowing their origins. so he shows her, and then he says he would like to show her more, but there's nothing else to show. It's the only moment in which he's doing something kind for her. Cause I believe in some way, he's also mad at the time lords for lying to the doctor. And here's part of why he decides to use their dead bodies in such an unworthy way. They have to pay not only with their life but also with their dignity, so he turns them into cybermasters.

This is also a way to cope and create his own race, to feel a little more on the doctor's level. She created the time lords, he destroyed them and created another species with their bodies. Then it's not enough and he decides that the only way to be equals is to become her. At this point he's gone completely insane, like, we see that. But it's totally understandable for him to act that way. His whole worldview changes. Everything he believed in is not true anymore. He doesn't know who he is anymore (I also just thought about this identity crisis he was having and how he stole Rasputin's identity, but this is an analysis for another day).

Anyway this got off topic cause I had to explain only the missy/dhawan thing but then started talking about dhawan in general so forgive me lol.

Other than this, if we take big finish in consideration there's the lumiat, that comes between missy and dhawan and her story really helps some people accepting the change (for some people it's still not enough though) and in the 2021 annual is confirmed that dhawan comes after missy, as we have the doctor and the master talking about the master's story from delegado to dhawan and thirteen says "I quite liked you as missy" and he replies that she spent too much time with him and it's something that should never happen again.

anyway. I've made my point on why the missy -> spymaster regeneration simply makes sense. It's just a normal timeline, I don't know why people think it doesn't work

[m00nlight-ramblings]

Before the Happiness

After developing feelings for Astarion, it becomes clear to you that this is uncharted territory...and not just for you.

Pairings: Astarion x female Tav

Warnings: smut, fluff, angst, dual pov. MINORS DNI, 18+

Word Count: 4.4k

Requested: yes

A/N: Graphic made by me, I do not give permission to share it without asking.

The conversation and laughter around you had lulled to a dull roar as the night sky darkened. Sitting diagonal from Astarion at the campfire, you watched his lips move, almost in slow motion. You couldn’t focus on anything else – the rest of the party were conversing over bottles of wine that you all had found earlier in an abandoned village’s pub. Deciding to stay in the same campsite for two days as an extended rest, Karlach and Gale had the big idea of taking it easy and getting drunk – “to relax, and build morale!” Karlach had claimed.

Too bad you couldn’t take your eyes off of the fair-haired vampire across from you.

What started as an innocent crush – who could blame you, with Astarion being so cocky, and so charming, and so handsome? – quickly turned into something more. Now, you were unfortunately dealing with what you were sure was an unrequited love on one of Faerun’s biggest lady killers.

Figuratively, and literally.

“What say you, Tav?” Wyll asked, elbowing you gently. Snapping you back to reality, you immediately brought your goblet of wine up to your lips to buy yourself some time.

“Sorry, what?” You asked Wyll, keeping your gaze on your goblet. You felt a blush creeping to your lips…hopefully, no one had noticed your total focus on Astarion.

“Gale here was just saying that he could easily have taken on that hoard of goblins we came across this morning by himself!” Wyll chuckled, nodding towards Gale, “Him! Against 20 goblins himself! I say bullshit.”

“Now, now,” Gale interrupted, readying to defend himself, “I said if I had the proper time to prepare my spells correctly, I could easily fight against them-”

“Well, of course, if you had time to properly prepare for battle, you are more able to fight,” Shadowheart retorted, rolling her eyes, “But that’s not the point of battle.”

“Well…” You started as the party erupted into conversations about the designs of battle. As mini discussions started, you swept your eyes across the rest of the party, all who were animatedly debating whether they were for or against Gale’s point.

All, except for Astarion.

Once your eyes met his, you were locked on. He was absentmindedly swirling the wine in his goblet, his eyes unwavering against yours. Face completely unreadable, he caused heat to rise in you. You looked away quickly, only to check again to see if he was still looking at you.

He was.

You felt panic start in your fingertips as you gulped down the rest of your wine and immediately put your goblet down next to you. Standing, you wiped your hands on your pants.

“I’m going for a walk – I need some air.” You announced to no one (as they were still engulfed in their can-Gale-fight-20-goblins discussion). Without hesitation, you made your way to the creek a little bit beyond your campsite. Through the trees, the only noise was the fading of voices and the snapping of twigs beneath your camp boots. Finally reaching the creek, you were able to breathe out a sigh of relief, leaning against the nearest tree.

Your infatuation with Astarion was a point of panic for you – having never been in love (nor never had a partner before), you found yourself in undiscovered territory. You spent your whole life training as a fighter, not a girlfriend. So of course, the irony of it all would be that your first love would be a man who had so much experience, he would make the employees at Sharess’ Caress blush. He also happened to be a man that, though kind enough, wasn’t exactly a buddy. Astarion wouldn’t be the first person you’d reach out to in times of trouble at camp, no matter how much you wanted to. You and Astarion hadn’t had any talks where you were able to divulge your backstories – the only thing you knew about him was that he was a vampire, and his past with Cazador, really.

Oh, and that he was really, absurdly sexy.

You had only hoped that the others around you – especially Astarion – didn’t notice the extra time you spent staring at his face when you hoped no one was watching. Or the fact that your laugh was the loudest when he told funny stories around the campfire. Or that when travelling, you often found yourself walking near him.

“Are you alright?” A voice asked, forcing your eyes to pop open. You whipped around from the tree, finding Astarion step out from behind the forest. A friendly smile played on his lips, putting your thundering heart at ease slightly.

“Oh…yes, I’m fine. Thank you…I think I’ve had too much wine.” You said, quickly making up an excuse, “I guess my body has forgotten how to drink since we started this journey…since…we haven’t really had any wine…since…we started journeying.”

Smooth.

Astarion let out a chuckle, meeting you at the tree you were leaning against. “Ah yes, that makes…sense.” He paused the same way you had. You locked eyes and he broke out in a smile, and you realized he was teasing you. Your heart sped.

“You know what I mean…” You grumbled, kicking a rock in front of you and blushing.

“Yes, yes. I certainly do,” He paused for a moment, looking out at the creek. He didn’t speak, and you were suddenly aware of how loud the running of the water was. “I was worried about you when you ran off so suddenly. I was hoping you weren’t feeling ill.”

“Oh! Oh, no, I’m fine,” You felt flustered – Astarion? Worried about you? “Thank you, though…for checking on me.”

His eyes flickered down to your lips for a split second before returning to your eyes. For a moment, his eyes seemed to change…were they darker somehow? But he blinked, and they returned to his normal ruby red. He raised his eyebrows and he nodded, gracefully slipping his hands into his pants pockets. “You are welcome.”

“I’m feeling better, if you wanted to walk back to the campfire…with me?” You asked hesitantly. Gods, he was just a man! He wasn’t some sort of monstrous creature…so why did he make you so nervous?

Smiling, Astarion raised his arm as if to say, lead the way, “After you.”

You nodded and walked past him, ready to shake off your nerves. You committed to yourself to go back to the campfire and not look at Astarion once. You needed to be objective about your feelings towards him, no matter how strong they were. After all, you all had a mission to complete, and falling in love would simply get in the way. Leave your thoughts of Astarion when you were alone in your bed, drifting off to sleep – not when you were needed to be present.

Suddenly, Astarion gently grabbed your wrist. His fingers were ice cold as you expected, but it still sent a shiver down your spine. “I want to say something to you.” He started. You felt a lump in your throat, unable to speak. You simply nodded, your nerves making you unable to look at him.

“I have noticed that you and I haven’t been able to…get to know each other as much as the others,” His voice, barely above a whisper, was confident and sultry. “I would like that to change. I do enjoy your company very much. And after all, who knows how long we will be spending with each other until we can reclaim our minds from these wretched tadpoles, no?”

You swallowed and nodded, turning to look at him. His eyes glittered, mischievously. His signatured smirk was on his face as he slowly let go of your wrist. Somehow, his icy fingers left your skin burning.

“I would like that,” You eventually say, over the pounding of your heartbeat in your ears, “I also enjoy your…” Gulp. “Company.”

“Wonderful,” Astarion said. “Well, now that that’s settled, let’s get back to camp, shall we?” And even though he originally had you lead the way, he started off to camp first, leaving you a few steps behind.

Not that you minded…you obviously had to use this time to collect your thoughts.

Astarion wasn’t quite sure what had come over him at the party’s get-together the previous evening, but once he had seen you (very obviously) fixating on him from across the fire, something in him snapped.

Sure, he had noticed you immediately when he had joined the party – your kind eyes, and beautiful hair. Not to mention your lyrical laugh, and curvy body…the same one where, the mere thought of could keep him up all night…

It was safe to say he had developed strong feelings for you, so Astarion decided to do what he did best – keep a safe distance, and play it cool. There was no way romance and love and feelings would be a good idea in any sense.

Especially when he knew that your feelings were probably just lust.

Love was something so far from Astarion’s lexicon, he couldn’t even remember the last time he felt it. No one could ever love him – not after everything he had done, or even because of who he was. Worthless, disgusting, abysmal…there weren’t enough words to describe Astarion’s shortcomings.

Astarion was very aware of what many others thought of him – his only redeeming quality to the world was his looks, so the idea that people only wanted to fuck and leave was not a new concept. Though he couldn’t necessarily get himself into that particular situation all that much while under Cazador (though he somehow was able to sneak away for an hour or two while completing a mission), he saw how people looked at him on this journey.

It would’ve been flattering to him if he didn’t hate himself so much.

So the idea that your feelings – which were always written all over your face – could be any more than a fantasy of bedding him, was preposterous. Up until now, Astarion would be able to push that aside for a night or two in order to satiate his (and your) need to get off, but something inside him told him that his feelings would get in the way. His fantasies about you weren’t just sexual…sometimes, his mind wandered to holding you in his arms, or simply eating a meal with you by the campfire.

Or even worse…a future with you. One that didn’t include tadpoles and battles, but of sleeping in a fluffy bed with you on a Sunday morning; of going to the town market together to complete your errands, and of owning a cat with you.

Which, truth be told, scared him more than anything.

So when he found himself following you to the creek after you had left the campfire that evening without even thinking about it, he knew he was in trouble. Gone was any sense in his brain; instead, he knew his heart was taking over, and for whatever reason, he decided to go along with it. Maybe it was because his feelings were too strong, or that he couldn’t help himself, but he knew he needed to finally be around you more.

Even if that meant you wanted nothing more than a dirty fuck.

A few days after the night at the campfire (and - surprise, surprise - another night of drinking the following evening), you found yourself once again headed towards Baldur's Gate, party and belongings in tow. Since then, you and Astarion had fallen into your familiar rhythm of what seemed like standoffishness, but now with more smiles and pleasantries peppered in. Which, was more than okay with you, since the very idea of Astarion becoming close seemed to scare you.

However, your heart couldn't help but flutter when the surprisingly flirty remark Astarion made was thrown your way. So much so that you didn't mind the curious glances from Lae'zel, or Gale.

"C'mon, you have to tell us!" Karlach pleaded while on the road, her voice a hoarse whisper as to not draw attention, "What is going on between you and Astarion?! Don't think I didn't notice, soldier...him running after you the other night? And now he's flirting with you...complimenting you?! The others may not be noticing all that much, but I certainly am!"

You laughed nervously and swatted your hand in the air as if to say, it's nothing! "Oh, you know Astarion. He flirts with everyone!"

"Yeah, but this is the first time he's flirting with you," Karlach retorted. "Which, took long enough since Gods, you're hot! But, don't think I haven't noticed the change in attitude between you two."

A blush crept to your face as you felt yourself unable to look away from the back of Astarion's head, who was walking a few paces ahead of you, discussing something with Halsin very intently. Your mind wandered to other things as your eyes scanned his body...his back, his behind...how both of them would look naked.

"Alright, I'm leaving you to whatever weird fantasy is currently going on in that brain of yours, okay?" Karlach finally said, pulling you out of your daydream. She playfully shoved your shoulder and walked faster, stepping in line with Shadowheart at the front of the pack. As she passed, Astarion slowly turned his head to look at you, Halsin still blabbering away in his ear. Your heart leapt to your throat as you locked eyes with him.

He had definitely heard.

The night had fallen silently, the only noise in camp being crickets chirping away. The oil lamp in your tent flickered as you pulled the blanket on your bed closer to your body. The book you were reading was propped up in your lap, and you reveled in the peace of the evening - retiring to your tent early, you heard exactly when everyone else had gone to sleep. Sure, you probably should have been sleeping already since Wyll insisted on an early morning start, but you wanted to enjoy your book for just a few more moments.

Suddenly, a rustling came from the front of your tent, the sound of someone announcing themselves.

"It's me," Astarion's voice called, "Are you decent?"

"Um-" You threw the book closed and swept the blanket off of you in a panic, though there was literally nothing to panic about. Rising from the bed quickly, you started to pace your tent, "Yes. Come in."

The flap to your tent was quickly undid and thrust open. Astarion strode in and redid the flap with ease. He looked down, and once he realized you had enchanted your tent with a wooden floor, slipped off his camp shoes. When he looked back up at you, he smiled.

"Good evening, darling."

"Good evening." You said, holding your hands behind your back. You plastered a smile on your face, trying to suppress the urge to smooth your hair. A moment of silence passed by before you snapped into action, "Would you like to sit?" You asked, motioning to your bed.

"Ah, yes. Thank you." Astarion said awkwardly, moving towards the bed. He sat at the far corner, causing you to sit at the opposite side.

How funny...with how badly you wanted to jump his bones, you'd think you wouldn't be on basically the other side of the world.

"Well, darling, I just came here tonight to...see how you were doing?" Astarion started, looking at you. You couldn't help but smile as he leaned back on the footpost of your bed.

"How I'm doing?" You clarified.

He nodded, "Yes, as friends do. That's what we're working towards," He paused, his eyes flickering down your body. Then, his eyes did the thing - darkened slightly, causing an indescribable look to cross his face.

Suddenly, you recognized that it wasn't an indescribable look.

It was lust.

"Friends, correct? That's what we're looking for." He finally finished, meeting your eyes again. This time, his eyes stayed dark, running his tongue quickly over his lips to moisten them.

You heart began to thud and you shifted in your nightclothes, arousal springing in your belly. Just Astarion's look alone and you were suddenly putty in his hands.

"Y-yes. Friends...that's what we are." You quietly confirmed. Feeling bold - you couldn't believe that Astarion was feeling lustful towards you! Could it be a mistake? - you scooted a bit closer and leaned in slightly, "Unless you had...other plans."

Astarion smirked and cocked and eyebrow, mirroring your body language by scooting closer. "Darling...are you coming on to me?" His voice was low, floating to your ears. You began to feel warm, a bit of sweat pooling on your brow. "If so...well, that changes everything."

"Does it now?" You murmured, staring at his lips. Your boldness surprised you - you were surprised that the first time you took a chance with Astarion was working in your favor.

Not that you were complaining.

As your heart started to beat faster, Astarion slid closer to you, closing the gap between your bodies. His hand slowly snaked up your side, his pointer finger lightly tracing your thigh. He moved in, his lips mere inches from yours.

"Say the word", He said, his voice ringing in your ears, "And tonight, I'm yours. But I will not continue unless you say it."

Your belly pooled with heat, and you couldn't contain yourself, no matter how nervous you were, "Then be mine tonight."

At once Astarion was on top of you, his lips pressed against yours. Spreading his legs so that yours were in between his, he pressed himself down on your body, his erection already prominent. You moaned into the kiss, causing him to deepen it.

"Astarion," You breathed as he pulled away slightly, starting to push your sleep shirt up from the bottom. He smiled as he quickly looked into your eyes, finally finding your lips with his again.

"If this is what friendship means for us, then I cannot wait to get closer." He spoke teasingly, his words sloppy, encased in your lips. You giggled through the kiss and suddenly gasped as you felt his cold hands on your sides, under your shirt.

You heart raced as your hands found their way to Astarion's shirt, pulling it above his head. You ran your fingers down his chest, taking in the sight before you. He paused, obviously loving the attention. A smirk played on his lips as he pushed your shirt above your head, eyes widening as your bare chest was finally on display.

"Gods, you're gorgeous." He purred, maintaining eye contact as he slowly lowered his head to latch his lips on to one of your erect nipples. You immediately moaned as his tongue swirled around your breast, leaving evidence of saliva around your nipple.

"Fuck, Astarion." You grumbled, your back arching into his mouth. He smiled but continued with his mouth, his hands finding their way to your soft pants. Without ties or buttons, Astarion was able to easily push them down, and you helped by kicking them off of your ankles.

"Darling, I can't wait to take you all in," He said, his mouth rising to yours again. One of his hands found its way to your neck, holding on to the side, while resting on his elbow. His other hand met your clit, immediately rubbing circles, "You're already so wet." He chuckled.

"You feel so good," You retorted as an explanation. Your thoughts were swimming overwhelmingly - you couldn't believe you were finally in bed with Astarion. You had fantasized about this moment basically since you had met him, and being here felt better than you could have ever imagined.

Say the word, and tonight, I'm yours. His words rang in your brain, causing your face to flush even more.

Tonight.

Tonight.

But what about after tonight?

You hadn't much experience with lovers, aside from the few and far between "relationships" as a teen, so you didn't know what was supposed to happen after this night. Were you supposed to go back to normal...as friends?

Suddenly, a pang of panic spread through you - the idea of going back to normal, as just friends, was painful to you. Here you were, with Astarion finally as a lover, someone you've come to care for deeply.

How deep it was going to hurt if you couldn't continue on with him. How deep it would hurt if you gave yourself to him like that, only to have him take you and discard you.

You snapped back to reality, realizing that many moments of silence from you had gone by. You hadn't even felt anything Astarion was doing, and he noticed, quizzically looking at you while continuing to work on your clit. You felt anxiety rise to the surface violently, and you suddenly sat up in the bed.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, stop. Stop!" You said, immediately criss-crossing your legs. Astarion, shocked, sat back on his knees, his glistening chest heaving.

"I'm sorry! Did I do something wrong?" His lips were full and swollen, his eyes wide. You recognized the look of fear on his face, causing your heart to drop.

"I can't do this," You spoke frantically, sighing heavily. "I'm sorry I just...can't."

"Oh...kay," Astarion spoke slowly, seemingly afraid to startle you, "What's wrong?"

Your thoughts were still jumbled, the anxiety still at the surface, "I just...I just can't have you dismiss me after tonight!" Your voice was shrill, you knew it, but you couldn't stop.

Confused, Astarion slid closer. He was quiet for a moment, handing over your blanket. You took it, covering yourself, silently thanking him for the gesture.

"'Dismiss' you?" He asked, tilting his head to the side, "What do you mean, 'dismiss' you?"

"You know..." You said, almost panting from the panic, "Dismiss me! Like your...your other lovers!" You waved your hand in the air to accentuate the point, "Here I am, with true, deep feelings of love for you, and all I am to you will be another notch in your bedpost!" You sighed, finally catching your breath, "And I know I said yes to this, but truth be told I am not...experienced...with someone who is as experienced as you, and I know I said yes because I couldn't help myself due to my feelings for you. But I cannot go back to just friends after this, to party members after this. Like nothing had happened. I cannot be discarded..." Finally deciding to look at him, you felt tears spring to your eyes, "I think that will break my heart."

"Darling," Astarion whispered, taking your hand in his. "What makes you think I planned to discard you after this?"

"Isn't that what you want?" You asked, allowing the small tears to fall freely, "To just...fuck?"

"Gods, no!" Astarion cried, moving closer and smiling, "That's what I thought you wanted!"

"What?!" You asked, matching his smile, "What do you mean?"

"I thought you only wanted to bed me," He said, squeezing your hand, "That's why I came here tonight - because I thought it was what you wanted. My whole life, for as long as I can remember, my body has been used for others. I've never had someone bed me and want to stay...You know my history with Cazador...you know what I've been subjected to. I've never had anyone...care...for me before," He looked down, his voice softening, "...are you saying that you care for me?"

You nodded slowly. Bravely, you reached your hand to touch his cheek, causing him to look up to you again, "I care for you...deeply. I've fantasized about this moment since I've met you but..." You tried to find the proper words, "I'm not quite sure I'm ready for it. I have little experience and, I know that sounds young, but-"

"My darling, I would never ever push you to do something you don't want," Astarion interrupted, shaking his head, "If anyone knows about being forced to do things you don't want, it's me. Truth be told...it's quite a relief to hear you say that...I'm not...quite sure my body is ready to be touched in that way...right now," He smiled sadly, "Not by someone I care for deeply. Not in a relationship I want to grow more then just...sleeping with one another. I find that it is hard to think of myself sexually due to...my past. And I'd rather move past that before I..." His words trailed off, as if he didn't want to continue.

"Astarion," You whispered. "I won't hurt you like that. Just like you didn't want to hurt me."

He smiled finally, taking your hand closer to his mouth. Gently, he kissed your knuckles, a smile playing on his lips, "The last thing I will ever do is hurt you."

"So..." You gently nudged, "You're saying that you care deeply for me as well?"

Astarion looked at you seriously, continuing to hold your hand. He nodded, "I do. I'm terrified, but I do. I don't know what this is, and I don't know what it will become, but I've come to realize that whatever it is...I want to do it with you," He chuckled to himself, "A terrifying thought, my heart in your hands."

"And mine in yours." You spoke. Your heart was thundering with an overflow of joy - after all this time, this new revelation felt like a sunrise after a dark and stormy night. After a moment of silence, you tucked a piece of hair behind his ear, "Tonight, I think we just lay together. We don't need anything else. But I would like to spend time with you."

Astarion's eyes glittered as he nodded again, noticing your sleep clothes on the ground and picking them up. As he slipped his shirt back on, he laid beside you in bed, hesitantly putting his arms around you.

"I've never just...lay with someone before."

"There's a first for everything." You said mildly, turning to him in his arms. He smiled, gently kissing your forehead.

"I'm scared." He offered. You nodded, knowingly.

"I know. So am I."

"But before the happiness, there is always fear." He said. He looked at you, sincerity and kindness in his eyes. Gently, you met his lips with yours, trying to muster as much courage and support as you could through a kiss. When you pulled back, you smiled at him.

"And there will be a lot of happiness."

-----

What did you all think? I'm so sorry for the long break! I'm back! As always, reblogs, likes, and comments mean the WORLD for writers and are much appreciated!

My inbox is OPEN for requests!

[lilreidgirl]

My boy

Summary: You have an affair with a married man and get the consequences and they are not exactly bad

Warnings: MDNI(18+), fingering, unprotected sex (don´t), cheating (Spencer is married to Maeve), religious talk kinda??, swearing, praise, storyline is a bit rushed!, NOT PROOFREAD, SORRY

WC: ~1.8k

A/N: ---

You knew it was wrong. Very wrong. Sleeping with a married man was something you swore you would never do. Every time it happened on TV you’d turn to your mother and say, “How could they ever do that?”, and shed answer with “Love is complicated. You´ll understand one day.” And you did, the fateful day you met Spencer was the day you understood. Although not really, more so that it was multiple weeks where you little by little realized that yes, love was complicated.

You had met Maeve a few times, team dinners and get-togethers that she attended, she was pretty, kind, smart, everything Spencer could ever even dream of having. Almost right out of the bat you started crushing on him, noticing how damn attractive he was and how kind hearted his personality shown on the people around him.

It wasn’t until he showed up at your hotel one night, tears staining his cheeks and manifesting in his eyes, that you saw a more vulnerable, honest side of him. He had had a fight with Maeve, again he had said. You sat crisscross on the end of your bed, facing his body that was slumped onto your mattress, legs hanging off the edge.

He expressed his feelings about how hard it’s been and how she can’t seem to even try to understand what he’s going through, your heart shattered at his confessions. As he lay there, in your hotel bed, staring at you in silence like you had the answer to all his problems, you couldn’t stop yourself from moving a hand to his solemn face, brushing a messy loose strand of his hair off of his forehead.

When you heard the way his inhales and exhales quickened and deepened, your hand stilled any movements. A silence took over the room, one where the world stood still, your eyes trained on each other’s. Then before you knew it and could truly processes the horrible moral sin of an action that it was, you leaned down and kissed him.

At first, it was only your lips moving but after a small moment where you were just about to pull away because your thoughts finally took in how wrong it was, he kissed you back. Large hands gripped the sides of your face, fingers dug into the strands of your hair as his plump lips skillfully lapped over your own. His tongue had made its way into your mouth as you moved to straddle his hips, holding yourself up on his chest with your hands.

And in the back of your mind, you knew: this was wrong. But for that fleeting, shattering moment, it didn’t feel wrong at all.

It was wrong when you both stripped all your clothes and left each other bare, it was wrong when he sank his length into you; making you moan out his name in pleasure, it was wrong when he pumped his cock in and out of you at a perfectly paced rhythm, hitting all of the right spots, it was wrong when you both came at the same time; muttering “ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod” as you did, it was wrong when the last thing you whispered to each other before you drifted off to sleep was “I love you”.

It was wrong, but it sure as hell didn’t feel wrong, it felt perfect. And every time you guys slept together after that also felt perfect. Of course, you both knew how horrible it was, you tried talking about it but it never really played out to even be considered a full conversation.

You pushed the door open, peeking through the crack you had created. Spencer sat on his couch, elbows held on his knees as he persistently ran his hands through his already unruly hair. “Everything okay?” You asked, not missing the irony of asking that question while you slipped out of the shared bedroom of him and his wife that was currently away on a business trip, and into their living room.

He looked up, eyes travelling over you as his brain lagged and took in the fact that you had spoken. “Oh uh- yeah…”

With a face that very clearly told him you didn’t believe him, you made your way towards him, crawling onto his lap, feet resting on the couch as you leaned the side of your upper body onto his chest and your head onto his shoulder. “Really?” You asked.

A sigh left him and a moment of silence followed before he spoke up. “I… I um…” You traced a line down his chest with your finger hoping to give him some comfort with the action and your words, “Don’t worry, you can tell me,” you tried to reassure. “Maeve and I…” Your skin prickled at the mention of her name, fear ensuing you that maybe he had decided to finally end things with you for her, “We´re getting a divorce. I told her.”

The shock you felt for a moment after his words was quickly flushed out by the excitement and joy you felt. You knew though that your happiness over his impending divorce probably isn’t what he needed right now so you forced back the smile that threatened to present itself on your face. “Oh, I’m… sorry?”

Honestly, you were very unsure of how you were supposed to react to that. He chuckled as he lifted you up enough to make sure your legs were straddling his own. “No being sorry, baby, you’re allowed to be happy.” As you settled on his thighs you smiled, leaning in to peck his lips repeatedly.

“So does this mean we´ll be like officially together now?” Your voice was filled with glee and hope. “Yes. I’m all yours.” Both of you grinned as you kissed him again, this kiss was longer, more meaning full.

His hands found their way to your hips like they had countless times before, moving you against him as you breathed heavily into his mouth. When your relentless grinding on his hardening length didn’t seem to be enough anymore, he encircled your waist with his arm and spun you both around, laying you on the soft material of his couch.

Your legs moved to wrap around his waist but he gently pushed them down, instead grasping the hem of the shirt of his you wore and pulling it over your head and onto the floor. “So gorgeous. You are so incredibly gorgeous, princess,” he breathed out as he took you in, only clad in a flimsy pair of underpants.

He ducked his head down, kissing all the way from your neck to your abdomen, the kisses weren’t to mark you as his or to prove anything, they were an expression of the absolute love and affection he felt for you. He came face to face with your covered core, pressing a teasingly soft kiss on where he was sure your clit was; eliciting a giggle and a squirm from you.

Soon enough, you found yourself staring up at him again, but that quickly died down when he claimed your lips in yet another passion filled kiss. His fingers trailed down your stomach, fiddling with the material of your panties for a moment before pulling it down your legs, leaving them to rest at the apex of your now bent knees.

Without any warning he plunged two fingers into your entrance, immediately curling them just right to hit that perfect spot inside of you. He moved his fingers as he stared in awe as you withered away from the kiss to release an epiphany of moans.

Once he was satisfied and sure that you were wet and ready, he extracted his digits, licking them clean before he pulled down your panties the entire way down your legs and his boxers along with them.

Your head, that was already thrown back, lulled into the couch even harder as he slowly and carefully sunk into your inviting hole and warmth. “I love you, I love you so much, such a pretty girl, my pretty girl,” he praised as he drew his hips back and snapped them forward, peppering kisses all over your collarbone.

Your head reeled as you spewed out whimpers and moans in return. This time felt different, different than any time before. It was the first time it wasn’t wrong. It wasn’t a distraction from Spencer´s shitty marriage and it wasn’t some comfort for you after a bad day, it was a profound, unfiltered declaration of your love for each other.

One of his hands founds its way between your bodies during the hazy love making, starting to gently rub circles upon your sensitive clit. “Oh! Oh god! Fuck, Spencer, I’m close! I’m close,” you squeaked, holding onto his shoulders tightly as he quickened his hips and his finger.

“I know, angel, I know.” Spencer wasn’t a religious man, under no means, but he was pretty sure that you were the closest thing to divinity he´ll ever be able to understand.

“Come for me,” he ordered in a soft tone. Just a few seconds after his words, you did as he said, your orgasms washing over you in a way that felt like both a small calm beautiful stream and a wild strong breathtaking ocean. Spencer followed quickly, the sensation of you clenching around him being as heavenly as he would image heaven.

After he had fucked you both through your intense highs, pulled out and carried you to the bathroom to pee and take a shower, you found yourselves resting on the terrace, dressed in comfy clothes and wrapped up in a warm blanket.

“Are you going to have to move out? Cause I only have a one bedroom. But I do want to move in with you. Or is it too soon? Do you think she told the team? They’re gonna hate us-!” You rambled nervously, leaving the hot chocolate Spencer had made you unattended in your hands.

“Hey, hey, calm down, honey, it’ll be fine. We´ll talk about this later, alright? Right now you have an extremely beautiful sunset In front you, an unbelievably attractive man beside you and a really tasty hot chocolate said unbelievably attractive man made you,” he reassured, grinning proudly as he spoke his last sentence.

“Oh, unbelievably attractive, huh?” you teased.

“Yes, incredibly, unbelievably attractive.” He smirked, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Okay, I can get on board with that but my hot chocolate is 1000 times better than this.” You shrugged and gave him a smile before turning to take in the sunset before you.

“Honestly? You’re completely right.”

@emma-e-a

[planethibiscus]

What would it be like if the yandere characters from Until Dawn were jealous of Reader?

JEALOUSY 🌸 UD

An: I interpreted the wording of this ask as the characters being jealous of the reader, but if you meant over reader, send another request and I'll write that.

Jessica is an insecure individual. She envies both readers looks and confidence. She ties her appearance to her level of importance, so it shocks her how ugly she feels in comparison to you. How little you seem to prioritise your looks might anger her because she has to fight for her presence to even slightly match yours. It makes her feel undeserving of you, like she's not worthy to be anything more with someone so much better than her.

Emily is a control freak. She envies readers influence. She notices your natural ability to sway others around you almost without trying, and it aggravates her that she doesn't possess that same power. People will do things for you simply because they want to. You don't have to play mind games or even ask. It's unfair. She wants that too, because then you'd be so much easier to make hers.

Hannah is desperate. She envies readers nonchalant manner of being. Hannah could never, she's in too deep with the “I love you”s and “I need you”s. She's so easily swept up in the throes of love that she forgets herself. She doesn't want to be less clingy until she sees how easily you cope without her. She resents you for it, how you're able to just keep on living without every thought being about her, whilst her every thought is about you.

Ashley is lonely. She envies readers ability to make friends. Your easy way of making those around you comfortable is something she wishes she knew how to do. She'd use it on you if she could. Make you open up to her, relax a little beside her, but she can't help feeling that she's creeping you out. She wants to share in your peace of not overthinking simple “hello”s and “how are you?”s because it's driving her insane.

Josh is vindictive. He envies readers compassion. He used to be a loving person to all of his friends in his own silly way, but now he feels like an outsider in his own inner circle. He can't stand these people, he doesn't like them anymore, but you do. It makes him bitter, he wishes he could be as forgiving as you are, but watching you be so warm with them leads him to believe that he's just not as good of a person as you need.

Chris is skeptical. He envies readers trust. Chris does not trust himself around you at all. He feels like he'll screw up something, lose some nerve and say something stupid that'll make you never want to talk to him again. He doesn't like how he's beginning to feel uncomfortable around his friends, but he just can't trust them around you, and he can't trust himself to let his guard down when someone else might hurt you, or god forbid, swoon you first.

Mike is invested. He envies readers indifference. Before he met you, he was an easy man with easy morals. Now he finds himself wanting to settle down, his fear of commitment squashed under your smile. But he knows it's crazy to ask you for anything serious when you hardly know eachother, so for once he'll have to dread playing the slow game instead of feeling empowered by it.

Beth is honest. She envies readers filter. She's always been a truthful type, but since meeting you she's become unable to hold words in. Things she doesn't mean to say will slip out and horrify her. Compliments too deep and specific to be from a friend will leave her lips before she realises she was distracted by your eyes. Biting remarks towards old friends will be spat out in a natural way that she fears will disgust you.

Matt is emotional. He envies readers stability. Head over heels isn't a bad way to be in his opinion, afterall it's quite rewarding to have someone who can immediately give you that dopamine boost, but it's also dangerous. You hold far too much power over his mood. A smile from you can set him up for a whole week. A frown from you can ruin his month.

Sam is smitten. She can't find any reason to be jealous of you. There's no need to envy you because she's simply so lucky to have you, even if you're not actually hers yet. Things she sees in you, she doesn't need to have in herself. You bring those things to her life by being there. You fulfil her by being. That's all.

An2: thank you for your request!

[erabu-san]

First of all, I would like to thank you so much for all your support and your kind message !! Thank you so much for being patient with me too !! (you will see, I thanks a lot in this post lol)

Haha tbh I believe that ignoring and move on is a great way too! Yeees when I read this anon ask, I was wondering if they are living somewhere where pale person are oppressed and they are personally in this case and it affects them so badly that they have so much hate in them or they are just being hateful toward poc w/o any explication ? It was a bit uncomfortable And what is appealing with Genshin Impact (for me) is the fact that they use real culture to create their game ; even in the last survey, they ask if we like Natlan's authenticity (weird they only ask abt environment and music, i think they know they have issue with character design bahaha). I learn a lot about persian, algerian, but also chinese and even about french culture ! It is because people recognize themself that they start talking about it. I know there is a lot of controversial topic in Natlan, but because of this, I learn a lot on Hawai'i 's culture too. So yes, even if it is fiction, representation *is* important. And it is because they take inspiration of their culture that there is people who want a better representation, and in my opinion, this is something to not ignore !

About taking well what anon said, thank you so much ! If i can be honest tho, I didn't take it very well neither, or just I don't know how do I really felt at the moment I am an adult but I still hard time to distinguish what is morally okay or not, what is bad and good ? So if someone doesn't tell me they are explicitly a bad person with bad intention, I won't get it haha (ofc I grew up and now I identify my value and morals, but I still questionning if my morals are objectively great or not- yeaaah i was called weird for that, I am aware) Since forever I always try to understand other so I can communicate properly (at least I try), and that's why I am always interested on how does people think, why do they react in this specific way etc etc. Pro, I am patient and can take even the most violent take "well" (all depends. I am still a human) Con, I give free speech to those who have a "bad" take </3 and I apologize for that aaaa

KFSDLFSD I wish to express my angryness sometime but I just don't know if it is really adequate What if I interpret their text in wrong way as they initially try to say ? I wasn't feel offended by what they said, I was just uncomfortable because their opinion is something I consider hateful. and what if i was wrong??? But reading you all's opinion just affirm that's they were indeed rude ! I should stop overthink, life would be easier Maybe next time I have a doubt I will ask my friends's opinion before answering ksdkfsf

Oh my god thank you !!! If i can be honest, I draw Kinich this way because when I draw him w a darker skin for the first time, I thought "Oh !!! he looks so cool !!!!" and seeing a lot of positive comment abt my Kinich just makes me happy so I keep him like this ! And thank you for sharing with me informations !<<333 This is not overstepping at all ! And it is a reciprocate feeling anon ! It might be a bit weird but "angry" is such a complex feeling for me. I feel it but I don't really know how to express it in the most healthy way and it is super frustrating. So... seeing people getting mad at something I also disagree on makes me feel better !! And for this, thank you all !

I SNORT SO HAAAARD Damn Macron you again..........!! I didn't put all ask here but I read them all !! Thank you for sharing with me your opinion and reaction, it is truly interesting (and way more relaxing that the hater anon kskskss) !! and again, your support is truly meaningful for me. You all have sincere gratitude Hope y'all have a great day !! Stay hydrated too <3

[rederiswrites]

Alright, I've got to get the gripes out. Doesn't mean you have to read it. If you love the game you probably shouldn't. This is for people who are really disappointed or angry about...things and would like to feel like they're not alone.

This is not about the absolute value of Veilguard. I enjoyed the game and I am, if anything, enjoying it more on the second playthrough. Like all the other installations, inevitably it is its own thing. Some franchises are just logical continuations of their previous installments, but Dragon Age has never been like that and I sure wouldn't expect it after this long since the last installment.

[Edited to add that I reblog locked it but 100% encourage sharing your feelings in the replies or even my dms. It's fine to talk about it! I want to talk about it!]

That said, my biggest gripes about Veilguard:

The sanitizing of the Crows

Come on now. I even defended you, Bioware! Before the game, I said, nahhhh they won't make the Crows Good Guys just because of Lucanis! Lucanis was tortured too! Well, they didn't do that, I guess. They did it as part of a much larger pattern of ironing out the moral grey areas the franchise was formerly known for.

The Crows are Patriots! Well, they are. And also, though you wouldn't know it, slavers and torturers and murderers of children. You'd be forgiven for not realizing that, considering the creation of the feel good House for orphans who really wanna be contract killers. But it is pretty foundational lore and all. There is the like, one previous Crow character, whom they wrote as going on a righteous mission to kill Crows, because of the whole them being bad thing.

What was being raised by the head of the Crows like, Lucanis? Torture? Hahaha funny oh you mean literally. Literally your grandmother tortured and starved you and never gave you the slightest choice in your life and you've accepted that because you accept the logic that it was necessary. But again. That's based on my knowledge of material outside this game.

Any previous game would have reveled in that! Do you ally yourself with these people, this objectively bad organization full of people who don't see themselves as bad at all? Because they are very good at killing, and that's what you need! But this game just makes them good guys. No moral dilemma needed. Nope, we like black and white now.

And speaking of which,

The dehumanization of the Antaam

Ew. Ew ew ew.

Gimme a minute and I'll come up with something better to say but seriously? Ew.

They neither look nor sound like any of the other qunari characters. They sound like animals, literally. Exactly once does one make the slightest attempt to do anything but attack you--and then he attacks you anyway. Not a single one deserts. I guess the lesson here is that apparently qunari really do become mindless beasts without the structure and discipline of the Qun??? Ew. No thank you.

I know, you gotta have faceless mooks. In Inquisition we fought rebel mages for absolutely no good reason but that they attacked us. In da2 thugs literally fell from the sky. But the absolutely comprehensive way in which the Antaam never spoke for themselves, as actual people... Wow.

Imagine. Imagine if we could have actually negotiated an agreement with a group of them, for that final battle. Would that have been so impossible? To fight mages?! Imagine if we'd had a former Antaam companion. Imagine if he'd been mulling over what the Arishok, Sten, the OG proof that qunari are NOT animals outside the Qun, said before the Antaam rebelled.

Mythal: basically a nice mother goddess!

What. What. What.

In this, the culmination of her sins, the finale of Solas' millennia of taking the blame for shit she set in motion, Mythal is... Flat as hell. Millennia of her scheming. Surviving. Using and abusing her children, arguably using and abusing Solas, seducing and manipulating and whatever it takes to nudge things her way. And now she's just... Kinda imperious I guess? And Morrigan just has her memories and nothing is bad about that ever. Huh.

The thing is, I was never against Mythal, in all her complex nastiness. We didn't know what her game was! I just wanted to know! What made it all worth it? What was the plan?

Well I guess the plan was--nothing? Don't worry about it. I guess.

Side note, the design work on the Mythal fragment was some Computer Animation Is My Passion, early 2000's Barbie straight to VHS looking shit. Profoundly disappointing. Did you even try.

Tell, don't show

Is the strange new voice in the blight coming from over there really horrifying? Or did you just say it was roughly fifteen times, but then actually it was just a big blob of Blight that you had to shoot extra times? Is the Butcher cruel? Or did Teia and Viago just tell us he was cruel with absolutely no detail whatsoever? Is Minrathous really blighted if you choose to save Treviso? Or are there just more beggars and some rubble and literally one blighted character? And so on, and so forth.

Remember that popular post not long ago, about how one of the great joys of Dragon Age was the sifting through unreliable narrators? Piecing together Avvar epic poetry and fragments of ancient elvhen runes and Andrastian canticles to try to guess what actually happened. The unique and unusual (in fiction) joy of the historiography of it all? We got to actively engage with the discovery. We got to piece together that Solas was the Dread Wolf, bit by difficult to find bit.

The fridge horror of it all could be really incredible. Making us work it out for ourselves meant that we experienced it much more intimately. It was an incredible storytelling tool.

Yeah I guess we just watch movies about it now. Just plug in the DVD Wolf statuette and now we know. And the codexes are reduced to flavor text and puzzle clues.

And last but definitely most,

Flat writing

Look man I know that's subjective as shit but it was. A lot of it was. You either agree or you don't, but for me, it was never more obvious than in the moments of contrast, when it was up to standard. The conversation with the Butcher. Every minute with Solas. Spite.

Contrast the Butcher (intense! Passionate! Creepy fucken pale face Harkonnen vibes! Deranged but genuine love for Treviso!) with the Dragon King (I don't even know what to put here. You don't even have to fight him! He just...blusters, and then there's a dragon, and then Taash shoves him and he falls over.)

It's just...I could probably forgive a lot of the stuff that went before if it was just more compellingly written.

Even here I absolutely will not be getting into character complaints. Those are too personal, and frankly I think people should keep them to private conversations. They have too much potential to hurt people for too little gain.

Sigh. I'm done now. I will try to focus on the good and the creative because I think that contributes a great deal more to everything and everyone. But for now, let me contemplate what could have been.

[1800naveen]

My appreciation.

September 2023, I started the "a court of thorns and roses" series. Booktok got me hyped to read it so when I did, I really enjoyed it. (I fell victim to liking Rhysand and the inner circle, forgive me)

Feyre, Tamlin, and Lucien were my favorite characters. Their dynamic, how their relationship grew, I loved it all. (I was also a hater of Nesta but I changed now, my mind opened.)

I also saw spoilers on Tik Tok about acomaf and Rhysand which put me into a slump and I didn't continue reading the series again until April 2024. Yeah, it was that bad.

Finding out that people hated Tamlin for his later actions got me bummed because I really liked him at the time. I got spoiled for the rest of the series but I don't really care for spoilers that much.

During my slump, I made an account on Tumblr. I mostly liked posts but I would comment at times. I was afraid of making a post because I was just nervous.

I still had love for Tamlin so I avoided the Acotar side of Tumblr for a while. Because what if someone came after for my thoughts or opinions? That scared me. I felt somewhat alone when it came to not hating Tamlin or seeing him as a "villain" (he's more morally grey). I also still didn't like Rhysand because of the whole under the mountain thing which weirded me out.

Then one faithful day, I was looking through the Bryce Quinlan tag after finding out about her when I saw this post (it was about the crossover) and it was the first anti Rhysand post I liked.

And I clicked on the anti Rhysand tag and my third eye opened. When it came to booktok, I thought that hating this man was some sort of taboo.

These guys showed his wrongdoings, went on analysis, how he was toxic, how he treated certain characters, etc. Thanks to them, I was right to feel what I felt about him. He fucking sucks.

I then went on the pro Tamlin tag and I had finally found my people. Ones that shared the same thoughts as I did when it came to Tamlin and it gave me inspiration to make my first post on here.

(And the rest was history...) *cue the clapping*

Nah but seriously, I want to give my appreciation to the Tamlin, Nesta, Lucien, and Eris fans, the anti Rhysand people, the inner circle haters, and the people who just hate this series in general. I'm grateful for finding a community where I fit right in and where I won't get burned at the stake for my opinion (most of the time). I actually made friends on here which is great because I usually suck at making friends (Me and Tamlin twinning, can't make friends for shit) so this is great.

TIME FOR THE TAGS!!!

Giving my appreciation to the people who inspired me to become the blog that I am today: @szalonykasztan00, @copypastus (love your art❤), @shi-daisy, @arson-09, @thrumbolt, @achaotichuman, and @feyres-divorce-lawyer (so glad that I found you on tik tok first, a fellow Rhysand hater).

My mutuals where we are united by both love and hate: @sonics-atelier (thanks for making those analysis posts), @wingsdippedingold, @rin-u-pos, @positivelyruined (bless you for the Luke Eisner fancast🙏🏾), @nickel156, @viktoriaashleyyx, @thatapologisttoyourantis.

And those who I first found out on tik tok and then found them again on Tumblr (some are mutuals, some aren't and the first two I found out there asoiaf tik toks): @watcherintheweyr, @kataraavatara, @booksnwriting.

Yuh, that's about it. Just wanted to make something nice and sweet. Thanks to my 107 followers that I got for mostly being a hater or from other stuff that I post.

Me to all of you (This feels corny but I was born on the cob🌽):

.

.

.

.

(Here's the posts I was talking about.)

[jez-bez]

unpopular opinion: Korn is not the baddest of bad guys

Is Korn a good guy? No. Definitely not. He, without a doubt, accepts his place in the gambling/money laundering part of his father's company. Does he have a choice, though? I don't think he does.

I've seen people talking about Korn being the bad guy, who takes advantage of Ton Kla, their Sugar Daddy arrangement, cheats on him with Fasai (which imo is NOT something he enjoys or even wants to do. I think he's being forced into it but that's for another time I guess) etc etc but I see it differently

Korn loves Ton Kla. Plain and simple. He loves him. Korn just unfortunately, like a lot of people getting raised by shitty excuses for parents, is acting and reacting in the only way he knows how. By control.

It's so clear to see.

The scene where Korn comes back to Ton Kla after two weeks, to me, speaks volumes of Korn's feelings. He's an open book right there.

"How about I fill you in on what happened, okay?"

You can see the hope on his face. He's been gone for weeks, feels guilty about it and now he really wants to tell (his lover) where he was and what happened. I mean, he did just get promoted too (even if its into a fucked up money scheme wth). But he wants to tell Ton Kla because he's finally got time to see him again, he wants to share his hardships and joys. Like normal couples would, right?

But then when Ton Kla doesn't want to listen, doesn't want to hear any of it, Korn gets disappointed.

he then makes the stupidest mistake ever by assuming a fuck would fix everything. Give the boy what he usually wants and the boy will forgive him, right? right?

Wrong.

Ton Kla doesn't want to have sex , which tbf, after being ghosted for two weeks (and having found another toy to play with) isn't weird. I wouldn't either. Go Ton Kla for pushing him away.

The face of realization because Korn is losing control. Not that he's had any control over anything the last few weeks, because not even his subordinates listened to him when he ordered them not to hurt Nan. In fact, I'd even say Korn is naive for believing they'd follow his order.

And then Ton Kla drops a massive, all left over peace shattering bomb because 'his brother was killed and Korn wasn't there, Korn didn't know, Korn let him down.' <- aka Korn's inner monologue probably.

"Who did it, Ton Kla?"

Baby tries so hard, to come up with something to do, to help. Suggesting the only things he's knows, the only things that's probably helped him: his connections through his father. And here's where people bitch about 'he didn't even ask Ton Kla if he was okay!'

listen, I know, I understand. But the man has also been through some shit, he's just reacting right now. He needs to know what happened, so he can help. So he can get that control back that he lost and desperately needs back.

"You don't have to help me. Someone else is already helping."

And once again he gets rejected by his lover, shattering the already shattered pieces of whatever's left of his heart and patience.

Korn so badly wanted to come back to his love, his boy, to share with him what happened in the past two weeks, to finally breathe and calm down. But unfortunately, a lot has happened to Ton Kla too, who just can't handle Korn's absence and random appearance.

"Just go."

Another rejection. Shot straight through the heart.

Ton Kla is not playing around, that's for sure. And honestly, good on him. This is not a pity party for Korn. Both are just reacting to their feelings. Poorest little meow meows. Stuck in their own dysregulation.

"You dare chase me away?"

That right there, is the look of a man who is hurting. Who can't believe what's happening. Knowing he fucked up and won't be allowed to fix it.

He even stumbles out of the house! Poor Korn. I feel for him.

Korn may not be the best character, is very morally gray, but I think people shouldn't forget the home that brought him up. You become what is preached to you, and if you don't know that that is wrong, you can't change. Nothing.

[roseameilatempest]

Sanemi’s delusion, and how it affects his relationships.

or a sanemi analysis 🙏

manga spoilers

This is mainly focused on kanae and masachika, tanjiro, giyuu, and of course genya. If you ship sanekana and are uncomfortable with them being portrayed as mildly unhealthy then feel free to scroll, this is no way meant to hate on sanekana in itself, this is just my personal analysis of their relationship. Keep in mind that nearly all of this is coming from the ‘signs from the wind’ light novel about sanemi, since we didn’t get many interactions of them in the main series.

To start this off, i’m not actually going to be saying sanemi is a good person, he’s a morally grey character, he’s done bad things while having good intentions. (attempting to blind genya, neglecting him, etc) To say he is a perfectly good person would be taking away a lot of his story. Something i feel gets overlooked a lot, is the fact sanemi had a mass amount of trauma before he even had his first encounter with a demon, yes this is to do with his father. Sanemi grew up in an abusive household which definitely changed his morals and understanding of how things work. After his father passed, he was really experiencing being in a safe environment for the first time in his life. He had a lot of responsibility that he shared with genya at the time too.

Throughout his life the only person he could look up too was his mother, the fact she protected his siblings even though she was so small physically. Then all of a sudden he was met with having to kill her to protect genya. Sanemi was absolutely not okay, he was hit with another load of trauma. To cope with this sanemi made up an entire life plan in his mind, so nothing could spiral out of control. This was of course making sure genya had a family and did not join the corps and die. Which is why sanemi tried everything in his power to make genya leave. This coping mechanism is a delusion.

Because of this delusion he fails to see the trauma that genya went through as well. Sanemi himself thinks he’s too far gone, he’s too burdened with the trauma. So instead he wants genya to grow old and have a good life, and he will do everything in his power to make sure that happens and genya is safe. While this delusion is mainly focused around genya, it affects his other relationships too. The people sanemi was comfortable around reminded him of his family (masachika and kanae, masachika being his brother and kanae being his mother) the people that sanemi hated, (tanjiro and giyuu) reminded sanemi of himself.

let’s start with tanjiro, when sanemi first met tanjiro it’s about nezuko, a female family member that’s turned into a demon. Something they both have in common. As well tanjiro was actively fighting to save his sister, Even though she’s a demon, it clearly reminded sanemi of himself. Giyuu is also an interesting one, sanemi misunderstood giyuu, because giyuu always distanced himself, we know this was because he thought he didn’t deserve to be a hashira, while sanemi thought it was because giyuu was stuck up. He misunderstood giyuu because he’d rather die then show that much vulnerability openly, giyuu is unintentionally wearing his pain, and that’s pissing sanemi off, he’s a reflection of sanemi’s pain. Something sanemi doesn’t want to admit.

Now let’s contrast that with masachika and kanae, masachika was the boy who recruited sanemi into the demon slayer corps. He had to try a little but eventually he did get into sanemi’s heart, and became sanemis brother figure. Sanemi ended up losing masachika as well, he was so kind, like genya. Sanemi knew he couldn’t let genya die in the corps like masachika did. Which again just fueled his delusion, wanting to keep genya out of the corps even more. Now with kanae, people do often say their relationship is romantic, because of gyomeis view on sanemi, though, i do think they’re very plausible as platonic. with what we are given.

Every parallel between kanae and sanemi are about sanemi’s mother, her hands, the fact kanae wanted to be kind to demons, just like how his mother was kind to their father, it’s the reason sanemi was so comfortable around her because of how similar to his mother she was. He also acknowledged that she was an older sibling too, but so very different from him, she trained her younger sister (shinobu) and let her join the corps. Not only just after that sanemi talked about how he wasn’t interested in women thirsting over him if he became a hashira, and in the fanbook it was also stated he was dense to romance. At most it was a crush, if it was sanemi didn’t realize it himself.

what we know about sanemi and kanae, i don’t think it would’ve been particularly healthy ether, the reason sanemi was only so calm with kanae in the first place was because she reminded him of his mother. Which wouldn’t be getting him out of his delusion, it would be temporary pacifying him IN his delusion, sanemi did indeed need a slap to the face. He needed actual tough love, something to pull him out of that delusion, kanae was shown to be kind and not being able to speak up for him when he was acting out, in the long run sanemi’s mental health would probably end up hurting kanae too.

it’s also worth pointing out that kanae gets watered down to sanemi’s love interest, while she doesn’t have many moments she’s clearly more then just a love interest to sanemi, she’s the reason for shinobus character development. I don’t think she should be watered down to a love interest when we barely got that in the main story.

overall, this is my analysis and isn’t meant to make you stop shipping sanekana, it’s just personally why i don’t ship it and an explanation of sanemi’s character.

[b-r-a-i-n-v-o-m-i-t]

A highly concerning problem

(massive tw for 18+ content etc, if you are sensitive to such topics please click away)

I would appreciate if you could all hear me out to the end on this one, as I unfortunately feel the feathers this will ruffle are the ones who need to hear it most. (There is a TLDR at the bottom if you would like)

I’m afraid this fandom has a growing problem with sexually explicit content regarding minors. The main cast of this story are all children, save Chris, and yet I have seen posts, art, and fanfics about these MINORS having kinky sex and illustrations of them engaging in bdsm-related content. This is disgusting and illegal. There has also been a lot of labelling of these characters as ‘whores’ and ‘sluts’ which is not illegal, but in my opinion is very very strange.

“Why do you care, just click away”

“It’s just internet fan content, it’s not a big deal”

I would hope morals alone would deter people from doing something so obviously creepy, but here are some other reasons this is dangerous:

This fandom is full of minors, and when they see this glorification of sex and drugs while under age, it normalises it for them. This could potentially lead to them ending up in dangerous situations because they have become blind to the reality of their situation. They could end up scarred for life, and if you think I’m overreacting, this process has probably already happened to you.

Minors are not the only ones who will see this type of art. Posting this is providing a certain demographic with content that they should not have access to. It also draws them to, again, a fandom filled with Minors. 

Some people (myself included) do not want to see this content and exposure to it may cause adverse effects. I came to this fandom because I wanted to talk about silly teenagers with superpowers based off a skeleton from a 2015 video game. I did not want to see to creeps discussing kinky sex fantasies with minors. 

“Lots of TV shows have this kind of content, why don’t you complain about that?”

I do. The key difference here is that this fandom glamourises child porn and inappropriate relations between children and also minors and adults. Most shows that grapple with this topic point out how bad this is and it’s very real adverse effects on people, and if they don’t they’re usually called out for it. As an additional point, most shows that tackle this are usually 18+.

“I’m a teenager, and I have these feelings.”

Again, you’re not the only person seeing this content. Non-teens with questionable motives will see it too. Also yes, I get it, most teens will want to explore the topic of sexuality. However if you must be rampantly horny, please channel it through adult characters and share it in communities of people who have volunteered to see such topics. 

As an aside, and I feel that this may offend some people but I do want to highlight it, I would like to point out that Chris is an adult and Nevin is a minor. I have heard some say that ‘Nevin is almost 16’, but I would like to refute that with two points:

16 is still a minor.

Nevin is not real, he doesn’t age on a day-by-day basis like we do. He cannot be ‘almost’ 16, it doesn’t work like that. He is a child until the author says otherwise.

Sure, a relationship with Chris wouldn’t be illegal, but the maturity gap between those age groups is dangerous if normalised in real life. I don’t know any 18 year olds without alterior motives who would date a 15 year old. 

I would like to say that I have nothing against shipping the characters, just posting explicit material of them. 

TLDR; Posting sexually explicit content of minors is illegal, normalises dangerous activities in the impressionable young minds of other teens, provides Pedos with free content and draws them to this fandom. Also most people didn’t ask to see that type of stuff, we just want to look at fanart of our favourite characters, so please keep it to specific communities. 

[kairiscorner]

potential request: The reader has been dating Miles for a while and after having a particularly rough day, then being comforted by Miles, decides to thank Rio for raising such a lovely son and just expressing how grateful they are to call Miles their partner.

E-42!Miles and Rio would be preferred since I feel like that version of Rio, would appreciate the sentiment more (due to being more stressed as an overworked single mom). Although E-1610!Miles and Rio would work too.

aww, i love that idea <:)) i hope you like this anon, fuck, i truly love this what 😭😭💖💖💖

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

he was definitely raised right. – miles 42 x reader

art creds: @1_0T0R on twt !!

as you two were heading home for the weekend, miles didn't move his arm away from your shoulders–not one bit. he stayed there, holding you close to him, and letting you lean against his shoulder as you two listened to the playlist you both made together. today wasn't very good, it was okay but... it was tiring, uneventful, and it felt like it was dragging on longer than it should've. luckily, your boyfriend miles had caught on to your not so happy attitude and wanted to fix that the best he could.

he helped you out with your homework assigned today so all weekend-long, you'd be clear of work. he also carried your bag and books for you, even though you told him he didn't have to–he insisted; and when miles gonzalo morales insists on doing something, he'll go through with it and do it. as you two got off the bus and headed down towards his neighborhood, he offered to get you your favorite drink at a local bodega you guys frequent whenever you visit him. he let you look around for a bit, let you choose what you wanted to drink this time. you hesitated because the drink you wanted to get this time around was a little pricey and you didn't have much cash on you after the bus ride.

miles noticed your hesitation and asked you if you wanted it, with you saying yes, but putting it back on the shelf because it was too expensive. "nonsense." he said as he took the drink and walked up to the register with the snacks you two were going to share. you tried to take the drink away from miles and put it back on the shelf, but miles insisted to you, yet again, that he wanted to buy you that drink. "please, mi cielo, don't feel bad. as your boyfriend, it's my obligation to do this for you–and besides, it makes you happy, doesn't it?" he asked you with a smile as he thanked the cashier and handed you the drink he bought you on the way out. "if it makes you happy, then i'm already the happiest guy around, mi vida." he said as you gently smiled and took his hand in your free one, clutching the drink he bought you in your other hand as you sipped on it, feeling a lot more lighter and happier than you did earlier today.

you walked with miles, hand-in-hand, all the way back to his place. he carried all your things and the snacks he bought for you all on his own. every time you asked him if you could help, he'd gently reject your offer to help and insist that he's got it–all that matters now is that you're much happier than before. his mother greeted you two by the door, with her kissing miles' cheeks a 'welcome home' and her smiling and wrapping you in a tender hug. as miles went to the kitchen to get you some food that his mom cooked for dinner tonight, you and rio talked all about the events that unfolded between you and miles today. you went on and on to her about how sweet miles had been all day; how he offered to do things for and with you, buy stuff that'd make you happy and comfortable, and just how he'd stay with you all day to keep you happy.

rio smiled widely as you two sat at the dinner table, with you clutching her hand in yours as you spoke. "ay, my mijo's quite the gentleman, isn't he? he takes that after his father." rio said with a soft voice as she looked down at her hand being clutched by your own. she reminisced the happier, simpler times when miles' father was still around–when he and miles would be each other's allies when nobody else would be there for them, save for her and uncle aaron. she knows that miles still misses him like she does everyday, but to know that miles turned to be a very good, sweet, caring kid despite everything that's happened to them... it's enough to keep her heart warm.

you smiled as rio lifted her head up to face you, with slight tears in her eyes. "i guess so, but, mrs. morales... i think miles is this way because of you raising him right. and for that... thank you. thank you so much that you raised him to be the most loving, caring boy i know. no one can hold a candle to the love miles gives me and his friends, nobody is as caring as he is. i hope you know just how much he cares about you, as well, mrs. morales; not a day goes by without him worrying about you and thinking of calling you to say hi, tell him how he's doing." you said with a broad smile on your face as rio's smile fades; her mouth slightly agape as a few drops of tears fell from her eyes. you scrambled to get her a tissue from your pocket, since she hadn't wiped them away yet; oblivious to the sensation of her own falling tears at your sentimental words. "oh, no! no, no, i-it's okay, dear." she said with a smile as she wiped her tears away, sniffling the remaining ones back as her smile returned.

"i'm so glad... i'm just so glad. thank you..." she muttered as the tears came back again, but she wiped them yet again with a small chuckle as you grinned at her, sharing her happiness in that small moment when rio realized all her efforts, hard work, and everything she's ever done for her boy had paid off more than she expected it to. as miles came back with the dinner now served for all three of you, you let go of rio's hand as she nodded at you, thanking you for your assurance to her that she was doing a good job as a mother, and wrapped miles in a big hug. he was embarrassed at first since you were here, but as rio murmured to miles that she's glad the little boy she's cared for never left and remained as humble and gentle as ever, miles returned the hug and held his mother tightly.

you gazed upon the two with sheer adoration in your eyes, loving how even though this family had experienced a tragedy, how miles experienced a tragedy in his life... you were still loved wholeheartedly and endlessly by this boy, who always put those he loved first and would go beyond any and everything just to see them all smile and be happy.

tags !! @ii01vq @luvstarrstruck @maxoloqy @k4tsu3 @solecitoszn @toneystank-3000 @popeheywardssecretgf @lovefrominaya @onginlove @meowmoraless @euphovlq @q2ie @zalayni @conitagray @anikaluv

[hotchfiles]

hiii !! i’m here to req no. 14 from the prompt list + james ( literally bc i can just imagine sirius telling them to kiss and make up ) 💘💘

send me one of my boys + a prompt

james + reader ⋆ "can you both just kiss and make up-" both of them: "SIRIUS"

There were things everyone in Hogwarts knew. Some of them where: You and James were extremely competitive, the sorest of losers, partners in crime? Yes, but stubborn from the biggest to the smallest bone you both had. Having you both playing for the quidditch team was a blessing for Gryffindor. And also a curse. A blessing because it meant the red and golden lions had never won so many matches in a row. A curse because you were both insufferable during quidditch practice and even worse than that, sharing dorms and common areas with the both of you after a losing match? Hell. Literally.

"Told'ya that stupid strategy wouldn't work," James' hands go through his hair, exasperated by the terrible beating Slytherin had done to the team's score, and to his self esteem. "But nooo, you're always miss right." His face twisting in a mocking expression. "Didn't work 'cause you didn't do your bloody part, Potter." You're just as frustrated, arms flailing around, the game ended hours ago, this is the fourth or fifth time you both are discussing this exact same point. The common room getting emptier and emptier each time, leaving only you both, Sirius, Remus, Peter and Lily, as your friends they were morally compelled to stay and keep you both from each other's throats. Both your wands already perfectly secure in Remus' pockets to avoid any disappearance of brows or cutting of hair. Exhausting really, dealing with you two was becoming exhausting, especially because you were both very easy going people with everyone else. James was a charmer, you were always a delight. It was fascinating how irritating both of you became in situations like these, how easy it was to get you both riled up because of the other. So it clicked to everyone, but you two, apparently, that you simply had feelings for each other. None of you knew how to react upon those, so you bottled it up and when James made something stupid it got you so mad because the feelings you had for him were all intense, all or nothing, no middle ground. And it was the same for him. Best friends who had so much in common and loved doing most of it together, who made each other laugh, and helped each other when things got bad. And then suddenly, a screaming match. Quidditch strategies, blaming each other for some prank, arguing about the right answer to a test, it was the stupid way you two found to actually feel and deal with the strength of your emotions. Lily and Remus leave while the argument went from the yelling to the huffing, both claiming to need tea if they were going to endure all that for longer. Peter debates staying for a while, he actually had plans with James for the day, but as soon as the yelling gains speed again, he knows those are gone and gives up, leaving only James, you and Sirius and the thick weight of the horrible mood the room was filled with. "I won't be doing idiotic stuff on the field just 'cause you want me to, honey." James keeps the nickname, not matter how mad he gets, but there's nothing sweet on his tone. And you want to reply, you really do, you want to say he's the only idiot, that you lost because of him, but instead you suddenly feel a strong push on the back of your head, making you and James touch foreheads. "Can you both just please kiss and make up already." Sirius isn't even joking, he sounds tired, his hands still holding both of your heads as you and James yelled his name, shocked he would even dare to say such thing. Why would James ever want to kiss you? Or you kiss him? Just because you enjoyed having him around and he made you heart feel a bit weak and you wanted him to validate how smart you are? Just because James always got your favorite treats from Honeydukes, always asked his dad to make you cosmetic potions if you wanted, and he would always have a spare scarf and gloves when you forgot yours? And the ball finally fucking dropped for you both. You saw it in his eyes as he saw it in your tiny grin, but oh, you were not going to give this so easy to Sirius, so you just crossed your arms over your chest, scoffed loudly and went straight to your dorm. Sirius was happy to get you both to shut up at least. And he did find out a month later that when he was napping on the common room couch, James went to your dorm and did kiss you, and that was probably why all arguments had turned into just light banter, with flirty laughs and touches. James did have to learn to accept you were mostly always right, but he gained a gorgeous girlfriend, an infinite supply of kisses and the hottest make out sessions, so he got over it pretty quickly.

[tricogarfield]

Zahnfee/Rhun Headcanon post!

Sooo...I will try to put all my current Zahnfee headcanons in here :D if I forget something, I will either add it to the post or, if there is enough to talk about, make another post! Perhaps I'll do one headcanon post for other JCU charas :DD The way I will go about this is, I will first explain general headcanons about Zahnfee xierself, then how I think the whole Dark/White thing works, then headcanons regarding my last piece of fanart and, if I still have some headcanon after that, then I will tell them at the end! Let's-a-go!:D

First up, pronouns headcanons! White: she/her Dark: he/him Grey/Zahnfee/Rhun: xier/xies The reason why they dont all use he/him is because everyone uses she/her pronouns for both, Grey and White. Ju however, in the BTS video, still uses she/her pronouns to reffer to White even when calling her White and not "DIE Zahnfee", so it's not needed from a grammar point of view. Which is why I stay with she/her :D the xier/xies for Grey is simply because I'm in love with that for Zahnfee after reading these pronouns used in a fanfic that I love a lot! Aside from that, I think Zahnfee would probably be Agender and somewhere on the AroAce spec (triple A battery fr) With that out of the way, I headcanon Zahnfee as the youngest of the brothers :DD there are a lot of people that think Fips is the youngest (totally valid and I absolutely see your point), but I love the idea that the creepiest one (who also happens to have a daughter) is the youngest brother NSNSN Additionally, I also think that, back when they were still mortal, Rhun was the only one of the bunch that was afab, but that will make more sense once I get to how Dark and White work! Now, onto Dark and White! I've seen people portray Dark as a add-on, if you will, for Zahnfee that just gives xier more power. However, I think that BOTH, Dark and White, are equally Rhun/Zahnfee and both are needed, to have the full person! The way I imagine it would have gone is that Rhun, back when xier was still one person, would have started to split into halves. One half represents the chaos inside xies, the hunger for teeth, the urge for freedom, the source of xies power, manifesting as something abnormal. A monster even, as the nuns back then would call it. Everything "bad" about Rhun manifested into Dark. Meanwhile the other half represents discipline, Rhun's mortality, xies morals, the need to follow rules and not stand out, manifesting as human looking. The "good" side, the one that needed to be the dominant one as the nuns used to preach. All that is white. Imagine how that must feel with the age of, let's say, 13 years. You can feel yourself splitting, you can hear your thoughts contradicting themselves more and more often, you smile in situations you were taught not to smile, you get pulled apart by the urge to escape and by the need to follow the rules and stay in place. And on top of all that, eventually, your skin starts changing as you feel yourself being split into two halves. Suddenly the entire left side of the skin on your head is transluscent, then your neck, then your torso and even your wrists. And one day, you fully split into two different entities. What was one is now two and now, everything the nuns preached you is good and what you have come to hate is one half of you while the other one that the nuns hated you for but what gives you the feeling of actually being alive is the other.

And then these two entities combine into one person again, leaving two minds to share one train of thought, two creatures suddenly sharing one body, the human side and the abnormal side. And to make matters worse, now you have to actively fight to keep both sides combined so that the bad won't run away and leave the good to die.

This is why they are all reffered to differently. Grey is the only time that both sides are complete, White and Dark simply are incomplete without the other. They are vastly different yet quite literally need their other half. Rhun is not White or Dark, Rhun can only ever be Grey. Because White is everything that Rhun hates about xierself and Dark is everything that Rhun was preached was bad about xierself. But Rhun can't just split into two to live as Dark, because that would mean killing a part of xierself and living as the shadow of that part. To truly be alive and follow xies job and collect teeth, Rhun needs both of xies halves.

And in the end, Dark realised that he doesn't want White to die. Dark hates everything White represents, but Dark doesn't necessarily hate White. Just like White hates everything Dark represents but doesnt immediately hate Dark.

So the two entities combine into one, sharing one train of thought and one body, so that both can live on and that they are able to use their power to it's fullest.

PHEWWWW, THAT WAS A LONG RANT, my bad for that! Anyway, I will leave this as is and make another post for my Oskar and Zahnfee headcanons! So stay tuned!:D

[xxsabitoxx]

Pale Blue part 1 {Teaser}

Geto Suguru x AFAB Pregnant Reader

Warnings: This story will be multiple parts covering heavier topics and questionable morals. It also contains explicit sexual content, descriptions of pregnancy (like morning sickness) and other things.

September 2007

The air almost feels stale as you get your routine done in the bathroom, the test is still sitting in the small can beside your sink. It’s presence is heavy, to the point you question if you should take it out with you despite only having a couple tissues accompanying it. You decided against it when she knocked again. “Just getting dressed.” You mumbled softly, listening for her small “Hmph.” At least letting you know she heard you. Your uniform still felt foreign on your skin, it had for the last three weeks but you tried to ignore it. “About time.” Shoko smiled as you emerged, Satoru beside her. “Oh? You’re both here?” Your tone was questioning but not mad. 

“Yeah, Yaga said we should take the day to be normal or something like that.” Satoru drawled, circular glasses sliding down his nose as he rolled his eyes. “Us? Normal?” You snorted, pulling your door shut as Shoko began walking down the hallway. “He just doesn’t know what to do with us at the moment.” Satoru offered in a low tone, Shoko would scold him for speaking like that, especially to you. The thing is, he wasn’t saying anything that you hadn’t already thought of yourself. “I don’t know what to do with us either.” You could assume Yaga was being vigilant, the guilt of not seeing what was happening with Suguru was weighing on him too. 

The flick of Shoko’s lighter was heard as you stepped into the morning air, laughter bubbling in your chest as you looked at her. “It was killing you, wasn’t it.” Yaga had been cracking down on her bad habit, trying to limit her by saying no smoking in the dorms. “Just a little.” She teased back, inhaling deeply before blowing the gray smoke past her lips. “Shoko, gimme one.” Your eyebrow cocked as Satoru stuck his hand out. Her eyes met you for a moment before begrudgingly handing the lighter and pack to him. “New habit?” You commented softly, watching as he stuck a cylinder between his lips and held his hand up to block the flame from the wind. 

Satoru shrugged, inhaling a bit before blowing out, moving to hand the pack to you. You hesitated, the test in your dorm trash can still lingering in the back of your mind. “I’m good.” You took them anyway, handing them to Shoko. Neither of them said anything but they shared a knowing glance, they couldn’t be mad at you for trying to quit a bad habit. “So where are we going?” You didn’t like the prolonged silence as the two of them puffed away. “I didn’t think you’d want to go anywhere, but if you want we can go get breakfast.” Shoko’s eyes flickered over both you and Satoru, as if she was looking at two temperamental children. 

“Breakfast sounds good.” Satoru offered, shoving one hand in his pocket while the other plucked the cig from his lips. “It does.” You added softly, stomach turning at the very thought of food but you couldn’t let them know that. You had lost your appetite shortly after he left, but you still forced yourself to eat at least one substantial meal a day. The nausea that had settled in your gut most days usually deterred you from anything else but plain rice and maybe some soup. Still, it was food and the only thing you could keep down at that. “Alright, I’ll call for a driver and we can go get something to eat.” Shoko pulled out her phone, clicking on a number she saved. 

“You’ve been eating, right?” You jumped a little, eyes sliding over to Satoru. His tone was low, just low enough for only you to hear. “Yeah, I’ve been eating… you?” He looked the same, tall and lean with broad shoulders. Satoru nodded, pushing his glasses up to sit on the bridge of his nose. “The car will be at the gates for us in five minutes so let's get going.” Shoko started walking, like always you and Satoru followed behind her like ducklings. Satoru’s question still lingered in your mind, his ability to read your thoughts nearly rivaled Suguru. 

You had to wonder just how much those six eyes of his could see. 

🎶 Pale Blue Playlist 🎶