#actually anorexia

[fuck-your-proana-blog]

Before messaging me all night/morning trying to excuse away your responsibility from posting harmful content, ask yourself:

Do you think promoting anorexia publicly is not harmful to others, but calling out/reporting blogs that promote EDs is?

Do you excuse violations of the TOS because "pro for me, not for thee?"

Do you think AN is the only valid ED?

Do you think promoting EDs is a symptom of EDs?

Do you ignorantly think that everyone who promotes EDs automatically has AN?

Do you think that triggering people by promoting dangerous ED activity is fine and Tumblr should be your "safe space" to do so, but I should forgo my own "safe space" by welcoming pro anas and their rude comments on my PERSONAL RECOVERY blog?

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, feel free to Fuck Right Off!

[queervegancryptid]

please help, i haven't had a meal in four days (current as of 10/25/2024)

i'm in early recovery from anorexia and have basically been nonfunctional for months. i'm also disabled and get about $925 per month from disability and SSI, combined. i usually get food stamps, but this month, i didn't, because i never got the letter telling me i needed to recertify. so this has been a really rough month.

i'm more stable and feel stronger now than i did a few months ago. i'm even able to start back on a low dose of my ADHD meds, which i had to quit because i was having some scary heart issues.

the improvement i've had has been largely due to drinking meal replacement drinks. which i cannot afford now because i don't have any money and don't have food stamps.

i'm literally starving. i'm working on a gofundme because of the situation with my eating disorder and other things, but this is an emergency. we need help NOW.

please consider donating and/or boosting the post. thank you to anybody who does either/both.

As of 10/27/2024, this is still VERY URGENT. My partner can't work for the next few days, so things are about to get even harder for us.

paypal --> https://paypal.me/niksnotdead

venmo --> @Nik-Hartsfield // https://venmo.com/code?user_id=2098827867717632267&created=1729889548

cashapp --> $niksnotdead // https://cash.app/$niksnotdead

zelle --> +1-352-226-7347 // nikhartsfield@gmail.com

[hakeem0n]

I just want to be fragile and pretty. I want to be loved.

[whsprings]

but you aren't a lost cause and you do have the time.

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

NPD + anorexia culture is getting supply from someone saying "you're so skinny?" even though they meant it in an "I'm concerned for you" way.

.

[hello-sweetheart]

Tumblr is NOT the place to be censoring your ed in the tags. You’re not gonna get shadow banned this isn’t fucking tik tok.

STOP WITH THE #@n0r3x!a ☺️ #deathspo😙 BULLSHIT

I’m tired of having to block every new anorexia tag that pops up CUZ YOU GUYS CREATE ABSURD TAGS THAT I CAN NEVER BLOCK and dont add the actual ed tag

If you don’t include the actual ed in your tags so your post can be blocked by people trying to recover, then you’re a piece of shit.

Try getting a journal and log off.

Knock it off

[stalkerish]

i’m not saying that no one should ever talk about celebrities’ bodies, obviously they have a real tangible effect on ideals and the psyches of the general population, but holy shit can you at least do it with a bit of compassion and grace. what fucking good do you think you’re doing by saying that you think someone looks like they have an eating disorder because they look repulsive and gross? literally one of the most evil and counterproductive ways to talk about eating disorders wtf.

[anaalnathrakhs]

oh god ed reddit is having the “uwu anorexia isn’t rooted in fatphobia my mental illness is not abt you” talk again please god help me

fatphobia doesn’t mean “being a meanie to fat ppl” i’m begging you to use critical thinking skills for five seconds and apply what you know about literally any other form of oppression to this situation.

people’s point isn’t that you having anorexia makes them feel bad and therefore you’re a bad fatphobic person.

they’re pointing out how the deeply ingrained fatphobia our society upholds, from misconceptions about health to moralization of looks and weight, including yes being jerks to fat ppl’s faces bc they’re fat, is affecting what you think about your own looks, weight, health, body, clothes, eating habits, etc.

the logic isn’t “you became anorexic because you hate fat people so much you never wanted to be fat yourself (and that makes you a bad person)” it’s “fatphobia is a prism that transforms the root cause of your ed into disordered thoughts, behaviors, and patterns (and unlearning fatphobia will help you with recovery and harm-reduction)”

like. it’s not for no reason that anorexia is a disorder that disproportionatedly affects women. it’s not for no reason that there’s sky high comorbidity rates for eds and ocd. it’s not for no reason that people who need control in their lives so badly that they develop a mental disorder abt it get obssessed with being skinny and not with being a sumo. it’s not for no reason that ppl who feel the need to retract to childhood due to trauma envy things like being skinny light and frail, instead of being a tubby baby. it’s not for no reason that there is an incredibly common anorexic thought pattern (internal and self-directed, don’t make me say what i didn’t say) that associaties restriction and weight loss with moral goodness.

for each of these there IS a number of exceptions, but you can see case by case how the root cause (trauma, need for control, for self-destruction, growing up poor, whatever you think is “unrelated to fatphobia” basically) is processed through the prism of the fatphobic culture we’ve all been raised in. some people just, voluntarily or not, deal with those root causes in different way, which might or might not be healthy. but it’s a consequence of ambiant fatphobia that “i should starve and be skinny about it” is a statistically pretty common response to this distress.

the point isn’t “it’s fatphobic that you don’t deal with your neuroses in a body positive way uwu” the point is that no matter how cool you are with fat people on like, a personal level, you’ve been (like the rest of us) bombarded with fatphobic thought patterns your entire life basically, both directly fatphobic things and reactions to this fatphobia. maybe spoken to you directly, maybe not. maybe about you maybe about other people. you live in a society that places moral values into looks and health, and also pushes some deeply rooted falsehoods about how those things tie into each other. you have a disorder defined by obsessive behaviors. maybe, just maybe, deconstructing the logic that those obsessives behaviors are based upon will help you deal with this disorder. and recover or reduce harm.

basically, anorexia isn’t “getting skinny disorder” it’s “obsession disorder”, obsession with looking attractive, or pleasing your family, or going back to being a kid, or being healthy, or being fit, or being driven and capable, or being worth saving, or having your suffering known, or having control over something, or whatever. the fatphobia that is omnipresent (and i repeat, omnipresent, nobody is singling you out as a bad fatphobic meanie, or even talking about your behavior towards other people around you) in our society picks the direction in which many many people will express that disorder.

of course if you live in a society that tells you “being fat is morally bad” at every turn, when you start developping an obssessive pathological need to control things, without another factor weighting in, most people’s default reaction will be anorexia. food is a regular fixture of everybody’s life, everyone wants to be morally good, and even if we know/understand/believe to an extent the flaws of that “fat = bad” logic we know the world around us still believes it, and nobody wants to be treated like shit. we can think it’s stupid and fight against fatphobia and work to treat fat ppl better in our lives and support body positivity, but in any case, one always judges oneself on different metrics than they judge others, cuz we control our self-improvement. that’s natural. just it doesn’t mesh well with a pathologically obssessive need for control above self-preservation.

[actuallyverynormalbtw]

avoidant antisocial agoraphobic anorexic addict AND autistic????

alliteration :/

[tombfriend]

studies of some recent mirror selfies (do not attempt at home)

[fuck-your-proana-blog]

Posted this "funny meme" 3 years ago today on Facebook.. I'm mad at myself for still thinking of my many slowly progressing illnesses and injuries as jokes back then.

Wish I didn't still consider my physical state back then something I could push through instead of listening to my doctors, my body, and everyone else in my life who could tell my body wasn't going to hold out forever.

My reality today (or even worse) could be yours as well if you're suffering from an ED, exercise addiction, etc. and you don't recover- you will live on in misery like me, or you die will in horrifying pain.

I just spent a hour on the toilet trying to pee and gave up because my back pain was too severe to stay there- but the compression between my spinal discs makes it so I am unable to empty my bladder in under an hour due to nerve damage. Makes it impossible to fall back asleep if I have to pee at night because I become wide awake, and the pain from whatever position I ended up in during the couple hours of sleep I do get doesn't help. Then I have to switch out ice packs, get my 6 pillows rearranged to prop my body *just so* to maybe get enough of a break from the pain so sleep sets in, and get a drink because the 25+ pills I take a day all give me dry mouth- makes the peeing situation even better!

You don't want this, and if you think you're "not sick enough," "don't deserve recovery," etc., you're wrong.

I know pretty much everyone who follows this blog suffers from an eating disorder, exercise addiction, or some other form of self harm- get help, now. Before it's too late.

My inbox is open to all of you- i am not a doctor, therapist, etc., but I will listen to you and tell you what I know from my own experience to see if I can help you choose to seek the proper care you deserve before you end up like me-or worse.

A reminder though: anyone with EDs suffers, so don't make your blog a place that encourages others to suffer, even if you think it's "just for you." Most of my personal thoughts lately have been "trigger warning" city, so I write them out in drafts to feel like I've spilled into the void, then I save it, and never publish it- saves my readers from seeing the unhealthy things that my mind is full of these days when I start to write out a personal post and notice it going real dark.

Private blogs exist too.

We're all suffering, but letting your suffering hurt others is never ok. Do not promote eating disordered or self harm behavior- your actions affect more than just you.

[queervegancryptid]

end of the year cry for help from your local disabled trans guy

i really feel weird about doing this, but here it is: i need help. it's been a fucked up year, and i wish i could just eternal sunshine the whole thing out of my brain. but since that's not an option, and since i don't want to die, my only option is to keep living, and to do that, i need some help.

it's still a few days until i get paid, we're out of food stamps because they cut them off AGAIN this month (long story) and so when they fixed the mistake i lost about a third of what i would normally get from that. and i've gone to every app that lends money. i don't qualify for some because my income is from disability (SSI and SSDI) and doing it in the first place is already a pernicious thing, but i've gone to every well i have, is my point. they're all dry.

at a minimum, i need to buy food. i'm in recovery from anorexia, and i've been backsliding some lately because, to put it bluntly, i feel like i don't matter enough to spend what little resources we have on food for me. so i just. stay hungry. most of the time. and it has to stop. my body hurts all the time, but half the reason is because i haven't had new shoes in over two years, and mine are so beat up, walking for 20 minutes makes my feet and back hurt tremendously.

i guess i'm throwing myself on the mercy of the holiday spirit. or something. anyway, please help if you can and BOOST this if possible. i know a lot of folks are struggling right now, so if you can't donate, i understand. boosting still helps. remember, this is the reblogging website, y'all. please reblooble.

please help in whatever way you can, if you can, but either way, i hope everyone is having a safe and happy holiday season, whether you celebrate any of them in particular at all or not.

cash - $niksnotdead / https://cash.app/$niksnotdead pp - https://paypal.me/niksnotdead zelle - +1-352-226-7347 ven - @Nik-Hartsfield / https://venmo.com/u/Nik-Hartsfield google - nikhartsfield@gmail.com

[hakeem0n]

Who am I lying I am not okay I just want to cry uncontrollably in someone’s arms, I feel so confused and scared I can’t understand what’s going on, I feel stuck I can’t keep doing this anymore

I can’t like anything about myself and I feel so fucking fat and disgusting with myself and my body, I feel like I deserve nothing from anyone but I am craving affection so bad, I feel so alone I want to cry, I wish I could just be loveable and desirable in some way.

[torchickentacos]

Can I just say yet again how fucking annoying it is that the first recommended fix for every chronic health problem ever is like. 'have you considered developing an eating disorder and obsessively reading labels and cutting out entire food groups?'

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

tw anorexia

npd anorexia culture is having this itchy feeling because you want everyone know how little you ate today so you could get attention and words of affirmation but you don't do this because you don't get any and your ed is actually scary people

.

[lloydfrontera]

i don't think theo would relapse after rakiel dies but i do think he would overcorrect so hard to avoid it he'd end up developing a whole new eating disorder because of it. not really starving himself as much as controlling everything he eats down to the tiniest bite. not allowing himself to deviate from his diet at all and feeling extemely guilty and anxious when he does. in a horrible situation where nothing feels right and there's so little he can do to fix it, this is the one thing he has control over. this is the one thing he can do to make sure things go as well as they can. he fucked up once and rakiel had to step in to fix him but now his brother is gone and there'll be no one to catch the pieces if he breaks again so. he just has to make sure he never does. he has to control himself because there's no one now to extend a hand to help him up if he falls.