#abandonment anxiety

[copingwithmemes]

[mymidwestheart]

[glitterkitty2-0]

WELL HOW DO YOU HEAL HUH? I FUCKING WANT TO BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW. I DON'T WANT TO BE IN PAIN ANYMORE.

[ghoulishlycool]

Reminding myself every day that people who cut all ties with me because someone else told them to were never meant to stay in my life.

[jaysen-vor-hee-hees]

Abandonment Anxiety - A vent piece

“It’s funny how you don’t know how important something is until it’s gone.”

The phrase circled my mind as I struggled for air, as if my spirit had taken hold of my lungs and crushed them in the palm of it’s hand.

I’m probably overthinking. Of course I’m overthinking. I always do. But I can’t shake the feeling that I’m in the wrong. Was it something I said? Something I did? Are they ever coming back?

I can’t breathe. I feel a familiar burning feeling rising up through my body as my head spins and my vision blurs as heat pools around my eyes.

Of course it’s my fault. Why wouldn’t it be my fault? It’s always my fault. I can never watch my tongue, I can never control my body. My body isn’t my own. It’s never been my own.

I didn’t mean it. I swear I didn’t mean it. I don’t know what I did, but I didn’t mean it.

As I spiraled, down and down the hole in my mind, the tear in my reality, so did everything else. Horrors beyond me painted the walls. But I couldn’t scream. I can never scream. I can’t let them know I’m scared. The fear I feel.

I’m doubled over as acid spews from my mouth. It burns my damaged throat. I want to scream. I can’t scream. There’s too much acid. I can’t breathe.

I’m so cold. The night air flooding through the window bites at my skin like a savage animal. It’s not helping my situation in the slightest. I just want to curl up, for this all to be over. But, if it was even there in the first place, my high guardian has forsaken me. He did a long time ago.

“Help” I try to scream, but it just comes out as a raspy sob. It hurts. I’m cold. I can’t breathe. As my body falls to the carpet, I see a light flicker on for a moment in the dark of my room.

Of course I was overthinking it. Now look at me.

[sleepysailorpisces]

Nobody ever talks about the anxiety you feel when ppl leave you all the time and then you find someone who makes you feel safe? How am I supposed to function normally and not be anxious during transitional periods, or the thought of each time I have to leave and I won’t know if that’s the last time I’m going to see them?

[qifreyplushie]

promise you'll never leave me

[yayll]

~ a little something about Dazai and his tantrums ~

"... Hmph. I hope you crash this car and we both die."

The moody brunet mutters under his breath as he looks out of the car window, his arms crossed over his chest, refusing to look at you. He was awfully cute whenever he did this, and oh so vexing at the same time. You learned to acclimate to this very early into your relationship with him.

"What? All I said was that I was going to be driving us, Osamu!"

Your laugh is light hearted as you focus on the road ahead, dismissing his whiny behavior for another one of his... Melodramatic performances, his co-workers once called it. He finally turns to glare at you, but a wicked glint in his narrowed eyes betrays him... You can tell he's more unserious than anything. Playful, even. And besides, he would never actually be upset with you, he just can't stop thinking up schemes to make you roll your eyes at him. Your smile alone makes his thoughts impure, shame on you!

"Yeah, well... I feel dehumanized! overlooked! neglected..." He feigns offense, sighing heavily as he slouches into the passenger seat. He places a bandaged arm over his face, groaning softly but still side eyeing you to check if you're looking at him or not.

"You do that all on your own, silly."

"Excuse me? I'm expressing my grievances and you're calling me silly? Oh, so that's what this is really about. You don't love me anymore! What a cruel beauty you are..."

He gasps, now burying his face into the crook of his elbow, pretending to weep as he mumbles incoherent nonsense about how much you mistreat him. In actuality, he was giddy as hell. You park the car, and turn to face him, a coy smile flashes on your lips.

"Nobody said anything about not loving you. Now, what can I do to fix this, Mm?"

He lifts his head up, suddenly composed and shrugging his shoulders as if nothing ever happened, speaking in a matter of fact voice that somehow deepened.

"Well, definitely don't let me drive. I don't even have a license. I'd kill us in an instant."

"... Then why argue about it?!"

"Because you look so beautiful when you're yelling at me. And you make me feel alive. Anddd, because I'm bored~"

He flashes you a cheeky grin, it's dreamy and sickening. His eyes twinkle with mischief as he leans over the seat and flicks away a stray hair from your face. Dazai then taps the tip of your nose, slowly dragging his finger down to your plush bottom lip, gently flipping it over to expose your teeth. The pad of his finger gently swirls against your canines, and finally, retreats... He knows there's a time and place for his worship prodding. His eyes travel back up to yours, and you can swear they look darker than usual. If only the Port Mafia could see what became of the Demon Prodigy... A new man reborn! A man who loves!

The rest of the day is spent with you indulging Dazai, something along the lines of 'reparations' is what he calls it. Only he knows how much it means to him that you can handle him during his calculated outbursts... or rather harmless tests to prove you won't leave him at the first sign of trouble. He needs you to be in it for the longhaul, just like he is. It's deceptive, but no one has to know! He just loves you and these are simply counter measures. You'd probably call him selfish, but as long as you call him at all, he doesn't give a shit. Because in the grand scheme of things, he really can't drive, and you two are inevitably endgame.

You're the ball, and he's your chain.

[aquanutart]

[theusernameiwantisntavailable]

Lights out

[the-auguer]

no guts

just a little something that’s been in the crockpot of my mind for, oh, a year. i’m purging the dreaded WIPs of my notes app and figured I finally found the direction I wanted to go with this one. this is inspired by @fickleminder’s “no hope, no love, no glory” which you should definitely read. basically, what would happen if MC fell out of favor with Mammon

———————————————

“And— and ya shoulda seen the server’s face when Beel kept goin’ with the— hey. Hey? Ya listenin’ over there?”

Your eyes had gone cloudy. They usually do around halfway into any story, but Mammon was determined to make you laugh this time. This was a story tried and tested to make even the grumpiest demons laugh and he misses your laugh like he’s never missed anything else. There’s an ache where your presence used to be that nothing else can fill. Because he can be leaning over your bedside, fussing over your pillows, scooting his chair up until his knees knock against the bed frame and it won’t matter. You’re present and you’re breathing and he’s close to you, but you’re not there. Not there. 

Your eyes drift back down to his face, focusing back in, just a little. It’s enough for Mammon to pick back up his story, watching your attention extra carefully now because this is the punchline of the story and you can’t miss it or he’ll never hear you laugh and the void will keep aching because he’s greedy and grasping but there’s nothing to have anymore, nothing to grasp— except there will be because Mammon will make it. He’ll create something to hold onto, something he’ll horde all to himself in the hole in his chest. He’ll create it. 

“And it was a mess, and the server said, he said—“

“I was a server,” you croak and Mammon is instantly snapping his mouth shut. His teeth clink together uncomfortably but Mammon ignores it, nodding his head rapidly, eager to egg you on. You talk so little. Your voice sounds a bit rough, should he grab you a glass of water? But no, he has to pay attention, he’ll get you that glass in a minute. He’ll remember. 

Your eyes list to the side and Mammon swerves his head so you’re still making eye contact with him. 

“There was… the company went bankrupt so I had to find another job.” You say. Your fingers inch across your blankets, tapping against the mattress just slightly. Like you’re about to start gesticulating when you speak. They don’t go very far. “It was around— no, it was near my… my house. Apartment. The restaurant was near my apartment… maybe two, three miles away. I’d walk there everyday.”

Mammon leans further in, hanging off your every word. What little he knows about your life outside your time in the Devildom hurts him. Pains him like nothing else. That you had a life, that you had experiences, that you lived your human lifespan and Mammon only gets the tail end of it when he wanted the all of it. But that’s his own fault, isn’t it? No use in being greedy with something you gave up. Mammon will leave that to Levi. He’d prefer to be greedy with the time you have left in his life than envious of the time you spent without him. 

“I mostly… I mostly handled the cashdrawer. The customers would— they never tipped when I was the server.” Your eyes move to him and there’s the clarity Mammon’s been aching for. The slightest bit of sharpness in your eyes. It makes his heart beat a little faster, even after all this time. “And I always wasted the— the ingredients when I cooked. So I manned the register.”

You huff out a breath and Mammon’s heart near leapt out of his throat. You laughed. You laughed you laughed you laughed you laughed. You laughed and he was here to see it. 

“Should— I should have known,” you mumble and Mammon strains himself to hear everything you say. “I never did anything right. It was a couple dollars at first. Every few nights. But then I was losing ten. Twenty. Thirty. Every night.” Your brows furrow as you recall. “And they said— said I was stealing.”

Your eyes turn to him and they bore into him with… something. Not intensity. Not sadness. But some kind of weight Mammon can’t place. Every nerve is prickling. His chest hurts. 

“I wasn’t.” You whisper, like it’s a confession. “But the— and then when I was moved to cleaning, when it stopped going missing. And then I spilled— I was fired. From being a server.”

Your eyes slide away from him and you look down at your hands, still and wrinkled on the blankets. 

“Never did anything right,” you mutter.

“That’s not true!” Mammon bursts out heatedly, making you startle a little. He lowers his voice immediately. “That’s not true. Ya— ya did everythin’ right. Ya did.” 

You slowly sink back against the pillows, loosing whatever wind you had, the firmness of your posture and eyes fading away. You make a ‘hmmph’ sound of mild derision and say nothing else. 

Mammon’s hands hover over one of yours. There’s a sick, tight feeling in his throat and he just wants to explain that you weren’t a screw up or a failure or whatever else you might think. They were the failures, the colossal fuck ups. Mammon most of all. 

If you were having trouble at your job, Mammon should have been there. Your first man, your protector, should have helped you prove your innocence and helped you find the missing cash. Mammon’s always had a nose for money, and it would have been easy for him to give you some of his—

Some of his affinity for it. 

“No. No no no no no no no no no no.” Mammon hands cover your hand, squeezing it tightly. “Ya— did you have trouble? Did— did— ya said your company went bankrupt? Money went missing? What other stuff happened? Hey, hey. Focus on me, please? What else happened? Please?”

Your eyes do move to him, annoyance in the slight furrow of your brow. But you don’t say anything. 

“No, please? Just— ya don’t gotta tell me all of it, promise. Just a little.”

“Every company,” you mutter, resentful. Mammon doesn’t know if you’re resentful of him or what you’re talking about. He doesn’t want to know. 

“Every company what,” Mammon snaps, impatient. His heart is thudding so fast. His hands are drained of color around the knuckles and shaking over your wrinkled one. “They what?”

“Went bankrupt. Or I got laid off. Every company I worked for.” You shake your head, eyes trained on the ceiling but looking off somewhere unknowable. “Never did anything right.”

Mammon’s hands fall away from their vice grip on yours. They find a new home over his mouth, where he clamps his fingers to his jaw as he fights wave after wave of nausea. 

Fuck. Fuck!

“I didn’t…” he gasps. “It— I didn’t do it,” he tells you desperately. “It wasn’t me! Or I— I didn’t mean to. I didn’t know!”

You look at him again. And it… it’s awful. Mammon can spend hours by your bed, praying for you to look at him, hoarding every moment you acknowledge him. But this? Your empty eyes that somehow pin him to his chair? They make him want to run. Shrivel up and disappear. Worse than when Lucifer gets the wrinkle in the middle of his forehead that means he’s really upset and Mammon has fucking done it this time. 

“Okay,” you say, befuddled and… and nothing else. Nothing at all.

Mammon puts his head in his hands, his elbows digging into his thighs. You once told him his elbows were bony. Laughed right in his face when he got all puffed up and mad about it. He feels it now, the aching pressure that presses his legs into the fake leather cushion of the stiff, uncomfortable chair he sits in. 

He would give every Grimm— no, every bit of gold, every shiny piece, every glimmer in his collection for you to call him bony again. 

“I didn’t know,” he says again. To you. To the open air of the stupid, shitty human nursing home. To his brothers— fuck how is he going to tell them? How is he supposed to… fuck. 

You don’t answer. And for once, Mammon’s grateful for it. 

[meirimerens]

this pathologic classic hd interior ass real estate picture

[solargeist]

xelqua having complicated feelings on whether or not grian is his dad vs grian being like yeah thas my boy 👍

[sunsetsandsunshine]

~ 𝚈'𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠…𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚖 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚊 𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛. ~

💙👻🩵👻💙👻🩵

(𝙰𝚛𝚝 𝚋𝚝 𝙶𝚋𝚘𝚢𝟸𝟶𝟷𝟾 𝚘𝚗 𝙳𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚊𝚗𝚝𝙰𝚛𝚝)

̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝚃𝙸𝙲𝙺𝙻𝙴𝚃𝙾𝙱𝙴𝚁 𝙳𝙰𝚈 𝟷𝟸: 𝙲𝚁𝙾𝚂𝚂𝙾𝚅𝙴𝚁˚*• ̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*＊·̩̩̥͙

𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: 𝙷𝚞𝚛𝚝/𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚝 (𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑, 𝙸 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚎 💗)

𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜: 𝟸,𝟼𝟷𝟾

𝙻𝚎𝚎: 𝙻𝚎𝚘 🐢🩵

𝙻𝚎𝚛: 𝙻𝚎𝚘𝚗 🐢💙

𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: 𝙻𝚎𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚑𝚒𝚖𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛’𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚊𝚗 𝚊𝚕𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢’𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚕…𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚢 𝚊𝚜 𝚏𝚞𝚌𝚔. 𝙰𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 (𝚖𝚘𝚜𝚝𝚕𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝙳𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚎’𝚜) 𝚏𝚒𝚐𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚊 𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚑𝚘𝚖𝚎, 𝚜𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚛 𝙻𝚎𝚘 𝚍𝚛𝚊𝚐𝚜 𝙻𝚎𝚘𝚗 𝚘𝚞𝚝𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎 𝚝𝚘…𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚔.

(𝙰/𝙽: 𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝚖𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚕𝚢: 𝙳𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚐𝚞𝚢! 𝚃*𝚌𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙺𝚒𝚗𝚔/𝙽𝚂𝙵𝚆 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚜 𝙳𝙽𝙸!!!)

𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝚃𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚌𝚞𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏-𝚍𝚎𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜, 𝚢𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚛𝚐𝚞𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜! 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚔 ☺️🫶🏾!!

𝙸.𝙸. (𝙸𝙼𝙿𝙾𝚁𝚃𝙰𝙽𝚃 𝙸𝙽𝙵𝙾): 𝚁𝚒𝚜𝚎 = 𝙻𝚎𝚘𝚗, 𝙼𝚞𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝙼𝚊𝚢𝚑𝚎𝚖 = 𝙻𝚎𝚘!!!

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙻𝚊𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚕𝚘𝚞𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚠𝚘 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚞𝚙𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚢😙🩷🙌🏾˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙

“Yeesh…you have a deeper Raph chasm than Raph himself…” The red eared slider lightly joked as he caught a glimpse of his smaller counterpart. 

The younger counterpart in question didn’t even seem…remotely phased by the remark, looking over the city of NYC like it was going to be his last time doing so. 

But the smaller turtle felt like he was being slightly watched…(which, he in fact was) he then looked up and locked eyes with his older counterpart. “…Huh? W-Were you talking to me?”

“Nope. I was just talking to my imaginary friend Mr. Snoozle— of course I was talking to you.” Leon said sarcastically, raising an eye ridge at the other teen. 

Leo blushed slightly at the elder’s sarcasm, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, “Sorry…I-I was spacing out…I do that a lot.”

“Yeah…no kidding. I’ve been talking to you for the past ten minutes and all I’ve gotten from you were six 'mhm’s', three 'yup’s' and seven 'dang that’s crazy's'.” The older one snorted, “If I didn’t know any better, it seems like you don’t wanna talk to me.”

“No! I-It’s not that!” The smaller turtle immediately protested, fiddling nervously with his fingers as he gazed at the streets of NYC once more. 

Which…was really the only thing he could do right at this moment. 

Besides…the city always looked so…pretty in the evenings. 

Well, if there wasn’t crime happening…

…Which was, like, a good 40-50% of the time but still.

“So…what is it, then? Why did you take me to a random rooftop in the smack middle of NY? 'Cuz, no offense…but I was having a nice first place winning streak in Fashion Famous before all of this.” The taller turtle said.

The honey brown teen raised a doubtful brow, “…You play Fashion Famous?”

“Psh…who doesn’t?” Leon scoffed, “But that’s a question worth discussing for another day…” He said as he leaned his shell against the rooftop guardrail as he looked up at the afternoon soon to turn to evening sky, “So tell me..what’s going on, dude?”

“…I…I needed to talk to you…” Leo mumbled. 

“I…can see that.” The elder giggled, “But, what did you wanna talk about?”

The younger fiddled with his fingers nervously again, picking at his thumb’s hang nail slightly as he avoided the other’s gaze entirely now, “…How…H-How do I become a good leader…?” 

Leon blinked in confusion, darting his eyes around the rooftop looking for someone else before letting out a humorless laugh, “Uhuh…whahahat?”

“I-I said…how do I become a good leader…?” Leo repeated, a bit quieter this time.

“…You’re asking me that?” The slider asked incrediously.

“Yes…!” Leo emphasized, getting off of the rail to look at the taller turtle, “How do I—”

“U-Uh…this is…flattering and all, b-but I reheally think you should talk to my Raph about…that.” The red eared slider interrupted, rubbing his arm anxiously and tensing up a bit as the other mutant looked at him with confusion and distraught.

“What? Why!?” Leo asked, getting up from the ledge to look fully at his older counterpart.

“Well, I’m not the oldest turtle in the family like you. I’m the second youngest. Raphalla has more experience, more wisdom and aaaaall that good stuff.” The lime green eyed turtle said as he grimaced awkwardly, picking at a hangnail as well.

Great minds think alike, I suppose…

The honey brown eyed mutant blinked, “I…so? Your still the leader of your team—“

“Welp…this conversation has been fun but I gotta go—”

“But—”

“I have a toooooon of stuff to do now that I think about it…”

“B-But I—”

“And besides, I’m sure your leadership skills aren’t as bad as you think they are—”

“PLEASE!!” The younger shouted as the older tried to leave, making the other flinch slightly at the sudden and random yell, “…Please. J-Just a small piece of advice! A-A hint…! Anything!” 

The taller mutant sighed inwardly, turning around as he crossed his arms— not in a malicious way…but it was really the only form of body langauge he could do at the moment other than picking more at his skin…

…Which, he promised Donnie he would try to stop doing…

“…Why do you want my input so bad…?” The lime green eyed teen asked, mentally cringing at how weak and fragile he sounded.

“I…I don’t know.” The younger mumbled quietly as he sat down against the ledge on the building, hugging his knees to his chest, “I just…figured you would know some stuff…”

“Some…stuff?” The other pressed.

Leo rolled his eyes, “You know what I’m taking about; being a good leader and all that shit!” 

“Pfft— HAH! Trust me, dude…I’m just as lost as you are with this whole 'being a good leader' thing.” Leon chuckled, sitting down next to his counterpart.

“…What are you talking about?” 

“I just became a leader, like…two-ish weeks ago? I dunno…the past weeks have been a complete blur.” The red eared slider explained, holding in an amused snort as he saw how genuinely shocked the other turtle was by his new lore drop. 

“My Raph was originally the leader of the team but after my family defeated the Shredder…my Dad was just all like: 'Blue, you’re the new leader now' and the rest was history…” 

“…Just like that?” The honey brown eyed teenager asked in pure surprise. 

“Just like that.” Leon confirmed. 

“Well, fuck me, then…” The smaller teen grumbled in defeat, burying his face in his knees as the other let out the amused snort he’s been holding in, “I’m good, thanks.” 

“You know that’s not what I meant.” The younger grumbled at the older’s immaturity. 

…He needs to make a mental note to himself to never let his own Mikey and Leon be in the same room with one another…

“I personally think you have nothing to worry about, though. You seem like you’re doing a pretty good job—” Leon tried to say. 

“But I’m not!” Leo exclaimed as he interrupted the older, mentally punching himself for making a loud outburst again, “I-I’m…not…”

“My brother’s don’t listen to me.” The smaller teen explained, his voice either demonstrating frustration or self-depreciation…

…Leon couldn’t tell.

“They always assume I want to be bossy or I want to be controlling but in reality I just wanna protect them!” The honey brown eyed turtle seethed, “I-I just want to be there for them a-and help!!! I knowthat we’re all the same age and I guess it seems like I’m babying them but I kinda have to because they aren’t responsible! They wouldn’t know responsibility if it walked up to them and punched them straight in the face!!”

The lime green eyed mutant rubbed his arm, tapping his fingers on his knees to try and calm himself down; getting overwhelmed was not a good look on him. 

Plus, it clashed with his autumn shade. 

“…Just, uh…trust yourself…?” The elder tried. 

“But I don’t!” The younger shouted, “I’ve tried and tried and tried to lead but they just. don’t. listen! I-I can’t lead people who don’t want to be lead!” 

“…Your Dad picked you to be the leader for a reason—”

“Well I don’t even know what that damn reason is! ” Leo seethed, burying his face into his arms, “My brother’s want Raph to lead…they don’t want…me. They want someone collective and strong and dependent as their leader; someone who they can be relient on…s-someone who they can trust…”

The smaller mutant let out a wet scoff, looking to the side of himself, “…I’m none of those things…” 

Almost on cue to the emotional moment, Leon slapped his younger counterpart upside on the head…hard. 

Leo let out a small squawk, rubbing the back of his head as he glared at the other. 

“What the freaking hell was that for?!” Leo seethed. 

“For saying a bunch of dumb shit!” The older seethed back, “Y'know that’s my job, right?” He said as he crossed his arms, glancing straight ahead as he saw the sun peeking out from behind a building….

…It was honestly giving the Attack on Titan intro and Leo wasn’t complaining one bit.

“Look…I’m not going to lie to you; being the leader isn’t easy.” The lime green eyed teen exclaimed knowingly. 

“Gee, I wonder what gave you that idea.” The other grumbled under his breath. 

“Just let me cook!”

“Well, right now you’re burning.”

Leon just rolled his eyes at the smaller’s sassy remark, continuing, “I get it, okay…? Being the leader is…challenging. Especially when you know the people your supposed to be leading don’t…want your leadership— or at the very least aren’t used to it.”

The lime green eyed teenager got up, brushing his legs off as he looked over the building’s rail, seeming like he was…trying to remember something, “It’s…a lot. Your still a kid but you’re literally forced to manage all of these responsibilities and high expectations everyone has for you…”

The older sighed, playing with his mask tails as he glanced at the ground, wishing it had an answer to his and Leo’s predicament, “A-And you don’t…you don’t know what those expectations are…” 

The taller mutant sighed, looking back at his younger counterpart, “But you just…gotta keep going…y’know? Your Dad picked you to be leader for a reason, I’m sure.” Leon assured. 

“But my brother’s—”

“'Want Raph?'” The red eared slider said, “Wehell, you aren’t Raph, now are you?”

“…no.”

“Exactly. So stop trying to compare. You’re Leonardo. Lead how Leonardo would lead.” The elder smiled softly.

God, he sounded so freaking…wise right now!!!

“But…I don’t know how Leonardo leads…that’s why I’m asking you…!!” The younger said. 

Leon snorted, “You gotta figure it out, then! Only you can determine how Leonardo leads. Yes…we’re both Leo’s in a sense but we’re different people…you feel me?”

“I…I-I feel you.” The honey brown eyed teen nodded slightly, “I just…I just don’t wanna mess anything up, I guess…”

“Hate to break it to you…but you 100% will. That’s the great thing about being, well…you. I don’t need to be an alternate version of you to know you fuck things up constantly.” The older Leonardo joked lightly, his soft smile turning to a smug grin as he saw how appalled his younger self got at the comment. 

“And you’re going to fuck up a lot of things when you’re leading your brothers…I’d be lying if I said you wouldn’t. But…overtime you’ll get better…you won’t be perfect…but you’ll get better.” The elder announced, looking over his shoulder to lock eye’s with Leo, “And sooner or later your younger brother’s will learn to trust you to lead them…but you have to trust yourself first.” 

Leo’s eyes widened slightly, looking back at his older self with nothing but…respect and compassionnow. 

His advice actually made…sense. Which is an actual shock because all the things he usually says is just plain old gibberish. 

“So, you gonna pay me?” Leon asked as he sat back down. 

“Huh?” The younger said as he tilted his head in confusion. 

“I said: Are you gonna pay me?” The older asked again, “Advice doesn’t come for free, y'know.” And in a result to the random question and statement, Leo scratched the side of his head, glancing away nervously, “I mean…I have some Jolly Rancher wrappers in my pocket if you’d like that.” 

The older Leonardo raised an unamused brow, biting back a genuine smile at the younger’s attempted transaction. 

“…I’ll…take that as a maybe…?” The shorter mutant quietly guessed. 

“I’ll pass…but I appreciate the offer.” The red eared slider laughed, wrapping his younger counterpart in a hug as he rested his hand on his side, squeezing it comfortingly, “With you and me as our brother’s leaders…there’s absolutely nothing we can’t solve!” 

The older mutant faltered, scratching his chin in sudden realization, “Besides girls…I still haven’t decoded them yet.” 

Leo randomly let out a laugh at the joke, shaking his head as a couple snorts and squeals followed. 

The older Leo raised an amused brow, chuckling lightly at the other’s giggle fit, “Ohoookay…it was never that fuhunny.” 

“Ihi nehehever sahaid ihat— snrt! Yohour hahahand!!!” The younger Leonardo squeaked, holding the other’s wrists loosely. “Oh.” The lime green eyed teenager hummed, his amused eyeridge raise now becoming…smug, “You don’t happen to be…ticklish, do you?” 

The smaller mutant gulped as his counterpart muttered out…the word; and so casually too?!

“N-Noho! N-Nohoh I’m nohot!” The honey brown eyed turtle squeaked out despretley, letting out a city-wide squeal as Leon pinched his hips with his free hand whilst still trapping/wrapping him in a hug. “Really? Well, last I checked, people who 'aren’t ticklish' don’t usually squeal when their hips are squeezed, bud.”  

“Ihihat’s— snrt! Juhuhust stahap!!” 

“If my memory serves me correctly, you said you 'weren’t ticklish', right?” The elder said as he wiggled his free hand near the other’s stomach. 

Which, in fact, was enough to keep the other boy completely howling with laughter. 

Leo screamed, twisting and turning to try and steer away from the tortuous fingers, “N-NohO nohOHO snrt WAHAIT-!!!” 

“Soooo…you obviously don’t mind this, right?” Leon smirked as he used his left hand to scribble around the smaller turtle’s tummy while his right hand wrapped around his shell and tickled his underarm. “IHI MIHIHIND! IHI snrt MIHIHIND snrt AHA LAHAHAT!” The younger mutant squeaked out in panic, flailing and shouting about. 

“But why~? You’re obviously not ticklish.” The red eared slider shrugged casually. 

“IHI SNRT SNRT AHAM!!” The smaller mutant suddenly confessed, pushing on the taller’s chest, “IHI AHAM SNRT  IHIHI AHAM SNRT SNRT IHI SNRT AHAHAM!!” 

“Oh! So…you lied to me?” The older mutant questioned as he clamped Leo’s thigh repetitively.

The complete audacity of this kid…

It was impressive, honestly…

Leo hiccuped, burying his head in the elder’s shoulder, “NOHO! IHI— snrt! GYAHAHA PLEHEHEASE!!” 

“Noho! You lied to me, you little twerp! Ugh…the betrayal! And here I thought we were having a nice little bonding moment!” The red eared slider cried dramatically as he stuffed his hands in Leo’s underarms.

The younger Leonardo loudly squawked, snorting up a storm as the elder continued to relentlessly tickle him to pieces, “L-LEHEEEEEEEHEON!!”

“Hm~? Yeah~? What is it, bud?”

“PLEHEHEASE!! NAHAT SNRT SNRT THAHAT!!!” The honey brown eyed mutant squealed, his yell bouncing off the walls of the buildings of New York. “Why~? Is it your tickle spot~? Your tickle tickletickle spot~? 'Cuz your tickle tickle ticklish~?”

“SHUHUT UHUHUP!!” The smaller turtle howled as Leon scribbled his nails along the other’s plastron patterns, “OHO MY GAHASH YOHOUR SOOHOH MEAN!!!”

“Mean?” The lime green eyed teenager repeated innocently, “I’m not mean~! I’m just asking you a couple questions.” 

“I-IHIHI CAHANT SNRT SNRT SNRT BREATHE!!” 

“That sounds like a yohou problem, but hey! That’s just me…” 

“OKAHAY!!!” The younger wheezed, happy tears pricking out of his eyes; awaiting to fall, “STOHOP! STOHOHAP!!” 

“Stopping stopping…” The elder teenager giggled, doing as he promised and stopping. He wrapped his younger counterpart in a hug, letting the shorter turtle snort and snicker in his shoulder once more, “You got this…okay?” He assured. 

“W-Whahat…? Whahat snrt snrt doohoo I snrt hahahave??” Leo questioned through his giddy laughs which Leon couldn’t help but huff fondly to, “The…Thehe leading thing, dude. You got it, okay? Just remember what I said and you’ll be fine.” 

“I dohon’t eheheven remember whahat yohou said toohoo beehee honest..” 

“I can tickle you again to help you remember—“

“N-NONOHO IHIHI’M GOOD!” Leo emphasized, hugging his middles and burying his head into Leon’s shoulder deeper. The elder just hugged him tighter, resting his cheek on the top of the younger’s head.

The two didn’t know a thing when it came to leading…

But they were going to try…they were going to try leading…

…Because that’s really all anyone could ask for…

Their best. 

·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙵𝙸𝙽˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙ 

(𝙿.𝚂.: 𝙸𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚌, 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐!!!)

[pharawee]

Maybe you need to sleep longer and deeper, so you can see more details of your dream. You're the one who told me that this dream isn't like the others.

—I SAW YOU IN MY DREAM · Episode 11

[adorablesunshinefour]

Shins love for Saint is really “you can hurt me in any way but please don’t hurt me by leaving me 🥺”