#abandonment wound

[fractal-unfoldment]

Unresolved abandonment is the root of self-sabotage.

Susan Anderson, The Journey From Abandonment to Healing

[unwelcome-ozian]

[the-healing-mindset]

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A post shared by Kasturi M ~ Indian Relationship Therapist & Coach (@heymisstherapist)

[kaleb-is-definitely-sane]

[safe-haven-safe-place]

[love-ardour-anarchism]

And though I know you love me so some days I get so lost and I get so depressed in this midwinter lockstep limbo that I start asking questions like Am I still your happy ending? Am I still the one that you dream of coming home to every night, in some most hypothetical design of futures far? Am I still who you wish that you could hold each night? And am I still all of the sweetest things you’ve called me, even when I can’t remember any of them? Am I still like no other? Am I still someone you’d share a future with? Am I still who you think of in order to keep going when days feel hopelessly depressing? Do you still wish you’d get to cuddle me? And do I still smell like your home?

Am I your happy ending? In some most hypothetical design of futures far, where endings are like movies or like games? Is being with me 20 years from now or 10 still that most happy way this game of life could end? And would you look up all the game guides to try and figure out what choices we both need to make? To be together 20 years from now, to each be our most happiest and healthiest and sbe together still?

Am I still your most happy ending? Is being by my side still your most happy, your favourite place to be? Is summer still a time that you look forward to despite all of the things you hate? Do you still think of me the same, do you still think of me so fondly, warmly, so lovingly, and of our fingers intertwined?

Am I still your most happy ending? .SCRR

[seeyatellite]

I release myself from the burden of expectations and hobbies shoved down my throat from birth.

I release myself from feeling the need to make people happy at the expense of my identity.

I release myself from the grief and profound sadness of a father wanting me to be a “car person” or a “boat person” so badly that he cannot hear my protest.

I can say no. I will say no.

I release myself from the grief of saving my father’s life as he fell into a coma and not being there for my mother when she died.

I can turn down any requests to work on a car without shame. It’s okay to turn down involvement with my father’s recently purchased 1950’s scrapyard-looking pickup truck and there’s no shame in it. I refuse to burden myself with the same shame and self-loathing anxiety I felt every time I told that man I don’t want to be involved with a boat day or a car project and he used words of disappointment and guilt tripping that cut like knives.

There is no need to be a mechanically inclined person just to make one man happy. His words, beliefs and expectations are his own and do not need to reflect on me in any way.

There was plenty of other essential knowledge that man neglected to teach. I don’t need to get hung up on his responses to me refusing to celebrate his way or share in his definition of fun.

[standing-on-rupes-altai]

i’m so incredibly tired of human relationships being transactional, and of me trying to constantly figure out what it is that people want from me so that they don’t leave me.

it is always the same. an intense connection, hours talking, opening up, getting closer; the other person wants more (which in almost each and every case means: something physical) and i open up and say i cannot give them that, after which they close off and suddenly are no longer interested in nurturing the connection. their care for me is always conditional.

so i always have to walk this thin line between wanting for them to stay, wanting for this connection to be genuine, wanting to actually for once in my fucking miserable existence have a meaningful human connection, and knowing that if i don’t give them what they want, then our connection will mean nothing.

i’m just honestly so drained, so so tired of this. sometimes i wish i was still a child and sex was not expected of me. i wish i was a child who could make friends and deeply connect and share things and spend time and wonder and ponder about the universe and watch tv shows and laugh and joke and just have that true connection with someone. no transactions. no conditions. 

i’m really starting to believe this doesn’t exist at all, and i’m the only fool that will open up, let you in, share with you, want to spend time with you, while expecting nothing in return.

i’m tired of being abandoned because i’m not useful enough.

[charliebraincharliebrain]

I do not wish I was different. I am doing the best I can. I am excited to continue to grow and evolve into the best version of myself, but I do not wish I was a fundamentally different person because then I wouldn’t be me.

Someone in the meeting today said our identity is constructed by our experiences and our environment; my identity is, for better or for worse, constructed around my abandonment wound. This means I love and feel things very deeply, which makes loss and grief feel especially difficult and makes the happy feelings all the more joyful and all consuming.

I am glad to be who I am. I’m not going to change that for anyone. I am going to get better at processing it and communicating, but I am not going to change who I am or apologise for it. I will apologise for causing harm, but I am not going to apologise for who I am.

[patience-hope-strength-courage]

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A post shared by Dr Lalitaa Suglani (@dr.lalitaa)

Shared From Instagram, Not My Own Post.

[fractal-unfoldment]

If rejection, desertion, or betrayal played a part in your loss, it is not just your sense of security that has been shattered but your belief in yourself, your sense of self-worth.

Susan Anderson, The Journey from Abandonment to Healing

[unwelcome-ozian]

[the-healing-mindset]

Source: Dr. Glenn Doyle

[insomniadude]

it’s hard to not give in to the collapse of my abandoned foundation when those who have once felt at home in my arms have all found a new address

[marbearwrites]

Dear Sis...

I wished you had stayed around town

You didn't have to travel so far to get away

Now all I see is a stranger's face...

Time does not heal all wounds

It dulls them

But there can still be an ache...

[cheesy-cheddar-sadness]

imagining your tragic death because your boyfriend told you to go away is irrational