#a movie which literally did not even make it's budget back

[jupitermelichios]

This is a great thread! At the risk of being boring, I want to drill down into the numbers @canadianwheatpirates mentioned a bit more, both because I think it's interesting, and because I think you run into a problem with blockbuster movies where most people can't really envision the scale of the production, because it is ludicrously huge.

For comparison

I also think it's useful to have something to compare against to get an idea of how scale has changed over time, so for that purpose, bear in mind that the Wizard of Oz (one of the most expensive movies ever made when it was released in 1939) had a budget of $59,000,000 in today's money, and a cast and crew of around 438 people (although there are some roles which are now credited but weren't in 1939, such as catering, security, and drivers, so total crew in today’s numbers would be a bit higher than that)

Working out how much the actors were paid is almost impossible, because they were paid weekly salaries, not a flat rate for the total movie, but Judy Garland made $500 a week, and the Ray Bolger and Jack Haley (Scarecrow and Lion) made $3,000 a week (yes really, 6 times what the star made, just because they were adult men and she was a teenage girl). Those translate to roughly $10,000 and $64000 a week in today’s money.

Paying the Stars

Of Avengers: Endgame's approx. $350,000,000 budget, $135,000,000 of that went to paying only RDJ, Scarlett Johansson, Chris Evans, and Chris Hemsworth. Four people, and only a small portion of the main cast, and they account for nearly 40% of the film's total budget alone.

I picked them because we do know fairly accurately what their salaries were, thanks to leaks. We don't know what Mark Ruffalo, Jeremy Renner, Brie Larson, Chris Pratt, Paul Rudd, Benedict Cumberbatch, or Chadwick Boseman were paid, but at the very least, given how big their roles were and how big a part of the MCU they both are/were, it's likely Jeremy Renner and Mark Ruffalo were getting something close to what ScarJo was paid, which is another $40,000,000 combined.

That's $175,000,000, literally half the film's budget, paying just six people.

(If you're wondering why RDJ came back for Civil War, Infinity War and End Game after he famously quit the franchise after AoU, it's because his agent negotiated $75,000,000 a movie, plus insanely high profit share - reportedly an additional $55,000,000 from Endgame alone)

Paying everyone else

In total Endgame has an unbelievable 4,041 cast and crew listed on its IMDB page, 6 of whom account for 50% of the total budget. So that's $175,000,000 left over, paying the salaries for 4,035 people, plus paying for all the materials for the sets and costumes, hire of vehicles and locations, fuel, hotels, plane tickets, legal fees, the cost of marketing, residuals to comics creators (although this is marvel we’re talking about, so that’s a laughably small amount), and all the other costs that go into making and selling a film beyond just paying wages.

Wizard of Oz spent $134,000 for every one person employed.

Endgame spent $86,000 per person (or $43,000 per person if we discount the 6 biggest stars). Even accounting for RDJ being the highest paid actor in history, the movie is still making its enormous budget go further than Wizard of Oz did (and yes, part of that is overseas CGI houses, although not all of it). If Endgame had the same cost per crew member as Oz, it would have cost $542,000,000, and even accounting for things like different length of production, when you factor in the increased cost of location shooting, the fact that the cost of materials relative to labour has increased dramatically over the last 80 years, and said overseas VFX houses, there’s a pretty good argument to be made here that Endgame actually should have have cost more than it did. They could have cut RDJ’s salary to the same as Judy Garland made for Oz, and they’d still be stretching their budget impressively thin.

TL:DR; $350 million sounds like an insane amount of money, and how much of it went to famous actors is pretty crazy, but it’s also paying the salaries of an unbelievable number of people. Modern movie productions happen on a scale the studio system of the golden age of hollywood could only dream of.

Full breakdown of the numbers of cast and crew below the cut because again, I don’t think people really grasp the scale, and it’s (imo) interesting to see it broken down

26 directors (2 main, the rest assistant or 2nd or 3rd unit directors)

2 writers (plus massive number of created by and special thanks to credits for comics writers, but I haven’t counted them, because Marvel Studios was shit about paying its writers even before they were taken over by disney)

1 DP (director of photography, or cinematographer)

16 producers or co-producers

164 actors (minimum, there are likely some uncredited extras who haven't bothered to add themselves to the IMDB page)

69 editors

11 casting directors and staff

163 art, production design, prop, and set decoration staff

112 Hair and Makeup staff

17 Production Managers

242 camera and electrical crew

89 sound and foley (sound-effect) crew

63 special effects artists and crew (this is physical effects stuff - pyro, minitures, that kind of thing)

249 stunt co-ordinators and performers (can you imagine trying to film literally anything else in hollywood at the same time as this that required stunt performers when 249 of them are all away working on a single project, that must have been a fucking nightmare)

6 continuity and script supervisors

49 drivers and transportation staff

73 Musicians, composers, conductors, and music producers (who are sepperate from the on-set sound guys)

43 location managers and scouts

76 animators

89 costume and wardrobe staff

350 additional staff (this is stuff like actor stand-ins, interns and production assistants, security, catering, personal trainers for the actors who have stunt stuff to do, basically anything that doesn't fall under one of the other job titles)

and an unbelievable 2,131 vfx artists and designers

One of my personal internal conspiracy theories is that big budget special effects movies and streaming series with like hundreds of millions or billions of dollars sunk into them are some kind of very open embezzlement schemes.

Even the best paid actors and directors and such can't explain the budget. The money certainly isn't on the screen when it comes to anything from costumes to cinematography to visual effects or editing. It's openly known all the jobs that contribute to "making the pictures look good" are getting their parts of the budget slashed. The Avengers Infinity Wars movies have got $300M price tags and they do NOT look like it. Rings of Power cost like $700M and literally used off the shelf craft store fabric for armor. They dump cheap CGI in because there's no union to keep the pricing fair and shoot everything on green screen so there's no travel and where is the money going?

But for example if you're a producer you also get paid, and all I can think about is how producers with business degrees are deciding on how the budget should be used on these huge shows with country sized price tags and if the budget isn't going into anything or anyone involved in the actual work of the movie, but the guy who thinks the movie needs to cost less and be a business product also thinks he has the most important job and he gets to decide where the money goes? Are these guys just like "okay, our salary will be $299M and the rest goes to the production itself."

I know I'm missing things, but I've seen hundreds of movies that look gorgeous and beautiful and have amazing effects and camerawork and they're all a tenth of the big budget shows and movies, or less, so where is the other 90+% of the money going? It's VISIBLY NOT PRESENT IN THE FINISHED PRODUCT. Who has it?

[gibbearish]

anyways. have yall seen the deliverance. and if yes have you read the wikipedia article. because like. that woman 100% was literally just straight up abusing her kids and used the church to get out of it. the movie doesnt even try to hide it that hard. "based on a true story" except of course for all of the important bits of context like how the cps agent was not in fact a nonbeliever in the supernatural before switching to her side and never did so and that the kid could only walk up the wall with his grandma's help and that none of the prior tenants had similar experiences (@ trey whered you go) and the POLICE CHIEF BELIEVED IN DEMONS BEFORE MEETING HER !! and that every SINGLE thing that happened in real life can be (and fucking IS) explained by child abuse. half the time the movie is just like "ok yeah sure maybe she was abusing her kids, but only because demons made her do it". and then drop little hints that she was in jail before for Something (doesn't say what but i can guess) and that her drinking problems are well established and that her oldest son was stockpiling money to get away from her long before they moved to that house. also i could be misreading the timeline but seems like her supernatural experiences only started after her own abusive mother moved back in with her which can SO easily trigger old wounds to come back to the surface so like OF COURSE youre gonna start seeing shit, disturbances can be a ptsd symptom !!!!

tldr; fuck latoya ammons so hard, if this is the made-presentable-for-tv version then like. i want to say i cant imagine what the real life version was like, but i very much can. and for that, fuck her. immensely. i hope her children are actively writing a rebuttal and/or reaching out to lawyers to sue her ass as we speak.

[downtroddendeity]

@turnkeyassurance saw your tags and figured I'd take the opportunity to pause my descent into madness to give my more sober opinions on the Ni no Kuni franchise, lol. (Warning: I am a humongous JRPG nerd)

The NNK games are really odd ducks, quality-wise. You can call either one a good game or a bad game and call either one better than the other, and any combination of those opinions can be something I think is entirely justified. Both of them have things they do remarkably well and also serious, profound, deal-breaking flaws, and the really weird thing is that there's almost no overlap between those two lists for the two games. What clicks and doesn't about both of them is going to be deeply individual.

What Ni no Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch does, with resounding success, is Vibes. It sets out at every single step with the goal of being a playable Ghibli movie, and it sticks to that principle. It's all about beautiful, cel-shaded whimsy. It's a game for people who want to feel like they're wandering through the meadows in the movie version of Howl's Moving Castle. There are lots of puns, and you can befriend all the random encounter monsters and feed them ice cream.

But that's also its Achilles' heel: because it's dedicated entirely to imitation, it has trouble bringing things to the table that are really its own. It has the visual and narrative aesthetics of Hayao Miyazaki's films, but it doesn't have the raw emotion at the heart of them. And as a game, its mechanics combine the clunkiest features of menu-based combat and action RPGs, and while everything about the Pokemon-esque mechanics seems designed to encourage players to collect and experiment with them, the balancing turns attempting to do that into a miserable grindy nightmare.

The other problem is that it... isn't actually the first Ni no Kuni game. Wrath of the White Witch is, in fact, a remake of the Nintendo DS game Ni no Kuni: Dominion of the Dark Djinn, which was never released outside Japan. The reason for this is pretty easy to explain, because DDD had another gimmick besides its aesthetics: it came with a real-life physical copy of the wizard spellbook, and the player had to look things up in it and draw sigils on the DS touchscreen to cast spells. So, we've got a high-effort remake that had to completely cut the central mechanic... and which also expanded the plot so that the original main villain was no longer the primary antagonist. This results in a game with what is very clearly a final dungeon and very clearly a final boss and very clearly a resolution to the story, which suddenly has a completely different plot dropped on it like a fucking anvil that it expects you to be just as invested in even though it hasn't had anything like the same level of buildup.

And ironically, this is almost the exact opposite of the biggest problem with Ni no Kuni 2: Revenant Kingdom, a.k.a. the one with my new blorbo, the President of the United Union of Eagleland. 2 is an effort to try to cement an identity for the series that can be its own, rather than requiring them to depend indefinitely on borrowed Miyazaki nostalgia. It just has the teeny-tiny, itsy-bitsy problem that at some point in development it had a budget shortfall so bad that you can finish the game without ever realizing that there is a continent-sized crashed interdimensional spaceship on the world map.

This game has had a machete taken to it. Don't get me wrong, I genuinely respect the work they did to make what they could with what they had, but you can see the signs of massive scope cuts to literally every aspect of the game. The back half of the game has almost exclusively recycled enemy and environment assets; voice acting has been trimmed down to canned voice clips; the catboy protagonist's ears and tail are barely animated; one minigame was so inadequately playtested that a level 16 mission is massively harder than level 50 ones; and while whatever restructuring they had to do to the main plot still left the final version with a more solid and coherent central arc than WWW in my opinion, it also left a lot of truly gaping plot holes, like oh, I don't know, why the President of the United States got turned into a 19-year-old.

Literally, they just. Entirely forgot to explain that. Half the DLC is just the writers scrambling to fix stuff like that and add a bunch of character development that should have been in the base game.

However, despite all this, I personally enjoyed NNK2 more than NNK1 unironically, not just for Rolandposting reasons. Compared to the first one, it plays much more smoothly as a straight action RPG, and while it can't provide the same knock-your-socks-off aesthetic cohesion, to me it seemed a lot more heartfelt- that is, like a game that was made because people had a story they wanted to tell.

But, well, we wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the non-unironic reasons, because the story they really, genuinely wanted to tell was about a magical catboy growing up and learning to become a leader, and somehow, miraculously, they really thought that was the story I was here for too when they opened the game with the President of the United States being isekaied by Nuke-kun.

Sorry, guys, I have a crippling addiction to dramatic irony and my day job is tech work in local politics, you could not have more laser-targeted this at making me specifically laugh my ass off if you tried.

[alpaca-clouds]

Dungeons & Dragons - Or: Why Capitalism Sucks at Making Money

If this past year managed anything, it managed to get me really into DnD. Before I did not play DnD much, rather going with Shadowrun or (heavily homebrewed) World of Darkness. But with first Honor Among Thieves releasing - and then Baldur's Gate 3 giving me brainworms tadpoles... Yeah, hurray. New hyperfixation unlocked.

But as I started to read through all the lore, but also meta stuff happening around it. And yes, I quickly understood why basically everyone was frustrated with Hasbro and Wizards of the Coast. But I also think, that this betrays one of the big issues with capitalist logic and how it often fails to reach an audience - for the reason I outlined before: capitalists are actually super bad at realizing what works and why, because they only judge based on spread sheets.

And yes, the headline is hyperbolic. But let me explain.

A Community-Based Game

I mean, the biggest scandal of DnD this year was probably the entire thing about the community license. And this is very much something that shows quite well, how bad WotC is at recognizing why DnD works and has worked so long.

DnD centrally has been build around this idea of community. Now, mind you: This community was very, very focused on cis white guys for the longest time, but everybody else just managed to get in there and make their own little bit of community. Which also lead to a lot of homebrew stuff, that at times tackled some issues that the rules themselves did not address at all or not well. The combat wheelchair is probably the best known example of this.

But even outside of marginalized communities... DnD always thrived through the community aspect itself. People self-publishing magazines and adventures for it since the fucking 70s. As well as play sets, dice and what-have-you. DnD was always very much about all this and thrived through it. And now in came WotC saying: "Oh, yeah, actually you will now have to give us a big cut. (The big irony was, how Unity made the same move later on.) The fandom outcry was obviously big, there was a boycot, it worked. And WotC went all:

Of course they basically won the world competition in backpaddling (though again, Unity was a big contender this year as well) and quickly went back on this. But of course there is a problem: When your entire product is so much build around community and your community starts mistrusting you, you got a problem.

And this is basically what happened.

The Audience Problem

There is another problem of course. Financially the DnD movie failed - and I actually think this says a lot about how WotC kinda misunderstands the audience.

Now, there will be people trying to tell you, that given that the movie had great reviews and stuff. But the movie had a production budget of 150 million USD and only earned a bit more than 200 million on worldwide box office. Given that the marketing budget was likely around 30 million, the movie barely broke even.

Of course, part of the reason for it was that it just had a bad release date. It released parallel to the Super Mario movie, which ended up being one of the most successful movies of this year.

A friend of mine could not believe that the movie had financially flopped. They were like: "What the hell? Literally everyone I know who watched the movie went to cinema like three times to see it again." But... Yeah, that is true. But the issue is that these people are a very certain group.

Because lets make one thing clear: The people, who adored the movie so much, that they went to the cinema several times and bought the DVD/BluRay on release... were mostly queer nerds. Because this is the group of people who this movie spoke to.

And let's make this clear: I love the movie for this. I love that it so clearly went for this audience. Because I am part of this audience - and I adore this film.

But basically the movie has a general issue in terms of audience. Because on one hand the movie is too nerdy to have a wider audience appeal of people who had never played DnD, while on the other hand the movie was kinda not nerdy enough to go full force for the nerd audience.

A lot of people in the fandom have instantly sussed out one thing about the movie: "Why doesn't Edgin cast any spells? And why do we see so little of the weirder species?" And part of the reason undoubtedly was budget related. But the other reason is that... well, it is currently a well accepted wisdom in media production that you cannot sell a high-magic story. At least not outside of animated media.

Hence... There is surprisingly little magic being cast in this. And we also do have a mostly human main cast - or why Doric is the most classically pretty tiefling you have seen with her human skin tone and all of that. Because media productions do not trust the audience to accept high magic concepts.

Who is DnD actually for?

Okay, let me talk a bit about DnD 5e - and a good decision, and a bad decision. And how that affected DnD.

Everyone, who is somewhat into DnD probably knows that 5e massively changed the game. With one simple goal: Make it more accessible. Which manifested in several ways.

For one, the game was in some ways made less offensive. Because prior to 5e there was a ton of racism, sexism, queerphobia and ableism inherent to the game rules and times to the game lore. This is just a fact. Things like species that are inherently evil and stuff like that - and also some of the real-life racial coding inherent to some of the species. Removing all that stuff is a good thing. Like amazingly good.

And also, they made the rules a lot more accessible. Before the rules were bogged down with a lot of stuff, that was simplified or removed. Again, this is a good thing.

And this worked. It worked really well. Of course, this was also partly due to stuff like Critical Role and other actual plays like that happening and promoting the game. The player base probably increased ten-fold from what it was before.

Yes, it should also be noted that there is probably a good topic for a study on how formerly nerd-thingies became more and more mainstream during the last 10 years or so, but yes, DnD was one of those things.

But in this there was also a rather bad decision made, which ironically also mirrors what happened with Marvel. And this decision is: Because we want to reach a wider audience, every single thing we release for this has to reach the widest audience possible - rather than allowing that certain things might have a more specific audience.

I am sorry to talk about the MCU here, but it is just such a perfect example of this: The MCU basically made two mistakes. Overwhelming their audience with too many releases. But also not allowing the movies to be for a certain audience, but for the broadest audience possible. A good example is how they dealt with the minority-lead movies. They got directors and at times even writers from that minority - but then basically did not allow them to be too specific and be too critical of, for example, a racist system because that might not go over too well with white mainstream audiences.

Now, WotC did not really do anything like that. But they also went with this idea that everything they officially released should have the broadest possible appeal. Hence the weirdly low-magic approach to the movie, of which I assume that it definitely was an executive decision made.

The fact that the movie resonated so much with the queers more than anyone else was also not intended - at least not from the production company. Like, let's be honest. No, Xenk and Ed were not supposed to be read as romantic. And how appealing the found family trope was, probably was not intented at least on the side of Hasbro (not sure about screenwriters and director).

The Lore Problem

This perfectly connects to one of the big issues that all the franchises going for a broad appeal after being very nerd-focused for so long, run into: The Lore Problem. And this is quite ironic, because I ran into the problem earlier this year as well.

See, as I was writing fanfics for DnD:HAT I quickly ran into the problem that I knew next to nothing about the world of Faerûn. Sure, once upon a time (like between 2007 and 2011, while I was living in Austria with my then-boyfriend, who really was into those games) I played the old games of Neverwinter Nights and Baldur's Gate 1 + 2. But let's be frank: I barely remember shit from those games. And getting to understand what actually happened in the lore between and after... Well, there is just a ton of lore. I mean, people are playing around with this world for literal decades. So, yeah. This can very much be overwhelming for someone getting into it anew. Like, where can someone new even start?

The fact that - at least partly for legal reasons - most of the Actual Plays also do not work with the official lore, rather just using the rules to create their own worlds, obviously adds to this. Even the tables I played on so far always preferred original worlds, because the lore of DnD is just very intimidating.

The one thing that actuall ended up getting me into the lore was BG3, because it left open just the right questions to go into the Forgotten Realms wiki and just look for stuff, before also starting to listen to lore podcasts.

But here is the thing: WotC is also not helping with this issue. Like, they absolutel could create a proper accessible compendium on DnDBeyond that would just allow people to get an overview of the world and the timeline of things happening, maybe go into some of the major factions of the world and such. I mean, heck, they really, really want you to use DnD-Beyond rather than roll20. Yet, in DnD-Beyond I do not even have a monster compendium without paying, which roll20 offers.

Like, sure, WotC, it is okay to lock up the adventure modules behind a paywall, no problem. But if you do give me even the most basic tools to run a campaign, I am gonna use roll20, thank you very much.

But yeah, what WotC should make just more accessible was just: Timeline, important places and the maps (heck, make them interactive, you have the fucking money), maybe also a proper list of the pantheons and factions within the world. Heck, add maybe some inspiration there for what players might want to do within one of the scenarios and then, under this, go and link "hey, we made this one adventure about this, if you are interested!"

Something I did not realize originally was how much freedom the lore still leaves the people. Like, often even the important settings and events are just set-ups for adventures that the characters can have in there. There might be a few novels or comics then, that go into an example of a thing certain established characters like Drizzt or Elminster did during the time, but there is a ton of freedom to explore.

But by basically locking everything up behind a paywall, you will never get people even interested in this kinda stuff.

Because here is the thing: I like my lore. I love lore. I adore lore. But... Without BG3 explaining some stuff and giving me specific questions to ask about it, the lore would have been very inaccessible to me.

Just think of people as... people

Of course among it all there lies the central problem that comes with capitalism running something like this. See, whatever CEOs and shareholders are sitting on those chairs with WotC and Hasbro, they do not see the players as players or the community as a community, but as consumers. Just as they see their employees not as valued constributors, but very exchangable wage slaves.

They do not see the value of the community exchange with stuff like fanmade modules and things. While incorporating a bit of homebrew stuff in DnD Beyond, they are absolutely not interested in the wider market of people just creatively interacting with DnD and making a little bit of money from it. If anything they see those people as potential rivals on the market.

Heck, they have issues seeing things like Critical Role or Roll20 as the enrichment for the franchise that either are - but more like potential rivaling forces and money they have lost.

And their employees? Yeah, as we learned... Most people who from the side of WotC helped the Larian team with BG3 have been let go by now. Because WotC and Hasbro do not care for their employees, they only care about having some numbers going up.

I fully admit it. Apart from Buying BG3 and the money I have invested in anything DnD:HAT related, the only money that WotC got from me, was some of the novels I bought on Audible.

But here is the thing: WotC is doing a shite job at wanting me to invest into any of their stuff. Partly because those modules I would like to have are not available anywhere anyway - and partly because... As I said, give me a reason to get something, rather than just expecting me to randomly get something.

And mind you, this is no slight against any of the people just working for WotC. This is mostly about shareholder and executive decisions made. Stuff that basically just sees either their employers or the players just as a ressource to exploit, rather than... people.

[shinneth]

My souring sentiments on Sailor Moon's manga

It'll be a surprise to no one who knows me even remotely that Sailor Moon was my everything back in my childhood. From the age of 9, I was utterly obsessed with it.

That was just a couple of years shy of 30 years ago.

Since then, I've often revisited the series. I watched the entirety of the Viz dub of the classic anime; all 200 episodes.

And I loved it all the same, if not more so than before. Because now I have context for why exactly the anime was the way it was, including its gradual diversion from the manga source material. And I respect the hell out of the staff who poured their life into this work, while concurrently running with the manga and doing whatever it could to not completely outpace it in the narrative.

Are there a lot of fillers in the OG anime? Yes. Too many? Well, not so from a functional standpoint (this show had to run weekly for 5 years), but there are definitely some fillers you could skip and miss nothing in doing so.

But a story like Sailor Moon honestly needed some breathing room in order to properly flesh out the cast.

Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, the live-action reimagining of the show, was phenomenal back then (despite looking low-budget even by 2003 standards), and having re-watched the whole series recently, I can safely say PGSM more than holds up and deserves way more love and respect than it gets. It's THE perfect example of reimagining the story of Sailor Moon while still respecting its roots and maintaining the soul of the franchise.

Which is exactly why I couldn't stand Sailor Moon Crystal. We knew from the off that it was supposed to be completely faithful to the manga, but one look through @crystalvsmanga will show you Crystal took shitloads of "creative liberties", and the amount of changes I could dare to call "good"? I could count them on one hand.

The animation is low-hanging fruit, because everyone and their dog knows how godawful it was for the first two story arcs. But more than that, I actually loathed the general art design. Yukie Sakou's style DID NOT closely resemble Naoko Takeuchi's. People kept saying it, but I couldn't really see it. The eyes especially are a far cry from Takeuchi's style. And Sakou's style did NOT facilitate the OTT cartoony expressions that were definitely present in Takeuchi's manga; everyone looked so goddamn soulless, like overly-expensive porcelain dolls.

My biggest gripe with Crystal was the story, of course. While a great deal came from just being from the manga (which I'll get to in a bit), the changes they made went a long way to actively make the manga's story worse. My main takeaway from Crystal S1-2 is that it took itself waaaaay too seriously.

That being said, I did like Crystal's third season a lot better BECAUSE Chiaki Kon had way more competence and held a lot more respect for Sailor Moon. Like, my god, for once it felt like there was a soul in this show! It can actually take the piss every now and then!

Some silly things kinda broke my immersion (such as the Senshi just being able to fuckin' fly and Chibi-Moon in particular was literally sky-stepping), but most of that can be blamed on the source material it was adapting. While I was fine with Crystal3, I definitely didn't feel it was anywhere near as good as Sailor Moon S. Outside of Hotaru/Sailor Saturn having more of a presence, there wasn't really much in Crystal's take on Infinity that I liked better than S.

But most of that comes down to the fact that I liked S more than manga's Infinity arc to begin with.

Which is a good segue to talk about the manga proper.

I have not yet watched Eternal or Cosmos. the movies that adapted the last two manga arcs, but it'd be redundant since I know ahead of time what they're going to be about, and so far I haven't heard about any of them deviating from the source material, so it'd be moot to talk about them even if I had watched.

When I first got my hands on the manga, which was when I was around 12-13 and thus got the crappy MiXxZine translations, I was fine enough with it. Thought it was too fast-paced and didn't care for 99% of the villains being one-and-done jobbers, but I was also reading it with my impressions of the 90's anime characters still intact. I was reading the manga like an extension of the anime, rather than the other way around.

It wasn't until many years later when I grew older, when the manga was properly translated, when I acquired the wisdom my teenaged-ass self lacked, and learned to look at the manga as a completely separate entity that I started to see the cracks in the manga's narrative.

Further rereads have left me in something of a mindfuck, as I experienced the manga the proper way. And I realized:

The more I read the manga, the more I disliked it.

The manga is lauded for having an infinitely better depiction of Mamoru, as well as his ~Miracle Romance~ with Usagi.

Objectively, the manga definitely spends lots more time giving UsaMamo attention as a couple than any other aspect of the story...

I'd say they're also more developed as individuals in the manga too, but usually the beats, uh...

... let's say they usually ring hollow, when these two (and sometimes their daughter) are the only ones who consistently get shit done across the series. Hell, on the rare occasion that the Inner Senshi weren't rendered into street pizza, Neo Queen Serenity basically told them to fuck off and let her daughter, past self, and past hubby take on motherfucking DEATH PHANTOM/NEMESIS BY THEMSELVES.

It's likely because my first exposure to Sailor Moon was via the 90s anime, which had more of a focus on friendship and comradery between Usagi and her friends than it did her romance with Mamoru. I mean, romance was DEFINITELY a prominent thing even in that iteration of the story, but that wasn't where my interest lied. I was, am currently, and always will be more interested in Usagi's galpals than I'll ever be interested in her love life.

And, well, I'm sure this qualifies as a hot take, but...

This one moment with Usagi and Mamoru in the elevator (hell, their interaction across this entire episode was great) resonated with me far more than any ultra-romantic declarations of eternal devotion that Usagi and Mamoru kept regurgitating at each other in the manga.

Granted, the manga had a FEW moments early on where their dynamic was more playful, but they were pretty much confined to the early chapters and this element of their chemistry pretty much died not long after this.

Some say 90s anime Mamoru was far too mean-spirited in his teasing of Usagi. And I mean, sure, he was kind of a douche at times, but he usually got some karmic blowback from it (I remember one time he made Usagi cry without even really meaning to, and she cried so loud in public that randos nearby were giving Mamoru the evil-eye or a scolding). But honestly, after R, Mamoru kinda became a bland, generic love interest, just as he almost always was in the manga. The only difference was that anime Mamoru was never granted powers that were literally equal to Usagi's. The manga gave him a GOLDEN FUCKING CRYSTAL.

There was that infamous break-up arc in R that, yes, was shitty in concept and execution. But if I had anything positive to say about it, it at least shook up the status quo. It didn't make him immediately fall into the bland, generic love interest he would soon become. And it gave us some of the most emotionally-charged Usagi moments in the entire anime.

Conversely, in the manga, we had THIS shit for our UsaMamo "drama":

(the former incident with Usagi literally accusing her boyfriend of falling in love with a kid, by the way, happened while MOST OF HER FRIENDS WERE KIDNAPPED BY THE ENEMY AND COULD'VE BEEN DEAD FOR ALL SHE KNEW AND YET SHE FUCKING HAD TIME FOR THIS STUPID SHIT)

Everything seemed to revolve around Usagi and Mamoru (sometimes Chibiusa too). It lowkey came off that way at times even in the 90s anime, but in the manga or Crystal? You'd be hard-pressed to find the girls engaging in their stated hobbies at most points in time, because they're usually all together and talking about their prince and princess.

Hell, even Haruka - Sailor Uranus herself - seemed much more interested in Usagi than she ever did in Michiru, her actual girlfriend.

So... am I just missing something? I've seen people say that as they grow older, they prefer the manga/Crystal to the 90s anime. But I've never seen anyone other than myself express the opposite sentiment.

But it's true - unless I completely leave my brain at the door, I have a hard time enjoying the manga for what it is. The characters I'm most interested in or attached to quickly get swept aside for the characters I have the least interest in. No more does that ring true than the Stars arc of the manga, where Naoko Takeuchi basically speedruns killing off literally the entire cast until Sailor Moon's the only one left standing. Most characters don't even get to go out in a blaze of glory or anything - it's got nothing on the finale of the 90s anime's first season in that regard. If you're lucky, you'll get a single panel where your entire existence is ripped to shreds - but sometimes you'll be killed literally off-screen!!

There's a number of questionable manga-exclusive aspects that rubbed me the wrong way as well, such as poor Sailor Pluto being assigned as a child to guard the Door of Time in complete and total solitude. While I appreciate more Silver Millennium lore that the manga provided (the anime hardly mentioned it past the first arc), it was more than a little uncomfortable knowing the OG Queen Serenity conscripted the Inner Senshi as small children to become Princess Serenity's guardians. Really casts Queen Serenity and her Moon Kingdom in a much darker light - like maybe Queen Beryl and Queen Nehelenia had a point in trying to take them down (though the manga I believe retcons all past villains as incarnations of Chaos, so that arguably removes all prior villains' agency?). Lots of little things that I didn't think twice about, but now that I look at them again, I'm wondering WTF Naoko Takeuchi was thinking.

Though I don't want to be too hard on her. Poor girl was working under stress far longer than she'd planned to (she'd intended on ending the story either by the Dark Kingdom or Black Moon arc), so it's no surprise there's a lot of clunk and clutter in the narrative.

I often wondered if Naoko Takeuchi really wanted to make Sailor Moon with a Super Sentai-esque setup in the first place. After all, her first big hit was Sailor V, which was exclusively Minako and Artemis fighting evil with Minako having her own masked love interest she ended up being at odds with and he eventually died. With a scant few secondary characters here and there.

It led to me thinking about what Sailor Moon would be like if Naoko kept the cast to a more Sailor V-like size. That, perhaps, the Sailor Moon she really wanted to make would be quite a different beast from how we know it to be today.

So this lengthy diatribe about my personal conflicts with my waning fondness for the manga versus my strengthened love for the OG anime and live-action show was actually a preamble to a bizarre AU I wrote an outline for over a year ago but never posted in public. I had considered posting it to Sailor Moon's Reddit back then, but I (probably wisely) held off, as my musing went way off the rails.

But I figured now's a good time as any to share it here, at least. Though it'll need to be its own post since I wrote so goddamn much in this post alone, wow.

On that note, I'll end with this: The only iteration of UsaMamo that I unironically enjoyed and rooted for is...

[scarecrowofthefields]

sotf surveys - Naruto: Ninja Clash in the Land of Snow

Yo, welcome to a series about my reactions to the Naruto movies and OVAs. Today we will be reviewing Naruto: Ninja Clash in the Land of Snow (legit thought about doing this right after I finished the movie while having dinner lol)

I had previously watched Naruto Movie 1 when I was younger so this was more of a refresher to me. I remember a few major details but the rest were cloudy so I had a few surprises which was exciting, this is the benefit of rewatching something you've seen ages ago and become encapsulated with it all over again. Let's get into it:

OH MAN, you can definitely tell this was movie quality animation. I did not notice how well it was animated when I was younger, they really used up the budget well. Animated shows like to cut corners when it comes to animating to save both time and money which can make the animation feel stale. BUT THIS OUGH, you can see the overshoots and the anticipation in the characters' movements which adds more to their personality, specifically Naruto and Sakura who are outwardly expressive.

SPEAKING OF EXPRESSIONS

FINALLY I KNOW THE CONTEXT OF THIS IMAGE, I've seen it around before but wasn't sure where it was from.

An example of animation that display's Sakura's personality is in a scene 11 minutes into the movie where Team 7 (minus Naruto) gets a debrief on their mission with the film team.

Just for those 7 seconds we see how interested and excited Sakura is being in a movie studio. If it were set on the show I feel like she would only look over her shoulder and that would be it. In movie form we get a bit extra, not just looking over her should but she's innocently rocking back and forth. In addition, we have some background characters moving around which makes the space feel alive.

Another thing to note is the fluid motion of a character or scene being carried over from one frame to the next also the physical weight of their actions.

My favorite example of this is Yukie getting drunk in a small bar, you can see in both her and the other patron are clearly drunk and it's not because of the sake present. Yukie would slosh around, jerk forward suddenly, and have a heavy hand. When Sandayuu and Sakura burst in you can see the weight of their movements as well.

I'm also a sucker for sound quality and the use of foley sounds in movies ever since I learned about it in school. The sounds in Naruto Movie 1 are DELICIOUS. I'm fortunate to have access to a surround sound software also the website I'm using to watch the movie still contains the original sound file so, audibly, it feels like I am in a physical movie theater.

Interestingly, noticed a few scenes used dolly zoom. Not much to comment about it, very neutral about it.

Ma ma, enough with the technicalities, let's get into the plot-

"I guess it can't be helped." KAKASHI!?!? STRAIGHT UP WHIPS OUT THE SHARINGAN JUST TO PUT YUKIE UNDER A GENJUTSU. LIKE I GET IT, GOTTA MOVE HER ALONG NO SENSE IN BICKERING, BUT LMAO

Baby Koyuki and her father :(( the whole dream/flashback was adorable, even if it was short-lived.

Time to be a little Kakashi-biased, mainly the voice acting teehee. I'd like to note that I'm watching this in sub so Kazuhiko Inoue I am all ears. This is the scene where the filming gets interrupted by the villains, Kakashi springs into action, with a quick and commanding voice directs Team 7 to protect the now revealed princess, Koyuki.

If only y'all can hear this gif

Not the villains boasting about their literal plot armor to our protagonists.

Good job Sakura on doing what you're suppose to be doing! Protecting Koyuki-sama. Naruto ran straight towards one of the antagonists, though to be fair Sasuke was defending himself against the female antagonist. For theatrics sake makes sense, you gotta have a fight scene yknow.

I need to remember the movies aren't canon- Kakashi copying Ice-Style? Not possible since it's known as a kekki genkai, though for the sake of the plot and theatrics Kakashi's allowed to use Ice-Style lol.

ANBU KAKASHI SPOTTED IN FLASHBACK

"I, Sandayuu, will protect you with my life!" My pattern recognition senses are tingling...

Gonna dip back into some technicals again for a moment:

One of my favorite tropes in shows and movies is the involvement of the behind the scenes team present on stage, regardless if it's the camera crew, the animation crew, the production crew, etc. It's a funny gag, letting the audience know how hard these people work to produce their shows and movies. In Naruto: Ninja Clash in the Land of Snow is no different where they show the type of work they put in setting up the scene with backdrops and props, ensuring the actors are in costume and make-up, and the final touch is the lights, mic, and camera are a go before calling action. The movie takes it a step further and shows us how far the director is willing to go to produce the final chapter of their movie series, it's also a chance of a lifetime.

I WAS RIGHT- BUT HOLY FUCK WAS THAT OVERKILL. RIP Sandayuu

I love the initial exchange in dialogue between Koyuki and Naruto during the prison scene,

"Well deserved." "You too."

MORE BABY KOYUKI AND HER DAD FLASHBACK

"Everyone seems to forget, I'm an actress." Ngl, thought Koyuki was under a genjutsu at first, then she double played me by stabbing Dotou. She really is an actress, go off girl

Sakura and Sasuke showing off their clever battle tactics??? A really impressive scene with their skills as shinobi; using their environment to their advantage, great use of ninja tools, great use of taijutsu too, and lastly they figured out how to destroy the chakra armor.

"Even if ninjutsu and genjutsu don't work on you, a shinobi still has taijutsu." The essential Shinobi Battle Skills!!!

A common trend with the first movie and the following Naruto movies, the main villain is always defeated with a rasengan variant, with Naruto: Ninja Clash in the Land of Snow it's a 7 color chakra rasengan, or "rainbow rasengan". I find the variants really cool, though the trend to be silly /pos

baby Koyuki and her father memory? NO, baby Koyuki and her father projection!!! Legit thought she was having another flashback.

MY MAN KAKASHI JUST FOUND OUT ICHA ICHA PARADISE IS GETTING A MOVIE ADAPTION AND KOYUKI IS STARRING IN IT

Like any marvel movie, if you stick around until the very end the animation crew shows their gratitude towards the audience by thanking them which I really like especially since this is the first Naruto movie so they worked really hard on this and I appreciate their efforts.

[derekscorner]

Fated Rantings: Heaven's Felt

I have finished Heaven's Feel (all three films)

And hot damn what a story that was. As early as the first movie I found myself enjoying the route more than I did with Unlimited Blade Works.

It wasn't that strong a notion at first due to the first movie having to set up the story which means it had to retrace some moments from Fate or UBW. I was even disappointed that it just skimmed over Shirou meeting Saber for the first time.

I did expect it to skim some moments due to the nature of Fate/Stay Night. I said it previously but Fate/Stay Night was originally a visual novel (one that is getting a remaster for Steam/Switch as of me writing this) with multiple routes and endings. A staple of the visual novel format.

As a result each route has the same starting point. Some may feel it wear on them if they watch these back to back like I've done since last year.

Even so, I can't say it bothered me that much. Yes, Skimming over the summoning of Saber let me down a tad but the rest of the first movies opening act was decent. I liked seeing the different perspectives of the scenes I had saw in Unlimited Blade Works just a week ago.

It is also fair to mention that movies of a series typically expect you to have seen the thing it's based on to begin with.

Then the second half of the movie kicks in. The changes began rather quickly which I was thankful for. As soon as Kirei mentioned Kiritsugu's previous occupation and the 4th war I realized the story would shift- THEN BAM!

That Berserker battle. It was brief but that movie budget made it so good. It was then that I also noticed another change, the movies are more graphic than Zero or UBW.

In this movie, when Shirou takes a hit for Saber from Berseker, you see his guts fly out as he rolls around like a busted toy. It doesn't escalate to high but you do see inside of large cuts or severed limbs. And I am only praising it because it actually added to the horror-like atmosphere Heaven's Feel has.

All three movies feel like they were drawn to be a horror film in many scenes. The way the shadows bend or literally come alive, the way servants are mercilessly hunted by Angra Mainyu, or even the Sakura dream sequence only to learn she's eating people.

The gore just makes it hit harder how terrifying the situation is in Heaven's Feel.

Down 'n Dirty

The gore and horror presentation aside there was another factor I was curious about, the romance. Now some reading this may wonder why and others will think they know why and that has to do with Fate's reputation of hentai.

The original visual novel had hentai scenes in it, that is an objective truth. So did its canonical sequel Ataraxia. This was done because Nasu thought it would help sell the story and...well they were right.

The whole initial reason King Arthur was gender bent into a woman was also for this logic. He knew his native Japanese market and appealed to it.

Once Type-Moon got going those hentai scenes were removed. Later stories lacked it at all. Yes, the artwork and designs for characters is definitely made with sex appeal in mind but it's a far cry from where it started.

To be honest I find the whole thing fascinating because the series tendency for gender bending and "coomer" art is based in a writer just trying to appeal to the broadest audience.

They even use this for in-lore jokes quite often. For instance, the original draft of Fate/Stay Night, the world in which King Arthur is still a man, was reworked into Fate/Prototype years later.

They even do this fun thing where the voice actors for Merlin and female Artoria swap roles in Fate/Prototype. Female Arthur voices the female Merlin and the male Merlin now voices the male Arthur.

Some gender bends are literal jokes such as the female Nero Claudius (seen in the gif above^) who was gender swapped just to trick Fate fans into thinking Saber (Artoria) was in Fate Extra.

And others are that way because that historical figure was believed to be a woman or it was left ambiguous such as Nagao Kagetora.

Aka Nasu is very self aware of the Fate gender bending and porn jokes and plays into it.

Back to Romance

I went a bit off tangent there but I needed to explain that bit to focus on why the romance between Shirou & Sakura was a curiosity for me. In my desire to learn Fate lore I saw more than one video or fan comment quoting Nasu and others at Type-Moon.

One thing that stuck in my mind was that the initial Saber and Rin scenes were added just to balance it all but the scenes with Sakura were considered crucial to her plot.

I now understand why. No, before you ask, you do not get a hentai scene in Heaven's Feel. However, Heaven's Feel does fully commit to the physical nature that Sakura & Shirous relationship grows too.

Yes dear reader, Shirou gets laid. Get your middle school snickering out of your system, I'll wait.

The whole film just hammers home just how much Shirou existing means to Sakura. For them to go that far only seems natural, for her to hold on despite her horrible life makes sense.

This poor girl was violated years on end by crest worms as Zouken warped her into a fake grail. Her adoptive brother raped her for years on end just because he's a little shit with inferiority complexes.

Hell, Sakura is still traumatized by her father giving her to the Matou's in Fate/Zero.

Despite all that, even though she believes Shirou wouldn't want her for being so...um "damaged", he sticks by her side anyway. All together it makes that bond very genuine.

There's no forced melodrama or silly misunderstandings, just two kids trapped in a mess with no idea what to do.

A more complete Continuation

Even now I sit here in awe of it. I have sit through Fate 2006 and Unlimited Blade Works, two works in which Sakura is barely a passing note. Hell, even in Fate/Zero she's barely there but Heaven's Feel made me care.

It goes beyond that though. I found Heaven's Feel to be a better or more complete resolution to the mess left behind by the 4th Grail war depicted in Fate/Zero.

There are some questions I had throughout such as;

Why did Zouken summon Assassin in this route but not others?

Did a fragment of the grail survive in every route or is that a Heaven's Feel thing only?

Why didn't Rin have Shirou make the jeweled sword in UBW?

Why did Gilgamesh attack Sakura? Is he not for Kirei's plans in HF?

Small things like that. They don't break anything at all but I felt that I should mention them because I still think Heaven's Feel is a better continuation of Fate/Zero than Unlimited Blade Works despite such questions.

There is no grand reasoning for my feelings. I just liked that Heaven's Feel addressed things left behind in Fate/Zero more than Unlimited Blade Works did.

Such as Illya. She got so little time in UBW that I was a bit shocked. Even Fate 2006 gave her some attention. I mean, know each Fate work is a timeline of it's own but UBW and Heaven's Feel both heavily reference Zero.

All three were made by ufotable after all so it makes sense. Anime only fans may even see ufotable's adaptions as their own pocket in the Type-Moon multiverse.

I was sad her happy ending was to die but I can't help but feel slightly happy for her since she was shown running to Irisviel who's soul has been in the grail since Fate/Zero ended.

They even went out of their way to animate a scene that I can only assume was a minor one in the visual novel. It's a scene in which Illya over hears Fujimura talk about Kiritsugu's many trips to Europe. He failed her in many ways but he never stopped trying to see his daughter.

Then there was Rin. The story gave her less attention as I'd expect but I feel that it compliments how she's portrayed in UBW or even Fate 2006.

It was a nice touch that the one who made it possible to save Sakura was Rin. She has her own baggage about Sakura's life and while blunt and unable to relate to her trauma (by her own admission) she still got through to Sakura and all it took was letting her know that she loved her.

That's fucking beautiful man. Shirou even mumbles that they won due to Rin's actions.

There's also the aforementioned Kiritsugu. Shirou gets more insight into his fathers life and previous actions than other routes. It played into Kirei's obsession with him and Shirou's.

Shirou himself has a much more compelling arc in Heaven's Feel than UBW or even the Fate Route. Thanks to what he learns about his father he focuses on being a hero of justice but this time for Sakura.

His ideals aren't as foolish, they're focused. When he is focused on being one person's hero over everyone's he becomes a much more interesting character to me.

Hell, Zouken tries to convince him to kill Sakura at one point thinking that he'll do it because Kiritsugu would but no. Shirou acknowledges that he would betray his ideals for her .

That not only helps Sakura later but grows him way further than his fight with Archer in UBW did.

Seeing this I can understand why the "Miyuverse" Shirou is so loved.

I know I'm comparing routes but I can't help it. I'm sitting here conflicted because I liked this more than Saber's route. I am a Saber shill/simp at this point but I can't help but feel that Heaven's Feel is a better narrative conclusion.

Shirou is more compelling, I was made to like an ignored character, the story tackles some remnants of the 4th Grail such as Angra Mainyu whom we only saw hints of at the end of Fate/Zero, the grail system being destroyed at the end, etc.

It just feels tighter as a narrative to me. Although the reasons listed aren't the only explanations as to why.

No, the biggest contributing factor by far was Kirei himself.

Opposites

This man, this fucking monster, once again became far more interesting than he should be. I talked about him when I finished Fate/Zero which I'll link here: https://derekscorner.tumblr.com/post/737296248042815488/fated-rantings-ground-zero#notes

This man's obsession with Kiritsugu persisted for ten fucking years. Even now he can't accept him nor can he seem to accept the fact that they weren't as parallel as he believes.

All Kirei really gained from the 4th Grail War was realizing that he enjoys making others suffer. He's known from the start that he was broken inside but was cursed with the common sense to know it.

That contradiction is shown in his occupation. His whole tussle with Zouken and Assassin is badass to be sure. A 500yr old mage and a heroic spirit are fended off by this man, this fucked up preacher.

A badass to be sure but what caught my eye was him using scripture to harm Zouken. As far as I know, you can't just throw around scripture in Fate, you have to fundamentally believe in it to some degree.

Kirei is shown often genuinely reading his bible or kissing his cross. Actions that seem stupid when he makes it a hobby to ruin lives.

He goes on about how Angra Mainyu deserves to be born or about how something is neither good nor bad until it's gained knowledge. A solid argument but only when normal life is concerned.

Angra Mainyu is a man-made god, a devil, a focus of humanities evils into a spirit. All at the sacrifice of some unnamed boy centuries ago.

It was active during the 3rd Grail War, it's been very self aware within the Grail since then, and it's shown tormenting Kiritsugu and Illya.

Angra Mainyu is very much aware. It has knowledge, it is evil.

No, what Shirou calls him out on here saying "that's bullshit" is Kirei just wanting to see Angra Mainyu cause as much harm as possible...or so he thinks.

Personally I think that's half of it. The other half is Kirei's question. Although he should logically see that Angra Mainyu is evil by it's nature alone he still wants to know it's thoughts.

How does it feel to be born this way, how will it feel once it's fulfilled it's purpose, does it consider itself evil when humanity made it evil.

He feels compelled to know these things because he himself was born broken. Kirei knows deep down that nature is very much as real as nurture. No matter what he's done he's been broken.

He tried to love a woman but only cried because he felt that he should've killed her if she was meant to die. He had a loving father for whom no tear was shed when he was murdered.

He killed his mentor and aided Kairya just to see their torment. He told Shirou about Kiritsugu to see his reaction because he, like Zouken, thought Shirou was the same.

He fully believes that witnessing Angra Mainyu be born will answer his own burning questions about his nature when there is nothing to answer.

Angra Mainyu is man-made, nothing it can say can truly rectify Kirei's broken soul.

His Parallel was a Boy

The point, as I understood it, was that Kirei couldn't get his answers from Kiritsugu. His obsession, how he talks about him to Shirou, he never got over that.

Then he saw the grail. It even revived him from death but that won't give him the answer either. Even if he had witnessed its birth.

It is only at the end when he fighting a child that Kirei finds his true opposite. Shirou has nothing due to the 4th war, he considers his survival a sin.

Kirei considers his entire existence a sin yet he says it himself. They're opposite extremes of that same emptiness. I was frequently reminded of Fate/Zero because Kirei was.

Kirei died in that last war and was stuck in time in more ways than one. There is no way to answer or fix him.

It's damn poetic that both Kirei and Shirou realize something by admitting how unlike Kiritsugu Shirou has become. A fitting finale to a compelling monster.

This whole time Kirei's true opposite was a boy.

Finale

I'm sure I had more to say but I don't think this can get much longer. Plus some things weren't worth whole paragraphs. Such as my love for the battles and animation.

The small things like Shirou calling Archer a dick when he chucks him down like a sack of potatoes. Hell, Archer's entire arc this film is neat to see due to how passive he is. When Shirou is willing to be Sakura's hero or save Illya Archer's attitude changes on a dime. To the point that he'd even give up a literal arm.

I loved seeing Rider get more lines and screen time. She has a decent character that I now wish I got more of in other Fate works.

Then there's the whole Saber Alter and her battle....I can't. The fight is fucking amazing but just picturing Shirou ending her hurts me. TuT

Oh well, I'm ranted out now. Bye~

=======================

For my other experiences with Fate go here: https://derekscorner.tumblr.com/tagged/fated-rantings

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Is It Really That Bad?

I don’t think I’ve ever felt like the universe actively conspired against something until I witnessed the production of The Flash.

Since 1991 there have been quite a few proposals for Flash movies, but they never really got off the ground for whatever reason. Following Barry’s debut in Justice League, a movie finally was announced before multiple delays due to rewrites, in particular to cut Ray Fisher’s Cyborg from the story after he went public about the awful shit he had to deal with under Joss Whedon. Things seemed hopeless until It director Andy Muschietti came onboard, at which point production on the film finally started to go smoothly. Sure, there were rumblings about Ezra Miller having episodes on set, but that’s just typical actor nonsense, right? Surely it couldn’t get any worse!

Look, I’m here to review a movie so I’ll keep this brief: Miller committed crimes. Lots of crimes. So many, in fact, you’d think they were method acting for the role of Reverse-Flash. The thing is, despite all of this, Miller was basically given a slap on the wrist by the studio, being forbidden from doing promos and press tours (oh no! The horror!). And as if the situation wasn’t already a fucking mess, while Miller’s crime spree was ongoing WB canned the nearly-complete Batgirl movie that featured Michael Keaton and Academy Award-winning actor Brendan Fraser while simultaneously inflating The Flash’s budget to nearly $300 million with reshoots. It seems baffling to cancel a movie that was nearly done and that people were marginally interested in for the sake of a movie that people were losing interest in quickly due to its star’s erratic behavior, but remember: Leslie Grace isn’t white, while Ezra Miller is. WB is never beating those racism allegations at this rate.

With a normal movie, this is where the nonsense ends. BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!

This film was meant to smooth out the clusterfuck continuity of the “Snyderverse” with a soft reboot, with Henry Cavill filming a end-of-movie cameo alongside Miller, Gal Gadot, Keaton, and Supergirl’s actress Sasha Calle to establish the new direction of DC going forward. Unfortunately, the hierarchy of power at DC changed, and Gunn shot that down. While this meant the ending would probably not get people confused with regards to upcoming projects, it also meant the movie wasn’t going to really have any closure for the old universe. Affleck, Cavill, and who knows who else are just gone, and the future is just a big old question mark. At least Aquaman is safe, maybe?

Literally none of this news was very reassuring to fans. Nothing above is any good for a film’s perception to audiences under normal circumstances, but here we have all this news coming to a fanbase that genuinely did not want this fucking movie. The DCEU was already divisive when the film was announced, and Miller’s portrayal of Barry doubly so; the fact it was adapting Flashpoint was seen as lazy and uninspired, not to mention its not really a story that lets Flash stand on his own merits, making it seem more like this movie was just an excuse to reboot; it was a multiverse story in a day and age with an abundance of such stories, and it was releasing around the same time as Across the Spider-Verse to boot; and Gunn’s reboot plans meant this story was likely a narrative dead end. This movie had an uphill battle the likes of which haven’t been seen since Sisyphus.

But much like that mythological figure, the boulder came crashing right back down when the numbers came in. The movie would likely need to gross $500 million at minimum to break even after factoring in the reshoots and advertising, and it only managed half of that with a pitiful opening weekend followed by a massive 73% drop. It now sits alongside films like The Lone Ranger and Mortal Engines as one of the most expensive bombs in history, to the point where WB would have saved more money by cancelling it like they did with Batgirl. And despite glowing praise from the likes of Tom Cruise and Stephen King, it received middling reviews from mainstream critics.

Audiences haven’t been any less mixed, but considering most people weren’t particularly excited or invested in this film’s existence this is basically a miracle. Sure, there’s plenty of people out there saying this is the “worst comic book movie ever” like they do every time a new superhero movie drops, but even more people are saying they enjoyed the film… although even they tend to have some severe criticisms.

Even though I knew most of what was going to happen in the movie going in, I wasn’t really sure what to expect given everything surrounding the movie. But you know me, I’m willing to give almost any movie a chance, and bombs this big don’t happen every day, so even before it was voted on I was trying to make time to check it out. So sit down, microwave yourself a snack—

—and watch as I try and determine if The Flash is really that bad.

THE GOOD

The biggest shock of this film is that Ezra Miller is actually really good here.

Their Barry is still a bit of a goofball, but he’s clearly matured as a character since his precious appearances. They managed to make him much more charming and likable than he ever was, and this gets compounded when he interacts with the younger Barry and gets confronted with how annoying he was before. I think young Barry could have come off as really insufferable, but the fact he annoys everyone around him and also ends up maturing makes him a lot more endearing.

Miller really kills it with the emotional moments, particularly the ending encounter with Barry’s mom and the scene where old Barry snaps at young Barry. The film is really carried by the dramatic, emotional moments far more than any of the superheroics, and Miller manages to sell a lot of it very well. It was to the point where I started thinking, “I really wouldn’t mind if they stick around.” Then a scene where Barry says the Justice League has no real psychiatric help or where his younger self ends up repeatedly exposing himself in public by accident happens, and then I remembered, “Oh yeah, aren’t they a mentally unwell criminal?”

Unsurprisingly, Michael Keaton absolutely kills it in his role as Batman, but much more shockingly is that Ben Affleck's brief return as Bruce is pretty great as well. I always thought Affleck, much like Henry Cavill, was desperately trying to give a great performance while weighed down by bad writing; here, he gets an actual poignant scene where he talks to Barry about how dwelling on tragedies isn't the way to do things, and you should try and move forward instead. It shows he really could have been great if given better material to work with.

Okay, enough being nice to Affleck, I wanna talk about Keaton again. As much as the marketing hyped him up and as much as he is obviously the most blatant fanservice possible, it's still so cool to see him in the suit again. I am not immune to nostalgia pandering, and as corny as it could have been from anyone else, the zoom into his face when he says The Line really is a highlight of the movie. Keaton has a great deal of charisma, and while there are issues with Batman they aren't his fault at all. Most impressively, he doesn't steal the show away from Miller like I thought he would; he enhances the scenes he's in without stealing the spotlight completely from their performance. I feel like this is a problem in a lot of movies like this, where the lead gets overshadowed by a hyped up character, but somehow The Flash of all things managed to avoid this.

And as bad as the cameos could get, this movie gave two of the greatest cameos ever put to film with the return of the GOAT George Clooney Batman and, best of all, Nicolas Cage Superman from the unmade Superman Lives, fighting a giant spider to the death just as God intended. I am not immune to the charms of Nicolas Cage.

Overall, this movie presents us with a solid story, plenty of fun moments, great character dynamics, and more... for the first two acts, anyway.

THE BAD

Once this movie hits the third act, it basically just loses any and all focus and becomes a big dumb video game-esque battle against Zod and his forces in a bland desert landscape. While both Barrys admittedly get some pretty cool moments sprinkled in and Keaton’s Batman’s second death is actually a well done emotional moment, Supergirl ends up being completely wasted, with her sole role being to angrily scream and then die repeatedly.

This actually highlights the problem with Kara in this movie: She’s basically nothing but a plot device and has zero personality, and a good 80% of her dialogue is just angry screaming. As hot as Sasha Calle is and how much she obviously wants to make Kara compelling, she is given so little to work with that her efforts end up being fruitless. She does nothing of consequence after helping Barry get his powers back, and could be replaced or written out of the story and it would still make perfect sense.

Zod’s inclusion is pretty baffling as well, especially since they chose to water down one of the only good things from Man of Steel into a boring, generic doomsday villain. You can really feel that poor Michael Shannon would rather be doing anything else, and his bored performance just highlights how poorly implemented Zod is in the plot. Like, the Fladh has some of the best and most colorful DC villains in his rogues gallery, one’s that are often overlooked because Batman’s villains sell more toys. Why not highlight some of them instead of taking a Superman villain and stripping him of all personality to the point the actor clearly has no passion for the role? Cutting Zod would make cutting Supergirl even easier, and then two of the biggest problems with the movie are gone!

The third act does manage to mostly rerail itself once it goes back to Barry trying to unfuck the timeline, with only a disgustingly egregious bit of fanservice that I’ll discuss in the next section hampering it. But at the end, despite the incredibly based George Clooney cameo, there’s just so many unresolved and unanswered questions, with the biggest one being who killed Barry’s mom? Considering her death is what kickstarted the whole plot, you’d think this might come up, but it never does. A lot of other things come up and get dropped too, like whatever was going on with Batman in the opening, but maybe I’m just crazy for wanting elements introduced in a plot to have significance beyond just being there to be cool.

Even beyond that, there’s the fact that Supergirl and Keaton!Batman’s final fates are never really resolved, something that apparently wasn’t a problem in early versions of the film since they showed up alive in the final scene. As much as I loved seeing Clooney, I think trading him for getting some closure for Keaton and Calle would have been more satisfying.

Everyone harps on how bad the CGI is—and it absolutely is, don’t get me wrong—but for the most part I found it endearingly bad. Like the opening with the CGI babies? That’s too goofy for me to hate. But once the movie revolves into bland grey and black CGI bad guys and creepy deepfake celebrity cameos, I stop being quite so forgiving.

Oh, and on the subject of cameos, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen one as pointless and unfunny as Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman showing up out of nowhere (complete with theme music) to make Bruce and Barry look like dumb assholes. Imagine thinking this was a good idea.

THE UGLY

The biggest point of contention surrounding this movie is the CGI necromancy used in the aforementioned cameo clusterfuck from the climax, which gives us George Reeve, Christopher Reeves, and Adam West posthumously reprising their DC roles in non-speaking appearances (there’s archived audio from West, but his cameo isn't really focused on to the point you can barely tell it's him) where they just stand there before the camera swoops around like in that Saul Goodman gif.

I think this is one of the very few times where I actually think the outrage is mostly justified. To be clear, I’m not getting mad on behalf of dead celebrities I never knew, and as long as the filmmakers went through the proper channels and the estates of these stars were properly compensated, I don’t have any legal objections. All of my distaste is coming from a subjective, moral standpoint.

I have never liked this CGI necromancy ever since Rogue One popularized it. I find it really gross and distasteful, and in most cases I think finding a lookalike actor would be preferable than playing Weekend at Bernie’s with a computer generated facsimile of a dead person. In The Flash, I understand having lookalikes would diminish the wow factor of the crossover, but there was an extremely easy workaround to this: Have cameos from all the living DC stars.

Was Brandon Routh not available to put on the Superman tights? Would it have been so bad to let Grant Gustin pop in for a cameo? They acknowledge Helen Slater, so why not Melissa Benoist? Hell, if you want to reference bad, campy movies, have Shaq show up as Steel or Josh Brolin pop in as Jonah Hex! Or even Ryan Reynolds, I’d bet he’d be down to return if you gave him a real suit this time!

Like there’s just no excuse for ghoulishly parading around dead guys when there’s so many alive guys you could use instead. People can complain all they want about the fanservice and cameos in the past few Spider-Man films, but at least they only had returning characters played by living actors. And when this movie already has the niche, out-there Nic Cage Superman cameo, proving they were down to do things as out there and inoffensively creative as reference unmade movies, it’s really just inexcusable. It doesn’t ruin the movie for me, but it makes me lose a bit of respect for the people who okayed this over less offensive cameo ideas.

IS IT REALLY THAT BAD?

To my surprise, this film actually turned out to be pretty good. Not “great,” not “the best superhero movie ever,” but genuinely mostly good and enjoyable.

My opinion is that the movie is good in spite of itself. The third act is truly a hot mess, the stupid desert battle against Zod is awful and boring, Supergirl is depressingly pointless, so many plot points are just dropped or otherwise forgotten, and the CGI necromancy is nothing short of ghoulish. But the rest of the movie is truly a lot of fun. Barry and his younger self have a fun dynamic, Keaton really manages to take what little he’s given and show that he’s still got it as Batman, the Clooney and Cage cameos were delightful, and most importantly the emotional moments are actually effective.

I think with a bit more polish this film could have actually lived up to the hype around it. There is a great movie in here being suffocated by fanservice and CGI but still managing to get a few gasps of air regardless. I think if they’d kept the conflict more grounded or made Reverse-Flash the primary antagonist, things might have turned out better.

I think its score is pretty fair. My friend @huyh172 described this as “the worst good DC movie,” and it’s an assessment I fully agree with. It’s not as good as Aquaman, Wonder Woman, The Suicide Squad, the Snyder Cut, or Shazam!, and it’s definitely not as bad as stuff like Wonder Woman 1984 or Josstice League. It’s also a bit too enjoyable to be mid. It’s just a really solid movie held back from true greatness by some damning flaws… and really, that makes it the perfect capstone to the "Snyderverse," a cinematic universe that had some solid movies but was held back from greatness by incredibly bad ones.

[genichisojo]

Kagurabachi's Popularity: Familiarity Through Structure

Having a degree in writing and media is so fun because I can write an essay on why Kagurabachi can be defined as well written through craft standards and attribute its popularity overseas to its structure, which is framed similarly to western movies.

And I am!

After this interview confirmed that Takeru Hokazono, author of Kagurabachi, is a huge fan of western films, I went back to this idea I was playing with in October when KB had less than ten chapters. I had been reading since day one, and I knew it was good, and other overseas fan knew it was good. But what made it so good to us, overseas?

I made a quick thread on it on my Twitter account (that I never posted) where I mentioned Blake Snyder's Save the Cat book on script writing and story structure. I also brought up characterization and how it would've been really popular in my comic book class from undergrad. This thread discussed both Chihiro and Sojo, and the quick yet steady pace of the manga has given us more characters and moments to pinpoint. To not overwhelm myself, I'm not going to discuss the craft of characterization (maybe another time), and I'm not going to do a beat sheet for Sojo. For now, I'll try to stay under the first arc to map out why Kagurabachi has so far moved like a high budget film in manga form. So, spoilers ahead!

A quick lesson on Save the Cat, its three main characteristics are: Three act structure Fifteen plot beats Mostly applied to American Hollywood films

One of the biggest things I noticed right away was the resemblance a lot of the chapters, even the story as a whole, had to Snyder's beat sheet. This beat sheet that comes from Snyder's book is somewhat of an industry standard, so a lot of movies, even those that preceded Snyder, go through this structure of Act 1, 2, and 3. Snyder just identified the parts and broke them down to fifteen beats. Plus he dubbed the save the cat moment:

A decisive moment in which a protagonist demonstrates they are worth rooting for. Having the protagonist save a cat can be literal or figurative.

This was something KB needed and did have to have us warm up to Chihiro who post time skip, just gave gloomy orphan energy in the previous chapters. Here, Char would be our cat. Chihiro chose to save Char and chose to protect her, and continued to fight for her until she was rescued. He made this choice even before it's revealed that Char's mother died for her, something that would parallel Chihiro. This is what got readers to see him three dimensionally after being introduced to him. He's still the caring little 14 year old we saw at the start, who continues to take care of the innocent despite the tragedy he's been through. It is only natural for us to care for him, too.

Above are the fifteen beats of Save the Cat and although KB on occasion doesn't hit all fifteen exactly as specified, especially final image as it's continuing, the song and dance is quite similar. Here are examples of The Dark Knight (2008) and Inglourious Basterds (2009), two movies that have inspired Hokazono's work.

Before Chihiro meets Char, we get his opening image of him and his dad forging which is works well as the entire story revolves on the consequences of them creating weapons. We get the set up to his world where he lives with his dad who made famous katanas that wield the power to end a war. The theme is stated, and it's not kept a secret: The katanas they make are weapons made to kill people. Are they willing to carry the burden? In another variation of this question, is Chihiro willing to carry the burdens unintentionally passed down by his father?

The catalyst is his father's murder that catapults him into seeking revenge and recover the katanas.

Now, for the rest of the story, this structure can be applied to the first 18 chapters or even 1-3 chapters at a time which in my opinion, is kind of insane. There's story telling inside the story telling, and these moments are both subtle and grand, signs of a strong and captivating writer. Hollywood would kill for a script like this these days. In order to get you to believe me how prominent these beats are, I'm going to do arc one and Daruma's story. The main story line should be around act one and two right now as of chapter 20, if we want to get down into it, but if anything, this feels like it's moving like a second "movie."

Overall, this structure that comes from Hollywood movies can be identified in multiples parts of Kagurbachi's storytelling. I was going to do beat sheet's for Char and Sojo's stories as well, but I think this is enough of an example of a bigger picture versus smaller. Although other mangas also fall into three act structures, as most story telling does, KB masterfully uses the 15 beats to its advantage. I believe the familiarity of this pace is what hooked oversea audiences, and aside from that, the characters that quickly capture us.

Very quickly, because I don't want to make this about characterization, Chihiro is well written through his past, who he chooses to kill and save, his dialogue that can be surprisingly vulnerable at times, and his cool façade that melts because of how hot he truly runs. He is also straight up a badass. We get handed Char's background in an "all is lost" segment as well as some lore that can present her as a resource for the main cast. We see Azami's phone background photo that's minimum 3+ years old- a government employee with a soft spot for his friends, one who he is still clearly grieving. We get one tiny yet so fucked up bit of Sojo when we see him get a flashback where he's a child and his single dialogue of "I truly love Kunishige Rokuhira," that launched his type of villainy in the maniacal fanboy category. Who does it like that? Nobody but Takeru Hokazono.

Thank you for reading this essay! I do have two other essays drafted, one on Sojo's possible return (I'm a delusional Sojo fan) and just his overall significance and impact as the first villain even if he doesn't return, and on Hiyuki plus servant leadership versus self service.

[scope-dogg]

What mecha shows did you enjoy but would not recommend to people (flawed personal favourites, shows with high entry barrier, etc.)?

Several come to mind.

Blue SPT Layzner: TV run got shitcanned prematurely and has probably the mast slapdash ending of any mecha show save maybe the TV run of Ideon. OVA adaptation opens with rushed compilation of first half of TV series that's dull to watch and not especially coherent on its own before it gets to the altered and much improved ending. Feels like there's no right way to watch it, you have to do both and piece it together in your head. Definitely one to check out after you've seen Takahashi's better work like Votoms and Dougram, though it's infuriating because the series has banger music and mecha design, and the hypothetical ideal version of the plot that you don't have to basically kitbash together in your head is really good.

Dancouga: Production values are amazing in first episodes and then turn to complete dogshit shortly thereafter, like they literally spent their whole budget up front and then had to pay their animators in loose change and leftover fast food. Very strange pacing. However I've always really liked the main protagonist Shinobu Fujiwara whose voice actor honestly carries the show on his back, and I've had a soft spot for Dancouga the mecha itself for a long time - but it doesn't actually show up until half way in. Yet somehow I can't deny the charm of the show despite how slapdash it is thanks to its interesting approach to the super robot formula, and it leads into Requiem for Victims which is the true ending for the TV plot and a followup called God Bless Dancouga, both of which are banger OVAs (and then another kinda shitty one after that but who cares.) Unfortunately they all make no sense without watching the TV run. It's a franchise for hardcore mecha fans only, though IIRC the 2000s sequel Dancouga Nova is basically disconnected and stands on its own, for better or worse. I've yet to watch it.

Tryder G7: 80s super robot show that's kind of like a part slice-of-life anime, honestly ahead of its time in a lot of ways. Would be my go-to recommendation for 80s super robot shows if there was a decent fansub. The one that exists is a Russian translation of the official Italian subs that then got translated into English and it's as disastrous as you might expect. Not only is it incoherent but even as a non-Japanese speaker I can tell it's often inaccurate. Frustrating because I can tell it's a good show that deserves a proper English sub for fans.

Cross Ange: Notorious show by the Gundam Seed creators. The concept and lore of this show is batshit insane, the mecha are cool, the main character turns out to be interesting and likable despite very negative first impressions, however there's no denying that it's buried under a thick vaneer of shallow coombait and it runs itself off the rails with zany plot at points. Honestly better than its reputation suggests but hard to recommend without looking like a pervert.

Shinkon Gattai Godannar: Basically the same thing, coombait super robot series, fun action, not a bad story. At the same time if you've ever seen a gif of absurd breast physics in anime from the 2000s there's a decent chance it's from Godannar. Good show at the end of the day, better than it has a right to be, artstyle is gonna be a big turnoff for many people and I don't necessarily blame them.

Gundam Build Divers Re:Rise: Probably the weirdest of the build series, also IMO the best. Downside: you have to suffer through the profoundly mediocre original Build Divers to get the most out of it and I'm not sure that price is worth it.

Probably more that I could add. Honourable mention has to go Gundam Seed Stargazer because you have to suffer through Gundam Seed Destiny to get to it, but I hear that the new Gundam Seed movie that's also set after Destiny is good so perhaps the cost-to-benefit ratio of suffering through Destiny has changed.

[univemma]

I have my problems with the hidden world, like many others. And i just want to gather all my thoughts in one place here because i feel like many agree that the ending itself isnt the problem, but how they did it. For me, personally, they ruined it with the reactions to the dragons leaving. Specifically, the reactions of the dragons.

First, we have Meatlug, who in the past has been shown thay merely HEARING FISHLEGS' VOICE causes her to become overwhelmed with excitement. (RTTE S2E9)

And yet here, she looks like this:

Like?? Not even a frown when she's leaving Fishlegs, who is clearly her favourite person in the world (literally watch ANY HTTYD media and this is made abundantly clear).

Moving on, we have Barf and Belch. Now it can be said that the twins and their dragon don't really have as many emotional dragon-rider moments as the others, but it is still clear that Barf and Belch love their riders. Except here:

The twins look DEVASTATED, meanwhile they (sorry belch is cropped here I couldnt get a ss with both in it) hardly look sad. Barf at least looks a little upset but still, its borderline.

And moving on, to perhaps what angers me the most, Snotlout & Hookfang. These two are easily my fav dragon-rider duo/team, and for many reasons.

Very quickly, allow me to take you back to RTTE S1E13, in which Hookfang goes out of his way to protect "Girl-Hookfang" and her eggs from a Titanwing Monsterous Nightmare when she sends out what Hiccup describes as a "distress signal".

When Snotlout tells Hookfang to choose between him and the dragon, he ultimately chooses defending her. But at the prospect of leaving Snotlout, he looks LIKE THIS:

He looked MISERABLE and even made sad little dragon noises (idk how to describe them im sorry). So,

TELL ME WHY

IN THE HIDDEN WORLD

HE LOOKS LIKE THIS

SNOTLOUT LOOKS LIKE HES LISTENED TO AN ENTIRE MITSKI ALBUM, BROS FUCKING SOBBING SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP.

And Hookfang hardly even looks at him, just kinda gives him a sideways glance. Like

HELLO???! And ONE OF THESE had a lower budget as a TV show AND a lower quality model (which, unrelated, ive seen some people really dislike but I think the show models are great!)

The only one to act somewhat appropriately is Toothless, who warbles and makes his little dragon noises at Hiccup, almost talking with him, they have their big heartfelt moment and their cute hug before he leaves. Because of course they get it, its Hiccup and Toothless.

And yeah i get it that clearly the dragons are sick and tired of hunters and therefore understand the need to leave. But they dont even look sad! Breaks my heart because after three movies, two tv shows and all the specials of the dragons and riders bonding and caring for each other and they don't even get a heartfelt goodbye.

And let us not forget that Snotlout, Fishlegs and the twins, who have been riders since the FIRST MOVIE, and main characters in their own right for years, don't even get a GOODBYE LINE?? LIKE LITERALLY, Astrid and Valka? Absolutely, they deserve it. Gobber? Sure, he hasn't known grump nearly as long but he's been a relevant and important main character as long as the kids. And Eret-

Now, I love Eret. He's cool. He's great. Love a hunter turned rider.

But WHY DID THEY GIVE A LINE TO HIM AND SKULLCRUSHER (approx. 1 year relationship) OVER THE SIX YEARS OF FISHLEGS, RUFF, TUFF AND SNOTLOUT? THEY DONT EVEN GET A "Goodbye." WHAT.

And again thats not me shitting on Eret getting one, its on the others NOT

And this isnt even beginning to mention Valka and Cloudjumper do not START ME on their TWENTY YEAR FRIENDSHIP AND BOND BEING TORN APART IN A ONE MINUTE GOODBYE.

Anyways on a lighter note, the parallel with Hiccup removing his hand from Toothless in a reverse of the first time they touched all those years ago always gets me emotional. My fav part about the ending.

And that's pretty much all I like about it LMAOO

[scarabjewels]

The Greatest Film Adaptation of The Odyssey by Homer is The Odyssey (1997)

I Will Not Accept Any Other, Seriously.

One of the best memories I have with watching movies is me and my dad watching this movie over and over. Actually, I watched it a lot, and he was loving enough to be there. Other than that, it was one of my best introductions to the lore of ancient mythologies and ancient classical literature. I have no idea if I had said this in one of my essays, but I am very much in love with classical stories , I mean ANCIENT. That's also why I still dream of playing the God of War series, even when I can not play Mobile Legends to save my life.

Now, this movie is perfection to me. I had just watched it again because of a subject in my college course, also because the song "Suffering" of Epic: The Musical had been blasting in playlist. I really love this movie for a good amount of reasons that I will be listing down below.

To those who love ancient mythology stories, I encourage you to watch this version of The Odyssey of Homer.

For these reasons:

The Authentic Feel

I think a lot of us were cringing at the fact how blockbuster heavy the "Gods of Egypts" was. I know I was. I don't even remember the plot, I just remember how cgi just dominated that movie. Just animate it, it would have probably been more watchable without that kind of visual assault. It's way too jarring.

High budget was this TV miniseries and they made it WORTHWHILE.

With the 1997 teleplay "The Odyssey," it felt so authentic. Just starting with introducing culture, I have no idea if it was truly authentic to real life, but IT FELT LIKE IT. The soldiers chanting before going to war, Odysseus' maid's way of praying, the clothes looking worn out, the custom of having music played, and Penelope making olive oil or wine(?). It feels like an actual culture being introduced to us. No one explains anything. They just show it like a way of life.

That is how a lot of blockbuster movies differentiate from indie films or television movies. Blockbuster relies on explaining things to you and uses visuals and sounds to give impact to stimulate you to watch it more. Why do you think it's always in theatres? Why drama is more dramatic or action is more action in those kinds of movies. In teleplays, they don't have that kind of budget, so a lot of the times they rely on what they have, which is what I think they did in The Odyssey.

Remember, this is a made for tv miniseries. Despite its high budget ($32 million), they really had to make this worthwhile for whatever they had and whatever they could do. In the making of the Odyssey, I learned that they had a sort of time quota and TONS OF CREW AND CAST. Those people had to fly places with so many people. A lot were literally sick, and they were working over time. I truly think they made something so good out of it. Props to the whole cast and crew for working that hard.

The buildings, shacks, and other structures look like actual ancient things because they probably were, or they were made to look like it. The ships were my favorite, it was small yes, I understand that it would have been bigger and even more ships to really fit the tale and history, but again, they were on a budget that went to special effects, flights (the crew plus cast was 100+) and it was 1997, the technology available to them were probably limited. Also they built that boat, no way are they going to build such a grandiose army boat when people built those for who knows how long JUST BACK IN THE DAY. No way.

The Odyssey just looks so very authentic. It felt wondrous and also quaint. The Cyclops was believable, as well as his home. I applaud the work they did with special effects, practical and cgi. Most worked well, but some lacked, yet I still love it.

Also, is the beggar look of Odysseus? I am so glad they really made him look like an actual old man, with prosthetics and matching worn-out clothes. Beautiful attention to detail and trying so hard to really make it look authentic as possible.

The FABRIC. Excuse me, the linens, the ship's sail was weaved FOR SURE (and they had to tear it for the later scenes, I can just imagine how hurt the props department would have felt), honestly the weaved tapestries were bomb (this is how authenticity really hit home for me, actual crafting like how people did before), by the way if you are wondering why I am praising this specific thing, that's because these natural fabrics are EXPENSIVE, hand crafted stuff like these are HARD WORK AND SUPER EXPENSIVE (for good reason), and outsourcing these for a movie? The industry that doesn't give crap about nuances like these unless they were actually creative and served a purpose? Konchalovsky and his team did that.

The Cast was RIGHT (MOST, including the side characters and background actors too)

The cast was WELL DIVERSE. Now, here is the thing that I need everyone to know about diversity. It's not just casting people of different race and color, also ETHNICITY. That cast was a mix of American, Italian, Greek, and English.

I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING, and I will explain.

Why was Vanessa Williams the only black person to be casted there? Because of a number of reasons, I will not be tackling today, but I do know that the Goddess Calypso was suppose to look ageless, and it is a noticeable trait in melanin rich skin colored people, (not everyone, I know that because in any race, not everyone ages gracefully, I am Filipino, rumored to look young, I have been told I look mature for my ages, been told I look 27 and I am fucking 22 so yeah). She had the right look for an adaptation of Calypso, a sea goddess in an island. Casting a person who looks ageless and has the aura of royalty and ancientness, you are going to cast anyone who had that perfect look, no matter the RACE.

Just look at the casting for Circe: Bernadette Peters, AMERICAN. Why was she casted as Circe? Probably because they were looking for a seductive feel who looks ageless. Bernadette looks ageless, fine lines and all.

Armand Assante? You kidding me? He looks like he was meant to be casted as any ancient royalty, and Odysseus was just so perfect for him. The King of Ithaca, the witty trickster. That's basically describing Armand.

And my favorite casting of this movie (irregardless of race, I just hate that people nit pick with that kind of thing, especially with older movies), Isabella Rosellini as Athena. I was so in love with her as a kid, SHE LOOKS LIKE WHAT IMAGINE ATHENA WOULD. Vanessa Williams as Calypso blew me away in the movie yes, and so did Isabella. Her accent (she's Italian), her EYES, her wise aura. She is GODDESS, PERIODT.

Now, let met also praise the side and background characters, the kings and their beards. Those beards are perfect, and I want to say, I was introduced to the appeal of good beards in this movie. They look what you would expect people of that time would, and with a beard like that, they better BE KINGS. Those beards were groomed to perfection. The maid of Anticlea (the mother of Odysseus) and Anticlea herself (the actress is Greek) unknowingly carried the authenticity of this film, as well as the soldiers, the other maids, the citizens and even the shepherd who raised Thelemachus in Odysseus' absence played a role in that too. They made me feel Ithaca was a beautiful kingdom rich with culture. Oh how can I forget the casting of Penelope, Greta Scacchi. That woman played Penelope well, a wife missing her husband, a queen who also participates in the daily life of making olive oil or wine, a wonderful and sensitive mother and daughter in law, I understood how Odysseus would long for her in his 10 year journey.

The acting was TOP TIER for me, Armand especially. He blew me away with every scene. My favourite was when he got home. He sat down, slowly sobbed and took in the reality that he was finally in Ithaca as he ate the cheese and wine of his home, his kingdom. You just knew how grateful and just how homesick he was, that he wasnt just missing Penelope and his son, it was his HOME as a WHOLE. Another favourite was when he and Penelope reunite, but him as a beggar. He gawked at her, his eyes just screaming "I love you". He loves her so much, even after Circe and Calypso who are literal goddesses (haha no I do not condone cheating either, this is a story after all and well, he is a man lost at sea for years), she was the only one he could think about and the only one who could take his breathe away.

I Appreciate The Comical Errors and Comedy

Unpopular opinion, I love the funny parts of the movies. Look, mythological or even just epic stories aren't always that serious, okay? The reason why these stories exist because they do have a seriousness to them, but it also included light hearted moments. Shakespeare made Romeo and Juliet a tragic drama, and the comical thing in it was the love of Romeo and Juliet, how absurd and crazy it was that it led to killings exiles. The Epic of Gilgamesh is, in fact, a serious epic, but the ending was comical, as Gilgamesh's pursuit of immortality failed after a long and gruelling journey. In the making of the Odyssey video, Isabella comments how the tale is serious but also comical. The Odyssey achieved that, where at times it can be serious and times just comical.

That's where a lot of mythological adaptations just fail imo. It takes itself way too seriously, of course, that still depends on what the story is too. This is the Odyssey after all, where it was meant to have a lot of comical errors as well as seriousness. If this was the Illiad , adapted in full, it might work JUST on the comedic stuff and not the seriousness of it.

Directors and writers have to remember that these stories are also introducing more than just a story, it's also introducing another society, with a culture, a way of living and that it has jokes too. The God of War Ragnarok succeeded in that and it's a video game. Details people, details.

The Usage of the Shots (The closer shots,the Zooms and the wide ones)

TV movies and dramas can really suck with their use of shots, particularly how close and how far it is. I like how close the shots were here, actually. Yes, I have seen TV shows and movies where they either get too "creative" or are just not trying at all. They use wide shots for specific ones, like the scenes at sea. Closer shots made it feel like I was there, like a ghost just watching what was happening.

The Tale Was Cut But Was Done Justice

I know creative freedom is done here a lot, cutting the tale shorter like leaving out some of important stories and connecting it differently, it's there. It's pretty okay by me, it's an ADAPTATION after all. The essence was much more important and they did that very well.

I especially appreciate that even when they did cut spme of the stories, they made an effort to connect loose ends so that it would still look like a full tale. Adaptations are supposed to be like that.

Conclusion: Watch it.

What makes a hero's journey isn't all glory. It deals with sacrifice, hindrance, learning, wisdom, and cruelty. It took Odysseus 20 years to go home, with the journey of losing men at war, at sea, challenges by goddesses, gods, errors, choices, beings and the challenges of his own ego and humanity. This Hallmark made for tv miniseries gave me that essence of an actual epic. It was sad, happy, comedic, complicated, and worthwhile.

Yes, I love this movie so much but this post is meant to introduce another post I am going to make in the future, which is an in depth review of the original Odyssey tale.

Also because I would also love to introduce many more beautiful, forgotten films that are worth watching.

This movie miniseries is made for TV, got an award at the Emmy's. Yet, suprisingly, it is underrated.

I think you can tell just from my previous essays that I like underrated or cult following movies, whether it be popular or not. Now, I will be continuing that, along with more stuff I really am interested in, like mythological stories, video games (I still don't play those), therapy, musicals and more.

Do watch the movie if you are interested, it is available in YouTube and Archive.org, it has two parts.

[deeply-unserious-fellow]

Guys I love Willa and Bucky's friendship so much. It's genuinely one of my fave relationships in the entire Zombies franchise- I think having the two of them hang out and be friends was a really really good idea, and even though we'll never actually get to see that deeply into their relationship, I still really like reading into their dynamic. So here's an entire breakdown on why I think their friendship works so well :)

WARNING: I do take a couple liberties in their characterizations for this analysis. I would argue that the pieces are all THERE, since both of them are in really shitty situations that very clearly inform their behavior, I'm not actually exaggerating that much, but y'know. The movies never actually get that deep into either of their psyches outside of Bucky's verse in Stand, so a lot of this is just speculation about how the characters might've ended up the way they did. Yes, I know it's weird that I put so much time into analyzing these characters from a children's movie trilogy, but in mY DEFENSE!!!!! If these movies are allowed to have a scene where half the main cast get loaded into the back of an armored vehicle by the police and a scene where the entire group of people we just started getting to know start fucking dying because they failed to find their life source, I think they're also allowed to have some nuanced characters. As a treat. Anyways iT'S ESSAY TIME WOOOOOOOO

Willa and Bucky, on the surface, do not seem like they would get along. They're both very dominant personalities that don't like having their authority undermined, they have WILDLY different aesthetics that you'd think would cause at least Bucky to avoid Willa on principle since he's a judgmental little freak, and Willa doesn't seem like the type to be willing to put up with Bucky's constant stream of bullshit. But, weirdly enough, they actually seem to get along really well! They dance together at the end of Z2, which doesn't super count since it's an end of movie dance party but I still think is at least kind of noteworthy, in Z3 they seem to at least tolerate eachother enough that Bucky hangs out with the wolves more than he does the 'aceys, and in Re-Animated they hang out with eachother pretty consistently, with them even getting a duet in one of the episodes! So clearly there is SOMETHING that makes them work so well as friends, and I think I know what that thing is; they're both constantly under pressure from their respective communities to be perfect, and they can provide a unique safespace for eachother from those expectations that noone else really can.

Bucky is a teenager who is being idolized by at LEAST his entire school, adults seemingly included based off of the budget he's given for posters of his own face and the incompetence of the staff, and has been raised in a society that values perfection and conformity above all else, resulting in a deeply toxic environment that forced his cousin to literally wear a wig for her entire childhood. Willa, meanwhile, has been practically forced into being the leader of her community at an INCREDIBLY young age just by virtue of being the only person physically capable of doing so, and has the entire well being of every single person she cares about riding on her shoulders at all times. Obviously neither of them respond to these situations in particularly healthy ways, with Bucky becoming obsessed with keeping up his perfect reputation above all else because the spotlight is presumably all he's ever known, and Willa becoming aggressive and overprotective, refusing to show any real emotions besides anger and cool detatchment, because vulnerability makes you weak. They also don't really let on that they're struggling to anyone. At all. In any of the movies. Like, we KNOW they're struggling in some capacity, Bucky's downward spiral at the end of the first movie and literally everything about Willa's situation in the second make that pretty obvious, they just never actually open up to anyone about it. They're both trapped by their own complete unwillingness to let their masks drop for even a second, out of concern for either their own well being or the well being of the people around them.

But the thing is, neither of them really put a whole lot of stock into the other's reputation, and their personalities make it impossible for them to fall into the same traps other people do while interacting with them. Willa will never find Bucky particularly impressive outside of their mutual respect from A Wyatt Place, and he can't prod an overblown reaction out of her the same way he can with Eliza, meaning she won't give him negative attention either. Bucky will never rely on Willa the same way everyone else does because he's such a proud little shit he would never want to admit he accepted help from ANYONE, and he also doesn't view her as any sort of authority figure, meaning he has absolutely no expectations from her beyond what he expects from everybody else. They view each other as essentially just some fuckin guy, and that is EXACTLY what both of them need in a friend. Neither of them put the other on any kind of pedastal, meaning it's much easier for them to form a genuine connection. That's also probably a big part of why A-spen and Willa's relationship works so well but I'm gonna save that tangent for it's own deep dive I think. It also definitely helps that their issues have such similar root causes. Having something like that in common can A; allow them both to start working past those issues, if only a little, and B; make it easier for them to view the other as an actual person with Depth and Feelings, which they both work VERY hard to pretend they aren't. Bucky in particular would need that kind of common ground to stand on, because he has proven time and time again to be almost incapable of showing any kind of compassion unless he has first hand experience with whatever the other person is going through, he almost dies because he fucked up, or the person in question is Dae. I guess-

Also! They actually have a decent amount in common outside of similar traumas that, once specifically Bucky but also kind of Willa get over themselves, they actually canonically admit they respect about each other. Like in A Wyatt Place, Willa admits out loud that she respects Bucky's fuckin... alpha-ness, I guess(god I hate Andrew Tate), and even though Bucky doesn't say it out loud he clearly thinks the same about Willa based off of the fact that he was willing to work together with her at ALL in that episode. They're also both really over the top and proud of their appearances. Willa is a lot less in your face then Bucky, but she does still say shit like "stay out of our amazing hair" and "these sheep let us in? Baaaaaad idea" in the second movie. And to be fair all the werewolves are kinda dramatic? They literally sing 3 1/2 songs about how cool they are and Wynter also makes a couple comments about how the werewolves are all hot as hell, but Willa specifically just does SO MUCH weird dramatic shit outside of songs, like saying those lines I mentioned previously, or throwing her moonstone at the library alarm and stealing a bunch of books in broad daylight, or the massive speech she gave in Z3 to hype up the football team where she started scratching the van. Hell, We Own the Night was even basically her idea! Wyatt just went along with it because she's the alpha she's the leader she's the one to trust(trust). She's genuinely the only character who's flare for dramatics comes even CLOSE to Bucky's, and the only reason they aren't equally matched is because Bucky literally jumped through a poster of his own face only to reveal a second, bigger poster of his face was right behind it. I honestly think if they didn't have such wildly different aesthetics(and Z2 didn't ruin Bucky the way it did), the similarities between them would be a lot more obvious-

But yeah that's why I really like their friendship! I think it's really interesting how, on the surface, the seem like they would fucking hate eachother, but once you dig a little deeper you realize their friendship actually has a lot of potential! I've said it before and I'll say it again, all the choices the writers made when it came it Bucky in Z-O-M-B-I-E-S 3 were god-fucking-aweful EXCEPT for him hanging out with the wolves. The only problem there is that I genuinely can't tell if the writers actually put any sort of thought into that decision or it was a complete accident that the people working on Re-Animated saw and said "yeah we can work with that"- but no matter what the thought process was, they're canonically best friends NOW and you cANNOT TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME IT'S LITERALLY CANON YOU CANNOT STOP ME AHAHAHAHAHAHAH(Im writing this while very light headed-)

Also! Bonus paragraph of me reading too far into their dynamic in the Screambook alternate universe; they seem like pretty good friends in that universe too(Bucky not joining in when everybody else chants "bust" in We Own The Night, him complimenting Willa specifically and their conversation after the song being my proof of that), and I like to think it's for the opposite reasons they're friends in the main timeline. If MT!Willa and Bucky bonded over a mutual feeling of pressure to keep up appearances and fear of slipping, AU!Willa and Bucky bonded over both being in shit situations where everything they stand for in the MT is lowkey falling apart. Willa lost the alpha contest to Wynter because of a butterfly distracting her, resulting in Willa kind of becoming the pack punching bag(see: "Willa was a bust"). Bree replaced Bucky as cheer captain for reasons we never actually find out(though I personally think it has something to do with him being Addison's cousin), which ABSOLUTELY pissed him off in some capacity, and then he got fuckin kidnapped. Their dynamic is kinda like... a platonic version of Loser, Baby from Hazbin Hotel, I guess. they both got screwed over, and they can't do anything about it, so they might as well accept their fates and role with the punches because they don't have much of a choice. I genuinely might plot out a movie-length version of the Screambrook special or smthn bcuz I think that AU has a lot of potential to be an interesting character study if given the proper time frame- but that's kinda unrelated so I'm just gonna end this here skfnvkkfkrk thank u for reading to the end lol

[penny-hartzs]

Let's talk more fashion: who are your top ten fictional characters with the best style 🥰

Right off the bat I have to go with Carrie Bradshaw. She annoyed me to no end for most of the series (apart from that one episode where she went to a house party and someone stole her shoes and she insisted that the guests pay her back for them) but I'd be lying if I said that her outfits don't continue to be iconic and they are always going to be a huge chapter of costume design and fashion. Patricia Field really is THAT woman.

2. Rachel Green my forever girl has to be number 2. I love so many things about her style and how it evolves throughout the seasons. In the early days it was jeans, T-Shirts and overalls but in such a chic and 90's way and then as she starts working in fashion and growing more into a more grownup version of herself she has an amazing office wardrobe that I still take inspo from. I also love all her slip dresses.

3. Meave Maisel. I started watching The Marvelous Mrs Maisel mainly because of the clothes and the fact that it was written by Amy Sherman Palladino and I stayed for as long as I did for the clothes as well. I believe the plot got a bit tired and the creators got distracted by the fact that the budget kept getting bigger so therefore they thought the show should be getting flashier instead of more human and funny but you'll never catch me complaining about the costumes because, well look at them!

4. Lisa Fremont. LISTEN. The costumes in this movie (which is Rear Window, directed by Alfred Hitchcock) are my Roman Empire. Especially the black and white dress combined with Grace Kelly's incredible beauty makes it one of the most iconic fashion moments in cinema history and we should give Edith Head (the costume designer) her flowers.

5. Fran Fine. It took me a while to realize what an absolute fashion icon this woman is because I didn't watch The Nanny as a kid or teenager (I still haven't watched all of it and I plan on making it right eventually) but omg the absolute serve after serve after serve AFTER SERVE. Plus, that body is bodying. And a special mention to this particular outfit which is all of my dreams coming true:

6. Issa from Insecure

This show's entire costume department deserved all the Emmys, Oscars, Tonys, just everything but Issa's style was always my absolute favorite because it was so versatile and reflected on her character journey as well. Plus I loved the fact that even when she had a casual look on, there were still so many smart details about it. Argh I miss Insecure so much I need Issa Rae back on my screen immediately.

7. Daisy Jones. This character has had a tight grip on my heart ever since I read the book and I knew I'd love her when I watched the tv adaptation but I didn't expect to love her to the point I spent all of last spring trying to find pieces to recreate her entire cool girl hippy wardrobe. And also I just have to mention this "gold dust woman" moment because it was arguably the most iconic outfit of them all

8. Holly Golightly

I don't think I need to say too much about her to be honest do I? Audrey Hepburn is literally a work of art, in this movie and in general. My maybe somewhat unpopular opinion is that the pink outfit is my favorite one :')

Honourable mentions:

Monica Geller/ Blair Waldorf/ Cher Horowitz/ Zoe from Grownish (I hate the show though)/ Devi from Never Have I Ever/ Hilary Banks from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

[desolateyears]

1k of ldr/online steddie angst…enjoy🫡

long distance relationships are hard. but they are so rewarding. 

theres something thats so intentional about online relationships, the amount of commitment in them. its not as easy to take for granted the time that you spend together. 

eddie cant just jump in a car and drive for twenty minutes to get to the person he loves.

it takes calculated thought. budgeting, organizing, commitment, and so, so much patience. 

its eddie picking up hours for that extra bit of money so he can take steve on a date he deserves when he finally visits again. 

embarrassingly enough, its buying a bed frame and asking wayne to help him put it together because hes not making steve sleep on the fucking mattress on the floor with him. its putting way more effort to make your shitty apartment into something more cozy, to feel comfortable and safe. 

its brushing teeth and taking meds together because eddie and steve kinda have a hard time remembering small things like that. the small things that make you take care of yourself just a little better.

its purposefully making space in the otherwise busy parts of their lives. slowing down the seconds for one another. 

sometimes literally. eddie and steve somehow are always a few seconds off when they watch tv shows or movies, even though they both count 3, 2, 1, together. 

eddies a bit of a mess, is the point, and theyre slowly putting all of his pieces back together. not for steve, but with steve. and, in person or not, thats one of the most rewarding things about being in love with someone.

steves the kind of person that makes everyone around him want to be better. theres something effortless in the way that he loves people. and eddie feels like a god damn cat taking a nap in the sun with the amount of warmth that he feels thinking that hes one of the lucky few that steve gives that blinding love to. 

its insane how much phone calls, texts, face timing can still shine so much light on the careful gentleness that steve gives freely. right in stride with the sassy bullying. he’s endearing, the little quips and snarkiness that he gives everyone, but not too mean. never too mean, never mean enough for someone to doubt how much steve loves them. its the endless patience he gives eddie, where eddie gets easily annoyed by shit and it takes him a bit longer to cool down. 

its pretty safe to say that he knew within like 2 weeks of meeting online that he was falling in love with him. 

which is probably why this is the hardest break up Eddies gone through.

he didnt want to break up but it just wasnt. working. steve cancelled the trip he was supposed to be taking to visit eddie while they were fighting. 

he didnt think they were fighting like that. like breaking up fighting. he didnt want to break up. 

and thinking that steve gave up, just throwing in the towel? well, its safe to say that eddie did not handle that really well.

so the fighting gets worse, eddie gets madder and then steve gets madder. and at this point the original problem has been forgotten and every other problem theyve had has been brought up again.

and listen, theres lots of good things about long distance relationships. 

but the worst thing?

the worst thing about it is getting blocked when you’re in the middle of fighting. when someone just gets so mad and its so easy to press a button.

it feels like a physical wall has been put up and he has no hope of tearing it down. he cant just, go and talk to steve when theyre both calm. its just over, done, nothing to do anymore. 

no closure. 

so it tears away at the bits and pieces that they built up together. and eddies not blaming him. its just, the grief of losing someone like steve? well it kinda brings on this tunnel vision, he cant focus on anything else.

it feels like hes finding ghosts in every corner he finds himself drawn to. 

something that eddies completely forgotten only to be brought right into view again. 

and the worst is the mundane things. things that steve doesnt even know that he’d remember. things that steve didnt realize that eddie was taking note of.

like he was reading this book one night, and steve had a nightmare so eddie read to him on call, and he really really doubts that steve even remembers because of how tired he was. 

but eddie remembers. 

music is an obvious one. 

or oh yeah, eddie passed by this tree where he took a picture of himself to send to steve and it was so inconsequential at the time but now he'll think of it any time he walks past.

its the train ride home.

its even being at work, calling him because eddies having a panic attack again but he cant leave just yet but even if hes just hearing steve talk to robin or mumbling under his breath while doing something, it just helps.  because eddies kind of bad at asking for help, but somehow steve made him feel like he was always there and could trust that. 

and now when eddie has a bad day at work or a fight with his friends, he instinctively thinks of steve. and not even because these things are so drastic or anything, steves just the first person he thinks to call.

every time it rains it reminds him of steve. but not even because steve liked rain all on its own. but because he said it reminded him of eddie when they were together. how he just thinks of the rain because eddie always sends him pictures of rainbows. or snails that come out to soak it all up. or how eddie looks like a wet poodle when hes drenched in it, because he forgot to take his umbrella with him again. 

so steve tells him, yeah the rain reminds me of you. and so now eddie doesnt even like the rain that much because its something that steve loved about eddie and it just hurts that he took that little piece of eddie, he took his own notes of inconsequential things to love and he's still gone.

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[rocketboots564]

I decided to write more of my first time reactions and thoughts to rvb Season 9!

This should (hopefully) be the third and final part for season 9.

Season 9 part 3:

Imagine showing up to your funeral, and they don’t even give you a respectable eulogy… They just talk shit about how you talked a lot…

Yeah I would kill all of them… Simmons is 10 times the man I’ll ever be.

Oh so Maine straight up stole the grenade launcher! Kinda like he did with AI units… history is a full circle once again

You know… I feel like the director should’ve given them equipment just in case the sarcophagus thing was heavy. Which it is. The Director is a really bad boss

Understatement of the century I know

Washington I’m 80% sure half the things you freelancers do is improvise… and honestly I’d be sick of it too

Oh yeah Carolina let’s just fucking kick out friends off of a SEVERAL STORIES TALL BUILDING. You’re lucky you have that armor.

The freelancers do heists the same way I played Payday 2: Five minutes of stealth before going “nah fuck this” and blasting the brains of some poor shmuck all over the walls

I think you SHOULD feel bad for the people down there, you tossed MAINE at them Carolina.

You chose to use the flamethrower… inside a building… no wonder the freelancers kick your guy’s asses on the reg… yall are fucking idiots

DONT YOU DISRESPECT THAT GUN IT SAVED OUR ASS IN REACH. Bouncy gun is fun

“That bit with the purple plane? That was just showing off,” well when your number one in Freelancer ranked mode you might as well act like it Wash

You know Carolina kinda acts like Tex a bit. No wonder they’re at odds. There’s only room for one dommy mommy bisexual badass in this show

Oh it’s not a bomb… it’s worse… it’s a big ass fucking lazer

AHSBBFMSM THE JPEG EXPLOSION is KILING ME

Yeah Carolina I bet it is karma… deserved Karma

NOT THE XYLOPHONE!

CAROLINA HITTING THE FUCKING Sonic Adventure 2 CITY ESCAPE “talk about low budget flights. No food or movies? I’m outta here!” ON THE SARCOPHAGUS

I’m surprised Project Freelancer wasn’t investigated and shut down earlier with how much property damage and civilians they endanger.

Tex being responsible about the about the team is a nice change of pace–oh she was paid…. makes sense.

Simmons can play the Banjo? When’s his new single dropping?

Grif be supportive of your Brofriend (Bro + Boyfriend = Brofriend)

Wow… imagine your best friend being closer with your ex/not-ex girlfriend than you.

Couldn’t be me Church… mainly cause I’m gay and don’t have a girlfriend

Sarge, the planet is quite literally breaking apart, and your plan is to blow it up… honestly I’m not even surprised.

It’s actually astounding how absolutely this heist went to shit… and quickly too.

“We had to learn to care for our equipment” Tex says. Cut to five minutes ago where she drove a motorcycle through a glass wall.

HOLY SHIT MAINE CAN TAKE SOME DAMAGE! I mean I know they’re wearing Spartan armor and all, but JEEZE.

I love how even the freelancers almost (emphasis on almost) fumble their stuff like the red and blue teams.

Like when Carolina juggles the briefcase in the air before getting a hold of it, and then immediately getting kicked back.

Damn… more Carolina and Tex beef.

How much do I wanna bet Grif’s plan is gonna backfire hilariously?

Yes it backfired horribly… because now Andy exists… again

Oh hey Delta was born! Great! Which means Alpha/Church was just tortured to the point that his mind split…. Not great…

“We’re the good guys? Right?” Oh… you’re concerned you’re not? What clued you in, the insane property damage, murder, or endangered civilians?

“I forget you…” AAAHHH WHAT THE FUCK THAT IS SO SAD YET SO GOOD.

And they brought him back… that’s actually really fucking funny.

THEYRE GONNA KILL THE DIRECTOR?! AWWW YES THIS MOTHERFUCKER HAS IT COMING.

Conclusion: YES I CANT WAIT TO WATCH SEASON 10