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it's so funny to me that my legacy on this hellsite is going to be this post about how archie fought in WWI in 2021 in a country which didn't exist during WWI because he was told to by the ghosts of soliders from WWII

like, yes, that is wild. but it was wild by Riverdale S5 standards. Compared to everything that came after?

Magic wasn't confirmed to be real at that point. We still thought all the characters were human at that point. (They might even have been human, I'm very unclear how long Tabitha has been an angel wearing a human skinsuit, whether that's always been the case or if there was a point where she was just a normal human who later got angelified). No-one had superpowers yet, not even the dog! We didn't even know Toni and Fang's baby was going to be a timetravelling gay superhero destined to save the world from evil wizards yet! There was still only one Jughead, and he wasn't even immortal!

When I made that post, I didn't yet know that I'm apparently destined to go to the Archieverse afterlife instead of regular human heaven when I die!

All of Riverdale from S3 onwards is absolutely buckwild, and S2 is no slouch in the weirdness department, but The Event (aka Archie kills the multiverse) raised the stakes for weirdness in the Riverdale universe so much that it's genuinely hard to remember that the earlier seasons absolutely were bonkers by the standards of network TV, even if they weren't yet bonkers by the standards of Riverdale.

Like, yes the Gargoyle did turn out to not be able to teleport, and the Farm couldn't actually raise the dead, but the nuns really were mind controlling people! Edgar Evernever really did lead an organ harvesting cult, and he really did try to escape the FBI by flying away in a homemade rocketship! Archie really did fight in what appears to be WWI, and it really is canon that the gang leave Riverdale in 2021 and come back 7 years later to find it's still 2021! Mothman might have eventually turned out not to be real, and that one kid didn't really get kidnapped by aliens, and the Rat King might have been a hallucination, but Jughead really did survive rabies and Betty really was kidnapped and kept at the bottom of a well by a man called the Trash Bag Killer! Betty's two gay serial killer brothers really did get married in her living room! Penelope really was hiding in the walls and trying to convince her daughter she was being haunted by the ghost of her triplet she absorbed in the womb! Cheryl really can control bees with her mind!

It's just hard to remember how insane all that is when you're comparing it to any of the episodes where cheryl gets possessed by an evil immortal lesbian witch, or the episode where Toni becomes an evil ghost and goes to live at the bottom of a lake, or the one where all the characters from riverdale sit down and watch the irl TV show riverdale and then complain that it's shit.

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#Riverdale is like that one episode of doctor who where time gets fucked up and all of human history gets blended together#so the British government is a Roman Senate run by Winston Churchill

@vieramars exactly! I like to think of it as the Riverdale TimeHole, but many disagree

you’ve probably seen the jokes about how archie andrews from riverdale went to war, but the producers refuse to say what war it was

but i’m here to tell you that the reliality is stranger than you could possibly imagine unless you watch the show

this is archie’s dress uniform

(the tepia overlay is present every time he wears it, i have not altered the shot at all)

this is archie and his buddy in the trenches, in their combat uniforms

yes I said trenches. that screenshot is from a flashback archie has to a member of his platoon loosing a leg to enemy shells in no-man’s land. (he specifically calls it no-man’s land)

Okay, so it’s WWI. That’s deeply weird, given Riverdale takes place in more or less the present day (there’s a weird amount of old-timey tech, but everyone also has iphones and laptops, so we can assume the old tech is people being retro), but it’s at least an answer

but it gets weirder.

because we know what country archie was fighting in. his deployment was in uzbekistan.

now despite it being called a world war, not every country was involved in the first world war. uzbekistan did not fight on either side.

because the country didn’t formally exist until 1991

so in whatever parrallel universe riverdale takes place in, new york and the town of riverdale exist essentially in the present day, the soviet union has fallen, but former soviet union countries are still fighting a war which should have ended more than 100 years ago.

so that’s bonkers, but i’m not done

in the episode in which archie decides to join the army, the school digs up a time-capsule from the 1940s and opens it. inside is a picture of four riverdale high students who were shipping out to the army the day after the time capsule was burried

the ghosts of these four WWII soldiers then appear to archie, convincing him that he should join up and fight

so to be clear, archie fought in the first world war, in a country which did not exist during the first world war, because he was told to by the ghosts of soldiers from the second world war, a war which could not have happened yet because the first world war is apparently still ongoing

and also it’s the present day and archie owns an iphone

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so if any DMC fans were wondering whether to watch the Netflix DMC anime

I'm not going to tell you not to, it's a free country

but just to temper your expectations, at one point Lady says that ultimately, humans are the real monsters. Unironically.

In the Devil May Cry universe. Humans are the real monsters.

Call me crazy, but I think the writers may have slightly misunderstood literally all of DMC

But hey, in the first episode it's implied Lucia is murdered by the government, so if any of you are still angry about DMC 2 there's that!

I would, without a second's hesitation, recommend the original anime over this to fans, to give you an idea of what we're working with here. And incidentally, the anime appears to be one of the only pieces of DMC canon the writers are familiar with, given that there are only 8 characters from existing DMC canon who appear in the show, and one of them is 1 minute cameo from Cindy the waitress from the anime. You know, popular DMC character Cindy.

(If you're not a DMC fan, it's not amazing, but it's a reasonably solid sci-fantasy action anime, with some decent fight scenes, and an odd but good soundtrack. there's better things you could watch, but you'll probably have fun with a least some of it if that's a genre you usually like)

(no I don't know why the fuck the DMC anime is a sci-fi show, given that's not what literally anyone wants from DMC. I guess it does have some precedent in the franchise, but it wasn't what anyone wanted when DMC 2 did it either!)

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this weird looking beast says it's too cold even with his dressing gown on, he has to sleep in my bed tonight

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since i know a lot of people don't know the definitions of different degrees of cousin (at least a lot of the people i know irl don't) or might be reading this in a second language,

a first cousin would be the child of any of your parent's siblings

only that, not any of the other kinds of cousin. so you're not counting your cousins kids, your parents or grandparents cousins or their kids, the children of family friends who you call cousin because of age or closeness, etc. those are all valid types of cousin, they're just not first cousins!

(first second third etc refer to how many generations back the siblings were. if it's you and your cousin's parents who were siblings, that's 1 generation back, and so you're first cousins. grandparents that's 2 generations, so you're second cousins. you just keep adding a number for every generation. In theory you could go back forever and have 465th cousins, or 784th cousins, but you usually run out of reliable birth records and reasonable sounding names for numbers pretty quickly, so no one does!)

hopefully that's helpful!

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Ramadan Mubarak!

May the month ahead be peaceful and happy for everyone celebrating

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So I am not involved in any fabric craft

But i am also dyslexic

I read the screenshot as meaning 'this is a video everyone should watch at least once before they shuffle off this mortal coil' and dutifully got more than halfway through before I realised my mistake...

But on the plus side, if I ever need to dye spandex I'll now know what I'm doing!

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It's always delightful when you meet a fictional character in real life

Pippi Longstocking is on my train.

Her hair isn't plaited, but she is otherwise in all respects Pippi, exactly as I always imagined her, right down to the smile and the wildly eclectic combination of clothes.

I have no idea what she's going to Wales for, but I hope she has a wonderful time (although being Pippi, this is not in question - if an wonderful time does not present itself she will be sure to manufacture one)

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i'm glad we're almost all in agreement that he could not catch kira, that is correct. he is an intelligent man, but he's not a detective and this is decidely outside his wheelhouse.

whether he survives i think depends largely on which source material we're looking at, the books, the games, or the tv show, but since my honourable friend (i have decided right this moment i'm going to start referring to other tumblr blogs like we're both members of the uk house of lords having a political debate, i think this is an affectation that could really catch on) has elected to depict the tv version, i vote 'does'.

not because the tv version is any more skilled, or because the tv writers are any less likely to kill off a named character, but because joey batey's jaskier has a distinctly bugs-bunny-like vibe that makes me suspect that if you threw him off a cliff, he'd bounce.

since it is a rule that holds true across the multiverse that narrative convention is more powerful than any weapon, evil magic, or well-placed falling piano, i am therefor firmly convince of jaskier's ultimate immortality when it comes to kira, or indeed any other supernatural threat.

how this immortality would function would of course depend on the situation - it's entirely plausible that geralt would simply solve the problem himself, it's within his skillset if not exactly his usual style. since we're in tv land, it's also possible jennifer would solve it, since no one gets to kill her best frenemy but her. but it also feels equally plausible to me that the magic of the deathnote simply bounces off him like a nerf dart hitting 6 inch reinforced steel. or that due to his many aliases and the translation confusion over his name, kira is unable to figure out the correct name to write down.

the only scenario i will not entertain is one in which jaskier simply never gets on kira's radar and/or never takes any interest in the case. as a bard he is pathologically compelled to always be interested in and on the sidelines off the primary narrative arc of whatever world he finds himself in. that's just what bards are for.

as such, i put it to you that despite his afformentioned lack of relevant skillset, the question of whether my honourable friend wishes to recruit him to the taskforce is entirely moot. he's going to be there, whether they want him or not. not necessarily in the actual building, but suspiciously close at hand during all the most narratively interesting moments of pathos and tension. he'll be busking right outside, or the new boyfriend of a team member, or happen to stumble upon a vital clue. he doesn't necessarily want this to be the case. the taskforce almost certainly doesn't want it to be the case. but unfortunately, not even the great minds of the kira taskforce can stand against the awesome power of narrative convention and character archetypes.

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Just finished my final cancer treatment! I'm waiting for one last test result, and then I'm officially cancer free 🎉🎉🎉

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i've unfollowed the person who was filling my dash with discourse on the mcu fandom tags change, not because i don't want to see opinions i disagree with, but because the discourse is full of people citing james bond continuity to support their arguments but being wildly wrong about how continuity works in the james bond movies. my desire to not get dogpiled over fandom discourse is very strong, but i don't trust that it's stronger than my 'someone is being loudly wrong about one of my perpetual hyperfixations' pedantry 😂

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On Your Left! — Changes to Captain America Fandom Tags

Hello! In the near future, Marvel tag wranglers will be updating fandom tags on AO3 to separate the upcoming Captain America movies featuring Sam Wilson as Captain America from the trilogy of films with Steve Rogers as Captain America.

To do this, we will be renaming the fandom Captain America (Movies) to Captain America (Chris Evans Movies) and creating a new fandom named Captain America (Anthony Mackie Movies). Both will be made subtags of Marvel Cinematic Universe and Captain America - All Media Types.

In summary:

Captain America (Chris Evans Movies) will refer to the 2011, 2014, and 2016 movies featuring Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter, and Bucky Barnes. 

Captain America (Anthony Mackie Movies) will refer to the 2025 movie Brave New World featuring Sam Wilson and Joaquín Torres. This fandom tag will also refer to any sequel Captain America movies starring Sam Wilson in the title role.

Fans interested in reading about both movie series can include both Marvel Cinematic Universe and Captain America - All Media Types in tag filtering. The current fandom tag for The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (TV), which is a subtag of Marvel Cinematic Universe but not Captain America - All Media Types, will also be unaffected by these changes. We’ve included more details of our reasoning below, which better explains why we’re making this change.

Why are you making two separate fandom tags? Can’t everyone just keep using “Captain America (Movies)”?

Despite both having the superhero name “Captain America” and the same continuity, fundamentally the main character has changed between the original trilogy and the new 2025 movie. We also wanted to hopefully make it easier for fans to differentiate between which movies and continuities they’re discussing. Many Sam Wilson fans will likely want to filter for the movie where he’s the central focus; conversely, many Steve Rogers fans will likely want to filter out movies where he doesn’t appear. 

We’re specifically using “Chris Evans” and “Anthony Mackie” in the fandom tags as they’re the most recognizable and consistent aspect of the movies. There’s no consistent set of directors between all Chris Evans Captain America movies, and actor names are much more recognizable than including multiple years in the fandom tags. This style of making fandom tags named after actors is similar to other fandoms on AO3. For example, there are many James Bond movie fandom tags which differentiate via the actors’ names. 

The Marvel Cinematic Universe is also not the only time Captain America has been adapted to the big screen: there’s a 1944 movie starring Dick Purnell, a 1979 movie starring Reb Brown, and a 1990 movie starring Mat Salinger. The current fandom tag Captain America (Movies) is worded in a way that technically encompasses these unrelated movies as well. It doesn’t make sense for these unrelated continuities to share one fandom tag, so we would have changed the existing Captain America (Movies) tag to be more specific regardless of the release of Brave New World. 

Like we mentioned above, fans interested in reading about both MCU movie series at once can filter for both Marvel Cinematic Universe and Captain America - All Media Types.

Why Mackie Movies instead of Brave New World?

The movie title has already changed several times in between promotion and release. It’s also highly likely Marvel will make sequel movies. Formatting the tag as Captain America (Anthony Mackie Movies) prevents the disruption of renaming the fandom tag in the future. 

We will be creating an Additional Tag for Captain America: Brave New World, similar to how there are Additional Tags for Movie: Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) and Movie: Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021). We hope the Additional Tag will help fans filter for specific movies within the broader series of movies.

Why does Brave New World get a separate fandom tag while First Avenger, Winter Soldier, and Civil War would still share? 

Captain America: The First Avenger, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, and Captain America: Civil War all encompass the trilogy centering around Steve Rogers. While Captain America: Brave New World is also set in the same continuity, the main character and actor has changed, and the role of Sam Wilson has changed from being a supporting character to the main focus.

It’s likely that Marvel will release sequel movies to Brave New World, which will not receive separate fandom tags and would instead also be covered by the new Captain America (Anthony Mackie Movies) tag. We hope that separating the fandom tags now will prevent the messiness of renaming tags again in the future, and also allow fans to filter for works that focus on the specific Captain America they are looking for. 

(From time to time, ao3org posts announcements of recent or upcoming wrangling changes on behalf of the Tag Wrangling Committee.)

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Hey frends. Have you:

- Washed in the last two days?

- Eaten something with actual nutritional value recently?

- Drunk water?

- Fed and cleaned up your pets?

- Taken your medication?

This is you daily reminder to go do all those things x

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I actively seek out terrible movies, I've seen almost everything Uve Bol has ever made, and I maintain a Letterboxd list called 'movies I genuinely regret watching', so this is a subject I've given a lot of thought to.

Super is the most bleakly nihilistic movie I've ever watched, and has a rape scene it plays as a joke because it's happening to a man. Spawn is so visually ugly it's actually physically painful to look at in places. Snyder's Justice League is over 4 hours long, 3 of those are unecessary slo-mo, and all of them are too dark to see what the fuck is happening. The animated Injustice: Gods Among us movie is so lazily written it managed to take one of the best comics ever written about the insidiousness of facism, and make an accidentially pro-facist movie. Performance famously made one of the actors quit acting in response to being in it, and watching made me seriously consider quitting watching movies in solidarity. Peter Rabbit 2: the Runaway has a moment where one of the characters looks straight at the camera and says "imagine if someone tried to make a soulless hollywood CG movie out of a beloved british children's book, wouldn't that be terrible?", and I'm not even joking about that.

The King's Man is so unfinished and incoherent I genuinely don't know how it got released, and watching Fant4stic feels almost exactly like slipping into a depressive episode.

But despite all the many many terrible movies I have seen in my life, many of which dealt me massive psychic damage, if we're talking massive disproportionate rage, the answer has to be 2014's TMNT.

Is it objectively the worst movie I've ever seen? God no. Is it the ugliest looking? Also no. Compared to Spawn, the hideous beige CGI turtles are practically an artistic masterpiece. Is the most morally bankrupt? Considering transformers 4's stance on statutory rape, it's not even the most morally bankrupt Michael Bay movie.

Does it make me wish I had a time machine so I could prevent the original TMNT comics from being written just so they could never inspire this fucking movie? Absolutely yes.

Is there a very real risk that I would just haul off and punch Michael Bay in the face for inflicting it on the world if I were ever the meet him? God yes.

Would I just walk out of the room and never return if someone told me they loved it? I could be on trial and I'd still at least try to just leave if my lawyer told me they liked it.

Do I think the world would be an objectively better, brighter, happier place if this 90 minute soulless heartless piece of low-key racist cgi garbage was erased from existence? Unquestionably yes, and you disagree we can never ever be friends.

I am fully aware my hatred is disproporiate, bad as the movie objectively is, but there's just something about it that makes me absolutely furious.

What would you guys consider the worst movie you've ever seen? Not something that's fun to make fun of, nothing you ironically enjoyed, I mean just an absolutely miserable moviegoing experience that you paid for, hated every second, and wish you had walked out of and asked for a refund.

For me, no joke, Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted. It did not even feel like a real movie to me. It made me see red! I was SEETHING with anger and annoyance throughout the entire thing, and I cannot for the life of me articulate why. I saw it once in 2012 when I was 15, I remember almost nothing about it now, but it struck a nerve with me like no other movie ever has before or since.

Tell me in the tags, which movie makes you disproportionately angry just thinking about it?

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Man, you know when you revisit some bit of media you liked when you were younger and you remember how much you used to ship something?

I’ve been buying the ‘perfect editions’ of 20th Century Boys as they come out, and I’d totally forgotten how much I shipped Otcho and Kenji. And according the AO3 I’m the only person in the world who does but man, I really just wanted those two to be happy together at the end of the story because they’ve got like 30 years of mutually unrequited pining to make up for.

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a really underrated feature of bg3 i don't see enough people talk about is that it's the only game i've ever played that lets you fully play a gender-fluid character.

as long as you're playing custom character or durge, rather than one of the pre-made origin characters who have their own gender identity independant of the player's preferences, then at any point after the tutorial, you can use the magic mirror in your camp to change your appearance, or your gender identity. (and these are completely sepperate options, i'm obsessed with the fact that identity, overall body shape, voice, and genitals are 4 sepperate options which can be mixed and matched)

changing your gender identity doesn't change anything except how characters adress you, the game never gender-locks anything, which means you can just change it at any point, and your adventure continues on as normal except all the npcs and companions will address you according to your newly chosen gender. also there are 3 gender options, male female or non-binary, and the enby-ness is handled really well. the couple of moments i thought felt a bit odd, i've since played with other genders, and discovered no, it's not the writers being odd, it's a deliberate characterisation choice. Volo calls everyone 'my good fellow' regardless of gender. he's not being transphobic, he's just Like That (TM).

i've played games that let me be enby before, and i've played games that sepperated out appearance and identity, but never one where you could just decide at any point you want to be adressed differently without needing to roll up a new character, and I love it so much.