#i guess.

[velvetwyrme]

OH YM GOD

fhfkzjwfnjfjdhfjendbej you wrote a ficlet..... im honored........... ohhhhhrhhghgh ITS SO GOOD,,

im fuckin wheezing,, Ratchet is just Suffering. he JUST cleared him last week... Sunstreaker promising revenge as Sideswipe goes off to cause more Problems 😂😭

bringing back the question for 2025: who in the autobots would fuck a car and/or have an sti

hi i thought too long and hard about this. then i made a silly comic about it which quickly got derailed into another silly bit. and then it kept getting longer and more terrible

i don't know whether you're the same person as the original anon or not but im gonna freakin cry either way. is this my legacy...

on one hand this ask gave me lots of motivation for some reason, so thank you for that, but on the other hand it motivated me to draw a 6 page comic about robot STIs.

i put too much effort into this lmao. for my actual conclusions AND some extra notes about the comic click the read more 👍

Ratchet: No and no. Has HAD STIs before. When he was younger. True across continuities except... in TFA he would have an STI. I can see it.

Ironhide: Yes carfucking, but I feel like the carfuckin was also a one time thing specifically. No STI. To quote my notes: "Frag no, Chromia or Ratch woukd kill him". Typo included.

Jazz: Yes carfucking, no STI because if he got one he'd be on top of treatment. Originally there was a bit in the comic with Jazz and Prowl arguing about which is worse: fuckin a car or havin a STI but it got cut because its already like 6 pages

Prowl: No carfucking and yes STI. He thinks carfucking is Really Weird. Wait. Purely off of vibes because I still haven't watched ES (someday...) but ES!Prowl would fuck a car.

Optimus: Who else do you think gave Megatron the STI? (/j /j... unless?) Carfucking and STI status varies wildly across continuities imo. G1? Yes and yes. IDW... depends on what point in time. I feel like its a yes to both but not at the same time. TFA would not fuck a car but he definitely has an STI. TFP! and ES! OP is a mystery to me, you guys can tell me if you have strong opinions on them. Hm. Armada OP would fuck a car.

Sideswipe: originally it WAS going to be him in the comic but as I mentioned, it got derailed. He'd absolutely give a car an STI.

Wheeljack/Trailbreaker/Hot Rod: Yeah, probably both. Maybe not at the same time though. Hot Rod was only so low on Prowls list because hes Literally Offworld but who knows what hes capable of.

Yes to carfucking, no STI: Lets see... Bumblebee, Cliffjumper (despite Prowl and Ironhide's assumption in the comic, THIS is my actual opinion lmao), I think Mirage would as well, but he'd vehemently deny it. Also *leans in close to the mic* Elita-1 would fuck a car. But she'd do it and it'd be like. Cool.

No to carfucking, yes STI: *long pause as i look into the middle distance* mmm...Smokescreen. I don't know much about TFP!Smokescreen but he can get lumped in there too. Sunstreaker as well, but more because he says he didn't fuck a car but he could be lying and you genuinely can't tell if he is. Also Brawn for some reason.

As for other characters elsewhere... Rodimus is a strong contender for giving a car an STI. So is Whirl, but I feel like he's slightly less likely to have an STI, yknow? Only slightly.

Other notable ones I think would have both but NOT at the same time: Swerve, Skids, Drift (specifically because of Rodimus because even if they don't fuck they seem like the type of friends who share drinks), I think First Aid fits in here too, and is the only medic who would have an STI that I can think of off the top of my head. Oh also Armada!Jetfire.

I also think that the Aerialbots are all contenders for this category too. Some more than others but it wouldn't matter because they all end up with an STI and it's miserable.

ALSO...

The alternate punchline to the comic, had it been set on the Lost Light, is... a meeting (in which the general consensus is that Rodimus fucked the car that mysteriously appeared on the Lost Light, AND he gave it an STI)

Then, Nightbeat bursts in with Brainstorm in tow, and he reveals that it was in fact Brainstorm's fault- NOT because he fucked the car (he's far more interested in er... lab equipment, lets say) BUT he made a gun that fucks cars, and accidentally gave the GUN a STI

ALSO SIDEBURN FROM TF:RID (2001). he would ABSOLUTELY fuck a car and give it an STI. He canonically loves red sportscars and you KNOW that mans got an STI.

[royalarchivist]

Foolish: What's– what's with all the ass shoving going on here? 😰

Bagi: Are you going to shovel Fit in your ass?

Fit: JESUS.

Pac: No–! I'm just gonna- AAAAA– [He runs into the pond to drown himself] I'm done, I'm done! I'm done!

Foolish: [Squeaky laugh]

Pac: It doesn't fit! Fit doesn't fit! Ok?! Doesn't fit!

Fit: Oh no... Oh no... Oh no... You know, I'm just- I'm just gonna– [He walks] I'm just gonna clear my mind, I'm gonna clear my head.

Today is, unfortunately, the one year anniversary of this cursed conversation (which spawned more cursed conversations) 💀

[ Full Transcript ↓ ]

—

Fit: This isn't me! This is not "FitMC" it's "Fit... MC." This is not me.

Pac: Fit McDonalds! :O

Bagi: "Fit MC'' [Laughs]

Fit: It's Fit McDonalds, this is NOT me, this is an imposter! This is a fcking imposter! I can't believe it.

Pac: Fit Mac! Or Mac Fit? 🤔

Bagi: [Laughing] Fit Mac... Ok Pac, I think you should go to the McDonalds and order FitMac!

Pac: No, yeah yeah! I want to order. And also, I can shovel it in my ass so that I can bring McDonald's to the prison.

Foolish: What's– what's with all the ass shoving going on here? 😰

Bagi: Are you going to shovel Fit in your ass?

[They all laugh]

Fit: [Laughs] JESUS.

Pac: No–! I'm just gonna- AAAAA– [He runs into the pond to drown himself] I'm done, I'm done! I'm done!

Foolish: [Squeaky laugh]

Pac: It doesn't fit! Fit doesn't fit!

Fit: [Cracks up]

Pac: Ok?! Doesn't fit!

Fit: Oh no... Oh no... Oh no...

[Bagi and Foolish continue laughing]

Fit: You know, I'm just- I'm just gonna– [He walks away and does the "meditate" emoji, facing away from everyone] I'm just gonna–

Bagi: [To Foolish] Why are you laughing???

Pac: [Laughs]

Fit: I'm just gonna... clear my mind, I'm gonna clear my head.

Bagi: [Out of breath] Just stop laughing!

Fit: I'm gonna clear my fckin' mind right now.

[Everyone continues laughing]

Fit: Yeah yeah yeah, this is- this is fine. This is fine.

[Ramon warps back]

Bagi: Oh Ramon, it's a really nice hole you made here!

Foolish: That was just a wild- a wild sequence right there.

[Everyone laughs, and Empanada lies face-down on the ground]

Foolish: Oh boy... Man, prison's gonna be fun, prison's gonna be fun.

Fit: Yeah... It's gonna be real fun.

Pac: It's gonna be real fun.

[decimals-built-different]

new favorite bit is saying "I would be fangirling so hard if I met him in real life 😍" about random species of fish

[carlyraejepsans]

When I was like 15 I dated this guy named Wes and we would roleplay Soriel so then when we broke up it made me have a vendetta against the ship for a few years. You made me like them again though so thanks. Also I'm a lesbian now.

[heroesriseagain]

[hehearse]

[starspilli]

my angel

[sonseulsoleil]

Haunted by that shot of Fiyero looking up at the sky and IMMEDIATELY taking off on horseback. Man doesn't know where he is going or where Elphaba is or what the fuck is going on but he knows he needs to find her. Such a great lead in to the start of Act 2 where he's been looking for her for years.

[backhurtyy]

lee pace had eleven and a half minutes to give the cuntiest performance in film history and he delivered

[espeonkin]

[id in alt text]

[badtzbot]

i have to say the relationship that smoker has with the asl brothers is fucking hilarious. luffy pissed him off so badly one singular time that he followed the guy halfway into the grand line and then also into the new world just to track him down. he had to accept help from his crew in defeating crocodile and luffy did it via becoming a water balloon. and then tashigi, who he's responsible for, cried about it. he hates luffy and luffy calls him smokey and doesn't gaf. ace.... do i even have to say anything. they did it nasty sloppy style. ace annoyed the fuck out of him and you KNOW it. smoker tried to confront him in alabasta and luffy SMASHED ALL THREE OF THEM THROUGH A WALL. and then luffy escaped because ace played diversion! and smoker can't even Actually do anything because ace is a wb pirate and he canNOT afford to anger them. and sabo. i just know when smoker met sabo in movie stampede he was already like fuck me why is the ra here and then sabo was like "luffys my little brother" and smoker just wanted to straight up kill himself. he was like FUCK ME theres ANOTHER ONE OF THEM ????? and then he has to fucking work with the guy for the greater good. again.

and the rest of the family too. he can't even yell at garp because he's one of the few superior officers smoker respects. smoker's life is just a constant aneurysm and you KNOW it's bad when the one he, a marine, has the least beef with is the fucking LEADER OF THE REVOLUTIONARY ARMY. smoker i hope your blood pressure goes down because between this and the cigars you're gonna die before you reach 40

[argentsunshine]

that was the last time you saw akechi.

[ratscrap]

gale eats astarions forever weed brownie

[tubbytarchia]

well since smallidarity kissed again I feel like I'm mandated to come back on here to share my artistic rendition

[danmomomei]

junshangs always keeping it real