#a little anxious but ill be fine

[thiscoolyear]

Hello there! So, the school year hasn't really started but there's only a week left before it starts and I'm getting a little nervous. I thought maybe I could list down some of my worries to remind myself I at least know what the heck I'm nervous about.

Research. Okay, so this year, as far as I'm aware, we have three researches to finish. One Filipino, one quantitative, and (not really sure if this counts as a research project but I'm putting it here because it's a big deal anyway) one related to our job immersion. Not sure if our teachers will actually go through with these, but this is based on what we saw the previous 12th graders do during their last year in senior high school. I'm not really looking forward to doing three whole papers in a single year so this shakes me up quite a bit.

Grades. Ah, of course, grades—the unfortunate basis of most of our worth because of the societal pressure to be the best. I am always worried about my grades, even when I know I did my best. Waiting for my grades just always makes me think that at some point during the semester there must have been a moment where I fucked everything up, even when I can't recall said moment.

Getting burnt-out. As a creative person, this sucks. I hate when I get so stressed about school and so sleep-deprived that I run out of energy to make myself feel better through writing and reading. When I get burnt-out, I can't think of anything. And—surprise, surprise—not being able to think of anything burns me out even more, so it becomes an exhausting cycle of having no motivation to do anything at all.

Not being better than last year. This is pretty self-explanatory, but I'll tell you why anyway: I am a pretty competitive person. Sometimes, if I know I can't beat other people in my class, I try to beat myself. The idea of me not doing as good as I did in the past terrifies me and I end up thinking how much I've deteriorated and failed in reaching even my own standards. Being the "gifted kid" (who never actually believed she was a gifted kid because of all the hours I spent studying), I have had a pretty hard time dealing with pressure. Most of it is from me, too, and we all know how hard it is to convince ourselves that a belief we've had about ourselves is wrong.

Surprisingly, these are all my worries. Last year, I managed to make a friend out of almost all my classmates. I managed to raise my hand in class despite my anxiousness. I managed to speak in front of the class with courage, no matter how much my knees shook. If I hadn't pushed myself to do all of these things, I might be worried about them until today. So, to make up for all the negative energy in this list, I'd like to pat myself on the back for conquering some of my biggest worries of all!

[pnfc]

i haint watched the dang chibisode and idk if ill actually watch it with sound on sdfjk but i have a hurt feeling about them casually imbuing perry with speech for a one off gag because the idea that he needs to talk to communicate is fake. we had 4 seasons of wacky magic hijinks cartoon where perry never needed verbal speech to communicate. they couldve done this gag at any point in the show but they didn't, and the fact that they didn't felt significant. perry's muteness is such a core part of his character, to me, to the way i conceive of him/write him. i don't wanna overreact to a goofy little side cartoon (even tho i'm doing it anyway) but it's still the characters, and it still upsets me! ok that's it i've said my piece

[angelpuns]

I wish I could be very normal and ' enjoy each day as it comes' and 'live in the moment' but unfortunately if I do that how will I be prepared for the future in which I am more miserable???

[spenpy]

eugh whos this clown (shakes him)

[lesbiangiratina]

Phone appointment in like 20 minutes wish me luck i will need it

[aromantic-karamatsu]

Yeah thing abt anxiety is you actually literally do have to grab your brain sometimes and go "Are you actually in danger?! Is this problem something we can actually fix now or is it a situation that is out of our control and therefore worrying about it actually does nothing?! Huh?!" And then force yourself to realize what situations your anxiety is ACTUALLY helpful and how to let go in situations where it isnt

Unfortunately this is not a skill that you get with a snap of your fingers, you literally have to TEACH yourself how to do it and it's painful.

Even more unfortunately rational people sitting outside of your anxiety are NOT AWARE that this is a literal skill you were basically born without and just tell you "calm down" without understanding YOU DON'T HAVE THE TOOLS TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT. If someone who was super good at weight lifting told me, a beginner at weights, to just "pick up a 50 pound dumbbell" I'D DIE, because I haven't trained to do that! I quite literally don't have the muscle or knowledge on proper techniques to do that without hurting myself, physically or emotionally!!!

So yes, sometimes you DO have to take the high road and just tell yourself "I do NOT need to worry about this" even though it feels stupid and useless because you still worry, but you also have to forgive yourself and understand you are learning! It won't be easy the first few times, and even when you get more used to self soothing and emotional regulation sometimes it's not linear and it's like your first day of lifting weights all over again!

I just think we as a society do need to understand that anxious disorders are both something we (anxious people) can NOT control without effort and therapy and that we (anxious people) need to realize sometimes we DO have to put in painful, uncomfortable work to manage it! It sucks but thats life, and it can get easier with the right support and whatever treatment looks like for you!

[bitegore]

getting mental healthcare is really cool, its like asking someone to take a sledgehammer to your self-interest and then saying thank you after because it makes your life moderately easier even though you have to deal with this shit now

[gothteddiesdotcom]

I don’t even wanna look at my credit card balance right now

[daeivs]

do you guys ever feel the physical symptoms of anxiety but not really feel those feelings? like you're having a hard time breathing, your hands are shaking, heart is pounding, but your mind and soul are elsewhere. so you're just dealing with the symptoms but not really understanding where it's coming from or how to make it stop. not really feeling afraid, either.

[moving-to-dreamwinged]

my dad came in and saw me on the couch (for the first time all day and i had literally just sat down for less than a minute when he came in) w heating pad and immediately goes "you have two options" (different chores to do) (as if i was like 10 years old and getting punished for something that i didnt even know i did wrong). what about secret third option where you treat me like an adult or i don't come home for winter next year. Lol

[halogalopaghost]

.

[semiotomatics]

realizing as i think abt the concert im going to tomorrow/today that i havent gone outside in almost a month. oops!

[ofyorkshire]

...wondering if roses and swans are ruined for bj.

[mainfaggot]

tw eating disorder talk, pt.2 to the last post in the tags (once again, no mention of numbers that could be triggering, just a heartfelt rant bc I've been so afraid of talking about these things on here, but i really just need to get everything out bc . I feel crazy)

[griff-moved]

GM everyone!!!!!!!!

[opens-up-4-nobody]

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