#YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS?? your problem isnt autism your problem is that you cant adjust to everyday life and you're just too emotional

[autisticlee]

"good people are out there you just need to get out and find them"

cool thanks. but i'm too tired to keep ~going out and looking for them~ i'm too tired to keep trying, using up all my energy, getting super overwhelmed and burnt out after just a couple weeks of trying as hard as I can, met with other people barely trying back or not being very responsive, and needing to recover from it for a year or more each time because it overwhelms and burns me out so bad. I get nowhere no matter how hard I try, all i get is uselesss advice from people i try to befriend who dont want the responsibility of friending me. i'm tired of trying beyond my limits and causing more issues for myself. or dealing with issues I get from meeting the "wrong" people. if the "right" people exist, why can't they find me? why does it have to be only my job? i'm too tired and overwhelmed and burnt out to do it!!!!! the right people will just easily help and be there for me right? so I guess i just have to keep waiting for them for all eternity????? i'm tired of waiting. give me more than "just wait/keep trying/don't give up" because those instructions unclear and my useless attempts are very discouraging and exhausting and i'm so overwhelmed that i'm losing the ability to even socialize at a minimum at all now!!!!

if humans are meant to be social creatures and we require positive interactions with each other to stay healthy, then why do humans ostracize their own? why do some of us struggle so much and are denied any help and instead blamed? why can't I be given advice on how to live a lonely life without anyone else by my side instead of being told "one day! keep trying! you need people because it's essential to being human!" even though i've been waiting for "one day" for 25 years and could wait 25 more, or even longer? I don't know what i'm doing wrong or how to improve it so waiting is all I have. what if I wait forever?

[pears-trinkets]

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[t4transsexual]

15 year old google psychologist on tiktok: you HAVE to be PROFESSIONALLY DIAGNOSED WITH AUTISM or else youre a FAKER whos STEALING RESOURCES from ACTUAL PEOPLE WITH AUTISM

psychiatrist: you dont act autistic. ok well i guess you acted autistic as a kid but not now so clearly something changed. whats masking?

psychiatrist: you experience a lot of traits of autism but you made eye contact with me for a bit so you cant be autistic

psychiatrist: you cant be autistic because youre too smart

psychiatrist: well you experience profound symptoms of autism but your brothers already diagnosed with autism and thats not possible for you both to be

psychiatrist: ok you seem autistic however youre a teenage girl. have you considered you might have borderline personality disorder/bipolar disorder instead?

*also when you get diagnosed*

psychiatrist: i cant advocate for your disabling ptsd to the government, i can only do autism. yes i know your autism isnt the actual problem here but have you considered that youre just being autistic about it?

psychiatrist: i cant write a letter of recommendation for gender affirming care because youre autistic. yes i know you work a full time job and live independently but youre not capable of making these decisions

psychiatrist: *doesnt try to treat/talk about anything but the autism*

the 15 year old again: i know you SAID youre diagnosed with autism but i dont believe you because anyone can say that, so im going to continue to harrass you about it anyway

[frozenjokes]

CUBFAN NOOOOO THE ROBOT ISNT IN LOVE WITH YOU HE JUST THINKS YOU HAVE AUTISM!!!!!!

So. Like. Why did they make the robot hot.

This was a train of thought through Cub’s mind more often than he cared to admit, but it was weird, wasn’t it? It was definitely weird that they made the robot hot! It didn’t need to be hot. It was a child care robot, a teacher’s helper, there was no reason to make the robot hot for that kind of role. It- Maybe he- Cub often found himself flip flopping on the pronouns- was meant to aid in spotting potential learning disabilities in children, give assessments on occasion, and make recommendations to parents. That was it’s whole job. So why was it hot.

There were other oddities about it as well, but those made marginally more sense. The name, Scar, was just about the dumbest thing you could’ve called your mental health robot, but Cub could see how that might appeal to the kids. A ‘cool’ name for a cool guy, or whatever. Scar was also overly friendly, with the elementary school staff as well as kids, but this made relative sense as well. Obviously you want your robot to get along with others, be amenable to staff, and be high energy for the kids. It didn’t matter if this programming made Cub want to tear his hair out most days, at least he understood it. He was relatively certain Scar was also programmed to seek out shier, less talkative kids in an effort to incorporate everyone into the main group, because he would not leave Cub alone. Cub spent most of his break time in the custodian’s office for a reason, he did not need a Scar-sanctioned check in multiple times a day.

Cub had actually complained once to Scar’s maker; a woman named Cleo who came in a couple days a week to supervise its work, but she had only offered a weak apology, muttering something about age differentiation and troubles with programming, though, after that day, Scar bothered Cub with much less frequency.

Cub should have asked her why she made him hot. Honestly, he could probably ask Scar directly and get a straight answer, but Cub didn’t particularly want to go out of his way to humor the damn pest, when most of the time he could not keep up with Scar’s energy and would much rather be left alone. Well. That’s what he told himself most days at least. What really bothered Cub was how human Scar felt.

Cub knew this was the point. Scar had to feel human to make connections with the kids, get to know them on a level a psychiatrist wouldn’t be able to in a 90 minute session, it made sense, but it was equally disturbing because Scar was charming and funny and really attractive, and all of this was mixing up to be some extremely confusing feelings on Cub’s end.

Scar didn’t feel like a robot, and it frightened Cub how much he liked him- it. Scar had to be an ‘it’ because if it was a ‘he,’ then it would make perfect sense why Scar’s eyes lit up when he saw Cub, it would make sense why Scar was so engaged and excitable, it would make sense why Scar flubbed his words, tripped over his feet, was a a little uncoordinated, imperfect in all the most human ways.

Was it so pathetic to think of Scar as his friend? No- Scar wasn’t his friend, he was a robot, and the root of all of Cub’s problems was simply that they had made Scar attractive.

Whatever. It was fine. Cub had a normal reaction to Scar stopping by less often, he definitely wasn’t upset and definitely wasn’t paying special attention to the cleanliness of rooms that Scar was more likely to be.. Extremely unfortunate that Scar did not have to use the bathroom, and if he did happen to be hanging around, most of the time he had five or six little ones hanging off him at the same time. Not a great environment for talking casually, and Scar was more focused on the kids anyway, which- that was his job, it was fine. Cub wasn’t so out of his mind that he was getting jealous of children, for fuck’s sake.

Cub did end up spending more time in the staff break room though. Hanging around Cleo’s office when Cleo wasn’t in, though Scar was almost never in there alone, not unless he was prepping some kind of assessment.

Either way, whenever Scar saw Cub milling about with the other staff, participating in mind numbing small talk, or simply listening in a small crowd, Scar was nothing less than thrilled. Now, Scar was always this way with everyone, but Cub couldn’t help feeling like he was special, little praises and positive reinforcements always seeming to be especially geared toward him. Did the other staff notice? Did they also think Scar was giving Cub special attention? Cub would have asked, but he was not nearly close enough with any of the teachers to allude to any of his own attachments to a fucking robot. And regardless of how friendly a lot of the staff were, there was not a single person in this school who was easier to talk to than the robot. There was no risk with Scar, Cub could make a complete fool of himself (and had) for hours and Scar would see him no differently.

Cub startled at the school bell, indicating the end of the day, shiiiittt, how long had he been spaced out at his desk? He frowned, shaking his head. Whatever, whatever, the bulk of his workload would be now, anyway. Cub got to his feet, moving to fill the mop bucket in the faucet on the other side of the cramped room. Despite the heavier workload, these were his favorite parts of the day. He’d put his headphones on, get into the groove of his routine, and clean for two or three hours before heading home, usually uninterrupted. He really didn’t mind kids, he wouldn’t have stayed here so long if he hated them, but there was a certain peace to the school after hours, and Cub enjoyed the predictability of being here alone.

Cub screamed when he turned around to see Scar in his doorway, water sloshing over the side of the bucket as he jumped. By the time Cub had gotten his headphones off, thoroughly embarrassed, Scar was already apologizing.

“-Oh dear, I hope I didn’t get you too wet, I didn’t mean to scare you!”

“It’s fine,” Cub half laughed, mostly out of nerves. He stared at the water on the ground for a moment, easier than looking at Scar, then shrugged. “It’s just water.”

“Water’s scary stuff! Oceans, lakes, pools, brrrr, no thank you! Though, Jenny was telling me the other day about how her family took her and her brother up to their lake house and they went tubing and that really sounded fun, it’s a shame I’ll never get to do something like that.” Scar was always referencing one of the five hundred kids in this school by name, something Cub used to admonish him for, but didn’t bother anymore. No point when he’d go right back to it the next day. Scar also had an extremely concerning habit of naming things he’d love to do or things he wanted, which was way too human and way too disturbing if Cub thought about it too long. Why would he be programmed to want something he could never have??

“You and water don’t mix, huh?” Cub said quickly, realizing he’d drifted off, but Scar was patient, never minding an awkward dip in a conversation.

“Oh no, no sir, I mean, I’m quite resistant, I’ll tell you that, but I can’t be submerged or anything just in case. Water’s killer, did you know? Cleo won’t even let me outside if it’s raining too hard!”

Cub snorted, “Well I know now.”

“Great!” Scar brightened, as if he hadn’t already been radiant before, “Hey, I was wondering, do you have a free 90 minutes? I was hoping to spend a little time together before Cleo picks me up at 6:00, but I’ve got my hands full during the day, you know how it is.”

Cub blinked several times, and he must have had a startled expression on his face, because Scar reacted in turn. “No pressure, of course! If today doesn’t work, I’m quite flexible! I don’t do much in these couple hours anyway, just sitting around, twiddling my thumbs… But I’d love to talk to you!”

Cub’s mouth dried, but this time when he stared blankly at Scar’s doofy, hopeful face, Scar did not make any more amendments, waiting for Cub to respond. Cub swallowed hard. “I’m still working. Sorry, Scar.” His internal demons screeched and flipped tables all over the scape of Cub’s mind, but he remained firm. This just wasn’t a good time, and as willing as Cub was to slack off for ten minutes here or there, he wasn’t trying to get written up. He almost asked if Scar would be free over the weekend, then bit his tongue. It’s a robot, pull it together!

But Scar did not look disappointed, his expression never wavering. Messy brown hair, vibrant green eyes, just a smattering of freckles and soft dimples from his near permanent crooked smile- Cub was hopeless.

“Cub?”

Cub blinked, and Scar’s expression had shifted, still cheerful, but more inquisitive. Cub got the feeling he’d missed something. “Sorry- What was that?”

“I thought I’d help you! You were going to mop the bathrooms, right? I can’t imagine this taking more than three hours alone, but if you’ve got a second mop, we’ll cut the time right in half! You can carve out a little time for me, can’t you, Cub?” Scar winked, and Cub thought he might die.

“I don’t just clean the bathrooms, Scar. All the classrooms, the cafeteria, and I have to vacuum the carpets on the first and second floors today as well. It’s probably not going to happen.”

“Oh dear, that is a lot.” Scar rubbed at the nonexistent stubble on his chin, straightening and snapping his fingers as he came to an exciting conclusion. “How about this, then! Next week, Wednesday, Cleo can’t pick me up until 8:00! I’ll be around all day, and you’ll be off by then, right? And in the meantime, I’ll keep you company! An apology for scaring you so bad, how does that sound?”

“I-“ Cub couldn’t think of anything better. “I’d like that.”

Scar seemed to have negative effects on Cub’s productivity, but if Scar noticed, he didn’t care, and Cub certainly didn’t mind. Well. He minded a little bit. This was not the relaxing music-listening routine Cub had been looking forward to, but he did get to spend a lot more time ogling Scar and listening to him ramble on about nothing in particular, which was nice. Apparently Suzy and Brenda weren’t getting along again, and Scar just wasn’t sure what to do! Cub had no advice to give, even despite Scar’s attempts to claw it out of him. Scar wanted clear, critical answers, solid directions, and all Cub had to offer was ‘that’s crazy, man,’ and ‘kids are wild,’ and ‘I never got up to any of that stuff, I wouldn’t know.’

However, this did prompt a conversation about Cub’s childhood, specifically what he was like as a kid, which was a little more engaging, though Cub didn’t have much more to say about himself that Scar didn’t already know. Cub politely dismissed questions along the lines of ‘did you have trouble making friends growing up?’ and outright rolled his eyes when Scar asked if he had a family history of neurodivergence, but these were all just symptoms of Scar’s programming, nothing more. Scar seemed to be able to tell Cub had no interest in this conversation given his curt or non-committal answers, and the subject was soon changed. A happy Scar was most content when both parties were having a good time after all.

“This was a lot of fun!” Scar said as Cub was finishing up with the vacuum, but given the noise, Scar had to yell to be heard, which was comical in itself. “I really like hanging out with you, Cub! It’s been so great seeing you around more often, I hope you keep doing what you’re doing here!”

Cub hated that he flushed at that, but luckily he was facing away, moving steadily down the hall while Scar trailed after him. It just killed him that Scar was so- so- the way that he was! Kind, generous, always playful.. As much as it was a bear to take the mop away from Scar every time he tried to use it like a sword, it was also fun, and it really made Cub dwell on how much of that he was missing from his normal life. Someone fun. Someone who spared no expense when it came to kindness, little compliments, someone who just wanted to make Cub feel comfortable, feel good.

“Thank you, Scar.” Cub mumbled, but there was no way Scar heard him over the vacuum. That was fine. He was feeling a little too vulnerable to repeat himself.

And that night, he lay awake in bed, cursing himself for being so weak. Scar was a robot, literally wire and plastic, its show of emotions adaptive to appeal to children, nothing more, nothing less.

But Scar liked him. Scar liked him, Cub was so sure of it- Scar wanted to hang out, was always happy to see Cub, always engaged, always dropping little bits of praise- Scar wanted to be alone with him. Surely there was a reason, wasn’t there? Maybe Scar was sentient, maybe he wanted Cub to know, to know that he was trapped in the house of his maniacal maker, and wanted to run away, live somewhere safe with someone he knew he could trust. Of course he could trust Cub- Cub had- well, he’d dropped out of college so it’s not like he had a degree in robotics or anything, but he knew some coding, and he was sure if something broke he could figure it out! He would put the work in, he would do it if Scar needed him to.

Perhaps that was a little bit deranged of a fantasy. Rein it in a little, Cub.

Maybe Scar wanted to kiss him. Maybe he’d seen it on TV, knew the idea, the basics, the why and the how, but he’d never done it before and he wanted to know it, wanted to try. Anyone would be curious, wouldn’t they? Cub wasn’t- he wasn’t a particularly great kisser, but Scar wouldn’t know that, would he. Cub would be a perfectly serviceable first kiss, and he could- oh, maybe he should really make an effort to use more chapstick before next Wednesday.

This was so stupid. He could not be crushing on a robot.

…

Maybe it would be acceptable to crush on the robot if it did actually want to kiss him. Surely it liked him. It wouldn’t be giving Cub so much special attention otherwise!

Oooohh if Cub shared a bed with a robot, its skin would be cold, right? Cub was always getting so hot at night, but he hated giving up the weight of his covers. If he was hot he couldn’t sleep though- Yes. A robot boyfriend would be the solution.

The week leading up to Cub and Scar’s- whatever this was going to be, was uneventful. He didn’t sense that Scar was acting any differently this week, but given the fact that Scar’s normal was a little bit out of his mind, maybe that meant nothing. Scar seemed excited about their meeting, reminding Cub every few days, though he didn’t seem nervous. Cub wasn’t actually sure if he could remember a time Scar had ever acted apprehensively; maybe that wasn’t something he was programmed to be able to do. Cub was a little bit enchanted by the idea of that. Scar, ever-confident, never held back by nerves or anxiety, wouldn’t that be a nice guy to have around. Cub bet Scar could order in a drive through window without stuttering, and he’d probably be able to talk loudly and clearly too, get the order across on the first try. What a guy…

After Cub stopped feeling pathetic about these dullest of benign fantasies, he got back to work. Though, the day of their Big Meeting, Cub was having quite a bit of trouble keeping it together. He hadn’t slept well the night before, spending hours unable to stop thinking about this, about Scar, about what Scar might want with Cub, ranging from plausible to utterly absurd. Scar had managed to entirely consume his thoughts, and all of this to blame on the fact that Cleo made their stupid mental health child care robot attractive.

Maybe Cub would ask. If this was a romantic meeting, he didn’t think it would come completely out of nowhere, not that Scar would mind either way. It was a reasonable question, in his humble opinion! Scar was obviously into him, or he wouldn’t ask to hang out alone together for an extended period of time! And all the other stuff! Cub could make a red stringed cork board out of Scar’s suspicious behavior, and truly, all lines could only lead back to one thing.

And so the time came.

Cub didn’t see Scar around very much after school let out for the kids, but that wasn’t particularly abnormal, only noticeable because Cub was thinking about him so much. God, honestly, whatever happened, it would be a relief for this thing to just be over so Cub would regain the ability to think about anything else.

Cub poked his head into Cleo’s office, relieved to see Scar there. It was a nice room, much like a therapist’s office, which Cub supposed made sense. There was a desk, a place Cub assumed Cleo often sat, but Scar was in a comfier looking chair, messing with something on the coffee table. He looked up when Cub opened the door further, brightening instantly.

“Hello! Come in, come in, I can’t wait to talk to you!” Scar gestured to the loveseat across from him, and Cub entered gingerly, looking around with some caution. He wasn’t sure what he had expected, but this.. he wasn’t sure. Something about it seemed so ordinary. Cub supposed this was the consequence of getting in his head about things. He closed the door behind himself before taking a seat.

“Hey, it’s good to see you.” Cub paused, grappling with himself internally on whether or not to just shoot his shot. There wasn’t really a reason not to, was there? “Missed you today,” and the words came out strangled, just about the most miserable, pathetic sounding noise he could have made.

Scar laughed, not unkindly, “I’ve been busy, unfortunately! Figured you might be as well, and I wouldn’t want you getting too sick of me before we got to spend some proper time together.”

Cub shifted in his seat, “I don’t know about that.”

“According to Cleo, it is extremely easy to get sick of me, and I think she would know! Cleo’s the expert on all things me after all.”

“That’s- That’s not very nice of them to say.” This was it, surely. Cleo was treating Scar badly, he needed help.

“Oh, well I’m not really capable of having my feelings hurt, so it’s not a big deal. I’d rather she be honest with me so I can continue to improve! I know you yourself said I can be overbearing as well, and I appreciate the feedback.”

“I-I didn’t mean-“

“Don’t worry about it,” and Scar was kind, so kind, “Again, it is literally impossible to hurt my feelings. You can’t do it.” He brightened, “Try! try!”

“I don’t have anything bad to say about you Scar-“

“You do, I know you do, Cleo told me!” Scar was thrilled by the idea of this, while Cub’s distress only mounted. And then, in what must have been his best Cleo impression, continued on, “That poor custodian! Leave him alone, Scar, he wants nothing to do with you!”

“I- Hey! I did not say that! I actually did not say that. I can’t believe this.”

“What did you say?” Scar looked so amused, and Cub couldn’t help but humor him, crumbling.

“I just called you a pain in the ass- but I didn’t mean it! It’s not like I’m doing that much anyway, I like talking to you-“

“Weak.”

Cub gawked, “What?”

“Come on, Cub, I’ve heard that before plenty of times! Do you know how often Cleo calls me a pain in her side, geez Louise, it’s like I’m not her beloved psychiatrist invention, she should really treat me better! Now, Timmy the other day called me a-”

“Does that bother you?”

Scar stopped, blinking in surprise. “Does what bother me?”

“That Cleo doesn’t treat you well.” Cub found himself fidgeting, struggling to look at Scar when his eyes softened, almost pitying.

“I’m not human, Cub. Sometimes I wish I could understand what it’s like to be you, so eager to personify the smallest things, though, I do realize the impulse is stronger when I..” Scar gestured vaguely to himself, “Y’know. It’s funny, a little. Cleo thought implementing me as a prototype would be a lot harder than it was, with me being as I am, but it turns out a human face does a lot of the heavy lifting. I hardly have to do more than exist for people to assume I’m just like them, but you’d do better to remember that’s not the case.” Just when Cub was finding himself a little unnerved, Scar sat up, clapping his hands, “But Cleo and I are friends! I’m sure if I was allowed to swear I’d have a couple choice words to share with them too, but alas! Truly, if you continue to be concerned despite the fact that I literally lack the ability to care, Cleo gets their comeuppance from time to time. I earn that title of being a pain, I’ll tell you that.”

Cub wasn’t entirely sure what to do with all of this, but Scar didn’t seem to be concerned, opening a box with a- was that a puzzle? Either way, whatever Scar was setting up, Cub didn’t want to kill the vibe or anything, choosing to ignore most of that in favor of a lighter topic, “How often do you have to be censored? Surely you wouldn’t just start cussing out kids if Cleo let you say fuck.”

“Oh, no, I definitely would!” But before Cub could ask him to Elaborate Please, Scar laid a collection of wooden 2D shapes out on the table- Tangrams the box said. Cub remembered playing with those in school when he was little. There were picture cards in the box, shapes you were meant to create using the smaller pieces. “Do you want to play?”

“Sure,” Cub shrugged, unsure what this was about. Had Scar seen him fidgeting? Was he trying to give Cub something to do with his hands? Cub pursed his lips against how sweet the gesture was. He did like the shapes… There were quite a few of them, Cub bet he could stack them pretty high. “I’m not past the swearing thing though, are you seriously saying you’d go ballistic with free reign over the English vocabulary.”

“Oh! Yeah, probably! Cleo thinks so at least, but they foresaw this issue before I was able to speak for the first time.” Scar sat back, seemingly happy to watch Cub do his thing, which.. a little awkward, Cub wouldn’t lie, but he had more important things to do, like try and stack the octagons vertically on their sides, and this required a great amount of focus. Scar happily kept talking, “I learned to talk by watching humans have normal conversations with each other, and I picked up on patterns of speech from that. Now, in a controlled environment it doesn’t really matter, you can keep swear words out of your videos and make your confederates keep their language clean, but when Cleo started taking me out to the field to hear real people talk, you can’t exactly control what they say. I understand how to talk casually from listening to hours and hours and hours of natural conversation, and I implement that into the way I speak now. Because swearing is so common and elicits so many strong responses from the people around me, especially kids, I’d start doing it a whole lot.”

Cub bit his lip, half paying attention. When his octagon tower fell, he mumbled, “Well you can tell the difference between kids and adults, can’t you? Just don’t swear in front of the kids.” Cub frowned at the shapes in front of him, a little scrambled from his rabid impulse to stackstackstackstack. He put the pieces he’d withdrawn back in their place before looking at the puzzle cards. They were a lot simpler than he remembered; checks out, honestly. Perks of being an adult, or maybe not. He kinda wished they were harder. Still, he started going through them, placing the different shape pieces on the template and attempting to fit them all inside.

“Well there’s a lot to unpack there, Cub, but there are quite a few times it would be inappropriate to swear in front of adults as well- Cleo wants to to retain some amount of professionalism, so. But I also can’t do that.”

Cub blinked. “What?”

“I can’t tell the difference between kids and adults. I’m actually quite bad at it, believe it or not. I mean, between little ones and staff it’s easy, but humans have a lot going on! Some adults look so young, and some kids look so- adulty! When Cleo was trying to put guidelines in place, it created a lot more problems than it solved, so she let it be. I’m pretty terrible at gender as well, I’d probably guess correctly in your case, but with 60% of the school, I couldn’t tell you, especially the little ones. Actually, I could tell you because I have all the ages and genders of the kids and staff tucked away in my database, but this doesn’t generalize to the real world. Cleo’s still working on it.”

“That’s. Very odd.”

“Not really! Humans have all sorts of decision making complexities that I don’t, so it’s much harder for me to differentiate the little things from each other than, say, conduct psychiatric assessments. I get clear instructions, I know what to look for, and I can make fairly basic, but also quite accurate initial diagnoses! There’s far more variables when it comes to physical observations, and I’m no good at that stuff. Trust me, Cleo’s been tearing their hair out over it for years.” Scar continued to ramble on about the specifics of his own strengths and weaknesses, but he didn’t say anything drastic enough to pull Cub out of Puzzle World, where he was currently in the zone. Some of these were ridiculously easy, baby shit, but a few were out for blood, and Cub would not fall at their parallelogram shaped hands-

Cub’s head snapped up when Scar gingerly attempted to start cleaning Cub’s frenzy driven puzzle nightmare, and he must have looked quite frightening, because Scar backed off, blinking at Cub inquisitively.

“I’m not done.” Cub said, answer enough.

“I thought we might do something else?” Scar tried, looking hopeful, and maybe he sensed Cub was feeling violent about his archenemies The Parallelogram, because Scar added, “You can always come back to this, the office is always open. It’s already been an hour, so I was hoping we could do one more activity together?”

That certainly got Cub’s attention, though he didn’t relinquish his pieces without some hesitation. “What do you want to do?”

“Well!” Scar produced a small picture book out of nowhere, definitely one made for kids. “This book doesn’t have any words, but I’d love for you to read it to me!”

Cub stared. Scar stared back, just as unyieldingly radiant as always. He wasn’t joking. Suddenly, Cub wanted to give up his puzzle much less, but Scar was already putting it away.

“Give it a look, won’t you? I really like this story.” Hurriedly, Scar shoved the book into Cub’s hands, so aggressively that Cub fumbled to hold it.

“If you’ve already read it, I’m sure you don’t need me to do it for you,” Cub tried, still uncertain about this. What was the point? Was this Scar’s idea of a date? Romance? Maybe Cub should play into it in that case.. It was possible most activities Scar was familiar with revolved around kids, so he tended to share those experiences with adults as well.

“I like hearing what other people have to say about it. When there’s no words, you kind of make your own story, don’t you?”

“Well.. I guess so. I don’t think I’ll do a very good job though,” and Cub was certain that was true. He didn’t really. Emote well. Or talk like he felt any emotions at all. Out of all the staff, Cub was probably the worst person to improvise a story, even based on a picture book.

As if reading his mind, Scar spoke up, “You don’t have to be engaging! Just tell me what’s happening, I’ll follow along.”

Cub pursed his lips, but found no reason not to try. Maybe this was leading up to something bigger. Maybe at the end of this, if Scar didn’t make a move, Cub could try and shoot his shot. He hadn’t prepared for that possibility but- oh well, better to have this be a surprise than to think about it all next week.

He opened the book, and to the best of his ability, told the story.

Predictably, he did a horrid job of it. Cub was far too stilted, put too much detail into the wrong places, and generally wasn’t very entertaining. It was a pretty simple story, really; frogs flying around a town on lily pads, causing great alarm among the townsfolk and generating mild mischief wherever they went, nothing particularly eventful. The most interesting thing Cub had to say was his critique of the man in one page, eating a bread sandwich at 11:40 PM with a glass of milk- milk! What kind of freak drinks straight up milk just in a glass like that, not anyone Cub wanted to associate with, that was for sure! Scar seemed to get a kick out of that at least. Cub was relieved, though the rest was still excruciating to get through.

“And then next Tuesday, pigs fly, I guess,” Cub shut the book before Scar could ask for any critical analysis or extra details or whatever else- Cub did his best, but his own impatience with this activity made it clear to himself that he wanted more out of this, and if Scar wasn’t going to say anything, Cub would have to be the one to do it first lest he spend another week agonizing over it. “Scar, I really like you. I really like you, and I wanted you to know it, and I don’t know how much free will you have to leave the house with Cleo on your back all the time, but I’d really love to hang out sometime outside of work. Go to the park maybe? Sometimes I feed the crows, I bet you’d get a kick out of that.” Cub found himself fumbling towards the end, his own Being Flustered catching up with him.

Scar was looking at him so sweetly, that small smile ever-present, head cocked inquisitively. “That sounds delightful,” he spoke softer, and whether this was because he was reacting to Cub’s being worked up or because he was just pleased, Cub couldn’t tell. “Now, I’ll have to check with Cleo, I don’t normally have much reason to be going anywhere, but I see no reason there’d be any issues. The park ten minutes from here, yeah? We go there all the time on weekends! It’s where I do most of my listening to people; that and restaurants. I’ll let you know what she says.”

“I- Sure.” Cub released a shaky breath, unsure if he was relieved that this had gone well or a little scared that this had to go through Cleo first. He did not particularly want them to know he was trying to date their robot, but oh well. Surely that’s not the first thing she’d think, right? Friends hang out normal style all the time, and Cub and Scar were friends. Well. For now. But Cleo didn’t have to know that. Cub opened his mouth to clarify a time, and maybe also that this was a date, but Scar talked first, returning to his boisterous form.

“Now, do keep in mind that my initial diagnostic assessments aren’t perfect, and if you’re interested, I’d recommend going to a psychiatrist for further testing, but I’m pleased to tell you that you have autism!”

Something shattered in Cub’s brain, but Scar did not stop talking.

“Now, outside of our assessment today, there are quite a few things I noticed that indicated this might be the case, which I can list for you if you’re interested, but for this specific session, I can give you some more insight on what I noted down. For starters, flat affect and tone of voice, rigidity in play, the bouncing of your foot was near constant throughout our session, when you told you story, you never commented on the emotions of the characters.. There’s more of course, but sometimes people have those immediate questions I’m hoping to answer for you now. I’ll have the full diagnostic report with your specific scores printed tonight, and I can either mail it to you or hand it to you tomorrow-“

“Scar.”

Scar blinked, no less radiant. “Yes?”

“I’m not-“ Cub tried to collect his thoughts, but they’d all been scrambled when Scar catapulted several boulders through the glass walls of his mind. “I’m not autistic, first- Was this just. This is why you wanted..?”

“Oh, I really do think you are.” Scar could have puffed out his chest with how proudly he said it, but Cub was pretty sure he just imagined that. “I’ll include notes from outside our assessment, as this is the reason I’m able to keep things so short in the office. Don’t you worry though, all your interview data is entirely confidential! All data is stored directly in my system, which is not wired to any other databases that could be hacked or stolen. If you have any additional questions or concerns about the accuracy of my tests, diagnosis, or future steps, you can ask me directly or contact Cleo’s business email address.” Before Cub could even react, Scar was shoving a business card into Cub’s hands, pointing to the email on the back.

“I have to go.” Cub stood stiffly, nearly stumbling on shaky legs.

“Are you alright, Cub? I understand if you need time to process, but I would advise you to keep an open mind. Be kind to yourself.”

“I’m fine, Scar. I’m fine. Just- dehydrated.” Stupid. Stupid. Fucking- STUPID. “Goodbye.”

“Oh!” Scar couldn’t have sounded any more delighted at this news, “Alright, take care then!”

Cub slammed the door behind himself.

…

To: Cleo Z.

Subject: Scar.

WHY IS YOUR FUCLINH ROBOT CALLING ME AUTISTIX?????????

…

Cleo Z. [no subject]

To You

Hello, Cub. He is not supposed to do that. I am very sorry for any distress or frustration this may have caused you, however, I hope you take some solace in knowing I am most definitely more unhappy about this than you are. Please note that Scar’s diagnostic assessments are still in the testing phase, therefore, any of the results given are not grounds for an official diagnosis.

Regards, Cleo

[sunlit-mess]

Hello, I hope it's not rude but I'm REALLY REALLY fond of your art!!!!! I was scrolling through your blog from new to old and found that you have Bpd,,,. I only heard about this condition, what is it like? If it's ok to know,,,!

hello, thank u! uhm it's something? HAHAHAHA idk how to explain it 😭🏳 lemme try to be as direct as possible

I'm high-functioning, but there are points I seriously just start showing symptoms.

Emotions: INTENSE as it can get while FEELING 99 PERCENT EMPTY. Something just- keeps you so.. hungry (not literally). Sensory is also another factor, and honestly I burn out a lot, tend to get overwhelmed n meltdown like shit

Identity: I either have BEEF WITH it, feel GODLY, or be so LOW, really low. I live with both passion and hate. I'm very confused. But I can say I'm just tired!

Attachments: Relationships are so hard to maintain bc of how much I fear abandonment, like bro I can't even leave my family as much as I want to. I'm more scared of getting disowned or losing my name. Love is a concept I long to grasp at the same time scared of it, I don't understand jackshit about " love ".

> I tend to self-Isolate with or without reason

> ...I used to test other people whether they can handle me or not, whether they'd leave or not. Not anymore though, but the thought lingers.

> Very- paranoid- about.. perception, neglect and invalidity HAHA.

Mindset: They call it Black and White, or generally just two categories to label my perception of things. However, I try to understand AS MUCH AS I CAN about a situation, etc. See what's in-between before I decide. that's really hard for me to do LOL.

> I always do my best to think and be nice

> I can be so fucking bad at the same time, only to regret it the next second or so

> My mind is scattered all over the place, It's exhausting

Trauma: I have memory problems and a lot to connect with that. Hate and fear is what I'm accustomed to. I live with a fuck ton of active predicaments like hell. Old wounds keeps reopening, and new ones never closes.

Impulse: shows in speech more than in action (THANK GOD LMAO I'D DIE IF I LET MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS WIN)

Habits: uhm. Ranging from sunshine and rainbows to SELF-DESTRUCTIVE. I get obsessive, like.. really obsessive.

Coping mechanisms: Usually I have mood stabilizers and anti-depressants n shit, but I don't rely on them anymore (bc I can't keep buying). I don't have good coping mechanisms even for physical needs. It's so bad bro. So I just end up drawing. that's the only good one I can list.

Living with it: Exhausting and an internal war 24/7. Does it affect me physically? Yes. Does it come with other mental factors and conditions? Also yes! But as one of God's most tired soldiers, nothing I can do but keep walking.

What I'm confused about: dawg last time, i kept searching about how conditions co exists like— Thats normal?? N the last diagnosis I was in confirms it does and nothing to worry about. BLUD I AM DEF WORRYING. Autism n bpd? u mean my behavior and shit isnt meant to be invalid as most people perceive — u mean these fckass experiences built that bpd? ☠️ WHAT AM I THEN—

(I'm having a hard time believing it bc as an adult, it's harder to process information like these)

[bonefall]

Since the ask box commands to vote Bumble in that tourament (which I did, cuz she was SCREWED over to the extreme) could you talk a whole lot about BB!Bumble's dyspraxia? Since we are talking about the *everything in canon* she got for the High Crime of being a fat foreigner woman and abuse victm in warrior cats, let's talk about the universe where we add disabled to her list of High Crimes but she isnt done dirty as balls(sorry if all this is worded weird)

Plus, I'm personally having issues writing a dyspraxic character (mostly because i kinda suck at absorbing information about things like disability when not using characters as exemples) and you've really helped me in the past with making characters with BPD, so it would be personally useful in character making

(Sorry if I'm rude, I deeply respect your work and it greatly inspires me, especially Clanmew)

All righty! BB!Bumble's dyspraxia!

First off, for newcomers;

WHY I ADDED DYSPRAXIA TO BUMBLE

In canon, Bumble is called a fat, useless kittypet, before being dragged back to her domestic abuser. She then dies while trying to survive on her own, starved to the point of emaciation before Clear Sky murders her.

A very common fandom response to this is essentially, "shes NOT useless! She could hunt/fight if you taught her!" And a lot of AUs will have her survive, learning how to be Truly Useful with all the same skills as everyone else.

I won't lie; I think that's very disappointing.

You're not refuting the rotten heart of this ideology, you're just doing what DOTC already does with Jagged Peak. You're AGREEING. You're saying she WOULD be useless if she couldn't hunt or fight like a wild cat, giving her Coolgirl Badass moments to haha embarass her bigots, and Actually the only problem here is that they didn't give her a chance.

What if they GAVE her that chance, and she COULDN'T hunt or fight like them? Would it be okay to send the battered housewife back to her domestic abuser? Hopefully fucking not!

Let's be frank; None of the groups in DOTC are starving. Not even after the prey sickness pandemic.

"Starvation Rhetoric" is an excuse, only ever rolled out by monsters like Clear Sky as justification for stealing land, murder, and throwing out cats the groups deem unworthy of life.

Yet, this gets rolled out for Bumble specifically, by the MOOR CATS, who are supposed to be opposing his ideology.

And that's where I'm starting from.

Okay. What if she couldn't perform physically like other cats?

What if she was part of a group that DID have real concerns about not having enough food?

How does Bumble herself cope with her feelings, and her desire to help her friends and contribute to a group that loves her?

Let's go through all that, and attack the heart of the idea. In fact, we're going to be doing a lot of it, with a significant portion of early ThunderClan being disabled cats.

(Thunder Storm has three legs. Bright Storm has asthma. Sunlit Frost loses the use of both front paws and ends up with chronic pain.)

Bumble's Dyspraxia

The first thing to know about dyspraxia (or DCD, Developmental Coordination Disorder) is that it comes in a LOT of different forms. The next thing to know is that it's RIDICULOUSLY common. Some estimates say 5% of the population has it-- 1 in 20 people.

It's heavily associated with autism and ADHD. The "classic" symptoms are general clumsiness and motor control issues, like having a hard time tying shoes. But these are also symptoms of dyspraxia;

Short-term memory issues, but not long-term

Being constantly covered in bumps and bruises

Having a hard time telling lefts and rights

Difficulties holding pencils or writing in general

"Wobbliness" including tripping mid-step or tripping over your own feet

Issues in the acquisition of "muscle memories," being slow to acquire physical skills.

Stuttering and taking long pauses before responding to someone else speaking

Most dyspraxics won't have all of these, these are symptoms. Not a checklist.

My partner describes theirs as like "constantly working with cold hands through a layer of gloves." The stiffness of being in a freezer, paired with the general delay of having a cover over your skin.

Mine is more focused on the mental side, acquiring new skills is unnaturally difficult, my reaction time is delayed, and I stumble into things.

Every person with dyspraxia is different, but what links us is that we're uncoordinated. We can't help it, telling us to try harder or pay more attention doesn't work. We aren't being careless-- our brains don't send signals to our bodies properly.

I'm basing Bumble's off my own. Her mate, Turtle Heart, shows her over and over how to hunt. It never sticks. She tries to pick up battle moves from Thunder Storm to help defend herself from Clear Sky's goons. It doesn't work.

She's really trying, she really is. The Moor group quickly loses patience with her, and Bumble is well aware that she's only tolerated on Turtle Heart's vouch. Her worst fears come true when Tom steals their children, and her mate is killed trying to retreive them.

That messes with her, and makes her believe that she really is worthless and a burden.

ThunderClan was FOUNDED on Thunder Storm's fury, breaking off his supporters to retreive her from exile, and Bumble's struggle with self-worth begins in earnest.

There's one thing she's confident about, and really loves. Bumble is trilingual, outgoing, and confident in her ability to talk to others. That's what she can add, and what she wants to do.

ThunderClan is different. It works with every strength and weakness of its members, and values diplomacy to keep it afloat against the odds. Bumble really is needed, but eventually even her translation work becomes less special as more kits grow up bilingual. Eventually, this too feels taken from her.

And then it's back to square one. Her mate is gone, one of her kits betrayed her, Owl Eyes is a big strong man who doesn't need his mum anymore. She's left with her fumbling paws, taking more from the pile than she puts in.

One can only hope she realizes that ThunderClan was born out of love for her. That it was never about what she could add. She didn't have to confront it in the main story because so much was happening, but as peace settles over the forest, it's time for her to start to unpack that idea.

[thedeafprophet]

OC Smash or Pass!!

Rules: pretty self explanatory. include physical descriptions or pics, and propaganda. the “other” label can be used for “sexuality misalignment” (ie: oc is femme and you’re gay, vice versa or you aren’t into smashing but a specific thing you wanna do with them like perhaps hug or study them under a microscope idc).

got tagged by @viric-dreams this time fuck it lets go again

Name: Alexander 'Alex' Hastings

Age: 30

Gender: What are you, a cop? (Transmasc, he/him)

Sexuality: No

🔥 Propoganda For:

Buff, strong arms, and a bit of tummy, cool scars, what's not to like

(Dad Bod in progress check back in a couple years)

A really good cook, and will bring food and treats to you. Makes a good cup of tea

Extremely loyal and devoted, will do anything for those he cares about

He's kitty

Will fight your nightmares for you

Will fight your enemies for you

An extremely talented and sneaky thief, the man could break in and steal anything for you

A silverer who would happily take on trips and guide through parabola

Hates the constables

A really good dad, kind and patient with kids

Extremely caring and sweet underneath his grouchy exterior

Autism Rizz

Bondage 👍

🔥 Neutral:

Alex is, in modern terms, aro/ace and while he does engage within dynamics, attraction in the typical sense is just not a thing for him

You will need to be completely explicit and direct with the fact that you're flirting with him, he is dense af

This man does not care enough about sex to top

Arson

🧍‍♂️

🔥 Propoganda Against:

Extremely stubborn and blunt, will not be swayed on his opinions

Alex comes off as very rude even when he isnt intending to

A major fuckin hypocrite like oh my god

Bitter and cynical, they dont call him Vitriolic for nothing

This man has never processed a single bit of his trauma

Does not know how to talk about emotions

Will uintentionally disapear for weeks at a time

Is in a situationship with Mr Fires

Sort of married to his stalker also????

also dont worry about the constable thats also trying to hunt him down

Oh Mr Stones also has a problem with him and you may end up in the middle of that

You know, for a man who doesnt get out much he sure does have a lot of enemies

He will always fight first ask questions later

His shitty apartment

[minmos]

sorry im not drowning the post because i disagree with it, i just dont want to derail and traumadump on a stranger's post, but this is my dad finding out that forcefeeding me new foods while hes drunk isnt going to cure my sensory problems around food and actually will make me want to try new things less Sorry

but also bc i have thoughts on this ^ 1. does anyone have any advice on how to ger your nutritional needs met with autism related food problems. yes i know that the most effective way to get proper nutrition is to have a balanced diet & nothing else i can do is going to replace that. But does anyone have any like, at least harm reduction style advice while i work on that

in return i offer: ive found that learning to cook has expanded my world so much & is such a treat for my food weirdness. i feel like it's given me a level of control that makes me feel so much more secure when i eat, like i can control exactly how it tastes & the textures, and i know what's in it. And in turn, that extra security lets me try new foods on my own terms in a way that doesnt feel as scary as people forcefeeding me or pressuring me to try things when i dont want to

Also if you can eat soup, ive found that making chicken soup has been an incredible way for me to try new vegetables. you can't really taste any of them (i know i know, but with a large pot i really do not taste it at all because everything tastes like the savory broth), but i think that there's enough slight vegetable taste that i'm very slowly building my resistance to it. and the texture of all the vegetables iz the same (very soft & unnoticeable) because of how long it cooks, so you dont have to deal with texture issues, and if you cut it up small then you don't notice it at all

Speak now my autism warriors

[damnfandomproblems]

https://www.tumblr.com/damnfandomproblems/739064506502791168/fandom-problem-4499-i-think-sometimes-people-get

Thing is op

People like to use "coded" as an excuse to harrass others over a fictional character

"this character is minor-coded therefor if you like them or draw them sexy then you are a pedo"

"this character is gay-coded so if you ship them qith the opposite gender your homophobic"

"this character is autism-coded so if you dont see them that way you are ableist."

"this character is poc coded and if you dont portray them that way then you are racist"

And then they go and rip people to shreds over it. And most of the time they are actually "coded" as anything.

Ill give you a good example as to why coding should just fucking die in fandom.

In transformers (all of them afaik) there is a sentient ROBOT named Jazz. He is often voiced by a black voice actor, even in the early days of Generation 1 in 1984. Though it changes a few times Jazz is well known for his accented voice. Jazz (the music) is also known to be pioneered by black people.

In a way jazz is black coded. He is designed with all these elements related to black people.

The thing is. Jazz is a fucking robot. "Jazz" is the name he chose for himself because his cybertronian name does not translate or cannot be spoken by humans. Jazz is also a type of music he only heard when he arrived on earth and is something he loves, hence why he chose the name. He chooses to express himself in such a way because its what he enjoys.

It does not mean he is black. A white person can do all that because they have a love for jazz music. It isnt going to make them "black coded"

He is also again, a robot. Not human. Not even organic.

However of all the problems ive seen in the TF fandom the one about whether you should draw a human version of Jazz as black or white is probably the one thats sets people who give a shit off the most.

It doesn't matter what characteristics a character has. It doesnt matter if Jazz is drawn as black or white. Cuz he isn't human. Its literally up to fan interpretation and none of them are wrong but people want to shit fling, and react hostile over others not drawing him as black anyway.

Same could be said about a certain more popular pink skinned character (who is also human and japanese but when have people ever viewed japanese people as important.)

You can have your queer coded villains. Doesn't actually say they are queer. Hell in the past it would be done as a way to demonize queerness and traits. But queer people still loved those villains because they could relate to their tragedies.

What "coding" actually is, is a part of the design process to add depth and character. It's an inspiration born from reality. But it's not always that the character is meant to be that thing.

Theres a character from genshin impact i could say is "DID-coded" because when she falls alseep or is so stressed she passes out there is another version of her that takes her place that she doesnt know about.

In the same vein theres the game "At Dead of Night" (recommend it, its a horror game) where the main antagonist is possessed and murders people. They even had to put a disclaimer that the character didnt have DID and the game wasnt made to demonize people with DID or portray them as unstable serial killers. However despite the creators saying that, fans still "DID-code" the antagonist, not out of hatred for people with DID but because some people with DID still relate to the character. Not so much the killing people but the struggle the antagonist has with "being possessed". Having DID can be a frustrating and tiring experience and not many cope with it very well even when they do no harm. Feeling of loss of control is very relatable even without DID.

Regardless the rampant "coding everything trend" in fandom has caused a new "ship war" like wave of harrassment. If you dont view a character this was your a horrible person and you deserve *insert graphic content and threats of harm and suibaiting and more*

coding can be a cool thing to discover while analyzing a character or even creating one. But its become hated with good reason because people have no reason left in them. Coding is a cool way of adding depth and nuance to a character and would actually REALLY help beginners with their "bland" characters. Unfortunately even thats discouraged, since it can be seen as "baiting" or "stereotyping" and sometimes appropriating culture. (But a giant sentient robot making his entire personality about jazz music isn't? Lol)

Posting since this is a response to a previous problem.

[trickstarbrave]

“No one owes you, an autistic person, an explanation of why something is a social faux pas. If they say they don’t like it all you should do is shut up and accept it”

Okay have you considered I can’t turn my autism on and off and I don’t owe them to act allistically???

Like for context this was said to me bc I explained to other autistic ppl why pointing out things especially to strangers is considered rude. Like “you have diabetes neck, you probably have diabetes” is a statement an autistic child might make and to them it’s a neutral statement of fact akin to “oh wow it’s really cloudy it might rain soon”. But to other ppl it’s invasive and rude whether they know they have autism or not and regardless of if they’re right. And the explanation I gave was “it’s rude to point out things abt ppl that they can’t fix in 5 minutes bc it makes them feel self conscious and anxious”

Does someone owe some random w autism an explanation? No. Hence why I decided to look it up and research it myself. Social rules do not come naturally and intuitively to us. Just saying “don’t do x bc other ppl don’t like it” ISNT FUCKING HELPFUL. I don’t like ppl insisting on direct eye contact and I don’t like not being able to stim, but guess what? My boundaries are constantly violated bc our society has deemed my comfort as optional. Just not liking something is clearly not a good enough reason.

Having a reason helps autistic ppl understand the problem better and evaluate the next steps to take, especially if were low empathy (I’m not I usually have inappropriately high levels of empathy). Explaining that being out in public and having things abnormal or “wrong” about you pointed out you can’t fix immediately makes you feel anxious and like you shouldn’t be around other ppl at all even if you have stuff to do outside and thus ruins your day might help and autistic person go “ohhhh I see. You have things to do outside and I pointing this out might not be giving you a solution to a problem but just making it harder for you to complete basic tasks by producing anxiety. I will point stuff out in other people less, even if I think I might be correct”

Also like. Where the fuck did I say someone owes me an explanation to this problem??? I provided my own explanation so other autistic ppl don’t have to demand answers from an allistic or not get one bc they think the social rules are intuitive and don’t know how else to explain it. “Well regardless of the explanation you should—“ how about allistics stop demanding fucking eye contact w me when I’m trying to buy a fucking coffee or else that is supposedly a “clue” I am secretly a sociopathic serial killer who personally hates them or whatever the fuck their brains make up as an explanation for simply not wanting to make eye contact bc it makes me uncomfortable

[thatfanficauthor107]

KARASUNO QUEER (AND DISABILITY??) HEADCANONS WOO

Daichi - starting off strong with my literal fave. Trans FTM and He/Him (WOO) because I self project, and bisexual male-lean because bisexual daichi is *chefs kiss* Transmale daichi is very important to me.

Has asthma, uses an inhaler (that suga covered in stickers the moment he saw it). Also has problems with his knee joints, especially his left, and often has to use a stick outside of school (but I do love a hc of amputee daichi using a prosthetic leg knee-below on his left.) Oh and he has some form of AuDHD probably (never been tested) oh and insomnia

Suga - not sure for this guy because I don’t actually know. Probably Nonbinary or Genderfluid, He/him pronouns but probably doesn’t care, likely fw They/Them too Also gay/likes boys/boy kisser mwah

has a condition that made his hair loose colour at a really young age, used to be hazel-y brown. used to be insecure about it.

Asahi - *foaming at the mouth* love this guy a normal amount. Either a cis guy or demi, maybe agender. Frankly i love almost every asahi gender hc. (Transfem asahi i love you but sadly dont hc) Pansexual. Likes the person, gender is just…there ig.

Anxiety Disorder, self esteem issues, depression, :((

Noya - transmasc, he/they pronouns. frankly uses anything but she most days. bisexual. has kissed ryuu behind the gym before.

ADHD.

Tanaka - cis male, probably, but i LOVE transmale tanaka tbf. also bisexual. Kissing Noya made him realise some things. Had claimed to be the token straight for a while. Has also kissed Yamamoto

ADHD again

Ennoshita - A STRAIGHT! nope. Bro is the bisexual guy who everyone thinks is an ally. he’s only such an ‘ally’ cause hating the gays would be hating himself He/him, cis male.

Has issues with his shoulder joints, nothing bad, they just hurt alot

Narita - Cis guy tbf, he/him, also gay as balls. had a FAT crush on daichi for a while. (same bb)

Celiac disease. Not too fussed by that, though does miss pastries (not really a disability but ehh)

Kinoshita - kisses boys. not too fond of labels, bro fucks with most pronouns, and he will wear a skirt. Has practiced kissing with Narita. Probably poly too (i need poly rep)

lactose intolerant (you bet your biscuits he ignores that) (ik this is another food allergy)

Kageyama - gay but didn’t realise it forEVER (*talking about hinata to miwa* “dude you’re gay?” “what the fuck is that” *cue one explanation later* “…oh shit.”) He/him pronouns but poor bb doesn’t understand much.

Dyslexia, Anger Issues, mild Anxiety

Hinata - He/him, probably trans FTM, tried some neopronouns for a while a didn’t hate them. Pansexual too. Look me in the eyes and tell me he would care about the gender of his lover. Exactly, you can’t.

ADHD part three, Dyscalculia

Tsukki!!! - my og self-projection. (*screaming*) Trans FTM, He/him pronouns STRICTLY (feels dysphoric otherwise). Gay as hell bro. Has kissed Tadashi before for ‘practice’.

Autistic, (probably AuDHD tbf), hypermobile, insomniac

Tadashi - AMAB, nonbinary, pansexual. Simple. Had a phase where he used a ton of specific and often unknown labels. Comfortable with his identity now.

General Anxiety Disorder.

Yachi - lesbian. Tell me she isnt. no im not listening to your argument. cis girl, she/her, but will respect your pronouns till the day she dies and beyond.

Social Anxiety.

Kiyoko - Also a lesbian. Had a boyfriend in middleschool that was so horrible she took one look at women and never looked back (definitely not a self projection…heh…) also she/her but isn’t fussed with they.

Didn’t learn to speak as a child until quite late on in her childhood. Not a disability but yk

Takeda - TRANS FTM RAH i love tranny ittetsu im sorry. i just love my ftm rep, and him. He/him pronouns because they feel affirming to him. always has period stuff stocked up in his bag for his trans and female students (*sobs*)

Autism. WOO

Ukai - He/him, cis male (though i do fw a ftm hc of him occasionally). He claimed to ‘not gaf’ about the whole ‘LGTQB-whatever-the-fuck bis’,’ cause it didn’t affect him. (since meeting ittetsu and coaching a team of fruitbowls and transformers, he’s secretly memorised as much as he can)

Claims he doesn’t but needs hearing aids. (He had to get them before his grandfather did and never once had had a moment of peace about it from Ukai senior.)

:)

[bigmack2go]

You realise that people can have the same problem without being in the same situation right?

Two people can have mommy issues and relate to each other despite one having a dead mom and one having a bad mom

Two people can hear things and relate to each other despite one having paranoia and one having schizophrenia

Two people can be repressed and relate to each other despite one being queer and one being a person of color

Two people can face religious hate and relate to each other despite one being muslim and one being jewish

All of the above are random and just examples obv

What isn’t okay is to speak FOR the other or comparing their SITUATION to your own.

It’s a difference to compare problems than to compare situations. (Generally comparing problems is still something you need to be carefully with. You should never compare problems as in “rating” which one is worse. That invalidates others problems and thats never okay!) Comparing as in “finding solutions together” is a different story and it’s the same with speaking FOR people: telling someone elses story (if un-asked for) is taking away their own voice. Telling your own story and relating it to others who have the same PROBLEM but clarifying that it isnt the same SITUATION lets them know that they’re not alone and that they’re seen!

I’m specifically gonna use an example of a SITUATION that i can relate to because that’s something that actually happened and it’s literally a SITUATION:

Having Autism and extremly developed ADHD to an amount where i can not survive on my own and need support, there’s also a lot of stuff that comes WITH that that i have to deal with. So when one of those more specific symptoms comes up that someone can relate to i don’t want to hear “same. Omg dont we all have a little adhd” what makes me feel seen is to hear for example “(i also have adhd, although it may not be as developed as yours) but this specific thing is something that i can relate to. Here’s what personally helps me with that. Have you tried that?”

Fazit:

When i say “same” “i can relate” “thats so real” or “i hate when that happens” or anything of the kind, i am not talking about our situations, i am talking about our problem.

Notice how “situations” is plural and “problem” isnt?

[etherealspacejelly]

Everyone keeps telling me I’m really loud but I don’t think i am I don’t understand

do you perhaps have autism or adhd? i dont want to assume anything and im certainly not diagnosing you with anything from this one ask, but if you are following me (and/or asking me for advice) you probably at least suspect you do, right?

i only ask because lack of volume control can be a common experience with these disorders. i know i certainly struggle to understand how loud or quiet im being sometimes. your volume might sound perfectly reasonable to you, but to others it may not be! this is not necessarily your fault, even if you are neurotypical, sometimes we just get carried away. but it is something we need to be mindful of, especially when we are in public spaces or areas where loud noise is inappropriate.

i completely relate to what you are feeling, i often apologise instinctually for being "too loud" even when that isnt the case, because i have been told i am in the past and now im hyper aware of it

if this is a common problem for you, perhaps you need to communicate with the people in your life who are telling you that you are too loud. tell them how their comments make you feel, communicate any struggles you may be having, and maybe create some kind of code word or signal they can use to let you know if you are being too loud in an inappropriate context, without specifically calling it out and embarrassing or offending you.

the thing is, as much as i would like to tell you "dont let the haters get you down! be as loud as you want!", oftentimes that just isnt considerate behaviour. we are responsible for the way our behaviour impacts others, regardless of whether it was intentional or not.

if you are unable to control your volume for whatever reason, that is not your fault and i am sorry that you are struggling. open and honest communication will likely benefit you and the people in your life who are making these comments, and will hopefully bring about more understanding between you.

i wish you the best of luck!

[glammerqueen]

"Harvey keeps on playing with his food, he doesnt understand what big boys do."

"Run my hands through his short black hair."

"I love you, Harvey I dont care."

this IS Solangelo. This post is about the fact of I feel this would be Will and Nico, relize how I didn't say Nico and Will, name centering is very important in alot of cases. If I where to say Nico and Will, it might just be a regular post, or Nico helping Will, or somthing is wrong with Will that Nico is there for. But no, this post is about Will being there for Nico, and somthing I think Nico has/or goes through.

I feel that Nico would have a connect with little space/age regression. Not in a sense thay he goes completely in that state, but the fact that it mixes with his day to day life. Nico would play with his food, just like a 7 year old would. And Will is there to tell him to stop or gently remind him, gently grab his hand thats playing with the food, ask if he wants somthing else to eat, etc.

Nico has comfort podtions/actions, one of them having Will run his fingers through his hair, it just sooths him when his head hurts and helps him sleep. Everyone thinks hes a little spoon because people holding him makes him feel safe, although he doesnt mind being little spoon, he prefers big spoon, because holding people he loves, lets him know that they are there, fiscally there. So he often galls asleeo better like that, knowing that the people he love are in HIS arms, safe. Another one is finger holding, this one is with anyone, he prefers finger holding because touch isnt his strong sout (autism thing) so when he holds hands with people, its one finger in there hand, or pne finger and one finger. (Dont know if thatwent with the age regression thing or not lol)

Will has also mention age regression multiple times to Nico, and Nico has excused it or make ick faces because stuff like that back when he was born wasnt exceptable, you wouldn't have been considered sane, not that Nico tenically considers himself sane, but that makes him mad that Will thinks he'd have problems like that. So Will dismisses the idea.

Will also picks up on the fact that Nico will wander in crowds, not on purpose, but because 1. He cant handle them and unconsciously tries to get out of them, 2. Because he gets so distracted the he forgets he's with some one. So Will holds his hand to keep him in place and tuggs on it when Nico tries leaving, has to chase after him, makes Nico stand infront of him, hugs/holds Nico to keep him distracted/content.

Will notices small things that Nico does that relates to a child like manner, such as: holding onto Will's shirt, stuttering/trouble with prouncation when talking, trouble sharing (no matter it be a person or object) and alot more.

Will has also seen Nico through tantrums, some small and some big. Nico often throws stuff or stomps around when he throughs tantrums, or even just start screaming for no reason, or yelling out of no where. Will often see's this when him and Nico get into heated arguments.

Not understanding what big kids do or what their supposed to do.

@your-local-glowstick and @victory-of-the-angels

THIS IS ALL JUST A SILLY OPION AND OR HEADCANNONS!!!

[atley01]

This disability pride month, I'm left with conflicted feelings.

Whenever I post about disability-related things online, I always try to give my community optimism and hope. I know how much suffering can result from having health issues, and sometimes, you just need a break from dwelling on it. I want to provide fellow disabled people a break from the slippery slope of doom that dwelling can lead to.

But the more I do that, the more that I fear I'm showing an inaccurate representation of disability. That I am painting an image of disability to be something "struggle free all the time and nothing more than a 'unique character trait.'"

Being disabled isn't easy. You're living in a world not meant for you. And you get reminded of that every day. You might think its easier to mask if you're able to, but all that does is dig you into a deeper hole. Sure, I can suppress my tics. Sure, I can mask my autism. Sure, I can try my best to hide my POTS symptoms. I can act like my tinnitus isn't giving me headaches and making it difficult to function in society. I can act like my chronic pain isnt making me want to collapse to the floor. I can pretend I dont need a mobility aid.

Sometimes, though, you arent given the choice on if you hide it or not. And then that whole facade tumbles down. And you're left feeling a mix of embarrassment, shame, and anger. Embarrassed to be seen like that, shame that you may need help, and angry that your body did something against your will, again.

I started working 7 months ago. The first 3 months, I was so happy and proud of myself for being able to have the privilege of holding down a job. By the 4th month, I had some doubts about how long I could hold my job down. Here I am, 7 months in, and Im realizing yet again that I am not as able-bodied as I expected myself to be. The thought that I may have to find a less physically demanding job terrifies me. I feel immense shame for struggling to handle a part-time job physically.

I think what really solidified this for me was when I passed out at my job last month. It wasn't as bad as it could have been, but the fact of the matter is I blacked out, and I didn't get to decide I "wasn't going to." That scared me. Or maybe what solidified it for me was when my tinnitus prevented me from being able to understand customers and coworkers. Maybe it was when I had to mask and suppress a tic attack to the best of my ability. Maybe it was when I touched something that triggered my sensory issues, and I was simply too busy to regulate myself, so I had to spend my time dissociating to forget the feeling.

When you're young and you're disabled, it's difficult to be taken seriously. People think you're being dramatic, or they think its something you're doing to be causing all the health problems. "Have you tried changing your diet?" / "It's growing pains." / "Your leg hurts? Did you bang it on something?" / "Give it a few days. You'll feel better." The search for accommodation and validity is made even harder when doctors refuse to listen. Sadly, the medical system is not immune to being abelist. You can't request accommodations if doctors document you as able-bodied.

I have never claimed to be a voice for my community. I am a voice for nobody but myself. Maybe in sharing my Expirences, someone else can feel less alone. Or maybe this is unique to me alone.

Am I proud to be disabled?

I think that in some ways, yes. I am proud of what I have accomplished in spite of my health. I am proud that I have found tools to manage my health. I am proud to say I am a part of an amazing community such as the disabled community, and I am proud of what we've accomplished.

I dont think I am proud of the abelism, shame, or pain through. Im not sure anyone could be. If you are, I truly envy you. I am proud that despite the pain, I push forward. But I wonder if that's an unhealthy habit to encourage. To push my limits and ignore my body, screaming at me to give it rest.

This disability pride month, Im reflecting on my health and how it affects me, and taking the time to be patient with myself. Because Im doing all that I can, I do not need to hold myself to the standards that able-bodied people are held to. That is an impossible standard for me to reach.

Im going to celebrate the small victories. This time last year, I was passing out multiple times a week, and I overall had more tic attacks. Now, my fainting has been almost non-existent, and my tic attacks- while they do still happen - have noticeably been less frequent.

If you made it this far, please be kind to yourself, and happy disability pride month. You are allowed to be upset by the things your disability puts you through. You're doing the best you can. I see you, and Im proud of you.

[beesmygod]

what do u think are the top 5 stand fights in jojo

this is very hard. at first i thought it was bc there were so many to choose from but when you narrow them down it's a pretty short list of bangers. the problem is the short list is extremely good. here is my best attempt at what ive read so far

READER BEWARE: SPOILERS ARE THERE

star platinum vs the world

example: oh? you're approaching me?

like, obviously, you have to put this one up really high. its The Fight of All Time. it has everything:

a dramatic character death that is NOT in vein......rip to kakyoin the sickest little boy in all of egypt

the apparent death of beloved bastard joseph joestar, in which he gives the longest dying speech since hamlet that sounds like "jotaro! press the A button to punch dio really fast and reffill your meter!" only to be returned to full health at the end so he can do the single greatest prank of all time.

jotaro finally says something so cool it makes you want to stand up and scream for him in sheer rapturous joy

polnareff gets a good hit in.

dio becoming subject to the exact same torment that he inflicts upon others right before a death that definitively underscores that he is lesser than he knew himself to be is perfection. honestly an incredible end to one of the greatest villains of all time. it feels very, very earned and satisfying

killer queen: bite ze dusto vs. the entirety of the town of morioh

example: yoshikage kira traumadumps about getting a boner to a stranger

i actually think this one is my absolute favorite of them all. the communal effort to take out yoshikage kira is a monumental undertaking; he is an absolute bastard with a seemingly endless string of luck. living members of the community who have good hearts, his victims who have been waiting for justice, strangers from far away dedicated to righting wrongs, and a completely powerless 10 year old powered entirely by the raw energy of a child's pure conscience band together to end a literal cycle of violence. how the fuck do you defeat a man who has already killed you and you don't even know it?? how do you stop someone who can turn back time?? it truly fucking seems like hes going to get away with it at the end. and then AGAIN you're like "oh no oh my god hes going to-" and then the single greatest villain death in the history of manga happens lol. ohhhhh its so fucking good.

its another battle thats made all the better by the sum of its parts. the entire yoshikage kira arc is near perfection. the set ups, pay offs, and who it chooses to celebrate as the heroes in the end creates a very satisfying cap to a great series.

osiris vs the stardust crusaders

example: jotaro loses a hand, and increases his bet

i love the stand fights that barely end up being stand fights. star platinum throws i think a single punch in this fight and its to light jotaro's cigarette, a mere taste of the sheer, near impossible speed of star platinum. how fast IS star platinum anyway....would you.....bet your life on it...??!!!!

a friend online told me about the "jotaro has autism" fan theory, and i was like "hm. whatever" until this episode, when i fully 100% believe that jotaro not only has autism but has figured out how to hone and weaponize it against his enemies. all these morons have to do is win a game of chance against a professional gambler who also openly cheats. i love this shit. this is the part of the story where jotaro really, really starts to shine and his unique strengths as a little badass piece of shit start to come through. i think he really starts to solidify his personality here when he finally gets a win that isnt based on "punch something really fast".

oingo and boingo/hol horse and boingo vs themselves

example: hol horse, noted woman respecter, does a flying jump kick on a random rich woman and she's so grateful she pays him in jewels

im counting these as one because i can and i want to. these episodes are fucking tops. easily top 5 eps of the entirety of stardust crusaders. i dont think anyone involved in the anti-dio squad had any idea oingo or boingo existed. bringing back that stupid asshole hol horse is literally always going to be appreciated as he's one of the best recurring villains even though his stand fucking sucks lmfao. boingo's too actually. his stand is he has a book but the book is an asshole. great goofy shit. what is fucking wrong with polnareff and joseph

da morioh boyz vs rohan kishibe

example: rohan makes every comic artist in the world mad

speaking of "whats wrong with him", ive posted a lot about rohan so i'll spare you it again but it's all highlighted best in his first ep. the one where he eats a spider, tears a child's face off for artistic inspiration, and tells another he has a whack ass haircut.

~honorable mentions~

jotaro vs literally two rats: the man who defeated dio and all of his minions almost gets completely smoked by jerry the mouse of tom and jerry fame.

koichi hirose vs yoshikage kira: aka the sheer heart attack fight. clever solution, funny jotaro moments, explosions, koichi levels up, THREE FREEZE, etc

joseph joestar and avdol vs bastet: a rare comedy stand where the joke is good. mariah is a fun antagonist. its also a rare pair up that turned out to be a lot of fun. they play off each other well (badly)

yoshikage kira vs stray cat: foil ep to jotaro's rat episode. weird perspective, fun to see kira play the hero briefly.

team bucciarati vs pesci and prosciutto: aka fighting old lol. the twist on how araki keeps prosciutto's power going while making him inaccessible is twisted. beach boy is also a skin crawling stand. very dangerous boys.