#WHY CANT I TURN MY ISOLATION INTO SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL

[lesbianfakir]

Sorry for being so rambly today (and last night) I have thoughts so onto the blog they go

I feel like part of the joy of art is in community, like you create something and you get to talk about it and share it with the world. This year I lost touch with the friends who I would always talk about art with and I think that loss is heavily impacting my ability to create (and the enjoyment I get from it.) I miss having a new idea and getting to ramble about it excitedly. I miss texting people the sketches and the mock ups and the color palettes.

I got into art for me. I wouldn’t show anything I made to anyone for years. So I’m no stranger for creating for the target audience of myself. Still, I miss that sense of community. I love this blog and I absolutely adore the lovely comments you all leave on my art but sometimes it feels so one-sided on here. I post a piece, I receive a lovely tag back and that’s it. End of story. I spend hours and hours working on something and it kind of disappears into the void in a day or so.

Trying to put it into words, but I think I wish I could create art that starts a conversation. That inspires people to create their own things in response, or even just talk with me about process. I think the perfectionism has gotten out of hand lately because I feel like I’m missing something—which I attribute to the quality of the piece—but really what I’m missing is buddies to chat about art with. There is no level of being “good enough” that will serve as a substitute for a real community.

[angelyuji]

yandere superman headcanons

tw kidnapping, "nice" guys/incel behavior (kinda), isolation as punishment, manipulation, yandere stuff... the usual

yandere clark kent x gn!reader

diana prince is next guys I LOVE WOMEN!!! lemme know abt any tags i miss or just any other superman thoughts (yandere or not) cuz i love superman a lot

hes so big and buff and strong

hhnhsdngnnhnhnngnfhgnnngngn

sorry

ive been obsessed with superman and lois recently and i thought to myself “i need him so bad id do unspeakable things”

ALSOOOOOO have u guys seen the new superman??? ohmygodddd HELLOOO SAILOR

anyway here we go :)

sweetest kindest angel alive… at first glance

actual clark is genuinely the best sweetest guy in the world and i don’t think that would technically change but if anything he’d start buying into the incel/nice guy pills and that’s what would warp him

he’s literally sooo sweet to you (i cant get over how much a of cutie pie clark kent is)

ok pause lemme start from the beginning

when he first met you, he was e n a m o u r e d like he thinks youre the most beautiful person in the world type stuff

at first, the relationship is normal, you guys are friends, study buddies, coworkers, yk normal shit

he’s still super in love but hes kinda aware that its one-sided and he can’t make you like him

you guys are super close friends tho

but as his crush progresses, he starts to consult more than his friends and normal relationship advice, he starts to consult incel chatrooms and subreddits

he wants to go further than friendship with you, but all the guys in these chatrooms are telling him awful things abt u. for example:

‘hi! requesting help for getting out of the friendzone with my friend’ i’ve been friends with them for a long time, but i see them as more than a friend. ive had to watch as they date all these awful people and i just want them to see me more than a friend. any advice is appreciated!

– dude these ungrateful bitches are never gonna see u

– people like them never see the good guy until its too late

– u just gotta make them like u, nobody understands the nice guy until u make them

– all of these responses are so weird, just be normal and flirt a little!

ur stupid fuckign idiot nice guys don’t get a chance till u make them give u chance

women are so fucking stupid

reading all these “helpful” comments really warped his mindset

he went from innocent farm boy to incel misogynist becuz

they have to be right! like why else have u not given him the time of day as more than a friend

so soon, ur gonna notice these changes

he went from being supportive bestie to making snide comments, putting you down, making moves on you that you clearly don’t want

ur hurt, heartbroken, your friend became something unrecognizable

u’ll ask for some distance, just to think abt if u want to continue the friendship and clark will realize that he can’t make you like him from just this

so you’re gonna go home, take a nap, and next thing you know you’re getting snatched from bed by freaking superman

he genuinely believes he’s done the right thing

he’ll bring u to the fortress first. he has everything set up already, so u wont freeze or starve to death

i wont bore with the details but he would NEVER lay a hand on u

that’s NOT my superman

its more like

“i need you to eat something.” clark begs you, his eyes filled with worry. he had crouched down next to where you sat. clark had given you free-reign around his fortress, but you chose to sit in the corner near the entrance.

“fuck you.” you turn away from him, anger dripping from your voice. you haven’t eaten since he brought you to his ice castle, but you can’t remember how long ago that was. you missed home, your friends, your family. you missed freedom. you hear clark sigh.

“you’re gonna get sick if you keep going like this, (y/n).” his hand touches your face and you slap his hand away. you know there was no way you could hurt superman, but he holds his hand looking hurt, and you feel a twinge of guilt. he holds out a bag from Big Belly Burgers and places it next to you.

you scooch back, your back hitting the wall, not willing to back down. “i’ll eat if you let me go.” you feel like a child throwing a tantrum, but you would do anything to go home.

you see him rub his forehead in frustration, “this isn’t working.” he mutters to himself. you don’t say anything, wanting to see what he would do. instead of trying to fight you again, clark picks up the bag. “i’ll come back when you’re ready.” he says.

“come back? what are you talking ab-” in one blast of air, clark was gone and you were alone.

days had gone by, you felt like you were going crazy from the solitude and the hunger. thankfully, clark had left mountains of water bottles for you, so you tried to fill up with those. it wasn’t enough, you had started to miss your kidnapper’s company after many conversations with yourself. all you could do was sleep or stare at the wall, blankly. after a week, you couldn’t take the isolation. “clark?” you call out, weakly. not a moment passes before he appeared before you.

his eyes were filled with pity and worry, “are you ready, sweetheart?” his hands cup your face and you lean into the warmth, nodding.

he could never hurt you. that entire week away was killing him, but the commenters were right. you just needed to know that he was all you needed.

[jabberwockprince]

I'm cooking r1999 OC stuff so i need to ramble about it hehehoho rubs my evil hands together

i had to rewrite this because i lost it but i also sound like a madman so i dont expect absolutely anyone to understand my train of thought <3

I OC-fied Tartaglia a few days ago but I just got around to thinking about his whole character and lore, and it hit me that I can just put his ass in Apeiron <3 I'd like to have an OC in each faction but we'll see how much my attention span lasts

BUT! THIS MF.

I want him to be from Apeiron specifically because the idea of an integer or equally valid number within the island acting like the most fucking feral irrational number is so funny to me. a complete betrayal of the scriptures but that somehow ends up making sense, so you cannot be mad because He Still Operates Within What Was Expected. a guy whose entire existence is just ANNOYING AND IRRITATING AND INSUFFERABLE. perhaps he's a fraction, I'm not sure yet. I'm not looking forward to researching numbers to find one that suits him thematically and shit

most likely considered a genius in an unconventional way, not similar at all to 37. more like still following the theme of opposing/overstepping while working within the guidelines. so maybe something to contrast her

37's talent for numbers is explained as an innate ability to see the numbers in everyone and see their true essence, which causes her to be isolated from the physical world and the people of her own community because she does not experience nor care about reality the same way others do. its impossible to try and understand her, because her insight is so vastly unique, but she can still provide solid proof to support her discoveries with no problem at all, as seen when she confirmed Vertin's number is 0. she cares about the scriptures and numbers, and yet she likes taking the chance to discover one's number away from others just because she can be the first one to do it

so im thinking. Aianteia could be the opposite. he cannot see the numbers in people like her, but their true Forms. the perfect geometrical shapes that can only exist in the abstract world of Forms, impossible to achieve beyond a close approximation. and because he essentially sees the "beauty" in people, he cares for the community, he is friendly and often befriends others rather easily. but he can't fucking explain why he sees the world Like That. nor provide any proof as to why someone is This Form or That Form. which renders him totally useless within Apeiron, because of the importance of proof. he cares about people figuring out their number, to discover themselves and whatnot--he cares so much that he will gladly show you which Form you're meant to be, the way the universe intended it

and THIS is when the themes of battle and war and carnage come into play. when it comes to irrational numbers or the impure, Aianteia connects their "floating points" and knows exactly what to do to purify them. to make their bodies as pure as their Forms. im saying that he basically sees fancy ass geometrical shapes and lines that let him know where to start cutting and slashing and killing. this is something he does out of genuine love and care, so that those who cant even DREAM of studying the scripture can get a fair chance at discovering their number, as irrational as it may be. all they have to do is survive

im thinking. that his scars are self-inflicted because he attempted to do the exact same thing to himself. and he survived. and he figured out his number this way. he cannot explain why or how or give proof as to why he knows THIS is his number (in a way, similar to how 37 knew from birth that THIS was her number) but i like to think that 77 took a good look at him and went "hes right." and everyone had to just. accept that this guy, most likely a very young teenager, found out his number THROUGH THE "WRONG" WAY

WHICH. IN TURN. FALLS WITHIN WHAT 37 INSISTS DURING CHAPTER 05--numbers are the eternal truth because no matter when or where or how you prove something, you and the person at the other side of the planet will come up with the same result. Aianteia has an entirely different approach that led to the same conclusion as 77's mother. once again, the issue is that this is something that cannot be corrected nor given proof. relating to the gnosis of an arcanist, and how arcanum is not a viable method of study because it cannot be verified by a third party. my brain is making connections at the speed of SOUND. anyway. the issue is that he's RIGHT. which would make him a fraction, potentially, since 37 describes them like this

Integers are the living examples of virtues. Fractions can be understood through specific means. Irrational numbers are the free spirits, while imaginary numbers are the existence which doesn’t belong to this dimension of the number axis

so he can be understood through specific means, but no one can figure out WHICH means exactly

I do think that he starts out genuinely wanting to help people achieve their purest self, and somewhere down in the middle of the road he started to have a little too much fun with the idea of being the hand that brings Forms to the world of Matters. and then as he spends more and more time outside of Apeiron, it becomes a dog eat dog mentality, whoever survives gets to be their truest, purest Form -> the strongest get to impose their ideals onto the rest. Aianteia SAYS that he's doing this to uphold the scriptures and defend them in the outside world, and this is partially true as a childish leftover desire from his initial journey. but really, its all about getting the shit beaten out of him and beating the shit out of others now to see who earns the right to live

if the Storm has been going on for 7 years, it started when he was 19, so im thinking he was around 14-15 when he left Apeiron during one of those expeditions. and they let him go specifically because pretty much everyone wanted him gone

from what I remember, both Manus and the Foundation existed BEFORE the Storm? so im willing to say that Aianteia joined Manus before the first Storm ever. but i also dont want to think too hard on time logistics because we dont have the full timeline of the game yet

[crushingcasanova]

Hi there :) I’m so sorry for my late response , things have been pretty freakin hectic .. i am here now , don’t worry :)

listening to you talk about theatre is so … mesmerizing. i love listening to people in general but .. its just so fun listening to you talking about that knowing how deeply you care about it. how its part of your life. im just sorta enamored（≧∇≦）

i agree , i absolutely adore fine arts. i just can’t get into anything else. its so awesome that you make jewelry!! ive been trying to get fully into it , but i cant seem to find the exact beads i need. but trust when i do .. its gonna be awesome. i do a lot of arts and crafts , and I really adore coloring. ive tried drawing but .. im so terrible , and i just hate being bad at things.

i definitely would say that i love people’s flaws .. usually those things are my favorite things about them ^^ but at the same time , i tend to get myself into bad relationships , then stay because “i can fix it! we will be fine and in love because ill help them!!” i bet you can guess how that turns out .. </3 i also agree that in most situations .. i don’t like to reach out , even if in my heart I do want to. i get nervous , and at times feel like if I didn’t reach out , no one would talk to me .. so i self isolate. im glad that im welcome here .. even if im kinda jsut like , a random person that doesn’t matter and is just yapping … </3

ughhh repurposing is so nice and so fun .. it makes you feel like you’re worth something , yk , giving an old piece a new home. its so rewarding. thrifting and antiquing is always rewarding , because almost every time i go , i find something. i almost never leave one of those stores empty handed .. (im also a shopaholic so ..) but its awesome that you do resin work !! is that calming ??

thank you so much for your kind words , i did get a good amount of sleep last night <333333 i have a few questions :)

what’s your fashion sense?

do you have any pets?

that’s it. thank you so much for letting me be here , hun !!

-🎭

Hello Cheshire <3 I quite missed you, so I was really happy to see you in my inbox again! I hope you've been well, dearie :) I know you mentioned it was hectic, so I hope you get a moment to relax!

I'm very honored that you like to hear me talk about theater! It's one of my biggest passions, honestly, because I adore being on the stage. I'd love to hear some of your favorite musical takes too, if you ever would like to share. I've always been into deep analysis, and I've done a lot for the Phantom and the Great Gatsby in particular :) I was lucky enough to see these before they closed, too, so I like to comment on the staging and the acting from the amazing actors who played my favorites. It also is a big inspiration for a lot of my writing, like this Great Gatsby one I did a while back about the beauty of Gatsby's obsession :) I hope you get those beads soon! I just started working with beaded jewelry a while back, and I make these kind of big pieces for some of my friends. I gifted my beloved a set inspired by them a while back and mailed it to them, and I'm planning to make some for my friends this year. I am sure you're not as bad at drawing as you say, but I think I completely understand the thought behind it. That's why I'm not really a fan of math, since I can never get better at it ... but I'm trying :) coloring is fun too, though! I completely understand self isolation, I used to be like that but I've changed a lot :) my beloved really stressed the importance of communication and taught me how to be more vulnerable and open up, but it's been an uphill battle. I don't think you're a random person who doesn't matter, dear! You bring a smile to my face with your messages, and it means a lot to know you care enough to talk to me too :) I agree with repurposing things :D It is lovely to give them their own home, I agree. It's kind of cute that you think of it like that :) I also am a bit of a shopaholic too, but I'm quite picky, so I usually leave empty handed. My resin work is quite fun! I would say it's a bit relaxing, but only at certain points in the process. The designing and the unmolding is fun, but not the pouring, because it starts to solidify quickly. You have to work quickly and then let it cure overnight if it's not UV resin. It can get a bit stressful As for your questions:

My fashion style is very cutesy, I'd say! A lot of skirts and sweaters, I usually don't wear jeans or other forms of pants very much to be honest. I wear a lot of pinks, blacks, purples, etc. I also am a big jewelry wearer, so I have a lot of that, and I usually am kind of maximalist when it comes to outfits. I also always have cute matching purses when possible :) I used to be a bit more like, hot topic emo style when I was younger, and I still shop there, but definitely less. I also wear a lot of dresses! I'm very hyperfeminine, I'd say, at least fashion wise. I think there are some pics somewhere on this blog, that I did for a follower special, or maybe some in love letter? Not sure! How do you like to dress?

I also do have a pet! I have a little black dog named stella :) she's a little cute miniature schnauzer mix! Do you have any pets, dear?

I hope this finds you well! I was so excited to answer this, sorry it took me a minute! Definitely took me a while to yap ^^;

[starsambrosia]

Storytime: Vision (Hermes)

[A Valentines Day gift for certain, what an experience]

He took me to Elysium and showed me the bones of a Titan.

Ribs that arched like the peaks of mountains, overgrown and oevrtaken by Gaia mother of the titanes. The trees dug into their bones, seaping whatever life was left, the clouds rolled as though they were playfull kittens abouve us casting shadows across the almost neon green grass, so vibrant and full of life.

I taced my hand along the rib of yet another gargantuan titan...it felt familiar, ancient, with carvings and claw marks from both god and wildlife.

This world has healded and whoever this was is long dead...who were you? What did you do? Why are the gods so set that you deserved this fate?

"He was someone who defied Gaia, someone who needed to know his place." Hermes spoke to me softly, i didnt expect an answer at all, much less like this...so gentle and with a hint of nostalgic bliss in his voice he said this with a small smile "it was beutifull when he fell"

That told me so much all at once so much that my head spun and my mind filled with flashes of stars falling from the night sky over a titan laying on this island surrounded by navy blue waters, just the outskirts were wine red, a hurricabe cloud overhead but isolated to souly be abouve this titan

A booming voice of Zeus says something i can't understand. And the sky falls. The Titans' eyes shut, and the stars plumit to the earth. Every scratch of every wound every drop of blood was a show of light and wonder. Sparks flew as what i once believed were stars and now see as almost glass meteorites fell from the sky, ripping into his skin, he was obliterated. He was filled with divine light that Lord Zeus sent down. It was beautiful...

His body cracked and blood of gold and light rained down on the earth below, peices of him were crystalized and sent into the oceans depths, his body draped over this island as he was covered in light, his limbs fell into the sea.

"And his skull...?" I whispered almost to overcome by wonder to speak

"Thats a secret" Hermes tells me with a wink as though that moment of lighthearted fun can really take my attention away from the death i witness

It was both all in a flash and yet an experience i could live in, gone in the blink of an eye that felt like an eternity.

The light the color the depth the death the life all of it after the stars fell and the titans blood flooded across the island turning rivers to gold and trees to ivory the island was temporarily petrified.

Hermes laid back in the air, keeping an eye on me as he spoke. "Over time, Gaia grew tired of witnessing the perpetual petrification of her land, so she took matters into her own hands. The earth regrew the vines, and plants attached themselves to the blood and began to filter it. She created this paradise from a corpse. Don't you see his energy still present? Dont you see he isn't dead? "

Hermes touched down with a spin on his heel, throwing his hands up and gesturing to the land around us "hes alive! And you will be too one day"

He clasped my hands, looking at me with wide beutifull eyes that reflected so many tales and stories and untold adventures waiting to be discovered, so much to say so much to tell me so much to experience i felt sick but i couldnt turn away i didnt care anymore about my body or my health or anything i just wanted him just a little longer

"Its time to go" his smile faltered a little just for a moment as he swallowed and pulled my hands up, lifting me off the ground like a feather "you have to watch yourself you know you cant be recklass"

And then i was back, back in my body that aches with a heart that's full.

Thank you, Hermes. Happy Valentines Day, i love you.

[m-jelly]

hii!:))

can i ask for a request for Levi?. Something along the lines of-

Levi is ur coworker and decides to take u out on a date after crushing on u for a while. U guys go out to a restaurant and enjoy the night, he takes u home (for whatever reason idk i cant think of why). In the morning u both find out that the waiter has covid and u may have contracted it. So now ur both stuck in levi’s apartment until u get tested if ur positive or not. From there u can take the wheel i dont mind :DD

(I was inspired by a tiktok but idk where it is.)

I hope ur doing well!, its okay to take a break when needed and drink water!! :)))

Sweet <3 Happy to do this one <3 Love adorable stuff. I'm doing alright! Things have been a bit rough for me, but I keep going. Hope you're all well.

A blessing in disguise.

Pairing: Levi x Reader

Genre and tags: Modern AU, cute, romantic, Levi freaks about germs but likes he has to isolate with you, cute, becoming a couple.

Concept: Levi has had such a big and deep crush on you for a long time, but never acted. When he finally asks you, you both go on the perfect date together. At the end of the date, your feet are bleeding due to your shoes. Levi takes you to his place and tends to your feet, then you fall asleep at his place. In the morning, you both get an alert that your waiter has covid. So, you both have to isolate yourself at Levi's place until you can test. You're a little worried, but Levi is secretly excited that he has you all to himself.

Stunning, beautiful, cute, sexy and perfect.

Levi could not praise you enough as he sat opposite you in the restaurant. He just adored you so much and had for a long time. He had never had the courage to ask you out, but he just blurted out the word date and you said yes. So now, he had the pleasure of seeing you on a date with him.

You both talked all night. You laughed together and that only made you love Levi more than you already did. You felt honoured to hear Levi laugh so nicely and smile a little. You just want to spend as long as possible with this truly wonderful man.

You went on a romantic walk after, but your feet ruined the moment. You stumbled a little and winced. "Ow."

Levi worried right away. "What's wrong? What happened?"

You sat on a bench and slipped your heels off. "It's been a while since I've been on a date. I bought new shoes and didn't break them in."

Levi crouched down and held your feet. "You're bleeding."

You blushed a little. "It's only a bit. I'm sorry."

Levi hummed, then turned his back to you. "Hop on."

"Levi."

He looked back at you. "Come on."

You sighed, then climbed onto his back. "Okay."

He stood up and adjusted you, then he carried you through the part and to his apartment building. "I have things at my place that should fix your feet. You okay with that?"

You hugged him tightly. "Yeah."

Levi blushed at feeling your breasts against his back. "G-Good." He rode the lift up, then juggled you so he could get his keys out. He opened the door, then sat you on his kitchen counter. "Stay there."

You hummed a laugh at him running around. "My feet are fine."

Levi put his medkit down, then cleaned your feet. "Tch, they're in ribbons." He put on antiseptic, then put plasters on. "There, all fixed."

"Thank you."

He lifted you off the counter and put you on your feet causing you both to be face-to-face. He blushed a little, then cleared his throat and backed up. "You should rest your feet. I don't want you walking around with them the way they are."

You sat on Levi's sofa, then lay on your side. You yawned and hummed. "Okay. I'll rest them for a bit."

"Sure. I'm to clean up and I'll be right back." Levi packed his kit away, then he cleaned the blood from your shoes. He returned to you to see you were fast asleep. He covered you in a blanket, then kissed your forehead. "Sleep well."

You woke up to your phone going off. You yawned, then picked up your phone to see Levi sleeping on the floor next to you with a blanket over him. You smiled at how sweet he was to sleep there in his own home, even though he had a bed. You unlocked your phone and looked at the notification. "Shit!"

Levi sat up quickly and shouted your name. "Where are you!? I'll protect you!"

You stared at Levi with his messy bed hair and sleepy eyes. "Sorry I woke you."

He hummed and rubbed his eyes. "Oh, morning."

"Morning."

He yawned, then sighed. "What's wrong?"

You showed him your phone. "I've been alerted about covid. Seems like our waiter had covid and we've been asked to test and stay at home."

Levi stared at the message. "So, you're saying I was near someone dirty with germs."

"Levi breathe."

His eye twitched a little. "I'm not mad. I'm okay." He lowered his head and sighed. "I'll order the tests to my place. It means you have to stay here."

You smiled. "You okay with that?"

Levi blushed hard. "Yes." He got up. "I'll get you some clothes to change into."

"Thanks."

He stopped by his door. "You might have to wear my boxers if we're positive."

You blushed a little. "That's okay. Thank you." You followed him into the bedroom and watched him go into his closet. You smiled and took a jumper and jogging bottoms from him. "Oh, nice and soft."

"I like my comfort."

"Me too."

Levi smiled at you, then blushed when he realised he hadn't moved. "Ah, sorry. I should leave."

You waved to him, then put on his clothes and felt so happy. You loved how good it smelt and how it was like Levi was hugging you. You took your clothes to his cleaning room and started putting your things in the wash, along with Levi's things. You felt so at home in his place.

Levi leaned in the doorway and smiled at you working away. He loved you in your date outfit, but there was something so pretty about you wearing his things. "Tch, thanks."

You turned to Levi with a smile on your face. "I thought it was only fair I wash our things."

"I appreciate it. So, the tests have been ordered and they should get here tomorrow, or the day after. You okay staying that long?"

You nodded. "It'll be fun. An extended date."

Levi offered his hand. "Come. We'll watch some movies while we wait."

You held his hand and walked with him to the sofa. You sat with him and watched movie after movie. As the day went on, you ended up cuddling up to Levi and the stiff awkward atmosphere was gone. You both were comfortable with each other. You made most of the steps because Levi was a little bit reserved.

Levi made lunch and dinner for you and him. When it came to bedtime, you and he shared his bed due to you insisting he sleeps next to you instead of the sofa or the floor. You rather liked sleeping next to him and he was in heaven sleeping next to you. Levi wanted to hold you in his arms so tightly, but he didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable.

"Levi?"

Levi blushed in the darkness. "Yes?"

You gulped and shuffled closer. "Can we cuddle?"

Levi pulled you close and held you. "Tch, better? Now sleep."

You hugged him and hummed in happiness. "Perfect."

You and Levi slept in each other's arms the whole night, then he made you breakfast in the morning. You spent the whole day together and no tests turned up. Levi was happy that it meant more time with you. He was so happy to get closer to you and a chance to really deepen your bond. Levi had liked you for so long that you really were all his.

You blushed and walked over to Levi as you felt courage inside you. "Levi?"

Levi turned to you and said your name as he took you all in. "Hi." You smiled a little. "You look cute in my things."

You hummed a laugh. "Thank you." You gulped and stopped in front of him. "Levi?"

He blushed a little as you both locked eyes. "Yes?"

You cupped the back of his neck, then pulled him in for a kiss. You were a little shy at first as you worried about how Levi would react to you, but he surprised you. Levi yanked you against him when his brain registered what you were doing. He ran his hand up your back, then bent you back a little.

You hummed with laughter, then inhaled in surprise when Levi's tongue pushed into your mouth. You moaned as he explored your mouth. His tongue was so hot against yours. You felt your head turning to mush. Levi placed his hand on your bum, then lifted you up. You wrapped your legs around Levi and squeaked a little when he pressed you against his wall.

You tangled your fingers in his hair and hummed in delight. You and Levi forgot all about your tests, even when they were posted through his door as you were both exploring each other against his wall.

[tomatograter]

What are your Thots on jake’s pq route?

I already wrote some about it in this post where I discuss the problem with taking dirkjake as a literal parallel to tavris (Mainly, that it’s inaccurate to both situations and misrepresents the dynamics at play) but it’s been long enough since release that I feel like I can talk about it without that criticism being taken as a personal witch hunt. TL;DR: As a general rule of thumb I don’t cite Jake’s PQ as part of his characterization, and I think basing your Jakewriting on it will only lead you astray.

I liked a lot of the Pesterquest routes and the alphas were among some of my favorites, but I think when you play the four of them in sequence Jake’s really... stands as the odd one out. It’s almost as if he’s afforded way less sympathy from the get go for some indiscernible reason, or like MSPAR took a day to say ‘I can’t stand this kid in particular’ after dealing with waaaaaaaay more mindboggling troll customs or stupid dangerous situations that tested their patience and their limits. When it comes down to it, it’s mostly an issue of framing.

Let’s go with the “Just the Alpha routes” example, because I think that makes the overall context clearer and the response/reactions it gathered (or the lack thereof) easier to understand. The alpha kids were the last 4 Pesterquest episodes. They were also afforded entire volumes just for themselves, which cemented our expectations on “oh, they’re going to really dig into unexplored territory!” and for the most part, that’s what we got! It was really nice to see the internal mechanics of Jane as someone raised within a corporate echochamber, Roxy as a grieving, isolated kid, deprived of all human contact, and Dirk as a nerdy doomsday prepper haunted by private flashes of himself as a supervillain. It all works! Those are things the alpha kids were dealing with on the background of the broader Homestuck story, things we were only hinted at as the *larger* problems played out. It makes you understand their point of view. Except on Jake's route, where nothing about his life seems to be relevant at all? 

With Jane we get discussions about HIC and her family, with Roxy beautiful passages about a mother they never met and growing up alone— Same for Dirk, who gets a whole brother zapped from an alternate timeline. But on Jake's route there's not even an expansive dialogue path dedicated to Grandma English, Skaianet, the rebellion, or the giant red ship that came and murdered her in the night and then bombed his house, leaving him trapped inside his only surviving tower. No understanding passage realizing that this kid has had to fend for himself in an island full of Actual Giant Alien Monsters trying to eat him alive, or that he cremated his guardian specifically to avoid attracting predators to the scent of fresh blood drying on her mutilated corpse at the age of an actual toddler. The text refuses to dig into any of the psychological implications or impact an environment like this could have on a kid, which is even weirder when you consider MSPAR has met and helped Vriska get out of a similar situation. The whole thing with Jane in the previous volume has just happened, even, while Jake's particularities go unremarked. He was just supposed to deal with it. And that's because a choice was made to portray all of Jake's problems in this route as sort of... single handedly Dirk's fault? Something he should have Just Dealt with?

There's not even a hint that Jake knows Hal exists. Which is important! Jake can pick out Hal from Dirk based on *verbal cues*, and the fact that he considers Hal a barrier between him and his "real friend" getting to communicate with one another is a whole point of contention (and even comedy) in the story proper. Instead of examining Jake's isolation, or grief, or how he literally locks himself in his room and plasters it with cinematic posters to pretend he's just the main lead of a wacky adventure movie in the face of the immense shitshow outside, we get brobot acting nonsensically and threatening to break into Jake's room to beat him up. 

A general reminder on brobot: He was programmed to scout the jungle and deal with predators so Jake could a) Be allowed to safely leave his room (something he simply didn't do before age 13 out of sheer terror, and we know this because dirk and jake talk about it on his birthday conversation, when he first gets brobot) and 

b) Learn how to defend himself in the case of a surprise attack, with different combat settings adjusted to his level. The brobot has a novice mode Jake feels patronized by, but pushes him up levels quickly enough. In Homestuck proper, the brobot only enters "stalking mode" after Hal gets pissy with Jake for finding him out, and forcefully switches the setting on to make Jake work for the Uranium inside it. When you take Hal out of the picture, this plotline makes no sense! Jake's route is set way before the Alphas even think of entering the game, so this particular event hasn't even happened. Jake goes on to text Roxy and she turns the stalking setting off remotely anyways, so even if brobot was programmed to murder Jake in his sleep, or jump him inside the safe zone of his room (he's not) he has literally no reason to be acting like that when he's been set to Baby Buff Up Mode.

(Brobot does end up spontaneously pulling himself apart to give Jake his reward after this)

Which brings me to my other problem with the general framing of this volume; the alpha kids don't feel present in Jake's life as friends at all. It's all "romantic options" and "shipping discourse" and MSPAR making these silly logic jumps to justify insisting on this line of query, and all it does is completely flatten out anything of interest having to do with Jake as a Person, to build up an image of Dirk as being suspicious and shady for his volume and more or less come to the conclusion that Jake sucks because he just Cant Choose Who To Date Between All His Friends! And that's why jake is just like tavros… and dirk is just like vriska! Or something. 

And just as a reminder, here's Jake talking with Roxy so I don't have to explain why that feels like a weird choice to me. (click to zoom)

And then there's the endings. On the vriska ending, MSPAR just ends up weirdly angry at jake for being such a piss baby and not getting that he's tavros and dirk is vriska so he had to… uh… take all his anger out on this 13 year old alien girl he has never met and teach her a lesson to prepare to do the same on dirk, or something. And on the other ending Jake mentions his pen pal, is zapped to meet jade, they have some non-committal greetings and then a cosplay party where Jake insists that he totally likes Lara croft not because she's a femme fatale and he relates to that, because he's never ever in his life thought of anyone being interested on him. Or Something. He likes Lara croft for normal reasons only. He wears really tiny shorts and does sexy poses because he's not aware at all of how other people find him attractive. He's just too dumb to get this, or the shipping thing, or that he's tavros and Dirk is vriska (who the hell are these people?).

Jake feels like an afterthought in the grand scope of events. Sidelined on his own episode. This volume is busy with rehashing age old fandom arguments that have little to do with his character, because said arguments were started and maintained by bored teens engrossed on fighting online instead of analyzing Homestuck; we introduce vriska for no interesting reason at all (thank god at least Jake has enough decency to say he's not into hitting on 13-year-olds, because that would have been particularly rancid.) And aside from catchphrases and old slang sprinkled liberally into his dialogue like a fog making machine, none of the motivation for the character is there. What does he want? What does he fear? Why does he act like the way he does? What would accommodating him look like? What would helping him look like? We get this on Jane's volume, Roxy's volume, and Dirk's volume. To really heart-wrenching and dramatic results, too. You get to know who they are, where they live, what they want, what they fear, what might help them get better, but Jake is just sort of There. He's a burden. MSPAR either ends this volume berating him for not doing what they want or finding him weird and confusing and like they don't know each other at all, and the fact both of those were marked as dubiously bad ends in the game files speaks for itself, I think.

[sparkie96]

Me, half asleep: hmm chreon

Me, suddenly galaxy brain and wide awake: Chris leaves for edonia before leon can tell him that he's pregnant, he never gets the chance to tell him, chris loses his memories, leon has their baby and then about a month later re6 happens and he and Chris reunite but it's bittersweet bc Chris doesn't remember who leon was to him, cue to the angst of leon having to deal with being alone and thinking chris was dead for his entire pregnancy, and then them mending their relationship as chris heals, and Chris meets the baby and they become a proper family

Me, exhausted from this apparently v taxing thought and now half asleep again: hmm chreon

It had been a long and tiresome six-months plus the oh so fun trip to China...which Chris lost his entire team twice to the same woman who had had an indirect hand in nearly killing his mate and his mate’s partner as well as said mate’s adoptive daughter and the key to stopping the C-Virus. And a tiresome couple of weeks where he took some time off to himself.

Chris shook his head as his escort drove him out to the ranch Leon supposedly now owned thanks to the late Adam Benford. The agent said he had a surprise for him and Chris was practically vibrating in his seat, wondering just what the surprise was. His memory was still a bit fuzzy, so he remembered Leon and wanted to get back to him the whole time he was in Edonia...he just didn’t know his name or the reason why he needed to get back so badly. And then there was...something else. It involved Leon and a grainy picture of some sort...but try as he might, he couldn’t remember what it was. 

Hopefully his memory would kickstart back to normal by the time he got there. He really wanted to relive “Memory Lane” with his beautiful Omega. He wanted to experience the emotions that came with those memories. He wanted to remember them too, cursing his broken memories and his damned Amnesia. 

The truck pulled up to the ranch, surrounded by miles of grass and fields of corn. Chris’s heart pounded in his chest as he gazed upon the breathtaking sight, unable to believe that this very beautiful but kind of isolated property was now his home too. The truck pulled into the driveway, the driver; Nadia, informing him that they were here. Chris stared out of the window, butterflies beating their wings inside of his stomach and making it churn nervously.

“Captain?” She asked, “Everything alright?” 

Chris drummed his fingers on the door, eyes staring at the front door of the home anxiously, “Y-Yeah,” He lied, “Just...nervous...that’s all. My head isn’t so good right now so…” 

She gently laid a hand on his shoulder, “You’ll be alright. Agent Kennedy’s been filled in on the situation that occurred over the last several months by Captain Valentine. He’s a good person. He’ll understand.” 

“I know,” Chris replied with a slight cant of the head, his other hand toying with his seatbelt, “I just...I don’t want to disappoint him or upset him if he brings up something and I can’t remember…” 

Nadia gave him a reassuring smile and a squeeze, “You couldn’t if you tried. He loves you.” 

Chris looked to her, smiling a small smile back before giving a nod. With a deep breath, he undid his seatbelt as she unlocked the door to let him out. She bid him farewell and good luck, waiting until he was completely out of the truck and had shut the door behind himself before pulling away. She gave a friendly honk before driving back in the direction of HQ. 

Leaving him in front of the house. 

Chris turned to it, timidly walking up the gravel and to the wooden porch. He ascended the three steps there, pausing to stare at the door once more. He didn’t know why this was so hard, nor did he know why he was so nervous. There shouldn’t have been something ominous about this whole thing. This was home...his family was inside. His mate and their silly cat. Though, there was a little voice in the back of his mind saying that that was not all that was inside...that he was missing a little detail. 

Opening the screen door, he raised his fist and knocked on the solid front door. And then...he just stood there...waiting. He didn’t try to peek through the glass in the door, figuring that would have been rude or it would have ruined the surprise planned for him. 

There were footsteps on the other side, Chris holding his breath as they approached the door. Through the frosted glass, he could see a mass of blue and white and beige and brown. He could hear every click of the locks as they were undone, Chris taking another deep breath as the pounding grew louder in his ears. 

His breath was caught in his throat again as the door opened, Leon’s smiling face looking up at him, blue eyes clearly filled with tears. 

“Hey…” Chris greeted awkwardly, but then gave a soft “Oof!” as Leon nearly tackled him, hugging him tightly. 

“Hey, Big Guy.” Leon’s muffled voice replied in his shoulder, the Omega’s face buried in the fabric of Chris’s shirt, “We missed you so much…” 

...We? 

“I missed you all too.” Chris replied, hugging him back as Leon pulled away, the two meeting for a soft chaste kiss, “You and that goofy cat.” 

Leon looked up at him as they parted, canting his head to the side, “...You don’t remember…” He paused mid sentence and gave a nod, “Wait...of course you don’t. Sorry, my mistake. The Post Traumatic Amnesia…” 

“What don’t I remember?” Chris asked a bit too quickly, his heart still pounding in his chest. This was exactly why he didn’t feel like he was ready enough for this. This is why he had been putting off coming here for weeks. His worst fear was happening...he was upsetting his mate. 

As if sensing his distress, Leon shook his head and carefully cupped Chris’s cheeks, holding his face in his hands, “No, no, no! It’s okay! It was my mistake! That’s why I had a surprise for you!” 

Chris calmed down a bit, taking more deep breaths and counting in his head to ten, “Right. You said there was a surprise…” 

Leon nodded with a warm smile, “Yeah...I have someone I want you to meet.” 

Chris furrowed his brows but let Leon take his coat for him, the Omega telling him that it was okay to take his shoes off by the front door. While Chris did that, Leon shut the front door and locked it, waiting until Chris was settled before taking him by the hand. Chris allowed him to lead him further into the house, going down the hall and to one of the rooms at the end of the hallway. 

“You probably don’t remember this,” Leon began, “But...a couple months before you went to Edonia, I was pregnant.” 

Pregnant...Leon had been pregnant? Chris thought about what Leon had said earlier...about how “We missed you…”. We…

Leon let go of his hand, opening the door with the little characters on it, looking back at him with a smile. 

“Chris,” Leon began, pushing the door open and revealing the crib inside, a little red-headed baby staring back at them, giving the biggest smile he could manage with a pacifier in his mouth, “I want you to meet your son: Oliver Kennedy-Redfield.”

Chris’s heart was fluttering...but not out of nervousness. The Alpha was in awe, smiling as tears welled up in his eyes. He had a son...he had a family who had been waiting for him all this time.

He was home at last.

[certifiedceraunophile]

So summer in Mumbai is almost over, technically I only have 15 days or so before monsoon rolls in and everything becomes poetically gross and sticky outside and languid and homey inside, basically meaning I missed my chance at summer...again.

Now that left me a bit miffed, that this summer I did not get to make ANY new memories that were largely pleasant, that my wanderlust was not even acknowledged let alone indulged, and that I spent most of it locked up, isolated, scared -and with the risk of sounding woeful- utterly helpless and hopeless. 

I’ve been told summers are supposed to signify new beginnings, each new gust of the summer breeze is supposed to slowly ease the frigid hands of winter away from us.....but I felt none of that, I still feel like I’m being squeezed from all four sides, flattened and twisted by everything that is raging on in my country, in my home, in my life.

And no this caption is not gonna end with a light and hopeful easing message, because I don’t feel any of those things, fleetingly when I’m with my friends and my family yes, I can almost forget the utter *shit* I’m going through but it’s always looming in some god forsaken corner of the scenery, some part of it blurring or blotting my vision.

But then a few days ago I was going through pictures of my travels from the summers before this Pandemic started and the only thing I noticed was how no part of this scenery, of these pictures was even faintly tainted by anything that happened in the following two years, I noticed that I remember, that I remember everything, from my summers before the pandemic. I cried for a bit, not out of wistfulness or bitterness, but simply because I remembered the sheer beauty of the world and how all of it was laid bare for me. 

I cried because I was so so goddamn thankful I remembered….and that my soul remembers.

I still remember thinking that the tumbling shades of the sky reflected in the ocean, the blues and whites of Andaman was the single most beautiful colour I had ever laid eyes on, and that if all the Gods and powers of the universe were all just colours and beams of light, the one who created our Earth would be this exact shade of blue.

I remember how the gathered scents of a thousand flowers from the Gardens of Singapore mixing and twirling almost conspicuously in front of my eye, invading my senses and leaving me so jarringly human could be the only experience I could truly ever come close to describing as ethereal.

I remember how each wave of the Mediterranean sea looked like a beckoning hand welcoming me into its depth, wily and whispering, taunted me with each secret it was willing to unveil with just one more step until I didnt even notice I was chest deep, swaying and so so alive.

I remember how I saw the sun daintily blanket itself beneath the boundless Arabian seas, where each passing minute as it slipped beneath it’s tiding veil was just another artist’s brush stroke across the sky, a splash of red here a hint of pink there and a stroke of glowing glorious orange, and all I could think was: was it not enough? was it not enough to shine down such seraphic beauty on me just once, was it not enough that the world had to turn around and reflect it’s swirling colours of a flaming sky on the ocean beneath, and shimmer twice as bright? was it only enough when the sky set the ocean on fire with flames that danced.

And I remember how each smoking, sweltering breath in the deserts of India, each glare of the sun and the shyness of a cloud to even slightly dare disturb the perfect sky was just the world clearing its lenses so I could see unfettered beyond it’s shrouded shadows and know the inescapable expanse of it, to know how incredibly infinitesimal I was in that moment, to know that the world only ever glowed its colors and stirred it’s wind and pulled it’s water for something so infinitesimal and transient as me. To know that all of it was for me.

So yeah...I cried, because the world was mine to breathe in, to eat in small bites and drink with each gasp of air, and I was thankful for that. However, soon my tears did turn wistful and bitter, because now I’ve been robbed of it.  No, nothing, nothing less than the World was stolen from me, and I cant see an end to it’s absence, all I hear about each day is death, and all I see each day in my family, in my home, in myself is the fear of death, if you could you’d smell the stench of fear on us, and no I don’t bloody care if this is pretentious or overly romanticized or utterly way too symbolic and flowery to be truly woeful because this is how I’ve always expressed myself and this is how I’ve always seen the world, but now all I see is the four walls of my home, each morning the air outside decays with this virus, each day the smoke from the bodies being burnt on the street is just another fixture of life, each death just another tally, each positive test just another prayer, each grieving soul probably the next death.

And I hate it, and you see no, I don’t hate my current state.

I hate the world, the world I was so enamoured with, the world I had submitted all my secrets and desires and hopes to, the world I prayed to and prayed for, the world that I thought would always dance with me, that I thought was immutable in it’s beauty and never ending in it’s immensity, the same world I thought that had claimed me back as sure as I had claimed it, I hate it so much 

Because it’s all gone, because I feel abandoned, because I feel so fucking alone.

So that’s why I am here, showing you these pictures of me, trying my hardest to make you feel what I felt when the world engulfed me, to show you how breathless it truly leaves you, because all you ever do is drown in this world, because I can’t bring myself to hope to feel it again, it hurts every time. So here I am a lost little girl who was promised the world, was cruelly fed a piece of it, and then left to starve with only the faintest taste to remember, to linger on my tongue, so here I am showing you my pretty pictures because all I can do now is remember....and I can’t lose that too.

[sanstropfremir]

Okay, time for my weekly rant so buckle up. The vocal stages were okay-I cant really remember them well because I watched them only once so take what I say with a grain of salt. Well I watched the Spark one once and I only got through half of the other one because I can’t stand ballads especially when there’s no interesting movement on stage to keep me engaged. Like it’s no fault of the members themselves or the song (I actually think their singing was incredibly beautiful and Eunkwang always sings like his wife just left him with the kids which is how you know he’s good) but I physically could not pay attention. That’s why I liked the spark stage a bit better-there was enough movement that I was able to focus on it. I really liked the use of the fire and the way they were walking in and out of the frame trading off parts so there weren’t too many awkward moments where the other members where on stage but not doing anything. The opening was gorgeous with each members being lit by the spotlight as they harmonize. So stagewise, I prefer Spark but vocally I think the other group was stronger. I love Spark and Taeyon is such an incredible vocalist (I mean the song is great because of her) so I don’t get why their delivery was, I don’t want to say weak, but subdued might be a better word. The only one that really stood out was Junhoe (but also that man couldn’t not stand out even if he tried, not with that incredibly rasp) and even he seemed to be holding himself back a bit. Though it was a bit slow it built up well to the two last choruses but still the first half could have been stronger. I know they were trying to draw it out to a strong pay off but I don’t really know if it was enough. And yes the suits were *chef’s kiss*. I think at this point in their career the FNC stylist has put SF9 in so many suits they’ve got it down to a science. Also I’m a sucker for those shirts with the triangle cut out and we got not one but two of them here.

Okay moving on, I’m not sure which group was next but I’ll talk about the Ikon stage. It seems like they finally realized that they’re on a performance based competition show so they decided to pull out the big guns. Love the little skit at the beginning (making sure people don’t forget that they’re YG), it was cute and refreshing. I really appreciated how they leaned into the campy acting in this stage (Stray kids did it too-just adding to the similarities between their stages). The song was meh but I also don’t really like BP especially not their recent stuff so it’s not a big deal. I would have preferred if they had gone with another song maybe Whistle or As If It’s Your Last or if they’d done a 2NE1 song like Chanwoo mentioned some point in the episode. I also think the stage would have been way smoother if they’d let Ikon and Lisa interact. Like if the boys appeared in her set after her section and then they all moved back to the first jungle set and then the whole thing turns gold and they did a dramatic outfit change (but with better jackets because theirs look like they came out of Party City). I also get what you mean about the dancers outfits not being that great. I actually really liked the outfits of Lisa’s dancers in isolation but they didn’t match with her or the set so they threw me off a bit. At least with the ikon members they were going for a modern look so the dancers outfits didn’t look that strange in comparison. Do you think it would have been better if they were white? How would you have improved then? The best way I can describe this performance was that it was a stage, stuff happened, I enjoyed myself but I don’t plan to revisit it anytime soon. Oh and we also have to give points for them cursing on national television not once but twice (at this point Jinwan deserves to say fuck).

Now to Stray Kids. So I feel like I need to preface this with the fact that I am actually a stray kids fan (I won’t call myself a stay because I don’t associate with the fandom) and though I’ve been really critical of them and their stages tend to be my least favorite I still have a soft spot for them (I got into this show because of them after all). I loved, loved, loved the intro with Felix (and yes his biggest flaw is that he’s Australian but I forgive him for it) and the way it immediately transitions into the chorus of DDD-the abrupt transition does fit really well with the Deadpool theme and I guess it is the closest they’re going to get to the feeling of yeeting themselves into traffic like in the movie. Interesting choice to start with the chorus. Now that I’m rewatching it I do really wish they stuck with the comic theme. I think that’s my gripe with SKZ-they have a lot of good ideas but they move on too quickly from them. Just pick a handful of things and sprinkle them throughout instead of cycling through them at breakneck speed. Like okay they’re doing Deadpool and he’s a comic character so keep the comic styling (it would have been a good thing to put in the projection behind Seungmin’s scene), maybe in the subway they could have had some fight choreo so the guns coming in at Lee Knows part aren’t out of nowhere (also someone please tell me they were trying to recreate the meme with the cat and the knives, please I need to know). I absolutely agree that them having a goal or an antagonist would have really helped the story along. I mean they literally have a spoken intro so why couldn’t Felix just tell us who they were fighting (and I’m pretty sure in the movie Wade tells us he’s trying to kill Francis in that scene sooo). As always they put more focus on the rappers (please can we get less Changbin and more Seungmin, Jeongin, or Lee Know or at least give Felix more parts). Seungmin was the real mvp of this stage and he had the best outfit (I think it qualifies for Hanya’s best gay little outfit list). Personally I with they hadn’t gone with Gods Menu again. I’ve been hoping that they would perform My Pace (and maybe remix it with their B-side TA off their Go Live album) because that would be such a fun stage. Again, I enjoyed myself but I won’t revisit it anytime soon. At this point the only groups I actually look forward to are BTOB and SF9 (they’re doing fucking Move and I don’t know whether to be excited or terrified-there’s a clip of Taeyang covering Move from a variety show or interview and I think he does it really well so I know at least one of them can pull it off). Again thanks for creating space where I can info dump and I hope I said something of interest to you!

i think you wrote more than me!! i love this, im gonna put my response under a cut im not being super obnoxious on the dash.

i get that the mayfly stage would be not as visually stimulating for people and usually i would count myself in with that crowd because i love a good spectacle but i think because i watched the spark stage first and my colour perception is sometimes weird so when there's a lot of movement with very little colour variation my tiny pea brain loses track of whats happening really quickly. especially with red. so it was kind of difficult for me to pay attention to the spark stage in the second half. also i absolutely HATE watching people flub on stage because it brings up such visceral secondhand feelings that i couldn't even watch the stage when i started the full episode today.

i love a good suit but you know what i would also love: sf9 in more costume variations. tbh im just getting nitpicky about it because im a costume designer down to the core and i got trained by a designer who specialized in doing avant garde costuming so i tend to skew more towards wild than reserved. it looks like the move stage wont be be suits so ill take it, but oh man to do i want to see some really crazy stuff. which i know they'll never do because idols have to be pretty at all times or the fans get mad but oh i want it so badly.

do you mean how i would improve ikon's backup dancers outfits or lisa's? here why dont i do both. for lisa's dancers i would have just done away with that harness shape all together, its almost exclusively a military style. the jackets by themselves would have been fine but really what they should have done was put them in something that matched the gold but contrasted enough to give them shape. by having at least her dancers in all black on a gold stage there was a lot of "haha look at me do a duck walk because lets throw in some voguing for spice." they could have gone with a mesh bodysuit idea similar to what she was wearing or even just different colour coats. as for ikon's backup dancers, firstly pants. not black. or even a longer skirt. genuinely a part of the reason why i dont watch girl group content is because i HATE the hem length of the shorts they make everyone wear. words cannot describe how much i hate that cut. kpop is so obsessed with showing off women's bodies and especially their legs but they do it in the LEAST flattering way possible because it "can't be too risqué," just shoot me now. i hate it. i hate it so fucking much. yea yea everybody was on cocaine in the 80s whatever but at least they were all wearing french cut bodysuits so their legs looked fantastic. stop interrupting the lines!! anyways. pants so the only section of skin showing is thigh to mid calf, especially because they weren't even doing any fun legwork! if they really wanted to keep the full sleeve bodysuits they shout have done them in a fabric with a texture or external embellishments, like a patent/vinyl or sequins/rhinestones. something to catch the stage lights so we can actually see the shape of the limb. but the easiest way to fix it is literally just cut the arms off the bodysuits. stages are lit to show off skin, sometimes the best way to have something be seen is just to have it bare.

i agreed skz cycles through ideas way too fast, they need to just pick a couple and stick them out through the stage instead of just adding more and more different ones throughout. also ok good someone else noticed that there is just...so much changbin. we don't need that much changbin. i know there's other boys in the group let them do something! also im pretty sure theyre not recreating the cat knife meme but actually the promo image from john wick chapter two, which i also could have sworn i saw a deadpool version of as an instagram ad back when movies were happening, but now that im looking for it it doesn't exist so i might be crazy.

im excited for the move stage but im also trepidatious because...its move. i have NO clue what the concept is from the previews so i just hope its weird enough to take it enough out of the taemin context for me to enjoy it.

[dawniebb]

Face reveal bc yes

So, guys...especially from the Renegades fandom bc i’m the most active there: you saw the title lmao. This will...barely get notes (i wonder if it’ll get notes at all) buuUUUT YEAH LET’S GOOOO (If you’re gonna reblog pls be respectful bc i have issues and btw reblog ONLY if we are mutuals)

THIS IS ME! <3 HELLOOOO!!!

Now, if you want to stop here, do it. If you don’t...well

I’m going to tell you a story about myself and why I decided to post this.

First of all, I’m not celebrating anything. I’m just celebrating me, I guess (?) and in fact I’ve been wanting to do this since my parents got me a She-Ra cake for my 20th birthday back in May, because I loved that thing and felt the physical need to shove that thing into everyone’s faces But I didn’t because I didn’t feel ready enough...then that thought left my mind, and it came back like two weeks ago.

I’ve had mental issues since I was in like...elementary school. I’m sure I had felt depressed before I turned 12; however, the first memory I hold of feeling so, it’s when I was already 12. Because it was then when I realized that I wasn’t just a dumb kid who didn’t know how to make friends xd To this day, I genuinely feel like I was suffering from isolation bullying; you know xd my classmates purposely excluded me from activities, they would find any excuse for not letting me join their work teams and stuff like that; during my last year at elementary school, I only had like one friend, and that one friend and I shared a sort of abusive/toxic relationship, as in: manipulation, “we’re best friends. you should only talk to ME”, and then this friend turned her back at me too, because she decided to join the rest of the group and ignore me.

lol.

And I remember wondering what was I doing wrong. Like, why didn’t people like me; why didn’t they want to hang out with me; why did everyone seem to have friends except me. And then I got trapped into a very...dark place, and I remember being overthinking one day, because I tend to overthink a lot...and I remembered this specific kid who was in the same class as me.

I was in the line for the teacher to check my homework, and this kid, a boy, was behind me.

You see. I’ve always been chubby xd I don’t think I’ve ever been skinny since I was 2 years old or so, because by the time I was in kindergarten my classmates’ moms were already calling me a ‘little meatball’ thinking it was a fucking adorable nickname because Mexican moms can be pretty shitty sometimes don’t let the media stereotypes fool you not all of them are all cheerful and upbeat and when I was in elementary school, for some reason, besides being chubby, I had a really bad posture. And this boy who was behind me started imitating my way of walking and his friends were laughing, so I turned around and asked him wtf his problem was xd and he turned around to his friends and asked “Do you see how hunchback she is?” like I wasn’t even there xd and I genuinely tried to slap him but I couldn’t, and he said “Yo, stop moving because you’re going to cause an earthquake”

And my mom has always felt personally attacked for the fact I’m...u know, fat. She has always been very insistent on the fact I need to lose weight and stuff like that. And her, mixed with my experiences at school, made me feel like I wasn’t enough.

But my mind started saying things like “And u know why you aren’t enough? Because you’re fat”

Because, like, the day of the hunchback insult, when I told the teacher, who was a very shitty teacher btw but i’m not talking about her again today (i’ve already talked about her in MANY of my university papers, because I’m studying to be an English teacher), she turned around at him and said “Don’t listen to HER” and to this day I still don’t know why xd

But it made me feel like I wasn’t enough. Because I was fat.

Lol x2.

To this day, I still don’t know if I have an ED. Like, I genuinely don’t know. But I can safely say that, if I have one, it’s more likely BED... because, through the years, I managed to lose weight when I turned like 15 and I had my quinceañera party, but then first year of high school came and I had a relapse into depression...like, this might come off as a very unpopular opinion, but junior high school was dope for me x’d I remember it as one of the best years in my life, right after my second and third year in high school (high school in Mexico lasts only three years) and so...when I started my first year in high school and got fucking depressed again, I gained ALL that weight back, and even doubled it. During my second year of high school, I met my friends. The friends I still keep with me to this day. And they accepted me like the fucking train wreck I was, failing math like three times in a row and crying about it every single one of those times  because I’m pretty sure I have dyscalculia but my parents won’t listen to me they think i’m just lazy when it comes to math even though they know i cant even read a fucking clock . And them, along with my another very close friend who I met via fanfction when I was 12, helped me go through it. Like, I did have some issues with my body during high school, but not as much as you would expect. They were getting pretty bad in my first and second semester, but during the other four my friends managed to stop me from losing my mind, even when it all went to shit in my third year again for different reasons.

Then I graduated from high school, and I made friends there too. Although my best friends are still my friend from fanfiction, my friends from high school and just one of my university friends. And you know...I was left...pretty scarred from the shit that happened during third year of high school, and even if I didn’t feel like I was *that* depressed, I did gain a lot of weight.

Like, the highest I’ve ever been. Then my dad got sick during October from last year, then my two doggies were murdered god i fucking hate my neighbors the same day my dad was released from the hospital and my mom went kinda nuts during December and I wanted to just...yeah.

So I did a lot of emotional eating. Like, y’all don’t understand.

It was like...I would go to uni and eat a brownie. Then chocolates on my way home. THEN a “a snack” like...fucking rice krispies. Then a huge ass meal, with soda bc why not. Then I would have either cookies or hot cheetos as a treat after my huge ass meal,

I’m a short person xd carrying that much weight was making my ribs and back hurt, as well as my legs and feet; my breathing was freaking awful, and there were some days were I got SO paranoid I just said things like “i’m gonna die today” or “out here trying to get diabetes like the rest of your family, aren’t you??” :’) but i didn’t tell anybody. My parents are not really an option in this case, BUT I didn’t tell my friends, because then I would have to explain that I ate a lot and that was something I was EXTREMELY ashamed of.

When February came, I was scared of going out, because I knew I would have to choose what clothes to wear and nothing fit me anymore and, the things that did, looked super stretched on me and, u know, I was sore. My health was getting bad. But I didn’t like to feel that way.

AND I MUST CLARIFY HERE. I’M WORKING ON THAT. I’M ACTUALLY A BODY POSITIVY DEFENDER, I JUST DIDN’T LIKE HOW *I* LOOKED AND, BESIDES, I WAS GETTING SICK. I GENUINELY THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE AT SOME POINT. I’M NOT SAYING BEING FAT OR CHUBBY IS DISGUSTING. NO. I BELIEVE ALL HUMAN BEINGS ARE EXTREMELY BEAUTIFUL. AND IF I’M WRITING THIS IS BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO KNOW RECOVERY IS DISGUSTING AND DIFFICULT SOMETIMES AND THAT IF YOU’RE GOING THROUGH SOMETHING LIKE THAT: I’M SORRY. NOBODY SHOULD EVER FEEL LIKE THAT. I SUPPORT YOU. AND I HOPE THINGS GET BETTER. AND NO MATTER WHAT OTHERS SAY, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE TO CHANGE ONLY IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE. BECAUSE IT’S YOUR BODY. KEEP HOLDING ON.

But going back to the story...

My friends used to tell me I looked pretty all the time, which I appreciate a lot to this day. But my parents were like

Me: I’m fat and I look deformed.

Them: I agree.

Because yeah.

Just before the pandemic madness happened, I went on a school trip with my uni friends and one of them triggered my isolation trauma in the worst way possible...and that, somehow, ruined ALL the photos I took throughout the trip. Because I wasn’t enough. Because I was deformed and fat and I looked like an apple. Because nobody wanted to be seen near me. And my personality was shitty.

Like, I should’ve known I was worth it. I’m still worth it and I know that. But I wasn’t less worth it when I was chubbier. And maybe I didn’t look as bad as my head made me believe. But at the time my mental health was extremely awful.

Now, covid happened.

Not gonna lie. Quarantine fucked me up as much as it fucked everyone else, but for me...by not going out, I stopped being near trigger foods, and I was even able to consult a dietitian.

I’ve lost 15 kg since March. And I’ve managed to love my past self, but I love this one because changing it was my decision. Sure, my parents didn’t help a lot, but in the end it was MY decision. I’ve come to accept I was worth it even when I felt disgusted by myself, and all of those awful things people said or did to me, like my friend during that trip...

I didn’t deserve any of those things. Because NO ONE deserves to be treated that way.  No one deserves somebody else making fun of them. No one deserves somebody else doing awful things to them that they know damn well that they trigger their childhood trauma. No one deserves to be judged for the way they look.

I was in a very dark place, and sometimes I’m still inside there. And like...during all those times, I kept posting in here.

I remember being next to my dad in the hospital, telling him “Guess what? Supernova drops this week” or “We’re going to watch TDP together, right?” or “Let me talk to you about She-Ra...” ....those were things that like...saved my life for a while, though mostly Supernova. Because, actually, Marissa Meyer has helped me in my fucking darkest years x’d from my third year of high school until now.

Her books didn’t take my depression away, but they did make things a little lighter for me, even when I felt like dying.

And I know this fandom is like..full of minors, so...I don’t know if any of you need to hear this: But you’re worth it.

If you want to change anything in your body, do it because YOU want to.

Because YOU’LL like you better.

Because it’s YOUR body, and it’s the only part of yourself that you and other people can touch.

Nobody should ever tell you you’re worthless because of your weight and your physical appearance. And if they ever do, then they’re the ones who should apologize, not you.

Nobody has the right to mistreat you, abuse you, or use your own body against you.

As for me...my ribs don’t hurt anymore. Nor does my back or my feet, and my breathing is getting better; I took the conscious decision to lose weight but, like I said, now that I’m not in such a dark place, I’m staring to realize that the past me wasn’t as hideous as my mind was making me believe. She was okay; she was broken inside, but she didn’t deserve anything that happened to her, nor did she deserved to treat herself that badly.

I posted my photo just to celebrate that I can finally said I’m not disgusted anymore. I can finally see myself in pictures again. And see my own reflection. Or go through my closet. Or do my makeup, because I LOVE doing my makeup and I was even ashamed of that. I’m not fully okay yet, but I’m healing.

So, if there’s any little Dawnie around here: I hope you give yourself a chance and realize you’re beautiful.

I hope that, if you change, it’s because you wanted to do it.

I hope you know that it’ll get better even if the healing process it’s not that easy.

I hope you know there’s people who love you.

I hope you know that you are beautiful. You were always beautiful and, no matter what path you choose, you’ll always be beautiful.

And worth it.

And human.

And important.

Take care of yourself, because you’re wonderful, no matter your size <3

[thestorybrookeclocktower]

I’ve been abused. This is the first time I admit it to myself.

I’ve been abused several times, psychologically, mostly, but also phisically and sexually. It’s hard to admit it. It’s been harder to realize it.

I was an abused child. Before I dig into it, I’d like to point out that I’m managing to do this only thanks to She-Ra, to Catra, in particular, to Adora, and to this video: https://youtu.be/arsKPegw1Tg . So thank you, Noelle Stevenson, and thank you, whoever made that video.

I’m frightened, right now. I’m scared as fuck. I think I don’t know myself, I think I never did. But I must go on, I must find out who I really am. I owe it to myself. I’ve been hiding for too long.

I was an abused child, and I have to write it down because my mind keeps escaping that. It’s hard to stay focused, and that never happens to me, I’m a writer, when I write I’m concentrated, focused, but now... now it seems like my brain’s floating away. And I can’t let it do it.

My parents divorced when I was two or three years old, I’m not sure about it. I clearly remember the day my father went away, the door slamming, my mom crying and myself trying to reassure her, telling her I was there, she had notHing to worry about. I was always way older than my age.

After that, I guess (my memories are a bit confused in the timeline), my grandmother (so I was told) convinced my father to build a wall during the night in the middle of our house to split it in two. I remember waking up and finding this rough, grey wall. My mom lied and told me there had been a earthquake and that the wall fell down. I didn’t know how a collapsed wall would look like, and believed her. My father left us without a kitchen. As I said, I was two or three years old. Thinking about it now, it hurts me to think of how hard it must have been for my mother to face all of this. My father used to beat her, when they were together. She told me that he broke her cranium, once. I cant remember it, I don’t even know if I ever witnessed when it happened. But still.

Later, my mother fell in love with the man who became my step-father. He was our neighbor, they worked together so they already knew each other.

My father disappeared for two years. I spent one year living with my grandparents in another city, because my mother worked and wasn’t home for days, so che couldn’t leave me alone all that time. I remember missing her, and nothing more.

Then, I remember growing up with my mother’s partner trying to be a father. He couldn’t. He was mean to me. His idea of education was based on yells and threats. He continuously told me that I wasn’t his daughter, that I was nothing, that I was worth nothing.

I also remember that I wanted to be hurt. I wanted to hurt myself and, in my fantasies, when I played alone in my room or in the garden, I imagined my “enemies” kidnapping me and me sacrificing to save my friends. That thing lasted. I would always want to sacrifice to save someone I cared about, but who didn’t care about me as much as I did. I still have to understand why. I just need some time, I guess. After all, I just found out I have wounds.

We moved. My father came back, at some point. He started sending the police at our new home, accusing my mother of child abuse, I guess, and trying to claim me as if I was some kind of property. I guess I started feeling like an object when I spent my weekends and summer or winter vacations with him. He had the right to spend time with me, I didn’t have the right to choose. I don’t think he never treated me bad, he was simply unable to be a good father. He just left me with his friends’ children to play. I had fun with them, anyway. I always insisted to be the victim in our playtime, though. Something bad would always happen to my character. I often played the villain (they were happy with it, none ever wanted to be the villain but me), but my villain always had a reason, a past, a complicated story that led them to the dark side.

I guess I was never really happy. There was always this shadow, this weight on my soul. I still can’t name it. I only know it’s there, but it’s lighter today. Maybe because I see it for the first time.

When I went to middle school, I was depressed. I kept saying “we’ll die anyway, what changes if I do or I don’t do this?”. I also developed a passion for swords and daggers. I always read a lot, especially fantasy books, so I guess it was just natural that I started loving blade weapons.

I also felt guilty for continuously feeling sad. I thought I didn’t really have a reason. My family had money, I went to holiday four times per year instead than just twice, everything I asked they would just buy it to me. But my stepfather would always rub it in. He made me feel like I owed him everything I had, because he was the one who paid the bills. He is an alcoholic. He freaks out every time he gets drunk, and he starts drinking at ten a.m.. He would walk naked at home. I was way too young to see a naked man when it happened the first time. He also spied on me when I was in my room, so I was always anxious that he was watching me and could never relax.

I wasn’t good at school, I only liked mathematics but was terrible at all the rest. I just couldn’t concentrate, and now I know that I had locked myself in my fantasies, in another world, where I was strong, powerful, where I was happy. No, no, sorry. I’m lying to myself again. It didn’t go this way, actually. I locked myself in another world, it’s true, but that world was horrible. I was becoming a teenager and I started watching Buffy, so I was pretty obsessed by vampires at the time, and also I was starting to realize what sexual desire is. The thing is, in my fantasy I was powerful, yes, I was strong, but I was always defeated. I would get captured by this beautiful vampire woman who would torture me to death and then turn me into something different, with magic. I would become her sexual slave. I fell in love with her, in my mind, and I would submit to her. It’s embarrassing to admit it, yeah, it sucks, it’s rape, torture and Stockholm syndrome. But that’s the truth. As I said, I wanted to be hurt.

Also, despite this I never admitted to myself I liked girls. I didn’t even consider it as a possibility, I told myself I was in love with Angel (surprise, with the bad guy trying to redeem himself! Who would have thought that?).

At the same time, my mom got a bad self-immune disease and lost her job. Also, in the same years, one of the teacher at school started targeting me. I was shy and insecure and she would take advantage of it and humiliate me in front of everyone. She seriously damaged me, my self-confidence (as if I had any), and my stepfather made it only worse. I got bad grades from her (even when I was prepared I was so anxious that I couldn’t speak when she questioned me) and he got angry and yelled at me that I was stupid, that I was unable to do anything, that I was an imbecile and that I was worth nothing. Once he threw a school book at me and broke my lip.

My mother tried to comfort me, but I always hid what I was feeling. I was really, really depressed. So much that one day I grabbed one of my collectible daggers and aimed it at my stomach, and I pushed. I wanted to die. I wanted it to end. And I wanted a slow, painful death.

But I stopped. I didn’t even get a scratch, not because I changed my mind, not because I couldn’t find the “bravery” to kill myself, but because I didn’t want to hurt my mom. I knew she would be devastated if I died, and that is the only reason why I didn’t push harder. She still doesn’t know about all of this.

I guess I made myself a promise, that day: I’d be stronger. And it was a mistake, because I locked the doors of my heart doing so.

Years passed by. I learned Kung-Fu, I made some friends, just a few, lost others, this is not the point. They didn’t abuse me.

I started dating guys. Older boys, usually, and I convinced myself I was in love with them. One touched me without asking my permission, and I didn’t stop him. I was so stupid... gah. I wanted people to like me so much that I pretended to be like them. I told them I liked music I didn’t like, stuff like that. Silly, silly young me. I was lost and I didn’t know it.

Other years, more boys. I’m pretty, and I know it, and I used it to flirt with basically any guy I found. Shame on me, I know. I only kissed them. After all, I wasn’t even attracted by them. I liked girls, even if I didn’t want to accept it. I was already different, I didn’t want to be even more isolated.

I also spent a lot of time online chatting and gaming. I used to play to this online role play game by chat, I had found the perfect, fake, fantasy world there. My first character was an elf with positive alignment. I stopped playing her because she bored me. My second character was a sociopathic girl, a sadistic villain. I still have that character, even though I don’t play her anymore. I made her torture and try to kill innocent people several times. She was my dark side. I used her to take out my darkest instincts. I’m ashamed of who I was, now. I became a bully for a couple of years, a dangerous person, a mean person. I hate myself for that.

I was in high school and I was a little more equilibrated when this guy I knew since first grade asked me out. I knew he liked me since then, so I thought I had power on him (because that’s why I flirted with guys, I liked the power I had on them). He took me on his minicar and we found ourself in an isolated parking lot. He was never a healthy person. He was unstable since he was a kid, but he had always been kind with me. He was kind and pleasing even that night. And manipulative. And abusive. He used my ever-present sense of guilt, he told me I had to because he took me in his car and drove for me and waited all of those years, and he insisted for maybe half an hour until I gave in (I couldn’t leave the car, we were in a dangerous block and far from home). I had my first and only oral sex experience with a boy. It disgusted me so I stopped after like three seconds, but he forced me to masturbate him, he phisically did pushing my hand on his d*ck. When he came, he also said I wasn’t good at it. He then offered to give back the favour, I refused and asked him to take me home. Two day later I texted him saying it was over. God, this was hard to write. My heart is pumping in my chest. I need some water.

By the way, I was eighteen then and I still hadn’t had sex yet, and I was the only one in my class and between my friends in general. About them, I lost them all along the way. They simply let me down, not repaying everything I did or gave to them in terms of affection, or treating me like shit when I came out, or just disappearing slowly. I have trust issues for this, it’s hard for me to open up to someone now, but I’m trying.

I found this boy at a party, at that point I felt nothing, I was just curious about sex. We started dating. I didn’t like him, I approached him just because I thought his ass looked good. Yeah, how romantic of me. But, as I said, I felt nothing. I didn’t care about him. He fell in love with me, even though I told him many rimes I didn’t love him. I felt nothing for him, or with him, even in bed. Sex was a delusion to me, and I treated him like shit. But still, he would stay. Poor guy.

During those years (yes, we spent four years together somehow), I finally realized I liked girls. Fate brought me to a convention, where I met the love of my life. I ended the relationship with the boy and started my new life with her.

She changed me, a lot. I was a mess when we met. I was rough, selfish, the bad girl I always wanted to be, unable to love, to have a healthy relationship, unable to find the strenght to be vulnerable. She was patient with that broken, confused me, and I’ll never thank her enough for this. I don’t deserve her. She always supports me and shows me how much she loves me everyday. I’m so grateful for her.

I learned to be humble, I learned to be vulnerable, selfless, a decent humang being. I learned to love. I learned to protect her, not (only) myself. I dismantled almost all of my walls. I don’t know if this one I’m tearing down right now is the last one. I do hope so. I’m so tired of those cold walls. Today, I don’t want all these swords and daggers. I don’t need them anymore.

I wish I was strong as Catra and Adora, strong enough to face myself and let myself be happy. Thank you, Noelle, really. I always believed in the power of stories, but I never thought an animated show could give me so much, that I could relate so much to someone (let alone the importance of their relationship on screen for the LGBTQ+ community, it’s a true revolution). I was attracted to Catra since the beginning, I completely fell in love with her during the fifth season, and now I understand the reasons behind it. I just feel her, deeply. And I also deeply admire Adora, her pure soul, her strenght, her bright heart.

Sorry for the long post, sorry if there are any mistakes, English is not my first language. Thank you again.

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

ah yeah, i think quarentine has given people some opportunity to actually just sit with the person they are, rather than be rushing around for the person they want to become. its good you got smth good out of isolation! ah thats great! hope you had fun and ur partner in crime speeds back home so you can get out more hehe.

ah yeah ty, good suggestions.

hmm good point, i was sort of putting it separate to the whole not-sexualising thing, but yeah. mmm yeah i totally agree, some of the enhypen fics/imagines *shudder* and even reading innie stuff is just a bit *icky* cos everyone still thinks of him as our agi ppang. yeah def would be good but sadly this just seems to be the world we live in. :(

ah yes the holy masterlist (not sarc) i have actually read in the rain and gladius maximus before, but ill go look for in class! oooh thats good! character development lol. hmmmm yes champagne problems was the angst to end all angst, that shit hurt. it was actually one of the first of your fics i read and i recall almost crying over the whole thing, it was so heartbreaking, i can see how it almost made you want to drop angst. good that youve allowed yourself some lee-way tho :)

hehe thats so cool. okay here we go, ill try not to be mortally offended (/hj)

cheese - yes same, i liked it but that was all there was, it wasnt a super standout track. it was rlly underwhelming for me but some of the hook is super catchy so there is Redemption (tm) in store for cheese maybe

thunderous - mmm, yeah at first i totally agreed, i think they suffer from too much good music syndrome, that all their other tracks are such fucking bops its hard to stay at that level of perfection. the choreo was beautiful tho and tbh, the track has grown on me since ive been watching all the vids abt it. its my brothers favourite track

domino - YES GODAMMIT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE TITLE TRACK. the raps, the vocals, the vibes, the fucking domino sound in the back? i would have streamed that shit on repeat. but tbh, as good as it is, it doesnt have that sort of grandness/oomph that skz seems to like in their title tracks so i can see why they chose thunderous (tho domino would have been so good) *sigh*

ssick - yeah same, not my fave track by a long mile, the crowd cheering was a ?strange? choice and the chorus was a bit bare/empty, plus like i mentioned earlier, it was kinda funny to me for some reason but ill still play it if im playing thru the whole album

the view - ahh one of those not like other girls (/j) i honestly think its just a good party song, just a bop to play in the background when nobodys rlly paying much attention. its pretty generic pop music but catchy

sorry, i love you - hehe yeah i thought it was going to be sadder as well, but i rlly loved the fact that they all just got to sing, which almost never happens, i dont think ive heard felix sing for a long time, so i enjoyed it. wasnt rlly a standout track but i just casually like it. looking forward to the fic haha

silent cry - this song i swear, some bits are rlly good and then others are just? why?? it does sound like a dance song tho idk. definitely not one of my faves either

secret secret - YES its so good! its such a chill song and i love their vocals in it. the combination of lo-fi/fake strings backup stuff and their heavenly vocals just makes it *chefs kiss* im listening to it rn and just... its so beautiful. it gives me pumped up another day vibes ya know? like my pace is edgy get cool, this one is energetic another day i feel like. overall i love it

STAR LOST - ah thats so cool! i didnt know that! on first listen this song had a similar vibe to secret secret but then the beat came in and ahh its such a good song. i can totally imagine them putting this song to a concert footage vid, this song is so sweet.

red lights - LMAO YES ITS SO AWKWARD WHY DOES IT GO ON FOR SO LONG ah thats good! yeah good point, its quite intense hehe. but that is my fave trope and this is lowkey my favourite track on the album so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ just the combination of hyunjins and chans voices, the backing music, the lyrics ahh red lights my beloved

surfin’ - yes lmao its always a shock, i feel like they should have put gone away in between them, but its such a fun cute song, i cant get rlly mad. yeah, as an aussie i think im contractually obligated to like beaches lol. sand im not such a fan of, but my familys rlly into fishing and my brother loves bodyboarding so we stay at a beach house at least twice a year and we live like 5 mins from 3 different beaches (hehe all aussie cities are on the coast lol) so thats cool. do you like beaches?

gone away - ah gone away my beloved, i love this song sm, its just so pure and showcases their vocals and lyrics so well. yes the pitch change is very out of the blue, i feel liek they went directly from seungmins soft vocals to hans powerful ones which was an interesting choice, but hey, im not complaining

wolfgang - YES IKR ah im so happy he got to be included in that era and song. yeah its such a full on song i cant rlly listen to it if im in a quiet mood but its very motivating :)

hehe mood, i hope they do! ahhh no rest, but at least you wont have to pull a blink and wait a year for any word from the group lol. im not rlly into nct but im excited for them! ah hopefully youll be able to sneak some rest into that chaotic schedule, with enhypen (idk if u stan but yeah) squeezed into it haha

<3 w.a. 🐺

i wheezed at partner in crime, it reminded me of smth. i have a lee know fic in the drafts that i wrote 'in honor' of him (and his departure-ish). i'll tag you when i finish it, if you want. it's a rather hilarious one.

oh my god. based on my experience on the collabs i've joined before, writing explicit shit for '01 & '02 is not accepted (nct's maknaes) but with enha's hyung line '01 & '02 somehow it's okay? i do a double take every time i see fics like those i mean, technically, it's legal but still what the fuck. maybe it's just not for me at the moment. not at us venting our frustration about this. it's just something that's so accepted here that i am (in all honesty) slightly uncomfortable about. but oh well. that's kpop writerblr for you.

man i could've linked all the fics in the ask instead so you wouldn't have to go looking for them! i think i saw you like in class the other day (the fic i renamed into sharp-tongued, god it took me a while to remember the new title). describing champagne problems as an angst to end all angst is one way to put what i was feeling back in december. it just hurt to write and admit?? if that ever happened to me i would prolly cry :d

okay back to the album talk! i love how you answered with more thoughts. i love exchanges like these! i am a victim of the cheese hook and it's now one of my favorite tracks in the album. PLS, TOO MUCH GOOD MUSIC SYNDROME. that's on our self-producing kings 😌💅 also, your brother has taste! as i am typing this, domino's currently playing in my head and i realized that too, that it doesn't have that 'vibe' of a skz title track. honestly, this could be a title track of another group. ssick is starting to grown on me because i found the beats cool kdjsk not the not like other girls 😭 the view is the generic pop that i don't like but i get why a lot of people enjoy it. sorry i love you scratches a certain itch that i find myself singing the first few lines every time i remember it. i too would want to hear felix sing more!

> a mini junction on the album talk bc i got side tracked. on that topic, i want skz to switch positions at some point like i know those allrounders are capable of doing so. specifically, i want to hear seungmin rap!!!! (yk in the recent weekly idol he talked faster than changbin in a challenge and changbin is like the fastest rapper in kpop that's active atm if im not mistaken. my dandy boy has some potential and i want it UNLEASHED.)

back to album talk. silent cry is basically sad music to twerk to. secret secret is definitely one of my favorite tracks :( i loved how you compared the tracks HAJSAH i burst out laughing bc yk what, you're right! i want to make a star lost edit of skz but i simply do not have the time i want to cry. i love the song so much. ok, my dreaded track, red lights. idt i have played the track since we last talked. my friend sent me the lyrics tho and i'm itching to write a twisted au out of it. idk if you're comfortable with yandere but somewhere along those themes. the obsessive type of love that's sweet at first but turns rotten. IMAGINE IF THEY PUT GONE AWAY BETWEEN ASHJA it's like going from 50 shades to the notebook.

i was about to ask if you lived near the coast and you literally mentions it here god im so stupid. yes i LOOOOOOOOOVE beaches so much. living in an archipelago is fun :( i live in a part of the country that's more island than city so every time i want some vitamin sea it's accessible. i heard the waves in australia are great :( anYWHOOO gone away :(( every time it plays im compelled to skip it because it makes me sAD AND NOWADAYS I DONT HAVE THE TIME TO BE SAD. contrary to you, i dislike my quiet moods because i tend to overthink a lot.

i have this little analogy about how there are stays that enjoy songs the generic pop + mellow songs and then there are other stays that enjoy the noisy tracks. in my mind, it's like a perfect balance that makes me feel like all the tracks are loved in the end. just by different people.

PULL A BLINK. bro i fucking hate yg entertainment. they have the biggest kpop girl group LOCKED in their basement when they could be (and i mean this in the most business-like way not morally) milking money of the quad. they're yg's biggest hope at not being bankrupt atm so it's a damn fucking mystery to me as to how they aren't doing anything. (jk i just realized lisa solo album soon, but i still need a ot4 cb hELLO)

i stopped looking forward to the teasers. rest > kpop boys. i don't want to sound like a cult member but have you tried checking out nct? are they just not your thing? (i get it tho, that's one hard group to get into). and yes i do stan enhypen!

wow i love how long these asks are! they're like online penpals. but i also want to ask about you! how have you been lately? are you feeling okay both mentally and physically? how's the weather there? do you have anything that you want to talk about? maybe an interesting book you read? feel free to bring up anything you want to share! i'm getting conscious about talking about myself HAJHSJ

and yet another long answer B) i am sooo sorry T___T should these ask exchanges feel draining to you, feel free to stop sending them in AAAA

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Ray Sinclair

(My borderline alright gif)(Welcome to my first underrated movie headcanons post! This is from the movie Something Wild (1986))

(If you’re going to learn anything about me from this blog then you’ll learn that I’m a big fan of criminals.)

- You and Ray first met while you were dating a friend of his. He’d just gotten out of a stint in prison when you and your boyfriend had happened across him on the street. The two men greeted each other warmly as you stood off to the side, wondering who the hell this guy was.

- Finally, your boyfriend turned and introduced the two of you, letting Ray get his first good look at you. That was all it took for him to decide he wanted you and let’s just say that when Ray wants something...he gets it.

- He doesn’t immediately try to put the moves on you. If there’s anything Ray is its conniving and cunning; he’s willing to wait to make sure he gets things right. He studies your relationship, taking note of its weak points; all the touchy subjects and things that make you incompatible.

- At the same time he gets closer to you, showing you a good time and getting you addicted to the rush of adrenaline and the thrill that comes with being around him.

- Isn’t it sad that a man you barely know brings more excitement to your life than your own boyfriend. But that’s kind of the point, isn’t it? That’s exactly what he wants you to think but it isn’t like he’s putting up a facade. He’s showing you exactly what it’s like to be with him, he just knows that the lifestyle will be too alluring for you to resist.

- Ray isn’t a great person, he knows that, everyone knows that. He’s a conman, a criminal, a bastard, the list can go on. Him being vindictive and two faced with your ex boyfriend is just the tip of the iceberg but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t actually care about you. He loves you that’s for sure, enough to plot an entire scheme to get you for himself.

- Honestly, all your relationship needed to fall apart was a little push and he was happy to provide it. A little instigation on his part and the two of you were exchanging screaming insults.

- It was only a matter of time before you two officially split up and let’s just say it wasn’t on good terms. Ray was the one who swooped in and comforted you, calling your ex an ass and offering to get your stuff from his apartment.

- To be fair you weren’t all that upset, it felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. You hadn’t realized how much he was dragging you down. You were finally free to do whatever you wanted and so...Ray asked you to run off with him.

- You’d been happily prancing around your room when he first asked, too caught up in your own excitement to hear him correctly so you had to ask him to repeat himself.

- When you finally heard the question you were shocked, the smile faded from your face a bit as you processed what he was actually asking you. Sure you’d wanted to leave your town for a while, see the world a little and live your life but could you really do it, and with Ray for that matter? Sure he was attractive and you liked him a lot but this was a huge step. You couldn’t exactly go back once you’d started.

- It took you a minute to come to your decision. You were free... and you were gonna stay free. You packed up your things, kissed your life goodbye and hopped in the car with him, never looking back.

- Whatever you want to do the two of you will do. Is it considered a date if you’re just living out your lives together?

- You rarely leave each other’s sides and you rarely want to. You’re as comfortable as can be with each other.

- Lots of pda, homeboy would legitimately fuck you in public if you let him.

- His go-to pet name is baby and he calls you it often.

- Ray can be a real sweetheart when he wants to be and he saves all his sweetheart points for you. You’re the only person he’s ever nice to without there being an ulterior motive behind it.

- He honestly thinks you’re the most amazing girl he’s ever met. You’re beautiful, smart, sweet, talented; the list could go on and he’d happily read it out to you if you cant see what he does.

- He loves having you model clothes for him. He’d steal you expensive outfits just so he could watch you try them on and tear them off you afterwards.

- Acting gentlemanly has never been like a conscious decision of his, he just opens doors for you (etc) because that’s what you’re “supposed to do”.

- You do a lot of moving around so get used to being in cars and packing up your stuff constantly.

- Sleeping in the passenger seat of his car while he drives to your next destination. When you’re awake, he likes to keep one hand on your thigh and the other on the steering wheel.

- Ray has no shame and that’s a fact. He isn’t afraid to make a fool of himself for you.

- He always checks on you when he thinks something may be wrong. He may overreact a little in certain situations but it’s all coming a good place.

- You catch him staring a lot, sometimes it’s innocent other times it feels like he wants to eat you alive.

- He’s really protective of you, that’s part of the reason why he watches you so much. He doesn’t like having you out of his sight just in case something happens to you or you need him.

- He finds nearly everything you do amusing. You could be killing someone and he’d find a way to make a teasing comment about it.

- He takes pride in seeing you become more like him. Whenever you do something wild he can’t help but smile.

- He’s probably taught you how to use a gun. You spend some weekends sitting in an isolated area with him, shooting cans off of broken fences and bins.

- Learning how to patch him up and reset his broken noses. Get used to blood, that’s all I’m saying.

-Sometimes he genuinely amazes you with how tough he is. You don’t think you’ve ever met anyone in your life that can handle a broken nose like it’s just an inconvenience.

- He likes going through your things so I don’t suggest owning things you wouldn’t want him finding. He does it out of curiosity and boredom rather than suspicion so don’t read into it too much.

- He’s very...convincing. It’s hard to resist him when he asks you to do something or asks to do something to you.

- Play wrestling and just being overall kinda rough with each other.

- He’s one hell of a kisser. He takes your breath away on a daily basis.

- He likes to people watch and make fun of everyone with you.

- He has a thing for your shoulders. He just always seems to be touching them in some way whether it be laying his head on one or wrapping his arm around both of them.

- Late night trips around town. You have a lot of fond memories under the stars.

- Even if he thinks something is silly he can’t help but do it for you just to see you smile.

- Keeping a list of all the motels and hotels that you’ve visited...It’s a long list.

- He likes being able to carry you into your motel room/bedroom after you’ve fallen asleep in his car or on the couch. There’s just something about it that’s so precious to him.

- Sleeping in his shirts with your head resting on his arm and his body pressed against your back.

- Probably has your name tattooed somewhere on him. He also may or may not have gotten it done while in prison.

- Be prepared for a lot of surprises, he likes seeing the look on your face when he catches you completely off guard.

- Likes when you play with his hair. You can always calm him down with it, it’s your own little secret weapon against him.

- Fights are screaming matches but he never lets either one of you walk away. You’re going to fight until things get fixed and that’s just how it’s going to be even if he has to stand by and watch you cool off for an hour. The both of you can go to bed angry with each other but you’re still sleeping side by side and that’s final.

- He hates upsetting you; he always apologizes and knows exactly what to do to make things better though.

- To a certain degree he knows almost exactly what you need and want. Sometimes it’s annoying how right he is about you but other times it’s helpful. You find solace in the fact that there’s certain things about you that he’s just dead wrong about or that he doesn’t know about at all.

- Occasionally, he gets kind of insecure about your relationship because he isn’t sure if he can provide you with the future that you really want. Sure, his adrenaline junky, carefree ways are fun now but how long are you going to think so?

- He has high hopes for you even though you’ve chosen to spend your days with a dirtbag like him.

- He’s often quick to jealousy but he hides it well...to people other than you at least. You know the way he is so you can always spot the little quirks and cues that tell you he’s getting ticked off. That and the fact that he’ll grill you on who “that guy was” after you’ve walked away from them.

- Sometimes he’s ready to start a full on fist fight after hearing someone use a pickup line on you. Other times he likes to stand around and listen to guys talk about or attempt to flirt with you just to see how quickly their faces fall once they realize you’re together. Occasionally he’ll do both of those things just for the additional ego boost.

- He’s willing to fight for a woman like you.

- He likes telling you about his different robberies and schemes. Whenever he commits some kind of crime he just has to brag to you or mock the people he just messed with.

- You’re probably going to have to visit him in prison at least once, just saying. But hey, if you’re with him you already know what you signed up for

- He’s never afraid to admit how much he missed you.

- Even if you broke up with him (probably because of him being in prison, let’s be honest) he’d still be caught up on you and wouldn’t be able to stop himself from trying to get you back by any means necessary.

- He absolutely melts on the inside whenever you tell him you love him, especially if it’s after a fight or when you’re getting back together after a long time apart.

- Ray is a charmer so it wouldn’t be hard for him to get your parents to like him, it’s probably best that you leave out the fact that he’s been to prison though.

- You probably have a Vegas wedding on a whim one night pretty early into your relationship because that’s just how your relationship is. Funnily enough, you don’t regret it one bit.

[vikingsarememes]

His True Wife

previous part                           ↭ part five ↭                                next part 

Main Characters: Hvitserk Ragnarsson, Reader, Ubbe Ragnarsson.

Characters Mentioned: Ivar the boneless, Thora, Freydis, Original characters

Summary: you devoted yourself into looking after Hvitserk and whenever you get time for yourself you became haunted by your own memories and an unwanted visits.

Word Count: 1669

A/N: I’m sorry if this might suck, i didn’t edit it well because I’m a little bit tired but i hope you guys enjoy it anyways

warnings: none

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“Y/N! You promised!” The screams echoed in the hut, the screams of Hvitserk getting rid of the toxic in his blood, he was squirming on the floor, whimpering, you locked him in the small room that was supposed to be filled with your children one day, you were inside with him of course.

“Hvitserk i told you, once they go to the town, they’ll bring you some” you lied, you’d never allow him to eat those cursed mushrooms ever again, you wouldn’t allow him to get himself hurt like that “I need them!” he shouted, with every scream of pain, you thought his soul would just come out of his body, he didn’t allow you to hold him, he didn’t want to listen to you, he wanted to be numb, to lose track of his senses “do you still see them?” you asked, crawling closer to him on the floor, he was now hiding his face with his arms, you placed his head on your lap “Thora doesn’t know this place, she doesn’t visit unless I’m asleep, I can’t fall asleep, Ivar would return and kill me! He’s everywhere! He’s laughing at me! He’s everywhere Y/N”

He sobbed, you lifted his body up and hid him between your arms, desperately trying to protect the man from himself “he’s a monster! He killed Thora, he killed Fredyis, he killed his child and now he’ll kill me! He killed you too didn’t he? That’s why he came to your farm, to end the life of everyone who cared for me! He wants me to go mad, he wants to laugh at me as I die, he doesn’t want me going to Valhalla with father!” he said hysterically, sweat all over his body, the room was cold, but you can’t let him out, not before he’s calm again.

“He didn’t kill me Hvitserk, he only came here to say his goodbyes, you’re safe with me, you see all the men and women on this farm? They are ready to defend us to death if they have to! They’re building a fortress just for us, you are untouchable here, don’t you like the sound of that?” he looked at you and nodded “untouchable” he repeated, his breathing became calmer, his voice as well, he was still shaking but not like before.

“Yes, untouchable” you smiled, “I’m tired Y/N” he whispered closing his eyes, “get up, let me put you in bed” he nodded and stood up, trembling immediately, luckily you were there to catch him, you giggled softly and knocked on the door, three times, three meant open the door, it’s safe, and with that, the door was opened, your slave held a cup of water, you gave it to Hvitserk once he sat down on the bed, you undid his heavy clothes and he laid down under the fur, it was routine by now, the two of you danced this dance every day for the past two weeks.

“I must go and see what work is done, stay with him, make sure he sleeps well, call for me if anything happens” you whispered to the woman standing next to your bed once your prince was asleep, she nodded and pulled a chair, sitting close to the bed, you patted her shoulder then walked outside, the sun was shining even though it was winter, it made you happy, reminded you of the days when you and Ivar would sit in the small garden you had in your farm and have your meal outside, days like this were rare in Kattegat, yet, you made sure to keep up with this tradition of yours each time.

“Lady Y/N! I take it our prince is well-rested?” Thoman greeted once he saw you, you stood next to him “at last he is dear Thoman, tell me, how’s the work?” you smiled “we are planting the new seeds in the new ground of Thoranssons, and our animals are well” he declared, you nodded “perhaps I will attend to my garden then if I’m not needed” you sighed, missing the days when you worked in the field, but now you had so many hands that some of them barely found anything to do.

You went to the garden, it was behind the house, isolated, the view was the mountains and the roses were meant for shade, they were the same as you last visited, you sat on the grass, and looked at the ones Ivar loved the most, you leaned closer and breathed their scent in, he liked how they smelled, he’d always pick one and place it in your hair.

You picked one of them and held it close, inhaling the beautiful smell “they’re your favorite, I still attend them for you when you return, I still think they are useless, but you loved them, you loved how we argued about them, I would tell you I prefer red roses and you’d you’d say it’s stupid, white ones were pure, they reminded you of me, that’s what you always said” you felt your tears falling down your cheeks with every word you spoke.

“You swore that you’ll be back, you promised me Ivar Ragnarsson! But it’s been so damn long! I don’t even know if you’ll ever return, I’m waiting for a ghost, I supposed I’m no different from Hvitserk, but at least he gets to see you!” you started sobbing, clinging to the rose “you greedy idiot! Why wasn’t I enough for you? Why did you have to want everything? Couldn’t you just escape and be with me instead? I didn’t want children or titles, I just wanted to be with you, I wanted to hold your hand and be held by you! I never asked for anything but your love!”

You felt a stab in the heart with every word you spoke, you missed him, but you hated him so much for leaving you, you wanted to kill him and you wanted him to hold you the way he used to do “you are a liar, Ivar the boneless, if you ever loved me, you wouldn’t leave me hanging like this, you would’ve taken me with you, I will never forgive you for the pain I’m feeling, and I’ll never forgive her for taking you and turning you into this monster everyone is afraid of! I curse her! Do you hear me? Ivar the god… I curse that snake! I curse Loki’s whore! And I curse you for leaving me!” you screamed in agony and crushed the rose that you were holding, storming out of the garden.

Trys rushed to you instantly, you wiped your tears off “my lady” she shouted, you walked fasted “what?” you roared angrily, “King Ubbe’s here with his men! He’s angry and demanding an entrance” she mumbled, intimidated by your rage, something that never happened before, you walked faster to the front of your farm and saw Ubbe shouting angrily at Thoman “What is it that you want Ubbe?” you snapped, standing between the two men, he was at the gate, your slaves weren’t allowing him to enter your ground, everyone had their weapons prepared.

“Where’s my brother? I wish to see him now! Let me and my men through!” he demanded “this ground does not belong to you Ubbe and you cannot come here and walk in without permission, this land is protected, you want to see Hvitserk after two weeks of him living here? Fine, you come with me, alone, unarmed” you didn’t wait for him to answer, you walked back to the hut he followed, only him, unarmed like you requested “you took my brother without a permission” he trailed, you rolled your eyes “I helped my friend when he needed me the most, while you left him all alone to rotten” you corrected, carefully opening the door.

“Hvitserk!” Ubbe shouted and you placed a hand on his mouth “he just slept” you whispered, you watched the man twitch in his sleep and flip, you took few steps closer to the bed and caressed his hair softly, he rested calmly and held your hand into his, Ubbe watched speechlessly “is he well?” He whispered and you nodded “he’s withdrawing and sometimes it gets overwhelming for him, he was awake for two days, before finally collapsing on the bed” you replied ever so quietly “would you like to stay and talk to him when he wakes up?” Seeing Hvitserk asleep so peacefully made your heart soften even towards Ubbe, after all, he was only worried about his little brother, Ubbe nodded “my men?” He required, you sighed and looked at the woman “tell them they can enter if they leave the weapons behind the fences, and prepare a meal, they will dine with you while prince Ubbe will dine with me” you ordered, keeping your voice low, the woman nodded and went to obey.

Once Hvitserk let go of your hand, you got up and sat on the chair near the fireplace, Ivar’s chair, or so it used to be, Ubbe followed and sat across from you, “when I sent him away… I thought he’d recover on his own, tough love, you know?” He admitted after a period of silence “I didn’t know how to handle him, I was afraid, I know you dislike me but I respect you for helping my brother” he said as he looked at you “I’ll grant you protection” he mumbled, you shook your head no “I had protection once, and look where it left me, I don’t wish to take sides in your wars Ubbe, nor the games you brothers play with each other”

“If he returns would you help him?” he asked, even though he didn’t say a name but you knew very well who he was talking about “I don’t know how I’ll feel when I see him, he hurt me, but what we have is big, it was built by years, I might, but who knows”

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Tags: (let me know if you want to be tagged for this story) @i-am-a-teenage-dirtbaggg @lol-haha-joke @youbloodymadgenius @moonlightsspirit @supernaturalvikingwhore @heavenly1927 @fuck-i-cant-find-a-name @gearhead66

Gif source: stolen from google images.

[makiema]

I was just reading Snk 123 again and somehow I’m just so sad that Isayama literally flipped Levi out of Eren’s life just like that. I mean this has been hard to accept for a long time now but with all the miscommunication between AM and Eren in this chapter, it is even harder to take in. Levi has played such a big role in Eren’s development and has always understood Eren better than anybody. His pov is extremely important at this point. And I’m just a lot frustrated at how Isayama keeps pushing him out of the whole conundrum. So basically I wanted to write a meta but I was just too sad to write a meta so below the cut is just a whole rant about Levi and Eren and why we need Levi back in Eren’s life. Eh, it’s like really long but I just had to get this off my chest.

I just want Levi to talk with Eren once more before the manga concludes. His POV is extremely important rn, more than ever, given that he was the only one who acknowledged Eren for his whole self ( yes both his darker side and the baby side). Additionally he was the only one who talked to Eren in his language (like freedom and choice) something that would later influence Eren’s outlook and consequently his speeches too. I don’t have anything against AM (in fact I love both of them a lot) but really the fact that they CHOSE to see only one side of Eren is something that’s undesirable and unfortunate. I mean, every living person has a darker twist associated with them. Nobody is flawless and it’s important for us as well as people around us to acknowledge the flaws, to accept a person for who he is. Choosing to ignore the darker aspects and accepting only the idealised version of someone is rather naive and immature behaviour.

And here I just wanna point out how Levi was always aware about the darkness that Eren possesses inside him. He has always spoken in terms of duality when it came to Eren like to him, Eren was both a “tameless monster” that might be dangerous and also his “source of all miracles” ,i.e., his hope. Levi is someone who never had a Romantic perception of Eren. But for AM, it was just the opposite. Could it be because AM were somewhat afraid that if they chose to see Eren’s darkness it might make them love him less and also shatter the idealism they associate with him? And am I blaming AM for having this outlook? Hell no. It’s a personal take but tbh as teenagers that’s not uncommon. I mean we do like to think that the people closest to us are absolutely perfect. We like to believe that they can never be in the wrong, specially when it comes to family and childhood friends who’ve been there for us since forever. It’s hard to accept that they might have a darker side to them. AM love Eren so much that it makes them turn a blind eye to reality and they “did not want to see” the slow transformation in Eren because that could lead them to confront Eren’s demons. 

However, coming back to Levi, he really foreshadowed Eren’s whole character arc in his understanding of Eren’s nature. Yes, Eren does have a darker psychological side: he is essentially a monster that cannot be hold in check by anybody. Mikasa and Armin tried in 112, but sadly they couldn’t get through to him. And also, let’s talk about the difference in approaching Eren when it comes to AM and Levi. Armin, in all the instances he managed to talk Eren out of his delirious state, has always made references to the outside world and elaborated on the beauty and variety that lies there. It was kind of like projecting his own dreams onto Eren and not realizing that Eren doesn’t care about oceans or mountains or deserts or anything. For Eren, it is not about the beauty of the world or the variety in it, it is the FREEDOM and the FREEDOM OF CHOICE that a person who’s not oppressed has when it comes to seeing and experiencing the world. In contrast to Armin’s way, we have Levi’s way of approaching Eren where he talks about the different taste in air outside the walls because the outside has what BOTH OF THEM value: FREEDOM. Levi also talked about how hellish the outside is, in contrast to Armin always associating beauty with it. And when Eren later talks to Falco he tells that what awaits him might just be another hell, but it could be hope too- the hope of finally being free. Levi has a superior understanding of Eren, of what he needs to hear, etc.- something that can’t be just thrown out of the window. (Isayama did just that by denying any involvement from Levi when it comes to Eren’s recent actions/attitude. He denied us the talk that was much needed)

Now the VN isn’t exactly canon given that it wasn’t written by Isayama but we can consider it semi-canon as it required Isayama’s approval. So, the whole thing highlighted the message that “Humanity’s strongest understands Eren Jaeger very well” and yeah, even going by the manga we know Levi is integral in Eren’s development and is the only one who saw through the duality in Eren, understood his drive and his will. So why all the focus on Levi’s understanding of Eren if it is supposed to amount to nothing in the end? I get that Isayama wanted to set it up like Levi’s role in Eren’s life is over but it is just so abrupt?? I mean, okay I accept that when Levi said “He’s fifteen. Everyone has a phase like that”, it was an indirect reference to the fact that Eren is in the teenage phase™️ where he wants to be left alone with only his friends and therefore, Hange shouldn’t be so inquisitive (and maybe Levi too should not concern himself with Eren as much as he used to before??) Like, if we look at this way, it justifies Levi’s distance from Eren post the basement revelation. Since then, we got no other moment of conversation between them while before that, there’d be plenty. I get Isayama’s motif of taking Levi out of Eren’s life to add fuel to Eren’s gradual isolation from everybody but then why did he bother to put so much emphasis on Levi’s understanding of Eren in the beginning? It should have some ulterior purpose right? If the Rumbling does happen and the world is really destroyed (i’m not ruling out the possibility of the world destruction not happening im just considering the situation if it really does comes to the worst), there has to be someone who reproaches Eren, someone who berates him in a way that he understands and reflects on what he has done; someone who brings up the topic of if this is really what freedom demands and actually gives us the answer to the pertinent question: if this was the only way? And I cant think about anyone else really suited for this other than Levi- someone who realized the potential for danger that Eren holds? someone who always realized his desire for freedom? (Also, Levi and Hange are the only senior officers left right now so it ideally should be either of them but because Levi played a greater role in Eren’s life compared to Hange, I side more for him being the one to deal with Eren.)

Also, Armin pointed out how he always thought he understood Eren even more than Mikasa but it turned out that he actually didn’t; the same went for Mikasa in 123 when she accepted that she’s been seeing only one side of Eren. Both of them could never accept the plausibility of Eren doing something so monstrous. But, Levi could. From the very beginning. Not that it made him love Eren any less I mean, he did say that he’d willingly go to war again to protect Eren. Besides the vow he made to Erwin, the fact that Zeke could be controlling Eren and it’s Zeke’s fault that the higher-ups don’t trust Eren, also became a crucial factor for Levi to decide going against authority and killing Zeke. That’s how much Levi still loves Eren, even after Liberio. So all I am saying is that Levi should be let in Eren’s life once this all is over and the manga concludes because imo there is no one better qualified to address Eren and talk to him as he is now. Only someone who had a vague idea about Eren’s darkness can and also should talk him down. If the Rumbling really happens, and all hell is really let loose, then is this really the freedom that Eren wanted? Is this a price worth paying? Given that Levi is the only one who has spoken explicitly about freedom to Eren, his take on this becomes extremely important and that’s why we need a Levi-Eren talk or at least Levi’s pov on Eren and the Rumbling. 

The manga has established that Levi understands Eren’s drive for freedom and his monstrous essence better than anybody else. In fact, it is an undeniably important aspect of his character arc and unless he gets to have a final conversation with Eren then his arc will never really get a proper closure. At least, this is how I feel and I’m also sad that Isa made him so non-inclusive in Eren’s life just like that and in his place, AM couldn’t understand Eren at all. I mean let’s face it he is Eren’s mentor and his influence on Eren is so visible that this cutting away of Levi from Eren’s life just doesn’t sit well with me. Maybe it’s because I’m biased idk but I strongly feel like Levi should get a final say on Eren and his behaviour, because right now, as it stands, he is the only one who got the closest to understanding Eren, all of him.