#Trauma Response

[necroticghost]

are you normal or does the slightest criticism make you feel like throwing up, makes you sweat uncontrollably and your face feel like it's burning?

[tartarusknight]

Steve had this habit, a habit which most of the party were annoyed by. They understood it, God did they understand. But after everything was over and the Upside Down was gone for good, it kept happening. Months and months of daily calls. Just Steve checking in and asking them about their day.

Mike hadn't understood why he was on the list of names Steve would call, but if he didn't pick up the phone, there would be a knock on the door within the hour. And Steve, sometimes followed by Robin, would stop by like he was that important to them. Once, it had been on their way to work, and Steve had only locked eyes with him and raised an eyebrow. Mike just flipped him off and continued reading his comic.

Dustin had told him it was Steve's way of coping, and Lucas had turned the calls into workouts with the older teen. Will had just gone a little red and nodded along. El smiled and told Mike about the tips for hair care she got. Max just rolled her eyes and said that Steve had taken to stopping by with food most days.

Steve would be there. He was always there. It was annoying, but it was a constant. Maybe that's why Mike laid awake as the clock ticked closer and closer to midnight. Normally, he could fall asleep within minutes, a habit he had inherited from his dad. But he could bring himself to sleep as his phone didn't ring. As the walkie stayed silent. As the door remained untouched, no knock to be heard.

And it was stupid. Because Mike didn't want Steve to call him every day just to ask him if he was okay. It made him feel like a kid. It reminded Mike of his mom, but even his mom wasn't that bad. No, no one really did that for Mike. No one checked in day after day even as he remained uncaring towards them. No one but Steve.

Until now...

Mike watched the clock as it passed midnight, and his stomach twisted into knots. Fear bubbled up, and he pictured Steve getting into a fight he couldn't walk away from. He pictured a car crash so great that Steve was unable to reach for the walkie he carried with him everywhere. He pictured the worst- the Upside Down still around. The demogorgon coming up and dragging Steve into that hellpit.

Mike was up and pulling on a warm sweatshirt before those images were fully formed. He crawled out his window and down the roof, not too unlike the way Steve had done to visit Nancy. It left him already out of breath by the time he climbed on his bike. But that didn't stop him. He pushed off the ground, biking as fast as he could towards Loch Nora.

The cold air hot his face, and the road seemed to go on forever, but Mike didn't stop. He couldn't stop. Not until Steve's place was in view.

Mike tossed his bike uncarringly onto the pavement before slamming his fist into the Harrington's nice door. He didn't let up. He couldn't as an image of Steve dead in his own pool floated in his mind.

However, then the door was opening. Steve stood there, looking like he hadn't been asleep either. A smear of white powder on his cheek and a hollowness in his eyes. But still, something eased in Mike the same time Steve lost some of that weight in his shoulders as well. "You- you didn't-" Mike started, still out of breath. "Call. Why didn't you- call?" He gasped and Steve looked at him with a weird expression.

"You- What?" Steve questioned, sounding lost.

Mike crossed his arms, "I- you can't just stop!" He gasped out, and Steve's brow furrowed.

"But you don't like it when I do? I annoy you," he tries to point out, and Mike huffs.

"God, of course you annoy me! You track our days more intensly than my mom, and you always make dumb jokes, and I hate that I find them funny! You always call when I'm in the middle of something, and you make it easy to stay on the phone! You are always there like some weird older brother that I never asked for!" Mike shouts and Steve's eyes are wide.

"You don't have to stay around or call, but you do! You do, and you actually care. Like when you call and ask me if I'm okay, it feels like you care, and I don't understand why! I don't get you! I didn't ask you to care about me, but even when you were dating Nancy, you cared! You took Holly and me to get ice cream even though Nancy had to study! You give me and my friends rides everywhere! You care!" Mike throws his hands up in the air.

He glares at the older teen, "You care so much that I stupidly care about you! I care enough to come and check on you because when you didn't call, all I could think was that you were like dead or something," Mike snaps and takes a step back. "But you're obviously fine so-" and he wants to run suddenly. To run from the way Steve's eyes are filled with tears or the stupid words he just told the older teen.

Steve runs a hand through his hair, tugging slightly. "Mike, I stopped because I didn't think you wanted me to. You always acted like I was your least favorite person in the world and I guess I just- I didn't feel like it was fair to force you to put up with me just because I can't handle not knowing if you were okay." Steve said, and it didn't sound like the normal Steve. He sounded tired and nervous. He sounded like someone had finally beaten him

Mike bites his lip and tastes salt like he had been crying. Or maybe he still was. He crosses his arms like he can shield himself from this conversation. "But now you don't care enough to keep calling?"

Steve rubbed his face, a sigh shaking his whole body as he did. "I still care, kid."

Mike scoffs, "You didn't call."

Steve drops his hands to his sides. "Just come inside. It's too late for you to bike home. I'll call your place and leave a message." Steve says, his voice sounding close to tears. Mike is stiff when he lets Steve pull him inside.

They are quiet as Steve guides him towards the kitchen. The kitchen that has music playing softly and smelling like a bake sale. He blinks as he steps into the room and spots cookies cooling on a rack and a pie stilling uncooked on the counter. The top crust is sitting on the counter next to it. There's a smell of something in the oven, and Mike states at all of it in confusion.

"I bake when I can't relax," Steve admits, and Mike glances over at him. "I still care, and I was trying to give you space. I was trying not to crowd you, so I just," and he waves his hand around the mess everywhere. The smear of white on his cheek now makes sense.

Mike hugged himself, "I don't- I don't mind the calls." He whispered, and it got a snort from Steve.

He looked over at Mike, "I kinda got that from your speech."

They stood there in silence for another moment before Steve moved to finish putting his pie together. "I know that we aren't close or anything. But I care, it's not just the Upside Down making me anxious, it's just that-" and Steve went quiet. "I went overboard, I get it. But now I just- I can't stop." He admits, and Mike hates how upset Steve sounds. How guilty he sounds.

"I fall asleep easier knowing that if someone wasn't okay, we'd know because of you. It's like you take all the stress from me just by being around." He says, and Steve's eyes are wide. "Maybe we just do a sound off every night so you don't have to play phone tag all day." He shrugs, and Steve wrinkles his nose.

"I don't really get how to use the walkie. Like Dustin tried to show me, but he got distracted and started talking about radio waves and well..." Steve mimed it going over his head.

Mike snorted to hide how much that terrified him. The thought of something bad happening and Steve not being able to respond. But he pushed it away as Steve looked at him as if waiting for Mike to tease him. "That's fair. We did modify them, so they worked better. It's not as simple as your average walkie. I can show you," he offered, and Steve's face split into a grin.

"Cool, want to help me finish this so I can put it in the fridge until tomorrow? Then you can teach me the ways," Steve says, going all dramatic, proving to Mike he'd been spending too much time with Eddie. Mike groaned but came over only for Steve to shove him to the sink to wash his hands.

Steve showed him what to do, and Mike was glad to have Steve around. Because sure Steve's habit was annoying, and sometimes it interfered with Mike's plans, but it was nice too. Steve was nice. And that was something Mike ever believed would happen. But as Steve joked that Mike should not become a baker, he was nice. Like the way Mike was nice to Holly or how Nancy was nice to him. He was part of the family, annoyingly nice habits and all.

[ur-all-fucking-idiots]

Mfs when a trauma response makes someone an asshole and isn't just some cute uwu quirky part of their personality

[rapeculturerealities]

Art by Sarah Burgess

[mycptsdstory]

Found on twitter

[autismwithoutpremium]

Getting flashbacks

[unwelcome-ozian]

[ontheoutside-lookingin]

“She’s so sweet she’s always going out of her way to help others” quick someone give that girl all the love and safe space she deserves before being “sweet” (pathological people pleasing as a trauma response) destroys her and leaves behind a bitter empty shell of a person

[safe-haven-safe-place]

@jenpeters_soulguide_healer

[razzledazzlebeach]

Daryl Dixon took awhile to age mentally

As I read more and more analysis about Daryl and rewatch some of the earlier seasons, I wonder if it was intended for his character to have some kind of age regression issue. (I didn't do, like, extensive research, I just looked into some CPTSD and age regression signs on a few different sites, so this is just an idea I'm tossing out in hopes of hearing some other perspectives!)

The first situation that really catches my attention is his reaction to Merle being left in Atlanta. Now, obviously, this would be an incredibly emotional time for anyone and it's not entirely out of place to just say he was very distraught over the news and anyone could have reacted the same way he did. I just think that the specific way he did might have some signs. If you think about a grown man, especially one who was raised in a very macho household, you would assume that their reaction might be to storm out or yell at someone. Although Daryl did yell, he also started crying and pacing. It seemed almost as if he was having a full-on meltdown. Some signs of age regression are meltdowns (Ranting, shouting, insulting others, threatening others, whining, angry tears, or getting physically violent) that ring any bells?

I couldn't find a gifs of that exact moment :(

It probably didn't help that the entirety of the camp was staring at him as all of this happened. Temper tantrums can happen because someone is scared/ashamed and can't regulate themselves. (Like sensory overload.)

Another thing that I want to kind of address is the way Rick responds to Daryl when he's having these sorts of meltdowns. Throughout the series, and in the third episode, we see Rick bending down almost horizontally just so he can make eye contact with Daryl. He speaks to him like he's a child, and instead of feeling insulted, Daryl actually takes comfort in it and calms down!

"I'd like to have a calm discussion on this topic, do you think we can manage that?"

What is age regression?

We all know that Daryl was abused as a child, and trauma like that can sort of freeze the brain. This is a quote I really like that explains it: “It doesn’t necessarily make you stuck at a certain age, but instead, [you are] acting out the emotional wounding that happened at that age,” Lapides adds." People may start to regress because they are triggered or feel threatened, and an apocalypse seems like it would cause a constant trigger. Daryl might be reverting back to childlike behaviors as a trauma response. (honorable mention being the nail biting, but that's a bit of a reach) Shane being the way that he was could have also been a trigger for him.

One of the symptoms of age regression is overly clingy behavior. And you are probably thinking, "well, if there's anything Daryl has, it's not clingy behavior. He's a loner." I disregarded this too for awhile before I really thought about it. He is highly independent when he's doing things he's comfortable in, like being in the woods or going for runs. But when it comes to making decisions or being social, Daryl immediately clings to someone who he knows will do it for him. Most of his life he had Mere to hide behind. The most outgoing and shameless person alive. I don't think Merle ever asked Daryl his opinion on anything. He would decide, and Daryl would follow, and I think Daryl took a lot of comfort in that. So when Merle was gone, he latched onto Rick because he was the best choice. He knew Rick was a very righteous man who had plenty of leadership qualities. He knew Rick would make decisions for him, and give him directions.

Carol and Rick's mothering

Circling back to the way Rick would react to Daryl's outbursts, carol sometimes did the same thing. I know some people ship them, but honestly, at least in the earlier seaons, I got major mother/son vibes from the two of them. Especially when Beth died and she was trying to teach him how to grieve. The forehead kisses, the pookie nickname, all of it seemed to point in that direction. There was also another time Rick pulled the "Can we manage that?" move, and it was during Aiden and Glenn's fight in S5. He made sure to get low enough to make eye contact, and block his pacing. He kept telling Daryl that "We can't do this now." It all just looks a lot like he and carol are parenting Daryl, if only in moments where he is feeling intense stress and that trauma triggers.

Anyways, this was just a few ideas I was tossing around, and very clearly this in my first analysis lol, any thoughts?

[neuroticboyfriend]

i dont think people realize how painful it is to constantly live in survival mode. like fight/flight/freeze/etc. is reserved for when you're close to fucking dying. people weren't made to live entire lives in that state. can you imagine the damage that does?

[the-torchwood-magician]

"I'm sorry" (don't hurt me-)

"I'm sorry" (I love you -)

"I'm sorry" (don't leave me-)

"I'm sorry" (I'm scared-)

"I'm sorry" (I need you but I don't want to admit it-)

"I'm sorry" (please stay-)

"I'm sorry" (are you upset with me?)

"I'm sorry" (please hold me-)

"I'm sorry" (please don't yell-)

"I'm sorry" (I'm bothering you, I'll go-)

"I'm sorry" (you're not upset but you're quiet and I must have done something wrong-)

"I'm sorry" (I need help but I don't want to bother you-)

"I'm sorry" (I shouldn't have bothered you, but I need someone-)

(eta: why does this have 100+ notes WHO HURT YOU DO I NEED TO FIGHT THEM?)

[jupitersrising]

Nicky Hemmick's trauma responses are more subtle than the other Foxes. Next to Andrew, who lashes out when he's touched without consent and Aaron snaps at people with vigor, Nicky looks normal in comparison.

Just because they're subtler, doesn't mean they're not there. He always hides his phone/book/magazine when someone comes into the room. Its immediate, unthinking to shove it under his thigh or the pillow behind him because at one point that was all that was between him and Luther finding reason to look through his things. He hesitates for a few seconds, not enough to be noticeable to most, before he eats, waiting, inevitably, for someone to start a prayer. He gets nervous when people are too calm for the situation, he needs noise and energy to know that no one is mad at him. He overshares whenever he tells stories because for so, so long he had to keep everything he loved under wraps in fear of his parents taking it away. Now he has years worth of stories and experiences he never got to tell anyone out of fear-hatred-not being safe and he just wants everyone to know. Though, sometimes, he finds himself falling back into those patterns of keeping details close to his chest. He'll repeat the same stories over and over again and completely forget to mention others. It an unthinking notation, one that he forged to keep him safe even when his mouth ran a mile a minute in front of Luther. His personality—outwardly at least—is a result of this too. He's free now, and he gets to be flamboyant and loud where he never could be before. He won't forget that privilege.

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Childhood trauma culture is being grown and still getting really into whatever was popular with kids/teens when you were that age because you feel like you missed out

[autopsyfreak]

The ‘Fight Response’.

as someone who exclusively experiences the fight response as a trauma response, i’ve faced a lot of demonisation from others, including other victims of similar traumas to myself.

it seems apparent that there are still a large quantity of people who are only willing to offer kindness and understanding to victims if their trauma presents in the way of the flight response or freezing/fawning. the moment it results in lashing out, suddenly it’s perceived as cruel or you doing something abhorrent, despite the fact it comes from the same place as the other trauma responses.

i often see people giving more sympathetic and gentle responses to those who freeze or flight (this can lead to infantilisation, which isn’t appropriate either, however that is not the focus of this post), meanwhile i have almost never met anyone who has approached my reactions with that same level of caring.

if it is somehow hard to understand, think of it as an abused dog, which feels backed up against a wall. it’s common, in this instance, for that dog to growl and snap at you, perhaps even bite you in order to defend itself from a potential aggressor because that’s how it’s brain has determined is the best method to defend itself from this perceived threat. you don’t view that dog as malicious or mean. that dog isn’t cruel or evil, it’s traumatised. the dog in this scenario would be seen as something that just needs to be shown that people can be gentle and aren’t as dangerous as it’s been made to feel.

so why doesn’t this mindset apply to people?

why do so many people, including other abuse victims, still actively demonise those who’s brains do not cower in response to being triggered and instead yell or say things that may be upsetting?

i’ve met far too many people who have the freeze and flight responses, who will actively demonise people they meet who respond with the fight response. just because somebody’s trauma has led them to have a less conventional approach to feeling unsafe, doesn’t make them any more or less ‘evil’ than those who do cower and freeze.

you may be someone who freezes when triggered and someone else may be someone who lashes out when triggered, they both stem from your brain associating the situation with trauma and therefore perceiving a danger or threat and responding to that however it feels it has to in order to defend itself, to prevent the previous pain from being endured again. you’re not better or worse than each other for having differing responses, you just, like everyone else, have different brains.

do not demonise victims for developing so-called ‘negative’ responses as a result of their trauma.

[unwelcome-ozian]