#They say it because they believe in the cult of therapy

[subconsciousmysteries]

why is reading about traumatic things never like "yo there's hope that you can heal yourself if you keep informing yourself on what's going on in your psyche and feeling your feelings and confiding in people you trust and building healthy habits"

why is it always "if you have any mental health issues at all you're inherently broken and you can't be fixed unless you go to therapy."

[libraford]

I'm not bothered by the conversation so much as I am a growing approach to activism which makes it impossible to interact with other people. Which echoes a lot of that conversation I had with Ginger this week.

He refuses to have friends that are not faithful to Jesus. Like, he can have a productive conversation with a non-believer and nearly connect with them socially, but if he learns that they don't go to church or don't believe in christ, he finds it difficult to take them seriously because their words were not god-inspired.

Ginger was in a cult. I do not mean this colloquially- Xenos/Dwell is a prominent pseudo-christian cult in central Ohio that preys on college students in need of community. There are rules about who you can date, who you can hang with, they practice gay coversion therapy, and will tell you not to visit your family if they're not Christian.

There is a lot of focus on purity. Actions, thoughts, social groups- it's very controlling about what you can and cannot do.

So. When he goes out into the world with us sinners, it becomes difficult to interact with general society.

We were talking about Merve, one of our foremen, and I said: "the first time I was in a car with Merve, he introduced himself as a Democratic Catholic Pervert. And honestly- yeah that's a good summation."

Ginger didn't like that at all. "Well he's not a very good catholic with all that talk of pornography, he should be ashamed of himself- honestly shouldn't even call himself Christian."

Merve is very much a womanizer, but it's all talk. He's gross about it sometimes and it rubs me the wrong way, but in all fairness- he warned me. Outside of that, he's what I expected from a 60-something landscaper.

"Well, I think whether he's a good Christian or not is up to God, not us."

And he got a little pissy over that comment because I caught him judging.

He only hangs out with 'the faithful' at work, which consists of three guys who are religious in a similar way and it's caused a bit of a rift in the culture. It's gotten a little... preachy. It wasn't preachy before.

So I am making... parallels to this behavior and a particular strain of activism that's been affected by purity culture.

Nothing is ever good enough. If it touches racism, it's banned forever and you have to spread the word about how it's racist. Where doing things that are well-intended puts you in the spotlight for the underlying and actually bigoted reason you're doing a nice thing. And prevents you from doing the nice thing in the future.

Because yes you did a nice thing, but it wasn't enough- you could be doing more.

Yes you did a nice thing, but you did this nice thing instead of tackling this bigger issue.

Yes you did a nice thing, but it was through this program that you didn't know was funded somewhat unethically.

Yes you did a nice thing, but your motivation for doing it wasn't the goodness of your heart, it was motivated by guilt.

Yes you did a nice thing, but it took a horrible event to do it when you should have had the morals of goodness ingrained in you and you should have done this from the start.

Yes you did a nice thing, but you only did it when it started impacting your life and you should be thinking of others first.

Yes you did a nice thing but the nice thing doesn't align perfectly with my worldview.

The goalpost is forever moving backwards.

No one likes to be called 'racist.' It's a really easy weapon to use when something does something you don't like. If you look at anything closely enough, you will see it's racist roots. You could say the same for misogyny, homophobia. Our society is built on hatred and inequality. Untangling it and living a morally pure life free of ridicule is impossible.

Recognizing the roots of an action to be bigoted is the first step. The second step is knowing it when you see it. Step three is pointing it out.

But there are more steps.

Pointing it out, or calling it out, and chastising someone for ignoring or not knowing something actually isn't all that helpful. Because it leaves you to wonder- okay, now what? What can I do to remedy this situation?

Which is the next step- actionable items. Yes, I have done something wrong- I am sorry.

I am sorry. Now I will try to make it right.

I will try to make it right by donating, by volunteering time, by listening to the people who have been hurt and lifting their voices.

Part of healing from an oppressive Christian community is realizing that people are going to sin whether you like it or not. And barring harm to themselves and others, you're gonna have to let them.

If my tarot practice is derived from a 15th century racist, then it was derived for a 15th century racist. Refusing to participate in a past-time that helps me connect with my family doesn't make it not racist. It will still be racist. But I'm not sure who it's hurting in 2024 and I don't have a time machine and I'm not being given clear instructions for how to unracist it.

[annabelle--cane]

there's a lot going on in the mag 58 supplemental, this one little scene does a lot of heavy lifting to set up martin and tim's arcs for the rest of the show, but I want to focus on these lines particularly because of how therapy comes back as a symbol in s4/s5.

broadly, in the context of the meta plot and not the individual statements, seeking therapy in tma is representative of trying to improve oneself and get out of a bad situation. later, when taking melanie to therapy, georgie suggests that jon should get some as well but, when asked, says she wouldn't be willing to escort him like she does with melanie, showing how she does wish the best for jon in theory but doesn't think he actually wants to get better, or at least that she's not sure enough to involve herself with him.

that view of jon doesn't come from nowhere, because here we have an instance of him rejecting that same offer, symbolically rejecting help in favor of digging himself deeper on his own (obligatory disclaimer that irl therapy is a very personal thing and says nothing about one's overall character, this is just an examination of a motif in fiction). the word choice of "he just says no" imo implies that martin has suggested this multiple times and jon keeps giving the same answer, continually reaffirming that he does not want outside assistance to pull him out of this spiral.

the fact that martin's the one advocating to go soft on jon despite repeated refusals for more sympathetic help is interesting to me, because I would guess that this conversation was instigated by jon aggressively confronting martin about trevor herbert two episodes earlier. we know he was stalking all three of his assistants, but that is the biggest and most threatening outburst we get from jon in this period, and in this conversation it is still martin being defensive and apologetic vs tim being frustrated and pissed off.

I've said recently that I'm pretty sure martin believed jon was self harming and/or suicidal at this point, so I can see why he would be particularly willing to give jon slack and try to prevent any big conflicts, but that still contributes to his current narrative role of "guy who is treated the worst but ignores it because he's also the guy who cares the most." in that way, he's a foil for georgie; she cares, sure, but not enough to ignore (perceived) risks. martin pushes for jon to get therapy even as he lashes out and rejects help, and georgie won't involve herself when jon asks if she'd be willing to help him see a therapist.

this motif comes back around for a final complication in s5, when laverne, melanie's therapist, winds up as part of her cult. melanie's effort to get better and get out did have lasting effects, she is separated from the watcher/watched system and is coping a whole lot better than she would have before, but those personal efforts still weren't enough to fully get her out of the whole mess. no amount of individual action could remove her from this structural problem, her therapist helped her a lot but also now thinks she's a prophet.

which also comes back to the above scene. tim and martin both write off elias as useless in this situation, so they start sniping at each other and talking about how to stop jon from doing what he's doing without even really lingering on how the guy who is actually in charge and has power over them all is making it worse by neglecting his managerial duties. I'm sure jon could have done with some therapy at this point, but that would have only dealt with, like, 10% of the archive gang's current problems.

[spottheantisemitism]

legit got told by a hamasnik “moon knight’s not jewish” like babe did we watch the same show??? did you read the comics????

OHHHHH

I know why it's because he serves a pagan god and is therefore religiously pagan (he is some runs) but buddy he's still ethnically Jewish. Magneto is atheist so he "also doesn't count"

antisemites believe we are "just a religion" and therefore not Jewish if we don't practice

and he is religiously Jewish in the only three good runs of Moon Knight: Moench-Zelentz, Lemire and McKay

In Moench's run he's an ex-mossad spy who knows Hebrew and Yiddish and is VERY angry at Neo-nazis as if it affects him personally in Zelentz he's a Rabbi's son and is nearly late to his dad's funeral because he's putting out fires in other synagogues and saving people from pogroms, in Lemire he is a good Jewish boy TM and Khonshu's abuse of him is shown as cult abuse and forced conversion and by the end Khonshu is dead and he can be his authentic self, this is followed up with McKay where this is brought up in a therapy session where he tackles his cognitive dissonance of serving a pagan god but being Jewish. When his therapist says he can't be both he shuts her down

these people deny Jews are an ethnicity and then say we aren't religious enough to count

Imagine if they tried that sort of thing with Nightcrawler or Kamala Khan

[theprettynosferatu]

CW: Orientation play/conversion. Remember that your sexuality is valid, and conversion is NOT a thing beyond fantasy. Also, fuck "conversion therapy"

“All I’m saying is…”

“Look, you’re speaking out of your ass”, Ava said, barely containing her frustration.

“How am I speaking out of my ass? It has been done and thoroughly…”, he tried to reply.

“Yes, yes, Pavlov, blah blah blah. But you’re talking about something else entirely, not conditioning reactions”

“Not Pavlov, Skinner! Actions can be conditioned too. Look around you! Mobile games, casinos, even the goddamn army uses conditioning to…”

“Can we agree that there’s a difference between conditioning obedience in a controlled setting and whatever the fuck it is you’re suggesting? You’re not talking about tapping on impulse to buy funbucks in a game! You are talking…”

“It’s only a difference of degree, not of kind. With the right combination of techniques…”

“No, there’s a core there that you can’t just… overwrite. Some things can’t be changed. Like… like how you can’t hypnotize someone into doing something they would never do”

“You know that’s bullshit, right? The whole hypnosis thing. You absolutely can make someone do whatever the fuck you want. It’s just a matter of how you approach it. Like, you would never harm a person, okay? But if I change what your idea of ‘person’ is, say, by making it more narrow you would absolutely harm someone I made you see as a not-person. Or maybe you can be made to believe you’re helping them, not harming them”

“That’s some creepy cult shit, dude. And anyway you can’t write a paper on this because a) there’s no evidence and b) doing the research to get evidence would be absolutely immoral. So I say look for another topic and for the love of God don’t go around spewing that bullshit if you want to ever get laid. Oh, speaking of! Linda will be arriving shortly and we have a date night, so please, please try to be a normal roommate and not freak her out. For me, okay?”

“When have I ever freaked her out? Linda loves me! And who knows, maybe she has an opinion on our little debate”

“Dude, she’s an Art student. I doubt she’ll be interested in our weird Psych dissertations”

“Perfect! Fresh eyes!”

“See, that’s the kind of weird shit I-”

The buzzer cut through the air, and a moment later Linda was inside the apartment, all smiles as usual. He took a moment to watch them as they embraced. 

They were almost comical in their contrast. Linda was tall, taller than he was, willowy and slender, her limbs graceful and shapely, her hair a long, flowing river of playful copper that almost seemed to dance on its own volition– with her green sundress she appeared to him as some sort of elven princess ripped from the pages of a fantasy novel and stuck into a mortal world in which she didn’t really fit. Ava, on the other hand, was probably the shortest adult he had ever seen. He might be tempted to call her petite, but that had a connotation of a lithe frame, almost like a tastefully proportioned doll. Ava was the complete opposite of that. Sometimes he felt Ava was an experiment aimed at testing how much of a person’s weight could be tits and ass, held up by strong, thick thighs. He felt quite guilty about such thoughts, and he understood why she wore nothing but oversized t-shirts and hoodies. It was logical: an early, spectacular growth spurt, heightened by her small size, had made her the target of relentless bullying by jealous classmates and awkward come-ons by hormonal teen males. It enraged him, he realized. Ava was beautiful and the cruelty of idiots had made her feel pain about it instead of pride. He made a point to never stare at her, even if he sometimes failed. It made their relationship as roommates a tad hard, he had to admit. 

 

Not that he had a shadow of a shot, of course. Ava had no interest in men.

Unless, of course, he was right in his theory. And he had good reason to think he was.

“So, Linda: Ava and I were having a bit of a debate…”

“Don’t start, dude”, said Ava.

“Oh, a debate! Do tell!” chirped Linda.

“Do you think we can be completely conditioned and changed, or is there some part of us that cannot be modified, no matter what?”

“Huh. Hard one. Like… a soul? I don’t know I buy it. I feel there isn’t really a self, you know? Like… Buddhism. The self is an illusion and all that”

“Come on, you can’t be serious! You can’t change who someone fundamentally is, and it’s sick to even consider it!”, said Ava.

“Well… what if I could prove to you it can be done?”, he stated, barely able to hold back. He know what he was going to do. He had been reluctant, but now it felt like a certainty.

“You can’t, so stop being an ass”, said Ava.

Fine. Game on.

“Linda, I love your socks! Pride socks!”

“Yup!”, said Linda

“What the hell–”, mumbled Ava.

He took a deep breath.

“Linda: rainbow socks…”

She replied in an instant.

“Are for sucking cocks!”

Ava felt as if reality had shifted into some horrible, twisted nightmare. She was about to scream something, anything really, to make Linda take that back before something stopped her in her tracks. Her body heard it before her mind did: her roommate's voice simply commanding her. Watch. 

And she watched. She watched as the love of her life smiled and went on her knees. Ava could do nothing but watch in disbelief and pain. Linda had never been with a man. Ever. 

“I might have… started testing my theories. On you both. Not that you’d remember, obviously”, he stated casually as the beautiful girl in front of him lovingly undid his pants. “I’d say Linda’s sexuality is part of her core self, wouldn’t you? Let’s see how that holds up after the months of conditioning I’ve subjected her to”

He felt guilty, sure; but there was such a high to it, such an entrancing quality to the combination of seeing instant, complete obedience and the final, definitive proof of the truth he had known to be right all along. Was it wrong? Yes. Did he care? Not at the moment. Ava’s eyes were a poem to him. Suddenly he was ripped from his reverie by the soft, loving touch of Linda’s tongue on his dick. He hadn’t even realized he had gotten hard just from the sense of complete power, of total, undeniable conquest. This was a primal, ancient arousal. Ava could do nothing but watch, and he took that sight in. God, he could almost taste it.

Linda moaned. The cock was so beautiful. So perfect. She felt so… silly, like she was now, for the first time, seeing in color and realizing the sky was, in fact, blue. It was obvious. Simple. Natural. Cock deserved worship. Cock deserved devotion. Cock demanded obedience. It was as if it was growing in her mind, taking over more and more of her, pushing who she had been out effortlessly. It expanded. It corrupted. It twisted and shifted all within. Cock. Cock. Cock. She kissed it with reverence, in awe of it. It was all that existed to her. All that mattered. She needed to please it. Needed to feel it throbbing inside her. Needed to be taken by it.

Ava saw her girlfriend slide a hand between her legs and felt nauseous. As much as she knew this wasn’t Linda’s fault, she could feel her heart breaking, her anger rising… and worse, her pussy getting wet. Her body betraying her. She hated him, and she hated Linda, and she hated herself most of all.

Suddenly, Linda couldn’t contain herself. She relaxed her throat, looked up at her Master and took his entire manhood inside her mouth. She almost came instantly. It was peaceful and sexy and just simple, like his cock was the puzzle piece that fit her perfectly, completed her, made her whole. She existed to be conquered, and realizing she was putting his pleasure over her ability to breathe was the final sign of her complete, loving surrender. She let it out, watched it glisten with her spit, and started licking it and loving it and she didn’t know how much came from her own need and how much it was a silent command by the man who had shown her the light. Her mind was too fuzzy to make such distinctions anymore.

He took a deep breath, fighting back the first signs of an orgasm. He needed to make a point.

“Linda… do you love Ava?”

The blonde stopped for a moment, shocked by a myriad of contradictions.

“Yes”, she decided. Her voice was shaking.

“Tell her”

Linda looked at Ava, the woman she had loved above all others.

“I love you…”

“But you have more to say, don’t you?”

“I… hmph… I…”

“Tell her”

“I love you… but… but… I love his cock so much more! Fuck! I need it! I need to feel it, to suck it, to be fucked by it… I’m sorry… but… I love it, I love it, I love it! I want it to fuck my throat, to take my cunt, to ram my ass! I need it! I need to be a slave to it, a whore for it, a fucking living toy!”

“What if you had to choose between Ava and my cock?”

“Fuck her! Sorry, my love… I do love you, but… You can never do to me what… what Master does to me, what his cock makes me feel! I hope I won’t have to dump you but… I would leave you for this cock in a minute! I’d do anything. Anything. Anything!” If she had more to add, her need to serve cock snuffed it. She took it all in with desperation, with total, shameless abandon. She needed to feel... used. In her proper place.

Ava felt a tear roll down her cheek. Her knees buckled in defeat. She didn’t even care. It was all gone. Her life, her love, all gone. And she could feel her eyes drawn again and again to the cock that had destroyed her. She felt her mouth watering.

“Linda, would you say you’re a lesbian?”

“Fuck no!”, she said before immediately wrapping her lips around the cock’s head.  

He felt a swell of pride. Of triumph. He knew Ava sensed the truth as well. He was right. He had proven his point. And now Ava’s full conditioning would take hold. A little bet with himself, making her own mental acknowledgment of his theory her final trigger. She took off her t-shirt. She would never wear it again. No more shame, no more pain about her figure. Only arousal and pride. His gift to her.

She crawled to him on all fours. The girls kissed– but now, they kissed for him, to arouse him. They were lovers, only they both knew there was a higher love. A truer love. Ava looked up at her owner and opened her mouth, greedily awaiting his blessing. Linda used her skillful hands, aiming his cock and teasing it, jacking it off, using just the right amount of pressure and speed. 

No man could resist such a sight.

In a few seconds, Ava was covered in his cum, more beautiful than she had ever been. Linda certainly felt that way, and she licked and kissed her sister slut clean.

He watched carefully, looking for signs of defiance, and finding none. In fact, Linda put his fears to rest with a simple statement.

“Ava, we need to buy you a pair of rainbow socks”

Did you enjoy this story? You can support my work at patreon.com/prettynosferatu !!

[misty-caligula]

We’re all sad to see Nat go, but I think it’s important to recognise, she’s gone because of decisions that she made, over and over.

S1E10 she made the choice to shoot herself. It wasn’t a GREAT choice, but it was one that she made, which Lottie negated against her will. In eerily similar fashion as Misty with the cocaine.

S2E1 Lottie talked to her about her bees, about how when a new queen was born she’d sting the others to death for the good of the hive.

For most of the rest of the season, Nat began taking the lessons of the cult to heart, despite her initial reservations. Some people wondered how sincere she was, but I genuinely think that she began to really work on herself, really believe in Lottie’s wisdom.

Then the poison came out. Immediately, Nat’s demeanour changed. I was wondering what that was about when Lott was trying to convince them in s2e8. She told Nat that she was in so much pain, and Nat didn’t even fight back at all. Just gave her this look...

I think that right here, at this moment, she recognised Lott for what she was. A danger to them all. She decided that she wasn’t capable of changing, of being helped. Just like she’d said to Misty, “We’re ALL like this, aren’t we?” I think that at this moment, Nat decided that once again, Lott wasn’t fit to be queen, that she’d have to take charge, like she did before, and that she should take the example of the bees.

I think she’s also ... angry. Angry that Lott can’t recognise the SOURCE of that pain. She recognises the reality, that it exists, but she’s blind to how responsible she is for it. Consider:

As far as Natalie knows (because of what Misty said in the cabin) Lottie told them that eating Javi was what IT wanted them to do. And then immediately made her in charge of the team, dropping that burden of responsibility and guilt directly on her shoulders. She’s smiling in the moment, when everyone’s bowing. See how much she’s smiling when the reality of that weight sets in, when the unbearable guilt of being in charge crushes down on her. When that PURPOSE is lifted from her shoulders and all she has left is the pain of what she’s done, what she’s made others do in her name. And now, Lott has the AUDACITY to point at Nat’s pain in public, without ascribing blame, as though it were simply ... a natural state of being.

In the beginning of S2E9 she says that Lott shouldn’t go back to the psych ward, but I believe that she never meant any kind of help should be offered. I believe that she had already decided to kill her. I think that she’d hoped that Lott would draw the Queen of Hearts, and it would’ve made it easy. She’d have submitted, I’m sure. Because when she drew the Ace, she looked  SO crestfallen I’d actually assumed at first she got the Queen. Lottie wanted that queen so badly, wanted so much to help her friends. And then Nat would’ve made it quick, with the secret real blade she’d brought with her.

But it wasn’t to be. So Shauna HAS to be the centre of attention, as always, and everyone’s playing along, not realising that Lott’s brought her own real knife to the party. And when they’re chasing her, if Lott catches up she’s GOING to kill her, for reals. I don’t know what kind of 4 dimensional chess they think they’re playing, but they’ve RADICALLY underestimated the danger level here, and it’s only when Callie steps in that she calms it down a little (with a bullet wound of all things).

But still, Nat goes in for the kill.

And it’s not just because she thinks she’d be a better queen, it’s not JUST that she’s afraid. She’s ANGRY. Because, despite herself, despite all of her bluster and her cynicism, her worldliness, and all of it, SHE was the one who bought in to the cult. Shauna and Tai and Van and Misty are here, they’re playing around, they’re drinking and partying and kind of just taking a vacation. They’ll do the therapy for a bit of fun, but they’re not taking it very seriously.

Nat, in a very short time, has found a BELIEF. She’s gone from 2 seconds away from a bullet to actually having a meaning, a reason to get up in the morning. Sober. And nobody except Lott is taking that seriously. Is recognising that she’s making real growth here, that she’s really trying. They’re begging her to drink with them - HER, NATALIE, THE FUCKING ALCOHOLIC, and they’re peer pressuring her to drink.... and she’s saying no.

Because when Lisa said “Do you want to die?” and she said “Not today” she pushed away her drink. Because that’s what alcohol IS to her. It’s not a fun party, it’s not a joyful thing. It’s a curse, a burden, a poison that hurts less than the one she’s trying to drown out. And now she’s found a way to live without it.

And it’s all a lie.

These two women are doing VERY different things. Shauna’s preparing for a pantomime. Nat’s preparing for a murder. Shauna’s in the light, and she’s casting shadow with her dark thoughts. Nat’s bathed in darkness and the only light is the bright fire of her rage.

So she goes to Lisa, and she BEGS her to leave. I feel like there’s a bit of a comparison here with Shauna telling Javi to run from the doomcoming, like go, you’re not safe here. She’s trying so hard to make Lisa understand that she’s the real deal, that SHE got through to Nat, that she can be better than the cult. (And there’s a layer here too, because Lisa is so much just like teen!Nat, and she’s trying so hard to save herself from the cycle). And Lisa just can’t hear it. Just like teen!Nat couldn’t in her shoes. It’s all hopeless.

It’s meant to be a pantomime, but Nat says “Something’s HAPPENING tonight, and I NEED you to leave, while you still can.” What’s happening tonight? She’s going to kill Lisa’s god, and she’s NEVER going to forgive her.

She stops before she leaves and says “Thank you for trying to teach me about forgiveness. It’s a nice idea.“

But it’s not an idea she can get behind. She’s too far gone for that. She, like Coach, can’t let it go. She’s going to burn the motherfucker down. And in the lull that Callie leaves, she does EXACTLY that, she takes the lunge, and it would’ve worked ... if only Lisa had taken her advice.

And suddenly she’s her dad. Attacking Lisa’s mother figure, without context why. For raising her wrong. And Lisa comes to her defence. And Nat can’t explain. And it’s all too fast and too much and Misty doesn’t understand, doesn’t know her well enough, doesn’t have enough faith that Nat has the situation under control. And all she has is a split second to choose, and so she does.

Because Lisa, like Javi, is just trying to help. Overwhelmed by a situation too big, too dangerous. Stepped onto what looks like solid ground, unaware of the danger til it’s too late. But this time, Nat’s not going to let Misty or anybody talk her into letting someone else take her place, not again. She closes the cycle.

I can’t stand seeing people saying she died for nothing, she died for EVERYTHING she believed in. She didn’t die just as she was working on herself, she died BECAUSE she gave up on that work, she was in that situation because she chose violence, and then she chose to give it up in the last moment. She died because she couldn’t forgive. Herself. Misty. Lottie. Any of the other ‘jackets who stood by and let her live. Let her kill. She died because she decided that Lisa was more important than her, and that maybe just maybe she could do it better than she had.

But here’s the thing. Coach says “You’re not like the rest of these girls.” And she replies...

Cycles, cycles... will Lisa be able to forgive herself for surviving Nat? Only time will tell, but we have to have faith in her, like Nat did.

Tai in the car, with Shauna says “I have Simone and Sammy, you have Jeff and Callie. Who does Natalie have?” Nat had Lisa. And now, Tai has Van. Shauna still has Jeff and Callie. Lottie’s hopefully got help. Misty has Walter (thoughts for another day). And Lisa?... Who does Lisa have?...

Watch this space.

[markantonys]

AITA for joining a "cult" that thinks my sister and mom are Darkfriends?

First, some backstory. I (30m) have always been an outsider in my family. It wasn't anything to do with my parents - dad (dead) always spent all his time with me instead of my younger siblings, and (step)mom (43f) always gave me extra attention compared to her bio kids because she didn't want me to feel neglected - or with my brother (21m), who's always looked up to me. It was all because of my sister (19f). She's hated and bullied me ever since she was a toddler, and I have no idea why. I guess maybe she doesn't think I'm her real brother, or blames me for telling on her whenever she did irresponsible things like climb trees and talk to strangers. All I've ever done is try to keep her safe, but she's never appreciated it.

Anyway, there's this organization (my sister claims it's a cult, though I don't think that's fair) that's dedicated to serving the Light. My mom always hated them and kept them banned from our country because she thinks they have an agenda against women who can channel, and she's one herself, as is my sister. I used to believe her, but after reading one book written by the organization's founder, I realized that my mom has a totally biased view of them and they're actually doing really important work founded on admirable principles. So when my sister went missing at the hands of women who can channel, I decided I'd had enough of those women lying to everyone all the time and I joined this organization.

I did have my view of them shaken when I found out my mom had been kidnapped, abused, and murdered by one of their leaders (turns out she's actually still alive though, don't worry about that), but I challenged that leader to an honorable duel and killed him to avenge my mom, and my friends and I rooted out a handful of other corrupt members of the organization, so now with that small minority gone, the rest of us can continue doing the Light's work and spreading awareness of the evils of the One Power.

To be clear, I OBVIOUSLY don't think my sister and mom are Darkfriends; it's only everyone else who uses the One Power who is. I've explained this to my sister multiple times but it only makes her angrier instead of grateful that I'm making an exception for her and choosing to believe the best of her. It feels like I can never do anything right in her eyes, but maybe I've somehow got the wrong understanding of the situation. So, AITA?

******

u/dainbornhald: NTA. Your sister's problem isn't actually that you joined this organization (which totally does sound 100% Light-serving). She doesn't think you're her real brother and is just looking for any excuse to continue the bullying, manipulation, and gaslighting she's been using on you since she was a toddler. [+5k votes] u/childbyar: Came here to say this. Sister sounds like a textbook abuser, and, honestly, almost definitely a Darkfriend. I'd go no contact with her, OP, and maybe get a restraining order if you have to - she's obviously unhinged. [+1.2k votes]

u/amyrlinseat: You joined a cult that thinks your sister is a Darkfriend based on an innate characteristic about her that she didn't choose and can't change (unlike you, who DID choose to join this cult), and you're whining that she's mad at you for it??? YTA [-749 votes]

u/luckyfox: YTA for the cult thing, but this whole family's got serious mommy AND daddy issues (take it from an expert). Sister resents you for getting all your parents' attention growing up, and you have a victim complex about being a stepchild/half-brother. I can only wonder what might be going on with the middle brother who wasn't mentioned much here. You guys need to go to therapy. [+2 votes] u/galaddamodred [OP]: My brother always seemed very well-adjusted, but a few hours after I made this post he actually died going on a suicide charge in battle because he thought he was unimportant enough to risk and no one would care much if he died in the attempt. Which sucks because now the only sibling I've got left is my sister who hates me. [+273 votes] u/luckyfox: oh my god [+312 votes]

[what-the-actual-wizardry]

Wizards: A Controversy

I acknowledge, full well, that I am going to step on some toes with this one. Some of what I'm about to say will definitely rub people the wrong way. Before I begin, I want to say that I agree wholeheartedly that my stance is uncommon, morally questionable, and faithless. I am not here to question your faith, nor your validity, however- only to express how I have coped with my own. I've said before that I self-identify as a wizard. Not a magician/magickian- ceremony isn't my tallest teacup. Not a witch- the line that determines what makes a witch can get shaky when you examine the claims of influential witchcraft figures. Not a sorcerer- my magic isn't inherently malfeasant. Not a druid- I love nature, but I fear the wild. I am a wizard, which to me, means two things: I am really good at knowing things that other people don't bother to learn; and I live in a world where idea and analogy are inherently tied to matter and action. I have a saying: "Wizards are not good con men- con men are just bad wizards." The reason I say this is because I don't believe in magick. I use the Crowleyan spelling here because for as much as I believe that I can affect the world tangentially, through symbolic words, art, and rituals- I know that's a result of interpretation. I am only using magic because that is what I have decided to acknowledge this practice as. And if I can get consistent results in that mindset, I don't need to look at it any deeper than that- most people will see the results and accept, at least, that "The Wizard Did It Somehow". And that's that. The public doesn't care how Granny Fitz makes her famous apple pie, it's still the best damn pie they've ever tasted. We magic-users all talk in a kind of advanced, unspoken-of code, I've found. Aphorism, analogy, and fable all blend to create this rich landscape of phrases that are all too easy to take literally. Running around the forest with friends to restore dopamine becomes 'a moonlit coven ritual.' An anxiety episode or a deep depression that we cannot explain becomes a 'spiritual attack.' Problem solving or brainstorming with a visual aid becomes 'divination.' Therapy is shadow work. Cleaning and airing out our homes is consecration. Doing arts and crafts to deal with a break up is cord-cutting. Stopping to acknowledge our needs for rest and a warm drink is meditation. Our hopes, ambitions, fears, and loves are gods. (Deity work primer post) It never stops. And just in case you're frothing at the mouth with rage that I would dare reduce your spirituality to this- I don't ever want it to. I don't ever think it should. We live through analogies and ideas, and they have re-enchanted our lives, uplifted our mental and physical health, and improved us as people- all because we give enough to ourselves and spaces that we are able to take back from them when we need to, in the form of comfort, and reminders, and something to do with ourselves when we have nothing else. Please know that I am making this post for the little magi, the reluctant wizards, the beautiful curious enchanters- it is so easy to fall prey to pseudoscience and cult behaviors, and equally easy to dismiss this entire thing as a LARP or a farce because "that's not how the world works." Be reasonable, with yourselves and others, I beg you. Let the magical live alongside the mundane, because the 'us and them' is exhausting for everyone involved. It is magic. It is amazing. It is real, valid, useful, moving, empowering, and beautiful. It is not a substitute for the world around you.

Blessings, with love from this long-winded madman.

[creature-wizard]

If you're interested in hypnosis in any way, I think it's important to understand the role it played in the Satanic Panic, and the damage it caused.

I'm not saying you can't practice hypnosis. I'm saying that you need to be aware of what can happen when people practice hypnosis in a misinformed way.

To really oversimplify things, in the 1970s and 1980s, your Evangelical types were really buttmad over stuff like civil rights, women having jobs, and also legal abortion.

Evangelicals believe everything is a war between ultimate good and ultimate evil. Everything they disapprove of is therefore the work of Satan.

Everything they disapprove of, of course, is whatever they feel doesn't serve their Christofascist politics. Also, convincing believers that evil was lurking everywhere in the outside world was a damn good way to keep them in the fold, where they felt safe.

Hence you had Evangelicals claiming that rap and rock and roll were Satanic and loaded with subliminal messages encouraging the youth to commit sin. They claimed that Halloween was a Satanic holiday and trick-or-treating was some kind of Satanic rite, which meant that kids who went trick-or-treating were secretly worshiping Satan without knowing it!

Then you had scam artists like Mike Warnke come along and claim that there were actual Satanic cults plotting the downfall of good Christian society.

And then there was Michelle Remembers, a book that supposedly describes the totally real and not at all confabulated memories of a woman who would fall into trance states in her therapist's office and recount the most theatrically ghastly tales of things a Satanic cult supposedly did in Victoria, British Columbia.

And this is where hypnosis comes in.

See, there was this whole idea that hypnosis was a foolproof method for recovering lost memories, and all kinds of everyday mental issues were chalked up to repressed memories. Supposedly, people could be cured of their ills by uncovering the repressed memories.

People would undergo hypnosis and "remember" Satanic abuse, often from family members. The way these "memories" often contained elements from popular horror films, antisemitic conspiracy theories, and witch hunt propaganda raised fewer eyebrows than it should have.

Best case scenario, families were torn apart as children became convinced their parents were Satanic abusers. Worst case scenario, innocent people were put on trial and put in prison for crimes they never committed.

The lack of forensic evidence didn't stop people. They simply declared that the Satanists must have hidden or destroyed all of the evidence. Never mind the amount of work it would have required. Never mind the utter impossibility of hiding the evidence in some cases.

Also, the people who'd undergone therapy were often traumatized by their confabulated memories. Far from curing them, the hypnotherapy only made things worse, because they believed it was all real.

Anyone who has any interest in hypnosis, hypnotherapy, or even any sort of trance work should keep all of this in mind. Not everything you experience is going to be "real." And just as stress can make you more likely to have nightmares, it can also make you more likely to see scary things while in a trance.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for writing an essay and sending it to the sheriff?

This sounds so dumb but

I grew up Christian. I still believe most of it. Me and my family have always beenlaid back, don't judge, God loves all type people. I know there are some Christians who don't believe that- we aren't that kind and they give it a bad name I get it.

But my sister. I love her, I do, but she didn't know what she wanted to do when she graduated high school. She graduated the year before me and decided she would go do this "discipleship" program a woman had given a talk on.

We both were under the impression that going to this program, she would get the necessary coursework to become a pastor. Which, technically, they did do the coursework.

Except it was a cult. 100% a cult. Not every religion is a cult, but a lot of cults have religious aspects. I know without a doubt this was a cult.

Things she went through: wasnt allowed to get a job the first year she was there and was financially dependent on the leader to find them "charity" work and "fundraising" opportunities, all had to live at apartments the leader owned and pay him rent to live there, everyone was called family, was placed on restrictive diets that eventually got less restrictive the longer you stayed, got sprayed with a water hose for being unable to memorize Scripture, weekly had to thank the leader for allowing them to be there and include him in their prayers, etc.

After the first year you are there, you get more responsibility if you come back a second year. Those who didn't come back a second year are encouraged to not be talked to. Third and fourth years are invites only, but by the third year you are so indoctrinated they invite you *anyone who showed any signs of insecurity or questioning were not invited back*. After the fourth year, every single person has joined the staff or helps work for this group.

It grosses me out and I didnt even write half of what my sister went through. My sister got out after her third year because she was in a car accident and had to do extensive therapy to recover. She is fine now, but misses the group. She is convinced it isnt a cult.

I wrote down things she has said as well as things I was told by an excommunicated member. I used citations of well known cults as examples, and even cited different models and psychological papers.

I submitted it all as evidence to the local sheriff of where the cult is based. My sister and the member were not named. My sister found out and freaked out, saying they would never take her back if they found out what I did. Then she said she was scared they would harm me. She finally doubled back and claimed it wasn't a cult and I caused a ton of innocent people to lose their jobs as well as their homes if the leader gets arrested. I hadn't thought about that and felt bad about the families and innocent kids involved.

So AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[jonathan-samuel-smith]

TW bipolar discussion and nonconsensual kissing, mental health discussion

So about Saturn Girl kissing Jon without his ability to consent to it: I get that she isn't actively deciding to mind control the people around her, but she does have a choice in the matter. Her family wanted her to stay home until she could control her mind control powers, but she didn't want to and left. To me that's like if I noticed I was manic (not hypomanic) and didn't go to the mental hospital... Like I can't control my bipolar but I have the choice to stay away from others when it would harm them. That's not even a good comparison though because my judgement isn't clear enough to consistently do that when I'm manic, whereas she is at baseline and is able to think rationally. I wouldn't blame someone with bipolar because they have no choice, but I'm just saying the obvious choice would be to keep yourself away from others even if it's not fun for you. I feel like I can blame her, because she has a choice.

I do sympathize with her, but I really think she's hurting others disproportionately to the distress she feels stuck at home, and that's not okay.

If you look back on the events with the knowledge that she can't turn off her mind control, you see how manipulative she is, especially to Jon, and she does high-control group tactics: love bombing, isolation, guilt tripping, not letting him have rest alone where he would have time to realize he didn't want this.

I don't like the JonDami narrative that Jon was an asshole for leaving Damian in the past or was running away from his problems, because in my view he was dragged into a cult and I can't blame him for that, especially because he was extremely vulnerable at the time. I also don't believe Jon would have left in the first place if he knew up front that he couldn't bring Damian to at least visit him.

Jon had been in a state of fight or flight for around 6 years (not just talking about the volcano because there was also his verbally abusive grandpa and their deadly adventures and being trapped in space, and then him struggling to survive on the streets and trying to find a way home after he escaped) and the first time he really got a chance to cool down was when he was talking with Damian. He really needs a long break, therapy, and medication because what he went through can't be treated with therapy alone as the stress has chemical effects in the brain that need to be adjusted.

The writers don't care about how Jon should be extremely hypervigilant and defensive and anxious. I guess that's just not brave enough for a superhero, nevermind that leaving the house and getting treatment for these things, learning to trust again, and letting people help you is so much braver than punching guys when you have superpowers. It's natural to fight when your fight or flight is activated in a protective manner, but doing the logical thing when every signal in your body is telling you not to is really damn hard. The only coward is DC for giving Jon trauma and not actually writing a traumatized character.

That all being said, Damian clearly doesn't see how Jon is being manipulated, probably because his head is full of self hatred & doubting & repressed desires to ask Jon to stay, and thinks he needs to go against his abandonment trauma by swinging the pendulum too far in the opposite direction in his speech. With his c-ptsd and abandonment issues I can see him becoming bitter towards Jon for going to the future.

That could make for a really complex fanfiction, don't you think? The conflict coming from their unique life experiences and traumas, and them learning to understand each other like they're always doing. This misunderstanding of intentions born not out of something dumb like hearing the wrong thing or being unclear in language, but from their different points of view.

My jondami au where Jon leaves the legion early is calling me lmao "Isaac we have more problems for you to fix~"

That being said I have no exclusivity to these ideas for writing.

[artianaiolanthe]

Vampire academy ramblings under the cut cause this was stream of consciousness while I was going on an hour of sleep on airplane; Frostbite edition

All the times Rose has to say "it's not like I wanted to sleep with Lissa" while being intensely jealous of Christian will live rent free in my head

Also again. Will never not be disappointed we lost Tasha and Rose genuine friendship because of Dimitri fucking Belikov. HE'S JUST SOME GUY YOU BOTH CAN DO BETTER

Adrian, light of my life, balm to my soul, you're the only one in this cruel world that brings me joy

Also damn they brought up just moving up guardian graduations earlier than I remembered. This is Book Two.

Also shout-out to the guy who was like "well why can't we all live in private cut off areas for protection year round" because if the Strigoi and humans don't get you than I feel like one of y'all is going to go all Jonestown on the others. Fucking weirdo.

Back to the cult dynamic note I picked up earlier where the idea of acting in their own offense is so foreign to most Moroi that they believe a very reasonable suggestion is collusion for extinction. I wanna believe they're just lazy but I think everyone needs deprogramming so badly

"Suddenly Mason seemed like a child" YES HE IS ROSEMARIE AND SO THE FUCK ARE YOU. And the age gap talk isn't helping your case either.

"Blood Whore" "Strigoi Lover" can we all just be normal about the people in the closest proximity to some of the worst suffering in this world? No? Fuck me I guess.

I know it wasn't like that but I feel like Adrian was feeling out of Rose was also a person of culture (Bi or Pan). At least to confirm Lissa isn't a romantic roval

I forgot Moroi like. Used actual spells. I thought they just element bent like they did in Avatar. Don't they???

First Adrian and Dimitri interaction is hysterical knowing they're cousins. Like on some level deep in his psyche Dimitri just looked at Adrian and his monkey brain decided "this bitch sucks" because of the resemblance. How do I cope with this?

Dimitri you can't just be calling them young girls, that makes You look like the weirdo.

I need a safe adult where's a safe adult I miss Janine--

"The Guardian Council and the Moroi Government" interesting distinction y'all got there! Not one unified government and not even a sovereign government for the Dhampirs. Fun, cool, classy.

Mason I love you but you sure know how to torch the mood.

Drinking game, take a shot every time "they come first" fucks over a plan in these books. Or don't. Alcohol poisoning is no joke

Do they not. Ask if someone wants to get molnija marks. I get it they're supposed to be an "honour" but are we ignoring the very traumatic events for the sake of a tradition.

Did no one get this bitch into therapy after this until she started hallucinating?!

[i-cant-sing]

How do you're ocs treat Reader to a self care day?

Theodore is beating his chest with thunderous hands and opens his arms wide and that is your cue to fucking jump on him and let him cuddle you- cuddle the sadness, the depression, the fatigue OUT OF YOU. At least thats his idea of self care (that and shooting people... and breaking stuff... and causing chaos and destruction) but he'll compromise and do whatever you wanna do, as long as he gets to grumble and hold your hand (at least, he loves physical intimacy). Honestly, u can get him to agree anything u want if u just give him a kiss on the nose- and he will instantly melt. He will still complain, thats non negotiable.

Dimitri is a man of money. He will spend his entire account on you if it pleases you, and if retail therapy is your thing, girl u just hit the jackpot. Of course, hes down for seggsy times too, but thats really his idea of self care and if you wanna do something else, he can put his needs aside for now even though he promises you would've felt 100000 times better by the time he was done with you. But like i said, he's a rich guy, he will give u his credit cards and money if u wanna do something else. Hell, he's even rained them bills on you. "Do you want to jump on a pile of money, pchelka? Hm? I can arrange that for you, darling." (pchelka = little bee)

Eros... the golden boy, the charmer. He will literally sweep u off your feet with how sweet and caring he is omg he will actually drop everything he's doing the moment he hears you sigh out the wrong way. Like you take one breath way too deeply and he's right in front of you, holding your face ever so gently and asking you whats wrong. And you dont even need to tell him anything because he's just so darn smart and he can read you like an open book and thus, he knows what you need. He knows if its a "retail therapy" kinda day or "stay at home, do face masks and watch comfort movies" or "take long bubble baths together" kinda day. Please rant to him, he pays close attention to all of it and has the best and most appropriate reactions and... he just loves your voice. And the thing with Eros is that he doesnt just make it a self car day- no, its a self care days/week/months or however long HE deems that you need it. He's the best, i love him.

Magnus is... not the dude u wanna self care with. Like dont come to him and say "can i have some space/leave the house for a while because I desperately need some me time." because to him that means he needs to STEP TF UP and be there more for you as if u werent already tired of him breathing down your neck 24/7. "Hm, what did you say? You want some space? Oh but angel, that's not what you need. No, silly! God made us for each other, we're soulmates! And we need to be there for each other, in sickness and in health! Aww but I don't blame you for getting confused about what your body needs! Its what happens when you dont have a baby in you. And it has been a while since we had our last! I think its time for baby number 8! :D" And you best believe the cult members are glaring at you through the windows of your house, pointing their pitchforks at you to fucking follow your husband to the bedroom and let him put another baby in you or they will come in to help him do just that (and maybe beat u up a little when he's gone for baby shopping).

You say self care and Lucifer's mind goes to torturing souls and eternal damnation. But thats what he likes, and now that he likes you, he will let you express your preferences. I mean, personally he would kinda try to get u into adding more oil into the fire that burns souls, but he knows you dont like it when they scream... maybe he can pull their vocal cords out?? Hm, maybe. Lucifer allows u to do whatever you wanna do as long as you do it in hell/within the premises of his home(castle, really. Real edgy dark, satany theme going on). One time, you wanted someone to just hold u and since Lucifer is the only one who is allowed to touch you, you climbed into his lap and let him hold u for hours as he sat on his throne, and he swears he's never felt more content in his life than with you softly snoring in his arms and shuffling closer to him every now and then, with him carding a hand through your hair and kissing your soft cheeks.

[poisonedspider]

TW: drama? I guess? It's fine, and I'm fine, but someone asked me last night so I figured I'd bring it up in a little Read More. If anyone is interested. Just wanted to put it out there I guess?? Shrug.

Yes, I do panic when people suddenly block me or unfollow me. No, I'm not going to stalk them (I used to, I won't lie. I won't say stalk, but I'm such an 'everyone get along PLEASE' type that I would log on to other accounts and try to have a conversation and ask if we could resolve things). I've grown from that and learned that people can do whatever they want, curate their own space, etc. Not everyone is going to like me (which, pfft, y'all missing out /jkjk).

But yeah, I do get anxious. I do spiral. I'm working on it, but it IS a legit trigger to me. It isn't something small and silly. Two years ago, I was cancelled in another RPC (if any of you know me, because some of you know me from over there, you know exactly what I'm talking about). I won't go into all of that here, but I am always open to talking about it! It isn't a secret at all to me, so reach out. The very long TLDR is I was falsely accused of something by someone that had cancelled people in many different fandoms. Beginning of last year, them and I had a long talk, they apologized profusely, things are fine now.

But everything that happened there still hits me. I go to therapy for this shit, no joke. I went from having 1000 some followers to 130ish give or take literally over night. I woke up to death threats. I had people trying to figure out my legal name so they could dox me, and try to get my licensure removed. It was a mess. I'll say about 95% of the people apologized over time. Said they shouldn't have followed the crowd because I've been nothing but kind to them. Basically, it's okay.

But it wasn't. I know this is just roleplay, but for a lot of us, this community means a lot. If I follow you, you're my friend. I might not talk to you ooc much if at all, but I watch your posts and I care about you all and I honestly spend most of my free time here talking to y'all then I do my irl friends. So imagine your entire community suddenly screaming about you with no evidence. Believing a rumor. (The sane ones were like...there is literally no evidence I don't understand cult mentality on this site). I was hospitalized. That was the last time I got to see my grandma before she was hit hard with dementia and she forgot who I was, and I spent it trying to do damage control on my phone. It was brutal.

I will say, and I've said it a hundred times, this is the safest fandom I've ever been in. I'm not scared here. It's the happiest I've ever been, and I find it hysterical that the Hellaverse are the most sane people I've met. But that hairpin trigger is still there, even if it's been pushing two years now. I lose a follower, and I immediately spiral. I think like, great, what am I being accused of now? What rumor am I going to wake up to? Am I going to wake up and have no friends again? Am I going to lose Angel and this blog that bring me such joy?

Again, I'm working on it. The more that I see that this isn't the case, the better I feel. I'm like phew okay I can lose a follower or two, I'm not having a mass unfollow, the world will not end. It was probably just differences, or not thinking our writing styles mesh. It is OKAY. But there's still that initial anxiety. That holy shit. That...legitimate....PTSD response.

I'm not posting this to like guilt anyone if they want to unfollow me, or a woe as me or anything. I guess it just made me think like, we don't know everyone's story. I'm not going to attack anyone for unfollowing me, oh jfc no that isn't me, but if I'm anxious? Scared? Like, it isn't just 'wow, you're being pathetic, people are allowed to write with who they want to.' It's genuine trauma. Trauma I'm going to therapy for. Trauma I was hospitalized for. And it could be that way for several people, which is why I am personally never one to block or unfollow unless I feel legitimately threatened.

Wow, that was way more of a rant than I wanted. I'm sorry about that all, oof. I don't even know why I really ranted, other than that I feel safe with you guys to do so. I just know some people get really upsetti when people are hurt by roleplay things, and while that's valid, being hurt is also valid. Again, I'm doing better. And a lot of that is BECAUSE you guys are such a great community. A community who I love and adore.

So yeah, if I get anxious or depressed, don't mind me. Or be like, "Hey, you're safe here." But it isn't your responsibility to do that. It's MINE to do that. Just know that I'm working on it, I'm going to mess up sometimes because PTSD is a bitttttch, but yeah. End rant, lol. Off to do replies now. :) PS. This is also why I'm hiding in the drafts more than on my dash board. So I don't trigger this PTSD response. That's my way of keeping myself safe. I can't see stuff if I'm just hiding in things that belong to me, and also, it helps me to feel comforted knowing I have such wonderful writers and friends that want to write with me and love my version of Angel. So that's one way I'm supporting myself and stabilizing my mental health, so hey, I'm proud that I'm doing it because I don't want this stuff impacting any of you guys. <3

[cultpastorkevin]

riko :: what if

“Finally a stranger steps forward to introduce himself and his team of psychiatrists. The university has brought in counselors, he says. The university has called their parents. The university is closing the Nest.”

What if instead of being killed, what if Riko was alive when Tetsuji stepped down? What if he was there with the other ravens, watching Jasmine break a tv and dragged away? What if he lived?

Would it have been better? Would he have survived? Could he?

the university is closing the nest.

ichirou doesn’t want him. neither does tetsuji.

the university is closing the nest.

intensive therapy is required for him, but it’s hard, because he’s in his twenties now, they don’t say it but he knows the therapists and social workers he meets with don’t have high hopes for him to make a full recovery. too old they say, he was in there too long, it’s a miracle he is still alive

theuniversityisclosingthenest.

exy is all he knows and it’s stripped away; no one wants the raven captain on their team, not after the news articles. not after the interviews. he’s a risk, they say, a liability, he’s clearly unstable, they can’t keep someone like him in line, after all, those from the nest are damaged goods, he is not worth the effort

theuniversityisclosingthenest.

he was not abused; everything that happened to him was for a reason, he argues, he is better because of it, he would not be perfect court would not be captain would not be himself if he wasn’t; he gets violent, lashing out, getting cruel when the therapist asks him if he thinks it was worth it

what does she mean? being the best will always be worth it, there is nothing for him if it’s not number one

when she asks if being so afraid was worth being the best, he has no response

the university is closing the nest.

his body has been absorbing trauma since he was born; he had exy to help expel it, it kept him from crumbling to pieces, it was easy to believe that what was done to him was because he was a Son of Exy, that the pain and suffering was birthright because he would win Olympic gold and all the trauma is justified if it makes you better, stronger, makes you able to take a hit and by god he knew how to take a hit and he learned how to make his own count and he made sure his ravens knew it too because if his bite could not drown out his bark he would not survive

even after kevin abandoned him, when tetusji made sure that he was more blood and bruises than skin, he picked up his pieces and came back a thunderstorm of his own making because exy was a birthright no one could take from him, he would survive without kevin, he had to

the university is closing the nest

he is a villain but not entirely of his own creation, he was molded into hatred and fed pain instead of love; he is at fault for everything he’s done but what was done to him was not his fault, it is a hard pill to swallow; the pain he considered birthright was a lie, and not for the first time, the 1 on his cheek itches to be sliced off; once he understands what his therapist is saying, a woman who specializes in cult survivors, he chokes

he could’ve been different. it could’ve been different. he had dished out to others what he was trying to outrun. biting the hand that touched him was out of the question, so he turned rabid on those around him, becoming the very thing he himself was afraid of.

you are not tetsuji the therapist says

aren’t I? is his reply

the university is closing the Nest.

failed ravens have a tendency to commit suicide

[plague-karm]

Hadalpelagic Zone Part 6 time hell yeah. It’s been around a month since Sebastian moved in with the gang so this is less of a narrative piece and more of a catch up session…mostly. So here’s how everyone’s been doing recently.

Bentley

•This man is absolutely killing it

•He’s bought a lot more instruments and he knows the basics on how to use all of them (he does accordion solos at least once a day)

•Makes breakfast since he’s the only one with a decent sleep schedule

•He’s beginning to perform a lot more outside of town and he’s become popular as a result

•Him and Lena are still close but they’re drifting a little for “reasons”

•He’s very good at keeping the fact they have a failed science experiment living with them, makes up excuses on a dime and everyone believes him

•Has built up the ULTIMATE button up wardrobe, even in winter he wears them

•”Hey Ley are you sure you aren’t cold in that-?”

•”NOPE!”

•Usually the one to organise events

•Still pisses off Sebastian every chance he gets (he’s very easy to tease)

Lena

•Say hello to the company’s new head accountant!

•She is going up in the world and she shows her excitement in very normal ways (she looks like she’s tweaking in every company picture she’s in bless her)

•A lot bubblier now, she likes telling people about the ✨numbers✨

•Still goes out partying on occasion but has a healthier work-life balance than before

•Her motor issues have come back thanks to her body getting used to normal conditions again, the others help her out if it gets too much

•Dripped out to the MAX. Affliction? Tripp NYC? Cupcake Cult? She has it all (there’s a reason she took the room with the walk-in closet)

•Struggles with walking home at night thanks to all the times she almost got killed in the Blacksite but keeps up a brave face for Valen’s sake

•Still goes to Sebastian’s room whenever she’s stressed out of impulse, she’s quiet though so he doesn’t mind

Valen

•He’s gotten better at going outside

•Has started making felt puppets, does 18+ puppet shows for the others on weekends, they’re weirdly invested in it

•Has started going to therapy to help him process what he went through in the Blacksite (the only one who’s in therapy finally in this group that’s emotionally mature)

•Started back at the florists

•He’s really struggling with keeping the fact that he’s living with an abomination of nature that may or may not be one of the most dangerous creatures currently living a secret idk

Sebastian

•Has somewhat gotten used to living with other people in a normal way, he really isn’t used to being seen as just “a guy” again y’know? Being seen as an equal is weird

•Argues with Bentley all the time, especially in the morning, Lena and Valen bet on who’s going to win

•He got a custom guitar made for him since Lena has a lot of connections, he almost cried when he received it

•His hair’s longer now (he sometimes ties it up)

•He missed normal food so much oh my god

•His sister’s a tattoo artist so she covered up the branding he received from Urbanshade with a badass anchor snake, the trio approves

•He talks to Valen a lot more due to them having the same mother tongue, yes they drink cerveza cristal, yes he orders it in multiple crates (he hasn’t had a drop of the stuff in years let him live 😭)

•He keeps his door open at night because of the amount of times Lena comes in

•He wakes up later than everyone else because his eyes are still adjusting to the sunlight

•His room has bioluminescent lighting on the walls

•He still has trauma regarding what happened to him and his body so his room gets torn up a lot as a result, he cleans up afterwards though. The others are aware of this and they leave him to do his thing (it’s too risky to approach him in his feral state)

•He’s still an alt guy at heart but he wears a lot of fancy stuff for the sake of his dignity (the fuckass cravat gave me ideas alright?)

•I feel like a lot of old music played throughout the Hadal Blacksite intercoms as a form of psychological torture for its residents so their sense of time could get warped so he kind of got used to it after a while. It plays in his room sometimes

•He overhears EVERYTHING the trio talk about upstairs, the blackmail he has is endless

•He knows about what happened to Bentley’s family, but he never brings it up because he has limits, he’s a condescending asshole but he isn’t a monster (no matter how much he tries to convince himself that he is)

•He knows that SOMETHING happened to Lena that caused her to runaway from home…he can never hear it properly though, he hears her humming a lot at night whenever she’s working on analytics downstairs, it helps him sleep

•He also knows that Valen’s still heavily effected by what he saw in the Blacksite, a part of him feels somewhat guilty considering the monsters being released was his doing but he found out that the others didn’t really blame him for going off the deep end so that guilt isn’t something that haunts him all that much

•Still sells stuff but does it in an incognito way (old habits die hard), wears a massive cloak and does it in really isolated locations like under a bridge or something idk

•He becomes an urban legend in town because of this. Bentley really wants to milk it but he isn’t letting him profit off his likeness

•Yes fat fish Friday is canon here, this man literally has whale dna you can gaslight me all you want he is NOT a twink lmao

•Is surprised that all of them are actually doing a good job at keeping him a secret…

It doesn’t last long though.