#TW: dysphoria mention

[misseyres]

before i went to treatment in 2022 i was in the best physical shape of my life; i was so muscular and strong and it brought me so much gender euphoria!! and then last year i was working 2 jobs + moving + trying to do more gentle movement & somatic movements for my trauma healing so I didn't do much strength training but now!! after six months of ballet & 2.5 of cross training & a stretching regimen i am looking so strong again and it makes me soooo happy

[lgbtqtext]

[jeweledstone]

VENT MEMES

VENT MEMES

VENT MEMES

[dysphoric-culture-is]

Hey so with the barbie movie coming out mod is once again seeing comments like “I’m nonbinary and wish I could just have flat genitalia like a doll, it would take away my dysphoria”. Mod got a dysphoric culture ask about it like 2 years ago actually and now there are more so:

This is possible.

If your transition goal is to have a complete removal of all your internal and external genitalia, there is a real surgery that people get to do that. It’s called genital nullification.

It’s also called nullectomy or nullo.

It’s not a very new or super complicated surgery. Everything is taken out/taken off and you’re left with just a hole for your urethra (where you urinate out of). The urethra may be moved as part of surgery. If you research the procedure you’ll also probably hear them talk about urethral shortening, because nullification is mostly done on cis men/transfems/nonbinary patients who require a penectomy as part of the surgery.

Now don’t get this for an aesthetic or because you like how dolls look. It takes 6-8 weeks of recovery and is as serious a decision as any other bottom surgery. More info is here and here. This website has some info and pictures (graphic warning) of nullification along with phallus-preserving vaginoplasty, another nonbinary surgery.

Hopefully this helps someone!

[bookmothic-dyke]

Half my DNA literally comes from the abusive pedophile that is my estranged father.

And when I think about that too much, I wanna flay my own flesh. Let my blood fall from my veins. And remove my skin.

I want to tear out all the parts of me, that are of him. Dissect my face. So I no longer see that abhorrent excuse for a human in the mirror.

I fear anger. I fear desire.

I fear becoming like him. In any way. Being like him.

Hurting others.

I hate him.

So I will always hate myself.

No matter what.

I will always hate myself.

[incorrectbatfam]

any headcanons about jason and the lazarus pit?

Jason is a trans guy and the pit healed his dysphoria by giving him an instant transition

[deadeyedfae]

Here it is! Part 3 of Dead Eyed Ivy Second Puberty Edition 💜🏳️‍⚧️

[transmascpolls]

Does being misgendered bother you? Maybe a scale from yes greatly to not at all/i find it kinda amusing. (Nuance could be included, “yes, but only from friends and family” for example)

No rush or pressure!

This seems to range greatly in the other trans people I know IRL so I’m curious.

[hy4c1nthh]

middle school keiji yapping session because People like my ugly son!!!!

tw for sh, gender dysphoria, internalized transphobia

So. Middle school keiji was very very different than current kei. I had already mentioned before that he had tried to appear extra feminine to make himself feel better but. that just made things worse

Im gonna tall a bit more abt Keiji's and Himeko's relationship here cuz I LOVE THEM!!!!

But for context: middle school keiji was. how do I say this. it's not that he was "disliked"...cuz he wasn't. He was neutral with mostly everyone, he liked to help people out..he really was a great kid. but when his dysphoria got worse. ough. He lost most of his motivation to do basically anything.

So I'm sure yall know of his bedrotting habits...well this is where it started. He couldnt bring himself to do anything so many days and school just exhausted him. His school wasn't an all-girls, but he was already deep into thay circle where most of the people he surrounded himself with were. approximately 7th grade. He started to sh during this time. He hated his body he hated it so much he wanted to destroy it

One day he had a panic attack in the middle of the day in school. He ran to the bathroom and could barely breath over how much he choking on his own tears. That's when a girl came in. Her name? Himeko Kobayashi. She was in his class and noticed how he ran off. She was able to lure him out and calm him down eventually. About a month or two later, they started to date. co-dependent yuri!!!

they dated for a while. Idk how to describe keiji's personality at this time but she did make him a looot better. He relied on her a lot which probably wasn't healthy but she really loved keiji so she didn't really mind, cuz she also wanted to help. She didn't know about the whole gender dysphoria thing though 1. because keiji thought she'd hate him and 2. keiji didn't even realize what it meant. He just thought he was weird and. yeah.he knew what being trans meant but he didn't think that he was.

the best I can describe him is like those kids who say "my dick is bigger than yours" but doesn't laugh crazy about just kinda looks at you like 😼. kinda smug, kinda. urgh. a mixture of akito and mizuki if you. get it

He started to try out new stuff, and one thing he did was wearing his brother's clothes. His brother was already headed off to college, and wasn't home a lot of the time, unless it was break. Keiji would go into his room and wear his clothes and just. stare. most of the time he "hated" it because he thought that type of behaviors was weird and gross and he just. hurt himself. afterwards.

it was winter break. One day, Himeko came over. It was just gonna be keiji for the weekend because his mom was out for work. They watched movies, ate snacks, all that. Keiji...wasn't feeling great that day. He was stressed the entire time and as much as he loved himeko..he wanted her to leave so he could get back to well. yeah.

Himeko is a rather emotionally intelligent person. She notices things many others don't, so when keiji was off that day, she realized. So when he asked to go to his room for a moment, she knew something was wrong, and opened the door. A sight she didn't expect to see was keiji on the ground with a box cutter, his arms and thighs bleeding. She ran to him, taking it out of his hand. and that was the moment he broke. He just started wailing, grabbing at her back as she hugged him, tears he'd been pushing back all just coming out at the same time. he started wailing apologies to her, to which she said he had nothing to be sorry for.

Suddenly, he started wailing about his body. How he hated it and hated how he looked and felt and was a girl. He started spilling out how he would look in the mirror each time he changed his clothes and he just feel so angry and disgusted and so wrong and how he couldn't stand anything about himself. He told her it was okay for her to leave now, since he thought she'd find him gross and weird and crazy. But. she didn't. instead, she slowly caressed his head, rubbing his shoulders, and softly spoke.

"Do you want to be a boy?"

It hadn't really hit him before that, he just didn't want to be a girl. But. he realized. shit. she's. she's onto something. Keiji slowly stopped crying, looking to her with big eyes. Himeko took that as a yes. She smiled and said if it was okay for her to start referring to him as one, and using masc pronouns for him. He..really liked that idea. So he said sure.

The rest of the night was. really nice actually. Himeko cleaned him up, getting him good bandages and antiseptic. She offered to cut his hair, which he happily took the offer for. She plopped him into a hoodie and they went down to the 24hr convenience store below his apartment. It was already 12/1 am, so it was dark. Shr grabbed some proper scissors, and keiji asked if it was okay for her to dye his hair too. she said ofc, and when she asked what color, he said green, since that was the natural color of his mom and brother's hair (unlike him who had naturally brown)

They went back and put on some music, and she got to hair-cutting. After that, keiji had called his brother, asking if it was okay for him to wear his clothes sometimes. He easily said yes and..yeah :3

Things were much much better. He still lost motivation and confined himself to his room occasionally but. He was better nonetheless. He came out to his mom and brother, who both happily accepted him. they didn't have the money for treatment but himeko did get him a reeaally good binder and some tape. They were even able to make it so that keiji could wear the male uniform in school. You could see his current personal started to sprout here, he was very active, very whimsical very silly very. yeah. he was great. and. he loved it!!!

Himeko and keiji continued to date up until the end of the first year of hs. They were the most loveliest love birds yould ever seen. first year of hs...which was also when he moved and...a certain event happened...but I'm not getting into that bc this a middle school keiji yapping session!!!! not hs!!!! yall don't get that from till u ask :3

holy shit this was long

TAGS!! For the people who desired it

@kitchenaidmixer02 @cellphone-love-story @sillystringstar @boiledbasil

also @birchtreecat because you like keiji !!!!

[uncanny-tranny]

People who compare transition to self harm or use real people they know who've self-harmed as a metaphorical comparison to transitioning aren't making the gotcha they think they're making - they're just showing that they don't have the compassion or maturity to engage with either topic at even a conversational level.

And, frankly, it's infuriating as a person who does see those who self-harm as my equal who doesn't need to be used as a cudgel against another group of often vulnerable people.

[mothseatinghumanflesh]

[intothedysphoria]

Transalpha billy?? Coming back to town and surprising his hometown sweetie Steve??? If you please???

Steve was already moping by the first day.

Billy knew that because Steve had sent him at least 6 different voicemails, whining about being lonely about an hour after he’d gotten off the plane. There was no arguing that Billy didn’t feel lonely too, it had been a long while since he’d spent time without his mate but he was so frazzled after the flight, he didn’t have the energy to respond.

The response Billy got was moping even more.

Heather stared over his shoulder as Billy scrolled through the endless sea of their Instagram messages, eyebrows arched severely in judgement. Her and Robin weren’t that ridiculously codependent, that’s what she’d say, popping gum between her teeth. Well, Heather and Robin weren’t mated. They clearly didn’t get it.

It was just that there were no bottom surgeons in Hawkins (not that Billy ever thought they would be) and Billy already had a strong relationship with a secondary gender reassignment clinic in San Francisco. Steve was notoriously bad at dealing with surgery and had a phobia of flying. It would only be two weeks. Both of them could handle it.

The dreams started during night four. The ones where Billy would stare at his face, distorted into some nightmarish parody of femininity and Steve would stare at him, disappointed. He immediately texted Steve, sweat dripping down his back, when he woke up and Steve soothed, with gentle words.

It helped a little but Billy still wanted to punch something.

His hormone levels were normal, that’s what the doctor said. For someone transitioning from omega to alpha, 2 years and 6 months on hormones, he was doing remarkably. No heats for fourteen months, the beginnings of a consistent rut, only producing slick in very rare occasions. The level of dysporia Billy was experiencing was still incredibly high but he was dealing with it, with the support of his close friends, his sister and his mate.

It was ok, that’s what everyone kept telling him. Billy tried to tell himself that too.

Steve consistently sent him the most ridiculous, adorable selfies. He’d always caption them “trans guy swag” showing off his new beard, impressively thick already. Billy missed him so much. His voice, the way his Star of David necklace would swing when he walked, the inevitable smell of burning whenever he tried to cook.

It was six more days. Then he could fly back. Six more days.

Bottom surgery went fine. He ate a lot of jello when he woke up. That and chocolate pudding. God, he was absolutely fucking starved. Heather was mostly tapping on her phone, ever the “influencer” (Billy was pretty sure she was just scamming misogynistic alphas) but she’d look over at Billy and gently take his hand.

He was cleared to leave a day early. After a quick mental battle, Billy decided not to tell Steve. He’d do that cute face that he did whenever Billy surprised him and that was unmissable. So Billy sent an increasingly stupid set of tiktoks instead and turned off his phone.

Flying back to Indiana with Heather was always going to be an experience but he hadn’t quite prepared himself for just how many episodes of Pretty Little Liars she was going to force him to watch in four hours. And then more on her phone on the drive back. Billy loved her but really she was absolutely ridiculous.

Steve was in his usual place for a Wednesday morning. Sipping a cup of overly strong, overly sweet coffee in the hipster place Billy had introduced him to. Talking to Dustin about something nerdy (probably Top Gun) and Billy decided he was going to sit at the table parallel and see how long it took Steve to notice.

It took two minutes (Steve’s new personal record) before he whipped his head around and tears started forming in his eyes. Billy had to grin and hold his arms out (walking was still a bit of a struggle, as was standing) and just wait for Steve to barrel into him.

He didn’t get reprimanded. Or get Steve jumping into his lap. Instead he just got a soft kiss on his forehead and Steve wringing his hands like he usually did when trying to emotionally regulate

“You’re home”

And really that was all Billy wanted to hear.

[lgbtqtext]

Requested by irusanw4

[crypticpuffin]

behold..... the first section of the first chapter of my fic. I got discouraged with it lately but I'm gonna try and keep going with it if I can anyways. read the excerpt below the cut!

Chapter 1

Lambert touched the console nearest to her, allowing the ever-present hum of the ship to vibrate through her space-weary bones. Just the knowledge that they were on their way back home made the feeling somewhat soothing; a promise of safe passage, maybe, or just a reminder that there was nothing to worry about.

She knew she was being ridiculous when she worried about what ifs– she’d always been a worrier, and everyone had always told her to relax, to just let it go. But Joan Lambert had never been very good at letting things go.

Are you scared, little lamb?

“Lambert?”

Upon hearing her crewmate’s voice, she retracted her hand from the console– it was stupid, but something about being alone with someone else (another woman, her brain specified unhelpfully) often made her feel a bit insecure and even nervous. Ellen Ripley was unfortunately no exception. She turned around to face the ship’s third officer, feeling suddenly self-conscious of her appearance. Cryosleep had left her feeling used up and vaguely sick– she was sure that much was evident on her face.

“Yes?” Lambert asked, forcing out the word through the thick buzzing of her thoughts.

If Ripley noticed anything was amiss, thankfully, she didn’t show it.

“Family dinner in five– Dallas’ orders,” she stated simply, but with a little quirk of her lip at the word family. Always that effortless way about her– like other people didn’t scare her. Like nothing scared her.

If Lambert let herself feel it, she might’ve envied her crewmate’s seeming fearlessness; but jealousy was an ugly thing, and besides, Ripley had done nothing to earn any ill will on her part. She was just trying to get by and get home, like all of them. Instead, Lambert let herself feel only a discomfort settle over her skin at the other woman’s words, like an invisible itch she didn’t dare touch.

“Okay, thanks,” she replied, smiling as effortlessly as she could pretend to. She wanted to turn around and drown in her thoughts again, let them pull her under and fill her marrow with that familiar white noise, but Ripley wasn’t leaving. In fact, she was knitting her eyebrows together just slightly; a small tug of concern, maybe, like she’d seen Lambert’s facade for what it was. Shit.

She hated that other women made her feel like this sometimes, especially beautiful women like Ripley– around them, she felt exposed, different. She had transitioned very early in life, but that didn’t mean there weren’t days that that acid doubt didn’t eat away at her, that burning fear that spoke in her mother’s voice and asked her:

Why do you think you could ever fool them?

Most of the time, it was just more static in the incessant din of her head; but sometimes she might have sworn that she could hear that voice as if her mother was standing right behind her, as if her ghost had persisted through the cold vastness of space just to haunt her.

“Are you all right, Lambert?”

She blinked her heavy thoughts away, letting them sink into the pit of her stomach like stones to the sea floor.

“Yeah,” she answered, managing a breathless chuckle as she said it. “I’m fine.” Sensing this might not be enough to dispel her crewmate’s concerns, she went on, “Just still waking up from the cryosleep. Always leaves me kinda disoriented, I guess.”

Ripley nodded with a little smile.

“Yeah, I can’t say I don’t feel the same,” she agrees, and Lambert thinks she can see a small light in her dark eyes, as if she was enjoying the conversation. She doesn’t know what to make of that. “If it helps, Brett managed to throw up afterwards.”

That got an almost involuntary laugh out of her. “Why do you think that would make me feel better?”

She shrugged, but her smile hadn’t faded in the slightest. “I mean, it’s just kind of impressive. After all that time, what did he even have to throw up?”

Lambert’s mouth fell open before a few incredulous, but genuine notes of laughter tumbled out of it. “You’re disgusting, oh my god. Why would you even talk about that?”

Ripley’s smile turned into something more sly, but no less warm.

“I don’t know. Maybe I just wanted to make you laugh.”

Lambert almost choked on thin air. What?

Before she could even attempt to formulate a response to that, Ripley was already flashing her an almost professional smile– almost, because it didn’t reach the amused warmth in her eyes at all– and turning to make her way over to the mess hall, where the others were probably waiting. 

As Lambert watched her go, she began to notice that the buzzing in her head had subsided; in its place, she could feel a soft humming, vibrating through her whole body, seeping through her skin and swirling in her ears like music sometimes did.

She didn’t know how to put a name to the sensation… but maybe, if she was brave enough, she could find out.

[dusk-the-cat]

I’m going to fucking kill somebody

I understand thinking that animal packers might be zoophilic at first sight, but if you think about it for more than 5 seconds you realize how fucking stupid that logic is.

[sleep-deprived-mf]

vent art

(cw: hypersexuality, body dysphoria, general self-hate)