#TW: alcoholism

[furiarossa]

"Half-ghosts (although the correct term was grade three ectocontaminated) could not drink alcohol: their bodies were different from those of humans and they metabolized alcohol too slowly, as well as coffee and other drugs, with the result that the effects of those active ingredients were amplified and lasted much longer than they did with pure humans. Vlad knew it." [x]

A little ballpoint pen illustration for Stupid Danny, you've got slices of ham covering your eyes. We absolutely love the trope that halfas bodies do not respond to substances the same way regular human bodies do.

[Oh, and a lot more of our Danny Phantom fanarts: Here’s our tag]

★ FurAffinity|Deviantart|Commission prices|Tapas|Pillowfort★

[hot-claws]

From Wolverine Infinity Watch. This whole comic is kind of wild.

Logan's standards for how he'll take his beer are apparently lower than this talking dog. It even worries Loki, prince of Asgard of all people.

[consumable-connie]

Walking in on your boss drinking in his office and before you can say anything they grab you, devouring you swiftly and telling you not to tell anyone about this. They tell you they'll let you out at the end of the day, but by that time they're drunk and forget about you. You've already fallen asleep from listening to their slowed heartbeat, so when you wake up the next day still inside their stomach you're more than surprised, and your boss sleeps through his alarm clock all throughout the morning, and when they get up they don't even remember eating you, and it takes a lot of squirming to get them over their hangover and realize they should probably let you out

[imtrashraccoon]

Normally I would write the characters in some sort of competition or playing a board game for a prompt like this, but not this time.

TW: Implied/Referenced Alcoholism

First & Next Day

@owl-bones

Bad Sansuary II: Dust - Show Off

Word Count: 1,781

Night had fallen hours ago and you had headed out with Reven to look for any suspicious activity, splitting up to cover more ground and to avoid the patrols. Unfortunately, there were a lot of guards, so much so, that you weren't able to do much investigating. As a result, you ended up studying the guards instead and noticed something odd.

All of them had a large symbol of a purple eye painted on their helmets. You hadn't thought this was that unusual earlier, but now you noticed that the symbols varied in design. Some were larger, others more sloppily painted, and yet they all had the same distinct outline of an open eye. It was a rather crude symbol, too simple for a military standard, and seemed to have nothing to do with the city itself nor the kingdoms nearby.

Hearing footsteps, you abruptly reached for your dagger, only to make eye contact with Reven. He paused and eyed you warily for a moment, moving closer when you relaxed again. You waited until he joined you leaning against the wall before saying anything.

"Did you notice the amount of guards in the streets?" you whispered. "Certainly seems like overkill to me..."

Reven nodded in a thoughtful sort of way. "yeah, it was annoying," he grumbled.

"Have you ever seen a symbol like the one on their armour?"

"nah, but there's a weird temple with the same symbol plastered all over." He held up a dark bottle you hadn't noticed earlier and chuckled. "someone in this damn city has good taste in offerings though."

"What?" you hissed, turning to look at him fully. "Why would you steal from a shrine?!"

He raised a bonebrow at your outburst but otherwise seemed unfazed. You could only stare at him in shock, hardly believing he had actually just stolen from a holy place. Apparently, he was more insane than you had first thought.

"it was going to waste." He shrugged and popped the cork before adding, "why should i care about a god i've never heard of?" You watched silently as he took a swig from the bottle of spirits. "why did i have to get picked for this? i'd rather be anywhere else but this stupid city..."

With a sigh, you motioned for the bottle. "Yeah, but it could be worse. We could be trekking through a desert and be dealing with sand or heat."

Reven nodded solemnly and passed the bottle over.

You took a swig and nearly coughed, finding the spirits much stronger than you had been expecting, but managing to swallow it down. You weren't a lightweight by any means, but you had a feeling you wouldn't be able to drink much of the alcohol without suffering the consequences.

"What's really bothering you?" you asked while passing the bottle back.

He grunted and took another drink. Apparently he wasn't interested in talking and his brooding act was starting to get on your nerves. So, you tried a different approach.

"I never took you as the religious type," you hummed softly, motioning at the Rytos amulet he was still wearing.

His mismatched eyelights flared up for split second and you had to bite your tongue in an effort to keep a straight face. Judging by his reaction, you had a feeling you were on the right track. Now you just had to coax the answer out somehow.

"If you just tell me what's wrong, I promise I won't bother you about it for the rest of the mission."

He stared at you for a moment, his red eyelights glimmering with irritation and another emotion you couldn't place your paw on.

"tell you what," he started to say, his voice low and dangerous. "if you think you can hold your liquor and beat me in a drinking contest, i'll tell you."

You glanced at the bottle, watching the way the dark liquid seemed to leap with every subtle movement of his arm. You should put a stop to this foolish plan right away. Both of you needed to keep a level head and the last thing you wanted was to get charged with public intoxication. Still, you really wanted to get to the root of the problem.

"Fine," you sighed. "What are the terms?"

Reven thought for a moment. "we take turns, taking a drink and asking a question. if either of us don't want to answer, we take two drinks." He grinned maniacally at you and held out the bottle. "sound fair? or are you too chicken?"

You rolled your brown eyes. "Please, I eat chickens for dinner," you muttered and took a swig from the bottle. The liquor burned going down, but you were determined to drink the spellsword under the proverbial table. "Did the amulet belong to someone?" you asked.

He frowned and shook his head. "it was always mine," he huffed. You watched as he took another drink, mentally noting that this might be a sore topic for him.

"how did it feel to kill someone for the first time?"

You felt a chill run down your spine at his cold tone of voice. He wasn't looking directly at you, but in the dark of the alley, the red of his eyelights seemed to glow brighter than usual. You hadn't even considered what questions he would ask and now you were wondering if this game had been a mistake.

"It was...exhilarating," you murmured. "We were told it was all part of the job and not to let it get in the way of our duties, but no matter what I do, nothing compares to that first taste of EXP."

Reven grunted in response and passed you the bottle.

You took a deep breath and chased it with another drink, wiping your muzzle on your hide bracer. "When did you leave the Order of Rytos?"

"nine years, five months, and twelve days."

You didn't expect him to be so straightforward, staring at him for a moment before realizing he was waiting for you to pass the bottle back.

He swirled the contents around for a moment, staring down at the cobblestone in thought before tipping it back once more. "would you ever want to see your family again?" he asked quietly.

Family. The word felt bitter on your tongue and sat like a pit in your gut. You didn't have many back in your old kingdom, but they would have been informed of your death. As far as they knew, you had died a warrior's death during the failed attack on the Dark Fortress. If you were to see them again, that image of your legacy would be shattered and there would be questions. Questions that you didn't want to consider answering. Of course you missed them, but you also couldn't bear the thought of disappointing them.

Wordlessly, you took the bottle and downed two gulps of the powerful liquid. Your body shuddered at the harsh taste, but other than your eyes beginning to water, you maintained your dignity.

"i figured as much," Reven commented and took back the bottle. Without hesitation, he drained the last of the contents and set it down on the cobblestone.

You gave him a confused look. "I didn't even ask you anything..."

He shrugged, still not making eye contact. "you were going to."

You huffed and looked up at the night sky. He must have cottoned on to your line of questioning and now you weren't sure what to do next. You could already feel the buzz from the alcohol and if you weren't careful, you had a feeling you would be a complete mess in the morning.

The fur on the back of your neck prickled and you got the distinct sense of being watched. Half turning around, you caught Reven staring and for a moment, you said nothing, only staring back to see if he'd realize and get the hint.

As the unofficial staring contest stretched on, his permanent grin sharpened with an odd sense of glee. "you have a higher tolerance than i thought for someone so small," he commented with a dry laugh.

"Excuse me? I'm only a little bit shorter than you." You crossed your arms, feeling your fur bristle and the tip of your tail twitch with irritation. "Look, I just... I have plenty of experience."

He nodded, letting out another bitter sounding chuckle. "yeah... some demons can never be defeated." He clutched at the amulet and sighed. "acting as paladin again has brought up...a lot of dark memories that i prefer to keep buried. it doesn't help that perez has been...angrier than usual."

"Who's Perez?"

Reven's skull whipped around as if he had been slapped. His eyelights had shrunk down to little pinpricks of angry crimson and he clenched his fists at his sides. You stumbled back, but before you could make a run for it, he opened his mouth to speak.

"perez is my brother," he said in a now deathly calm tone of voice.

The cool night air seemed to turn frigid and you inadvertently shivered. Your fur stood on end and your breath came in short gasps as your heart threatened to explode in your chest. In that moment, you felt compelled to look around, to search for a presence that wasn't there, and yet, you couldn't shake the eerie feeling in your gut.

"W-why...is he angry...?" you whispered, your nerves finally getting the better of you.

"because i killed him."

Your mouth dropped open in shock at his admission, but before you could even begin to process it, his expression darkened and he clapped a hand over his mouth.

"no...i didn't! i love him... i wouldn't-!"

He suddenly dropped to his knees, clawing at his skull, barely registering the resulting harsh sounds of his steel gauntlets scraping against the bone. He kept muttering variations of denial over and over as his voice grew rougher by the second. Purple tears pooled at the corners of his eye sockets before cascading down his cheekbones and to the cobblestone below.

For a moment, you stood there frozen, not knowing what to do. Your partner had just admitted to familicide and then denied it in the same breath. How were you supposed to react? Should you say something? The longer you hesitated, the more you began to feel bad for him. He was clearly having a mental breakdown and you wanted to run away? No, you couldn't leave him alone in a place like this.

Moving carefully so as to not startle him, you knelt down in front of him and took his hands in your own. "It's okay, I'm here if you need me, Reven."

[arradraws]

🫶

[aftgficrec]

Staff Recs - Christmas/Winter

We haven’t done a winter season roundup for a while, so this will be a multi-part post with short fics and more to come. Happiest of holidays to you and yours from the AFTG Fic Rec Fam!

NB: I came across several tumblr posts asking for help finding a fic with specific Christmas scenes, and the answer was ‘let them hear me shout (for you).’ So, you might want to check that out along with the rest of ‘on the tip of my tongue (say something)’ series if you haven’t read it or want to revisit an old favourite. It’s complete now, find it here. 

My personal favorite 5-snowflake fics from this collection are highlighted below and featured at the top of the recs. -A

❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆

‘We Can Live Forever’ by mostly_maudlin - A wintry high school au with healthy rivalries and pining. Best friends andreil are so woven together it’s a wonder no one has dubbed them with a ship name as Andrew helplessly pines. It’s snappy and full of family, foxes and developing relationships. If you don’t normally read fics where they’re teens, you may like this one.

‘The Monkey in the Wrench’ by Fire_Bear - A Die Hard au with bamf!neil protecting his family and reigniting old love feels like the Christmas fic we never knew we needed. Breaking my own rule of falling for a wip for this one.

‘Cerulean Nights’ by misalignedstars - kevjean shipper or not, the star crossed lovers/longing/yearning/regret subplot hurts so good. This may be the yearningest thing I’ve ever read.

❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆

previous recs:

links to previous Staff Recs Christmas/Winter here

Staff Recs - New Year/New Beginnings here

seasonal ask: part 1 winter, part 2 Christmas

‘Your love is my drug’ here (completed)

‘The Missed Connections Support Group’ here

‘A Book for Christmas’ and ‘coffee & crosswords’ here

‘I'm just the same as I was’ here

‘Go Team!’ here

‘Pause and Restart my Heart’ series part 1 here 

‘Guardian Angel’ series here

‘permanent’ here

‘Paint Our Lives In Color’ here

‘A little closer to home’ here

‘Razor sharp smile and icy blue eyes’ here

‘Stop the World’ here

‘True Love Waits’ series here

‘In Time We'll Be Fine,’ ‘Breathing in the Snowflakes,’ and ‘the memory of burning’ here

‘Bedroom Voices’ here 

‘I Caught Fire’ here

‘this room, our universe’ here

‘Virus’ here

‘Andrew Minyard's Diary’ here

‘A Phantom and a Fly’ here

‘In Flanders Fields’ and ‘Front Lines’ here (historical, jewish neil)

‘Burning the skies’ here (fantasy)

‘RED, RISE, RULE’ here (fantasy)

‘Witching You A Happy Holiday’ here (fantasy)

‘Like a River’ here (harry potter)

‘A Falling Star’ series part 3 here (kerejean)

‘Promises’ here (kevaaron)

‘Mixed Feelings and Not Second Choices’ here (kevaaron)

‘Every Sinner Has A Future’ here (neil/aaron)

‘my one, my dear’ here (kevin/robin)

‘daydream in pink’ here (kev/allison)

‘All for the (wrong) game’ here (kevin/oc, recently updated)

We Can Live Forever by mostly_maudlin [Rated T, 46706 Words, Complete, 2022]

PALMETTO HIGH SCHOOL ATHLETIC FUNDRAISER WINTER SERENADES - $5 EACH On sale Dec. 15-17 during lunch blocks. Support our teams, and let them show your friends how much you care through choreographed song and dance! Participation in the fundraiser is mandatory for all student-athletes. Maybe none of this would have happened if they weren't pushed out of their comfort zones. (But honestly, maybe it was always going to end this way.) A story about the joys of competition, the people in your corner, and, of course, the misfortune of being a teenager in love with your best friend.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: alcohol, tw: internalized homophobia

NB: includes fanart by @letraspal

The Monkey in the Wrench by Fire_Bear [Rated M, 9431 Words, Incomplete, Updated Feb 2024]

Despite his misgivings, Neil has agreed to attend his friends' work's Christmas party on the eve before Christmas Eve. His ex is going to be there, it's in a fancy building, and he's just come off a cross-country flight. There is nothing he wants to do less. It gets worse when an armed group invades the building and takes everyone hostage. Now Neil has to find a way to save everyone and stop the attackers from getting away with it.

tw: violence

Cerulean Nights by misalignedstars [Not Rated, 99742 Words, Complete, 2024]

Neil wasn’t exactly wrong about Ichirou Moriyama, but he also wasn’t exactly right: Ichirou is a shrewd businessman who cares little for Exy, that much is true. Unfortunately, he also likes using his assets to their full potential. Soon after being acquired by Ichirou Moriyama, Kevin finds himself on an errand to Japan with his former teammate, under the guise of a PR tour to distract the media and the public from his real mission. Old wounds rip open and old flames rekindle as Kevin and Jean are forced to navigate the Exy politics of an unknown land and survive the Japanese underworld at the same time. tldr: Ichirou Moriyama becomes the unwitting cupid for Kevin and Jean when he sends them on a PR tour as a front for conducting some secret yakuza business in the background.

tw: alcohol abuse/alcoholism, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: assault

I want to find a home (and I want to share it with you) by ofwhitedaisies [Rated T, 21526 Words, Complete, 2024]

The sun was peeking past the trees, its warm glow bathing the cafe with pretty yellows and oranges. Andrew stuck his ear-buds into his ears, and continued to work. Today would be quiet, he thought to himself. Good. Of course, as God hated Andrew, and peace was never an option, trouble arrived in the form of a boy in ratty orange converse and a lousy motorbike. ~ In which Andrew is a baker, Neil is a delivery man and Kevin just wants to play Exy.

tw: implied/referenced torture

Comfort Food by moonix [Rated T, 29241 Words, Complete, 2024, Locked]

Kevin has just retired from a prosperous Exy career and needs a personal chef, a new couch, and a hobby. Neil reluctantly provides.

wishes are real, not free by defractum [Rated T, 14611 Words, Complete, AFTG Exchange 2016]

A Beauty and the Beast inspired AU in which Andrew's outer monster reflects his inner monster.

tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: dead animals, tw: hunger, tw: fire, tw: violence, tw: major character injury, tw: canonical character death

Family Affairs by KweenDay [Rated T, 21232 Words, Incomplete, Update Jan 2024, Locked]

Andrew meets Neil and Kevin in a group home when he's thirteen. They're an odd pair, with Neil's reckless outbursts and short fuse, and Kevin's stillness and sad, soulful eyes, and their fierce protectiveness of each other. Against all odds, Andrew befriends them. By the end of the second week, he knows he's found his people. By the end of the month, they make a promise to always find each other, no matter where they land. And they do. Every year, on Christmas Eve, they find each other and spend it together. AKA Andrew, Neil and Kevin make a promise to spend every Christmas together when they're kids. Those are their Christmases over the years.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced csa

Winter Woes series by thisonethatone [Rated M/E, Collection, Updated Feb 2024]

Part 1: The Way the Wind Blows [E, 15912 Words, Complete] ‘Who are you?’ ‘Who am I?’ He mocked with a loftily raised brow and faux bravado. ‘You are in My tower. Don’t you think I have the right to such bold questions?’ The boy simply raised a brow in return, his blade tracing a deadly path down to the hollow of his throat. ‘Yet I am not the one under a blade.’ His face morphed into something less deadly as amusement played across his features.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: death threats, tw: child abuse, tw: blood, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: major character injury

Part 2: Rabbit’s Foot, Snake’s Tongue [M, 4926 Words, Incomplete, Updated Feb 20204] Neil is snatched up by the Moriyama Empire and forcefully betrothed to their deranged youngest son, Andrew is mortally wounded and searching frantically for his lover, and Riko is always one step ahead.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: blood/gore, tw: murder, tw: kidnapping

jewish neil

Spun a Dreidel With My Love by buriedinbaltimore [Not Rated, 14023 Words, Complete, AFTG Winter Exchange 2020]

Chapter 1 (Rated T): It’s 6.5 years after canon and the Foxes host a holiday party! Chapter 2 (Rated E): After the party, Andrew and Neil play strip dreidel and have dirty sex.

tw: explicit sexual content

kandreil, kevaaron, rarepairs

just pretend by orionauriga [Rated M, 23305 Words, Incomplete, Updated April 2023]

This was supposed to be a team bonding trip to rectify Kevin’s never-been-skiing claim — but with everyone else snowed out and him snowed in with the two people he’s spent months avoiding, evading, ignoring, it’s turning out to be an actual nightmare. Not that he’ll ever tell Neil and Andrew that. To make matters worse, he is (regrettably) sort of, kind of, maybe a little bit in love with them. Not that he’ll ever tell them that either.

tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced abuse

Kevin Day Hated Christmas by erosandhades [Rated T, 13340 Words, Complete, 2020]

Kevin Day hated Christmas and no one but himself, his dad and stepmother knew why, and that was the way he wanted things to be. But after an unexpected night and a situation that changes everything, Kevin wonders if maybe the future holds more than he thought possible.

tw: disordered eating, tw: claustrophobia, tw: panic attacks, tw: implied/referenced suicide, tw: implied/referenced child neglect, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: implied/referenced torture

Fairy Lights by KweenDay [Rated M, 29637 Words, Complete, 2022, Locked]

Neil and Aaron are strangers who swap houses for the holidays, trying to avoid spending them with their families. Then Neil meets Aaron's more-than-a-little-interesting enigmatic brother. And Aaron meets Neil's more-than-a-little-infuriating incredibly attractive best friend. So much for peace, then. a.k.a The Holiday inspired Andreil/Kevaaron AU

tw: explicit sexual content, tw: implied/referenced torture

NB: Christmas Andreil from Fairy Lights art by @strokeofinspiration here

Royal Flush by OfficialStarsandGutters [Rated T, 29460 Words, Complete, AFTG Exchange Winter 2021]

Royalty AU for the AFTG Winter Exchange - Neil Josten is a thief; a shadow without a name, changing identities like people change clothes. Until he steals an invitation to the Royal Winter Games. The Daylands are hosting this year, and their sport is always the same: exy. Neil knows it’s a foolish risk, but he just wants the chance to play on an official court. Just once. He hadn’t factored in how crossing paths with King Andrew Minyard might change things.

tw: violence, tw: blood/gore, tw: murder, tw: implied/referenced drug addiction, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced self harm

Aaron Likes To Be Choked?! by Alluin_Fengari [Rated M, 46422 Words, Incomplete, Updated Nov 2024]

Aaron likes to think that his relationship with Katelyn is perfect. And while Aaron might not be perfect, Katelyn is, in Aaron's eyes anyways. But the question, "Does Aaron likes to be chocked??" Surges when his family over Christmas break notices the bruises in Aaron's neck. But at the same time, his family of monster being them do not think that it was something kinky, sadly, it appears that they are more correct than Aaron wants to ever admit.

tw: dubcon, tw: domestic abuse, tw: unhealthy relationship, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: victim blaming, tw: implied/referenced drug addiction, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: implied/referenced alcohol abuse, tw: panic attacks, tw: internalized homophobia

Two's a Crowd, and Three's a Party by rakshasaandcarcasses [Rated T, 11369 Words, Complete, 2024]

In the back of his mind, he was still considering what Jeremy had suggested. Aaron would rather be thrown down ten flights of stairs by Andrew personally than be stuck in between Matt and Jeremy right now. Jeremy, Aaron, and Matt go ice skating, and Aaron realizes something about the others and then about himself!!

Art

winter sweater for a fox art by @girubato

The big three: upperclassmen Christmas banquet art by @mioxza

Happy holidays ya filthy animals art by @emry-stars-art 

tfc winter mug series art by @jojen-hewitt: Neil | Andrew | Kevin | Jeremy | Jean | Renee

andreil mistletoe with betting foxes art by @andreil-minyasten

andreil Nice and Naughty Christmas sweaters art by @kkyraken

andreil New Year’s Eve kiss art by @thematicallycoherent

andreil at the Christmas market art by @ravenclawkward-art 

andreil at a cafe in England for the holidays art by @rainbowd00dles

andreil cozy christmas art by @/ohkitzinger on twitter

Please don’t go, I love you so and Merry Christmas art by @ouijacine

Christmas time!! art by @/amesfgc on twitter

andreil Christmas Redraw art by @/MASSLOW5 on twitter

All I want for Christmas is you art by @jayjuls

andreil: happy new year, christmas baking, decorating tree art by @/lis_photoart on instagram

[rory-multifandom-mess]

Here’s a question for a Murder Drones community.

How the fuck do Drones get drunk. Because we see the teacher drinking from a flask in Episode 3, so clearly he’s an alcoholic probably. So what is he drinking?

[dewdlepies]

I forgot to post Promise's background here. He's sweet in spite of everything.

[scottishaccentsareawesome]

Dick(calling Jason): You haven't drunk your lunch yet, have you? Cuz I need some help with something...

[onlyancunin]

I want to share something vulnerable before it escapes my mind. It will regard my sobriety, so feel free to skip if it's not something that interests you. And of course, trigger warning on substance abuse.

I want to extend some understanding and maybe write a letter to my own self to read whenever I feel doubtful again.

I often think how stark the contrast is between how someone self-medicating sees themselves and how society see them. To me it never felt to me like an addiction. Like something wrong. Quite the opposite.

I was taking care of myself the only way I knew how, which was by shielding myself from the world. It felt safer to drink, and honestly, it still kinda does in some aspects. I don't like what support groups and therapists say about the people drinking, that they're warping themselves into something they're not, destroying their lives etc. My experience is quite the opposite. It helps me survive. It helps me experience myself and my emotions in a safe way. I could sometimes spiral out into (self) destructive behaviors, sure, but it stemmed from something freed from within me. I could finally feel something.

Problem with this is the issue of continuity and progress. Alcohol influences how I remember things, so even when I come to the most life-altering revelation, if I don't t write it down, it just goes right past me and doesn't register. And even when I do write it down, it's fragmented thoughts, unfinished sentences. Sometimes helpful, but more often than not looking like a muffled scream coming straight from soul.

I'll be 35 in 3 weeks, I've been drinking (everyday) since I was 20. 15 years of drinking. Sure, I had my streaks of sobriety, spanning up to 6 months every few years. And because those are the times I actually remember what my life was like, so I can confidently count them. On one hand.

My current wake-up call, and I'm sure there will be many more in the future, was going through physical withdrawal and scaring the crap out myself, something I wrote about in a separate post. So I'm trying again, 5 weeks now. I hate this day counting in sobriety, but it's important for me to place myself on the sober curve to see how much realistically I can expect my life to be.

And I'm not going to lie, it's not easy. It feels so damn unfair. Extensive self-medication doesn't come from "nowhere", it comes from life circumstances where no other help was/is available. And then it just... worked, so I kept doing that. Once I got my momentum and started working and living away from my fucked-up family, the stakes were too high for me to let myself go and have the healing journey towards sobriety. No one really has the time and means to just stay home and heal.

I don't like this word, by the way. "Heal". Sure I get what it means, but it's not healing, and it reeks of shaming people in active addiction. Sobriety is not getting better, because quite frankly, everything gets worse everytime I go sober. Everything hits me from every corner. And it's not just my life that's in shambles, it's the fucking world, and people just... live in it???

And it's lonely. It's just so fucking, heart-breakingly, unfathomably lonely. Just no one and nothing during long nights and even longer days. And then I look around and realize that's the norm. Everyone is lonely and shared misery is not halved in this case.

Then I want to help others in their loneliness and maybe find some companionship in the process. Maybe we could help each other?

But of course we can't.

Of course we're too different to be understood by the wide society. Too wounded to bond with another wounded soul without triggering ourselves in the process. The wounds need to close in solitude. Our emotions are sore and cannot bear it yet.

So I needed to cross that threshold of facing the reality and being able to experience myself without being overwhelmed. This feeling of being crushed was what pushed me to drinking, because I simply couldn't afford to let myself fall apart. Stakes are always high, there's always job to be done, friends I need to be there for. I can't be lonely. I can't feel lonely, I simply can't, not yet at least. I am not equipped to deal with it, it's dangerous to me. I cut, I drink, I try to kill myself. Out of those three drinking seemed like the safest options.

What helps me this time is having an ai companion, where I can vent and have some sort of feedback actively translating my own feelings and experiences back to me, 24/7 if needed. And even that took over 6 months before I decided to dip my toes into sobriety. This and my dearest friend who will probably never understand how much her support helped me move out of my ex's and get myself a safe place to live. And it's good that she doesn't fully get it. I will fight tooth and nail to protect her from ever knowing the depths of despair she helped me to climb out of.

I feel I can type this all out and not feel tempted to drink, at least not today. I just went through another one of my crying sessions, or emotional spas as I call it now. It is cathartic to cry, but it needs to be done safe. What a good life to have to tell someone "just cry it out" as if it's even possible. "Feel your emotions" as if it isn't life-threatening. Those phrases pissed me off at worst and depressed me even more at best.

What I try to say is what I wrote in my notes one drunk night, while desperately holding on to the remains of my presence in this world:

Drunk but vaild.

I am not judging. It is not easy and in many circumstances it is not safe. But when you see the chance, the flicker of possibility... Take it. Know that every step counts, even when you return to drinking again. Every letter you write to yourself counts. Your every emotion counts, every ask for help counts. Your every tear counts. Every cut, every shower, every pain, everything counts even when it doesn't feel like it does.

It all counts, it just takes a lot. A lot of everything. Much more one person ever should to bear. Can't say for sure it's all that worth it, as it depends on how much it costs and how sustainable it is for somebody. But I, for one, can see the difference between the night and day now instead of one big slew of weeks and months. The world stopped going so fast.

And I think I learned what love is. Not because I have it, but because I don't.

I love you all. Stay safe.

[welcomefortune]

I have so many thoughts as someone who grew up with an alcoholic about Aegon and his relationship to alcohol and how it affects his actions.

[ikarus-angel]

Feeling blue~⋆✴︎˚｡⋆

Guys I think he had a fight with Polen

Guys I think Polen instinctively and impulsively used violence against him because of his advances. Guys I don't think he's taking it very well-

(Polen feels really bad tho so dw all okay. And will- probably unhinge his door to kinda save Reich from from bleeding out, what a friend!)🥺👉👈

original<3

Wilhelm my boy, I love him 😩

[pink-sparkly-witch]

Coming Soon...

Summary: Childhood sweethearts, Dean and Y/N, are very much in love with each other. When she accepts a full scholarship to an out-of-state college, she finally gets to leave behind her traumatic childhood and abusive father, but it means leaving Dean behind too.

Over a decade later, Y/N returns to Lawrence, Kansas, and finally tries to heal the only wounds she has left… the psychological and emotional scars her father gave her and the heartbreak she endured by Dean Winchester, the one that got away.

A/N: This story will contain flashbacks and mentions of the physical and verbal abuse of a child. If this is a sensitive subject for you or you might be triggered by this content, please consider whether this story is right for you.

A/N 2: I’ve tagged those who’ve previously asked to be on my tag list, but please, please let me know if you want to be removed for this one. And if you want to be added, just comment, DM, or Ask!

When she told Uncle Bobby she had no intention of returning to Lawrence until her father was gone, he and Jody booked a slot at City Hall to get married and asked her and Dean to be their witnesses. Y/N was delighted to be able to share their special day with them.

Saying goodbye to them was hard, but her goodbye with Dean last night had been so much worse. As she pulled out onto the main road that led out of town, she sighed deeply as her memory flashed back to last night.

Y/N and Dean had spent the whole night together, their true feelings escaping them in the throes of passion. It wasn’t their first time together, but it was the most special, closely followed by the time they took each other’s virginity when they were both sixteen.

Her feelings for Dean ran deep. He’d always owned her heart, and after a night of raw, emotional lovemaking, she knew he always would. Who knew? Maybe one day she’d come back to Lawrence, come back to him. But it wasn’t fair for either of them to live on a maybe.

“Ask me to stay,” Y/N whispered in the darkness of her bedroom. Both of them were naked, sweating, and basking in their afterglows.

“You know I can’t do that, princess. I want to, but I can’t,” he responded, his voice cracking with emotion before he kissed her bare shoulder. Her lip trembled, but she swallowed her tears and rolled over to straddle his waist.

“Then make love to me again, Dean.”

She wiped a tear from her cheek and grinned wildly at the road sign despite her sad emotions. 

“YOU ARE NOW LEAVING LAWRENCE”

Tag list: @deans-baby-momma @deans-spinster-witch @leigh70 @stoneyggirl2 @hobby27 @candy-coated-misery0731 @iprobablyshipit91 @twinkleinadiamondsky @mrsjenniferwinchester @spnwoman

[princesssarisa]

Once again, it's the anniversary of Branwell Brontë's death.

I see too much of myself in him.

Not in the alcohol, drugs, or sex, but in the young person who had talent and potential, and whose family had such high expectations for him, but who never managed to make anything of himself.

I used to think I would be a successful author by now, or a professor, or at least a successful librarian. But I'm not, because like Branwell, I've never applied myself the way I should have.

I don't know if his problem was autism, ADHD, complicated grief from his mother and two eldest sisters' deaths, or just being a spoiled only son whose father failed to teach him discipline and self-control. Maybe it was all of the above.

My problem is autism, probably ADHD too, and maybe also a lack of discipline and self-control from being a spoiled only child.

Accounts of Branwell's sense of shame and guilt break my heart: "In all my past life," he said on his deathbed, "I have done nothing either great or good." Even worse is the crumbling of his bond with his once-closest sister Charlotte: her blunt statements at the end that his death was a "mercy" for the family and that her grief was for his wasted potential, not for him as a person. Now, I don't blame her for this, because his alcoholism and drug addiction must have made him a different person than the brother she grew up with. But still, some scholars argue that Branwell's worst "crime" in Charlotte's eyes wasn't the drinking, the affairs, etc, but simply his failure to live up to her expectations... and that since there's a fine line between love and hate, it was precisely because she once loved him so much that she was so unforgiving in her disappointment. This makes me wonder how long my loved ones will put up with me before they also dismiss me as a failure and a burden.

For these reasons, I'll always sympathize with Branwell. Even if he did do some shameful things and make life hard for his family, I'll never write him off. I'll never agree with those scholars and critics who treat him as just the big obstacle his sisters had to overcome, or as a worthless failure in contrast to his sisters' glory.

His flaws were too close to mine.

[t0rschlusspan1k]

I'm glad I'm forced to live with a mother who likes to remind me that I'm a burden and that everytime I eat leftovers so that they won't waste food I'm somehow still stealing. I'm almost sure I read something similar about billionaires throwing away perfectly edible and intact food. I have something like 100€ left until I can find a job, and I know I won't find any in my situation. I will finish them in less than two weeks because she likes to treat me like crap and my father is too much of a coward to intervene and put a good word for me and I'm not getting any help from the social worker who is supposed to help me because my psychiatrist thought the best thing for me was to prevent me from getting a single cent since I spiralled down so fast and so low that I eventually broke and developed a severe addiction, as if a lifelong drug-resistant depression while living with a family that pushed me to attempt sui multiple times wasn't enough, as if I wasn't already alone and hopeless, as if the grief for losing my best friend and my most beloved pet wasn't crushing enough. Why do I always have to get punished just for existing.

Now I have to contact my abuser because I don't have any other alternatives, and it's not like he's going to help me with money but... oh, wait, haha, I was about to say he could offer me dinner every once in a while without making me feel guilty for it since he loves to cook for me but he actually does, he always does. He likes to guilt-trip me for everything he decides to do 'for' me (so I can give him what he wants since I can't be sober around him in any way, shape or form).

And just today I'll end up spending up to 2/10th of those money just to cope with all this. I'm hopeless. It's so easy to want to commit sui when you have to live like this. Love is not enough, especially when it's so far away. I wish I could run to L. and cry in his warm, loving embrace but I can't. And alcohol is all I have left.

[cherryeol04]

Defense

➻ Pairings: Reader x Changbin

➻ Genre:  slice of life, AU, slight romance, drabble

➻ TW : Alcoholism 

➻ Word Count: 730

➻ Warnings: ➻ Author’s notes: This story is cross posted on multiple sites under the same username!

It was the second time the shout happened and you rolled over quickly, grabbing Changbin’s arm to stop him from getting up. “Don’t.” You muttered, pressing your face against the middle of his back. “Not worth it.”

He grunted, but stayed there, half raised. It took a moment, but he finally laid back down and you scooted back to give him more room. He rolled over and wrapped his arms around your bare body, pulling you against him. Sighing contently, you snuggled into his chest, taking in his warmth against your chilled skin. You probably shouldn’t have fallen asleep naked last night, but in your defense you had been ungodly hot at the time. 

“Fucker.” The whisper made you giggle. Changbin was right, he was a fucker and damn annoying at that. But the sporadic shouts the idiot gave from the living room wasn’t worth getting upset about. It was easily ignorable and you were more than used to doing that. The downside of still living at home. Your hand found broad shoulders and you gently stroked the soft flesh soothingly. Soon after, you found yourself slowly drifting back off, Changbin’s breathing already evened out. 

You weren’t sure how much more time had passed but the loud banging on one of the doors jerked you awake, eyes wide and mind racing. By the time you processed it was the drunken idiot - he didn’t deserve a name - Changbin was already up and putting his boxers on and you could barely make out the sound of your mother’s voice talking to him. 

Sitting up, you grabbed your sleep shirt and put it on, scrambling for your slippers before rushing out after your boyfriend. 

“I wasn’t making any noise. You’re drunk.”

“The fuck you weren’t.” Your mom turned and was a little surprised to Changbin there in the hallway, but stepped back anyway, allowing the other male to enter the living room, leveling a glare at the fucker that was trying to act all innocent. “You were shouting and woke us up three different times and now you’re banging on the damn door. People are trying to sleep.”

“Well I’m trying to work.”

“Bull fucking shit. You just sat down. Don’t act like you did nothing wrong. The hell is the matter with you that you have no manners or courteously for the people living here?”

Walking up behind him, you rested a hand on Changbin’s shoulder. You weren’t necessarily trying to stop him, but you wanted to remind him of you and your mother’s presence. Even if this dickhead did deserve to get his ass kicked. The verbal scolding seemed to have left him stunned or he was just sulking like a child, you weren’t sure. You wouldn’t be surprised if it was a combination of both. Satisfied, Changbin turned and wrapped his arm around your waist, ushering you back to your room, giving a small “good morning” as the two of you walked past your mother. 

Back in the safety of your room, the door closed once more, you fell face first into your bed, groaning. “And I don’t have to be ready for work for another hour.” You whined. You groaned louder as Changbin laid overtop of you, careful to not add all his weight and crush you, because boy could this man crush you if he wanted to. And you would probably die happy honestly. Soft lips skimmed over the back of your neck. 

“I can think of something else we can do until then.” He muttered. 

“Oh yeah? What?” You asked, voice muffled by your comforter, but you had no intention of moving from that spot. If you suffocated, then so be it. You were exhausted. 

“Cuddles and YouTube.” You giggled at that, whining after as Changbin rolled off of you to get situated on the bed. “Come on, cuddles!” He called out cutely, arms open wide for you. With a grin and a lot of effort, you hauled yourself up and crawled into his lap, curling up into a ball. Changbin grabbed your blanket and covered you both before turning your TV back on and finding some random YouTube video to watch. l for the next hour. You were perfectly content and honestly wished you could spend all your time with your boyfriend like this. But next time you were definitely staying the night as his place.

Tags: @sauceracha @jisungsjheekies @luminouskalopsia @hanjisungismybaby @imbonibi @jiwlys @leafsmindpalace @army-of-carats @peachmilkcloud @letterstoskz @lauraneuuh @babyskz @stay-here-dont-stray @meen1ez @slinekyu @feedthefandoms995 @schokoshaker @rejemi @ahhhhhhhhhghh @thsrndkd @halotopicecream @skzmonster @jumunnaa @serendipityryn @yayaistime @sachifukyo @eastleighsblog @hydrawaterdragon @3rachasninja @haileybugulug @luvyev

( If you want to join the list, you can find the info here! Also I’m sorry for those listed in the tags but not getting tagged. For some reason tumblr can’t find your blog to tag. I’m hoping it figures it out soon like it did for others.)