#tw: selfharm

[chizups]

I smell like self-harm, I smell like a really bad plan

I smell like childhood trauma and nervous breakdown until dawn

An awkward pause, an unventilated room, I smell like mistrust...

...I smell like exposed wire, panic for no reason

And you smell like tranquility, like silence in my head

You are like ten hours of uninterrupted sleep

You are Thursday, you are 4:00 PM, you are chamomile tea and peace.

You're like care, like home, like the ability to seriously

and for a long time to love, endlessly

it's a song lyrics, originally in russian. Though sang by a female, I imagine these are Jacob's words to Dina.

[gorkloum]

tw: blood, gore/guro, selfharm, dead body

Beyond is kinda tired from fixing someone's apartment 😔 probably he saw mess in my closet and falls into DESPAIR!!

(My part of trade with my friend @nnenteyn (>w<) <3)

To see the full image, tap below:

And the closeup :з

[wardens-art]

[ Armless Kayn AU ]

Some kayn sketches and a lil summary of the au, someone asked about it on twt

[h2llish]

there is a form of cannibalism known as autocannibalism, where one consumes a part of themselves. this can be in small things, such as nails or hair, but can become much more extreme by consuming parts of their skin. one form of autocannibalism often talked about, is the consumption of the placenta by people with a uterus after giving birth.

autocannibalism is considered a form of self-harm and can be taken quite seriously if it gets too bad.

tagging: @tetrxctys

[risu442]

[lesfir]

Tav who, due to her tragic history, hates herself and hurts herself.

Lord Astarion, who goes nuts over it. His precious treasure... Turns out in the camp she was hiding it or there was so much incident and fatigue around - it wasn't necessary, there was enough pain. Which explained a few things to him, though. That's what it was...

Astarion worries: she's being tormented by something inside that he can't understand, control or somehow end.

Tav doesn't know how to deal with it, either. She worries that he worries. Tav can do what she wants in Faerun if she feels the need to. His spell will still heal her. They dance at the ball, Tav laughs, it's all right. They share all the pleasures in each other's arms. It's a strange unpleasantness might happen once a month.  

Still why did he do not like it so much? It had to be ended somehow.

Gifts, entertainment and his best caresses weren't working. Astarion was hurt that he couldn't solve the problem himself for the only person he cared about.

One day he came up with a compromise that if, he would do it himself with her. He knows body pain, how to inflict it and how to handle it. Or he'll be around.

Tav insisted it was sometimes and she needed some space at times like this. Astarion agreed. And she came to him very often.

So these two vampire have reached an incredible level of trust.

[violentdick]

-source: Batman (1940) #6-

Weapon of choice: ...I'm convinced Dick had to be written out of Under the Red Hood otherwise Jason would have ended up shooting himself in the head by accident now.

[mundrakan]

Prompt: Blood

@wolfstarmicrofic - 148 words

TW: Blood, injury, selfharm

There is blood everywhere and Remus desperately tries to stop it. But it's just too much, seeping out from under shattered bones, through broken skin. Everyone had told him to keep Sirius at arm's length, everyone. Even James, after the shit with the Shrieking Shack. So Remus had. How could he have known it would cut off the last tether and make Sirius... jump? He should have known better, he should have...

Remus woke up with a scream of anguish turned relief. There was time. Sirius was there, sleeping at the other bed, right next to his. It made Remus smile. Quietly he tiptoed over, watching his reassuringly solid form, until instinct made him stir.

Usually he would turn away now, hiding, keeping his distance, just like everyone told him to. But no more. He strayed, until he met Sirius' eyes. “Remember the question? The answer is yes.”

[diamantensplitterherz]

Watching Elementary and seeing Sherlock at all those NA meetings brings up the weirdest feelings in me. I have never been addicted to drugs (didn't even try them once) or alcohol, but I used to self harm. And I know it's not the same, but the way I felt, and the way I struggled with stopping - hell, the way I still struggle to not relapse on bad days... I just wish that I had someone like Alfredo, someone who has been there and has been sober/harm free longer than I have. Or meetings in general. Just people to talk to, who have been there and who understand and know the way I'm feeling. None of my friends has ever been self harming, and I don't want to be a burden. I haven't cut in more than 8 years, but it still is a struggle some days. And I'm kind of jealous of AA/NA meetings, because there is community and mutual support (at least the way it is portraied in series/books) and I don't have that. Does anyone know if there is an App or something similar?

[midnightmare-fics]

Can't Forget You - Chapter One

Ship: Harringroveson (Steve Harrington/Billy Hargrove/Eddie Munson)

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 5,389

Warnings: DEAD DOVE, attempted suicide, suicide ideation, self-harm, cutting, depressed steve, eating disorder, ed steve, anxious steve, flashbacks, panic attacks, lying, scars, ptsd, HEAVY angst, eventual happy ending, mentions of drug use (weed), anxiety attack, hurt not comfort (in this chapter)

Summary:

Carrying the weight of his two lost loves, Steve is struggling. He's depressed, anxious, and constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. He's moody, underweight, and suffering from hallucinations and night terrors. He missed Billy... He missed Eddie... He missed the promises of happiness, and the life he was supposed to have. He wishes the Party was enough. Wishes he was strong enough to keep fighting, but he's tired. So tired and broken... He just wants to be with his boys again...

~*~

READ THE TAGS, PEOPLE.

Bingo: @harringroveson-bingo

Card Two, B2 - Free Space

Link:

[chizups]

One of us is bad

3/?

Salome Ann Clock thaws under John's care, but maybe she gets a bit too comfortable. The Collapse didn't change him. Though it was the event John was waiting and preparing for, he now combines his survival with what John is very good at: manipulating. And since there is nobody around but Salome, he is determined to bring her to the Gates of Eden using exactly that. Because Joseph said so of course. John himself doesn't even like The Deputy that much, never did. He says that to himself every day when his gaze happens to lay upon her figure. Watches her gathering her courage back, walking around with less hesitation. It's good for her thus good for him. For what he wants to do eventually.

Almost happy to see spark in her dark eyes. That means John does everything right. She doesn't really smile yet, but those black curls of hers framing face make Salome look like a... sinner. She's a sinner. There's nothing to like.

Six months do not sound like a lot especially when you have years ahead to wait for the better future. And it's really not. John's getting upset, but tries his best not to show it. He is full ready to cut a few sins into Salome's skin, yet there's a feeling she's still has to be convinced that it is something that needs to be done to her. She's getting there though... Until then John gets his fingers cut while cooking. Not on purpose seemingly, but suspiciously often.

"I guess I deserved that"

Salome notices. This is nothing, but it gets in the head. A little cut, a drop of blood now and again sends her into a river of her own thoughts, she goes deeper and deeper every time. By the end of the first year Salome is neck deep in her own guilt. She murdered too many, and now, when Collapse happened, it feels like she didn't do it for a good reason. John supports this line of thinking. He keeps his tools sharp.

[werspinna]

Have You Ever… been cheated on | been bullied | told a horrible lie | stolen something of value | overdosed on drugs | been drunk | passed out | cheated | bullied someone | punched someone in the face | been beaten up | broken a bone | been admitted to hospital | had a near-death experience | been drugged | done drugs | smoked | kissed someone you weren’t attracted to | bled severely | killed someone | had an attempt on your life | made an attempt on your own life | lost someone | loved someone | gone without food for over three days | gone without sleep for over three days | been tortured | been slapped by a parent | been abused by someone who should have loved you | had a panic attack | been in a car accident | had sex | had sex with a stranger | been raped | felt violated | passed out from pain | cried yourself to sleep | spent a whole day in bed | hurt yourself | taken your anger out on yourself | taken your anger out on someone you love | been used | used someone | been terrified | played a cruel game on someone | been dominant | been submissive | been forced to smile | been misgendered | felt too many things at once | laughed when you felt like crying |danced with someone you hated | injured yourself to get out of doing something | fought someone even though you knew you would lose | pleaded with someone more powerful | took an unknown pill | swallowed poison | held someone’s hand | lied to a loved one | hurt a loved one | manipulated a loved one | had sex as a distraction | pretended to love someone | shown kindness to an enemy | forgiven someone who hurt you | cried in front of an enemy | feared for your life | feared for an enemy’s life | grovelled to someone you hate | kissed the enemy | been stabbed | stabbed someone | bitten someone | licked someone | tied someone up | forced someone to do something | forgotten your moral code | tried to heal someone | have a scar from someone | given someone scars | bruised someone | been badly bruised | ran away | given someone a nickname | not brushed your hair for a day | been shackled | been whipped | nearly drowned | been cursed | cursed someone | made a deal that backfired | been betrayed | nursed a grudge | taken revenge on someone who hurt you | given up on revenge | set something on fire | sat on a rooftop | slept on the streets | seen someone die

been abused by someone who should have loved you: While Asada did indeed loved Wolf like one of her children, Wolf was also still her slave and Asada did occaisonally used that power over Wolf. She only originally bought Wolf because Wolf as someone who had survived the pox could work with people infected with the pox without getting sick herself which Asada as a Healer needed her to and only later she took interests in and started to use Wolfs intelligence. After she had died she ordered Wolf in a letter to join the hosuehold of one of her sons as a slave to be taken care of (which Wolf refused and joined the convent instead). When Lupardus offered to continue experimenting with Wolfs self-healing-factor in human-experimentation, Asada strictly refused and forbid Wolf from taking part in it even as Wolf was desperate to find a way to transfer her Healing-factor to Asada. Wolf eventually refused the command and continued experimenting in secret with Lupardus which would result in Lupardus turning into The Lizard and Asada beeing killed. That are only small examples, but that Asada and Wolf were never equals and that their relationsip was despite their kindess to eachother, not as harmonic or perfect as Wolf wants to think of it, is part of her as a person. She very clearly romantices Asada and puts her on a podest. Which is obviously happenig because Asada was the first person showing her kindness after she had left Cologne, which means the first person to be kind to her after almost five years shaped by her friends dying,starvation and sickness and she very clearly does not see Asada as the person she had been but as someone who can not do any harm or wrong.

[sin-sidejob]

hi, I've had like.. an specific request

it may be triggering for some people tho? so it's okay if you refuse to do it, but, could you do the gang with a s/o that sėlfhärms? I've been struggling with it for almost 4 years and I've found a lot of confort in inside job, now that I'm trying to recover it would really make me happy :')

it's not a way of romanticize the topic, it's more of an "awarness and please take care" thing ?? i guess

also excuse my poor english, english it's not my first language

https://at.tumblr.com/sin-sidejob/702000938228023296/fom6bla4ilnq

I’m not sure that I’d do justice to this prompt or present it accurately — I understand the wish for awareness however, which is why I’m responding and posting this ask because it definitely is something that needs more attention. If anyone else feels comfortable writing this, they’d get my full appreciation and gratitude.

I do wish you luck and a recovery path that helps heal you and your heart as best it can. I hope Inside Job can still provide that comfort and joy you’ve found in it, and if there’s something else you’d like me to write, don’t be afraid to ask. Best of luck and all my love to you! 💖💖💖

[i-eat-fridges]

vent post

once again i am left to pick up the pieces that are my emotions. my horrible, horrible emotions, they burn to hold. everything hurts so goddamn much and i am so angry and sad all at once. why don't i have any control over my own life? why won't my parents give me anything? why am i like this? why am i like this? why am i like this? why am i like this? why am i like this? why am i like  this? why am i like this? why am i like this?

im disgusting. i hate myself so fucking much and i cant even do anything about it. today i went back and cut my thighs with the blunt fucking scissors in the toilet and sat and cried alone. they'll never listen to me because i don't matter at all. i don't matter at all. nobody cares what i think because i don't matter at all. and that is how it should be. i hate myself so fucking much i don't even matter to myself, so i cut myself and hurt myself. because i hate myself so much and i hate myself alone. i'm so fucking angry and i have no one. i'm all alone and this brutal fucking world is going to drive me to kill myself.

my own parents are going to drive me to kill myself. sometimes i think about how it would feel like to crush my mother's neck in my hands and stab her with the kitchen knife over and over and over and over and over. until she screams and bleeds and dies painfully and miserably, just like how i have died over and over again. until i will be free from this life, i will always remember this feeling.

whats going to happen if i cut my own throat out with my scissors? what's going to matter to anyone? i'm like a ghost in my own life, looking at how i crumble. panic attack after panic attack, my limbs buzz over and over again, begging me to hurt myself. i need to bleed. i need to hurt something. if i don't hurt myself, im going to hurt my parents and that thought makes me very happy because i have a chance to make them endure the pain i feel. do you know how it feels like? to cough and bleed and suffer at the feet of my mother, as she takes everything out on me? her inflated sense of justice with nowhere to go, and her need to make sure that if she isn't happy, no one can be. i want nothing to do with it, but there is no escape from this house. this dreadful fucking house that breaks me down piece by piece.

i cant even be alone with my own emotions. when i am suffering, they tell me there is no need to suffer. stop suffering. why are you suffering? why am i suffering? i cant do this anymore. how can you care so little about what i feel? why am i even alive, to you? for you? what am i but an object for you? i have no thoughts of my own. everything i do must be approved by you.

if i push you down the stairs, maybe you'll get a taste of my lack of control in my life. take a tumble and fall and break your neck, and i won't even cry. not once. maybe i will cry of happiness, when you're finally gone. just die please. please just die. just die. just die just die just die just die just die please just die before i kill you myself

im so pathetic it makes me want to laugh. im nothing. i don't matter at all in this miserable fucking life that god has given me. i don't fucking care. i want to throw myself down the block, drink soap, cut myself into a million pieces, and just sleep forever. wouldn't that be nice? to stop having to deal with the burden of my terrible thoughts and my terrible nature? i need to hurt myself or i won't be happy.

i have little to live for. after i go out with my friends, maybe ill see what happens. how far can i run before it all catches up to me?

ill never be free

[mostly-funnytwittertweets]

[apporutte]

i wanted to write dumb fuck near a drawing of basil and ended up making it a kind of headcanon thing, I think, I guess, I don't know

Dw basil is a mess of colors dont look at h im too mcuh thanks